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1
00:00:00,266 --> 00:00:02,101
[ Bell rings, lockers slam ]
2
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,635
So, Jessica,
I heard you broke up with Brad.
3
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,504
Who are you gonna date
now that you can date anyone?
4
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,672
I don't know.
5
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,541
I mean, obviously if someone
special comes along...
6
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,077
B-But I mean
really special, like,
7
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,513
nothing I've even remotely
considered in the past.
8
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,016
Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit.
I want that kind of love like
that docking kind of love.
9
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:20,252
Oh, yeah.
Like, penis in the foreskin
kind of love...
10
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:23,889
Mm-hmm.
...just, like,
warm, just like...
11
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,657
[ Exhaling ] He--
12
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,192
[ Coughs ]
13
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,360
[ Footsteps approach ]
14
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,862
[ Inhales ]
Everybody [bleep] off.
15
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,163
Morty, I need your help.
16
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,132
W-W-W-We -- We need to go
on a quick adventure.
17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,600
You said
I could go to school today.
18
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,602
That was be[burps]fore
I needed something, Morty.
19
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,771
There's a plasma shard
in the Abadango Cluster.
20
00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:41,373
A princess has it.
If I get it, I'll be awesome.
21
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,076
We've been going non-stop, Rick.
It's not healthy.
22
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,577
You know,
these are my teenage years.
23
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,346
I-I just found out
Jessica's single.
24
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:50,549
Oh, that's -- Wow, Morty. Wow.
What an exciting life you lead.
25
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,252
Let's go. In and out,
20 minutes adventure.
26
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,288
[ Steering wheel rattles ]
They're on our tail!
27
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,756
Steady, Morty.
Five cetons.
28
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:02,461
29
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,930
Steady, God damn it!
Two cetons.
30
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,665
[ Engine sputters ]
Wha!
31
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,101
[ Gasps, moans ]
32
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,971
Fire!
[ Screams ]
33
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,909
Pull up, Morty, pull up!
Pull up!
34
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,043
[ Screams ]
35
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:21,146
[ Screaming ]
36
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:29,988
[ Cheers and applause,
triumphant music plays ]
37
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,193
[ Bottles clink ]
38
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,867
[ Both sighing ]
39
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:45,504
[ Bleep ]
[ Sobs ]
40
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:49,174
[ Screams ]
41
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,476
Oh, [Bleep]
42
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:51,643
[ Bleep ]
43
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:54,079
Ahh! Ahh!
44
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,281
I can't [bleep] do this
anymore!
45
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,750
That was seriously [bleep] up.
We almost died.
46
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:02,087
So you agree?
[Bleep] yes!
That w-- T-This was insane!
47
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,455
That was pure luck.
48
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,891
I was not in control
of that situation at all.
49
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:09,561
[ Sobs, screams ]
50
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,797
Look at this, Morty.
Look at my [bleep] hand.
51
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:15,033
Look at this shit.
Why do you keep doing this
to us?!
52
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,502
I don't know, Morty.
53
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,070
Maybe I hate myself,
maybe I think I deserve to die.
54
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:19,805
I-I-I-I don't --
I don't know!
55
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,908
[ Wails ]
56
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,977
We need a vacation.
57
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:32,951
58
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:40,926
59
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:48,867
60
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:56,842
61
00:02:56,844 --> 00:03:01,146
[ Relaxing music plays ]
62
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,415
[ Device beeps, aliens purrs ]
63
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,317
Isn't that something?
You were right --
64
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,818
best day spa
in the galaxy.
65
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,287
It's not even cruel, either.
66
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,721
These things are just doing what
they do in the wild --
67
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,456
It loves swallowing
stressed-out creatures
68
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,158
for 20 minutes
and then puking them up.
69
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,427
My whole body's
like a baby's ass.
70
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,596
Complimentary
psychological detox?
71
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,231
Removes
all your cognitive toxins,
72
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,599
[Gurgles]
purifies your system.
73
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,401
Oof, this guy on commission
or something?
74
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,236
I don't think...
Are you on commission?
75
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,837
[ Gurgling ]
We're not on commission.
76
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:26,939
We get paid by the hour.
77
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,073
There's no incentive
really --
78
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,141
Oh, my God.
Okay, listen --
79
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,442
W-W-W-We'll try
the machine,
80
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,977
but -- but I'd like you
to try something.
81
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,713
Try swallowing
the giant ball of snot
82
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,548
that's dangling around
in the back of your throat.
83
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,983
It's disgusting.
[ Glass breaks ]
84
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,284
Nobody wants to hear that.
85
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:40,786
[ Clears throat ]
86
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,088
That's what you do.
Okay, Rick, come on.
Enough.
87
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,123
Man, did you hear me bite
that guy's head off?
88
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,692
Geez, I really need
to chill.
89
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,927
[ Whirring ]
Maybe you should go through
twice.
90
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,164
All right, mister comedy man,
you don't have to bust my balls.
You're not helping things.
91
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:56,068
[ Electrical whirring,
clanking ]
Rick, is this thing
supposed to be making this --
92
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,637
[ High-pitched ringing ]
93
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,673
[ Gurgling ]
94
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,011
[ Echoing ] Morty!
95
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,512
Ri-Rick...
[ Normal voice ] Morty!
96
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,181
[ Groans ]
What happened?
97
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:11,650
We blew up, idiot!
Are you really that stupid?
98
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,752
Obviously the guy I yelled at
overloaded the machine.
99
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,054
It takes more than that to kill
Rick and Morty, mother[bleep]!
100
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,924
[ Roaring ]
101
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,492
But this might do it.
102
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,394
Run, Morty!
E-Everything hurts!
103
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,329
That's because
you're worthless!
104
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,965
[ Grunts ] Jesus,
how big was this explosion?
105
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,567
I'm a genius. I don't have time
for this [bleep].
106
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,636
W-W-We're in Hell,
aren't we, Rick?
107
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,738
You're so stupid, Morty.
You're an i[burps]diot.
108
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,606
[ Burps ]
There's no such thing as Hell.
109
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,742
I believe you,
but I just want to die.
110
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:39,678
You can die when I say so.
I control you.
111
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,381
I control the universe!
Why am I bragging about that?
112
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,749
I have nothing to prove.
113
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,851
I'm surrounded by inferior
pieces of [bleep] and...
114
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,954
Toxins.
115
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,757
We're not in Hell, Morty.
We're in the detoxifier.
116
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,925
The machine didn't blow up.
It worked normally.
117
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,260
It removed our toxins.
118
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,762
We're the toxins.
[ Screams ]
119
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:57,796
Are you listening,
120
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,264
you stupid little
garbage person?!
121
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,466
We're what got removed!!
122
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,338
I hope you both found that detox
sufficiently relaxing.
123
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,774
Hey, man, listen --
Those comments I made
about your throat?
124
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,242
[ Clears throat ]
It's all good.
125
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,044
It's nice of you
to let me off the hook.
126
00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:14,680
It's still unacceptable
behavior, and I do regret it.
127
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,648
Believe me, man, I've been
working here a long time.
128
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,683
I get it.
129
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,155
Hey, uh, you mind
if I put on some music?
130
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,656
Not at all.
131
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,859
[ Slow-tempo song plays ]
Grab my terrifolds
132
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,228
What is that?
I just hit shuffle.
133
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,763
Are you kidding?
[ Chuckles ]
134
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,899
This universe.
[ Belches ] Oh, excuse me.
135
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,867
We should listen to one random
song a day, you know?
136
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,703
We'd end up hearing
more songs we didn't like,
137
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,404
but we'd discover
a lot more that we did.
138
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,739
That is
an interesting concept.
139
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,207
You know,
it makes me wonder
140
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,675
if there's
an algorithmic expression
141
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,243
that could achieve
the ideal ratio.
142
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,545
[ Chuckles ]
Listen to me --
143
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,381
[Laughs] trying to calculate
happiness over here.
144
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,882
Hoo, if anyone could,
Rick.
145
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,818
Hey, here's something
no science could measure --
146
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,220
I'm real proud
to be your grandpa, Morty.
147
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,189
Thanks, Rick.
I love you.
148
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,691
Yeah, mother[bleep]!
Yeah! Get it! Get some!
149
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,860
Right up your [bleep] bitch ass,
you [bleep]!
150
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,795
Guess who just discovered
a new element?!
151
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,530
You think you could do that,
Morty?
152
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,367
You think anyone but me could do
that ever in a billion years?
153
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,402
Do you think if God existed
he could do it?
154
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,570
The answer is no.
155
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,405
If God exists,
it's [bleep] me.
156
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,307
Yes, Rick.
I-I agree, Rick.
157
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:18,110
[ Electricity crackles ]
While you were flapping
your parasitic turd holster,
158
00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,846
I discovered the
toxic equivalent
of electricity, Morty.
159
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,414
What do you think
about that?
160
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,416
Uh...I th-- I think my voice
is annoying.
161
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,218
It is,
and it's your best quality.
162
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,619
So true.
163
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,422
Now, who can tell me
the common denominator
164
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,790
of these two factions?
165
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,892
You don't know
or y'all just bored?
166
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,161
Hey, listen, you know, wha--
if we're all bored over here,
167
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,463
wouldn't the common denominator
be [chuckles] you?
168
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:40,899
[ Laughter ]
Damn, Morty.
That's hilarious.
169
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,335
Normally I would come down
on any kind of disruption,
170
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,936
but it seems to represent
a positive change
171
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:45,971
for your character.
172
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,773
Class dismissed!
[ Indistinct chatter ]
173
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,541
-Awesome, Morty!
-You done good, Morty.
174
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,876
Girl: Oh, yeah!
[ Bell rings ]
175
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,477
Thanks for the advice,
Morty.
You got it.
176
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,179
I did it, Morty!
I knew you could.
177
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,414
Hey, Morty,
remember yesterday
178
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:56,982
when I couldn't
play the trombone?
179
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,417
Well, check this out!
180
00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:00,252
[ Plays "When the Saints
Come Marching In ]
181
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,586
Just like I told you,
Mitch --
182
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,121
The music was in your heart
the whole time.
183
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:07,058
Stupid hat -- Wish I had
the courage to just be myself.
184
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,860
There you are.
185
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,829
[ Song continues ]
186
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,764
[ Song stops ]
You might have
all these idiots fooled,
187
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,400
but I know you're still
the same pathetic loser
188
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,335
hiding behind
a confident facade.
189
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,004
I know that because...
190
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:21,473
I'm doing the same thing,
brother.
191
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,275
I'm not alone anymore!
[ Song resumes ]
192
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:27,412
Hey, Morty. Word around school
is you've become super healthy.
193
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:28,880
I don't know
about all that.
194
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,849
I do, however, know that I have
a pretty bad case of
195
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,218
haven't taken you
to dinner-itis.
196
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,586
Might be fatal.
[ Chuckles ]
197
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,521
Hey, kids.
Uh, hope I'm not interrupting.
198
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,156
Morty,
a moment of your time?
199
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,357
Happy to help, Rick.
200
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,826
I hate to bug you
with this,
201
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,861
but after our morning hike
I started receiving very faint,
202
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,530
highly unusual transmissions
on my sub ether phone.
203
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,598
Listen.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
204
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,335
[ Demonic whooshing, screams ]
205
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,704
[ Recording stops ]
It's a bad phone.
Chuck it.
206
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,806
I downgraded to a clamshell
for emergencies only.
207
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,475
You know, if -- if -- if
something's worth saying,
208
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:57,709
i-it's worth eye contact.
209
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,678
Uh, I-I-I traced
the source of the call
210
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,480
back to the spa we went to,
Morty.
211
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,981
I thought I could hear
a voice in there,
212
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,051
so I enhanced it,
a-and listen.
[ Screaming ]
213
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,086
Gunk Rick: [ Echoing ]
Hey, asshole!
Gunk Morty: Oh, man!
214
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,955
[ Normal voice ]
Remember us?
Oh, I don't like
confrontation!
215
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,823
You [bleep] us,
you pieces of garbage!
216
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,226
That's right,
you're [bleep] garbage, not us.
217
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,560
I'm a [bleep] genius
and a god.
218
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,095
You really think
this thing can hold me?
219
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,030
I'm gonna rip
your throat --
[ Recording stops ]
220
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,600
Morty, what if the toxic parts
of us have their own identities,
221
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,934
their own will to live?
222
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,636
W-What if mine shares
my intelligence
223
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,538
and devised a way
to reach out to us?
224
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,739
Sounds like
he's in a lot of pain.
225
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,908
[ Smacks lips ]
Lot. O. Pain.
226
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,877
But, you know, you shouldn't
have to deal with that, man.
227
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,378
You know,
l-let's work off your trauma
228
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,513
with some urban spin yoga.
229
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,181
It's amazing.
You do yoga on a bike,
230
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,616
but you have
an at-risk preteen --
231
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,484
I don't think I can
just blow this off, Morty.
232
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,354
If I had known it worked this
way, I wouldn't have detoxed.
233
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,222
Well, I would have
because I was toxic.
234
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,492
Now I'm detoxed and I'm
accountable to my toxins, right?
235
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:50,495
I-It's a dilemma.
I think I know what to do.
236
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,297
Morty!
Rick! [ Laughs ]
237
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,833
You know, the only problem here
is a big fat brain
238
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,002
that misses eating
all them big fat problems.
239
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,871
Focus on the good thing.
Trust me, things are good.
240
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,773
Taking that away from me...
[ Chuckles ]
241
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,542
...that wouldn't be
healthy.
242
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:05,110
[ Ominous music plays ]
243
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,678
[ Laughs ]
244
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,447
Oh, man. World's Greatest
Grandpa, for reals.
245
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,182
It's not just a coffee cup
for you, bud.
246
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,617
You're legit.
247
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,022
[ Piano music plays ]
248
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,024
I love drums.
I never took drum lessons.
249
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,993
Why? Limitations. We are
addicted to our own limitations.
250
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:22,994
How amazing is that?
251
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,396
Is the kale prepared
in the kitchen?
252
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,830
I'll have a water.
Uh...
253
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,500
How is the...
"cru-dite?"
254
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,835
Crudit.
It's a cup of carrot sticks.
255
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,871
Ha! It's okay!
Pronounce it however you want.
256
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,806
Words are just things.
Please. Thank you.
257
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,207
We're having
a conversation.
258
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,376
God, I am so excited
to finally have dinner with you.
259
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,278
[ Utensils clink ]
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
260
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,479
It's like, whew!
261
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,081
I-I-I wish you'd shut up,
though.
262
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,050
Just kidding. You know,
you're so quiet. What's wrong?
263
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,651
W-Why don't you tell me
about yourself?
264
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,153
What's the atmosphere like
on planet Jessica?
265
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,655
Where's the equator,
what are the vacations,
266
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,157
a-and the holidays?
267
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,259
I mean, you know, [Laughs]
are they the same time?
268
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,928
Talk to me.
Well...I...
like this restaurant.
269
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,198
Holy [bleep]! Holy [bleep]!
We have a moron over here!
270
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,566
I'm an idiot.
271
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,867
I can't believe I haven't
thought of this.
272
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,669
You have to do
this detox thing I did.
273
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,471
It's an alien spa,
you go through it,
274
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:07,539
fwoos-s-s-ssh,
275
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:09,608
lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa...
276
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:12,043
[ Imitates lasers ]
...sucks everything out.
277
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,845
Everything that was holding me
back, everything bad,
278
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,413
I mean, it just...
[ Makes suction noises ]
279
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,948
[ Laughs ] Right?
280
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,917
Cooooool.
281
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,186
Oh, my God!
I can't believe this.
282
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,121
Yeah, phones are awful,
I downgraded to --
283
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,823
I totally forgot my...
284
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:28,226
I have a...thing, and...
285
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,829
Things are good.
You know what?
Why am I doing that?
286
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,230
That's more rude
than the truth.
287
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,532
Look, I'm sorry, Morty.
I just don't think --
288
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,936
Do not. Even.
You have no need to explain.
289
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,271
It's all good.
I think you'd get bored
with me.
290
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,507
E-Exactly.
Look, the sparks aren't flying.
291
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,109
This is what dating is for,
you know?
292
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,077
[ Laughs ]
First date, no sparks.
293
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,546
No damage, no worries.
Life is a highway.
294
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,281
We're gonna ride it
all night lonnngg!
295
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,183
Gonna eat some "crudite."
Mmm!
296
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,953
Is this organic? Mmm.
All right.
297
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,721
You know,
the evening continues.
298
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,857
Okay, here we go.
299
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,192
Ma'am, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.
300
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,894
Your money's no good here.
[ Laughs ]
301
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,396
I'll -- I'll get the next round,
sir.
302
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:07,032
Aren't you a child?
Only in the ways
that matter.
303
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,134
Morty.
[ Sighs ] Stacy.
304
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,669
I've been watching you drink,
Stacy.
305
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,070
I get the feeling
you've got a hard job.
306
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,938
I wonder what it takes
to please you.
307
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,074
That's the job I want --
part time, full time,
308
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,909
I want to be good at it,
bad at it,
309
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,879
I want to get promoted, fired,
corner office, hostile takeover,
310
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,181
workplace accident --
I'm on my knees, Stacy --
311
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,017
praying, worshipping, begging,
whatever you want.
312
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,487
[ Sniffs ]
What do you think about that?
313
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,755
Okay. [Bleep] it.
314
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,057
[ Glasses tink ]
Tink.
315
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:35,126
[ Tires screech ]
Stacy: [ Giggling ] Mm!
316
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,362
Let's ask my grandpa.
He's a scientist.
317
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,565
Hey, Rick, are you familiar
with "benoi" technology?
318
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,866
Morty, great news.
319
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,101
I went back to the spa
and they let me purchase
320
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,836
the containment unit
from their detoxifier.
321
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,871
Why?
Because we're coming home,
bitch!
322
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:50,008
What is this?
This is the parts of your pussy
grandpa that keep it real.
323
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,243
Oh -- oh, and I think you
dropped something, too!
324
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,378
I don't want to be
on camera.
325
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,813
I'm ugly and gross,
please.
326
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,715
Should I go?
You're your own person,
Stacy.
327
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:57,716
Then I'd like to stay.
328
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,250
Rick, please tell me
329
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,119
you're not trying to put
that stuff back inside of us.
330
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,588
Morty, I'm sorry. That stuff
is alive and it belongs with us.
331
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,957
We yanked them from their homes
and locked them in a can.
332
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,492
[ Clanks ]
Mother[bleep]!
333
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,893
See?
They're living in pain.
334
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,762
That's what they do, Rick,
they live in pain.
335
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,430
They are pain, you know?
336
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,165
They -- they're all the bad
parts of us, which, by the way,
337
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,633
includes our dishonesty,
338
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,535
so how do you know this isn't
all some sort of crazy trick?
339
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,505
Oh, so now because I'm
made entirely of toxins
I'm also a liar?
340
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,140
[Bleep] you,
you little sociopath.
341
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,309
You hear this, Morty?
Oh, everybody hates me.
I can tell.
342
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,910
Y-You all
hate me --
All right,
shut up, Morty.
343
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,479
Healthy Rick,
are we doing this or what?
344
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:29,180
Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need you
to step into the booth.
345
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,349
Don't negotiate
with that little turd, dummy.
346
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,984
You're the Rick.
You need to show dominance.
347
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,521
Morty, booth, now. Booth!
348
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,089
Come on, Morty.
Don't touch me!
349
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,558
Morty, do the healthy thing and
voluntarily retoxify yourself.
350
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,860
Nooooo!
351
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,328
Is it wrong if I think
this is kind of hot?
352
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,363
Let me out of here!
Stacy, help! Open the door!
353
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,198
I need to hear our safe word,
Morty.
354
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,067
Sea Cucumber!
Sea Cucumber!
355
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,236
What are you doing?
I'll do anything for you,
Morty.
356
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,837
No!
[ Booth hisses, whirs ]
357
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,876
It worked! [ Laughs ] Yes!
That idiot believed every word.
358
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,011
Now let's see how he enjoys
living in that shit tank.
359
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,780
He's right behind me,
isn't he?
360
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,082
He's in front of you.
Oh.
My eyes are still adjusting.
361
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,651
Uh, is this like
a sex dungeon?
362
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,853
I guess I should've been
paying attention.
363
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,790
After 70 years
of being bottled up
364
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,191
inside a [burps]
sentimental jackass,
365
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,026
I finally get to live
my own life.
366
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,996
You said we were merging.
I lied, dumbass!
I lie about everything!
367
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,331
Why would I ever re-merge
with a pussy like you?
368
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,200
So...you were just gonna trap us
in that tank?
369
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,503
T-That was your plan?
Not was, mother[bleep] --
still is.
370
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,071
-[ Groans ]
-Kill him, Rick!
371
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,439
I don't like this!
This is scary!
372
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,541
All right,
you asked for it.
373
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,176
Did I ask for this?
[ Groans ]
374
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,745
Did I ask for this?
Huh? Did I?
375
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,814
[ Whirs ]
Assessing threat to groin.
376
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,082
Groin System 6000.
Kill him!
377
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,117
[ Whirs, beeps ]
378
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,985
That...is my groin's user.
379
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,520
Believe me, I got a lot more use
out of that thing
380
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,788
than he ever did.
381
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:46,357
You know what? Not my table.
382
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,827
[ Grunting ]
383
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:54,199
You do know me.
[ Gasps ]
384
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,500
What the hell,
Grandpa Rick?
385
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,935
[Bleep] you, Summer!
Sorry, Summer!
386
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,169
[ Beeps ]
387
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,338
Okay, okay, take it easy.
Don't do it.
388
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,439
[ Rapid beeping,
creature whimpers ]
389
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,574
I love you. Good boy.
390
00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:03,708
Daddy's little boy.
391
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,109
Summer,
get out of here! Go!
392
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:06,177
Oh, who's that?
393
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,712
Who[burps]'s
that over there?
394
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,448
Oh, no. You see the bad man
in front of you?
395
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,749
You're a good little boy,
you're gonna get him.
396
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,618
[ Creature roars ]
You're gonna get him.
397
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,287
Ahh!
[ Screams ]
398
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,223
Son of a...
399
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,060
[ Grunts ]
400
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,295
[ Screams, moans ]
401
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,297
[ Screams ]
Ahh!
402
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,266
[ Roars ]
403
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,868
Nice try, asshole.
404
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,569
We can resolve
[panting] our issues.
405
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,438
We don't need to resort
to over-the-top --
406
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,073
[ Groans ]
407
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,307
Aah!
408
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,042
I-I did it, Rick.
I got the tank!
409
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,911
I-I'm a piece of [bleep],
but I got the tank!
410
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,713
You're going in that tank,
mother[bleep].
411
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,381
You're gonna [burps] live in
that toxic [bleep] wasteland
412
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,415
like I had to do!
413
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,783
Ahh!
Ow!
414
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,987
[ Screaming ]
415
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,389
Gunk Rick:
That's right, mother--
You're going in that [bleep] --
416
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,057
[ Silence ]
417
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,559
Dads?
418
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,094
Okay, just --
just leave her out of it.
419
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,395
What's going on?
420
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,897
All right, [bleep] this.
Time for plan B --
421
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,565
If I can't trap you
in a toxic world,
422
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:04,836
I'll just make the whole world
toxic.
423
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:06,204
It's okay, girls.
424
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,439
I-I'm so sorry I put us in
danger with some of my behavior.
425
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,875
I-If you'd like I can go out
in the g-garden,
426
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,511
pick some fresh basil,
and make us a nice Scallopini.
427
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,280
What did the booger version
of you mean
428
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,982
when he said he was going
to make the whole world toxic?
429
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:21,052
Believe me, sweetie, that man's
motivations are a mystery.
430
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,987
Screw that, Rick.
We got to stop him.
431
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:25,456
What's the last thing
you'd think about doing
with that tank thing?
432
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,425
Morty, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
433
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,027
but it's not our place,
you know,
434
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,362
to pick and choose which world
gets saved from what apocalypse.
435
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,299
Our -- our toxins have as much
a right to their worldview as --
436
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,567
Morty, how is it healthy
to slap me?
437
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:37,835
Obviously
my version of health
438
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,570
is a hell of a lot different
from yours,
439
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,805
you useless old turd.
440
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,106
Wait. That's it.
441
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,908
How could that detox machine
know the difference
442
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,011
between healthy and sick for
everything that goes through it?
443
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,446
It can't.
444
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,348
It must be by the individual's
own definition of toxicity.
445
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,983
That means...
446
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,952
Dad!
What the --
What the hell, Rick?
447
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:54,953
I'll explain on the way.
448
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,554
Gunk Rick:
This "Moon Tower," Morty,
449
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,690
i[burps]s the perfect height
and metallic composition
450
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,858
for the a[burps]mplification
and beaming of toxic energies.
451
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,226
What do you think about that,
Morty?
452
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:03,728
Are you excited about that,
Morty?
453
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,597
Oh, man. I'm just freaked out.
I-It's too high up here.
454
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,066
Once I flip this switch,
455
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,501
the entire world is gonna
be just as toxic as us, baby.
456
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,104
[ Electrical crackling ]
457
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:17,141
458
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,410
[ Organ music plays ]
As we praise
our loving Father --
459
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,413
God is a lie!
We made him up for money!
460
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,749
[ Bells chiming ]
461
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,585
[ Laughter, squeaking ]
462
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,887
Santa Claus isn't real.
463
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,690
You were all mistakes!
[ Groans ]
464
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,426
[ Laughs ]
We [bleep] did it, Morty.
465
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,794
Put your [bleep] hands
in the air.
466
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,396
Yeah, you little piece
of [bleep].
467
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,264
Remember me?
468
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,934
Didn't you learn last time
that you can't beat me?
469
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,869
Yeah, I did. And then I learned
something else.
470
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,571
This.
Ahh!!
[ Screams, moans ]
471
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,007
That bullet is laced with an
encrypted nanobotic virus
472
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,743
that will disintegrate your
Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes.
473
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:52,944
You think I give a [bleep]?
474
00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:54,545
I know you give a [bleep],
dummy.
475
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,646
Because I know I don't.
476
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,015
Here's another thing
I know --
477
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,783
the decryption key
that neutralizes the virus.
478
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,151
You want it?
Come and get it.
479
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,919
Merge with me and you'll know
how to save him.
480
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,621
Pfft. Come on, man.
I've been trapped
481
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,356
in your pussy brain
for 70 years of delusions,
482
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:08,359
but this is the all-time weakest
bluff that I've ever --
483
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,294
Ow-Ohh!!
Jesus Christ!
What are you doing?!
484
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,196
He's cutting your time
in half. 10 minutes.
Ohh! It hurts!
485
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,731
What is your problem?
486
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,567
Oh, I had all my problems
removed -- my entitlement,
487
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:18,569
my narcissism,
my crippling loneliness,
488
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,071
my irrational attachments.
489
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,173
They must be somewhere.
They ain't over here, bro.
490
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,574
I'm not going back in there!
491
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,176
Honestly,
I don't care either way.
492
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,611
I hate having you in me.
493
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:27,945
And when I say "honestly"
you can believe it,
494
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,714
because we both know
I'm too healthy to lie.
495
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,215
Watch.
[ Screams ]
496
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,184
All right! Knock it off!
You're not impressing anyone.
497
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,253
Morty, not that I give
a [bleep], but are you okay?
498
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,255
Jesus Christ, it hurts.
Relax, quit your bitching.
499
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,490
Y-You're gonna be fine.
Grandpa's here.
500
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,025
[ Laughs ]
You think that's funny?
501
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,094
Y-You got to have a sense
of humor about these things.
502
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,495
Oh, wait, you can't.
503
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,531
You're literally incapable
of seeing the bigger picture.
504
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,132
I guess it's just funny
because you've never done
505
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,901
anything but complain
about me being in charge,
506
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,637
but if I ever gave you the wheel
we'd be dead in five minutes.
507
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,339
-Rick?
-You poor, dumb, sick animal.
508
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,407
[ Weakly ] Rick?
509
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,609
Ahh! Just do it!
510
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,511
Just do it, you piece of --
511
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,046
[ Groans ]
512
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:05,349
I'm back, baby! Regular Rick!
Master of both worlds!
513
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:06,651
Check it it out!
[ Farts ]
514
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,186
"Excuse me."
515
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,788
Now we'll just reverse
this hacky toxicity beam.
516
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,623
Man, I really over think shit
when I'm angry.
517
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,426
[ Electrical crackles,
powers down ]
518
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,962
[ Moaning ]
Oh, give it to me.
519
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,331
Mm, ma-mah.
520
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,201
God is not a lie.
521
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,335
[ Whoosh! ]
522
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,305
[ Bells chime ]
523
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:30,575
[ Animalistic screeching ]
524
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,143
[ Wailing ]
525
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,411
Mommy! Mommy!
526
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,645
Ha! All right, Morty,
527
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,481
now it's time we re-merge
your little ass.
528
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,815
You're a better man
than me, Rick.
529
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,083
I'm healthy
enough to admit that!
530
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,786
That kid
is a real piece of [bleep].
531
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,887
Y-Y-You're gonna save me,
right?
532
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,056
Part of me wanted to,
Toxic Morty.
533
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:48,392
Part of me
really wanted to.
534
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:49,861
[ Car horn beeps ]
535
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:51,496
I'm telling you,
these shares are hot. Yeah.
536
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,798
That sounds like a good idea.
It's definitely a good idea.
537
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,334
Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it,
now can you get me?
538
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,835
Have I ever lied to you?
539
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:01,239
That's right, and ask around,
I never do, Duane.
540
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,640
Let me put this real simple.
541
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,009
This stock is a beautiful
redhead, recently single,
542
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:07,311
not looking to date
but ready to fall in love,
543
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,381
and fate has put her locker
two down from yours, Duane --
544
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,116
two lockers down.
545
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,152
So step up or step off,
Duane.
546
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,954
Blue pill or red pill,
what'll be, bro?
547
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,625
Totally understand, Duane.
548
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,293
You're the boss.
[ Phone beeps ]
549
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,728
Heinholz Biotech --
550
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,696
million and a half
at thirty-three.
551
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,598
[ Cheers and applause ]
Heh.
552
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,700
You little [bleep] monster.
553
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,303
[ Chopping ]
554
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,371
[ Crunch ]
555
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:35,273
Mmm! Is this organic?
556
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,807
Mmm!
557
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,443
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Go for Morty.
558
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,279
Jessica:
Hi, Morty. It's Jessica.
559
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,447
Look, can we just talk
for a minute?
560
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,883
Is that how long it takes
for Rick to trace my location?
561
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,219
Come back, Morty.
I miss you.
562
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,287
You miss the old me.
563
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:50,621
You miss someone
that loved you so much
564
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:51,923
you never
had to love 'em back.
565
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:53,558
How do you know
I don't want to love you?
566
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,860
Because I'm not sick.
Ex-girlfriend?
567
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,429
Should I be jealous?
There's nothing to be
jealous of.
568
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,798
I just realized that
I'm scheduled to speak
at that fundraiser
569
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,366
on our date night.
570
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,503
I can cancel.
We'll be together.
That's a date.
571
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,205
You are the perfect man.
572
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,874
Oh, sweetie, I think you hit
the wrong button.
573
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,175
You didn't hang up.
574
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,377
Huh. How 'bout that?
575
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,745
[ Glass shatters ]
576
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,515
[ Mechanical whirring ]
577
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,884
Sorry, tiny American Psycho,
578
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,086
time to take the op[burps]posite
of your medicine.
579
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:25,089
Do what you got to do.
[ Screams ]
580
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,992
Oh! Ow! Ahh!
581
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,927
So, how do you feel,
Morty?
582
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,530
Ah, geez. I'm miserable.
Am I good or what?
583
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,865
I guess it's worth it, though,
to know how much you care.
584
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,602
Care? Me?
Morty, I'm fine with you.
585
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,370
I only did this for him.
You lying bitch.
586
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,039
She kept coming to our house,
Morty, and kept asking me
587
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,208
"Did -- did -- d-did you get
a new Morty yet?"
588
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,277
Because you kept drunk dialing
me and crying about it.
589
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,478
I wasn't crying!
590
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,813
[ Rick and Jessica bicker ]
Jacquelyn, I --
591
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,514
I-I-I wasn't
who I said I was.
592
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,984
You weren't a 14-year-old boy
from the Midwest
593
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,186
who ran away from his family
and capitalized
594
00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:57,888
on his lack of conscience
by becoming a stock broker?
595
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,091
Oh. I guess I was pretty
up front about that, wasn't I?
596
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:01,859
You were up front
about everything.
597
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,060
You were my soul mate.
598
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:06,864
Well...
N-- Not anymore. I'll, um...
599
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,266
Y-You can keep the apartment,
600
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,368
and -- and -- and,
uh...the drones.
601
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,636
She can't keep the drones.
602
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:12,870
They turn into
a little Voltron robot.
603
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:13,971
They're awesome.
604
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,039
[ Electrical whirring ]
605
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,275
You can't keep the drones.
606
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,843
[ School bell rings ]
607
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,344
So, how was your date
with Brad?
608
00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:22,413
It wasn't a date.
We were just having lunch.
609
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,215
You guys are getting
back together, aren't you?
610
00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,650
Morty, I need your help
on an adventure.
611
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,051
Eh, "need"
is a strong word.
612
00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:29,153
We need door stops,
but a brick would work, too.
613
00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:31,322
Okay.
614
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:33,624
Morty.
615
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,293
Good to have you back.
616
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,262
Have you ever been peed on
before?
617
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:41,132
Oh, my God. Yum.
618
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:44,535
Hey, did you ever want to hold
a terrifold?
619
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,437
I got one right here
620
00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:47,738
Grab my terri-flap
621
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:48,906
Squeeze it
622
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,141
Grab it, squeeze it
623
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:51,409
Tug on my terri-flap
624
00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,878
Hey,
I want to take you to
625
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,513
The terrifold dance
626
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:58,616
Wanna come with me?
You can grab my holdie-folds
627
00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:00,618
Squeeze 'em tight
628
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:01,986
You son of a bitch
629
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:04,255
Suck my holdie-flappy folds
630
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:06,757
Lick my flappy
foldie-holes
631
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:09,360
My terri-flaps
in your mouth
632
00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:12,063
Suck my flaps,
you piece of shit
633
00:22:12,065 --> 00:22:14,632
[ Echoes ] Whoo
634
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,368
Man: Although only a handful
of moon towers remain today,
635
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:20,171
they were popular
in the late 19th century.
636
00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:22,640
An entire town could be
illuminated by...
637
00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,208
What the hell is this?
638
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,876
[ Beeps, hisses ]
639
00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,645
Sea Cucumber!
[ Tour guide screams ]
640
00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:29,180
Sea Cucumber!!
641
00:22:31,284 --> 00:22:32,249
Did you get any of that?
59398
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