Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch more movies for free on
www.FlixTor.to
2
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:30,503
No
No
3
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:39,845
No
No
4
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,012
No
5
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:48,526
No, she don't mess around
No, she don't mess around
6
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,164
100% blue agave.
7
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,757
Taste it.
8
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,427
Look, Mike, I like you.
9
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,901
But no one's looking for
another brand of tequila.
10
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,335
They've got the three...
What is it?
11
00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,372
The Cuervo, the other one,
and the third one.
12
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,076
And they don't
need more tequila.
13
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,506
If I can't sell it,
it's not gonna sell.
14
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,074
People want the new-new.
15
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,612
-The "new-new"?
-The "new-new."
16
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:11,908
They want that new-new.
17
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:13,006
No!
18
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,576
What if I could sell this
tequila to a customer?
19
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,813
-Would I have your order then?
-Yeah, sure.
20
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,651
And I'm just gonna pick
a customer at random.
21
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:21,981
Excuse me, sir.
22
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,217
Do you enjoy the
taste of tequila?
23
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,288
Why, yes, I do.
24
00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:29,662
But I only drink my particular brand,
and you will not convince me otherwise.
25
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:31,799
-It's a perfect candidate.
-Because it's your brother!
26
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:33,162
I know that's your brother.
27
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,632
He dated my niece.
28
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,796
Look, mate, I don't
know your niece.
29
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,804
-Okay.
-But if I did...
30
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,774
I'd say she was a little clingy, and
she'd freak a lot of people out.
31
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,709
We play Wards With Friends
together, right?
32
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,873
-Dave, right?
-Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne.
33
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,040
His name's Rick.
34
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,413
I know he's your brother.
35
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:50,951
Look, look, look. You guys
are funny, you're weird.
36
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,454
We do this every couple weeks...
37
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,120
All right, I'll take 10 cases.
38
00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,182
-Fuck, yes!
-Yes!
39
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,317
Yes! I knew it!
40
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,551
We sold your ass, Randy!
41
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,722
I don't know if
that's what happened.
42
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,094
-It was the hat, right?
-Was it the hat?
43
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,188
I just found this over there.
44
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,267
Do something crazy
45
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,499
Live like it's Mardi Gras
46
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,272
And go jump
Make the party start
47
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,245
Don't need no R&R
48
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,145
To regular life, I say au revoir
49
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,582
Yay! Living life
in the fast lane
50
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,176
Now your pain only be champagne
51
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,813
So please comejoin me
One thing, good vibes only
52
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,852
Start the keg
{mine fill my cup
53
00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:33,328
Got fireworks, got booze
Let's blow some shit up
54
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,861
Tonight I'm going stupid
55
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,593
Doing things I've never done
56
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,298
We all got one thing in common
57
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,203
We just wanna have fun
58
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,504
Do something crazy
59
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,601
aka Y
60
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,336
Do something crazy
61
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,274
Do what you wanna do
62
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,211
Do something crazy
63
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,215
I'm about to do
64
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,284
I'm about to do
65
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,319
Do something crazy
66
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:07,987
Do something crazy
67
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,225
Do something wild
68
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,859
Rolling with the homies
69
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,995
Chicks by my side
70
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,199
Live for the moment
71
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,071
All of the time
72
00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:20,075
Turn up the music
73
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,873
Only good vibes
74
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,837
Sorry to throw
the accent at you, bro.
75
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,405
No, dude. I loved it,
and it kept me in the now.
76
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,514
Do you realize that that sale puts
us at number three in the office?
77
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,177
The Stangle bros are killing it
right now!
78
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,482
It's not an actual hat.
They just call it a jimmy hat.
79
00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:34,818
If you wear two, they break.
80
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,086
-It's an urban legend...
-No, it's not.
81
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:39,219
Mom, Dad?
82
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,225
Jeanie. Eric.
83
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,231
Don't freak out.
I don't want you to freak out.
84
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,460
Just come on in.
85
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,602
Why don't we all
just sit down?
86
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:48,661
We gotta talk to you.
87
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,139
We wanna discuss
Jeanie and Eric's wedding.
88
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,501
-Sweet.
-Okay.
89
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,111
Are you guys thinking DJ or band?
First thought, band, right?
90
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,838
No. People want to
hear the real songs.
91
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,279
You don't want to hear a guy
singing Beyonc.
92
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:00,680
You just want to hear Beyonc.
93
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,015
Yeah, but we want
to talk about...
94
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,886
is you two.
95
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,758
Now, over the years...
96
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,961
a theme has emerged
at our family gatherings.
97
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,495
Everyone's having a good time...
98
00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:15,993
-That's right.
-Things are going smoothly.
99
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,193
Party time.
100
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,328
And then you two show up...
101
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,393
stag...
102
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:21,728
and you hit on girls...
103
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,031
you act like idiots...
104
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,766
and you ruin it.
105
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:25,932
Ruin it.
106
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,340
What? We are not party ruiners!
107
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:29,841
We're party creators!
108
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,946
And besides, when have we ever
ruined a family event?
109
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,612
We thought you might say that.
110
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:36,845
Yep, here we go.
And we just stream it.
111
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:37,910
Apple TV.
112
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,012
We just need your password.
113
00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:40,656
-Bryan's baby dick 69.
-Yeah.
114
00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:42,292
Bryan's baby dick 69.
115
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,219
What the fuck, guys? Really?
116
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:45,419
-Got it. Yep.
-Is that it?
117
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:46,486
Good.
118
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,067
Happy Fourth of July!
119
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,492
Shit!
120
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:57,975
It was fun up to that point.
121
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:09,010
God damn it! My trailer!
122
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,253
Shit.
123
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,525
Actually, this is what
we're trying to avoid.
124
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,025
-The both of you are fucking idiots.
-Fucking losers!
125
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:36,203
Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie.
126
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:39,475
Are you saying we had something
to do with Grandfather's death?
127
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:41,610
He died five years after that!
128
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,685
That is a lot of guilt
to put us. Shame on you.
129
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,221
Plus, this video only shows
the screw-ups.
130
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,652
Where's the epic tracking
shots of smiling faces?
131
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,953
And everybody looking at us,
just going...
132
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,154
"God, I love Mike and Dave.
133
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,424
"They made this whole
party worth it."
134
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,168
When are the two of you
going to grow up?
135
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,496
This shtick was
cute for a while...
136
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,071
but it's gotten stale.
137
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,139
Mom, come on, what are you...
138
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,504
You're talking about us like we're
a couple of losers or something.
139
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,739
What we don't want you to do is go
chasing girls and get out of control.
140
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,211
You understand?
141
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,646
Wait, we can still
talk to girls, right?
142
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,251
You can each talk to one girl.
143
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,716
The girls that you
bring to the wedding.
144
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,411
What do you mean?
145
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,389
I want you to bring a date.
146
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,423
That's two dates.
147
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,062
You want us to bring
dates to a wedding?
148
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,119
Excuse me?
149
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,323
Are you allowed to do that?
150
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,727
Nice, respectable, smart girls!
151
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,159
Keep you in line.
152
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,529
-What the fuck?
-What?
153
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,034
-Are you insane?
-You're kidding.
154
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:35,433
You are not screwing up this
wedding. Do you hear me?
155
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,337
Mom, do you hear this river of horse
shit coming out of Dad's mouth?
156
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,536
We don't want you showing up
stag and riling each other up!
157
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,113
-We don't rile each other up!
-We never get riled up!
158
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,409
-I don't get riled!
-He doesn't and I don't, either!
159
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,276
Look at you right now!
You're riled!
160
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,581
-Take your head out of your ass, Dad!
-You sound insane right now.
161
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,247
Everybody stop yelling! Okay?
162
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,620
You guys bringing wedding dates
was my idea.
163
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,754
Look, I love the shit
out of you guys.
164
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:02,931
But everyone is already stressed
out about this wedding...
165
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,964
and I just need you to be cool.
166
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:07,860
Of course, Jeanie!
167
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,368
Please?
168
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,564
For me?
169
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,141
I promise. We would never do
anything to mess up your wedding.
170
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:14,972
Jeanie, we love you.
171
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,809
We want this to be
the best day of your life.
172
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:17,870
Yeah.
173
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,041
You, too, Eric.
174
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,311
Thank you.
175
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,607
Mostly you, though, Jeanie.
176
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,722
If you want us to bring dates,
we're bringing dates.
177
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:25,847
All right, it's settled then.
178
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,690
Wedding dates!
179
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:31,585
Dave, buddy, let me talk to you
for a second, okay? Listen.
180
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,822
I'm sorry to lump
you in with Mike...
181
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:35,659
but if I only told your older
brother to bring a date...
182
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,426
he'd get all weird about it.
183
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,728
I just feel like he's
holding you back.
184
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,428
Dad, I don't mind
being lumped in with Mike.
185
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,004
Do you remember
the fifth grade bake sale...
186
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,197
when Mom made those cupcakes...
187
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,636
and I called them moist?
188
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,108
Everyone called me Moist...
189
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,178
till Mike took a cupcake...
190
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,976
and shoved it in
Tom Ginty's face.
191
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,450
He said, "Now you're
moist, Moist."
192
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,682
That's the kind of guy Mike is.
193
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,482
So, think on that...
194
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,621
Dad.
195
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,023
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end
that on such a weird note, Dad.
196
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,191
-I love you. And thanks.
-Good. I don't want you to be mad.
197
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:11,427
I'm not even mad.
I'm not even upset.
198
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,526
We're gonna find some dates.
199
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,230
I gotta say, some nights,
lam not looking my best.
200
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,442
But tonight is not
one of those nights!
201
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,838
-Do you like my hair?
-Yeah, girl.
202
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,502
-You look good.
-No.
203
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:23,840
We're gonna make a
lot of tips tonight.
204
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,014
Good. We need it.
We don't have any money.
205
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,977
You got money for
this ride, don't you?
206
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:29,817
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!
207
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:30,877
'Cause you have money?
208
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:31,978
I thought you had money.
209
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,045
I don't have any money.
210
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:34,113
You know I don't have money.
211
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,717
Yeah, y'all are whispering like
people that don't got money.
212
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,328
Check it out. I'mma
pay you right now.
213
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,161
Boop. I Apple Paid.
214
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,357
I don't even have Apple Pay.
215
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,395
Yo, Siri, pay this man.
216
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,690
He's already paid.
217
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:45,758
God damn it!
218
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,237
I'm not gonna take shit from
you, because this my cab.
219
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,839
You shouldn't take shit from us.
220
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,137
-You should kick us out!
-You should kick us out of this cab.
221
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,304
You know what? I'm gonna kick
you the fuck out of this cab.
222
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,609
Yeah, just go three more
blocks up on the right...
223
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,705
and then kick us out!
224
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,846
Here we are!
225
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,208
Get out of my cab.
226
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,683
Thank you. You're a
really good person.
227
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,878
Okay, God bless you.
228
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,524
I'm just gonna start
driving for Uber. Fuck it.
229
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:08,981
I got a good idea.
230
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:10,821
Let's pop off, get a couple
of drinks before work.
231
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:13,054
Just a few, because I don't
want to get hammered.
232
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,721
Yeah, of course not.
Just a light buzz.
233
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,704
Hey, hey, he?!
234
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,398
Welcome to Sake Bombers...
235
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,771
where your first
Sake Bomb is on us!
236
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,844
-Kaboom!
-You're drunk, Alice.
237
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,706
You're doing that thing
where you're whispering,
238
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:31,908
but you're really yelling.
239
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,379
Because I'm upset with you.
240
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:34,574
What the hell?
241
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,014
I don't understand
why you just started
242
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,076
yelling at me for no reason.
243
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,645
What the hell is going on here?
244
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:39,950
Your little buddy is shit-faced.
245
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:42,387
Straight up.
246
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,892
Her fianc just left
her at the altar.
247
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,185
She's been going
through a hard time.
248
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,357
-Are you guys talking about me?
-No, baby girl.
249
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,900
You know how many times
I have come in here...
250
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:54,004
and she is drunk off her fucking
ass, dancing on the tables?
251
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:57,300
Only when Rihanna comes on,
because it's my jam.
252
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,204
I am a strong independent woman.
253
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,038
And I will get on a table
and shake my shit to RiRi.
254
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:05,204
Because it's my right.
America!
255
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272
Feminism!
256
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,884
You just push your tits up
and say feminism?
257
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,417
Yeah. Read a Twitter.
258
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:12,686
#2016. Women can do shit now.
259
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:13,746
(Oil/L Y GIRL IN
THE WORLD PLAYING}
260
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:16,926
Don't do that!
261
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,585
Who put her jam on?
262
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,921
Queen RiRi, forever!
263
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,998
I'm really sorry
that I got us fired.
264
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,462
I'm just sort of surprised
it didn't happen sooner...
265
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,070
-but I'm still really sorry.
-Hey!
266
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,473
Alice, you do not apologize
right now, okay?
267
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:31,667
You didn't do one thing wrong.
268
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:34,138
-Okay.
-People need to get in line with you.
269
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,337
Right. You're right.
270
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,243
Alice, why are you watching
your wedding video?
271
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,474
AndA/ice...
272
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,913
do you take Luke?
273
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,008
I do.
274
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,075
Because it's therapeutic.
275
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:44,950
The more I watch it,
the less I feel.
276
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:46,147
And do you,
Luke, take Alice?
277
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,346
Ida...
278
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:48,781
not.
279
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,523
Man. Fuck you, Luke.
280
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,326
Fuck that guy.
281
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:55,827
Fuck him right in his dick.
282
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,023
No!
283
00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,966
Because now I'm picturing his dick
getting fucked by another dick.
284
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,538
And it makes me
want to protect it.
285
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,343
My God, girl! Damn!
286
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,172
You're better than this.
Come on!
287
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,813
We're T and A!
288
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,472
Where's the Alice who made
vodka pot brownies with me...
289
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,015
for the junior
high science fair?
290
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,652
Or gave us water balloon tits
291
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,312
and we won that wet T-shirt
contest in Mexico?
292
00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:19,615
Yeah, they were so nice.
293
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,452
I know, dude. We need that shit.
294
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,284
I'm tired of living like this.
295
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,853
We need an adventure.
296
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,365
We've got a great little package
we're selling here, man.
297
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,799
A week in a tropical paradise...
298
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:35,905
with two fun-loving,
yet surprisingly well-read bros?
299
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,029
Yeah.
300
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,871
I read most of the Goosebumps
series, and so did you.
301
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:39,932
Yeah.
302
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,000
Where do I sign up?
303
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,273
Dude, focus.
304
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:44,075
-Okay.
-This is for Jeanie.
305
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,748
So to find the perfect fun,
but nice girls...
306
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:47,840
we're gonna have to
meet a lot of them.
307
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,275
The Internet!
308
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,509
That's a good idea.
309
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,222
Match.com, Tinder...
310
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,948
Grindr, OkCupid.
311
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,014
Craigslist!
312
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,251
Craigslist?
313
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,420
Craigslist, you think, that's
where you go to meet nice girls?
314
00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,689
Dave?
315
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,525
We met this couch on Craigslist.
316
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,629
And you wuv this
couch, don't you?
317
00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,830
I do love that couch.
318
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,264
I'm gonna unlock
the swag on this bitch.
319
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,597
All right.
320
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,304
Here you go. Just take a little
sip. Take a little nip-a-roo.
321
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:18,771
Boom!
322
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,980
Do you think anyone's even
really gonna see this?
323
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,041
God, I hope so.
324
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,513
Like max, what do you think?
325
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,350
We're gonna get, like, five or
six dates out of this, or what?
326
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,116
I'd be happy with that.
327
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,155
Hey.
328
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,667
Did you see this thing that
Shelly's sending around the office?
329
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,961
It's a free trip to Hawaii!
330
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,696
Look what someone
posted to my Facebook.
331
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,071
-I gotta tweet this out.
-Those guys are cute.
332
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,265
Ala-hat!
333
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,705
ALL". I got the
one on the right.
334
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,470
I like the one on the right.
335
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:49,635
I got the one on the right.
336
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,943
I like the one on the right.
337
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,072
We gotta send this to everyone.
338
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,174
Let's all apply!
339
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,275
WOMAN Z". I want
to go to Hawaii.
340
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,375
{just emailed them.
341
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,648
Let's just meet them,
give 'em a chance.
342
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,815
So, you guys want
to go to a wedding?
343
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,482
What are your names?
344
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,151
Do you guys have names?
345
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,665
Basically we were looking
through Craigslist for work.
346
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,494
You're both...
347
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,558
Prostitutes.
348
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,361
Whatever. Take us to Hawaii!
349
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,427
Hawaii!
350
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,872
We can't take you.
351
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:20,933
No way.
352
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,276
Did you guys say something about an
all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii?
353
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:24,640
It's just for girls.
354
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,779
That's not a deal breaker.
355
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,110
Hi, my name is Lauralie...
356
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,582
and I'm kind of new to this.
357
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,643
Yeah.
358
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:31,847
You're new to...
359
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:33,623
Online dating. Yeah.
360
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,157
I'm not really looking for a
heteronormative relationship.
361
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:38,853
-You look like a Nike swoosh.
-Goddamn right, I do.
362
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,019
I work at a dog shelter.
363
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:41,663
Our sister loves dogs.
364
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:42,993
I wanna make sure
they get really good homes.
365
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,056
What's a good home?
366
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:45,863
The white homes.
367
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,971
-The what homes?
-The white homes.
368
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:49,333
Like white people.
369
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,333
Check, please.
370
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,703
This isn't lipstick. This
is a tattoo, you dumb fuck.
371
00:13:57,703 --> 00:14:00,547
Who are you laughing at? Who?
372
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:01,978
All right, look,
here's the deal.
373
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,481
I went through a divorce, like,
three weeks ago. I need a vacation.
374
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,154
No.
375
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,213
Okay, you guys sure
you don't want to fuck?
376
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:08,314
-What?
-Nothing.
377
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,482
-What did you say?
-Nothing.
378
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,858
Sounded like you said,
"Do you wanna fuck?"
379
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:12,918
Do you wanna fuck?
380
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,087
-What?
-What?
381
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:15,461
-What?
-You guys...
382
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:16,725
-Do you want me to fuck you?
-No.
383
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,368
-No.
-I didn't say it, but...
384
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,596
-I'll suck your dick right now. What?
-What?
385
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,200
Welcome back.
386
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,540
I'm here with Mike
and Dave Stangle...
387
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,376
who posted an ad
on Craigslist...
388
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,279
looking for dates
for their sister's wedding...
389
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,577
in Oahu, Hawaii.
390
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:37,846
Well, the ad went viral.
391
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,589
It racked up over
6,000 responses...
392
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,988
from women who
actually wanted to go.
393
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,050
Yeah, well, who's counting?
394
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,662
You know, I guess we all are.
395
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:47,921
Is this my close-up?
396
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,589
You guys, come on. Craigslist?
397
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:52,167
Honestly, this is about
finding nice girls...
398
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:54,668
to go with us to Hawaii
for our sister's wedding.
399
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:55,999
And {just want to reiterate...
400
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,641
we 're footing the bill for this
because we 're gentlemen.
401
00:14:58,898 --> 00:14:59,933
Free trip to Hawaii?
402
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,601
I'm awake!
403
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:02,941
-Come on. Craigslist.
-What's up?
404
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,513
That's where you go
to buy old patio furniture.
405
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:05,910
You know what else you can find
on Craigslist?
406
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:08,882
Love...
407
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,214
That's right. I said it.
408
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,050
-Love.
-That one seems sweet.
409
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,350
He has a kind soul.
410
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,516
Yeah, and he's also super hot.
411
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,228
Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls.
412
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,799
But just to repeat,
we're looking for nice girls.
413
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:27,233
Like, girls that our mom
and our sister would like.
414
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:30,738
Okay, look, dude,
we are going to Hawaii.
415
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,340
Let's go on vacation.
416
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,406
But it's not a vacation.
It's a wedding.
417
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,976
Do you really think a wedding's
the best place for me?
418
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,413
Since the last wedding I went to
was mine...
419
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,074
and it didn't turn
out very well.
420
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,142
I hear you, but look...
421
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,821
this shit is why this shit
is perfect, okay?
422
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,151
Because ever since Luke left,
you haven't been the same.
423
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,893
You need to get over that
, once and for all.
424
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,154
And this our shot, man.
425
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,431
That dude,
he's gonna get your groove back.
426
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,657
This right here is an
opportunity of a lifetime...
427
00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:59,996
and you know we are
entrepreneurs.
428
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,160
You know what?
429
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,568
Let's make these guys
take us to Hawaii!
430
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,402
You're right! Let's do it!
431
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:06,565
Let's just do it!
432
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,667
-Yes, bitch.
-Let's fucking do it!
433
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:09,975
We'll be right back.
434
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,036
We gonna go to Hawaii!
435
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,249
We gonna go to Hawaii!
436
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,280
-Hold up!
-What?
437
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:21,954
Those boys said they wanted nice
girls. We don't look like nice girls.
438
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,859
Yeah, I guess
I haven't showered in a while.
439
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,993
Fine, well,
you know what we're gonna do?
440
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,960
We're gonna look
respectable as fuck.
441
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,462
Like nice girls.
442
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,066
Dude, it's like that Jesus rag!
443
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,701
It's part of me.
444
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,480
Tatiana, your underwear
needs more underwears.
445
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,320
This dress is my bitch!
446
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,980
Dude, we have met
37 insane women.
447
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,523
We can't bring any
of these girls.
448
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,720
Maybe Dad'll just forget about
his ultimatum.
449
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,832
Why would Dad forget about
an old tomato?
450
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,027
No, his ultimatum.
451
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,362
-Old tom...
-Ultimatum.
452
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,560
Are you saying "old tomato"?
453
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,466
Ultima-tomb. Like a
tomb or a crypt.
454
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,564
Ultimatum.
455
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,940
Well, we gotta figure something out,
because the wedding's coming up quick.
456
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,580
Why is everything a competition
with you?
457
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,088
And I said that first,
so actually, lwon that.
458
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,090
So what time
are we meeting them?
459
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,027
Technically, no time.
460
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,559
Yeah, because I was thinking
about emailing them...
461
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,328
but then I was thinking...
462
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:43,371
what kind of floozy-ass bimbo
would respond to that ad?
463
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:45,864
Us.
464
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,511
Yeah, but we're not like those
idiots. You know what I'm saying?
465
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:51,477
Because they're all like,
"Pick me, pick me!"
466
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,772
it's like the guys
interviewing the girls.
467
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,442
Like, it immediately would put
us in an inferior position.
468
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:58,610
We're gonna flip the script
and Bachelarette that shit.
469
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,050
-Those guys would be lucky to have us.
-Right.
470
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,284
-We just gotta make them think so.
-Okay, right.
471
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,555
But, you know,
I'm really not good at lying...
472
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,995
because I always try to start
small and then it gets crazy...
473
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,761
and I make-up stuff
that couldn't possibly be true.
474
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,696
Baby, you can do this.
Let's practice, okay?
475
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,760
Okay.
476
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:15,897
-What do you like to do?
-Drink.
477
00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:18,202
Just sweet teas.
478
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,444
Sweet teas and
biscuits on blimps.
479
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,738
All right, straight up,
you don't have to do an accent.
480
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:23,936
I was doing an accent?
481
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,173
And definitely don't
bring up blimps.
482
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,745
Shit! They're leaving.
483
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:28,212
If it was a
competition, I won it.
484
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,545
All right, don't worry.
485
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:31,710
It's all part of the plan.
486
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:32,981
-Is it?
-Yeah.
487
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:35,625
What does that mean? What plan? I
don't know this part of the plan...
488
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:38,217
Fuck!
489
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,929
Tatiana!
490
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:42,988
Holy shit.
491
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,223
Babe. Are you okay?
492
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,299
I'm okay. Yell, "She
can't breathe!"
493
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,562
She can't breathe!
494
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,137
She can't breathe!
Somebody help her!
495
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,195
Somebody give her CPR!
496
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,998
-She can't breathe!
-I know CPR!
497
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:53,609
-Great!
-I was a volunteer EMT!
498
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,140
Hey, don't worry.
My brother's got this, okay?
499
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,870
I took a class. I
know what I'm doing.
500
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,137
-She has a weak heart!
-Ma'am?
501
00:18:58,403 --> 00:18:59,575
-Ma'am?
-She has a weak heart.
502
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,877
I'm an EMT.
I'm like a doctor, basically.
503
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,781
I'm here to save your
fucking life, okay?
504
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:07,184
-She's my only friend!
-That's her only friend, Mike!
505
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:08,550
We got a pulse! Okay.
506
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:09,854
Don't let her die!
507
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:11,656
Don't you fucking
let her die, Mike!
508
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,854
Just shut the fuck up, Dave!
You, too, shut up!
509
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,757
Both of you, shut up! Okay?
510
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:16,855
I'm gonna save her life!
511
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:20,959
Plug the nose.
512
00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,244
Are you okay?
513
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,107
I am now.
514
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,472
-I saved her life!
-She's okay!
515
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,118
-She's okay?
-I saved her life!
516
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:37,843
Thank you! Thank you!
517
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,354
-You're under arrest.
-She hit my car!
518
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,786
No, you guys,
I'm totally fine, really.
519
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:42,985
It happens all the time.
520
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,560
That was a vicious hit. We
should take you to the hospital.
521
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,560
It's crazy. It's almost
like I owe you my life.
522
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,296
-Almost.
-Yeah. Technically, yeah.
523
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,526
-Let me help you with that ice.
-I do.
524
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:53,759
No.
525
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:55,532
Seems like it's going
pretty well with your guy.
526
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,402
Dude, I'm fucking crushing it!
So hard!
527
00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,873
Check this out.
528
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,975
The kids in my class
are gonna love this story.
529
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,739
I'm a school teacher.
530
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,982
You're a school teacher?
531
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,883
Oop. I think they spelt
"frittata" wrong on the menu.
532
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,751
I always notice words
and spelling...
533
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,585
because I'm a teacher...
534
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,588
and that's what I do.
535
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,224
That's...
536
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,887
So, Alice, what do you do?
537
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,859
Manage a hedge fund.
538
00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,327
You manage a hedge fund?
539
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,595
I don't even know
what a hedge fund is.
540
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:30,262
So there's a regular fund,
and then there's a hedge fund.
541
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,500
And our fund...
542
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,402
We hedge it.
543
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:35,901
We hedge it hard.
544
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,373
I get in, in the morning,
and I'm like...
545
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:42,348
"How's the hedging coming? You
been hedging? You hedged much?"
546
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,815
And it's like, too big to fail.
547
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,954
Corporate greed, bailouts.
548
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,217
In a New York minute,
everything can change.
549
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,393
On the floor of the
NASDAQ and the U.N.
550
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:53,756
And then, Fannie Mae.
551
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,763
Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley...
552
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,094
-Alice, you want some water?
-Yeah.
553
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,165
-That's so smart.
-That is.
554
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,200
"But what I do have...
555
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,468
"is a particular set of skills.
556
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:07,100
"Skills I have acquired
over a very long career.
557
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,243
"Skills that make me a nightmare
for people like you."
558
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:13,107
Click. That's it.
559
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:14,476
That was amazing.
560
00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:15,984
It was like Dave was
not even here...
561
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,052
and I was just standing in a bar
with Liam Neeson.
562
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:19,655
Like, "Hello, Liam
Neeson's over here."
563
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,323
You're a professional comedian
or something?
564
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:25,291
What? No.
I sell liquor with my brother.
565
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,451
Yeah.
566
00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:28,425
-I do like to draw.
-Yeah?
567
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:30,066
Yeah, I have drawings here
I could show you.
568
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:31,993
Shit, not that. Sorry.
569
00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,296
Here. So, they're
like The Avengers...
570
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,166
but they're different
types of alcohol.
571
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,499
So, you have Tequila, and then
he's got his pet worm right there.
572
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,573
And his name is Lil' Mez.
573
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,345
Because he'II "Mez" you up.
574
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,209
The next one right
there, that's Gin.
575
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:47,443
When he flips his cap off,
dawg, he's just like...
576
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,453
"Yo, I'll pop you off.
Guaranteed. One knock."
577
00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:51,812
Done.
578
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,422
Next, Whiskey.
579
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:54,546
Likes to make moonshine
580
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,284
and kill bad guys.
581
00:21:56,448 --> 00:21:58,325
Dude, this is
objectively amazing.
582
00:21:58,383 --> 00:21:59,521
Thanks.
583
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:01,961
What's the hardest thing
about being a teacher?
584
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:03,622
I don't know.
585
00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,906
The hardest thing
about being a teacher...
586
00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:11,065
is teaching cursive.
587
00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:12,637
That's awesome.
588
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,539
-What about you?
-Yeah?
589
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,475
-Are you seeing anyone?
-No.
590
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,978
My ex is gone. Long gone.
591
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:20,038
What do you mean?
592
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,049
He died. Of cancer.
593
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:23,342
My God.
594
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:24,509
And AIDS.
595
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:25,977
He died twice?
596
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,655
And then he died
in a plane crash, so...
597
00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:31,125
That's a lot to take in.
598
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,229
I know!
599
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:34,787
Thank you.
600
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:36,455
Thank you, brotha.
601
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:39,798
Dude.
602
00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:42,734
We should take these girls
to the wedding. Right?
603
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,635
Mine's a sexy school teacher...
604
00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:47,140
and yours... hedges funds.
605
00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:48,676
-Just keep doing sexy eyes.
-Okay.
606
00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:50,245
Keep doing sexy eyes.
607
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,310
I like Alice.
608
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,849
And she's smart, she's funny,
she's weird.
609
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:58,019
We invite these girls to the
wedding, suddenly we're not losers.
610
00:22:58,176 --> 00:22:59,678
We're winners!
611
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,182
Here they come.
They're coming.
612
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:05,156
Hey, this might sound crazy...
613
00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:07,888
but our little sister is
getting married in Hawaii...
614
00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:12,157
and we wanted to know
if you guys wanted to come with.
615
00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:16,097
Can you just give
us a second to...
616
00:23:16,661 --> 00:23:17,901
Of course.
617
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:21,010
Okay, so just whisper
like we're talking it over...
618
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:22,270
like we're not sure
if we wanna go or not.
619
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:23,335
Like...
620
00:23:29,107 --> 00:23:30,177
What the fuck are you doing?
621
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:31,878
I don't understand
why we're arguing!
622
00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:33,115
I thought we wanted to go.
623
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:34,518
All right, fuck it.
Let's go to Hawaii!
624
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,057
-Yes! Fuck yes!
-Hawaii!
625
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:41,924
Yo, what you know
about gain' out?
626
00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:44,228
Head west, red Lex
TV's all up in the headrest
627
00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:46,565
Try and live it up, ride
true, a bigger truck
628
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,128
Peeps a" glittered up
Stick up can, they go what?
629
00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:51,104
Jig wit it 'cuz ship
crisp, split it all
630
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,336
Ho's ride, get your nut
'till I can't get it up
631
00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:56,638
Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
632
00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,078
You make me feel so good
633
00:23:58,136 --> 00:23:59,137
Aloha, and welcome.
634
00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:00,305
-Hi.
-Aloha.
635
00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:01,543
For real?
636
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,142
Let me get you gentlemen
checked in, yeah?
637
00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:07,320
Holy shit, this place is nice!
638
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,585
It's gonna be more nice.
639
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,990
Nice girls don't show
off their ecstasy.
640
00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:14,459
One of these is a multivitamin.
641
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:15,620
Is this shit free?
642
00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,495
I can smoke weed out of this,
I can smoke weed out of this...
643
00:24:18,690 --> 00:24:21,830
Look at that teacher,
grabbing her apple a day.
644
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:25,104
Look at that personality
from behind.
645
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:27,209
It is, dare I say...
646
00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:28,844
well-rounded.
647
00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:29,935
Look at Mike.
648
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:32,274
He looks like a funhouse mirror
version of a better looking dude...
649
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:34,579
but he is just that dude.
650
00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:37,811
Dave, it is so on this weekend.
651
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,354
I am not touching this guy
the whole weekend.
652
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,822
He thinks just because he brought
me here I'm gonna sleep with him?
653
00:24:42,881 --> 00:24:43,882
Check it out.
654
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:46,155
If this was Mike's
dick, I'd be like...
655
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,027
Duo, duo, duo, duo, duo...
656
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,621
I'd get close, but
I'd never touch it.
657
00:24:50,355 --> 00:24:52,631
They have such beautiful
flowers here.
658
00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:55,203
She's throwing out
serious vibes right now.
659
00:24:55,260 --> 00:24:56,432
I'm like, I'm hungry.
660
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:57,701
I'm gonna butter them biscuits.
661
00:24:57,963 --> 00:24:59,636
I'm gonna haste them ham hocks.
662
00:24:59,798 --> 00:25:01,209
I'm gonna be like a sex chef.
663
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,309
Mr. Grey will see you now.
664
00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:04,840
I'm gonna touch Dave.
665
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,380
Every time he says
something sweet...
666
00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:09,576
I wanna get some rope and chain
in bulk from Home Depot...
667
00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,652
and just see where it takes us,
you know?
668
00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:13,585
That is messed up.
669
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:15,988
Ladies, your wedding
itineraries.
670
00:25:16,147 --> 00:25:17,626
#DoingltForJeanie.
671
00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,559
Today, we have
the meet and greet by the pool.
672
00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,686
And then after that,
we have a dolphin excursion.
673
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,255
Friday is the rehearsal dinner.
674
00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:26,628
That's where Dave and I are
gonna be doing our big speech.
675
00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:28,728
Will there be any downtime?
676
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,567
Yeah, 'cause I gotta
keep in touch with the office.
677
00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:32,936
I gotta call my stocks
about the state of my bonds.
678
00:25:32,998 --> 00:25:33,999
It happens a lot.
679
00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:36,712
Kay, I think we are
right up here.
680
00:25:37,435 --> 00:25:40,211
Great. So which one
is me and Alice's room?
681
00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:46,253
I don't know. Are you and
Alice gonna share a room?
682
00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,721
Or I was thinking
that maybe you and I...
683
00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:50,521
would stay in the same room.
684
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:55,523
That sounds interesting...
685
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,689
but I don't think
it would be a good idea.
686
00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:00,025
Why not?
687
00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:05,097
Because I don't
trust myself around you.
688
00:26:05,764 --> 00:26:07,038
You can trust me.
689
00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:09,439
I do trust you.
690
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,543
Let's trust each other.
691
00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:14,775
There's so much trust.
692
00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:17,316
Sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
693
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,582
I respect you so much,
I can't wait to get you alone.
694
00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:21,920
Yeah, we're gonna cover all
the room charges and stuff...
695
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:23,482
for up to $50 per day.
696
00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:24,652
My God.
You don't have to do that.
697
00:26:24,816 --> 00:26:26,921
I'm a very strict teacher.
698
00:26:27,118 --> 00:26:30,895
You be Michelle Pfeiffer from
Dangerous Minds, and I'll be...
699
00:26:31,056 --> 00:26:32,330
I'll be Coolio.
700
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,436
Coolio's not in that movie.
701
00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:38,637
He is in song and spirit.
702
00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:41,537
I'm gonna call
a parent-teacher conference...
703
00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:44,409
and tell them
what a bad boy you are.
704
00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:45,843
Please don't tell my mommy.
705
00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,447
Please don't tell my daddy.
706
00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:49,507
I think Wi-Fi is
included, too, so...
707
00:26:49,574 --> 00:26:50,780
-That's always nice. Yeah.
-Yeah.
708
00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:55,047
If I were to give you a grade,
I'd give you a D.
709
00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:56,319
A big, hard D.
710
00:26:56,548 --> 00:26:57,856
Why? I deserve an A.
711
00:26:57,949 --> 00:26:59,451
What are you talking about?
712
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:00,653
Nothing.
713
00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:02,162
In conclusion...
714
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,698
I'm gonna stay in the room...
715
00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:05,926
with Alice.
716
00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:09,027
That one, with Alice.
717
00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:10,537
Cool, cool. No doubt.
718
00:27:13,031 --> 00:27:16,103
Somebody overcooked
the soft pretzel.
719
00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:19,576
My dick is hard. That's what I'm
saying. Give me five minutes.
720
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:22,175
My God.!
721
00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:24,380
Lift it, drop it, shake it
722
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:27,116
It's going down for real
723
00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:33,526
It's going down for real
724
00:27:35,053 --> 00:27:36,464
Grandma, I'd like
you to meet Alice.
725
00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:39,329
She's super smart, great conversationalist,
and she works on Wall Street.
726
00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:40,734
But I'm one of the good ones.
727
00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:42,303
I think she is.
728
00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,236
Lam a teacher, yeah.
729
00:27:46,464 --> 00:27:49,172
And you know what? The key to
teaching children is repetition.
730
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,245
You'd be surprised
how stupid they are.
731
00:28:01,079 --> 00:28:02,080
Jeanie!
732
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,424
'HEY. you!
Hi! Hi!
733
00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:09,421
I'm so proud to introduce
our wedding dates...
734
00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:11,225
-Tatiana.
-And Alice.
735
00:28:12,557 --> 00:28:13,763
Hi!
736
00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:16,831
-The bride. The gorgeous bride.
-Hi.
737
00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:20,703
This weekend is all about you
being happy and not shattered.
738
00:28:20,832 --> 00:28:23,005
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
739
00:28:23,068 --> 00:28:25,241
Check out your arms. You got
some Michelle Obama arms.
740
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,948
How'd you get those guns
on the plane, girl?
741
00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:30,518
Eric...
742
00:28:30,575 --> 00:28:32,282
you are two points hotter
just being next to this woman.
743
00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:34,016
Try 10 points hotter.
744
00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:36,184
-Try a million.
-That's too many points.
745
00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:37,248
And Jeanie, nice snag.
746
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,383
Thank you.
747
00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:39,952
You guys
look great together, really.
748
00:28:40,151 --> 00:28:41,459
I'm liking this.
749
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,530
Maybe you two will keep these
two in check a little bit.
750
00:28:43,588 --> 00:28:45,431
I think we can.
751
00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:46,931
I'll just keep him on a leash.
752
00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:48,867
Maybe don't hurt him.
753
00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:50,406
I like these girls.
754
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,632
They're so fun.
755
00:28:51,796 --> 00:28:53,901
Unlike my maid of honor.
756
00:28:54,099 --> 00:28:55,169
She's having a time.
757
00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:56,404
How is ol' Becky Grammerstein?
758
00:28:56,601 --> 00:28:57,602
She's coming.
759
00:28:57,736 --> 00:28:59,044
-Jeanie.
-Hey.
760
00:28:59,204 --> 00:29:00,581
I'm in crisis mode.
761
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,377
I ordered Prosecco for
the mani-pedis...
762
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:03,644
and all they have is champagne!
763
00:29:03,808 --> 00:29:04,809
Aren't they the same thing?
764
00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:07,455
-No. No, they're not. No.
-No?
765
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:09,752
Hello, Michael.
766
00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:10,915
Hi, Dave.
767
00:29:11,382 --> 00:29:14,886
Look, I'm trying to make
your dreams come true, okay?
768
00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:16,121
-Right.
-What?
769
00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,097
If this is bad news,
I'm gonna eat your ass.
770
00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:19,226
-Sorry.
-Okay.
771
00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:21,236
Purple. It better be purple.
772
00:29:21,659 --> 00:29:23,639
I should probably
go see to that.
773
00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:24,796
-You'll come?
-Yeah.
774
00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:26,237
Thank you so much
for being here.
775
00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:29,344
Guys, good job with these two.
776
00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:30,980
Mahala.
777
00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:32,409
Bye, Jeanie.
778
00:29:32,570 --> 00:29:33,571
Jeanie likes the girls.
779
00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:34,944
Jeanie likes the girls
780
00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:36,642
Talk about Jeanie
Jeanie likes the girls
781
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,584
Because it's a" about
Jeanie likes the girls
782
00:29:38,643 --> 00:29:40,748
Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes
the girls -Com e on!
783
00:29:40,845 --> 00:29:42,324
-It's a" about Jeanie
-Likes the girls
784
00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:45,224
-it's all about Jeanie likes the girls!
-Mike. Where are the girls?
785
00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,489
-Hello!
-I'm Alice.
786
00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:47,856
I just I wanna give you a hug.
787
00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:49,364
It's so nice to meet you.
788
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:50,795
Fucking A. You
distracted me, man.
789
00:29:50,989 --> 00:29:52,991
This dress is lucky to
be on you. Those pins!
790
00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:54,194
-My Mike?
-Yes.
791
00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:55,531
-I can't...
-He did.
792
00:29:55,693 --> 00:29:57,366
That's fantastic.
793
00:29:57,595 --> 00:29:59,233
Mike, Tatiana was
just telling me...
794
00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:00,775
that you saved her life.
795
00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:02,206
I most certainly did, Father.
796
00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:05,175
You see how great it is
to have nice girls around?
797
00:30:05,236 --> 00:30:06,510
I mean, these are nice girls.
798
00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:07,709
Absolutely.
799
00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:08,977
They are. And we
brought them, so...
800
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,314
Excuse me.
801
00:30:10,508 --> 00:30:11,509
Excuse me.
802
00:30:11,576 --> 00:30:12,577
See you in a minute.
Honey, come on.
803
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,817
Can I get everybody's attention?
Could we gather around?
804
00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:16,256
-My God.
-My God!
805
00:30:16,381 --> 00:30:18,156
We're killing this shit!
We're killing.
806
00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:19,488
Mom and Dad like the girls!
807
00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:22,129
Mom andDad/ike the girls
808
00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:26,793
Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's
best man, his cousin...
809
00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:28,960
and his best friend.
810
00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:30,639
Welcome to the meet and greet!
811
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:33,338
Yeah!
812
00:30:33,565 --> 00:30:34,669
Put your hands together...
813
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:37,973
for Eric and his
lovely bride, Jeanie.
814
00:30:38,036 --> 00:30:39,709
Give it up!
815
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,010
Jeanie!
816
00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:44,642
Hey, everybody. A big thank you
to my new family, the Stangles.
817
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:45,913
We love you, Eric!
818
00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:47,012
Thank you.
819
00:30:47,078 --> 00:30:49,217
And to my own family,
I must say...
820
00:30:50,215 --> 00:30:51,888
Portland, Oregon in the house!
821
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:56,332
I'm really happy to finally
make you all my ahana...
822
00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:57,864
which means "family."
823
00:30:58,022 --> 00:31:00,059
And as the Hawaiians say...
824
00:31:00,225 --> 00:31:01,431
Kale maluna!
825
00:31:01,593 --> 00:31:04,665
Which translates loosely
into "bottoms up."
826
00:31:04,829 --> 00:31:07,537
But more closely translated,
it actually means...
827
00:31:07,765 --> 00:31:10,177
"your butts to the sky"...
828
00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:11,839
which is inappropriate.
829
00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:14,707
This is gonna be magic.
830
00:31:15,340 --> 00:31:18,583
Thank you all again,
so much, for being here.
831
00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:22,418
We are so happy
to have you at our wedding.
832
00:31:22,947 --> 00:31:26,724
Wedding. Wedding. Wedding.
833
00:31:27,285 --> 00:31:28,923
-Put the mic on the stand.
-The stand.
834
00:31:30,255 --> 00:31:32,394
-Alice.
-Where are you going?
835
00:31:32,457 --> 00:31:33,458
Hi! What happened?
836
00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:35,595
You sort of zoned out for a sec.
What's up? You okay?
837
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,138
Yeah! We're at a wedding.
Wedding. Wedding.
838
00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:40,065
You just said "wedding"
three times.
839
00:31:40,131 --> 00:31:41,235
I'm fine. Yeah!
840
00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:43,074
Let's just forget about
the past, and move on.
841
00:31:43,368 --> 00:31:44,972
To the bar!
842
00:31:45,069 --> 00:31:46,343
To the bar?
843
00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:52,220
I don't think these are shots.
844
00:31:52,377 --> 00:31:53,947
I mean, we're drinking 'em
like they're shots...
845
00:31:54,045 --> 00:31:56,286
but I don't think they're
supposed to be drunk like that.
846
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,393
Your face is funny.
847
00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:16,974
Hey, Mike.
848
00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:18,805
I was just talking
to my new friend, Tatiana.
849
00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:20,076
Tatiana, this is
my cousin, Mike.
850
00:32:20,238 --> 00:32:22,445
She knows who I am.
She's my date.
851
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,348
Why would someone this
attractive ever be with you?
852
00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:27,850
Are you gonna hit on my date all
weekend, like bisexual Fonzie?
853
00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:29,990
I don't think it's gonna take
all weekend. Am I right?
854
00:32:30,448 --> 00:32:31,688
So, you guys are cousins?
855
00:32:31,849 --> 00:32:33,590
She's been jealous of me
since I was a little kid.
856
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,196
What could I possibly
be jealous of?
857
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,596
Your outfit looks like Jimmy
Buffet's dust ruffle.
858
00:32:37,855 --> 00:32:40,028
Do you guys always do this?
859
00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:41,965
Okay, this is actually
a very fashion-forward outfit.
860
00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:44,606
No, you look like the wallpaper
from a Long John Silver's bathroom.
861
00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:46,366
Cool.
I'm gonna hit the buffet now...
862
00:32:46,531 --> 00:32:50,172
while you guys do
whatever it is you're doing.
863
00:32:52,103 --> 00:32:53,275
Okay?
864
00:32:53,338 --> 00:32:54,339
Good idea.
865
00:32:55,673 --> 00:32:56,811
Look at that.
866
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,012
Pink little ass just
bouncing away, saying...
867
00:32:59,077 --> 00:33:02,615
Terry, come getme
Terry, come get me
868
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,784
No, it's saying...
869
00:33:03,848 --> 00:33:07,853
Mike, crawl up in this
Mike, cra wl up in this
870
00:33:08,019 --> 00:33:09,794
What's up, double trouble?
871
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,228
Terry. Cousin of the bride.
872
00:33:11,289 --> 00:33:12,529
Get at me later,
we'll make a Terry sandwich.
873
00:33:12,690 --> 00:33:14,169
Don't touch her.
She has chlamydia.
874
00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:15,463
-Everybody does.
-No.
875
00:33:15,893 --> 00:33:16,894
Not everyone does.
876
00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:20,008
Saw you and Dave are doing your speech
together at the rehearsal dinner.
877
00:33:21,132 --> 00:33:23,669
I'm going to bring the
house down with my speech.
878
00:33:23,935 --> 00:33:25,676
And why do you think
you're such a hotshot?
879
00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,975
You know Chris Rock?
880
00:33:27,739 --> 00:33:29,741
He's my neighbor.
Practiced my speech on him.
881
00:33:30,208 --> 00:33:32,347
And he gave me seven
killer jokes.
882
00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:36,022
Suck on that, cousin.
883
00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:37,682
Terry out.
884
00:33:37,749 --> 00:33:40,559
Chris Rock? Fuck!
That sounds awesome.
885
00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:48,268
Yas, yas, yas.
886
00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:55,567
My God. You were right.
These cheeseburgers are amazing.
887
00:33:55,733 --> 00:33:56,871
I know.
888
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:58,878
Being a good girl is hard.
889
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,948
I know. It sucks.
890
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:04,920
You were hitting that booze
too hard for a nice girl.
891
00:34:05,109 --> 00:34:06,486
You need to get Luke
out of your head.
892
00:34:06,611 --> 00:34:08,386
-Yeah.
-You do.
893
00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:10,958
And what better
way to do that...
894
00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:13,889
than good old-fashioned
dick flicks.
895
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,191
-Yes.
-God.
896
00:34:18,456 --> 00:34:21,630
Tatiana. Mike Stangle.
897
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,795
From the meet and greet.
Well, from before that.
898
00:34:23,961 --> 00:34:25,440
One second.
899
00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:26,531
Fuck.
900
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:29,938
Hey. it's you.
901
00:34:30,101 --> 00:34:31,205
It is me.
902
00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:36,717
I was hoping maybe I could come in
and we could watch a movie or...
903
00:34:37,942 --> 00:34:39,922
Do whatever you wanna do.
904
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,181
Why are you whispering?
905
00:34:41,312 --> 00:34:43,451
'Cause that's what we
were doing before.
906
00:34:43,614 --> 00:34:44,649
They've got Cockbusters.
907
00:34:44,882 --> 00:34:46,793
Is that supposed to be
like Ghostbusters?
908
00:34:46,884 --> 00:34:48,830
Why would you wanna
get rid of the cocks?
909
00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:50,794
-What's that?
-She's talking in her sleep.
910
00:34:50,955 --> 00:34:53,799
She says the craziest stuff
in her sleep.
911
00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:56,064
It looks like his dick is gonna
pop. It's so veiny and hard.
912
00:34:56,127 --> 00:34:57,128
-Tatiana!
-Something's hard?
913
00:34:57,295 --> 00:34:58,433
Julio. My student.
914
00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,132
I'm doing a Skype class
session with him...
915
00:35:00,298 --> 00:35:02,403
and he's having a really
hard time in the schoolyard.
916
00:35:02,533 --> 00:35:04,035
If you don't get in here,
I'm gonna start masturbating!
917
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,604
Phooey. I've gotta go.
918
00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:07,340
That sounds like you guys are,
watching porno, or...
919
00:35:07,405 --> 00:35:08,406
-No.
-Tatiana!
920
00:35:08,473 --> 00:35:09,474
Does it smell like weed in here?
921
00:35:09,574 --> 00:35:11,451
-You guys smoking weed?
-No. It was a skunk.
922
00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:14,112
I've gotta go, because a bunch
of kids are waiting to hear...
923
00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:15,985
if they've failed
second grade or not.
924
00:35:16,147 --> 00:35:19,185
Well, I am doing
some grading myself, and girl...
925
00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:21,830
you are getting an A plus.
926
00:35:21,886 --> 00:35:22,887
Thank you so much.
927
00:35:56,387 --> 00:35:58,560
-And then win!
-Skills. Def skills.
928
00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:00,125
Cheers to Tatiana and Alice.
929
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:01,429
We're so glad you're here.
930
00:36:02,793 --> 00:36:03,863
Yes. Cheers.
931
00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:06,133
You guys, Alice and I found
this really cool thing.
932
00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:08,004
Jurassic Park ATV Tours!
933
00:36:09,066 --> 00:36:11,239
Y on ride ATV s
where they shot Jurassic Park.
934
00:36:11,469 --> 00:36:15,645
Actually, we are about to go
swimming with the dolphins.
935
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,983
It's on the itinerary, so...
936
00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:20,086
But, guys, Jurassic P!
937
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:21,589
I love this movie!
938
00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:24,249
My gosh, on ATVs,
this would be so sick.
939
00:36:24,415 --> 00:36:25,655
"Welcome...
940
00:36:25,816 --> 00:36:28,558
"...to Jurassic Park."
941
00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:29,757
"That is a big pile of shit."
942
00:36:29,921 --> 00:36:31,229
"You're not so
scary, little guy."
943
00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,670
What is going on here?
944
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,573
I wish we could do that...
945
00:36:45,736 --> 00:36:47,579
but we have a date
with the dolphins...
946
00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:49,081
at the bottom of
the ocean, so...
947
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:51,686
Don't you think we should do
what Jeanie wants to do?
948
00:36:51,842 --> 00:36:53,378
I mean, it is her
wedding after all.
949
00:36:53,544 --> 00:36:54,750
Right, Mike?
950
00:37:24,041 --> 00:37:25,987
I'm so happy we're here!
951
00:37:26,143 --> 00:37:28,589
This is where the dinos
ran in the prairie!
952
00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:29,747
I know, girl!
953
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,087
Check it out! I'm
a brontosaurus!
954
00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:34,287
I'm a T-Rex. I'm
coming to get you!
955
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,298
Guys, butts on seats, okay?
No hot dogging!
956
00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:45,474
"They're flocking this way!"
957
00:37:46,864 --> 00:37:48,366
Here's a T-Rex!
958
00:37:48,666 --> 00:37:50,441
"Life finds a way."
959
00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:01,746
Jeanie! Eric!
960
00:38:01,846 --> 00:38:03,325
Hey!
961
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:06,360
Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric.
962
00:38:06,517 --> 00:38:09,623
Iwasn't lost. Just driving
at a reasonable pace.
963
00:38:09,887 --> 00:38:11,127
Stay there. We'll come to you.
964
00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:14,603
All right, we better go around.
This ledge looks super dangerous.
965
00:38:14,759 --> 00:38:16,966
Yeah, Mike's right.
It does look dangerous.
966
00:38:17,528 --> 00:38:20,134
It's a good thing my middle name
is "dangerous!"
967
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:21,299
Yeah, it is!
968
00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:29,151
-God!
-What?
969
00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:33,414
My God, she's Superman!
970
00:38:38,282 --> 00:38:39,454
My God!
971
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:40,824
A-Money!
972
00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:47,802
I still think we
should go around.
973
00:38:47,925 --> 00:38:50,201
She just got some
serious air, bro!
974
00:38:50,294 --> 00:38:53,070
You call that serious air?
Check this fucking shit out.
975
00:38:54,398 --> 00:38:56,275
Suck my d', tuckers!
976
00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:02,240
Not again.
977
00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:04,241
Yeah, baby!
978
00:39:04,308 --> 00:39:06,481
Easy does it. Nothing fancy.
979
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,489
-My God. Look at what she's doing!
-I see it!
980
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,687
Sweet candied nuts.
981
00:39:21,826 --> 00:39:23,362
Who are these girls?
982
00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,937
Where did you guys
learn to do that?
983
00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:32,877
We lived in Baja.
984
00:39:32,937 --> 00:39:34,610
Tore up a lot of
trail down there.
985
00:39:34,872 --> 00:39:36,112
Made a lot of friends.
986
00:39:36,774 --> 00:39:38,276
Made even more enemies.
987
00:39:38,442 --> 00:39:39,614
God, I miss Baja.
988
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,621
Your turn, Mike!
Don't be a pussy!
989
00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:48,558
I'm not gonna do it. Name calling
doesn't work on me, so...
990
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,461
Mike, it'll turn me on
if you take that jump.
991
00:39:51,622 --> 00:39:53,397
Turn me on if you don't.
992
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:55,559
Still not going to, still.
993
00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:56,727
I'm not gonna do it.
994
00:39:56,894 --> 00:39:58,032
Like we would ever do that.
995
00:39:58,229 --> 00:39:59,970
No way.
996
00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:01,031
Come on! Do it.
997
00:40:01,198 --> 00:40:02,472
He's not gonna do it. Do it!
998
00:40:02,633 --> 00:40:04,112
Do not do it.
999
00:40:04,268 --> 00:40:05,906
No, definitely don't do that.
1000
00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:08,014
It's a bad idea. it's a stupid,
dumb idea.
1001
00:40:08,105 --> 00:40:10,244
-And it's dangerous, and it's foolish.
-Yes, it is.
1002
00:40:10,775 --> 00:40:11,981
I'm gonna do it!
1003
00:40:13,644 --> 00:40:14,679
Mike!
1004
00:40:16,714 --> 00:40:17,818
Shit!
1005
00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:20,789
I'm never gonna die!
1006
00:40:23,954 --> 00:40:25,695
-Shit.
-He going fast.
1007
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:27,394
No. Keep it straight!
1008
00:40:31,362 --> 00:40:32,397
He's shanking it.
1009
00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:36,976
Got it, got it!
1010
00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:43,481
No, God!
1011
00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:44,642
Jeanie, move!
1012
00:40:47,645 --> 00:40:48,988
No!
1013
00:40:49,146 --> 00:40:50,181
No!
1014
00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:51,950
No!
1015
00:40:52,082 --> 00:40:53,356
No!
1016
00:41:14,805 --> 00:41:17,115
It's gonna be fine.
1017
00:41:17,575 --> 00:41:19,646
Your face is making me think
it's gonna be bad.
1018
00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:21,621
I'm sure it's not as
bad as you think.
1019
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:22,714
-You know?
-No. Yeah.
1020
00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:23,918
Just show us
what we're working with,
1021
00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:25,083
and it'll be fine.
1022
00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:26,150
-0kay_
-Okay?
1023
00:41:26,717 --> 00:41:27,821
Is it okay?
1024
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,421
-My God!
-God!
1025
00:41:29,753 --> 00:41:32,199
Don't you look good?
1026
00:41:34,024 --> 00:41:35,867
-Your face!
-Shut up, Mike!
1027
00:41:35,993 --> 00:41:37,802
You shut up, Becky!
Have you seen her face?
1028
00:41:37,962 --> 00:41:39,805
God! What?
1029
00:41:39,964 --> 00:41:42,240
It looks like you were making
meth, and the bathtub exploded.
1030
00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:44,810
You look like Burn
Victim Barbie.
1031
00:41:45,202 --> 00:41:46,510
Hush it up!
1032
00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:47,842
And you're Black Ken.
1033
00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:49,851
-stop!
-Okay_
1034
00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:52,078
it's like an
exaggerated smoky eye.
1035
00:41:52,142 --> 00:41:54,144
Dave, be honest. Is it bad?
1036
00:41:54,912 --> 00:41:57,085
This side, there's a little...
1037
00:41:57,181 --> 00:41:59,320
-There's a little discoloration there.
-Little discoloration.
1038
00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:00,521
Which side is it?
1039
00:42:00,751 --> 00:42:01,923
You could do a dance
the whole night
1040
00:42:01,986 --> 00:42:03,522
where you just hold a
hand over your face.
1041
00:42:03,654 --> 00:42:04,655
-That's smart.
-Okay.
1042
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:05,823
It's like a new thing.
1043
00:42:05,990 --> 00:42:07,833
Do the Jeanie
Do the Jeanie
1044
00:42:08,058 --> 00:42:09,696
Like this?
1045
00:42:09,927 --> 00:42:11,736
-Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie.
-Do it.
1046
00:42:11,929 --> 00:42:13,306
-I'm doing the Jeanie.
-Do the Jeanie, y'all.
1047
00:42:13,397 --> 00:42:14,432
It's a one-two step.
1048
00:42:14,565 --> 00:42:16,374
All right, that's enough.
1049
00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,238
Enough dancing!
You and you...
1050
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,746
outside, now!
1051
00:42:19,904 --> 00:42:21,110
Honey, calm down.
1052
00:42:22,907 --> 00:42:24,409
-Honey, calm down.
-Sorry.
1053
00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,919
Do you understand they've
deformed our little girl...
1054
00:42:27,077 --> 00:42:29,216
the day before her
goddamn wedding?
1055
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,619
She looks like Seal,
for Christ's sake!
1056
00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:33,525
Why, Dad?
1057
00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:37,029
Do you think he's
gonna spank us?
1058
00:42:37,187 --> 00:42:38,188
What?
1059
00:42:38,956 --> 00:42:39,957
Never mind.
1060
00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:42,037
I haven't seen him this pissed
in a long time.
1061
00:42:42,092 --> 00:42:43,127
OOP...
1062
00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:45,036
Yeah. it's the other door.
1063
00:42:45,963 --> 00:42:47,067
They meet in the middle.
1064
00:42:47,131 --> 00:42:48,735
-They meet in the middle.
-God damn it!
1065
00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:53,313
Dad, listen.
I know what you're gonna say.
1066
00:42:53,437 --> 00:42:55,713
-You're right.
-We're gonna sue the ATV companies.
1067
00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:56,979
-Right?
-I Sea.
1068
00:42:57,107 --> 00:42:58,108
Not what I was gonna say.
1069
00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,482
Let's Erin Brockovich
this bitch.
1070
00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:01,213
Mike, stop!
1071
00:43:01,378 --> 00:43:03,619
You've got to own this.
This is your fault.
1072
00:43:03,681 --> 00:43:04,682
It's not.
1073
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,252
If anything, it's
the girls' fault.
1074
00:43:07,518 --> 00:43:08,826
They're crazy.
1075
00:43:08,986 --> 00:43:11,398
The girls aren't the problem!
1076
00:43:11,455 --> 00:43:12,832
You are.
1077
00:43:12,990 --> 00:43:15,129
What the hell did you think
was gonna happen?
1078
00:43:15,292 --> 00:43:16,999
What did you think
was gonna happen?
1079
00:43:17,161 --> 00:43:18,162
We had a plan.
1080
00:43:18,329 --> 00:43:20,741
The plan was to swim
with dolphins...
1081
00:43:20,898 --> 00:43:22,605
and eat bananas afterwards.
1082
00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:24,507
See, Dad, I'm not gonna
point any fingers here...
1083
00:43:24,668 --> 00:43:25,669
but indirectly...
1084
00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,510
we wouldn't have been on ATVs if
the girls hadn't forced us to.
1085
00:43:28,672 --> 00:43:31,118
And who made us bring dates
in the first place?
1086
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,346
-Not pointing fingers.
-Yeah.
1087
00:43:33,410 --> 00:43:35,651
All right. I'm gonna take back
what I said to you earlier.
1088
00:43:35,813 --> 00:43:37,952
I am going to lump
you in together.
1089
00:43:38,115 --> 00:43:40,925
All right, you are lumped!
1090
00:43:41,585 --> 00:43:43,496
The hell is wrong with you?
1091
00:43:44,622 --> 00:43:45,999
What the hell is wrong with you?
1092
00:43:47,591 --> 00:43:48,968
Dad.
1093
00:43:51,595 --> 00:43:53,006
Fuck.
1094
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:57,603
Everyone get the
fuck away from me.
1095
00:43:57,768 --> 00:44:00,180
Move! Adult Swim!
1096
00:44:00,337 --> 00:44:03,614
It's all fucked now. It's all
fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie.
1097
00:44:03,907 --> 00:44:05,784
Jeanie's special
weekend, and I ruin it.
1098
00:44:05,843 --> 00:44:09,416
Hey, hey, hey, Alice?
That was not your fault, okay?
1099
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,524
That's two weddings that I've ruined.
It's just like, "Stupid Alice!"
1100
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,961
Look, it's too bad that
Jeanie's face got shredded...
1101
00:44:15,252 --> 00:44:16,856
but this is supposed
to be our vacay.
1102
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,729
Remember? We're supposed
to be having fun...
1103
00:44:18,789 --> 00:44:19,927
and going on adventures.
1104
00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:21,094
Get in here with me.
1105
00:44:21,258 --> 00:44:22,601
I'm gonna find her.
I'm gonna make it up to her.
1106
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,263
No, no! You're not listening
to me. Don't leave me!
1107
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,977
Thanks again for letting me
join your spa day, ladies.
1108
00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,784
It's not like you asked or
anything, but you're here. Yay.
1109
00:44:41,211 --> 00:44:43,316
What did you guys do
for your bachelorette party?
1110
00:44:43,614 --> 00:44:45,491
Did it get crazy?
Did you guys do that thing...
1111
00:44:45,549 --> 00:44:48,359
where you go to Vegas and you
dress up as a prostitute...
1112
00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:50,393
and you go out and
there's a contest...
1113
00:44:50,454 --> 00:44:52,661
to see who can get the
most money from a john...
1114
00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,766
but then you tell him,
"I'm an undercover cop"...
1115
00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:57,863
and they, like, beg that you don't
tell their children and their wives...
1116
00:44:58,028 --> 00:45:00,668
and they piss themselves, and you've
got the whole thing on video.
1117
00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,903
And then you put it on YouTube and
then there's the Auto-Tune remix.
1118
00:45:04,068 --> 00:45:05,069
Did you do that thing?
1119
00:45:05,736 --> 00:45:06,806
-No.
-No.
1120
00:45:07,137 --> 00:45:11,643
I didn't actually end up
having one, so...
1121
00:45:11,809 --> 00:45:13,447
Why? Every bride
needs a bachelorette party.
1122
00:45:13,644 --> 00:45:15,817
I'm sorry Cabo didn't
work out, Jeanie.
1123
00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:17,381
I know. it's fine.
1124
00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:18,518
You know I couldn't get
the time off work.
1125
00:45:18,582 --> 00:45:20,994
And it would have ruined it for
you, down there without me.
1126
00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:22,223
Is there some
tension about this?
1127
00:45:22,286 --> 00:45:24,926
So I just thought, "Let's cancel the
whole trip," if that makes sense.
1128
00:45:24,988 --> 00:45:26,968
Jeanie, can you keep it down?
On the phone with Tokyo.
1129
00:45:27,024 --> 00:45:28,128
Did I bring up something
uncomfortable?
1130
00:45:28,192 --> 00:45:30,536
Also, I caught the shingles
because it was so stressful.
1131
00:45:32,496 --> 00:45:33,566
'Cause it feels like I did.
1132
00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:35,166
Plus they have Mexican bed bugs.
1133
00:45:37,668 --> 00:45:40,012
I need you guys to stop it!
1134
00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:43,381
That fucking gaping mouth
of yours, shut it!
1135
00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:44,942
Shut it!
1136
00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:49,118
I just want to relax!
Is that too much to ask?
1137
00:45:49,513 --> 00:45:52,119
Please! I just wanna relax.
1138
00:45:54,785 --> 00:45:56,059
How are you feeling, Jeanie?
1139
00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:57,699
A little stressed out.
1140
00:45:57,855 --> 00:46:00,699
-I'll give you a minute to disrobe.
-Yeah, okay.
1141
00:46:00,858 --> 00:46:02,929
Face down on the table.
1142
00:46:03,327 --> 00:46:06,797
Hi, that is my best
friend in there...
1143
00:46:06,864 --> 00:46:09,037
and she's getting married tomorrow,
and she's a little uptight.
1144
00:46:09,333 --> 00:46:14,476
And I was wondering if you could,
help her let loose a little bit?
1145
00:46:14,638 --> 00:46:15,673
You know?
1146
00:46:15,739 --> 00:46:20,745
Give her the "Hawaii
Five" experience?
1147
00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:23,751
The wink-wink, nudge-nudge
massage, you know?
1148
00:46:23,814 --> 00:46:27,318
I can't really wink,
but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge?
1149
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,359
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
1150
00:46:29,419 --> 00:46:31,092
Looks like you had
a bit of a fit.
1151
00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:33,859
No, no. That's wink...
That's wink-wink...
1152
00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:37,332
I feel like I've gotten
what you're trying to say.
1153
00:46:37,561 --> 00:46:39,802
-Great.
-But I figured it out.
1154
00:46:39,863 --> 00:46:42,469
-You didn't really communicate it to me.
-Okay, that's fair.
1155
00:46:42,533 --> 00:46:46,379
Yes, you want the special
"lam blissful" massage?
1156
00:46:46,503 --> 00:46:48,608
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1157
00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:52,151
-How blissful is that?
-Don't worry.
1158
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:53,845
Physically, no penetration.
1159
00:46:53,944 --> 00:46:54,945
Classy.
1160
00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:58,016
Spiritually, I'll be doing
an intimate tour of her qi.
1161
00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,352
You're gonna be good in there.
I can tell.
1162
00:47:01,518 --> 00:47:02,622
How's the temperature
in here, Jeanie?
1163
00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:05,297
It's good. Good. Comfy.
1164
00:47:05,455 --> 00:47:08,800
Good. Take down the
light a little bit.
1165
00:47:08,959 --> 00:47:10,666
So you're getting married?
1166
00:47:10,928 --> 00:47:12,464
I am. Yeah.
1167
00:47:12,663 --> 00:47:15,542
I know it can be a
stressful time.
1168
00:47:15,599 --> 00:47:19,513
You know it's like, "Who is
this for, me or my family?"
1169
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:22,116
Yeah. I've recently had
an injury to my face...
1170
00:47:22,272 --> 00:47:24,274
which I'm a little
stressed out about.
1171
00:47:24,975 --> 00:47:25,976
Are you okay with oil?
1172
00:47:26,143 --> 00:47:27,451
Yeah, sure.
1173
00:47:30,447 --> 00:47:31,721
You know, in my country...
1174
00:47:31,782 --> 00:47:35,059
they call oil "God's
beautiful lubricant."
1175
00:47:36,053 --> 00:47:38,226
It sounds better in my language.
1176
00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:41,528
Khuda Ira khubsurat lubricant.
1177
00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,396
That's lovely.
1178
00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:44,495
'KT!..
1179
00:47:44,561 --> 00:47:45,972
Some ground rules.
1180
00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:48,635
One, no emotions.
1181
00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:50,804
-Okay.
-Two, breathe.
1182
00:47:52,369 --> 00:47:55,509
Three, there is no penetration,
only vibration.
1183
00:47:57,808 --> 00:48:00,186
What is happening?
1184
00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,785
I call this "The Bent Penguin."
1185
00:48:02,946 --> 00:48:05,426
This one is just
"The Ham and Eggs."
1186
00:48:05,582 --> 00:48:08,495
This one is called
"When Moons Collide."
1187
00:48:08,652 --> 00:48:11,155
"Angry Hummingbird."
"Angry Hummingbird."
1188
00:48:11,321 --> 00:48:13,699
This one is called
"House by the Airport."
1189
00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:16,098
Just checking in.
Everything good?
1190
00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:18,934
Hope you're enjoying this. For
me, it's just another Friday.
1191
00:48:26,036 --> 00:48:27,879
"Happy Doll."
1192
00:48:28,939 --> 00:48:33,046
This one is just called
"Taking a Break." I am pooped.
1193
00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:35,952
A little break. That's nice.
1194
00:48:37,848 --> 00:48:38,986
Here we go again.
1195
00:48:40,884 --> 00:48:42,420
Are you even touching me?
1196
00:48:42,619 --> 00:48:45,099
No, but my aura is.
1197
00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:47,926
Yes, it is!
1198
00:48:47,991 --> 00:48:50,403
Sweet baby Jesus!
1199
00:49:09,513 --> 00:49:10,651
How's it going?
1200
00:49:11,181 --> 00:49:13,661
Shit, I thought I
was alone in here.
1201
00:49:13,817 --> 00:49:16,764
Yeah. You're not.
I mean, we're alone.
1202
00:49:17,354 --> 00:49:19,698
How's Mike? Still
really jealous of me?
1203
00:49:20,324 --> 00:49:24,101
It's like, yeah, okay,
do I own a Tesla? Yes.
1204
00:49:24,261 --> 00:49:26,901
Do I make a shit-ton of money,
like, way more than Mike?
1205
00:49:27,064 --> 00:49:28,372
Yes. But it's like, who cares?
1206
00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,603
Do I get backstage
tickets to Rihanna?
1207
00:49:30,867 --> 00:49:33,438
Do I have a glass blowing
studio in my basement?
1208
00:49:33,503 --> 00:49:35,505
Hold up, backstage
tickets to Rihanna?
1209
00:49:35,672 --> 00:49:37,583
Yeah, she likes to have
me around. You know.
1210
00:49:37,741 --> 00:49:40,688
-RiRi is Alice's jam.
-RiRi, is it?
1211
00:49:40,744 --> 00:49:41,779
-Yes.
-That's funny.
1212
00:49:41,945 --> 00:49:44,425
She would freak out if I got her
backstage tickets to Rihanna.
1213
00:49:44,581 --> 00:49:47,721
Well, you could get her tickets.
From me. I'm right here.
1214
00:49:47,884 --> 00:49:49,261
Are you serious?
1215
00:49:49,419 --> 00:49:52,730
God, steam rooms just open up
your pores, you know?
1216
00:49:53,390 --> 00:49:55,427
They open up everything.
1217
00:49:58,562 --> 00:50:02,806
Backstage at RiRi is very fun.
Sometimes she plays the DJ.
1218
00:50:02,866 --> 00:50:05,540
You know, just scratching
records. You know like...
1219
00:50:09,973 --> 00:50:11,646
Shit, man. That's...
1220
00:50:12,075 --> 00:50:15,147
Are you saying you want me to
get in there for the tickets?
1221
00:50:15,212 --> 00:50:17,954
No. No, no, no. No.
1222
00:50:18,782 --> 00:50:20,455
Yes.
1223
00:50:24,121 --> 00:50:25,464
Tatiana?
1224
00:50:26,390 --> 00:50:27,630
Tatiana?
1225
00:50:28,458 --> 00:50:31,496
Sorry about that.
Looking for my wedding date.
1226
00:50:32,062 --> 00:50:33,063
Tatiana?
1227
00:50:33,163 --> 00:50:34,301
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
1228
00:50:38,468 --> 00:50:39,503
Please leave, sir.
1229
00:50:39,669 --> 00:50:40,909
What are you doing to my sister?
1230
00:50:41,071 --> 00:50:43,608
-Mike, I'm coming.
-No!
1231
00:50:54,117 --> 00:50:55,323
Get out!
1232
00:50:59,356 --> 00:51:02,769
Sure. Sure. Sure.
1233
00:51:02,926 --> 00:51:04,769
So, are we, like, close, or...
1234
00:51:05,429 --> 00:51:07,500
Let's put the washing machine
on spin cycle. There we go.
1235
00:51:09,299 --> 00:51:10,607
What the... Tatiana!
1236
00:51:10,767 --> 00:51:11,973
Terry!
1237
00:51:12,135 --> 00:51:13,478
Terry!
1238
00:51:13,637 --> 00:51:15,878
-Tatiana!
-Shut the fuck up, Mike.
1239
00:51:19,509 --> 00:51:20,715
I'm gonna kick your ass.
1240
00:51:23,814 --> 00:51:25,225
He is losing this fight!
1241
00:51:27,551 --> 00:51:29,428
God! I can see your nipple!
1242
00:51:33,557 --> 00:51:34,661
Get your butt out of my face!
1243
00:51:39,729 --> 00:51:42,972
Well, thank you so much.
1244
00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:45,036
I definitely needed this.
1245
00:51:45,202 --> 00:51:48,012
I know. Bring this gift
into your marriage.
1246
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:52,247
-All you need is load-bearing ribbons.
-Okay.
1247
00:51:52,409 --> 00:51:54,912
And a reinforced ceiling.
1248
00:51:54,978 --> 00:51:56,252
I should warn you...
1249
00:51:56,379 --> 00:52:00,452
you may experience some
aftershock orgasms.
1250
00:52:02,052 --> 00:52:05,226
So, I wouldn't operate any heavy
machinery for a couple weeks.
1251
00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:07,994
That is not a euphemism
for penis. I mean like...
1252
00:52:08,158 --> 00:52:12,607
-tractors, cranes, big boats.
-Okay.
1253
00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:14,435
Good to know.
1254
00:52:14,598 --> 00:52:16,942
-And please hydrate.
-Okay.
1255
00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:21,173
I cannot stress this enough.
The consequences could be...
1256
00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:23,884
You could develop cancer.
1257
00:52:25,408 --> 00:52:26,716
You have a very good friend.
1258
00:52:32,082 --> 00:52:34,562
Wait, you did that?
1259
00:52:34,918 --> 00:52:37,831
Yeah, well, I felt so bad
about your fucked up face...
1260
00:52:37,888 --> 00:52:39,299
and I wanted to
make it up to you.
1261
00:52:39,923 --> 00:52:41,266
Thank you.
1262
00:52:41,591 --> 00:52:44,435
Hey, who needs a bachelorette
party when they have you around?
1263
00:52:45,795 --> 00:52:47,706
-He rubbed my butt.
-Yeah?
1264
00:52:47,764 --> 00:52:49,539
But with his butt.
1265
00:52:49,699 --> 00:52:52,305
It was like...
He was on ribbons.
1266
00:52:53,603 --> 00:52:55,207
I don't know what you did
with Jeanie in the spa...
1267
00:52:55,272 --> 00:52:56,876
but she's in a great mood.
1268
00:52:56,940 --> 00:52:59,443
Yeah, no problem.
She just needed a release.
1269
00:52:59,609 --> 00:53:01,953
I had an idea for
your graphic novel.
1270
00:53:02,112 --> 00:53:04,388
I thought you could do
like a Rum character,
1271
00:53:04,447 --> 00:53:05,949
who's like Rastafarian,
and he's like...
1272
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:09,819
"I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum,
and I play the steel drum."
1273
00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:12,590
"You can rum,
but you cannot hide, mon."
1274
00:53:12,756 --> 00:53:15,259
Yeah, that's awesome.
Already, that's so amazing.
1275
00:53:15,425 --> 00:53:17,735
No, that's such a good idea.
How did I not think of that?
1276
00:53:19,763 --> 00:53:23,802
I think when I get back, I'm gonna
stop selling liquor with Mike...
1277
00:53:23,967 --> 00:53:25,446
and start drawing full time.
1278
00:53:25,602 --> 00:53:27,081
-Really?
-Yeah.
1279
00:53:27,237 --> 00:53:28,739
That's amazing.
1280
00:53:28,905 --> 00:53:31,112
Do you know how few people
know what they really wanna do?
1281
00:53:31,274 --> 00:53:33,447
But then I think about what Mike's
gonna think about it all...
1282
00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:35,490
and he's gonna hate that idea.
1283
00:53:35,645 --> 00:53:37,352
He's so clingy.
1284
00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:40,358
When we were kids,
if I fell asleep before Mike...
1285
00:53:40,417 --> 00:53:42,488
he would always wake me up
so he wouldn't feel alone.
1286
00:53:42,652 --> 00:53:44,495
-That's kinda sweet.
-Yeah.
1287
00:53:44,654 --> 00:53:46,292
I don't know. I just...
1288
00:53:50,093 --> 00:53:51,470
Do you ever get that feeling...
1289
00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:55,132
that you're not good enough
to get what you really want...
1290
00:53:55,298 --> 00:53:57,107
so you're too scared to try?
1291
00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:00,143
All the time.
1292
00:54:00,837 --> 00:54:03,613
-Really?
-Like, all the time. it's terrifying.
1293
00:54:03,773 --> 00:54:05,650
-It is, it's terrifying.
-Yeah.
1294
00:54:05,809 --> 00:54:06,810
You're, like, stuck.
1295
00:54:06,977 --> 00:54:08,615
-Totally.
-Yeah.
1296
00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:10,280
Thanks. it's nice talking to you
about this.
1297
00:54:23,660 --> 00:54:25,105
Hey. where you going?
1298
00:54:25,161 --> 00:54:27,573
Is there a gang bang in the
ballroom you need to emcee?
1299
00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:29,110
Don't be such a drama king.
1300
00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:30,906
Yeah, I'm totally overreacting.
1301
00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,375
When you invite someone
to a wedding...
1302
00:54:32,535 --> 00:54:34,811
they obviously are supposed to
finger diddle your family members.
1303
00:54:34,871 --> 00:54:35,872
That's common courtesy!
1304
00:54:36,039 --> 00:54:38,315
Okay, hold up.
Lam a grown-ass woman.
1305
00:54:38,508 --> 00:54:40,545
I can finger diddle
whomever I want.
1306
00:54:40,677 --> 00:54:43,180
Just because you say "whomever"
does not make it okay.
1307
00:54:43,346 --> 00:54:46,816
It's not a big deal.
It's just like texting someone.
1308
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:48,996
It's just like Tinder.
1309
00:54:49,152 --> 00:54:53,623
Swipe right, swipe right, swipe
left. Swipe left, swipe right.
1310
00:54:53,690 --> 00:54:55,499
That's very graphic.
That is...
1311
00:54:55,558 --> 00:54:58,698
Rotating your photos. Expanding
them, contracting them.
1312
00:54:58,862 --> 00:55:01,399
Are you deliberately trying to hurt
me? Is that what you're doing?
1313
00:55:01,564 --> 00:55:04,101
What? No! I was just trying
to get RiRi tickets...
1314
00:55:04,167 --> 00:55:06,113
to make my best friend
feel better, okay?
1315
00:55:06,269 --> 00:55:07,771
We're on Va cay.
1316
00:55:09,839 --> 00:55:10,840
No...
1317
00:55:11,007 --> 00:55:14,716
You are invited to my sister's wedding.
You're supposed to smile, nod...
1318
00:55:14,878 --> 00:55:16,084
and do what I want you to do.
1319
00:55:16,246 --> 00:55:17,247
That's the deal.
1320
00:55:17,881 --> 00:55:19,690
I thought that we
had a connection.
1321
00:55:20,250 --> 00:55:21,251
Like a spark.
1322
00:55:21,418 --> 00:55:24,365
You thought you were gonna bring me here
so that you could have sex with me.
1323
00:55:24,688 --> 00:55:27,168
Yes. No! What? Yeah, right.
1324
00:55:27,223 --> 00:55:28,224
Really?
1325
00:55:30,193 --> 00:55:31,900
Yes, obviously.
1326
00:55:32,062 --> 00:55:34,099
You are so hot.
And you smell good.
1327
00:55:34,264 --> 00:55:36,039
It's not a weird thing that I
wanna have sex with you...
1328
00:55:36,199 --> 00:55:38,145
because you are very sexy...
1329
00:55:38,301 --> 00:55:40,406
and you were leading me on,
and we are in Hawaii...
1330
00:55:40,570 --> 00:55:42,447
which is a sexy place,
and people have sex here.
1331
00:55:42,605 --> 00:55:44,915
God, dude, you built this
all up in your head.
1332
00:55:45,075 --> 00:55:46,952
Alice and I just
saw you on TV...
1333
00:55:47,143 --> 00:55:48,918
-wanted to go to Hawaii.
-Hold up.
1334
00:55:49,946 --> 00:55:50,947
Fuck.
1335
00:55:51,114 --> 00:55:52,115
You saw us on TV?
1336
00:55:52,282 --> 00:55:54,284
No, I don't even watch
Wendy Williams.
1337
00:55:59,556 --> 00:56:00,557
What?
1338
00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:03,327
What?
1339
00:56:03,426 --> 00:56:04,734
I thought you dug me.
1340
00:56:04,894 --> 00:56:06,168
Are you even a teacher?
1341
00:56:09,165 --> 00:56:10,166
No.
1342
00:56:10,333 --> 00:56:11,334
What about little Julio...
1343
00:56:11,501 --> 00:56:13,640
the dyslexic boy
who you taught how to read?
1344
00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:16,181
Made it up.
All of it.
1345
00:56:16,339 --> 00:56:18,615
Although I did have sex
with this guy name Julio once...
1346
00:56:18,775 --> 00:56:20,277
and I'm pretty sure
he couldn't read.
1347
00:56:21,244 --> 00:56:23,747
Here I thought you were Michelle
Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds.
1348
00:56:23,913 --> 00:56:26,086
Turns out, you're Michelle
Pfeiffer from Scarf ace.
1349
00:56:26,783 --> 00:56:28,194
And you didn't even
1350
00:56:28,351 --> 00:56:31,730
say hello to my little friend.
1351
00:56:36,292 --> 00:56:38,169
Come on, man.
1352
00:56:39,195 --> 00:56:40,299
Mike.
1353
00:56:53,977 --> 00:56:55,786
I'm really sorry...
1354
00:56:56,946 --> 00:56:58,983
I've been acting crazy.
1355
00:56:59,315 --> 00:57:01,955
It's probably about Luke, my ex.
1356
00:57:02,018 --> 00:57:05,192
Yeah. The guy who
died in the plane crash...
1357
00:57:05,855 --> 00:57:07,994
with cancer, and
AIDS, and stuff.
1358
00:57:08,158 --> 00:57:09,865
Yeah, that's the one.
1359
00:57:10,527 --> 00:57:12,666
Except none of that stuff
happened, 'cause...
1360
00:57:16,466 --> 00:57:18,070
I lied.
1361
00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:19,135
You lied?
1362
00:57:21,271 --> 00:57:22,375
I can't do this.
1363
00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,440
Wait.
1364
00:57:23,540 --> 00:57:24,575
Sorry.
1365
00:57:24,674 --> 00:57:27,348
-That's okay. That's okay.
-Sorry everyone.
1366
00:57:27,410 --> 00:57:30,584
[just forgot my phone.
Can I grab my phone?
1367
00:57:31,314 --> 00:57:33,555
Sorry, I still don't
want to get married.
1368
00:57:36,219 --> 00:57:37,357
My gosh.
1369
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:40,399
That's almost as bad
as the plane crash story.
1370
00:57:41,224 --> 00:57:42,703
Why didn't you just tell me?
1371
00:57:44,694 --> 00:57:46,867
I didn't want you to think
I was damaged goods.
1372
00:57:48,064 --> 00:57:49,839
I would never think that.
1373
00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:51,873
"Love hurts.
1374
00:57:52,869 --> 00:57:54,542
"Love scars.
1375
00:57:54,704 --> 00:57:58,516
"Love wounds, and mars."
1376
00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,718
That's from a really old song,
for old people.
1377
00:58:05,014 --> 00:58:06,789
Why are you so nice?
1378
00:58:09,786 --> 00:58:11,732
'Cause I think you're nice.
1379
00:58:18,962 --> 00:58:19,963
David!
1380
00:58:20,864 --> 00:58:23,538
David, I need you here
with me now. Come on.
1381
00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:24,940
No. No.
1382
00:58:25,368 --> 00:58:27,746
Stangles, assemble. Now!
1383
00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:29,611
-Let's go.
-Is he okay?
1384
00:58:29,706 --> 00:58:30,707
Yeah, I think he's fine.
1385
00:58:30,773 --> 00:58:31,774
He's just got a lot on his mind.
1386
00:58:31,941 --> 00:58:32,976
Let's go!
1387
00:58:33,042 --> 00:58:34,612
Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez.
1388
00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:38,619
I...
1389
00:58:38,715 --> 00:58:40,626
You gave me a boost up.
Okay.
1390
00:58:48,324 --> 00:58:49,803
A line has been drawn, David.
1391
00:58:50,059 --> 00:58:52,562
A clear line in the sand.
1392
00:58:52,629 --> 00:58:54,233
Is that why you brought me
all the way down here...
1393
00:58:54,297 --> 00:58:56,436
so you could literally
draw a line in the sand?
1394
00:58:56,499 --> 00:58:57,705
I'm a visual thinker, David.
1395
00:58:57,767 --> 00:58:59,075
-God damn it!
-Son of a...
1396
00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:03,180
These girls, they've gotta go.
1397
00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:07,415
They pretended to dig us just
to get a free trip to Hawaii.
1398
00:59:07,577 --> 00:59:08,851
They're liars!
1399
00:59:09,012 --> 00:59:11,083
So what, man? So they lied.
1400
00:59:11,514 --> 00:59:12,925
I was talking to Alice.
1401
00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:14,928
You have no idea
what this girl's been through.
1402
00:59:15,084 --> 00:59:17,587
She needed this trip.
We might have saved her life.
1403
00:59:17,954 --> 00:59:20,867
We should be practicing
our speech for tonight.
1404
00:59:20,924 --> 00:59:23,336
Not babysitting the twins
from The Shining.
1405
00:59:26,195 --> 00:59:27,674
My God.
1406
00:59:27,830 --> 00:59:29,173
Why are you laughing at me?
1407
00:59:29,499 --> 00:59:31,445
You sound like mom and dad
when they're talking about us.
1408
00:59:31,501 --> 00:59:33,447
Well, no, fuck that noise.
1409
00:59:35,672 --> 00:59:37,208
Guess what! You're
gonna love this.
1410
00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:41,287
Tatiana was jerking
off our cousin Terry.
1411
00:59:41,444 --> 00:59:43,117
What?
1412
00:59:43,179 --> 00:59:44,317
Cousin Terry has a dick?
1413
00:59:44,647 --> 00:59:46,251
No, not "jerking
off" jerking off.
1414
00:59:46,316 --> 00:59:48,489
The female version of jerking.
1415
00:59:48,651 --> 00:59:50,324
Dude, let's just chill out...
1416
00:59:50,486 --> 00:59:52,625
focus on Jeanie,
and try not to be assholes...
1417
00:59:52,789 --> 00:59:54,132
for the rest of the weekend,
okay? Can we do that?
1418
00:59:54,190 --> 00:59:55,828
I can't do that, David.
1419
00:59:56,225 --> 00:59:58,296
Because I saw our
little sister...
1420
00:59:59,128 --> 01:00:00,129
What?
1421
01:00:01,030 --> 01:00:03,408
Well, let's just say
she was making this face...
1422
01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,509
What? She saw a ghost?
1423
01:00:09,639 --> 01:00:11,050
She really had to pee?
1424
01:00:12,408 --> 01:00:13,409
Doing vocal warmups?
1425
01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:15,950
What are you doing? It looks
like you're having an orgasm.
1426
01:00:16,012 --> 01:00:19,357
She was, David!
With the masseuse.
1427
01:00:19,882 --> 01:00:21,225
-What!
-Yes!
1428
01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:22,555
My God!
1429
01:00:22,685 --> 01:00:24,858
-She orgasms like a star.
-No!
1430
01:00:24,921 --> 01:00:26,093
What's next?
1431
01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:30,827
I'm gonna walk in on mom
giving dad a Push Pop?
1432
01:00:31,494 --> 01:00:32,529
What's a Push Pop?
1433
01:00:32,662 --> 01:00:36,007
I made it up, Dave. It's a
sexual term that I just made up.
1434
01:00:36,165 --> 01:00:38,702
-What's a Push Pop?
-I don't know.
1435
01:00:38,768 --> 01:00:40,645
-What's a Push Pop?
-I don't know!
1436
01:00:40,703 --> 01:00:41,943
What's a Push Pop?
1437
01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:44,508
I've been to the bowels of the Internet,
and I've never seen a Push Pop.
1438
01:00:44,674 --> 01:00:46,244
God,just tell me!
What's a Push Pop?
1439
01:00:46,409 --> 01:00:48,355
It's a whole hand
up an ass, David.
1440
01:00:48,511 --> 01:00:50,422
Is that what you want me to say?
1441
01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:53,959
-God!
-Two hands pushin' the pop.
1442
01:00:54,050 --> 01:00:56,121
-God.
-Is that what you want me to say?
1443
01:00:56,219 --> 01:00:57,755
I'll send you some links.
1444
01:01:17,140 --> 01:01:19,245
-We're at table two.
-I'll be at the bar.
1445
01:01:19,409 --> 01:01:20,945
-I said table two.
-I'll be at the bar!
1446
01:01:21,110 --> 01:01:22,282
You're out of control!
1447
01:01:23,112 --> 01:01:24,113
Thank you.
1448
01:01:25,248 --> 01:01:26,818
Trouble in paradise?
1449
01:01:30,987 --> 01:01:33,866
Freaking I don't care
if I cause a scene.
1450
01:01:34,023 --> 01:01:37,971
Freaking I will punch you 17,000
times in the face. Freaking.
1451
01:01:38,127 --> 01:01:39,128
Take a shot.
1452
01:01:39,629 --> 01:01:42,200
You look like Don Johnson
fucked Zack Morris.
1453
01:01:42,932 --> 01:01:45,811
Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty
speech after my crazy dope one.
1454
01:01:45,968 --> 01:01:47,345
She's never gonna
touch your baby bird again.
1455
01:01:49,439 --> 01:01:51,112
Thriller-Terry out!
1456
01:01:52,775 --> 01:01:54,277
So sad!
1457
01:01:54,444 --> 01:01:55,684
My God.
It's a movie about cameras
1458
01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,052
just following you everywhere.
1459
01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,624
-Like The Truman Show.
-Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show!
1460
01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:01,389
Hey, Dave! Dave!
1461
01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:02,791
Hey, what's up?
1462
01:02:02,952 --> 01:02:05,626
I need you to come backstage right
now and practice the speech.
1463
01:02:06,989 --> 01:02:09,060
Dude, I'm kind of
talking to Alice right now.
1464
01:02:09,225 --> 01:02:10,966
Which is a conversation
you've now interrupted twice.
1465
01:02:11,127 --> 01:02:12,333
Our speech needs to kill.
1466
01:02:12,495 --> 01:02:14,532
Terry got a punch
up from Chris Rock.
1467
01:02:14,797 --> 01:02:17,243
I didn't want to tell you before because
I didn't want you to freak out.
1468
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,401
I'm not freaking out.
1469
01:02:18,534 --> 01:02:19,877
Calm the fuck down, Dave!
1470
01:02:20,036 --> 01:02:21,174
You calm the fuck down!
1471
01:02:21,337 --> 01:02:23,112
Mike, you look like
your face is gonna pop.
1472
01:02:23,339 --> 01:02:25,148
You gonna come or what?
1473
01:02:25,208 --> 01:02:26,619
Let's go.
1474
01:02:26,676 --> 01:02:28,349
I'll see you backstage.
1475
01:02:31,881 --> 01:02:33,986
-I'm gonna go deal with this real quick.
-Okay.
1476
01:02:34,050 --> 01:02:35,996
I'll just talk to myself
for a while. All alone.
1477
01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:41,030
look an your stupid face!
1478
01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:42,626
What's wrong with me?
1479
01:02:42,692 --> 01:02:44,365
Dan't fucking look at her.
Turn around.
1480
01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:45,838
Everybody get the
fuck out of here.
1481
01:02:45,895 --> 01:02:47,238
Fuck you, Luke.
1482
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,168
I'm just gonna have
a little lie down, okay?
1483
01:03:02,145 --> 01:03:03,317
Hi!
1484
01:03:03,479 --> 01:03:04,924
"Hi!
"Hi!
1485
01:03:04,981 --> 01:03:07,120
Did you need to
take a little breather, too?
1486
01:03:07,183 --> 01:03:08,685
No. Why? Are you?
1487
01:03:08,751 --> 01:03:10,230
Well...
1488
01:03:10,953 --> 01:03:14,332
You know, you think that
every moment is going to feel...
1489
01:03:14,390 --> 01:03:16,700
warm and glowy...
1490
01:03:16,759 --> 01:03:18,602
and absolutely magical.
1491
01:03:18,661 --> 01:03:21,608
But, then, some stuff happens.
1492
01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:23,770
-Sure does.
-Yeah.
1493
01:03:26,169 --> 01:03:29,378
Well, if you want
warm, glowy and magical...
1494
01:03:30,239 --> 01:03:31,309
I have just the thing.
1495
01:03:31,941 --> 01:03:33,113
I don't leave home without it.
1496
01:03:37,580 --> 01:03:40,220
Every bride deserves to have a little
fun the night before her wedding!
1497
01:03:40,283 --> 01:03:42,263
Yeah. I deserve to
have a little fun.
1498
01:03:43,486 --> 01:03:45,227
You are so nice to me.
1499
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,562
This is gonna be so much fun!
1500
01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:53,102
We should find
something to suck on.
1501
01:03:53,162 --> 01:03:54,163
What?
1502
01:03:54,230 --> 01:03:55,231
Mike!
1503
01:03:55,298 --> 01:03:56,470
Here. Put these on.
1504
01:03:57,366 --> 01:03:58,538
-We need headsets?
-Yeah!
1505
01:03:58,901 --> 01:04:01,211
There's a lot of dancing
in our speech, my man. Right?
1506
01:04:01,270 --> 01:04:02,476
Gotta go hands free.
1507
01:04:02,538 --> 01:04:04,108
This is how we do it, baby.
1508
01:04:04,173 --> 01:04:06,210
Come on. Hey, check this out.
1509
01:04:06,275 --> 01:04:08,346
I'm going to "wedding
crash" cousin Terry.
1510
01:04:08,411 --> 01:04:09,481
What?
1511
01:04:09,545 --> 01:04:10,580
Put a few eye drops
in her drink.
1512
01:04:10,646 --> 01:04:12,421
That way she shits all night,
and can't do the speech.
1513
01:04:12,481 --> 01:04:13,653
Just like in the movie
Wedding Crashers.
1514
01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:15,591
Mike, that is a terrible idea.
1515
01:04:15,651 --> 01:04:17,927
-You've seen the movie!
-Of course I've seen the movie.
1516
01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:19,898
-You love that movie.
-Everyone loves that movie.
1517
01:04:19,956 --> 01:04:21,401
How's it a bad idea
if you love the movie?
1518
01:04:21,457 --> 01:04:23,437
I love Taken. I don't want
to go steal little girls.
1519
01:04:23,492 --> 01:04:25,199
But we shouldn't wedding crash
our own cousin.
1520
01:04:25,261 --> 01:04:26,501
I'm worried about you, man.
1521
01:04:26,562 --> 01:04:28,439
I'm really worried
that you're losing your mind.
1522
01:04:28,564 --> 01:04:30,168
The look in your
eyes right now...
1523
01:04:30,399 --> 01:04:32,379
You haven't blinked
since we've started talking.
1524
01:04:32,435 --> 01:04:33,880
Davie, Davie, Davie!
1525
01:04:34,103 --> 01:04:35,173
What?
1526
01:04:35,571 --> 01:04:38,177
I've never been in more control
in my entire life.
1527
01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:41,984
Mike!
1528
01:04:42,111 --> 01:04:43,920
Mike!
1529
01:04:44,447 --> 01:04:45,824
This is really intense.
1530
01:04:46,449 --> 01:04:48,087
Yeah, it's hitting
me really hard.
1531
01:04:48,150 --> 01:04:50,027
This is good ecstasy.
1532
01:04:50,486 --> 01:04:52,295
I don't know. I wouldn't know.
It's my first time.
1533
01:04:52,488 --> 01:04:53,899
-Wait, what?
-What?
1534
01:04:53,956 --> 01:04:56,300
Why would you take ecstasy
for the first time
1535
01:04:56,359 --> 01:04:57,804
on the night before
your wedding?
1536
01:04:57,860 --> 01:04:58,861
What?
1537
01:04:58,961 --> 01:05:00,338
That is so baller!
1538
01:05:01,163 --> 01:05:03,040
Like a tiny blonde gangsta!
1539
01:05:03,165 --> 01:05:05,509
This little gangsta would kill
for a motherfucking ginger ale!
1540
01:05:06,669 --> 01:05:07,739
Do you wanna go?
1541
01:05:07,837 --> 01:05:09,316
Okay, let's go.
1542
01:05:09,372 --> 01:05:11,215
Hello, everyone. Please
take your seats.
1543
01:05:11,607 --> 01:05:13,484
Welcome to the
rehearsal dinner...
1544
01:05:14,243 --> 01:05:15,916
for my man, Eric...
1545
01:05:16,012 --> 01:05:18,356
and his bride-to-be,
the lovely Jeanie.
1546
01:05:18,447 --> 01:05:21,360
They're two of the sweetest,
best people I ever met.
1547
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:23,760
All right. Our first
speaker tonight...
1548
01:05:23,853 --> 01:05:25,662
is resident nasty girl...
1549
01:05:25,721 --> 01:05:26,859
Cousin Terry.
1550
01:05:28,257 --> 01:05:29,793
We can't let Terry crush.
1551
01:05:30,092 --> 01:05:31,162
It's not fair!
1552
01:05:31,227 --> 01:05:32,433
No. Give it to me.
1553
01:05:32,528 --> 01:05:34,235
My eyes are dry.
Just give it to me.
1554
01:05:34,630 --> 01:05:36,234
Do you guys know
who Chris Rock is?
1555
01:05:36,799 --> 01:05:39,837
He's my neighbor, and he helped me out
with a little something I like to call...
1556
01:05:40,102 --> 01:05:41,479
"mV Speech?
1557
01:05:41,537 --> 01:05:44,177
Stop. You're wasting it.
You're wasting the poison.
1558
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:45,378
Mike, this is baby safe.
1559
01:05:45,441 --> 01:05:48,422
They removed the active ingredient,
Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago!
1560
01:05:48,477 --> 01:05:49,717
It worked on Wedding Crashers!
1561
01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:51,315
That was not real life!
1562
01:05:51,380 --> 01:05:53,986
Now let's talk about
destination weddings!
1563
01:05:54,650 --> 01:05:56,129
It's like a vacation...
1564
01:05:56,185 --> 01:05:58,028
without the relaxation!
1565
01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:00,894
That's true.
1566
01:06:00,957 --> 01:06:01,958
Why aren't you on my side, Dave?
1567
01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:03,426
What?
1568
01:06:03,492 --> 01:06:05,904
I'm done with this shit, man.
I'm not doing our stupid speech.
1569
01:06:06,128 --> 01:06:08,335
In fact, I'm quitting
our liquor business.
1570
01:06:08,397 --> 01:06:09,501
There it is!
1571
01:06:09,732 --> 01:06:10,802
-Really?
-Yeah.
1572
01:06:10,900 --> 01:06:12,004
And what are you gonna do?
1573
01:06:12,134 --> 01:06:13,511
I'm gonna draw!
1574
01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,709
I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and
Mom's gonna help me cover the rent.
1575
01:06:16,772 --> 01:06:17,842
Boom!
1576
01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:19,075
You traitor!
1577
01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:20,176
I ain't gotta rehearse!
1578
01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,519
I know how to eat dinner.
1579
01:06:25,681 --> 01:06:26,716
Keith, can you turn
me up a little bit?
1580
01:06:27,616 --> 01:06:29,118
You turn your back an me...
1581
01:06:29,285 --> 01:06:30,628
when everyone else does.
1582
01:06:30,853 --> 01:06:31,957
Ba cks tabbing, treacherous...
1583
01:06:32,655 --> 01:06:33,861
lying coward!
1584
01:06:34,090 --> 01:06:35,364
I don't think they
know they're on.
1585
01:06:35,424 --> 01:06:36,835
What? Where is that coming from?
1586
01:06:37,193 --> 01:06:38,433
I don't know what I did!
1587
01:06:38,527 --> 01:06:39,870
It doesn't matter, Mike.
1588
01:06:39,929 --> 01:06:41,340
You're losing your mind.
1589
01:06:41,530 --> 01:06:43,476
You just tried to poison
our cousin Terry!
1590
01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,074
Try a little harder. Am I right?
1591
01:06:46,135 --> 01:06:47,307
You're goddamn right I did.
1592
01:06:47,370 --> 01:06:50,408
Because I wanted her to shit hot
brown poop all over that stage.
1593
01:06:51,307 --> 01:06:52,684
That is unacceptable.
1594
01:06:52,742 --> 01:06:54,619
The mics are on, boys.
1595
01:06:54,677 --> 01:06:57,590
I wanted her butt to explode
like a rotten cantaloupe.
1596
01:06:57,646 --> 01:06:58,852
The mics are on!
1597
01:06:58,914 --> 01:07:01,986
You're just fucking pissed off because
Tatiana finger diddled Terry.
1598
01:07:02,218 --> 01:07:03,959
There it is!
1599
01:07:05,421 --> 01:07:06,991
It was for tickets to Rihanna.
1600
01:07:07,123 --> 01:07:09,034
You're sad, man. You are sad.
1601
01:07:09,425 --> 01:07:12,031
I'm gonna kick your ass
just like when we were kids.
1602
01:07:16,599 --> 01:07:17,873
My God!
1603
01:07:20,102 --> 01:07:21,376
-Do you wanna go?
-Don't do it!
1604
01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:22,677
These are coming your way.
1605
01:07:22,738 --> 01:07:23,773
Just stop!
1606
01:07:24,907 --> 01:07:26,580
God! That had to hurt.
1607
01:07:26,909 --> 01:07:28,217
Don't do it again.
1608
01:07:31,947 --> 01:07:33,187
Why do you keep punching me?
1609
01:07:33,249 --> 01:07:34,660
DAVE". Why do you
keep rushing at me?
1610
01:07:34,817 --> 01:07:35,989
Get him, Dave.
1611
01:07:36,085 --> 01:07:37,223
Who said that?
1612
01:07:37,286 --> 01:07:38,924
This wedding is going to hell!
1613
01:07:39,021 --> 01:07:40,193
Yes.
1614
01:07:40,256 --> 01:07:42,361
They're out there,
smiling like fucking idiots.
1615
01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:45,098
And they don't
realize the bride...
1616
01:07:45,261 --> 01:07:47,207
is getting off at
massage parlors...
1617
01:07:47,263 --> 01:07:49,573
like a goddamn
Vietnam War veteran.
1618
01:07:51,133 --> 01:07:53,670
I think they misunderstood what happened.
I think they just misunderstood.
1619
01:07:53,736 --> 01:07:55,875
I walked in and saw
little Jeanie...
1620
01:07:55,938 --> 01:07:57,747
the bride-to-be, orgasming.
1621
01:07:57,807 --> 01:08:00,219
The masseuse got her off.
1622
01:08:00,276 --> 01:08:01,653
God damn it!
1623
01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:02,780
Jeanie!
1624
01:08:03,212 --> 01:08:04,213
I hate you!
1625
01:08:18,294 --> 01:08:20,103
The rehearsal dinner is over.
1626
01:08:20,796 --> 01:08:23,800
Drinks by the pool, everybody.
Drinks by the pool.
1627
01:08:27,436 --> 01:08:29,973
Everything feels so good, right?
1628
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,107
Yep.
1629
01:08:31,507 --> 01:08:33,043
You know what
I've been thinking about a lot?
1630
01:08:33,109 --> 01:08:34,179
Tell me.
1631
01:08:34,276 --> 01:08:36,222
Eric is so sweet and sensitive.
1632
01:08:36,278 --> 01:08:38,315
Kind, good, fianc.
1633
01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:39,916
Probably great husband
and stuff, but...
1634
01:08:41,016 --> 01:08:42,825
Do you think Eric is boring?
1635
01:08:42,885 --> 01:08:43,955
Boring?
1636
01:08:44,019 --> 01:08:45,191
Like for my honeymoon...
1637
01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,760
all I wanted to do
was go on a hot air balloon...
1638
01:08:47,823 --> 01:08:49,598
to different countries
around the world.
1639
01:08:49,758 --> 01:08:51,965
And just be
surrounded by wicker.
1640
01:08:52,027 --> 01:08:53,529
We could have wicker
picnic baskets...
1641
01:08:53,596 --> 01:08:56,133
and I could make picnic hats
out of wicker.
1642
01:08:56,365 --> 01:08:58,367
We would be wearing
matching Chuck Taylors.
1643
01:08:58,434 --> 01:09:00,277
And he vetoed it.
1644
01:09:00,703 --> 01:09:03,081
Because he wants to go
to a resort, and just...
1645
01:09:05,174 --> 01:09:06,744
-perch.
-What?
1646
01:09:06,809 --> 01:09:07,913
I am a young woman...
1647
01:09:07,977 --> 01:09:10,253
-Preach!
-There is so much for me to see.
1648
01:09:10,312 --> 01:09:12,622
-Yes.
-I haven't even been to Burning Man.
1649
01:09:13,082 --> 01:09:15,289
I don't even know what
Amsterdam is like.
1650
01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,388
I haven't been to Seattle.
1651
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:18,794
You've never been to Seattle?
1652
01:09:18,854 --> 01:09:19,889
No!
1653
01:09:19,955 --> 01:09:22,333
-Seattle's gonna change your fucking life!
-Really?
1654
01:09:22,424 --> 01:09:23,664
You need to get
out of this cage!
1655
01:09:23,726 --> 01:09:24,796
I am in a cage...
1656
01:09:24,860 --> 01:09:27,340
just like these
horses are caged.
1657
01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:29,407
Just let them out.
1658
01:09:32,067 --> 01:09:33,171
Let them all out.
1659
01:09:39,575 --> 01:09:42,215
Be free! No one can
hold you down!
1660
01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:45,418
Be free, my friends!
Follow your dreams!
1661
01:10:11,006 --> 01:10:12,246
Here to pile on?
1662
01:10:12,608 --> 01:10:13,609
Go ahead.
1663
01:10:13,709 --> 01:10:15,017
Any insult you can think of...
1664
01:10:15,077 --> 01:10:16,579
I've probably told myself
a million times.
1665
01:10:16,712 --> 01:10:18,385
Why were you trying to
poison your cousin?
1666
01:10:20,583 --> 01:10:25,828
I was jealous of the whole
steam room incident.
1667
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:28,698
That is some crazy shit. That's
like something I would do.
1668
01:10:28,924 --> 01:10:30,562
This one time in high school...
1669
01:10:30,626 --> 01:10:32,128
this bitch tried to hit
on my boyfriend...
1670
01:10:32,194 --> 01:10:33,798
and I cut off her ponytail
while she was sleeping...
1671
01:10:33,862 --> 01:10:35,341
and I wore it to
school for a month.
1672
01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:36,535
What the fuck?
1673
01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:38,135
But you tried to
poison your cousin.
1674
01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:54,595
Look. I'm sorry I've been
so rough on you, okay?
1675
01:10:54,817 --> 01:10:58,526
I honestly think it's
because you're so much like me.
1676
01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:00,734
You act all confident...
1677
01:11:00,789 --> 01:11:03,793
but, inside, you're
scared of everything.
1678
01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:05,733
You act like you don't care
what people think...
1679
01:11:05,828 --> 01:11:07,398
but you really care
what people think.
1680
01:11:07,496 --> 01:11:08,736
And you try to act so smart...
1681
01:11:08,797 --> 01:11:10,435
but sometimes...
1682
01:11:10,499 --> 01:11:13,708
you're just afraid you're the
dumbest person in the world.
1683
01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:18,076
I'm so dumb.
1684
01:11:18,574 --> 01:11:22,044
I'm constantly saying words that
I don't know the meaning of.
1685
01:11:22,711 --> 01:11:25,055
Like, I use this
word, "assuage"...
1686
01:11:25,314 --> 01:11:26,691
all the time.
1687
01:11:26,982 --> 01:11:28,928
Can you assuage me the ketchup?
1688
01:11:29,051 --> 01:11:30,962
Can I assuage you
a few questions?
1689
01:11:31,153 --> 01:11:33,963
-Is that the meaning of it?
-I don't know.
1690
01:11:34,056 --> 01:11:35,535
But it's like, I'm so stupid...
1691
01:11:35,591 --> 01:11:37,867
but I act all confident,
so people listen to me.
1692
01:11:37,926 --> 01:11:38,996
And it's fucked up.
1693
01:11:39,194 --> 01:11:41,105
Me, too. I'm a
natural born leader.
1694
01:11:41,330 --> 01:11:43,105
Like George Washington.
1695
01:11:43,165 --> 01:11:44,269
Yeah.
1696
01:11:44,333 --> 01:11:45,573
Or another leader.
1697
01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:54,553
All right, here's one.
1698
01:11:54,610 --> 01:11:56,681
But I'm about to get super real
with you. Okay?
1699
01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:01,788
I thought I was destined
for such great things...
1700
01:12:01,884 --> 01:12:04,558
but I may never
achieve anything.
1701
01:12:08,090 --> 01:12:09,330
Sister.
1702
01:12:10,693 --> 01:12:12,604
Have you been reading my diary?
1703
01:12:21,670 --> 01:12:22,705
Yes.
1704
01:12:23,672 --> 01:12:24,776
Okay.
1705
01:12:37,252 --> 01:12:38,560
You are beautiful!
1706
01:12:38,620 --> 01:12:39,997
On to Seattle!
1707
01:12:40,155 --> 01:12:41,259
Alice?
1708
01:12:42,291 --> 01:12:43,292
Am I glowing?
1709
01:12:43,559 --> 01:12:45,232
I can see sounds
and hear colors.
1710
01:12:45,427 --> 01:12:47,065
Be free!
1711
01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:48,833
What the fuck are the
horses doing out?
1712
01:12:49,765 --> 01:12:51,176
Who the fuck are you guys?
1713
01:12:51,433 --> 01:12:52,639
Fucking gypsies!
1714
01:12:52,801 --> 01:12:54,940
Francisco! Francisco, run!
1715
01:12:55,337 --> 01:12:57,283
Shit!
1716
01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:01,179
Hey.
1717
01:13:01,243 --> 01:13:02,813
Dave! Hi.
1718
01:13:04,446 --> 01:13:05,789
What's up? What's up with you?
1719
01:13:05,848 --> 01:13:08,124
-What's going on? Are you okay?
-Me?
1720
01:13:08,283 --> 01:13:10,422
Yeah. I'm fine.
1721
01:13:12,187 --> 01:13:13,632
Yeah. Well...
1722
01:13:14,189 --> 01:13:15,964
Yeah. See, what
happened was that...
1723
01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:18,469
there was a tsunami,
and it took away our clothes...
1724
01:13:18,527 --> 01:13:19,767
but it brought these horses.
1725
01:13:19,828 --> 01:13:20,829
What?
1726
01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:23,137
And then, we wanted to get naked
because of Lady Godiva...
1727
01:13:23,198 --> 01:13:24,973
but then horses can't
eat chocolate.
1728
01:13:25,134 --> 01:13:27,114
They could have an aneurysm.
1729
01:13:27,269 --> 01:13:28,475
Where's Jeanie?
1730
01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:29,947
Hey, don't yell at her
just because she's the one...
1731
01:13:30,005 --> 01:13:31,609
-that told me to go to Seattle.
-Holy shit!
1732
01:13:31,673 --> 01:13:33,346
-I've always wanted to go!
-My God!
1733
01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,218
That is not her fault.
1734
01:13:35,277 --> 01:13:36,722
-My eyes!
-What's the matter?
1735
01:13:36,879 --> 01:13:38,483
Stop yelling. Why are you
yelling? David, stop yelling.
1736
01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:40,185
You're being loud.
And this a happy time.
1737
01:13:40,349 --> 01:13:41,692
This a really good time.
1738
01:13:41,850 --> 01:13:43,022
There's nothing wrong.
So who's at fault?
1739
01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:45,463
Did you know that Hitler's
parents were second cousins?
1740
01:13:45,654 --> 01:13:47,190
-Do you have any water?
-Put your clothes on!
1741
01:13:47,356 --> 01:13:49,563
I'm a woman, Dave.
Deal with it.
1742
01:13:50,793 --> 01:13:54,502
Because this is the bush
that you came out of.
1743
01:13:54,663 --> 01:13:56,006
I didn't come from that bush.
1744
01:13:56,165 --> 01:13:57,872
I came from Mom's bush.
And you know that.
1745
01:13:58,033 --> 01:13:59,478
Jeanie! My God!
1746
01:13:59,968 --> 01:14:01,345
You're completely naked!
1747
01:14:01,503 --> 01:14:03,847
-Hi, Becky!
-God, your bush is huge.
1748
01:14:04,006 --> 01:14:05,713
-You look tall.
-No, ma'am.
1749
01:14:05,874 --> 01:14:08,286
I told you to stay away
from these bitches.
1750
01:14:08,544 --> 01:14:10,683
Alice, seriously,
are you tripping?
1751
01:14:10,846 --> 01:14:11,847
No. God, no.
1752
01:14:11,914 --> 01:14:14,087
Why would say that? Just because
everything feels really soft?
1753
01:14:14,383 --> 01:14:15,987
Please. Just tell me the truth.
1754
01:14:16,151 --> 01:14:17,221
Are you on drugs?
1755
01:14:18,053 --> 01:14:19,498
We're super fucked up. Yeah.
1756
01:14:19,655 --> 01:14:20,690
What?
1757
01:14:20,756 --> 01:14:23,168
We started with ecstasy, but then
I went into my mystery bags.
1758
01:14:23,325 --> 01:14:24,702
Why the fuck would you do that?
1759
01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,100
Don't you judge me, David.
1760
01:14:26,161 --> 01:14:27,936
I don't think you're supposed to
go into the mystery bag...
1761
01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:29,066
the night before the wedding.
1762
01:14:29,231 --> 01:14:31,370
We brought you here because we
thought you were nice girls.
1763
01:14:31,533 --> 01:14:33,376
But Mike was right
about you two.
1764
01:14:33,535 --> 01:14:35,776
This whole wedding weekend
is just going to shit!
1765
01:14:35,938 --> 01:14:37,747
Dave, I'll be honest with you.
1766
01:14:37,906 --> 01:14:39,044
I need some clothes.
1767
01:14:40,075 --> 01:14:41,554
I can't continue to
wear this horse.
1768
01:14:41,710 --> 01:14:43,246
My God.
1769
01:14:43,779 --> 01:14:45,087
The wind feels so nice.
1770
01:14:45,247 --> 01:14:46,521
Come on, come on, come on.
1771
01:14:47,883 --> 01:14:50,193
We should go in the ocean.
1772
01:14:50,252 --> 01:14:52,391
I'm so thirsty! Dave,
we should get in the ocean.
1773
01:14:52,454 --> 01:14:55,628
Please, please, please,
just be quiet.
1774
01:14:55,691 --> 01:14:57,193
I love this song.
1775
01:14:57,259 --> 01:14:58,602
There's no music playing.
1776
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:00,729
Baby, wait.
1777
01:15:00,896 --> 01:15:02,807
Don't worry. Only
our butts touched.
1778
01:15:02,965 --> 01:15:04,911
Stop it. Don't freak
out anymore, Pumpkin!
1779
01:15:05,067 --> 01:15:07,104
Don't freak out?
Don't freak out?
1780
01:15:07,302 --> 01:15:08,645
Tell me one thing.
1781
01:15:08,871 --> 01:15:10,077
Did you enjoy it?
1782
01:15:10,639 --> 01:15:12,243
No.
1783
01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:14,619
That is such a "yes" no.
1784
01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:15,746
No.
1785
01:15:15,811 --> 01:15:18,223
I'm gonna ask you again.
Did you enjoy it?
1786
01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:19,281
Yes!
1787
01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:20,383
Well...
1788
01:15:20,649 --> 01:15:22,219
Cat's out of the
frigging bag, isn't it?
1789
01:15:22,384 --> 01:15:24,295
I went for a normal massage...
1790
01:15:24,453 --> 01:15:26,490
but Alice, she had asked
for a little special treat.
1791
01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,566
And then it just kept coming,
and coming, and coming, and...
1792
01:15:28,724 --> 01:15:30,829
Who are these fucking girls your
brothers brought to this wedding?
1793
01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:33,797
You are clearly on drugs.
1794
01:15:33,962 --> 01:15:35,441
And we're getting
married tomorrow!
1795
01:15:36,265 --> 01:15:38,108
I'm scared, Pumpkin.
1796
01:15:38,267 --> 01:15:39,507
Aren't you scared?
1797
01:15:39,668 --> 01:15:41,477
Well, yeah, now I am.
1798
01:15:42,004 --> 01:15:43,312
It's just that...
1799
01:15:44,006 --> 01:15:48,455
I'm just a little
worried that you are...
1800
01:15:49,978 --> 01:15:50,979
boring.
1801
01:15:52,514 --> 01:15:53,857
What are you saying?
1802
01:15:54,016 --> 01:15:55,222
You don't want to marry me?
1803
01:16:06,094 --> 01:16:07,368
Well...
1804
01:16:07,529 --> 01:16:09,133
No, she doesn't mean that.
She's just confused...
1805
01:16:09,298 --> 01:16:10,538
because she's just rolling
super hard right now.
1806
01:16:10,699 --> 01:16:11,803
You rolled her!
1807
01:16:11,967 --> 01:16:14,038
-You're the roller!
-I'm so sorry.
1808
01:16:14,202 --> 01:16:16,614
I was gonna draw Rum for you.
But not anymore.
1809
01:16:16,772 --> 01:16:18,752
Everything is not irie, man!
1810
01:16:21,176 --> 01:16:23,782
You've made me so, so sad.
1811
01:16:26,348 --> 01:16:27,725
But a little bit mad.
1812
01:16:28,483 --> 01:16:29,894
But mostly just sad.
1813
01:16:33,855 --> 01:16:35,163
-Dad!
-Don't!
1814
01:16:35,324 --> 01:16:36,735
Mike, for once in your life...
1815
01:16:36,892 --> 01:16:39,873
please don't say a fucking word.
1816
01:17:04,319 --> 01:17:06,094
I hate them sometimes.
1817
01:17:06,254 --> 01:17:07,528
Fucking love them
and they're dicks.
1818
01:17:07,589 --> 01:17:09,330
Sometimes I love them,
sometimes I hate them.
1819
01:17:17,399 --> 01:17:18,400
Everything okay over there?
1820
01:17:18,567 --> 01:17:20,979
I can't find my other sock.
It's pissing me off.
1821
01:17:23,872 --> 01:17:25,613
Did you take my sock, bro?
1822
01:17:25,774 --> 01:17:26,844
No.
1823
01:17:27,342 --> 01:17:29,720
I think you took my
fucking sock, bro.
1824
01:17:31,346 --> 01:17:32,416
God damn it.
1825
01:17:32,547 --> 01:17:34,652
I can't believe Jeanie and Eric
aren't getting married...
1826
01:17:34,783 --> 01:17:36,592
and it's all our fault.
1827
01:17:37,252 --> 01:17:40,233
It's slightly our fault.
1828
01:17:41,189 --> 01:17:43,135
It's totally our fault. Fuck.
1829
01:17:43,291 --> 01:17:45,635
We got selfish. We
got distracted.
1830
01:17:47,229 --> 01:17:50,039
I don't think we were
#DoingltForJeanie at all.
1831
01:17:50,198 --> 01:17:52,075
We weren't #DoingltForJeanie.
1832
01:17:52,234 --> 01:17:55,078
Our fucking little sister.
Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie.
1833
01:17:55,737 --> 01:17:57,614
She is Stanglita.
1834
01:17:57,773 --> 01:18:00,549
The one little girl we used
to let into our Stang Hangs.
1835
01:18:00,709 --> 01:18:01,710
The Stangle Dangle.
1836
01:18:01,777 --> 01:18:03,313
The smallest plane
in the Stangar.
1837
01:18:03,478 --> 01:18:04,616
Don't do it, dude.
1838
01:18:04,780 --> 01:18:06,088
We're supposed to
be her protector.
1839
01:18:06,248 --> 01:18:07,784
Don't you cry.
1840
01:18:07,949 --> 01:18:08,950
We're supposed to
look out for her.
1841
01:18:09,117 --> 01:18:10,289
Stop it.
1842
01:18:10,452 --> 01:18:13,399
We're supposed to be the two dudes
that have her back no matter what.
1843
01:18:13,555 --> 01:18:15,000
If you start, I'm gonna start.
1844
01:18:15,157 --> 01:18:17,433
We broke up her marriage.
1845
01:18:20,228 --> 01:18:23,141
Of course I'm fucking doing it,
man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding.
1846
01:18:23,298 --> 01:18:24,743
I'm doing it, too.
1847
01:18:25,300 --> 01:18:26,677
I hate it.
1848
01:18:39,347 --> 01:18:41,987
Man, we fucked up this wedding.
1849
01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:43,051
Yeah.
1850
01:18:43,218 --> 01:18:45,391
We fucked it in the dick.
1851
01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:48,395
You know I don't like it when
you say that. That's just...
1852
01:18:48,457 --> 01:18:51,165
I know, but we fucked
it so hard. Fuck.
1853
01:18:51,259 --> 01:18:54,433
I think the reason we get
ourselves into so much shit is...
1854
01:18:54,496 --> 01:18:56,567
we're always telling each other
we're so awesome...
1855
01:18:56,832 --> 01:18:59,836
when we're definitely
not being awesome.
1856
01:19:00,001 --> 01:19:01,309
That's deep.
1857
01:19:01,470 --> 01:19:03,279
Yeah, you know what?..
1858
01:19:04,873 --> 01:19:06,716
I wanted you to feel better...
1859
01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:09,048
and get your groove back...
1860
01:19:09,211 --> 01:19:12,351
but not all the way
better to where...
1861
01:19:13,782 --> 01:19:15,784
you wouldn't need me anymore.
1862
01:19:15,951 --> 01:19:18,864
Because if you don't need me...
1863
01:19:20,355 --> 01:19:23,029
then nobody needs me, and...
1864
01:19:23,692 --> 01:19:26,969
Anyway, that's what I was thinking when
I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry.
1865
01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:29,575
Dude, we're always
gonna need each other.
1866
01:19:30,198 --> 01:19:31,199
Okay.
1867
01:19:31,466 --> 01:19:32,843
Okay, here's the thing.
1868
01:19:33,802 --> 01:19:35,509
I don't wanna stop being us.
1869
01:19:35,670 --> 01:19:37,741
But I think occasionally...
1870
01:19:37,906 --> 01:19:42,150
we should think about
how we make other people feel.
1871
01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,447
Like Jeanie?
1872
01:19:45,514 --> 01:19:46,720
Yeah, like Jeanie.
1873
01:19:47,182 --> 01:19:48,889
-Oof.
-Or like Eric.
1874
01:19:49,351 --> 01:19:50,386
Fuck.
1875
01:19:50,552 --> 01:19:52,190
This feels fucking terrible.
1876
01:19:52,354 --> 01:19:54,561
This does not feel good.
1877
01:19:54,756 --> 01:19:57,498
Like, Dave's so special and...
1878
01:19:58,226 --> 01:20:00,604
He must be so mad at me.
1879
01:20:01,029 --> 01:20:02,099
Poor Mike.
1880
01:20:02,264 --> 01:20:05,609
He's less special,
but I played him so hard.
1881
01:20:05,767 --> 01:20:07,212
They must be so mad at us!
1882
01:20:07,369 --> 01:20:09,576
They must hate us. Fuck!
I would hate us.
1883
01:20:09,738 --> 01:20:11,547
I would fucking hate us!
1884
01:20:11,706 --> 01:20:14,050
I hate us, man. I hate us!
1885
01:20:14,209 --> 01:20:15,347
I hate us, too!
1886
01:20:15,510 --> 01:20:17,217
But you're the best, dude.
I love you.
1887
01:20:17,379 --> 01:20:19,723
Don't lump yourself in with me.
1888
01:20:19,881 --> 01:20:21,360
I'm like a little troll...
1889
01:20:21,516 --> 01:20:24,292
who lives on nothing but
river water and squirrel meats.
1890
01:20:24,452 --> 01:20:26,864
Your drawing? I could never
do anything like that.
1891
01:20:27,022 --> 01:20:29,229
-So go. You go right now.
-What?
1892
01:20:29,291 --> 01:20:30,361
Go!
1893
01:20:30,425 --> 01:20:33,804
Don't let your loser older
brother hold you back.
1894
01:20:37,265 --> 01:20:38,608
You are not a loser.
1895
01:20:39,434 --> 01:20:40,936
Thanks, Dave.
1896
01:20:41,102 --> 01:20:42,604
Dude, you introduced me
to the Ninja Turtles.
1897
01:20:42,771 --> 01:20:44,614
Taught me Donatello was a pussy.
1898
01:20:44,773 --> 01:20:46,650
That Raphael was
actually dope...
1899
01:20:46,808 --> 01:20:48,788
because he didn't give a fuck
what people thought.
1900
01:20:48,944 --> 01:20:50,218
He's cool, but rude.
1901
01:20:50,378 --> 01:20:51,618
Exactly.
1902
01:20:51,713 --> 01:20:53,818
When all those kids kicked at me
and they called me "Moist"...
1903
01:20:53,915 --> 01:20:56,794
you stopped eating muffins
at the school lunch for a year.
1904
01:20:56,952 --> 01:20:58,625
They were too moist.
1905
01:20:59,754 --> 01:21:01,665
Made you an easy target.
1906
01:21:01,823 --> 01:21:05,327
You're my brother.
And I love you.
1907
01:21:05,493 --> 01:21:07,063
Heroes in a half shell.
1908
01:21:07,229 --> 01:21:08,333
Turtle power.
1909
01:21:13,401 --> 01:21:15,608
We're not going anywhere...
1910
01:21:15,770 --> 01:21:19,445
until our little sister,
Jeanie Beanie Weanie...
1911
01:21:19,608 --> 01:21:21,315
is getting married.
1912
01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:28,255
You just killed the TV.
1913
01:21:28,783 --> 01:21:30,524
I was aiming for it.
1914
01:21:32,988 --> 01:21:35,798
We are such idiots.
We are so stupid.
1915
01:21:35,957 --> 01:21:37,459
We ruined your whole wedding...
1916
01:21:37,626 --> 01:21:39,333
and we finally just
realized that.
1917
01:21:39,494 --> 01:21:41,474
All right. Please just
stop talking, okay?
1918
01:21:41,630 --> 01:21:44,804
Not another word. My
head hurts so bad.
1919
01:21:44,966 --> 01:21:46,172
Jeanie, Eric.
1920
01:21:46,334 --> 01:21:49,042
We can't let you not get married just
because we fucked everything up.
1921
01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:50,342
We love you so much, Jeanie.
1922
01:21:50,438 --> 01:21:52,509
We love you, Eric. We just want
you guys to love each other.
1923
01:21:52,607 --> 01:21:53,608
-Just love each other.
-That's it.
1924
01:21:55,677 --> 01:21:56,951
Jeanie, Eric.
1925
01:21:57,112 --> 01:21:58,614
We can't let you
not get married.
1926
01:21:58,780 --> 01:22:00,384
Yeah. Just because
we fucked everything up?
1927
01:22:00,548 --> 01:22:01,993
I mean, we want you guys
to love each other.
1928
01:22:02,150 --> 01:22:03,151
Love each other.
1929
01:22:04,319 --> 01:22:07,198
Okay. This is bizarre,
because we literally did that...
1930
01:22:07,355 --> 01:22:08,732
exact same thing.
1931
01:22:08,890 --> 01:22:10,528
We're even doing
this hand motion.
1932
01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:11,864
Yeah, all that was ours.
1933
01:22:12,027 --> 01:22:14,064
The point is,
this shit is all our fault.
1934
01:22:14,229 --> 01:22:15,867
No, it's our fault.
1935
01:22:16,031 --> 01:22:17,704
No, it's definitely our fault.
1936
01:22:17,866 --> 01:22:18,970
It is our fault for sure.
1937
01:22:19,134 --> 01:22:20,135
No, no, no. For real.
1938
01:22:20,302 --> 01:22:21,747
If anything, it's my fault.
1939
01:22:23,471 --> 01:22:25,075
Please stop.
1940
01:22:27,342 --> 01:22:31,449
Everyone shut the fuck up!
1941
01:22:32,113 --> 01:22:34,457
Jesus Hussein Christ.
1942
01:22:34,616 --> 01:22:36,562
God damn it!
1943
01:22:36,685 --> 01:22:38,961
Been trying to read
this same paragraph...
1944
01:22:39,187 --> 01:22:40,495
for 20 minutes.
1945
01:22:40,555 --> 01:22:45,095
But you four fucking morons
keep on fucking with my shit.
1946
01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,432
We've only been here
for three minutes...
1947
01:22:47,495 --> 01:22:48,701
so those other 17 minutes...
1948
01:22:48,763 --> 01:22:49,969
-that's kind of on you...
-Mike!
1949
01:22:50,031 --> 01:22:51,305
I'm using hyperbole.
1950
01:22:51,366 --> 01:22:54,210
I don't know what that means, and
I think you know that I don't.
1951
01:22:54,336 --> 01:22:56,338
Mike, do me a favor.
Shut the fuck up.
1952
01:22:56,404 --> 01:22:57,405
Go Eric.
1953
01:22:57,472 --> 01:22:58,542
Shut up too!
1954
01:22:58,606 --> 01:22:59,880
I mean, God damn it!
1955
01:23:00,041 --> 01:23:03,181
You're all self-absorbed,
barely-functioning...
1956
01:23:03,745 --> 01:23:04,985
codependent weirdos!
1957
01:23:06,147 --> 01:23:07,455
-Yeah.
-I know.
1958
01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:09,654
-That's pretty spot-on.
-We just figured that out.
1959
01:23:09,818 --> 01:23:12,594
-Those are not good qualities.
-We're gonna work on it.
1960
01:23:12,654 --> 01:23:14,656
-It's been a long time.
-It's been so many years.
1961
01:23:14,723 --> 01:23:16,327
We're both very confused.
1962
01:23:16,424 --> 01:23:18,529
No, no. You're not confused.
1963
01:23:18,626 --> 01:23:20,765
You're just coming
down off MDMA.
1964
01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:22,308
Sorry. Which I gave you.
1965
01:23:22,464 --> 01:23:25,138
And Eric, you can't blame her for
anything she said last night.
1966
01:23:25,300 --> 01:23:28,076
I've done so much
stupid shit on E.
1967
01:23:28,236 --> 01:23:30,807
I got so dehydrated that
I was drinking puddle water...
1968
01:23:30,972 --> 01:23:32,144
and I had to go to
the hospital...
1969
01:23:32,307 --> 01:23:34,913
'cause puddles are really dirty.
1970
01:23:35,110 --> 01:23:36,589
One time I was on peyote...
1971
01:23:36,644 --> 01:23:38,920
and I signed up for
a T-Mobile plan.
1972
01:23:38,980 --> 01:23:40,755
One time I got high.
1973
01:23:40,815 --> 01:23:43,318
I read the back of a shampoo
bottle for 13 hours.
1974
01:23:44,352 --> 01:23:45,524
Because it said "repeat."
1975
01:23:45,587 --> 01:23:47,123
-Rinse and repeat.
-I get it.
1976
01:23:47,222 --> 01:23:50,260
Jeanie, I know you think
that Eric can be boring...
1977
01:23:50,525 --> 01:23:53,131
Enough of this talk of boring!
1978
01:23:53,661 --> 01:23:54,731
Damn it!
1979
01:23:54,796 --> 01:23:59,006
Sixty percent of my investments are
in some pretty aggressive stocks.
1980
01:23:59,134 --> 01:24:02,513
I don't always look both ways
when I cross the street.
1981
01:24:02,670 --> 01:24:05,674
I've been known to have
a second glass of wine...
1982
01:24:05,740 --> 01:24:07,583
with my dinner,
every now and then.
1983
01:24:07,642 --> 01:24:09,315
I once went to see a movie...
1984
01:24:09,377 --> 01:24:11,880
walked across the hallway,
saw a second movie.
1985
01:24:11,946 --> 01:24:13,254
Didn't pay till after.
1986
01:24:13,448 --> 01:24:14,620
Is that boring?
1987
01:24:15,116 --> 01:24:16,117
Is that boring?
1988
01:24:16,184 --> 01:24:17,356
-What'd you say?
-Yeah.
1989
01:24:17,419 --> 01:24:18,955
-You're right. We were wrong.
-That was pretty boring.
1990
01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:20,627
Well, how about this for boring?
1991
01:24:22,490 --> 01:24:24,231
Barrl!
1992
01:24:24,325 --> 01:24:25,998
Two hot air balloon tickets
for our honeymoon.
1993
01:24:27,128 --> 01:24:28,402
I know you really
wanted to go...
1994
01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:31,342
so I got these tickets a
while ago to surprise you.
1995
01:24:31,699 --> 01:24:33,542
Surprise.
1996
01:24:36,037 --> 01:24:37,539
Baby, you're so
afraid of heights.
1997
01:24:38,173 --> 01:24:40,619
-Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights.
-Yeah.
1998
01:24:41,042 --> 01:24:43,181
But my biggest fear...
1999
01:24:43,244 --> 01:24:45,383
is to not be the husband
that you deserve.
2000
01:24:46,681 --> 01:24:49,560
Baby, I'm sorry
I fucked so much of this up...
2001
01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:51,389
but I promise that masseuse...
2002
01:24:51,453 --> 01:24:53,455
He didn't touch my
lavender juice box.
2003
01:24:53,521 --> 01:24:55,364
God, baby. I love you.
2004
01:24:55,924 --> 01:24:57,665
And I know I want to marry you.
2005
01:24:57,992 --> 01:25:00,905
Today, if you'll still have me.
2006
01:25:01,396 --> 01:25:03,842
Babe, of course. Are
you kidding me?
2007
01:25:07,302 --> 01:25:08,303
Kiss her.
2008
01:25:08,369 --> 01:25:10,212
Baby, I'm crazy about you.
2009
01:25:24,419 --> 01:25:25,921
I want to marry you right now...
2010
01:25:26,087 --> 01:25:28,033
but, baby, we already canceled
all the vendors.
2011
01:25:28,523 --> 01:25:30,264
I don't think they're going to
let us get married here.
2012
01:25:31,826 --> 01:25:32,896
Leave that to us.
2013
01:25:32,961 --> 01:25:34,031
(Fl BELIEVE III! A THING
CALLED LOVEPLAYING)
2014
01:25:34,362 --> 01:25:36,000
Leave that to all of us.
2015
01:25:37,332 --> 01:25:38,470
-Yeah!
-Let's go, Mike.
2016
01:25:39,100 --> 01:25:40,670
This way! Fuck!
2017
01:25:41,102 --> 01:25:42,581
We'll actually just head around.
2018
01:25:42,837 --> 01:25:44,316
-Girl.
-I'm good.
2019
01:25:44,606 --> 01:25:46,085
So what part you like, brah?
2020
01:25:46,141 --> 01:25:48,314
-We need the whole pig.
-I can't give you a whole pig.
2021
01:25:48,376 --> 01:25:49,912
But we need to feed 100 people.
2022
01:25:50,378 --> 01:25:53,222
Could we please, please
have the wedding here?
2023
01:25:53,281 --> 01:25:55,318
For the last time,
we're out of venues.
2024
01:25:55,450 --> 01:25:57,794
-Hold me back. Hold me back, please.
-What?
2025
01:25:58,052 --> 01:25:59,087
Give us a place!
2026
01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:00,929
Everybody out of the way!
2027
01:26:01,122 --> 01:26:02,795
It's hot. So hot!
2028
01:26:02,857 --> 01:26:04,359
-Out of the fucking way!
-I want my pig back!
2029
01:26:05,126 --> 01:26:06,935
What if I supplied
all the liquor...
2030
01:26:06,995 --> 01:26:08,997
for every bar in this hotel...
2031
01:26:09,063 --> 01:26:11,669
at wholesale prices
for the next three years?
2032
01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:13,610
-Deal.
-Yes! Fuck yes!
2033
01:26:13,801 --> 01:26:15,075
I'll get you guys a venue.
2034
01:26:29,050 --> 01:26:30,051
Keith, get it together.
2035
01:26:30,385 --> 01:26:31,557
We need to move, move, move.
2036
01:26:31,786 --> 01:26:32,856
I'm doing my best.
2037
01:26:36,524 --> 01:26:37,628
Hell yeah!
2038
01:26:55,577 --> 01:26:56,578
And now...
2039
01:26:56,811 --> 01:26:58,154
a reading...
2040
01:26:58,813 --> 01:27:00,952
from the children's book
that I got in the lobby.
2041
01:27:01,249 --> 01:27:02,887
"Aloha moon.
2042
01:27:03,284 --> 01:27:04,957
"Aloha sea.
2043
01:27:05,119 --> 01:27:06,496
"Aloha you.
2044
01:27:07,121 --> 01:27:08,191
"Aloha me."
2045
01:27:08,489 --> 01:27:10,059
-I do.
-I do.
2046
01:27:10,258 --> 01:27:11,601
By the power vested in me...
2047
01:27:11,793 --> 01:27:15,331
by the website
www.beyourowndeacon.com...
2048
01:27:16,264 --> 01:27:19,507
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
2049
01:27:19,801 --> 01:27:21,610
Those assholes kind of did it.
2050
01:27:21,669 --> 01:27:23,080
Yeah.
2051
01:27:23,404 --> 01:27:25,077
Those assholes kind of did.
2052
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:26,446
You may kiss the bride.
2053
01:27:26,507 --> 01:27:28,043
Okay. Kiss the bride.
2054
01:27:28,109 --> 01:27:29,247
Kiss the bride.
2055
01:27:36,584 --> 01:27:37,585
Yaw.!
2056
01:27:49,998 --> 01:27:51,636
-You designed this?
-Yeah.
2057
01:27:51,699 --> 01:27:54,111
Insane. We're at a wedding,
it's in the shape of a heart.
2058
01:27:54,168 --> 01:27:55,738
That was a really good idea.
2059
01:27:55,803 --> 01:27:57,339
I have so many good ideas.
2060
01:27:57,605 --> 01:28:00,279
At my last job, I was
on fire with ideas.
2061
01:28:00,375 --> 01:28:02,548
Actually, I need
a new partner...
2062
01:28:02,877 --> 01:28:06,086
because Dave is bailing on me
to draw things.
2063
01:28:06,547 --> 01:28:08,049
Would you wanna...
2064
01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:09,728
maybe come work for me?
2065
01:28:10,051 --> 01:28:11,052
Really?
2066
01:28:11,319 --> 01:28:12,730
What do you know about liquor?
2067
01:28:13,187 --> 01:28:16,031
Only that it's delicious
and I love it.
2068
01:28:16,157 --> 01:28:17,932
And those are
the two things you need to know.
2069
01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:19,403
You are hired.
2070
01:28:19,460 --> 01:28:21,269
Great. When do I start?
2071
01:28:21,462 --> 01:28:22,702
You can start right away...
2072
01:28:23,164 --> 01:28:25,610
but just know that there will be
some late nights.
2073
01:28:25,700 --> 01:28:27,373
Keep it in your pants, okay?
2074
01:28:27,735 --> 01:28:29,237
If we're going to work together,
let's just...
2075
01:28:29,671 --> 01:28:31,207
keep it professional.
2076
01:28:31,806 --> 01:28:32,876
Okay.
2077
01:28:33,007 --> 01:28:35,283
-We'll keep it professional, then.
-Good.
2078
01:28:35,343 --> 01:28:36,344
-All right.
-Good.
2079
01:28:36,411 --> 01:28:37,446
.0kaV...
.0kaV...
2080
01:28:37,512 --> 01:28:38,513
-Okay.
-Yeah.
2081
01:28:38,579 --> 01:28:40,058
-Are you sure?
-I don't know.
2082
01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:42,586
What?
2083
01:28:44,218 --> 01:28:45,697
-What'd you say?
-What?
2084
01:28:46,220 --> 01:28:48,393
Love me tender
2085
01:28:49,057 --> 01:28:50,900
Love me sweet
2086
01:28:52,894 --> 01:28:54,305
Never let me go
2087
01:28:58,399 --> 01:29:02,472
You have made my life complete
2088
01:29:06,574 --> 01:29:07,575
I don't.
2089
01:29:10,812 --> 01:29:12,621
Love me tender
2090
01:29:13,481 --> 01:29:15,085
Love me true
2091
01:29:17,118 --> 01:29:19,997
All my dreams fulfilled
2092
01:29:23,958 --> 01:29:27,269
For my darlin' I love you
2093
01:29:27,562 --> 01:29:29,371
Tatiana said this
was gonna happen.
2094
01:29:29,630 --> 01:29:30,734
You got my groove back.
2095
01:29:30,798 --> 01:29:31,833
Really?
2096
01:29:31,899 --> 01:29:33,708
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
2097
01:29:40,708 --> 01:29:41,778
I like you.
2098
01:29:48,950 --> 01:29:50,327
Wait. There's people everywhere.
2099
01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:52,456
-Let them watch.
-Okay.
2100
01:29:56,357 --> 01:29:58,098
Hi, everyone.
2101
01:29:58,159 --> 01:30:00,571
Excuse us. Could we have
your attention, please?
2102
01:30:01,963 --> 01:30:04,102
My husband and I...
2103
01:30:04,165 --> 01:30:07,908
want to thank
four very incredible people...
2104
01:30:07,969 --> 01:30:09,744
for saving the day.
2105
01:30:10,037 --> 01:30:13,416
Mike and Da ve ve asked
to say a few words...
2106
01:30:13,674 --> 01:30:15,483
so we would like
to invite them up.
2107
01:30:15,543 --> 01:30:16,578
Come on, boys.
2108
01:30:18,346 --> 01:30:19,347
Thank you, Jeanie.
2109
01:30:19,981 --> 01:30:23,053
We never got to give our speech
at the rehearsal dinner.
2110
01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:25,495
Because we ruined it.
With fights.
2111
01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:27,856
But we just wanted
everybody here to know...
2112
01:30:28,356 --> 01:30:29,858
exactly how we feel about you.
2113
01:30:30,324 --> 01:30:31,359
Lights.
2114
01:30:33,928 --> 01:30:34,929
You gotta get
bigger and bigger.
2115
01:30:36,230 --> 01:30:37,436
Did you know this was coming?
2116
01:30:48,376 --> 01:30:52,847
You are so beautiful
2117
01:30:53,347 --> 01:30:55,793
So beautiful
2118
01:30:59,053 --> 01:31:00,191
To me
2119
01:31:02,423 --> 01:31:04,198
Can't you see?
2120
01:31:04,258 --> 01:31:05,965
You 're so beautiful
2121
01:31:06,360 --> 01:31:07,930
This is real beautiful, man.
2122
01:31:08,229 --> 01:31:12,473
You're everything I hoped for
2123
01:31:12,867 --> 01:31:15,143
In a little sister!
2124
01:31:15,203 --> 01:31:18,980
You're everything I need
2125
01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:22,112
Everything that I need
2126
01:31:23,177 --> 01:31:24,588
They're kind of good.
2127
01:31:24,679 --> 01:31:26,454
You are so beautiful
2128
01:31:27,081 --> 01:31:28,355
As a couple. Right guys?
2129
01:31:30,418 --> 01:31:31,488
To me
2130
01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:34,524
And to you.
2131
01:31:34,989 --> 01:31:36,525
And to you. To all of us.
2132
01:31:36,624 --> 01:31:38,103
You 're beautiful, Jeanie!
2133
01:31:42,263 --> 01:31:43,742
Da ve, everybody.
2134
01:31:44,265 --> 01:31:45,801
He's gonna draw!
2135
01:31:46,133 --> 01:31:47,373
Love you!
2136
01:31:48,669 --> 01:31:49,773
So sweet.
2137
01:31:50,037 --> 01:31:51,675
Thought they were gonna blow it.
They did not.
2138
01:31:51,739 --> 01:31:52,740
That's good.
2139
01:31:53,107 --> 01:31:55,781
This is haw we do it
2140
01:31:57,745 --> 01:31:59,418
This is how we do it
2141
01:32:02,450 --> 01:32:04,623
This is how we do it
2142
01:32:04,952 --> 01:32:06,863
This is how we do it
2143
01:32:07,054 --> 01:32:08,499
It's Friday night
2144
01:32:08,556 --> 01:32:09,557
You don't throw...
2145
01:32:09,657 --> 01:32:10,863
And I feel all right
2146
01:32:11,592 --> 01:32:13,936
The party's here
on the west side
2147
01:32:13,995 --> 01:32:16,475
So I reach for my forty
and I turn it up
2148
01:32:16,531 --> 01:32:18,738
Designated driver got
the keys to my truck
2149
01:32:18,833 --> 01:32:20,972
-Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded
-Faded
2150
01:32:21,068 --> 01:32:22,069
Honey on the streets saying
2151
01:32:22,136 --> 01:32:23,240
Monty, yo, we made it
2152
01:32:23,404 --> 01:32:25,543
I'm kinda buzzed and
it's all because
2153
01:32:25,606 --> 01:32:27,449
This is how we do it
2154
01:32:27,542 --> 01:32:30,045
South Central does
it like nobody does
2155
01:32:30,278 --> 01:32:31,814
This is how we do it
2156
01:32:31,879 --> 01:32:32,880
All right.
2157
01:32:32,947 --> 01:32:34,324
To all my neighbors,
you got much flavor
2158
01:32:34,849 --> 01:32:37,159
This is how we do it
2159
01:32:37,385 --> 01:32:40,662
#StangleBenoit2016.
2160
01:32:41,489 --> 01:32:43,366
Hell yeah! Fo sho!
2161
01:32:44,425 --> 01:32:45,699
God!
2162
01:32:46,093 --> 01:32:47,128
Well...
2163
01:32:48,462 --> 01:32:50,066
I picked a bad pose, guys.
2164
01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:51,600
Fireworks!
2165
01:32:52,667 --> 01:32:54,271
These are for you, Jeanie!
2166
01:32:55,436 --> 01:32:57,382
Fireworks close the show!
2167
01:32:59,440 --> 01:33:01,215
Those are from China,
those fireworks.
2168
01:33:15,957 --> 01:33:18,267
You idiots! You fucking...
2169
01:33:31,105 --> 01:33:32,607
This is cool.
2170
01:33:32,673 --> 01:33:34,209
I didn't know you
could do it this way.
2171
01:33:38,479 --> 01:33:39,549
I'm done.
2172
01:33:39,614 --> 01:33:41,287
Fuck. Holy shit.
2173
01:33:41,349 --> 01:33:42,384
Okay.
2174
01:33:42,450 --> 01:33:43,952
That was great. Good job.
2175
01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:53,867
(DA 111G D1GG1TY DA
111G P LAYI N G 1
2176
01:33:58,265 --> 01:34:00,006
I'm so behind right now
on Game of Thrones.
2177
01:34:00,067 --> 01:34:03,514
I don't even know what's happening with
Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend.
2178
01:34:03,571 --> 01:34:06,415
Okay. Well he's dead,
and so is Jon Snow.
2179
01:34:06,507 --> 01:34:07,645
Jon Snow?
2180
01:34:07,708 --> 01:34:09,585
Fuck that dude.
I'm taller than him anyways.
2181
01:34:09,710 --> 01:34:11,189
Saw him.
2182
01:34:11,946 --> 01:34:15,359
I just found out some spelunker
went dunkin' in your bunker.
2183
01:34:16,951 --> 01:34:20,125
You are fresh as a fucking dick
in the morning.
2184
01:34:20,187 --> 01:34:21,689
That's not that fresh.
2185
01:34:21,756 --> 01:34:24,168
Have you ever sucked a dick
in the morning?
2186
01:34:24,592 --> 01:34:26,833
I brush my teeth
with dick, girl.
2187
01:34:27,094 --> 01:34:28,095
Alright...
2188
01:34:28,162 --> 01:34:29,470
Alright... Okay
2189
01:34:29,563 --> 01:34:30,735
What?
Fox don't like that joke?
2190
01:34:32,833 --> 01:34:35,040
I'm gonna throw up.
You look like meat!
2191
01:34:35,136 --> 01:34:36,615
Inner dialogue, inner dialogue.
2192
01:34:36,737 --> 01:34:38,273
I once got lockjaw so bad
2193
01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:40,012
that I was
sucking a homeless man's thumb.
2194
01:34:40,107 --> 01:34:41,643
Dave actually had to
come get me from the hospital...
2195
01:34:41,709 --> 01:34:45,521
because they iound 13 Pokemon
pugs and a skimmer...
2196
01:34:45,579 --> 01:34:46,956
shoved up my butthole.
2197
01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:49,492
I just had to wait
to poop them out.
2198
01:34:50,151 --> 01:34:51,755
Pikachu.
2199
01:34:52,319 --> 01:34:53,525
Pikachu.
2200
01:34:54,188 --> 01:34:55,394
Charmander.
2201
01:34:55,756 --> 01:34:58,635
That's okay. No, no.
Keep your dick in.
2202
01:35:01,362 --> 01:35:03,672
For most of my life,
I thought goat cheese...
2203
01:35:03,731 --> 01:35:06,769
was a slang term
for cheese that's gone bad.
2204
01:35:06,867 --> 01:35:10,144
I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be,
like, "Dude, that cheese is goat."
2205
01:35:10,204 --> 01:35:12,013
Like, "Get that goat cheese
off the counter."
2206
01:35:12,239 --> 01:35:14,810
You look like a
deconstructed taco.
2207
01:35:14,875 --> 01:35:15,910
Like carnival food.
2208
01:35:16,043 --> 01:35:19,024
Like the waffle that the chef would
just go, "We're throwing that away."
2209
01:35:19,146 --> 01:35:20,853
What are we doing?
2210
01:35:43,504 --> 01:35:46,348
And the home
2211
01:35:47,908 --> 01:35:50,980
Of the
2212
01:35:52,913 --> 01:35:55,985
Bra ve
2213
01:35:58,486 --> 01:35:59,931
Play ball, Mike.
2214
01:36:05,893 --> 01:36:08,032
You know we saw my nigga
2215
01:36:08,095 --> 01:36:10,575
Mike and me forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2216
01:36:10,631 --> 01:36:13,237
Stang life, getting rich
Selling fucking liquor quick
2217
01:36:13,300 --> 01:36:15,576
Mike and me forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2218
01:36:15,669 --> 01:36:18,650
Stang life I will never
die I'm a Stangle, bitch
2219
01:36:18,706 --> 01:36:21,346
Hunchback of Notre D
On the B
2220
01:36:21,408 --> 01:36:24,480
Flying fucking girls to my
sister's wedding at the beach
2221
01:36:24,545 --> 01:36:28,288
Now we in first class seats
Couldn't hold me back, G
2222
01:36:28,749 --> 01:36:33,129
Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin'
Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cris ta!
2223
01:36:33,187 --> 01:36:34,291
Sippin ', sippin' Cristal
2224
01:36:34,355 --> 01:36:36,164
Jeanie, Jeanie,
Jeanie Beanie Weanie
2225
01:36:36,290 --> 01:36:39,294
Gettin ' married with Eric Guaranteed
he's got a big, big weenie
2226
01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:42,671
I'm proud of m y little sister
Proud that she got a wedding ring
2227
01:36:42,730 --> 01:36:46,200
And a necklace, Eric you're my brother
now So that means I'm kinda black
2228
01:36:46,267 --> 01:36:48,076
Wait. Not really.
I'm white, man.
2229
01:36:48,169 --> 01:36:49,842
I'm just happy to be
related to you, honestly.
2230
01:36:49,904 --> 01:36:51,144
-Shout out to Eric.
-Eric!
2231
01:36:51,205 --> 01:36:53,549
I be like Superman,
let me out the cage
2232
01:36:53,607 --> 01:36:55,848
I got out of my cast
and I flipped the page
2233
01:36:55,910 --> 01:36:58,516
And now I'm drawing comic books
like I used to do
2234
01:36:58,579 --> 01:37:02,026
Kinda cool, Little sister
Jeanie getting married too
2235
01:37:02,082 --> 01:37:04,426
Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2236
01:37:04,485 --> 01:37:07,056
Stan g life, getting rich,
selling fucking liquor quick
2237
01:37:07,121 --> 01:37:09,533
Mike, Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2238
01:37:09,590 --> 01:37:12,400
Stan g life I will never
die, I'm a Stangle, bitch
2239
01:37:12,459 --> 01:37:14,496
Yeah, we put the
wedding back together
2240
01:37:14,562 --> 01:37:17,236
First we broke it up
but we made it better
2241
01:37:17,798 --> 01:37:20,438
Nobody makes fun
of me in any way
2242
01:37:20,501 --> 01:37:23,482
'Cause I got Mike by my side,
and you know what he say
2243
01:37:23,637 --> 01:37:26,083
Scoliosis, now I'm
fucking yo bitch
2244
01:37:26,140 --> 01:37:28,711
Scoliosis, now I'm
fuckin' two chicks
2245
01:37:28,776 --> 01:37:31,188
Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom
2246
01:37:31,245 --> 01:37:33,418
Comin' through the
jungle at you like boom
2247
01:37:33,480 --> 01:37:36,051
Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV
2248
01:37:36,116 --> 01:37:38,653
We're gonna die
DAVE: It's my girls andme
2249
01:37:38,719 --> 01:37:40,665
My crew and us, we just cruisin'
2250
01:37:40,821 --> 01:37:43,859
Doin' fuckin' ba ck?ips
off jumps Guaranteed
2251
01:37:43,924 --> 01:37:45,597
Ran over my sister's face
2252
01:37:45,759 --> 01:37:47,067
It was kinda wack
MIKE: Mybad
2253
01:37:47,228 --> 01:37:49,367
But you know what?
We came back from that
2254
01:37:49,430 --> 01:37:51,637
You're getting married now
And it's okay
2255
01:37:51,699 --> 01:37:54,373
You're soiurassic,
you're so fantastic
2256
01:37:54,435 --> 01:37:56,540
Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2257
01:37:56,604 --> 01:37:59,141
Stan g life, getting rich,
selling fucking liquor quick
2258
01:37:59,206 --> 01:38:01,743
Mike, Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2259
01:38:01,809 --> 01:38:03,584
Stan g life
I will never die
2260
01:38:03,677 --> 01:38:05,020
I'm a Stangle, bitch
2261
01:38:05,079 --> 01:38:07,116
My boy Da ve, puttin
'pen to paper
2262
01:38:08,282 --> 01:38:10,319
Trying to get this
damn label off
2263
01:38:11,018 --> 01:38:12,361
Like Aftermath?
2264
01:38:13,053 --> 01:38:15,055
Vanilla Ice remodeled my house
2265
01:38:15,256 --> 01:38:17,702
Told Dave and I we
should start rappin'
2266
01:38:17,758 --> 01:38:20,762
(My brother's the best white
rapper IBLEEP) Eminem!
2267
01:38:21,305 --> 01:38:27,764
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
164866
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof