Original subtitles

(car engine)

(man) ! Questi giorni, quando viene il bel sole

! On days like these, when skies are blue

! And fields are green

! I look around and think about what might have been

! And then I hear sweet music float around my head

! As I recall the many things we left unsaid

! It's on days like these that I remember

! Singing songs and drinking wine

! While your eyes played games with mine

! On days like these I wonder what became of you

! Maybe today you're singing songs with someone new

! On days like these... On days like these...

! Questi giorni, quando viene il bel sole

! On days...

(tyres screech)

(door clangs)

Cheerio, lads! -Quiet, Croker! You're not out yet.

Sorry, sir. -Good luck, Charles.

Remember me to the old woman!

I will, Harry, I will. -Say hello to the big world.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye, Mr Bridger.

He said, "Goodbye, Mr Bridger. " -Well, he's going.

As long as he doesn't come back. That's all I care.

They say he's going to do a job in Italy.

I hope he likes spaghetti.

They serve it four times a day in Italian prisons.

Charlie!

Well, you're the last person I expected to see, Lorna.

(American) Oh, Charlie, I've been counting the days.

Yeah? Well, why didn't you come and see me when I was inside?

Charlie, you know that's not my scene.

Sitting holding your hands across the table,

with those weeping wives around with their howling kids,

the guards looking at me as if something's hidden up my dress.

I did miss you, Charlie. -Yeah?

Erm... I, erm... made an appointment for you to go to the tailor first.

Then on to the shirt-maker...

This car belongs to the Pakistani ambassador.

It does? -Typical, isn't it?

Out of jail five minutes and already I'm in a hot car.

I just wanted you to come out in style, baby!

Take me to my tailor.

Very elegant, sir, though you've put on a little weight.

Well, er... I've been in America.

It's the bread in the hamburgers. -Is that so?

Well, I'm glad you're out. I mean, back.

I don't want to be rude, Charles, but times have changed.

Adrian, when I went in that was all the go.

What did you do? Life?

You know, you could put all these in a museum.

I'll tell you what I'll do with you, Adrian.

I'll take this lot now. -Revolting.

Eh? I'll take this lot now. You wrap 'em up.

And will you shorten the sleeves, love? I'm not a gorilla.

(chuckles)

Yes! Well, there we are, Captain Croker.

I think you'll find we've kept it in perfect tone.

I'll run the engine for you, shall I?

You'll be able to hear what it sounds like.

(revs) -There, how's that?

(posh accent) I say. -Yes?

I say. -Hello?

There you are. I thought I'd lost you!

No, I came round here. Erm... I was just thinking,

maybe it needs a little more air through the second carburettor.

Oh, do you think so? -Listen.

Yes, maybe you're right. I'll... -I'll do it. Just stay there.

Would you open the bonnet for me, please? Thank you.

I wonder if you'd hold this for me? -The, er...?

The bonnet. -Of course.

Thank you.

I didn't quite... -Yes. There we are.

You want me to... -Hold. Thank you.

There we are.

Now... Yes. I can, er... -How are you doing?

I can see what's wrong. It's very small.

No, I don't know. It's alright. Leave it, leave it.

Shall I...? -Yes, you shut it and I'll lock it.

Thank you. -How are you doing?

Long time since I was in here. -I dare say! There we are.

I haven't been in this car for so long.

Yes, I gather you've been in India for two years, sir.

Yes, shooting tigers. -Really? Splendid.

(clears throat) The garage bill, sir.

Yes? -I'm afraid it's �200.

If you insist, we can charge it.

No. Please! There's a bounty for shooting tigers.

Well... -Yes, it's �50 a head.

Really? There's no need to pay... -These are bundles of 200.

There's no need to pay now. -It's alright.

Yes, you must have shot an awful lot of tigers, sir.

Yes, I used a machine gun.

(revs)

(tannoy) Calling Mr R J Williams. Mr Williams to Reception, please...

Lord Croker. I am expected. -Yes, Your Lordship. Suite 602.

And there's a message.

Thank you.

Hello, Charlie! (chuckles)

Shut the door, Charlie. You'll cause a terrible draught.

Ladies?

(all giggle)

(French) Charlie! -Hello, Charlie!

Love you, Charlie. -Ciao!

Nice Charlie. -Good to see you, Charlie.

Well, I thought, a coming-out present!

(Charlie) Very nice. -Now, what would you like?

Everything.

(gun clicks)

Where's your old man? -(foreign accent) Dead.

In the Alps, in a car crash. It wasn't an accident.

Oh. Well, there goes the job, then.

Wait, Mr Croker. -Yes, Mrs Beckerman?

This is for you.

What's this? Some sort of a consolation prize?

Plans that my husband didn't have time to complete.

He wants you to finish them. -Oh, he does, does he?

Tell me, erm... where do you figure

in the plans your husband didn't have time to complete?

I don't. I am going to New York tomorrow at 6:00 am.

Ah. Pity.

But... that still gives us four hours to kill.

(laughs)

And you still in your widow's weeds...

Mmm. (chuckles)

(Italian accent) Charlie Croker, I am dead.

Hello, Roger. -I have arranged for my widow

to get material to you in England. -Yes, I got it.

There you must find the backing to do the job.

You must, Charlie. Because it is a work of genius.

Just think of it. A city in chaos,

a smash-and-grab raid

and four million dollars through a traffic jam.

Hmm? -Four million dollars?

This is the city of Turin, the industrial capital of Italy.

The most modern in Europe, famed for its architecture, and soon, I trust,

for the greatest robbery of the 20th century.

This is the FIAT armoured convoy. It leaves Turin airport every week.

It never carries less than four million dollars.

I think we could take that over.

To reach its destination the convoy has to travel

through one of the busiest traffic systems in Europe,

a system controlled by television cameras

and by the computer in this building, the Turin Traffic Control Centre.

If you can get into this room, Charlie,

you will cause the biggest traffic jam in the history of the world.

Every street will be paralysed.

And then you will have a chance to ambush that convoy.

Very nice.

Now, Charlie, first you neutralise the TV cameras

which overlook the convoy's route.

You do this with these little gadgets here. Look.

Yeah. -Second,

you break into the computer building and substitute this new program.

Got it. -This causes the jam.

Right.

Third, you attack the convoy in your own inimitable way, Charlie.

And fourth, you escape,

on the only route out of the city which is not blocked up with traffic.

You'll find details of the route in this portfolio.

Within just two hours, you will be over the Alps and into Switzerland.

And within three you'll have the money safe in a Geneva bank.

Make it work, Charlie! -I will, Roger.

Four million dollars, through a traffic jam.

Money received from Brighton is �15,000.

(phone rings)

Hello. Camp Freddie? -Croker! Aren't you in Italy?

I want to see Bridger. -Mr Bridger to you.

I've got a job.

If it's the GPO, City Road, it's being done next week.

This job is bigger than anything Bridger's done up until now.

If it's the Bank of England, it's out.

Mr Bridger's very worried about the economy.

Exactly, Freddie! Tell Bridger this is a foreign job

to help with this country's balance of payments.

Charlie, I don't think you have the kind of scheme

that yields the size of profit Mr Bridger is accustomed to.

But, Freddie, this job is big.

Charlie, you wouldn't even know how to spell big.

B-I-G. Big.

Now, Butch Harry, tell us about Fulham.

Well, now... Fulham. A bit dodgy at the moment.

How are you? How do you feel about a little outing?

Hello, Hazel. Hazel, my lovely, out you come.

Come on, then. There you are.

It's a long time since you've seen the night life, any time?

Where's my torch? Where's my bloody torch?

Good evening, Mr Bridger. -Croker!

Mr Bridger, I've got a job lined up.

Get out of here.

It's all here. Maps, drawings, plans, everything.

You've been put up to this,

bribed to upset my natural rhythm and ruin my health.

No, Mr Bridger. This is important. Four million dollars. Europe.

The Common Market. Italy, the FIAT car factory.

Croker, this is my toilet. -Please. Just read it.

Get out.

(guard) Are you alright, Mr Bridger?

Are you alright?

He's alright!

I can always take it to the Americans.

They're people who recognise young talent, give it a chance, they are.

Last night, Mr Governor, my toilet was broken into.

Toilet? -Toilet.

Broken into? -Broken into.

Well, I'm... terribly sorry.

There are some places which, to an Englishman, are sacred.

Well, I've apologised, Bridger. -And so you should have.

You are not doing your job properly. Her Majesty's prison is there

not only to keep people getting out, but to prevent people getting in.

You are symptomatic of the lazy, unimaginative management

which is driving this country on the rocks!

Well,... is there anything else? -No, thank you, Governor.

By the way, Mr Bridger, did you happen to recognise the man

who so rudely interrupted you?

I've never seen him before in my life.

I want Charlie Croker given a good going-over.

Yes, Mr Bridger. -Tell Camp Freddie.

Yes, Mr Bridger. -I don't want him killed.

Just given a good going-over.

I understand exactly what you mean.

Do you, Keats? That's very imaginative of you.

Sir, two volumes of the Anglo-American Trade.

And UK Balance of Payments, 1966 and '67.

And... (chuckles) I've also brought you The Illustrated London News, sir.

For why, Keats, for why?

The Queen's in it, sir. -Hmm. That's good of you.

Er... sir, I often wonder whether you're going to top your career

by doing a job on their house.

Keats, there are more things to life than breaking and entering.

Yes, Mr Bridger. -While we're on the subject,

I notice that some of that young mob in E Block

don't stand for the National Anthem, at the end of the nightly TV.

Tell them to do so, or they will incur my displeasure.

Yes, Mr Bridger. -Alright, be off with you.

Get the word to Camp Freddie.

Sir.

! Britannia Rules the Waves

(hoots)

(brakes squeal)

Charlie!

Right then, Fred, come on. -Wait a minute.

(women scream)

Take your filthy clothes, too! This is my man, my territory,

and don't come back!

Charlie's been caught on the job.

OK, Charlie. Alright, where are you?

I know you're in here. There's no use hiding.

(stuffed toy bleats)

You had three birds in here. -You didn't mind at the hotel.

That was a coming-out present.

I didn't get a chance to enjoy it.

I didn't enjoy it today, neither. Coming in causing a fracas.

Ask me where I've been. -You've been with the law.

Yes, for taking the ambassador's car

and for not paying the hotel bill. You deserted me!

Don't come the moody. You know how the game is.

No, you left me to my fate.

Usual one, was it? -24 hours in prison.

It was humiliating. -How did you get out?

The ambassador for Pakistan was very sweet.

Very sweet, was he? -And so was the hotel manager.

Lorna, I knew you'd be alright.

No thanks to you, Charlie Croker, I can tell you.

Lorna, I was busy, wasn't I?! -Oh! So I see!

So I came in here and saw! I want you out.

If you don't think I mean it, then you're wrong!

(pounding on door)

Charlie! It's the law, Charlie! -What did you tell them?

Would I tell them anything? -Of course you would.

(clatter)

(stuffed toy bleats)

Morning.

Hello, Croker. We've come with Mr Bridger's compliments.

Sorry it's like this, Charlie.

Er... Now, er...

Listen, lads, er... you wouldn't hit a fella... with no trousers on.

Would you? -OK, then, put 'em on.

Get away from me!

(dentist's drill)

Have you seen Croker? -Yes, Mr Bridger.

Well, I want you to see him again. -He won't take kindly to that.

I'm interested in his scheme. -But, Mr Bridger...

What you fail to realise is that we have a new objective.

The Chinese are giving FIAT four million dollars in gold,

as a down payment on a car plant they're constructing near Peking.

But Croker...

Croker can handle it. He's got everything going for him.

There's even a football match in Turin the day before the delivery.

England versus Italy. The English supporters can cover his movements,

even help him, if required.

There's only one snag. We need an expert in computers

to look after the technical end.

The top man is Professor Peach. I've seen him on television.

Tell Croker to get him. -But how?

Maybe the Professor's not bent. -Camp Freddie,

everybody in the world is bent.

Well, my brother's no longer with us, I'm afraid.

No. (laughs uncomfortably) -You mean, he's...

Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

Well, actually, he's in a home.

Yes. We thought it best. For his own good.

Er... was it, er... serious, Miss Peach?

Pam. -Serious, was it?

What? -Your brother. In the home.

Oh, yes, I'm afraid it was quite serious, dear.

Isn't this greenfly awful? -Yes.

Yes, well, not to put a too fine point to it,

he was discovered... in the lounge.

Er... doing what, Miss Peach? -Where?

In the, er... lounge. -Oh, yes, he was doing it. Yes.

What?

Oh. Well, something quite obscene. With Annette.

A net? -Annette.

She was terrified, of course.

Naturally. -Yes, well, would you like some tea?

Eh? -Tea. Would you like some?

You're very kind. Yes, please. -Good.

Excuse me a minute.

Annette? Annette, would you serve tea in the lounge, dear?

I shouldn't let her do that, dear. That gives them ideas.

This is Annette.

Professor Peach, do you see what I'm getting at?

Mmm. Your brawn, my brain. I'm not stupid, you know.

Cooperation, isn't it? Like that flagpole out there.

Flagpole? -The flagpole in the yard.

I know if there was a convex mirror up there,

27 vertical, 42 horizontal, I could see straight into Matron's bedroom!

But somebody else would have to be up the pole.

Couldn't do it myself. Cooperation, you see? She's a big woman.

Here... Wait till you see them Italian birds.

Are they big? I like them big. -They're enormous.

Really? -Very, very, very big.

Would we, er... wear stockings over our heads?

No need for you to. -Oh. I'd like that.

I could steal one of Matron's, couldn't I?

We'll have you out of here in no time.

I wouldn't want to get Matron into trouble. Not that way, anyway!

She's big. Big! -Look out the window, Professor.

What? -Look out at my car.

Car? Wh-Wh-What car? -Down there.

Yoo-hoo!

Gentlemen, gentlemen. Please, gentlemen. Please.

We are about to do a job in Italy

and I would like to introduce you all to each other.

First, Bill Bailey. He'll be my number two.

You all know Bill. He's just done three years in Parkhurst.

As honest as the day is long. You can trust him.

Second, the getaway. This will be done in three Mini Coopers.

And they will be driven by Chris, Tony and Dominic.

(posh) Hello, chaps.

(derisive groans)

Alright! These chinless wonders will get you out of Turin

faster than anyone else on four wheels. Remember that.

When we get to the Alps, we will transfer to a coach.

The coach will be driven by William here,

better known as Big William, for very obvious reasons.

Now, we come to the Professor here,

who is in charge of all matters relating to the Turin computer.

I don't want anyone putting him down because he's a man of reading.

I know he's got some... very funny habits,

but make him feel at home. He's very important to the operation.

Finally, and very quickly, I would like to introduce

all the lads who are going to do the job with me.

Arthur, Frank, Rozzer, Coco,

Yellow, Camp Freddie you all know.

Roger, Dave and Lorna will be in reserve with three fast cars

in case anything goes wrong.

Right? Now, it's a very difficult job

and the only way to get through it is, we all work together as a team.

And that means you do everything I say.

Here's Charlie.

Charlie!

Putting the jib on.

Don't just stand there. Get on with something.

I'm seeing he does it right. -Get on with it.

(engine revs) -Rozzer?

Trouble with his differential.

Tell him to hurry up. -Hurry up.

Dippers for the Continent.

Other way round. Are they quartz-iodide?

That's right, governor. -Alright.

We couldn't afford gold, so we're using lead.

Will it take the weight? -Eh?

(louder) Take the weight. Will it take the weight?

Mind your face, Charles.

Alright? -OK, but I don't like the colour.

It's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! Carry on.

Lorna!

He really needs all this equipment? -He says he does.

No. You're meant to use your brakes, Chris.

Terribly sorry, Charles.

How many cars have we got left? -A couple.

OK, next one. Let's hope he gets it right.

(whistles)

What do you mean they're written off?

A series of accidents, Mr Bridger. I promise there'll be no more.

Five, four, three,

two, one.

Go.

You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

How's your new house, Fred?

Very nice, Mr Bridger, thank you. Very nice.

My pleasure.

Beckerman's done his homework very well.

The getaway is possible, but not easy.

For a start, the attack has to be made in this square.

And it must be completed inside of three minutes.

Apart from knocking over a few old dears, we'll manage it.

You all understand what you've got to do?

OK? Now, Bill.

Er... Oh, yeah. The transporters will move in here and here.

They'll block off the main drag. -Right. Roger.

Erm... Arthur and Lorna park the three fast cars here

in case we have to make a quick getaway.

Correct. It's 12:10. The bullion van will be entering the piazza

and will be forced slowly towards the centre.

It's the old over-and-under routine.

First we go over the traffic, through the museums.

And then under again. And up into this church.

The difficulty is here.

If the police can get a car onto that bridge

before we've got across it, we're done for.

But it's a gamble we've got to take.

Now, the bullion wagon is here. Right? Dominic.

We get into the Minis behind the piazza.

Right. Arthur.

We drive the Land Rover into the square.

Piazza, Arthur, piazza.

Sorry, Charlie. Piazza. -The Land Rover is in the piazza.

And we come in right behind target.

That's it. Wallop.

But since the bridge will be blocked by traffic

the only possible way out is across the weir,

which runs along by the side of the bridge.

I've only one comment about that, Mr Bridger.

Good luck.

Keats, I think we'd better arrange... a funeral.

All ready to go, Croker? -Yes, Mr Bridger.

The plans have been worked out to the last detail?

Yes, Mr Bridger. -Everything taken care of?

Yes, Mr Bridger. -You've overlooked one thing.

The Mafia. They'll be waiting for you.

In every shot of Camp Freddie's film there's a Mafia man.

If they were on to Beckerman they're on to us.

You're not thinking of calling it off?

As long as you know what you're taking on.

Yes. The Mafia. -Yes. The Mafia.

You are about to take a half a ton of gold, in broad daylight,

from under their noses. They won't like that.

That's why they killed Beckerman. -A question of prestige, is it?

Yes, it's a question of prestige.

If you go through with this, you've got to win.

If you muck it up, don't ever think of coming back,

except in your coffin.

...patri et filii et spiritus sancti.

Who's that lot?

The drivers. -That lot smashed up my cars.

Practice makes perfect, Mr Bridger.

You pick 'em, don't you?

(priest clears throat)

Mr Bridger will now say a few words.

What? -Your speech, sir.

We have come here to pay our respects to Great Aunt Nellie.

She brought us up properly and taught us loyalty.

I want you to remember that during these next few days.

I also want you to remember that if you don't come back with the goods,

Nellie here will turn in her grave.

And, likely as not, jump right out of it and kick your teeth in.

Dave, take the valley road to Turin, OK? Go.

You three take the Minis along the B road and keep the speed down.

Right, go on, away you go. Freddie, stay with the bus.

Big William, take the bus along the main road. Go! Go!

You lot, stay with me. We'll go round the mountain route.

Where's Peach?

Hey! What do you think this is? A Sunday school outing?

Pity people aren't as lovely as flowers.

Take your flowers and get in the car.

Hurry up.

Mr Croker?

That's right.

Six weeks ago, a friend of yours met with an accident on this very road.

So? -Do you mind if I show you how?

No.

(engine starts up)

You just lost him his insurance bonus.

It cost Beckerman his life. Listen, the gold arrives tomorrow.

And you think you can pick it up

like a bunch of groceries in the supermarket, hmm?

Just how are you going to do it?

Oh, excuse me.

Does Mr Bridger think he can take over Europe from a prison cell?

Huh? (chuckles)

Your car?

Yeah.

(chuckles)

Pretty car.

Paid for?

Very funny.

(tuts)

Hey!

You'll be making a grave error if you kill us.

There are a quarter of a million Italians in Britain.

And they'll be made to suffer.

Every restaurant, cafe, ice-cream parlour, gambling den and nightclub

in London, Liverpool and Glasgow, will be smashed.

Mr Bridger will drive them into the sea.

Well, gentlemen, it's a long walk back to England.

And it's that way. Good morning.

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