All language subtitles for Disjointed.S01E01.720p.WEBRip.x264-STRiFE

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All right.

How's it going, YouTube?

I'm Pete, and I'm standing outside

Ruth's Alternative Caring,

Southern California's finest
and friendliest marijuana dispensary.

Come on inside

'cause if we sell this stuff outside,
we go to prison.

I'm Ruth Whitefeather Feldman.

Cannabis lawyer, cannabis activist,

and just before I opened the door,
cannabis user.

I've devoted my entire life
to spreading the gospel of marijuana,

the miraculous plant that has the power

to heal the sick, calm the afflicted,

and usher in a golden age of people
not being such dicks all the time.

[Pete] Okay, then I'll just walk right in.

Oh, no, not so fast, new patient.

First of all,
in accordance with state law,

you must check in
with our friendly security guard, Carter.

Hello. May I see your ID
and medical recommendation?

Thank you.

Don't worry, that's just a Taser gun.

You've never had to use that thing,
right, Carter?

Had to? No.

You are good.

Follow me.

Here at Ruth's, our greatest resource...

aside from having a shitload of weed...

is our staff of highly-trained,
compassionate budtenders.

You've already met Pete,
our in-house grower,

and three-time winner
of the San Bernardino Cannabis Cup.

It was an honor just to be nominated.
[chuckles]

I'm also pleased to work alongside Jenny.

Hey, I'm your toking Asian.

-Olivia.
-Hi.

Wait, let me try that again.

Hi.

Nailed it.

And Travis, my son.

And partner.

On behalf of all of us,

I look forward to helping you meet
and exceed your marijuana goals.

-And that's a promise.
-[chuckles]

Travis here recently came onboard
after a trip to the dark side.

I got an MBA.

So, if you're serious about healing...

or just thinking
about being serious about healing...

come on down to my place,
Ruth's Alternative Caring.

'Cause when it comes to cannabis...

[all] There is no alternative.

So, now what?

-Now we have an online presence.
-Hey, we already got our first comment.

I'll do the honors.

"Why is her son black?"

[Trixie Smith's "Jack, I'm Mellow"
playing]

I'm so high and so dry
I'm sailin' in the sky

Just blow some gage
Come around babe

Jack, I'm mellow

I'm so high and so dry
I'm way up in the sky

The world seems light
And I'm so right

Jack, I'm mellow

Gonna plop my nickel in a slot machine
And play my solid sender

I'm gonna strut, peck and Suzie Q
'Cause I'm on a bender

I'm so high and so dry
I'm sailin' in the sky

I got my roach around
I can't come down

Jack, I'm mellow

[clears throat]

Hi. Hi.
I don't know how this works.

I haven't bought marijuana since 1991,
right before a Spin Doctors concert.

Actually...
my friend Denise bought the pot.

Denise Palmeri, nice girl.

-I believe she ended up at Duke.
-Ma'am...

-ID and medical recommendation.
-Yeah-- Yeah, of course. I got my--

I got my driver's license
and my doctor's note,

although he didn't
seem like much of a doctor. [chuckles]

I mean...

I mean, the guy was wearing sandals.

So did Jesus.

Hello, I'm Ruth. How can I healp you?

I'm-- I'm sorry?

Healp.
It's a combination of "help" and "heal."

Um, you know, like cronut or Labradoodle.

I'm trying to make it a thing.

Okay. Hi, Ruth. I'm Maria.

-It's nice to meet you.
-Yeah.

-This is your first time?
-Yes. Well, I--

[stammers] Except 1991's
Spin Doctors with--

-With Denise. I was telling about Denise.
-Shh. Shh.

Tell me about your life now.

Oh, my life now. Oh, yeah.
Of course, great.

I'm-- I'm a stay-at-home mother of two.

I'm happily married.

Well, I... Eh.

Happy-ish.
I just reached a point in my life

where I need to calm down, like--

Like right now. Like, I am this close
to driving the minivan into the lake.

I understand.

Maria, you're not alone.

In fact, you'll be happy to know
that you're a stereotype.

I've seen mothers like you come in here
all the time.

You're anxious, you're stressed,
you're overwhelmed.

Your kids, you love them, right?

But let's face it,
they're bottomless pits of need.

I'm right here, Mom.

That's my pit.

It sounds like you're looking
for something anti-anxiety.

Uh, are you free to medicate now?

Get high?

I guess.

I just thought maybe I'd wait till tonight
when my husband and kids are asleep.

Oh, Maria, smoking cannabis
isn't about withdrawing from your family.

It's about altering your perception
of them.

So they're tolerable.

[Travis] Again...

right here.

See? I'm not bothered at all by that.

What do you think?

On a scale of one to...

Uh, your choice.

It's hard to quantify numerically. It's--

It's more of a feeling.

What's the feeling?

Seven.

Out of 10?

I don't know.
I just know it's really good.

I'm not interested
in growing "really good" weed.

Anybody can do that.

God could do that.

What I'm after is the Omega strain.

Pot that doesn't just make you high...

but makes you whole.

Sorry, I wasn't listening.

[cell phone rings]

Oh, damn.

[speaking in foreign language]
Hey, Mom. I can't talk long, I'm in class.

Yes, medical school is great.

Now?

Now, I'm dissecting a cadaver.

[in English] Scalpel, please.

[in foreign language]
No, it's a Caucasian cadaver.

Yes, they are a fat people.

Yes, they do take a lot of dope,
but I'm staying away from all that.

You would be very proud of me.
Almost as if I were a male child.

Gotta go. Say hi to Dad.
Bye maternal figure!

[in English] Bye, Mom.

Here you go.

What's this?

You asked for a scalpel.
All I have is an X-Acto knife.

-Oh. Thank you.
-Your parents okay with you working here?

'Cause most of mine are.

Yeah. Of course they are.

Think I'd lie to them
about what I do for a living?

How could I keep that up

without having a nervous breakdown?
Use your head, Pete.

Oh, paranoia.

Why can't I breed you out?

[sighs]

Can we talk or are you too high?

Just business high.

Come on in.

Did you have a chance
to read my franchise proposal?

I did have a chance.

And, in hindsight, I wish I'd taken it.

Well, take a look.

Your name is in the title.

"Ruth's Alternative Caring:

A Business Plan
for Making Compassion Competitive."

Wow, that's great.
I'm so proud of you. I love you.

Mom, this is a blueprint for the future.

Recreational is now legal in California.

The gold rush is on.

And pretty soon somebody's
gonna become the Walmart of cannabis.

Why not us?

'Cause Walmart is evil.

You shop there.

Only when I'm buying in bulk.

It's bulk evil.

I thought we agreed that once I graduated,

I'd be an active partner in this shop.

Yes, and you are.

You already made me do
that whole YouTube thing.

I mean, what's next?

You want me to stand outside,
dressed like a joint, twirling a sign?

Not you. I was thinking Pete.

You remind me of your father,
back in the day.

Ambitious, determined...

thirsty for young white women.

Hey. You were one
of those young white women.

Must it always be about race with you?

Mom, I had offers
to work for a lot of big companies,

but I came back here to help you.
You know why?

'Cause Exxon makes you piss in a cup
once a month?

No,
I came back because I believe in you...

and your legacy,
and the future of the cannabis industry.

Ugh. I hate that word, "industry."

Travis, I don't wanna run this place
like an industry.

I think of it more like a safe haven.

It's a sanctuary, it's a place where--
Where the sick are healed.

Great. Why can't we do that
in a thousand stores?

Put one in every town,
right next to every Pizza Hut.

[Ruth] Oy.

Oh, that's another word I hate, "hut."

What schmuck wants pizza from a hut?

Mom, please.

Focus.

Okay. You want focus?

This is not
what I spent my life fighting for.

That's a Pottery Barn catalog.

What shmuck wants
to buy pottery from a barn?

I'm sorry.

This is not
what I fought for all my life.

So, if all you care about is selling out,
making a lot of money like your father...

why don't you go work for him?

Maybe I will.

Oh, I wanna get up and fix this,
but I can't fucking move.

[narrator] When you've grown marijuana
since 1873,

you learn a few things about pride,

about standards,

about only growing
the highest-quality plants,

watered by pure Rocky Mountain streams.

Some say Americans can't
grow good marijuana anymore.

We say,

"Where you been, rabbi?"

Kush, the banquet weed.

[thud]

[Maria] Hey, look. Look, I'm on the--

I'm on the security cam. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Oh, my--

Hey. Hey.
Stick them up. Hey, stick them up.

I'm just joking, I'm just joking.
All good.

Oh, my God, that is so fun.

That is so much better
than the shit my kids watch.

[groans] Did you ever see Caillou?

I lived it.

So, what'd you do before this?

I was in the Army.

-Oh, where?
-Iraq.

Oh.

Our side, I hope. Heh.

Excuse me, just gonna--
Excuse me for a second.

Maria, how's your medication working?
You feeling healped?

Well, at first I was very happy,
but now I'm a little sad.

Oh, no. What's going on?

I thought he was surly because he's black,
but it turns out it was war.

Okay, it's important to remember
that marijuana doesn't mask your emotions.

-If anything, it amplifies--
-Holy shit, a chair.

You better believe
I'm sitting in that thing.

How you doing, Carter?

-She asked me where I served, I told her.
-Yeah.

Don't worry about that.
If you ever wanna talk,

my door's always open.

-Got it.
-And it goes without saying,

if you need any product, on the house.

No, thank you. I don't smoke.

Never?
Why, I find that really hard to believe.

I'm not saying that
I don't get curious about it sometimes,

but then I see people like her...

And then it passes.

Okay, well, if you ever need me,
I'm here for you.

Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Do not worry.

Do not...

worry.

[man] Post-traumatic

As in "later"

After the return

Recurrence

Mocking time

Invading distance

Home and safety no deterrents

Rippling through the bombed-out crater

Of a mind that lacks resistance

In a man who lacks insurance

Awe his symptom

Shock his illness

Shaken beyond all endurance

Shrapnel shooting through his stillness

Scanning his periphery

For targets only he can see

He pulls the pins of memory

And finds in each an IED

A brother in a band alone

With his unknown unknown unknown

I'm fine.

[in Australian accent] G'day, ladies.

Working up a thirst?

May I offer you a bevvy?

That's right.

Sip it slow.

Take it down to the roots.

Pete, you're talking Australian again.

Am I?

Crikey.

[laughs]

[in normal voice] It's so weird
that I do that. [laughs]

-You want?
-Thank you.

-Must be nice to have Travis back.
-Eh.

He's got all these business ideas
for the store.

I'm your boss, I think it's crazy
and stupid, but what are your thoughts?

Well... I really don't think
of my thoughts as mine.

You know?

They come, they go.

Sometimes they wonder
what urine tastes like.

Salty.

[sighs] Well, the times are changing,
Pete. You know, back in the day...

marijuana was a cause.

It was a symbol of defiance.

Now it's just a commodity.

Hey, you ever see my Woo in Rage speech?

Yeah.

Wait.

No.

Oh, 1972.

First ever HEMP Day March
on Washington, D.C.

That's HEMP,
as in Help End Marijuana Prohibition.

But also hemp as in... hemp,

-so, there's a double meaning.
-Yeah.

No fooling you.

Listen up, Tricky Dick.

We're here today because we smoke grass.

[crowd cheers]

And we're tired of being arrested
for smoking grass.

[crowd cheers]

And we're tired of the war.

But we like grass.

That's right. We "woo."

[crowd] Woo!

We "woo" in anger.

[crowd] Woo!

We "woo" for justice.

We "woo" for those who have had
their freedom taken away

and can no longer "woo" for themselves.

It's hard to believe I got so worked up

over what I now realize
was really shitty pot.

I honestly don't think
she's capable of change.

I think there's some damage up here
from all the healping.

What's it with you Jewish guys
and your mommy issues?

I'm only half-Jewish.

Believe me,
it's not as easy as Drake makes it look.

I'm sorry. Has it been tough being you?

Are you kidding me?

My father was a Black Panther
who became a corporate lawyer

for a big pharmaceutical company,
and my mother, well...

I mean, you've met that batshit nonsense.

I happen to like your mom.

Sure. She's great.

She's a legend.

But she's also the reason I've
had acid reflux since I was 6 years old.

So, I'm guessing it's
the lower half of you that's Jewish?

So, what's your sad story?

I don't have one.
I grew up in a lovely little town in Iowa.

Everybody knew everybody.
No one locked their doors.

Then why'd you leave?

'Cause people kept walking in
and taking shit.

The whole town was hooked
on meth and crack.

Drugs are a big problem
in that part of the country, right?

Do you not see the hypocrisy
in what you just did?

Oh, come on, you can't equate marijuana
with meth and crack.

I mean,
that's like apples and meth and crack.

If you feel that way,
why are you working here?

Have you been watching? I'm not.

I've been on break since ten.

You're not who I thought you were.

-Neither are you.
-Who did you think I was?

Let's save that for another time.

Okay, then.

Yes.

In a couple hours,

I'll think of the perfect thing
to say right now.

Have you ordered a pizza?
Has it not arrived yet?

You could be entitled to punitive
and compensatory damages

up to $5 million.

At Young and High, we specialize in cases
of extreme snack delay.

Our attorneys have a combined
60 years' experience

in helping victims
of Dilatory Foodstuff Syndrome

get the restitution and justice
they deserve.

And we don't get a slice unless you do.

Oh, God, that's good.

Call the attorneys
at Young and High right now.

Because after all, it's been 45 minutes.
Am I right? What the fuck?

Call now.

[in foreign language] No, Dad, gynecology
won't turn me into a lesbian.

[knock]

Hey, boss. You got a second?

Boss? Come on,
we're a couple of liberated women.

Call me sir.

What you reading?

The Power of Now.

I can finish it later.

What's up?

I hope I'm not out of line,

but I wanted to put in
my two cents about Travis' business plan.

Well, I'm happy to talk to you, but...

as I said to Travis... fuck that shit.

Can't fault your logic. Um...

But just so you know,
he really did put a lot of work into it.

You know, it means a lot to him.

Are you and my son a thing?

What?

No, we're not.

[laughs] You sure?

-You two are not a thing?
-No.

[chuckles] No, we're not.

We're two separate things.
We keep our things separate.

Okay, but, uh...

FYI...

it's true what they say.

Once you go half-black, you never...

Actually,
I don't know what happens after that.

Okay. Look, I don't--

I don't really have a stake in this,
I'm just...

Ugh. I don't know,
I'm suggesting that you give him a chance.

You know, acknowledge his efforts.

Oh, you millennials,
you're always asking for validation.

Everybody gets a quidditch trophy.

[laughing]

Does Travis know you're here?

No, and, uh, please, don't tell him.

Okay, so, this is what we're gonna do.

I'll talk to him, you know,
do the mother thing...

and you'll start dating him.

What?

Well, Olivia, the other way around
doesn't make sense.

And to tell you the truth,
you'd really be good for him.

Okay.

Well, that's... I mean...

Who knows?

Thank you.

But who knows? [laughs]

Oh, I know.

Hi, I'm Travis Feldman,
from Ruth's Alternative Caring,

and welcome to the first installment
of Strain O' the Day.

-Pete?
-Travis.

No, you go.

Oh, okay.

Today we have the very popular Blue Dream.

But this one is an artisanal grow
just in from Humboldt County. Take a look.

As you can see,
it has terpy nugs and trichomes

that are capitate-stalked
rather than bulbous or capitate-sessile.

As you can see.

Our Strain O' the Day offers
a truly expansive and cerebral experience.

Perfect for an early afternoon session.

One, one-thirty.

Probably 1:15 would be the best time
for this strain.

I could totally see myself
smoking this at 1:15.

So, come on down
to Ruth's Alternative Caring,

because when it comes to healing...

See you soon.

Thank you. Happy medicating.

Travis.

I want you to know
I'm still opposed to this document

and everything it represents.

But...

I admire your initiative...

and therefore,
I've decided to actually read it.

-Stoned?
-You have my word.

Did Olivia talk to you?

Absolutely not.

If anything, she didn't.

Ruth, I-- I just wanna thank you.
I'm ready to go out into the world, and--

And be a mother to my children,
a wife to my husband.

I mean, who knows?

The mister might even get a handy tonight.

[both giggle]

That's so nice.

Here, have some cannabis massage oil,
on the house.

Will it make him high?

Just his penis.

You see, Travis?

Nothing will ever replace the intimacy
of person-to-person interaction.

And all I wanna do is get more people
in here for you to interact with.

Travis, you have to understand,

I've spent my entire life
fighting the Man.

The last thing I wanna do
is become the Man.

Why?

You know there'll always be a Man.

Why can't he be us?

Because then who would I be mad at?

Well, no one.

You'd be happy.

I don't understand.

Let me try it a different way.

If you became the Man...

you wouldn't be the Man...

'cause you'd be the Woman.

I mean, think about it. A woman...

but with the power of a man.

Jesus Christ, that's just offensive.

Yeah, uh-huh, I heard it when I said it.

Look, all I'm asking for you
is to just trust me a little.

I can do a little.

Thanks.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Come here.

I think you could bang Olivia.

[grunts]

No, no, no.

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