Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:08,007
Would you look at this gorgeous baby?
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,440
Ah, I just want to eat
him and squeeze him
3
00:00:10,441 --> 00:00:13,841
and chew on his squishy, little tushy.
4
00:00:16,341 --> 00:00:17,907
What are you guys doing?
5
00:00:17,908 --> 00:00:20,973
Oh, pretend we're not here.
We just want to watch.
6
00:00:20,974 --> 00:00:22,991
Okay. We've been waiting 12 years
7
00:00:22,993 --> 00:00:25,364
for you to leave L.A.
and move back to New York.
8
00:00:25,366 --> 00:00:26,967
Did you see what we put up on the wall?
9
00:00:26,969 --> 00:00:29,407
Yes. Amazingly, I did
manage to catch that.
10
00:00:29,408 --> 00:00:30,840
Detective Mike Cross.
11
00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:32,573
You were the best thing on television.
12
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,507
- How was the flight?
- Are you hungry?
13
00:00:34,508 --> 00:00:36,073
- Thirsty? Cold?
- Hot?
14
00:00:36,074 --> 00:00:37,940
I'm good, I'm good.
15
00:00:37,941 --> 00:00:39,940
Again, and I can't stress this enough,
16
00:00:39,941 --> 00:00:41,940
I'm only staying here temporarily.
17
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,507
Ah, we'll see.
18
00:00:43,508 --> 00:00:46,273
You're exactly where you should be.
19
00:00:46,274 --> 00:00:49,007
Surrounded by your loving family
20
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:51,507
in the apartment we kept
because we knew one day
21
00:00:51,508 --> 00:00:53,173
you'd get divorced from that cold woman
22
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:55,007
who didn't know a good thing.
23
00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:57,707
Hey, look who fell off the poster!
24
00:00:57,708 --> 00:01:00,273
- Hey!
- Hey!
25
00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:01,540
"A prenup?
26
00:01:01,541 --> 00:01:02,873
I don't need a prenup.
27
00:01:02,874 --> 00:01:05,573
This marriage is gonna last forever."
28
00:01:05,574 --> 00:01:06,973
Hello, Andrew.
29
00:01:06,974 --> 00:01:08,873
Now she's got your house, your money,
30
00:01:08,874 --> 00:01:11,707
and you're living next to your
parents like a ten-year-old.
31
00:01:11,708 --> 00:01:15,573
You are also living next to our
parents like a ten-year-old.
32
00:01:15,574 --> 00:01:18,440
Just until the renovations on
our sweet new duplex are done.
33
00:01:18,441 --> 00:01:19,807
It's gonna be sick.
34
00:01:19,808 --> 00:01:22,440
TVs and heated toilets
in every bathroom.
35
00:01:22,441 --> 00:01:24,607
Do the toilets have that water
that shoots up?
36
00:01:24,608 --> 00:01:27,607
You know, if you aim just right,
it gives your business a tszuj.
37
00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:28,773
Oh, my God.
38
00:01:28,774 --> 00:01:31,240
Yay! Welcome home, Uncle Josh.
39
00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:32,640
- Hey, Eve!
- Say hi.
40
00:01:32,641 --> 00:01:34,140
- What's up, Wyatt?
- Say hi.
41
00:01:34,141 --> 00:01:36,373
Mwah. Mwah. Hi.
42
00:01:36,374 --> 00:01:38,440
Eve, are you laying the baby
on his side?
43
00:01:38,441 --> 00:01:40,440
I don't want him to have
one of those flat heads
44
00:01:40,441 --> 00:01:41,773
like the boy in 8C.
45
00:01:41,774 --> 00:01:43,140
His head is fine, Judy.
46
00:01:43,141 --> 00:01:44,573
Did you ask a pediatrician?
47
00:01:44,574 --> 00:01:46,173
Yes, me. I asked myself,
48
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:48,573
because, as you know,
I am a pediatrician.
49
00:01:48,574 --> 00:01:53,273
Susan Stein told me you got a
4.8 out of 5 rating on Yelp.
50
00:01:53,274 --> 00:01:55,473
What happened to the point two?
51
00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:59,440
Do pediatricians know
anything about baby toes?
52
00:01:59,441 --> 00:02:00,907
Because mine look strange.
53
00:02:00,908 --> 00:02:02,140
Oh, God.
54
00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:03,407
What, does his toe look bad?
55
00:02:03,408 --> 00:02:05,607
I don't know. His balls were in the way.
56
00:02:05,608 --> 00:02:08,973
Okay, if you guys don't leave,
you're all gonna see mine.
57
00:02:08,974 --> 00:02:10,373
Everybody out. I need to get dressed.
58
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:11,473
- Nice.
- Good-bye.
59
00:02:11,474 --> 00:02:12,940
Good-bye.
60
00:02:12,941 --> 00:02:14,907
- Baby.
- Oh, there's Grandpa.
61
00:02:14,908 --> 00:02:16,640
So, tell me.
62
00:02:16,641 --> 00:02:18,007
You, too, Ma.
63
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:19,873
Oh, please. I gave birth to you.
64
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:23,207
Those little balls have been inside me.
65
00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:25,340
It's good to be home.
66
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:35,248
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
67
00:02:39,205 --> 00:02:40,308
There he is.
68
00:02:40,309 --> 00:02:41,601
Welcome back, Josh.
69
00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:42,669
Hey, Nick, what's going on?
70
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,869
Question. Uh, you know
Pattie DeFina in 8K?
71
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:47,402
Yeah, she and her husband
are just below me.
72
00:02:47,403 --> 00:02:49,169
Yeah, well, last week,
she was just below me.
73
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,302
Okay, Nick, you know
how sometimes people
74
00:02:51,303 --> 00:02:53,335
assume a familiarity
they haven't yet earned?
75
00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:55,002
Aw, man, tell me about it.
76
00:02:55,003 --> 00:02:56,935
My cousin has a stomach thing,
and every time I see him,
77
00:02:56,936 --> 00:02:58,669
he's like, "Hey, yo, Nick,
I got the runs again."
78
00:02:58,670 --> 00:03:00,502
Yup, you got it. You get what I mean.
79
00:03:00,503 --> 00:03:02,535
Oh, uh, Josh, this is my man Ian in 5A.
80
00:03:02,536 --> 00:03:05,335
- Oh, hey, Ian.
- Ian, you now live in the same building
81
00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:06,569
as a real, live TV star.
82
00:03:06,570 --> 00:03:09,169
- Well, you know...
- I don't watch TV. I prefer film.
83
00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:10,402
Got any movies coming out?
84
00:03:10,403 --> 00:03:12,269
Uh, not at the moment, no.
85
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:13,935
My plan is to get back
into theater, you know?
86
00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,635
That's kind of why
I moved back to New York.
87
00:03:15,636 --> 00:03:17,022
Oh, I heard it was because
you lost all your money
88
00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:19,702
in the divorce and you're staying
with your parents for free.
89
00:03:19,703 --> 00:03:20,908
You live with your parents?
90
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,269
- Not with, next to.
- Same thing.
91
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,902
No, it's not. It's not
the same thing at all.
92
00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:26,702
All right, guy, cool.
93
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:28,769
You live next to your parents.
94
00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,835
And don't you forget it.
95
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,169
Hi, Joshy.
96
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,769
I got your favorite
black and white cookies.
97
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:40,102
Want to come in for a visit?
98
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,235
Ah, I don't know, Ma.
I have to unpack and...
99
00:03:42,236 --> 00:03:44,903
I've been waiting 12 years.
100
00:03:47,791 --> 00:03:49,546
All right, yeah, just for a little.
101
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:53,269
Oh, and then I ran into Lynn Howard.
102
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:55,235
David's company went public,
103
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:58,602
but you were always in the
higher math group, so you win.
104
00:03:58,603 --> 00:04:00,302
Yay.
105
00:04:00,303 --> 00:04:03,069
Judy, what did you do with
the number for the podiatrist?
106
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:05,902
I hid it in the freezer
just to torture you.
107
00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:08,235
I have no idea.
108
00:04:08,236 --> 00:04:11,535
Oh, and Helen's daughter
Marci is single.
109
00:04:11,536 --> 00:04:12,536
Ma.
110
00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:13,902
What? You picked the first one.
111
00:04:13,903 --> 00:04:15,735
Now it's my turn.
112
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,335
And I'm out. Good-bye.
113
00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:21,202
Josh, I need a favor.
114
00:04:21,203 --> 00:04:26,302
I had an idea to promote the
firm's estate planning business.
115
00:04:26,303 --> 00:04:28,957
We're gonna make a viral video.
116
00:04:29,628 --> 00:04:31,269
Dad, you can't make a viral video.
117
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,602
It just kind of goes viral
or it doesn't.
118
00:04:33,603 --> 00:04:34,902
Well, this one does.
119
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:36,402
No, you don't... oh, okay.
120
00:04:36,403 --> 00:04:38,069
And-and it would be terrific
if you starred in it.
121
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:41,488
Aw, Dad, I-I'd love to,
but I'm really busy.
122
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,535
What are you so busy with?
123
00:04:42,536 --> 00:04:44,402
Well, I have scripts to read.
I'm meeting with theater agents.
124
00:04:44,403 --> 00:04:46,936
No problem. Forget I asked.
125
00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:53,735
I'll do it.
126
00:04:53,736 --> 00:04:55,069
You're not doing it.
127
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,269
- No, I want to do it.
- I don't want you to do it.
128
00:04:57,270 --> 00:05:01,202
Please, Dad, let me be
in this viral video for you.
129
00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:03,369
Okay. If it means that much to you.
130
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,702
Thank you so much.
131
00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:09,169
The word is "no." Say it with me. No.
132
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,469
Okay, I am perfectly capable
of saying no to them.
133
00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:12,969
No way, it's the blind cop.
134
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,035
Hey, man, how you doing?
135
00:05:14,036 --> 00:05:15,569
"I got 'em, Chief, I got 'em!"
136
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:18,369
That show sucked.
137
00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:19,802
Thank you so much.
138
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,369
Oh, my God. Josh.
139
00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:24,135
Ugh, what is with you people?
140
00:05:24,136 --> 00:05:25,969
Blind Cop sucked. We all know it suck...
141
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,602
No, no, no, Andrew,
this is Christina Jones.
142
00:05:27,603 --> 00:05:29,935
- We went to Michigan together. Hi.
- Hi.
143
00:05:29,936 --> 00:05:31,735
This is crazy. I didn't
know you were in the city.
144
00:05:31,736 --> 00:05:32,754
Yeah.
145
00:05:32,756 --> 00:05:34,869
I, uh, I'm gonna let you guys catch up.
146
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:36,869
I got to head back to the hospital.
147
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,602
Surgeon.
148
00:05:38,603 --> 00:05:40,469
How have you been, Josh?
149
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,035
Uh, well, I got divorced
and my show got canceled.
150
00:05:43,036 --> 00:05:47,220
Two things which sound really bad but
could maybe be good. How about you?
151
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:50,202
Uh, well, I just went
through a breakup myself.
152
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:51,535
Yes.
153
00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:53,435
Yes, that must've been hard.
154
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,402
Yes. Well, it was for the best.
155
00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:57,169
His parents were a nightmare.
156
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:58,702
So overbearing.
157
00:05:58,703 --> 00:06:02,270
Huh. I cannot relate to that at all.
158
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,899
What up, fellas?
159
00:06:05,901 --> 00:06:09,133
Things are looking up for the kid.
160
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,534
Why? Did you get an audition?
161
00:06:11,535 --> 00:06:14,367
No, I did not, but I did get
a date with Christina Jones.
162
00:06:14,368 --> 00:06:17,167
- Hey.
- That's not gonna pay the bills.
163
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,232
Ha. Got him.
164
00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:20,533
My friend, Billy's father,
165
00:06:20,534 --> 00:06:22,333
is producing Paul Feig's
follow-up to Bridesmaids.
166
00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:24,067
It's called Groomies.
167
00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:27,767
Has some problems in the second
act, but they'll find it.
168
00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:29,800
You should ask your agent
about the role of doctor.
169
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:32,767
Get that Blind Cop stink off you.
170
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,500
Thank you, Ian,
171
00:06:34,501 --> 00:06:36,833
but I don't need career advice
from a 12-year-old.
172
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:39,833
It's called Groomies.
The role of the doctor.
173
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:42,733
Yeah, Danny, I know it'd be
a great job for me to get.
174
00:06:42,734 --> 00:06:46,100
That's why I'm calling you,
my agent, to tell you about it.
175
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,733
Okay. Thank you.
176
00:07:01,034 --> 00:07:02,400
Hi, Joshy.
177
00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:04,067
How? How do you always know?
178
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:06,068
We used to be one body.
179
00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:46,150
Yeah, so, any word
on the Paul Feig audition?
180
00:07:46,152 --> 00:07:47,467
They don't believe
I could play a doctor?
181
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,967
I look like every doctor
I've ever been to.
182
00:07:50,968 --> 00:07:53,876
All right, well, thanks for checking.
183
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:54,633
Josh.
184
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:57,798
Sure. Why wouldn't you be here?
185
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,266
Costco closet.
186
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:01,032
Ah. It just so happens
187
00:08:01,033 --> 00:08:03,399
my classmate from law
school, Eddie Aberman,
188
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,666
represented Paul Feig's cousin,
189
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:07,928
- Barry, in his IRS audit.
- Ah.
190
00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:10,884
Should I ask Eddie to fix up
a meeting for you and Paul?
191
00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:13,032
Dad, one of the biggest
comedy directors in Hollywood
192
00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:14,242
is not gonna meet with me
193
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,976
because of his cousin's
connection to Eddie Aberman.
194
00:08:16,977 --> 00:08:18,243
Do we have ketchup?
195
00:08:18,244 --> 00:08:19,776
Do we have ketchup?
196
00:08:19,777 --> 00:08:21,509
Oh.
197
00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:24,209
Yeah. Mm.
198
00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:25,609
You look nice.
199
00:08:25,610 --> 00:08:27,043
Well, that's because he's costarring
200
00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:28,409
in my firm's video.
201
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:31,043
He practically begged me to be in it.
202
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:35,109
I forgot about that stupid video.
203
00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:36,809
I'm dressed up
because I have a date tonight.
204
00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:39,309
Ooh, that girl from the park
who was checking me out?
205
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,909
Don't tell Mom and Dad; they'll
want to meet her and feed her
206
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:43,238
and ask her about her ability
to have children.
207
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,843
Obviously. Wait,
so let me get this straight.
208
00:08:45,844 --> 00:08:48,909
First date in eight years
or Dad's sad video.
209
00:08:48,910 --> 00:08:50,909
Oh, boy, that's a tough one.
210
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:52,376
I can do both.
211
00:08:52,377 --> 00:08:54,176
How long can the video take?
212
00:08:54,177 --> 00:08:56,776
Viral video, take 42.
213
00:08:56,777 --> 00:08:59,909
- Okay, okay, I got it this time.
- Good, good, good, good.
214
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:02,376
My father's death was so sudden,
and I'm overwhelmed
215
00:09:02,377 --> 00:09:04,643
by all the decisions I have to make.
216
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:08,576
Well, luckily, your father was ready
217
00:09:08,577 --> 00:09:12,243
for just this moment and hired...
218
00:09:12,244 --> 00:09:15,743
Singer Sterling
to prepare the documents.
219
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,376
Nailed it! Perfect!
220
00:09:17,377 --> 00:09:19,276
No notes. Can't beat it!
221
00:09:19,277 --> 00:09:21,076
- Yeah, felt good.
- It was good!
222
00:09:21,077 --> 00:09:22,509
Got to go, Dad!
223
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:24,844
Acting's not hard.
224
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,743
- Hello?
- Josh, this is Molly,
225
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,209
Andrew and Eve's babysitter.
You need to come home.
226
00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:34,809
Oh, my God, did something
happen to the baby?
227
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:37,371
I don't know. It's in the other room.
228
00:09:37,373 --> 00:09:39,209
But I'm having a crisis.
229
00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:41,076
My boyfriend just hooked up
with my best friend.
230
00:09:41,077 --> 00:09:42,809
And Andrew and Eve
aren't answering their phones.
231
00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,576
Well, I'm barely gonna make
my date as it is.
232
00:09:44,577 --> 00:09:46,243
Go get my mother.
But don't mention the date.
233
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,043
Your mother's not home.
You have ten minutes.
234
00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:51,186
No, I'm sorry, but no,
this is not my problem!
235
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,943
Hey. Sorry I'm a little late.
236
00:09:55,944 --> 00:09:58,693
- You look incredible.
- Thanks.
237
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:00,243
You have a baby.
238
00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:02,676
Oh. He's for you. Flowers are so cliché.
239
00:10:04,077 --> 00:10:05,876
This is my nephew, Wyatt.
Babysitting snafu.
240
00:10:05,877 --> 00:10:08,176
My brother and sister-in-law
should be here any second.
241
00:10:08,177 --> 00:10:09,376
He's cute.
242
00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:11,709
Good thing, too, because
he is very self-absorbed.
243
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:13,376
- Really?
- Me, me, me, me, me.
244
00:10:13,377 --> 00:10:15,209
Hey. Sorry.
245
00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:16,809
- Hi.
- Hi.
246
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,609
- Sorry. Thank you, Josh.
- Yeah.
247
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:19,943
You're our hero.
248
00:10:19,944 --> 00:10:23,576
Actually, I'm the hero.
I crushed that escape room.
249
00:10:23,577 --> 00:10:26,443
Yeah, we got all the clues.
The other couples got none.
250
00:10:26,444 --> 00:10:29,276
Chiropractors are so stupid. Right?
251
00:10:29,277 --> 00:10:31,109
Why'd you bring a baby on a date?
252
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,909
It's, like, the opposite of foreplay.
253
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:35,376
It's pronounced "thank you."
And what are you doing?
254
00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:36,643
Oh, sorry. Eve, sit.
255
00:10:36,644 --> 00:10:38,209
No. Don't sit, don't sit. Leave.
256
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:40,443
Okay. You know,
257
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:43,109
you guys make a cute couple.
I hope it works out.
258
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,643
Aw, thank you so much.
259
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,209
- You got to go. You got to.
- Okay.
260
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,809
Nice meeting you.
261
00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:49,910
Sorry about that.
262
00:10:50,701 --> 00:10:51,976
Yeah.
263
00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:54,243
I love you so much.
264
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,676
If college me knew I was on
a date with Christina Jones...
265
00:11:00,677 --> 00:11:03,243
I mean, oh, my God,
I had the biggest crush on you.
266
00:11:03,244 --> 00:11:05,309
I had the biggest crush on you.
267
00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:06,809
- You did?
- I did.
268
00:11:06,810 --> 00:11:09,243
Well, that is information
I wish college me had had.
269
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:12,109
Mm.
270
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:13,776
- So...
- So?
271
00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:16,476
Should we maybe... get out of here?
272
00:11:16,477 --> 00:11:17,843
We should definitely get out of here.
273
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,243
- Mm-hmm.
- Where do you live?
274
00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:22,009
My ex got our place, so
I'm on a friend's sofa.
275
00:11:22,010 --> 00:11:23,709
Should we go to your place?
276
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:25,676
Ah. My place.
277
00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:28,043
Uh, yeah, we could go to my place.
278
00:11:28,044 --> 00:11:31,376
Unless... would your ex
let us use his place?
279
00:11:31,377 --> 00:11:34,777
No? Okay, yeah,
my place is great. Great.
280
00:11:44,023 --> 00:11:45,726
- After you.
- Thank you.
281
00:11:45,728 --> 00:11:47,861
Oh, my damn. Uh...
282
00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:49,661
Welcome to East End Place.
283
00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:52,094
I'm the captain of this
fair establishment,
284
00:11:52,095 --> 00:11:53,361
so if you need anything,
285
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,027
I mean anything at all, just holla.
286
00:11:55,028 --> 00:11:56,894
'Kay. Thanks, Nick, but I don't think
287
00:11:56,895 --> 00:11:59,179
she's having
a package delivered tonight.
288
00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:01,494
Believe in yourself, man.
289
00:12:01,495 --> 00:12:03,828
Easy, Nick.
290
00:12:05,595 --> 00:12:07,894
Yes, Mrs. Roberts?
Yeah, he's on his way up.
291
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,994
Ah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah!
292
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:13,027
- What are you doing?
- Telling your mother you're home.
293
00:12:13,029 --> 00:12:13,899
Why?
294
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:17,754
'Cause of the money she gives me
to tell her when you're home.
295
00:12:17,756 --> 00:12:20,261
My mother pays you to tell her
every time I come home?
296
00:12:20,262 --> 00:12:21,627
- Well, yeah...
- Everything okay?
297
00:12:21,628 --> 00:12:23,661
Yeah. Totally. Um, so that is when
298
00:12:23,662 --> 00:12:26,194
the building people
should come up to fix the thing
299
00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:27,527
by the thing.
300
00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:29,762
And away we go!
301
00:12:31,595 --> 00:12:33,194
So, I just have to run in
302
00:12:33,195 --> 00:12:35,394
and say a quick hello
to my elderly neighbor.
303
00:12:35,395 --> 00:12:37,394
Why don't you meet me in 9K.
304
00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:39,794
There is wine in the fridge.
305
00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:42,427
Babies, old people...
you're such a good guy.
306
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,194
Well, you know, I do what I can.
307
00:12:48,462 --> 00:12:50,127
Oh! Let's do this.
308
00:12:51,595 --> 00:12:53,161
I got some of your favorite...
309
00:12:53,162 --> 00:12:54,627
- Cheese? Yum!
- Uh-huh.
310
00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:56,461
So, who'd you run into today?
311
00:12:56,462 --> 00:12:59,361
Harriet? Sarah? Susan? Emily?
312
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,761
Uh, yes, Emily Brown.
313
00:13:00,762 --> 00:13:03,361
Her son Jonathan is the youngest
circuit court judge...
314
00:13:03,362 --> 00:13:05,294
Court judge ever... but I beat him
315
00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:08,194
in that mock trial
in eighth grade, so I win!
316
00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:10,961
Mmm! Delicious. Love that cheese.
317
00:13:10,962 --> 00:13:13,962
All right, well, great visit.
I'm exhausted. Going to bed.
318
00:13:18,095 --> 00:13:20,595
Hi. So sorry about that.
319
00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:27,722
Is there a lot of crime
in this building?
320
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,427
Yes.
321
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:31,828
Mostly stolen moments.
322
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,695
- So...
- So...
323
00:13:41,198 --> 00:13:43,261
Josh!
324
00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:44,761
That's just my elderly neighbor.
325
00:13:44,762 --> 00:13:46,327
Probably lost her teeth again.
326
00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:47,628
She'll find 'em.
327
00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:54,461
You know what? If we stay
quiet, maybe she'll go away.
328
00:13:54,462 --> 00:13:55,761
Joshua... Oh!
329
00:13:55,762 --> 00:13:57,961
What?
330
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,695
What's going on?!
331
00:14:01,962 --> 00:14:03,861
You know, perhaps
I don't quite understand
332
00:14:03,862 --> 00:14:05,594
your relationship with your neighbor.
333
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,061
- Yeah. Um...
- Joshua?
334
00:14:07,062 --> 00:14:09,127
Why don't you go check out
the terrace...
335
00:14:09,128 --> 00:14:10,827
- Joshua?
- ...while I get rid of her.
336
00:14:10,828 --> 00:14:13,094
Beautiful view, especially at night.
337
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:18,827
- We had our moment.
- Oh! Thank God you're okay!
338
00:14:18,828 --> 00:14:21,794
Of course I'm okay. I was in
your apartment ten seconds ago.
339
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:24,094
First, I don't like your tone.
340
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:26,461
And second, I forgot to give you this.
341
00:14:26,462 --> 00:14:28,194
That actor you always go up against
342
00:14:28,195 --> 00:14:31,327
got a terrible review in his new play.
343
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,761
Okay, thank you so much.
Really appreciate it.
344
00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,294
- Good night.
- You know my friend Mindy?
345
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:36,794
- Good night, good night, good night!
- She...
346
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:38,385
Good night!
347
00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:40,461
Oh!
348
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:42,727
It's really beautiful out here.
349
00:14:42,728 --> 00:14:45,862
Yeah, it really is.
350
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:49,827
Can you hear me now?
351
00:14:49,828 --> 00:14:51,727
Hello, children.
352
00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:55,794
I'll call you back.
I will call you back.
353
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,561
And that's the terrace. Come back in.
354
00:14:58,562 --> 00:15:00,927
Hello. I'm Harold, Josh's...
355
00:15:00,928 --> 00:15:02,294
Neighbor!
356
00:15:02,295 --> 00:15:04,827
Hey, neighbor Harold. Have a good one.
357
00:15:04,828 --> 00:15:05,994
Young lady,
358
00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:08,327
have you ever had a gorgeous piece
359
00:15:08,328 --> 00:15:10,027
of honeydew melon?
360
00:15:10,028 --> 00:15:12,694
I-I've had melon that looked good.
361
00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:14,794
Don't know if
I would say "gorgeous," but...
362
00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:18,427
Well, this is a gorgeous piece
363
00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:19,988
of honeydew melon.
364
00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:22,227
Harold, no! Why?!
365
00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:23,361
Oh!
366
00:15:23,362 --> 00:15:24,627
I am so sorry.
367
00:15:24,628 --> 00:15:26,661
Um, maybe you could make us
368
00:15:26,662 --> 00:15:28,327
some stronger drinks?
369
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:31,883
There is a jar of 2,000 olives
in the closet.
370
00:15:32,528 --> 00:15:33,727
What are you doing?
371
00:15:33,728 --> 00:15:35,194
You never come out on the terrace.
372
00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:36,427
Why are you on the terrace?
373
00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:37,961
I'm trying to get reception.
374
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:40,094
How was I supposed to know
that you were out here
375
00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:42,094
giving some girl a wowee?
376
00:15:42,095 --> 00:15:43,894
Mommy said you went to sleep.
377
00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:45,527
Okay, can you not call her "Mommy"?
378
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:46,994
And what if she didn't like melon?
379
00:15:46,995 --> 00:15:49,827
Then she's not the girl for you.
380
00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:51,494
What are you morons screaming about?
381
00:15:51,495 --> 00:15:53,861
You're gonna wake the baby.
How's the date going?
382
00:15:53,862 --> 00:15:56,327
- Not great.
- Relax. You're just nervous
383
00:15:56,328 --> 00:15:58,461
'cause you haven't gotten
laid in ten months.
384
00:15:58,462 --> 00:16:01,427
It's been ten months
since you've had intercourse?
385
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,320
Thank you.
386
00:16:02,322 --> 00:16:04,597
I mean, Mommy and I
aren't like we used to be,
387
00:16:04,599 --> 00:16:07,394
but we still do it on Valentine's Day.
388
00:16:07,395 --> 00:16:10,041
- And on both your birthdays.
- Don't, please!
389
00:16:10,043 --> 00:16:13,827
Ever since I had that varicose
vein removed from my testicle,
390
00:16:13,828 --> 00:16:16,327
I produce a lot more semen.
391
00:16:16,328 --> 00:16:18,694
- Make it stop!
- Oh, my... always about the testicle.
392
00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:21,527
Well, it's very exciting that
intercourse is on the table.
393
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:23,894
You need me to make a condom run?
394
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:27,061
All I need is privacy.
395
00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:29,261
And don't tell Mommy... Mom.
396
00:16:29,262 --> 00:16:30,794
- We call her Mom.
- Okay.
397
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:33,076
Go. Have some nice sex, son.
398
00:16:33,078 --> 00:16:34,885
Thank you.
399
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,662
Sorry about that.
400
00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:43,528
So, um... where were we?
401
00:16:45,252 --> 00:16:47,628
A girl?
402
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,961
My son lied to me?
403
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:53,227
- Son?
- Yes.
404
00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:55,794
I, uh, I told her she
could call me her son
405
00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:59,194
because, well...
you're gonna love this...
406
00:16:59,195 --> 00:17:01,479
I am her son.
407
00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:03,594
Ma, what are you screaming about?!
408
00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:05,561
- Who is that?
- My brother.
409
00:17:05,562 --> 00:17:07,861
He, Eve and the baby
live on the other side.
410
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:10,394
I'm sorry, it's just
I really like you a lot,
411
00:17:10,395 --> 00:17:12,927
and my living situation
isn't exactly a turn-on.
412
00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:14,494
Unless it is.
413
00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:15,727
- It's not.
- No, it's not.
414
00:17:15,728 --> 00:17:17,361
I know it's not. I know it's not.
415
00:17:17,362 --> 00:17:20,494
But it's not a big deal.
So you live next to your family.
416
00:17:20,495 --> 00:17:23,094
Yeah, right. No biggie.
417
00:17:23,095 --> 00:17:25,261
You know what, let's just
pretend they're not there.
418
00:17:25,864 --> 00:17:27,267
Judy, are you aware
419
00:17:27,269 --> 00:17:31,195
that Josh hasn't
had intercourse in ten months?
420
00:17:37,895 --> 00:17:42,328
Could you excuse me for
just, like, one second?
421
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:46,094
No, because I wasn't there...
422
00:17:46,095 --> 00:17:48,027
What is wrong with you people?
423
00:17:48,028 --> 00:17:50,133
This is my first date since the divorce,
424
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,261
and you're ruining it with your loudness
425
00:17:52,262 --> 00:17:55,527
and your horrible babysitter
and your testicle!
426
00:17:55,528 --> 00:18:00,494
It's doing fine,
God forbid anyone should ask.
427
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:03,027
I am a grown man. I need space.
428
00:18:03,028 --> 00:18:04,427
We give you space.
429
00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:06,094
You pay the doorman
to tell you every time
430
00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:07,427
I come up in the elevator.
431
00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:08,994
You pay the doorman
to tell you every time
432
00:18:08,995 --> 00:18:10,427
Josh comes up in the elevator?
433
00:18:10,428 --> 00:18:11,362
Insane, right?
434
00:18:11,363 --> 00:18:14,094
Why don't you pay him to tell you
every time I come up in the elevator?
435
00:18:14,095 --> 00:18:15,894
You don't like to visit with me.
436
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,095
Neither do I!
437
00:18:19,759 --> 00:18:22,009
So, I'm gonna go.
438
00:18:22,247 --> 00:18:24,727
I am so sorry. Can I call you tomorrow?
439
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,647
- Oh, that ship has sailed.
- She's not gonna call you back.
440
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,861
You got to read the room.
441
00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:31,561
Boundaries! Boundaries!
442
00:18:31,562 --> 00:18:33,627
Boundaries! Boundaries!
443
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:35,652
I require a modicum of respect!
444
00:18:35,654 --> 00:18:36,479
Hello?
445
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,561
You always had such
a great vocabulary, Josh.
446
00:18:38,562 --> 00:18:40,227
And I saved three lives this week.
447
00:18:40,228 --> 00:18:42,194
Remember when you won the
fifth grade spelling bee?
448
00:18:42,195 --> 00:18:45,094
Like, they were dead, and
then I made them not dead.
449
00:18:45,095 --> 00:18:46,594
Okay, thanks.
450
00:18:46,595 --> 00:18:47,794
That was Eddie Aberman.
451
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,227
He spoke to Barry Feig.
452
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:52,027
His cousin, the director
Paul Feig, will meet you
453
00:18:52,028 --> 00:18:54,894
if you can get to his hotel
in SoHo within 20 minutes!
454
00:18:54,895 --> 00:18:56,061
What? Are you serious?
455
00:18:56,062 --> 00:18:57,527
That's amazing and horrible.
456
00:18:57,528 --> 00:18:59,194
It's all the way downtown.
I'll never make it.
457
00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:01,261
Oh, you'll make it. Judy, get my pants!
458
00:19:01,262 --> 00:19:02,595
Absolutely.
459
00:19:10,762 --> 00:19:12,002
Hi, Mr. Feig. I'm...
460
00:19:12,004 --> 00:19:13,503
The blind cop.
461
00:19:13,504 --> 00:19:16,370
- Oh, you've seen the show.
- Yeah.
462
00:19:16,371 --> 00:19:18,511
Mr. Feig, I am such a huge fan.
463
00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:21,070
I mean, Bridesmaids is,
like, a perfect comedy.
464
00:19:21,071 --> 00:19:23,270
I know it's a long shot,
but if there's any way
465
00:19:23,271 --> 00:19:24,803
I could read for the role of the doctor
466
00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:26,603
- in your new movie...
- There's no way.
467
00:19:26,604 --> 00:19:27,703
- No way.
- No way.
468
00:19:27,704 --> 00:19:29,070
- No way? Got it.
- Zero way.
469
00:19:29,071 --> 00:19:31,270
- Okay.
- I already gave the part to Steve Carell.
470
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,070
- Right, right.
- But you, Josh, I mean,
471
00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:34,637
you were a great blind cop.
472
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:38,303
All right, well, uh, it was
an honor to meet you.
473
00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:40,637
Um...
474
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:43,903
actually, there is the role
of the klutzy band leader.
475
00:19:43,904 --> 00:19:45,237
It's not a lot of lines, but...
476
00:19:45,238 --> 00:19:46,703
I'll take it. All right.
477
00:19:46,704 --> 00:19:48,070
- Okay, great.
- I'm leading the band.
478
00:19:48,071 --> 00:19:49,237
- You sure are.
- Yeah.
479
00:19:49,238 --> 00:19:51,403
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Mr. Feig.
480
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:52,603
All right. Oh...
481
00:19:52,604 --> 00:19:55,870
My baby's in a Paul Feig movie!
482
00:19:55,871 --> 00:19:57,970
Congratulations, buddy.
483
00:19:57,971 --> 00:19:59,603
Don't forget to write Eddie Aberman
484
00:19:59,604 --> 00:20:01,037
a nice thank you note.
485
00:20:01,038 --> 00:20:02,370
Yes, I will.
486
00:20:02,371 --> 00:20:04,870
And you know,
Morty, from the racquet club,
487
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:08,103
is married to Martin Scorsese's
niece's orthodontist.
488
00:20:08,104 --> 00:20:09,170
Oh.
489
00:20:09,171 --> 00:20:10,937
Would you like to be in a Scorsese film?
490
00:20:10,938 --> 00:20:13,637
Yes. That'd be great, Dad.
491
00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:15,003
So let's go home and celebrate.
492
00:20:15,004 --> 00:20:18,541
Okay, sure. I-I just, uh...
I want to say something first.
493
00:20:19,308 --> 00:20:21,324
This has been
the toughest year of my life,
494
00:20:21,326 --> 00:20:24,770
with the divorce and
the show, and I just...
495
00:20:24,771 --> 00:20:26,703
I'm very lucky.
496
00:20:26,704 --> 00:20:28,770
You guys are always there for me.
497
00:20:28,771 --> 00:20:30,103
And we always will be.
498
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,270
Always.
499
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,570
I know. Thank you.
500
00:20:34,327 --> 00:20:36,371
Always.
501
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:48,532
Box seats, Knicks/Warriors, tonight.
502
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,765
For me? For real?
503
00:20:49,766 --> 00:20:53,332
If... you stop telling
my mother when I'm coming up.
504
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:54,765
Done, son!
505
00:20:54,766 --> 00:20:56,400
All right.
506
00:21:04,909 --> 00:21:06,657
I'm home.
507
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,765
- There he is.
- Hi, Joshy.
508
00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:18,565
Hi.
509
00:21:18,566 --> 00:21:19,999
Why are you in here?
510
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:24,599
Costco run. Is that a
gorgeous barrel of cashews?
511
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,799
Helen's daughter Marci
is expecting your call.
512
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,132
I already dialed the first nine numbers.
513
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:31,165
Don't mind me, just came
to get my breast milk
514
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:32,465
from your fridge.
515
00:21:32,466 --> 00:21:35,099
Why is your breast milk in my fridge?
516
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:37,099
And please tell me it's not the cream
517
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:40,065
in the little glass bottle that
I've been using in my coffee.
518
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:42,533
Okay.
519
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,832
Oh, look what I found in the Dumpster.
520
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,699
Dumpster? How did it get there?
521
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:51,465
I don't know, it must have
wandered off, being all blind.
522
00:21:51,467 --> 00:21:53,465
Guys, guys, guys, if this is gonna work,
523
00:21:53,466 --> 00:21:56,265
we must establish some ground rules.
524
00:21:56,266 --> 00:21:57,665
I understand.
525
00:21:57,666 --> 00:21:58,832
Good.
526
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,965
But no.
527
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:11,965
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
38275
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof