♪♪ [ Trumpet ]
ç Vuela la conga, muchachos !
ç Dale mamita !
[ Grunts ] ç Ay, ay, ay !
[ Grunts ]
ç Que sabrosa esta la cosa !
[ Grunts ]
[ Man Yipping ] [ Man ] ç Conga !
[ Grunts ]
- [ Grunts ] - [ Laughs ]
[ Grunts, Laughs ]
God ! So bloated.
She’s bingeing. Bingeing ? She’s fat.
[ Grunts, Groans ]
Honey ?
[ Groans ]
Thought I lost ya, honey.
[ Grunts, Laughs ]
God, I think it’s a thyroid problem. I think she’s just fat.
- [ Grunts ] - Oh, yeah.
[ Grunts, Gasps ]
♪♪ [ Piano ]
[ Man Yipping ]
[ Grunts ] Ho !
[ Groaning ]
[ Groans ]
What’s wrong ? What’s wrong, honey ?
It’s too soon. Oh. Oh. Josh ! Come here !
[ Horn Beeping ]
Hold on, honey. Easy. Easy. [ Horn Honking ]
[ Groaning ]
Brian, what’s happening ? Help !
I’m only in the first trimester. Help !
Would someone please help ? I have an emergency here ! I think--
Yeah, call the doctor. Um, please, could you call Dr. Benfante ?
Calm down. [ Machine Beeping ]
Huh ? Help me ! Help me.
Over here. One at a time.
[ Machine Beeping ] Come on now !
Put it over here. No, I don’t have anything.
Put it in the tray. Honey, it’s your tin.
Oh ! [ Grunts ]
[ Groans ] Okay.
[ Machine Beeping ] No smoking in the hospital.
No smoking in here. Put that out.
[ Groans ]
I’m gonna quit tomorrow. I swear.
Oof ! No, no, sideways. Come through-- That’s it.
When are you due, ma’am ? Not for another seven months.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ] [ Groaning ]
[ Chattering ] Brian, come here.
Just hold my hand. [ Woman ] There we go.
Have you had Lamaze ?
Uh, well, I haven’t even signed up for the course yet.
I’m only two months along. [ Groans ]
That’s the epidural talking. She hasn’t had an epidural.
What are you babbling about ?
[ Groans ] It’s too soon. It’s too soon.
Brian. Here he comes.
Okay, guys. Calm down.
Oh ! Take it easy. Calm down, everybody. Calm down.
It’s too early for contractions.
- [ Panting ] - [ Brian ] Hold tight. Hold my hand, honey. Hold my hand.
All right. Let’s just relax.
[ Groaning ] Okay, wait, wait, wait.
You said, "Come back next week." You said it was just fluid retention.
"Go home. Have fun." Yeah, I’m not having fun.
Yeah, you gotta breathe. [ Woman ] Sonogram’s fine, Doctor,
for a full-term pregnancy.
[ Brian ] Doc, what’s goin’ on ? Okay, it’s really important...
that you relax and breathe. She’s fully dilated.
It’s gonna be all right. Now you’re gonna push.
No, it’s too soon. Push hard. Push !
Push. Push. Push. Good girl !
Give it all you got. No, it’s too soon !
- One more time. - One more deep breath.
One more deep breath. Push.
[ Straining, Cries ]
[ Crying ]
[ Crying Continues ]
It’s a beautiful, beautiful boy.
[ Baby Cooing ] Hey, there, bud.
[ Cooing ] Oh !
Hi !
[ Cooing ]
Don’t rust up on me now. I’m sorry.
[ Cooing ]
We’ll call him Jack.
♪ What you gonna be when you grow up ♪
♪ What you gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ What you gonna say when things get rough ♪
♪ What you gonna do ♪ [ Beeping ]
[ Whirring ]
♪ There’s a road long and windin’ ♪
[ Beating ]
♪ The lights are blindin’ ♪
♪ But it gets there ♪
♪ Don’t give up ♪
♪ Don’t look back ♪
♪ There’s a silver linin’ ♪
♪ It’s out there somewhere ♪
[ Whirring ]
♪ Everybody wants an answer ♪
♪ Everybody needs a friend ♪
♪ We all need a shining star ♪
♪ On which we can depend ♪
♪ So tonight we’re gonna wish upon a star ♪
♪ We never wished upon before ♪
♪ What you gonna be when you grow up ♪
♪ What you gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ Every time ♪
♪ In your life ♪
♪ Yeah, when you be dancing and shit ♪
♪ But you ain’t gettin’ it ♪
♪ Don’t get disillusioned ♪
♪ No, don’t expect too much ♪
♪ ’Cause if what you have is all you can get ♪
♪ Just keep on tryin’ ♪
♪ Just ain’t happened yet ♪
♪ Everybody wants to be a winner ♪
♪ And everybody has a dream ♪
♪ We all need a shinin’ star ♪
♪ When things ain’t what they seem ♪
♪ So tonight we’re gonna wish upon a star ♪
♪ We never wished upon before ♪♪
I’m sorry this has taken so long.
Like you, we’re puzzled by your son’s premature birth.
This is Dr. Lin. He’s an infant disorder specialist from Cornell.
I want to assure you both that there is nothing debilitating about your son’s condition.
He’s totally healthy and normal in appearance,
alert and quite happy.
However, his cells are developing at what we feel...
is four times the normal rate.
Even though your son was only ten weeks old when he was born,
physically, he was nine months and ready to leave your womb.
Nature has given us all an internal clock.
It meters out life span, controls our growth.
Your son’s internal clock seems to be ticking...
faster than usual.
- But he’s healthy ? - Absolutely.
I’m sorry. I still don’t understand.
I’ve never heard anything like this before.
Well, quite frankly, neither have we.
There are other aging syndromes that we know of.
Progeria, for example, which is very devastating to the child, but--
Jack’s cells are replicating at an unheard of rate.
Is he gonna age like this the rest of his life ?
Sir, this is only speculation.
But, uh, we feel that at age one,
your son may be physically around age four.
And if this continues throughout his life,
by the time he reaches age ten, well, he could--
Appear to be an ordinary, full-grown,
40-year-old man.
[ Brian ] Are you serious ? Baa !
[ Dog Barking, Motorcycle Departing ]
[ Boy ] That’s where he lives.
Right there down the street my whole life, and I didn’t even know about it.
I don’t believe any of it. He’s lying.
Yeah, he’s not a monster. There’s no such thing.
I’m telling you. He’s our age, but he looks 40.
[ Man Breathing ] All hairy and everything.
He’s like a freak or something. Just like in that one movie.
Which movie ? Duh.
Sorry. The one with the freak in it. What’d I just say ?
Oh, yeah. I-I saw that one. He didn’t see it.
His mom wouldn’t let him see it ’cause he has nightmares.
I mean you no harm. Why haven’t we ever seen him then ?
I heard he’s got all kinds of toys too.
His parents buy him everything.
If he’s our age, why ain’t he in school ?
Because he’s dangerous. He’s huge enough to hurt other kids.
That’s why they keep him locked up. [ Whirring ] Friend.
What do you see ? Nothing.
A teacher comes to his house every day.
[ Jack Imitating Whirring ]
[ Whirring Continues ] Jack, you’re not paying attention.
[ Whirring ] Jack, you’re not paying attention.
Don’t be afraid.
I saw him in the store with his mom. I thought it was her husband at first.
But he’s like a giant boy. He shaves and stuff.
There’s no such thing as giants. Well, how’d he get like that ?
Maybe his mom took drugs.
Maybe it was that fertility junk and she was gonna have quintuplets,
but just turned into one big baby.
Doof. Oh, he sleeps up there.
He’s a monstrosity. That’s why they hide him.
No wonder they keep him outta school.
Maybe they got him chained up. Maybe they only let him loose once a day to eat.
Is that like a big pile of bones in his backyard ?
Where ? I don’t see anything. Look !
[ Boys Screaming ]
[ Screaming Continues ]
Look out !
- We gotta get outta here ! - Oh, gross !
Come on, Louis ! He’s watching you ! Come on !
[ Boys Chattering ]
[ Chattering, Shouting ]
[ Groans ]
Ow. [ Crying ]
What happened ? What’d you do ? Where’s it hurt ?
My knee. Let me see.
[ Crying ] Well, it’s not bleeding.
Okay. It’s not ?
I can fix it for you. Okay. Okay.
I’ll bite it. No, no. Don’t bite it.
I really do. I have to bite it. Don’t.
You’re gonna infect it. Okay.
But this leg has got to come off. I’ll get your father’s saw.
No, no. No, no. That’s okay. [ Laughs ]
I saw-- I saw your butt.
You did. Sorry.
Let’s see.
What do ya hear ? Nothing. It’s okay.
How about the toes ? The toes are okay. I can feel that.
Here ? I feel that.
How about that ? That’s-- That’s--
[ Laughing ]
Okay. That feels good now.
I told you about those laces, champ. Yeah.
Hmm ? Yeah.
Okay ? Yes, you did. Sorry.
So, where were we ? History.
History. Okay.
So, by the time he was 18,
the young Alexander had already conquered most of the Greek city-states.
And some feel that he had learned everything from his tutor...
Aristotle.
Jack ?
Hmm ?
What did I just say ? Aristotle.
Where’s Aristotle ? Book.
Where’s Jack ? Outside.
[ Mr. Woodruff ] I think what you have set up here is wonderful.
I’m not trying to take anything away from that.
I know you’re not.
But to say that Jack should start going to public school is crazy.
Yeah, but because a person is different,
you can’t make an outcast of him.
But we’ll talk to the principal. The principal will prepare the students.
Mr. Woodruff, he’s got a 5:00 shadow.
I don’t think he can fit in. I wish he could.
Nobody said it would be easy.
Jack’s developed defense mechanisms just like any child with a shortcoming does.
[ Mother ] I appreciate what you’re trying to do.
But Brian and I, we’ve seen how people react.
We’ve been through this before. We just don’t want...
Jack to have to face that.
[ Mr. Woodruff ] Look at his eyes.
His child’s eyes.
Look at his eyes when he sees other children.
His life moves faster than ours,
but he wants to lead a full life, and I don’t think you ought to let it pass him by.
It’s not fair.
Marco ? [ Jack ] Polo.
[ Laughing ]
Oooh !
I’ve found you now.
Aaah ! Got ya !
Gotta touch me ! [ Shrieks ]
[ Laughing, Thudding ]
"Would you two knock it off up there ?"
"You better knock it off up there !"
[ Chuckling ]
[ Panting ] [ Door Creaking ]
Marco. Polo.
[ Laughing ]
[ Mother ] Gotcha ! You’re it !
Honey ? Are you okay ?
Yeah, I’m okay. [ Sighs ]
You know, if something’s wrong, Jackie, you can tell me.
Mr. Woodruff mentioned something today.
What, honey, huh ?
You can tell me.
Mom, am I a giant ?
No ! Of course not.
[ Sighs ]
Where did you hear that ?
Is that why I don’t go to school ?
Honey, I’ve told you. It’s lots of things. What things ?
[ Sighs ] We’ll talk about this, okay ?
When ?
Well, not right now. It’s--
[ Together ] Time for bed. Brush your teeth. Put down the lid.
Good night, Mom.
[ Sighs ]
Woodruff doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
If he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,
then why are we paying him all this money to tutor Jack ?
I blame him, filling Jack’s head with all these ideas of going to school.
Imagine that.
A teacher wanting a kid to go to school, hmm ?
[ Brian ] Where do they get such ideas ?
[ Mother ] That’s how we do it ? Just throw him into school ?
Mm-hmm. You know how children are.
They make fun of the fat kid and the kid who wears glasses.
What do you think they’re gonna do to the six-foot, hairy kid ?
Mom ? Dad ?
Jackie ? You okay, honey ?
Something wrong ? I’m okay. Just can’t sleep. I had a scary dream.
Can I sleep in here ? Yeah. Of course, buddy.
Stimpy too ? [ Brian ] Sure.
Okay.
Oh. Hey. Easy. Okay.
Come on. Come on. Jackie.
Go to sleep. Okay.
Good night, Mom. Good night, sweetie.
Good night, Dad.
You sure he’s ready for school ?
Jackie will be fine.
It’s the rest of the world I’m worried about.
[ Snoring ]
[ Snoring Continues ]
[ Woman On Radio ] Taking a look at traffic approaching the Bay Bridge, not too bad.
The metering lights have been switched on at the toll plaza.
The wait begins right about the Oakland army base right now.
Marin County is under fog, but the driving is at the speed limit...
down and across the Golden Gate Bridge as you make your way into the city.
That’s traffic. Back to you, Rick.
[ Man ] Hey, it’s Rick the Lip with you on the "Z" morning zoo.
Another beautiful one out there in the city by the bay.
And guess what. We’re still here.
How about that little wake-up call that happened this morning at 5:00 ?
Only 3.2 on the Richter scale, but I tell you what, 3.2 !
it was a big fat 10 on the scare-the-hell-outta-me scale.
Didn’t scare me ! This man hasn’t shaken so much since I was single.
You got someplace to be at 7:00 ? Yeah, Rick, I gotta be at school.
You’re late. It’s 7:05. Get yourself outta bed. I’m late ?
You got a whole day out there waitin’ for ya. I’m livin’. Let’s go !
I’m livin’ it too, Rick. ♪♪ [ Rock Starts ]
♪ People think I’m crazy I’m just misunderstood-- ♪♪
I hate that song ! [ Grunts ]
There you go. Easy. Dad, let me do this on my own, okay ?
Well, okay, okay, but take-- Watch.
Take it easy. Take it easy.
And-- Okay, okay. Okay, okay.
Hold it-- Hold it-- Let me help you-- Dad, I can--
Ow ! Dad. Here. Oops.
Put this little-- Okay, put that there.
Oh, okay. Let me just get that last little part there.
Yeah, just finish up and come on down. Okay. Okay.
Hurry up. Hmm.
[ Water Splashes ]
[ Chuckles ]
You psyched ? I’m psyched.
Okay.
Oh, wow. Look at all those kids.
Just remember. You can come home anytime you want to. Uh-huh.
Okay ? Yeah.
Okay. I’m okay. Thanks, Dad.
[ Bell Ringing ]
[ Imitating Car Engine Revving, Imitating Tires Screeching ]
Hold it, Jack !
Come here. Let me get this. Okay.
[ Bell Ringing ] Here we go.
Come on. [ Children ] I pledge allegiance...
to the flag of the United States of America,
- and to the republic-- - Welcome, welcome, welcome.
one nation, under God-- Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Powell...
and Jack !
Jack, how nice to see you.
I’m Mr. McGee. I’ve heard so much about you, Jack.
Hello, Mr. Magoo. McGee.
Oh. McGee. Yes.
Magoo. Jack, how would you like to see your classroom ? Yes ?
[ Whispering ] Yes. A little louder.
- Yes. - A little louder, Jack.
[ Shouts ] Yes !
Follow me.
[ Whispering ] Is he deaf ? [ Whispering ] It’s okay.
Tell me, Jack. What do you think of it so far ?
Humongous heck-a-cool. It is "heck-a-cool"...
and a wonderful school.
A fun school. An upbeat school.
And I hope you’ll have the time of your life here.
You’ll have some wonderful teachers and wonderful pupils.
- And you’re going to be one of them. - Wow !
Here’s your classroom right here. Miss Marquez.
One second. Honey, you want to be buttoned up, don’t ya ?
That too tight ? All right.
Don’t give me a snuggie. Okay.
Don’t. You’re embarrassing me.
Listen, honey, if anybody’s mean with you,
you just tell your teacher and someone will call me...
and I’ll kill ’em. Karen.
Now are you ready, Jack ?
Yes. Um--
[ Woman ] Are there any other questions ?
[ Knocking ] [ Children Whispering ]
Miss Marquez, excuse me.
But your new student, Jack Powell, has just arrived.
Jack, this is Miss Marquez, your fifth grade teacher.
Come in, please.
- Don’t be shy. - [ Whispering ]
Come in, Jack.
Come in.
Whoa ! No way.
Geez. He looks like my dad. Except hairier.
[ Snickering ] Come on. It’s okay.
Welcome to our class. I’m glad you’re here.
This place is for fun.
Everybody, this is Jack Powell.
Class-- [ Whispers ] Hi, Jack.
[ Class Responds, Weakly ] Hi, Jack.
Hi.
All right. I know some of you must be curious about Jack.
So, why don’t we just take some time right now...
and ask him some of the questions that you’ve got on your minds.
Is that all right with you, Jack ? Sure.
Okay. I don’t mind.
[ Whispering ] Go on. Ask him something.
[ Whispering ] I’m not askin’ him. Louis ?
[ Whispering ] Anybody ?
Come on. Since when is this group shy ?
All right, fine. I’ve got plenty of questions. Jack, when’s your birthday ?
September 12. 1902.
That’s enough. Hmm, let me see.
Oh, what kind of foods do you just hate ? Broccoli.
Broccoli. Yuck. Makes you fart.
Anybody else here hate broccoli ? Hands. Yeah.
Uh-huh. Well, it looks like you’ve got more in common than you think.
Jack, your seat’s right there in the back.
Why don’t you sit down, and we’ll get started, okay ?
Okay. Okay.
All right, everybody,
take out your giant book--
I mean, your geography books. [ Class Laughing ]
Turn to page 78.
Okay, so what we found out the other day was that the name California...
was initially used for-- [ Class Snickering ]
Everybody, calm down. Come on. [ Boy ] I think he’s stuck.
Was used for what we know today as Baja California.
It was first used by Cortez in the 1530s and was found in the journal...
of Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo in 1542.
Victor ! Eyes up front ! Everybody ! Come on now. Calm down.
[ Boy ] Timber !
[ Gasps ] Jack ? Are you okay ?
[ Class Laughing ]
Are you all right, sweetie ? Are you sure you don’t need my help ?
[ Class Laughing ]
[ Laughing Stops ]
You okay, Jack ? I’m okay.
[ Uproarious Laughing ]
Jack !
[ Class Laughing ]
[ Laughing Stops ]
[ Whispering ]
Is he in our class ?
Hot, hot, hot. Almost.
Shoot. Ooh-ooh. Ah.
[ Chattering ]
[ Imitating Dog Barking ]
[ Snickers ] Dog always gets ’em.
[ Imitating Cat Hissing ]
Oh, man. He’s lookin’ at us.
He probably recognizes us from the street.
He’s probably planning on kicking our butts or something.
Hey, punk ! Why don’t you watch where my ball is going ?
You’re funny, Victor ! Maybe if you knew how to play the game.
What was that ?
You heard me. You know what the problem is, Victor ?
- You have "Zackly" disease. - What’s that ? - Yeah, what’s that ?
It means your mouth smells "zackly" like your butt.
Shut up. That’s pathetic.
[ Victor ] That’s so funny I forgot to laugh.
- Losers say, "What ?" - What ?
Losers ! Losers !
You think you’re so tough ?
Take it out on the court, ’cause I can whup your butt.
Come on, John-John. Let’s kick their butt ! Yeah !
Why does he always have to drag me along ? You know he’s gonna cream us.
Ow. Don’t.
Are you a freak ? No.
Oh, well, Jane says that you’re a freak.
Who’s Jane ? I’m Jane, and I think you are a freak.
Look at your hairy arms and your eyebrows and--
Yeah, he has receding hairline.
Well, I’m not a freak.
Don’t ! Or I’ll tell !
How old are you ? I’m ten.
How old are you ? I’m eight.
Yeah ? Yeah.
So ?
You don’t look ten. Look, you got the hairy arms.
You got hairy knuckles. You look a lot older than us.
It looks like you shave there.
Yeah, I do. So ?
A ten year old doesn’t shave, so then you can’t be ten.
You can’t be ten if you shave and you have hairy arms,
and you’re tall, really tall, and you’re bigger. For real.
Yeah. So, I’m big for my age.
Look, you have no hair. I have hair. I got hair. See ? Look.
Yeah, but, look, right here you have no hair. It looks like you’re bald.
I’m not bald, and I’m not a freak. You’re a freak, four eyes.
[ Giggles ] He’s ten.
A whole two years older than us, see ?
Oh, sure. Like that explains it ? Please.
"Please."
Don’t poke me, or I’m telling.
[ Chattering ]
Yeah !
Losers ! Yeah, losers !
[ Chattering ]
Hey, how about a little help ?
Throw it over.
Yeah, throw it over.
Wait !
I’m not touchin’ that thing. It’s been contaminated now that he’s touched it.
Yeah, I ain’t touchin’ it ! Me neither !
I ain’t playin’ basketball ! Me too !
Cooties ! [ Bell Ringing ]
Cooties ! Cooties !
[ Scraping Noise ]
[ Scraping Continues ] Jack ? Honey ?
I made sloppy joes for dinner.
I’m not hungry, Mom.
Really juicy ones. Yeah ?
You’re gonna love it. No, I won’t.
Guess what I made for dessert.
What ?
Ya have to guess.
Can ya smell it ? Not through a box.
Chocolate pudding. [ Laughs ]
Your favorite. Not anymore, Mom.
It’s still hot.
Mmm ! I can smell it. It’s steaming. No, thanks.
[ Scraping Recedes ]
This is serious. What happened ?
What do you think happened ? Children whispering. Children pointing.
He’s not used to that, Brian. Karen.
[ Kissing Sound ] Jack !
Hey, your mom made sloppy joes.
Mom hates sloppy joes.
Uh, that’s true. In fact, all adults hate slopping joes,
but sometimes we make ’em to cheer up a kid who’s had a bad day.
Wanna tell me about it ? No.
Okay.
You know, I was just thinkin’ about first time you ever rode a bike.
You remember that ? Oh, yeah.
Huh ? I mean, you-- you were so determined to ride.
You kept wipin’ out and-- Yeah.
You nearly took out a couple of the neighbors.
It took a couple of days until you finally got it.
But, look at you now. I mean, you-- you’re ridin’ like a pro.
Kind of like school, isn’t it ? Yeah.
Well, anyway, I just wanted to see how you were doin’.
You need anything, give me a holler.
Hey, Dad.
Could we put up a basketball hoop ?
Yeah.
[ Chattering ]
[ Girl ] Hi.
I’ll be back in a second.
Hey in there. How ya doin’, Jack ? Hi, Miss Marquez.
Oh, are those gummi bears ?
Could I have a red one ? The red ones are my favorite.
Yeah ? Oh, thanks.
So, how do you like it so far ?
[ Girls ] ♪ Miss Marquez and Jack ♪
♪ Sittin’ in a tree ♪
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
Girls ! ♪ First comes love ♪
♪ Then comes marriage ♪♪
Jack, if anybody bothers you, you just come and tell me, okay ?
[ Whispers ] Okay.
Thanks for lunch.
[ Jack ] De nada. [ Chuckles ] All right.
Phoebe and Jane !
I told you. It’s all your fault.
Over here right now. Today !
Come on. We’re gonna go see your teacher.
She started it. Please.
That was very rude, you know. [ Ball Bouncing ]
Let’s kick their butts.
Ha ! Hey, Louis ! You "louiser." To ten !
I’m not in the mood to get my butt kicked today.
Well, we got the new kid.
What are you, crazy ? Wait. You can’t pick him. He can’t play with us.
I can pick whoever I want. What ? Are you afraid to lose ?
No ! Pick whoever you want. We never lose.
Yeah, pick whoever you want. We never lose.
Hey, you ! Big guy ! You shoot hoops ?
Me ?
No, the 40-year-old kid behind you.
Yeah, you. You play ball ?
Yeah, with my dad.
Are you fried ? Hey, at least nobody’s gonna slam ’im.
All right, let’s do it. Losers take out.
- So you take out. - Yeah ! - Yeah, you take out.
Come on. Just one chip. No !
This is gonna be a good game, man. Let go, man. Give me some room.
Wanna grab a burger after school sometime ?
Now, listen, all you gotta do is just stand by the hoop, okay ?
And I’ll feed ya the ball like this.
Let’s do this. Yeah, kick their butts.
Now, stand under the hoop. Get your hands up.
[ Boy ] They let Godzilla out.
And block him ! I’ll try.
[ Boy ] Let’s do it.
Oh, boy.
[ Boy Groans ]
Come on ! Get ’im, Jack !
Yes !
You said stand here.
Just move your feet.
Okay. Move my feet.
Pez ? Sure. Thanks.
Stand here and move my feet.
Come on ! Come on !
- Jack ! Get ’im ! - [ Cheering ]
Hello, McFly. Hello.
You gotta block him.
Invincible !
[ Muttering ] [ Boy ] Fake out.
[ Louis ] Come on, Jack. Block ’im !
[ Cheering ]
No ! Man !
Good work.
Get ’im ! You get him !
That’s right, Mario !
[ Chuckles ]
- Where’s the ball ? - Losers take out.
[ Chanting ] Defense, defense, defense !
Come on, John-John ! Get it, John !
Get it in the hole, Jack !
- Like, that’s no fair ! - [ Grunts ]
That was good.
Give me the ball. Hey, what’d you stick at him ?
Loser takes out !
Losers take out ! Whoo !
Give it to Mario !
Mario ! Shut up, man !
- [ Chattering ] - [ Cheering ]
[ Cheering ]
Loser ! Next time.
Okay, Jack, get it. Come on, over here.
Get it ! [ Cheering ]
[ Groans ]
Victor !
Bouncer !
[ Cheering ]
- Whoo ! - Unstoppable !
- Come on, Victor. - Give it up !
Get off of him ! Man !
Get off of him !
- Get off of him ! - Aah !
[ Hoop Clattering ] [ Cheering ]
Everybody, take out your notebooks. We have a new assignment.
And it’s something I want you to put some serious thought into.
I would like you all to write an essay-- [ Class Groaning ]
[ Imitates Groaning ] On what you would want to be when you grow up.
Be sure to include reasons for your choices.
And watch the spelling, punctuation and grammar, please.
You’ll have to the end of the semester to finish it.
Write the date on the top of the page. Don’t forget.
You too, George. The date. I wanna be a gynecologist.
If that’s so, then I want good reasons why.
You are the reason why, Miss Marquez.
I want you to think about this. It’s gonna be a big part of your grade.
What are you going to think about ?
Maybe you ought to think about using one of the choices from the board, all right ?
We’re gonna have to change your name from Jack to Shaq.
Nice shooting. Way to go.
Please, people, don’t leave this till the last minute.
This is the kind of assignment I want you to spend some time on.
You have the whole semester to do it, and just take your time.
Don’t sit down and write it all in one weekend. [ Bell Ringing ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Brakes Squeaking ] Hey, guys.
I got the new blueprints for the tree house. We made it.
You guys, it’s finally Friday.
Who are we waitin’ for ? What’s her name ? Mrs. Durante.
Problem is, we don’t have any Playboys in the tree house.
Are you done with it ? I heard George has a new girlfriend.
Right over there. Okay, you guys, I gotta go.
Glasses. Tree house in an hour, right ?
She’s late. Yep.
We can’t stay here all day. Maybe we better go back inside.
Hey, great game today.
Thanks. Thanks for pickin’ me.
Now you gotta do me another favor. What kind of favor ?
Follow me.
Listen, my mother’s coming to meet the principal today.
She wants to talk to him. So ?
Well, you’re going to be the principal.
What ?
You gotta do it. My mom talks to Principal McGee, he’ll tell her I’ve been bad.
Well, have you been bad ? Well, I haven’t done homework since, like, the third grade.
Your dog must be pretty full. Yeah, right.
[ Car Approaching ] Here she is. You gotta do it.
Here. Turn around. Louie, I can’t be a principal.
I can’t do this. Turn around !
Principal McGee’s really old. Shh !
Louie ? I can’t do this. It’s a fib.
Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, sweetie, the Beef And Brew only gave me ten minutes off, so I gotta hustle.
Yeah. Hi. Hi, sweetie. Hello.
So where’s the principal ? Um, this is Principal Powell.
He’s new here. Just came a couple of weeks ago. Oh.
I told him you were coming. Oh, well, hello, Mr. Powell.
My name is Delores, but my friends call me D.D.
So, tell me, what happened to Principal McGee ? I just talked to him on the phone.
I don’t know what happened to Mr. McGee. Mr. Powell ?
[ Shoe Scrapes Ground ] He got diarrhea.
Diarrhea ? Yeah, he got diarrhea.
Uh, and he spewed.
Yeah ? Threw up. Yeah, and he had the squirts.
He had diarrhea. Oh, boy, that’s more than I needed to know.
He had to go to the hospital. Appendicitis. He had a bellyache.
Oh, my God. Appendicitis. That’s too bad.
Well, honey, listen. I swiped ya a chocolate mousse from the restaurant.
So go sit down and eat it while I talk to the principal.
No, let me stay, Mom. Oh, sweetie, please don’t bust my chops over everything.
Go sit down. Oh, God, you see ?
That’s what I’m talkin’ about. He-- He doesn’t listen.
I mean, I don’t know whether it’s all kids or just him.
Am I right ? What’d you say ?
I said kids don’t listen. Am I right ? Don’t listen. No.
Yeah, well, that’s what I thought.
Of course, you could say the same thing about men too.
Probably your wife does all the time. Oh, no.
Aren’t ya married ? Married ? [ Chuckles ]
No, not married. I’m divorced myself.
And that’s another thing. You know, ever since my husband left us,
he’s got such a chip on his shoulder.
Potato or corn ? [ Laughs ]
Anyway, uh, you know. He’s starting to get interested in girls.
I found some dirty magazines under his bed.
What am I supposed to do about that ? What ? I don’t know what to do.
[ Sighs ] It’s a tough age. Hmm.
I know, I mean, I-I remember.
I mean, I re-- I’m remembering now.
It’s a tough age. Uh.
Rough, tough age. Ah.
So, tell me, meanwhile, how is he doin’ ?
’Cause last September, he was failing, uh, miserably.
Oh, um, Louie’s showing a lot of improvement.
He’s on a roll really. Really ?
Rolling. A roll ?
Really. Rolling along.
Really, really rolling along. Wow.
Wow. And, uh, I would say, uh, he’s, uh,
the smartest kid in the whole school. [ Gasps ]
Yeah, if not, maybe the smartest kid I have ever met.
Oh, my God. I can’t believe I’m finally getting a good report.
Makes me so happy.
I mean, I can’t believe you’re telling me this.
’Cause, you know, this means that maybe he’s happy,
and I made the right decision about moving us out here.
Listen, you know, if you wanna have lunch or something,
we can talk about Louie and, you know, just kind of shoot the breeze.
What do you think ? Don’t.
Oh, got a problem ? It’s bad for ya.
Since when is bein’ bad, bad ? [ Laughs ]
[ Laughing Continues ] Oh, no. Oh, here she goes.
[ Laughing ]
So, uh, what do ya think ? Do you wanna do lunch ? I get a discount at the Beef And Brew.
Well, my mom brings my lunch usually-- I mean, she makes it.
Honey, you’ve got to cut those apron strings.
Hi, sweetie. Hi.
Hi, angel. Hi.
Well, Mr. Powell has been telling me what a good boy you’ve been.
I told you. I didn’t believe you, but now I do.
And I’m gonna give Mr. Powell my number at work,
so that you can call me, let me know how he’s doing.
Can stay on top of things. That’s my number at work. You can get me there anytime.
My mom said I shouldn’t touch matches.
Oh, you live with your mother ? Well, yeah, at night.
Well, to each his own. Anyway, you can call me,
uh, to talk about Louis or, you know, any old thing.
So, uh-- Oh, and that’s Memories.
That’s a club that I hang out in sometimes.
You know, if I’m not at work, that usually where I am.
But it’s a nice place for people our age to hang out,
have a little drink, take the edge off, you know.
Oh, I gotta go. Oh, I’m gonna get fired.
Love your face. Okay. Love you too.
Nice meeting you, Mr. Powell. Ooh, you got a strong grip. You’re a manly man.
All right, you got your key to the house ? Mmm !
Okay, I’ll meet ya at home. Okay.
I love ya. I love you too.
Bye !
[ Engine Starts ]
Wow ! Whoa. That was great. [ Laughs ]
How’d I do ? You did great.
Yeah ? Yeah.
Boy ! [ Laughs, Sighs ]
Hey, man. I owe you one. Sorry about my mom, Jack.
She’s looking for love in all the wrong places. Yeah, I know.
Maybe I’ll see you over the weekend.
Cool.
Pal.
Thanks.
Mom ! I’m home !
I’m here. I’m here. Here.
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Nickering ] Yeah, okay.
Phone call for you, Brian, okay ? Yeah, just-- Okay. Yeah ?
Can I talk to him ? Can I talk to him ? Jackie wants to talk to you.
Dad, hey, Dad. Got your hair, Mom. Sorry. Hey, Dad. Yeah. Hey, Dad.
I got to play basketball today. They picked me.
Yeah, not just ’cause I’m humongous. ’Cause I’m real good.
Yeah, I scored a thousand points. Naw, you’re right. It was only a hundred.
I’m kidding. It was 14. Yeah, but each time I got the-- I scored !
Just like this. Wait. Listen, Dad. [ Squashing ]
Oh ! Yeah, and I met this really cool kid named Louie. Not Louis, Louie. Yeah.
His mom gave me some matches. Yeah. Those are the matches. Can I play with ’em ?
Okay, slow down, buddy. Slow down.
Hey, Dad, Louie has dirty magazines under his bed. What are dirty magazines ?
I got to be principal. Yeah, I pretended to be.
And I got a lot of homework to do. I got a great homework assignment.
And you know what. Miss Marquez ate one of my red gummi bears.
And she said, "Way to go." You know, but not because of red gummi bears.
Because of the way I play basketball. Yeah, it was great.
She said Shaq better watch his back.
She’s what Grandpa says is a real piece of work. It’s really great. What are you doing ?
Naw, I’m just-- just, uh, shootin’ an ad layout.
Carrots, for the carrot board. Just giant carrots, yeah.
- Wow, that’s pretty boring. - Well--
Listen, Dad, I gotta go. No, I really gotta go.
Number one. Okay ? See ya.
Yeah, listen, Dad ? Don’t hug me anymore in front of the guys, okay ?
Yeah, you know. It’s like-- It’s weird.
Yeah, okay. See ya.
Yeah, I’ll take the matches in the bathroom, so if I do number two, I’m ready.
Okay, put your mom on. Yeah.
Brian.
Yeah, I can hear ya all right. No, it’s this cord.
Oh, wait. Oh !
You okay ?
- Honey ! - Is he okay ?
Yes, he’s okay. He’s so excited.
[ Doorbell Ringing ] [ Karen Laughing, Indistinct Clattering ]
[ Jack Screaming, Clattering Continues ] Hey, Jack’s mother !
[ Karen Shrieks, Clattering Continues ] Hey, Jack ?
[ Laughing, Video Game Noises Beeping ]
[ Vibrating ]
[ Vibrating Continues ]
Jack’s mother ? Can Jack come out and play ?
I’m Mrs. Powell. And you are ?
Louis Durante. Pleased to meet you.
[ Toy Clattering ]
I know Jack from school. I was wondering if Jack wanted to...
to come to a sleepover some of us guys are having.
I mean, if he’s allowed to and stuff. [ Whispers ] Sleepover.
Well, I can check. We kind of had some other plans, you know.
Hey, Jack ! Bye, Mom.
[ Louie ] See ya.
Honey, be extra careful ! [ Jack ] Uh-huh !
- And don’t stay up too late ! - I won’t, Mom !
[ Toy Clattering ]
[ Birds Chirping ]
So, how fast do you grow ? Four times as fast as you.
Like cat years ? Yeah, sort of.
Like when I’m 20, I’ll look really old.
Hey, man, you hear the first 20 are the best ones anyway.
My mom says it’s all downhill after that. Yeah ?
Yeah ! Like this ? Ha !
Like this ! [ Growls ]
[ Owl Hooting ]
[ Jack ] Wow. You guys built this yourself ?
Yeah. Cool, huh ?
You must have started this in preschool.
We’re gonna introduce you to the guys. [ Creaking ]
Is this safe ? Yeah, it’s safe.
Really ? [ Creaking Continues ]
Hey, don’t sweat it. Just go along with whatever I say.
Do you think the other kids are gonna like me ?
Hey, you’re tight with me, you’re tight with them. They’re gonna love you.
[ Chattering ]
Yeah, it is. It’s a purple one.
Bigger, man. Hey, Lou.
- Hey, Louie. - Hey. I brought Jack. He’s right down there.
- You brought the freak ? - He’s not a freak.
- You said he was a freak. - Yeah. - I said wrong, right ?
Get over it. He’s cool.
He knows how to shoot hoops.
And he did me a favor today. Here. Check this out.
[ Paper Rustling ] Look what he picked up on the way over. Huh ?
- He bought that ? - Eh, eh.
No way. Way ! Walked right into the store, picked it up.
No fear or nothin’.
My man’s the man. That is way cool.
Wish I was a freak. Hey, lay off the freak stuff, all right ?
Jack’s cool. We gotta let him kick it with us.
If he walks, the Penthouse walks too.
Bye, boys. ♪♪ [ Humming ]
Okay, he can hang. ♪♪ [ Humming Continues ]
But if he weirds out or anything, he’s history, okay ?
Wait a second. Look, see the maximum weight up here.
I don’t think it’s such a good idea. 150 pounds up here. It’ll never hold.
Eddie. Two words. Pent House. He’s comin’ up, so--
[ Creaking ]
[ Creaking Continues ]
Guys, this is Jack. [ Whispers ] Hi.
[ Creaking Continues ]
Oh, man, I got a bad hip problem.
Sorry. Watch the TV.
Come on !
Watch out, okay ?
Sorry.
- Take it easy. - Take the chill pill, okay ?
Watch the lamp !
- Come on, man ! - Sit down.
Sit down already. Sit down.
This wasn’t such a good idea.
Come on. Easy. This tree house is four years old. I want it to live till ten. Please.
Hey, Jack, uh, so, you bought that magazine ? Yeah.
Buy ’em all the time.
What about Hustler ? You get Hustler ? If you want it.
Swank ? Yeah.
That and, uh, you know, all the grownup stuff...
that only grownups can read.
Cool. And they don’t give you no trouble in buying one ?
I mean, like, they don’t ask for I.D. ?
No. You know, I just don’t shave for a day and then I look like I’m 50.
Hey, uh, Jack, mind if I look at the Penthouse?
Knock yourself out.
So you really shave, Jack ? Oh, yeah, yeah. I started when I was four.
Oh, wow. Cool. Feel.
’Cause I’m looking forward to shaving. What do you think ? See anything right there ?
Any whiskers around there ? Let’s see.
Yeah, there’s maybe one there.
Yeah, I think that’s one. Oh, if I were you,
I’d grow like a Fu Manchu thing or maybe a goat.
A goat ? Like a goatee.
Oh ! That’d be ba-a-a-d. Ba-a-a-d, dude.
Ba-a-a-d, man. Ooh, Eddie. Check this out.
Excuse me. Think our moms look like that ?
No, only Penthouse girls look like that.
They’re special. I mean, like, they come from a special part of the country or somethin’.
- So how do ya like it ? - It’s great. What do you guys do here all night ?
Anything we want.
Hey, Jack, ever get a boner ?
You know, an erector ?
Not yet. I’m hopin’ to get one for Christmas. [ Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
I want to hear a manly rip. Show us what you’re made of. Oh, wait.
Wait, wait. Oh, just warmin’ up. Just clearin’ my throat. [ Farts ]
I feel it down below.
[ Farting ]
[ Groaning ] That’s disgusting !
Almost blew a seam on my pants.
Oh ! Here comes another one ! Oh, here you go !
Can this one ! A real rectal rocket. Oh, yes.
Out, demon spirit. [ Farting ]
[ Cheering ] Bingo !
- Get it outta here. - The earth is rumbling. 7.5 on the Prickter scale.
Give it to George. Jack Powell, the manly farter.
Smell it. It’s got good hang time. Go, George. Oh !
Oh ! It’s deadly ! Nerve gas ! [ Can Clatters ]
[ Groans ]
- Whoo ! Fire down below ! - He’s revived.
Hey, fire in the hole, guys. Check it out.
Okay, guys, here we go ! Flashlights off, everybody.
Open it. Open it. Ready ?
[ Shouts ]
Karen ? Karen ?
Jack ?
No. It’s me.
We’ve got to be there in a half-hour.
Don’t make fun. I never would.
We usually come in here and have our little talks before bedtime.
You feel traded in for a bunch of spitting, swearing ten year olds ?
Yeah. Still got me, you know.
[ Moaning ]
[ Brian ] It’s just the way it is for everybody.
You give birth to ’em, you clothe ’em, you feed ’em.
Then one day you come home, they’re teenagers. They hate you for no reason.
Wouldn’t talk to you if your hair was on fire.
[ Chuckles ] I know.
It’s just it’s the first night he’s slept away from home.
Meaning, we’ve never been alone in the house before.
Uh-oh.
I think it’s nice being the only size 11 shoe under our bed.
Oh, I just hope he’s okay.
[ Jack ] Wow ! I think I got another one in me !
No ! We need more ketchup !
- Maggot soup. - Thyme. - Fart juice.
- Jack, you’d better eat this.
Eat it all. Oof !
- You better eat this. - Mix it up. - What are you doin’ ?
- Sardines ! - [ Chattering ]
- No, I can’t do it. Oh, no, no, don’t put that in. - Go, go, go !
Go, go, go, go, go, go ! Worms ?
Go, go, go ! Don’t add the worm.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go ! Go on !
I’m gonna puke. No, no, no, no !
Oh, please, no. Go, go, go, go !
No ! No ! Yeah ! Yeah !
Don’t put my hand in it ! No !
- Oh ! - [ Groans ]
[ Groaning, Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
Watch out ! He’s gonna spew !
I’m warning you !
Wow. Not bad. [ Burps ]
[ Camera Clicks ]
Hey, Jack. Hey, Louis.
Let us up. Please ? I wanna see what it’s like up there.
Will you guys hold on for one second ?
We just wanna clean the place up a little bit, okay ?
See ? He’s gonna let us up. He’s not gonna let us up.
Did you hear the way he said it ?
Boys do not clean up ! "Let us clean it up a little bit."
Yeah, right. I’ll bet you. Watch.
No girls allowed !
- Oh, dang ! - Direct hit !
[ Chattering ]
[ Cheering ]
Left, left, right, left.
Hey, Ed, are you Dr. Kevorkian ?
Yeah. Ah.
Peppermints. Peppermints.
Pom-Pom. Pom-Poms.
Power Bar. Power Bar.
Pez. Pez.
And peanuts. Peanuts.
- Uh, Penthouse. - Okay, and a Penthouse.
Jack ? Jack ? Do you read me ? Come in.
Ten-four. We have liftoff. I have the Penthouse.
Do you have a picture of the pope ? It’s just a "p."
[ Boys Laughing ]
You guys, I brought a friend.
Okay ?
[ Whistles ] [ Whistles ]
[ Creaking ]
This is Mr. Woodruff.
Are you ten too ?
Uh, well, if you ask my wife.
No, I’m afraid I’m just a regular, garden variety, old fart.
[ Creaking ]
I mean, this tree house wasn’t made for--
What ?
It won’t hold, you know-- The, uh-- The, uh--
[ Creaking ]
Well, now, this place is a lot hipper than I thought.
No, it isn’t. So--
So I hear you’re a good tutor.
Well, I don’t like to blow my own horn, but, uh--
[ Snickering ]
You know, twin cheeks. Let one fly. Rectal rocket.
- Do what ? - You wanna fart in the can ?
I’m afraid, boys, you wouldn’t want that to happen.
Some of my parts are rotten.
Come on. I thought you said you were a good "tooter."
I’ve been known to chase whole families away.
You mean you’re better than Jack ? I taught Jack.
Oh ! Oh !
Fellas ? Fellas ? No, this is enough.
- Are you kidding ? - No.
A little Tabasco comin’ in. Fellas.
♪♪ [ Humming ]
I’m tellin’ you, it tastes like chicken.
Did you eat this, Jack ? Yeah.
Everybody has to. It’s good !
Did you eat it really ? Mm-hmm.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go !
Go, go, go ! I love you, man !
- Oh, no ! - [ Laughing ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Jack ] You’re in. [ Mr. Woodruff ] I am ?
Thank you so much. [ Boy ] You’re in the club.
♪ He’s gonna get caught ♪
Wait. Are you sure this is a cool song ? This is a cool song.
♪ He’s gonna get caught ♪ This doesn’t sound like a cool song.
♪ Just you wait and see Why’s everybody always pickin’ on-- ♪
♪ You know the parts ♪ ♪ Ba-room ♪
♪ Beep, beep, ba, ba Boom, boom, boom ♪ ♪ Ba-room ♪
♪ I smell smoke in the auditorium ♪ ♪ Ba-room ♪
♪ Charley Brown ♪ ♪ Charley Brown ♪
♪ Yeah, he’s a clown ♪ ♪ Charley Brown ♪
♪ That Charley Brown ♪ ♪ Boo, da, bo ♪
♪ He’s gonna get caught Just you wait and see ♪
♪ Why is everybody always pickin’ on me ♪
♪ Who’s always writin’ on the wall ♪
♪ Who’s always goofin’ in the hall ♪
♪ Who’s always throwin’ spitballs ♪
♪ Guess who ♪
- ♪ Who, me ♪ - ♪ Yeah, you ♪
- Watch out ! - No, no.
Wait a second, people. We’re at the absolute limit here !
There’s nothing wrong, Eddie. You’re paranoid.
- ♪ Charley Brown ♪ - What’s that ?
[ Mr. Woodruff ] Everybody, stay calm.
What’s goin’ on ? No, no. No !
- Oh ! - Everybody, stay calm !
[ Shouting ]
[ Screaming ]
Oh ! Oh, guys.
- Stay calm. - I told you so. I told you so.
- We could have been killed ! - ♪ Why is everybody always fallin’ on me ♪♪
[ Man On Radio ] And speaking of the mayor, it’s certainly going to be...
a busy day for him today.
He’ll be attending the opening ceremonies of the new public library.
And by the way, we invite you to stop by and enjoy the festivities there.
Be sure to bring along the kids if you can.
Later on, the mayor will be meeting with the city council.
Afterwards, there will be a press conference-- [ Continues, Indistinct ]
Then at approximately 12:00 noon, St. Anthony’s Church...
will be holding their annual auction fund-raiser--
[ Karen ] Jack, honey ! It’s 8:15.
They invite you to stop by and-- [ Indistinct ] Pushing it.
[ Radio Continues, Indistinct ]
[ Girl ] When I grow up, I want to get married when I’m 28.
Because if you get married before that, statistics say that you’ll be divorced.
However,I feel if I wait till my late twenties, I can fool statistics...
and live happily ever after with my husband,
who will also be over 28.
What do I want to be when I grow up ? [ George ] I want to be--
[ George ] ...and deliver babies. Alive.
[ Miss Marquez ] We get the picture, George. Thank you very much.
[ Bell Ringing ] Hey, Jack.
Hey, what’s wrong, buddy ? Nothin’.
Come on. Let’s go.
Gotta stay and ask Miss Marquez something.
You want me to stick around ?
Yeah, but I’ll see ya downstairs.
Good luck.
You stud, you.
Bye, Miss Marquez. Bye-bye. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Bye, Miss Marquez. Bye.
Jack, you’re still here.
Jack, do you feel okay ? Is everything all right ?
Mm-hmm. Okay.
I know you like ’em.
I saved all the red gummi bears. Took a long time to get a whole bag.
Well, this is very sweet of you, Jack. Thank you.
So I’m a nice guy, huh ?
You’re a very nice young man, yes.
Miss Marquez ?
I was thinking that maybe, if you didn’t have anything to do,
that you might want to go to the dance with me.
It’d be really, really fun.
Oh, Jackie.
So you want to go ? My mom will drive us.
Jack, you don’t want to go with me. I’m an old lady.
But that’s why. That’s why I wanna go with ya.
I can’t go with the girls my age, because I look so much older than them.
You look just like me.
Oh, Jackie. Jack.
You are still a very young man...
up here.
I-- I know I look closer to your age than the girls in class.
You’re right about that.
So what time should my mom and I pick ya up ?
Jack, you are my student.
And I’m your teacher.
And teachers and students don’t go to dances together.
Do you understand that ? Please ?
No.
I’m sorry, honey.
It just wouldn’t be right.
Do ya understand ?
Oh, Jackie, don’t.
Oh, Jack. I’m okay.
Jack ? Jack ? Wait.
Jack, come back. Let’s talk ! I don’t wanna talk.
Jack, it has nothing to do with you. Leave me alone.
[ Panting ] Ow.
[ Groaning ]
Jack ? It hurts.
Somebody help us ! Somebody help !
Something’s wrong. Hold on.
Somebody help ! Somebody help !
Miss Marquez ! Jack’s hurt !
Excuse me. Miss ? Nurse, which way’s Intensive Care ?
Down the hall, first left and up the stairs. Okay.
I think what happened here is the result of severe strain.
So it wasn’t a heart attack ?
Well, not exactly.
This is a form of arteriosclerosis or angina.
But Jack’s situation is unique.
[ Woman ] Honey, that’s your heart.
Is it okay ? His 40-year-old heart is trying desperately to keep up--
You can wait for your parents here. They’ll be a few more minutes.
That combined with his rapid growth has caused a great deal...
of wear and tear on his heart. Can I have a sucker ?
His internal clock is running out.
The physical signs of aging are going to occur more quickly.
His body is working overtime.
Little things that we take for granted are gonna affect him truly.
Hey.
Go on. Hey.
[ Clicks Tongue, Sighs ]
[ Door Opens ]
[ Train Whistle Blowing In The Distance ]
How do you feel, Jackie ? I’m okay.
Louis just called for you. He said he hopes you feel better.
I told him you’d call him back tomorrow.
- You need your rest. - Why do I need rest, Mom ? I feel fine.
[ Beeping ]
Here. What’s that ?
It’s for you. A surprise ?
Oh, thanks. [ Chuckles ]
Honey-- [ Beeps ]
Oh.
We don’t ever want anything like this to happen again. Me too.
So, we’re gonna go back to the way things were before you started school.
No.
Hey, remember all the fun we had ? No.
No. No ! No !
It wasn’t fun !
Jack, it’s-- It’s the only way.
What about my friends ? What about Louie ?
What about George ? What about John-John ?
Well, honey, they’ll come, and they’ll visit with you.
Mr. Woodruff will come. Mom, Mom.
I want to be with my friends. I want to be outside.
Honey, please, don’t do that. Oh !
Honey. Please, Mom. Please.
I’m not trying to be mean. Come on.
Hey. Hey, remember-- ♪ Button up your overcoat when the wind blows free ♪
♪ Take good care of yourself You belong to me ♪♪
No, I don’t.
Dad !
[ Footfalls Running ]
Dad !
[ Sniffling ] Dad.
Hey. Please, don’t make me stay home.
I wanna go back to school. Please ! Let me go back.
[ Sighs ] Don’t make me be alone.
Please, Dad, please. Okay, okay, okay.
Please ! Please ! Please.
Okay. [ Jack Sobbing ]
Jackie. You’re my boy. My little boy.
[ Crying Continues ] Oh ! Jackie.
[ Sobbing ] Oh, please.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Brian ] I-I’m just sayin’ that we can’t be afraid.
Afraid that he’ll fall down.
Afraid that he’ll hurt himself...
or another kid.
Afraid to have another baby.
Brian, you know we can’t do that.
No, I don’t know that.
You know another baby might be like--
No, I don’t know anything of the sort, and the doctors never told us anything of the sort.
Hon, ten years ago, when we had Jack,
we thought he was gonna be the first of three or four.
It’s not the right time to be talking about it.
Sooner or later we have to talk about it, hon.
[ Siren Wailing ]
Nice set of wheels you got there, boy.
[ Gagging ] You okay ?
[ Gagging Continues ]
[ Groaning ] Here. Have another hit off this. It’ll help you.
Oh. Don’t waste it.
Check your bike, buddy.
♪ Ah, baby, I realized ♪
♪ That I’m trying ♪
♪ Trying to forget you ♪
Hey ! Watch it, asshole. Excuse me.
♪ With tears ♪ Booger breath.
So he starts this minimalist-- You ever hear of this minimalist joke ?
It’s supposed to be funny. I’m supposed to laugh.
Here’s one. Knock. Knock ?
This is the joke. Knock ? That’s it ?
That’s it. This guy comes in here. He asks for Q-Tips.
We can’t even give aspirin. I think he’s kidding. This a joke ?
He gets mad at me ’cause I don’t have Q-Tips. This is no drugstore. What ?
Cool.
What ? What do you want ?
I’ll have a...
Shirley Temple with extra "marciano" cherries.
Maraschino.
That’s what I said. Maraschino.
Why don’t you get him a madonna ? You know what a madonna is ?
No. A Shirley Temple without the cherry.
Bring him one of these, will ya ? I’m Paulie. How’s it hangin’ ?
Okay. My name’s Jack. All right. To Jack.
Go ahead.
There you go, buddy. To Paulie.
Yeah. Come on. Knock it back, will ya ?
Here’s lookin’ at you, kid. I’m no kid !
All right. [ Chuckles ]
You like that ? Gets the bugs outta your nose. Yeah.
[ Woman Laughing ] So she says to me-- She says, "I want to spank you now."
Oh, no. Can you believe it ?
No. Spank me.
Paulie, you must have been a bad boy. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Paulie was bad. Bad ? Oh, wow. What did ya do ?
Well, you know, this led to that,
and I-I-I ended up goin’ limp.
You hurt your leg ? Yeah.
I couldn’t get it started. And I’m stuck there in my birthday suit...
as limp as a wet noodle. It was your birthday ?
Humiliated beyond belief, beyond repair.
[ Exhales ] Wow. Ever happen to you ? Lots.
Oh, Christ. Oh, man. Oh, God. It is a pity.
Well, what can I tell ya, man ?
You married man, Jack ? No ? Not yet.
"Not yet." [ Chuckles ]
You’re a lucky man. Don’t give that up.
Yeah, mine, uh, mine threw me out...
when she found out about my little escapades.
She wanted to take me back, but I said-- I said no.
I said, "No, ’cause it’s time to make a change."
’Cause that’s what it’s about, isn’t it ? It’s all about change.
Yeah.
God, I’ll tell ya,
it is God’s cruel trick, Jack.
First you start losin’ your hair. Yeah.
Then it starts growin’ on your back. On your back ! Yeah.
Like that. Out of your nose. Look at that.
And your ears. Your ears, yeah.
What’s that all about ?
Your eyebrows start growin’ all out of whack.
Next thing you know you’re walkin’ around like some bald gorilla.
They call you freak.
Before you know it, you’re pushin’ up the daisies at some depressing cemetery.
Ooh !
[ Jack Whispering ] Wow. Now there is a sad story for ya.
I know her. Yeah, ya do ?
Yeah. Husband ran out on her and the kids couple of years back.
Kid. Haven’t seen her...
since, I guess.
Bet you could crack walnuts on her ass too.
[ Cigarette Lighter Snaps ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Thudding ]
[ Paulie ] Hey, go for it, big Jack. Hi, boys.
[ Man ] Hi, D.D.
Oh !
Principal Powell !
I’m so surprised to see you here.
Oh, what a nice surprise. I can’t believe it.
Nice to see you. It’s nice to see someone I know.
Oh, well, that’s a nice thing to say. How you doing ?
I can’t believe you’re here. Me too.
Believe me. That wasn’t the first matchbook I ever passed out.
Mmm. Ooh. That looks like fun. Wanna go dance ?
Okay.
Oh.
Mmm, so gallant. You man, you.
♪ Shoo-do, shoo-be-do ♪
[ Grunting ] ♪ Shoo-do, shoo-be-do ♪
♪ Shoo-do, shoo-be Whoa ♪
♪ In the still of the night ♪
I like you. ♪ I held you ♪
You’re so different from a lot of the men I know.
And you know who else likes you ?
My Louie. He’s a great judge of character.
I don’t know where he gets it from.
Of course, he hates everybody that I usually go for.
I like a burly guy.
Oh, honey.
Mmm !
I got a good feeling about you, mister.
♪ The stars were bright above ♪
♪ I remember ♪
♪ I’ll hope and I’ll pray ♪
♪ To keep your precious love ♪
What’s the matter ? Gotta go.
Why ? Why ?
You’re Louie’s mom. I gotta go.
That’s what makes it so perfect, honey.
I’m Louie’s mom, and you’re Louie’s principal.
♪ In the still of the night ♪♪
- Hey ! Watch it ! - Hey ! Hey ! Watch it !
Whoa ! You ! That’s the second time tonight. What are you ? Stupid ?
[ Cloth Ripping ] Leave him alone.
Where are you goin’, man ? I want an apology.
I’m sorry. No, no, no, that’s not gonna be good enough.
"Sorry." Well, I said, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Geez, what is it with you ? What ? Are you totally hyper or something ? Too much sugar ?
What do you think ? You’re pretty smart ?
Yeah, I do good in everything except Social Studies.
Studies ? How’d you like to study my fist ?
Hey, hey, hey, leave him alone, asshole ! Come on, Mr. Powell.
Let’s get outta here. What’s the matter, man ?
You gotta let your girlfriend here stand up for you ?
Come on. Just let’s go. You know what your problem is, mister ?
You got the "Zackly" disease. What’s that ?
It’s where your mouth smells "zackly" like your butt !
Where’d you get that ? From Louis ? He always says that.
Come on. Let’s just go. And you’re a loser !
Oh, yeah ? Losers say, "What ?" What ?
Loser ! Rubber glue sticks to you ! Got him !
What are you doing ? This guy is very tough. Stop with this. Let’s go.
I’m a loser, but you’re a son of a bitch !
I can’t believe you said that. You cussed ! Oh, you said the "b" word.
Oh, you’re gonna get in so much trouble. You really are.
[ Laughing ] Trouble ?
Here’s some trouble ! Come on. Come on, Principal--
Oh, my God ! Are you okay ? You all right ?
You okay ? Look out !
Paulie ! Huh ?
Paulie ! Oh, don’t worry about it.
Happens all the time.
[ Man ] Mr. Powell, put your feet on the marks on the floor.
Now look up at the camera. Hold the plaque chin high.
[ Camera Clicks ] Now turn to your right.
[ Man ] Jack Powell.
Your bail’s posted, pal.
Come on.
Let’s get your stuff here and you can go.
We’ve got a library card, a pocket knife,
Spider-Man watch, Pez dispenser.
Where’s my Pog ? It was the slammer.
Is my mom here ? Oh, Mr. Powell, are you okay ?
Hey, buddy boy. Take care.
They were pretty shocked to hear they arrested the principal, but they let you go.
[ Grunts ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
Sorry about tonight.
Oh, that’s okay.
Mmm.
That eye is just like Louis,
so young looking.
You know, that’s the strangest thing.
What kind of eye cream do you use ?
Can I have about a quart ?
[ Sighs ] Well, it’s been a long night.
I’m gonna let you out of my chariot.
Gotta be going. Thanks for taking me home.
Good night, Mr. Powell.
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
Hey, Mr. Woodruff ! Hey, kid !
Hi, Mr. Woodruff. How ya doin’, fellas ?
How’s the tree house comin’ ?
Looks like my room. You know what that looks like.
We’re just hangin’, tryin’ to catch Jack.
Jack’s still a little tired, boys, and he’s sleeping.
I’ll tell him you came by. Give me some skin, boys.
I’ll take this up to Jack for you.
Bye, Mr. Woodruff. Bye, Mrs. Powell.
Thank you for coming.
He’s been in his room for two and a half weeks.
Maybe you could talk to him.
He’s very confused.
I think he’s realized how fragile his life is.
You know, maybe I’m not the answer.
Maybe he needs to go back to school.
He can’t go back to school.
That’s what started this in the first place.
We can’t risk his health again.
Jack, Mr. Woodruff’s here to see you !
Here, give me this.
Jack, honey.
Mr. Woodruff’s here to see you.
[ Knocking On Door ]
So, why don’t you want me to teach you anymore ?
Why do I have to learn stuff I’m never gonna use ?
That isn’t why I’m teaching you, Jack.
I’m teaching you so you’ll learn something new, interesting.
That’s all.
I don’t care anymore.
Is he sick ?
No, I don’t think so.
Then what’s wrong with him ? Yeah, what’s wrong with him ?
He’s aging. Is he coming back ?
I wish he’d come back. So do I.
Yeah, so do I.
Hey, we all do. Yeah. Yeah.
What’re you doing ?
Going home.
You be back tomorrow ?
This is yours. You can’t quit.
I don’t consider myself quitting.
I consider myself losing a student.
Do you know why I like to teach children, Jack ?
So I don’t get so revved up in being an adult.
So I can remember that...
there are other things that are important in life.
Like riding a bike.
Playing in a tree house.
Splashing in water with good shoes on.
And you, my friend,
were my most special student.
And until recently, you were everything I ever wanted in a student.
You were a shooting star amongst ordinary stars.
Have you ever seen a shooting star, Jack ?
No.
Oh, it’s-- it’s wonderful.
It passes quickly,
but while it’s here, it just lights up the whole sky.
It’s the most beautiful thing you’d ever want to see.
So beautiful that the other stars stop...
and watch.
You almost never see one. Why ?
’Cause they’re very rare, quite rare.
But I saw one.
I did.
I just wanna be a regular star.
Jack, you’ll never be regular.
You’re spectacular.
Mr. Woodruff ?
Eureka.
Yo, Mrs. Powell !
Hey, Mrs. Powell !
Hey, Jack’s mother !
Jack’s mother !
Mrs. Powell !
Hey, can Jack come out and play ?
[ Sighs ] I’m sorry, Louis. He can’t.
But why don’t you try again in a couple of days ?
Hey, Jack’s mother !
Mrs. Powell !
Can Jack come out and play ?
He doesn’t want to.
[ In Unison ] Hey, Jack’s mother !
[ Sighs ] Jack’s mother !
Hey, Jack’s mother.
Can Jack come out and play ?
Girls, I’m sorry. He doesn’t want to.
Can we at least see him, so we’ll know that he’s alive ?
[ Laughs ]
I told you.
No, I told you. I told you.
I said she wasn’t going to let us in.
No, you said, "Yes, she is, let’s go."
And I said, "No, he feels too bad."
I said that we should not go.
- You said-- - I told you.
Of course, as always, you say that-- [ Voices Trail Off ]
[ Sighing ] [ Ball Bouncing ]
[ Boy ] Hey, Jack’s mother ! I know, I know.
Can Jack come out and play ?
Yeah, can he come out and play ?
You are not going to go away, are you ?
Hey, Jack’s mother ! I know I’m Jack’s mother.
Yo, Jack ! Come on out, man ! Yeah, come on out !
[ Mom ] Kids, I’m sorry. I know he misses you,
but he just doesn’t want to come out today !
[ Boys ] Hey, guys.
[ Mom ] Try again some other time. Hey, man, what’s up, Victor ?
Mario, Eric. [ Kids Chattering ]
Hey, Jack, come out and play !
[ Kids All Shouting ]
[ Louis ] Come on, Jack. Come on and hang out.
Why don’t you come out and play with us ?
Just like old times.
Come on, Jack. We never see you.
I miss you on the court, Jack.
[ Incessant Chattering ]
Shoo ! Go away !
Go on, everyone !
[ All Screaming ] Can Jack come out to play ?
[ Dog Barking ]
[ Crunching Cereal ]
[ Jack ] Mom, Dad ?
I’m going to school.
Mom, please say it’s okay.
Well, you better hurry up.
You don’t want to be late.
Thanks. Wait.
Uh-- A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Okay. Uh, Principal McGee, please.
Gotta turn in my assignment.
"When I grow up, I wanna put on about 250 pounds...
"and be a rapper like Heavy D, except Heavy E.
I wanna go to China and film a music video called ’Chubby.’"
[ Blowing, Spitting, Grunting ]
[ Class Laughing ]
"Then I might want to be a part-time boxer,
or maybe a kickboxer, so I can kick some butt."
Louis.
"I wanna be just like my best friend when I grow up.
"He’s only ten, but he looks much older.
"He’s like the perfect grownup, because on the inside,
"he’s still just a kid.
"He’s not afraid to learn things or try things...
"or to meet new people the way most grownups are.
"It’s like he’s looking at everything for the first time,
"because he is.
"And most grownups aren’t like that.
"Most grownups just wanna go to work and make money...
"and show off for the neighbors. [ Skidding ]
"And more than anything, he knows how to be a great friend,
more than most people who look like adults." It’s Jack.
Jack’s back ! It’s Jack !
Come in, Jack.
Jack, it’s so good to have you back.
Sorry I’m late. That’s okay.
Hi, Jack. Hi. Louie.
Your seat’s waiting for you.
We were just in the middle of Louis’ essay.
Hey, Jack. Hey, buddy.
Welcome back, Jack.
Louis, you may continue.
[ Louis ] "And more than anything, he knows how to be a great friend,
"more than most people that look like adults.
"So, I may not know what I want to be when I grow up,
"and right now I really don’t care,
"but I do know who I want to be like.
"I want to be like the giant,
"the big guy,
my best friend, Jack."
Thank you.
[ Class Applauding ]
Thank you, Louis.
That was wonderful, Louis.
Yeah, Louis, that was wonderful.
Okay, class, let’s begin our lesson today.
Turn to page 173.
[ Class Laughing ]
[ Miss Marquez ] Are you okay, Jack ?
All right, everybody, that’s enough. Come on, settle down.
[ Class Giggling ]
Thank you. Oh, Louis, Louis.
Come here, sweetie. Let me take a picture of you.
Wait, come here. Louie, come on. Louie, Louie.
Smile. I’m still payin’ for the damned orthodontist.
Okay, take a picture. Come closer. Come on, come on, come on.
Okay, here, Louie, sweetie. On three. Right there.
Ooh ! Ooh, Eddie. Oh, my God !
Are you okay ? I’m fine.
Are you sure ? Yeah, I’m sure.
John-John ! George, what’s up, fellas ?
Graduation, graduation ! Hey, Eddie, what’s up ?
Let’s go. We’ll never find everybody.
You always want to sit by Johnny. No, I don’t.
Stop ! You stop.
Please ! Please yourself.
Okay, I will. Do that.
I’ll take her, Brian.
Oh.
♪♪ [ "Pomp and Circumstance" ]
[ Growling ]
[ Mr. Woodruff ] Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce...
this year’s valedictorian, Jack Charles Powell.
[ Cheering ]
Thank you, Aristotle.
Sorry.
Oh--
Yo, Jack ! Go get ’em !
I got it, Eric. I’m cool.
[ Audience Laughing ] My speech.
[ Chuckles ]
I don’t have very much time these days, so I’ll make it quick,
like my life. [ Audience Laughs ]
You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our life,
we find ourselves trying to remember the good times...
and trying to forget the bad times.
And we find ourselves thinking about the future...
and start to worry...
thinking, "What am I gonna do ?
Where am I gonna be in ten years ?"
But I say to you,
"Hey, look at me."
Please, don’t worry so much.
’Cause in the end,
none of us have very long on this earth.
Life is fleeting.
And if you’re ever distressed,
cast your eyes to the summer sky.
When the stars are strung across the velvety night,
and when a shooting star streaks through the blackness...
turning night into day...
make a wish,
and think of me.
And make your life spectacular.
I know I did.
I made it, Mom.
[ Laughs ]
I’m a grownup.
Thank you.
[ Audience Applauds ]
[ Cheering ]
Come on, Jackie ! Let’s go !
Mom, it’s the guys. I gotta go.
See ya. Not too late.
Yeah, next Tuesday. [ Laughing ]
[ Guys Whistling ] Let’s go !
Oh, whoa ! How sweet it is ! Mom !
Hey, guy, let’s go. Let’s go !
Come on. Yeah.
All right ? All right, there you go.
See you, Mom !
Yeah, let’s go. See you.
Out of here. We made it.
[ Whistling, Hooting ]
♪ Whatcha gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna say when things go wrong ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you’re on your own ♪
♪ There’s a road ♪
♪ Long and windin’ ♪
♪ The lights are blindin’ ♪
♪ But it gets there ♪
♪ Don’t give up ♪
♪ Don’t look back ♪
♪ There’s a silver linin’ ♪
♪ It’s out there somewhere ♪
♪ Everybody wants a message ♪
♪ Everybody needs a friend ♪
♪ We all need a shining star on which we can depend ♪
♪ So, tonight we’re gonna wish ♪
♪ Upon a star we never wished upon before ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you leave your life ♪
♪ Find what you’re lookin’ for ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ There’ll be times ♪
♪ In your life ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ When you’ll be dancin’ and shit ♪
♪ But you ain’t gettin’ it ♪
♪ Don’t get disillusioned ♪
♪ No, don’t expect too much ♪
♪ ’Cause if what you have is all you can get ♪
♪ Just keep on tryin’ It just ain’t happened yet ♪
♪ Everybody wants to be a winner ♪
♪ Everybody has a dream ♪
♪ We all need a shining star ♪
♪ When things ain’t what they seem ♪
♪ So, tonight we’re gonna wish ♪
♪ Upon a star we never wished upon before ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you leave your life ♪
♪ That’ll get where you’re headin’ for ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Everybody wants some kindness ♪
♪ Everybody needs a break ♪
♪ We all need a shining star when things get hard to take ♪
♪ So, tonight we’re gonna wish ♪
♪ Upon a star we never wished upon before ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you leave your life ♪
♪ Yeah, tonight we’re gonna wish ♪
♪ Upon a star we never wished upon before ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you grow up ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ Gonna find what you’re looking for ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna say when things go wrong ♪
♪ Just don’t get disillusioned ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you’re on your own ♪ ♪ No, don’t ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you grow up ♪
♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Whatcha gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ It’s out there somewhere, baby ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna say when things go wrong ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when your time is up ♪
♪ Whatcha gonna do when you grow up ♪♪
♪♪ [ Vocalizing, Piano ]
♪ [ Vocalizing ] ♪
♪ [ Whistling ] ♪
[ Children ] Can Jack come out to play ?