1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,902 TED: Kids, you remember my first date with Robin. 2 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,507 I think I'm in love with you. 3 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:06,669 What?! 4 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,177 Well, here's the thing, 5 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,279 normal people, you know, people who aren't your dad, 6 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,881 usually take longer to say "I love you." 7 00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,553 Robin went through the usual stages. 8 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,447 Spider! 9 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,085 Spider! I left something in the hallway. 10 00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,388 Where? Right there. 11 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,922 (sighs in relief) Got it. 12 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,456 First there's the moment when you think you think it. 13 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,463 Whoa, still alive. (yells) 14 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,802 There's the moment you think you know it. 15 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,771 Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick. 16 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,482 Totally worth it. 17 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,308 There's the moment 18 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,617 where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it. 19 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,949 All right, it's getting to be that time. 20 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:50,883 I'll talk to you tomorrow? 21 00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,748 Good night. 22 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,046 Good night. 23 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,788 Wait, Ted? 24 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:56,823 Yeah? 25 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,300 Good night. 26 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,834 Well, great, I'll see you then. 27 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:05,865 Bye, sweetie. 28 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,199 Hey. Guess what? 29 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,135 My sister Katie is coming to visit next weekend. 30 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,500 She gets in on Thursday. 31 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,068 That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? 32 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,466 I'm going to take off work Friday. 33 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,277 We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building. 34 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,779 Really? You'd do that? 35 00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,311 Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building. 36 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:24,318 And then there's the moment where you know you know it, 37 00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:26,492 and you can't keep it in any longer. 38 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,820 Ted. Yeah? 39 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,790 Falafel. 40 00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,148 Falafel? 41 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,279 Falafel. 42 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,353 Instead of telling Ted you love him, 43 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,782 you said "falafel"? 44 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,216 I totally choked. 45 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,421 I just don't get it. 46 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,722 Why can't you tell Ted you love him? 47 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,624 Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me. 48 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,726 Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. 49 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,534 No. 50 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,362 Okay, well, I don't usually get this far 51 00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:11,668 in the relationship. 52 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,499 I usually take the three-week exit. 53 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,474 Don't tell me you're actually buying into 54 00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,943 Barney's freeway theory. 55 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,970 Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about 56 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,507 to drop some knowledge. 57 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,712 Relationships are like a freeway. 58 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,954 Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships 59 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,179 are like a traveling circus. 60 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,915 No, this is new. This trumps that. 61 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:30,977 Freeways have exits. 62 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,488 So do relationships. 63 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,060 The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. 64 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,418 You meet, you talk, you have sex, 65 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,127 you exit when she's in the shower. 66 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,588 So every girl you have sex with 67 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,997 feels the immediate need to shower? 68 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,759 Actually, yeah, I get that. 69 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:47,597 The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months-- 70 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,935 that's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars. 71 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,170 Hey! What? 72 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,965 Then a year and a half, 18 years, 73 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,536 and the last exit-- death. 74 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,975 Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, 75 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,350 it's like, "Are we there yet?" 76 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,450 So I've never been on the freeway this long before. 77 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,453 I mean, usually by now I find out the guy 78 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,145 has some weird personality thing 79 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,056 that makes me want to take the next exit. 80 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,018 Yeah, been there. I once dated a guy 81 00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,387 who could only go to the bathroom 82 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,655 when classical music was playing. 83 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,132 Okay, it was Marshall. 84 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:19,473 It's just things are going so well with Ted 85 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,600 I just don't want to complicate it. 86 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,795 Relax, it'll happen when it happens. 87 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,907 Which is also the advice I gave Marshall 88 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,409 to get him over the classical music thing. 89 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:30,943 Oh, here comes Katie. 90 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,475 Aw, your sister's so cute. Yeah. 91 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,675 This reminds me of when I used to see her 92 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,987 coming up the driveway from school, 93 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:42,289 with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack. 94 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,332 Hello, Kitty. Oh, no. 95 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,700 No. No. No. 96 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,430 Hey, Robin. 97 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:52,865 Hey. How are you? 98 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,600 Oh, good. Good. 99 00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:58,013 So, who is this... 100 00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,508 tongue person? 101 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:00,440 Robin, 102 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:01,784 this is my boyfriend Kyle. 103 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:05,209 Looks like hotness runs in the family. 104 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,515 Oh, you said that. 105 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:08,518 Great. 106 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,649 So how long have you two been...? 107 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,154 Two whole months. Yeah. 108 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,185 He's actually coming to visit family in New York, too. 109 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,191 Isn't that great? 110 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:16,322 My cousin. 111 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,657 He's 23, kind of a wad, 112 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,531 but he buys me beer, so... 113 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,960 (chuckles nervously): That's cool. 114 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,764 This is my friend Lily. 115 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,396 Hot. 116 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,302 You say things! 117 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,374 Well, come on, let's get you 118 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,372 back to my place, we'll get you settled. 119 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,344 Um, actually, I'm going to stay with Kyle tonight. 120 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,673 Uh, no, you're not. 121 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:34,507 Oh, come on. 122 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,212 It's kind of a special night. 123 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,614 If you know what I mean. 124 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,006 What? 125 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,018 Oh. 126 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,619 Oh... 127 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,287 I can't believe my baby sister 128 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,022 is planning to lose her virginity 129 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,827 to a douche with a faux hawk. 130 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:53,990 This can't happen. 131 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,297 You guys have to help me talk her out of it. 132 00:04:56,330 --> 00:05:00,170 Speech to talk a girl out of having sex. 133 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,670 Yeah, I don't have any of those. 134 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,772 Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion. 135 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,605 Please? I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to teach her 136 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,511 how to make good and responsible decisions. 137 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:14,284 It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas. 138 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,754 That's why I need your help. 139 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,591 Robin convinced Katie to stay with her that first night. 140 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,761 And the next day, 141 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,719 I took everyone to the Empire State Building. 142 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,727 You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. 143 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,799 Empire State Building fun fact number one: 144 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:31,028 When construction began on March 17, 1930, the framework rose 145 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,534 at a rate of four and a half stories per week. 146 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,965 Four and a half stories per week. 147 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,835 Four and a half stories per week. 148 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,412 (murmuring) Wow. There it is. 149 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,041 There it is. Come on. 150 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:45,345 These are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them. 151 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,179 You know, Katie, I have wanted 152 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,784 to come to the Empire State Building for so long, 153 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:52,387 but I waited to come here with someone special. 154 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,220 Oh, here we go. 155 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,824 Marshall and I have never been 156 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,786 to the Empire State Building either. 157 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:58,885 But I'm so glad 158 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,856 I waited to do something so important 159 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:01,964 with my fiancé. 160 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,063 Speaking of waiting, 161 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,697 I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. 162 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,743 It's totally cool to wait. 163 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,238 And stay away from drugs... 164 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,069 other than pot. 165 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,614 You told them? 166 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,870 Oh, okay, yes, I told them. 167 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,577 But only because I think you should hear it 168 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,879 from other grown-ups, too. 169 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,450 Everyone thinks you should wait. Right, guys? 170 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,050 Totally. You should wait. Sex is fun. 171 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,382 See? 172 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,547 You are such a hypocrite. 173 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,085 You were only 16 when you lost yours. 174 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,259 Well, how do you know that? You left your diary 175 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,288 in your old room slash my new room. 176 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,633 I'll pay you $10,000 for that diary. 177 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,430 Look, I've been dating Kyle for two months now. 178 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:36,703 It's like forever. 179 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,270 I mean, we've already done everything else. 180 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,369 I mean, we've even... 181 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,040 Oh. La, la, la, la, la. 182 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,440 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. 183 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,343 (sighs) 184 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:49,943 Even Kyle gets to do that. 185 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,447 You have no right to tell me not to do it. 186 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,250 But Kyle? Why can't you just wait? 187 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,521 Because if you wait, you can get 188 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,749 a nice guy like Ted. 189 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,885 Robin, this is happening. 190 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,020 Look, I already put it up on my Myspace page. 191 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,087 I need a clove. 192 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,625 You smoke now, too? 193 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,600 Oh, remember cloves? 194 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,459 No! No "Aw, remember cloves?" 195 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:11,798 This can't happen. 196 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,632 She's my 197 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,996 baby sister, okay? 198 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,874 She should be watching The Little Mermaid 199 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,443 and drinking Yoohoo, and not having sex. 200 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,842 Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex. 201 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:21,944 I was 17. 202 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:22,775 We were 18. 203 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,410 Barney was probably 12. 204 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,614 (chuckles): Good one, Ted. 205 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,121 I was, uh, six... fourt... 206 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,350 How old were you again? 207 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:32,954 17. 208 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,516 Dude, me, too. 209 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,285 Barney, you okay? 210 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,293 Yeah, of course. 211 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,494 What, you don't believe me? 212 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,556 It was at camp, so I'm... What camp? 213 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,734 This place in the Catskills. Look it up. 214 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,674 I was there teaching for the summer. 215 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,004 What did you teach? 216 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,095 Uh, dance. 217 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,507 Dance? 218 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,239 Yeah, Ted, dance. Maybe you've heard of it. 219 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,378 It was just a simple summer job, 220 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,809 but it turned into so much more. 221 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,177 BARNEY: Her name was Frances Houseman, 222 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,245 but everyone called her Baby. 223 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,483 * Sylvia 224 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,048 * Yes, Mickey? 225 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,216 * How you call your loverboy? 226 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,715 * Come here, loverboy 227 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,488 * And if he doesn't answer 228 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,596 * Oh, loverboy 229 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,528 * And if he still doesn't answer? * 230 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:20,704 * I simply say, baby... 231 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:24,844 * Oh, baby 232 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:28,182 * My sweet baby 233 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,078 That's Dirty Dancing. 234 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,710 It was on last night. 235 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,075 No, it was two nights ago. 236 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,183 "She's Like the Wind" 237 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,084 has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. 238 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,186 I just got it out. Now it's back in. 239 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,118 Damn you, Swayze! 240 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,791 Do you remember our first time? 241 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,363 Yeah. 242 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,631 It was back in college. 243 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,064 Oh, wait, wait. Look... 244 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:52,096 I really want to do this, but... 245 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,202 we should make it special, you know? 246 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,304 Do this right. 247 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,012 Okay. 248 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:00,970 You're right. 249 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,738 Maybe we could go to the beach 250 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,236 and get a house for the weekend. 251 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,277 Yeah, New Year's Eve. 252 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,883 Okay. 253 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,646 Oh, and we'll light candles 254 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,485 and maybe put on some classical music. 255 00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,021 That's not a good idea. 256 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,456 Why not? 257 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:18,760 Long story. 258 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,762 But maybe we could put on some Al Green 259 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,564 and take a bubble bath together. 260 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,626 Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. 261 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:27,432 Oh, I love you, Marshall. 262 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,767 I'm so glad we're waiting. 263 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,712 Oops. 264 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:35,982 Oh, that's adorable. 265 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,379 Yeah, tell her what happened next. 266 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,911 That was amazing. 267 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,177 Yeah. 268 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,624 Want to do it again? 269 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,790 Please don't. 270 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,449 We said we were sorry. 271 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,117 Yeah, well, then why'd you do it again? 272 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,986 You know what, I loaned you my Walkman. 273 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,864 The point is 274 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,433 no matter what, it's never gonna be 275 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,301 as perfect as you want it to be. 276 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,699 Well, mine was terrible. 277 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,331 Wait, I've never heard your story. 278 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,067 Well, as you know, I was 16. 279 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,973 And it was with my boyfriend Brian. 280 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,376 Ready? 281 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,610 Yeah. 282 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,805 Wow. 283 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,517 This feels so right. 284 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:16,678 Oh, I know. 285 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:17,987 Oh, Robin. 286 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,148 Oh, Brian. 287 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,315 Yeah, I'm gay. 288 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,428 I'm so sorry. 289 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,560 Eh, I should've known. 290 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,596 There were signs. 291 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,231 (door opens) Oh, my God! 292 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,766 My mom's home. Quick! 293 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,342 Get under my bed. What?! 294 00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,911 Oh, my God! 295 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,211 You only get one shot at losing your virginity. 296 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,014 And even though I just barely had sex, it counts. 297 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,717 What do you mean just barely? 298 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,820 Well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, 299 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:56,592 but he... splashed around in the shallow end. 300 00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:58,633 Then you didn't lose your virginity to him. 301 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,588 Just barely doesn't count. 302 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:01,657 Yes, it does. 303 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:02,795 No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. 304 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:03,900 No, it doesn't. 305 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:06,101 It doesn't count. End of story. 306 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:09,803 Ooh, why, Lily Aldrin, you saucy little harlot. 307 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,197 Could it be that before Marshall 308 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,438 took a swim, someone else tested the water? 309 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:18,284 (chuckles): No. Nobody else tested the water, right? 310 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,577 Scooter? 311 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:22,754 Who's Scooter? 312 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,923 My high school boyfriend, 313 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,691 who I did not have sex with. 314 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,959 I can't believe this. 315 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,458 We're Marshall and Lily-- when people see us, they say, 316 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,430 "Oh, look at them, they've only had sex with each other." 317 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,530 No, Marshall, they say, 318 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,831 (sadly): "Oh, look at them, 319 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,833 they've only had sex with each other." 320 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,265 MARSHALL: But now 321 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,529 that's not true anymore-- now you've had sex 322 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,568 with twice as many people as I have. 323 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,943 I knew that you were too good at it. 324 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,813 Know what? I don't want to see 325 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,281 the stupid Empire State Building anymore. 326 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,639 It's not stupid. 327 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,777 I'm going to see Kyle. 328 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,052 Katie, please. 329 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,250 You only get to lose your virginity once. 330 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,952 You should only be having sex with someone who's special. 331 00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,715 Oh, please-- you've had sex with, like, a hundred guys. 332 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,624 It's not a hundred guys. 333 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,385 (loudly): It's not a hundred guys. 334 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,834 I'm sure you were madly in love with all of them. 335 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:10,100 I had different levels of feeling for each of the... 336 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,100 very reasonable number of guys. 337 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,332 Really. 338 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,737 Well, do you love Ted? 339 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,076 Do you love Ted? 340 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,983 I, um... Okay, Empire State Building 341 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,045 fun fact number 22: 342 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,193 The Empire State Building has tons of places 343 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,089 where people can have private conversations. 344 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,062 You're off the hook, okay? Just let me explain. 345 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,390 You don't have to explain anything. 346 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,555 You don't have to say it-- it's fine. 347 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,463 Okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, 348 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,397 then saying... "hm hm hm" 349 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,074 is like... getting into the carpool lane. 350 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,873 And I don't want to take an exit, but... 351 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,106 at the same time, 352 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,241 I'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. 353 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,006 Because what's in the carpool lane? 354 00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,745 Oh, it's a big diamond, and I'm just not ready to get... 355 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,480 Okay, Robin, Robin, stop. 356 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:05,115 It's no big deal-- you don't have to say it. 357 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,352 It's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, 358 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,517 and I don't want to say it too soon. 359 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,516 What, you mean like I did? 360 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,888 No. I didn't... 361 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,996 Yeah, like you did. 362 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,629 I mean, you have to admit it, Ted, it was a little weird. 363 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:22,436 Weird... or courageous? 364 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,299 Pretty sure weird. Okay. 365 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,567 I mean, who gives it up on the first date? 366 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,136 Well, come on, it shows I'm brave and bold, like a knight. 367 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,276 No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut. 368 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,181 Well, then you're an I-love-you prude. 369 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,123 You know what? I take mine back. 370 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,718 You... What? I take my "I love you" back. 371 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,549 You can't take it back. Nah. Just did. Got it right here. 372 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,786 But, you know, I'm such a slut, 373 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:41,960 I'm just gonna give it away 374 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,719 Hey, you, sir. I love you. 375 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,126 (voice breaks): Thank you, man. 376 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,028 I was going up there to jump. 377 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,574 LILY: Marshall, why is this such a big deal? 378 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,740 Why is this such a big deal? 379 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,498 Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, 380 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,807 guess who actually discovered the New World. 381 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,769 Some dude named Scooter. 382 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,078 Oh, uh, 383 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,740 Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this: 384 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:08,447 "One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter." 385 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:09,781 Whoa, hey, Adam, 386 00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:11,776 guess who got with Eve before you did... Okay, Marshall, 387 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:12,848 I get it. 388 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:13,946 It's a big deal because 389 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:14,957 it rewrites our history. 390 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,318 No, it doesn't. 391 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,786 Look, have you been to the Empire State Building? 392 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,885 No. You've only been in the lobby. 393 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,158 People don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. 394 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,496 They buy tickets to get to the top. 395 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,472 Scooter only 396 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,699 got in the lobby, 397 00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,204 and the lobby doesn't count. 398 00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,366 Really. Excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me 399 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,214 how to get to the Empire State Building? 400 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,940 Um, we're in it right now. 401 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,335 Thank you, sir. 402 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,946 You're a very wise and brilliant man. 403 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,079 You're right. 404 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,083 Why would I throw that all away? 405 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,975 I'm having the best day! 406 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,215 Katie, I'll admit, 407 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,424 maybe I'm not in any place to lecture you 408 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:50,956 on romantic relationships, but... 409 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,291 but I just don't want you 410 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,625 to make the same mistakes that I've made. 411 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:58,101 (laughs): Oh, believe me, Kyle is not gay. 412 00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,101 That's not what I meant. 413 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:03,503 I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. 414 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,644 Please don't do this. 415 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:10,813 TED: But, kids, later that night Katie did it, 416 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,553 and she got pregnant... 417 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,609 with quintuplets... 418 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,777 and she lived out her days in a trailer park... 419 00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,147 where she died an alcoholic. 420 00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:21,987 So the moral here, kids, 421 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,162 is don't have sex until you're married. 422 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,361 Maybe even wait a year or two into marriage. 423 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,463 Dad! Dad! Come on, what really happened? 424 00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:29,325 All right, 425 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,762 here's what really happened. 426 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,997 Hey. Hey. 427 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,332 She didn't do it. 428 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,766 Hey, that's great! You got through to her. 429 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,402 No, I didn't. You did. 430 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,667 She told me that you talked to her. 431 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,383 Hey, Katie. 432 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:43,579 Hey. 433 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,210 Got another Empire State Building fun fact for me? 434 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,016 (laughs): No. I wouldn't bore you 435 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,148 with the seven million man-hours it took to build 436 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:53,453 this 102-story testament to human will. 437 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,564 So, you okay? 438 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,829 I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. 439 00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,758 Kyle, he's a really nice guy. 440 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,063 He could've cheated on me 441 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,125 with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't. 442 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:07,204 'Cause he said he knew I'd find out. 443 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:10,944 That's very gallant. 444 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,140 Well, I don't know what 445 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,412 your sister's freaking out about, either. 446 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,310 I was your age my first time. Oh, really? 447 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,982 Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly. 448 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,209 I love you, Ted. 449 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,848 Oh, I love you, too, Molly. 450 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,923 But I didn't. 451 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,922 That was amazing. 452 00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:30,564 Look, I got to go. 453 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,390 Where are you going? 454 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,225 My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. 455 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,862 We're going out to the woods to light 'em-- 456 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:37,896 it's gonna be awesome. 457 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,270 Well, will you call me? 458 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,199 Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. 459 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,495 But I didn't. 460 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:47,766 Molly? 461 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,477 Yeah? 462 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,549 Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. 463 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,079 But I didn't. 464 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,454 And I never saw her again. 465 00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,624 I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have sex. 466 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:03,223 I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and... 467 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:04,586 that's exactly what I did. 468 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,864 Oh. Look, I'm not telling you 469 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,404 what to do. 470 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:12,599 I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. 471 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,732 Even the nice ones. 472 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,935 So I told Kyle I wanted to wait... 473 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,740 (crying): and he dumped me. 474 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,643 Oh, oh, sweetie, 475 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,235 I'm so sorry. 476 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,945 Aw, honey. 477 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,250 I promise everything is gonna be okay. 478 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,761 You want to watch The Little Mermaid 479 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,559 and drink some Yoo-Hoo? 480 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,131 Only if you put a buttload of Kahlua in it. 481 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,599 Don't tell Mom. 482 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,536 Thanks for doing that. 483 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,168 You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you. 484 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,514 But, man, your story, 485 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,569 I mean, it doesn't even sound like you. 486 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,412 Yeah, well... 487 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,211 I love you, Molly. 488 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:04,078 Oh, I love you, too, Ted. 489 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:08,017 Wow. That was amazing. 490 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,324 Look, I got to go. 491 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,587 Wh-Where are you going? 492 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,655 Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. 493 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,904 We're going into the woods to light them. 494 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:17,899 It's gonna be awesome. 495 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,470 Will you call me? 496 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,469 Yeah. I'll totally call you. 497 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:24,843 Oh, Ted? 498 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,341 Yeah? 499 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,183 Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. 500 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,783 But she didn't. 501 00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,311 Oh, come here. 502 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,849 I love you. 503 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:43,819 (exhales) 504 00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,756 (laughs): I said it. 505 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,733 Feels right. 506 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,001 I love you. I'm gay. 507 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,970 Oh... I'm kidding. 508 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,200 I love you, too. 509 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:58,135 Mmm... Mmm... 510 00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,541 Hey... 511 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,872 you lost your I-love-you-ginity. 512 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:06,508 Yeah. I guess I was just waiting for the right guy. 513 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,389 Katie ended up having a great first time in New York. 514 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,662 And the last thing we did before she left 515 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,460 was go to the Empire State Building. 516 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,792 Wow, I am so glad we're finally doing this. 517 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,058 What are you talking about? We were here yesterday. 518 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,696 Yeah, but that didn't really count. 519 00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,532 Oh, crap. 520 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:28,767 Exactly! 521 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:29,841 So yesterday doesn't count 522 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:33,039 as having gone to the Empire State Building. 523 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,482 So I lost it to you, Marshall. 524 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,878 And I rode that elevator to the top, 525 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:42,480 and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. 526 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,115 And that's our story. 527 00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,450 Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. 528 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,216 We've only had sex with each other. 529 00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,386 We've only had sex with each other. 530 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,264 They've only had sex with each other. 531 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,533 (shudders) 532 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,598 Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. 533 00:19:58,631 --> 00:19:59,801 Ha-ha-ha! 534 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,772 Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81: 535 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,102 There are 1,860 steps 536 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,436 from this... Whoa, whoa! 537 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,542 (Barney cackles) Come on! 538 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,653 So, now you guys can finally say 539 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,181 you've been to the Empire State Building. 540 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,545 How have you lived here so long and never been to the top? 541 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,845 Well, we're usually busy... 542 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,417 drinking. 543 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,985 LILY: Speaking of first times, 544 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:27,433 we never got to hear your virginity story. Oh, yeah. 545 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,130 That's right, I almost forgot. 546 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:31,501 Okay. I was 16, 547 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,671 and it was in a baseball dugout... 548 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,130 Fast Times at Ridgemont High. 549 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,997 I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl... 550 00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,306 Risky Business. 551 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,168 I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer... 552 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:42,336 That's War Games, and there's not even a sex scene in it. 553 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,835 All right! 554 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:47,376 I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old 555 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,724 divorced friend, Rhonda. 556 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,718 She called me "Barry" the whole time, 557 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,150 and for two weeks, my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. 558 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,485 You happy? 559 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,364 Hey... 560 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,695 Why don't you 561 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,330 tell us again about your first time 562 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,795 at the camp in the Catskills. 563 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,100 Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. 564 00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,307 Her dad did not approve of our love. 565 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,380 Did anyone put Baby in a corner? 566 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:16,778 Oh, God, no. 567 00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,984 What can I say, I... 568 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,782 had... the time of my life. 569 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:25,045 True story. Mm. 570 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,424 * I had 571 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:29,763 * The time of my life.