1 00:00:01,790 --> 00:00:06,420 - Wow. I-I can't believe Dan might be your boyfriend's dad. 2 00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,380 My head is swimming. 3 00:00:08,380 --> 00:00:11,300 I almost need a reminder of how we got here. 4 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,590 - Okay, fine. But this is the last time. 5 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,430 Previously on "Night Court"... 6 00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:16,720 Haven't seen you around here, which is a good thing, 7 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,560 'cause it means you're not a criminal. 8 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,100 - Get ready to see a little bit more of me tomorrow. 9 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,560 - Tomorrow I have this stupid 10 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,180 "Sensitivity and Respect in the Workplace" seminar. 11 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,440 - I'm running it. 12 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,230 - Consent to ravage you. - Consent given. 13 00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:28,270 - We are nowhere near meeting parents. 14 00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:30,610 - Parent. I've never met my biological father. 15 00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:31,990 This is my mom. 16 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,280 - So, is this your first time in New York? 17 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,110 - No, I lived here in the '80s. 18 00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:36,660 Before I had Jake, 19 00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:39,740 I actually dated a lawyer who worked in this courthouse. 20 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,290 - What a small world. 21 00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,330 I wonder if the guy you dated knew... 22 00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:47,290 - I think Dan might be your boyfriend's dad. 23 00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:50,210 Oh, that was helpful. 24 00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:54,510 I like how you did it in four to six digestible bites. 25 00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,470 - So you swear you haven't told anyone about this? 26 00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:57,760 - I can keep a secret. 27 00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,470 For instance, I haven't told anyone 28 00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:02,350 Wyatt hooked up with that scary security guard. 29 00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:04,350 And that happened right in this room. 30 00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:07,310 On surfaces that you eat off of. 31 00:01:07,310 --> 00:01:09,570 - Oh, get it, table. 32 00:01:10,610 --> 00:01:12,650 It has to be handled with the utmost care. 33 00:01:12,650 --> 00:01:15,650 I can't just come out and say, "Jake, Dan's your dad." 34 00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:17,660 - Dan is my dad? 35 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:21,490 - I saw him there, but you were on a roll. 36 00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:23,580 - Not how I wanted you to find out, 37 00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:25,580 but maybe this is better. 38 00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,500 Now together, we can find the perfect way 39 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,460 to tell Dan you're his surprise son. 40 00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:32,500 - Jake's my surprise son? 41 00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:35,510 - Starting now, everyone wears tap shoes. 42 00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:38,720 I know this is shocking, but let's focus on the positive. 43 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:41,510 Jake, Dan could be the father figure you've always dreamed of. 44 00:01:41,510 --> 00:01:44,270 - Whoa, whoa, now I got to live up to some kid's dreams? 45 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,520 - In my dreams, you showed up 30 years ago in an Acura Legend 46 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,730 and took me to play Skee-Ball. 47 00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:53,070 I wouldn't be caught dead in a Legend. 48 00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:54,530 - Let's all take a break. 49 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:57,280 I mean, we don't even know if it's true. 50 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,410 - We don't even know if it's true?! 51 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,620 - Okay, so now we know that's not the way to tell them. 52 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:09,710 - This was a very poor way to break this news to us. 53 00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:12,170 - If you had delivered the information better, 54 00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:14,130 we could be a family right now! 55 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,720 - I am so upset! 56 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:22,390 I'm gonna take it out on these priceless Fabergé eggs! 57 00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:28,560 - Wait a minute. 58 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,440 I only have Fabergé eggs in my dreams. 59 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,520 - I guess that means this is a dream. 60 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,650 It would explain how I'm pregnant 61 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:37,900 with our future president. 62 00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:47,410 - Mr. Jasper, we all love Baskin-Robbins' 63 00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,870 free-sample policy, but it's understood 64 00:02:48,870 --> 00:02:52,210 the samples go in your mouth, not your pants. 65 00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:54,340 I'll let you off with a warning. 66 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,420 {\an8}- Ohh, so close. 67 00:02:56,420 --> 00:02:58,210 {\an8}I really thought I had it that time. 68 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,760 {\an8}But I swear, you will never beat me again. 69 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,260 {\an8}Because this was my last case as prosecutor. 70 00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,890 {\an8}- What? No, Murray, you can't leave. 71 00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:07,770 {\an8}I never thought it was possible I could win this much. 72 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,890 {\an8}And I have a very high opinion of myself. 73 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,730 {\an8}- Sorry, Dan. I was only filling in 74 00:03:12,730 --> 00:03:15,190 {\an8}until the DA's office found a permanent replacement 75 00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:16,440 {\an8}for Olivia. 76 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:17,900 {\an8}I still can't believe she left us 77 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:22,240 {\an8}for a big law firm with better pay and benefits. 78 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,820 {\an8}But is she happy? 79 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:27,490 {\an8}According to her Facebook, extremely. 80 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:29,410 {\an8}- Ah, there's really a replacement, 81 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,460 {\an8}or just you in a wig again? 82 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,790 {\an8}- Wait, you were Arthur B. Lawyer? 83 00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:35,630 {\an8}Were you also Olivia? 84 00:03:35,630 --> 00:03:38,590 {\an8}I changed my clothes in front of her. 85 00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:40,800 {\an8}- Yeah, this new prosecutor is impressive on paper. 86 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,800 {\an8}She did some corporate law a while back 87 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:47,470 {\an8}but recently has been a practicing criminal. 88 00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:49,390 {\an8}Uh, I know we don't get the best people, 89 00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:50,480 {\an8}but this can't be right. 90 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,230 {\an8}- No, it is. 91 00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:55,190 {\an8}Hi, Dan. - Aah! 92 00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:56,650 {\an8}Julianne. 93 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:59,400 {\an8}You're out of prison. 94 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,860 {\an8}Does the warden know? 95 00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:05,490 {\an8}- The new prosecutor is the woman who swore to destroy Dan? 96 00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:06,910 {\an8}I didn't know she was a lawyer. 97 00:04:06,910 --> 00:04:09,790 {\an8}They'll let anyone be a criminal these days. 98 00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:11,830 {\an8}- No, I left that life behind. 99 00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:15,670 {\an8}Now I want to use my legal skills to make the city safer. 100 00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:17,960 {\an8}And to address the elephant in the room, 101 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:23,680 {\an8}whom I no longer see thanks to those fantastic pharmaceuticals, 102 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,930 {\an8}I did want Dan dead. 103 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:28,680 {\an8}But-- pff-- come on. Who hasn't? 104 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,680 {\an8}- Hey, I need to talk to your boyfriend. 105 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,430 {\an8}- What? No, you don't. You have nothing in common 106 00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:33,690 {\an8}and no reason to see each other. 107 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,440 {\an8}- Yes, we do. I have an HR emergency. 108 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,360 {\an8}- Would you believe that our new HR rep 109 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,360 {\an8}looks a lot like Flobert in a wig? 110 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,570 Fine. I'll call Jake. 111 00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:47,820 - I'll get right to the point. I called this meeting 112 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,330 to disclose a relationship with a co-worker. 113 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:53,000 This woman tried to kill me. 114 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,420 - Okay, so on the form, I'll just put "other." 115 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,460 Oh, never mind. "Kill me" is on here. 116 00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:02,050 - I guess I should also disclose that we are in a relationship. 117 00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,510 But that's it. 118 00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:04,880 No other relationships to disclose. 119 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,720 So meeting over? 120 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,890 - Uh, no, but I do need to keep this brief. 121 00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,560 I'm visiting my mom at the hospital. 122 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,600 She's fine, but she just got some work done 123 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,730 on what she calls her "man-catchers." 124 00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:19,940 My therapist said conversations like that are why I got into HR. 125 00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,770 - Jake is extra close with his mom 126 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,900 because he doesn't know who his dad is. 127 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,320 No one does. 128 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,070 Fine, yeah. My dad wrestled alligators. 129 00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:29,490 And your dad was a judge who also did magic. 130 00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:31,030 Now we're all caught up on dads. 131 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,910 Can we get back to the woman who clearly took this job 132 00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:35,910 to exact some horrible revenge on me? 133 00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:39,290 - Oh, Dan, six months ago, you would have been spot-on. 134 00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:40,750 I mean, yeah, old Julianne 135 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:42,590 would definitely have conned her way out of prison 136 00:05:42,590 --> 00:05:44,670 and lied herself into this job 137 00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:47,760 just so she could watch you squirm. 138 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,300 But that Julianne is gone. 139 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,390 I killed her. 140 00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:54,640 Cheeto? 141 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,940 - Let's say for the moment that I believe you, which I don't. 142 00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:00,860 You could be a prosecutor anywhere. 143 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,940 If this is not some sort of sick game of cat and mouse, 144 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,860 why did you choose the one courthouse 145 00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:09,070 with this juicy little mouse? 146 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:12,780 - Because hardly any judges in this city 147 00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,950 signed up for Operation Second Chance. 148 00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:18,870 But one judge signed up 40 times. 149 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,540 - You signed off on this and kept it from me? 150 00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:23,710 - I'm not keeping things from you. 151 00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:25,800 Why does that keep coming up? 152 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,050 - I don't think it has. 153 00:06:27,050 --> 00:06:28,760 Unless you're keeping things from me. 154 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,760 - Not keeping things! 155 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,600 Look, I had no idea the new prosecutor was Julianne, 156 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,100 but her record's been expunged. 157 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,480 I got a glowing letter from her parole officer. 158 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,440 Oh, and she was vice president of the knitting club. 159 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,860 They gave her needles in prison. How bad could she be? 160 00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:48,110 - Great, I've always wanted to be trapped in a macrame net. 161 00:06:48,110 --> 00:06:50,990 - Oh, Dan, macrame couldn't hold a guy like you 162 00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:53,080 for more than three minutes. 163 00:06:54,660 --> 00:06:57,500 - Julianne's our prosecutor. We just have to make it work. 164 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,460 - Like one big happy family. 165 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,000 - Not a family. No one's family. 166 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,540 We would have disclosed that earlier 167 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,130 when we were disclosing things. 168 00:07:04,130 --> 00:07:06,460 - I think I know what's going on here. 169 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,800 - No time for theories. 170 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,970 Jake has to go see his mom's new rack. 171 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,130 Come on. - She sent me pictures, 172 00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:14,100 but she said they don't do them justice. 173 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,850 - The last time I saw Dan, we kissed. 174 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,470 And I think he's upset 175 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:23,190 because it meant more to him than it did to me. 176 00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:25,110 - Oh, that's a lie. 177 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:28,860 I rocked your face. 178 00:07:28,860 --> 00:07:32,610 I am telling you, she is a wolf in sheep's clothing, 179 00:07:32,610 --> 00:07:35,870 and I'm a juicy little spring lamb. 180 00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:38,490 - You just said you were a juicy mouse. 181 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,080 - Uh, since that's the third use, 182 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,620 "juicy" is what we in HR call a problem word. 183 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,040 - Just pipe down, young man. 184 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,840 I'm old enough to be your father. 185 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,550 - Okay, meeting's over. Good stuff. 186 00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:49,670 Everyone's pappy-- happy. 187 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,090 Let's skedaddy-- skedaddle. 188 00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:53,090 Get out! 189 00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,520 - Okay, I think I finally figured out a way 190 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,560 to tell Dan that Jake might be his son-- 191 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,850 this friendly, anonymous letter. 192 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:07,570 - That explains why this article doesn't make sense. 193 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,570 - Hey, Judge. - Nothing. 194 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:14,030 - Oh, you two were talking about how Dan might be Jake's daddy. 195 00:08:14,030 --> 00:08:16,490 - Damn it, Murray, should have known you couldn't keep a secret 196 00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:19,200 after you told me about Wyatt and that scary security guard. 197 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,660 - That doesn't count. 198 00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:24,250 I told you that in a dream. 199 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:25,920 - Just tell him, Judge. 200 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,170 I was nervous to talk to my neighbor 201 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,000 about his loud music, but I did. 202 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,920 And that's how I met Robert Durst dressed as a woman. 203 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,170 - It's not as simple as you 204 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,090 meeting Robert Durst in disguise. 205 00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:38,050 I mean, we're not even positive they are father and son. 206 00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,510 I could be getting Jake's hopes up over nothing. 207 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,980 Telling them would be a whole lot easier if I knew for sure. 208 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,640 - Well, let's get some hard proof. 209 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,020 We can trick those guys into a paternity test easy. 210 00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:50,150 I'm always looking for a reason to steal DNA. 211 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,940 - And I'm always looking for a reason 212 00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,780 to hold a fake blood drive. 213 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,950 That's why we're friends. 214 00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:58,120 - No one's stealing any DNA. 215 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,160 We can get the answer in a normal way. 216 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:04,500 Now, what color roses say, "Hey, Jake's mom, nice boobs. 217 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,040 Any chance Dan saw the befores?" 218 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,800 - Orange. - Orange. 219 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,800 - Midge, if the cafeteria in the prison was run this well, 220 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,720 there would be no riots. 221 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,810 - Oh, she's good. 222 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,680 Winning over the court one by one, 223 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,980 preying on the weak and the stupid. 224 00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:28,230 Pulling the wool over their eyes. 225 00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:30,690 Luckily, the three of us know better. 226 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:33,030 - I like her. 227 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,030 She looks like if Connecticut was a person. 228 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:41,030 - Luckily, the two of us know better. 229 00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:45,080 - Maybe you've misjudged her. She seems reformed to me. 230 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,160 - Where'd you get the scarf? 231 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,170 - I don't know. 232 00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:52,550 I don't remember my life before I got it. 233 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:56,630 - She's literally pulled the wool over your eyes. 234 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,640 - I think it's pashmina. 235 00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:04,890 - You can tell that quack doctor they're big enough 236 00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:08,190 when I say they're big enough. 237 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:12,270 And I don't think these pills are even working. 238 00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:15,900 - Hi, Susan. Brought you flowers. 239 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:19,700 A bouquet for your bou-bays. 240 00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:22,070 Sorry, I'm super uncomfortable. 241 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,040 - If it isn't my favorite cousin. 242 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,830 You got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Barbara. 243 00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,580 - Oh, no, uh, I'm not Barbara. 244 00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:32,290 I'm-- I'm Jake's girlfriend, Abby. 245 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:38,340 - Hey, Barbara, do you remember your little joke 246 00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:40,930 where you would pretend to call a tow truck 247 00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:43,350 and report two flats? 248 00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:47,680 Well, they're not so flat anymore, are they? 249 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,230 - Maybe I should go. 250 00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:54,150 - But I have always felt like I could tell you anything. 251 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:57,150 - Well, if you're in a sharing mood, maybe I'll stay. 252 00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,240 - Come closer. 253 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,280 - Oh! 254 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:08,080 - That's for telling me you can't get pregnant in a pool. 255 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,790 - Um, back to us telling each other everything. 256 00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:14,420 Um, you know, I was just thinking, 257 00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:19,720 we haven't talked about Jake's dad in a while, huh? 258 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,050 - Come closer. 259 00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:23,720 - I don't want to. 260 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:28,220 - Oh, Barbara, you know I don't know who Jake's dad is. 261 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,180 - Well, uh, maybe we could figure it out. 262 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,850 Um, didn't you date a lawyer who worked at night court 263 00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:35,110 right around the time you were pregnant with Jake? 264 00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,980 - I dated so many people back then. 265 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:40,740 There was a lawyer. 266 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,280 And a judge. 267 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,120 - A judge? 268 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,700 Was it a night court judge? 269 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,710 - And a magician. 270 00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,420 - A judge and a magician? 271 00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:59,760 Or a judge, comma, and a magician? 272 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,470 Where's the comma, Susan? 273 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,050 Oh! 274 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,060 - Mom, if you don't stop yelling at the doctor, 275 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,020 he's gonna take them back. 276 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,350 Abby, you came to visit my mom. That's so sweet. 277 00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:16,230 - Yeah, yeah, we were just, um, taking a trip down memory lane. 278 00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:20,280 - I never realized how much you two look alike. 279 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:24,320 But that makes sense, because you are... 280 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,320 related. 281 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,160 - Yeah, we are kind of twins, right? 282 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,290 Like kissing a mirror. 283 00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:37,920 - Okay, I'm in. Let's get their DNA. 284 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,380 Don't ask why I changed my mind. 285 00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:41,130 And just for fun... 286 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,760 ...here's mine, too. 287 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,260 - Why would we test your-- - I said don't ask! 288 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,270 - So, getting Jake's DNA will be easy. 289 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,980 We both shed like Chow Chows. 290 00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:58,360 Which is a coincidence, 291 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,110 not a trait inherited from a common parent. 292 00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:02,780 - Well, don't worry about Dan. 293 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,450 His DNA's as good as ours. 294 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,030 We have a plan. - And it's foolproof. 295 00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:09,740 - Is Flobert in the trash can? 296 00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:12,240 - Yes, I am. 297 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,500 - So, Dan just got his nightly coffee. 298 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,420 When he goes to throw out his cup, 299 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,750 Flobert will be in there waiting with a sterile evidence bag 300 00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,960 to preserve the integrity of the sample. 301 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,010 - Bingo bango. 302 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,550 - But in the meantime, 303 00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,800 won't he just be getting covered in garbage? 304 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,800 - Oh, Abby, that's what the "cups only" sign is for. 305 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,100 - What "cups only" sign? 306 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:35,520 - The one I'm sticking on right now. 307 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,020 I forgot to make it. 308 00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:40,110 - And another great thing about the scarf is, 309 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,940 I can say anything when I'm wearing it, 310 00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:43,280 and I still look cool. 311 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:47,490 To wit-- I think my rash is spreading. 312 00:13:49,950 --> 00:13:54,200 - Alright. Julianne, I saved you a seat over here. 313 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,120 Yeah, she may have all of you fooled, 314 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,080 but under that veneer of civility 315 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,040 is a volcano of rage just waiting to erupt. 316 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,960 And I'm just about to be that thing 317 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,050 that makes the volcano go... 318 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,390 - And, Dan, uh, just so you know, 319 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,140 when you're done drinking that coffee, 320 00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:14,060 you can throw it out in that trash can. 321 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:16,270 Don't let the lack of sign fool you. 322 00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:18,440 It's definitely for cups. 323 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,560 - It is so refreshing to pick a seat 324 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,900 without having to navigate gang dynamics. 325 00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,360 "You have to sit on the floor 326 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,570 'cause you didn't pay proper respects to Big Spider." 327 00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:32,910 It's just exhausting. 328 00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:34,290 - Um, you know what, Julianne? 329 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,540 I wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier. 330 00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:39,330 I'm very impressed with how you're handling this. 331 00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:42,500 I mean, I couldn't work with the man who sent my ass to jail 332 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,460 and stole the best years of my life. 333 00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:47,010 I mean, I'd want to just pick up a spoon and reach over the table 334 00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:50,050 and jab him in the jugular with it. 335 00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,340 Oh, boy. 336 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,890 I am really gonna enjoy this. 337 00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:01,060 Mm. This soup is cold. 338 00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,940 - That's because today's soup... 339 00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:06,070 is salsa. 340 00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,320 Let me throw this out for you. 341 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,320 - Oh, no, I think that's just for cups. 342 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,530 - Sweet Lord! - Lord! 343 00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:15,660 Thank you for this table. Amen. 344 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,200 - As I was saying, 345 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,120 I'm just so glad that you're completely changed, 346 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,330 because if you weren't fully reformed, 347 00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:25,340 I mean, I can't imagine the-- the bubbling rage 348 00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:30,300 that would come up in you every time you saw my carefree smile. 349 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,510 - I could wear your teeth like a necklace. 350 00:15:34,510 --> 00:15:36,350 That's how beautiful they are. 351 00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:39,220 - You know what? Something weird's going on here. 352 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,560 - Finally an ally. 353 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,310 - No, there's a sock in my coffee. 354 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,560 Now, you said this is for cups? 355 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,480 - Uh, yeah. Empty cups. Empty cups. 356 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,190 - What the... 357 00:15:48,190 --> 00:15:49,530 - Did you guys hear that? 358 00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:52,070 - I didn't hear anything. - Me neither. 359 00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:53,660 - So, Dan, you were saying something 360 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:54,950 about your bubbling rage? 361 00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,200 - No, not my rage, your rage. 362 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,950 No, your rage! 363 00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,120 - What? - I should take this. 364 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,960 Dan, as your friend, 365 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,540 I really think that you should deal with your anger 366 00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:08,300 before your anger deals with you. 367 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,380 Big Spider told me that. 368 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,140 - Alright, fine. The volcano didn't erupt. 369 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,260 But she's this close. 370 00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:19,520 - Uh, that sure is a lot of broken glass 371 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,230 headed for the "cups only" trash can. 372 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,310 - Sorry. I'm full. 373 00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,060 - Let this be a warning to all of you, alright? 374 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,400 Because the-- the last words 375 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,230 out of the villagers of Pompeii's mouth, 376 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:34,030 "Oh, Julianne seems nice." 377 00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:35,320 All I can taste is sock now. 378 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,530 Where the hell did that trash can go? 379 00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:39,330 - I can get that for you. - Okay. 380 00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:42,410 What are you do-- 381 00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:43,710 Mm-hmm. 382 00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,340 - Well, that was easy. 383 00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,430 - The evidence is overwhelming. 384 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,050 Fingerprints everywhere. 385 00:16:56,050 --> 00:17:00,100 And you dropped your diary at the crime scene. 386 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,680 Herman, is it possible that you wanted to be caught? 387 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,310 Those prison bars, 388 00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:06,600 do they take you back to the bars of your crib, 389 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,520 the last place that you truly felt safe? 390 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,700 - Apparently, we're changing our plea to guilty. 391 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,080 - 30 days in jail. 392 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,120 - Just a tip before you go back on the inside. 393 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:29,630 Go and find the biggest guy in the yard and give him this. 394 00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:32,050 You'll have a friend for life. 395 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:37,720 - Did you hear that? She uses scarves as currency. 396 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,600 This is a debt I'll have to repay. 397 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,310 If she asks me to kill you, 398 00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:44,640 feel this and tell me you wouldn't do it. 399 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,520 - Wyatt, don't worry your warm little neck about it. 400 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,350 I finally have everything I need 401 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,690 to expose Julianne for who she really is. 402 00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:55,150 - Alright, Judge, I got the DNA results. 403 00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,740 - Oh, Murray, I could kiss you 404 00:17:56,740 --> 00:18:00,070 if I weren't now worried anyone could secretly be my brother. 405 00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:04,790 What? These are just headshots of you. 406 00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:06,830 - I thought if you had the lab results first, 407 00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:10,750 you'd be too distracted to give me your honest opinion. 408 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:15,590 So, what do you think, silly or sassy? 409 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,180 - Can I please just have the lab results? 410 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,180 And obviously sassy. 411 00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,600 - The People vs.-- 412 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,140 - Your Honor, I would like to call for a mistrial. 413 00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:27,810 This prosecutor is not who she appears to be. 414 00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:31,690 - I knew it. She's a princess. 415 00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,520 - Sure, she's got a glowing letter 416 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,610 from her parole officer, Stan Kinds. 417 00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,530 What do we know about old Stan? 418 00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:40,860 I'll tell you what I know. 419 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,870 He doesn't exist. 420 00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:46,160 - Yes, I-I do. 421 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,830 - No, you don't. 422 00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,870 I called the number on your letterhead. 423 00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:51,210 It was a laundromat. 424 00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:54,380 - Sorry. I have a second job. 425 00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:56,550 The city's expensive. 426 00:18:56,550 --> 00:18:57,840 - No, this is not true. 427 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,840 You are a figment of her imagination, 428 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,390 designed to taunt and play with me. 429 00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:05,430 Let me ask you this-- If not, why is your name, Stan Kinds, 430 00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:10,440 just a lazy anagram for "Dan stinks"? 431 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,190 - Oh, it is? That's fun. 432 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,860 - No, listen, I know that there's this other information and facts 433 00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:20,150 that proves that she's a monster, like, um-- 434 00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:22,360 - Like telling you a scarf is made of pashmina 435 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,490 when it's made out of lies. 436 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,910 - Look, her start paperwork. 437 00:19:27,910 --> 00:19:30,410 She has that her first day was the 22nd. 438 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,540 Today is the 21st. Ha! 439 00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:33,920 - Today is the 22nd. 440 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,590 - Aw, I missed a dentist appointment. 441 00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:40,760 - Okay, now seems like a good time for a break. 442 00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:45,220 Where are the lab results? - They are right here. 443 00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:46,680 - Oh, good. - Oh, man. 444 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,850 I got to stop keeping everything in unmarked envelopes. 445 00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:57,900 - Editor of the Yale Law Journal. 446 00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:02,200 Passed the bar in three states. Huh. 447 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,450 This is all true? 448 00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:05,490 You're, um, actually the real deal. 449 00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,700 - You know, that's on me for only mentioning it 450 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:11,250 over and over and over again. 451 00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,250 - So you're not obsessed with me? 452 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:15,630 I'm just crazy. 453 00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:20,710 That would explain why I thought I heard a trash can screaming. 454 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,590 - Well, you're not all wrong. 455 00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:26,390 When I was in prison, I did think about you. 456 00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:28,310 A lot. 457 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,350 That kiss did rock my face. 458 00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:33,560 But, Dan, you're bad for me. 459 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:34,900 And if I'm going to make this work, 460 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,770 then that is a line I cannot cross. 461 00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,650 So instead, I'm just going to have to go hard at you 462 00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:42,490 every night until we are dripping with sweat 463 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:45,320 and begging for mercy. 464 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,990 As lawyers. 465 00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:51,620 {\an8}- Yeah, lawyers are good. 466 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,500 {\an8}- Oh, and-- and you weren't wrong 467 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,380 {\an8}about the talking trash can. 468 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,960 {\an8}That guy "Flo-bare" was inside. 469 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,420 {\an8}Everybody here thinks 470 00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:03,930 {\an8}that you're the judge's boyfriend's dad. 471 00:21:11,890 --> 00:21:14,850 {\an8}- You think what? 472 00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:16,600 {\an8}- Would it make you feel better to know 473 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,520 {\an8}that my boyfriend's not my brother?