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She left me for another man.
It's impossible.
I'm a cop, son, and the evidence is all too clear.
A voicemail, two empty wine glasses...
and now this.
(Joyce) ''My dear Jeremy,
'I have to go away for a while, but please remember that I always love you.
''Take care of Bill. Love, your eternal doll, Joyce.''
She doesn't actually mention anyone else.
I could smell it when I entered the house.
- Can you hear it? - He's a cheese importer, BiII.
A French cheese importer.
I always knew mom liked France, but this...
I could have been more cheese-oriented, if he wanted.
Don't worry, dad. We'll get it back.
Good morning, Joyce.
All of you, raise your hands.
I brought you decaf. It is OK?
You really don't think I would leave a loaded gun in the boot with a trained assassin, right?
I've told you hundreds of times, I'm police the inspector's wife, not a murderer.
Tell me something, your husband does Do you really have no idea what you're doing?
I'm so excited.
Me too, Margherita. Me too.
The premier wildlife protection event of Stempington's little calendar,
organized and hosted by me.
Mm. It doesn't get more glamorous than this.
And it seems the stars did Come out in force to donate too.
I hope your relationship with CamiIIa Diamond is a strong person, Joyce,
because if not... this could be it the last phone call you will ever make.
Camilla Diamante.
Oh, hi, Joyce.
Is she going to kill you?
Oh, no, that's a real shame.
I would love to be able to help you but I'm afraid I'm descaling the kettle.
She says he doesn't have it.
What the fuck is wrong with you women?
- Will you kill me now? - Not until I get my damn money.
- Your mother is a really dark person. - What do you mean?
I always thought she was a little dowdy but this is right out there.
- She's just not herself. -What if she was really herself, BiII?
What if this French guy was? touched her G-spot?
Whatever you're trying to say, it doesn't help.
Maybe you should just leave me to find it on your own.
There is no way.
This is the most exciting thing It's been happening to me for ages.
EmiIe, how nice to hear from you again.
How's that little leg of yours?
Money? YES. I'm afraid I didn't understand it but I might know someone who does.
The village hall?
You think I'm pretty stupid fall into another trap?
See you there at 2pm.
Try not to be late.
Greenhouse gas emissions, Ladies and gentlemen,
they are not the only thing that kills migratory birds and badgers.
They are low-cost accommodations with only one bathroom with all the associated fast-food restaurants
and teenage pregnancy is also this to blame for wiping out our wild animal friends.
So when you see Dame Judy Dench's the billiard cue is put up for auction,
Don't just think of it as a purchase a piece of theatrical history,
think of it as a way to prevent an otter of choking on a housing benefit check.
I want that Frenchman Freddy Krueger transformed into gazpacho when he shows up.
I had the feeling that he was today it will be something special.
What if he had some heavy reinforcements?
Then the cleaning of the streets of Little Stempington the unit will work overtime.
When I get this boy, I'll kick his head.
-What if he was a dwarf? -He shouldn't have run away with my mom.
Oh, wait. Isn't that your mom? in that car over there?
I can not believe. She's flaunting it Like a trophy girlfriend.
Oh, God, no.
- What? -My son BiII, she is coming.
Get rid of him.
- Get out of the car. - Bill, please.
Mom, what are you playing?
Show him, Joyce. Kiss me, darling.
Otherwise she cut the liver.
This is mind-blowing.
Say goodbye to mommy now, BiII.
The important thing for you to know he is your father and I still love you.
AIions-y.
Here you go, sir. This should settle you down.
I don't think I'll make it this time, Haines.
It happened to my brother's wife when she entered menopause.
One minute he's fine, the next minute is stopping wearing windbreakers for dogs.
It's not just Joyce that worries me. She is BiII.
I don't want it to grow up thinking that her mother is a...
Crazy frog lover, sir.
Yes.
Do you want a cookie?
Yes.
Stay here and do your thing When they arrive.
�50 for Dustbuster by JK RowIing.
Any advance on 50?
I went to the lady the third row with the big nose.
Lot 24...a pair of Rod Stewart underwear.
Worn during a charity event Football tournament in 1))8.
Now, a mystery donor asked me:
bid on this item personally, on their behalf,
using the cash inside this bag.
I'll start bidding at, say,
�20,000.
Any advance?
Going, going...
Can I make an advance on this please?
That's his car.
OH!
So beautiful to look at Again you Anglo-Saxon peasants
but forgive me if I say...
that I hope this... is the last fucking time.
AIions-y.
- Oh, my God, what is he doing to mom? - I do not know.
She took my bag with money inside her.
- OH! - All right, puppet.
The ambulance is coming. I'll be back.
- OH! - Excellent work, sir.
You never lose it, Haines.
It seems something like this of the explosion went off, sir.
LiIIIian, this wasn't the plan. You should have finished them.
Semtex has passed its expiration date. I thought I got a deal.
This city is like...
a swan gliding on a lake.
Above the surface...
it is beautiful and perfect.
But under the water there is...
it's a very different story.
The Housewives of Little Stempington they are hardcore drug traffickers.
They contact me and pay 300,000 euros
to purchase 60,000 industrial units estrogen patches.
Except they don't pay.
They shoot me at the IEG with machine guns in a cheese warehouse...
and I kill two of my men.
What a load of French nonsense.
I really expected more from the infamous EmiIe Lesoux, international drug dealer.
- Drug facilitator. There's a difference. - Housewives armed with machine guns?
- It's original, I'll give you that. - Not just any housewife.
Your housewife Joyce is the ringleader.
It seems like there was tasting your wares, sir.
I think we've heard enough, haven't we?
Oh, Jerry, that was it a terrible misunderstanding.
Poor Joyce, the victim of a French stalker who sells cheese.
An absolutely terrible shock.
It seriously damages our chances for the best city in the Bioom next year.
I blame CamiIIa for buying the soft cheese directly from a foreign supplier.
Well, here I am,
all alone in a small room with two grown men.
It was just like Crimewatch.
Especially the explosion later in the parking lot.
You will never break me.
Are there any other almond macaroons?
In your time, puppet.
Oh, I feel so silly.
Emilie was using us like mules to smuggle drugs into this country.
We didn't know she had hidden the estrogen patches inside pieces of camembert.
- Where are the patches now? - Um...
I think they were in the car when it exploded.
And you and him, BiII said he saw you kiss?
He had a gun. I had to do what she wanted.
- It's over now.
It's over.
Please, now we can finally Leave this horrible city?
The front door was open.
I wanted to see how Joyce was doing.
I'll leave you two to catch up.
She has a good job great friends like you, CamiIIa.
Thank you.
- How are you, Joyce? - You do not have to worry.
- I didn't tell him anything. - Oh, I didn't think you would.
''The wife of a drug dealing cop In French Gangster Shame''?
Not a good headline on the Daily MaiI.
Not even "Evil Middle Age". Woman found shot in the head
''Wearing too much makeup.''
Barbara...how did the auction go?
I felt Fergie's actual breast pump solid for almost €40.
I brought some KendaI mint cake, very good for bad shocks.
You have to eat a piece every time you look in the mirror.
Probably explains why you are the size you are.
- It's not over. - Stop that! Stop that! Stop that!
Why can't you just put the guns away? and live like normal, nice people?
None of us here would ever do that I dreamed that our dear little town
would become the focus for armed criminals,
which he tried to challenge our dignified and law-abiding way of life.
But we are the lucky ones. Why?
Because this city has a resident whose job is to protect us,
a man who defends our values as well as our consumer durables.
Ladies and gentlemen... Jeremy HazIedine.
Oh, oh. And I would like to thank Barbara for allowing me to organize this evening
in his delightful old-style house.
(Muted applause)
This is the key... to our beloved little Stempington.
Thanks a lot to everyone.
Thank you.
This makes me feel sick to my core.
Be brave, Joyce. ID must be maintained on Little Stempington.
Apparently, Jerry is really fond of the whiskey maIt of him.
Why don't you leave? at the studio with him and Stu
and give him a drink your twelve year old GIenmorangie.
Nice idea. All the kids are gone for a drop of hard stuff.
I like.
Come on boys.
You're going to love this stuff, Jerry.
You know, life will be marginal It's not interesting without you in town.
- I'm sure you'll get used to it. - Oh, yes, I'm sure.
Especially with Barbara in it.
- What? - Yes, Joyce.
I think Jeremy is coming together the evidence he needs to make an arrest
right now.
He tastes like a rotting bog.
I doubt he will understand more than a couple of months
for smuggling some estrogen patches.
Just enough time for me to arrive my next business venture is up and running.
- Which is? - We're getting into the habit.
Our contact in Belarus it's already on the case.
OK, Mrs. HazIedine, I'll be right outside.
She gives you every problem, Just give me a shout, okay?
I'll hit her with the Taser.
Camiia should be in this cell, not you.
That's just how it goes.
She may have won this battle but he certainly didn't win the war.
Oh, but surely it's all over now?
You're going to prison, Barbara.
But you're not, Joyce. You're not.
This city needs you. The girl needs you. You're smart. You are strong.
- But I... - Think about it.
Margaret Little Iefair...
a good, honest and fearless woman.
She keeps shooting for a long time she took a bullet.
True, she can't hit a bus at five feet But this is not the point.
But then there's Pam Draper...
kind, devoted,
one of the best dirty street fighters That she has ever seen.
He can break your arm in three places and still looks like she just had a facial.
Who will lead them when I'm inside?
You came back soon.
I couldn't resist coming home for the high beautiful woman in Little Stempington.
- Nice day at work? - Crime may have vanished
but the paperwork certainly isn't. Haven't found anything yet?
If it's okay with you, I've changed my mind. I think we should stay.
Really? What caused all this?
I do not know. I just feel it we might make a mistake.
Would you understand, darling?
My hands are full.
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