All language subtitles for S02E08 Poison a la Carte

( Laughter and chatter )

Arch your back...

Ahh!

( Man )
Chop those onions.

Mmm...

Mmm, parfait.
Ahh.

( Zoltan )
Ahhh....
You made them?

( Fritz )
Of course,
in Mr. Wolfe’s kitchen,

And they should go
in the pantry.

( Chatter continues )

( Archie )
When Lewis Hewitt,
the millionaire owner

Of even more orchids
than Nero Wolfe,

Asked Wolfe to loan him
Fritz Brenner to cook

The annual dinner
of the Ten for Aristology,

A society devoted to perfection
in food and drink,

Wolfe not only allowed it,

He agreed to attend
himself,

Besides,
if he had stayed home,

Who would have cooked
his dinner?

( Sniffing )
Ahh...

( Sniffing )

( Sniffing )

Excuse me,
thank you very much.

Quiet!

Merci.

You’ll each be assigned
one gentleman.

Miss Peggy Choate...

You’ll be assigned
Vincent Pyle.

( Clamoring )

Well, well, well,
yes!

I’m Archie Goodwin,
I’m a friend of the cook’s--

Uh, sorry, Felix,
pardon, carry on.

Uh...

My reason for wanting
your phone number

Is purely personal,
it’s your dimples.

I don’t have any dimples.

Oh, yes, you do.

Actually,
you have two of them, so?

Nora Jaret,
without an "h".

Where would it go
if it were there?

( Chatter )

Yeah, I-- Uh, sorry.

I must confess something,
I came here tonight

Determined
to get the phone number

Of the most irresistibly
beautiful woman,

But I am stalled.

I cannot complete
my mission, you know why?

Because you’re all it,
you are all it,

Beyond the wildest
dreams of any poet.

It may be that I am so dazzled
by the collective radiance

That I am blind to
the glory of any single star.

The Ten for Aristology
was a group

Of very different men,
alike in only one thing:

They had the money to be
aristologists.

Since they billed themselves
as lovers of great grub,

I expected them to be
the size of Nero Wolfe,

But they all saw themselves
as big

In their own right.

The shareholders--

Shareholders!

Sharecroppers
is more accurate!

Your corporation
takes the share--

My compliments, Wolfe,

I’ve never seen
cymbidium Aphrodite

Better grown.

I don’t care for flowers
with spots and streaks,

They’re messy.

Don’t be foolish, man,
they’re incredibly expensive.

I would not attempt
to breed them.

They are to regular blossoms
as beluga is to salmon roe.

( Laughing )

( Oohing and ahhing )

What--
What is this flummery?

( Hewitt )
We went to ancient Greece
not only for our name,

But for other precedents.

The goddess of youth
was cupbearer to the gods.

It is our custom to be
waited on

By maidens
in appropriate attire.

( Wolfe )
Aristology
is the science of dining,

Therefore, you gentlemen
are all witlings.

Dining is not
a science, it’s an art.

Then, as an actor,

A man who lives
to embody art, I agree.

We must change our name,
we’ll appoint a committee...

Right after dessert,
but until then,

Let us indulge ourselves.

Wolfe had begun to boil.

I only hoped that Fritz’s
blini and caviar

Would keep him under control.

Mmm...

A new idea?

Putting sand in caviar.

Are we chickens,
that we need grit?

Thank you, monsieur.

What does he know?

He had three flops
on Broadway this season.

And he deserved
them all.

( Chuckling )

Mmm...

( Contented murmuring )

Bravo...

Bravo!
Bravo!

Superb.

Yes, I must
have the recipe.

Any sand?

( All chuckling )

( Grunting )

Please,
excuse me.

( Retching )

I’m sorry.

Gentlemen, I, uh...

( Oohing and ahhing )

Oh, wonderful!

( Clapping )

Vincent
is in considerable pain,

And a doctor has come.

There’s nothing
we can do,

So we...
we may as well proceed.

The aristologists
all resumed with the pheasant,

But the spirit wasn’t
the same.

The annual dinner
of the Ten for Aristology

Was a flop.

Excuse me.

Hewitt left the banquet
three more times,

And when
he rose from his chair

For the fourth time,
Wolfe went too.

I figured he was
at a rolling boil now

And wanted to glower

At Vincent Pyle
for spoiling Fritz’s dinner.

Well, did he say
anything?

Is he...

He keeps repeating,
"Jack in the Pulpit".

"Jack in the Pulpit",
that’s a wildflower.

No, no, no,
that complete flop

He backed last spring,
he lost a small fortune.

What does he complain of?

The money, of course.

No, I mean, the symptoms,
the symptoms.

Oh, well, it’s--

Clearly,
it’s food poisoning.

He-- He vomited, he fainted,
his throat’s very sore.

His mouth is dry,
but his skin is cool.

Oh, Wolfe, I’m sorry.

I can’t believe that Fritz
could be responsible for...

That’s preposterous!

But what else
could it be?

Phooey!

Wolfe, where are you going?
What are you up to?

This is nothing
but an unfortunate incident.

What are you gonna
do in my house?!

Wolfe!

Phooey!

( Wolfe )
Confound it!

( Clamoring )

Uh, ladies, will you make
room for Mr. Wolfe, please?

I have gathered you
for a purpose.

My conclusions
may be proven wrong,

But I must act on them,
in any case.

I remind you
that the first course

Brought to the table
was caviar.

The portion served
to Vincent Pyle

Contained arsenic.

( Gasping )

Mr. Pyle is upstairs,
attended by doctors,

And will probably die
within the hour.

( Murmuring )

I’m speaking--

I speak not of facts,
of course,

But of conclusions
formed by me.

( Woman )
Arsenic?

How do you know?

From the symptoms.

A burning throat,
faintness, dry mouth--

I concluded it was
the first course.

One, because
of the amount of time

It takes for arsenic
to act,

And, two,
that Mr. Pyle had complained

Of sand in the caviar.

But, I assure you--

I repeat, I need
no assurances from you, Fritz.

Who prepared the plates?

Zoltan and I,
here.

And they were taken
from that table by the women.

From the pantry.
Yes.

I watched them, Mr. Wolfe,

I saw nobody put arsenic
in anything.

No, of course not.

Which one of you
took the plate to Mr. Pyle?

( Clamoring )

Which one of you?!

Phooey!

Uh, speak up there,
red.

I didn’t!

I heard Felix
assign you to him,

And I saw you with my own eyes
give him the soup.

But I didn’t take him
that first thing.

He already had some.

But you were
supposed to?

Yeah,
I was supposed to.

( Woman )
I took the plate
from that table there,

And I started to serve him,

And I saw that
he already had a plate,

And I just--

I thought I made a mistake,
so, I...

I gave my plate to you.

Indeed.

Who was assigned
to me?

I was,
Helen Iacono.

Did you bring me
the first course?

No-- Well, when I saw

That Peggy had
already served you,

I didn’t wanna make a fuss,

So I just gave mine
to the man at the end.

( Wolfe )
Who was assigned to him?

Felix, the chart.

( Woman )
Yeah, that was
my table...

( Woman )
I was sitting here.

( Commotion )

( Archie )
It was so simple,

All Wolfe needed
was to get one girl to admit

She hadn’t delivered
her caviar,

But it turned out to be a game
of "ring around the rosy".

Although, a better name
would be, "passing the buck".

And, finally, to you,
miss Faber.

Miss Faber,
you were assigned

To Mr. Hewitt,
correct?

I sure was.

But you did not serve him,
since he was served by...

Lucy Morgan.

By miss Morgan,
thank you.

I sure didn’t.

What did you do,
miss Faber?

Nothing, there wasn’t any
caviar left when I got there.

Nonsense,
there were 12 of you,

And there were 12
at the table,

And each received a portion.

How can you say
that there wasn’t any?

Because there wasn’t.

I was in the john
fixing my hair,

And when I come back,

Lucy’s taking
the last one from the table.

So I asked Zoltan
where mine was,

And he says he didn’t know.

And then I went
to the dining room

And everybody had one.

How long were you
in there?

I don’t know,
I didn’t time it.

When I came here,
I thought it would be simple

To learn who had served
the poisoned food,

But you-- And, now,
I speak to the poisoner--

You must have
extraordinary faith

In your attendant angel,
for you took great risks.

You took a plate
from Zoltan’s table,

And on your way to
the dining room,

You put arsenic in the caviar,

Using a device,
perhaps a paper spill.

You served Pyle,

Came back, immediately,
to get a second plate,

And gave it to one
who had not been served.

You may be fleering
at me inwardly,

For it was
a remarkably adroit stratagem.

But you cannot possibly be
impregnable, I warn you.

Archie, you have the skill.

Make sure none of
these women leaves.

( Loud complaining )

( Archie )
Quiet!

You’re not going anywhere.

( Wolfe )
Zoltan, you were there

When the plates
were handed out.

I didn’t look at their faces,
and they were all dressed alike.

Fritz?

I was at the range
with the flounder.

Felix...

I have neglected
you purposely

To give you time to reflect,
you were in the dining room.

I look to you
for the fact itself,

I look to you to point
her out.

I cannot.

Phooey!

You are trained
to see everything.

True, and I knew you would
ask me this,

But I cannot answer,
I can only explain.

I’ve always found you
to be worthy of trust, Felix.

But it is possible

That in your exalted position
at Rusterman’s,

That you have chosen to dodge,

Rather than to admit
involvement in a poisoning.

Are you dodging,
Felix?

Good god, Mr. Wolfe,
no, no.

I am involved,
I am involved.

I saw nothing, except that
stupid girl...

Uh... Quinn!
Marjorie Quinn.

It was a horrible gaffe.

( Hissing )

Horrible!

As soon as I saw that she was
going to touch the blini

With her fingers,

I had to move in--
Fast!

Zoltan,
what are you thinking?

I was looking
at the flower.

The wretch
has incredible luck!

Incredible luck!

( Chatter )

Oh, there you are.

Uh, our custom
is to ask the chef

To join us with champagne,

Which is barbarous,
but gay,

But, of course,
under the circumstances...

Ahem... is Mr. Pyle
still alive?

Oh, we hope so,
we sincerely hope so.

There’s been no word
for an hour.

I suppose
I should go up.

Gentlemen, I have
discovered the artifice

Which the culprit used,
but not her identity.

Aren’t you a bit
premature?

There may be no culprit--

An acute and severe
gastric disturbance--

That’s nonsense,

I am too provoked
for civility, sir.

By a remarkable combination
of luck and cunning,

She has thus far
eluded identification,

I appeal to you, all of you,

I want you to close your eyes
and recall the scene.

Imagine yourselves
sitting in your places.

The girls come in
with the caviar.

Who served Vincent Pyle?
Which one was it?

Who... served...
Mr. Pyle?

Who?

Oh!
It’s gone.

I must have seen it,
but it’s gone, utterly.

I didn’t see it,
I simply didn’t.

I saw it,
I don’t recall it.

Then, I’m in for it.

Gentlemen...
I am your guest,

And I do not wish to be
offensive,

But I am to blame for enticing

Fritz Brenner
to this deplorable fiasco.

And when Mr. Pyle dies,
as I’m sure he will...

Vincent Pyle is dead,
half an hour ago.

( Man )
Okay, ladies, down this way,
straight ahead.

( Woman )
Can I help you?

( Chatter )

Heya, Fritz.

( Cramer )
Quit twisting
my words around!

I didn’t charge you
with complicity!

I merely said you were
concealing something.

What the hell is
that to scrape your neck?

You always do!

( Wolfe )
Everyone omits something,

If only because to include
everything is impossible!

You witnessed the commission
of a murder, and you--

It was not a murder
until he died!

All right, a felony, but you
didn’t report it ’til--

That a felony
had been committed

Was my own conclusion,
not a fact!

Then, why did you start
questioning witnesses?

To test the conclusion!

God damn it, will you let me
finish one sentence?!

Just one!

If it has import!

You knew Pyle was dying,
you said so.

Death, that was also
my own conclusion.

The doctors were still
trying to save him!

All right, those three men,

Fritz Brenner, Felix Courbet
and Zoltan Mahany,

We can forget about Brenner.

But it’s hard to believe
the other two

Didn’t know who served Pyle.

Yes, indeed, indeed,
they are highly trained men.

Now, let me question you
on a theory...

In the trash container
in the kitchen,

We found a plain,
white sheet of ordinary paper,

Rolled up in a tube,

Held with tape,
smaller at one end.

And in that tube,

The laboratory found
particles of arsenic.

Yes, as I suspected,
a paper spill.

And the only two fingerprints
on that spill were Zoltan’s.

Now, he claims
he saw it on the floor

After dinner was served,

Picked it up
and threw it in the trash.

Now... what’s wrong
with the theory

That Zoltan poisoned
one of the portions,

And then saw to it that
a certain girl delivered it?

That is not only untenable,
it’s egregious.

Why did one of the girls come
back and get a second plate?

She was confused...
nervous...

Dumb, and now she’s
too scared to admit it.

I suggested that
Mr. Stebbins have the lab

Check the girls’ pockets
for traces of arsenic.

And they did,
and it came back clean.

So only Zoltan is tied
to the arsenic,

But Felix could have helped.

Now, you know these men,
Wolfe.

Yes, I know these men,
but I do not answer for them.

They might have a dozen
murders on their soul,

But they had nothing to do
with the death of Mr. Pyle.

And I shall unmask
the conniving wretch

Who was responsible!

Now, have you
established the order

In which the plates
were served?

No, all we get
is contradictions.

I got the last five,

But the first seven,
I can’t pry it out of them.

Well, you have your army!

Put them to work on it,
I’m going home!

Always a pleasure.

( Grunting )

That wasn’t so bad.

I’ve never seen Cramer turn
that shade of red.

Shall I cook
breakfast?

There will be no breakfast
until further notice.

Archie, take a note
up to Theodore.

I will not
be there at nine,

And probably won’t be there
at four.

Just make sure they’re
all here by six o’clock.

All of whom?

The girls.

To see them singly
would be interminable.

I have a suggestion.

Why don’t we postpone
operations

Until you get
your wires connected?

Or an aspirin?

Do you want
an aspirin?

I want them.

( Doorbell ringing )

Well, here
comes one now.

Helen Iacono,
she must have heard you.

Now, shall we keep her

Until we gather
the rest or what?

Confound it!
Bring her!

I came because
you’re a detective,

And you’re very clever,

And I’m afraid that they’ll
find out something that I did,

And if they do,
then, I won’t have a career,

So I’ve decided to tell you
my secret,

And if you’ll help me,
then, I’ll help you.

Well, I can’t keep a secret
if it’s a guilty one.

Is it a crime?

No.

Then, proceed.

I stabbed Vincent Pyle,
and I got blood all over me.

( Clearing throat )

Uh, miss Iacono...

Ordinarily, um, stabbing a man
is considered a crime.

Well, that’s
why I’m telling you.

Uh, when and where
did this happen?

Three months ago
in his penthouse.

Of course,
I knew all about Pyle,

Everyone does,

But they were about
to start casting for

"Jack in the pulpit"

And I didn’t know that
it was gonna be a flop.

And if a girl wants
to have a career,

She has be sociable.

And then he turned
into a beast,

So I grabbed
a knife from the table,

And I stabbed him.

And then I went home
and tried to get the blood

Out of my cardigan,
but it left a stain.

That cost me $46.

$46?

But, uh,
Mr. Pyle recovered.

Oh, yes.

I don’t know
if he backs shows

Just so that he can
get girls,

But it might as well be--

And I don’t just mean
taking them out,

I mean, "the last ditch".

That’s what we say
on Broadway,

If you know what I mean.

Well, I can surmise.

Well, sometimes
we say, "the last stitch".

The last stitch?

Mm-hmm, so, do you think that
the police will find out?

Well, the police
are not simpletons.

You wouldn’t be arrested
for murdering Mr. Pyle

Last night simply because
you stabbed him

In self-defense in the past.

But if they were
to find out right away,

Then that would be
the end of it,

And I would be okay.

Only, I don’t think that
they will find out right away,

But you could,
if I were to help you.

See, I can’t help the police
because they’ll wonder why.

I see, and how would
you propose to help me?

Well, if you’re right,

And one of the girls
went back to the kitchen twice,

That means it has to be one
of the last five girls.

Peggy Choate, Nora Jaret,
Carol Annis or Lucy Morgan.

Or you.
No, not me.

Not you.

There’s a lot of talk about
the girls that Pyle gets,

But nobody knows for sure
because he’s very careful.

But I could talk
to those girls,

And I could
find out which one

Went to the last ditch
with him,

And then
I could call the police

And I could tell them that
I saw her going back

To the kitchen
for a second plate.

You didn’t think a 20-year-old
girl could help you, did you?

I saw the look on your face
when I said it.

Uh, miss Iacono,

It’s possible that you’re
oversimplifying the problem.

Uh, Mr. Pyle was in agony,
but he could speak.

Why did he not
denounce his poisoner?

Surely, when he saw
this woman serving him,

He was put on guard.

He didn’t see her,
she came up from behind him,

And he didn’t know that
she wanted to poison him.

Men don’t understand
how a girl feels.

Look at me,
Pyle thought that I would

Give up my virtue
and my honor

For a part in his play
and it was a flop.

Miss Iacono, um...

We are dealing with
a malign and crafty harpy,

And I will not be a party
to your peril.

What?

I don’t think you
should go and see

These women alone,

But I will propose
an alternative--

Mr. Goodwin will arrange

A meeting with you
and him and the girls.

Oh, like a party?

Yes, like a party,
Mr. Goodwin is a, uh...

Is a well-trained investigator
and knows how to beguile.

Okay.

All right,
before you leave,

Speak to Mr. Goodwin about
the details and...

Good luck in your career.

Heh...

( Archie )
Nora Jaret’s apartment
was on the fourth floor

Of an old walk-up
near Amsterdam Avenue.

It was furnished

And had the kind of hominess
that places get

When they’re used by a lot
of different people

For 50 or 60 years.

Our hostesses
were Peggy Choate, the redhead,

And Nora Jaret,
with the dimples.

What do the police think?

Well, the police think
that one of you killed Pyle

Because you were the last five
to serve a plate.

And I thought
you were nice.

How do you know
what they think?

I’m not
at liberty to say.

Well, I know what
I think.

What’s that?

I think
it was Zoltan.

He’s a chef at Rusterman’s,

And Nero Wolfe
is the trustee there,

And, so, he’s the boss there,
and I think Zoltan hated him,

And tried to poison him,

But he gave the poisoned plate
to the wrong girl.

Well, that is, I mean,
that’s just, that’s fantastic!

The police wouldn’t
buy any of it.

What would
the police buy?

Well, anything
that fits.

They think one of us served
two plates and poisoned Pyle.

They’re a bunch
of dopes.

They get an idea,

And then they haven’t
got room for another one.

And there’s no proof any of us
went back for another plate.

And come on,
even if she did go back,

There’s no proof that she
didn’t do it by accident.

Well, yeah, but there is,
there is.

Now, it’s a little tricky,

But, uh, look,
I brought something--

Could you move
the snack tray?

All right, now, ahem,
gather around.

Let’s play a little game here,
this here is the seating chart

From Felix’s dinner,
there.

Now, what I have here

Is 12 little pieces
of colored paper.

Why don’t we write
our names on them?

That’s a very good idea,
Helen.

Now, here’s the thing,

Try to move
the girl pieces,

So that one of them,

Either, takes out
two plates at once,

Or goes back
for a second plate,

But never gives one
to Pyle, right?

It can’t be done.
Why not?

Well, because either way,
you might happen to do it,

There wouldn’t have
been one mix-up,

There would have been two.

I don’t
believe it.

Well, give it a try,
give it a try.

( Clamoring )

My memory has had
a long and stiff training

Under the strains
and pressures

Wolfe has put on it,
but I wouldn’t undertake

To report all the combinations
they tried,

Even if I thought you cared.

( Clamoring )

( Woman )
I give up.

Nuts!

Can’t be done.

It’s just a trick.

Well, I can’t believe
that one of us

Deliberately poisoned a man.

Point at her, smarty-pants,
I dare you to, point her out.

Well, if I could, would I be
bothering the rest of you?

Okay, one by one...
let’s go.

Ahem,
did you know Pyle?

Of course.

Everybody
in show business does.

I met him at a party,

He came backstage
at the Coronet once.

Ah, miss Morgan?

You call this
helping us?

I danced with him once
at the Flamingo.

That was the closest
I’d ever been to him.

Yeah, all right,
uh, miss Choate?

No, I never had the honor.

I just moved here
from Montana.

Uh, miss--
Miss Jaret?

Sure, I mean, I saw him
all the time at Sardi’s,

But that is the only place

That I ever saw
the great Pyle,

And I wasn’t with him!

Okay...
all right, Helen?

I never met him.

So you said.

Now, if one of you
poisoned Pyle,

And I hate to say it,
but, uh, I just don’t see

Any other way around it...
one of you is lying.

Right here and now,
one of you is lying.

Well, now you’ve got us
all suspecting each other.

Archie Goodwin,
a girl’s best friend.

This is
no Broadway production.

If you don’t wanna
tell the cops

That you went to
the last ditch with Pyle,

Then, tell me.

And if one of you saw
some girl serve Pyle a plate,

And you don’t wanna tell
the cops, tell me,

I’ll tell the cops
I wormed it out of you.

But, let’s have it,

Let’s have it,
right here and now.

Well, we’re gonna go
to Nero Wolfe’s office.

I don’t say he can
sort this out

Just by snapping his fingers,
but, uh, he may surprise you.

All right, all right,

This is getting
too damn painful, come on.

I’m surprised at you,
Goodwin.

These ladies
need their sleep.

Purley Stebbins,
wax my shoes.

Greetings and--
And welcome, welcome, yes.

Button it.

Where were you,
in the bathroom?

Button it, I said,
you ladies relax.

You, you’re under arrest
for obstructing justice.

Under arrest, huh?
Well, well.

Hey, where are the cuffs?

Clown if you want to,
let’s go.

’evening, ladies.

Bye.

Bye, Archie.

Since Stebbins had less reason
than usual

For arresting me,
I was home by 2:00 a.m.

So, what are your conclusions
from all this?

Well, my basic conclusion
is I came up with nothing.

You’re saying it must be left
to the police?

That I can expose her
only by a stroke of luck?

Or genius.

I make no conclusions
about genius.

Then, why the devil
were you going

To bring them
here at midnight?

Don’t answer!

I know,
to badger me.

What is it?!

I’m sorry to interrupt, sir.

But the watercress
we have been delivered

Is at least a day old.

Again?

Yes, sir.

Ahem, I must see this
abomination for myself.

What?

There is another
matter, sir.

Yes?

Felix and Zoltan would like
an appointment with you

After lunch, and
I would like to be present.

Is there something wrong
at the restaurant?

No, sir,
concerning the...

Misfortune of
Tuesday evening.

What about it?

It is better that
they tell you, sir.

It is their concern.

Would half past two
be convenient?

( Archie )
You want me to go
pry it out of him?

No.

So, this
isn’t urgent.

It might be.

While there is no one
more obliging than Fritz,

There is also no one
more steadfast

When he takes a stand,
so we should not press him.

I’m going to check
on the...

Day-old watercress.

( Doorbell ringing )

Felix, Zoltan.

So, what did he say?

He asked if half past two
would be convenient.

Nothing else?

You will be quiet,
nothing else?

Nothing else.

I took a collection
at the restaurant.

All the staff contributed,

All in a proper ratio,
of course.

Can’t expect a bus boy
to contribute as much as...

Now, I have--

No, no, you cannot.

Ah, I said,
"be quiet," mmm?

You cannot.

If that is
how it is to be.

( Felix )
For the maître d’hôtel

And one of our chefs
to assist at a dinner

Where a guest
is served poison,

This is not pleasant.

A few of our most desirable
patrons, they make jokes.

But most do not,
and some of them don’t come.

I have avowed
my responsibility.

Have you come for the gloomy
pleasure of reproaching me?

No, sir,
of course not.

Of course not.

We wish to engage
your professional services.

We know it wouldn’t
be proper to pay you

From restaurant funds,
since you are the trustee,

So we will pay you
from our own money.

We appeal to you.

We appeal to you.

Phooey!
"Phooey."

I have ears, I heard.

Ahem, I, uh,
wished to be present,

So I could add my appeal
to theirs.

I offered to make
a contribution,

But they said no.

Gentlemen, I am solely
to blame for this affair,

And you offer to pay me now
to clean it up?

It’s preposterous.

You should know that I have
already bestirred myself.

Archie?

Yes, sir, at least
you have bestirred me.

Your coming here today
is opportune--

Now, I have concluded
that the only way to manage

This affair is to provoke
the wretch

Into betraying herself.

Oh, I have conceived
a plan for which

I must enlist
your cooperation, Zoltan.

Do I have it?
May I depend on it?

But, yes!
But, how?

You are to phone
five of those women

This afternoon,
starting with Helen Iacono,

And you are to ask her
to meet you at Rusterman’s.

You will then say to her

That you saw her returning
for a second plate,

But that--

But I didn’t,
I told you--

Tais-toi!

But that,
because you desire her,

You do not wish to go
to the police.

The only requisite is that
she must be convinced that

If she does not meet you,

Then, you will go
to the police at once.

Then, if she agrees,
she’s guilty?

No, no...
an innocent woman may agree

For several reasons,

Depending
on her temperament.

Now, gentlemen,
let us rehearse.

Okay, now, look, we gotta
take it from the top.

It’s like opening
a beautiful Christmas present.

( Zoltan )
I have stayed
silent until now

Because I couldn’t believe

Anyone as beautiful
and charming as you

Could be guilty of
such a crime.

Lower your voice.

( Archie )
Oh, Zoltan,
how can you be so cruel?

Ah-- Heh.

I have to reveal
what I saw, of course,

If we were to become friends,
that would change everything.

Oh, Zoltan.

Exemplary.
Is that good?

Excellent
performance.

( Archie )
Is that good?
Are you kidding?

I have never rated above,
uh, satisfactory.

So are you ready
for a real woman?

Wolfe went up
to the plant rooms,

And Zoltan began
by calling Helen,

While I listened in
on the extension.

Of course,
if we were to become friends,

That would change
everything.

I could never betray
an intimate rela--

She hung up.

All right, next up
is Lucy Morgan.

We offered the girls
different appointment times,

Just in case one
of the innocent ones

Decided to meet Zoltan.

We also told Cramer
about the scheme,

Which was a good thing,

Because when Helen Iacono
hung up on us,

She immediately
called the district attorney.

Non, ca va pas,
non, non.

Eh, attention, heh?

Well, Peggy Choate’s
not coming.

Ah, we have to hold on.

With a redhead,
you never can tell.

Felix, look at this,

Me, if I had to write
this stuff down,

I’d use "1 p.m.",

But, policemen, they’re
trained to do it right.

Oh, can it, will you,
Goodwin?

Knock it off.

( Wolfe )
It’s preposterous!

Who?
Me or him?

They-- They have
the temerity

To-- To sell this...

Horse fodder
as fresh watercress?

Is this the other
shipment?

It looks fine,
it looks fine.

( Archie )
Shall I do
a countdown?

You’d clown in the hot seat,
wouldn’t you?

( Music and chatter )

Good evening.

Wait, wait,
she’s here.

And, so, it was Carol Annis
with the brown hair,

But there was still
no salt on her tail, yet.

She could claim she thought
she was being framed,

And came to get
the goods on Zoltan.

It was up to him to get
the goods on her.

Will you have a drink?

No, I don’t
want anything.

It is more friendly
if we eat.

The spaghetti with
anchovy sauce is excellent.

I had some.

You’ve already
eaten?

Oh, uh, ha...

But only to taste.
Come, eat, hmm?

No, I’m--
No, eat.

Oh, all right.

Hans?

Two spaghettis anchovy
for us.

Ah, oui, monsieur.

How’s he gonna trap her into
admitting she’s a killer?

Ah, he’ll find a way.

He’s a cook,
he ain’t you.

Young man.

( Carol )
You’re mistaken,
Mr. Mahany.

You didn’t see me go back
for another plate,

Because I didn’t.

( Zoltan )
But I’m not mistaken, my dear.

But it would be nicer
if you called me Zoltan.

Well, I might, someday,
it depends.

Monsieur.

Thank you.

How could I be mistaken

When the first moment
I saw you, I felt...

Ahh, but I will not try
to tell you how I felt.

Oh no, do.

If any of the other girls
had come in for another plate,

I would have stopped them,

But, before you,
I was dumb.

Oh...
yeah, I see.

So, you’re sure?

I am, my dear,
very sure.

But you haven’t
told the police?

Oh, no.

Or Nero Wolfe?
No.

Or Archie Goodwin?

I’ve told no one,
how could I?

It is terrible for me
to say you’ve killed a man.

Ooh...

If you weren’t wearing
the veil,

I would look
into your beautiful eyes.

And I know I would see
suffering and sorrow.

He’s overdoing it.

Nah, he’s perfect,
you should take notes.

You might learn something.

( Carol )
Yes, yes!

That’s why I’m wearing
the veil, Mr.--

Zoltan, because
I know it’s in my eyes.

He made you suffer.

Oh, he ruined my life.

No, my dear,
your life is not ruined,

No matter what he did.

I never thought I’d ever
let a man touch me again,

But the way you...
ahh... oh.

Well, I’m glad
you know I killed him.

Yes.

It’s better now that
somebody knows, huh?

Oh, I had to kill him,
I had to.

Or I would have
had to kill myself.

Yes.

It just makes me so hungry,
you know?

It just makes me want to--

Wait, wait!

Don’t eat that,
the cheese.

Where’s the cheese?

The spaghetti
with anchovy sauce

Is not served without cheese,
this is an outrage.

It-- It’s unbelievable.

Wait...
when I return,

We will discuss our
future, hmm?

Ah, yeah.

No cheese,
that is outrageous!

( Man )
I’ll take that.

You tricked me!

Yes, and you have
injured and humiliated

Mr. Fritz Brenner,

One of my most valued
friends.

You lie!

And I wished him
to witness your humiliation,

Contrived by me,
in my presence.

That’s enough of that.

I admit my reason
is puerile.

Oh, then, you’re no better
than Pyle.

You may have been
intolerably provoked

By Mr. Pyle,
but not by Zoltan.

He presented himself not
as a leech or a nemesis,

But as a bewitched
and befuddled champion.

He offered you his homage.

Your counter offer
was death.

No, you lie,
and he lied.

He said he saw me,
but he didn’t, he couldn’t.

He threatened me!

The conversation
was overheard.

You lie!

This is not the trap--

The trap has already sprung,
and you are caught in it.

My rancor is appeased,
actually, I would prefer--

That’s enough of that, Wolfe,

I didn’t agree to let you
preach at her all night.

Take her out of here,
sergeant.

May I say
something?

Go ahead.

Mr. Wolfe said
that you injured me.

That is true.

It is also true that
I wanted him to find you.

I cannot speak for Felix.

You tried to kill Zoltan,
and I cannot speak for him.

But I can speak for myself,
I forgive you.

You lie!

All right,
let’s get out of here.

( Stebbins )
Let’s go.

( Carol )
You lie!

What?

Come.