It was another summer
Scorcher in the sun bakes Autumn is Southern California
The noise from the traffic on the boulevard was interfering with my thinking
Hot weather everything seems louder
I was in my office finishing up a missing persons case
My secretary of the day off
I was wondering how to spend the rest of the afternoon when I'm all of us sudden the door swung open
She wasted no time getting down to business she wanted to hire
Army to find the Maltese dildo
The Maltese dildo mustillo
Thank you
Case
A joke
He went to Army to find a dildo
Okay you're safe
Bus expenses
His retainer
Shouldn't be hard to count
Distilled Oso viable
Someone to find
It's no ordinary dildo Mr low
Is the Maltese dildo
Come to my home this evening
I'll give you all the information you need to know
Do you need directions on how to find
No
I can find my way
What time
My dog goes to bed at 10
Can we make it earlier
You name the time
837
G37
Four Season restaurant
Valerie
It's okay to be on dog biscuits for a while
I kept thinking how classy and cool my new client was
There was something familiar about that face
It wasn't until after she left that I realized I didn't get her name
And she didn't get it
Well
I didn't make the acquaintance of one James Madison
His face
Was a face I wish I could see more of
Hey Mark how are you
Hi Louis
Let me have a beer
Glass
I have a clean one
Radio
Look at that
Oh and by the way Maya
There are a couple of phone calls for you
Zendaya bodybuilder in that too
Sure no problem for me
By the way
The boss said if you came in today she wanted to see you
I got to work on a Case tonight
I don't theater
Well if it isn't my favorite
Public and private
I know sweetheart
I know which I prefer but you really know how to kill a romance
I'll try to make it up to you later you know
You can get anything and everything on Hollywood Boulevard if you have the money to pay for
But they still flock here thinking they're going to get something for nothing lawyer they ever in for a big
Big disappointment that's why it's called a Boulevard Hollywood Boulevard
It isn't what it used to be then what is nowadays but don't get me wrong
I love how much
Reading list
This is a quality that I admire in a man
Those watergrass for real I mean you really know all those guys
Course was too low what a foolish question
Who are all seduced by my charms
I Know Who You Are
Your morning LaPierre used to be big and x-rated movies
I'm still a big star Mr low
The coccyx are small
Orchard Estate
Perhaps you like a drink
Vodka on the Rocks would be nice
I didn't mean an alcoholic drink
Crab something a little more
Stimulating
Wow alcohol is not for this year I got to a certain point
I discovered a nerve while filming in the southeast
Much more sexually potent
So tell me more about the small tea
I don't even know where I'm supposed to begin looking for it
All I know about it
Pier
You'll have plenty of time to
Look it over later mr. low
Actually it's not much information
Several months ago I received word that the Builder was serviced on the black market
And was up for the highest bidder
My bed was accepted
And my banker arranged for the funds to be transferred to specify
How do you need my services
I never received any for the word about the dildo
The art dealer who is handling the sale
A very reputable man would come up in business for years
Disappeared
I'm counting on you mr. lodha help me
I must have the Maltese dildo
I don't understand what makes it so
Liable
Plus keeps a woman young Mister low
It's important for women to sustain her sexual desires especially as she ages in the Maltese dildo has the power
How to do that
I can prolong orgasms 20.1 Can Only Imagine
She went on and on about the wonderful powers of the dildo
I can't remember how long
How do you feel Mr love
I feel
You know why I invited you here
You know I invited you here to f*** you
I love to f*** you
No I said that
Why don't you come over here and I'll show you exactly why you said that
Easter love
I might mr. love
You must find a dildo for me.
I also want to f*** you
I might
I'm leaving. Your f****** or not
Full
Breast
Human hair wigs
Is it
I want to hear
Saigon rapper
Come on
I learned a lot from one of my Pier last night but unfortunately none of it had anything to do with the case
I didn't know where game
Whatever it was
She was good at it real good
The job did have its perks
I called the anthropology department of the local Museum a nice lady on the phone told me to come over
I was hoping I can get some background information on this multi still though it was a long shot but I had no other lead
I wasn't sure but it looks like I was being followed I made a note to check it out when I finish my business
The private investigator called you earlier
Oh yes mr. Lowe
Dr. benninger
How can I help you
Well
I'm working on this case.
My client is hard to find
Find a dildo
They called The Maltese dildo
Have you ever heard of it
Yes I've heard of it
About two weeks ago and older gentleman came in
Said he wasn't anthropologist
What what did he say
Same as you did
What was that was you looking for it
No
He was looking for a description of it
She wants to know how he might verify its authenticity
But I couldn't help him
Why not
Because our computers were down at the time
He was in a real Rush
That was very urgent
And a great deal of money to be lost or games
I really didn't understand what he was talking about
And you haven't seen or heard of him since
Is your computer working today
It was yesterday
Is it possible that you could do
Find information this Anthropologist I was looking
For whoever you want
Dr. Edwards was his name
English name
You didn't ask
I suppose I could get the information you want in a day or two
Potomac
Why is everyone so interested in this mall
Maltese dildo
Well I'll tell you what little I know
When I described it. The manager the effects of the dildo that monologue. Told me last night
Good doctor became uncontrollable for clothes
Arms around my neck and pulled my mouth to hurt
Working here tunnel run my mouth just some kiss
I want your cock
I want your big huh
Do you want it you got to really want it
Who cares
Give it to me
She dug her nails into my back she didn't know her stuff she just yelled out
Bastard Capehart
Around dead things for too long
I want you to cut me from behind
Saucony
Give it to me
I want to suck your cock now
Not sure where she was common business life
Cuz I'm nothing that happened
Always heard of these intellectual women were wild
Viking Mead, crossword
I always have a fondness for Museum curators thank you
Why did you get into this field
The treasures one comes across now and then
Plaquemine
I never heard of
Dial
Owl
You want me to follow
He wants to talk to you
You tell him
Be at the bar on the corner of Hollywood and Cherokee
In one hour
If he's not there he's going to have to pick up the pieces
If he doesn't show up
Going back to my office to make some phone calls until I had to meet Glutton I called Moana LaPierre
But there was no answer. The manager was more horny than helpful
She could only give me the name of the professor
So I let my fingers do the walking
I called every Edwards in the phone book
Finally I got a lucky
Well
Almost
Professor Edwards
This is Mark Lowe
Search until we speak
Is pertaining to our mutual interest in a certain artifact
My number is beechwood 45789
You can call me anytime
Nothing but bills today
What else is new
PAW Patrols coming
Make any progress
Not much
Remind me to tell you the story about the dildo I'd love to
I was dying to tell her the dildo story
My cock said yes but my conscience said no
Hey Mark are you
Oh yeah he's here
Are you mr. Marcus low self
James Mark love you do so and I believe you have met my assoc
Good I'm about to have a cool drink perhaps you join me so
What we have Jalen
I think I should have a bourbon if you haven't old Pharmacy if you don't
Who was Sophia's don't make that a golden Fizz please
Andes Virgin Mary for my young friend here just a little shy
The glass
You look like a man of means
By all means
It's always one of these
It's always one of these guys
They can't take anything regular they got to have a special drink
Heritage
Why are you having me followed
I am Tim to have the Maltese dildo for my own collection Mister low
What's up
There will be time enough to discuss me
Show me finish what I wish to know have you found them all
Which I had
Why should I tell you you're not my client
And here we go
Drinks
IW Harper
Golden fish
Saint Virgin Mary
Thank you sir
The first drink of the Evening Sun a quiet ball one of the few Pleasures I have left in life
And my collection of erotica mr. low which is one of the finest in the world
I got to use a John all right if I go
How many times have I told you do not call me boss Go-Go
Where was I
About to get to the point I hope
I'm a very wealthy
Hello
Accustomed to getting what I want
What about mrs. LaPierre is paying you
I will double it
I must have the multi
You still don't for my collections
What seems to me that makes life here is a rightful owner
She paid an art dealer and accept it or bit
And so did I say
And I'm afraid that we have both been duped
This on dealing with whom we were doing business has disappeared
Not only am I out the money
Did I have paid him
But I have no idea where the Maltese is gone
That still doesn't tell me why you're having me followed I wanted to know any information you might have some
This is not the first time this has happened a similar incident occurred
10 years ago
Ten years ago
Mr. low have been searching for The Maltese dildo for over a decade now so
I wish someone would tell me why this dildos so valuable
You should learn the legend of the Maltese dildo in due time this too low
Now
Shall we discuss our business proposition
I can't accept your offer
Why not
Well it would be very unprofessional on my part
Stop here had me first
Electrician
The best farewells on the briefest farewells
Celestial sea
Hello
This is Mark Lowe calling Moana LaPierre
When is she expected
Could you have her call my office as soon as she returns
I couldn't figure out my life here
Coming to my office
Drop the Madison ravish my body and now I'm not a word
What a crazy lady
I forgot to water the plants this morning
Rooster a little bit
Pirlo
That's my name
How to name to ask you
Can I have a raise
Soon as I'm done with this case I have a present for you
You've already got it
Miss your p**** again
Sure
Otherwise I'd be working for nothing
Punisher panties
On my salary who can afford it
In all those detective movies the guy never gets his secretary
I'm one of the lucky ones
Don't mess up my hair
Why don't you be mine
Backdoor Man
You know I don't do anal
Once a week
MFA
How many times have I told you to drive slow when I'm getting flat
Someday Baby
Be able to swallow
Friend of mine just called
Sudan rental
She works for IBM during the day
Meribel at night
She said gleckman Pandora visit last night
Meaning Miss Mirabelle
Mister Glassman
I might be a connection
Better
Check this out
Change the font you excuse us for a moment
Well boys no need to make an appointment
Drop in anytime
What business is it of yours
Pretty shabby place you got here
Then what the f*** are you doing here
You know who I am
CP
Do you operate on a strip
James Howie Mendoza
You changed it to man
You know how it got to be so big time
Probably started as a pimp in a whorehouse
How many bad man is too low
I got lots of dough
Can I spread it around a lot of people
They all know how we met
I got a beautiful wife
Billion dollar house
Butler to maze
Is monkey here to drive me around
I want you to stay away
From Moana LaPierre
I want you to stop looking for the Maltese dildo
How does Mona lapierre's business
Well
Let's just say
And I don't want to see your kitten her
You got your
That's the question
I got it
But the answer is no
Dumb monkey
He's got three seconds
The back off
Becca's Cafe
I forgot to water the plants
I think you need this I didn't think you had it in you
How to get to like you
You a bastard
Just like me
I don't even consider us the same species
This meeting is come to an end
Got any problem
With me working with Mona LaPierre
Okay Lo
Alright
It figures that you two scumbags would have business with one another
I guess this is inspection day
First him now you
This place is a crap
Everybody's assaulting my office
Today I think it's kind of cozy
Be my guest
What flavor are these
Never had one myself you have to ask my dog Louie
So
What business do you have with that
What do you want water
We're getting a little itchy
I'm the one who asked the questions I know so ask
So I can answer them
Then you and your partner in crime
Engineered can be on your way
One telephone call that I can have your license suspended
License suspended
Withholding evidence
Obstructing justice
Hospital
Should nuts
What do you know about professor
I don't know anything about that
Not according to his answering machine you left a message for him to call you get your name and phone number
Name and phone number
That's right but I never spoke
Do you know what happened to him
Will you know what he was working on
Maybe you guys haven't been listening
Said I never spoke to Professor Edwards only to his answering machine that's all
What's your business weather
I was hired to find a rare piece of art
An ancient artifact
I was told that the professor could give me some information on
So I called them
He is or he was an anthropologist
You don't know
Start a reporter missing after not seeing him for a week
You sure there's not something you're not telling
Professional Auto
I would know anything back from you
Well if you think of anything that you might want to tell us
What you give us a call
Remember your number
One suspect
Number one suspect last
Person to have
Contact
What is answering machine
Don't
Play
But you guys ever change ask
For the way it what exactly is this
Ancient artifact
A dildo
The Maltese dildo
Well now I've heard everything
Fire stick
Looking for a dildo
Wait till I tell the guys back at the station
I prefer that this one get around
I can understand why
Hollywood and you're one of the weirdest law
Matilda
I don't believe it
Flashlight
A real tough guy
It's okay to lie to cops I'm not to tell them everything just don't refuse to talk to them
Everything I told him was the truth I just didn't tell him all of it but I left that was my business
I decided it was time I paid a visit to Miss America
We got to stop meeting like this
Remind
Why do you insist on following me my boss insist that I bother you
I'll make it easy for you
Hi
Oh thanks I've got a dog
Mark how you feeling
Come and join me if a
Is this guy has been tailing me
How to get a couple of girls to maybe keep them busy for about an hour while I can talk to I miss Merivale
Are you guys now
Say hello to the nice lady Wall-E
Come over here and take Wally to
Go with the nice lady
You'll have a good time don't worry
Wall-E
Great
What am I supposed to do
Oh
Going to cost me money
No
Oh
Yeah
Everything
You can have
Time of your life are you sure this is okay
I'm down here
Ulay
Do you like sexual
Yeah
For real
You can tell me how you want me to suck your cock
This is your time
Where can I buy
Yeah
Well good luck on the case thanks
I called and told him to come over to my office it was time for me to hear the legend of the malt
And you shall hear it
As you may already know the Maltese dildo
Isn't really Maltese at all
It was only for a long time by a wealthy gentleman of Malta
Then
After his death
Is a stateless sold
Disappeared it has too many hands to disappear
Get to the point Club
The Maltese dildo dates back to ancient Egypt
Time of the Pharaohs
It was said that it was commissioned by Caesar himself
Before going off on a long campaign
PS the high priest to design this dildo for the queen Cleopatra so that she might use it instead of the palace guards
Cleopatra
I brought you something
Satisfy your needs
Until I return
Oh Caesar
Come on to me
Show me your best
Part
Fletcher Juices Flow onto me
Did I may know your strength once more Before you depart
There's no time for that now my love there are 10,000 men waiting for me outside
But I brought you this special gift
Fulfill your needs
Until I return
The High Priestess
Doubt it with the powers of the Gods
If you've asked
And it's Aura and use it daily
It will make you more beautiful
I must take my leave now
Safe journey my king
What do you think
Maximus Queen more beautiful
That's the most incredible story ever heard
It is incredible indeed Mister low and that is why I must have the Maltese dildo for my fabulous collection of a
Veronica
I can understand that
Did you have the professor murdered
I'm a businessman so I abhor violence in Indianola forms
I can't continue this investigation of the cops breathing down my neck
Professor killed they may try to frame me just to take the heat off himself so they found a real killer
You just continue with you invest
Medication list
Aloha
I'll teach you
The police
And if it should become necessary why we simply give him Wally here
You wouldn't
Well water
Readme md
Have to do this
And I want you to know you've been like a son to me I couldn't be any fun of you if you were my son
But another son I could always
There's only one
Maltese
Meeting with black man that left me with a headache
Had a missing client a rich eccentric wanted me to find this crazy dildo
That pit Mendoza warning me not to find
In the police trying to involve me in The Disappearance and possible murder of a professor I never met
And I'm supposed to believe that this same dildo was once in Cleopatra
This case was a real mess
I was dealing with a bunch of weirdos
Hey man
Yeah how did you know
Guess
Excuse me
Places
She was the only one who hadn't shown up
The missing piece to the puzzle
The puzzle was far from
I hope you're not angry that I came over I was
Going to call but I'm scared that you wouldn't want to see me
Glory
Would you like a cup of coffee
Yes please
He came over here to find out information about your father I really can't help you
That's not why I came over
Storybooth
It was delivered to me last night
For my father
Handwriting
Assistant principal for a multi-skilled oh
Who is it
I'm sorry I could not contact
You sooner I know how worried you must be
I cannot risk having you know my whereabouts
Chill I'm sure it
There are those who might harm you for
Information
Please be assured that
And well
I'm very close to finding the most important discovery of my
My career
I shall contact you again as soon as poss
I think it's really strange that someone would want to harm me over a dildo
You telling me this
I'd like to show this to if you pee
People before you leave can you stay awhile
Sure
But first let me tell you why I'm here
1 suppose find out that my father's safe they're going to drop her investigation
And well
I need a private investigator to help me find him
McGregor coffee
Thank you call me more
And you're very nice man
Of course I'm a private eye
She had a cute little laugh and I can see that she can easily become have it for me
I called bluntman and the cops and why we waited for them to arrive we talked about all sorts of things
I had that feeling you get when two people click
Will you help me Mark
Sure I'm a sucker for a pretty face
Good
So I trusted the information you possess warrants my coming out at this ungodly hour
It does
Have a seat
You will
The money to live here
I know it's a sordid life that I'm used to it
Carry this I don't have all night
Neither do I
After I read the letter I knew I could just sit back
And watch the fight
I was wondering what bluntman would do
Nobody knew someone else may have found the dildo
Well I've given you enough of my time already
South America
And continue our search
Maltese
Sauces have informed me that this Lafia was seen recently in Rio
And I wouldn't be surprised young lady if your father was that too
I must take you to this charming little bit stroll off the Copacabana when we get the real
Come in gentlemen come in I was just leaving
Avoid
You cover the Spectre
From the lowest to the highest
Wasn't that day Mister Glassman
I'm impressed
You must want something pretty badly
And your neighbor
What's this about a letter
You sure this is your father's handwriting
Oh yes quite sure
Okay
How close is
This case
Still strikes me as a little strange
Professor
Just run off like that
Tell me something low
What is this
It's the stuff that wet dreams are made
Cypress Edwards
When they had all left
I realize the headache I had earlier had gone
Throbbing in my head had moved
2 below my waist
I was wondering what my next move should be
When she resolved the problem
May I Stay Awhile longer that is if you don't mind
I was hoping you would ask you can tell me about the
That you mentioned earlier
She certainly caught me by surprise
Sure I was the one being seduced again it was great
Anywhere you want
Well I didn't solve this case but I sure
You're at a hell of a good time trying and I still have the medicine
What does all this have to do with anything absolutely nothing
Just remember
Anything can happen in Hollywood