1
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,247
Oh, it's lovely.

2
00:00:17,075 --> 00:00:18,716
Just lovely.

3
00:00:19,183 --> 00:00:22,459
A lot of girls cry when they see
themselves in a wedding dress.

4
00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:24,907
Every little girl's dream.

5
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,663
Or nightmare. You know.

6
00:00:26,796 --> 00:00:28,498
If you're fat.

7
00:00:32,224 --> 00:00:33,155
<i>Hello.</i>

8
00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:35,573
Do you do girls?

9
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:41,795
It says here "Yes" to anal,
GFE, school uniform;

10
00:00:41,928 --> 00:00:44,945
"No" to scats, stags and water sports.

11
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,914
- You've got nothing against girls.
- What's the set-up?

12
00:00:47,941 --> 00:00:50,140
Threesome.
The client wants two girls.

13
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,056
- Who's the other one?
- I haven't booked one yet.

14
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:54,504
- What about Rachel?
- No, she's in Marbella.

15
00:00:54,690 --> 00:00:56,499
- Tanya?
- She's going to see Les Mis.

16
00:00:56,606 --> 00:00:58,814
Again? How many times is that?

17
00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:00,864
Who knows? It's a sickness.

18
00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,790
And what's the client like that
one of us isn't enough?

19
00:01:03,844 --> 00:01:05,121
<i>It's Ashok.</i>

20
00:01:06,292 --> 00:01:07,748
Ashok?

21
00:01:08,846 --> 00:01:11,473
Every-second-Wednesday-since-
I- started Ashok?

22
00:01:11,606 --> 00:01:17,157
The very same. Sometimes, two
heads are better than one.

23
00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:20,527
I'll find someone and call you back.

24
00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:36,198
It's not that I don't like
going down on girls.

25
00:01:38,517 --> 00:01:41,426
It's just that I never really
enjoy going out with them.

26
00:01:42,131 --> 00:01:50,395
<i>:: board. tv4user. de presents::</i>

27
00:01:51,428 --> 00:01:59,787
<i>:: Transcript: transcripts. subtitle. me. uk::</i>

28
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:09,084
<i>:: Sync: Italian Subs Addicted::</i>

29
00:02:14,061 --> 00:02:20,354
<i>:: Assembling: fatbrat::</i>

30
00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:23,287
You're supposed to be helping me find a suit.

31
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,097
I know. Can you undo this?
I'm trapped.

32
00:02:29,012 --> 00:02:31,221
So? What do you think?

33
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,083
When is it again?

34
00:02:33,190 --> 00:02:34,387
8th March.

35
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,414
1979?

36
00:02:37,212 --> 00:02:39,846
You look like you've just stepped out
of my parent's wedding photo.

37
00:02:39,899 --> 00:02:41,406
- Jesus.
- Excuse me.

38
00:02:42,055 --> 00:02:44,928
It's bad luck to see the bride in
her gown before the big day.

39
00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:48,187
It's all right. She's not the bride.
She's just here to help.

40
00:02:51,999 --> 00:02:56,147
<i>I told my best friend that I'm a
prostitute. He hasn't said a thing.</i>

41
00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:00,658
<i>We're both acting like everything's
fine but, of course, it's not.</i>

42
00:03:02,546 --> 00:03:04,809
So, the night your sister had a baby -

43
00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:07,687
I can't believe I'm asking!

44
00:03:08,002 --> 00:03:10,296
Were you working as a prostitute?

45
00:03:17,794 --> 00:03:20,295
Were you doing that when we
were still seeing each other?

46
00:03:20,375 --> 00:03:21,546
No! No.

47
00:03:27,551 --> 00:03:30,983
And you have, like... er...
What is it? A madam?

48
00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:34,416
An agent. Yeah. She's the filter.
She always knows where I am.

49
00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:35,990
Is it even legal?

50
00:03:36,176 --> 00:03:39,398
Me? Yeah.
But her. Not exactly.

51
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,305
Why do you do it?

52
00:03:45,728 --> 00:03:49,027
Would you believe me if
I said I enjoyed it?

53
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:54,997
You know I like sex.

54
00:04:00,068 --> 00:04:02,585
So what is it you're doing tonight?

55
00:04:03,607 --> 00:04:05,389
It's a threesome.

56
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:07,758
Me and another girl from the agency.

57
00:04:07,944 --> 00:04:10,937
- Who's the...?
- It's Ashok. He's lovely.

58
00:04:11,455 --> 00:04:14,275
- Lovely?
- Yeah. He's lovely.

59
00:04:14,435 --> 00:04:16,527
He's my oldest client.

60
00:04:17,016 --> 00:04:19,326
He's like my friend.

61
00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:26,467
How did you even get into it?

62
00:04:29,551 --> 00:04:30,696
Hello?

63
00:04:30,855 --> 00:04:33,250
It's all arranged.
You'll be working with Naomi.

64
00:04:33,330 --> 00:04:35,086
- Who's Naomi?
- She's new.

65
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,529
I poached her from Brompton Escorts.

66
00:04:37,636 --> 00:04:40,776
She's flying off the shelves.
If you know what I mean.

67
00:04:40,882 --> 00:04:44,474
<i>The room is booked from eight so
you two can get to know each other.</i>

68
00:04:44,527 --> 00:04:47,831
- And it's that hotel close to -
- Ashok's office. I know.

69
00:04:47,991 --> 00:04:50,008
<i>Well, he'll be there by nine.</i>

70
00:04:50,182 --> 00:04:51,356
Lucky boy.

71
00:04:51,612 --> 00:04:53,356
I'm sending him the creme de la creme.

72
00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:03,908
Do you want to go and look
at some more suits?

73
00:05:04,701 --> 00:05:06,055
I should go.

74
00:05:12,362 --> 00:05:14,425
- Yeah. How much...?
- No, it's all right. I'll pay.

75
00:05:14,623 --> 00:05:16,695
- I've got it.
- No, it's fine.

76
00:05:21,641 --> 00:05:23,567
- See you later.
- Yeah. I'll give you a call.

77
00:05:39,510 --> 00:05:41,487
<i>How did you even get into it?</i>

78
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,280
<i>A couple of years ago
I met a man in a bar</i>

79
00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:49,057
<i>UHe was a perfect one night stand.</i>

80
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:53,176
<i>Funny. Charming. Great in bed.
And no expectations.</i>

81
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,686
<i>And he even gave me
my cab fare home.</i>

82
00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:01,886
<i>Or so I thought.</i>

83
00:06:09,992 --> 00:06:12,905
<i>And just like that, without realising,</i>

84
00:06:13,091 --> 00:06:15,397
<i>I'd been paid for sex.</i>

85
00:06:17,290 --> 00:06:20,167
Would I have taken the money if
it had been offered up front?

86
00:06:22,403 --> 00:06:23,476
Maybe.

87
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,728
I don't really know.

88
00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:30,568
Either way, I did take it

89
00:06:30,851 --> 00:06:32,206
and I'm still taking it.

90
00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:35,817
Today, a threesome with another escort.

91
00:06:36,143 --> 00:06:37,597
I'm hardly a girl's girl

92
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,998
but I will go gay for pay.

93
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,175
Hello.

94
00:06:55,521 --> 00:06:57,875
So... Ashok.

95
00:07:00,193 --> 00:07:01,555
What's he like?

96
00:07:01,831 --> 00:07:02,907
He's sweet.

97
00:07:03,281 --> 00:07:04,585
Quite handsome.

98
00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:06,777
Athletic. Clever.

99
00:07:07,151 --> 00:07:08,746
Kind of geeky.

100
00:07:08,811 --> 00:07:12,488
Gentle. Very polite.
And he always smells nice.

101
00:07:14,332 --> 00:07:18,386
I was actually wondering whether
he prefers anal or vanilla.

102
00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:24,745
So, what's he into?

103
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,107
Naughty school girls?
Nurse and matron?

104
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:30,888
Mother Superior or novice nun?

105
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:34,045
Well, this is his first
threesome. I think so.

106
00:07:34,441 --> 00:07:36,178
So maybe just generic stuff.

107
00:07:36,413 --> 00:07:39,618
- Girls soaping each other's breasts.
- Holiday Inn porn.

108
00:07:42,772 --> 00:07:44,558
Or maybe...

109
00:07:45,112 --> 00:07:46,655
.. we should make something up.

110
00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:51,848
- Like what?
- How about good cop, bad cop?

111
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,977
Ah. I'll put you down for good cop, then.

112
00:08:26,822 --> 00:08:28,588
This is all quite fun.

113
00:08:28,963 --> 00:08:31,597
You know. What normal girls do.

114
00:08:31,832 --> 00:08:33,188
Oh, I forgot to ask.

115
00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:35,448
Do you shave or wax?

116
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:36,856
Wax.

117
00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,057
Good. I get stubble rash.

118
00:08:42,703 --> 00:08:45,385
Hey, don't look so scared.

119
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,738
Just getting into character.

120
00:09:03,122 --> 00:09:04,197
Hello.

121
00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:57,157
One, two, three...

122
00:10:17,311 --> 00:10:19,857
Are we nearly there yet?
I'm getting wanker's claw.

123
00:10:20,691 --> 00:10:22,147
Relax a bit.

124
00:10:26,740 --> 00:10:29,186
I need to pee. Can you take over?

125
00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:30,116
OK.

126
00:10:56,223 --> 00:11:00,957
- You're quite the athlete.
- You're quite flexible yourself.

127
00:11:01,292 --> 00:11:01,679
Thanks.

128
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,838
I wish I could say it was down to Yoga.

129
00:11:09,063 --> 00:11:10,047
What?

130
00:11:10,371 --> 00:11:12,865
You two. Debriefing.

131
00:11:13,433 --> 00:11:17,747
But I suppose put two nurses or two teachers
or whatever together in a room

132
00:11:17,882 --> 00:11:19,998
and they're gonna talk about work.

133
00:11:19,999 --> 00:11:23,158
I'm glad you think of us as
a caring profession.

134
00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:27,777
I do, though. I read that
book you gave me.

135
00:11:28,613 --> 00:11:29,597
And?

136
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:36,236
384 pages of misery. And the world's
smallest type face but beautiful.

137
00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:40,178
Really beautiful.

138
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,548
I cried like a girl.

139
00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:47,817
What time is it? I should get home.

140
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,087
- It's quarter to ten.
- Is that all?

141
00:11:51,407 --> 00:11:53,172
It didn't last long.

142
00:11:53,294 --> 00:11:57,452
Oh, don't worry. A job shared
is usually a job halved.

143
00:11:57,611 --> 00:12:01,481
So for you two, that means half the
work for double the money.

144
00:12:01,697 --> 00:12:03,998
I'm sorry. Are you auditing us?

145
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,265
- No!
- Good.

146
00:12:08,749 --> 00:12:11,802
Thank you for a wonderful evening.

147
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:19,218
- And thank you
- You're welcome.

148
00:12:19,471 --> 00:12:22,257
The pleasure was half mine.

149
00:12:34,445 --> 00:12:36,366
That was fun.

150
00:12:37,996 --> 00:12:43,127
Would you... erm... like to
hang out sometime?

151
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,714
- Does it involve shagging?
- No.

152
00:12:48,814 --> 00:12:51,193
Does it involve eating Hagen Dazs
and watching Pretty Woman?

153
00:12:51,456 --> 00:12:53,568
- Christ. No.
- Then yes.

154
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,757
What's your number?

155
00:12:57,354 --> 00:13:00,946
No, fuck that.
What's your name?

156
00:13:02,561 --> 00:13:04,295
Hannah.

157
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,556
What's yours?

158
00:13:07,876 --> 00:13:09,945
Naomi.

159
00:13:36,688 --> 00:13:38,107
Hello?

160
00:13:38,247 --> 00:13:40,876
<i>Hello. What are you up to now?</i>

161
00:13:51,467 --> 00:13:54,597
Best present a client ever gave you?

162
00:13:56,763 --> 00:13:58,503
Hm. Mini convertible.

163
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:00,698
Worst present a client ever gave you?

164
00:14:00,758 --> 00:14:02,513
- A hotel sewing kit.
- What?

165
00:14:03,056 --> 00:14:04,748
Can you believe that?

166
00:14:14,671 --> 00:14:17,668
Just cos it's not ringing
doesn't mean it's broken.

167
00:14:18,878 --> 00:14:21,548
- Boyfriend?
- Friend.

168
00:14:21,984 --> 00:14:24,114
He's not taking it that brilliantly. The whole

169
00:14:24,376 --> 00:14:26,557
"I'm not a legal secretary" thing.

170
00:14:27,654 --> 00:14:29,658
Hm. I still find it harder telling girls.

171
00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:31,431
They might give you a feminist polemic.

172
00:14:31,483 --> 00:14:33,595
What they're really thinking is you're
gonna steal their man.

173
00:14:33,695 --> 00:14:35,065
Girls bug me.

174
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:36,366
Me too.

175
00:14:37,465 --> 00:14:39,328
Half the time they're right.

176
00:14:55,914 --> 00:14:59,121
I've never really got the whole female
friendship thing.

177
00:14:59,221 --> 00:15:01,867
With Naomi, we can talk about men and...

178
00:15:02,046 --> 00:15:04,354
sex. And work. Because, for us,

179
00:15:04,616 --> 00:15:06,296
they're all the same thing.

180
00:15:14,109 --> 00:15:16,085
I go in there to get my cervix scraped.

181
00:15:16,185 --> 00:15:17,676
- Scraped?!
- .. and you walk out with a bloody party bag!

182
00:15:17,776 --> 00:15:19,278
It wasn't much of a party bag.

183
00:15:19,378 --> 00:15:22,735
No fairy cakes. No hats. Just...

184
00:15:22,907 --> 00:15:24,306
Balloons.

185
00:15:25,365 --> 00:15:26,891
Did you leave them with anything?

186
00:15:26,991 --> 00:15:28,984
Ooh, there was a lovely speculum
swab set I had my eye on.

187
00:15:29,084 --> 00:15:31,050
But in the end, I just
took the condoms.

188
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:33,510
And some pens. Come on.

189
00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:35,938
Let's go. Before you make
me take them back.

190
00:15:57,679 --> 00:15:59,380
<i>I've got a new client for you.</i>

191
00:15:59,474 --> 00:16:01,770
28. Works for an auction house.

192
00:16:01,989 --> 00:16:04,003
Sounds like a Pathe News reel.

193
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,194
<i>Quite junior now but got prospects.</i>

194
00:16:06,352 --> 00:16:08,084
Well, so he tells me.

195
00:16:08,129 --> 00:16:11,436
<i>I'm shagging him, Stephanie,
not settling down with him.</i>

196
00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,613
- When is it?
- Next Wednesday.

197
00:16:14,713 --> 00:16:18,228
Well, it depends. Wednesday's
my regular with Ashok.

198
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:21,173
Actually, Ashok is with Naomi this week.

199
00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:22,498
What?

200
00:16:22,776 --> 00:16:24,988
Ashok is with Naomi this week.

201
00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:28,060
Can you do the auctioneer or not?

202
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,167
- Not.
- Fine.

203
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,829
Call me when you've learnt to share.

204
00:17:06,849 --> 00:17:09,728
The end of the affair was
written from the beginning.

205
00:17:09,907 --> 00:17:13,445
He's a man who pays women for sex.
I'm the whore.

206
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,599
At some point his tastes
were bound to change.

207
00:17:28,161 --> 00:17:30,058
So why am I so upset?

208
00:17:31,406 --> 00:17:35,368
Because who can I call to say
I had a bad day at work?

209
00:17:46,939 --> 00:17:47,995
<i>Hi.</i>

210
00:17:48,911 --> 00:17:50,048
Hi.

211
00:17:54,213 --> 00:17:55,526
How are you?

212
00:17:55,743 --> 00:17:57,616
I'm good. Yeah.
How are you?

213
00:17:58,752 --> 00:18:00,097
Yeah. Good.

214
00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:02,635
Good.

215
00:18:03,130 --> 00:18:04,838
Actually, I'm shit.

216
00:18:05,311 --> 00:18:07,951
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
What's the matter?

217
00:18:10,694 --> 00:18:14,298
I lent someone a book and I don't
think I'm gonna get it back.

218
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,445
I wish I had your problems.

219
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,269
Will you come round?

220
00:18:38,762 --> 00:18:40,836
You looked good in that wedding dress.

221
00:18:41,523 --> 00:18:43,457
I can't remember if I said that.

222
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,216
I don't think I did.

223
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,047
Did you find a suit?

224
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:55,267
No. They were all as shit as 1979.

225
00:18:56,342 --> 00:18:58,278
So I'm gonna wear a kilt.

226
00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:02,117
- Since when were you Scottish?
- My mum's granddad or something.

227
00:19:02,201 --> 00:19:04,032
I love that about posh English.

228
00:19:04,084 --> 00:19:06,213
Always trying to pass themselves off as
Scottish or Welsh

229
00:19:06,255 --> 00:19:08,049
without even being to Scotland.

230
00:19:08,101 --> 00:19:09,531
Hellish place.

231
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,028
I've missed you.

232
00:19:22,423 --> 00:19:23,768
I missed you too.

233
00:19:27,964 --> 00:19:30,354
While you were off playing with fanny.

234
00:19:34,978 --> 00:19:37,876
I'm sorry about that.
The other day.

235
00:19:39,775 --> 00:19:43,357
It's just something huge
about you I didn't know.

236
00:19:45,505 --> 00:19:47,122
You're my best mate.

237
00:19:48,374 --> 00:19:51,338
You're the only girl I've shagged
who still likes me.

238
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,086
Except for Vanessa.

239
00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:57,317
Yeah. Except for Vanessa.

240
00:20:00,975 --> 00:20:03,583
We go out and...

241
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:05,712
we have dinner and we get pissed.

242
00:20:05,774 --> 00:20:08,685
And we go running and we
used to sleep together.

243
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,661
Am I ever going to be able to
talk to you about this?

244
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,715
I dunno. Try.

245
00:20:15,932 --> 00:20:19,258
Even if I act like a cock about it,
I'd want you to try.

246
00:20:23,176 --> 00:20:25,137
I need to ask you something.

247
00:20:25,611 --> 00:20:28,088
It's a favour. You don't have
to if you don't want to.

248
00:20:28,129 --> 00:20:30,352
You're not gonna ask me to have
sex with you and Vanessa?

249
00:20:30,394 --> 00:20:32,115
What? No.

250
00:20:35,272 --> 00:20:37,745
Others may pay hundreds for you but

251
00:20:37,787 --> 00:20:42,117
I had you when all it took was half a
lager and a couple of Marlboro Lights.

252
00:20:48,285 --> 00:20:50,326
Will you be my best man?

253
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<i>:: Transcript: transcripts. subtitle. me. uk::
:: Sync: Italian Subs Addicted::</i>

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<i>:: Assembling: fatbrat::</i>

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I slept with somebody and
now he won't leave.

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I don't normally do this kind of thing.

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Can't you just tell him his time is up?

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Thank you. I didn't charge him.
That's the problem.

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You're not really a legal
secretary, are you?

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- Hi.
- Hi.

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Look, just go!

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Some girls are too sensitive
for this kind of work.

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You need to get some perspective, Han.

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See how normal people live.

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- Normal people?
- You know what I mean.

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- Yeah, that sounds dead exciting.
- Can't you just take a break?

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Did you hear me? I said go!

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