1
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,793
...and will,
to the best of my ability,
2
00:00:10,828 --> 00:00:13,495
uphold the standards
and traditions
3
00:00:13,531 --> 00:00:17,666
of the Springfield Elementary
Parent Teacher Association.
4
00:00:17,702 --> 00:00:20,736
Congratulations, Mrs. Simpson.
I'm sure your tenure
5
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:24,640
as our new PTA president
will be a rousing success.
6
00:00:24,675 --> 00:00:27,576
Also, the state is closing
this school forever.
7
00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:28,577
[all gasp]
8
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,546
Yes, well, that is well-gasped.
9
00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:33,749
Because Comptroller Atkins
has decided that one school
10
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,884
must be closed
at the end of the year,
11
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,921
and Springfield Elementary
is the obvious candidate,
12
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,657
due to its staggeringly low
test scores
13
00:00:41,692 --> 00:00:44,760
and persistent
infestation of owls.
14
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,695
[hooting]
15
00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:48,764
[murmuring]
16
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:49,932
This is terrible.
17
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,967
The teachers and myself
will all be scattered
18
00:00:52,002 --> 00:00:53,669
to different schools.
19
00:00:53,704 --> 00:00:55,971
Now, rest assured
that will not happen.
20
00:00:56,006 --> 00:00:57,673
You'll all be fired.
21
00:00:57,708 --> 00:00:59,708
Bombardment...
22
00:00:59,744 --> 00:01:00,943
This means Martin
would have to go to
23
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,745
West Springfield Elementary.
24
00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:05,481
It's a 15-minute longer
bus ride.
25
00:01:05,516 --> 00:01:07,916
[gasps]
That's three more wedgies.
26
00:01:07,952 --> 00:01:10,686
Eh, five, if the lights
are against him.
27
00:01:10,721 --> 00:01:13,689
[overlapping shouting]
28
00:01:13,724 --> 00:01:15,691
Okay, people, okay,
let's not panic!
29
00:01:15,726 --> 00:01:18,594
We still have time.
If we put our heads together,
30
00:01:18,629 --> 00:01:20,896
maybe we can find a way
to prove our school
31
00:01:20,931 --> 00:01:23,866
is worthy of being spared.
32
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:25,934
Vote the fascist out.
33
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:27,770
[overlapping shouting]
34
00:01:27,805 --> 00:01:29,905
[owls hooting]
35
00:01:29,940 --> 00:01:31,640
[glass shatters]
36
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,609
[sighs]
37
00:01:33,644 --> 00:01:37,646
Oh, we're going to need
a miracle to save the school.
38
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:40,516
Maybe we could impress
the state school board
39
00:01:40,551 --> 00:01:42,851
by sending them pencils
printed with quotations
40
00:01:42,887 --> 00:01:45,621
from history's
most brilliant thinkers.
41
00:01:45,656 --> 00:01:49,958
Oh, sweetie, that's just the
type of thing you would pitch.
42
00:01:49,994 --> 00:01:51,527
Thank you?
43
00:01:51,562 --> 00:01:53,562
We can do this.
All our school has to do
44
00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:55,964
is suck a little bit less
than the next suckiest one.
45
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,735
We don't say "suck"
in this family, we say "sudge."
46
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:02,704
[groans] But our school sudges
so sudging hard.
47
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:04,673
It sudges monkey nudge.
48
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,775
Homer, do you have any ideas?
49
00:02:06,811 --> 00:02:08,744
[video game beeping]
50
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:11,914
[Homer]
Unlock ball return.
51
00:02:11,949 --> 00:02:15,517
A thousand more pins,
and I upgrade my lane arrows.
52
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:18,854
Pin, pin, pin, pin,
pin, pin, pin, pin.
53
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:22,491
Oh, you're so checked out
playing that stupid game.
54
00:02:22,526 --> 00:02:24,760
It helps me relax
after a long day of work.
55
00:02:24,795 --> 00:02:26,528
-[sad sound effect plays]
-[gasps]
56
00:02:26,564 --> 00:02:27,896
D'oh! Ball jam.
57
00:02:27,932 --> 00:02:30,933
This is the last thing
I sudging need!
58
00:02:30,968 --> 00:02:35,537
Pin, pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.
59
00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:41,510
I got two of the circle ones.
60
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,712
See, when I say the students
61
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,948
should do a "Squid Game"
to save the school,
62
00:02:45,983 --> 00:02:48,884
everyone assumes I mean
it should be to the death,
63
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:52,521
but it don't have to be.
Necessarily.
64
00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:53,822
[clears throat] Excuse me--
65
00:02:53,858 --> 00:02:55,891
I say we move the school
to a galleon,
66
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,527
and have those overpaid teachers
67
00:02:58,562 --> 00:03:01,463
work for jolly-limes
and hardtack.
68
00:03:01,498 --> 00:03:02,798
Excuse me--
69
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:05,767
I propose
a Shakespeare festival,
70
00:03:05,803 --> 00:03:08,937
but not the obvious
fan-pleasers.
71
00:03:08,973 --> 00:03:12,474
I give you Timon of Athens.
72
00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:15,577
I said excuse me!
I have the answer.
73
00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:19,581
Ah. Now, who here's heard
of the classic children's book
74
00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,650
The Plucky Little Goat?
75
00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:24,653
[murmuring]
76
00:03:24,688 --> 00:03:26,622
Ooh, I love that book.
77
00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:28,824
Homer and I used to read it
to the kids.
78
00:03:28,859 --> 00:03:30,759
The Plucky Little Goat
taught me that,
79
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,761
despite humanity's rough edges,
80
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:36,598
we all have an innate goodness
that can't be denied.
81
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:41,837
Oh, sweetie, that's just the
kind of review you would give.
82
00:03:41,872 --> 00:03:43,505
Are you mad at me?
83
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,741
I like when the goat says,
"There's no problem
84
00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:48,677
that can't be solved
with a good headbutt."
85
00:03:48,712 --> 00:03:49,978
-[grunts]
-[groans]
86
00:03:50,014 --> 00:03:51,780
-Oh, yeah.
-[others murmuring]
87
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,783
Well, the woman who wrote
and illustrated it--
88
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,618
Constance Clavinger--
89
00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:59,688
hasn't been seen for 30 years.
90
00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:03,492
They say she's un-gettable.
Well, guess again.
91
00:04:03,527 --> 00:04:06,561
My Geoffrey knows someone
in England who knows her--
92
00:04:06,597 --> 00:04:08,897
I called in a favor
from a very old friend--
93
00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:10,899
-Let me tell it.
-It's my story.
94
00:04:10,935 --> 00:04:14,636
-I tell it better. I tell it.
-Ugh.
95
00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:16,471
Constance Clavinger
96
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,507
has agreed to come from England
97
00:04:18,542 --> 00:04:20,475
to our upcoming book fair
98
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,678
and read,
for the first time ever,
99
00:04:22,713 --> 00:04:26,882
her long-awaited sequel
to The Plucky Little Goat.
100
00:04:26,917 --> 00:04:29,952
There's a sequel? [screams]
101
00:04:29,987 --> 00:04:32,788
We'll get covered by
the local news, national news,
102
00:04:32,823 --> 00:04:35,524
and every reporter
I carry in my pocket
103
00:04:35,559 --> 00:04:37,592
like so many nickels and dimes.
104
00:04:37,628 --> 00:04:39,928
With this once-in-a-lifetime
literary triumph,
105
00:04:39,964 --> 00:04:43,565
the state won't dare
close us down. We'll be saved!
106
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,867
-[cheering]
-[owls hooting]
107
00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:51,540
Okay, I'm off to pick up
Constance Clavinger
108
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:53,742
at the airport.
I'll see you at the fair.
109
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,711
-[phone rings]
-Go for Marge.
110
00:04:55,746 --> 00:04:58,613
Now, we need you down here ASAP.
111
00:04:58,649 --> 00:05:01,583
Helen Lovejoy is rounding up
all the books that, quote,
112
00:05:01,618 --> 00:05:03,685
"glorify the seven deadly sins."
113
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:08,590
The Very Hungry Caterpillar?
Gluttony defined.
114
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:10,559
[groans]
You'll have to handle it.
115
00:05:10,594 --> 00:05:12,761
Constance Clavinger
lands in an hour.
116
00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:15,597
[Bernice] But only you
can talk Helen down.
117
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:18,600
What's that little engine trying
to get up the hill for anyway?
118
00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:20,702
Steam-powered fornication?
119
00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:25,440
[sighs] Okay,
I'll be right there.
120
00:05:25,476 --> 00:05:28,577
I just have to find someone
who can pick up Miss Clavinger.
121
00:05:28,612 --> 00:05:29,911
-Marge! Marge!
-You'll do it?
122
00:05:29,947 --> 00:05:33,615
I already did it. I unlocked
the claw machine in the arcade.
123
00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:35,817
That's a minigame
with its own currency.
124
00:05:35,853 --> 00:05:37,919
Claw, claw, claw,
125
00:05:37,955 --> 00:05:40,489
-claw, claw.
-Homer,
126
00:05:40,524 --> 00:05:43,625
I need you to go to the airport
and pick up Miss Clavinger.
127
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:46,828
You have to be focused.
You cannot be checked out.
128
00:05:46,864 --> 00:05:48,563
Claw?
129
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:49,798
If you don't get her
to the book fair,
130
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,633
the kids will have to go
to a new school
131
00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:53,668
and you'll have to
meet new parents.
132
00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:55,604
[screams]
133
00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:57,572
[car speeds away]
134
00:05:57,608 --> 00:06:00,776
[gate agent] Flight 72
from London is now arriving.
135
00:06:00,811 --> 00:06:03,545
Welcome to the
United States of America.
136
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:07,482
Your ICE agent will greet you
at baggage claim.
137
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,621
I suppose you're waiting for me.
138
00:06:12,656 --> 00:06:14,689
Homer Simpson,
your American driver.
139
00:06:14,725 --> 00:06:17,559
My car is illegally parked
just outside the Brexit.
140
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,628
Brilliant to meet you, Homer.
141
00:06:19,663 --> 00:06:23,532
If you don't mind, I just need
a moment to freshen up.
142
00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:25,734
[Homer]
British people are so classy.
143
00:06:25,769 --> 00:06:27,836
Maybe I should start
saying "freshen up"
144
00:06:27,871 --> 00:06:29,638
instead of "take a dump."
145
00:06:29,673 --> 00:06:32,774
Okay, I'll just wait here,
me and my thoughts.
146
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,544
Alone with my thoughts.
147
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:38,947
Pin, pin, pin...
148
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,616
Pin, pin, pin.
149
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,585
[Clavinger laughing]
150
00:06:45,756 --> 00:06:50,692
♪ Those magnificent men
in their flying machines ♪
151
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,694
♪ They go up, tiddley up, up ♪
152
00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:54,596
♪ They go down,
tiddley down, down. ♪
153
00:06:55,699 --> 00:06:58,500
-What the hell are you doing?
-I'm singing
154
00:06:58,535 --> 00:07:01,903
the greatest song of all time!
155
00:07:01,939 --> 00:07:05,674
Look, British goat lady, we all
agree that song's a banger,
156
00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:07,576
but I have to get you
to the book fair
157
00:07:07,611 --> 00:07:10,679
-so my wife can save the school.
-I'll drive.
158
00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:11,813
-[exclaims]
-Oh!
159
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:13,548
[laughing]
160
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:20,489
Eat my tires, Bridget Jones.
161
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:24,526
[laughing]
162
00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:27,929
This pepper pot
is off her trolley!
163
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:33,902
Look, lady, if you
really want to drink,
164
00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:35,904
get hammered
after you save the school,
165
00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:38,907
but right now, you got to
sober up for the book fair.
166
00:07:38,942 --> 00:07:41,209
Here. Drink this coffee.
Pretend it's tea.
167
00:07:41,245 --> 00:07:45,981
A gentleman doesn't push things
into a lady's face.
168
00:07:46,016 --> 00:07:47,349
[scoffs] I can handle my liquor.
169
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,217
[retching]
170
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,255
Oh, lovely. Oh, good as new.
171
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,157
No, that was the first of many.
172
00:07:55,192 --> 00:07:58,059
[retching]
173
00:07:58,095 --> 00:08:01,163
I think I may need to
stop off at a boutique
174
00:08:01,198 --> 00:08:04,199
where I can purchase
a new vomit-free blouse.
175
00:08:08,272 --> 00:08:09,838
[spitting]
176
00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:17,045
Okay, hurry up. We got to
get you to that book fair.
177
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,047
Oh, don't fret, schlomo.
178
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,184
I'll be back with a new outfit
in an Old York minute.
179
00:08:22,219 --> 00:08:24,319
[whooping happily]
180
00:08:24,354 --> 00:08:26,087
Oh, la, la, la, la...
181
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,324
Accent Lady?
182
00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:32,060
Nanny McPhee? Where are you?
183
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,996
I'm ever so over here.
184
00:08:35,032 --> 00:08:37,899
Oh, be a lamb
and help me with these.
185
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,168
How much clothes do you need
for one book reading?
186
00:08:40,204 --> 00:08:43,004
Stop that shoplifter
and her portly pally.
187
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:47,108
[gasps] Constance Clavinger
does not shoplift.
188
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:50,111
I have a charge account
at Harrods.
189
00:08:50,147 --> 00:08:51,880
Is this Harrods?
190
00:08:55,052 --> 00:08:58,320
Well, isn't this
a fine kettle of fish?
191
00:08:58,355 --> 00:09:00,255
It's a terrible kettle of fish,
192
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:04,059
and this is coming from a guy
who loves fish kettles.
193
00:09:04,094 --> 00:09:07,295
Why aren't you classy
like my favorite British person,
194
00:09:07,331 --> 00:09:08,964
Prince Andrew?
195
00:09:08,999 --> 00:09:11,299
[Snake]
Yo, show this woman
a little respect.
196
00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:15,971
Miss Clavinger, I'm honored to
share an outlet mall jail cell
197
00:09:16,006 --> 00:09:19,908
with the creator of the goat
who taught me right from wrong.
198
00:09:19,943 --> 00:09:21,076
I chose wrong.
199
00:09:21,111 --> 00:09:24,913
Oh, well, aren't you
a naughty crumpet.
200
00:09:24,948 --> 00:09:26,982
-Oh...
-[phone rings]
201
00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:28,283
[screams] It's Marge!
202
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:32,153
Okay, I let Helen burn a couple
of kids' books by Colin Jost.
203
00:09:32,189 --> 00:09:34,222
That seemed to get it
out of her system.
204
00:09:34,258 --> 00:09:36,191
Burn, whoever you are.
205
00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:39,027
But you should be here with
Miss Clavinger by now.
206
00:09:39,062 --> 00:09:42,197
I just vacuumed the red carpet.
Is everything okay?
207
00:09:42,232 --> 00:09:44,299
No, everything's not okay.
208
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:48,270
Clavinger's plastered and we're
trapped in an outlet mall jail.
209
00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:50,939
What? What did you do?
210
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,042
It's all my fault, I'm afraid.
211
00:09:54,077 --> 00:09:57,379
Marge, your Hagrid
is an absolute treasure.
212
00:09:57,414 --> 00:10:00,048
Now, don't you worry,
I will sort this out
213
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:04,019
and read to those children
in two shakes of a corgi's tail.
214
00:10:04,054 --> 00:10:07,956
[laughs] Corgis' tails
do shake fast.
215
00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:10,125
She's on her way.
216
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,028
-[chuckles nervously]
-[cheering]
217
00:10:13,063 --> 00:10:18,033
Oh, I'm so sorry, Homer. Oh,
I've gone and cocked it all up
218
00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:20,235
with my drinking
and accidental shoplifting
219
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:23,038
and accidental cocaine snorting.
220
00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:27,042
Well, it's all because
I haven't written anything
221
00:10:27,077 --> 00:10:30,345
in 30 years,
and I'm ever so nervous
222
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,081
about reading
my new book in public.
223
00:10:33,116 --> 00:10:37,319
But now, the children
will never hear it.
224
00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:40,121
[crying]
225
00:10:40,157 --> 00:10:43,191
Oh, yes, they will.
It's like the Plucky Little Goat
226
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:47,062
always says, "Follow your heart
and trust in your friends.
227
00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:51,232
And there is no problem that
can't be solved with a good..."
228
00:10:51,268 --> 00:10:53,201
[Snake and Clavinger]
Headbutt!
229
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,235
[both grunt]
230
00:10:54,271 --> 00:10:57,339
Of course.
This is an outlet mall,
231
00:10:57,374 --> 00:11:00,241
so even the jail
is made of factory rejects.
232
00:11:00,277 --> 00:11:01,910
[grunts]
233
00:11:01,945 --> 00:11:03,912
-There's my car!
-I'll drive.
234
00:11:03,947 --> 00:11:05,146
Toss me the keys.
235
00:11:08,352 --> 00:11:09,351
[tires squealing]
236
00:11:09,386 --> 00:11:12,387
Thank you for trusting me,
friend!
237
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,923
Sudge!
238
00:11:14,958 --> 00:11:17,325
Okay, we can still make it.
We just need to get a cab.
239
00:11:17,361 --> 00:11:20,228
But my book
is in my shoulder bag,
240
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:23,098
which is on the backseat
of your car.
241
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:28,403
Why me, God,
you miserable space bastard?
242
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,406
[gasps] Wait a minute,
we can find the car
243
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,208
using my tracking app.
244
00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:36,010
Thank you, you wonderful
space bastard!
245
00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:38,246
[gasps] There's a tracker
in your car?
246
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:41,082
No. There's a sub sandwich
in the glove box,
247
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,951
and I put a tracker on that.
248
00:11:44,154 --> 00:11:46,287
The sub had extra mayo.
249
00:11:46,323 --> 00:11:49,090
Hey! I need to commandeer
your vehicle.
250
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,358
Husband emergency.
251
00:11:50,394 --> 00:11:53,061
But I'm on my way
to dialysis. I--
252
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:54,396
Quit hogging life, boomer.
253
00:11:54,431 --> 00:11:55,430
-[grunts]
-[exclaims]
254
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,265
[tires squealing]
255
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,169
Okay, we have to
sneak down there
256
00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:04,939
and get your book out of my car
without them noticing.
257
00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:09,077
That will be the stickiest
of wickets after they crush it.
258
00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:16,351
[both scream]
259
00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:18,319
[grunting]
260
00:12:25,362 --> 00:12:26,361
[grunts]
261
00:12:27,431 --> 00:12:28,963
My sandwich!
262
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,032
♪ ♪
263
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,367
I'm coming, mayo!
264
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,205
[Homer grunts]
265
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:41,209
You risked your life
to save my book!
266
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:46,047
Oh, I could kiss you,
you wonderful skin snowman.
267
00:12:46,082 --> 00:12:47,315
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
268
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,051
Oh, oh, oh, no,
I dropped my galleys.
269
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:52,420
Never fear, milady.
I've got them.
270
00:12:52,456 --> 00:12:56,024
Every heartwarming page where
the Plucky Little Goat
271
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:58,927
is fed into a sausage grinder?!
272
00:12:58,962 --> 00:13:01,930
[Homer reading]
273
00:13:08,939 --> 00:13:11,005
You can't read this to children!
274
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:13,975
Ooh, but I must read it
to children,
275
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,977
in a grand public setting.
276
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:18,379
It's the only way I'll kill off
277
00:13:18,415 --> 00:13:21,983
that whingeing goat
278
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,285
once and for all!
279
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:26,120
But why?
280
00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:30,391
Do you know what it's like
being hounded by children
281
00:13:30,427 --> 00:13:33,928
and former children
wherever you go?
282
00:13:33,964 --> 00:13:36,130
Forced to perpetuate
a fairy tale
283
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:39,334
that "the world is full
of wonderful people
284
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:43,338
"nibbling on crumble cakes,
and even the ugliest toad
285
00:13:43,373 --> 00:13:45,940
has a soul of gold."
286
00:13:45,976 --> 00:13:47,308
Oh, rubbish.
287
00:13:47,344 --> 00:13:51,179
People betray you,
like my husband,
288
00:13:51,214 --> 00:13:55,149
when I caught him in bed with
the checkout girl from Tesco.
289
00:13:55,185 --> 00:13:58,019
And do you know
what was tattooed
290
00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:01,322
on her 22-year-old arse cheek?
291
00:14:01,358 --> 00:14:05,293
The Plucky Little Goat!
292
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:07,996
Arse means ass.
293
00:14:08,031 --> 00:14:12,367
When those wide-eyed innocents
get an earful of goat sausage,
294
00:14:12,402 --> 00:14:17,071
I'll bring the whole ruddy thing
down in a blaze of glory!
295
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,908
All bridges burned!
296
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,176
I'll be free!
297
00:14:22,212 --> 00:14:25,947
There is no way I am taking you
to that book fair now.
298
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:28,349
Then I shall find my own way.
299
00:14:33,390 --> 00:14:36,090
Constance Clavinger? Hop in!
300
00:14:37,394 --> 00:14:41,195
Next stop,
disillusioned children!
301
00:14:41,231 --> 00:14:45,333
[maniacal laughter]
302
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:52,790
All right, Homer,
that coked-up Camilla
303
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:54,158
is gonna break all those kids'
brains unless you stop her.
304
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,960
No time to waste
talking to yourself.
305
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,028
You've got to focus
306
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,663
-like you've never--
-[phone chimes]
307
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,765
[gasps] A push notice.
308
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,134
My life's work.
309
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,836
My wife's work.
310
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,972
No! Sorry, Internet Lanes.
311
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,708
Find some other
sucker's life to waste.
312
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:18,683
My kidneys...
[groans]
313
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,820
♪ ♪
314
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,958
[Arnie over radio] This is
Arnie Pye with "Pye in the Air."
315
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,827
I'm transporting the great
Constance Clavinger
316
00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:32,130
to the Springfield Elementary
Book Fair.
317
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,733
I'm going to get her there
in record time,
318
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,803
barring, of course,
any breaking traffic news.
319
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,939
Breaking traffic news, eh?
For the children.
320
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,074
[Homer grunting]
321
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,942
Take that, Moleman's car!
322
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:48,980
Look at that snarl-up.
I am duty bound to report it.
323
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:54,152
No!
324
00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:00,058
I must sacrifice that goat.
I simply must!
325
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,127
[snorts] Ah!
326
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,830
Poppins power activate.
327
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,833
Oh, muffins.
[screams]
328
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,134
[grunting]
329
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:17,008
You'll never stop me
from blowing up my life!
330
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,910
There's still time to kill her.
331
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,147
[grunting]
332
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:25,917
[Homer groaning weakly]
333
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,685
Hey!
334
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,887
[groaning]
335
00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:32,690
Seriously concussed.
336
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,663
Slipping into
children's book fantasy.
337
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,999
[lullaby music playing]
338
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,001
[Homer grunting]
339
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,805
[ducks quacking]
340
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,111
[grunts]
341
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,048
[grunts]
342
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,750
[groans]
343
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:01,018
♪ ♪
344
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:04,055
[straining]
345
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,690
[grumbles]
346
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:07,859
[both grunt]
347
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:08,960
[grunting]
348
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:10,027
[exclaims]
349
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,766
Hmm.
350
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,734
-[screams]
-[gulping]
351
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:17,769
[grunts]
352
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,738
[crying out]
353
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:24,108
Pin, pin, pin, pin.
354
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,710
[babbles]
355
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,945
[Clavinger]
Get ready, kiddies.
356
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,714
No!
357
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:37,155
Marge, you promised me
Constance Clavinger,
358
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:40,758
and instead you delivered
Colin Jost?
359
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,894
"'Toot, toot, toot,'
went the ferry
360
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:46,764
as it splish-splash-sploodled
away from Staten Island."
361
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,065
[all booing]
362
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,135
Clavinger in the house!
363
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,037
[cheering]
364
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,071
[Jost grumbles]
365
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:57,008
She's here. Oh, my God!
366
00:17:57,043 --> 00:18:01,746
Well, of course I'm here.
And I'm ready to read.
367
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,014
Clavinger, heel!
368
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:06,984
You can't stop me.
I need to be free.
369
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,954
Constance, I'm sorry
being rich and famous
370
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,924
has been so hard for you,
but over the course of today,
371
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,125
I remembered something,
372
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,061
I used to read The Plucky
Little Goat to my kids.
373
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,865
After all, books are better
parents than I could ever be.
374
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,834
But then, my kids got older,
375
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,969
and I lost my mind
to phone games.
376
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,705
I can't make new memories,
377
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:31,742
so please, don't ruin
the only good ones I have.
378
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:35,813
That's the most moving,
379
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:38,149
genuine, heartfelt speech
380
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,853
I've ever decided to ignore.
Toodles.
381
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,961
[clears throat]
382
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,798
The Further Adventures
of the Plucky Little Goat.
383
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:58,736
Homie, you did it. Bart and Lisa
will never forget this day.
384
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,104
They sure won't.
385
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,640
"One dreary morning,
386
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,109
"the Plucky Little Goat awoke
with a feeling
387
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,044
"today would be special,
388
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,080
"but not in a happy way.
389
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:12,917
Because this
was the day that..."
390
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,655
♪ ♪
391
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:24,662
"...the Plucky Little Goat
decided today
392
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:27,899
-would be a different story."
-Huh?
393
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,800
[Clavinger]
The Plucky Little Goat
394
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,936
was far from her barnyard home,
395
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:35,873
in a strange place with
lots of guns and no vaccines.
396
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:40,711
Then, at the airport, she met
a great big hippopotamus,
397
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,714
who smelled like the worst parts
of the jungle,
398
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:46,918
but who was kindly
just the same.
399
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:51,989
And thanks to him, they had
a wonderful adventure.
400
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,761
The smelly hippo showed the goat
401
00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:00,031
that there are things
worth saving in this world,
402
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:04,902
like children's innocence
and mayo-drenched sandwiches,
403
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:07,705
and not all people
will cheat on you
404
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:11,042
with a much younger
grocery whore.
405
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:12,877
The end.
406
00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:19,150
The wait was worth it.
407
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:20,818
[cheering]
408
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:27,158
Homie, you weren't checked out.
You were present.
409
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:32,096
For once in our marriage,
I didn't sudge.
410
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,098
[cheering]
411
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,069
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
412
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,071
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
413
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,206
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
414
00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:47,461
Pretty sexy, huh?
415
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,564
It's not bad.
I like mine better.
416
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,500
Why did we have to
come watch this?
417
00:20:52,535 --> 00:20:54,502
'Cause it's family day.
418
00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:56,437
[Clavinger]
♪ Those magnificent men ♪
419
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:58,506
♪ In their flying machines ♪
420
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:00,308
[Homer]
♪ They go up, tiddley up, up ♪
421
00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,276
[Clavinger] ♪ They go down,
tiddley down, down ♪
422
00:21:02,312 --> 00:21:04,178
[Homer]
♪ They enchant all the ladies ♪
423
00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:05,513
♪ And steal the scenes ♪
424
00:21:05,548 --> 00:21:08,249
[Clavinger] ♪ With their up,
tiddley up, up ♪
425
00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:10,217
[Homer] ♪ And their down,
tiddley down, down ♪
426
00:21:10,253 --> 00:21:13,654
[Homer and Clavinger]
♪ Up, down, flying around ♪
427
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:17,491
♪ Looping the loop
and defying the ground ♪
428
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,661
♪ They're all frightfully keen ♪
429
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:24,231
♪ Those magnificent men
in their flying machines. ♪
430
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:25,666
Shh!