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EASTPOINT SHOPPING CENTER
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PUBLIC LIBRARY
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Hey, where are you?
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Good. There are two lines, right?
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Hey, how are you, buddy?
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I have to take a photo of Stav.
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No photos or recordings allowed? Yes.
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Guess what I'm going to do...
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Oh my god.
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It's unbearable.
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He hit me hard on purpose.
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Ladies and gentlemen, receive
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to the one and only Stavros Halkias.
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Very good.
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How are they? Good?
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Very well, sit down.
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Sit down, animals.
Don't make me look bad in front of Netflix.
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Yes, we are on Netflix. Behave!
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I'm very excited.
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I remember seeing Chris Rock when I was 18,
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right from the last row over there.
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Yes.
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And now the culture has fallen so far
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that I can appear in this place.
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I don't know what happened. This is a disaster.
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I don't deserve to be here,
and neither do you.
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To be honest, some of you
They don't even deserve to be on Netflix.
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That guy has only been on television.
by the security cameras of a pawn shop.
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Yes, I'm very excited.
This tour is killing me.
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They even had to inject me with cortisone
to be able to introduce myself.
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I'm using steroids for my voice.
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Like a player with a shattered knee
before the Super Bowl.
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Do you know how fat you have to be
to not be able to do stand-up?
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And this is the best physical shape of my life.
That's the absurdity.
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I actually lost 32 kilos.
Not bad, right?
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That's how it is.
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Thank you. Yes.
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But this is how I look after downloading that.
It's difficult, it doesn't look good.
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I still wear the same size. That's crazy.
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I'm still a 3XL. Still 3XL?
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I lost 32 kilos and I'm still a 3XL?
It shouldn't work like that.
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It seems like last year it was 5XL,
but I refused to admit it.
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I thought I could finally use
normal large size jeans.
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I thought I could go out with…
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No, it's still the same.
Only now sometimes I need a belt.
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That's the only difference.
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Before my belt was pure decoration,
do you understand?
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I didn't need a belt.
Honestly, I didn't even need a button.
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Only the laws of physics held my pants together.
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Like a snap curtain rod
when you can't drill the wall. Like…
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That's what my pants were like.
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My belt was like the belt
of pilgrims' hats. So that…?
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What is it for? Nobody knows.
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Yes, it was hard.
The last tour destroyed me.
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I hit rock bottom.
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I realized because every night
I went to bed thinking:
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“Hopefully tomorrow he will still wake up.”
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We already know what it's like to hit rock bottom in Baltimore.
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Not like that, you know. No…
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I know…
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I know there are… Yes.
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There are several ex-convicts
among the public.
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The guy in the DX shirt over there.
Well there, friend.
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Sit down, bastard.
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You are now ready to do the “suck it”.
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Enjoy your moment.
Then think about your hearing on Monday.
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You…
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I was a member of the Navy.
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From the Navy?
I don't understand what that has to do with it
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with nothing...
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—Have you ever been arrested?
-Once.
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—What did you do?
"I hit someone and ran away."
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You hit someone and ran away! Good!
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The meanest crime that exists.
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Hit and run.
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That grandmother is not going to survive. That? I have to…
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I have a reservation.
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There is a cheap cocktail promotion
at Applebee's. That?
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Am I going to miss it for an old woman?
who doesn't know where the sidewalk ends?
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My lowest point was never so bad.
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Not as serious as being a forty-year-old in a wrestling shirt
that hit and run.
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My lowest point came
of having too much fun.
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I made my body shit
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because for three years
All my days were days of celebration.
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Imagine one of those days
that they plan for months:
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“I'm going to take LSD, eat ribs
and sleep with a stranger.”
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I did that 900 days in a row.
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It was incredible. I miss him,
but it almost killed me.
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Yes, it was bad.
If they had drawn my blood at that time,
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It would have separated like ramen broth.
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My blood type was tonkotsu
for three years.
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Even the elastic stretched
of the ankles of the sports pants. What was...?
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What could I do? Wear flared joggers?
I don't know.
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I couldn't upload a black and white photo.
People would have thought I died.
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For three years,
I treated myself
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like a dog
who is going to be sacrificed tomorrow.
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“Hey, you want all your favorite things right?”
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“Do you want Xanax, ice cream?”
and have a woman with strange tattoos serve you?”
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Yes.
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Leave it there. Then I eat it.
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He was also delirious.
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"I just need to get a tan. That'll be fine."
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“I just need to get a tan.”
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The logic made sense.
I am Mediterranean.
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I'm going to look handsome.
Like a bear cookie with cinnamon.
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Yes, thanks.
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So I tried it. I went on vacation,
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I spent a week in Greece,
I came back and looked in the mirror.
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He was right. I looked irresistible.
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Head on. But in profile,
It had completely white sides.
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I'm too fat to tan
only front and back.
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I have to do it from the front, from the side, from the back
and then on the other side.
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It's a nuisance.
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My way of tanning
It looks like a roast chicken.
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Very good, you have to brown it evenly.
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On those same vacations,
I wanted to relax a little,
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I had a massage and, when the masseuse
It started with my neck,
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opened the crease of my neck
as if they were buttocks, and that...
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That's hard to forget, honestly.
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You don't want to be opened
the folds of the neck wide open, but…
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What is going to be done? It happened to me.
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Food addiction is hard,
but it is the most adorable addiction.
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Other addictions become
very dark very fast.
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Food addiction is
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like a tough 40 year old dad with three kids
saying:
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“I love sandwiches.
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So much so that perhaps it is missing
to my son's wedding."
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And you're right, friend. That's how good the sandwiches are.
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I know. In some Chinese restaurants
They have already forbidden me from ordering certain things.
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Do you understand? I ask for something
and the waiter tells me: “No.”
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It's incredible.
Do you know how terrible a request has to be?
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so that an immigrant with a business
minimum margins
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say: “Ethically,
I can't do this to you. It is…
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Too many types of fried noodles
for one person”?
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It's difficult. When I really try
form good habits,
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my brain is already programmed.
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I will always think like I'm fat.
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On my way to a meeting,
I passed by a woman
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who offered him the leftovers
to a homeless person.
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The homeless man did not want them
and every fiber of my being wanted to scream:
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“Can I keep them?”
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I was already full.
I had already had breakfast, but still:
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“What's in that box?
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I need to know. Is it sweet or salty?”
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I thought about that
for a month.
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The same thing happens to me driving.
I'm driving and I see an ad.
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A PETA ad,
with a pig next to a dog.
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He says: “You eat one,
but not the other.”
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And I: "Come on, PETA. No...
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Don't tempt me to eat dog, okay?
Because…
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I don't want to do it, but I could show you
Yes, I can if necessary, do you understand?”
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We turned wolves into pugs.
Do you think a wagyu dog is impossible?
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We can do it, and fast.
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Give me six months.
Put it in the hands of the guy who invented Doritos Locos Tacos.
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Lose weight
and also buying fresh ingredients is difficult.
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The quality is often terrible.
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You know what's always good? A Twix.
Every Twix I've Ever Eaten
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It has been good and tastes exactly the same.
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I once ate a really good blueberry.
in 2008.
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Since then,
I'm still looking for that same flavor.
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There is a company that started charging
more for the sweet fruit.
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It's called Driscoll's.
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They have a line called
Sweetest Batch.
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It's like they're saying, "Hey, pay three more dollars."
and these do taste good." And I: "What?
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They should all taste good, motherfuckers!”
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Someone should shoot the CEO of Driscoll's
like Mangione did.
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That's right. Yes.
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That's right.
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Both things are equally important:
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the cruelty of the American healthcare system
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and the fact that now my dessert
be of poor quality.
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No, but it was awesome when they killed that guy.
I have to admit it.
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Yes, it was impressive.
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I know we can't walk
shooting people, but admit it:
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It was America's best attempt.
to achieve universal health care.
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For two weeks after that,
The insurers did not reject anything.
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Suddenly they said:
“Yes. Chemotherapy for everyone.
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Does your dad want breast implants? Go ahead.
But stop shooting at us, okay?”
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Even the job of the guy who died
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was to be CEO of a healthcare company.
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It's like:
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“Should we save
to as many patients as possible
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Or should I buy a yacht?”
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That job shouldn't even exist.
They should be ashamed.
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You can't…
Seriously, you can't... It's true.
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Medical care should not…
All right, get that guy out.
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Who the hell is that? Be quiet.
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You have to get out.
Don't scream during the recording, idiot.
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I don't even know what I was saying anymore.
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I let it go once.
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shouted once
and nobody cared.
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Very good.
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No need to kill him. You don't have to…
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But it does have to come out.
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Very good. That's it. That was very funny.
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Well, where were we going?
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It's crazy
that we do not have universal health care.
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Honestly, I think it is
because we don't riot enough.
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You know, right?
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Never.
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We love to make fun of the French
because they're gay or something.
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It's normal.
It's a pretty reasonable criticism.
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but what happens
When do they mess with the rights of the French?
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News comes out like:
“The French Parliament votes
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to reduce paid vacations
five months a year
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to four months a year.”
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00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:33,437
That same afternoon they are already kidnapping
to the prime minister's son. There is no…
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They don't write letters to their congressmen.
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00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,234
They put a Molotov cocktail
in a baguette and…
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They just throw it.
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Here, guys with lifted trucks
and weapons say: “Don't mess with me.”
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00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,661
Meanwhile, a 19-year-old bisexual boy
in Paris
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He's really doing it right now.
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00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,208
Just to remind you, folks.
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00:13:56,293 --> 00:14:01,257
A guy with his pants sagging is beating us
who takes PrEP.
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00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,510
Think about it, friends. That's all.
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00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,932
Things in America are pretty weird right now.
Everything is kind of screwed.
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Do you know? Our economy is false.
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We no longer manufacture anything.
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00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,773
Every billionaire tries to convince you
that AI is the solution.
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Oh really? Technology that does things like:
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“What if SpongeBob?”
Was he Bulgarian?”
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“Fuck you, Squidward!
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The clarinet is a gypsy instrument.”
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00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:35,207
Three Montana Lakes
They dried up just because of that.
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00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,378
“Mr. Krabs, you are a Jew!” That…
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00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,591
There went another spring of fresh water.
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00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:47,094
We invented Google
but what tells you that you are handsome,
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and they sell it
as a great technological advance.
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00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:55,603
“No, Michael, you didn't do anything wrong.
Your ex-wife is the idiot.
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I shouldn't have hugged
to his black boss.
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00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:06,614
Do you want to scratch your Nissan Murano?
“I support you.”
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The only way to get rich in America
It's robbing or poisoning people.
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00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,916
Like with cigarettes.
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00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,336
Compared with other countries,
We were doing quite well with smoking,
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until we discover
that electronic cigarettes were not regulated.
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00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,841
Then they started making them with flavors
like Mountain Dew,
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00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:31,555
and now a high school kid has more nicotine in his body
than a soldier from World War II.
239
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:38,062
The same with betting. You can bet everywhere,
and that sucks, man.
240
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:41,607
I say this as a bettor.
They ruined it.
241
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,152
There was nothing better
You have to take a dose of 40 mg and then…
242
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:52,034
Shit, shit, shit… yes, yes.
243
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:53,994
Shit…yeah.
244
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:57,706
that little pig
I almost had a basket full of coins.
245
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,794
I could do that for hours.
246
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:06,507
But first you had to make an effort to bet.
247
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:10,594
You had to drive to a strange place
four hours from your house
248
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,223
and really think about money
that you were about to lose.
249
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:18,727
And also reflect on what we did to them
to indigenous peoples, so…
250
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,398
It was also a history lesson.
251
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:28,195
Now you may be taking a shit and thinking:
“Shit, we have to sell the house.
252
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:34,284
Damn, I thought Pakistan was going to win.
the Cricket World Cup this year.”
253
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:40,541
They took away the bettor
the maximum excitement you can expect.
254
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:43,293
Sure to win a bet on your cell phone
it feels good,
255
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:47,339
but it can't feel as good as:
“The mafia is not going to kill me.”
256
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,009
Can you imagine that relief?
257
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,637
The Bengals don't score and you fall to your knees.
258
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,434
"I'm going to live, baby! Oh my God!"
259
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,645
From now on everything is going to change.
260
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,606
I'm going to get my real estate agent license.
"as I promised you."
261
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,694
That feeling does not exist in an app.
262
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:12,489
You know something is wrong
when after each announcement,
263
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,534
by law
They have to put another short ad
264
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,578
to admit that everything above was a lie.
265
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:22,207
They are all the same:
“Play the slots and bet at the tables!
266
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,753
You're going to win a million dollars
and get girls!”
267
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:30,132
And then: “Obviously none of that.
it's going to happen Are you an idiot?
268
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:34,386
Betting doesn't work like that. We win.
You're never going to win, you idiot.
269
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,430
Call this number if you want to commit suicide.
270
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,515
and don't say
"We gave you the number."
271
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:44,938
Yes.
272
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,691
America now looks like a total liquidation,
273
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,652
where the richest, that 0.1%,
274
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,156
they try to squeeze him
every penny to everyone else.
275
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,657
And no one is safe.
276
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,660
They also come
by the large body community.
277
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,997
They are stealing our money
in very creative ways.
278
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,584
They even make our medicines taste better,
and I know what they're up to.
279
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:09,922
Why does Pepto-Bismol exist?
Strawberry lemonade flavor? Because?
280
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,885
Why is there TUMS tropical fruit flavor?
They know I see them as sweet.
281
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,513
To my brain they are like giant Skittles.
282
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,433
It's crazy.
283
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:26,480
Honestly, I wasn't prepared.
to live like a fat adult.
284
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,856
I watched sitcoms.
285
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,401
I thought my life was going to be
as King of Queens.
286
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:36,031
I thought he might be very fat
and very stupid,
287
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,117
but still have an incredibly beautiful wife.
288
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,495
And next to your house
your best friend of another ethnicity lives.
289
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,332
My life is nothing like that.
290
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,836
Where is the episode
in which Doug has sleep apnea?
291
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,379
Where is that episode?
292
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:55,175
Where is the “Doug almost died 80 times” episode?
while you sleep every night”?
293
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,432
Maybe the episode where your acid reflux gets worse
until causing erectile dysfunction.
294
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:07,646
Have you ever had super spicy meatballs
and then they can't get an erection? Because…
295
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:12,985
It did happen to me. Hopefully Doug Heffernan
I would have been warned.
296
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:19,408
Fat people are not respected in society.
That's the reality.
297
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,536
If you like fat people,
You would like them even more if they were thin.
298
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,288
This is how your brain works.
299
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:28,792
They reward us for losing weight,
even in an exaggerated way.
300
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,670
You lose 10 kilos and people act
as if you had been cured of cancer.
301
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:36,383
The proof of this theory
It's Jared Fogle's career.
302
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,596
Don't get excited yet, okay?
303
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:43,432
Let's focus on your career first, please.
304
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:44,766
Yeah?
305
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:49,938
He became famous as a spokesperson
because he was extremely fat,
306
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,816
and then he became a normal guy
just a little fat.
307
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,151
That was it.
308
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:58,113
And we made it famous.
He wasn't even muscular.
309
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:01,825
He had no other talent.
I didn't know how to sing or dance.
310
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,660
He had zero charisma.
311
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:07,789
When they discovered that he was a pedophile,
no one was surprised. Nobody…
312
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:12,836
Not a single person.
Everyone said, “Shit, no wonder.”
313
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,299
Those were the cold eyes of a predator
314
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,885
selling me
a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki.
315
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:28,352
Surely Jared Fogle once thought:
“Shit, no one takes me seriously.
316
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:33,482
Nobody respects me.
I have to change the worst of me.
317
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,453
Well, I only have two options.”
318
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,541
And you decided to stay fat?
Oh really?
319
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,670
Can't being fat even beat being a pedophile?
320
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,924
They know it because it doesn't exist.
a secret and great island for fat people
321
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,176
where we are grilling ribs.
322
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,181
There would be no sex slaves there.
323
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,101
There wouldn't even be women.
That island would only be full
324
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,187
of old good vibes
with orthopedic shoes
325
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,189
lighting the grill.
326
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,778
There would be a lot of Big Green Egg grills
everywhere.
327
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:26,702
Well, there would be some women:
Lesbians dressed exactly like us.
328
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:30,122
They are our best friends for grilling meat.
329
00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:35,502
But there is no Fatstein Island.
Fieri files do not exist.
330
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:42,217
Fieri files would be 10,000 pages
censored pork shoulder recipes.
331
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:49,558
Yes. There is nothing like that.
The same thing happens in the gym.
332
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,060
I have fat friends
to those who were bothering there.
333
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,979
The exact opposite happened to me.
334
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:57,733
They supported me so much
that ended up hurting my feelings.
335
00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:02,821
A woman approached me
while I was on the elliptical and he told me…
336
00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:09,828
“Keep it up!”
337
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,332
I don't even know you, lady!
338
00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:16,335
Stop feeling inspired by me.
339
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:22,341
My legs work perfectly.
I just eat too many Totino’s Pizza Rolls.
340
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:26,261
Don't put my name on it
to a 5 km race.
341
00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:32,851
Yes. The big news right now
in the fat community
342
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:35,687
They are new medications, such as GLP-1.
343
00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:38,565
Ozempic and all that.
I have tried several.
344
00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:40,150
I'm using Zepbound.
345
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:43,153
Yes. Really? Do you also use Zepbound?
346
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,740
Good. Me too. Look, it works,
347
00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:50,452
but I am forcing
this medicine to work overtime, believe me.
348
00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:54,581
Every game goes to extra time,
each series reaches the seventh game, but…
349
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:59,628
Afterwards, Zepbound is very respectful
at the press conference.
350
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:04,216
He just says, “That guy never gives up.
That's the only thing I can say.
351
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:08,720
I saw him eat a whole tub of ice cream.
during the three hours between diarrhea episodes.
352
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,305
It was incredible.
353
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:14,101
He is one of the toughest rivals I have faced.”
354
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,687
You're not going to be able to handle me, medicine.
355
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:19,523
Shit.
356
00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:25,320
But it does work,
slowly, at least in my case.
357
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:30,867
My friends worry.
“You sure researched those medications well.”
358
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:32,744
And I: “Of course…
359
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:35,872
No, I didn't investigate those medications at all.”
360
00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:40,043
That's not how I do drugs.
I take them
361
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:41,837
and I see what happens.
362
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:45,257
I'm not going to ask questions
If there is a possibility that they can save my life.
363
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:48,510
I'm sure I'll be fine.
It can't be worse than nitrous oxide and sage.
364
00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:54,558
But these medications do have side effects.
365
00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:58,270
Although if you have been fat for a long time,
you are already prepared,
366
00:23:58,353 --> 00:24:03,066
because the main side effects
are nausea and diarrhea. And I: “Is that all?”
367
00:24:04,818 --> 00:24:07,362
Damn, you don't respect me, man.
368
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:09,072
Nausea and diarrhea?
369
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:12,075
I have nausea and diarrhea every day
since I was 11 years old.
370
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,746
The effects of these medications
They are no worse than what I did to myself.
371
00:24:17,581 --> 00:24:20,125
Is Ozempic worse?
that 40 dollars from Taco Bell
372
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:23,295
And a shake from a different restaurant?
373
00:24:23,378 --> 00:24:24,754
I don't believe it.
374
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:30,177
Yes, have you tried it?
Have you ever played Uber Eats roulette?
375
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:34,181
The key is that they do not arrive
at the same time.
376
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,769
I don't want to be embarrassed
in front of two immigrants on bicycles.
377
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:45,358
I don't want to be the reason
for which two Guatemalans look at each other and laugh.
378
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:50,405
“It seems that my roommate
He also asked for something.
379
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:55,118
I'll take it to him. Thank you.”
380
00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,539
Even the way you take it is crazy.
381
00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:02,042
They give you,
382
00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:05,170
to you, a person without any medical training,
a syringe,
383
00:25:05,253 --> 00:25:08,673
and you stick a needle in your belly
once a week.
384
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,469
It feels too obvious, doesn't it?
385
00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:16,431
It's like they force us
to do penance.
386
00:25:17,807 --> 00:25:20,769
A doctor tells you:
“Do you want to look pretty?
387
00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:25,524
Prove it, pig! Stick that in your belly!”
388
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:31,363
“It's okay, doctor.
I just want to look pretty like you.”
389
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,699
Couldn't they make a pill?
Everything comes in pills,
390
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,826
but with this
I have to stab myself.
391
00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:41,248
And store it in the refrigerator?
Since when does medicine go in the refrigerator?
392
00:25:41,748 --> 00:25:45,627
So you can stop being fat
They force you to look at your snacks one last time?
393
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,588
That's very rude, friend.
394
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:52,551
Luckily I'm not so ashamed anymore.
of my weight.
395
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,262
When I was a child and teenager,
I was very ashamed.
396
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:58,890
At 19 I thought
that you couldn't date anyone if you were fat,
397
00:25:58,974 --> 00:26:01,726
which is absurd. Some people like it.
398
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:04,688
That's the type of person they are attracted to.
They like fat people.
399
00:26:04,771 --> 00:26:06,147
Yes, great.
400
00:26:06,648 --> 00:26:09,192
Stay after the show.
We may need you.
401
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:12,946
We may need you
for this special.
402
00:26:15,865 --> 00:26:18,994
But I am also one of them.
I love big women.
403
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:21,955
Honestly, I haven't gone out
with many,
404
00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:23,665
but it is not for lack of attraction.
405
00:26:23,748 --> 00:26:24,791
No. Wait.
406
00:26:24,874 --> 00:26:27,043
It's a geometry problem.
407
00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:31,256
because my penis is not long enough
to cross two bellies.
408
00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:33,466
That's the problem.
409
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:36,469
You seem sexy to me.
I am the one who has limitations.
410
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,097
In order to satisfy her,
411
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:42,601
they would have to take me down from the roof
Mission: Impossible style.
412
00:26:51,401 --> 00:26:54,321
My penis would have to stay
at exactly 90 degrees.
413
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,824
Without wasting even a millimeter of length.
414
00:26:58,908 --> 00:27:03,204
I would need a system of levers, pulleys
and my three strongest friends.
415
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,212
Friends, slow down.
416
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:14,341
Friend. Oh really. Don't worry.
417
00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:16,009
Stop.
418
00:27:16,092 --> 00:27:18,553
No!
419
00:27:24,809 --> 00:27:26,102
Sorry.
420
00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:31,232
Well, see you.
421
00:27:34,694 --> 00:27:36,863
And I go back up to the roof.
422
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:45,372
Ironically, I am a test tube baby.
This is the masterpiece of science.
423
00:27:45,455 --> 00:27:46,956
They are seeing her.
424
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:50,377
Are there any other test tube babies here?
425
00:27:51,294 --> 00:27:55,006
Yes, up there.
Were your parents satisfied with their investment?
426
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,676
-More or less.
—Well, clearly not.
427
00:27:59,177 --> 00:28:02,347
And the opposite?
Is there any accidental child here?
428
00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:03,890
Yeah?
429
00:28:04,599 --> 00:28:07,352
-You're sure? Did they tell you?
—They were still in high school.
430
00:28:07,435 --> 00:28:11,106
In high school?
Well, let's hope both, right? Good.
431
00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:17,112
Perfect. So we can continue talking about this
without getting into legal problems.
432
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:20,573
Did they tell you
or did you deduce it?
433
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:21,950
I deduced it.
434
00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:25,286
Yes. Every time they woke up
It was like, “Shit!
435
00:28:27,414 --> 00:28:30,542
Well I guess today
“We have to go back to school.”
436
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:34,170
My brother is around here.
437
00:28:34,254 --> 00:28:38,675
That shows how close your family is:
They're not even sitting together.
438
00:28:40,009 --> 00:28:42,804
Yes, I saw on Instagram
that was going to come.
439
00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:45,223
I don't know. We are not very close.
440
00:28:45,306 --> 00:28:47,267
—Same parents?
-Yeah.
441
00:28:47,350 --> 00:28:50,812
-Good. Not bad.
—I have five other brothers.
442
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:53,773
Five more brothers?
On your dad's side?
443
00:28:53,857 --> 00:28:56,067
—Of both.
—Of both? Excellent.
444
00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:59,320
Your mom said:
“Women can also abandon our children.”
445
00:29:01,322 --> 00:29:04,284
Well, now I feel superior to you. Sorry.
446
00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:07,078
And all of you bastards too.
447
00:29:07,579 --> 00:29:11,040
Those who are not test tube babies
They make me sick.
448
00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,753
Think about how your existence began.
449
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:18,214
Just his dad...
450
00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:24,679
with a belly full of Miller High Life
shaking.
451
00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:30,059
And from there you came out.
452
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:36,274
I am different. Four scientists met
in front of a microscope,
453
00:29:37,692 --> 00:29:41,196
carefully joining
genetic material.
454
00:29:41,988 --> 00:29:46,075
They finally finished my embryo
and they said, “My God, it's perfect.”
455
00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,204
We did it again.
456
00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:53,875
There was a tiny version of me
floating inside a tank.
457
00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,300
With a small Bane mask.
458
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:08,181
The Alpha Omega weapon has been activated.
459
00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:13,603
No, it's actually bullshit. They only give you
the DNA of your own family. Did they know?
460
00:30:13,686 --> 00:30:14,687
What the fuck?
461
00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:18,399
Put good DNA in there too, friends!
462
00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,903
They made me in a laboratory.
Why am I only 1.70 tall?
463
00:30:23,738 --> 00:30:26,533
I should have abs
and being able to dunk.
464
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:31,037
I come from a family
who should have gotten divorced.
465
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,542
My parents stayed together for their children,
As if that ever worked.
466
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:40,255
Like: “It's good that you stayed together, so I
I could see dad break the coffee table.
467
00:30:40,338 --> 00:30:45,510
This is much better
than having two Christmases.”
468
00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:51,307
Family dinners were more tense
that There Will Be Blood,
469
00:30:51,391 --> 00:30:55,812
but at least
I didn't receive a Sega and a Nintendo.
470
00:30:57,730 --> 00:31:00,066
What would have happened if they got divorced?
471
00:31:00,149 --> 00:31:02,652
Maybe I would have had an American stepfather
enormously fat.
472
00:31:02,735 --> 00:31:06,573
A guy named Roy
to hug me with love and believe in me.
473
00:31:07,448 --> 00:31:10,159
I know my dad would have had
a series of cheap brides.
474
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:13,288
Women named Oksana
with breasts about to come out.
475
00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:16,875
something beautiful
what to masturbate with at that age.
476
00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:24,299
Maybe a fat stepsister,
listening to Linkin Park and cutting himself.
477
00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:30,847
Giving me a handjob on Thanksgiving.
And then we would never talk about it again.
478
00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:35,435
The classic American experience, but…
479
00:31:36,185 --> 00:31:39,063
My family didn't love me enough
to give me that.
480
00:31:40,690 --> 00:31:43,610
Many mental problems
undiagnosed and many fights,
481
00:31:43,693 --> 00:31:47,196
little dialogue and many punches to the wall.
482
00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:50,700
Immigrant parents like to introduce themselves
like very tough men.
483
00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:54,412
But in many ways
They are incredibly sensitive.
484
00:31:54,495 --> 00:31:58,124
Because an immigrant father is someone
What happened to living with his mother?
485
00:31:58,207 --> 00:32:02,712
directly to live with his wife.
There was no real life between one thing and the other.
486
00:32:02,795 --> 00:32:06,841
He is a man who thinks:
"Perfect, a mom I can sleep with. How practical."
487
00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:11,471
That kind of man is not going to be
precisely the most emotionally mature.
488
00:32:11,554 --> 00:32:16,059
When my dad didn't get what he wanted,
He acted like an emotional teenager.
489
00:32:16,559 --> 00:32:20,438
He said: "Maybe you would be happier
if I had never been born.”
490
00:32:21,564 --> 00:32:24,359
Come on, dad, you're my male role model.
491
00:32:25,693 --> 00:32:29,447
Because of things like that I ended up looking for a career.
in the arts.
492
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:35,036
Did you ever have to pause Yoshi's Island
to convince his father not to commit suicide?
493
00:32:37,872 --> 00:32:40,792
Yes, dad, that sounds very harsh. I don't know.
494
00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:46,255
Maybe you could...Yoshi!
…go to therapy or…
495
00:32:47,423 --> 00:32:51,260
Maybe visit…Yoshi!
…some family member.
496
00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:57,809
He's fine. I love you.
We're not talking right now, but we'll fix it.
497
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:04,273
My family is passing
through a transition stage.
498
00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:06,693
My cousin just learned an important lesson:
499
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:10,488
If you are too sincere with your grandmother,
500
00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:13,074
you have to repeat it every time you see her.
501
00:33:15,326 --> 00:33:16,411
Yes.
502
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:20,415
My grandmother's memory is already very deteriorated.
503
00:33:20,915 --> 00:33:24,627
He is 94 years old and desperately wants to die.
504
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,798
She keeps asking us to send her to Greece
to die alone,
505
00:33:28,881 --> 00:33:30,508
but we're not going to do it.
506
00:33:31,300 --> 00:33:33,845
The plane tickets
They are quite expensive right now, but...
507
00:33:36,222 --> 00:33:38,558
I understand why you want it. He has dementia.
508
00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:42,103
He can barely move anymore.
You will never wake up feeling...
509
00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:44,897
“Great!” Do you know? That…
510
00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:47,358
That's not going to happen again.
511
00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:50,319
It's like in a Mortal Kombat phase.
512
00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:53,072
Live as if...
513
00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:03,166
was in the “finish it” part.
514
00:34:04,959 --> 00:34:07,962
Fatality: slipping in the bathtub.
515
00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:15,261
If you are old and want to commit suicide,
They should leave you. Who cares?
516
00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:16,679
Yes.
517
00:34:16,763 --> 00:34:19,682
And you should be able to do it in a fun way.
518
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:23,519
Take revenge before you die.
519
00:34:24,687 --> 00:34:26,731
Did your grandfather invent something
amazing,
520
00:34:26,814 --> 00:34:29,776
but his boss stole his patent
and he got rich with the idea?
521
00:34:29,859 --> 00:34:33,571
Tie grandpa to a rocket
and throw it right at that guy's house.
522
00:34:36,657 --> 00:34:39,577
Maybe you hate your son
because he put you in an asylum.
523
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:43,706
The next time he visits you, tell him:
“I think they are trying to kill me here.”
524
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:46,375
He will say:
"How absurd. Nobody is doing that."
525
00:34:46,459 --> 00:34:49,587
He leaves. You commit suicide, right?
526
00:34:51,881 --> 00:34:55,593
And he spends the rest of his life
trying to solve an old case that never existed.
527
00:34:57,595 --> 00:34:59,097
That would be a lesson.
528
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:04,227
Maybe you are an elderly person with heart problems.
You can't take erection medications,
529
00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:06,437
but you want to die trying.
530
00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:08,064
My advice: take a lot
531
00:35:08,147 --> 00:35:11,109
and hire two of the best sex workers.
532
00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:14,695
Meet with them and say:
“The one who manages to make me come more times
533
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:16,948
"He keeps my entire inheritance."
534
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,618
End your life with top-notch service.
535
00:35:22,203 --> 00:35:25,623
But it has to be official.
Let's do it like a game of chess...
536
00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:27,291
Do you understand?
537
00:35:30,336 --> 00:35:31,337
Do you understand?
538
00:35:32,046 --> 00:35:34,006
Tongue in the testicles: four.
539
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:37,552
My God!
540
00:35:38,052 --> 00:35:41,347
Yes, we just invented
a Japanese game show.
541
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:47,395
It's sad to see my grandmother
approaching the end of his life.
542
00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:48,813
It's sad.
543
00:35:48,896 --> 00:35:52,150
He has some dementia,
but he hasn't started showing racism yet.
544
00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:53,776
That's an advantage.
545
00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:57,780
Many grandparents with dementia
They start talking as if we were in the 30s.
546
00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:02,785
It seems strange to me
seeing very old people concerned about politics.
547
00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:06,956
Do you really want to spend what's left of your life
Worrying about cancel culture?
548
00:36:07,456 --> 00:36:10,501
A friend's grandfather talks to me
because he knows I'm a comedian.
549
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:13,421
He always tells me:
“You can't say anything anymore.
550
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,965
I hate it. I'm not free either."
551
00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:19,802
And I think: you're not going anywhere.
552
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:23,598
You can say what you want
from that broken recliner.
553
00:36:24,098 --> 00:36:26,809
Nobody is going to take you away
instant food.
554
00:36:27,810 --> 00:36:32,732
But many people of my generation
she is desperate to say racial slurs.
555
00:36:32,815 --> 00:36:36,068
For some, it seems to have become
in a civil rights case.
556
00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:38,946
It's completely stupid.
557
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:42,533
Because if they let you say that word,
It stops being funny.
558
00:36:42,617 --> 00:36:46,704
Do you understand? It's not fun if it's allowed,
rare
559
00:36:46,787 --> 00:36:48,664
It has to feel a little forbidden.
560
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:53,252
But you can't allow it either
in a civilized society,
561
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:56,631
so we need a middle ground.
I think I found it.
562
00:36:57,131 --> 00:37:00,218
I'm not a gun fan.
They should not be available without limits.
563
00:37:00,301 --> 00:37:02,428
There may be accidents.
People can get hurt.
564
00:37:02,511 --> 00:37:06,515
I don't want guns in my house.
I know how that would end.
565
00:37:07,516 --> 00:37:10,436
I know who would end up shot
in my house.
566
00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:13,856
And I wouldn't be an intruder, but...
567
00:37:14,690 --> 00:37:17,401
Even I can admit
That shooting is fun sometimes.
568
00:37:17,485 --> 00:37:19,570
Every now and then you want to pull the trigger
569
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:22,198
and pretend you're John Wick.
570
00:37:22,281 --> 00:37:26,744
That's why shooting ranges exist.
It's safe. Nobody gets hurt. Perfect.
571
00:37:26,827 --> 00:37:31,207
With the same logic,
Why isn't there an insult field?
572
00:37:31,290 --> 00:37:34,752
Somewhere in the forest.
573
00:37:35,253 --> 00:37:38,256
You put on thick earmuffs
and you let it all go.
574
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:40,049
There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, right?
575
00:37:40,549 --> 00:37:43,970
That's where you do it.
Not at the company party.
576
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,890
Not during lunch
with your wife's friends.
577
00:37:48,391 --> 00:37:49,809
In the forest.
578
00:37:50,851 --> 00:37:53,104
And of course there would be
a background check.
579
00:37:53,187 --> 00:37:57,316
If you got too sad for Charlie Kirk,
you can't get in.
580
00:37:57,817 --> 00:38:00,486
You can be sad. It is not prohibited,
581
00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:04,115
but we only allow you two posts.
Don't go overboard.
582
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:09,287
There are still some fields of insults
in our society.
583
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:12,039
Certain lake houses, right?
584
00:38:12,748 --> 00:38:14,625
Exclusive clubs, of course.
585
00:38:15,126 --> 00:38:17,670
The police break room. Yes, very much.
586
00:38:19,213 --> 00:38:23,009
Police officers do strange things.
I don't know if they have noticed.
587
00:38:23,926 --> 00:38:27,972
This is the strange thing about police officers,
which I find most interesting.
588
00:38:28,055 --> 00:38:30,891
Why is your customer service so terrible?
589
00:38:31,934 --> 00:38:35,646
Why are they so aggressive
and they demand so much respect?
590
00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:38,816
All the police talk to you
like you just slept with his girlfriend.
591
00:38:39,900 --> 00:38:43,070
No other municipal employees
can behave like this.
592
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:45,823
The garbage collector cannot say:
"You have to call me 'sir'
593
00:38:45,906 --> 00:38:47,908
If you want me to take this recycling.”
594
00:38:49,410 --> 00:38:50,703
Although it could. Your work is heavier.
595
00:38:50,786 --> 00:38:53,831
He can't park the truck wherever he wants.
nor do you receive discounts in restaurants.
596
00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:59,211
The police love that, parking wherever they want.
597
00:38:59,295 --> 00:39:02,631
They act like… Do they have a friend
Who works in fast food?
598
00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:04,633
It tells you: “This sucks,
599
00:39:04,717 --> 00:39:09,096
but when my boss isn't looking,
I'll take a hamburger and some fries.
600
00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:11,849
It's normal. “I work in a hamburger restaurant.”
601
00:39:12,975 --> 00:39:16,103
The police too, but with their job it's like:
“This sucks,
602
00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:17,646
but when my boss isn't looking,
603
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:20,649
drunk driving
and hit my wife.
604
00:39:22,818 --> 00:39:24,653
I work in the crime shop.
605
00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:29,033
He should be able to commit some minor crime.
What the hell...?
606
00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:33,454
Do you think I do this
to help people? How naive you are.”
607
00:39:35,790 --> 00:39:37,041
But now everything is even more ridiculous
608
00:39:37,124 --> 00:39:40,795
because ICE is doing
that the police's attitude seems reasonable.
609
00:39:41,879 --> 00:39:45,216
In Minneapolis, after ICE killed someone,
The Minneapolis Police came out to say:
610
00:39:45,299 --> 00:39:48,094
“Friends, this time it wasn't us.
611
00:39:49,345 --> 00:39:51,013
ICE? Really?
612
00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:54,392
Twice? two white
in broad daylight? Really?
613
00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:58,229
What's up, is it your birthday?
Did I miss something?”
614
00:39:59,855 --> 00:40:02,108
Trump is creating jobs for guys
615
00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:05,611
who once threw a can of Monster at him
at the head of his mother.
616
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:13,702
Did you get lead paint poisoning?
and have you ever broken an Xbox 360?
617
00:40:14,912 --> 00:40:17,248
Good news: ICE is hiring.
618
00:40:18,624 --> 00:40:23,170
“See that Honduran girl?
He shot you from afar in Halo.”
619
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:26,632
"Understood, boss. Whatever you say."
620
00:40:28,759 --> 00:40:33,055
I don't care that you are a pedophile
as long as I can be racist.”
621
00:40:34,056 --> 00:40:38,269
Ya. That's too much. Enough.
622
00:40:39,145 --> 00:40:43,441
I know we're all still excited
after kicking out the guy from before, but...
623
00:40:48,529 --> 00:40:50,739
Don't start thinking: “I'm a good person.”
624
00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:59,081
The police also finish
dealing with very screwed up situations.
625
00:40:59,165 --> 00:41:02,793
I don't understand why the police
He has to take care of the homeless. It's strange.
626
00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:05,087
That's a mental health problem.
627
00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:08,757
I mean, people with mental problems and aggressive people
They are not a good combination.
628
00:41:09,508 --> 00:41:13,262
Don't call the police because someone
He's shitting in a Panera Bread.
629
00:41:13,762 --> 00:41:17,766
That's a job for the sweetest man
that you have ever known in your life.
630
00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:21,770
I work for a guy who is
in a polyamorous relationship.
631
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:26,484
Who gets along incredibly well
with Jeffrey, his wife's boyfriend.
632
00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:29,904
He is the one who should deal with the homeless,
633
00:41:29,987 --> 00:41:32,907
not someone with brain damage
due to injuries playing American football.
634
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:36,494
Too many things are illegal.
635
00:41:36,577 --> 00:41:38,954
The police end up taking over
of a lot of unimportant nonsense.
636
00:41:39,038 --> 00:41:43,250
Our drug laws are completely stupid.
Why is sex work illegal?
637
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:46,462
Show your tits, buy a pinball machine.
That's the American dream.
638
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:51,467
Yes, it works in other countries, right?
639
00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:53,344
In Europe there is legal sex work.
640
00:41:53,427 --> 00:41:56,805
I once went to Amsterdam
with some friends and I said:
641
00:41:56,889 --> 00:41:58,015
“Hey, guys.
642
00:41:59,058 --> 00:42:02,436
“How about we go to the Red Light District?”
643
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,438
They said, “We're not that interested.”
644
00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:07,149
And I: “Yes, but maybe we should be interested.”
645
00:42:17,576 --> 00:42:20,663
They said, “We can go through there.”
“On my way to dinner.”
646
00:42:20,746 --> 00:42:24,458
And I: "Perfect! We passed by there."
on the way to dinner “Excellent.”
647
00:42:24,542 --> 00:42:29,255
And then I took out 900 dollars from the ATM
after that conversation.
648
00:42:31,465 --> 00:42:36,303
My strategy… My plan was simply
pretending to let myself get carried away by the moment.
649
00:42:37,054 --> 00:42:40,558
Walk around and say:
“Wow, this is…
650
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,978
Wow, what beautiful architecture.
651
00:42:44,979 --> 00:42:48,566
Hey, what is this? Can I pay you
to two women to give me oral sex? “What?”
652
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:55,656
I got there. I don't know if I ever
They have been in a crowded Red Light District.
653
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:57,866
I wouldn't call it romantic.
654
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:01,078
A crowded Red Light District
655
00:43:01,161 --> 00:43:03,998
It looks like the comments section on Instagram.
come true.
656
00:43:05,082 --> 00:43:08,002
There is a group of Indian and Eastern European men
saying:
657
00:43:08,085 --> 00:43:12,089
“Vagina, money, I need sex.
Please, money, vagina.
658
00:43:12,172 --> 00:43:15,175
Vagina for money, I have money.
“Please, darling.”
659
00:43:16,093 --> 00:43:19,013
And you simply have to line up.
660
00:43:20,889 --> 00:43:23,100
You sit there thinking...
661
00:43:36,322 --> 00:43:39,116
“I hope they catch it quickly.”
662
00:43:40,784 --> 00:43:44,330
So I can sleep with her right away?
It's crazy, man.
663
00:43:45,331 --> 00:43:48,042
I don't even like it
when the toilet seat is still hot.
664
00:43:50,711 --> 00:43:54,715
I'm not against it.
If you know of a quiet Red Light District, let me know.
665
00:43:55,591 --> 00:43:57,676
In general, I support sex workers.
666
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,596
I feel that
Prostitutes have been defamed too much.
667
00:44:01,096 --> 00:44:04,391
you have something beautiful
and you share it with many people.
668
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:07,686
I'm sure that's exactly it
what Mister Rogers taught us.
669
00:44:09,355 --> 00:44:11,982
This woman sounds
like an excellent neighbor.
670
00:44:13,233 --> 00:44:15,194
I don't understand either
the obsession with the number of sexual partners.
671
00:44:15,277 --> 00:44:18,197
Men get very obsessed with how many people
you have had sex.
672
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:21,575
Like: “If you want to be with me,
“You can’t have been with more than five.”
673
00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,744
Really? Do you want to go to a restaurant
674
00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:26,830
where they serve you the third pizza
What has that chef done in his entire life?
675
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:31,502
Do you want a chef who says:
“Three cups of mozzarelly?
676
00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:33,629
Please!”
677
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:37,383
I don't. I need a chef who says…
678
00:44:44,515 --> 00:44:46,392
“Hey, who wants focaccia?
679
00:44:47,601 --> 00:44:51,522
Come on, get on my Vespa.
“Let me suck your penis.”
680
00:44:53,524 --> 00:44:56,360
That's the type of pizza maker
What I need in my life.
681
00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:59,571
Obviously it's a pretty stupid way to live. I know.
682
00:45:00,072 --> 00:45:03,909
I have led a very hedonistic life,
guided by pleasure. I know.
683
00:45:03,992 --> 00:45:07,996
I'm thinking of leaving all that
and become a real adult.
684
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,416
Everybody around me
He already has a family.
685
00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:13,752
It's crazy...
I feel like I'm very far from that.
686
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:17,214
But now I understand
the appeal of being a stepfather.
687
00:45:19,007 --> 00:45:22,219
Someone is raising my family right now.
688
00:45:23,929 --> 00:45:27,015
I can't wait to meet them.
It's going to be amazing.
689
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:31,729
Show up in eight years, buy him a bike,
not be a criminal.
690
00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:34,898
I am already the best man she has ever had in her life.
Yes, I'm interested.
691
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:40,696
There is no better way to humiliate a man
than raising someone else's child.
692
00:45:41,572 --> 00:45:45,367
Now your son will only know my customs
and you can't do anything.
693
00:45:47,911 --> 00:45:48,746
Sorry.
694
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:52,708
I know 40% of my fans are men.
who no longer have access to their children.
695
00:45:52,791 --> 00:45:58,839
But that bitch will come crawling back
any day now, friend. No…
696
00:45:59,548 --> 00:46:02,968
As soon as cryptocurrencies skyrocket,
That bitch will be back.
697
00:46:07,055 --> 00:46:09,725
My brother imposed on me
a small responsibility.
698
00:46:09,808 --> 00:46:13,645
He had a son, so this year
I became an uncle. Pretty cool. Yeah.
699
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:19,651
I love that child very much. It's adorable.
A chubby It's the best.
700
00:46:19,735 --> 00:46:21,528
He is the only member of the family
with which everyone agrees.
701
00:46:21,612 --> 00:46:24,698
We meet from time to time
just to adore this baby.
702
00:46:25,741 --> 00:46:29,119
“You are the most handsome and intelligent boy
that I have seen in my life.
703
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:30,621
Do you understand?”
704
00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:36,627
“Damn, this kid is gorgeous!
Oh my god!
705
00:46:37,878 --> 00:46:40,923
And it's smart. Mom, tell them
"What you told me a while ago."
706
00:46:41,006 --> 00:46:45,093
“I saw him a while ago
and I was looking at the milk.”
707
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:49,807
“Damn, this kid looks at the milk
incredibly good!”
708
00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:53,727
I always made fun of people
who exaggerated with his babies,
709
00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:55,229
but now I'm exactly the same.
710
00:46:56,146 --> 00:46:58,106
In the aquarium,
He called a fish a “dog.”
711
00:46:58,190 --> 00:47:01,109
And I: “Yes, it's a dog, friend.
Very good.
712
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:04,905
Bark, stingray.
“You are making my nephew look bad.”
713
00:47:07,324 --> 00:47:11,078
When I see a baby his age, I think:
“He could beat him up.
714
00:47:12,246 --> 00:47:13,956
"That child is very weak."
715
00:47:16,124 --> 00:47:17,835
I am also envious of his life.
716
00:47:18,752 --> 00:47:20,420
Being a baby is amazing.
717
00:47:21,213 --> 00:47:24,341
All the people you know
They desperately want to be your friends.
718
00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:27,427
They treat you like a sultan.
719
00:47:27,511 --> 00:47:30,264
They bring you gifts
and they try to get your attention.
720
00:47:31,223 --> 00:47:33,475
And you can react however you want.
721
00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:35,519
Like, “I bought you an Elmo.”
722
00:47:35,602 --> 00:47:38,939
And he: “Elmo?
I'm a Big Bird fan, you idiot.
723
00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:43,318
Mom, who is this poorly dressed idiot
that he brought me the wrong toy?”
724
00:47:49,157 --> 00:47:51,285
But they still give him everything.
725
00:47:51,785 --> 00:47:55,205
Do you just have to scream?
Imagine you had a terrible day.
726
00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:58,792
You are traveling, at the airport,
sitting on the floor screaming,
727
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:04,131
and after a while a big woman
the one you love with all your soul
728
00:48:04,214 --> 00:48:07,092
picks you up and leaves you
suck her breast. Come on.
729
00:48:08,510 --> 00:48:10,888
And look at the size. I mean...
730
00:48:14,099 --> 00:48:15,976
Not bad, admit it.
731
00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:23,901
But it worries me.
He's growing up in a pretty strange time.
732
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:27,905
When I was growing up I thought:
“From now on everything is going to get better.”
733
00:48:28,405 --> 00:48:32,075
I don't know if he's going to feel the same.
Who knows. We'll see.
734
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:35,787
They are removing a lot of things
that I thought they were going to continue there.
735
00:48:35,871 --> 00:48:37,414
Lots of basic civil rights stuff.
736
00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:40,334
There is a lot of homophobia,
and I don't like it
737
00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:43,879
as a member of the community.
People don't know it, but it's true.
738
00:48:43,962 --> 00:48:47,591
Straight men whose lives were destroyed
by bisexual women.
739
00:48:49,301 --> 00:48:51,136
We are the sign “”.
740
00:48:53,221 --> 00:48:55,766
We are the “” of LGBTQ.
741
00:48:57,100 --> 00:48:59,770
Us and the straight girls
who wear overalls.
742
00:49:02,105 --> 00:49:05,192
If they are being homophobic now,
If the culture is somewhat homophobic,
743
00:49:05,275 --> 00:49:08,320
She is also being very transphobic,
which I don't understand either.
744
00:49:08,403 --> 00:49:10,280
There are like 80 trans people,
745
00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:13,450
and half the country
He wants to treat them badly.
746
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:18,664
Respect what they are trying to do:
look good against the will of God.
747
00:49:19,957 --> 00:49:24,169
I know. I am a test tube baby.
God did not want it to exist. Screw it, buddy.
748
00:49:24,670 --> 00:49:25,879
I sneaked in.
749
00:49:28,173 --> 00:49:30,884
You are born in the body of a man
and you end up being a sexy woman.
750
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:34,304
That's what Oppenheimer should have told.
751
00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:37,599
Now that's useful science to me.
752
00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:40,727
As soon as trans men discover
how to grow real sideburns,
753
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:43,271
I sign up right away. Look at this.
754
00:49:44,272 --> 00:49:46,566
Look at these red cheeks.
755
00:49:46,650 --> 00:49:49,403
I have cheeks
Disney secondary character.
756
00:49:51,071 --> 00:49:53,407
Cheeks of a kind shoemaker who helps everyone.
757
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:57,285
“They passed by here, Belle.”
758
00:50:00,872 --> 00:50:03,083
Ironically, some of the people
more transphobic
759
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:04,835
They are precisely the ones that trans science needs most.
760
00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:06,962
For example, Ben Shapiro. Do you know him?
761
00:50:07,045 --> 00:50:08,547
He is a political commentator.
762
00:50:08,630 --> 00:50:10,841
talks a lot
of transphobic and homophobic things.
763
00:50:10,924 --> 00:50:15,595
But it has one of the voices
sharper and less authoritarian
764
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:17,222
of all time, right?
765
00:50:17,723 --> 00:50:20,058
It's not a moral judgment, just an observation.
766
00:50:20,559 --> 00:50:24,730
Even if you agree with him, when you hear him
Suddenly you feel like assaulting him.
767
00:50:25,647 --> 00:50:29,651
He has a voice that seems
coming out of a toilet with your head stuck inside.
768
00:50:31,111 --> 00:50:34,322
“You'll see when the dean finds out about this.
769
00:50:35,532 --> 00:50:36,658
Let me go.”
770
00:50:41,663 --> 00:50:44,458
Over time,
trans men are going to get deep voices.
771
00:50:44,541 --> 00:50:48,503
Right now many sound like Steve-O,
but that will change someday.
772
00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:52,758
When they achieve it,
Ben may have a deep voice.
773
00:50:53,467 --> 00:50:57,220
J.K. Rowling, same thing. Do you know her?
She wrote Harry Potter.
774
00:50:57,304 --> 00:51:00,348
It's been like 30 years
being transphobic on the internet.
775
00:51:01,558 --> 00:51:05,562
Do you know that J.K. Rowling
Does your vagina have been destroyed? She…
776
00:51:09,983 --> 00:51:13,361
A vagina like a British man's mouth,
like…
777
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:17,365
like a football hooligan.
778
00:51:19,159 --> 00:51:22,996
Right now scientists are making
great vaginas with scrotal skin.
779
00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:25,540
They could fix your vagina, J.K.,
780
00:51:25,624 --> 00:51:28,502
if you weren't such an idiot
with all this stuff.
781
00:51:28,585 --> 00:51:30,712
Just so you know. Yes.
782
00:51:32,005 --> 00:51:35,008
It's crazy.
This is really rotting people's brains.
783
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:38,470
They are obsessed with trans people
that have nothing to do with their lives.
784
00:51:38,553 --> 00:51:40,806
I have a friend
with whom I agree on many things,
785
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:44,226
and recently he told me:
“Don't you think that's a little strange?”
786
00:51:44,309 --> 00:51:46,311
And I: “Yes, a little strange.”
787
00:51:46,394 --> 00:51:48,897
Every generation is weirder
than the previous one.
788
00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:51,441
You don't have a military cut
You don't even drink milk with dinner.
789
00:51:51,525 --> 00:51:54,486
Your dad also thinks you're gay.
I don't know what to tell you.
790
00:51:55,487 --> 00:51:59,032
This is how this works.
Everything becomes gayer.
791
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:03,578
Look, you don't have to understand everything.
792
00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:07,249
I am 37 years old. I already know enough.
I don't want to learn more.
793
00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:09,334
I don't know what it means to be non-binary.
794
00:52:09,417 --> 00:52:11,503
In my head it's like soft serve ice cream.
795
00:52:13,839 --> 00:52:17,634
You have a main flavor
and other main flavor,
796
00:52:17,717 --> 00:52:20,762
and then a little mix
in the middle.
797
00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:23,557
As a concept, that's enough for me.
798
00:52:24,641 --> 00:52:26,685
I call you whatever you want.
799
00:52:26,768 --> 00:52:29,020
Whatever you are,
If you seem sexy to me,
800
00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:31,106
I would sleep with you. Do you understand? That…
801
00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:33,817
Thank you. Yes, that...
802
00:52:34,693 --> 00:52:37,779
Thank you. That's how I am. I…
803
00:52:37,863 --> 00:52:40,782
I have moral principles
unbreakable.
804
00:52:42,284 --> 00:52:45,996
Some of the best blowjobs I've ever received
They were from non-binary people, so…
805
00:52:46,079 --> 00:52:49,833
I don't know what they teach them
in non-binary school, but keep it up.
806
00:52:53,795 --> 00:52:55,714
I was once with a non-binary person.
807
00:52:55,797 --> 00:52:57,924
I didn't want to use
gendered language.
808
00:52:58,008 --> 00:53:00,594
But I think I overcorrected myself.
809
00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:05,223
At the end I said, “Hey, that was great.
Thanks for the vagina, friend.
810
00:53:13,648 --> 00:53:15,734
Excellent, champion.”
811
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:19,571
Everyone complains.
812
00:53:19,654 --> 00:53:22,699
Things that you could say before now you can't,
but sometimes it happens the other way around.
813
00:53:22,782 --> 00:53:26,203
Sometimes now they do let you.
814
00:53:26,286 --> 00:53:29,956
Like in the 90s,
When gay culture began to become more visible,
815
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:33,043
there was a certain type of straight man
who wanted to be funny,
816
00:53:33,126 --> 00:53:36,796
I saw a gay couple
and asked, “Then who is the woman?”
817
00:53:37,297 --> 00:53:40,759
At that moment everyone said:
“Hey, none of them are the woman.
818
00:53:40,842 --> 00:53:44,221
Do you understand? They are two adults.
That way of thinking is very homophobic.”
819
00:53:44,304 --> 00:53:47,349
But now all my gay friends
they identify
820
00:53:47,432 --> 00:53:48,975
like top or bottom,
821
00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:52,938
and that was exactly what those guys were asking.
I don't...
822
00:53:55,315 --> 00:53:57,192
They didn't ask, “Who washes the dishes?”
823
00:53:57,275 --> 00:53:59,611
They asked: “Whose anus is penetrated?”
That was it.
824
00:54:00,654 --> 00:54:03,448
Honestly, I think we owe them an apology.
825
00:54:04,449 --> 00:54:07,077
Now that information is in the Instagram bio.
826
00:54:08,995 --> 00:54:11,331
These are the deep philosophical reflections
827
00:54:11,414 --> 00:54:13,959
that inspired me the birth of my nephew.
828
00:54:15,126 --> 00:54:17,504
It's true.
Now I think about everything more deeply.
829
00:54:17,587 --> 00:54:18,922
The world, even my own life.
830
00:54:19,005 --> 00:54:22,759
Obviously, having a nephew is amazing.
It's great. It's the best.
831
00:54:22,842 --> 00:54:25,762
But when your little brother starts
a happy family,
832
00:54:25,845 --> 00:54:29,099
makes you realize
of what a disaster you are.
833
00:54:29,766 --> 00:54:33,436
I am the older brother of this child's father,
But I am single and have no children.
834
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:36,064
That's the hallmark
of uncle disaster.
835
00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:38,900
Do you know? Remember your uncle.
836
00:54:38,984 --> 00:54:42,612
The guy who arrives five hours late
to every family gathering
837
00:54:42,696 --> 00:54:44,864
with a container to carry food.
838
00:54:45,448 --> 00:54:48,785
He grabs food, gets drunk
and drives home.
839
00:54:50,745 --> 00:54:55,292
“Come on, boy, blow here so that Uncle Stav
can start your Mazda.
840
00:54:58,211 --> 00:55:02,007
You don't want that
The guy is late for work, right?”
841
00:55:04,342 --> 00:55:06,594
That's the kind of guy I'm going to be.
842
00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:09,472
My brother changed his entire life.
843
00:55:09,556 --> 00:55:12,642
Changed your work schedule
to be able to be with his son.
844
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:17,314
Reorganized the house, bought furniture
for each stage of baby development.
845
00:55:17,397 --> 00:55:19,607
The last piece of furniture I bought was a mattress.
846
00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:22,527
with the perfect height
to have sex standing up.
847
00:55:24,154 --> 00:55:27,949
It's difficult because they don't put
that measure on the internet.
848
00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:31,244
It doesn't matter how many emails
I sent him to Wayfair.
849
00:55:32,078 --> 00:55:36,666
My solution was to go to IKEA
with my shorter friend.
850
00:55:38,084 --> 00:55:41,046
Every time we saw an option,
We said: “Very good.
851
00:55:41,129 --> 00:55:43,548
Hop on, little one. Let's try it."
852
00:55:50,430 --> 00:55:54,642
“I don't know, still…
I still have to stand on my tiptoes.”
853
00:55:55,643 --> 00:55:57,228
“No, can you leave, sir?
854
00:55:57,312 --> 00:55:59,856
We're still testing this one.
Thank you.”
855
00:56:00,982 --> 00:56:02,776
"What? Gay?"
856
00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:06,529
How is this going to be gay, idiot?
It's for vagina!
857
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,574
Can you believe this guy, buddy?”
858
00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:17,207
Yes, do that with your friend at IKEA
It's disaster uncle behavior.
859
00:56:18,416 --> 00:56:21,920
But it's okay. I realized
that you can still be a positive influence
860
00:56:22,003 --> 00:56:24,881
in your life
being a disaster guy.
861
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:28,051
I will be your first experience
with group pressure.
862
00:56:29,386 --> 00:56:32,764
I'm going to buy him beer
before he asks me for it.
863
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:35,850
He will say: “There is no need.”
And I: “I should have imagined
864
00:56:35,934 --> 00:56:37,894
that you were a coward like your dad.”
865
00:56:39,813 --> 00:56:41,314
It's going to be fun.
866
00:56:41,815 --> 00:56:45,235
Making fun of my brother using his son.
It just occurred to me.
867
00:56:46,319 --> 00:56:50,240
Use my dear nephew
as a pawn Excellent, friend.
868
00:56:50,990 --> 00:56:54,160
I'll buy him an electric guitar.
“Enjoy the first nine seconds.”
869
00:56:54,244 --> 00:56:56,746
from 'Sweet Child O' Mine'
over and over again.
870
00:56:56,830 --> 00:57:00,250
This is for having won me
in FIFA 20 years ago.”
871
00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:04,671
They fight. He is already a teenager.
He says, “Fuck you, dad.
872
00:57:04,754 --> 00:57:06,965
“I’m going to live with Uncle Stav.”
873
00:57:07,465 --> 00:57:09,259
And I receive it.
874
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:12,220
“Dude, come here.”
875
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:16,266
We are going to get very drunk.
We will sleep in a beanbag.
876
00:57:17,350 --> 00:57:22,439
I'm going to share with him what, by then,
I guess it will be a masturbation station for Meta.
877
00:57:24,065 --> 00:57:27,277
A tube filled with viscous liquid.
You put on a helmet. And then...
878
00:57:31,865 --> 00:57:34,033
“Catherine Zeta-Jones, Zorro.”
879
00:57:40,248 --> 00:57:42,125
“It increases your breasts by 40%.”
880
00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:48,047
“Make it Taiwanese.”
881
00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:55,555
“Make me Antonio Banderas
from Zorro.”
882
00:57:59,100 --> 00:58:02,187
“And make her Antonio Banderas too.”
883
00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:07,317
He uses it. He has fun.
884
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,652
And finally he wakes up.
885
00:58:09,736 --> 00:58:13,323
He says, “Can I go to school?”
this week?”
886
00:58:13,823 --> 00:58:16,034
And I: “No, school sucks.”
887
00:58:16,117 --> 00:58:17,911
While I'm playing with nunchakus. I…
888
00:58:19,787 --> 00:58:22,415
He says, “Dad, can you come get me?
889
00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:25,710
Uncle Stav refuses
to close your robe.”
890
00:58:28,838 --> 00:58:32,342
“Stay away from the dojo
If you’re not ready to train, buddy.”
891
00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:35,595
Testicles swinging like an antique clock.
892
00:58:41,309 --> 00:58:43,811
Knowing him was perhaps
the best day of my life.
893
00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:45,647
One of the most special moments.
894
00:58:45,730 --> 00:58:48,525
He had just left the hospital.
He was about four days old.
895
00:58:48,608 --> 00:58:51,277
I was at my brother's house.
He was changing her diaper.
896
00:58:51,361 --> 00:58:53,738
We laughed when we saw his tiny penis.
897
00:58:54,739 --> 00:58:57,825
That's when I understood
unconditional love.
898
00:58:57,909 --> 00:59:02,205
At that same moment I thought:
“I hope his penis is bigger than mine.”
899
00:59:02,288 --> 00:59:05,959
I have never wanted before
that another man had a bigger penis than me.
900
00:59:07,460 --> 00:59:10,046
Yes, it changed me. What is going to be done?
901
00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:15,093
I'm a little worried because right now
His penis is small, but his testicles are huge.
902
00:59:15,176 --> 00:59:18,096
I'm scared that I inherited my body type,
903
00:59:18,179 --> 00:59:22,559
but we are going to give him vitamins,
red light therapy.
904
00:59:22,642 --> 00:59:24,143
It's going to be fine.
905
00:59:24,686 --> 00:59:27,772
Let's design my nephew's penis.
Don't worry.
906
00:59:28,690 --> 00:59:31,526
But even holding it,
just four days old,
907
00:59:31,609 --> 00:59:35,530
to this newborn that I love
more than any other newborn,
908
00:59:35,613 --> 00:59:39,117
It only affirmed me even more.
in my position on abortion.
909
00:59:39,993 --> 00:59:45,081
As I held this baby,
I thought: “He's not a person yet.”
910
00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:49,669
It has four days,
He doesn't look you in the eyes, he doesn't speak.
911
00:59:49,752 --> 00:59:52,964
You do this to him,
two seconds and that's it. That's not...
912
00:59:54,173 --> 00:59:55,592
That's not a person.
913
00:59:56,509 --> 01:00:00,430
If a poorly placed blanket
It can kill you, you are not a person.
914
01:00:02,098 --> 01:00:05,685
Someday he's going to ask me for advice.
It's strange to think about it.
915
01:00:05,768 --> 01:00:08,980
You won't know what a disaster I was
until this moment.
916
01:00:09,063 --> 01:00:11,274
He will see me as a wise old man.
917
01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:14,110
What advice could you give
918
01:00:14,193 --> 01:00:16,195
him or anyone younger than me?
919
01:00:16,279 --> 01:00:20,283
In essence, it is enough to
be a nice person.
920
01:00:20,783 --> 01:00:25,121
If you do that,
People forgive you a lot of things.
921
01:00:26,748 --> 01:00:27,790
Oh really.
922
01:00:27,874 --> 01:00:31,878
The test is how we treat
to Italy compared to Germany after World War II,
923
01:00:31,961 --> 01:00:36,174
because they were on the same team.
People seem to forget it.
924
01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:40,470
We forgive one
because he had a better personality.
925
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:45,099
At the end of the war, Germany said:
926
01:00:45,183 --> 01:00:46,934
“We are very sorry
927
01:00:48,353 --> 01:00:50,563
all the pain we cause.”
928
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:55,068
Italy was more like: “Oops.
929
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,739
Things got a little out of control, didn't they?
930
01:01:00,948 --> 01:01:03,993
Come on, who wants limoncello? Here.
931
01:01:04,077 --> 01:01:07,497
Come on, get on my Vespa.
“Let me suck your penis.”
932
01:01:10,750 --> 01:01:13,753
That's all from me, people.
Thank you very much.
933
01:01:15,380 --> 01:01:17,715
They are the best. I love them.
934
01:01:39,737 --> 01:01:41,155
Hey Stav!
935
01:01:41,239 --> 01:01:44,826
How dare you kick me out
from that damn show! You are finished!
936
01:02:03,469 --> 01:02:05,304
—What did you do?
"I hit someone and ran away."
937
01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:06,806
You hit someone and ran away! Excellent!
938
01:02:08,057 --> 01:02:11,102
The meanest crime that exists.
939
01:02:13,354 --> 01:02:14,647
Hit and run.
940
01:02:15,648 --> 01:02:16,566
I was a member of the Navy.
941
01:02:16,649 --> 01:02:19,652
You had so many options and you chose the Navy?
942
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:22,989
I wanted to do something special.
943
01:02:23,072 --> 01:02:26,242
My God, but you chose to join
to the United States Army.
944
01:02:27,452 --> 01:02:29,120
I saved many lives.
945
01:02:29,203 --> 01:02:31,873
Did you save lives? Can you save this?
946
01:02:34,459 --> 01:02:37,754
Take! All!
Fuck this guy!
947
01:02:52,393 --> 01:02:53,352
Runs.
948
01:02:54,479 --> 01:02:57,356
Fast. Get out of here, friend. Come on!
949
01:03:01,402 --> 01:03:03,571
Thank you. You saved me.
950
01:03:45,571 --> 01:03:48,574
Translated subtitles
by Prayogi Anugrah Adi