1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:06,560 This concludes the Stanbury Building 7th Floor Owners Association meeting. 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,480 Chairman Jack Gallo presiding. 3 00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:10,960 Do we have to be so formal? 4 00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:14,720 No, we don't, actually. How's this? Party's over, Grandma. Shoo! 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:23,140 A final note. I know some of you are upset that I always call these meetings 6 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:27,280 my office, so to show that I listen, next month we'll meet at my club. 7 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:33,100 Weinstein, you might want to sign in the guest book as Wilson. You know, for a 8 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,100 goof. 9 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,280 Are we going to discuss the vacancy in apartment 713? 10 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:43,020 Let's not bring that up again. You don't want your Monday pills to end up in the 11 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,020 Wednesday slot. 12 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,260 So there's an apartment available in your building? Man, I would kill to get 13 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:50,560 there. Look. 14 00:00:51,649 --> 00:00:57,050 Elliot, 713 is right next to my place, and I know you and your bohemian 15 00:00:57,050 --> 00:01:01,430 lifestyle, the parties, the crazy models. Jack, I promise you won't even 16 00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:02,029 I'm there. 17 00:01:02,030 --> 00:01:04,810 You know, they're going to want a year's rent in advance. 18 00:01:05,370 --> 00:01:08,430 Why? You're my boss. Can't you just tell them that I have steady employment? 19 00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:09,830 I'm not comfortable with that. 20 00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:24,340 Is Nina here? 21 00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:28,880 Oh, yeah. Hey, by the way, thanks for the invite to the engagement party. As 22 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:33,160 gift, because I love you kids, I'll be happy to DJ the event. 23 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,040 Who are you again? 24 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,480 That's good. 25 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,380 Seriously, I do a whole Star Wars theme. Check out my C -3PO. 26 00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:46,300 Oh, dear, oh, dear, Master Luke. Let's put on some ass -busting grooves. 27 00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:51,280 Oh, what a lovely surprise. 28 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:52,640 Good news. 29 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:56,520 My parents are flying in from England for our party. 30 00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:58,140 That's wonderful. 31 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,560 Oh, it's going to be great. 32 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:04,020 By the way, I may have mentioned that you were raised in a convent. 33 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:09,479 What? Yeah, and then you were a nanny for some adorable Austrian children. 34 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,840 You taught them how to sing. You hid them from the Nazis. 35 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,560 Well, they're a wee bit conservative. My parents, not the Nazis. Well, they are, 36 00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:20,730 too. You know what? I and I... I'm not going to pretend to be someone else. I 37 00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:24,290 not a nun, and my life is not something out of the sound of music. 38 00:02:24,590 --> 00:02:29,210 All right. You're a busty paralegal who discovers that the chemical company has 39 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:31,890 been putting something in the water supply, and you're going to do something 40 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:32,890 about it. 41 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:47,470 Elliot, welcome to the building. 42 00:02:48,010 --> 00:02:48,929 Thanks, Jack. 43 00:02:48,930 --> 00:02:53,390 Listen, now that we're next door neighbors, it's an opportunity for us to 44 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:54,390 much closer. 45 00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:55,990 Yes, it is. I don't want that. 46 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,970 The operative word here is boundaries. 47 00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:01,950 Jack, where do you want these? 48 00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:03,410 What's going on? 49 00:03:04,010 --> 00:03:08,850 I went to Costco today, and I went a little crazy on the relish. 50 00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:13,810 Mind if I keep a couple of drums over here? The place is kind of small as it 51 00:03:14,050 --> 00:03:15,050 Hey, hey, whoa. 52 00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:17,930 This guy bends over backwards to get you in here, and you can't be a little 53 00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:21,030 neighborly? I thought neighborly was like, you know, can I borrow some eggs? 54 00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:22,330 Ooh, eggs, Dennis. 55 00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:24,530 Yeah, and he's got a pound cake. 56 00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:25,870 Yeah, take that, too. 57 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,990 Hey, by the way, we marked the drum, so no dipsies, okay? 58 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,159 Oh, my God. 59 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,160 What? What's the matter? 60 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,020 Well, my parents are on their way up and your knees are showing. 61 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,080 Well, at least they're together. That's the start. 62 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,920 No, you don't understand. They come from a tiny village. 63 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,680 They're church -going people. 64 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:11,900 Look, you don't have to worry about me. I've never met anyone I couldn't charm 65 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,880 with a warm smile and a friendly hello. 66 00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:18,220 Hello. 67 00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:20,079 Good heavens. 68 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,720 It's a prostitute. 69 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:28,500 No, no, no, Mum and Dad, this is Nina, my fiancée. Come on in. 70 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:33,740 I'm so sorry. We don't have a lot of women dressed like that in Leland 71 00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,020 Lela what now? 72 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:36,360 Leland Firkin. 73 00:04:36,740 --> 00:04:37,679 Our village. 74 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:41,240 All right. Well, you know, here in New York, I have to dress with cutting -edge 75 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,080 style. You see, I'm in the fashion industry. 76 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,940 Simon said you work with small children. 77 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,540 Well, who do you think makes this stuff? 78 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,060 May I take your coat? 79 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,360 Oh, you must be very excited about getting married. 80 00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:58,400 Oh, well, you know what they say. 81 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,260 Seventh time's the charm. 82 00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:44,380 Man, 83 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,620 I feel like a hot dog. 84 00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:54,740 Hey, buddy. 85 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,380 I guess Jack wants a hot dog. I'm gonna grab some relish. 86 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:08,540 Look at my head, dude. It's good, though. A red hot mama. 87 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:09,800 You're a charmer. 88 00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,260 Oh, dude. 89 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,520 You know what? You can keep that. 90 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,680 I've all had a man parted hair in the middle. Red hot mama. Red hot mama. 91 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:28,380 Simon's parents are driving me crazy. They are so judgmental. And Simon just 92 00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,920 goes along with it. He's like this little boy around them. 93 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,360 A lot of adults cannot get past the parent -child dynamic. It's tragic, 94 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:36,600 Hey, princess. 95 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:37,700 Hi, Daddy. 96 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,740 Well, you only have to get through a few more days. 97 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,720 Yeah, if I don't kill them first. 98 00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:44,540 Oh, my God. 99 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,280 They expect me to cook for them tonight. 100 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,120 You don't cook? I don't even eat. 101 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,720 All right, you gotta help me. Please, these people are dull, long -winded, and 102 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,860 sexually repressed. You'll fit right in. 103 00:06:57,470 --> 00:07:00,570 Look, I was just hoping we could lay some ground rules, you know, for living 104 00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:02,610 next to each other. You know, boundaries. 105 00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:06,550 If you don't like the Stansbury, you're welcome to leave. 106 00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:10,350 But I just gave up my place and put down a whole year's rent. I mean, can't you 107 00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:11,570 just do me a little favor here? 108 00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:15,610 I already have. There were people on the border who didn't want you. They 109 00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:19,690 thought you were arrogant, noisy, and unsure of your own sexuality. 110 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:22,510 Why would they think that? 111 00:07:22,830 --> 00:07:24,090 I might have mentioned something. 112 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:38,530 I'm your new neighbor, Elliot. Look, tomorrow we don't have much time. 113 00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:43,090 There's a small group of us on the seventh floor who have been waiting to 114 00:07:43,090 --> 00:07:45,650 up to the man whose name shall not be mentioned. 115 00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:46,850 You mean Jack Gallop? 116 00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:53,870 At the meeting tomorrow, this petty man, we'll call him Mr. X. 117 00:07:54,230 --> 00:07:56,610 You mean Jack. What is wrong with you? 118 00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:02,210 He's going to propose that the hallway be painted gold. I feel that... 119 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,200 Wheat is a more appropriate color. Are you with me? 120 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,840 Can I see some sample chips? 121 00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:14,700 Look, I know that decorating issues are very important to men with your 122 00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:15,700 proclivities. 123 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:22,560 But it's not about the paint. It's about putting this man in his place. 124 00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:24,620 Damn it, I'm in. 125 00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:29,080 Oh, wait, wait, wait. We are talking about Jack, right? 126 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:30,600 Oh, idiot. 127 00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,010 Could everybody look away? 128 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,710 Audrey needs to dab her mouth. 129 00:08:46,390 --> 00:08:52,070 Finished? So, Simon, who do you think we met the other day bicycling on our way 130 00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:55,910 to church? Little Mary Margaret Pym. Oh, I haven't seen her since we were 131 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:59,890 teenagers. And her child -bearing hips are still very sturdy. 132 00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,710 And untouched. 133 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,600 Is it just me, or does she sound like a lesbian? 134 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:13,580 So, London to New York, that's quite a hop across the pond, eh? 135 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,140 What is that you're doing? 136 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,140 Oh, it's my cute British accent. 137 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:22,080 People say I'm so good, they think I'm from England. 138 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:25,100 Hello, Gosna, Pippin, how's the queen? 139 00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:34,950 Mr. and Mrs. Leeds, you must be aching to get back to that... Charming village 140 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:38,350 of La La Lou Louis Farrakhan County. 141 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:43,510 It'll be nice to be home, but we'll be back shortly. 142 00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:46,950 Our Simon is buying us a flat in New York. 143 00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:48,230 Mmm, smashing! 144 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:49,370 Shut up, Simon. 145 00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:53,090 Mum and Dad decided they wanted to be closer to us. 146 00:09:53,770 --> 00:10:00,070 We thought Simon needed a stable influence close by, especially at this 147 00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:04,510 Our boy makes a lot of decisions he later regrets. 148 00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:09,630 When you're looking for a place, make sure it's suitable for our little dog, 149 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:10,650 Cecil. 150 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:15,190 He likes small, dark spaces with little or no traffic. 151 00:10:15,470 --> 00:10:18,890 In that case, maybe you should just take that little dog and shove him... Too 152 00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:23,790 much excitement. 153 00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:26,190 I'm going to lie down. 154 00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:28,010 What are you doing? 155 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:32,740 Parents are walking all over me. Why don't you talk to them? Oh, just give it 156 00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:35,120 time. They'll warm up to you, I promise you. 157 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:40,540 Okay, but you are the only person in the world I would do this for. 158 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:46,980 They are the most judgmental, prudish people I have ever met. I'm so sorry 159 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,260 this dinner didn't turn out quite as planned. 160 00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:51,940 Oh, that's perfectly all right. 161 00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:55,080 I'm a much bigger fan of dessert. 162 00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:09,700 Sorry I'm late. My in -laws dragged me to church and there was a bit of a 163 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,600 Apparently you're supposed to sip the wine, which, in my defense, was not 164 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,560 explained to me by the man in the funny hat. 165 00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:21,180 Listen, Nina, something weird happened last night. 166 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,400 Simon's father made a move on me. 167 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,200 Oh, my God. 168 00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:29,440 So how was he in bed? 169 00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:34,600 I didn't sleep with him. It doesn't matter. I mean, the point is the man is 170 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,940 hypocrite, and once I throw that in his face, he is going to have to back off. 171 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:42,140 No, don't do anything. I'm not 100 % sure. It was sort of a feeling. 172 00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:45,500 What? Well, that's not going to help me. I need hard evidence. 173 00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,700 God, would it have killed you to hop on pop? 174 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:50,300 All right, look, look. 175 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:55,180 Tonight at the party, just, uh, dangle the merchandise and try to, you know... 176 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,359 Pull him in. 177 00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:00,320 I'm not comfortable with that. I don't dangle. I'm not a dangler. Maya, please. 178 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,420 When you dated that guy, Chris, I slept with his father. 179 00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,760 I didn't ask you to do that. 180 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,740 And that's my point. 181 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,200 You didn't have to. 182 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,800 Hey, Jack, you want to see me? 183 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,340 Hey, buddy, come on in. 184 00:12:19,140 --> 00:12:22,060 Let's talk about the gold hallway situation. 185 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:23,940 Oh, I see. 186 00:12:24,599 --> 00:12:27,540 I'm the swing vote to suddenly you're my best friend. 187 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,120 Well, forget it. 188 00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:32,180 You bully me and everyone else in that building and it's time for you to lose. 189 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:37,560 What if I told you I'd stop playing the banjo? Too little, too late. What if I 190 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:41,000 got you one of those parking spaces right next to the door? 191 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:44,160 Oh, please. Those spots are handicapped. Yes, they are. 192 00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:48,400 No, no. This isn't about perks. It's about respect. 193 00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:50,700 I can make that happen. Dennis! 194 00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:52,780 Now? Now. 195 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,200 Have you been working out? You look like you lost some weight. 196 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,240 He's willing to say that in front of people. 197 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,360 Give him another one. 198 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,620 You know, around the office, all the ladies call you Love Machine. 199 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,160 Really? 200 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,780 Rest of the board is on their way up. 201 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:26,440 Excellent. 202 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:35,230 You really know how to satisfy a woman. 203 00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:41,230 You, my friend, have chosen the right tea. 204 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:49,810 Oh, my God, he got to you. No, no, he hasn't. I just happen to like the color 205 00:13:49,810 --> 00:13:54,470 gold. You know, with Weinstein on board, you're the swing vote. If you vote 206 00:13:54,470 --> 00:13:56,930 wheat, everyone will follow. But that's not my problem. 207 00:13:57,810 --> 00:14:01,790 There are few moments in life that define who you are. 208 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:06,740 Who do you want to be, Mr. DeMauro? A man of principle and conviction? 209 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,620 Or Jack Gallo's spineless, whimpering bitch? 210 00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:16,120 All right, people, file in. Come along. 211 00:14:16,380 --> 00:14:17,380 Step lively. 212 00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:20,040 Okay, first order of business. 213 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,840 We have to decide on a hallway color. 214 00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:25,340 Is it going to be tasteful, elegant gold? 215 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,260 Or that dirty bastard child of beige wheat? 216 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:35,900 All right, though I know this is just a formality, all those in favor of wheat, 217 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,480 stand and be counted. 218 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,160 I'm Elliot DeMauro, and I like wheat. 219 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:50,160 Who's with me? 220 00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:55,100 Yes, we win. 221 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,460 From now on, things are going to be different on the seventh floor, Jack. 222 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:00,240 days of steamrolling people are over. 223 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,360 I only count four. 224 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,080 Weinstein, stand up. 225 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:11,740 Come on, Weinstein. 226 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,720 People change tomorrow. 227 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,660 I like gold. 228 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,460 Hey, Thaiman. 229 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,280 Congrats on the engagement. 230 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,880 Oh, thanks, mate. Listen, word around campus is the parents are a little 231 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:30,880 uptight. 232 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:34,960 I'm packing some watermelon schnapps if you need a little sneaky peek later, all 233 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:35,960 right? 234 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,600 Oh, 235 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,340 there's a man's drink. 236 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:45,120 Maya. Good. Are you ready to hit on the old man? 237 00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:47,500 Just relax and leave it to little mama. 238 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,300 Don't say little mama. 239 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,120 Hello, Mr. Leeds. 240 00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:58,100 Oh, hello, Miss Gallo. 241 00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:03,900 You know, standing there by that cheese plate, you remind me of a movie star. 242 00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:07,680 I find most movies to be violent filth. 243 00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:09,920 Do you like cheese? 244 00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:13,740 Yes. Okay, let's talk about that then. 245 00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:16,900 You know, men are like cheese. 246 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,280 Some are mild. 247 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,340 Some are sharp. 248 00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:31,070 But that's the end of the day. 249 00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,270 You're never sorry they end up on your cracker. 250 00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:40,510 Right. 251 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,070 I'm sorry, but that guy's gay. 252 00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:50,230 Great. So this is all a total waste of time? 253 00:16:50,650 --> 00:16:53,570 These people are going to make my life a living hell and there's nothing I can 254 00:16:53,570 --> 00:16:54,570 do about it? 255 00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:55,670 How can I... 256 00:16:55,950 --> 00:17:00,250 I finally find the perfect man, and his parents turn out to be the most pious 257 00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:01,250 people on earth. 258 00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:02,690 They're saints. 259 00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:06,950 They don't drink, they don't smoke, they don't swear. 260 00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:12,510 I have no idea where Simon came from, because I guarantee you, those two 261 00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:14,069 have never had sex. 262 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:26,480 We got a situation. 263 00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:30,080 Your mother -in -law just jammed her tongue down my throat. 264 00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:34,220 Yeah, apparently she and the old man like to swing. 265 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,720 And they want to make a club sandwich with me and little Maya. 266 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,200 I knew it. 267 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,500 How do we handle that? 268 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,680 It's a tough call. Do we leave the party with them or meet them at the hotel? 269 00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:50,180 Okay, you two. 270 00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:51,420 Game over. 271 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,720 I know what you're up to with Maya and Finch. 272 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,300 I couldn't help myself. 273 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:58,920 The lad's yummy. 274 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:03,360 Where do you get off judging Simon and me? You are such hypocrites. 275 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:08,520 Come on, most moms and dads hide a few peccadilloes from their children. You're 276 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,140 trying to nail all our friends. 277 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,340 Look, please don't tell Simon. He's such a sweet, innocent boy. 278 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,360 It would shatter him. Of course I am not going to tell Simon. He is the love of 279 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,820 my life. I would never do anything to hurt him. But from now on, here's the 280 00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:23,680 drill. First, you find me delightful. 281 00:18:24,550 --> 00:18:28,290 Second, I drink whenever I want. And third, I know you come from some little 282 00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:32,270 village, but here in America, we do not have sex with Finch. 283 00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:37,930 I saw you talking to my parents. They're not giving you a hard time, are they? 284 00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:40,170 No, it's nothing. 285 00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,290 They just didn't think there was enough on the dessert tray. 286 00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:44,770 Right. 287 00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:46,510 That's it. I'm sick of their crap. 288 00:18:48,430 --> 00:18:49,850 What's the matter with you two? 289 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,820 I've just heard about your discussion with Nina and I'm appalled at your 290 00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:55,500 behaviour. Simon, you don't understand. 291 00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:57,680 No, I've been silent too long. 292 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,080 What's the matter, Dad? One tart, not enough for you? 293 00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:06,260 And Mum, you'll grab anything as long as it has nuts. 294 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,700 Fine, it's out on the table. 295 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,840 Simon, your mother and I have an open marriage. 296 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,040 We mean you sleep with other people. 297 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:21,330 It's that damned village. There's nothing to do. 298 00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:25,710 So you've no choice but to bounce from bed to bed? 299 00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:29,830 Well, if only we're the blockbusters or Barnes and Noble. 300 00:19:30,190 --> 00:19:31,190 I can't believe it. 301 00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:33,490 I don't even want to look at you right now. 302 00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:34,770 Simon, wait. 303 00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:40,030 They have their flaws, we have our flaws, but maybe it's for the best that 304 00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:41,250 of this is out in the open. 305 00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:42,970 All right, fine. 306 00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:44,890 If you want honesty... 307 00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:50,550 My adult life has consisted of orgies, drug abuse, and random acts of hotel 308 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,310 vandalism. And as we speak, I'm wearing a pair of Nina's underpants. 309 00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:57,830 Oh, son. 310 00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:00,630 Poppy. 311 00:20:04,630 --> 00:20:11,430 There's a sexual position you can learn on the internet called the Van 312 00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:12,430 Horn. 313 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,560 Not you. 314 00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:27,840 You know, deep down, all families are really the same. 315 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,020 Like Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina.