1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,983 --> 00:00:07,249 (music) Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:07,321 --> 00:00:11,257 (music) Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:11,325 --> 00:00:12,724 (music) Your heart is true 4 00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:17,662 (music) You're a pal and a confidant 5 00:00:17,731 --> 00:00:21,724 (music) And if you threw a party 6 00:00:21,802 --> 00:00:26,068 (music) Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:26,139 --> 00:00:27,868 (music) You would see 8 00:00:27,941 --> 00:00:30,535 (music) The biggest gift would be from me 9 00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,475 (music) And the card attached would say 10 00:00:32,546 --> 00:00:37,108 (music) Thank you for being a friend (music) 11 00:00:58,038 --> 00:00:59,232 Hi, Ma. 12 00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:03,705 - What are you making? - History. 13 00:01:04,444 --> 00:01:07,607 You finally perfected your non-rolling meatball? 14 00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:11,412 Just because you have a chin doesn't mean you're Jay Leno. 15 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,348 Ooh, what smells so good in here? 16 00:01:16,423 --> 00:01:17,890 Besides me? 17 00:01:19,092 --> 00:01:20,719 Lasagna ala Sophia. 18 00:01:20,794 --> 00:01:23,763 I made it for the Daughters of Italy cooking contest. 19 00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:24,956 [Sniffing] 20 00:01:25,031 --> 00:01:28,296 All right, all right. You twisted my arm. 21 00:01:31,872 --> 00:01:33,863 - It's good. - It's delicious. 22 00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,067 It's garbage. 23 00:01:36,143 --> 00:01:37,667 No, what are you talking about? 24 00:01:37,744 --> 00:01:40,178 You can't fool me. I watched your faces. 25 00:01:40,247 --> 00:01:42,943 - Neither one of you got the look. - What look? 26 00:01:43,016 --> 00:01:45,348 The look that every cook knows and dreams about. 27 00:01:45,419 --> 00:01:48,047 The look of total instant pleasure. 28 00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:50,646 Your father put that look on my face once. 29 00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:53,517 That's nice, Ma. 30 00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:55,384 Nice? I said once. 31 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:57,089 We were married 52 years. 32 00:01:59,699 --> 00:02:02,964 - The mail's here. - Rose, what's wrong? 33 00:02:03,036 --> 00:02:05,436 Oh, nothing. It's just a letter I got. 34 00:02:05,505 --> 00:02:07,871 - It's bad news. - Oh, that's eerie. 35 00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:10,068 I had the same feeling. 36 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,646 My Aunt Gretchen in Fort Lauderdale died. 37 00:02:17,717 --> 00:02:19,150 - Oh, Rose. - Honey, I'm sorry. 38 00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:20,743 Were you close to Aunt Gretchen? 39 00:02:20,821 --> 00:02:23,346 No, I couldn't stand her. 40 00:02:27,861 --> 00:02:29,522 Wait a minute, Rose. 41 00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:33,896 Honey, if you didn't like your aunt, why are you so upset? 42 00:02:33,967 --> 00:02:36,492 Because I have to speak at her funeral. 43 00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:39,202 I'm terrified of speaking in front of people. 44 00:02:39,272 --> 00:02:40,899 It's my biggest fear in the world. 45 00:02:40,974 --> 00:02:42,999 Why can't somebody else speak? 46 00:02:43,076 --> 00:02:45,203 Generptionloken. 47 00:02:47,948 --> 00:02:49,939 It's a family tradition. 48 00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:52,951 It means the oldest niece has to give the eulogy. 49 00:02:53,487 --> 00:02:55,148 Well, not literally. 50 00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:58,919 Literally, it's a herring poacher you can wear as a sun visor. 51 00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:04,060 The family got together and they decided that was close enough. 52 00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:06,496 Rose, I take it that no member of your family 53 00:03:06,566 --> 00:03:10,127 was ever a returning champion on Jeopardy. 54 00:03:14,508 --> 00:03:16,533 Anyway, that's why I have to speak. 55 00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:19,977 How I've dreaded this day coming. I just can't do it! 56 00:03:20,046 --> 00:03:22,014 Rose, calm down. Honey, now listen. 57 00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:24,346 I know an easy way to get through this. 58 00:03:24,417 --> 00:03:28,376 The way to relax when you have to speak in front of a group 59 00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:32,755 is to imagine what they all look like naked. 60 00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,363 - Really? - [Dorothy] Yep. 61 00:03:38,431 --> 00:03:42,697 And if you do it right, you'll probably even start to laugh. 62 00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:16,397 [Dorothy] Hi, Ma. Hey, what is that smell? 63 00:04:16,469 --> 00:04:18,562 The sweet smell of success. 64 00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,697 It's my new entry in the cooking contest. 65 00:04:20,774 --> 00:04:23,174 Veal parmesan, my luckiest dish. 66 00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:24,767 It saved my marriage once. 67 00:04:25,211 --> 00:04:26,803 Ma, you gonna tell a story? 68 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,474 Please, does Heifetz rosin a bow? 69 00:04:30,884 --> 00:04:32,249 This is a tearjerker. 70 00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:34,580 Picture this. 71 00:04:34,654 --> 00:04:38,055 New York City, 1931. The Depression. 72 00:04:38,124 --> 00:04:39,989 Your father and I are newlyweds. 73 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:42,119 One rainy night, we have our first fight. 74 00:04:42,195 --> 00:04:44,186 He says he's leaving, I say fine. 75 00:04:44,264 --> 00:04:46,164 He goes out the door, I start to cook. 76 00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:49,763 A few hours later, he comes back. 77 00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:52,100 He says he couldn't find a cab. 78 00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:54,536 We eat in silence. 79 00:04:54,608 --> 00:04:57,509 Halfway through, I look up. He's got tears in his eyes. 80 00:04:57,978 --> 00:05:02,210 He tells me, "This meal is like our marriage." 81 00:05:02,282 --> 00:05:05,251 The veal is like him, tough and stubborn. 82 00:05:05,318 --> 00:05:07,843 The tomato sauce is like me, hot and spicy. 83 00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:11,119 And the mozzarella is like our love: 84 00:05:11,191 --> 00:05:14,422 It stretches but it never breaks. 85 00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:18,487 Ma, that's lovely, but I don't see what luck had to do with it. 86 00:05:18,565 --> 00:05:20,965 You were conceived that night, Dorothy. 87 00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:23,367 Ma... 88 00:05:23,436 --> 00:05:25,370 What's lucky is your father never knew 89 00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:27,633 or he never would have eaten my veal again. 90 00:05:31,945 --> 00:05:34,573 Oh, honey, now you'll just do fine. 91 00:05:34,648 --> 00:05:35,808 No, I won't. 92 00:05:35,882 --> 00:05:38,112 I remember the last time I tried to give a speech. 93 00:05:38,184 --> 00:05:40,414 I was in high school. You wanna hear about it? 94 00:05:40,487 --> 00:05:43,320 Would you follow us if we tried to make a run for it? 95 00:05:44,157 --> 00:05:45,249 Yes. 96 00:05:47,727 --> 00:05:50,491 It was my high school graduation. 97 00:05:50,563 --> 00:05:53,794 - I was valedictorian. - You were valedictorian? 98 00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:58,702 Yes. I was fourth out of 19 graduating seniors. 99 00:05:59,339 --> 00:06:01,967 - Anyway... - [stammering] Wait a minute. 100 00:06:02,042 --> 00:06:05,534 Rose, if you were fourth, how were you chosen valedictorian? 101 00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:09,070 The same way every high school chooses the valedictorian. 102 00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:11,515 We drew straws. 103 00:06:12,652 --> 00:06:14,347 And you picked the biggest one. 104 00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:15,979 I don't like to brag... 105 00:06:16,923 --> 00:06:20,188 Anyway, the topic of my speech 106 00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,558 was "There's a big world out there 107 00:06:22,629 --> 00:06:26,429 but you have to change buses in Tyler's Landing to see it." 108 00:06:29,536 --> 00:06:31,629 Graduation day came and everybody was there. 109 00:06:31,705 --> 00:06:34,037 The mayor was there, his wife, 110 00:06:34,107 --> 00:06:40,012 old Johannson, young Johannson, big and little Gustav, 111 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,981 the Stringmeyer twins, fat Jerry... 112 00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,916 Will you get to the point, Rose? 113 00:06:45,985 --> 00:06:49,386 The point is I choked. Roped out, froze on the spot. 114 00:06:49,456 --> 00:06:52,983 Since then, I've never been able to speak in front of a crowd. 115 00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:56,085 I say next time, we try and outrun her. 116 00:06:59,365 --> 00:07:02,960 Listen. You're not the only one who's gone through this. 117 00:07:03,036 --> 00:07:05,061 I had a phobia too. 118 00:07:05,138 --> 00:07:07,629 You, Dorothy? You were afraid of something? 119 00:07:07,707 --> 00:07:10,608 Big, old, strong, strapping thing like you? 120 00:07:11,344 --> 00:07:13,574 Who am I, Joe Frasier? 121 00:07:15,882 --> 00:07:17,782 I had a fear of flying, Rose. 122 00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:20,285 And my sister, Gloria, got married in California. 123 00:07:20,353 --> 00:07:24,517 Course I had to go. So I got myself some therapy. 124 00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,149 And it worked. 125 00:07:26,226 --> 00:07:27,818 It's nothing to be ashamed of. 126 00:07:27,894 --> 00:07:30,692 Everybody is afraid of something. 127 00:07:30,997 --> 00:07:32,862 What are you afraid of, Blanche? 128 00:07:32,932 --> 00:07:35,162 Nothing. 129 00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:39,103 You're a real team player, aren't you, Blanche? 130 00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:42,573 I'm not afraid of anything now. But I sure used to be. 131 00:07:42,642 --> 00:07:45,634 Not a phobia, exactly, but something just as bad. 132 00:07:45,712 --> 00:07:47,646 A recurring dream. 133 00:07:47,714 --> 00:07:50,148 Night after night, I had this awful dream 134 00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:54,312 that I was trapped in an enclosed space full of men. 135 00:07:55,955 --> 00:07:58,287 Now what could that mean? 136 00:08:01,127 --> 00:08:03,652 - Let's give this a second. - Now, wait a minute. 137 00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,357 There's more to it. 138 00:08:05,431 --> 00:08:07,797 All the men were bald. 139 00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:12,062 Just me and a bunch of bald men. 140 00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:14,572 Oh, and I kept hearing the voice of God. 141 00:08:15,642 --> 00:08:17,940 Anyway, one day I just finally said to myself: 142 00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:19,740 "Blanche, you are bigger than this. 143 00:08:19,813 --> 00:08:22,111 You don't have to succumb to any dream. 144 00:08:22,182 --> 00:08:25,515 Unless it involves meeting Mel Gibson at an oyster bar." 145 00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:28,386 And just like that it stopped. 146 00:08:28,454 --> 00:08:30,786 Mind over matter, you can do the same thing, Rose. 147 00:08:30,857 --> 00:08:32,791 - I don't know. - [Dorothy] Oh, come on. 148 00:08:32,859 --> 00:08:34,759 Of course you can. Think positively. 149 00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:37,422 That's right. Listen, why don't you go to your room now 150 00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:39,727 and start working on your speech and in a while 151 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,427 you can try it out in front of me and Dorothy, okay? 152 00:08:42,502 --> 00:08:45,198 - Okay. - Yes, go on. Go on! 153 00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,102 Go on. 154 00:08:48,942 --> 00:08:50,432 I'm gonna tell you something. 155 00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:53,775 I'm sure glad I am not in her shoes. 156 00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:56,975 Oh, I'd hate to have to give a eulogy. 157 00:08:58,251 --> 00:09:00,242 What if it was my eulogy? 158 00:09:02,989 --> 00:09:04,684 - What? - What if you were giving 159 00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:07,954 a eulogy for me? What would you say? 160 00:09:08,027 --> 00:09:11,986 - Oh, come on, Blanche. - I'm serious, Dorothy. 161 00:09:12,065 --> 00:09:13,999 What would you say? 162 00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:17,127 Well, I... I guess I'd say that 163 00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:21,230 you were a lovely generous person. 164 00:09:21,307 --> 00:09:24,435 And, you know, one of the best friends I ever had. 165 00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:26,273 Nothing about my looks. 166 00:09:28,248 --> 00:09:31,149 Well, I'd say that you were one of the prettiest friends... 167 00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:34,846 - "One of'? - "The," Blanche. 168 00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:36,650 The prettiest. 169 00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:39,180 What would you say about me? 170 00:09:39,259 --> 00:09:42,695 - Dorothy, come on. - I told you, you can tell me. 171 00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:44,252 All right. 172 00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,821 Well, I would say 173 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:50,427 I always felt safe having you in the house. 174 00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:58,933 And... 175 00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:01,810 I would say I always enjoyed talking to you 176 00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:05,510 when I'd come home from one of my numerous dates. 177 00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:07,052 And... 178 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:12,057 I would say I always looked up to you like an older sister. 179 00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:19,087 Thank you, Blanche. 180 00:10:19,165 --> 00:10:21,190 Oh, and I forgot one thing. 181 00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:23,462 I would also say you're fat. 182 00:10:40,086 --> 00:10:42,611 I'm ready to practice my eulogy. 183 00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,714 Blanche, if you'll stand by the barbecue. 184 00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:47,157 - That's where Aunt Lib will be. - Where should I be? 185 00:10:47,226 --> 00:10:49,990 Right there. That's where Uncle Gunther will be. 186 00:10:50,063 --> 00:10:51,655 Oh, and it would help if you'd hum. 187 00:10:52,131 --> 00:10:55,191 Is that part of the Viking funeral? 188 00:10:55,268 --> 00:10:57,702 No, Uncle Gunther just hums a lot. 189 00:10:57,770 --> 00:11:02,139 If he has something important to say he spells it out in salt. 190 00:11:02,575 --> 00:11:05,510 Unless he's quoting a song by the Four Tops. 191 00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:08,877 - Then he spells it out... - [Both] In pepper. 192 00:11:08,948 --> 00:11:11,542 Rose, can we just get on with the speech? 193 00:11:11,617 --> 00:11:14,677 Okay. Um... 194 00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:17,416 Friends, family, 195 00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:20,516 Aunt Gretchen was a special person. 196 00:11:20,593 --> 00:11:22,117 She... 197 00:11:22,195 --> 00:11:24,686 She... 198 00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:26,254 What's the point? I can't do it. 199 00:11:26,332 --> 00:11:29,165 - Of course you can, Rose. - You were doing just fine. 200 00:11:29,235 --> 00:11:30,862 That's because you were here. 201 00:11:30,937 --> 00:11:34,134 Tomorrow, I'll be out there all alone, staring at my relatives, 202 00:11:34,207 --> 00:11:38,041 who'll be ready to hoot and snicker at the first crack in my voice. 203 00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,476 They'll think I'm an idiot. 204 00:11:39,545 --> 00:11:41,240 Please, it's family. 205 00:11:41,314 --> 00:11:43,373 They know you're an idiot. 206 00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:47,742 There's only one way I'm gonna get through this. 207 00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:50,516 If you two will come with me to the funeral for support. 208 00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:54,822 Oh, will you do it? Please, Blanche. Please, Dorothy. 209 00:11:54,894 --> 00:11:57,590 - Please, Blanche. - I will if Dorothy will. 210 00:11:58,798 --> 00:12:00,288 Please! 211 00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:07,538 If you really think it'll help, Rose, of course we'll do it. 212 00:12:07,607 --> 00:12:11,600 Oh, thank you. You are the best friends I've ever had. 213 00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:13,508 Before I lose the nerve, 214 00:12:13,579 --> 00:12:15,570 I better make the plane reservations. 215 00:12:15,648 --> 00:12:17,513 Did she say "plane reservations"? 216 00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:19,642 I thought her aunt lived in Fort Lauderdale. 217 00:12:19,719 --> 00:12:22,449 She did, big mouth. But she's being buried in the Bahamas 218 00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:23,921 where she spent her winters. 219 00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:27,949 Damn. I don't have one thing in black that isn't see-through. 220 00:12:31,564 --> 00:12:34,533 Boy, Dorothy, it's good you got over your fear of flying. 221 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,296 - [Laughing] Oh, right. - The way you used to carry on. 222 00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:38,769 - Oh. - Remember when we went 223 00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:41,204 to your Uncle Michael's wedding in Arizona? 224 00:12:41,274 --> 00:12:42,605 Before we boarded the plane, 225 00:12:42,675 --> 00:12:45,371 you threw yourself on the ground, kicking and screaming. 226 00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:50,405 - It was a little embarrassing. - I'll say. You were 48. 227 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,347 Well, it's all behind me now. 228 00:12:53,419 --> 00:12:56,320 I tell you, I really feel very comfortable on planes. 229 00:12:56,389 --> 00:12:59,722 Good, you'll probably have to take a dinky little plane to the Bahamas. 230 00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:03,785 They flutter, they shimmy, they wobble... 231 00:13:03,863 --> 00:13:06,457 You got a lot of guts, Dorothy. 232 00:13:06,532 --> 00:13:08,159 - I'm proud of you. - Oh, thanks, Ma. 233 00:13:08,234 --> 00:13:10,429 Please don't let them take me! 234 00:13:21,981 --> 00:13:22,970 What are you reading? 235 00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,983 I'm checking the weather in the Bahamas. 236 00:13:25,051 --> 00:13:27,849 It's gonna be in the upper 80's with a nice gentle breeze. 237 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,048 So with that outdoor service, we'll come away with healthy color. 238 00:13:31,124 --> 00:13:33,422 Aunt Gretchen always loved the sun. 239 00:13:33,493 --> 00:13:36,519 Well, maybe they'll have an open casket. 240 00:13:45,204 --> 00:13:46,865 Girls, I have some bad news. 241 00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:48,566 I am not gonna be able to go with you. 242 00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:50,074 - Why not? - It's Ma. 243 00:13:50,143 --> 00:13:52,907 She's sick. I'm gonna have to take her to the hospital. 244 00:13:52,979 --> 00:13:54,947 - Oh, no. - Wait a minute. 245 00:13:55,014 --> 00:13:57,812 She left for that cooking contest about ten minutes ago. 246 00:13:57,884 --> 00:14:02,787 She called. She had a bad cannoli when she got there. 247 00:14:02,855 --> 00:14:05,085 Right now, she's doubled over with cramps, 248 00:14:05,158 --> 00:14:06,455 crying out with pain, 249 00:14:06,526 --> 00:14:10,826 and making the most spectacular comeback since Dennis Hopper. 250 00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,722 Are you all right, Sophia? 251 00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:15,027 Of course I'm all right. 252 00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:18,264 Halfway to the contest I realized I forgot the wine. 253 00:14:18,337 --> 00:14:20,771 - For your mussels marinara? - No, for me. 254 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:26,142 I always drink wine during cooking contests and my sister Sam. 255 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,581 Dorothy, Sophia's not sick. 256 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,743 She didn't eat a bad cannoli. 257 00:14:32,818 --> 00:14:36,447 Whoever called and said that was just making the whole thing up. 258 00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,686 Rose, Dorothy made the whole thing up. 259 00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:44,389 She doesn't want to go with us. 260 00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:48,559 - But you promised you'd go. - I know, that's what I said. 261 00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:51,102 All I can say now is... tough! 262 00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:54,472 I'm not getting on that plane and you can't make me. 263 00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:56,303 Well, then I'm not going either. 264 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:59,776 Oh, I don't believe my ears. 265 00:14:59,845 --> 00:15:04,043 Girls! The entire purpose of this trip is to conquer our fears. 266 00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:07,415 Why, if we back out now, that'd mean our fears have conquered us. 267 00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:10,683 [Blanche] I will not allow that. We're gonna march out that door 268 00:15:10,756 --> 00:15:14,556 right now, like the strong confidant women I know we are. 269 00:15:14,627 --> 00:15:18,085 Chins up, chests out, buttocks tight. 270 00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:21,598 I know "buttocks tight" has nothing to do with it, 271 00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:23,635 it just looks good. 272 00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:25,432 Buttocks tight, I said. 273 00:15:25,504 --> 00:15:28,371 Buttocks tight! 274 00:15:28,441 --> 00:15:30,466 Oh, forget it. 275 00:15:37,617 --> 00:15:40,108 I'm so proud of you. You're just doing beautifully. 276 00:15:40,186 --> 00:15:42,381 Nobody would dream you have a fear of flying. 277 00:15:42,455 --> 00:15:45,947 Unless they happen to glance at the bruises on my forearm. 278 00:15:49,228 --> 00:15:51,992 You think you could hold on to something else for a while? 279 00:15:52,064 --> 00:15:54,294 Oh, of course, honey, I'm sorry. 280 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,356 Oh! 281 00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:01,272 - I meant like the arm rest. - Oh. 282 00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:02,671 Look, girls. 283 00:16:02,742 --> 00:16:05,438 I found this bolt in the aisle. Where do you think it goes? 284 00:16:05,511 --> 00:16:08,275 With me, off this plane. 285 00:16:08,347 --> 00:16:10,474 - What was that? - Them shutting the door. 286 00:16:10,549 --> 00:16:13,382 They shut the door? 287 00:16:13,452 --> 00:16:15,818 [Attendant] Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. 288 00:16:15,888 --> 00:16:17,082 My name is Candy. 289 00:16:17,156 --> 00:16:19,818 I'll be your flight hostess. 290 00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:26,331 Please review the information cards in your seat pockets 291 00:16:26,399 --> 00:16:29,732 for the safety information in the unlikely event 292 00:16:29,802 --> 00:16:33,397 - of a mishap during our flight. - Mishap? What does she mean... 293 00:16:33,472 --> 00:16:35,804 - What does she mean by mishap? - Like, bad movies 294 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,343 or cold food or running out of ice. 295 00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:41,710 - Running out of gas... - Oh, my God. 296 00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:43,339 - God. - Will you just calm down? 297 00:16:43,416 --> 00:16:45,611 - Drink champagne. - I don't like champagne. 298 00:16:45,685 --> 00:16:47,880 - Go ahead, it might relax you. - Oh. 299 00:16:57,797 --> 00:17:01,062 Didn't make me relaxed. Just makes me wanna burp. 300 00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:04,832 We burp and the pressure in the cabin will change 301 00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:06,997 and we'll fly into a mountain. 302 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,932 That would be a good example of a mishap. 303 00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:14,241 Rose, do me a favor, fasten your seat belt. 304 00:17:14,313 --> 00:17:15,575 Over your mouth! 305 00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:19,418 Why don't we use our time constructively 306 00:17:19,485 --> 00:17:21,919 and work on your eulogy. What are you planning to say? 307 00:17:21,987 --> 00:17:23,887 I don't know. 308 00:17:23,956 --> 00:17:27,756 I'll probably start out talking about Aunt Gretchen, the person. 309 00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:29,886 She was always a very rigid person. 310 00:17:29,962 --> 00:17:31,657 Especially now. 311 00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:40,838 I'm sorry, Rose. I guess that maybe that champagne did relax me. 312 00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:47,040 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, girls, oh, my God, look! 313 00:17:47,113 --> 00:17:48,102 What, Blanche, what? 314 00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:50,705 Look, all the men on this plane are bald! 315 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:04,621 It's all right, Blanche. The captain just turned off 316 00:18:04,697 --> 00:18:06,494 the "no bald men" sign. 317 00:18:12,271 --> 00:18:15,798 I am talking about my recurring dream. Remember? 318 00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:19,140 I'm trapped in an enclosed space full of bald men. 319 00:18:19,211 --> 00:18:21,042 Well, I didn't tell you the rest of it. 320 00:18:21,113 --> 00:18:25,709 All those bald men and I are on a plane and we fly into the ocean. 321 00:18:25,785 --> 00:18:27,343 Oh, come on now, Blanche. 322 00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,581 You're behaving just as crazy as we are. 323 00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:32,954 - It's just a coincidence. - [Attendant] Ladies and gentlemen, 324 00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:35,960 be sure your seat belts are securely fastened 325 00:18:36,028 --> 00:18:37,825 in preparation for the take off. 326 00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:43,062 And if anyone found a big bolt, please return it to me. 327 00:18:43,135 --> 00:18:46,161 [Stammering] It came off the beverage cart. 328 00:18:46,238 --> 00:18:49,173 Yes, that's it. The beverage cart. 329 00:18:55,314 --> 00:18:57,646 Dorothy, it is not a coincidence. 330 00:18:57,716 --> 00:19:00,048 It is my nightmare and it's coming true. 331 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,316 Don't be silly, Blanche. Not all of it's coming true. 332 00:19:03,389 --> 00:19:06,256 - You haven't heard the voice of God. - That's right, Blanche. 333 00:19:06,325 --> 00:19:10,659 [Loudspeaker] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Lord. 334 00:19:10,729 --> 00:19:13,926 I hope you enjoy your flight. 335 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,311 - Dorothy... - We made a rule. 336 00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:31,713 No talking, it shakes the plane. 337 00:19:34,854 --> 00:19:37,288 I just had to say one thing. 338 00:19:37,356 --> 00:19:40,917 If Blanche is right, and we are gonna die this afternoon, 339 00:19:40,993 --> 00:19:44,224 - I'm glad we're together. - Yes, that's very comforting. 340 00:19:44,296 --> 00:19:45,729 Now, shut up. 341 00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:49,158 I know what you mean, Rose. 342 00:19:49,235 --> 00:19:52,500 We have had some very special times together. 343 00:19:52,571 --> 00:19:55,005 [Gasps] Like the time there was that hurricane 344 00:19:55,074 --> 00:19:57,406 and all the power went out for two days 345 00:19:57,476 --> 00:20:00,912 and we huddled together to keep warm and sang campfire songs 346 00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:04,074 - and told stories. - Oh, yeah. 347 00:20:04,149 --> 00:20:07,915 And Rose admitted that Charlie was the only man she ever slept with. 348 00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:11,388 And you admitted Stan was the only man you ever slept with. 349 00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:14,756 And I admitted my shoe size was really five and a half. 350 00:20:16,996 --> 00:20:20,397 I wish we had more time together. 351 00:20:20,466 --> 00:20:22,730 Wait a minute. Wait a minute, what are we doing? 352 00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:24,701 The flight has been perfectly smooth. 353 00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:26,795 There hasn't been a hint of turbulence. 354 00:20:26,872 --> 00:20:29,841 [Loudspeaker] This is Captain Lord. Looks like we're running 355 00:20:29,909 --> 00:20:33,538 right into the IT of a tropical storm. 356 00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,739 I'm a dead woman. 357 00:20:37,049 --> 00:20:39,643 Unfortunately, that means we're going to turn around 358 00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:42,812 and return to Miami. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. 359 00:20:42,888 --> 00:20:44,753 Did you hear that, girls? We're saved. 360 00:20:44,823 --> 00:20:47,815 - What do you mean? - That part wasn't in my dream. 361 00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:50,054 The dream's broken. We're going back to Miami. 362 00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:52,927 - We're gonna be all right. - Not me. 363 00:20:52,998 --> 00:20:55,967 Well, you two faced your fears. Dorothy got on the plane, 364 00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:58,503 you faced your dream, I didn't give my speech. 365 00:20:58,571 --> 00:21:00,903 Give it now. Yeah. 366 00:21:00,973 --> 00:21:03,999 Yes. Go on. Now, you wrote it, you give it. 367 00:21:04,076 --> 00:21:05,873 Go on, you can do it. 368 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,681 Uh... everyone? 369 00:21:19,158 --> 00:21:22,389 I was supposed to speak at a funeral this afternoon, 370 00:21:22,461 --> 00:21:27,797 and now I can't, but I'd still like to give my speech, if no one minds. 371 00:21:27,866 --> 00:21:31,632 I wrote some things down but I'd just rather talk. 372 00:21:31,704 --> 00:21:35,071 Uh, the funeral was for my Aunt Gretchen. 373 00:21:35,140 --> 00:21:38,007 I didn't know her well. The only thing I remembered about her 374 00:21:38,077 --> 00:21:39,669 is she used to scare me. 375 00:21:40,646 --> 00:21:43,080 Jumping out of my closet at night, 376 00:21:44,016 --> 00:21:46,644 putting false fangs in her mouth, 377 00:21:47,219 --> 00:21:49,244 sometimes baying at the moon. 378 00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:54,087 Now her dying scares me. 379 00:21:54,159 --> 00:21:56,753 But there's a good part to being scared. 380 00:21:56,829 --> 00:21:59,423 You get to know who your friends are. 381 00:21:59,932 --> 00:22:03,095 They're the ones who help you not be scared. 382 00:22:03,168 --> 00:22:06,729 Maybe that's what Aunt Gretchen was trying to do all along. 383 00:22:06,805 --> 00:22:09,000 Help me not be scared. 384 00:22:09,441 --> 00:22:11,636 I think so. 385 00:22:12,344 --> 00:22:13,743 Goodbye, Aunt Gretchen. 386 00:22:17,816 --> 00:22:19,647 Take a seat, lady. 387 00:22:19,718 --> 00:22:21,549 This isn't the Copacabana. 388 00:22:24,256 --> 00:22:27,589 - Rose, that was beautiful. - It was, it truly was. 389 00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:30,959 [Loudspeaker] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Lord again. 390 00:22:31,030 --> 00:22:37,026 If you all look out the left side of our aircraft, it'll tip over. 391 00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:44,942 Sorry, just a little small airplane pilot humor. 392 00:22:52,484 --> 00:22:53,712 Hi, Ma. 393 00:22:53,786 --> 00:22:56,778 What the hell are you doing home? 394 00:22:56,889 --> 00:22:59,551 Ma, let's not get all mushy. 395 00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:01,115 You chickened out, didn't you? 396 00:23:01,193 --> 00:23:04,287 No, we went, or at least we started to. 397 00:23:04,363 --> 00:23:06,456 Halfway there we ran into a tropical storm 398 00:23:06,532 --> 00:23:08,432 so we had to turn around and come back. 399 00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:11,492 And the plane was entirely full of bald men. 400 00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:16,530 They were all former Mr. Cleans on their way to a reunion in the Bahamas. 401 00:23:17,776 --> 00:23:21,007 So, tell us about the cooking contest. 402 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,105 The competition was fierce. 403 00:23:23,182 --> 00:23:25,878 It came down to my mussels marinara, 404 00:23:25,951 --> 00:23:28,249 and Louise Pallito's chicken cacciatore. 405 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,515 Louise Pallito? Isn't she the one who brags 406 00:23:30,589 --> 00:23:33,558 about being Al Capone's piano teacher? 407 00:23:34,059 --> 00:23:36,027 True. 103 years old. 408 00:23:36,095 --> 00:23:37,494 Anyway, the judges voted. 409 00:23:37,563 --> 00:23:39,326 It was a flat-footed tie. 410 00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:41,263 That's when it went into sudden death. 411 00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:42,425 And? 412 00:23:42,501 --> 00:23:44,765 I just told you, it was sudden death. 413 00:23:44,837 --> 00:23:49,206 Louise couldn't take it. She keeled over. Kaput! 414 00:23:50,008 --> 00:23:51,373 The funeral is on Saturday. 415 00:23:51,443 --> 00:23:54,708 - Sophia, that's terrible. - You think that's bad? 416 00:23:54,780 --> 00:23:57,578 Guess who I volunteered to give the eulogy?