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HOW I BECAME RUSSIAN
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Hello! My name is Alex Wilson.
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I am a journalist of the most widely read newspaper
in the country, "American Post".
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00:00:39,632 --> 00:00:41,713
In its branches,
I'm trying to find out
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who are we and what is America?
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Everyone knows it's America
the land of possibilities.
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And yes, the American dream
can become a reality.
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But every person has
your way of dreaming that dream.
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Every working American can
to borrow as much as he wants.
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Bad news, dude.
I'm sorry, but you're fired.
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I'm sure it will be quick
find a new job. Good luck!
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Our financial system is fantastic.
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Enough about the benefits,
to talk about the shortcomings.
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For example, a congressman
Kevin Davenport claims
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that the main problem is the US.....
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Immigrants!
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I, as a patriot,
I can't hear!
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Illegal immigrants are children
in our society.
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That is the main problem of USA!
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He is absolutely right.
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There are immigrants who are
sneakily built a house,
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brazenly raised children,
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they rudely cook for him...
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How long can he put up with it?
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Many criticize America,
but at the same time,
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millions try to come here
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and once he comes to America
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understand that this is the land of dreams,
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the best of the worst.
I mean, from other countries.
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Patriotism is love for the country
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despite all the shortcomings.
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Isn't that right, Mr. Davenport?
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Isn't it, Mr. Davenport?
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Well done, Alex. They called me
from Davenport's office,
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and said that they will sue us.
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Can't he write,
without offending all these fools?
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You allowed it to be published.
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Should I supervise everything?
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Well, yes.
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Well, you should go away for a bit�.
On a business trip.
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To Russia.
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AMERICAN PIONEER
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Don't thank me!
- No, no. Mr. Cooper!
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He will spend a few months there,
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during that time the elections will be over
and the congressman will calm down.
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You will write, someone said
experience abroad.
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Do you understand what I mean?
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At the same time �e�
take the prize to the new boss,
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the best branch of the ��American Post��.
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00:03:56,107 --> 00:04:00,995
But why to Russia?
Well, he has a Russian grandmother.
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00:04:01,195 --> 00:04:03,329
It's like an extra vacation for you.
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00:04:03,529 --> 00:04:05,917
And what happened
to the previous reporter?
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00:04:06,117 --> 00:04:07,265
Alex, how do I know?
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00:04:07,465 --> 00:04:10,170
Maybe he drank a lot of vodka,
maybe a bear ate him
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It doesn't matter. Go�!
- No, please, Mr. Cooper.
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See you soon!
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Rest in peace, Alex Wilson.
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You were an excellent journalist
and a good friend.
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So, what is Russia like?
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Translation: nAnaD
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Russia is a country where
can become anyone.
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And the land of opportunity for businessmen.
The country is attractive to me because of the money.
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What's he doing, fool?
We are already late.
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ROME - the train
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I love Russia,
it is the land of opportunity.
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For example, you can meet a stranger here
get married and go somewhere.
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00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,527
MARINA - secretary
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00:05:03,727 --> 00:05:08,762
There is a great Russian proverb:
"Where one is born, there one belongs
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Actually, I was born in Kyrgyzstan,
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but in 1996 I came digging
a hole in the ice, near Moscow.
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That's why I consider Russia
the place of my second birth.
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ANATOLIA - on the 33rd place of the Forbes list
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Russia is, above all,
rich in culture, history,
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wonderful sympathetic people.
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Hey, Anja, isn't he dying?
I stopped to buy cigars.
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Take these for me.
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ANJA - Internist
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My Russian grandmother used to say:
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��If he goes� to Russia,
don't speak Russian right away
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and will always know
how will he treat you.��
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Taxi, cheap.
Taxi for 1000 rubles.
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No, no, no. Thanks.
- Guys! Amer.
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00:06:05,878 --> 00:06:07,735
Grandma was right.
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That? Yes, yes...
Ekaterina Denisovna, I'm here...
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We have already met...
we're just going to the car...yeah.
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Thanks.
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Mr. Wilson? That.
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Welcome to Russia?
How was the flight?
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Everything was fine.
Sorry, but that's not...
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Where did you go with the suitcase?
- Get lost! -But, but.....-�what is he doing�?
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What is this?
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Security system.
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Just in case
airbags do not deploy.
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I'm complaining.
I'm Roman. Sorry.
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That? -Roma, where are you?
- In Moscow. - Funny.
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I hope it will arrive on time.
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It's not good to be late for the first time
getting to know the future father-in-law. Do you remember?
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Yes, princess. Of course I remember
how could i forget
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I'm stuck in traffic.
I'm on time. Don't worry.
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Come on, relax.
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Alex, calm down.
It's honey.
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Finally.
- Hello. - Dad?
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00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:06,755
Get to know each other. This is Roma,
my boyfriend. And this is my dad.
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And at the same time its general sponsor.
Anatoly Anatolyevi�. - A novel.
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And this is? - This is Alex Wilson,
journalist from America
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who came specially
at my invitation
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in order to raise
take the newspaper to a higher level.
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Yes, Alex? - Yes.
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What kind of newspaper? - Dad, I told you,
Roma works in the media.
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No, it's just me
Member of the Board of Directors
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in one publishing house.
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Journalist, so... as they say
another prehistoric profession.
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It's good so she's not the first.
Yes, Alex? - Yes.
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He doesn't understand Russian.
- Okay, dinner is set.
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Roma, what's going on?
Why didn't we go to the hotel?
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Russian tradition is that
first we have dinner. - And who is this?
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My business partner,
one of the richest men in Russia.
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Roma, what is this? - This is it
an ordinary Russian meal. -Ordinary?
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Daily.
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So, he says that he works in
to the press house.
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And what is he writing about?
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About business, and successful ones
business people.
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Mostly about people like you,
Anatolij Anatoljevi�u.
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Does he want to write about me?
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as far as i know
you don't talk to journalists.
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That's right, because they're all jerks.
-Dad! With you, everyone is a jerk.
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He could do�
exception with Roma.
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Let's make a toast.
In the name of acquaintance.
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Excuse me, could I have a Coke?
- A car? -Car.
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American, likes whiskey and Coke.
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It freezes here
at -40. We only drink vodka.
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Sorry, I don't drink alcohol.
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Alex, drink! In Russia,
if she doesn't drink with a man
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it's like being in America
showed the middle finger.
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00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,878
He doesn't want to show him
middle finger, right?
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No, I don't want to.
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Let's go!
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Alex, to the bottom!
- What?
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To the bottom!
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DISRESPECT
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Shit! Shit!
Roma, Roma, wake up!
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Roma, wake up!
We are late to the office.
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00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,627
I have a meeting with Ekaterina,
at 10 a.m. Come on!
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They're going to fire me.
- Who? Who will fire you?
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You are a member of the board of directors.
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I am a driver
board of directors. - What? - There!
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It's coming! It's coming!
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Good morning! - Yekaterina Denisovna,
your opening speech at the presentation.
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Spontaneous opening, change.
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Hall design project.
- A gold ribbon?
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00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:19,325
We have a presentation,
not an Armenian wedding.
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Here is the list of guests
and your coffee.
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Do I have 4 hands?
Attention!
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Zoos!
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Today we have a journalist from New York
"American Post" offices.
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A true professional,
who does not sleep on the job,
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does not polish nails
and does not play computer games.
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We finally got it
a decent man.
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Marina call Wilson!
- He didn't come...
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until now.
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It should have arrived 2 hours ago.
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Ekaterina Denisovna, excuse me.
Alex Wilson from USA. -Hello.
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A professional has arrived!
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It's all Roma's fault.
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He told me he was a member
board of directors.
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He took me to some tycoon,
at dinner.
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Then we went to the Russian sauna
and then...
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I don't remember.
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00:13:29,981 --> 00:13:34,396
I needed you at the reception
to present the award from New York.
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I hope you didn't drink it.
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And Oskar goes...to Anatolia!
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Not. No, no...don't worry
everything is fine.
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00:14:01,191 --> 00:14:04,981
My soul. That? -Hello,
have you recovered from yesterday?
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00:14:05,181 --> 00:14:07,807
Yes, logically,
we didn't drink much.
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Only Amer completely changed his mind.
-Of course.
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I talked to my dad
and arranged to come today
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from 5-7pm to interview him.
-Interview? What kind of interview?
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00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:24,790
We will write about you, not just an article...
we will...
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00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:28,029
to dedicate 2 covers to you
sides with photography.
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00:14:28,229 --> 00:14:33,130
And yes, an interview! Yes, yes, yes.
We will come. Certainly.
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00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:37,777
Hello, can I call you later?
I'm in a board meeting right now.
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00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:41,019
What's he doing, fool?
- You... you're a fool.
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00:14:41,219 --> 00:14:45,987
You're a bastard, a loser,
stinking loser.
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00:14:46,187 --> 00:14:49,492
You bastard..you ruined it for me
first working day.
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00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,346
He learned to talk.
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00:14:53,546 --> 00:14:56,777
Now...I need an address
where were we yesterday
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to pick up the cup.
- Come on, I'll take you away.
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00:15:00,362 --> 00:15:03,864
I'm with you more
I'm not going anywhere. Do you understand?
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00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:09,488
Aleks, Aleks... you sulked a lot.
Why are you like a child?
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00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:15,353
You better tell me where you are so well
learned russian? Smelly bastards.
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00:15:17,153 --> 00:15:19,485
Grandma taught me.
- Grandma.
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00:15:21,011 --> 00:15:23,697
Why did you say you were on the board?
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00:15:25,397 --> 00:15:27,407
Aleks, did you see it?
Anatolija Anatoljevi�a?
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00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:29,563
Have you seen his house?
Have you seen Ira?
195
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,433
He thinks that Ira would have fun
with an ordinary driver?
196
00:15:32,633 --> 00:15:35,067
But he will definitely find out.
197
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:39,042
Yes, but when they find out
I'll smooth it out somehow. Do you understand?
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00:15:41,742 --> 00:15:44,346
Shit! Who drives like this?
199
00:15:44,546 --> 00:15:47,028
Roma! Stay in the car.
No, Roma, please. Stop!
200
00:15:47,228 --> 00:15:49,473
You could hit that sign with a tick
to write "a fool behind the wheel".
201
00:15:49,673 --> 00:15:51,221
Get out of the car!
Come on, get out of the car!
202
00:15:51,421 --> 00:15:55,957
Roma, please...
look, there is almost nothing.
203
00:15:56,157 --> 00:16:00,069
She... It's not her fault, please.
We don't have time.
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00:16:00,269 --> 00:16:03,627
Ekaterina will tell me...
- What fool drives like that?
205
00:16:05,627 --> 00:16:09,970
Am I dead?
Am I in heaven?
206
00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:16,718
No, I'm in hell.
207
00:16:16,918 --> 00:16:20,841
He has a small injury,
nothing strange.
208
00:16:21,741 --> 00:16:24,473
And where am I?
209
00:16:24,673 --> 00:16:29,276
At my place. this is my sister
Anja. She is a doctor.
210
00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:34,485
Glad...I'm glad.
I'm Alex Wilson.
211
00:16:34,685 --> 00:16:37,994
I'm just in Russia
two days and now...
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00:16:40,194 --> 00:16:41,735
Can he take it off?
213
00:16:45,435 --> 00:16:48,757
Pull yourself together. - What?
214
00:16:58,057 --> 00:17:03,110
Roma, why is it you every time?
next to me when I get into trouble?
215
00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:05,824
What do I have to do with this?
You better tell me
216
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:08,052
how to interview Anatoly
Anatoljovi�a with that look?
217
00:17:08,252 --> 00:17:11,226
Interview? -Interview. -Yesterday, when we met
drunk, you promised him
218
00:17:11,426 --> 00:17:15,808
that he will get 2 main sides.
- I can't work today.
219
00:17:16,008 --> 00:17:19,208
I understand you, but then he has to call
Yekaterina Denisovna and told her
220
00:17:19,408 --> 00:17:20,821
that it will not bring a reward.
221
00:17:21,021 --> 00:17:23,539
I will not be interviewing anyone today.
222
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:40,986
Rumor has it that everyone...
223
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:44,347
Russian tycoons and former criminals.
224
00:17:44,547 --> 00:17:47,251
Have you ever
shot a man?
225
00:18:21,379 --> 00:18:23,886
Yes? - Where are you? It's a presentation
in an hour.
226
00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:27,486
Why are you just standing there?
folded arms? Work!
227
00:18:27,686 --> 00:18:29,145
The hour will pass. Work!
228
00:18:29,345 --> 00:18:30,349
Katyunja is already furious.
229
00:18:30,549 --> 00:18:32,001
Don't be upset.
We're coming, we're coming soon.
230
00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:34,810
We're coming with a prize.
231
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:39,687
Roma? Roma?
232
00:18:45,787 --> 00:18:48,835
What is he doing here?
I see what's up...
233
00:18:49,035 --> 00:18:51,412
I am looking for a toilet and
then I fell in here. Stray.
234
00:18:51,612 --> 00:18:56,632
And where is Alex? - He is with
your dad...they will interview him.
235
00:18:56,832 --> 00:19:01,403
Wonderful! I think it is possible
I'm strong alone. - Well, if...
236
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:09,386
I tell him: if I miss
the power plant is yours.
237
00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:12,339
He put a glass on his head,
238
00:19:12,539 --> 00:19:14,738
and I shot from 45 meters.
239
00:19:18,138 --> 00:19:22,022
The glass shattered,
but not a hair was missing from his head.
240
00:19:27,322 --> 00:19:30,786
He doesn't believe me?
-How? I believe!
241
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:32,570
No...
242
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,451
He doesn't believe me.
243
00:19:40,151 --> 00:19:41,486
Let's go!
244
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,286
We're off! Let's go!
245
00:19:49,986 --> 00:19:53,986
See? Can you see the statue?
246
00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:58,786
Look at her head. Look!
247
00:20:06,686 --> 00:20:10,186
AND? Can you? -I?
248
00:20:11,286 --> 00:20:14,486
Shoot! Take it!
I'm telling you that pants!
249
00:20:26,086 --> 00:20:27,486
Stop! Stop!
Weapons on the floor!
250
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,686
Bullies, calm down.
Do not puncture Amer.
251
00:20:30,886 --> 00:20:32,686
That's it, you can go.
252
00:20:34,486 --> 00:20:40,786
Excellent! That's for you.
A gift from me. - Thank you very much.
253
00:20:40,986 --> 00:20:42,257
Let's go!
254
00:20:44,357 --> 00:20:45,386
Where have you been?
255
00:20:45,586 --> 00:20:47,886
Discussed projects,
with partners.
256
00:20:48,586 --> 00:20:55,986
We...We need to go.
We should go to the presentation.
257
00:20:56,186 --> 00:20:58,786
And how will he drive?
258
00:20:58,986 --> 00:21:04,086
In Russia, it is more frightening
when driving sober. Let's drink!
259
00:21:09,586 --> 00:21:11,586
Well, let's go...let's go.
I will take you.
260
00:21:11,786 --> 00:21:14,986
If this one
american idiot don't show up now
261
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:17,586
we will announce the reception instead
awards.
262
00:21:17,786 --> 00:21:19,286
Why don't we move?
263
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:24,386
Gu�va. - Yes. Probably na�
the president goes to work.
264
00:21:25,386 --> 00:21:31,686
With us...with us, as little as possible
the president is doing it is better for the people.
265
00:21:32,286 --> 00:21:36,486
Welcome to the annual presentation
"American Post".
266
00:21:36,686 --> 00:21:42,486
Now we will surely be late.
- No way, we won't. Ignite! Let's go!
267
00:21:47,686 --> 00:21:49,786
Off we go...
268
00:21:59,586 --> 00:22:01,401
What do I look like?
269
00:22:03,301 --> 00:22:06,886
As a partisan.
Come on! Go for Obama!
270
00:22:09,986 --> 00:22:13,386
Everything is fine!
- No. He needs help.
271
00:22:13,986 --> 00:22:16,686
Anatoly Anatolyevich, why would you help him?
He grew up, he will find a way.
272
00:22:16,886 --> 00:22:20,805
Now we're all going to that presentation of yours.
273
00:22:23,705 --> 00:22:26,386
And then we go to karaoke.
274
00:22:26,586 --> 00:22:27,986
This is a private event.
275
00:22:28,186 --> 00:22:31,286
What's going on? Private for whom?
Come on, let's go!
276
00:22:31,486 --> 00:22:38,686
According to the TNS agency, our newspaper is
raised the readership by 16%.
277
00:22:44,786 --> 00:22:49,186
That is the direction in which
We want to move
278
00:22:49,386 --> 00:22:50,686
leading trend.
279
00:22:59,386 --> 00:23:02,186
And now, focus your attention
towards the screen.
280
00:23:02,386 --> 00:23:06,086
Start with the next question
which will be published in a new section.
281
00:23:06,286 --> 00:23:09,486
A new column that will be called
"Diary of an American".
282
00:23:09,686 --> 00:23:14,486
The writer is an American journalist,
Alex Wilson, who came to us...
283
00:23:16,786 --> 00:23:21,486
Sorry! Hello, hello!
My name is A...
284
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:28,886
My name is Alex Wilson
i'm from new york too.
285
00:23:29,086 --> 00:23:30,886
And I arrived on time.
286
00:23:31,086 --> 00:23:35,886
I...I came to deliver
official award
287
00:23:36,086 --> 00:23:39,686
to the manager of the Moscow office
"American Post".
288
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:46,186
To...more...a very charming woman...to you.
289
00:23:51,586 --> 00:23:54,011
Here... here.
290
00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:03,586
Excuse me, please.
291
00:24:06,386 --> 00:24:09,486
A wonderful prize.
I am very glad.
292
00:24:09,686 --> 00:24:16,286
I think this award symbolizes us
daily struggle in search of sensation.
293
00:24:16,486 --> 00:24:20,186
Thank you Mr. Wilson
for this unforgettable performance.
294
00:24:20,386 --> 00:24:26,286
Yes! - Go! Wait... - Go!
Not! Wait... wait! - Go!
295
00:24:27,486 --> 00:24:34,286
wait! First I didn't
understood, you Russians.
296
00:24:34,486 --> 00:24:38,486
And then I drank a little
and immediately understood.
297
00:24:40,586 --> 00:24:44,586
You Russians...you...
you are real...
298
00:24:44,786 --> 00:24:49,686
you don't have those artificial smiles
299
00:24:51,686 --> 00:24:57,686
If you hate, hate with your soul.
If you love...
300
00:24:59,786 --> 00:25:05,986
love with all your heart and I'm honest.
I swear, I love you, I love you.
301
00:25:06,186 --> 00:25:08,386
I love you guys.
I love you.
302
00:25:10,186 --> 00:25:16,386
I love you. And you, of course
Ekaterina Denisovna.
303
00:25:42,786 --> 00:25:46,386
I see that he doesn't care about his head,
but in vain...
304
00:25:48,386 --> 00:25:51,986
And maybe I did it on purpose
to see you.
305
00:25:52,186 --> 00:25:55,586
I won't see you next time
review without OMS policy.
306
00:25:55,786 --> 00:25:57,786
Insurance.
307
00:25:57,986 --> 00:26:03,586
If I keep working
I will need it with your brother.
308
00:26:05,186 --> 00:26:10,286
After what you did,
going to the office.
309
00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:16,186
What? - There!
Come on, I'll take you to the hotel.
310
00:26:22,186 --> 00:26:23,886
So, what is Russia?
311
00:26:24,086 --> 00:26:28,586
Russia is a country
where there is no difference between
312
00:26:28,786 --> 00:26:31,186
orgomous hospitality
and unbridled alcoholism.
313
00:26:31,386 --> 00:26:37,186
The country where the longest roads are,
in the world with the biggest collapse.
314
00:26:37,386 --> 00:26:39,886
The country where it exists
excessive self-love
315
00:26:40,086 --> 00:26:42,886
with complete selflessness.
316
00:26:43,086 --> 00:26:47,786
And it is also the only place,
on the planet where there is room
317
00:26:47,986 --> 00:26:49,986
for the broad Russian soul.
318
00:26:50,186 --> 00:26:51,753
So, what is Russia?
319
00:26:51,953 --> 00:26:53,211
As they would say here:
320
00:26:53,411 --> 00:26:55,586
"The devil will know him"
321
00:26:55,986 --> 00:27:02,786
Translation: nAnaD