1 00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:07,466 Maybe it's much too early in the game 2 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:13,889 But I thought I'd ask you just the same 3 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:20,687 What are you doing New Year's… 4 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,525 New Year's Eve? 5 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,734 Look at that. 6 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,154 You won't get lipstick off with soap. 7 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:34,201 To properly clean a glass, you've gotta use the paste. 8 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:39,373 Baking soda, salt, water, and an F-you attitude. 9 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,500 Then you rinse them and leave them to air-dry. 10 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:43,919 Well, what's the rag for? 11 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,714 Looks cool when you throw it over your shoulder. 12 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,759 Oh, yeah. 13 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,011 I've never seen you so interested in doing dishes before. 14 00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:55,847 Well, that's 'cause Mae is paying him. 15 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:56,973 It's a time and a half on holidays. 16 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,724 Well, let's see if you make it to midnight. 17 00:00:58,725 --> 00:00:59,809 I'm ready. 18 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,602 I've stayed up the past two nights till 1:00 a.m. 19 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,939 - with hardly any hallucinations. - Great! 20 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,650 Next lesson, rinsing the beer mats. 21 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,236 Awesome. 22 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:10,863 Come on. 23 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,365 You sure you don't want to go to this boat party with the team? 24 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:16,659 You used to dream of being a private eye who lived on a boat. 25 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,703 Yeah, I grew the mustache and everything, you know? 26 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,621 - Yeah? - No, I'm good. 27 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,290 I want to be here with y'all. 28 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:25,710 Trust me, those gals don't need me to have a fun time. 29 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,629 - Cheers, guys! - Happy New Year! 30 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:34,302 Do you guys think Alice is gonna come tonight? 31 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:37,471 Well, technically, she's suspended, but maybe a boat party doesn't count. 32 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:40,725 Yeah, 'cause it's technically international waters, isn't it? 33 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:43,477 We're on a river in the middle of London, you wet wipe. 34 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,938 There's no need to be so fucking condescending all the time, Siobhan. 35 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,191 - Have a laugh, man. Come on. You just… - No, it's not funny. 36 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,818 Stop, stop, stop. You two are not going to pull this shit today. 37 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,154 I've paid a lot of money for a babysitter and I'd like to get drunk. 38 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:55,698 - So stop it, okay? - She's talking to you. 39 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,408 There you are. 40 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,994 What are you doing out here? 41 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,539 We can't have our guests of honor just standing out in the cold. 42 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:07,335 Unless you can't feel it because you're all doing ketamine. 43 00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,377 No, just me? 44 00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:11,047 All right. Well, come on! 45 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:13,382 Come this way. Come on. 46 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,093 Let me lead the way. Come on, please. 47 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,096 Welcome, welcome. 48 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,517 - Great. - What? 49 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,644 Now Matthijs has turned his Find My Phone off. 50 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,729 He obviously thinks I'm trying to track him. 51 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,064 Which you would never do. 52 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,066 Course not. 53 00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,903 He's probably just been mugged and had his phone stolen. 54 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,863 That'd be lovely. 55 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,950 - Thank you. - Thank you. 56 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,826 Looks like the color of the soap in my gym. 57 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,329 - Cheers. - Ding. 58 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,669 - Thanks. - Steady on. 59 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,503 - Right. - Should we go? 60 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,588 - Through here? - Yeah? 61 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,473 I know what I'm gonna do. 62 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:06,435 I'm gonna text Matthijs, "Happy New Year," for midnight in Amsterdam. 63 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,188 He'll know I'm thinking about him, so he'll message me back 64 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,649 and we'll get into a bit of sexy, texty banter. 65 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,526 And bish, bosh, everything's back on track. 66 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,861 I love that. 67 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:18,489 But, in the meantime, it doesn't matter that Matthijs isn't here with you 68 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,740 or that Roy isn't here with me. 69 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:22,286 Because we have each other and that is all we need. 70 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,247 - Is that Roy? - Where? 71 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,375 - He's here. - He's there. 72 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,169 And he's all alone. 73 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:33,171 - Thought you said he had a girlfriend. - He does. Or did. 74 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,422 I mean, maybe they broke up 75 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,632 because who doesn't spend New Year's without their girlfriend, right? 76 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,717 Sorry. 77 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,343 - Hello, Roy. - Rebecca. 78 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,137 - Hello, Roy. - Keeley. 79 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:44,349 I didn't have you down as a vodka-launch-party kind of a guy. 80 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,392 I'm not here for the vodka. 81 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,229 I'm here to watch a man make an absolute tit of himself. 82 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,233 Here we go. 83 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,374 Is that supposed to be Jamie? 84 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:18,674 First, God created Adam. 85 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,303 And then he thought, "You need to get laid, son." 86 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:25,306 So he asked Adam, "Can I have one of your ribs?" 87 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:30,061 And Adam said, "Of course, mate. You're God. Knock yourself out." 88 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:35,025 And God took that rib and made vodka. 89 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,910 What the fuck have they done to my face? 90 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,120 He never misses. 91 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:11,936 {\an8}Such a lovely party. 92 00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:13,896 {\an8}Thank you so much for inviting us. 93 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:15,273 {\an8}Yeah. 94 00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:18,651 {\an8}Leslie's not usually one for boats, but with his new motion sickness glasses, 95 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,988 the odds of him vomiting everywhere are decreased significantly. 96 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,991 There's nothing more embarrassing than a case of seasickness. 97 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,119 Well, I'm not sure about that. 98 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:32,164 {\an8}You know, I just thought it was time that all my influential friends 99 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:36,627 {\an8}got to know this exciting new team and the brains behind it, you know? 100 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,589 By the way, where is Rebecca? 101 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,965 I'm certain she's on her way. 102 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,801 {\an8}You'd think with those long legs that she'd get places sooner, you know? 103 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,803 'Cause she's really tall, isn't she? 104 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,138 Yeah, have you noticed that? 105 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:48,764 {\an8}- Yeah. - Yeah. 106 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,642 {\an8}David Hockney, you bastard, where are my rollerblades? 107 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,394 Shut up, you doughnut. 108 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,730 This is Leslie Higgins. 109 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:59,400 He's the director of football at Richmond. 110 00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:04,156 {\an8}And this is his charmingly age-appropriate wife, Julie. 111 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,032 It's me. 112 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,075 {\an8}Unfortunately, this is Hugo Riddles. 113 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,202 {\an8}I don't like him. 114 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,369 {\an8}I don't trust him. 115 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,496 He's my best friend. 116 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,123 Tony fucking Blair. 117 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,917 You little war criminal. 118 00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,711 Come here and give me a kiss. 119 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,633 {\an8}My, oh my, aren't you delicious. 120 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,262 Yes, you are. 121 00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:29,765 {\an8}Leslie. 122 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,850 {\an8}This is wild. 123 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,061 {\an8}It's like Great Gatsby and the host is Maleficent. 124 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,605 {\an8}I told some creepy, rich dude that I was a professional athlete 125 00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:38,814 {\an8}and he propositioned me. 126 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,941 {\an8}What? For sex? 127 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,777 {\an8}No, he wants to buy my blood. 128 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,195 {\an8}Well, we do want to get a new couch. 129 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,989 I am telling you, we are one blindfolded piano player away 130 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,033 from this turning into an Eyes Wide Shut situation. 131 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,202 Oh, God, no. 132 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,413 {\an8}- Wow. That's great. - Oh, no, no. 133 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,624 {\an8}Okay, Lizzie, just chill out a bit, yeah? 134 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,000 {\an8}Act like you've been here before. 135 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,461 {\an8}I have not been here before, Gemma. 136 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:04,423 {\an8}And it is very, very unlikely I'll ever be here again, okay? 137 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,926 {\an8}In fact, turn around. Make sure no one's looking. 138 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,053 {\an8}- At what? - Make sure no one's fucking looking. 139 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,388 {\an8}- Turn around. - Oh, my God. 140 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,514 {\an8}- Don't draw attention to me. - Oh, my God. 141 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:12,890 {\an8}- Ready? - Oh, my God. 142 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,433 {\an8}- Shield me. - Yep, yep, okay. 143 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,435 {\an8}Keep shielding. 144 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,479 - Yes. Yeah, absolutely. - Ham, really? 145 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:19,481 Okay. 146 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,150 - Done? - Yes. 147 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,028 What up, squad? 148 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,488 You look nice! 149 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,657 - Oh, my God! - Wow! 150 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,284 Tonight is my rebirth. 151 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:34,913 Baby, new year, but with swagger. 152 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,124 Very nice. 153 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,377 As you were, happy New Year. 154 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,921 - Yeah. - You both are wearing the same outfit. 155 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,507 - Not the same. - No. 156 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,926 {\an8}Hey, Coach. Is Alice coming tonight? 157 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,762 {\an8}I don't know. 158 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,807 What do you mean you don't know? 159 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,810 {\an8}This is your 14th outfit. Do you want me to just pick for you? 160 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:01,772 {\an8}No. No, you've already done my makeup for me. 161 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,568 {\an8}Purple was a crazy choice, by the way, for a face. 162 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:10,031 Okay, I've thought about it, and I think I'm overthinking it. 163 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:11,282 It's very simple. 164 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,618 {\an8}I just wanna look authentic, but also modest, 165 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:16,454 {\an8}but also, like, stand out but not too much. 166 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:19,248 Like, just a little bit, just enough that they're like, 167 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:22,001 {\an8}"Oh, man, she's really cool. We've really missed her." 168 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,712 {\an8}Something… I don't know. I'm bitching. 169 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:30,801 {\an8}Hey. Look, I know you're stressed, but it's a party. 170 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:31,803 {\an8}It'll be fun. 171 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,096 {\an8}Nobody even wants me there. 172 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,514 {\an8}Shouldn't even be going. 173 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,643 {\an8}I'm still suspended, remember? 174 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:41,772 {\an8}"Reject the sense of injury and the injury itself disappears." 175 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:43,940 And who knows? 176 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,567 Maybe then have a little dance. 177 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,028 {\an8}Yeah, maybe. 178 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,322 If the DJ isn't shit. 179 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,657 Okay, please. 180 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,742 Please, will you get dressed and come with me? Please. 181 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,827 You can wear one of my 13 discarded outfits. 182 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,247 {\an8}You can wear… You can wear the suit. 183 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:01,457 {\an8}Fuck me, you would look so good in the suit. 184 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:04,001 No. No, look, I've told you, I'm not going. 185 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,795 {\an8}Why? 186 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,465 {\an8}Because if I go, you'll just hide behind me and my effortless charm 187 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:13,511 {\an8}and my crazy impressive reference level, and you won't talk to anybody. 188 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,429 {\an8}Especially if I'm wearing that suit. 189 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,390 {\an8}Then you're gonna want to leave after 30 minutes. 190 00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,309 Does not sound like me. 191 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:23,272 Babe. 192 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,859 I know how much this team means to you. 193 00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:30,737 Maybe it's time you let yourself show them. 194 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:36,994 How? By standing around, drinking champagne, making small talk? 195 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,161 Sounds fucking horrible. 196 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,414 Except the drinking part, which I can do here, 197 00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,916 {\an8}where nobody hates me. 198 00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:47,962 All right. 199 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:51,090 You're missing out on a very good midnight kiss. 200 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,092 I've been saving up. 201 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:56,388 Thing is, I don't have to kiss you at midnight. 202 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,309 I can kiss you when you go to bed tonight. 203 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,520 And I can kiss you when you wake up tomorrow. 204 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,523 And I can kiss you now. 205 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,692 Go on then. 206 00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:18,410 I know what I'm gonna wear. 207 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:22,873 {\an8}Cheers! 208 00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:27,585 I can't believe they made me look like that, man. 209 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,212 Fuck. They bottled it. 210 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,464 They bottled the bottle. 211 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,798 But at least the vodka tastes bloody good. 212 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,217 - Yeah. - Who cares, man? 213 00:10:34,218 --> 00:10:36,135 I look like a two-eyed cyclops. 214 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,971 I think they captured you perfectly. 215 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:42,558 Anyway, it's good to see ya. 216 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,936 - Yeah? - I mean, Barcelona's great and all that. 217 00:10:44,937 --> 00:10:46,270 But I miss the boys, 218 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,523 I miss you lot, innit? 219 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,274 It's just different cultures. You know what I mean? 220 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,109 It's mostly just tapas and napas there. 221 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,987 Seriously, we get scheduled naps every day. 222 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,657 I think that that's the secret to the team's success. 223 00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:58,908 Mostly napping. 224 00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,535 And how's your Spanish coming along? 225 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:01,661 Très bien, merci. 226 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,497 So, come on, did you miss me? 227 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,706 Fuck off. 228 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,750 - He fucking missed me. - He fucking missed you. 229 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,127 I haven't missed you at all. It's fucking better without you. 230 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,796 If anything, it's a relief. 231 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,216 If you miss me, tell me to fuck off. 232 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,597 Should we have another quick round of tarttinis 233 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,057 before we head off to Zelda's, 234 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,267 you know, whatever it is? 235 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:28,896 Do you gentlemen perhaps feel like joining us for a boat party tonight? 236 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,233 Can't. Gotta stay here till at least midnight, contractually. 237 00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:34,485 Unless there's some sort of family emergency 238 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:37,948 or an act of God like a earthquake or crucifixion. 239 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:43,828 I would love to, but sadly, I have other plans. 240 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,747 - Sorry. - What? That's okay. 241 00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,916 In fact, I really should get going. 242 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,335 What w… Okay. Bye, Roy. 243 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,005 - Happy New Year. - And you. 244 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,840 Bye, Roy. Happy New Year. 245 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,508 - Happy New Year, Keeley. - Yeah, you too. 246 00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,343 Hey, all jokes aside though, Roy, 247 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,555 appreciate you coming through and supporting me tonight. 248 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:03,931 You're like the brother I never had. 249 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,766 Yeah, you too. 250 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,476 A brother who was kidnapped by the government 251 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,853 because they thought he was a werewolf 252 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,315 due to the fact he was so fucking hairy, but… 253 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,402 - This isn't horrible. - I'm obsessed. 254 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,696 I know. 255 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,750 Jump, jump, jump, jump 256 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,251 Okay. Okay. 257 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,006 Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump Everybody, jump 258 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:40,593 Pack it up, pack it in Let me begin 259 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,553 I came to win Battle me, that's a sin 260 00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,889 I won't ever slack up Punk, ya better back up… 261 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:47,850 Men do love a song with an instruction, right? 262 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:51,521 Like a grown-up version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes." 263 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,481 I came to get down I came to get down 264 00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:55,566 So get out your seat And jump around 265 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,860 Jump around… 266 00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,445 Oh, my God! 267 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,696 - Shit! - Okay, okay. 268 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,574 Roy, no! No! 269 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:06,452 Fuck! I shouldn't have jumped around! 270 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,162 You had no choice, Roy! 271 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,456 - Fuck! - Roy, are you okay? 272 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,669 - Can you get up? - I think my knee's exploded. 273 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,670 What the fuck are you doing? 274 00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:18,465 I always knew I'd end up looking after you one day. 275 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,135 Fuck. 276 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,680 Put me down! Fuck! This is humiliating! 277 00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:27,056 We're getting you out of here! 278 00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,224 Move, everyone! 279 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,059 I'm saving Private Roy! 280 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,353 No! 281 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,897 So, how's the book coming along? 282 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,399 - It's been really fun. - Oh, yeah? 283 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,110 I found all these gems about Mark Twain's time abroad, 284 00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:40,236 but then I'm like, I don't know. 285 00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:42,613 Is anyone going to care about the adventures of an American in London? 286 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:44,074 You know… 287 00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:48,327 And what about you? How's work? 288 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,454 Thanks for asking. 289 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,833 Yeah. I mean, it's good. I think. 290 00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:54,709 You know… 291 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:56,170 I actually don't know. 292 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,797 All I know is you're not at the team party tonight. 293 00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:00,882 Is everything okay? 294 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,466 Ma'am. Sir. 295 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,093 Nibbles and bits at your service. 296 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,178 - Okay. - Thank you. 297 00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:07,138 With a side of party hats. 298 00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,223 - Thank you. - Of course. 299 00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,224 Put them on. 300 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,185 - Yes, sir. Okay, yeah. Right away. - Very sorry. 301 00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:13,187 Rookies. 302 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,691 Boy, that waiter is a little bossy, huh? 303 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,569 I'm still waiting for an answer. 304 00:14:21,737 --> 00:14:24,197 Yeah, well, I… You know, I don't know. 305 00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:30,328 I guess I'm just feeling a little all at sea these days, you know. 306 00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:33,789 Probably why I didn't want to spend the night on a boat. 307 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,334 So you're feeling adrift? 308 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:41,757 Yeah, cinematically speaking, I am on a raft and Wilson is just floating away. 309 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,760 Well, it's not surprising. 310 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,388 You always could be thrown off by a Wilson. 311 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:52,392 - Wilson was a woman. - What? No, come on. 312 00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,770 No, Wilson was definitely a fella. Yeah. 313 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:58,064 Otherwise, Tom Hanks's whole relationship with him 314 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,692 would have been wildly inappropriate to Helen Hunt's character. 315 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:05,154 Fine. So now you have an entire team of non-Wilsons rattling you. 316 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:09,993 Well, I wouldn't say they're rattling me, but there are a lot of them. 317 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,579 And a coach that I believe in. 318 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,123 I'm not sure I did the right thing by suspending her. 319 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,961 The amount of times I've seen you doubt yourself, Ted… 320 00:15:21,213 --> 00:15:22,256 Yeah. 321 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,342 You know what Mark Twain would say? 322 00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:27,510 What's that? 323 00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:29,429 When in doubt, tell the truth. 324 00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:31,722 I like that. 325 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,391 But I know you're a great coach. 326 00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:34,475 You know why? 327 00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:35,643 No, why? 328 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,145 You taught me how to throw a dart. 329 00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:43,360 - All right. Play again. - Yeah. 330 00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,626 Beard. 331 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:05,799 Yes. 332 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,467 I want you to meet Claudine. 333 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:13,389 She's my Botox injector, my facialist, my wellness shop mixologist. 334 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,266 She's my microdoser. 335 00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:17,727 - I can't tell if you're serious. - Well, that's because of the Botox. 336 00:16:17,728 --> 00:16:20,521 Look, no emotions. Like, my dog is dead. 337 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,690 - My dog is dead. - You do very good work. 338 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:23,774 - Thank you. - Yeah. 339 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,693 This is the guy I was telling you about. 340 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:26,862 This is Beard. 341 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,489 - So it is. - Yeah. 342 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,075 I'll leave you to it. 343 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:36,787 Nigel Farage, I'm gonna make you walk the fucking plank. 344 00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:37,997 Come here. 345 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,249 Pleasure to meet you. 346 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,921 Zelda tells me you have a lot of good Burning Man stories. 347 00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:48,425 Well, I've heard it said that Burning Man has some great stories about me. 348 00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,514 Hey. What's that guy's story? 349 00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:56,057 Who? Which one? 350 00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,435 The one that's dressed like Ace Ventura. 351 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,604 He is the richest guy here. 352 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,898 He basically invented virtual reality, but now he… 353 00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,066 Now he makes weapons. 354 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,902 Hey, Lizzie, are you jealous of his cargo shorts? 355 00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:09,862 Imagine the meat and cheese you could fit in there. 356 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,447 Well, you're all saying that, 357 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:14,701 but at 1:00 a.m., you're all going to be gagging for my purse ham. 358 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,078 Purse ham? 359 00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,746 Never again. Never again. 360 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:19,829 Hey, look. 361 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:20,874 Guys, guys, look who showed up. 362 00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:25,295 What is she doing? 363 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,713 It looks like she's malfunctioning. 364 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,465 See, I told you she was a robot. 365 00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,300 Hey, cut her some slack. 366 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,718 Took guts to show up. 367 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,637 When did you become so understanding? 368 00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:36,347 It's my New Year's resolution. 369 00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:38,724 It's that or eat healthier, and I'm not doing that. 370 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,935 - Hello. - Hiya! 371 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,104 - Hi, sorry I'm late. - It's fine. 372 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,858 Don't worry, the people here are absolutely mental. 373 00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:50,027 - You all look very nice. - That suit looks bloody gorgeous. 374 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,904 - Stunning. - Do you want that? 375 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,031 - Lovely tie. - Cheers. 376 00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,533 - Cheers! - Cheers! 377 00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:57,493 I actually, on the way over here... 378 00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:01,080 I want you to meet these badasses because I'm in awe of them. 379 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,583 You really are badasses. 380 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,459 This is my friend Hugo. 381 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,838 He is the worst. 382 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:11,341 I really am an enormous piece of shit. 383 00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:17,639 These people are really weird, right? 384 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,183 Do they frighten you, little baby? 385 00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:21,476 Yeah, kinda. 386 00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,061 Yeah, me too. 387 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:27,356 This team… Hugo, they're really going places. 388 00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,483 They've got the best coaches. 389 00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:31,652 They've got that Ted Lasso guy, 390 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,614 and they've got that guy who's called Beard. 391 00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:36,532 Oh, my God, you would love him. 392 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,159 He'd hate you. 393 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,579 And we have Gemma Jay. 394 00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:42,288 You're a superstar. 395 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:45,333 You really are the future of this sport. 396 00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:48,836 - Superstar in the making. - Thank you. 397 00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:51,965 - Superstar, no less. - Way too good a star. 398 00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:57,011 Sorry, excuse me. I have to go. 399 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:58,972 Prince Andrew's trying to get back on the boat. 400 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:07,063 I once shorn a peasant to this song. 401 00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,690 Don't you mean "pheasant"? 402 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,318 Sure. 403 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,958 So, are they gonna donate his old knee to science or something, 404 00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:28,584 because if they don't, do you think I could have it? 405 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,963 I've got this idea for a necklace with his patella. 406 00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,215 Once again, the doctor will be able to answer 407 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,842 - all your questions. - Questions. Yeah. 408 00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:38,427 Hi. Sorry, I came as quick as I could. 409 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,721 Hello. Hello, everyone. 410 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,181 - Hi. - Hello, Doctor. 411 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,558 Hello, Doctor. 412 00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,101 You all right? 413 00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:47,479 Fuck me, she's gorgeous and a doctor? 414 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,815 God giveth and God giveth to her. 415 00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:53,192 - Have you given him anything? - Beer. 416 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,027 Yeah, we gave him the good stuff. 417 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,280 Did you? 418 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,740 So what happened then? I thought we were meeting at 10:00 419 00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,577 and then you just stopped responding to my texts. 420 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,203 - Wait. - Doctor lady, I can explain. 421 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:07,248 See, "Jump Around" came on, so… 422 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,374 Right. 423 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,959 - No, I get it. Say no more. - Yeah. 424 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,879 I was at med school during "Crank That Soulja Boy." 425 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,380 Lost a few good men. 426 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,549 I was in a House of Pain. 427 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:17,842 - Were you? - Yeah. 428 00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:20,469 - Oh, my God. - It's okay. It's okay. 429 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,930 - Are you drunk? - No. 430 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:26,017 - How dare you… - He's had quite a skinful, Doctor. 431 00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:30,230 Oh, yeah, Jamie Tartt's tart apple vodka coming to a shelf near you. 432 00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:34,902 But don't… Don't… Don't actually look at the label though. 433 00:20:35,736 --> 00:20:37,779 And he's slightly allergic to penicillin. 434 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,448 He claims he has hay fever, 435 00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:44,327 but I'm pretty sure it's just to cover up that he's crying at Inside Out 2. 436 00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:46,996 And he shouldn't go too long without a protein bar 437 00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:48,790 or he gets all weird. 438 00:20:53,504 --> 00:20:55,379 All right, well, thank you. 439 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,466 Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to ask any non-immediate family 440 00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:01,177 to leave the room while I sort this one out. 441 00:21:01,178 --> 00:21:02,763 Yes, of course. 442 00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:04,890 Hey. 443 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,974 Don't you die. 444 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,228 Wassup! 445 00:21:10,479 --> 00:21:12,606 You can stay to look after your dad, love. 446 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:17,318 Thank you, but it's too hard seeing him like this. 447 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,945 I think I'll wait outside. 448 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:20,446 Good luck, Dad! 449 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,365 What a fucking arsehole. 450 00:21:22,366 --> 00:21:24,701 Let's get you a tea. Okay. 451 00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:31,123 Don't jump! 452 00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,501 Oh, my God, no. I… I wasn't. 453 00:21:33,502 --> 00:21:35,211 I was just having a minute. 454 00:21:35,212 --> 00:21:36,420 I'm kidding. 455 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,548 Well, yeah, obviously. 456 00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:39,799 Thanks. 457 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:44,178 I mean, if one of us dies, it'll be from an Illuminati blood ritual, right? 458 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:49,059 Yeah. Well, I hope my iron deficiency makes me a less desirable candidate. 459 00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:52,104 Cheers. 460 00:21:57,568 --> 00:21:58,734 I think it's cool that you came. 461 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:03,949 Yeah, well, you know, I wanted to bring in the new year with my team. 462 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,411 You're doing a great job of it, mate. 463 00:22:08,245 --> 00:22:09,705 Yeah. Yeah. 464 00:22:14,168 --> 00:22:16,253 I'm really glad you're playing football again. 465 00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:19,797 Even if you are studying law for some reason. 466 00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:21,967 I do that for the student discount at Pret. 467 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:27,096 What does a rich kid need with a discount? 468 00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:28,182 Rich kid? 469 00:22:29,141 --> 00:22:32,226 I'm a full-time student whose day job is in women's football. 470 00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:33,896 I'll take all the help I can get. 471 00:22:41,445 --> 00:22:43,280 Can I say something slightly personal? 472 00:22:44,198 --> 00:22:46,116 If you hate it, you can just throw me overboard. 473 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:53,789 When we played together, you were... 474 00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:54,833 I know I was. 475 00:22:58,879 --> 00:22:59,922 I'm really sorry. 476 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:07,846 I didn't mean to be dramatic or anything. It's just weird being around you again. 477 00:23:09,056 --> 00:23:10,724 In a good way, mostly. 478 00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:13,602 It's just different. 479 00:23:15,979 --> 00:23:17,647 'Cause you were an arsehole. 480 00:23:17,648 --> 00:23:20,776 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was. 481 00:23:24,488 --> 00:23:26,114 I think I still am really. 482 00:23:26,698 --> 00:23:27,950 What? Why? 483 00:23:29,201 --> 00:23:31,953 Well, the team hate me for a start. 484 00:23:31,954 --> 00:23:34,122 They don't hate you, they're just figuring you out. 485 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,124 You're intense. 486 00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:38,794 Sometimes people need a minute with intense. 487 00:23:42,172 --> 00:23:44,049 For what it's worth, I like you. 488 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,303 Even when you're being an arsehole. 489 00:23:49,972 --> 00:23:51,055 Thank you. 490 00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:52,558 You're welcome. 491 00:23:55,352 --> 00:23:57,478 Did you know that The Adventures of Tom Sawyer 492 00:23:57,479 --> 00:24:00,648 came out in England six months before it came out in America? You know why? 493 00:24:00,649 --> 00:24:02,275 What? He ticked the wrong box on the paperwork? 494 00:24:02,276 --> 00:24:05,111 No, because the only way to secure the British copyright 495 00:24:05,112 --> 00:24:06,612 was to publish it here first. 496 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:08,739 That one choice made him a fortune. 497 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,908 I love me a business savvy satirist. 498 00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,785 - Yeah. - Happy New Year, lady Coach. 499 00:24:12,786 --> 00:24:14,704 - And Coach's lady. - Hey, fellas. 500 00:24:14,705 --> 00:24:15,956 Y'all remember Michelle. 501 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:18,040 - I guess. - Of course. 502 00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:19,458 And I think it's so mature, 503 00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:20,793 even though you guys are divorced, 504 00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:22,503 you're still giving each other's midnight kiss. 505 00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:24,840 - Oh, no. It's not like that. - No, we're just good friends. 506 00:24:25,382 --> 00:24:29,178 In that case, Michelle, if you're feeling lonely at 11:59, come find me. 507 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:31,888 What is wrong with you? 508 00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:33,890 I'm just trying to put myself out there, Baz. 509 00:24:33,891 --> 00:24:35,809 - I'm so proud of you. - Thanks, man. 510 00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:38,186 They raise an interesting question though. 511 00:24:38,187 --> 00:24:41,356 Is there anybody out there these days that you'd like to be kissing at midnight? 512 00:24:42,941 --> 00:24:44,066 I… 513 00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:46,820 Hey, Mae. What happened to that new employee of yours? 514 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,281 Follow me. 515 00:24:53,118 --> 00:24:54,286 Adorable. 516 00:24:55,787 --> 00:24:57,538 I will have to dock his wage. 517 00:24:57,539 --> 00:24:58,832 - Of course. Yeah. - Yeah. 518 00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:02,543 Dr. Brown, please dial… 519 00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:06,339 I mean, you both saw how she said, "Immediate family only," right? 520 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:08,007 You did. It was… it was rude. 521 00:25:08,008 --> 00:25:09,759 She wasn't even in scrubs. 522 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,512 I think that's really unprofessional. 523 00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:14,805 Yeah, I think I'm gonna… I'm gonna report her to the medical board. 524 00:25:14,806 --> 00:25:17,558 I need to do that because she was unprofessional, 525 00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:19,435 she was mean, and she was really fucking hot. 526 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:20,811 Well, maybe we should ask them 527 00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:23,147 if they've got any of those drugs they gave Roy. 528 00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:24,149 I mean… 529 00:25:25,234 --> 00:25:27,903 Paging Dr. Brown. Dr. Brown, please dial… 530 00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:30,697 It's Roy's sister. Sorry. 531 00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:32,782 Tell her I said hi. 532 00:25:32,783 --> 00:25:34,450 I will. Hi, Jenni. 533 00:25:34,451 --> 00:25:36,744 Yeah, Tartt says hi. We're all here. 534 00:25:36,745 --> 00:25:40,331 Thanks for spending your New Year's Eve with Soft Rock Hits. 535 00:25:40,332 --> 00:25:42,041 It's 40 minutes to midnight. 536 00:25:42,042 --> 00:25:45,253 Hope you're with the one you love. This one goes out to my missus. 537 00:25:45,254 --> 00:25:48,173 "She Believes in Me" by Kenny Rogers. 538 00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:52,176 It's fun, innit? 539 00:25:52,177 --> 00:25:53,303 Just like old times. 540 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,685 Fucking hell, I'm so… 541 00:26:00,686 --> 00:26:02,520 I'm… I'm so shit at small talk. 542 00:26:02,521 --> 00:26:06,525 Jamie, no. Really, it's not you. I just… 543 00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:10,611 I had the most amazing thing come into my life 544 00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:12,406 and because it wasn't perfect, I've just… 545 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,242 screwed it. 546 00:26:16,243 --> 00:26:20,204 Sorry. It's just… You know… 547 00:26:20,205 --> 00:26:22,082 That's exactly like my vodka label. 548 00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:24,458 In what way? 549 00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:29,547 Okay, so, the original label, I looked amazing, right? 550 00:26:29,548 --> 00:26:32,717 Abs were shredded, had the perfect centimeter of ass cleavage, 551 00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:34,802 but I wanted more. 552 00:26:34,803 --> 00:26:38,055 Something I learned about myself actually, Rebecca, I always want more. 553 00:26:38,056 --> 00:26:41,142 Right, I remember that in your contractual negotiations. 554 00:26:41,143 --> 00:26:42,727 You wanted an atrium in your locker. 555 00:26:42,728 --> 00:26:46,063 As if I have a fucking scooby of what an atrium was. 556 00:26:46,064 --> 00:26:47,148 Still don't. 557 00:26:47,149 --> 00:26:49,650 Anyway, so I goes to him, I said, 558 00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:52,904 "This don't stand up to the Jamie Tartt standards. 559 00:26:52,905 --> 00:26:54,530 You've got to redo it again." 560 00:26:54,531 --> 00:26:58,201 So I go to all the graphite design dweebs and I say, "You gotta do it. 561 00:26:58,202 --> 00:26:59,493 You do it over the weekend." 562 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:01,538 I take away their Sunday Funday, and for what? 563 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,459 An Adam with a squashed face, disgusting. 564 00:27:08,754 --> 00:27:12,257 Sometimes, perfect is the opposite of good, you know what I mean? 565 00:27:13,342 --> 00:27:15,469 - Did you just come up with that? - No. 566 00:27:16,470 --> 00:27:18,888 It's Voltron, French philosopher. 567 00:27:18,889 --> 00:27:20,557 Oh, no. I think you mean Voltaire. 568 00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:23,434 What, the cartoon robot? Wouldn't know. 569 00:27:23,435 --> 00:27:24,895 Fucking nerd. 570 00:27:45,165 --> 00:27:46,249 Food is delicious. 571 00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:48,376 Yeah, I'll give you the name of my caterer. 572 00:27:48,377 --> 00:27:50,294 They can get fried dodo legs. 573 00:27:50,295 --> 00:27:51,462 - Miss Southport. - Yeah? 574 00:27:51,463 --> 00:27:52,755 No, Miss Southport. 575 00:27:52,756 --> 00:27:55,300 That's my old roommate whose identity I stole. 576 00:27:55,926 --> 00:27:58,052 What? I don't know. 577 00:27:58,053 --> 00:27:59,470 Call me Zelda. 578 00:27:59,471 --> 00:28:01,806 Yes, well, I just got off a call from Rebecca, 579 00:28:01,807 --> 00:28:04,560 and unfortunately, her and Keeley won't be able to make it tonight. 580 00:28:05,269 --> 00:28:06,311 Don't shoot the messenger. 581 00:28:06,979 --> 00:28:08,855 I quite hate that phrase. 582 00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:10,482 I'll shoot whoever I want. 583 00:28:11,066 --> 00:28:12,067 Scoot. 584 00:28:15,779 --> 00:28:17,196 Attention, everyone. 585 00:28:17,197 --> 00:28:19,824 I have some very tragic news to report. 586 00:28:19,825 --> 00:28:26,497 It seems that Rebecca Welton will not be attending our amazing soirée. 587 00:28:26,498 --> 00:28:28,708 I know, I know. No, no, no. No, I know. 588 00:28:28,709 --> 00:28:34,213 It's actually quite punk rock of her, not to attend her own team's party, you know. 589 00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:35,424 Mad respect. 590 00:28:36,550 --> 00:28:40,845 Look at us. We're just a gaggle of female footballers 591 00:28:40,846 --> 00:28:43,932 and some outlandishly wealthy pricks. 592 00:28:46,977 --> 00:28:48,060 I'll be brief. 593 00:28:48,061 --> 00:28:50,938 Our guests of honor, the Lady Greyhounds. 594 00:28:50,939 --> 00:28:54,359 I wanna make a toast to you lot, 595 00:28:55,068 --> 00:29:00,741 to the AFC Football Women! Yeah! 596 00:29:03,744 --> 00:29:04,952 Oh, my God. 597 00:29:04,953 --> 00:29:10,209 Now, who's ready to take this party to the next level? 598 00:29:26,183 --> 00:29:27,768 What do you think, Coach? 599 00:29:28,602 --> 00:29:30,186 - I think we get the fuck out of here. - Yep. 600 00:29:30,187 --> 00:29:32,898 - Go, go, go! Go, go, go, go! - Nah, we're getting fucking out. 601 00:29:35,108 --> 00:29:36,817 Nah, I'm too drunk for this. 602 00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:38,403 - Amazing. - What're you waiting for? Come on! 603 00:29:39,571 --> 00:29:40,572 I called it! 604 00:29:42,616 --> 00:29:44,076 Get in here! Go! 605 00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:45,994 Fucking freaks. 606 00:30:02,678 --> 00:30:05,137 Well, we do not have to worry about whispering 607 00:30:05,138 --> 00:30:07,140 because that kid's out colder than your dad on Thanksgiving. 608 00:30:08,183 --> 00:30:10,142 - His flag project is great. - Yeah? 609 00:30:10,143 --> 00:30:11,936 - Did he let you help him? - Heck, no. 610 00:30:11,937 --> 00:30:13,938 That's what he's been doing till 1:00 a.m. the last couple of nights. 611 00:30:13,939 --> 00:30:16,482 I've been falling asleep on the couch here. You want a beer? 612 00:30:16,483 --> 00:30:18,235 - Yes, please. - You got it. 613 00:30:18,735 --> 00:30:20,279 You still haven't answered my question. 614 00:30:21,405 --> 00:30:23,740 Is there someone out there you'd like to be kissing at midnight? 615 00:30:25,701 --> 00:30:27,326 If you're gonna make me talk about this, 616 00:30:27,327 --> 00:30:29,204 I'm gonna have something stronger than a beer. You down? 617 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:31,665 - Yeah. - All right, let's cook. 618 00:30:33,667 --> 00:30:35,502 Geez Louise. 619 00:30:38,964 --> 00:30:41,216 Well, to answer your question. 620 00:30:42,217 --> 00:30:43,593 No, there isn't anyone. 621 00:30:43,594 --> 00:30:45,136 Really? 622 00:30:45,137 --> 00:30:46,805 What about Rebecca's friend, Snazzy? 623 00:30:48,515 --> 00:30:50,683 - You mean Sassy. - Sure. 624 00:30:50,684 --> 00:30:54,396 Yeah, well, I mean, her and I's thing was really more just- 625 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:56,315 Fucking. 626 00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:59,692 I was gonna say friendly, but you're the writer. 627 00:30:59,693 --> 00:31:02,069 - Oh, God. - And yeah. 628 00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:05,741 So, wait, you haven't gone on a single date since we split up? 629 00:31:06,575 --> 00:31:07,576 Yes, I have. 630 00:31:08,327 --> 00:31:10,995 Yeah, no… You remember… Henry's friend, Jackson? 631 00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:13,456 His mom and I went go-karting that one time. 632 00:31:13,457 --> 00:31:14,707 That wasn't a date. 633 00:31:14,708 --> 00:31:17,126 That was her son's birthday party that no one went to 634 00:31:17,127 --> 00:31:20,630 because the whole school got lice except for you two somehow. 635 00:31:20,631 --> 00:31:22,382 Yeah, that was a real head scratcher. 636 00:31:23,008 --> 00:31:25,051 Okay, well, what can I say? 637 00:31:25,052 --> 00:31:27,679 I'm sorry I didn't have a shady therapist pursuing me, 638 00:31:28,263 --> 00:31:30,598 making my return to dating so easy. 639 00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:31,642 What are you talking about? 640 00:31:33,060 --> 00:31:34,144 You and Dr. Jacob. 641 00:31:34,853 --> 00:31:37,939 That guy manipulated that whole situation because he had the hots for you. 642 00:31:37,940 --> 00:31:39,691 That's not what happened, Ted. 643 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,320 He didn't pursue me. If anything, it was the other way around. 644 00:31:47,366 --> 00:31:50,077 After our divorce, I hated myself. 645 00:31:50,744 --> 00:31:54,956 For over a year, I sat at home every night vacillating between feeling guilty 646 00:31:54,957 --> 00:31:58,752 and feeling confused, always putting on a brave face for Henry. 647 00:31:59,378 --> 00:32:00,379 And then… 648 00:32:01,463 --> 00:32:03,673 one day, I'm grocery shopping in my pajamas 649 00:32:03,674 --> 00:32:07,553 and I see Jake haggling with the cashier over an expired coupon. 650 00:32:09,304 --> 00:32:10,597 I asked him out on the spot. 651 00:32:11,223 --> 00:32:13,474 And he said no, because I was a former client. 652 00:32:13,475 --> 00:32:14,684 I insisted. 653 00:32:14,685 --> 00:32:18,188 "Nothing romantic," I said, and it wasn't, not for months. 654 00:32:20,732 --> 00:32:22,401 I was just sad 655 00:32:23,527 --> 00:32:25,320 and lonely, and I just thought, well… 656 00:32:27,322 --> 00:32:28,781 if I'm going to spend time with someone, 657 00:32:28,782 --> 00:32:30,783 it might as well be somebody that already knows all my shit 658 00:32:30,784 --> 00:32:34,663 so I don't have to explain it all, and they don't have to come figure it out. 659 00:32:41,086 --> 00:32:42,754 I didn't know you were going through all that. 660 00:32:43,338 --> 00:32:44,715 How could you? 661 00:32:46,216 --> 00:32:49,428 I feel a lot better now, but I do worry about you. 662 00:32:51,221 --> 00:32:56,268 I've learned divorce makes us do crazy things, but it doesn't make you a failure. 663 00:33:05,152 --> 00:33:07,446 You remember my first head coaching job down at Fort Scott? 664 00:33:08,155 --> 00:33:09,906 God, and that tiny apartment? 665 00:33:09,907 --> 00:33:12,451 You couldn't fit a large pizza in that joint. 666 00:33:15,162 --> 00:33:16,163 Every morning, 667 00:33:16,872 --> 00:33:19,416 I'd wake up, I'd be like, "Uh-oh, today's the day. 668 00:33:20,167 --> 00:33:22,627 They're gonna sniff me out. They're gonna send me packing." 669 00:33:22,628 --> 00:33:24,046 Not you though. Nope. 670 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,381 You just kept on encouraging me. 671 00:33:26,924 --> 00:33:28,091 Writing me little notes. 672 00:33:29,218 --> 00:33:31,595 Making signs that I could hang up in my office. 673 00:33:32,137 --> 00:33:33,138 Yeah. 674 00:33:36,683 --> 00:33:40,771 You always could see things in me that I couldn't see in myself at times. 675 00:33:41,897 --> 00:33:42,898 Good and bad. 676 00:33:46,443 --> 00:33:48,403 So, yeah, you're right. 677 00:33:49,863 --> 00:33:51,782 I gotta keep telling my truth at work. 678 00:33:52,658 --> 00:33:54,325 Whoever I'm coaching. 679 00:33:54,326 --> 00:33:55,369 Or coaching with. 680 00:33:58,455 --> 00:34:01,708 And yes, I should probably ask someone out on a date. 681 00:34:03,126 --> 00:34:05,712 Well, as Mark Twain would say, 682 00:34:06,255 --> 00:34:09,216 "Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection." 683 00:34:12,010 --> 00:34:13,093 Wait. 684 00:34:13,094 --> 00:34:14,721 Are we talking about coaching or dating? 685 00:34:15,472 --> 00:34:16,806 I'm just talking about Mark Twain. 686 00:34:17,850 --> 00:34:18,891 You're damn right. 687 00:34:23,605 --> 00:34:25,356 You are wild. 688 00:34:25,357 --> 00:34:29,651 I cannot believe that you were at Burning Man during the Great Whiteout of '07. 689 00:34:29,652 --> 00:34:32,363 I actually, I vividly remember reading about it 690 00:34:32,364 --> 00:34:35,533 on MySpace at Brownies on my parents' computer. 691 00:34:35,534 --> 00:34:37,033 It's the exact same experience. 692 00:34:37,034 --> 00:34:38,370 Yeah, exactly the same. 693 00:34:43,083 --> 00:34:44,333 I think it's almost midnight. 694 00:34:45,002 --> 00:34:46,003 Yeah, it looks like it. 695 00:34:48,797 --> 00:34:50,298 My feet are a bit chilly. Do you mind? 696 00:34:50,299 --> 00:34:52,133 - Please, here. - Cool. 697 00:34:52,134 --> 00:34:53,302 Thank you. 698 00:34:53,802 --> 00:34:55,261 I hate being cold. 699 00:34:55,262 --> 00:34:56,345 You know what I hate? 700 00:34:56,346 --> 00:34:58,765 - What? - Waiting till midnight. 701 00:35:02,769 --> 00:35:04,353 Oh, no. 702 00:35:04,354 --> 00:35:06,064 That's a shame. I… 703 00:35:08,150 --> 00:35:09,233 You're great. 704 00:35:09,234 --> 00:35:13,654 Actually, you're really fun and really interesting. 705 00:35:13,655 --> 00:35:15,782 - I know. - It's just… you're old. 706 00:35:16,867 --> 00:35:18,326 - Factually accurate. - Yeah. 707 00:35:18,327 --> 00:35:19,494 Objectively true. 708 00:35:20,913 --> 00:35:22,455 But that's my misread. 709 00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:24,207 - Sorry. Sorry about that. - Cool. We're good. 710 00:35:24,208 --> 00:35:25,792 - Thank you. Hey! - Bud. 711 00:35:26,877 --> 00:35:28,711 - That's energy for the new year. - I'm gonna get a drink. 712 00:35:28,712 --> 00:35:30,046 - Do you want a drink? - I'm good. 713 00:35:30,047 --> 00:35:31,631 - Okay. - I'm good. 714 00:35:31,632 --> 00:35:33,967 - See you… See you on the playa. - On the… playa? 715 00:35:44,019 --> 00:35:46,521 Happy New Year, everybody! 716 00:35:46,522 --> 00:35:48,648 Happy New Year! 717 00:35:48,649 --> 00:35:50,233 Do you think they have another one of these? 718 00:35:50,234 --> 00:35:52,528 Happy New Year! Happy New Year! 719 00:35:55,739 --> 00:35:58,200 Happy New Year, bitches! 720 00:36:03,163 --> 00:36:04,747 - Bet you will there. - Yeah. 721 00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:06,792 - Hey. Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie, look. - What? What? 722 00:36:08,335 --> 00:36:09,336 Siobhan. 723 00:36:10,712 --> 00:36:12,047 May I have that please? 724 00:36:15,092 --> 00:36:16,760 We were hoping we'd bump into you lot again. 725 00:36:19,346 --> 00:36:21,473 You all got fucking robbed by Chelsea. 726 00:36:22,724 --> 00:36:24,892 - Were you there? - Fuck yeah, we were there. 727 00:36:24,893 --> 00:36:26,978 - Yeah, we love pineapple now. - He means you guys. 728 00:36:26,979 --> 00:36:29,231 - Yeah, that's what I said. - Well, let's be friends then! 729 00:36:31,275 --> 00:36:32,984 Sorry, I forgot I don't drink. 730 00:36:32,985 --> 00:36:34,570 - Happy New Year. - Happy New Year. 731 00:36:44,371 --> 00:36:48,249 You lot are still banned till the end of the year, which is in 15 minutes. 732 00:36:48,250 --> 00:36:51,210 So until then, why don't you take it out on the green? 733 00:36:51,211 --> 00:36:53,881 Here, entertain yourselves with this. 734 00:36:55,090 --> 00:36:56,884 Let's go! 735 00:37:01,513 --> 00:37:03,639 So sorry we're out of town, Roy. 736 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,934 Don't worry, Phoebs and I will be there first thing in the morning, okay? 737 00:37:06,935 --> 00:37:08,060 Thank you, Mr. President. 738 00:37:08,061 --> 00:37:09,478 What? 739 00:37:09,479 --> 00:37:11,315 No, it's your sister, babe. It's Jenni. 740 00:37:11,982 --> 00:37:13,316 Thank you, Mr. Jenni. 741 00:37:13,317 --> 00:37:15,818 - They gave him the good stuff, huh? - Yeah. 742 00:37:15,819 --> 00:37:17,779 Well, don't worry. He's in good hands. 743 00:37:18,572 --> 00:37:19,573 Yeah. 744 00:37:20,407 --> 00:37:21,824 Happy New Year, Jenni. 745 00:37:21,825 --> 00:37:23,117 You too. 746 00:37:23,118 --> 00:37:24,535 Give a kiss to Phoebs, will you? 747 00:37:24,536 --> 00:37:26,246 - Yeah, will do. Bye. - Bye. 748 00:37:27,122 --> 00:37:28,373 Thank you, Keeley. 749 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,375 Guess what? 750 00:37:31,376 --> 00:37:33,169 It's almost midnight. 751 00:37:33,170 --> 00:37:34,921 Oh, no, am I in trouble? 752 00:37:34,922 --> 00:37:36,130 No. 753 00:37:36,131 --> 00:37:37,132 Not at all. 754 00:37:39,676 --> 00:37:42,512 Sorry. I was just letting Roy talk to his sister. 755 00:37:42,513 --> 00:37:43,846 That's all right. 756 00:37:43,847 --> 00:37:45,140 I'm heading out now. 757 00:37:45,724 --> 00:37:47,433 - It's nice to meet you. - Likewise. 758 00:37:47,434 --> 00:37:49,186 - Happy New Year. Yeah. - Happy New Year. 759 00:37:54,024 --> 00:37:55,859 Right. Hello. 760 00:37:59,238 --> 00:38:00,906 I'm glad you stayed. 761 00:38:01,990 --> 00:38:03,700 I wanted to tell you something. 762 00:38:12,835 --> 00:38:17,004 Meeting you has actually been one of the loveliest things 763 00:38:17,005 --> 00:38:18,590 that's ever happened in my life. 764 00:38:20,259 --> 00:38:21,260 So random. 765 00:38:23,428 --> 00:38:27,515 There was no way of knowing that was gonna be the start of something. 766 00:38:27,516 --> 00:38:31,395 But I love how I feel when I'm around you. 767 00:38:33,105 --> 00:38:39,778 And I love you. 768 00:38:45,617 --> 00:38:47,452 I love you, Keeley. 769 00:38:53,959 --> 00:38:55,586 Yeah. All right. 770 00:39:01,216 --> 00:39:02,426 Let's tuck you in. 771 00:39:06,346 --> 00:39:07,806 You rest up, Mr. Kent. 772 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,779 You know, I actually did meet someone pretty interesting recently. 773 00:39:23,780 --> 00:39:25,031 What's her name? 774 00:39:25,032 --> 00:39:26,282 I don't know. 775 00:39:26,283 --> 00:39:27,742 Where'd you meet her? 776 00:39:27,743 --> 00:39:29,328 Backstage at a theater. 777 00:39:29,912 --> 00:39:31,288 Is she an actress? 778 00:39:31,788 --> 00:39:33,749 No, she's a stage manager. 779 00:39:35,375 --> 00:39:37,211 Well, you should ask her out. 780 00:39:39,546 --> 00:39:40,672 Would that be okay? 781 00:39:42,591 --> 00:39:43,634 Yes, Ted. 782 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:45,928 Better than okay. 783 00:39:47,971 --> 00:39:50,015 Happy New Year! 784 00:40:05,113 --> 00:40:06,365 Why don't you go down there, 785 00:40:07,199 --> 00:40:08,783 ring in the new year with them? 786 00:40:08,784 --> 00:40:10,201 I'll stay here with Henry. 787 00:40:10,202 --> 00:40:11,370 Go be with your team. 788 00:40:12,287 --> 00:40:14,456 So, no midnight kiss then for either of us, huh? 789 00:40:15,457 --> 00:40:17,501 How about an 11:57 hug? 790 00:40:18,001 --> 00:40:20,212 That old tradition. Come on, come here. 791 00:40:22,965 --> 00:40:25,843 Hey. Thank you for always believing in me. 792 00:40:27,177 --> 00:40:28,178 Go. 793 00:40:46,405 --> 00:40:49,782 Okay. Okay, you reprobates. Are you ready for the countdown? 794 00:40:49,783 --> 00:40:51,660 Yeah! 795 00:40:53,787 --> 00:40:56,831 You can still… Hey, it's fucking… It's fucking Ted! 796 00:40:56,832 --> 00:40:58,166 What's he doing here? 797 00:40:59,793 --> 00:41:01,586 What the heck are you all doing down here? 798 00:41:01,587 --> 00:41:02,712 Yeah, we're barred still. 799 00:41:02,713 --> 00:41:03,797 Oh, right! 800 00:41:04,548 --> 00:41:05,549 Hey! 801 00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:08,051 It's nearly time! 802 00:41:09,344 --> 00:41:11,721 {\an8}Well, folks, it's about that time. 803 00:41:11,722 --> 00:41:15,099 Thanks for spending your New Year's Eve with Soft Rock Hits. 804 00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:17,435 If you're not next to the one you love, 805 00:41:17,436 --> 00:41:20,022 look around the room and, hey, pucker those lips, you never know. 806 00:41:21,565 --> 00:41:23,441 The countdown begins now. 807 00:41:23,442 --> 00:41:25,401 Ten! Nine! 808 00:41:25,402 --> 00:41:26,694 Eight! 809 00:41:26,695 --> 00:41:27,820 Seven! 810 00:41:27,821 --> 00:41:29,447 Six! 811 00:41:29,448 --> 00:41:30,740 Five! 812 00:41:30,741 --> 00:41:33,534 Four. Three. 813 00:41:33,535 --> 00:41:35,746 Two. One. 814 00:41:43,378 --> 00:41:44,379 Here. 815 00:41:45,130 --> 00:41:46,256 Happy New Year. 816 00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:48,550 Happy New Year! 817 00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:56,517 Jesus! Quick, let's go! Let's go! 818 00:42:01,063 --> 00:42:03,690 Happy New Year! 819 00:42:14,993 --> 00:42:16,995 - Happy New Year. - Happy New Year. 820 00:42:17,746 --> 00:42:22,834 Should auld acquaintance be forgot 821 00:42:22,835 --> 00:42:27,089 And never brought to mind? 822 00:42:27,881 --> 00:42:33,261 Should auld acquaintance be forgot 823 00:42:33,262 --> 00:42:37,808 And auld lang syne? 824 00:42:38,684 --> 00:42:44,146 For auld lang syne, my dear 825 00:42:44,147 --> 00:42:49,027 For auld lang syne 826 00:42:49,653 --> 00:42:50,654 How are you here? 827 00:42:51,405 --> 00:42:52,738 You didn't answer any of my texts. 828 00:42:52,739 --> 00:42:56,242 Yeah, well… it wasn't midnight in London yet. 829 00:42:56,243 --> 00:42:58,244 But you turned off Find My Phone. 830 00:42:58,245 --> 00:43:00,539 I didn't want to ruin the surprise. 831 00:43:10,382 --> 00:43:11,717 That's Jamie Tartt. 832 00:43:16,013 --> 00:43:17,055 Happy New Year, Coach. 833 00:43:17,890 --> 00:43:19,057 You too. 834 00:43:19,766 --> 00:43:21,100 - Yeah. Yeah. - Would you like a… 835 00:43:21,101 --> 00:43:23,978 - hug or something? Yeah, okay. - Come on. Bring it in. Let's do it. 836 00:43:23,979 --> 00:43:25,606 Good to see you. Yeah, I'll see you at work. 837 00:43:26,398 --> 00:43:27,691 Yes. 838 00:43:29,651 --> 00:43:32,112 Hey, Coach. Coach. Happy New Year. 839 00:43:32,696 --> 00:43:35,616 Listen. I know you think that we don't like you. 840 00:43:36,575 --> 00:43:37,950 But we really like you. 841 00:43:37,951 --> 00:43:39,453 We really like you, okay? 842 00:43:48,253 --> 00:43:49,337 Hey. 843 00:43:49,338 --> 00:43:50,713 Did you tell the team what I said? 844 00:43:50,714 --> 00:43:52,840 Have you just all been talking about me behind my back? 845 00:43:52,841 --> 00:43:54,175 No, no, no, I… 846 00:43:54,176 --> 00:43:55,468 No, I was just trying to help. 847 00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:57,638 Okay, all right. Well, I don't need your help, okay? 848 00:43:59,890 --> 00:44:03,476 For auld lang syne, my dear… 849 00:44:03,477 --> 00:44:06,730 Should auld acquaintance be forgot 850 00:44:07,356 --> 00:44:11,610 And never brought to mind 851 00:44:12,236 --> 00:44:17,657 Should auld acquaintance be forgot 852 00:44:17,658 --> 00:44:22,454 And auld lang syne 853 00:44:22,955 --> 00:44:27,626 And auld lang syne 854 00:44:28,210 --> 00:44:34,758 And auld lang syne