1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,204 --> 00:00:03,204 Kids, you know that photo in the den. 2 00:00:03,833 --> 00:00:08,290 It was taken back in 2006, when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me 3 00:00:07,690 --> 00:00:09,180 and we all went out to brunch. 4 00:00:09,190 --> 00:00:11,051 We all look pretty happy, right? 5 00:00:11,296 --> 00:00:12,356 Wrong. 6 00:00:12,366 --> 00:00:13,720 I wish your face would melt off. 7 00:00:13,730 --> 00:00:15,000 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 8 00:00:15,030 --> 00:00:17,474 - I hate you. - I hate you more. 9 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,678 - I'm going to kill him. - I can't say I blame you. 10 00:00:19,688 --> 00:00:21,978 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 11 00:00:21,995 --> 00:00:24,399 I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him. 12 00:00:24,409 --> 00:00:26,317 - Not now. - Okay, if you don't, I will. 13 00:00:26,336 --> 00:00:27,542 Robin... 14 00:00:28,207 --> 00:00:30,899 Okay, for any of this to make sense, you got to understand, 15 00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:32,769 there are three parts to this story. 16 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,208 Let's start with the Marshall and Lily part. 17 00:00:37,094 --> 00:00:41,330 As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown my parents to New York for the weekend. 18 00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:43,428 Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin Jimmy 19 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,997 had a wonderful time at that spa he visited. 20 00:00:46,014 --> 00:00:49,250 You mean the spa the judge ordered him to go to to quit cocaine? 21 00:00:49,375 --> 00:00:50,770 Coffee? 22 00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:53,857 Now, Grandma and Grandpa didn't like to talk about things 23 00:00:53,872 --> 00:00:55,920 that were uncomfortable, emotional, 24 00:00:55,935 --> 00:00:57,928 or in any way... real. 25 00:00:57,942 --> 00:00:59,838 Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. 26 00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:01,849 Oh, Lily! Hi, Marshall. 27 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:02,788 Good to see you. 28 00:01:02,804 --> 00:01:05,500 I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things. 29 00:01:05,513 --> 00:01:08,807 Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... 30 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:11,050 you know, the, the... 31 00:01:13,305 --> 00:01:14,308 Well... 32 00:01:14,322 --> 00:01:16,360 Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me? 33 00:01:16,373 --> 00:01:19,387 Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me? 34 00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:21,249 I love your hair. 35 00:01:24,191 --> 00:01:29,089 How I Met Your Mother 2x03 "Brunch" Original Airdate: October 2, 2006 36 00:01:29,783 --> 00:01:33,524 - 00:02:26,340 Okay. Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. 56 00:02:28,923 --> 00:02:31,548 See? Not awkward at all. 57 00:02:31,835 --> 00:02:33,468 - Hello, everyone. - Hi. 58 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,988 Hello, Marshall. 59 00:02:35,005 --> 00:02:37,250 Lily, that is a stunning dress. 60 00:02:37,265 --> 00:02:39,179 Oh, thanks. 61 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,310 It's kind of revealing, but I thought, 62 00:02:41,325 --> 00:02:44,669 "Hey, we're all family." Right, bro? 63 00:02:46,203 --> 00:02:47,171 What's wrong? 64 00:02:47,184 --> 00:02:50,510 Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. 65 00:02:50,525 --> 00:02:52,959 The instructor told me to just take deep breaths 66 00:02:52,975 --> 00:02:55,260 to get through the pain, just... 67 00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:05,348 Are you all right? You're kind of sweating. 68 00:03:05,366 --> 00:03:07,501 No, I'm fine. It's just... 69 00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:10,401 this roll is really spicy. 70 00:03:10,794 --> 00:03:12,628 Lily is evil! 71 00:03:12,645 --> 00:03:14,810 She just wore that dress to torture me. 72 00:03:14,825 --> 00:03:16,891 Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. 73 00:03:16,903 --> 00:03:20,048 See, at brunch, I'm going to torture Lily right back. 74 00:03:20,065 --> 00:03:23,230 Yeah. There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too. 75 00:03:23,243 --> 00:03:25,970 Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch. 76 00:03:26,624 --> 00:03:28,250 No, not that. 77 00:03:28,606 --> 00:03:32,320 I'm going to unleash my calves. 78 00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,539 That's crazy. 79 00:03:34,556 --> 00:03:36,640 Nobody's turned on by men's calves. 80 00:03:36,654 --> 00:03:39,149 They're a thoroughly unerotic body part. 81 00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:43,221 Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs. 82 00:03:44,784 --> 00:03:47,610 I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology. 83 00:03:49,005 --> 00:03:51,548 So Marshall showed up at brunch with a plan. 84 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,991 - Hello. - Oh, hi. 85 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,368 - Hey, Marshall. - Hey. 86 00:03:54,386 --> 00:03:56,130 Hey. How are you feeling? 87 00:03:56,146 --> 00:03:58,399 You looked kind of feverish last night. 88 00:03:58,415 --> 00:04:00,551 Oh, no, I actually feel great. 89 00:04:01,266 --> 00:04:03,910 It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it? 90 00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:06,498 Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... 91 00:04:06,515 --> 00:04:07,491 What are you doing? 92 00:04:07,506 --> 00:04:09,341 Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. 93 00:04:09,353 --> 00:04:13,289 I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. 94 00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,291 Oh. 95 00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:21,740 Oh, yes. 96 00:04:21,936 --> 00:04:25,340 I've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... 97 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,600 my calves have really been cramping up. 98 00:04:38,223 --> 00:04:39,378 Take off your dress. 99 00:04:39,394 --> 00:04:41,709 Take off the rest of your pants. 100 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,261 I really wasn't expecting that to happen. 101 00:04:45,274 --> 00:04:47,341 Yeah, me neither. It kind of complicates things, doesn't it? 102 00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:51,491 Yeah, it does. Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? 103 00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:53,061 You know you have a punter's leg. 104 00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:55,501 Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? 105 00:04:55,515 --> 00:04:58,099 You know you have... boobs. 106 00:04:58,514 --> 00:05:01,799 Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me. 107 00:05:01,813 --> 00:05:03,771 Seduce you? You seduced me. 108 00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:06,718 You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off. 109 00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:08,980 You went to San Francisco for three months. 110 00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:10,419 How is that seducing you? 111 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:11,981 Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it. 112 00:05:12,014 --> 00:05:14,469 All right, that's it... I want The Beatles Anthology. 113 00:05:14,486 --> 00:05:15,808 Oh, well, that's too bad; I'm keeping it. 114 00:05:15,843 --> 00:05:17,889 And you know the U2 box set I gave you? 115 00:05:17,904 --> 00:05:19,951 Look inside... all Dave Matthews. 116 00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:21,359 You are evil. 117 00:05:21,374 --> 00:05:23,048 Smile. 118 00:05:25,096 --> 00:05:26,201 I'm going to kill him. 119 00:05:26,213 --> 00:05:27,519 I can't say I blame you. 120 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:30,540 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 121 00:05:31,573 --> 00:05:34,791 Now let's talk about the Barney part of the story. 122 00:05:35,964 --> 00:05:38,689 This was going to be Robin's first time meeting my parents, 123 00:05:38,704 --> 00:05:41,009 so we were both a little nervous. 124 00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:43,908 Barney, what are you doing here? 125 00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:45,919 Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. 126 00:05:45,936 --> 00:05:47,198 They must be dying to meet me after all 127 00:05:47,235 --> 00:05:49,150 the legendary Barney stories you've told them. 128 00:05:49,163 --> 00:05:51,061 I haven't told them any legendary Barney stories. 129 00:05:51,096 --> 00:05:51,978 What? 130 00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:56,891 Barney, here is a list of all the things I talk with my dad about: baseball. 131 00:05:59,163 --> 00:06:00,551 But I'm your best friend. 132 00:06:00,565 --> 00:06:01,641 Well, actually Marshall's my... 133 00:06:01,673 --> 00:06:03,468 I'm the most important person in your life. 134 00:06:03,485 --> 00:06:04,529 Well, Robin's actually... 135 00:06:04,545 --> 00:06:06,899 How could your parents not know about me? 136 00:06:06,915 --> 00:06:08,258 I'm delightful. 137 00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:12,508 To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. 138 00:06:12,525 --> 00:06:14,348 I mean, come on, you're not exactly the kind of friend 139 00:06:14,386 --> 00:06:16,149 parents want their kid to have. 140 00:06:16,163 --> 00:06:17,709 Oh, really? 141 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,959 Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing 142 00:06:19,976 --> 00:06:22,300 you're most wrong about today. 143 00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:27,779 - Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. - Ted. 144 00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:29,490 I know you've all been excited to meet... 145 00:06:29,503 --> 00:06:33,509 Barney Stinson. An honor to meet the two of you. 146 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:35,940 That needlepoint "Bless This Mess" pillow you made for Ted... 147 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,278 what a stitch. 148 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,453 Stitch! Did that just happen? 149 00:06:41,088 --> 00:06:43,230 Uh, Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Robin. 150 00:06:43,243 --> 00:06:44,260 - Hello. - Hello. 151 00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:46,220 Oh, it's wonderful to meet you, Robin. 152 00:06:46,233 --> 00:06:49,238 Oh, you are so pretty. Isn't she pretty, Al? 153 00:06:49,256 --> 00:06:50,321 A real looker. 154 00:06:50,335 --> 00:06:53,640 That's funny, I didn't even "look" in the mirror today. 155 00:06:55,573 --> 00:06:58,059 That's not anything, is it? 156 00:06:58,154 --> 00:07:02,769 So, I made a reservation at San Marino tonight for 8:00. 157 00:07:02,785 --> 00:07:05,010 San Marino. 158 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,709 Oh, you're serious? Yikes. 159 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:09,158 No. We have to try Casa A Pezzi. 160 00:07:09,173 --> 00:07:11,360 Best salmon risotto I have ever had. 161 00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:13,588 I love salmon risotto. 162 00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,368 I know. 163 00:07:15,863 --> 00:07:18,098 How are we supposed to get a table at Casa A Pezzi? 164 00:07:18,114 --> 00:07:19,420 They're booked for weeks. 165 00:07:19,434 --> 00:07:22,201 Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the head waitress, 166 00:07:22,215 --> 00:07:24,631 which is ironic because... 167 00:07:25,726 --> 00:07:30,570 Ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter where I serve the food. 168 00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,998 Where do you volunteer, Robin? 169 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,641 What's the matter with you? 170 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,200 I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. 171 00:07:38,214 --> 00:07:40,250 Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass. 172 00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:42,110 Robin, I'm his best friend. 173 00:07:42,125 --> 00:07:43,360 That's a commitment. 174 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:46,028 Girlfriend, that's like a bad flu. 175 00:07:46,044 --> 00:07:48,131 Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. 176 00:07:48,145 --> 00:07:49,671 High five. 177 00:07:50,184 --> 00:07:51,431 Can I help? 178 00:07:51,445 --> 00:07:53,039 Yes, you can, Virginia. 179 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:56,870 There's a story behind that broach, and I'm going to hear it. 180 00:07:56,885 --> 00:07:58,631 Well, funny you should ask. 181 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,320 Whoa! Bravo, Barney. 182 00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:08,831 That is my all-time favorite sonata. 183 00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:10,568 Barney, you are just delightful. 184 00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:13,891 No, Virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. 185 00:08:13,905 --> 00:08:15,199 And he's just Ted. 186 00:08:15,213 --> 00:08:18,369 I'm really not planning these things; they just keep happening. 187 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,789 Whoops. I think I dropped an ice cube down here. 188 00:08:21,806 --> 00:08:23,501 Ow, it's so cold. 189 00:08:23,956 --> 00:08:26,078 All right, that's it, I'm out of here. 190 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,621 In a minute. 191 00:08:30,196 --> 00:08:32,168 Anyone up for a drink at MacLaren's? 192 00:08:32,186 --> 00:08:33,659 - No, I'm kind of tired. - Me, too. 193 00:08:33,673 --> 00:08:34,899 Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want... 194 00:08:34,933 --> 00:08:37,828 I feel like I could knock back a few cervezas. 195 00:08:37,845 --> 00:08:39,709 Cervezas? 196 00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:41,449 Did he fall? 197 00:08:41,465 --> 00:08:45,381 I'd join you, too, but I want to get up early for Mass tomorrow. 198 00:08:45,393 --> 00:08:48,998 St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m., it's my favorite service. 199 00:08:49,026 --> 00:08:53,129 Wait a minute... you're able to cross the threshold of a church? 200 00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:54,409 I'll save you a seat. 201 00:08:54,424 --> 00:08:57,088 Oh, you are just terrific. 202 00:08:57,105 --> 00:08:59,159 Isn't he, Susan? 203 00:08:59,514 --> 00:09:00,800 Robin. 204 00:09:00,813 --> 00:09:03,620 Susan, her name is Virginia. 205 00:09:06,804 --> 00:09:09,178 Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now. 206 00:09:09,204 --> 00:09:10,451 Why? 207 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:13,189 Last night, we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right? 208 00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:15,721 So Barney darts back into the burning house, 209 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,849 lifts up the refrigerator I'm pinned under 210 00:09:17,863 --> 00:09:19,961 and pulls me to safety. 211 00:09:20,256 --> 00:09:22,289 Whoa. You're like a hero. 212 00:09:22,305 --> 00:09:24,478 Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy. 213 00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:26,450 You know who is a hero? 214 00:09:26,463 --> 00:09:29,109 My Dalmatian, Smokey. 215 00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:33,739 He... didn't... make it out. 216 00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:36,361 I'm sorry. 217 00:09:38,354 --> 00:09:40,420 You poor, brave man. 218 00:09:40,436 --> 00:09:42,700 Why don't you give the guy a hug? 219 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,720 I'm... oh. 220 00:09:48,624 --> 00:09:51,208 My dad was your wingman? 221 00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:52,779 This is really messing with my head. 222 00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:55,698 Barney, is my dad cool? 223 00:09:55,714 --> 00:09:57,338 I'm not done. 224 00:09:57,503 --> 00:09:59,838 So, your dad stays to finish his drink, 225 00:09:59,855 --> 00:10:02,978 but I take off because I have to be up early for Mass with your mom. 226 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,298 Sure. 227 00:10:04,316 --> 00:10:08,768 Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, so I come back... 228 00:10:12,425 --> 00:10:14,178 Oh, my God... 229 00:10:18,923 --> 00:10:20,509 Oh, my God. 230 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,428 Is that really... 231 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:26,041 - Oh, my God! - I know. 232 00:10:26,156 --> 00:10:29,580 Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that? 233 00:10:35,076 --> 00:10:38,049 My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? 234 00:10:38,064 --> 00:10:40,660 He cheated on my mom? No, that's impossible. 235 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,669 Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people 236 00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:46,551 married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side. 237 00:10:46,565 --> 00:10:50,361 Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use "83%"? 238 00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:52,068 You think I'm lying. 239 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,151 Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? 240 00:10:54,164 --> 00:10:58,109 Because the good people at www.swingers.openmarriageisnatural 241 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:01,759 legalizepolygamy.org have, and they beg to differ. 242 00:11:01,775 --> 00:11:03,170 That's not a real Web site. 243 00:11:03,186 --> 00:11:07,140 Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real T-shirt for running in their 10K. 244 00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:13,440 - Hi, Dad. - Hey, Ted. Barney. 245 00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:15,938 - Enjoying your vacation so far? - Oh, yeah. 246 00:11:15,954 --> 00:11:18,150 Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec? 247 00:11:18,163 --> 00:11:19,508 Sure. 248 00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:25,249 So you went out with Barney last night? 249 00:11:25,266 --> 00:11:26,410 Yeah. 250 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:27,818 You have a good time? 251 00:11:27,836 --> 00:11:30,210 Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry you couldn't join us. 252 00:11:32,265 --> 00:11:33,708 Yeah. 253 00:11:34,504 --> 00:11:35,810 So... 254 00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:37,939 What? 255 00:11:38,383 --> 00:11:39,788 Well... 256 00:11:41,026 --> 00:11:42,348 Well what? 257 00:11:44,106 --> 00:11:47,559 You think Cerrano's got a shot at the RBI title? 258 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,810 I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. 259 00:11:50,823 --> 00:11:54,051 I guess I got the let's-not-talk- about-anything-uncomfortable gene 260 00:11:54,064 --> 00:11:56,691 Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, that's for sure. 261 00:11:56,723 --> 00:11:58,181 Smile. 262 00:11:58,603 --> 00:11:59,611 Great. 263 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:03,071 I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him. 264 00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:04,291 Not now. 265 00:12:04,303 --> 00:12:06,069 Okay, if you don't, I will. 266 00:12:06,086 --> 00:12:07,391 Robin...! 267 00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:10,938 Okay, now I got to back up all the way to the beginning 268 00:12:10,953 --> 00:12:13,850 to tell you the me and Robin part of the story. 269 00:12:14,924 --> 00:12:17,680 We were expecting my parents at any minute. 270 00:12:17,694 --> 00:12:19,339 One last thing about my mom. 271 00:12:19,353 --> 00:12:20,989 She grills every single one of my girlfriends 272 00:12:21,024 --> 00:12:23,321 about when we're gonna get married and have kids. 273 00:12:23,334 --> 00:12:24,951 But this is the first time she's meeting me. 274 00:12:24,984 --> 00:12:25,658 Doesn't matter. 275 00:12:25,676 --> 00:12:28,148 And you'll know it's coming when she mentions my cousin Stacy... 276 00:12:28,186 --> 00:12:29,968 six kids in five years. 277 00:12:29,985 --> 00:12:32,838 The woman's basically a ride at a water park. 278 00:12:33,454 --> 00:12:36,218 But I don't want to get married and have kids. 279 00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:37,761 What am I supposed to say? 280 00:12:37,774 --> 00:12:39,101 You know what? 281 00:12:39,115 --> 00:12:41,768 You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. 282 00:12:41,785 --> 00:12:43,271 You shouldn't have to apologize for them. 283 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,420 - I'm gonna lie. - I would. 284 00:12:46,385 --> 00:12:49,648 Thanks again for letting me have the U2 box set. 285 00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:51,959 I know how important it is to you. 286 00:12:52,026 --> 00:12:54,428 I talked to Aunt Caroline the other day. 287 00:12:54,443 --> 00:12:56,619 Stacy's pregnant again. 288 00:12:56,635 --> 00:12:58,960 Oh, good for her. 289 00:12:58,975 --> 00:13:01,040 - So, dear... - Oh, boy. 290 00:13:01,053 --> 00:13:02,759 Tell us what it's like being a journalist. 291 00:13:02,776 --> 00:13:04,501 I'm just not ready. 292 00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:06,919 Okay. No pressure. 293 00:13:06,945 --> 00:13:10,181 Oh. Uh, I thought you, um... 294 00:13:10,226 --> 00:13:11,671 It's great. 295 00:13:11,684 --> 00:13:12,610 Good. 296 00:13:12,623 --> 00:13:16,021 Focus on your job now, because your career clock is ticking. 297 00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:19,991 There's time for marriage and kids and all that other stuff later. 298 00:13:21,424 --> 00:13:23,468 Ooh, a piano! 299 00:13:25,186 --> 00:13:27,270 You lucked out with my mom last night, huh? 300 00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:28,371 What a relief, right? 301 00:13:28,383 --> 00:13:29,578 Oh, absolutely. 302 00:13:29,594 --> 00:13:31,708 Whew, what a relief it is to know I'm the one girlfriend 303 00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:34,160 your mom doesn't want you to have kids with. 304 00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:36,049 Hooray? 305 00:13:36,355 --> 00:13:39,210 I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend Cheryl 306 00:13:39,225 --> 00:13:41,029 would pop out attractive children? 307 00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:43,151 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, 308 00:13:43,163 --> 00:13:45,958 that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman. 309 00:13:45,973 --> 00:13:48,711 Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. 310 00:13:48,723 --> 00:13:51,441 And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. It was her... 311 00:13:51,674 --> 00:13:53,339 It's not important. 312 00:13:55,096 --> 00:13:57,040 What happened to Marshall and Lily? 313 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,499 They've been fighting lately. 314 00:13:58,516 --> 00:14:00,639 They're probably off somewhere going at it. 315 00:14:00,656 --> 00:14:01,860 More coffee? 316 00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:03,948 Oh, no, thank you. 317 00:14:04,714 --> 00:14:06,948 Isn't she sweet? 318 00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:10,580 Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have Ted's babies. 319 00:14:10,803 --> 00:14:12,429 Excuse me? 320 00:14:12,446 --> 00:14:13,980 Nothing. 321 00:14:19,384 --> 00:14:20,648 Just a minute. 322 00:14:20,665 --> 00:14:22,430 Maybe less. 323 00:14:22,463 --> 00:14:25,798 Robin, dear. Did I say something to upset you? 324 00:14:25,815 --> 00:14:28,309 Why don't you want me to have your grandkids? 325 00:14:28,594 --> 00:14:30,560 Do you want to have my grandkids? 326 00:14:30,575 --> 00:14:33,639 No! I mean, I don't know. 327 00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:37,069 I just... I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids. 328 00:14:37,086 --> 00:14:39,839 And you should. I'm a genetic gold mine. 329 00:14:39,855 --> 00:14:42,580 No family history of diabetes or heart disease. 330 00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:45,921 Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. 331 00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:50,211 I had one schizophrenic uncle, but even he had perfect vision. 332 00:14:50,226 --> 00:14:52,161 Which was unfortunate 333 00:14:52,175 --> 00:14:54,779 for the people around the bell tower he was in, 334 00:14:54,796 --> 00:14:56,959 but still he was a very fine man, and... 335 00:14:56,973 --> 00:14:59,939 Excuse me. Sorry. Didn't know that there was a line. 336 00:15:00,006 --> 00:15:01,868 Marshall, your zipper. 337 00:15:09,813 --> 00:15:12,818 Robin, it's not that I don't want grandkids. 338 00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,990 It's just I don't think anyone should make the mistake 339 00:15:15,004 --> 00:15:16,999 of getting married too young. 340 00:15:17,013 --> 00:15:18,039 Why do you say that? 341 00:15:18,056 --> 00:15:21,610 I mean, you got married pretty young. That wasn't a mistake. 342 00:15:22,685 --> 00:15:24,320 Was it? 343 00:15:24,335 --> 00:15:25,820 Well... 344 00:15:25,885 --> 00:15:27,971 Okay, there's something you don't know. 345 00:15:27,983 --> 00:15:29,669 Smile. 346 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,430 I wish your face would melt off. 347 00:15:31,444 --> 00:15:33,010 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 348 00:15:33,025 --> 00:15:33,858 I'm gonna kill him. 349 00:15:33,876 --> 00:15:36,131 I don't care how unpleasant it is, you have to talk to him. 350 00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:38,271 - Not now. - Okay, if you don't, I will. 351 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,441 Robin...! 352 00:15:40,533 --> 00:15:43,398 Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart. 353 00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:45,589 Sweetheart? Sweetheart?! 354 00:15:45,603 --> 00:15:47,271 The only sweetheart in your life should be the woman 355 00:15:47,306 --> 00:15:49,711 you married 30 years ago, not the waitress at the bar last night 356 00:15:49,746 --> 00:15:52,090 and not this clumsy floozy! 357 00:15:52,104 --> 00:15:53,590 I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. 358 00:15:53,605 --> 00:15:55,950 I'm upset, I don't know what I'm saying. 359 00:15:55,963 --> 00:15:58,501 But stay away from my dad. 360 00:15:58,795 --> 00:16:01,398 Ted, what are you talking about? 361 00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:02,791 Dad? 362 00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:07,378 You, uh, want to tell Mom what happened at the bar last night? 363 00:16:09,186 --> 00:16:10,901 Okay. 364 00:16:10,916 --> 00:16:13,278 I hooked up with a waitress. 365 00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:15,219 Oh. 366 00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:17,389 Oh? 367 00:16:17,403 --> 00:16:19,268 I mean, oh! 368 00:16:19,283 --> 00:16:21,548 Oh! Ooh! 369 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:24,811 We're going to have a serious talk about this when we get home, Al. 370 00:16:24,826 --> 00:16:26,859 Oh, ooh! 371 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:29,288 Serious talk? Mom, what...? 372 00:16:29,304 --> 00:16:31,759 He was kissing another woman. Don't you care? 373 00:16:31,774 --> 00:16:33,689 Mrs. Mosby? 374 00:16:35,776 --> 00:16:38,749 Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this... 375 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,498 Your mother and I are divorced. 376 00:16:46,654 --> 00:16:49,419 What do you mean you're divorced? Since when? 377 00:16:49,436 --> 00:16:52,009 Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now. 378 00:16:52,024 --> 00:16:53,418 Closer to ten, I think. 379 00:16:53,436 --> 00:16:55,310 Time flies. 380 00:16:55,326 --> 00:16:57,938 So ten months ago, you just up and decided 381 00:16:57,955 --> 00:16:59,741 to get divorced without telling me? 382 00:16:59,756 --> 00:17:01,410 No, it wasn't a snap decision. 383 00:17:01,426 --> 00:17:03,930 We'd been separated almost two years. 384 00:17:03,945 --> 00:17:05,910 How could you not tell me this?! 385 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:09,261 We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time. 386 00:17:09,273 --> 00:17:11,231 So last Christmas...? 387 00:17:11,243 --> 00:17:13,130 We talked about telling you kids then, 388 00:17:13,144 --> 00:17:15,410 but it didn't seem very Christmasy. 389 00:17:16,384 --> 00:17:18,129 I got you a tandem bike. 390 00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:21,428 Oh, it didn't go to waste. Your mother and Frank ride it all the time. 391 00:17:21,443 --> 00:17:22,880 Who the hell is Frank?! 392 00:17:22,893 --> 00:17:26,390 Oh, great guy. I actually set them up. 393 00:17:26,403 --> 00:17:29,739 You remember Dr. Muchnik. He did your braces. 394 00:17:32,554 --> 00:17:34,621 Okay, my head's about to explode, 395 00:17:34,635 --> 00:17:36,731 and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, 396 00:17:36,763 --> 00:17:38,248 so I am leaving. 397 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,270 Teddy bear, oh... 398 00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:47,269 You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. 399 00:17:47,284 --> 00:17:49,050 I totally spaced on that. 400 00:17:50,623 --> 00:17:53,011 Ooh, no line at the omelet station. 401 00:17:59,195 --> 00:18:00,741 Lily... 402 00:18:01,143 --> 00:18:03,880 I'm sorry that I said all those things. 403 00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,598 Me, too. 404 00:18:06,913 --> 00:18:10,011 I just find it really confusing to be around you right now. 405 00:18:10,026 --> 00:18:11,730 It's the same for me. 406 00:18:12,696 --> 00:18:14,801 I think we're probably both better off trying 407 00:18:14,815 --> 00:18:17,530 to keep some distance for a while. 408 00:18:17,615 --> 00:18:19,578 Yeah, I think you're right. 409 00:18:27,184 --> 00:18:28,670 Are you wearing a push-up bra? 410 00:18:28,685 --> 00:18:30,150 Did you Mystic Tan your calves? 411 00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:32,089 I withdraw the question. 412 00:18:33,853 --> 00:18:36,708 We're sorry we didn't say anything about the divorce. 413 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,159 It was wrong not to tell you. 414 00:18:39,176 --> 00:18:40,611 Thank you. 415 00:18:40,626 --> 00:18:42,091 But listen, don't tell your sister. 416 00:18:42,106 --> 00:18:44,028 It would just upset her. 417 00:18:44,393 --> 00:18:46,279 No, this is ridiculous! 418 00:18:46,295 --> 00:18:49,641 We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball. 419 00:18:49,653 --> 00:18:51,659 Indians won today on a walk-off double. 420 00:18:51,676 --> 00:18:54,048 Against the Red Sox? Boy, that's a big win. 421 00:18:54,064 --> 00:18:56,991 No. No. No. We're not gonna blow past this. 422 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,998 I mean, I don't even know who you people. 423 00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:01,189 I don't even know how you met. 424 00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,891 I never told you how I met your mother? 425 00:19:02,903 --> 00:19:04,728 - No. - Oh, great story. 426 00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,271 At a bar. 427 00:19:08,134 --> 00:19:09,501 That's it? 428 00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:12,499 That's what passes for communication in our family? 429 00:19:12,513 --> 00:19:15,218 Man, when I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, 430 00:19:15,234 --> 00:19:18,369 I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story. 431 00:19:19,394 --> 00:19:21,578 I think it was an Irish bar. 432 00:19:23,385 --> 00:19:25,651 I just, I don't... I don't understand. 433 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,370 You seemed so happy. 434 00:19:27,385 --> 00:19:29,728 When I was growing up, you seemed so... 435 00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:31,399 What happened? 436 00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:33,981 We just realized we're very different people. 437 00:19:33,995 --> 00:19:36,380 Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, 438 00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:38,820 and I'm much more down to earth. 439 00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:40,000 So? 440 00:19:40,015 --> 00:19:42,750 Robin and I are like that. That doesn't mean anything. 441 00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:45,560 I wanted kids. And your mother... 442 00:19:46,006 --> 00:19:48,441 also wanted kids. 443 00:19:49,296 --> 00:19:51,371 Robin and I have different views on families. 444 00:19:51,383 --> 00:19:53,110 We're not about to break up because of it. 445 00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:56,071 On some level, I always knew. 446 00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:58,328 I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning. 447 00:19:58,345 --> 00:20:02,329 But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in. 448 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:07,499 Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, 449 00:20:07,516 --> 00:20:11,431 it's only a matter of time before you realize you're not meant to be together. 450 00:20:12,715 --> 00:20:14,718 But we love Robin. 451 00:20:14,736 --> 00:20:15,720 Absolutely. 452 00:20:15,735 --> 00:20:17,850 Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. 453 00:20:17,863 --> 00:20:20,229 Well, second highlight. 454 00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:24,021 - We'll see you inside. - Sorry. 455 00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:30,328 Wow. 456 00:20:30,465 --> 00:20:31,941 I know. 457 00:20:32,835 --> 00:20:35,349 They love me! 458 00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:41,521 So we are definitely going to try and communicate more. 459 00:20:41,535 --> 00:20:43,299 From now on, full disclosure. 460 00:20:43,314 --> 00:20:47,078 Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. 461 00:20:47,096 --> 00:20:50,779 By the way, how's Grandma? She hasn't returned my last couple calls. 462 00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:59,609 I'm gonna get some juice. 463 00:21:01,515 --> 00:21:03,241 No. 464 00:21:04,985 --> 00:21:07,189 No. 465 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:11,361 You missed a great game last night. Real squeaker. 466 00:21:14,216 --> 00:21:19,216 - Synced and Corrected by AdyMcAwsum - www.MY-SUBS.com