1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,001
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,013
♪

3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,929
‐ Alright, Terry, I'm switching on
the Neutronium Diode.

4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:11,717
This thing's a temperamental little slut

5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,810
so be ready to cut the power source ASAP.

6
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,765
As Shlorpian as possible.
TERRY: [over headset] Gotcha, buddy!

7
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,225
[machine whirring]
‐ Oh! Terry, turn it off!

8
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:20,597
Terry! Do it now!
Ow, fucking ow, ow, ow, fuck!

9
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:23,864
Terry! Fuck! Ow! Terry! Ow! Terry!

10
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,568
TERRY:
Gotcha, buddy!

11
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,437
Gotcha, buddy! Gotcha, buddy!

12
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,065
Gotcha, buddy! Gotcha, buddy!

13
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,372
Gotcha, buddy!

14
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,525
[banging]
[muffled screaming]

15
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,373
‐ Oh crap, I forgot about Korvo!

16
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,200
‐ Help, Terry. I think I'm dying.

17
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,164
Please, cancel my subscription to Goop.

18
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,334
‐ Oh god, oh no, I'm so sorry, Korv.

19
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,383
Now‐now is it the green button
or the yellow one.

20
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,247
I'm such a Forgetful Frankie Muniz.

21
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,054
That's not a joke,
he had a serious head injury.
[Korvo screaming]

22
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,087
‐ Oh!

23
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:49,927
Ahh!

24
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,385
[machine powers down]

25
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,104
Terry, I'm gonna ask you one time
and you better not lie:

26
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,807
did you abandon your post
and go to Disneyland?

27
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,137
‐ What? No, I was‐‐

28
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[Chewbacca roar]
I got these at Target.

29
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‐ I know for a fact
they don't sell those at Target.

30
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‐ Online they do.
Black Friday deal, got an email.

31
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‐ Dammit, it probably went to my spam.

32
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,074
Fucking Hulumail sucks.
Will you forward it to me?

33
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,605
‐ I'd have to get back to you.
Let's get you down from there.

34
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,912
‐ Ohhh!
‐ Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

35
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,115
Which button is it again?

36
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,615
Which button is it?
‐ Terry!

37
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KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

38
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Until the asteroid hit.

39
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa

40
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and escaped into, uh, the space,

41
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,884
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.

42
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We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.

43
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That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.

44
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.

45
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,178
This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

46
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,641
[stammers]
This is ridiculous.

47
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,730
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.

48
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:41,596
People are stupid.

49
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,732
Why are they all so excited
about keeping themselves alive?

50
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Don't they know when you die
you come back stronger

51
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,822
and with an earthier flavor?

52
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♪

53
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[school bell rings]

54
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,042
‐ Sigourney Weaver is
your perfect Earth babe?

55
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:01,908
‐ Uh, yeah!

56
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,254
She's a woman of science,

57
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,328
she already has
a prior relationship with aliens,

58
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,094
and she has the biceps
of a young Al Gore.

59
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‐ She's one handsome lady,
that's for sure.

60
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I'd put a bun in that oven.

61
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‐ [grunts] Ahh!

62
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:15,135
‐ Yo, check it. This dickless dork has
a poster of Sigourney Weaver!

63
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,345
‐ How dare you,
she's America's hot older aunt!

64
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,926
‐ I know!
[groans]

65
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,811
Which is why you have no business
hanging a poster of her in your locker.

66
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,388
‐ She tried to save the Na'vi
while making smoking look cool again.

67
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,984
What the fuck did you ever do?

68
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,019
‐ You will never be strong enough,
cool enough,

69
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,653
or confident enough to get
a woman like Sigi Weave.

70
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,741
‐ Ohh!
[students laugh]

71
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,776
‐ Principal Cooke, are you gonna
do something about this bullying?

72
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:36,741
‐ Yes.

73
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Two weeks detention for thinking
you could ever date

74
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a goddess like Sigourney Weaver!

75
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,246
She won a spoken‐word Grammy,
you piece of shit!

76
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,498
‐ You okay?
‐ What? Of course. Are you okay?

77
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,461
‐ I am super, capital S.

78
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,761
I thought Stacy K. flicked a booger
at me in math

79
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,585
but turns out it was just an eraser,

80
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,720
so I guess we're BFFs now.

81
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,926
‐ Jesus, Jesse,
stop badgering me!

82
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,257
Fine, I'm not okay!
Is that what you want to hear?

83
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:01,223
I just, I want to destroy
those cool kids,

84
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,813
but Korvo deactivated
all the awesome weapons in my suit.

85
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‐ You know what you should do?

86
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,646
Go to a gym, start lifting weights,
maybe some CrossFit

87
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,266
and then when you're all swole and shit,

88
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,733
you can come back
and beat up all those cool kids.

89
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:12,733
‐ You really think that would work?

90
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,534
‐ Totally! So you're gonna take
my idea and hit the gym?

91
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,859
‐ Hell, no, your ideas suck.

92
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,784
I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

93
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:19,912
They'll never see it coming!

94
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,658
‐ Don't say poisonous‐‐
‐ Poisonous snakes!

95
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,829
‐ Hola, Korvito! I got you
some Texi‐Mexi from Pedro's

96
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,831
to say sorry
for that little thing earlier.

97
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,213
I scored you a bunch of salsa!

98
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,169
‐ Terry, for the last time,
salsa is not a real apology.

99
00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:34,631
And you know the only food I like eating
at those Mexican restaurants

100
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,591
are those sliced radishes! Mm!

101
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,762
‐ More for me! Hey, so what's this
bad boy all about?

102
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,510
‐ Don't touch. This "bad boy"
can send warranty letters

103
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:44,643
back to the factory on Shlorp
that made the Diode in the first place.

104
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,521
‐ Wait, didn't Shlorp blow up like
a new Lizzo single? Topical.

105
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,939
‐ Yes, but this uses a temporal address

106
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,938
that can send the letter back in time
to before Shlorp went boom‐boom‐pow.

107
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,202
I was trying to piggyback
on‐on‐on your, on your reference to music.

108
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:57,906
[cough]

109
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:01,065
Then they'll be able to fix this defect
before it even leaves the factory.

110
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,204
Now sit back and watch Korvo

111
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as he... fixes everything.

112
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,408
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]

113
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,289
[electricity crackling]

114
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,759
‐ We got another complaint
about the defect

115
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,545
on Diode number zork‐6915.

116
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,179
And also, who keeps eating my lunch?

117
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,926
Seriously. It has my name on it, guys.

118
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,638
Stop fucking smiling, Grant,
I know it's you!

119
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:27,479
♪

120
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‐ Oh, I get it, so this mailbox works
just like the one

121
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from the Sandy Bullock tear‐jerker
The Lake House.

122
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:35,147
‐ First, her God ‐ given name
is Sandra, show some respect.

123
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:38,450
And second, this is a highly scientific,
carefully calibrated portal

124
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,195
that acts as a quantum time travel
customer service line.

125
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:44,028
It's not "like" some crappy movie
nobody's ever seen.

126
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,664
‐ First, not a crappy movie.

127
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,291
Two, everybody's seen it.

128
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,827
And three, it's basically
the thing from the movie!

129
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,921
‐ Goddammit, Terry, it's nothing
like The Lake House!

130
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,499
[Korvo sobbing]

131
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,883
So it's a little exactly like
The Lake House.

132
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:57,760
‐ Told ya!

133
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,716
Maybe now you'll finally believe that
I saw a "The Meg" when I went snorkeling.

134
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,047
‐ Oh my god, you did not see
a "The Meg."

135
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,223
Let's get back to work,

136
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,011
and you need to clean up
the popcorn you spilled

137
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,314
when Keanu took his shirt off.

138
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,847
‐ Yeah, no thanks on the whole
"getting back to work" plan.

139
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,602
Instead, I'm gonna crush
a big bag of Buffalo‐flavored Snickers

140
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,064
while I lay here and fart.

141
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,574
‐ Terry, straight‐up, real talk,

142
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,186
why are you such a lazy piece of shit?

143
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,442
‐ Great question, KV.
I was grown this way.

144
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,074
I've been lazy all my life,
ever since I was a little replicant

145
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,782
birddogging thotties on the playground.

146
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:24,782
Just me and the thots.

147
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:25,993
‐ Wouldn't you rather be like me,

148
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,163
rule following, hardworking, slim.

149
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,541
Basically fucking amazing.

150
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:32,078
‐ Look, nothing and no one
at this present time and space

151
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,212
is gwan change me.

152
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,588
[singing] You can't change me,
you can't change me‐‐

153
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:38,256
‐ This gives me a very specific idea.

154
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,965
Computer, activate AISHA.

155
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,215
AISHA: Korvo, make it quick,
you know I'm watchin' my stories.

156
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,047
‐ If I were to change
the address on the letter

157
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,762
I send through The Lake House device ,

158
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,892
will it get delivered
to any Shlorpian in the past?

159
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,640
AISHA: Technically, yes, but non‐warranty
time travel voids the warranty.

160
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,733
‐ Hmmm, I do like warranties.
But it's worth a shot.

161
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:59,318
Dearest Young Terry,
I pray this letter finds you well...

162
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,275
[electricity crackles]

163
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,781
[drone buzzing]

164
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:06,988
[gasps]

165
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,831
KORVO: My sincere hope is that
you will dedicate your life to science

166
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,419
and cleaning up and not being
such a lazy piece of shit.

167
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,575
The truth is,
if you don't do those things,

168
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,844
your blood will turn into shlorbats.

169
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:21,006
You know what they are.
Your friend, mystery person.

170
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:23,085
‐ I'd better stop being lazy!

171
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,721
‐ Sorry, Yum, I'm fresh out of
the super poisonous snakes.

172
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,599
‐ What else you got, Derek?

173
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,557
‐ These platypi got stingers in 'em
that emit a poison

174
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,136
that can seriously fuck somebody up.

175
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,101
‐ Really? They look so cute.

176
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,981
‐ Cute? Check this.
Rodney tests all my shit. Yo, Rod!

177
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,647
Show 'em, Ney.

178
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,439
[growling]

179
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,402
‐ Aah! Oh!

180
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,361
[panting]
‐ Sweet! I'll take ‘em.

181
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,993
[slippers squeaking]
‐ Good morning, sleepy‐peepy!

182
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,280
You just getting up?
‐ Yes.

183
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,583
Ha‐have you been getting
a jump start on the day?

184
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,577
‐ You know it, my man!

185
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,158
I already did all the work on the ship,

186
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,713
cleaned the house, folded the laundry.

187
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,706
You know what they say,
if you're a lazy piece of shit,

188
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:57,958
your blood will turn to bats!

189
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,672
‐ Holy fuck, The Lake House device worked!

190
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:04,472
This is a lot of power,
gotta be careful about not abusing it.

191
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,801
Are you eating Honey Nut Hulios
with a fork?

192
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,434
‐ Uh, yeah, that's how you eat them.

193
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,720
I'm sorry if it's annoying.

194
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,813
I like the feeling
of the tines on my teeth.

195
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:16,019
‐ Ugh. I'll be right back.

196
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,350
[slippers squeaking]

197
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,435
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]

198
00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:25,107
‐ Korvo, just finishing eating my cereal
with a spoon like a normal person.

199
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,242
Hey, after I'm done,
do you want to spend all afternoon

200
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,659
ranking our favorite buttons on the ship?

201
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,237
I mean, number one has
to be laser number 17.

202
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,913
But number two... who fucking knows!

203
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,872
Ha, ha!
‐ I would love to.

204
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:40,629
[platypuses growling]
‐ Ow! Stop! Ow, heel, bitches!

205
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,708
JESSE:
When you're all swole and shit,

206
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:45,383
you can come back
and beat up all those cool kids.

207
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,342
‐ That's a good idea‐‐ ow!

208
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,552
Fuck you, platypussies!

209
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:50,933
[people screaming]
[tires squealing]

210
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:51,929
[cars crash]

211
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,309
Hello, my name is Yumyulack.
Yeah, I know it's a dope name.

212
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:58,809
I need to get super jacked and swole
with lots of muscles and confidence

213
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,402
so people will respect me
and I won't feel like such a loser.

214
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,188
So, obviously, the stakes are high.

215
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,572
Oh, and it has to be done
by the time school starts tomorrow.

216
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:09,069
‐ Wish we could help, friend,
but we used to be losers just like you.

217
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,992
We thought if we just got buff
then people would respect us.

218
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,582
‐ We spent years lifting weights
and shooting steroids.

219
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,828
I literally can't see my balls,
they've shrunk so much.

220
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,960
And then there's the acne.

221
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:21,286
‐ We're taking backne,
crackne, and sackne.

222
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:22,423
The Holy Trinity, yo.

223
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,879
‐ But y‐you guys look so confident.

224
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:24,959
‐ It's fake, man.

225
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,173
Take it from me,
you can't manufacture it

226
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,764
out of a cocktail of Viagra, HGH,

227
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,760
and some of Jon Hamm's pee.

228
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,392
It can't be built in a gym.

229
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,968
It has to be inside you the whole time.

230
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,484
‐ Well, who has it then?

231
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:38,556
BOTH: That guy.

232
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,600
[cell phone chimes]

233
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,613
‐ That Pete Davidson‐looking dork?

234
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:44,395
What does he have?
‐ B‐D‐E.

235
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,279
Big Dick Energy.

236
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,901
[device beeping]
YUMYULACK: Holy shit!

237
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,574
BDE is legit.

238
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:53,622
‐ Oh yeah. But you can't get it,
you have to be born with it.

239
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,287
‐ We'll sci‐fi see about that.

240
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,615
[platypus growls]
Ow!

241
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:01,001
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

242
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:05,249
♪

243
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,299
‐ Hey, Yum, how'd that platypus deal
work out for you?

244
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,678
‐ I bailed on it. Went to the gym.

245
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,215
‐ Oh, great. I knew I was right.

246
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,388
‐ Nope, bailed on that too.

247
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,296
I'm making a large penis
for myself instead.

248
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,774
‐ Wow, you've had quite a journey
since I last saw you.

249
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,475
‐ It's called Big Dick Energy
and when I get it, I'll be unstoppable.

250
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,226
‐ I don't know,
a big dick seems really dangerous.

251
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,229
[machine whirring]
[gasps]

252
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,610
[both scream]

253
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,066
[bell dings]

254
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,359
[gasps] Oh!

255
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,609
‐ Now let's take this new big dick
out for a spin.

256
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,782
‐ Whatever you want to do is cool.

257
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:33,781
‐ Damn right, it is.

258
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,581
♪ Who dat hot boy,
who gone keep it realer ♪

259
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,458
♪ Jewelry on my neck,
rockin' chinchilla ♪

260
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,915
♪ Roll on fat rims,
tell 'em come and get it ♪

261
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,536
♪ Yah luv the way I spit it,
get it how we live it ♪

262
00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,004
♪ We make a splash... ♪

263
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,094
‐ Yumyulack, sorry about the other day.

264
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,259
Here's a handsaw and some stuck porn

265
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,928
I confiscated off another kid.

266
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,426
We're good?
Yeah, w‐w‐we're good. Yeah.

267
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,599
‐ Eh, there we go.

268
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,347
Finally finished washing the little guy!

269
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,848
If you don't clean the Pupa,
your blood turns to bats.

270
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,981
It's kind of amazing how many things
turn your blood to bats, you know.

271
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,608
‐ Oh, ha, I know all about that.

272
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,105
Uh, okay, so it's time for movie night.

273
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,607
I thought we could screen
this training video about levers.

274
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,650
It's‐it's very captivating.

275
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,782
‐ Ohhh, "F" that weak noise!

276
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,739
We're watching
all the Fast and Furious movies

277
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:16,660
in chronological order!

278
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,448
The way Vinnie Diesel intended it.

279
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:20,663
‐ I'll be right back.

280
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:22,753
[electricity crackling, machine whirrs]

281
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,498
‐ [chanting]
Levers! Levers! Levers!

282
00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:26,711
Levers are the best!

283
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,300
Oh, you guys are just in time
for movie night.

284
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,455
We're watching this awesome doc on‐‐

285
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,673
‐ Nah, fam, for once we're watching
what I want to watch,

286
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:35,684
either YouTube clips
of Russian car accidents or Paddington 2.

287
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:36,847
TERRY: Whatever you want.
KORVO: Sounds great.

288
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,812
‐ Oh geez. BDE is real.

289
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,636
And it is formidable.

290
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,692
‐ ♪ It's wavey, baby, it's wavey ♪

291
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,225
‐ Yo, yo, check it, this is my imitation
of a guy in Fortnite.

292
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,782
Oh, I'm walking into a wall,
what am I gonna do?

293
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,696
‐ Yum, your shit is L‐M‐A‐O.

294
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,195
You're like a real‐life meme.

295
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,817
[camera shutter clicks]
‐ ♪ It's wavey, baby, it's wavey ♪

296
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,244
[electricity crackling]

297
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:03,373
‐ Terry, um, could you clean and prepare
all 72,000 micronauts.

298
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,172
I‐I‐I need to fix the hyderdeck?

299
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,455
‐ You bet your butt, Team Leader!

300
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,838
♪ Put your money up,
or else I gotta go ♪

301
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,627
♪ My wrist frostbit,
blinded by the ice ♪

302
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:15,591
♪ Breaking big bills,
shaking that dice ♪

303
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,052
♪ Oriental rugs,
to wipe my shoes on ♪

304
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,683
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]

305
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,390
‐ Hmm.

306
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,730
♪ Sipping champagne,
whippin' dat wood grain ♪

307
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,845
♪ I could buy a mansion,
if I sold my chain ♪

308
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,153
♪ Already got those,
I'm living alright... ♪

309
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,766
[electricity crackling]

310
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,444
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
Don't forget to tune in this week

311
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,282
for Saturday Night Live
[audience cheering and applauding]

312
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,198
with host Yumyulack

313
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:40,276
and musical guest Yumyulack!

314
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,624
‐ I gotta tell you, this BDE thing
is hella cray‐cray.

315
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,619
You even made the WNBA cool.

316
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,211
Like, to everybody. Not just me.

317
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,996
‐ It's actually a better brand
of basketball than the men's game

318
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,841
'cause they have to focus
on the fundamentals.

319
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,376
[energy crackling]

320
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,840
JESSE:
Idris Elba?

321
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,551
Star of HBO's The Wire?

322
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,221
I loved you in Molly's Game!

323
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,929
You had so many words to say ,
and you got almost some of them right!

324
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:03,771
‐ 'Ello, Jesse.

325
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,265
‐ You know my name?
I'm seriously going to plotz.

326
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,848
‐ I know everything about you.

327
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,693
And your boy Yumyulack here.

328
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:10,858
We've been watching you.

329
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,606
‐ Who's been watching me, Idris Elba?

330
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,608
‐ The Big Dick Energy Council.

331
00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:18,780
We are a secret and mystic fraternity,
too complicated to explain, mate‐‐

332
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,620
‐ Oh, let me guess, it's like a bunch
of people with big dicks?

333
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,906
‐ Yep, that's pretty much it.
But you have to understand,

334
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,200
for centuries,
our council has been tasked

335
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,174
with keeping a delicate balance
of energy in the world,

336
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,875
but your new BDE
is buggering it all up.

337
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,536
‐ [whispers]
Buggering means fucking in British.

338
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,754
‐ I know what buggering means!

339
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,634
‐ I came to offer you
a spot on the council.

340
00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:39,892
Christian Bale stepped down after he lost
all that penis weight for a movie.

341
00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,295
You could be one of the greats,

342
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:44,603
but only we can show you
how to harness your power for good.

343
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,808
‐ My answer... is no!

344
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,138
I don't need you or your stupid council!

345
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,694
‐ BDE is a power stronger than any man

346
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,068
and if you're not careful,
it will consume you.

347
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,856
‐ Are you threatening me, Idris Elba?

348
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,029
‐ Just keeping it real, mate.

349
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,277
‐ Well, why don't you keep
this real, mate.

350
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,989
I'm gonna make a dick so big

351
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:04,409
that you and your stupid council
will be begging me to suck it!

352
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,584
[sniffs]

353
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,210
‐ Mmm, ass smells like Luther.

354
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,335
‐ Alright, this is usually when
the ship starts to drag because of‐‐

355
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,086
‐ The effects of zero gravity
but if we just‐‐

356
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,968
BOTH: Accelerate
the constant thrust trajectory

357
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,755
time dilation won't be a problem!

358
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,088
‐ Yeah!
[sighs]

359
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:23,433
‐ I gotta say, Terry.
Working on the ship with you,

360
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,808
it just makes me so happy.

361
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,595
This is perfect. You are perfect.

362
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,268
Nothing more needs to be done.

363
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:31,307
‐ Man, I feel the same way.
I love working on sci‐fi stuff with you.

364
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,271
It's so tight!

365
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:33,561
‐ Ech, I hate when you say that.

366
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,694
‐ What? "Tight"?
Too bad 'cause saying tight is like

367
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:36,901
the tightest tight thing of all,

368
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,360
so I'm gonna keep saying it
until "lit" gets cool again.

369
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:40,991
Tight! Tighty‐tight tight!

370
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,275
‐ I'll be right back.

371
00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:44,662
This is it. Last one.

372
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,698
I swear. No more after this.

373
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,754
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]

374
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:56,376
Terry, should we get back
to our non‐tight sci‐fi stuff?

375
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,708
[crying]
Are you okay? Terry?

376
00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,134
‐ Come on. Come on.
‐ Terry!

377
00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,302
[yells]

378
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,340
Aah!

379
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,302
‐ Korvo!

380
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:05,970
‐ What are you doing?

381
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,721
‐ I'm hosting SNL this week,

382
00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:11,273
and I need all the BDE I can summon
'cause I'm not funny!

383
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:14,768
‐ But Idris Elba told you
not to mess with the BDE!

384
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,321
‐ Idris Elba doesn't know dick from dick!

385
00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,066
Aah!
[bell dings]

386
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,027
[gasps]

387
00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:24,361
And he sure as hell doesn't know dick
from two dicks!

388
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,834
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

389
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,236
[panting]

390
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:31,873
[both grunt]

391
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:32,502
‐ Oh!

392
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,673
Oh fuck, I fucked up! I‐I‐I broke Terry.

393
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,417
‐ Korvo! I'm gonna kill you!

394
00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,426
Aha!

395
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,835
‐ Terry, I'm really sorry
about what happened.

396
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:47,763
But don't worry, I‐I'm gonna write you
a letter saying "be yourself"

397
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,183
or‐or something more eloquent.

398
00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:51,981
I‐I'll workshop it, you know,
for a little while probably‐‐

399
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,555
I promise you will go back
to being the way you were!

400
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,651
‐ I don't wanna change!
I like who I am now!

401
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,937
I like wearing women's eye shadow
and murdering you!

402
00:14:58,941 --> 00:14:59,781
‐ Aah!

403
00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:02,355
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
It's Saturday Night Live !

404
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:05,861
Ladies and gentlemen,
your host, Yumyulack!

405
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,574
Oh my god!

406
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:08,620
[screaming]

407
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,117
‐ Run! Everyone run! I can't control it.

408
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,289
Idris Elba was right.

409
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,036
[man screaming]
Idris Elba was right!

410
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,330
[rumbling, glass shattering]

411
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,302
[both grunting]

412
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,680
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

413
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,639
[Geiger counter crackling,
beeping rapidly]

414
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,679
[screaming]

415
00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:36,313
[men shouting over each other]

416
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,811
‐ We have no choice!
We're running out of time, goddammit!

417
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,444
We have to blow Yumyulack up.
‐ No!

418
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
‐ But, General Mills,
it will destroy Manhattan

419
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,862
and kill thousands of innocent people!

420
00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:46,491
‐ General Hospital, it's a loss
I am willing to take.

421
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,818
Plus, the improv scene's dead here anyway.

422
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:50,874
‐ Alright, it's DEFDICK ONE.

423
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,328
It's time to ready the bombers!

424
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,157
[both shouting over each other]

425
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:55,956
‐ There's only one person that can help.

426
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,496
I just hope I can get to them on time
without giving away who it is.

427
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,801
[rumbling]

428
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,375
‐ Ahh! Ahh!

429
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,131
Ahh!
[thudding footsteps]

430
00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:07,891
Ohh!

431
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,597
Sigourney Weaver? Is that you?

432
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:14,677
‐ It is I, Susan Alexander Weaver.

433
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,853
‐ Wait, that's your real name?

434
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:18,351
‐ Yes, but I go by Sigourney.
‐ Good call.

435
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,363
Sigourney, I went too far.

436
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,315
I flew too close to the big dick sun

437
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:23,936
and now everyone is gonna die.

438
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,322
‐ Hush, my child.

439
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,819
No one is dying today.

440
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,280
Because I have the one and only thing,

441
00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:30,911
since the beginning of time,

442
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:32,828
that can stop BDE.

443
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,786
You see, I am made of pure NFG.

444
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,367
No Fucks Given.

445
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,712
Yes, that's right,
my sweet, sweet boy,

446
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,039
I don't give a fuck.

447
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,134
‐ That's so cool.

448
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,298
I was thinking of getting
the Arby's logo tattooed on my back.

449
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:48,717
‐ No. Now just sit back and relax.

450
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,931
[screaming]

451
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,864
[screaming continues]

452
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,491
‐ [gasps] That was amazing.

453
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:07,775
You saved the world.

454
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:10,278
‐ Yumyulack, you don't need BDE

455
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,490
to become the person you want to be.

456
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:14,621
You just have to believe in yourself

457
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,158
and, say it with me now‐‐

458
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,081
Not give a fuck.
‐ Sell weed to the cool kids.

459
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,120
Right, sorry, not give a fuck.

460
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:29,969
‐ I'm so glad your penises
aren't blowing up anymore.

461
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,967
‐ I got to meet Sigourney Weaver.

462
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:34,639
‐ I know, I called her. And she came!
‐ But how did you‐‐

463
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:36,218
‐ I'm a junior member!

464
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,063
I can't vote at meetings,
but I do get a hoodie.

465
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,098
‐ But I‐I don't understand,
you were under my BDE spell.

466
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:44,113
‐ I was just watching and waiting
for the right time.

467
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:47,146
‐ Wh‐why did you wait until after
my dicks blew up and destroyed the city?

468
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,150
‐ I told you I'm a junior member!

469
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,822
I don't know all the stuff yet!

470
00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:52,411
[thunder rumbles]

471
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,775
[panting]

472
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,076
‐ Ahh!

473
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,327
[groaning]

474
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,541
Ahh!
Terry, this is all my fault.

475
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:05,882
I wrote those letters to make you
into something that you weren't.

476
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:08,628
It turned you into a murderous psychopath.
That was wrong.

477
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:12,050
If you let me send this last letter,
it will undo everything. I promise.

478
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,550
‐ You promise?
‐ Yes, Terry! I promise.

479
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,680
‐ [menacing voice] Too late.

480
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,310
[groaning]

481
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:19,934
‐ Read it, Terry.

482
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,983
Don't be a little bitch.

483
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:24,858
‐ I will never read it.

484
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,975
This is who I am now.
And nothing will change me!

485
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,363
♪ old‐timey romantic music playing ♪
‐ Oh.

486
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,700
♪

487
00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:39,204
♪

488
00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:47,172
♪

489
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:56,718
♪

490
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,140
[knife vibrating]

491
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:14,200
♪

492
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:19,033
♪

493
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:25,708
[camera shutter clicking]

494
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:29,167
♪

495
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:38,803
♪

496
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:42,434
♪

497
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,482
[gasps]

498
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:45,435
KORVO:
Dearest Terry, just be yourself.

499
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,345
That will always be good enough for me.

500
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,774
Also, blood can't turn into shlorbats.

501
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,653
I can't believe you bought that,
it's so dumb.

502
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:53,490
You're the dumbest idiot ever, ha ha ha.

503
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,605
Your friend, Korvo.
[sighs]

504
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,699
♪

505
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:07,080
♪

506
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:13,505
‐ Dear Korvo,
if you are ever being chased

507
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,795
by a super‐handsome
murderous psychopath,

508
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:16,629
turn left!

509
00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:20,393
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]

510
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,556
[groaning]

511
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,688
Turn left! I have to turn left!

512
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,194
♪

513
00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:32,359
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]

514
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,227
[sighs]

515
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,279
♪

516
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,357
‐ Hey, hey! Korvotron, you okay?

517
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,664
I'm chopping up some tomatoes
to make my special salsa.

518
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:42,988
Dude, I hope you aren't getting sick,

519
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:45,793
'cause I am really not feeling like
doing any work on the ship today.

520
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,997
Come on, you wanna watch
all the Fast and Furious movies with me,

521
00:20:47,998 --> 00:20:50,578
including Fast and the Furious Presents:
Hobbs and Shaw?

522
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:51,964
‐ Yes, Terry,

523
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,420
that would be... tight.

524
00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,426
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

525
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,927
♪

526
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,762
[mimicking laser fire]