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Orton Creswell,
a renowned psychic,

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writer, producer, director, and actor

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of feature film and television
in every genre imaginable.

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A self-proclaimed father
of science fiction cinema,

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he's been rumored to
have influenced everyone

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from Roddenberry to Lucas,
Serling to Spielberg.

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His contributions to film

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have gone completely
unrecognized until now.

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Let's finally meet the
man behind the monocle.

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On March 19th, 1909, in Hell, Michigan,

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Orton Zachariah Creswell was born.

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His mother, Sandra Baderndern
was tragically killed

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when Orton was only nine years old

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by the family's pet
parakeet, Mr. Britches.

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Details were sketchy.

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Orton's father, Jebediah Creswell,

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was a professional tuba polisher and actor

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in the Razzmatazz Humdinger theater troupe

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of Detroit, Michigan.

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As a boy, Creswell was active

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in his father's theatrical endeavors,

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both as a stagehand and
performer in the troupe.

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Captivated by the
romanticism of early cinema,

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Orton Creswell fell in
love with the movies.

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Struggling to make it in motion pictures,

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Orton found work in industrial films.

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- My work in industrial films, yes.

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You know I did over
1,000 industrial films?

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None of which come to mind.

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Plutonium.

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Ah, ah, ah, Johnny, don't touch that.

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That's plutonium!

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- I developed psychic
powers at an early age.

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I went to a carnival.

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When I saw the gorilla
lady emerge from a cage,

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I was so stricken with terror and fright,

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I went into a state of delirium.

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When I came out of it,

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I suddenly had powers to see
the future, be the future.

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- What was Orton like aside
from his artistic side?

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He was, he was full of himself.

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He was always off doing
something, I don't know.

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I don't care.

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- Well, Orton

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was...

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Well, I guess it's probably safest to say,

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slightly, no, not slightly,
completely insane.

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He had some

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unique ideas.

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- The man's a bum.

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If it wasn't for his
father, he'd be no place.

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His father was a prince of a man.

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- I guess some current
actors would view it

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as method,

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but I thought the use
of LSD as an adhesive

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for the headpiece was a bit excessive,

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and I think that's really what led

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to our further collaborations,

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was the fact that I completely
had no idea what I was doing.

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- Do I have to keep answering
these stupid questions?

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Why can't you ask me
something about my integrity?

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- It was not a good time,

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it was rather the lost weekend
for me, and it was work,

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and I believe I was somewhat
sentient during the time.

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- Creswell could never
live up to his father.

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- You know, I did a lot of good work.

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People don't remember that.

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I was good, damn it, I was really good!

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- She had a presence

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rather like Medusa.

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Do you have another cigarette?

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I could use a little bit
more alcohol, too, please.

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- How come I always have to just yell

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and scream for everything?

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I am still a star, damn it!

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I think we're
getting off the subject.

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Let's talk about their
early years in Vaudeville,

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with Biff Anderson and Lance Feldman.

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- My work in Vaudeville, yes,

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it was an exciting time in my life.

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I was working in a
professional relationship

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with Lance Feldman.

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- You're tearing me apart!

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You say happy holidays and
you say Merry Christmas,

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and then you all switch back again!

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- And then the great Biff Anderson.

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- Fall into my trance.

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- We sort of did a comedy routine,

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a little slapstick here and
there, a pie in the face.

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This kind of stuff with the eyes.

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Really thought that had potential.

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- We worked together for
a long time on Vaudeville,

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doing stage work, which
is very interesting.

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It was the two of us, and a
dear, dear friend of ours,

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whose name was Biff Anderson.

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He was like the glue that
brought Orton and I together.

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One of our Vaudeville acts was Orton,

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who loved to play the piano.

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He would sit as his piano,

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and I was slung across top of the piano.

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And we dressed Anderson up
as a poodle, and it was just,

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oh, well, you have to see it.

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I'm sure someone knows something about it.

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And other movies that we did together,

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when we did "Ghost Grabbers".

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- "Ghost Grabbers", oh yes,
one of my favorite films.

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- This place gives me the creeps.

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- Say, why you bumping into me?

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You still hungry, we just ate.

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- That wasn't me.

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- It wasn't me, either.

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- Let's get out of here!

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- Brilliant piece of work, if I may add.

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"The Man Who Looked Like the
Devil", now there was a movie.

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- What?

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- Some of the favorite films that I made.

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"Frackula", which was a
sort of a transmogrification

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of Dracula and Frankenstein.

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It was brilliant work,
one of my favorites.

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Another one was "I Married a Corpse".

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- Baby, I know you love me and all, but...

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I know you're a good listener,
but you never talk to me,

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and sometimes, I just
wish you'd say something.

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- Well, that wasn't my
particular favorite.

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My wife, Miriam, cheap
floozie that she was,

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she ruined that one.

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That was perhaps my greatest script.

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- Are you getting the
other cigarette, please?

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- Then I had another idea
for a film, untitled,

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about a young knight incoming.

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Torn between the forces of good and evil,

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he travels the galaxy
with a large simian friend

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and two robot companions.

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He's trying to save his
sister, the princess,

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from the clutches of an evil empire.

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And low and behold, the
evil head of the empire

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is a dark knight, his father.

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But ultimately I thought
that was a big bomb.

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- Without a doubt, Orton's greatest film

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was a film about aliens from Mars.

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Everything was just really
coming together, but he lost it.

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- "Mutant Swinger from
Mars" I always thought

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was a lot of fun.

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Dance numbers and whatnot,

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and of course I played the lead role,

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quite brilliantly, I should say.

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- My next career?

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I don't know, I'm writing a book.

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Yeah, a biography.

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Autobiography, yeah, yeah.

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- Some of the famous
people I've worked with

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include Lance Feldman, Santos Montoya,

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and the late, great Biff Anderson.

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Also Shemp Howard.

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Clu Gullagher, there was a talent.

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And then some perhaps larger
names, more recognized names.

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Betsy Davis, Sir Lawrence
D. Olivium, Marlon Brandoff.

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I've worked with them all,
but they're small people.

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Creswell is large.

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- I won't say entirely
unpleasant to be around,

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provided there was a safe distance.

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And you see, I like
distance, a lot of distance.

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- Working with Orton is,
it's like working with God.

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It really is.

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- One day, long after my passing,

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I predict, as my final prediction,

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that the cinematic works
of Orton Z. Creswell

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will loom large in the
annals of cinematic history.

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- How do I feel now that he's dead?

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I miss him, what do you think?

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I'm free.

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- A few departing words.

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All I know is that I'm misunderstood.

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I always gave people the truth,

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but people can't handle the truth.

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Maybe another generation will come around

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that can appreciate the
greatness of my works,

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but don't ask me any more questions.

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I'm tired.

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I have no time for this nonsense.

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You're a trifling and insipid
person, a cretin, no doubt,

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in obvious need of
psychotherapy and vitamin pills.

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On November 28th, 1985,

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Creswell hung himself
in the projection room

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during the premiere of his
horror epic, "Death Goat".

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A suicide note was found
near his body that read,

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that's a wrap, you miserable cretins.

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You are about to experience
Creswell's long lost epic,

189
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"Mutant Swinger from Mars",

190
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a film that reveals the
unique and genius vision

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of a man who lived film,
and a man who died film.

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- Space, a strange and unusual place.

193
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A place where one day man will explore

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and boldly go where no man has gone ever.

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Hello, I'm Orton Z.
Creswell, writer, producer,

196
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director, actor, and psychic.

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I have foreseen the future,
and I can tell you this.

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The atomic age is here.

199
00:11:58,090 --> 00:12:01,160
Soon many unusual things
will begin to happen,

200
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,450
and things will become much, much weirder.

201
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:08,410
I predict that one day a very famous actor

202
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will become president, twice.

203
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:14,720
First as the leader of a
very profitable movie studio,

204
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and then again as the
leader of the free world.

205
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,180
I have foreseen the wonderful
return of a camera shuttle

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to the red planet Mars,

207
00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:27,200
proving that there is
life on other planets.

208
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,530
I've seen the use of the atom bomb,

209
00:12:29,530 --> 00:12:34,030
no longer used as a weapon
but as a useful cooking tool.

210
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:41,380
I've also seen terrifying things.

211
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:47,230
I've seen them come,
things not of this world.

212
00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:51,540
Things from beyond our own
puny, infantile solar system.

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00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:56,540
Yes, I have foreseen
aliens, unfriendly aliens,

214
00:12:57,030 --> 00:12:59,810
sneaking onto our planet undetected.

215
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:03,360
They will take control of our
cities, our public schools,

216
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,600
our presidents and our pets.

217
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,810
Beware, look up, listen.

218
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:12,590
A war of the worlds is about
to start on this planet,

219
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,020
a fight to the death.

220
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:18,540
Watch now and see what will
happen when worlds collide.

221
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,810
Watch now and learn about
the dreaded goings-on

222
00:13:20,810 --> 00:13:22,830
of space creatures that will soon visit us

223
00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:24,720
and do the unspeakable.

224
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:28,910
It could be happening
sooner than you think.

225
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,970
It could be happening now.

226
00:13:33,870 --> 00:13:36,500
Trust no one.

227
00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,790
Earth.

228
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,500
Destroy Earth.

229
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,470
Destroy, destroy.

230
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,390
Kill.

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00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:21,070
- Martian chronicle, 5963.

232
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:23,250
We are approaching the planet Earth,

233
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:26,560
a hostile planet filled
with beautiful dames,

234
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,960
dames which we will abduct
for our own pleasures.

235
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,590
How soon, Slagathor?

236
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,580
- Soon, my liege.

237
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- Excellent.

238
00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:38,730
Soon our dismal planet will be infested

239
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:42,000
with the cute and sultry nymphs of Earth.

240
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,750
- What have they got that I do not have?

241
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:45,050
- Oh, shut up!
- Silence!

242
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,860
- It's a fantastic idea, my liege.

243
00:15:49,860 --> 00:15:52,730
- Yes, soon Mars will be
the swingingest planet

244
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,530
in the entire universe.

245
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- But my liege, how will we do this?

246
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,690
- We are to use Plan X!

247
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:07,260
- Plan X?

248
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,430
What is Plan X?

249
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:12,770
- Plan X is the plan we are going to use

250
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:16,430
to trick the small-brained Earth people,

251
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:19,980
and to collect their luscious chicky-poos.

252
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,680
We will take their women.

253
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,660
This island Earth will destroy itself

254
00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:28,110
as the male species pummel

255
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:30,890
and thrash one another to oblivion.

256
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:36,640
- But my liege, how will we do this?

257
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:41,730
- We will capture one of Earth's
most brilliant scientists,

258
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:43,460
Dr. Vincent Smirnoff!

259
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,640
- Dr. Who?

260
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,710
- No, Dr. Vincent Smirnoff,

261
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:49,800
the creator of the atomic
missile weapon system,

262
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,110
and of the device known
as the Bake Easy Oven.

263
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:55,690
He has also been studying the rejuvenation

264
00:16:55,690 --> 00:17:00,280
of dead human flesh tissue,
and bringing it back to life.

265
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,650
We will force him to build
us the perfect weapon,

266
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:09,080
a slick dude of exceptional
style and talent,

267
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,500
a swinging hip cat.

268
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,550
- A real looker.

269
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:14,970
- Jerry Lewis!

270
00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:15,840
- Shut up!

271
00:17:17,090 --> 00:17:21,430
A creature that will lure
the cuties within our grasp.

272
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:27,420
And we will use them to
replace our own female race,

273
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:32,030
who are as cold and frigid
as the moons of Mingdabula.

274
00:17:35,310 --> 00:17:37,100
It is almost too perfect.

275
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,530
Either that, or we'll sick the
giant killer robot on them.

276
00:17:40,530 --> 00:17:44,460
- My liege, we are nearing
the earth's atmosphere.

277
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:48,960
My liege, where on Earth did you get

278
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,370
that instructional directional advice?

279
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,530
- You stupid, stupid, stupid creature!

280
00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:57,070
You think this is our first time on Earth?

281
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,650
Of course not.

282
00:17:58,650 --> 00:18:01,820
We've been spying on Earth
for hundreds of years,

283
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,860
and the idiotic beings of Earth

284
00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:07,340
have never suspected our presence.

285
00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:11,470
They have been too busy with
their TVs and their soda pops,

286
00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:13,210
and their swing tunes, and their hot rods,

287
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,200
and their James Deans.

288
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:17,510
And what have we been doing?

289
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:18,370
- What?

290
00:18:18,370 --> 00:18:20,520
- Missing out on everything, that's what,

291
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,390
and I'm getting pretty damn tired of it.

292
00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:24,890
Do you know how difficult it is

293
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,780
to take over an entire planet?

294
00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:27,610
- No.

295
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,080
- Of course you don't.

296
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,740
Well I'll tell you, it's
no barrel of tribbles.

297
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:35,250
I haven't had time for
a decent social life.

298
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:38,220
It's been an intergalactic drag.

299
00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:42,050
Well, now it is time for
Xedor to have some fun.

300
00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:44,750
And if that means conquering
the world, then so be it.

301
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,630
I have some conquering
to get out of the way.

302
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,630
We have to take a right right
here, so get off at this exit.

303
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,250
♪ Coming to our planet ♪

304
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:14,330
- What the hell was that?

305
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:21,050
- What in the world?

306
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,030
- That ain't from this world.

307
00:20:15,470 --> 00:20:20,470
- Ah, mold, dust, cobwebs.

308
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,850
I love my work!

309
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,740
- I thought you knew
how to fly this thing.

310
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:36,960
- Oh, what do you want from me?

311
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:37,790
It's a rental!

312
00:20:58,810 --> 00:21:00,390
Help me.

313
00:21:00,390 --> 00:21:01,770
Help me.
- My experiments.

314
00:21:01,770 --> 00:21:04,220
- Help me.
- My creations.

315
00:21:10,410 --> 00:21:14,480
My gosh, that's a good pickle!

316
00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:18,270
Soon, Kongo.

317
00:21:18,270 --> 00:21:22,240
Soon I will have perfected
my ultimate experiment,

318
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:26,000
the regeneration of dead flesh!

319
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,540
The theory which drove Frankenstein mad

320
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:34,750
I will have accomplished
with only a minimum of strain

321
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,880
on my own mental state.

322
00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:42,920
Yes, soon, those who laughed
at me will be eating crow!

323
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:47,770
They'll see me and say,
there goes a brilliant

324
00:21:47,770 --> 00:21:50,820
and only mildly loony man.

325
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,340
They'll say, boy, were we morons!

326
00:21:57,340 --> 00:21:59,140
We should have listened to him!

327
00:22:00,940 --> 00:22:03,510
Not only is he smart,

328
00:22:03,510 --> 00:22:04,950
but wow, what a man!

329
00:22:08,730 --> 00:22:10,680
That better not be the paper boy again.

330
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:20,760
If you're here about the
Studebaker, I sold it last Monday!

331
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,990
- Quiet, Earthling, we
come from outer space.

332
00:22:23,990 --> 00:22:26,780
Mars, if you want to be really technical.

333
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:29,050
You are now our servant.

334
00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:33,010
Do as we say, or we will be
forced to neutralize you.

335
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:35,530
- Who are you?

336
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,640
- I just told you who we were.

337
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,040
But if you must get personal, I am Xedor,

338
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,880
the leader of the Martian expedition team

339
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,690
that is going to take over your planet

340
00:22:46,690 --> 00:22:49,410
and force you into helping
us conquer your world.

341
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,690
- I am Slagathor, number
one flight commander

342
00:22:53,690 --> 00:22:55,210
of the Martian expedition team

343
00:22:55,210 --> 00:22:57,130
that is here to take over your planet,

344
00:22:57,130 --> 00:22:59,980
and will force you into
helping us conquer your world.

345
00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,470
- I am Pam.

346
00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:07,660
- And what do you want?

347
00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:12,230
- Are you sure that we
got the right house?

348
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,110
This is Rusty Rave.

349
00:23:18,310 --> 00:23:20,020
He is a swinger.

350
00:23:24,430 --> 00:23:27,410
Most people do not know what a swinger is.

351
00:23:27,410 --> 00:23:31,500
A swinger is a hip cat
that knows how to swing.

352
00:23:32,630 --> 00:23:34,410
He wears sharkskin suits

353
00:23:34,410 --> 00:23:36,500
and slicks his hair back with pomade.

354
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,740
Rusty is waiting for his friends,

355
00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:43,470
because he is ready for a night of fun.

356
00:23:43,470 --> 00:23:45,380
Be careful, Rusty.

357
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:47,410
- Let me make this simple.

358
00:23:47,410 --> 00:23:49,560
Mars needs women!

359
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,240
Our women are cold and lifeless.

360
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,190
They have no hearts.

361
00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:55,200
No offense.

362
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,080
- None taken.

363
00:23:57,230 --> 00:24:00,290
- You must build us the
perfect chick magnet.

364
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:03,080
If you don't, you will be atomized,

365
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,930
and your family will be
atomized, and your ape will be--

366
00:24:05,930 --> 00:24:07,020
- Okay, okay!

367
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:13,360
And now, if I don't do this horrible task?

368
00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:17,430
- Is it all right if I just shoot him?

369
00:24:18,470 --> 00:24:20,240
Here is Mitzy.

370
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,620
She loves to have a good time.

371
00:24:22,620 --> 00:24:26,900
But not too good, her father has rules.

372
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:28,170
She is talking on the phone

373
00:24:28,170 --> 00:24:30,670
to her friend from school, Buffy.

374
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:33,420
They are planning a
swinging night on the town.

375
00:24:33,420 --> 00:24:36,450
Did I mention that Mitzy loves to swing?

376
00:24:36,450 --> 00:24:38,270
Have fun, Mitzy.

377
00:24:57,650 --> 00:24:59,740
- It's about time, Kongo!

378
00:25:01,130 --> 00:25:03,080
The little one is giving me the creeps.

379
00:25:04,650 --> 00:25:07,280
Ah, good, good, yes.

380
00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:16,660
- Hey, go get that!

381
00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:21,510
- Sorry, I've been under
a lot of stress lately.

382
00:25:21,510 --> 00:25:22,770
I was born at an early age, you see,

383
00:25:22,770 --> 00:25:24,760
and my parents didn't like me very much,

384
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,780
and I'll go get the head.

385
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:36,420
- It kind of tastes like--

386
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,700
- I have to get the hydrogen
atomizer from my car!

387
00:25:55,190 --> 00:25:56,090
I need my keys.

388
00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:02,060
I have my keys!

389
00:26:07,430 --> 00:26:09,260
I sold the car!

390
00:26:09,260 --> 00:26:11,790
- You are mad, Doctor, truly mad!

391
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:05,140
- Nothing's happening.

392
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:13,760
- Kongo, no!

393
00:27:18,310 --> 00:27:20,230
I'm free, free!

394
00:27:25,830 --> 00:27:29,830
Roll away,
fellow pickles, roll away!

395
00:27:38,110 --> 00:27:40,530
- My experiments.

396
00:27:40,530 --> 00:27:42,150
My creations!

397
00:27:42,150 --> 00:27:44,320
My pickles.

398
00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:00,500
Hello!?

399
00:28:06,610 --> 00:28:07,440
Why?

400
00:28:09,690 --> 00:28:10,520
Why?

401
00:28:13,820 --> 00:28:15,940
I could have been a contender.

402
00:28:15,940 --> 00:28:18,600
I could have been somebody!

403
00:28:20,170 --> 00:28:21,620
Damn you all!

404
00:28:22,550 --> 00:28:24,380
Damn you all to hell!

405
00:28:30,380 --> 00:28:33,050
Oh, where did I go wrong?

406
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,720
Why did I have to have
an ape instead of a dog?

407
00:28:37,660 --> 00:28:38,810
Why do I always have to do

408
00:28:38,810 --> 00:28:42,120
whatever all the other mad scientists do?

409
00:28:45,230 --> 00:28:46,830
- Smirnoff, look!

410
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:04,840
- It lives.

411
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,430
It lives!

412
00:29:07,430 --> 00:29:09,540
It lives, It lives, It lives, It lives.

413
00:29:09,540 --> 00:29:12,040
It lives, lives, lives, lives.

414
00:30:02,210 --> 00:30:03,500
- Ladies and gentlemen,

415
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:07,740
tonight we will be spinning
the hippest hi-fi hits

416
00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:12,740
with our very own Vinny V and
everyone's favorite emcee,

417
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,810
your truly, Dick Johkes.

418
00:30:16,810 --> 00:30:18,680
Take it away, Vinny.

419
00:30:23,100 --> 00:30:26,990
- So I couldn't help notice
you from across the room.

420
00:30:28,030 --> 00:30:31,720
It's as if Cupid himself
flew over and struck me hard

421
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,140
with his mighty arrow of love.

422
00:30:37,070 --> 00:30:39,760
Rusty Rave, you stop it.

423
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,340
I'm blushing.

424
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:43,190
- I'm sorry, Mitzy, it's just...

425
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:50,530
- You're cute.

426
00:30:51,420 --> 00:30:53,850
- Touche, my little turtle dove.

427
00:30:54,730 --> 00:30:58,820
- Rusty Rave, are you
flirting with little old me?

428
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,180
- Kiss me.

429
00:31:07,180 --> 00:31:09,890
Kiss me like you've never
wanted to be kissed before.

430
00:31:09,890 --> 00:31:12,490
Kiss me like you never
wanna kiss anyone again.

431
00:31:12,490 --> 00:31:14,350
- But I couldn't!

432
00:31:14,350 --> 00:31:15,860
- Why not, Mitzy?

433
00:31:15,860 --> 00:31:18,200
It's as if we were
destined to be together.

434
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,960
As if the gods of love
are smiling down upon us.

435
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,860
- I gotta go, I gotta find my friends.

436
00:31:26,860 --> 00:31:28,140
- Wait!

437
00:31:28,140 --> 00:31:29,930
Will I ever see you again?

438
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,300
- Meet me here tomorrow, nine o'clock.

439
00:31:36,460 --> 00:31:37,290
- Gosh.

440
00:31:38,390 --> 00:31:40,520
Till tomorrow, my sweet.

441
00:31:47,420 --> 00:31:49,220
Hey, lets give him a big hand.

442
00:31:53,790 --> 00:31:57,640
- Hey Rusty, Mitzy Nussbaum,
she's quite the dame, eh?

443
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,330
- Quite a looker you was
trying to land there, Rus.

444
00:32:00,330 --> 00:32:02,950
- Hey Mikey, you don't think
our boy Rusty's being duped

445
00:32:02,950 --> 00:32:04,250
by a skirt, do you?

446
00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:07,050
- I don't know, he looks like
he's in la la land, Steve.

447
00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:10,770
- Hey, Rusty.
- Hey, Steve.

448
00:32:10,770 --> 00:32:12,720
Hey, Mikey, what's shaking?

449
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,040
- Rusty, you okay?

450
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,380
- Yeah, you ain't getting
soft on us, is you?

451
00:32:16,380 --> 00:32:18,640
- You ain't getting all doey-eyed
over that broad, are you?

452
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:19,890
- Who, me?

453
00:32:19,890 --> 00:32:23,330
You think I'd go gaga
over some dame like that?

454
00:32:23,330 --> 00:32:25,830
I'm just keeping in the swing of things.

455
00:32:27,850 --> 00:32:29,100
- Hello, nurse.

456
00:32:33,050 --> 00:32:33,920
Catch you later, Rusty.

457
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,440
- Yeah, come to Daddy.

458
00:32:39,090 --> 00:32:40,490
- Hi, Buffy, hi, Jody.

459
00:32:41,410 --> 00:32:42,730
- Where were you?

460
00:32:42,730 --> 00:32:45,110
We've been looking all over for you.

461
00:32:45,110 --> 00:32:47,450
- I saw her talking to
Rusty Rave at the bar

462
00:32:47,450 --> 00:32:48,880
when I powdered my nose.

463
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,100
- Oh my gosh, he's so dreamy.

464
00:32:53,100 --> 00:32:54,650
- He's the most.

465
00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:57,680
- No, he's the utmost.

466
00:32:59,230 --> 00:33:01,110
- You're gonna be the
coolest girl at college.

467
00:33:01,110 --> 00:33:02,960
- Oh, Mrs. Mitzy Rave.

468
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,470
- That would be the coolest.

469
00:33:08,470 --> 00:33:12,890
No one is as handsome
as Rusty Rave, no one.

470
00:33:18,260 --> 00:33:19,090
- Huh?

471
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,260
Boy, is that guy swank.

472
00:33:30,860 --> 00:33:33,020
- What's everybody staring at?

473
00:33:33,020 --> 00:33:37,620
Dance, swing, drink up, have a good time!

474
00:33:37,620 --> 00:33:40,280
'Cause tonight it's not me, Fez.

475
00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:44,830
Fez Fleckman, dig?

476
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,740
- He's the swingingest.

477
00:33:57,670 --> 00:34:00,270
- But what about Rusty?

478
00:34:00,270 --> 00:34:01,110
- Who?

479
00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:35,260
- Hey, snagglepuss.

480
00:34:35,260 --> 00:34:38,170
Make me a dry martini, and
don't shake it, stir it.

481
00:34:38,170 --> 00:34:39,990
And make sure you stir it real nice, huh?

482
00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:40,870
Stir it like you's making it

483
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:42,660
for your deal old granny, got me?

484
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:47,750
You ain't as dumb as he looks.

485
00:34:49,260 --> 00:34:50,490
You keep staring at me that way

486
00:34:50,490 --> 00:34:52,540
and you're gonna see me
kill you, got it, Elvis?

487
00:34:52,540 --> 00:34:54,560
Good, now look away.

488
00:34:58,660 --> 00:35:01,260
I said look away.

489
00:35:02,220 --> 00:35:03,960
- Who do you think you are?

490
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:04,810
- Me?

491
00:35:04,810 --> 00:35:06,580
I think I'm the guy that's
gonna beat your brains out

492
00:35:06,580 --> 00:35:07,550
all over this nice floor here

493
00:35:07,550 --> 00:35:10,930
if you don't shut up, drink
your drink, and look away.

494
00:35:10,930 --> 00:35:13,660
- Oh no, Fez.

495
00:35:13,660 --> 00:35:15,090
I mean Rusty.

496
00:35:15,090 --> 00:35:16,290
Rusty, don't.

497
00:35:17,530 --> 00:35:18,580
Your face.

498
00:35:20,070 --> 00:35:21,680
- You dance, chickie baby?

499
00:35:23,140 --> 00:35:25,470
Let's see how you move
that frame of yours.

500
00:35:33,830 --> 00:35:35,010
- What happened, Rusty?

501
00:35:35,010 --> 00:35:36,950
You never backed down from
a guy like that before.

502
00:35:36,950 --> 00:35:39,540
- Yeah, you aren't getting
chicken on us, are you?

503
00:35:43,530 --> 00:35:44,780
- Just leave me alone.

504
00:35:46,110 --> 00:35:47,450
- Come on, doll.

505
00:36:09,410 --> 00:36:12,410
- Mitzy, I'll win you back!

506
00:36:37,460 --> 00:36:39,730
- Why the long face, big brother?

507
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,060
Girl trouble?

508
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,260
- Quiet, Tabatha, I'm thinking.

509
00:36:46,260 --> 00:36:48,520
- Are you lovesick?

510
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:49,670
Maybe I can help.

511
00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:51,880
- You?

512
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,240
You're a squirt, what
do you know about women?

513
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:57,000
A lot more than you do.

514
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,240
I am a woman.

515
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:01,530
- You're a kid.

516
00:37:01,530 --> 00:37:02,360
- What do you know?

517
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,580
You're just a big, creepy jerk.

518
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,290
- Oh, I'm sorry.

519
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:10,250
What do you think I should do?

520
00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:13,070
I met my girl, and then she went off

521
00:37:13,070 --> 00:37:15,780
with this slick guy who
walked into the Velvet.

522
00:37:16,990 --> 00:37:21,230
Now she looks at me like I'm
an old, smelly piece of fish.

523
00:37:22,350 --> 00:37:24,830
- Maybe she's under some weird mind ray

524
00:37:24,830 --> 00:37:27,490
of aliens from other planets.

525
00:37:27,490 --> 00:37:29,040
- What?

526
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:30,430
That's crazy talk.

527
00:37:30,430 --> 00:37:33,970
- Uh-uh, it's all right here on paper.

528
00:37:33,970 --> 00:37:36,880
This stuff is happening all around us.

529
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,100
It could happen to you.

530
00:37:39,540 --> 00:37:42,340
- Those stories aren't real.

531
00:37:42,340 --> 00:37:43,760
It's a bunch of hoo-ha.

532
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,410
Martians aren't real.

533
00:37:46,410 --> 00:37:49,080
Those are stories
written by lonely people.

534
00:37:51,170 --> 00:37:53,430
- Either your girlfriend's
mind has been zapped

535
00:37:53,430 --> 00:37:54,620
by little green aliens,

536
00:37:54,620 --> 00:37:57,490
or she found out what a
big stupid you really are.

537
00:38:00,300 --> 00:38:01,480
- Little freak.

538
00:38:04,140 --> 00:38:08,240
Martians, aliens, space creatures.

539
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,520
Bunch of nonsense.

540
00:38:13,130 --> 00:38:15,320
We'll find out if she really likes me.

541
00:38:16,530 --> 00:38:18,380
Tomorrow night at nine o'clock.

542
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:26,130
- Baby, you're a stitch,
you make me giggle inside.

543
00:38:26,130 --> 00:38:28,170
You crack me up.

544
00:38:30,170 --> 00:38:32,170
I love the curls, Shirley.

545
00:38:32,170 --> 00:38:33,480
What do you say we take a cruise

546
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,560
on the good ship Lollipop, huh?

547
00:38:38,980 --> 00:38:43,310
I know you dolls is enamored
with me, so why fight it, huh?

548
00:38:49,980 --> 00:38:53,040
What do you say we go monkey around later?

549
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,600
We'll go bananas, it'll be a hoot.

550
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,360
Ooh la la, baby.

551
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,470
You're wearing my favorite body.

552
00:39:07,340 --> 00:39:09,080
- I've always wanted to marry a doctor.

553
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,820
Get away from
me, you little psycho.

554
00:39:10,820 --> 00:39:11,650
- No, no, no, no, no, I tell you

555
00:39:11,650 --> 00:39:16,110
that there is a real future
in plastics, oh exalted one.

556
00:39:17,810 --> 00:39:19,230
- Get away from him!

557
00:39:19,230 --> 00:39:21,610
We are conducting a
major takeover of Earth.

558
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:23,560
We are not playing the dating game.

559
00:39:25,260 --> 00:39:26,830
- You shut up, laughing boy!

560
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:34,600
- Keep it moving, single file.

561
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,120
- Fez has brought us the
first batch of women.

562
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:42,860
- Excellent, Fez.

563
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,360
You seem to be doing very well

564
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,870
for such a short amount of time.

565
00:39:47,870 --> 00:39:50,050
- Thank you, oh bulbous-headed one.

566
00:39:51,700 --> 00:39:54,980
- They say the darndest
things when they're young.

567
00:39:54,980 --> 00:39:58,360
Continue your mission, and you
will be well-rewarded soon.

568
00:39:59,210 --> 00:40:02,120
- Thank you, but now I must go.

569
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:07,120
I have what the Earth people call a date.

570
00:40:07,220 --> 00:40:10,230
- Oh yes, I have heard of those.

571
00:40:10,230 --> 00:40:12,430
It's what happens when an Earth couple

572
00:40:12,430 --> 00:40:15,150
enters a phase called necking.

573
00:40:15,150 --> 00:40:17,860
They drool and grovel over one another

574
00:40:17,860 --> 00:40:21,740
until one becomes queasy
and the other nauseous.

575
00:40:21,740 --> 00:40:23,640
- It sounds lovely.

576
00:40:24,950 --> 00:40:27,880
Go about your date, but
do not allow the wiles

577
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,770
of an Earth chick to sway
you from your mission.

578
00:40:30,770 --> 00:40:32,820
I have heard many stories
of their secret powers

579
00:40:32,820 --> 00:40:34,170
that no man can resist.

580
00:40:40,380 --> 00:40:42,400
- They grow up so fast.

581
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:00,510
- I hope you're having a good time.

582
00:41:00,510 --> 00:41:03,230
It's been a while since
I've been out and about.

583
00:41:03,230 --> 00:41:04,900
Hope I'm not rusty.

584
00:41:09,820 --> 00:41:11,750
Say, what gives, toots?

585
00:41:11,750 --> 00:41:14,900
- Fez Fleckman, I'm not that kind of girl.

586
00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:17,140
- That's why I'm trying to show you how.

587
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,790
Hey, cut that out.

588
00:41:21,790 --> 00:41:24,210
- First you tell that you're
going to take four girls

589
00:41:24,210 --> 00:41:27,200
you met at the bar home,
'cause they needed rides,

590
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,910
and then you tell me you're
gonna be at my house at 2:30,

591
00:41:29,910 --> 00:41:31,420
and you were an hour late.

592
00:41:32,350 --> 00:41:34,560
- I had a bit of business to take care of.

593
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,310
Besides, nice girl like you

594
00:41:36,310 --> 00:41:38,480
shouldn't be sneaking
out of the house so late.

595
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,840
Your daddy might give you a whooping.

596
00:41:42,130 --> 00:41:43,560
- Take me home.

597
00:41:45,470 --> 00:41:47,330
- Aw, come on, baby.

598
00:41:47,330 --> 00:41:49,280
The only reason I'm
getting so carried away

599
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,050
is that you drive me crazy.

600
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:53,590
'Cause you're so beautiful, dig?

601
00:41:53,590 --> 00:41:55,420
I think you're the cat's meow.

602
00:41:55,420 --> 00:41:56,660
You're the tops.

603
00:41:56,660 --> 00:41:58,540
You make me all tingly.

604
00:41:58,540 --> 00:41:59,680
I can't help myself.

605
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,940
I'd like to help myself,
but you won't let me!

606
00:42:04,750 --> 00:42:07,080
Are you smitten, kitten?

607
00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:12,360
Mitzy, baby, you're a gas.

608
00:42:13,630 --> 00:42:16,060
Let's pop this blow stand.

609
00:42:29,610 --> 00:42:31,450
Oh, what?

610
00:42:31,450 --> 00:42:34,180
- The plan is working
perfectly, Your Highness.

611
00:42:34,180 --> 00:42:36,650
It is only a matter of time.

612
00:42:36,650 --> 00:42:39,950
Excellent, that
is what I like to hear.

613
00:42:39,950 --> 00:42:42,980
You might not be the
buffoon I thought you were.

614
00:42:42,980 --> 00:42:46,320
I am pleased with your progress, Xedor.

615
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,710
You may get a reward for this.

616
00:42:48,710 --> 00:42:52,070
Don't suddenly become a total
boob like you usually do!

617
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,220
- Thank you, Your Highness.

618
00:42:57,060 --> 00:43:00,500
We will win this war of the worlds.

619
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:02,170
Good, now get going!

620
00:43:15,470 --> 00:43:17,250
Stop touching me.

621
00:43:17,250 --> 00:43:19,060
Stop touching me, don't.

622
00:43:19,060 --> 00:43:20,380
Don't do that.

623
00:43:20,380 --> 00:43:23,050
Get...

624
00:43:25,730 --> 00:43:26,890
What smells?

625
00:43:26,890 --> 00:43:30,930
- We are ready for the
mind melt, my liege.

626
00:43:30,930 --> 00:43:33,980
- Good, we must prepare
them for transport to Mars.

627
00:43:50,770 --> 00:43:52,070
What do you think you're doing?

628
00:43:52,070 --> 00:43:54,700
- Look, just because you're
the leader of this expedition

629
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:56,880
doesn't mean that you
get to have all the fun!

630
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,200
- Well the last time, you broke it!

631
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,240
- Oh, I'm not listening, la la la la!

632
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:04,510
- How would you like to stand
a sentry post down on Pluto?

633
00:44:06,900 --> 00:44:11,150
- Get your damn dirty hands
off me, you filthy ape!

634
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,200
- Hello, Rusty.

635
00:44:22,070 --> 00:44:24,500
- Hi, Dr. Von Helpsling.

636
00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:26,340
What are you doing here?

637
00:44:26,340 --> 00:44:28,780
- Oh, just having a cocktail before class.

638
00:44:29,660 --> 00:44:31,220
You look sad.

639
00:44:31,220 --> 00:44:32,670
- Trying to win my girl back.

640
00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:35,270
- Ah, well if you find you need anything,

641
00:44:35,270 --> 00:44:36,990
feel free to come by my office.

642
00:44:40,910 --> 00:44:42,300
- Hey, Rusty.

643
00:44:42,300 --> 00:44:43,900
- Pal.
- Hey, guys.

644
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,140
Isn't it weird that Dr.
Von Helpsling was here?

645
00:44:48,140 --> 00:44:50,150
- Yeah, you said it.

646
00:44:50,150 --> 00:44:52,470
- It's as if it may mean something later.

647
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,030
- Huh.

648
00:45:06,110 --> 00:45:08,080
- What is wrong?

649
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:09,250
What is wrong?

650
00:45:17,950 --> 00:45:20,200
- Mitzy, baby, you're ace.

651
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:24,040
- Oh, Fez, stop, I'm blushing.

652
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:24,870
- Move on.

653
00:45:25,740 --> 00:45:26,940
Move on, Rusty.

654
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:31,710
Is she worth this aggravation?

655
00:45:32,620 --> 00:45:33,660
Aggravation?

656
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:35,390
No.

657
00:45:37,010 --> 00:45:38,080
Not in the least.

658
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,530
- No one understands.

659
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,030
I love her.

660
00:45:44,170 --> 00:45:46,130
Oh, how I love you, Mitzy.

661
00:45:47,460 --> 00:45:49,030
But she's with that cad.

662
00:45:50,050 --> 00:45:52,360
That, that...

663
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,710
- So where have you been all my life?

664
00:45:54,710 --> 00:45:55,540
- Masher!

665
00:45:58,660 --> 00:46:02,300
- Fez Fleckman, what are you doing?

666
00:46:02,300 --> 00:46:03,950
- Uh-oh.

667
00:46:03,950 --> 00:46:04,880
Hold that thought, baby,

668
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:06,880
I got a bit of business to take care of.

669
00:46:08,530 --> 00:46:10,200
What is it, doll face?

670
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,640
- What are you doing?

671
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:15,210
You are supposed to be
here with me, and only me.

672
00:46:15,210 --> 00:46:18,280
- But pumpkin, you know
how I love the company.

673
00:46:19,660 --> 00:46:22,890
I told you some friends would
be joining us, didn't I?

674
00:46:22,890 --> 00:46:25,100
- I don't remember you
telling me anything.

675
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:30,520
- That's why I ask you to
pay attention, sweet knees.

676
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,390
Ladies, please, can I have one
teensie weensie moment alone

677
00:46:34,390 --> 00:46:35,470
with Mitzy, huh?

678
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,850
Stay close, don't go nowhere.

679
00:46:39,850 --> 00:46:41,520
I won't be but a moment, 'kay?

680
00:46:46,090 --> 00:46:48,830
Mitzy, honey pie.

681
00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:53,040
You know I love you, you know that.

682
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:57,180
I just got this little quirk,
that I'm a hard one to tame.

683
00:46:57,180 --> 00:46:58,520
You know that.

684
00:46:58,520 --> 00:46:59,870
- I don't care.

685
00:46:59,870 --> 00:47:01,990
I want to be the only one, Fez.

686
00:47:03,730 --> 00:47:05,800
- You are the only one.

687
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,920
You light up my life.

688
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:09,480
I could not live without you.

689
00:47:10,340 --> 00:47:11,830
- Prove it.

690
00:47:11,830 --> 00:47:13,050
- Prove it?

691
00:47:13,050 --> 00:47:15,110
- Yes, prove it.

692
00:47:15,110 --> 00:47:17,410
Prove how much I mean to you.

693
00:47:17,410 --> 00:47:21,940
Prove that you aren't a
fraud, a phony, a creep!

694
00:47:23,140 --> 00:47:25,450
- Okay, sizzle lips, you are on.

695
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:30,080
Shut your cake, socket
squirrely, time for me to dazzle.

696
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:30,920
Eh?

697
00:47:33,030 --> 00:47:36,120
Hey, it's good to be back.

698
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:37,380
Even though I was never here.

699
00:47:41,330 --> 00:47:43,300
I'd like to tell you a story.

700
00:47:43,300 --> 00:47:46,090
It's a sad story.

701
00:47:46,090 --> 00:47:48,480
Hey barkeep, lay some mood lighting on me.

702
00:47:49,490 --> 00:47:50,340
You're beautiful.

703
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,800
It's a truly sad story about a gal

704
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,710
who didn't believe how
much her guy cared for her.

705
00:47:57,710 --> 00:48:01,810
How she thought he was
a fraud, phony, creep.

706
00:48:02,700 --> 00:48:06,230
He tried to convince her, boy, did he try.

707
00:48:06,230 --> 00:48:07,230
But it didn't work.

708
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,610
Finally one day at the
local watering hole,

709
00:48:10,610 --> 00:48:12,260
he decides to sing her this tune.

710
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,080
Like to sing it for you now.

711
00:48:27,980 --> 00:48:31,440
♪ Gentle love, sentimental love ♪

712
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:36,440
♪ Incidental love, that's for me ♪

713
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:40,880
♪ To relax the nerves,
never tax the nerves ♪

714
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:44,090
♪ Who wants sacks of nerves ♪

715
00:48:44,090 --> 00:48:46,340
♪ Not me ♪

716
00:48:46,340 --> 00:48:50,690
♪ But such love is not my diet ♪

717
00:48:50,690 --> 00:48:55,690
♪ I've met you, and now love is a riot ♪

718
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:02,920
♪ You're like a Hong Kong gong, bong ♪

719
00:49:04,470 --> 00:49:09,470
♪ You're like a speedway wheel, squeal ♪

720
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:15,680
♪ Your siren song is strong, and so long ♪

721
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:20,880
♪ You make my poor heart
reel, Virginia reel ♪

722
00:49:21,980 --> 00:49:24,990
♪ Love is a riot, a riot, a riot ♪

723
00:49:24,990 --> 00:49:26,830
♪ The law should arrest it and try it ♪

724
00:49:26,830 --> 00:49:28,900
- He's really something,
isn't he, eh, Rus?

725
00:49:28,900 --> 00:49:30,360
- You ain't just kidding, Mikey.

726
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,480
- A real crooner there, Rusty.

727
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:35,110
- You may have some competition.

728
00:49:35,110 --> 00:49:38,590
♪ Gentle love, sentimental love ♪

729
00:49:38,590 --> 00:49:43,590
♪ Like parental love, that's for me ♪

730
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,230
♪ Won't confuse my mind ♪

731
00:49:47,230 --> 00:49:50,110
♪ Or abuse my mind ♪

732
00:49:50,110 --> 00:49:52,530
♪ Till I lose my mind ♪

733
00:49:52,530 --> 00:49:55,200
♪ Not me ♪

734
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,930
♪ But such love is not my diet ♪

735
00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:03,930
♪ I've met you, and now love is a riot ♪

736
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:10,880
♪ You make the thunder cloud, proud ♪

737
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:17,600
♪ You make a cyclone wail, pale ♪

738
00:50:18,110 --> 00:50:23,110
♪ Our love is like a crowd, it's so loud ♪

739
00:50:24,490 --> 00:50:29,490
♪ Just like a mob in
jail, who's posting bail ♪

740
00:50:30,030 --> 00:50:32,950
♪ The love is a riot, a riot, a riot ♪

741
00:50:32,950 --> 00:50:36,250
♪ Our goose is well
cooked, 'cause you fry it ♪

742
00:50:36,250 --> 00:50:39,270
♪ But I love you, and I won't deny it ♪

743
00:50:39,270 --> 00:50:42,560
♪ I buy it, I buy it, I buy it ♪

744
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:47,560
♪ Why can't our love be sweet, tweet ♪

745
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,040
- He is the swingingest.

746
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:54,620
♪ Flowers grow slow ♪

747
00:50:54,620 --> 00:50:58,660
♪ No, our love has a beat ♪

748
00:50:58,660 --> 00:51:01,020
♪ Watch your feet ♪

749
00:51:01,020 --> 00:51:04,460
♪ It's like a broadway show ♪

750
00:51:04,460 --> 00:51:06,820
♪ It's got to glow ♪

751
00:51:06,820 --> 00:51:09,740
♪ The love is a riot, a riot, a riot ♪

752
00:51:09,740 --> 00:51:12,680
♪ No use to resist or defy it ♪

753
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,900
♪ Oh, I love you, and I won't deny it ♪

754
00:51:15,900 --> 00:51:19,810
♪ I buy it, I buy it, I buy it ♪

755
00:51:36,390 --> 00:51:38,640
Thank you, you're too kind.

756
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,210
Thank you.

757
00:51:43,210 --> 00:51:45,270
- Kirk, give me another one.

758
00:51:47,300 --> 00:51:48,720
- You heard the rumors?

759
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:49,630
- About what?

760
00:51:49,630 --> 00:51:51,120
- The weird lights people have been seeing

761
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:52,230
near Make Out Point.

762
00:51:52,230 --> 00:51:54,160
- No, I haven't.
- Me neither.

763
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:57,270
- They say aliens have landed,
and they're kidnapping people

764
00:51:57,270 --> 00:51:58,810
and controlling people's brains,

765
00:51:58,810 --> 00:52:01,180
turning people into mindless zombies.

766
00:52:01,180 --> 00:52:02,740
Girls have been missing all over.

767
00:52:02,740 --> 00:52:05,810
- Oh yeah, I heard Susie Browning
has been missing for days.

768
00:52:05,810 --> 00:52:09,630
- And Sally Arkoff, and Wilma
Castle, and Esther Wood!

769
00:52:09,630 --> 00:52:12,370
- Oh my, this is like
that movie with the pods,

770
00:52:12,370 --> 00:52:13,430
and then they control people's minds.

771
00:52:13,430 --> 00:52:15,160
- "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".

772
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:16,330
- No, not that movie, the other--

773
00:52:16,330 --> 00:52:17,240
- "Bigfoot".

774
00:52:17,240 --> 00:52:18,360
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

775
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:19,350
Wasn't Carey Grant in that movie?

776
00:52:19,350 --> 00:52:21,850
He is so cute.

777
00:52:21,850 --> 00:52:23,810
- That's preposterous.

778
00:52:23,810 --> 00:52:25,910
Those poor, miserable souls.

779
00:52:25,910 --> 00:52:28,880
Don't they know that stuff's
just in the comic books?

780
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:31,280
Aliens do not exist.

781
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,660
- I don't know what to believe.

782
00:52:33,660 --> 00:52:36,510
But whatever it is, I'm going
to get to the bottom of it.

783
00:52:40,770 --> 00:52:42,430
- Oh, Fez!

784
00:52:43,260 --> 00:52:44,910
Oh, Fez, you animal!

785
00:52:46,220 --> 00:52:49,140
Oh, Fez, you animal.

786
00:52:49,140 --> 00:52:52,630
- Isn't this better than hanging
out with that slug, Rusty?

787
00:52:52,630 --> 00:52:54,570
- Oh, Fez, you animal!

788
00:52:56,240 --> 00:52:58,010
- Say, what gives, baby?

789
00:52:58,010 --> 00:52:59,760
You're wound up like a cheap watch.

790
00:53:00,650 --> 00:53:03,620
Oh, come on, bubby, talk to dada.

791
00:53:06,510 --> 00:53:09,070
- Oh, Fez, you're incorrigible.

792
00:53:09,070 --> 00:53:11,970
You're rude and you're
never on time for our dates.

793
00:53:11,970 --> 00:53:14,300
- Baby, baby, please.

794
00:53:14,300 --> 00:53:16,670
You're giving me an inner-ear
ache, for god's sake.

795
00:53:16,670 --> 00:53:18,310
I thought we settled this a while ago.

796
00:53:18,310 --> 00:53:19,660
- But Fez, I just--
- Eh, eh, eh.

797
00:53:19,660 --> 00:53:22,220
I thought that's what you liked about me.

798
00:53:22,220 --> 00:53:24,930
'Cause I'm rude and incorrigible.

799
00:53:24,930 --> 00:53:26,350
But on time?

800
00:53:26,350 --> 00:53:28,040
You want me to be punctual?

801
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:31,420
Baby, please, there ain't
enough of me to go around.

802
00:53:31,420 --> 00:53:32,720
You just gotta be patient.

803
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,990
- Stop that.

804
00:53:38,990 --> 00:53:41,380
- Aw, you don't mean that, do you?

805
00:53:41,380 --> 00:53:43,540
Of course you don't.

806
00:53:43,540 --> 00:53:45,740
You like me this way.

807
00:53:45,740 --> 00:53:47,780
You know I'm not rude to you, sweet lips.

808
00:53:47,780 --> 00:53:49,220
I'm to the point.

809
00:53:49,220 --> 00:53:51,040
I'm not the kind of guy that's
gonna say a bunch of stuff

810
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:52,920
you wanna hear just
'cause you wanna hear it.

811
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:54,800
I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

812
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,350
I'm gonna get straight to
the point, and my point is,

813
00:53:57,350 --> 00:53:58,470
shut up and start smooching,

814
00:53:58,470 --> 00:54:00,070
'cause I got things to do later.

815
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,480
- You can't win that easy, Fleckman!

816
00:54:08,530 --> 00:54:12,360
- Fez, don't get me wrong, I like you.

817
00:54:13,210 --> 00:54:15,160
You have that certain something

818
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:18,190
that makes a girl like
me weak in the knees.

819
00:54:18,190 --> 00:54:19,650
- Weak in the brain, too.

820
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:23,970
- You're classy, you're swank,

821
00:54:23,970 --> 00:54:25,730
and your wardrobe's to die for.

822
00:54:27,070 --> 00:54:29,640
But I need more from a man.

823
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,450
I need to be loved, and held.

824
00:54:33,550 --> 00:54:38,040
I want a little house and a
white picket fence, with a dog.

825
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:42,660
- I can give you those things, my pet.

826
00:54:44,340 --> 00:54:48,560
- I want to have dinner made
when the man I love comes home.

827
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,080
And if we have problems with our children,

828
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:54,620
I want my loving husband to go upstairs,

829
00:54:54,620 --> 00:54:59,180
sit them down, and give them
a good, stern talking to.

830
00:55:01,590 --> 00:55:03,340
Fez, what are you doing?

831
00:55:03,340 --> 00:55:06,650
- Something I should've
done a long time ago.

832
00:55:09,490 --> 00:55:10,320
- Uh oh.

833
00:55:18,030 --> 00:55:20,380
- Dear God!

834
00:55:29,790 --> 00:55:30,620
Doc!

835
00:55:30,620 --> 00:55:31,990
- Rusty, what's wrong?

836
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:34,240
- You gotta help me, Doctor.

837
00:55:35,170 --> 00:55:37,090
These creatures.

838
00:55:37,090 --> 00:55:39,820
- Ah, the evil vampire.

839
00:55:39,820 --> 00:55:42,560
Nosferatu, the undead.

840
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:45,250
Now to kill a vampire,
you'll have to take a stake.

841
00:55:45,250 --> 00:55:46,110
You gotta take a stake

842
00:55:46,110 --> 00:55:47,160
and drive it--
- No, no.

843
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:49,430
Doc, it's not vampires.

844
00:55:49,430 --> 00:55:51,010
- Well, then the werewolf.

845
00:55:51,010 --> 00:55:53,610
Now for the werewolf, you
have to get silver bullets,

846
00:55:53,610 --> 00:55:54,440
and garlic, and wolfsbane.

847
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:57,380
- No, no, Doc, it's not werewolves.

848
00:55:57,380 --> 00:55:58,710
- Not werewolves.
- Not vampires.

849
00:55:58,710 --> 00:55:59,960
- Not vampires.

850
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:02,530
- It's Martians!

851
00:56:02,530 --> 00:56:07,530
- Ah, so that would be
unidentified flying objects.

852
00:56:07,660 --> 00:56:10,720
There are many cases of
unidentified flying objects.

853
00:56:10,720 --> 00:56:13,150
It's not uncommon for
people from other worlds

854
00:56:13,150 --> 00:56:15,330
to come and spy on our planet.

855
00:56:15,330 --> 00:56:17,700
In many cases, they do
some interesting things.

856
00:56:17,700 --> 00:56:20,970
They cut crop circles,
they mutilate cattle,

857
00:56:20,970 --> 00:56:25,100
and at times, they even take
control of a weak-willed person

858
00:56:25,100 --> 00:56:28,040
and make him do unpredictable
and silly things.

859
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:32,640
- Doc, I know all that,
but how do I stop them?

860
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:33,470
- Beats me.

861
00:56:36,750 --> 00:56:37,580
- What?

862
00:56:42,110 --> 00:56:43,630
- Ah, he's a nice kid.

863
00:56:43,630 --> 00:56:46,410
He's a kook, but what are you gonna do?

864
00:56:48,990 --> 00:56:50,140
- Say, what's with you?

865
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:53,740
- It's true, it's all true!

866
00:56:54,750 --> 00:56:56,730
- What are you talking about?

867
00:56:58,250 --> 00:57:01,260
- This, this is what I'm talking about!

868
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,440
It's all happening, they've invaded,

869
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:08,640
just like in the cinema shows.

870
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:11,130
I'm still waiting to
see a giant mutant bug

871
00:57:11,130 --> 00:57:14,030
or lizard walk down our neighborhood!

872
00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:15,760
- Like that would happen.

873
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:18,730
I told you, but you didn't believe me.

874
00:57:18,730 --> 00:57:19,910
- I believe!

875
00:57:23,670 --> 00:57:25,970
- What happened out there?

876
00:57:28,590 --> 00:57:31,510
- There I was, in the bushes.

877
00:57:32,620 --> 00:57:35,440
It was hot, damn hot.

878
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:42,080
It was mid-October, but the
heat had no mercy on me.

879
00:57:42,310 --> 00:57:46,510
The humidity made it feel
like it was 2,000 degrees.

880
00:57:47,500 --> 00:57:48,360
- Get on with it.

881
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,180
- Fez did something to Mitzy!

882
00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:56,120
He's not human.

883
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:57,840
I think he's a creature.

884
00:57:58,910 --> 00:58:00,560
What do you think I should do?

885
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:04,210
It has evil mind control powers!

886
00:58:04,210 --> 00:58:07,040
- Challenge him to a contest.

887
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:07,870
- Challenge him?

888
00:58:08,850 --> 00:58:12,770
- If you win, you get
Mitzy, and he goes away.

889
00:58:12,770 --> 00:58:15,520
If he wins, he gets
Mitzy, and you go away.

890
00:58:16,790 --> 00:58:18,270
- But what if he wins?

891
00:58:18,270 --> 00:58:20,520
- You can't let him win!

892
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:22,760
Mitzy's life and the fate
of the entire universe

893
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:24,590
rests on your shoulders.

894
00:58:24,590 --> 00:58:27,140
- Well, at least there's no pressure.

895
00:58:28,890 --> 00:58:30,800
Do you think it'll work?

896
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:32,850
- I have total faith in you, big brother.

897
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,340
- Then by Joe, I'll do it.

898
00:58:38,340 --> 00:58:42,650
Fez Fleckman, you are in
serious trouble, my friend.

899
00:58:46,620 --> 00:58:48,870
I have a moment to lose.

900
00:58:49,740 --> 00:58:51,390
Thanks, kiddo.

901
00:58:51,390 --> 00:58:54,960
- No problem, big bro, you big dope.

902
00:58:57,850 --> 00:59:01,090
- I said a dry martini, fruit cake!

903
00:59:06,890 --> 00:59:09,310
Did you just touch my jacket?

904
00:59:09,310 --> 00:59:11,260
- You and me, tomorrow night.

905
00:59:11,260 --> 00:59:14,560
We're gonna find out whose
girl Mitzy really is.

906
00:59:15,630 --> 00:59:17,590
- And how we gonna do that, Rusty?

907
00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:20,720
- Well, I...

908
00:59:22,250 --> 00:59:23,750
A swing-off!

909
00:59:23,750 --> 00:59:25,420
- What the hell is a swing-off?

910
00:59:26,740 --> 00:59:28,520
- I have no idea.

911
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:29,780
But we're gonna have one,

912
00:59:29,780 --> 00:59:32,200
and we're gonna settle
this once and for all,

913
00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:35,020
you no-good, badly dressed goon.

914
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,370
- Okay, meatball, you are on.

915
00:59:40,650 --> 00:59:42,420
You hear that, ladies and germs?

916
00:59:42,420 --> 00:59:46,620
Rusty Rave has challenged me
to a swing-off tomorrow night.

917
00:59:50,210 --> 00:59:52,230
Say goodbye to our local hero.

918
00:59:53,110 --> 00:59:54,210
Bye, Rusty.

919
00:59:55,340 --> 00:59:56,170
Bye.

920
00:59:58,770 --> 01:00:01,310
- Oh jeez, what have I done?

921
01:00:05,530 --> 01:00:07,080
- Can I keep him?

922
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:09,800
- As long as you keep
the bucket on his head.

923
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,670
I heard that!

924
01:00:12,670 --> 01:00:15,780
- Permission to speak, my lord.

925
01:00:15,780 --> 01:00:18,100
- You may, at ease.

926
01:00:18,100 --> 01:00:19,870
- That chucklehead Rusty
Rave has challenged me

927
01:00:19,870 --> 01:00:21,740
to a swing-off tomorrow
night at the Velvet.

928
01:00:21,740 --> 01:00:23,010
- Excellent!

929
01:00:23,010 --> 01:00:27,120
An intergalactic swing-off
of apocalyptic proportions.

930
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,220
This means all of the
town's cute Earth honeys

931
01:00:30,220 --> 01:00:31,370
will be there, correct?

932
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:35,820
After you annihilate him in
the competition of coolness,

933
01:00:35,820 --> 01:00:39,030
we will entrance the cute Earth dames

934
01:00:39,030 --> 01:00:42,720
and send their enslaved
brains back to Mars.

935
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:45,940
Then our planet will conquer
all that does oscillate.

936
01:00:47,810 --> 01:00:49,330
- You mean swing?

937
01:00:49,330 --> 01:00:51,850
- Leave us, wise guy!

938
01:00:51,850 --> 01:00:53,050
Do not fail us!

939
01:00:53,050 --> 01:00:54,920
- Yeah, yeah, no failing.

940
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,120
Do you have any sixes?

941
01:00:57,190 --> 01:00:58,020
- Go fish.

942
01:01:00,450 --> 01:01:03,060
These are top
secret government agents

943
01:01:03,060 --> 01:01:05,550
from the Flying Saucer Field Division.

944
01:01:05,550 --> 01:01:07,560
They are looking for extraterrestrial--

945
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,790
- Shut up.

946
01:01:08,790 --> 01:01:09,740
Sorry.

947
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:12,210
- We're in Grover's Mill.

948
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:14,240
10-4.

949
01:01:15,290 --> 01:01:16,120
A-okay.

950
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:18,400
Roger.
- New orders?

951
01:01:19,450 --> 01:01:20,690
- Mother.

952
01:01:20,690 --> 01:01:21,740
- Mother, the agency?

953
01:01:22,820 --> 01:01:24,750
- No, my mother.

954
01:01:39,420 --> 01:01:42,310
So, you're not
from around here, are you?

955
01:01:42,310 --> 01:01:46,680
- No, I'm from Canada.

956
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:55,300
- These outfits will conceal us,

957
01:01:55,300 --> 01:01:58,520
and yet make us hip and stylish, as well.

958
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,350
- I want to go home.

959
01:02:00,350 --> 01:02:02,620
- You always want to go home.

960
01:02:02,620 --> 01:02:03,450
- Shut up.

961
01:02:03,450 --> 01:02:05,550
- No, you shut up.

962
01:02:05,550 --> 01:02:07,400
- Both of you shut up.

963
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:11,480
We are about to witness Plan Z in action.

964
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:12,860
- Plan Z?

965
01:02:12,860 --> 01:02:14,270
But there is no Plan Z.

966
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,410
- There is now.

967
01:02:23,230 --> 01:02:27,890
- Ladies, tonight you're
gonna see the king of swing.

968
01:02:30,050 --> 01:02:35,050
- Oh, Fez, you are so dreamy.

969
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:37,560
- Tell me something I
don't know already, babe.

970
01:02:40,730 --> 01:02:41,930
- This is the establishment.

971
01:02:41,930 --> 01:02:43,330
- They serve libations here?

972
01:02:45,910 --> 01:02:47,010
Disguise.
- Disguise.

973
01:02:52,350 --> 01:02:54,250
Cool, dude.
- Copactetic, man.

974
01:02:57,550 --> 01:03:01,280
So, seen anything unusual?

975
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:02,650
- No.

976
01:03:02,650 --> 01:03:06,120
No, nothing unusual.

977
01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:08,030
- Thank you, let's move out.

978
01:03:09,630 --> 01:03:10,730
- He was kind of cute.

979
01:03:40,990 --> 01:03:43,770
- Well if it isn't my
arch-nemesis, Rusty Rave.

980
01:03:46,020 --> 01:03:47,830
Howdy doody, Rusty.

981
01:03:47,830 --> 01:03:49,870
- You don't scare me, Fleckman.

982
01:03:49,870 --> 01:03:51,290
I know your little secret.

983
01:03:52,490 --> 01:03:53,650
Kind of.

984
01:03:53,650 --> 01:03:54,820
- Do you?

985
01:03:54,820 --> 01:03:56,770
Well that ain't gonna help you now.

986
01:03:58,230 --> 01:03:59,740
- Hi, Mitzy.

987
01:03:59,740 --> 01:04:03,300
- Oh, Fez, he means nothing to me.

988
01:04:03,300 --> 01:04:05,510
Let this pathetic nerd alone.

989
01:04:05,510 --> 01:04:07,800
- Hey, what the?

990
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:10,890
- You're right, pussycat,
he's just a weasel.

991
01:04:12,270 --> 01:04:13,300
- Are you chicken?

992
01:04:14,670 --> 01:04:16,230
- What did you say?

993
01:04:17,500 --> 01:04:18,390
- You heard me.

994
01:04:19,310 --> 01:04:21,520
- Them's fighting words.

995
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,640
- So let's do it.

996
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:25,040
- Fine.

997
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,190
Let's swing.

998
01:04:57,630 --> 01:04:58,920
- Mind if I cut in?

999
01:05:08,470 --> 01:05:10,810
- Let us go and prepare for our departure.

1000
01:05:11,730 --> 01:05:13,920
- I don't want to leave yet.

1001
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:18,210
- First you want to leave,
then you don't want to leave.

1002
01:05:18,210 --> 01:05:19,580
- I swear, both of you.

1003
01:05:19,580 --> 01:05:21,620
If I had a rubber hose...

1004
01:05:34,590 --> 01:05:36,220
- Rusty?

1005
01:05:36,220 --> 01:05:37,320
Where am I?

1006
01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:38,890
- You're not gonna believe this,

1007
01:05:38,890 --> 01:05:42,540
but your mind was being
controlled by invaders from Mars.

1008
01:05:43,390 --> 01:05:45,390
- You're right, I don't.

1009
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:48,760
Go get him, Rusty.

1010
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:50,380
- I love you, Mitzy.

1011
01:06:50,380 --> 01:06:51,990
- I love you, Rusty.

1012
01:06:51,990 --> 01:06:54,740
Will you marry me, Mitzy?

1013
01:06:54,740 --> 01:06:56,970
- Yes, I will marry you, Rusty.

1014
01:06:58,440 --> 01:06:59,280
- Swell!

1015
01:07:08,510 --> 01:07:12,370
- Me want Mitzy!

1016
01:07:12,370 --> 01:07:14,150
Me want!

1017
01:07:25,070 --> 01:07:27,460
- Dear God, it's hideous!

1018
01:07:27,460 --> 01:07:30,680
- It's a monster!

1019
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:34,100
- That's the most disgusting
thing I've ever seen!

1020
01:07:35,280 --> 01:07:37,460
- Where did he get those shoes?

1021
01:07:37,460 --> 01:07:40,530
- Watch out, he'll tear out your spleen!

1022
01:07:45,420 --> 01:07:47,590
- That guy looks just like me!

1023
01:07:54,770 --> 01:07:57,840
- Run, for the love of Pete, run!

1024
01:08:12,160 --> 01:08:12,990
- Rusty!

1025
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:14,840
Rusty!

1026
01:08:42,920 --> 01:08:44,000
- See anything?

1027
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:45,070
- No, you hear anything?

1028
01:08:45,070 --> 01:08:46,820
- No, let's move out.

1029
01:08:51,340 --> 01:08:53,130
You never saw us.

1030
01:08:53,130 --> 01:08:54,500
- We're not here.

1031
01:08:54,500 --> 01:08:57,040
- We are not looking for aliens.

1032
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,060
- We are a figment of your imagination.

1033
01:08:59,060 --> 01:09:02,870
- Brought about by bad SPAM that you ate.

1034
01:09:02,870 --> 01:09:03,700
- Good day.

1035
01:09:21,620 --> 01:09:23,590
- Hey Ernie, how's your donut?

1036
01:09:23,590 --> 01:09:26,470
- Good, how's yours?

1037
01:09:26,470 --> 01:09:27,570
- Good.

1038
01:09:27,570 --> 01:09:31,120
Car 54, car
54, this is dispatch, over.

1039
01:09:34,040 --> 01:09:36,570
- This is car 54, go ahead.

1040
01:09:36,570 --> 01:09:38,620
There's some
strange antics and shenanigans

1041
01:09:38,620 --> 01:09:41,320
happening at the old Smirnoff
castle and chicken farm,

1042
01:09:41,320 --> 01:09:42,520
better go check it out.

1043
01:09:46,330 --> 01:09:48,610
- What kind of strange things?

1044
01:09:48,610 --> 01:09:50,100
Weird
sightings, some people claim

1045
01:09:50,100 --> 01:09:53,830
to have seen a UFO and a
badly-dressed monster, that is all.

1046
01:09:55,430 --> 01:09:57,010
- Copy that, we're on our way.

1047
01:09:58,450 --> 01:09:59,750
- What's the matter, Bert?

1048
01:10:00,710 --> 01:10:03,090
- You know, it's always the same.

1049
01:10:03,090 --> 01:10:05,920
Ghosts, goblins, spooks, UFOs.

1050
01:10:07,010 --> 01:10:08,750
Just for once, I'd like to investigate

1051
01:10:08,750 --> 01:10:10,300
a good old fashioned murder.

1052
01:10:10,300 --> 01:10:11,760
- You said it.

1053
01:10:11,760 --> 01:10:13,600
- Well, let's get going.

1054
01:10:25,150 --> 01:10:26,270
- Put her in the cage.

1055
01:10:33,510 --> 01:10:34,350
- No!

1056
01:10:34,350 --> 01:10:37,630
No, don't shoot me, I'm
an eminent scientist!

1057
01:10:41,090 --> 01:10:43,710
- My God!

1058
01:10:43,710 --> 01:10:48,640
So you really did come from outer space.

1059
01:10:48,640 --> 01:10:49,760
- No, no killing!

1060
01:10:53,700 --> 01:10:55,190
- Ew.

1061
01:10:55,190 --> 01:10:57,520
- Thanks, thanks a lot.

1062
01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:59,550
- Oh, I only stunned him.

1063
01:10:59,550 --> 01:11:02,390
You, pretty boy, won't be so lucky.

1064
01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:13,840
Soon all of Earth's skirts will be mated

1065
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:16,700
with the superior Martian overlords,

1066
01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:19,680
and all males of this planet will be dead.

1067
01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:20,930
Hey, what the?

1068
01:11:26,400 --> 01:11:27,710
- You just gonna kill me?

1069
01:11:27,710 --> 01:11:29,980
- What was your first clue, Earth stooge?

1070
01:12:05,060 --> 01:12:06,090
- No!

1071
01:12:09,400 --> 01:12:10,970
- Sounds like someone is home.

1072
01:12:10,970 --> 01:12:12,180
- Oh, do you think?

1073
01:12:14,850 --> 01:12:16,470
- Why?

1074
01:12:16,470 --> 01:12:18,020
Why did you do this?

1075
01:12:20,310 --> 01:12:21,550
Whisper in my ear.

1076
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:37,490
- What did she say?

1077
01:12:37,490 --> 01:12:38,320
- Nothing.

1078
01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:41,080
She just licked my ear.

1079
01:12:42,690 --> 01:12:44,340
You fiend.

1080
01:12:44,340 --> 01:12:46,550
You would kill your own kind?

1081
01:12:46,550 --> 01:12:49,500
- You can't make a sweater
without shaving some sheep!

1082
01:12:49,500 --> 01:12:51,870
- Yes, you can, there are
plenty of different acrylic--

1083
01:12:51,870 --> 01:12:53,400
- Silence, Earth bimbo!

1084
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,080
- You can't talk to her like that.

1085
01:12:55,080 --> 01:12:56,430
- I just did.

1086
01:12:56,430 --> 01:12:58,640
- You'll never get away with this, Xedor.

1087
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:00,760
Out of all the movies I've ever seen,

1088
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:02,830
the good guys always win.

1089
01:13:02,830 --> 01:13:04,970
- This isn't a movie, Earth fool.

1090
01:13:07,090 --> 01:13:11,020
This is reality, something you
are obviously not living in.

1091
01:13:12,020 --> 01:13:14,510
And we will get away with this.

1092
01:13:14,510 --> 01:13:16,610
Do you think Roswell was a fluke?

1093
01:13:16,610 --> 01:13:20,260
That was my idea to freak
you Earth weenies out.

1094
01:13:21,830 --> 01:13:23,830
- Hey, whose spaceship is double parked?

1095
01:13:24,910 --> 01:13:27,950
- Calm down, Mister, there's
no reason to get jumpy.

1096
01:13:28,970 --> 01:13:30,750
- Rusty, be careful!

1097
01:13:30,750 --> 01:13:32,470
- Fez, seize her!

1098
01:13:32,470 --> 01:13:34,500
Take her to the spaceship.

1099
01:13:34,500 --> 01:13:35,950
- Rusty!

1100
01:13:35,950 --> 01:13:38,730
I'll save you, Mitzy!

1101
01:13:38,730 --> 01:13:40,630
Don't shoot, you'll hit the girl!

1102
01:13:41,890 --> 01:13:43,610
- Is there anything I can do to help?

1103
01:13:57,270 --> 01:14:00,350
Move, come on, come on!

1104
01:14:19,060 --> 01:14:21,030
- Oh no you don't!
- Let go of me!

1105
01:14:21,030 --> 01:14:22,400
- Get back here!

1106
01:14:24,410 --> 01:14:25,780
- Shoot, shoot!

1107
01:14:28,290 --> 01:14:30,380
Not me, you moron!

1108
01:14:44,990 --> 01:14:46,650
- Are you all right?

1109
01:15:00,870 --> 01:15:01,790
- Oh, move!

1110
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:12,860
- Leave me, save yourself.

1111
01:15:14,290 --> 01:15:16,380
Getting weaker.

1112
01:15:16,380 --> 01:15:18,070
Must warn others!

1113
01:15:18,070 --> 01:15:19,730
- Come on, Doctor.

1114
01:15:19,730 --> 01:15:21,090
- Leave me be.

1115
01:15:21,090 --> 01:15:23,330
Save yourself, leave me to die.

1116
01:15:27,430 --> 01:15:28,570
- Where's Smirnoff?

1117
01:15:28,570 --> 01:15:32,010
- He's still inside, crazy old man.

1118
01:15:32,010 --> 01:15:34,080
Fez, no.

1119
01:15:34,080 --> 01:15:36,440
- Don't do it, Fez, you'll
get yourself killed.

1120
01:15:36,440 --> 01:15:38,750
- Must save master!

1121
01:15:38,750 --> 01:15:40,420
Must risk life!

1122
01:15:41,250 --> 01:15:42,920
- Okay.
- All right, whatever you say.

1123
01:15:42,920 --> 01:15:44,330
- Sure.
- Bye bye.

1124
01:15:45,370 --> 01:15:49,010
There goes a stupid, stupid monster.

1125
01:15:49,010 --> 01:15:51,010
- I'll never forget him.

1126
01:16:03,730 --> 01:16:05,900
♪ Amazing ♪

1127
01:16:06,810 --> 01:16:09,090
Fez.

1128
01:16:11,630 --> 01:16:13,270
Who's smoking in here?

1129
01:16:13,270 --> 01:16:16,420
There's no smoking in the laboratory.

1130
01:16:20,040 --> 01:16:21,270
Get off me, Fez.

1131
01:16:39,010 --> 01:16:40,300
- Let them go!

1132
01:16:40,300 --> 01:16:42,980
- But they may come back
with reinforcements.

1133
01:16:42,980 --> 01:16:44,270
- No they won't.

1134
01:16:44,270 --> 01:16:45,720
- But how do you know, Rusty?

1135
01:16:46,610 --> 01:16:49,480
- I took the liberty of calling
the United States Air Force

1136
01:16:49,480 --> 01:16:51,130
before I got here.

1137
01:16:52,610 --> 01:16:54,310
- Oh, Rusty.

1138
01:17:08,620 --> 01:17:10,780
- Damn that thing!

1139
01:17:10,780 --> 01:17:13,860
Use the gamma ray, destroy the Earthlings!

1140
01:17:13,860 --> 01:17:15,770
- Yes, my liege.

1141
01:17:22,560 --> 01:17:25,640
- Eat hot missiles, you Martian scum!

1142
01:17:37,590 --> 01:17:38,590
- Slagathor?

1143
01:17:39,540 --> 01:17:40,460
Aw, cripes.

1144
01:17:43,280 --> 01:17:44,550
Nice shooting, Tex.

1145
01:17:44,550 --> 01:17:47,920
Now here's one from good old Uncle Sam.

1146
01:17:47,920 --> 01:17:49,340
Nab my girl, will you?

1147
01:17:49,340 --> 01:17:50,170
Take that!

1148
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:53,360
- Shazbot!

1149
01:18:04,710 --> 01:18:06,300
- Hey, do you mind?

1150
01:18:08,030 --> 01:18:09,450
- Johnny!

1151
01:18:09,450 --> 01:18:11,510
Johnny?

1152
01:18:29,380 --> 01:18:31,380
- Watch this, Mitzy.

1153
01:18:31,380 --> 01:18:33,720
- This one's for you, Rusty.

1154
01:18:46,180 --> 01:18:49,600
- They blew up Mars.

1155
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:52,690
- They sure did, Mitzy, just for you.

1156
01:18:58,420 --> 01:18:59,500
Thanks, boys.

1157
01:19:00,690 --> 01:19:02,790
- No problem, Rusty.

1158
01:19:02,790 --> 01:19:03,950
Take care now.

1159
01:19:08,940 --> 01:19:11,090
- Now that was a close encounter.

1160
01:19:12,350 --> 01:19:14,060
- Let that be a lesson to you!

1161
01:19:14,060 --> 01:19:15,370
- Yeah, a lesson.

1162
01:19:16,240 --> 01:19:18,600
Tired, but I'm all right.

1163
01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:19,440
- Who the hell are you people?

1164
01:19:19,440 --> 01:19:20,860
- We're nobody.

1165
01:19:20,860 --> 01:19:22,840
- We're not here.
- We are illusions.

1166
01:19:22,840 --> 01:19:24,690
- We are figments of
all your imaginations.

1167
01:19:24,690 --> 01:19:26,770
- Brought about by bad SPAM that you ate,

1168
01:19:26,770 --> 01:19:28,380
and for the last time,

1169
01:19:28,380 --> 01:19:31,560
we are not looking for
beings from other planets.

1170
01:19:32,750 --> 01:19:34,000
- You know, it's a shame.

1171
01:19:34,900 --> 01:19:39,620
Dr. Smirnoff dead, and
lives senselessly wasted.

1172
01:19:41,170 --> 01:19:42,760
- Yes, now we'll never know

1173
01:19:42,760 --> 01:19:45,570
what the space men could
have shared with us.

1174
01:19:45,570 --> 01:19:48,010
We could've learned so much from them.

1175
01:19:48,010 --> 01:19:52,000
Cures for our diseases, new
means of transportation.

1176
01:19:52,000 --> 01:19:53,560
- They were planning on enslaving you

1177
01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:56,730
and turning you into a
mindless astro-zombie,

1178
01:19:56,730 --> 01:19:59,590
for the sole purpose of their pleasure.

1179
01:19:59,590 --> 01:20:00,420
- Oh yeah.

1180
01:20:08,390 --> 01:20:10,220
- Well I'm going home.

1181
01:20:49,240 --> 01:20:52,210
♪ He's a cool hip cat ♪

1182
01:20:52,210 --> 01:20:54,990
♪ He's got all the moves
and knows where it's at ♪

1183
01:20:54,990 --> 01:20:57,800
♪ He sends all the chicks ♪

1184
01:20:57,800 --> 01:21:00,610
♪ He's got all the lines,
he knows all the tricks ♪

1185
01:21:00,610 --> 01:21:03,890
♪ He's a monster man ♪

1186
01:21:03,890 --> 01:21:06,370
♪ Created to carry out a fiendish plan ♪

1187
01:21:06,370 --> 01:21:09,220
♪ He's an undercover lover
from beyond the stars ♪

1188
01:21:09,220 --> 01:21:14,220
♪ He's a mutant swinger from Mars ♪

1189
01:21:17,770 --> 01:21:20,670
♪ He's a flyby Romeo ♪

1190
01:21:20,670 --> 01:21:23,500
♪ An interstellar Don Juan ♪

1191
01:21:23,500 --> 01:21:26,390
♪ He's the cat's pajamas,
size extra long ♪

1192
01:21:26,390 --> 01:21:31,390
♪ He's the top banana, he's
a rama lama ding dong ♪

1193
01:21:32,110 --> 01:21:34,950
♪ He wears sharkskin suits
and drives hot rod cars ♪

1194
01:21:34,950 --> 01:21:39,950
♪ He's a mutant swinger from Mars ♪

1195
01:21:43,850 --> 01:21:46,880
♪ With the devil's grin
on his angel face ♪

1196
01:21:46,880 --> 01:21:49,760
♪ He's picking up girls
to send to outer space ♪

1197
01:21:49,760 --> 01:21:52,640
♪ Step aside, boys, you
ain't got a chance ♪

1198
01:21:52,640 --> 01:21:57,640
♪ The girls are all under
his unearthly trance ♪

1199
01:22:21,210 --> 01:22:24,230
♪ When he makes the scene ♪

1200
01:22:24,230 --> 01:22:26,750
♪ The chicks all drool
and the cats turn green ♪

1201
01:22:26,750 --> 01:22:29,780
♪ He's got secret powers ♪

1202
01:22:29,780 --> 01:22:32,810
♪ He's the king of swing
and the man of the hour ♪

1203
01:22:32,810 --> 01:22:35,340
♪ He's Rudolph Valentino
made by Frankenstein ♪

1204
01:22:35,340 --> 01:22:40,340
♪ A reanimated dragster
smoking on the line ♪

1205
01:22:41,300 --> 01:22:43,940
♪ He's top hunter in the cocktail bars ♪

1206
01:22:43,940 --> 01:22:48,280
♪ He's the mutant swinger from Mars ♪

1207
01:22:56,430 --> 01:22:58,330
- What was it like working with Orton?

1208
01:23:00,030 --> 01:23:01,590
Well.

1209
01:23:01,590 --> 01:23:02,420
I mean, he's...

1210
01:23:04,320 --> 01:23:06,730
The man is just, he's...

1211
01:23:06,730 --> 01:23:09,150
Well he's given so much.

1212
01:23:09,150 --> 01:23:11,460
- Well so does Charles Manson,

1213
01:23:11,460 --> 01:23:12,940
or, I believe, that Jones fellow

1214
01:23:12,940 --> 01:23:15,490
who killed a lot of people
with Kool-Aid, you know?

1215
01:23:16,800 --> 01:23:18,250
- Man has no talent.

1216
01:23:18,250 --> 01:23:19,110
He doesn't even know which end

1217
01:23:19,110 --> 01:23:21,200
of the camera to look through.

1218
01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:22,400
- He's touched...

1219
01:23:25,270 --> 01:23:27,450
Well I mean, he's just
touched everyone's lives

1220
01:23:27,450 --> 01:23:29,420
just by being Orton.

1221
01:23:31,220 --> 01:23:34,860
Well I just have to say
that he is my inspiration.

1222
01:23:36,100 --> 01:23:38,170
- Being near movie theaters
was a very beneficial thing

1223
01:23:38,170 --> 01:23:41,960
for me, because I learned at
an early age the art of cinema,

1224
01:23:41,960 --> 01:23:45,080
how to craft film, how
to make works of genius.

1225
01:23:46,590 --> 01:23:48,480
Tell me about your mother.

1226
01:23:48,480 --> 01:23:49,480
- He's my...

1227
01:23:50,670 --> 01:23:51,970
He's just everything to me.

1228
01:23:51,970 --> 01:23:54,070
I mean, if the man were...

1229
01:23:54,070 --> 01:23:56,270
Oh, I just won't say it, but...

1230
01:23:57,240 --> 01:24:00,190
- So he relies on his crew for everything.

1231
01:24:04,230 --> 01:24:07,640
What was it like working
with Lance?

1232
01:24:07,640 --> 01:24:11,630
Well, Lance had a thing
for me, but you know,

1233
01:24:11,630 --> 01:24:13,710
he never quite really got into it.

1234
01:24:16,180 --> 01:24:17,030
- Well, you know.

1235
01:24:19,010 --> 01:24:23,690
Being romantic with her is,
in the other films, was,

1236
01:24:23,690 --> 01:24:27,570
well, you know I love her
like a sister, which I mean,

1237
01:24:27,570 --> 01:24:30,280
by itself gave it many different levels.

1238
01:24:30,280 --> 01:24:33,080
- But I mean, I tried and I tried,

1239
01:24:33,080 --> 01:24:37,760
and he just was the only man
who never really came onto me,

1240
01:24:37,760 --> 01:24:40,120
and I don't really understand why.

1241
01:24:40,120 --> 01:24:42,410
- When he wasn't around, she
and I would rehearse scenes

1242
01:24:42,410 --> 01:24:45,890
just over and over, just
countless numbers of times,

1243
01:24:45,890 --> 01:24:47,850
because she always felt

1244
01:24:47,850 --> 01:24:49,830
that there was just something missing,

1245
01:24:49,830 --> 01:24:51,700
and so we would, she wanted to rehearse

1246
01:24:51,700 --> 01:24:53,720
and rehearse and rehearse.

1247
01:24:53,720 --> 01:24:56,060
When we did "Ghost Grabbers", actually.

1248
01:24:56,060 --> 01:25:01,060
When we did that film, I think
she and I spent more time

1249
01:25:01,240 --> 01:25:04,430
rehearsing the love
scenes than anything else.

1250
01:25:04,430 --> 01:25:06,430
Yes, now that I think about it,

1251
01:25:06,430 --> 01:25:09,320
I don't think we ever rehearsed
any other scenes but those.

1252
01:25:09,320 --> 01:25:11,500
- You know, I had every...

1253
01:25:12,720 --> 01:25:14,790
I think he was fine.

1254
01:25:16,460 --> 01:25:21,460
- Preferably, I view her
with a great deal of mileage.

1255
01:25:21,790 --> 01:25:26,140
- She and I, I think,
were, apart from Orton,

1256
01:25:26,140 --> 01:25:30,860
just together on such a separate plane.

1257
01:25:32,140 --> 01:25:35,520
- You will be my slave.

1258
01:25:50,630 --> 01:25:54,300
- The man doesn't even
know what he's doing.

1259
01:25:56,500 --> 01:26:00,600
- And another prediction I have

1260
01:26:00,600 --> 01:26:03,190
is the French will invent Velcro.