1 00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:11,242 [rock music] 2 00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:16,113 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:16,115 --> 00:00:18,749 You lost your virginity in your parents' basement 4 00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:20,117 While watching the notebook? 5 00:00:20,119 --> 00:00:21,552 At least it's romantic. 6 00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:22,820 Chick flick. 7 00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:23,854 And what's the connection 8 00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,322 Between 9/11 and first hand job? 9 00:00:25,324 --> 00:00:27,825 Both happened while i was on the bus to middle school. 10 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,859 That was a busy bus. 11 00:00:28,861 --> 00:00:30,761 And while you were giving birth to caitlin? 12 00:00:30,763 --> 00:00:33,163 Younger liza was going to her first concert-- 13 00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:34,632 Spice girls, asbury park. 14 00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:35,499 I dressed as sporty, 15 00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:36,967 Though right now i feel scary. 16 00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:38,035 Do not let fear get in. 17 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:38,936 You're doing this. 18 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,004 And you're staying with me, 19 00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:41,105 So i can live vicariously. 20 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,406 I'm nothing but a lab rat to you. 21 00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:45,175 A hot lab rat with a fancy new job. 22 00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:46,110 (man) hey! 23 00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,145 Who's ready to go off the grid? 24 00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:52,983 Oh, look how cute caitlin was then. 25 00:00:52,985 --> 00:00:55,286 Look at you and david. You actually look happy there. 26 00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,087 We were on vacation together in the bahamas, 27 00:00:57,089 --> 00:00:59,023 Where i later discovered he gambled away 28 00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:00,057 Caitlin's college fund. 29 00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,025 - Memories. - Mmm. 30 00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,059 Are you sure about this? 31 00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:03,761 Because when i erase your internet presence, 32 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:04,862 You're gone forever. 33 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:05,729 I have to do it. 34 00:01:05,731 --> 00:01:06,931 I can't have the people i work with 35 00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:07,965 Finding my life online. 36 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:08,999 I don't need the details. 37 00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,068 Wait, wait. I'm getting a message. 38 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,002 Don't worry. 39 00:01:12,004 --> 00:01:14,138 That bitch will never find you again. 40 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,073 That bitch was my daughter. 41 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,477 Honey, hey, i got your message. 42 00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:21,545 Is everything okay? 43 00:01:21,547 --> 00:01:23,013 (caitlin) mom, i don't want to come home. 44 00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:24,915 I want to finish out the school year in india. 45 00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:26,150 (liza) are you sure? 46 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,818 I don't want you to stay if you're unhappy. 47 00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,219 (caitlin) no, i'm not unhappy. 48 00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:31,855 In fact, i'm very happy. 49 00:01:31,857 --> 00:01:32,790 I met someone. 50 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,559 His name is arjun, and he's beautiful. 51 00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:37,995 His lips are like pillows. 52 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:39,229 That's great, honey, 53 00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,197 And very descriptive. 54 00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:41,398 Is he in class with you? 55 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,866 (caitlin) of course he's in class with me. 56 00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:43,867 He's this premed genius, 57 00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:46,804 And he wants to take me to goa this weekend. 58 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,238 Honey, i'm glad you're staying, 59 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,908 But i don't want you going to goa with a pillow-lipped genius. 60 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:53,777 (caitlin) mom, how can you make decisions for me 61 00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:55,646 From the suburbs of new jersey? 62 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:56,647 Caitlin, i love you, 63 00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,216 And i am very glad you met a boy that you like, 64 00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:00,851 But listen to me carefully: 65 00:02:00,853 --> 00:02:03,554 Do not go to goa. 66 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:04,855 (josh) i'll go to goa. 67 00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:07,625 In fact, i would love to go-a to goa with you. 68 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,926 Uh, honey, you're breaking up. 69 00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,729 We will talk about this later, okay? 70 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,399 Excuse me, sir, are you stalking me? 71 00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:17,368 Actually, i thought you were stalking me. 72 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,402 I mean, this is my studio 73 00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:21,071 That you just happened to be loitering in front of, so... 74 00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:22,039 We're neighbors. 75 00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,274 I bet that's probably why we met at the bar 76 00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:26,043 Around the corner. 77 00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:28,912 So, neighbor, what's going on? 78 00:02:28,914 --> 00:02:30,047 You got any plans tonight? 79 00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,548 You want to take a stroll? 80 00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:32,449 A stroll? 81 00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:33,651 Yeah, through the burgh. 82 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,818 I'll show you all the sights. 83 00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,754 I would so love to take a stroll with you, 84 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,590 But right now i am very late for this job 85 00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:42,426 That i can't be late for. 86 00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,494 Yeah. 87 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,628 How's 8:00? 88 00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:45,996 That's perfect. 89 00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,698 Good day, sir. 90 00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,636 Oh, my god. What am i doing? 91 00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:55,939 [energetic dance music] 92 00:02:55,941 --> 00:03:00,611 ♪ ♪ 93 00:03:04,383 --> 00:03:05,549 And you're telling me this now, 94 00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,351 One week before the book comes out? 95 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,952 No, no, no. We'll deal with it. 96 00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:11,355 What choice do we have? 97 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,723 That is just effin' perfect. 98 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,925 Joyce carol oates writes the best book of her career 99 00:03:14,927 --> 00:03:18,696 And sue grafton moves the release of her new mystery 100 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:19,663 To the same date. 101 00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:21,498 She can't hold a candle to joyce carol oates. 102 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,133 I actually wrote a paper about her in college. 103 00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:26,270 Joyce carol oates and the riddling nature of female desire. 104 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,339 Well that sounds like a riveting marketing plan to me. 105 00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:30,407 Well, how are the reviews? 106 00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:31,375 I bet they're amazing. 107 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,444 Oh, and do you think reviews sell books? 108 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,646 No, your generation has absolutely destroyed 109 00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:36,980 All pretense of critical relevance. 110 00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:39,616 What about michiko kakutani from the new york times? 111 00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:40,818 The only way a good review 112 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,419 By michiko kakutani could sell books 113 00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,955 Is if her twerking ass caught fire. 114 00:03:44,957 --> 00:03:46,490 Jco deserves a number-one debut. 115 00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:48,959 We need to sell her to a younger audience, 116 00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:51,862 To your fetus peers. 117 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,497 - Got it. - Figure this out. 118 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:54,631 That's why you're here. 119 00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:56,900 Uh, yes, of course. 120 00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:08,345 What's that? 121 00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:09,246 Anton bjornberg, 122 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:11,281 The hottest writer to hit sweden 123 00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:12,349 Since stieg larsson. 124 00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,418 And better yet, he's alive. 125 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,919 I never heard of him. 126 00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:16,620 Nobody has. 127 00:04:16,622 --> 00:04:17,988 The book just got translated, 128 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:19,456 And he's in town meeting every editor 129 00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:21,325 At every publishing house this week. 130 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,494 I've got finish reading this thing by tonight. 131 00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:24,628 Wow. Can i take a look? 132 00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:25,729 Oh, you can keep this copy. 133 00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:28,265 I've got a pdf on both my ipads and my kindle. 134 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,600 Do you want one for yours? 135 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,534 No, this works. 136 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,136 Hey, what are you doing for lunch? 137 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,138 Possibly being eaten by diana. Why? 138 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,172 I'm supposed to meet lauren, 139 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,641 And i could really use your help keeping her entertained 140 00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:38,909 While i read this thing. 141 00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:40,010 Sure. 142 00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:42,146 Yes. You're the best. 143 00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:45,749 Back in an hour. 144 00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:47,384 And think about oates! 145 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,722 (lauren) okay. 146 00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:53,657 Hector and dorf made the most insane video 147 00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:55,092 For their new underwear line. 148 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:57,661 First you think you're looking at a giant furry penis, 149 00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:58,896 And then it suddenly stands up 150 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,966 And you realize it is actually a golden retriever puppy. 151 00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,902 So many of your stories involve penises. 152 00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,303 It's totally gone viral. 153 00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:09,173 Oh, cool. Is there, like, an app for that? 154 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,007 So, like, no. 155 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:13,210 Hector and dorf are avant-garde fashion visionaries, 156 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,612 And we planned it that way. 157 00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:17,080 Are you really just gonna sit here 158 00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:18,882 And read your swedish book? 159 00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:19,516 Yeah. 160 00:05:19,518 --> 00:05:20,751 I would love to see that video. 161 00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:22,352 Yeah, no, no, no, i'll send it to you with a-- 162 00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:23,887 Oh, with some of our new moisturizer. 163 00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,088 You're developing crow's-feet. 164 00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:27,457 That is very unusual for women our age. 165 00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:28,492 Yeah, i know, i know. 166 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,428 We have this premature eye wrinkle thing 167 00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:32,462 On my mother's side 168 00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:33,964 And i spent way too much time 169 00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,833 On the beaches in goa. 170 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,403 The--uh, what you doing there? 171 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,437 Cover yourself, woman! 172 00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:41,839 We are not at burning man. 173 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,107 What? It's perfectly legal to be topless in new york. 174 00:05:44,109 --> 00:05:46,176 Plus it's topless tuesday on twitter, okay? 175 00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:46,977 I need to tweet. 176 00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,345 Wait, you're putting that online? 177 00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:49,780 Hell, yeah. 178 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:50,781 179 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,216 I don't think she means us. 180 00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,484 (lauren) listen, okay, i am empowering women. 181 00:05:54,486 --> 00:05:55,786 Breasts aren't shameful. 182 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:56,753 Hey, ask rihanna. 183 00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:59,122 Lauren, you are doing this for the attention. 184 00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:00,691 No, no, no. I need to feed the beast. 185 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,926 I've got over 35,000 followers. 186 00:06:02,928 --> 00:06:04,161 - And climbing. - Hi, hey. 187 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,696 Like me on instagram and twitter. 188 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:06,763 I'm laurenhectordorf. 189 00:06:06,765 --> 00:06:10,200 Remind me never to have lunch with you on tuesday again. 190 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:14,738 I do not believe this. 191 00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:17,040 Lauren's boobs are trending on twitter. 192 00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:18,375 No way. Trending? 193 00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:19,309 That's good, right? 194 00:06:19,311 --> 00:06:22,813 She is like the kim kardashian of fashion publicists. 195 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:24,882 "lunchwiththegirls" is trending too. 196 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,984 Just since lunch? 197 00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:28,552 How? 198 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,290 Okay, i have a crazy idea. 199 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:34,992 There are no crazy ideas, only bad ones. 200 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,394 Do you really want to pitch me a bad idea? 201 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:40,731 You want to get joyce carol oates attention on social media. 202 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,400 Move the release of her book to tuesday. 203 00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:44,868 Why would we do that? 204 00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:46,570 Topless tuesday. 205 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,371 Excuse me? 206 00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:48,939 Topless tuesday. It's a huge deal. 207 00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:51,108 Women post topless selfies on twitter 208 00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,609 To support female empowerment. 209 00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:57,147 We could run a viral campaign with our fans on social media. 210 00:06:57,149 --> 00:07:00,083 211 00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:05,522 Rhianna posts topless selfies all the time 212 00:07:05,524 --> 00:07:08,392 And has, like, 35 million followers. 213 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:12,996 Just another 35 million nails in our cultural coffin. 214 00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:17,935 Bring me a fresh bar of 70% dark chocolate. 215 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,371 And get me joyce carol oates' agent on the phone. 216 00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:34,885 (josh) i grew up in this small little town 217 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:35,986 In west virginia. 218 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:39,323 They basically filmed winter's bone in my backyard. 219 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,924 - No way. - Way. 220 00:07:40,926 --> 00:07:41,658 Yeah. 221 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:42,926 I'm a total hillbilly. 222 00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:45,762 Who just could not wait to get out of there. 223 00:07:45,764 --> 00:07:46,697 So after high school, 224 00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,599 I bummed around the world for a couple years. 225 00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:51,735 I was in europe. I was in asia. 226 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,438 Until finally i started apprenticing 227 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,439 For this guy in tokyo 228 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:59,643 Who was like this master tattoo artist. 229 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,978 I love that story. 230 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,180 That's why i totally dig that you lived in india 231 00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,115 For all those years, you know? 232 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:05,983 Well, yeah. 233 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,684 Yeah, living in a third-world country 234 00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:09,486 Really changes your perspective. 235 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,189 I miss it so much. 236 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,458 [beyond the sea playing] 237 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,492 Oh, oh. This is amazing. 238 00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,661 - You have to see this. - ♪ somewhere ♪ 239 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:21,832 - Look at this guy. - ♪ beyond the sea ♪ 240 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,034 He just drives around the city 241 00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,869 Just singing. 242 00:08:25,871 --> 00:08:28,105 ♪ my lover stands on golden sands ♪ 243 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,607 - He's terrible. - Yeah, i know. 244 00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:33,243 ♪ and watches the ships ♪ 245 00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:36,913 ♪ that go sailing ♪ 246 00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,548 - Meatballs. - What? 247 00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:39,583 Best meatballs in brooklyn. 248 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,986 Just stay right here. I will be right back. 249 00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:45,255 (woman) liza? 250 00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:48,125 Oh, my god. Michelle, tom! 251 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:49,059 Oh! 252 00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:51,161 Where have you been? 253 00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:51,995 You moved, 254 00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:53,864 And you disappeared from facebook. 255 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,198 I have been so worried about you. 256 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,068 Yeah, i've been staying with my friend maggie. 257 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,503 She lives nearby. 258 00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:00,971 The lesbian artist? 259 00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,539 You could have stayed with me. 260 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,673 What are you guys doing here? 261 00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:05,308 Oh, every month we come to brooklyn 262 00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:06,743 To try out a hot new restaurant. 263 00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:08,779 Well, by "hot," she means "overpriced." 264 00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:12,983 You know, we should introduce liza to richard. 265 00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,152 Richard is an absolute catch, 266 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,054 Also recently divorced. 267 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,322 - Promise me you'll call. - I swear. 268 00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:20,257 Oh! 269 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:23,393 Liza, it's so good to see you! 270 00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:26,830 Oh, don't be a stranger. 271 00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:27,798 Okay. 272 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,667 It's straight ahead. It's straight ahead to the left. 273 00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:32,869 Can't miss it. 274 00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:33,737 Who's that? 275 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,772 Oh, yeah, uh, it's just some older woman 276 00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:38,041 Looking for directions for the subway. 277 00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:38,975 And she kissed you? 278 00:09:38,977 --> 00:09:41,645 Yeah. She was very... 279 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:44,181 French. 280 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,817 Oh. 281 00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:49,786 Omg, mouth-gasm. 282 00:09:49,788 --> 00:09:51,721 - Oh, my god. - They're the best. 283 00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:53,457 - Right? - Yeah. 284 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,230 Babe, i can't. 285 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,065 I have to finish reading this book. 286 00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:03,033 Why are you staying over 287 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,901 If you just want to read? 288 00:10:04,903 --> 00:10:06,403 Good air conditioning 289 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,071 And better sheets. 290 00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:10,674 What, i can only stay here if i have sex with you? 291 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:11,508 No, babe. 292 00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,477 It's just been three whole days. 293 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,979 Okay, well, why don't you read something for once? 294 00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:18,849 That copy of the goldfinch has been on your nightstand 295 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,784 For over a year. 296 00:10:29,194 --> 00:10:31,128 In 400 pages. 297 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,262 Okay? 298 00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:34,030 I promise. 299 00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:46,109 (josh) okay, so this is where you live. 300 00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:48,812 (liza) yep, with my roommate, maggie. 301 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,547 She's a really awesome artist. 302 00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:51,448 Multidisciplinary. 303 00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:54,384 Some might describe her work as really-- 304 00:10:59,958 --> 00:11:01,458 Ahh. 305 00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:07,397 One more thing you should know about me... 306 00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,700 I'm all about work right now. 307 00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:13,703 So no time, really, for personal life. 308 00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:15,805 Didn't like the kiss, huh? 309 00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:16,840 Of course not. No. 310 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,141 God, no. I loved the kiss. 311 00:11:18,143 --> 00:11:20,210 It was superb. You're an excellent kisser. 312 00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:21,778 Best kiss i've had in years. 313 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,713 Seriously. I mean it. 314 00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:25,015 But i-- 315 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,550 Yeah. 316 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,186 The work thing. 317 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,921 I got it. 318 00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:36,226 I will try and keep my distance, neighbor. 319 00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,662 Okay. 320 00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:40,363 Neighbor. 321 00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:41,932 ♪ you bring a joy with you ♪ 322 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:46,937 ♪ a certain peace that's hard to find ♪ 323 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:49,339 ♪ i never knew someone like you ♪ 324 00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:51,508 ♪ who sees me clear as sky is blue ♪ 325 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,417 - Morning. - Hey. 326 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,719 How was your date with josh last night? 327 00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,020 It wasn't a date. 328 00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:06,923 It was more of a neighborly tour. 329 00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:09,893 That kiss was very neighborly. 330 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:10,827 You saw that? 331 00:12:10,829 --> 00:12:11,895 Hmm! I felt that. 332 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,930 And i was two floors up. 333 00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:14,731 Yeah. 334 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,566 I don't need any more trouble in my life right now. 335 00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:19,102 Well, one woman's trouble is another woman's fantasy. 336 00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:21,004 My fantasy is restarting my career, 337 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,072 Not macking on some sweet kid 338 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,974 Who would take tattoo needles to his eyes 339 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,542 If he knew how old i was. 340 00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,144 That kiss was hot, though. 341 00:12:28,146 --> 00:12:30,880 It was so hot. 342 00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:32,949 It's never gonna happen again. 343 00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:33,683 Ever. 344 00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:34,651 ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 345 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,820 ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 346 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:43,693 (kelsey) liza! 347 00:12:43,695 --> 00:12:45,895 Oh, god, i finally finished that book. 348 00:12:45,897 --> 00:12:47,530 - Did you read it? - I'm so sorry, i didn't. 349 00:12:47,532 --> 00:12:49,633 I had kind of a date with josh last night. 350 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:52,202 Ooh, that hottie you met at the bar? 351 00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:52,869 Yeah. 352 00:12:52,871 --> 00:12:54,271 God, at least one of us is having fun. 353 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,306 Thad masturbated next to me all night, 354 00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:58,775 But i did not let him break my concentration. 355 00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:00,443 Wow, i wish i had your focus. 356 00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:01,444 How was the book? 357 00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,947 You know, the translation is a little stilted, 358 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,782 But he is amazing. 359 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:06,816 The book is about his life, 360 00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,819 But he makes every detail feel universal. 361 00:13:09,821 --> 00:13:11,388 I'll finish it tonight. 362 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:12,322 If i can sign this guy, 363 00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,791 It will change everything for me. 364 00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:24,100 Where have you been? I've been e-mailing you all morning. 365 00:13:24,102 --> 00:13:25,235 I'm sorry, it's 8:00 a.M. 366 00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:27,537 I didn't realize all morning had started yet. 367 00:13:27,539 --> 00:13:28,638 We have a photo shoot. 368 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,407 Showusyouroates. 369 00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:31,274 Seriously? 370 00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:32,242 I'm always serious. 371 00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,477 Haven't you figured that out by now? 372 00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:47,824 So are we gonna get to meet joyce today? 373 00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,426 No. 374 00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:50,293 Not today. 375 00:13:50,295 --> 00:13:51,528 [cell phone rings] 376 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,096 Sorry. 377 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:55,965 Michelle. 378 00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:56,933 (michelle) lizey. 379 00:13:56,935 --> 00:13:58,034 Guess who saw your picture 380 00:13:58,036 --> 00:13:59,736 And really wants to go on a date with you. 381 00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,938 Tom's very available friend richard. 382 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:04,541 Wow, that's very nice, but i don't think i want to-- 383 00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:05,975 (michelle) oh, liza, honey, 384 00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:06,876 Listen to me. 385 00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:09,045 What happened with you and david 386 00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:09,813 Is terrible, 387 00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:12,248 And losing that beautiful house. 388 00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:13,450 But you need to take a chance, 389 00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:15,418 And i can vouch for this man. 390 00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:16,820 Recently divorced, 391 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:17,954 Very good looking, 392 00:14:17,956 --> 00:14:19,122 Owns his own business. 393 00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,691 - Wow. - Honey, this is good for you. 394 00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:22,625 Just say yes. 395 00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:23,827 Okay. Okay, okay. 396 00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,261 Just give him my number. 397 00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:27,297 (michelle) fabulous. 398 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:33,303 Wonderful. This is all very empowering. 399 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:40,643 This one. 400 00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:41,678 More banner, less boob. 401 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,981 - Okay. - Now post it to twitter. 402 00:14:44,983 --> 00:14:46,616 God help us. 403 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:02,799 Word on the street-- 404 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,601 Bjornberg's signing with knopf. 405 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,536 His agent wouldn't even let him take the meeting. 406 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,471 Well, then you have to find a way to meet him. 407 00:15:08,473 --> 00:15:09,873 What do you mean? Like, stalk the guy? 408 00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:11,408 No, i mean don't let someone else's rules 409 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,944 Get in the way of working with a writer you're passionate about. 410 00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,646 You are wise. 411 00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:20,016 I'm on twitter and nothing is twittering. 412 00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,087 You forgot the hashtag. 413 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,222 Right. Hashtag. 414 00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,896 Liza, get in here. 415 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:39,135 Look at this, look at this. 416 00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,004 Showusyouroates is trending. 417 00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:43,039 Joyce carol oates fans from around the world 418 00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:45,508 Are freeing the nipple in solidarity. 419 00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:46,810 And maybe, just maybe, 420 00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:50,280 They will even buy one of her books. 421 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,948 Oh, my god. 422 00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:55,919 I don't believe this. 423 00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:57,353 I know. We've gone global. 424 00:15:57,355 --> 00:16:00,990 Excuse me. I have a small twitter emergency. 425 00:16:27,018 --> 00:16:28,017 Oh, my god. 426 00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:29,819 You are turning back into a pumpkin. 427 00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:32,889 Really? Way to make a girl feel good before a blind date. 428 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:33,990 No, i'm kidding. 429 00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:35,191 You look pretty. 430 00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:36,860 Very ladylike. 431 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:37,760 Ladylike. 432 00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,162 I'm not sure that's a compliment. 433 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,096 Oh, 100%. 434 00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:40,964 I like ladies. 435 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,665 It does feel nice to be wearing my own clothes. 436 00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,734 Some of those hipster thrift store finds 437 00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:45,568 Smell like weed. 438 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:46,870 Well, god's in the details. 439 00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,138 Anyway, it's great to see the old liza back. 440 00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,107 Well, this old girl is about to go on a date 441 00:16:51,109 --> 00:16:52,709 With an appropriate-aged fellow 442 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:55,345 Whose references i might actually comprehend. 443 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:56,579 Hmm, where's he taking you? 444 00:16:56,581 --> 00:17:00,183 Roberto's, this really nice italian place in paramus. 445 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:00,917 Oh. 446 00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,252 All right, don't give me that look. 447 00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:03,286 I'm excited about this. 448 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,288 No, no, no, i'm excited for you. 449 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,890 Are you? 450 00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,424 Honey, you're my friend. 451 00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:09,425 I want what you want. 452 00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,995 Crazy thing is, my life just got interesting 453 00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,330 And i can't even talk about it. 454 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,909 Nobody thought that healthy food and mexican food 455 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:26,709 Could go together, 456 00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:28,845 But i was a believer from the beginning. 457 00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:29,679 And let me tell you, 458 00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:32,215 Chipotle has been very good to me. 459 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,583 That's wonderful. 460 00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,585 Mm, and my ex-wife. 461 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:40,957 She still participates in the upside, believe me. 462 00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,225 Mm... 463 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,726 How was your fish? 464 00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:45,795 It was very good. 465 00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:46,429 Mm. 466 00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:47,497 It's hard for me to eat out 467 00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:49,299 With everything i know about the food business. 468 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,434 Sometimes too much information's not a good thing. 469 00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:55,004 You know, when michelle told me that you were 40, 470 00:17:55,006 --> 00:17:57,040 I thought, "whoa. 471 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,075 "if i wanted to be with a 40-year-old woman, 472 00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:01,110 I would have stayed married." 473 00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:04,314 Sorry, that's a very-- that's a bad joke. 474 00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:05,548 You're very cute. 475 00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,250 Thank you. 476 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:10,219 Now you ask me a question. 477 00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:10,987 Excuse me? 478 00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:11,955 Go ahead. Ask anything. 479 00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:14,791 I know these blind dates can be awkward. 480 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,859 How long have you been divorced? 481 00:18:16,861 --> 00:18:18,461 Two years since it's been final, 482 00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:20,396 But it hadn't been good for years. 483 00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:22,732 Honestly, we stuck it out for the kids, 484 00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,868 Who couldn't have cared less. 485 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,403 What about you? 486 00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:29,238 It really hasn't been that long. 487 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,673 We've been separated about a year. 488 00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:33,443 We actually haven't signed the divorce papers yet, 489 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,011 Because we can't afford the lawyers. 490 00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:37,213 We're actually too broke to get divorced. 491 00:18:37,215 --> 00:18:38,615 How's that for comedy? 492 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,949 Or tragedy. Take your pick. 493 00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:44,988 I'm sorry, there's just this one email i have to respond to. 494 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,990 No problem. 495 00:18:49,861 --> 00:18:51,594 [phone chimes] 496 00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,004 Can i get anybody dessert? 497 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,673 - Oh, i'm done. - Yeah, me too. 498 00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,525 Hey, nut. 499 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,527 You looking for someone? 500 00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,402 Sorry. 501 00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,471 I just really needed to do that. 502 00:19:35,473 --> 00:19:36,539 Okay. 503 00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:39,208 I'll see you around the burgh. 504 00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:41,511 Wait, that's it? 505 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,546 For now.