1
00:00:01,737 --> 00:00:03,337
- Mmm.
- Hey, buddy,
2
00:00:03,339 --> 00:00:04,571
we're gonna watch TV at your mom's,
3
00:00:04,573 --> 00:00:06,145
so the houseboat is all yours tonight.
4
00:00:06,175 --> 00:00:08,363
Oh, no, it's okay. You
know, I'm over the shock.
5
00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:09,860
You guys don't have to keep avoiding me.
6
00:00:09,862 --> 00:00:11,418
- You can watch TV here.
- Oh, thanks, honey,
7
00:00:11,448 --> 00:00:13,125
but Mr. Tickle Fingers gets a little frisky
8
00:00:13,155 --> 00:00:14,231
when we watch Downton Abbey.
9
00:00:14,233 --> 00:00:16,405
- (Inaudible)
- Who am I kidding?
10
00:00:16,435 --> 00:00:18,041
We'll never make it to my house.
11
00:00:18,071 --> 00:00:20,470
I need you to go downtown
on my abbey right now.
12
00:00:20,472 --> 00:00:21,910
- I'm right here.
- He's right.
13
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,907
- He's right there.
- Let him watch.
14
00:00:23,909 --> 00:00:26,042
He loves Masterpiece Theatre,
15
00:00:26,044 --> 00:00:30,147
and what you do down there
is definitely a masterpiece.
16
00:00:30,149 --> 00:00:31,687
- Oh, my God!
- Hey, buddy,
17
00:00:31,717 --> 00:00:32,983
I'm gonna go the extra mile tonight.
18
00:00:32,985 --> 00:00:34,864
Can you hand me that?
19
00:00:35,754 --> 00:00:37,158
Aah! Aah!
20
00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:39,072
(Gasps)
21
00:00:39,967 --> 00:00:41,355
(Jimmy): I could never have sex
22
00:00:41,385 --> 00:00:42,569
- with a machine.
- (Lydia): Bloop.
23
00:00:42,599 --> 00:00:44,558
- I'm a sex machine.
- Ah! Oh...
24
00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:46,297
Hey, buddy. Sorry. Was the TV too loud?
25
00:00:46,327 --> 00:00:49,255
- No, I just had a nightmare.
- Oh, honey, what about?
26
00:00:49,285 --> 00:00:51,490
Oh, my best friend sleeping with my mom.
27
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,053
Thank God that's not true.
28
00:00:53,055 --> 00:00:55,044
Oh, wait, yes, it is.
29
00:00:55,074 --> 00:00:56,873
(Lydia): Honey, I'm sorry
we've been here so much.
30
00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:58,030
It's just it's kind of hard
31
00:00:58,060 --> 00:00:59,732
to get through an episode of
anything without your father
32
00:00:59,762 --> 00:01:01,695
coming by the house to
make himself a sandwich.
33
00:01:01,697 --> 00:01:04,469
Plus, I've got a special brew
on tap just for binge watching.
34
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,747
It's called TV Night Light.
Binge without the bulge.
35
00:01:06,777 --> 00:01:08,540
Oh, and it goes perfect
with a five-hour block
36
00:01:08,570 --> 00:01:09,608
of Battlestar Galactica.
37
00:01:09,638 --> 00:01:12,939
Wow, you guys have gone straight
from The Graduate to This Is 40.
38
00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:13,961
What is that supposed to mean?
39
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:17,115
I mean, you skipped all
the fun parts of dating,
40
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,546
like the dating... unless you
guys are keeping this thing
41
00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:22,087
on the down low in case
the gild falls off the lily.
42
00:01:22,117 --> 00:01:25,025
(Laughs): No, that is not what...
43
00:01:25,055 --> 00:01:27,454
our gild is firmly attached to our lily.
44
00:01:27,456 --> 00:01:29,623
Yeah, our gild is firmly at... I'm sorry.
45
00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:31,088
I don't know what we're talking about.
46
00:01:31,118 --> 00:01:33,432
Nate is suggesting that
we're not taking this public
47
00:01:33,462 --> 00:01:36,687
because we're not sure if
whatever's between us will last.
48
00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:37,835
That is not what we're doing.
49
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:38,981
Yeah, that's not what we're doing.
50
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,002
So why haven't you gone on a date?
51
00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,526
Because dates are old-fashion-y.
52
00:01:44,556 --> 00:01:46,380
You know, we're just keeping it casual...
53
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,613
binging on the 'Flix,
54
00:01:47,643 --> 00:01:50,400
Instagramming our breakfast,
staying away from gluten.
55
00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,584
You know, normal stuff millennials do.
56
00:01:52,614 --> 00:01:53,780
Not all millennials do that.
57
00:01:53,782 --> 00:01:55,081
Yes, they do. I read it on a blog.
58
00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,371
Wait a minute. I'm confused.
59
00:01:56,401 --> 00:01:58,035
Are you happy to hang out,
60
00:01:58,065 --> 00:01:59,981
or do you want to go on a date?
61
00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:02,606
(Laughs): No! I don't want to go on a date.
62
00:02:02,608 --> 00:02:05,308
No. I wouldn't... yes.
63
00:02:05,561 --> 00:02:07,043
Yes, I want to go on a date,
64
00:02:07,045 --> 00:02:09,829
one where we wear pants
that aren't made of sweat.
65
00:02:09,859 --> 00:02:11,973
I-I want to wash my hair. I'm a grown-up.
66
00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,283
You know, millennials wash their hair.
67
00:02:13,285 --> 00:02:15,868
Well, lather, rinse, repeat...
68
00:02:15,898 --> 00:02:17,829
'cause I'm gonna date you.
69
00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:19,281
- I'm so excited.
- Good.
70
00:02:19,311 --> 00:02:21,298
- 'Cause I'm gonna date you so hard.
- Oh, my gosh.
71
00:02:21,328 --> 00:02:22,893
Oh, I'm gonna date the crap out of you.
72
00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:24,273
- Guys, I'm still here.
- Right. I know.
73
00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:29,911
♪ Hey! Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
74
00:02:30,173 --> 00:02:33,470
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
75
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:40,634
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
76
00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:45,042
Hey, buddy, I need your help.
Wow, Sam looks good in a bikini.
77
00:02:45,072 --> 00:02:47,083
Were you just Face-stalking Sam?
78
00:02:47,085 --> 00:02:48,381
No! I...
79
00:02:48,411 --> 00:02:51,021
a good boss makes it a
priority to know his employees.
80
00:02:51,023 --> 00:02:52,711
Inside and out,
81
00:02:52,741 --> 00:02:54,680
and then back in, and then back
out, and then back in, and...
82
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,418
Will you stop?
83
00:02:56,448 --> 00:02:57,945
- I don't like Sam.
- All right.
84
00:02:57,947 --> 00:03:01,443
I just find it interesting that
you haven't had sex in one year,
85
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,583
three months, and two days,
86
00:03:02,585 --> 00:03:04,123
which is right when she
started working here.
87
00:03:04,153 --> 00:03:06,406
Jimmy, why have you been
keeping track of that?
88
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,804
Because you're my best friend.
89
00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:10,128
- You don't do that for me?
- No.
90
00:03:10,158 --> 00:03:11,363
That's weird.
91
00:03:11,393 --> 00:03:12,959
Almost as weird as your year-plus drought
92
00:03:12,961 --> 00:03:14,467
that apparently wasn't caused by anything.
93
00:03:14,497 --> 00:03:17,997
It's caused by the fact that
I'm focusing on the restaurant.
94
00:03:18,027 --> 00:03:20,948
Look, if I wanted to, I could make it rain.
95
00:03:20,978 --> 00:03:22,708
Really? 'Cause I'm looking at the forecast,
96
00:03:22,738 --> 00:03:23,696
and all I see is sunshine.
97
00:03:23,726 --> 00:03:25,005
Is there a reason you came in here?
98
00:03:25,007 --> 00:03:25,996
Actually, there is.
99
00:03:26,026 --> 00:03:27,529
I need your help planning
my date with your mom.
100
00:03:27,559 --> 00:03:28,819
I'm not helping you date my mom.
101
00:03:28,849 --> 00:03:31,342
Oh, come on. I think she's expecting
something really fancy,
102
00:03:31,372 --> 00:03:33,602
and you know I've never
gone past the casual hang.
103
00:03:33,632 --> 00:03:35,631
I mean, I don't know where to start.
104
00:03:35,661 --> 00:03:37,928
All right, what do you think of these?
105
00:03:39,327 --> 00:03:41,973
A walking tour of Portland's
public drinking fountains.
106
00:03:42,003 --> 00:03:43,580
- No?
- The Hat Museum.
107
00:03:43,610 --> 00:03:45,744
- No.
- Wizard Quest Dinner and Tournament?
108
00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:47,277
Well, it says there it's magical.
109
00:03:47,279 --> 00:03:49,199
I can't believe you've
had sex with so many women
110
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,069
and you've never taken one on a real date.
111
00:03:51,099 --> 00:03:52,505
Which is why this date is so important.
112
00:03:52,535 --> 00:03:54,439
All right, I need to
knock your mom's socks off
113
00:03:54,469 --> 00:03:55,540
to make up for the fact
114
00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:57,343
that I've already knocked
your mom's socks off.
115
00:03:57,373 --> 00:03:58,934
All right, think of it this way.
If you were gonna take Sam
116
00:03:58,964 --> 00:03:59,973
on a date, where would you take her?
117
00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:01,607
How many times do I have to tell you?
118
00:04:01,637 --> 00:04:02,831
I don't like...
119
00:04:02,861 --> 00:04:04,968
wine tasting at Ponzi
and dinner at Chateauneuf.
120
00:04:04,998 --> 00:04:06,687
That's amazing, but I can't afford it.
121
00:04:06,717 --> 00:04:09,855
What else you got? Come on, buddy.
122
00:04:09,885 --> 00:04:10,873
Throw me a bone.
123
00:04:10,903 --> 00:04:12,435
Turner was always there for Hooch.
124
00:04:12,437 --> 00:04:14,204
Yeah, but if Hooch slept with Turner's mom,
125
00:04:14,206 --> 00:04:15,872
it would ruin their partnership.
126
00:04:16,093 --> 00:04:17,407
Well, it would also be bestiality.
127
00:04:17,409 --> 00:04:19,376
- I can't do this on my own.
- Yes, you can.
128
00:04:19,378 --> 00:04:21,912
You know how to please my
mom way better than I do.
129
00:04:21,914 --> 00:04:24,367
That's the worst thing I've ever said.
130
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,682
- Nathaniel.
- Hey.
131
00:04:25,684 --> 00:04:27,317
You've got to try this kohlrabi.
132
00:04:27,319 --> 00:04:30,186
I companion planted it with
golden beets and hyssops,
133
00:04:30,216 --> 00:04:33,627
so unlike your average
run-of-the-mill German cabbage,
134
00:04:33,657 --> 00:04:35,292
it has a surprisingly nutty finish.
135
00:04:35,294 --> 00:04:36,640
Oh, well, thank you, Atticus.
136
00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:38,495
I was looking for something
to take the Oedipal taste
137
00:04:38,497 --> 00:04:39,876
out of my mouth.
138
00:04:39,906 --> 00:04:42,499
Yeah, listen, mate, um, I
was wondering if you'd give
139
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:45,402
Samantha the autumnal equinox off of work.
140
00:04:45,404 --> 00:04:46,569
When's the autumnal equinox?
141
00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:47,951
(Laughs)
142
00:04:47,981 --> 00:04:49,370
That's funny.
143
00:04:49,693 --> 00:04:51,060
- Oh, Saturday.
- Sure.
144
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:52,171
- No problem.
- Oh, thanks, mate.
145
00:04:52,201 --> 00:04:54,577
Are you taking Sam on a special date?
146
00:04:54,787 --> 00:04:57,085
- What do you got planned?
- Well, my inquisitive friend,
147
00:04:57,115 --> 00:04:59,482
the equinox is a time of transition.
148
00:04:59,484 --> 00:05:01,317
So when the sun sets,
149
00:05:01,319 --> 00:05:03,420
I'm gonna take our
relationship to the next level.
150
00:05:03,522 --> 00:05:06,356
- You're gonna watch her pee?
- You're gonna propose to her?
151
00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:08,798
No. No, I'm gonna shag her outside
152
00:05:08,828 --> 00:05:11,628
with the stars up above
and the dirt down below.
153
00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:13,163
It's the next level for shag mates.
154
00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:14,356
What about you, Nathaniel?
155
00:05:14,386 --> 00:05:16,584
You got someone special
to share the equinox with?
156
00:05:16,614 --> 00:05:17,764
(Jimmy): Just his customers...
157
00:05:17,794 --> 00:05:19,490
Nate's really focused on work right now.
158
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,572
Well, there's no reason you
can't mix business with pleasure
159
00:05:22,574 --> 00:05:24,607
and pleasure someone in
your place of business.
160
00:05:24,609 --> 00:05:27,482
Yeah, the equinox is as good
a time as any to make it rain,
161
00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:30,680
and if you aren't into Sa... aving yourself
162
00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:35,118
for marriage, then there's,
uh, no reason not to.
163
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,754
You know what? You're
absolutely right, Jimmy.
164
00:05:37,756 --> 00:05:39,294
There's no need to check
the weekend forecast,
165
00:05:39,324 --> 00:05:40,776
because I predict it's gonna
166
00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:44,075
be cloudy with a chance of my balls.
167
00:05:46,109 --> 00:05:47,568
It's raining men!
168
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,734
Men... I... it's not...
I'm the... I'm just gonna...
169
00:05:50,736 --> 00:05:52,713
Man, I always thought he was a virgin.
170
00:05:59,865 --> 00:06:02,432
Buddy, hey, your mom keeps
asking me what to wear,
171
00:06:02,434 --> 00:06:04,206
and I am nowhere with this
date, but what do you think of...
172
00:06:04,236 --> 00:06:06,036
Jimmy, I told you I'm not
gonna help you date my mom,
173
00:06:06,038 --> 00:06:07,671
so you'll have to figure
this out on your own.
174
00:06:07,673 --> 00:06:09,344
- And I told you I can't.
- Then I'm sorry.
175
00:06:09,374 --> 00:06:10,746
You're gonna have to find another Turner.
176
00:06:10,776 --> 00:06:13,349
Fine, but don't blame me if
your mom wears a sport coat
177
00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:15,112
to something that doesn't involve sports.
178
00:06:15,114 --> 00:06:16,266
- That's fine.
- By the way, that chick
179
00:06:16,296 --> 00:06:17,361
is totally checking you out.
180
00:06:17,391 --> 00:06:19,254
Yeah, well, I hope she's
got an umbrella 'cause
181
00:06:19,284 --> 00:06:21,101
I'm gonna make it rain.
182
00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:25,777
Hi. I'm Nate. I own this restaurant.
183
00:06:25,807 --> 00:06:27,140
Would you like to get a drink sometime?
184
00:06:27,142 --> 00:06:28,947
Yes. How about right now?
185
00:06:28,977 --> 00:06:31,650
I asked for a gimlet, like, forever ago.
186
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:32,746
Oh, yeah, we...
187
00:06:32,748 --> 00:06:34,646
Oh, there it is.
188
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:36,349
My man.
189
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:42,522
Hey, you, what's the book about?
190
00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:45,753
It's about a creepy guy
that stalks pretty girls.
191
00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:49,062
(Pepper): Double fault.
192
00:06:49,064 --> 00:06:51,264
That's got to hurt.
193
00:06:51,266 --> 00:06:52,833
You saw all that?
194
00:06:52,835 --> 00:06:54,901
You know, you would have an easier time
195
00:06:54,903 --> 00:06:59,005
if you rallied with someone
with a bit more experience.
196
00:06:59,007 --> 00:07:01,597
- I'm Pepper.
- Hi.
197
00:07:01,627 --> 00:07:04,681
But my friends call me someone
with a bit more experience.
198
00:07:04,711 --> 00:07:06,413
Give me a call if you want someone
199
00:07:06,415 --> 00:07:08,631
to help you with your stroke.
200
00:07:11,086 --> 00:07:14,770
I'll bet she could go five
sets without taking a break.
201
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,423
Sam, that woman's my mother's age.
202
00:07:16,425 --> 00:07:19,059
So what? She's smoking hot.
203
00:07:19,061 --> 00:07:21,446
Plus, it looks like she's a sure thing.
204
00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:22,933
Look, even if I wanted to, I can't.
205
00:07:22,963 --> 00:07:24,898
I have to work tomorrow 'cause
you're taking the day off
206
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,655
to spend the equinox with Atticus.
207
00:07:26,685 --> 00:07:28,385
No, that's okay. I'll cancel with Atticus.
208
00:07:28,387 --> 00:07:30,153
No... really?
209
00:07:30,155 --> 00:07:31,793
No, I mean... I don't
know. You'd do that for me?
210
00:07:31,823 --> 00:07:34,906
No, but I would do it for Marlowe down low.
211
00:07:34,936 --> 00:07:37,227
15 months is a really
long time in penis years.
212
00:07:37,229 --> 00:07:38,495
Jimmy told you that?
213
00:07:38,497 --> 00:07:40,297
- Yeah.
- Cool, okay.
214
00:07:40,299 --> 00:07:44,200
Um, yeah, well, I-I guess
I'll go out with her then.
215
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,836
Good. You might want to
bring some fresh balls...
216
00:07:46,838 --> 00:07:48,334
you know, for tennis.
217
00:07:52,811 --> 00:07:54,550
Oh, the last time we made love,
218
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:56,083
you were wearing that blazer.
219
00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:57,122
Are you kidding, Harrison?
220
00:07:57,152 --> 00:07:59,483
No, as I recall, your hair was
up and your pants were down.
221
00:07:59,485 --> 00:08:02,531
Well, as I recall, my hair
was the only thing up that day.
222
00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:04,510
Okay, truce. Listen.
223
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:08,380
I just came by to drop off
a little toy for your boy.
224
00:08:08,410 --> 00:08:09,943
Hmm, good. Is there a camera in that?
225
00:08:09,945 --> 00:08:12,445
- Yeah, possibly.
- Yeah, okay. You take that.
226
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:14,047
Lydia, I just want to know.
227
00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:15,821
Are you doing all this to get back at me?
228
00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:19,057
I've told you a hundred times,
I did not have sexual relations
229
00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:21,921
with that woman until
after you threw me out,
230
00:08:21,923 --> 00:08:22,978
and then we just had a lot of sex.
231
00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:24,746
I don't care about the time line
232
00:08:24,776 --> 00:08:26,977
of your sexcapades with Janet.
233
00:08:26,979 --> 00:08:29,585
I'm too busy picking out an
outfit for my date with Jimmy.
234
00:08:29,615 --> 00:08:31,303
Jimmy's taking you out on a date?
235
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:34,000
- How did you rope into that?
- I didn't rope.
236
00:08:34,002 --> 00:08:36,687
I just... I just stood up
for what I wanted, and, and,
237
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,538
um, he agreed.
238
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:40,523
You know why? Because he listens to me.
239
00:08:40,525 --> 00:08:42,097
- Hmm.
- You should take a lesson.
240
00:08:42,127 --> 00:08:43,266
- A lesson?
- Yeah.
241
00:08:43,296 --> 00:08:45,350
From the kid who still pees
in our yard? No, thank you.
242
00:08:45,380 --> 00:08:48,048
Lydia, I wouldn't over-think the outfit.
243
00:08:48,050 --> 00:08:51,284
I mean, there's no dress
code at Chuck E. Cheese.
244
00:08:51,286 --> 00:08:54,487
Okay, Harrison, no! Take the bear!
245
00:08:54,489 --> 00:08:57,624
So, uh, what are we doing here, exactly?
246
00:08:57,626 --> 00:08:59,225
We're having the best day ever.
247
00:08:59,227 --> 00:09:01,800
- It doesn't smell like we are.
- Trust me.
248
00:09:01,830 --> 00:09:04,631
This is where I bring all
the truly special birds.
249
00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:08,668
When a woman lets your cucumber
slip slowly through her fingers
250
00:09:08,670 --> 00:09:11,805
into a lukewarm vinegar bath,
251
00:09:11,807 --> 00:09:13,273
you're bonded for life.
252
00:09:13,275 --> 00:09:14,630
Well, she does like cucumbers...
253
00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:16,693
- Who doesn't?
- But I don't know.
254
00:09:16,695 --> 00:09:19,596
Come on. Pickle my cucumber
and see for yourself.
255
00:09:19,698 --> 00:09:21,865
Come on. Come on, take it.
256
00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:24,300
Take the whole thing. There.
257
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:27,693
Now, I'll be you, and you be Lydia.
258
00:09:27,723 --> 00:09:31,057
♪ When I-I-I ♪
259
00:09:31,059 --> 00:09:34,817
♪ Look in his eye-eye-eyes ♪
260
00:09:34,847 --> 00:09:37,345
Let it slip through your fingers.
261
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,168
How does that make you feel?
262
00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:45,477
Well, as Lydia, I am confused
about what I'm doing here.
263
00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:47,146
Well, as Jimmy,
264
00:09:47,176 --> 00:09:49,347
I feel hurt that you're not
taking our date seriously.
265
00:09:49,377 --> 00:09:51,533
Well, as Lydia, I'm
upset that you don't seem
266
00:09:51,563 --> 00:09:52,829
to know me at all.
267
00:09:52,831 --> 00:09:54,497
Shh.
268
00:09:54,711 --> 00:09:56,694
All right, the... this
isn't working for me.
269
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:58,735
Well, as Jimmy, that's
not how I was feeling.
270
00:09:58,737 --> 00:10:00,036
- I'm Jimmy.
- Man, I'm giving you
271
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:01,891
everything here and you keep pulling away.
272
00:10:01,921 --> 00:10:04,057
I'm sorry, all right?
I tried to let you in.
273
00:10:04,087 --> 00:10:06,109
It just doesn't feel right.
274
00:10:06,111 --> 00:10:08,511
It's fine.
275
00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:10,402
Did Nathaniel have any better ideas?
276
00:10:10,432 --> 00:10:12,499
Well, actually, he did
mention wine tasting at Ponzi
277
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:14,934
and then dinner at Chateauneuf,
which Lydia would love.
278
00:10:14,936 --> 00:10:17,604
I just can't afford it...
279
00:10:17,606 --> 00:10:19,577
unless you were willing
to loan me the money.
280
00:10:19,607 --> 00:10:21,908
Oh, I don't loan money to my friends,
281
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:25,011
but I am willing to let you work for it.
282
00:10:25,341 --> 00:10:27,413
(Animals squealing)
283
00:10:27,415 --> 00:10:30,837
(Atticus whistles melody)
284
00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:32,852
This dirt smells like crap.
285
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,628
Because that dirt is crap.
286
00:10:34,658 --> 00:10:36,089
That makes sense, then.
287
00:10:36,298 --> 00:10:38,558
(Cow moos)
288
00:10:40,495 --> 00:10:42,868
(Lydia): Oh, Jimmy,
this place is beautiful!
289
00:10:42,898 --> 00:10:44,798
I'm so excited!
290
00:10:44,950 --> 00:10:46,850
Uh, hello, welcome to Ponzi Winery.
291
00:10:46,852 --> 00:10:47,884
My name is Dylan.
292
00:10:47,886 --> 00:10:49,094
Do you two have a reservation?
293
00:10:49,124 --> 00:10:53,556
Yes, a reserved tasting for
two under Jimmothy Barnes.
294
00:10:53,558 --> 00:10:55,095
Oh, my adopted parents are Korean.
295
00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:56,715
Huh.
296
00:10:56,745 --> 00:10:58,588
Okay, let's see.
297
00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:01,981
Oh, unfortunately, it says here
your reservation is for tomorrow,
298
00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:03,951
and we're booked solid today.
299
00:11:03,981 --> 00:11:06,786
What? No!
300
00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:08,727
Oh, I can't believe I screwed this up.
301
00:11:08,757 --> 00:11:11,524
Oh, please, you don't know
how important this is to us.
302
00:11:11,526 --> 00:11:13,515
He has worked so hard on this date.
303
00:11:13,545 --> 00:11:15,477
I'm sorry. We're a very small winery.
304
00:11:15,507 --> 00:11:18,815
No, no, this place is a freaking cathedral.
305
00:11:18,817 --> 00:11:21,640
I'm sure you can find a place to seat us.
306
00:11:21,670 --> 00:11:24,169
I'm sorry, ma'am, but my hands are tied.
307
00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:29,717
Dylan, if you don't find us a space,
308
00:11:29,747 --> 00:11:31,044
I will shave off that chin beard
309
00:11:31,046 --> 00:11:34,084
and show the world you have no jawline.
310
00:11:34,114 --> 00:11:35,353
Look at that.
311
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:37,150
- Some space just opened up.
- Really?
312
00:11:37,152 --> 00:11:39,519
- Right there.
- Ah! Yay!
313
00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:41,888
And just so you know, when I have wine,
314
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:44,724
- I get a little handsy.
- Oh, well, what a coincidence.
315
00:11:44,726 --> 00:11:46,526
We're at a winery.
316
00:11:46,528 --> 00:11:49,028
- Mmm.
- Oh.
317
00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:51,686
(Jimmy): Whoa, Nate!
318
00:11:51,716 --> 00:11:52,990
What are you doing here?
319
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:56,308
I'm on my date, and,
apparently, so are you.
320
00:11:56,338 --> 00:11:58,440
Jimmy, Mom, this is...
321
00:11:58,470 --> 00:12:00,440
Pepper? Pepper Spinner?
322
00:12:00,442 --> 00:12:03,042
- Lydia Marlowe.
- Wow.
323
00:12:03,044 --> 00:12:04,444
Oh, my goodness!
324
00:12:04,446 --> 00:12:06,484
How funny is this?
325
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:08,648
Well, if I'd known this guy was your son,
326
00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:11,150
I would've asked you to
sign a permission slip.
327
00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:13,853
If I would've known it was
so he could go out with you,
328
00:12:13,855 --> 00:12:16,545
I totally would've signed it.
329
00:12:16,575 --> 00:12:18,232
Oh, I should hope so.
330
00:12:18,262 --> 00:12:21,911
Women like us have to stick together.
331
00:12:21,913 --> 00:12:23,175
Should we all share a table?
332
00:12:23,205 --> 00:12:27,584
Nothing warms me up more
than a little mixed doubles.
333
00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:29,620
(Nate): Well, if that's
what you want to do...
334
00:12:29,650 --> 00:12:31,126
You're what I want to do.
335
00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:33,211
You know what? Actually, we have a table.
336
00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:34,707
Actually, you don't.
337
00:12:34,709 --> 00:12:36,209
- Turns out nothing opened up.
- Huh?
338
00:12:36,211 --> 00:12:38,377
Please, don't shave me.
339
00:12:39,589 --> 00:12:41,996
So, uh, how do you two know each other?
340
00:12:42,026 --> 00:12:44,746
Oh, Pepper and I used to play
tennis together at the club.
341
00:12:44,776 --> 00:12:46,810
But then my husband
developed an Asian fetish
342
00:12:46,812 --> 00:12:49,062
and fell in love with a woman
who looked like Connie Chung.
343
00:12:49,092 --> 00:12:50,680
I don't know who that is.
344
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:54,784
Oh, she's like the Asian Barbara Walters.
345
00:12:54,786 --> 00:12:56,377
- You don't know who Barbara Walters is?
- No.
346
00:12:56,407 --> 00:12:59,389
First rule of dating younger
men, no dated references.
347
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:01,063
I know who Barbara Walters is.
348
00:13:01,093 --> 00:13:03,860
Oh, good for you, baby.
349
00:13:03,862 --> 00:13:05,295
I got a smart one.
350
00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:06,930
Anyway, after my divorce,
351
00:13:06,932 --> 00:13:09,032
I got the house and my ex got the club,
352
00:13:09,034 --> 00:13:12,169
which is why Lydia and I
haven't seen each other in ages,
353
00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:13,603
but we're in a new club now.
354
00:13:13,605 --> 00:13:15,469
No one over 30 allowed.
355
00:13:15,499 --> 00:13:17,274
- Except us, right?
- Right.
356
00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:20,677
So, uh, Pepper, um, do you have any kids?
357
00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,679
Oh, no, not me.
358
00:13:22,681 --> 00:13:25,916
The only babies that go
in here are other people's.
359
00:13:25,918 --> 00:13:27,109
(Mimics baby crying)
360
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,251
Dylan, more wine, please!
361
00:13:28,253 --> 00:13:29,886
- Nate and I will get it.
- Uh, yeah.
362
00:13:29,916 --> 00:13:32,319
- Sure.
- Nate? Hey, buddy.
363
00:13:32,349 --> 00:13:34,191
I think your cougar is
making your mom uncomfortable.
364
00:13:34,193 --> 00:13:35,321
Really? Because I think my mom
365
00:13:35,351 --> 00:13:37,039
is ruining my date with a sure thing.
366
00:13:37,069 --> 00:13:39,079
Why are you taking a sure thing on a date?
367
00:13:39,081 --> 00:13:40,981
Not the point, Dylan.
368
00:13:40,983 --> 00:13:43,116
The point is, you see that rain outside?
369
00:13:43,118 --> 00:13:44,394
- Yes.
- I made that,
370
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,442
and Pepper may be having a
good time playing mixed doubles,
371
00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:48,544
but I can't enjoy her
advances in front of my mother.
372
00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:49,632
Then take Pepper somewhere else.
373
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,547
Your mom was so excited when we got here,
374
00:13:51,577 --> 00:13:53,582
and I don't have a backup
plan. Come on, buddy.
375
00:13:53,612 --> 00:13:55,050
I will do your laundry for a month.
376
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,746
- My mother does my laundry.
- I'll wash my forks
377
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,470
- after I use them.
- You don't wash your forks?
378
00:13:58,500 --> 00:13:59,862
Well, I figured if we shared a toothbrush,
379
00:13:59,892 --> 00:14:01,520
- it wasn't that important.
- We share a toothbrush?
380
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,575
- I left mine at your mom's.
- Okay, that's it, no.
381
00:14:03,605 --> 00:14:05,511
If anyone is leaving, it's
you. This is my date spot.
382
00:14:05,541 --> 00:14:07,374
I would've went somewhere
else if you had helped me.
383
00:14:07,376 --> 00:14:08,542
Yeah, and I would've helped you
384
00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:09,989
if you weren't dating my mother.
385
00:14:10,019 --> 00:14:12,746
Whoa. Your girl's his mother?
386
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:15,482
- Not now, Dylan.
- Sorry.
387
00:14:15,484 --> 00:14:17,823
Look, Nate, I'm not stupid, all right?
388
00:14:17,853 --> 00:14:19,524
I know that me being with
your mom has changed things
389
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,788
between you and I, but I need you,
390
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,412
and I tried to replace you,
391
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:26,176
but I can't.
392
00:14:26,178 --> 00:14:28,321
You're my person.
393
00:14:29,596 --> 00:14:30,880
Is that from Grey's Anatomy?
394
00:14:30,882 --> 00:14:32,008
Yes.
395
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,517
Your mom and I have been
watching a lot of TGIT.
396
00:14:34,519 --> 00:14:35,986
So, how many of Nate's friends
397
00:14:35,988 --> 00:14:37,621
have you landed since the divorce?
398
00:14:37,623 --> 00:14:40,023
Oh, no, no, just... just the one.
399
00:14:40,025 --> 00:14:41,992
Jimmy's the one. Yeah.
400
00:14:41,994 --> 00:14:44,094
(Laughs)
401
00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:45,695
I'm sorry.
402
00:14:45,697 --> 00:14:48,103
I thought you said that kid was the one...
403
00:14:48,133 --> 00:14:49,814
like, "the one" the one.
404
00:14:49,844 --> 00:14:53,408
Well, we haven't really
defined it yet, so I don't know.
405
00:14:53,438 --> 00:14:55,772
Sweetie, let me give you some advice.
406
00:14:55,774 --> 00:14:58,708
Little boys are into grown
women for one of two reasons.
407
00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:01,745
One: they want killer,
uncomplicated sex with a woman
408
00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:04,468
who can orgasm on a dime or two nickels.
409
00:15:04,498 --> 00:15:05,546
- Wow.
- Two:
410
00:15:05,576 --> 00:15:08,918
they secretly want to sleep
with their own mothers.
411
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,854
Hold on a second.
412
00:15:10,856 --> 00:15:12,622
Are you suggesting that my son
413
00:15:12,624 --> 00:15:15,392
is with you because he
wants to have sex with me?
414
00:15:15,394 --> 00:15:17,694
I guess we won't know
until we see how much time
415
00:15:17,696 --> 00:15:20,967
little Natey spends with
his motor between my boats.
416
00:15:20,997 --> 00:15:23,633
You are so trashy!
417
00:15:23,635 --> 00:15:26,906
- You did not just do that!
- Oh, I did!
418
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,260
(Overlapping shouting)
419
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,034
Hey, everybody be cool!
420
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,436
I'm sorry! I am sorry!
421
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,504
I have tried to deal with her
422
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,105
for the sake of both of our dates,
423
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:38,307
but she was totally inappropriate first.
424
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,404
Lydia, relax. I was
just having a little fun.
425
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,039
I mean, isn't that what we're
doing here, having some fun?
426
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,178
No, Jimmy and I are not having fun.
427
00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:46,093
I mean, we're not just having fun.
428
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,760
We actually really care about each other.
429
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,635
Come on. He's a child.
430
00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:52,199
He may be a child, but he's my child.
431
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,406
Actually, I'm your child.
432
00:15:53,436 --> 00:15:57,471
My... my point is... I care about Jimmy,
433
00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,106
and he cares about me,
434
00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:00,441
and I really resent you saying
435
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,548
that what we have is cheap and cliché.
436
00:16:02,578 --> 00:16:03,944
I am not you, Pepper.
437
00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:05,212
I am not a cougar.
438
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,847
- Kitty hawk.
- I'm sorry, what?
439
00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:09,683
I prefer the term kitty hawk.
440
00:16:09,874 --> 00:16:12,353
Like a hawk that hunts kitties.
441
00:16:12,355 --> 00:16:14,927
It's a work in progress. It
just... cougar feels dated.
442
00:16:14,957 --> 00:16:16,623
Nate, I'm bored.
443
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:18,814
Want to go have sex on my catamaran?
444
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:20,399
Actually, Pepper,
445
00:16:20,429 --> 00:16:22,997
I-I think I'm gonna
follow my mom's lead here
446
00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:25,065
and say this isn't me.
447
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:28,552
I-I'm not really a freaky
catamaran sex kind of guy.
448
00:16:28,582 --> 00:16:30,271
Nate doesn't want to have sex with me.
449
00:16:30,273 --> 00:16:31,739
- That was weird.
- It's true.
450
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,974
The only ship he has
sex in is a relationship.
451
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:36,377
If you knew that, then why did
you push me to make it rain?
452
00:16:36,379 --> 00:16:39,060
I was just trying to get you
to admit that you liked Sam.
453
00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:41,415
I... no, I don't like Sam.
454
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:45,277
I just... I don't want to have sex
with someone I don't care about.
455
00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:48,922
Wow, looks like someone raised you right.
456
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,991
Hey, Jimmy, I'm sorry
that I ruined the date
457
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:52,457
that I roped you into taking me on.
458
00:16:52,487 --> 00:16:54,428
Oh, it's all right,
we'll just do a do-over.
459
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,884
Actually, can we not? I
don't want to force anything.
460
00:16:57,914 --> 00:17:00,534
I actually really like
hanging out with you.
461
00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,169
I just wanted to go on a date
462
00:17:02,171 --> 00:17:04,004
because I wanted to feel like a couple,
463
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:05,506
but that's kind of hard to do when...
464
00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:08,275
When the age difference is so big.
465
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,811
When I don't know how to defend it,
466
00:17:10,813 --> 00:17:14,854
because I don't know what we are.
467
00:17:15,832 --> 00:17:17,451
What do you mean?
468
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:22,156
You're my girlfriend, aren't you?
469
00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:23,730
I am.
470
00:17:28,149 --> 00:17:32,433
What do you say we, uh, go
finish Battlestar Galactica?
471
00:17:32,435 --> 00:17:34,635
I have an idea on how to
spice it up a little bit...
472
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,219
- Mmm.
- Which I won't talk about
473
00:17:36,249 --> 00:17:38,305
- in front of my son.
- Thank you.
474
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,980
You know what, buddy?
475
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,475
You did the right thing about Pepper.
476
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,499
- Yeah.
- I may not know much,
477
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,865
but I know the only thing
better than a sure thing
478
00:17:46,895 --> 00:17:48,456
is the real thing.
479
00:17:48,486 --> 00:17:50,097
Wait.
480
00:17:51,565 --> 00:17:52,569
- (Phone chimes)
- Remind me to send
481
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:55,439
new slogan idea to a certain
national cola company.
482
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,542
- Mmm.
- What happened to Pepper?
483
00:17:58,833 --> 00:18:00,269
(Clatter)
484
00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:07,008
- Well, she's consistent.
- And dirty.
485
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:10,236
Hey, boss man. What are you doing here?
486
00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:13,162
Well, it turns out I wasn't
so sure about my sure thing,
487
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,192
so I thought I'd come
by and keep you company.
488
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,529
Oh, well, actually it
was kind of a slow night,
489
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,831
so Atticus came by to keep me company.
490
00:18:21,182 --> 00:18:22,866
- Oh.
- And by keep me company,
491
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:26,036
I mean have sex with me in the walk-in.
492
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,538
I'm glad the health
inspector didn't stop by.
493
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,906
- Mm.
- (Atticus): Not to worry!
494
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,841
All cleared up with the health inspector.
495
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,476
- Oh.
- Nathaniel?
496
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,178
Back so soon?
497
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,458
It's okay, mate. Come here.
498
00:18:35,488 --> 00:18:39,901
Don't worry. First time's always a quickie.
499
00:18:39,931 --> 00:18:41,385
Okay. Well, listen.
500
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,886
Since I'm back, why don't you two
501
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,122
get out of here and go enjoy
the rest of the equinox?
502
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,926
Oh, thanks, mate. You're a good egg.
503
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,595
(Harrison): Looks like
it's just you and me, kid.
504
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,135
Like loser, like son.
505
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,754
Dad, what are you doing here?
506
00:18:55,784 --> 00:18:58,819
I am mourning the death of my marriage.
507
00:18:58,821 --> 00:19:00,960
I really thought she was doing
all this just to get back at me,
508
00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:02,356
but, wow.
509
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,758
She's taking it a little far.
510
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,335
I don't think this is about you or me.
511
00:19:07,365 --> 00:19:09,680
It seems to be about her.
512
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,583
Yeah, no, that can't be it. Egg roll?
513
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,590
Ah, seriously, stop bringing food here.
514
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,488
Seriously, why don't you
tell Sam you like her?
515
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,256
I don't like Sam.
516
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,359
And I'm not still in love with your mother.
517
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,995
Sometimes the worst lies we tell
518
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,540
are the ones we tell ourselves.
519
00:19:28,570 --> 00:19:30,677
Give me the damn egg roll.
520
00:19:33,487 --> 00:19:35,472
(Groovy electronic music)
521
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:38,641
You were right. This is sexy.
522
00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:40,338
(Muffled): Lieutenant Starbuck
523
00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:42,482
requesting permission to dry-dock.
524
00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:43,881
Sorry, I can't understand you.
525
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,116
(Muffled): Oh, I said, "Lieutenant St...
526
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,678
Lieutenant Starbuck requesting
permission to dry-dock."
527
00:19:49,708 --> 00:19:51,088
Wait. Why dry-dock?
528
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,424
Oh, I just thought it was the
safest way to dock in space.
529
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,114
I don't know, maybe we shouldn't
do Battlestar Galactica.
530
00:19:55,144 --> 00:19:57,453
It's a good call, 'cause
space is so hard to sexualize.
531
00:19:57,483 --> 00:19:58,812
- Yeah.
- We can do another show.
532
00:19:58,814 --> 00:20:01,315
We could do a movie. "The Humper Games."
533
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,099
"How to Ride the Train on Your Dragon."
534
00:20:03,129 --> 00:20:05,224
- Boyhood!
- That's weird.
535
00:20:05,254 --> 00:20:06,701
Ew, yeah. Too close to home.
536
00:20:06,731 --> 00:20:07,744
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
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