1 00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:03,526 And now, the last finalist, 2 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:09,059 three-time champion Charlyne Phuc. 3 00:01:14,776 --> 00:01:16,573 Excuse me. 4 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,310 Ah! 5 00:01:20,349 --> 00:01:23,148 First word: Logorrhea. 6 00:01:28,192 --> 00:01:29,716 Logorrhea, um... 7 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,992 L- o-g-o-r-r... 8 00:01:33,031 --> 00:01:37,196 w- wait... 9 00:01:39,706 --> 00:01:41,197 Logorrhea... 10 00:01:41,242 --> 00:01:44,803 like diarrhea, but different. 11 00:01:44,845 --> 00:01:49,715 I mean, they're both kind of like a spray, 12 00:01:49,751 --> 00:01:53,119 but logorrhea, that's a spray of words 13 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:54,681 from the mouth, you know? 14 00:01:54,725 --> 00:01:58,422 And, like, diarrhea, which is also a spray, 15 00:01:58,462 --> 00:02:02,297 but it comes from a different orifice. 16 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,427 What in the world? 17 00:02:04,470 --> 00:02:05,664 Ugh. 18 00:02:09,943 --> 00:02:12,537 Fuck, am I, like, way off? 19 00:02:14,015 --> 00:02:15,642 There is breaking news tonight 20 00:02:15,683 --> 00:02:17,810 from the State Spelling Bee Championship 21 00:02:17,852 --> 00:02:20,287 as Morgan High's own Charlyne Phuc has been arrested 22 00:02:20,322 --> 00:02:21,653 for drug possession. 23 00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:23,522 Phuc has admitted using marijuana 24 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,120 during her three-time championship run 25 00:02:26,162 --> 00:02:29,064 in order to assist her mortal mind 26 00:02:29,099 --> 00:02:31,260 in accessing the dictionary inscribed 27 00:02:31,302 --> 00:02:33,237 in the fabric of the cosmos... 28 00:02:33,271 --> 00:02:35,205 And that no one would have noticed 29 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,233 if she hadrt been so buttstonked. 30 00:02:40,913 --> 00:02:43,906 Shh. 31 00:02:45,419 --> 00:02:48,082 Shut up, Dave. 32 00:02:48,122 --> 00:02:49,987 Sh... shut up, Dave. 33 00:02:53,996 --> 00:02:57,797 across my face... 34 00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,665 Dave, take my weed. 35 00:03:00,670 --> 00:03:04,334 a trace of lace 36 00:03:06,845 --> 00:03:09,643 sinister in place... 37 00:03:09,681 --> 00:03:13,379 - Hold his feet. - I am, Dave. 38 00:03:13,419 --> 00:03:15,911 - Dave, roll that shit. - I am, Dave. 39 00:03:17,524 --> 00:03:20,517 - Holy... - Fuck. 40 00:03:20,562 --> 00:03:22,962 Hey, Mom? I got some MIT scholarship stuff that I filled out. 41 00:03:22,998 --> 00:03:24,488 If you could drop it in the mail, I'd appreciate it. 42 00:03:24,532 --> 00:03:26,592 Honey, I clogged the toilet again. 43 00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:28,661 The plunger should be under the sink. 44 00:03:28,704 --> 00:03:29,899 - Where? - The back. 45 00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:32,966 - Oh, I... I got it. - All right, thanks. 46 00:03:34,812 --> 00:03:37,508 - I love you. - 47 00:03:37,548 --> 00:03:39,073 48 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,550 from the steering wheel... 49 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:51,125 coming down in waves 50 00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:54,829 from upon my face 51 00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:59,831 to leave this place... 52 00:04:01,411 --> 00:04:03,175 - Ooh. - 53 00:04:03,213 --> 00:04:05,647 in my own home... 54 00:04:05,683 --> 00:04:07,173 What the fuck?! 55 00:04:07,217 --> 00:04:09,709 Watch where the fuck you step, Henry! 56 00:04:09,754 --> 00:04:12,087 Watch where the fuck you step! 57 00:04:15,227 --> 00:04:17,662 58 00:04:17,698 --> 00:04:19,632 59 00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:22,602 60 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:27,598 but before you know, it's gone... 61 00:04:29,745 --> 00:04:32,647 62 00:04:32,682 --> 00:04:35,344 - - Shit. 63 00:04:35,385 --> 00:04:40,757 but before you know, it's gone. 64 00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:50,096 Oh! 65 00:04:52,573 --> 00:04:54,097 Bravo, fuckers. 66 00:04:54,141 --> 00:04:55,734 "I swallow." 67 00:04:57,512 --> 00:04:59,412 Shut up. 68 00:04:59,447 --> 00:05:02,315 D- Dad. No... 69 00:05:02,351 --> 00:05:04,411 - It won't happen again. I promise. - I expect you to pay 70 00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:06,786 every last penny of my deductible. 71 00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:10,089 In the meantime, you can spend this afternoon in detention. 72 00:05:10,128 --> 00:05:11,959 Yes, sir. 73 00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:16,767 - Come along, Martin. - Yes, Daddy. 74 00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:23,967 Hey. 75 00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:26,707 Hey, Breaux. I hit Dr. Gordon because of you. 76 00:05:27,715 --> 00:05:29,445 I shouldn't have to pay for his car, man. 77 00:05:29,484 --> 00:05:30,974 All right, well, tough shit. I mean, you're the one who crashed 78 00:05:31,019 --> 00:05:32,817 - into that butthole Gordon. - To avoid hitting you! 79 00:05:32,855 --> 00:05:34,914 News flash: Wearing headphones while driving is against the law. 80 00:05:34,957 --> 00:05:38,325 You know, I don't think I should take behavior advice from a burner flunky. 81 00:05:38,362 --> 00:05:40,262 - Ouch, dude! - Yeah, well, why don't you take 82 00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,163 your science-fair, national-scholar status 83 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,599 and cram it up your asshole? 84 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,398 You know, Breaux... 85 00:05:45,437 --> 00:05:47,668 Yeah, thank you. 86 00:05:48,707 --> 00:05:50,504 Way to be a hambro. 87 00:05:50,543 --> 00:05:53,445 It wasrt like I made him crash into that man-whore's piece-of-shit car. 88 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,107 That's what that scrotum 89 00:05:55,148 --> 00:05:56,878 skin tag Gordon gets for teaching his fat little clone 90 00:05:56,918 --> 00:05:58,249 how to give a hand job. 91 00:05:58,286 --> 00:06:00,720 Rollir on 12s, son. 92 00:06:03,025 --> 00:06:05,550 Aw, come on. 93 00:06:05,594 --> 00:06:07,859 He's behind you! 94 00:06:07,897 --> 00:06:10,799 What? 95 00:06:10,835 --> 00:06:12,403 What? 96 00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:15,464 You know what the problem is here, Brandon? 97 00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:18,499 Why our average GPA has dropped 98 00:06:18,543 --> 00:06:20,842 three times in as many years? 99 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,508 Uh, the Internet? 100 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,144 The sticky green. 101 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,882 The cannabis sativa. The sinsemilla. 102 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,914 Marijuana? 103 00:06:32,961 --> 00:06:36,591 Which is serious stuff. 104 00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:39,158 Dangerous stuff, so I hear. It's a gateway drug. 105 00:06:39,202 --> 00:06:42,069 Hop-heads like Travis Breaux have been a thorn on my side 106 00:06:42,105 --> 00:06:44,165 ever since they came here. 107 00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:47,405 That little prick has caused me more pain than you know. 108 00:06:48,914 --> 00:06:52,543 - My cat... - Yeah? 109 00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:55,952 ...developed an abscess on her face. 110 00:06:55,989 --> 00:06:58,288 I rushed her to the vet emergency room, 111 00:06:58,325 --> 00:07:02,056 but their nitrous oxide tank had been stolen. 112 00:07:02,096 --> 00:07:04,793 They later tracked the culprits down 113 00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:09,362 to the home of one Travis Breaux. 114 00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:12,603 Without anesthesia, I had to pin Dolly down. 115 00:07:12,643 --> 00:07:15,373 She scratched my face, my hand. 116 00:07:15,412 --> 00:07:17,506 I developed a terrible infection. 117 00:07:17,549 --> 00:07:19,483 It's called "cat scratch fever." 118 00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:21,075 My stool became 119 00:07:21,119 --> 00:07:22,610 incredibly painful to pass. 120 00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,646 I lost weight, but gained body fat. 121 00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:26,282 I was a mess. 122 00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:30,922 Then I heard my wife telling her friends that I looked lousy. 123 00:07:36,071 --> 00:07:39,507 My attorney advised me against taking any sort of action. 124 00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:43,444 No evidence to press charges against Travis Breaux, 125 00:07:43,479 --> 00:07:47,439 but I knew... I knew he was responsible, 126 00:07:47,484 --> 00:07:50,477 breathing in that laughing gas filth. 127 00:07:52,257 --> 00:07:55,523 They call it "space surfing." 128 00:07:57,396 --> 00:08:00,594 Where do they come up with all these clever names 129 00:08:00,634 --> 00:08:02,727 for recreational drug use? 130 00:08:04,839 --> 00:08:08,536 Roasting a bone, candy flipping, 131 00:08:08,576 --> 00:08:10,738 banging down a stiff loosey. 132 00:08:10,779 --> 00:08:13,509 A stiff loosey... 133 00:08:14,651 --> 00:08:17,313 I haven't heard that one. 134 00:08:17,354 --> 00:08:21,052 When a woman from a sordid underworld social circle 135 00:08:21,092 --> 00:08:24,893 inales powdered cocaine off of some loser's erect penis 136 00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:28,560 and then doses acid off of his testicles... 137 00:08:30,737 --> 00:08:32,933 I think it has something to do with the Beatles. 138 00:08:35,643 --> 00:08:38,704 Now, they ruined our nation... 139 00:08:38,747 --> 00:08:41,011 drugs, fornicating, 140 00:08:41,049 --> 00:08:44,315 a grown man singing about his feelings. 141 00:08:44,353 --> 00:08:47,050 It's time we win this war, 142 00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:49,888 expunge this school of all dope fiends. 143 00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:59,769 Henry: So I've created a hybrid compound 144 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:02,036 with a resistance two times that of regular silicon. 145 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,043 Used as the basis material for electronics, 146 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,567 it would provide increased protection 147 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,877 against power surges, magnetic waves. 148 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,008 This is an electromagnetic pulse generator. 149 00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:12,612 Actually, could everyone take a step back? 150 00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:17,317 It's a localized pulse, but it will fry your laptops, your hard drives. 151 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:21,195 It'll kill your cell phones if you're too close. 152 00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,498 Tick, tick, tick. 153 00:09:30,876 --> 00:09:32,776 So as you can see, the motherboard 154 00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:36,010 manufactured by my compound is the undamaged one. 155 00:10:03,616 --> 00:10:05,174 Shit. 156 00:10:06,552 --> 00:10:08,714 Bitter aftertaste of reality? 157 00:10:09,757 --> 00:10:12,591 You come to see how the other half lives? 158 00:10:16,164 --> 00:10:19,532 - Boy: Mr. Thompson here? - He went lookir for you. 159 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,567 Hey, fool, that's my shirt you got on. 160 00:10:24,608 --> 00:10:26,804 I gave it to Goodwill last year. 161 00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:32,316 Fuckir hobo. 162 00:10:33,352 --> 00:10:34,842 Don't trip, Rubin. 163 00:10:34,887 --> 00:10:37,482 I'm sure he washed your dad's cum off of it. 164 00:10:37,524 --> 00:10:39,355 What the fuck you just say to me? 165 00:10:39,392 --> 00:10:41,987 I said I'm sure he washed your dad's cum off of it. 166 00:10:42,029 --> 00:10:45,557 Or did some dry up in your ears? You should clean them fuckers out. 167 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,124 Try an ear candle, yo. 168 00:10:47,169 --> 00:10:51,698 Rubin? Why aren't you in your seat? 169 00:10:51,741 --> 00:10:54,539 You know, we could have a little Abu Ghraib action here, 170 00:10:54,577 --> 00:10:57,103 or we could watch our video. 171 00:10:57,147 --> 00:10:58,910 It's your call. 172 00:11:02,754 --> 00:11:05,121 I'm just gonna go ahead and sit down. 173 00:11:05,157 --> 00:11:07,352 Good choice. 174 00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:13,465 It's all ready. Just hit play. 175 00:11:16,904 --> 00:11:19,999 Everybody, pay attention. 176 00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:21,600 And no talking. 177 00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:24,135 Narrator on TV: With his parents out of town for the weekend, 178 00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:28,277 Bob bends to the pressure of his peers to be somebody 179 00:11:28,319 --> 00:11:30,412 and smokes a joint. 180 00:11:30,454 --> 00:11:33,390 That's street talk for a marijuana cigarette. 181 00:11:33,425 --> 00:11:36,519 Bob lights up and takes a drag. 182 00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:40,396 What he doesn't realize is that this seemingly harmless act 183 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:43,597 will bring the walls of his reality crashing down. 184 00:11:55,985 --> 00:11:59,080 Narrator: Is this your idea of getting jiggy with it? 185 00:12:06,732 --> 00:12:10,532 Narrator: Applesauce 10 times a day. 186 00:12:10,569 --> 00:12:11,696 Man on TV: How are you feeling? 187 00:12:11,738 --> 00:12:14,332 - Boy: This video eats my balls. - Boy 188 00:12:14,374 --> 00:12:17,469 Woman on TV: Dr. Gibson, you're wanted in lobotomy room 7. 189 00:12:17,511 --> 00:12:20,572 Dr. Gibson to lobotomy room 7. 190 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,752 Narrator: It will also help fund terrorism. 191 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:31,887 I only really want to blow things up when I'm high. 192 00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:37,598 Think about it. 193 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,167 Man over radio: Engage. Smoke 'em. 194 00:12:47,781 --> 00:12:50,444 Henry. Henry, hey, hey. 195 00:12:50,484 --> 00:12:53,078 Look, I'm sorry. I drive like shit when I'm high. 196 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,089 You were high at 8:00 in the morning? 197 00:12:55,123 --> 00:12:56,988 Yeah, of course. I'll help you pay for it, all right? 198 00:12:57,025 --> 00:12:58,516 I'll float you some casheesh. 199 00:12:58,561 --> 00:13:01,894 Well, thanks, man. 200 00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:05,800 I'm sorry about the whole burner, flunky thing. 201 00:13:05,836 --> 00:13:06,860 Oh, no. It's all good, you know. 202 00:13:06,904 --> 00:13:09,032 - I get worse from my dad, so... - Right. 203 00:13:09,074 --> 00:13:11,634 - Yeah. - How's he doir? 204 00:13:12,845 --> 00:13:13,937 Who's he doir? 205 00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:16,175 He's probably balls deep in some Jell-O mold as we speak. 206 00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:19,947 Right. So, um, this is me. 207 00:13:19,987 --> 00:13:21,579 Obviously. 208 00:13:23,825 --> 00:13:25,759 Hey, you remember how I caught you jerking off 209 00:13:25,793 --> 00:13:27,591 with BENGAY when you were, like, 12? 210 00:13:27,629 --> 00:13:30,029 - Yeah. - Aw, yo, that shit must have burned! 211 00:13:30,065 --> 00:13:31,363 - Yeah, that's funny. - I told everybody, and you ran off 212 00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:33,164 in the woods like some fuckir cracked-out Hobbit. 213 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,103 - Yeah, no, no. I remember. - Yo, there were helicopters 214 00:13:35,138 --> 00:13:37,266 - looking for you and shit. - I remember the helicopters. 215 00:13:37,308 --> 00:13:38,832 I was always wondering what the fuck they were saying to each other. 216 00:13:38,876 --> 00:13:39,865 - Think about it. - Really? 217 00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:41,208 "Uh, looking for the kid 218 00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:42,474 who just jerked off. Over." 219 00:13:42,514 --> 00:13:44,209 "Did he just come? Over." 220 00:13:44,249 --> 00:13:47,515 "Negativo, Ghost Rider. Looking for a case of blue balls. Over." 221 00:13:47,553 --> 00:13:49,953 It was like a scene from "The Fugitive," but with a naked kid. 222 00:13:49,989 --> 00:13:52,550 Yeah, that's not really proper pilot speak, but I guess... 223 00:13:52,593 --> 00:13:54,754 I'm just saying we had some good times. 224 00:13:54,795 --> 00:13:57,230 - Yeah. Yeah, sure. - Yeah. 225 00:13:57,265 --> 00:13:59,256 The hell happened, do you think? 226 00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:02,901 High school. 227 00:14:05,075 --> 00:14:07,202 Yeah, no doubt. 228 00:14:09,112 --> 00:14:11,877 Hey, look, you know, I was driving by the old 'hood yesterday. 229 00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:15,382 You remember that tree house, that lockbox we built? 230 00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:19,984 Yeah, sure. Still there? 231 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,757 Wanna go find out? 232 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,827 - Awesome. - Oh, my God. 233 00:14:28,870 --> 00:14:31,532 What? 234 00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:34,975 Oh, man, all this shit was so important back in the day, man. 235 00:14:35,011 --> 00:14:36,535 - Henry: Look at these. - What? 236 00:14:36,579 --> 00:14:38,571 - You look like a fat Billy Ray Cyrus. - Yo, wait, man. 237 00:14:38,615 --> 00:14:41,379 We should be fuckir high for this. 238 00:14:44,255 --> 00:14:46,348 This is pharmaceutical-grade Hindu Kush. 239 00:14:46,391 --> 00:14:48,121 What? Do you have a prescription for weed? 240 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:52,325 - You don't? - What? What does that... 241 00:14:52,365 --> 00:14:54,094 You haven't gotten high before, have you? 242 00:14:55,402 --> 00:14:57,928 You're afraid you're gonna end up ripping down big loads 243 00:14:57,972 --> 00:15:00,406 in a cave with the Shoe Bomber? 244 00:15:04,913 --> 00:15:08,645 Getting high, it's... it's like freedom. 245 00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:13,589 Smells, tastes, feelings... 246 00:15:13,624 --> 00:15:18,824 they all become, like, four-dimensional. 247 00:15:18,864 --> 00:15:20,492 When everyting irie, 248 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:22,660 everyting go twing twing. 249 00:15:24,837 --> 00:15:27,068 Yeah, let me... 250 00:15:27,107 --> 00:15:30,771 - Fuck it. - Be somebody. 251 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:41,315 So it begins. 252 00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:51,161 Can't wait to have an ex-wife, man. 253 00:15:51,203 --> 00:15:53,171 Can't wait for that shit. 254 00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:54,571 Whers the good part kick in? 255 00:15:54,607 --> 00:15:56,802 Like the... like the fourth-dimensional stuff. 256 00:15:56,843 --> 00:15:58,835 I want the freedom. Whers the freedom kick in, Breaux? 257 00:15:58,879 --> 00:16:01,143 L... I want the freedom. 258 00:16:02,616 --> 00:16:04,244 Should we even be here right now? 259 00:16:04,286 --> 00:16:06,083 I mean, won't people get suspicious? 260 00:16:06,121 --> 00:16:08,522 I mean, they'll call the cops, send helicopters. 261 00:16:08,558 --> 00:16:10,753 I hate fucking helicopters. 262 00:16:10,793 --> 00:16:12,989 No, nobody's gonna do anything, man. 263 00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:14,054 We're trespassing. 264 00:16:14,097 --> 00:16:15,826 I mean, do you feel this? 265 00:16:15,866 --> 00:16:18,335 'Cause, holy shit, I mean, I don't even think this is... 266 00:16:21,139 --> 00:16:23,472 Oh, God. 267 00:16:25,411 --> 00:16:26,400 - You okay? - The freedom hasn't 268 00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:28,073 kicked in yet, asshole! 269 00:16:28,114 --> 00:16:32,415 Hey, what we need to do right now is just relax. 270 00:16:35,323 --> 00:16:37,383 Fuck, God damn it! 271 00:16:37,426 --> 00:16:39,826 Where are you?! 272 00:16:39,861 --> 00:16:42,353 Where the fuck are you?! 273 00:16:42,398 --> 00:16:45,128 Helicopters everywhere! 274 00:16:45,168 --> 00:16:46,932 Everywhere! 275 00:16:46,971 --> 00:16:49,303 Breaux over radio: Uh, looking for the kid who just jerked off. Over. 276 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,036 Did he just come? Over. 277 00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:54,603 Negativo, Ghost Rider. Looking for a case of blue balls. Over. 278 00:17:06,427 --> 00:17:09,989 There were helicopters. They were hunting me down. 279 00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:18,634 - It's your phone. - Shit. 280 00:17:18,675 --> 00:17:20,166 What time is it? 281 00:17:21,612 --> 00:17:23,740 Party time. 282 00:17:23,782 --> 00:17:24,908 - Hey. - Girl: Henry, where are you? 283 00:17:24,950 --> 00:17:25,939 - I'm so sorry. - We're all here waiting for you. 284 00:17:25,984 --> 00:17:27,679 - Yeah, I'll be there in 20. Fuck! - What's going on? 285 00:17:27,719 --> 00:17:30,154 I'm borrowing this. I gotta go to the annual bake sale prep. 286 00:17:30,189 --> 00:17:31,679 - Can you drive? - You wanna go now? 287 00:17:31,724 --> 00:17:33,659 Yeah. Yeah, I wanna go now. 288 00:17:33,694 --> 00:17:36,561 All right, man. Well, I want some road-head, then. 289 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,463 I hope you're good at swallowing, bro. 290 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,161 It's how I like it. 291 00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:49,043 - Ahh. - We need some more green. 292 00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:53,312 - Boy: She's got ass for days. - Boner. 293 00:17:57,790 --> 00:18:00,520 Hey, Sharky. What's crackir? What's crack-a-lackir? 294 00:18:00,559 --> 00:18:03,358 Girl: Good job. Good, good. 295 00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:05,227 Hey, Sharky. What's crackir? 296 00:18:05,265 --> 00:18:07,427 - What's crack-a-lackir? - What up, tough guy? 297 00:18:07,468 --> 00:18:08,526 - Hey, Sharky... - Oh! 298 00:18:08,569 --> 00:18:10,503 I got it. 299 00:18:10,538 --> 00:18:11,733 Fuck! 300 00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:17,074 Oh, I just got my eyebrow pierced yesterday! 301 00:18:24,355 --> 00:18:26,381 - About freakir time. - Hey, guys. Sorry. 302 00:18:26,424 --> 00:18:29,484 - You're such a fucking asshole. - What? 303 00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:31,086 Sharky Ovante just gave you an opening! 304 00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:34,099 Microscopic, but still. You blew it. 305 00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:35,829 Yeah. 306 00:18:35,869 --> 00:18:38,633 We grew up next door to each other. 307 00:18:38,672 --> 00:18:40,800 We used to play together 308 00:18:40,842 --> 00:18:42,469 till she grew breasts. 309 00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:44,035 And that was that. 310 00:18:47,182 --> 00:18:49,708 I ran the numbers. 311 00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:52,017 Assuming we both ace our finals, 312 00:18:52,055 --> 00:18:54,718 it seems to me you have valedictorian 313 00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:57,250 by 3/100ths of a percentage. 314 00:18:57,294 --> 00:18:59,627 Salutatorian is a pretty big deal, too, Sebastian, so... 315 00:18:59,664 --> 00:19:01,791 - Still second place, though. - Well, I suppose 316 00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:04,826 the hinge upon which fate swings is a capricious one. 317 00:19:04,871 --> 00:19:07,807 - Why are your eyes all red? - Excuse me, everyone. 318 00:19:07,841 --> 00:19:09,206 Can I please have your attention? 319 00:19:09,243 --> 00:19:12,441 Very impressive, spirit team. Can you please put her down? 320 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:13,913 Uh, hey, listen. 321 00:19:13,948 --> 00:19:16,974 We're doing a live television interview outside, 322 00:19:17,018 --> 00:19:20,216 so if you could all just, you know, stop throwing each other up in the air 323 00:19:20,256 --> 00:19:21,848 and keep the volume level down, that'd be great. 324 00:19:21,891 --> 00:19:23,484 - Okay? Thank you. - Sorry. 325 00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:28,493 And now we'll go live to Julia Louise Hugo 326 00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:32,470 - at Morgan High School. Julia? - In five, four, three, two... 327 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,438 I understand that you have a statement regarding 328 00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,669 your student, Charlyne Phuc, who was recently arrested... 329 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,475 Miss Phuc is no longer a student of this institution, 330 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,914 and I have requested that her standing 331 00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:45,578 as three-time State Spelling Bee Champion 332 00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:48,020 be officially revoked. 333 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:54,892 Morgan is one of the finest high schools in this state. 334 00:19:54,931 --> 00:19:58,265 We demand excellence, not inebriation. 335 00:19:58,302 --> 00:20:01,704 And to reassure our students, 336 00:20:01,739 --> 00:20:04,675 parents, faculty, and board of regents 337 00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:06,268 of this high standard, 338 00:20:06,312 --> 00:20:11,250 we are conducting a controlled-substance screening 339 00:20:11,284 --> 00:20:13,479 on campus tomorrow. 340 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:17,082 All students are required to participate, 341 00:20:17,124 --> 00:20:20,652 and any student who does not pass the screening 342 00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:22,994 will be immediately expelled. 343 00:20:26,169 --> 00:20:29,401 Cheese and crackers. No, no, no, no. 344 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,377 I was trying for genial and it came off wimpy. 345 00:20:33,411 --> 00:20:36,346 I'd like to be stronger. Could we try this again? 346 00:20:36,381 --> 00:20:38,441 We're live. 347 00:20:38,484 --> 00:20:41,351 What? 348 00:20:41,387 --> 00:20:43,379 No, no, no, it's great. Keep shooting. Looks great. 349 00:20:43,423 --> 00:20:45,288 We gotta be clear by tomorrow morning. 350 00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:47,088 - What drug? - Shrooms. 351 00:20:47,127 --> 00:20:48,959 - Yeah, we split an eighth. - How long ago did you take them? 352 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,522 - Hmm. About an hour ago? - What strain? 353 00:20:51,566 --> 00:20:55,003 Hold on. Hey. You know what strain we ate? 354 00:20:55,037 --> 00:20:56,767 Dinosaur bones. 355 00:20:56,806 --> 00:20:59,240 - Are your parents home? - I think. 356 00:20:59,276 --> 00:21:01,643 - Have you been drinking? - Look at your face. 357 00:21:01,679 --> 00:21:03,579 Did you smoke marijuana with these mushrooms? 358 00:21:03,614 --> 00:21:05,343 It's all stroked out. 359 00:21:05,383 --> 00:21:06,612 - Sorry. - What? 360 00:21:06,652 --> 00:21:08,711 So it might be that shit we ate on prom night. 361 00:21:08,754 --> 00:21:10,221 - I'm looking for Breaux. - Gordors been pulling 362 00:21:10,255 --> 00:21:11,883 - this Nazi shit forever. - Did you call the police? 363 00:21:11,925 --> 00:21:14,450 My dad's gonna cancel the Spice Channel if I get expelled, 364 00:21:14,494 --> 00:21:17,191 beat me up with my own severed cock. 365 00:21:17,231 --> 00:21:19,028 Let... yo, let me call you right back. 366 00:21:19,066 --> 00:21:20,762 - What? - You did this to me. 367 00:21:20,802 --> 00:21:22,963 Do you have any idea how screwed I am right now? 368 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,906 Look, chill, man. You're causing a scene. 369 00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:28,103 I'm causing a scene? 370 00:21:28,144 --> 00:21:31,911 Causing a scene? What?! 371 00:21:36,854 --> 00:21:38,754 What? 372 00:21:38,790 --> 00:21:41,351 Look, there are other people 373 00:21:41,393 --> 00:21:43,224 trippir balls pretty hard core right now. 374 00:21:43,262 --> 00:21:44,594 Dude, I'm not like other people. 375 00:21:44,631 --> 00:21:46,121 Okay? I don't trip on balls. 376 00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:49,659 Okay? If I'm busted, I can kiss my MIT scholarship good-bye. 377 00:21:49,704 --> 00:21:51,968 My entire life is on the line right now. 378 00:21:55,978 --> 00:21:58,447 Yeah, all right. Hey, you guys, the pumpkins are trying to kill us. 379 00:21:58,481 --> 00:22:01,746 You gotta go talk to 'em. Come on, seriously, go. 380 00:22:01,784 --> 00:22:03,810 - What's with them? - Come on. 381 00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:10,985 This is my cleansing box. It's for emergency situations. 382 00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:14,431 We've got goldenseal, but I think they test for that now. 383 00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:17,266 Tea regimen, but it takes something like two to three days. 384 00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:19,363 There's always urine masks, but sometimes your piss 385 00:22:19,406 --> 00:22:20,532 can come out a little too clean. 386 00:22:20,574 --> 00:22:23,237 Like it's not even urine anymore. It's Aquafina. 387 00:22:23,277 --> 00:22:25,245 Okay, so what else do we have, man? Is that it? 388 00:22:25,279 --> 00:22:26,507 There's the piss pump. 389 00:22:26,547 --> 00:22:28,914 It's classic, but if they frisk you, they're gonna find it. 390 00:22:28,951 --> 00:22:30,646 - Right. - The bottom line is anything you use 391 00:22:30,686 --> 00:22:33,520 will buy you a 40% chance of passing. 392 00:22:35,825 --> 00:22:39,262 That's an F. That's an F, Breaux. 393 00:22:39,296 --> 00:22:41,458 You know, this is what they warn you about in that video. 394 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:43,832 It starts out fun until you start clawing your eyes out 395 00:22:43,869 --> 00:22:45,234 in a padded cell with al-Qaeda. 396 00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:47,466 One hit could really ruin your life. 397 00:22:49,242 --> 00:22:51,803 I mean, you could always go around to high schools. 398 00:22:51,845 --> 00:22:55,213 You know, like, "Don't be like me. I blew it. 399 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,583 Threw my life down the garbage disposal... 400 00:22:58,620 --> 00:23:01,317 for weed." 401 00:23:02,825 --> 00:23:04,349 Come on! 402 00:23:04,393 --> 00:23:07,295 - Hey, I'm playing, man. - This is a big deal, Breaux. 403 00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:09,195 I need your... this is a big deal! 404 00:23:09,232 --> 00:23:11,895 Yeah, I know, man. 405 00:23:22,882 --> 00:23:26,410 watched the sun go down 406 00:23:26,454 --> 00:23:29,720 'bout the world spinnir round? 407 00:23:29,758 --> 00:23:32,852 been high as fuck? 408 00:23:36,532 --> 00:23:40,196 talking to yourself 409 00:23:40,237 --> 00:23:43,435 like you need help 410 00:23:43,475 --> 00:23:47,241 high as fuck? 411 00:23:56,958 --> 00:23:58,425 Oh. 412 00:23:58,459 --> 00:24:00,689 Have you been throwing cold cuts at my window? 413 00:24:00,728 --> 00:24:02,390 Yo, have you been crying? 414 00:24:05,768 --> 00:24:07,828 Yo, meet me at the tree house, gangster. 415 00:24:07,871 --> 00:24:10,806 Yo, who the fuck touched my whip? 416 00:24:11,842 --> 00:24:13,002 Got you! 417 00:24:13,043 --> 00:24:14,670 "Sodium aluminum sul..." 418 00:24:14,712 --> 00:24:17,375 There's aluminum in this? What the fuck? 419 00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:24,215 Look, uh, what if we walked in tomorrow, 420 00:24:24,257 --> 00:24:27,125 failed the drug test, and no one even noticed? 421 00:24:27,161 --> 00:24:29,823 What if you could fail and still be valedictorian and still go to MIT? 422 00:24:29,863 --> 00:24:32,332 - Jesus Christ, you're high again. - Yeah, I'm always high... 423 00:24:32,367 --> 00:24:34,028 Dude, that's a stoner fantasy, man. 424 00:24:34,068 --> 00:24:35,661 How could I fail the drug test and no one care? 425 00:24:35,704 --> 00:24:37,763 - If everyone fails. - Of course. 426 00:24:37,807 --> 00:24:39,867 If we can't pass the test, fine. 427 00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:41,434 Fuck it. Let's get the whole school high. 428 00:24:41,478 --> 00:24:43,036 Oh, my God. Please tell me you're kidding. 429 00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:44,775 Tomorrow is the bake sale, right? 430 00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:48,775 We swap in bud brownies, everyone gets blazed, everyone fails. 431 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,482 They'll have to throw the test results away. 432 00:24:50,522 --> 00:24:52,217 We won't even use a lot. All right? 433 00:24:52,257 --> 00:24:55,785 Just enough to muddy the waters. They'll barely test positive. 434 00:24:55,829 --> 00:24:58,424 Most people won't even notice. They'll just be a little slow. 435 00:24:59,834 --> 00:25:01,665 - A little slow. - At times like this, 436 00:25:01,702 --> 00:25:03,568 you need to think like a stoner. 437 00:25:10,213 --> 00:25:13,150 Where are we gonna get that much weed? 438 00:25:27,601 --> 00:25:30,263 - What? - What? 439 00:25:30,303 --> 00:25:32,499 What? What? 440 00:25:35,476 --> 00:25:37,001 You're right. 441 00:25:39,848 --> 00:25:42,784 I harvested the crop a few hours too early. 442 00:25:50,261 --> 00:25:52,696 Ah! I'm so stupid. 443 00:25:52,731 --> 00:25:55,826 Fuckir... so fuckir stupid! 444 00:25:58,704 --> 00:26:00,639 Stupid! 445 00:26:04,444 --> 00:26:07,073 - What? - What? 446 00:26:07,115 --> 00:26:09,880 What? What? 447 00:26:09,919 --> 00:26:11,819 I'm sorry. 448 00:26:11,854 --> 00:26:14,049 I hate for you to see me this way. 449 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:17,388 What? 450 00:26:19,330 --> 00:26:22,094 There's this guy... Psycho Ed. 451 00:26:22,133 --> 00:26:24,967 He was like a child prodigy. 452 00:26:25,003 --> 00:26:27,494 Graduated from high school at 15. 453 00:26:27,539 --> 00:26:30,907 Passed the bar exam before he was old enough to drink. 454 00:26:30,944 --> 00:26:33,743 But then he went to a foam party in Baja, 455 00:26:33,781 --> 00:26:37,842 smoked a dust blunt supposedly laced with PCP, 456 00:26:37,886 --> 00:26:40,047 burned something out in his fuckir brain. 457 00:26:40,088 --> 00:26:41,749 Dropped out the legit world and became... 458 00:26:41,790 --> 00:26:43,691 Let me guess... a drug dealer. 459 00:26:43,726 --> 00:26:46,490 Yeah, but he's got this shit... it's better than weed. 460 00:26:46,529 --> 00:26:49,465 It's called kief, and it's really hard to make 461 00:26:49,499 --> 00:26:52,094 because you need a massive crop of some crypto-dank herb 462 00:26:52,136 --> 00:26:55,697 on a 32-part-per-million flowering solution cycle. 463 00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:57,402 Psycho Ed: Calculated to harvest each bud 464 00:26:57,443 --> 00:27:01,574 when its psychoactive component is at its absolute apex. 465 00:27:01,614 --> 00:27:05,345 Then I process the buds to extract the excess THC, 466 00:27:05,385 --> 00:27:07,581 the fruit of an entire harvest. 467 00:27:07,621 --> 00:27:11,718 One misstep and the crystals are history. 468 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,558 This is kief. 469 00:27:14,596 --> 00:27:17,498 This will seriously 470 00:27:17,533 --> 00:27:20,765 fuck you up. 471 00:27:24,441 --> 00:27:26,808 Hold on, m-man. You... you want to steal 472 00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:29,211 a psycho drug dealer's personal kief? 473 00:27:29,247 --> 00:27:31,273 Precisely. 474 00:27:32,952 --> 00:27:35,717 Look, the Daves scored a dime bag from him this afternoon, 475 00:27:35,756 --> 00:27:37,621 took a look at the place, told me the whole setup, 476 00:27:37,657 --> 00:27:39,683 - where the keys are. - Man, this is insane! 477 00:27:39,727 --> 00:27:43,754 - I can't do this! - You can. It's not. 478 00:27:43,798 --> 00:27:45,426 Look, I know what you're thinking. 479 00:27:45,467 --> 00:27:48,231 - You know, he's got a gun... - No. 480 00:27:48,270 --> 00:27:50,432 Breaux, I was not thinking that. 481 00:27:50,473 --> 00:27:53,739 Look, at times like this, we can't think about the things that could go wrong. 482 00:27:53,778 --> 00:27:55,803 We just gotta grab the balls and go for it. 483 00:27:55,846 --> 00:27:59,078 - The balls. I'm grabbing the balls. - Exactly. 484 00:27:59,117 --> 00:28:00,709 Whose balls? Stop, Breaux. 485 00:28:00,752 --> 00:28:03,745 - No, I can't do this, man. - It's easy, okay? 486 00:28:03,790 --> 00:28:05,883 Just hop the back fence, wait for my signal, 487 00:28:05,925 --> 00:28:07,893 and then bing, bang, boom, and we dip. 488 00:28:07,928 --> 00:28:09,520 What kind of plan is that? 489 00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:12,191 Breaux. Fuck. 490 00:28:16,771 --> 00:28:18,865 "Beware of my fucking dog." 491 00:28:29,954 --> 00:28:31,546 - Fuck! - Hey. 492 00:28:31,589 --> 00:28:34,855 What the fuck are you doing out here? Come on, get in here. Come on. 493 00:28:34,893 --> 00:28:36,555 - Come on! Get in here! - Okay, okay. 494 00:28:36,596 --> 00:28:39,565 - Have you been crying again? - Fuck off. 495 00:28:40,934 --> 00:28:42,527 Okay. 496 00:28:43,604 --> 00:28:47,200 It's really dicey in here, so give me exactly one minute 497 00:28:47,242 --> 00:28:49,403 and then get the key from the door and head to the back. 498 00:28:49,444 --> 00:28:51,845 He keeps the kief in a freezer in the grow room. 499 00:28:51,881 --> 00:28:54,315 Wait, wait, wait. Stop, I'm serious. 500 00:28:54,350 --> 00:28:56,945 Fuck. Fuck. 501 00:28:56,987 --> 00:28:58,477 Oh, my God. 502 00:28:58,522 --> 00:29:01,924 Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. 503 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,360 All right. 504 00:29:04,395 --> 00:29:06,956 Okay, okay. 505 00:29:16,911 --> 00:29:20,040 Ain't a strip club, you fuck. 506 00:29:50,752 --> 00:29:53,085 Thanks, brother man. 507 00:29:53,122 --> 00:29:55,386 Everybody says your weed is the dank shit. 508 00:29:58,461 --> 00:30:01,055 Yeah, well, everyone's right. 509 00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:03,556 Time for you to get the fuck out. 510 00:30:03,601 --> 00:30:07,060 Well, what about, you know, weed etiquette? 511 00:30:07,105 --> 00:30:08,470 What? 512 00:30:08,507 --> 00:30:10,975 You know, now I'm supposed to smoke you out with your own shit. 513 00:30:11,009 --> 00:30:13,171 It's like weed tax. 514 00:30:15,582 --> 00:30:18,575 Do I look like I need you to get me stoned? 515 00:30:20,321 --> 00:30:22,222 My God, 516 00:30:22,257 --> 00:30:25,158 looks like somebody poured snake blood in your eyeballs. 517 00:30:25,193 --> 00:30:26,957 Thanks. 518 00:30:28,764 --> 00:30:31,029 Maybe you could give me some advice? 519 00:30:31,068 --> 00:30:32,558 What? 520 00:30:32,603 --> 00:30:34,902 I bought some seeds online... 521 00:30:34,939 --> 00:30:36,372 - Oh! - Moron! 522 00:30:36,407 --> 00:30:38,432 Never buy anything online. 523 00:30:47,954 --> 00:30:49,980 This botanist in Portland 524 00:30:50,024 --> 00:30:51,286 knows how to make the most of what you got. 525 00:30:51,325 --> 00:30:52,314 And where to grow. 526 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,693 Yo, could you print this out for me, bromeslice? 527 00:31:01,404 --> 00:31:04,897 That's Paranoid. 528 00:31:04,942 --> 00:31:08,379 - Yo, why do they call you Paranoid? - What? Why you wanna know, man? 529 00:31:21,295 --> 00:31:23,890 Yo, is that, like... is that like an alarm or something? 530 00:31:30,339 --> 00:31:32,331 Timer. 531 00:31:35,645 --> 00:31:37,637 I'm fully automated. 532 00:31:50,063 --> 00:31:52,362 Oh, shit. 533 00:32:07,451 --> 00:32:09,476 Now piss off. 534 00:32:15,627 --> 00:32:17,754 Shh... 535 00:32:19,466 --> 00:32:21,661 - What the hell is that? - That's the alarm. 536 00:32:21,701 --> 00:32:22,690 Ah. 537 00:32:28,008 --> 00:32:29,408 He's got the deep beef. 538 00:32:29,444 --> 00:32:31,435 You better not be fuckir with me. 539 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,278 I told you not to fuck with me. 540 00:32:42,659 --> 00:32:44,992 Hey, who the fuck are you, man? 541 00:32:45,997 --> 00:32:48,694 - What, does ganja affect your hearing? - What? 542 00:32:48,734 --> 00:32:51,032 I've been knocking for, like, five minutes. 543 00:32:51,070 --> 00:32:52,868 I'll punch you in the head, man. 544 00:32:52,906 --> 00:32:54,874 Who the fuck is this guy, bro? 545 00:32:54,908 --> 00:32:56,933 - You told him your name? - What? 546 00:32:56,978 --> 00:32:59,538 - Huh? - He's my... he's my ride, my ride. 547 00:32:59,580 --> 00:33:01,275 Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm his ride. 548 00:33:01,315 --> 00:33:03,580 Come on, man, we gotta get the car back 549 00:33:03,619 --> 00:33:05,280 before my dad gets back. 550 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,915 He's a renegade cop with a power mullet. 551 00:33:07,957 --> 00:33:09,618 Works the late shift, 552 00:33:09,659 --> 00:33:12,254 likes to shoot things. 553 00:33:12,296 --> 00:33:13,786 - Hey. - What? 554 00:33:16,968 --> 00:33:18,492 Hmm? 555 00:33:20,105 --> 00:33:22,370 - Yo. - What? 556 00:33:24,444 --> 00:33:26,140 - What? - What? 557 00:33:26,180 --> 00:33:28,080 What? What? 558 00:33:30,218 --> 00:33:34,154 Yo, you woke my frog, cunt. 559 00:33:35,391 --> 00:33:37,450 Frogs sleep? 560 00:33:38,461 --> 00:33:39,952 - What? - What? 561 00:33:39,996 --> 00:33:41,190 - What? - What? 562 00:33:41,231 --> 00:33:42,664 What? 563 00:33:44,201 --> 00:33:47,467 Adios, muchacho. Much�simas gracias. 564 00:33:47,505 --> 00:33:50,669 Hey, next time, leave Chong at home. 565 00:33:51,743 --> 00:33:54,178 Okay. 566 00:33:54,214 --> 00:33:55,704 - What? - What? 567 00:33:55,748 --> 00:33:57,943 - What? What? - Jesus fucking Christ. 568 00:33:59,119 --> 00:34:01,519 Yo! G-G-Go! 569 00:34:01,555 --> 00:34:02,886 Go, go, go, go, go. 570 00:34:02,923 --> 00:34:04,653 - Who sent you?! - Holy shit! 571 00:34:07,963 --> 00:34:11,227 973 kids at least, two two-inch brownies apiece. 572 00:34:11,267 --> 00:34:13,395 We're gonna need 42 boxes of brownie mix, 15 dozen eggs... 573 00:34:13,437 --> 00:34:15,064 - Oh, shit! - 11 bottles of canola oil, and... 574 00:34:15,105 --> 00:34:17,198 - Hector, clean-up on aisle two. - Fuck. 575 00:34:17,241 --> 00:34:18,903 - Hey, these are on sale. - So what, man? 576 00:34:18,943 --> 00:34:21,173 These are the ones that taste good. 577 00:34:21,212 --> 00:34:22,407 Wait, wait, wait. This is white cake. 578 00:34:22,448 --> 00:34:23,881 It's for me. 579 00:34:23,916 --> 00:34:28,377 580 00:34:28,421 --> 00:34:31,185 581 00:34:31,224 --> 00:34:34,092 582 00:34:34,128 --> 00:34:37,292 583 00:34:37,332 --> 00:34:40,233 584 00:34:40,269 --> 00:34:43,535 585 00:34:43,573 --> 00:34:46,543 586 00:34:46,577 --> 00:34:49,375 587 00:35:02,162 --> 00:35:04,255 588 00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:08,128 589 00:35:08,169 --> 00:35:10,661 590 00:35:10,706 --> 00:35:12,799 591 00:35:12,841 --> 00:35:15,470 Dr Gordon, the board members are here to see you. 592 00:35:15,512 --> 00:35:19,381 This is the most important day of your life. 593 00:35:25,591 --> 00:35:28,959 594 00:35:28,995 --> 00:35:32,158 595 00:35:32,198 --> 00:35:35,657 don't let me... 596 00:35:35,703 --> 00:35:37,534 Move. Dump them out, man. We gotta go, quick. 597 00:35:37,571 --> 00:35:39,369 No shit. 598 00:35:42,043 --> 00:35:43,102 Let's go. Come on, we gotta move. 599 00:35:43,145 --> 00:35:45,511 - Shut up. - Quicker, quicker, quicker. Let's go. 600 00:35:45,548 --> 00:35:47,072 - Okay. - Come on. 601 00:35:47,116 --> 00:35:50,280 - - There's a car here. 602 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,449 A shepherd must be held accountable for his sheep. 603 00:35:53,491 --> 00:35:55,652 That is why I welcome the board's review 604 00:35:55,693 --> 00:35:59,494 of our new zero-tolerance policy on controlled substances. 605 00:35:59,531 --> 00:36:01,830 Today, Morgan High is conducting 606 00:36:01,868 --> 00:36:05,065 its first ever student screening. 607 00:36:05,105 --> 00:36:08,098 No drug tests! No drug tests! 608 00:36:13,682 --> 00:36:15,172 Greetings, fellow Patriots. 609 00:36:15,217 --> 00:36:17,812 This is your assistant dean, Brandon. 610 00:36:17,854 --> 00:36:20,049 Just a reminder that today 611 00:36:20,089 --> 00:36:23,890 is the annual end-of-the-year PTA bake sale 612 00:36:23,927 --> 00:36:25,793 with benefits going toward 613 00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:30,062 the band and track team to get new uniforms. 614 00:36:30,101 --> 00:36:34,061 So don't count calories or carbs today. 615 00:36:34,106 --> 00:36:35,870 You know I'm not. 616 00:36:35,909 --> 00:36:39,310 617 00:36:40,581 --> 00:36:42,947 Today is the dawning of a new era here at Morgan. 618 00:36:44,118 --> 00:36:47,748 And I, Dr. Leslie Gordon, 619 00:36:47,790 --> 00:36:49,884 give you my personal assurance 620 00:36:49,926 --> 00:36:51,621 that you will never, ever 621 00:36:51,661 --> 00:36:53,891 hear of another student from Morgan High 622 00:36:53,931 --> 00:36:57,560 being under the influence of any illicit drug 623 00:36:58,569 --> 00:37:00,561 ever again. 624 00:37:07,046 --> 00:37:08,139 Punch? 625 00:37:09,149 --> 00:37:12,243 These are fuckir good. 626 00:37:19,428 --> 00:37:21,487 All right, kids, we're only gonna get a few more chances 627 00:37:21,530 --> 00:37:24,466 to do this this year, so here we go. 628 00:37:24,501 --> 00:37:27,699 10, nine, eight... 629 00:37:27,739 --> 00:37:29,570 I really don't like doing this... 630 00:37:29,607 --> 00:37:31,768 seven, six... 631 00:37:31,810 --> 00:37:33,539 this is not a test... 632 00:37:33,579 --> 00:37:35,979 five, four... 633 00:37:36,014 --> 00:37:39,507 get to class. 634 00:37:44,725 --> 00:37:46,819 But... but was it... 635 00:37:48,663 --> 00:37:50,928 Chicken quesadilla? 636 00:37:55,839 --> 00:37:57,636 What? 637 00:38:12,492 --> 00:38:14,153 Shit. 638 00:38:14,194 --> 00:38:16,288 What's the matter, man? 639 00:38:18,332 --> 00:38:20,494 I could fix you another one. 640 00:38:22,938 --> 00:38:24,873 Yo, Edwin, you all right, man? 641 00:38:24,908 --> 00:38:26,842 Chad, please take the roll sheet 642 00:38:26,876 --> 00:38:29,004 to the administration office. 643 00:38:29,046 --> 00:38:31,037 - Chad! - What? 644 00:38:31,081 --> 00:38:32,981 What? What? 645 00:38:33,017 --> 00:38:35,782 The roll sheet to the office. 646 00:38:35,821 --> 00:38:38,347 Oh, shit. 647 00:38:44,965 --> 00:38:47,559 Just go. 648 00:38:47,601 --> 00:38:50,435 Dana, Jeffrey, please read today's announcements. 649 00:38:56,946 --> 00:38:58,437 Wha... what? 650 00:38:58,481 --> 00:39:01,678 I got webbed hands. L... I've never noticed that. 651 00:39:21,643 --> 00:39:23,304 What? 652 00:39:23,345 --> 00:39:25,746 Name? 653 00:39:26,749 --> 00:39:28,239 Name! 654 00:39:31,288 --> 00:39:33,882 Uh... 655 00:39:33,924 --> 00:39:36,689 I have a nickname. 656 00:39:36,728 --> 00:39:40,859 Finger. Oh, and, um, Acorn Dick. 657 00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:43,528 It's un... it's unfortunate. 658 00:39:43,569 --> 00:39:45,629 So which one do you want first? 659 00:39:46,806 --> 00:39:49,867 Hands up. Got any sharp objects? Needles? 660 00:39:49,911 --> 00:39:52,345 Porta-Potty to your left. Here is the plastic... 661 00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:54,440 I like your... your tats. 662 00:39:54,483 --> 00:39:58,078 You're not on the Suicide Girls website, are you? 663 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,318 Does this nurse look totally insectoid to you? 664 00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,758 Thought I saw you on there. 665 00:40:03,794 --> 00:40:05,261 I'll text you. 666 00:40:05,296 --> 00:40:08,323 What the fuck, man? People are losing their shit right now. 667 00:40:08,366 --> 00:40:10,357 According to... according to "Stoner of the Year," 668 00:40:10,402 --> 00:40:13,395 bud brownies are the most dangerous and terrifying inebriate. 669 00:40:13,439 --> 00:40:15,407 The thing about them is you keep getting higher and higher. 670 00:40:15,441 --> 00:40:18,411 It does not stop. How much kief did you use, man? 671 00:40:18,445 --> 00:40:22,883 Uh, you know, a smidge, a shake, a Martha Stewart steeze. 672 00:40:24,852 --> 00:40:27,822 Okay, I spilled it, all right? A shit-load. 673 00:40:27,856 --> 00:40:28,880 - All right... - Sebastian: Did you hear? 674 00:40:28,924 --> 00:40:31,620 Someone locked the PTA moms in the weight room. 675 00:40:32,696 --> 00:40:35,688 Looks like Dean Gordon installed that new surveillance system 676 00:40:35,732 --> 00:40:37,564 just in time. 677 00:40:39,370 --> 00:40:42,602 Oh, right, you wouldn't know. 678 00:40:42,641 --> 00:40:44,233 I mean, I only know because, of course, 679 00:40:44,276 --> 00:40:47,371 you know, I tutor his son Mark and I overheard it. 680 00:40:47,413 --> 00:40:50,576 Cameras everywhere. 681 00:40:50,616 --> 00:40:54,075 It's an Orwellian wet dream. 682 00:41:01,998 --> 00:41:03,488 - Henry, slow down. - We're going to jail. 683 00:41:03,532 --> 00:41:05,160 - Gordon caught us on camera. - We don't know that. 684 00:41:05,202 --> 00:41:07,670 - And even if he did, we can fix this. - Yeah? How? 685 00:41:07,704 --> 00:41:09,604 I don't know, the footage... we don't even know if they watched it. 686 00:41:09,639 --> 00:41:11,904 - We'll just fuckir find it. - Dr. Gordors son. 687 00:41:11,943 --> 00:41:13,570 Let's go have a chat with that veining dildo. 688 00:41:13,611 --> 00:41:15,079 Wait, no, no, no. I can't. I'm late for my first final. 689 00:41:15,114 --> 00:41:16,206 Forget your final. This is important. 690 00:41:16,248 --> 00:41:18,216 You don't get it, man. If I screw up my final, I'm just as fucked. 691 00:41:18,250 --> 00:41:19,741 Okay, I'll find that pimply dipshit and then I'll text you. 692 00:41:19,786 --> 00:41:21,488 All right. Thanks, man. 693 00:41:22,889 --> 00:41:24,551 I'ma tell you what hurts... 694 00:41:24,592 --> 00:41:26,253 having a daddy with glaucoma. 695 00:41:26,293 --> 00:41:28,261 Old man couldn't see shit. 696 00:41:28,295 --> 00:41:31,493 So I tried to score him, you know, an ounce of Chocolate Thai... 697 00:41:35,638 --> 00:41:37,799 Uh... 698 00:41:55,896 --> 00:41:59,833 This is cra... this is crazy. 699 00:41:59,867 --> 00:42:03,133 We are proud to have awarded an academic scholarship 700 00:42:03,172 --> 00:42:07,007 to one of only three living human beings to have beaten 701 00:42:07,043 --> 00:42:10,774 the Carnegie Mellon Red One Supercomputer at chess: 702 00:42:10,814 --> 00:42:12,305 Edwin Hunter. 703 00:42:12,349 --> 00:42:16,878 Elo rated as the third best chess player on the planet Earth. 704 00:42:19,124 --> 00:42:22,925 It looks like Edwin will have the first move 705 00:42:22,962 --> 00:42:24,953 because he's white. 706 00:42:26,533 --> 00:42:31,562 I mean... the white pieces. 707 00:42:31,606 --> 00:42:34,131 White always goes first. 708 00:42:34,175 --> 00:42:36,474 I mean, that is... 709 00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:39,481 the person with the white... oh, look. 710 00:42:40,650 --> 00:42:44,211 This pawn looks like my Uncle Neville's 711 00:42:44,254 --> 00:42:46,450 elongated nipple. 712 00:42:48,559 --> 00:42:52,326 - Rest in peace, you slut. - Music! Ahem. 713 00:42:52,364 --> 00:42:54,799 Would you all like to listen to some music? 714 00:43:04,346 --> 00:43:05,540 Dude, the white judge... 715 00:43:05,580 --> 00:43:09,312 the white judge knocked me to the joint for 25 to life 716 00:43:09,352 --> 00:43:12,014 for some fuckir sinsemilla, man. 717 00:43:12,054 --> 00:43:14,114 We already heard that one, too, asshole. 718 00:43:14,158 --> 00:43:15,819 Well, the world need to hear it, 719 00:43:15,859 --> 00:43:19,125 and they will in my book, 720 00:43:19,164 --> 00:43:21,826 "Alcatrizaz." 721 00:43:21,866 --> 00:43:23,391 Shit. 722 00:43:32,813 --> 00:43:35,281 That sounded like a wet fart. 723 00:43:35,316 --> 00:43:39,219 Well, you'd know, incontinent slank. 724 00:43:39,254 --> 00:43:41,883 What the hell is going on around this place? 725 00:43:41,925 --> 00:43:43,859 Is someone trying to sabotage me? 726 00:43:43,893 --> 00:43:48,228 - Are you trying to bring me down? - Jesus, no. I've been paging you. 727 00:43:48,265 --> 00:43:52,100 No drug tests! No drug tests! 728 00:43:52,137 --> 00:43:54,435 Hmm. Batteries must have died. 729 00:43:54,472 --> 00:43:57,408 Sir, we've had an unusual number 730 00:43:57,443 --> 00:44:01,904 of students and faculty complaining of... 731 00:44:01,949 --> 00:44:06,114 confusion and... and dizziness. 732 00:44:06,154 --> 00:44:08,622 I haven't been feeling so sweet myself, 733 00:44:08,656 --> 00:44:11,524 so I was thinking that maybe it was a gas leak, 734 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,425 so I called in 735 00:44:13,462 --> 00:44:17,695 an emergency... work... thingy. 736 00:44:17,734 --> 00:44:21,034 I want answers. Brainstorm this thing. 737 00:44:21,072 --> 00:44:23,097 There he is! 738 00:44:23,140 --> 00:44:25,701 What about our childrers right to privacy? 739 00:44:25,744 --> 00:44:29,203 - No unlawful search and seizure. - Yeah, fuck you! 740 00:44:29,249 --> 00:44:32,616 - Fuck you! - Man: Who do you think you are?! 741 00:44:32,652 --> 00:44:35,713 Oh, fuck, man. 742 00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:41,290 Ah, shit. 743 00:44:41,329 --> 00:44:43,161 - Hey. - What? 744 00:44:43,199 --> 00:44:45,167 You made me drop my ice cream. 745 00:44:45,201 --> 00:44:47,898 Why the fuck would you be eating it like that on a day like today? 746 00:44:47,938 --> 00:44:51,840 Because it tastes ambrosian when I'm buttstonked, 747 00:44:51,875 --> 00:44:54,902 but don't tell the cops that when they arrive. 748 00:44:54,946 --> 00:44:57,575 I'm on probation for a misdemeanor possession charge. 749 00:44:57,616 --> 00:44:59,550 - What? - Shit. 750 00:44:59,585 --> 00:45:02,521 You didn't think about gettir no fuckir Slurpee, kid? 751 00:45:02,555 --> 00:45:03,920 You like Slurpees, don't you? 752 00:45:03,957 --> 00:45:06,255 - Who me? - No, the... 753 00:45:09,330 --> 00:45:11,925 Man: Oh, man. 754 00:45:14,002 --> 00:45:15,970 - Fuck. - What? 755 00:45:16,004 --> 00:45:18,166 - What? - Shit. 756 00:45:18,207 --> 00:45:21,336 - Fuck. - What? 757 00:45:21,378 --> 00:45:24,176 - Fuck. - Paranoid and Charlyne: What? 758 00:45:24,214 --> 00:45:26,342 - What? - Fuck. 759 00:45:26,384 --> 00:45:28,181 What?! 760 00:45:32,124 --> 00:45:34,149 Get the fuck out of here. 761 00:45:46,742 --> 00:45:50,179 - I'm melting! - Martin. 762 00:45:50,213 --> 00:45:53,410 How many brownies did you eat? 763 00:45:57,054 --> 00:46:00,650 - 14? - Jesus H. Christ. 764 00:46:02,928 --> 00:46:04,726 Martin, look at me. 765 00:46:04,764 --> 00:46:07,426 You are really stoned right now, man. 766 00:46:07,467 --> 00:46:10,028 You look like you're about to summit Mt. Zion. 767 00:46:10,070 --> 00:46:11,799 We'll tell your daddy. 768 00:46:11,839 --> 00:46:15,469 You could get expelled, little man. 769 00:46:15,510 --> 00:46:18,309 Where do they record the security footage? 770 00:46:18,347 --> 00:46:20,941 Huh? Huh? 771 00:46:20,983 --> 00:46:22,781 - Come on, man. - Give the fuckir milk. 772 00:46:22,819 --> 00:46:24,719 Tell us, Martin, and you get the milk. 773 00:46:24,755 --> 00:46:26,723 In the library, in... in the back room. 774 00:46:26,757 --> 00:46:29,591 - My daddy has the keys. - Okay, okay, okay. 775 00:46:29,627 --> 00:46:31,788 If you speak a word of this to anyone and I'll make sure 776 00:46:31,829 --> 00:46:33,559 what you're feeling right now is permanent. 777 00:46:33,599 --> 00:46:36,033 I'm the pope of dope. I can make that happen. 778 00:46:36,068 --> 00:46:38,435 Maybe I just dosed the milk you just downed 779 00:46:38,471 --> 00:46:41,167 with high-grade liquid acid. 780 00:46:41,207 --> 00:46:43,335 Keep your mouth shut, homes. 781 00:46:45,513 --> 00:46:47,277 Well, did you?! 782 00:46:53,089 --> 00:46:55,614 The, Leonard! The! 783 00:46:55,658 --> 00:46:57,991 I'm gonna murder you! 784 00:46:58,028 --> 00:46:59,859 Perhaps you'd like some lunch? 785 00:46:59,897 --> 00:47:01,490 This is great, man. 786 00:47:01,533 --> 00:47:02,966 How are we supposed to get the keys from him? 787 00:47:03,001 --> 00:47:04,866 Are you joking? I wanna see what it looks like 788 00:47:04,903 --> 00:47:06,064 when someone is murdered. 789 00:47:06,105 --> 00:47:07,333 Ah! 790 00:47:07,373 --> 00:47:09,068 What if we could unlock the surveillance room 791 00:47:09,108 --> 00:47:10,508 without even going near Dr Gordon? 792 00:47:10,544 --> 00:47:12,671 How, man? How? 793 00:47:23,492 --> 00:47:28,123 here we go again 794 00:47:28,164 --> 00:47:33,193 and I will bend 795 00:47:33,237 --> 00:47:36,674 796 00:47:36,708 --> 00:47:39,735 797 00:47:44,485 --> 00:47:45,975 Gordors a psycho. 798 00:47:46,019 --> 00:47:47,509 He canceled his wife's gym membership 799 00:47:47,554 --> 00:47:49,182 because he thought she was fucking her trainer, 800 00:47:49,224 --> 00:47:51,749 but gave her a spare set of keys so she could work out here. 801 00:47:51,793 --> 00:47:54,285 Must keep in shape with all the sport fucking she does. 802 00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:56,821 - Wait, what? - She's a cougar, dipshit. 803 00:47:56,866 --> 00:47:58,459 A fucking coug. 804 00:47:58,502 --> 00:48:00,800 What school have you been going to? Everybody's fucked her, man. 805 00:48:00,837 --> 00:48:02,738 - I-I haven't. - Well, everyone but you. 806 00:48:02,773 --> 00:48:04,673 - You haven't. - Everyone but us. 807 00:48:04,709 --> 00:48:06,472 - The Daves? - Shut the fuck up, all right! 808 00:48:06,511 --> 00:48:08,844 It's a breeze. I go out there, I distract her... 809 00:48:08,881 --> 00:48:09,870 Wait, let me guess, let me guess. 810 00:48:09,915 --> 00:48:12,942 While... while I commit another felony, sneak into the mers locker room, 811 00:48:12,986 --> 00:48:14,681 and then bing, bang, boom, and we dip. 812 00:48:14,721 --> 00:48:15,710 - Exactly. - Right. 813 00:48:15,755 --> 00:48:18,156 You grab the keys from her purse while we're having sex. 814 00:48:18,192 --> 00:48:19,682 What? 815 00:48:19,727 --> 00:48:24,131 and I will bend 816 00:48:24,165 --> 00:48:26,157 817 00:48:33,277 --> 00:48:35,712 Mind if I turn up the heat? 818 00:48:36,748 --> 00:48:40,776 Wha... what do you... what do you think you're doing? 819 00:48:40,819 --> 00:48:42,946 Having a hell of a day. 820 00:48:42,988 --> 00:48:44,854 Thought I'd chill the fuck out in the pool. 821 00:48:44,891 --> 00:48:46,688 You know, get out of here. 822 00:48:46,726 --> 00:48:48,216 Get out of here before you get yourself 823 00:48:48,261 --> 00:48:50,628 into some serious trouble, young man. Okay? 824 00:48:53,334 --> 00:48:55,769 I won't tell if you won't. 825 00:49:00,076 --> 00:49:03,443 Look, how the hell did you get in here? 826 00:49:03,479 --> 00:49:06,745 - Hmm? - I'm... I'm into you. 827 00:49:06,784 --> 00:49:08,412 Seriously, I'm down. 828 00:49:10,388 --> 00:49:11,616 I'm calling the police. 829 00:49:11,656 --> 00:49:13,716 You shut your blood clat, Mommy. 830 00:49:13,759 --> 00:49:15,659 What do you tink I came in here for? 831 00:49:15,695 --> 00:49:17,253 What did you just say? 832 00:49:17,296 --> 00:49:19,322 Let me peep them Babylons, you ras-clat. 833 00:49:19,366 --> 00:49:20,697 All right, listen, you little bastard. 834 00:49:20,734 --> 00:49:23,295 I'm gonna have you arrested so fast that your head will spin. 835 00:49:23,338 --> 00:49:26,774 - Do you understand me? - I ain't scared of no 5-0. 836 00:49:27,776 --> 00:49:29,437 - Why are you talking like that? - What? 837 00:49:31,347 --> 00:49:33,339 Oh, yeah. 838 00:49:44,296 --> 00:49:46,424 - What is that? - What? 839 00:49:46,466 --> 00:49:48,934 Oh, I hear it. 840 00:49:48,968 --> 00:49:52,370 How weird. Is someone here? 841 00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:54,067 Hello? 842 00:49:54,108 --> 00:49:56,304 Let's stop this. 843 00:49:56,344 --> 00:49:58,642 Amanda? 844 00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:00,170 Hello? 845 00:50:00,215 --> 00:50:02,207 "Jizz coming out of my Johnson..." 846 00:50:02,251 --> 00:50:04,811 - That's just creepy. - I definitely hear somebody. 847 00:50:06,323 --> 00:50:09,224 "Hog in your mud..." 848 00:50:09,259 --> 00:50:11,455 Administration office? 849 00:50:11,496 --> 00:50:13,760 - Pass the towel. - No. 850 00:50:21,274 --> 00:50:24,403 - Huh, that was weird. - Yeah. 851 00:50:24,445 --> 00:50:26,037 I can drive tonight if you want. 852 00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:27,308 Fuck, yeah! 853 00:50:27,348 --> 00:50:29,579 You were like the star of your own ninja porno back there... 854 00:50:29,618 --> 00:50:31,483 "Enter the Cougar." 855 00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:35,355 - Watch this, biatch. - There's the old sense of humor. 856 00:50:35,391 --> 00:50:37,882 He's holding out on us, man. I know it. 857 00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:44,462 Fucking notebook? 858 00:50:45,904 --> 00:50:47,531 Espa�ol. 859 00:50:50,042 --> 00:50:52,067 What the hell is this shit? 860 00:51:02,090 --> 00:51:05,527 Need to freshen up a bit. 861 00:51:14,305 --> 00:51:15,795 This is gonna get ugly. 862 00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:19,174 A case can be made that things have already gotten pretty ugly, Edward. 863 00:51:20,579 --> 00:51:23,378 You read my mind, man. 864 00:51:23,416 --> 00:51:25,611 How you be doing that fuckir shit? 865 00:51:27,254 --> 00:51:29,745 You guys better wait here. 866 00:51:29,790 --> 00:51:32,351 - Gladly. - Fuckir weirdos. 867 00:51:32,393 --> 00:51:34,384 Paranoid: Don't... don't... don't make no eye contact. 868 00:51:34,429 --> 00:51:36,955 They've got laser blades. They can reset your brain. 869 00:51:37,967 --> 00:51:39,457 Thanks for the warning. 870 00:51:40,537 --> 00:51:42,471 Flies in the web. Yeah, we got 'em. Reel 'em. 871 00:51:51,216 --> 00:51:52,979 Okay, where's my piss pump? 872 00:51:53,018 --> 00:51:55,783 We have to rig that shit up before we get chi-chi faced. 873 00:51:55,822 --> 00:51:57,187 Here. 874 00:52:00,261 --> 00:52:02,957 This one has a black prosthetic dick, asshole. 875 00:52:02,997 --> 00:52:07,196 - What if they take a look, man? - Maybe you just have a tan cock. 876 00:52:10,306 --> 00:52:11,933 Give me your cock. 877 00:52:11,974 --> 00:52:14,034 Looks Latino. 878 00:52:14,077 --> 00:52:15,874 Fine, take that cock. 879 00:52:15,913 --> 00:52:19,680 I'll wear your black shriveled dick. 880 00:52:23,489 --> 00:52:24,979 Wait. 881 00:52:25,024 --> 00:52:29,121 Let's make sure there are no motherfuckers in here listening. 882 00:53:13,415 --> 00:53:16,249 I'm a surveillance room key. What do I look like? 883 00:53:16,286 --> 00:53:19,255 Move Neville's nipple or suck on it already, biatch. 884 00:53:21,158 --> 00:53:23,626 - Try them again. - I did, man, all of them. Twice. 885 00:53:23,661 --> 00:53:26,062 This must be the door. So where's the fuckir key? 886 00:53:26,098 --> 00:53:27,827 What's poppir off, gentlemen? 887 00:53:27,866 --> 00:53:31,268 - Care for a bite, Henry? - Uh, no, thanks. 888 00:53:31,304 --> 00:53:33,670 - I'm, uh, fasting. - Oh, well, that's a shame. 889 00:53:33,706 --> 00:53:35,197 I've heard they're delicious. 890 00:53:35,242 --> 00:53:38,940 Too bad chocolate reminds me of human feces. 891 00:53:38,980 --> 00:53:41,448 - Weird day, isn't it? - It's high school. 892 00:53:41,483 --> 00:53:45,614 Everyday is weird. See you, Sebastian. 893 00:53:45,655 --> 00:53:48,853 I found a dumpster full of brownies. 894 00:53:53,064 --> 00:53:55,362 I ask you, 895 00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,801 why would someone wanna throw away 896 00:53:57,836 --> 00:54:00,202 so many perfectly good brownies? 897 00:54:02,007 --> 00:54:04,704 You should have a brownie. 898 00:54:04,744 --> 00:54:08,408 - Pure THC kills nausea. - Henry: Fuck off, Doctor. 899 00:54:08,449 --> 00:54:12,716 - - Boy: Coo coo ca choo. 900 00:54:14,289 --> 00:54:16,223 We should get this whole school high more often. 901 00:54:17,260 --> 00:54:19,228 - More often? - Yeah, on a scale 902 00:54:19,262 --> 00:54:22,096 between a prostate exam and a reggae festival, 903 00:54:22,132 --> 00:54:24,430 it's somewhere around giving your mother multiple orgasms. 904 00:54:24,468 --> 00:54:25,959 What kind of scale is that? 905 00:54:26,004 --> 00:54:28,837 You know, you find this really fuckir funny, don't you? 906 00:54:28,873 --> 00:54:31,274 This could really tarnish your .65 GPA. 907 00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:34,438 I mean, your bright future is totally hanging in the balance, Breaux. 908 00:54:37,284 --> 00:54:40,311 Yeah, I... I do have plans, for your information. 909 00:54:40,355 --> 00:54:43,347 The Daves and I, we wanna travel, 910 00:54:43,391 --> 00:54:46,850 learn to play the sitar, and then eventually settle somewhere else. 911 00:54:46,895 --> 00:54:48,886 Maybe Nicaragua. 912 00:54:48,931 --> 00:54:52,095 You know, and I... I know buying land out there can be pretty sketchy 913 00:54:52,135 --> 00:54:53,625 because the government can pretty much jack it 914 00:54:53,670 --> 00:54:56,435 whenever they want, but fuck it, right? 915 00:54:56,474 --> 00:54:58,374 Wow, man. 916 00:54:58,409 --> 00:55:00,605 It's a hell of a plan, really. 917 00:55:00,645 --> 00:55:02,135 Oh, shit. 918 00:55:02,180 --> 00:55:04,012 - What? - Hi. 919 00:55:05,685 --> 00:55:06,811 Where is it? 920 00:55:06,853 --> 00:55:10,381 It's, uh... it's gone. It's gone, man. 921 00:55:10,424 --> 00:55:12,585 What? 922 00:55:12,626 --> 00:55:14,993 That's impossible. 923 00:55:15,030 --> 00:55:16,554 Where is it? 924 00:55:18,367 --> 00:55:23,101 There was enough kief to get this whole fucking school high. 925 00:55:58,549 --> 00:56:02,042 You sick, twisted fucks. 926 00:56:04,055 --> 00:56:06,524 You did get the whole school high. 927 00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:12,197 Now... now, that's just the most mental thing I've ever seen. 928 00:56:18,739 --> 00:56:20,765 But you pinched the wrong mars load. 929 00:56:20,809 --> 00:56:23,175 Okay, okay, we'll pay you back. We'll pay it back, okay? 930 00:56:23,212 --> 00:56:26,478 - You don't have enough. - There's cameras, there's cameras. 931 00:56:26,516 --> 00:56:28,814 There's cameras?! 932 00:56:28,852 --> 00:56:30,753 - Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - There's cameras? 933 00:56:30,788 --> 00:56:35,718 Where's the camera? Where's the camera? 934 00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:36,852 Huh? Huh? Where's the camera? 935 00:56:36,895 --> 00:56:38,796 Where's the camera? Is that a camera? 936 00:56:38,831 --> 00:56:40,162 - No, no. No, no, no. Okay. - Oh, shit. 937 00:56:40,199 --> 00:56:41,632 You think I give a fuck about cameras? 938 00:56:41,667 --> 00:56:44,068 The bake sale... they're raising money. 939 00:56:44,104 --> 00:56:45,594 - How much? - I don't know! I don't know! 940 00:56:45,639 --> 00:56:47,903 I don't know. We'll pay it back, we'll pay it back. 941 00:56:47,941 --> 00:56:49,773 - We'll find it. - I want it in an hour. 942 00:56:49,811 --> 00:56:51,108 - Two hours. - What the fuck? 943 00:56:51,146 --> 00:56:52,842 Two hours. Please, please. 944 00:56:52,882 --> 00:56:54,645 That'll get you till the end of the day. 945 00:56:55,885 --> 00:56:59,219 And then we're gonna have a very 946 00:56:59,256 --> 00:57:02,658 serious talk. 947 00:57:02,693 --> 00:57:06,129 - Huh? - Okay, okay, okay. 948 00:57:06,164 --> 00:57:09,623 Does this happen to you a lot? 949 00:57:09,668 --> 00:57:12,002 What the fuck are we gonna do about that freak Sebastian 950 00:57:12,038 --> 00:57:13,528 and Dr. Gordors surveillance footage? 951 00:57:13,573 --> 00:57:14,835 Fuck that. Let's worry about 952 00:57:14,874 --> 00:57:16,604 staying out of the morgue first, then jail. 953 00:57:16,644 --> 00:57:18,305 - What? - We find the bake sale cash box 954 00:57:18,345 --> 00:57:19,505 and we pay off Psycho Ed. 955 00:57:19,547 --> 00:57:20,536 And we have a whole two hours. 956 00:57:20,581 --> 00:57:21,810 - Right. - "Thank you, Breaux." 957 00:57:21,850 --> 00:57:24,478 Right, which gives us till about 10 after 12. 958 00:57:24,519 --> 00:57:26,818 Fuck! No, I can't. I've got my computer skills final. 959 00:57:26,856 --> 00:57:29,051 All right, I'll fuckir deal. Go be a superstar. 960 00:57:29,091 --> 00:57:30,821 There's tape on the keys. 961 00:57:30,861 --> 00:57:33,193 - How am I supposed to type? - Dana: It's a final, you 'tard. 962 00:57:33,230 --> 00:57:35,323 You're not supposed to see the keys. 963 00:57:37,068 --> 00:57:39,400 I think. 964 00:57:39,437 --> 00:57:41,099 Miss Unger? 965 00:57:42,141 --> 00:57:43,631 Hello? 966 00:57:44,945 --> 00:57:49,507 Hello. I was just drawing a picture of my cat Bryan. 967 00:57:49,549 --> 00:57:52,075 I named him after Bryan Adams. 968 00:57:52,119 --> 00:57:54,953 All right, let's take a test. 969 00:57:56,291 --> 00:58:01,423 Boy, he's a very sexy singer. 970 00:58:01,464 --> 00:58:05,128 I used to pretend that my glass dildo 971 00:58:05,169 --> 00:58:09,971 was, in fact, Mr. Adams' erect 972 00:58:10,008 --> 00:58:14,378 glass-encased member... 973 00:58:14,413 --> 00:58:17,644 Because the forest wizard had turned him to glass, of course. 974 00:58:17,683 --> 00:58:22,348 So only the moistened walls of the village witch 975 00:58:22,389 --> 00:58:24,449 could return him to human form. 976 00:58:32,469 --> 00:58:35,097 Was that out loud or did I just think that? 977 00:58:39,577 --> 00:58:41,511 Isn't this the administration office? 978 00:58:41,545 --> 00:58:44,777 No, it isn't. It is my classroom. 979 00:58:45,851 --> 00:58:48,480 - I think. - Are you fucking with me? 980 00:58:48,521 --> 00:58:52,549 Excuse me, is that the attendance list I gave you this morning? 981 00:59:08,512 --> 00:59:11,311 You're positive Sharky left the cash box in Gordors office? 982 00:59:11,349 --> 00:59:14,512 - Yeah. Look, the money's in there. - Cool, cool. 983 00:59:14,552 --> 00:59:16,487 - So where's Sharky now? - No, no, come on! 984 00:59:16,522 --> 00:59:19,924 Horny man, I need your magical, geek power brain to be focused for this. 985 00:59:19,959 --> 00:59:21,620 No, man. Fuck that. 986 00:59:21,661 --> 00:59:23,288 I got the keys out of the womers locker room, man. 987 00:59:23,330 --> 00:59:24,821 - This one's yours. - That was simple. 988 00:59:24,865 --> 00:59:27,959 I had to tame a cougar. This is the administration office. 989 00:59:28,002 --> 00:59:29,368 Yeah, you're the career criminal, man. 990 00:59:29,404 --> 00:59:31,338 - This should be, like, easy for you. - Right. You're right. 991 00:59:31,373 --> 00:59:34,070 L... I'm, you know, suspicious. 992 00:59:34,110 --> 00:59:36,874 And you, you're the straight-arrow, tight-ass geek. 993 00:59:36,913 --> 00:59:38,141 Oh, so maybe I should smoke weed all day 994 00:59:38,181 --> 00:59:39,843 and I wouldn't have to do any hard work. 995 00:59:39,883 --> 00:59:41,214 Yeah, well, maybe I should get some straight As 996 00:59:41,251 --> 00:59:43,082 and hang out with some flip-flop floobie-doos who eat glue. 997 00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:45,180 Yeah, there's a minimum IQ requirement to be in the auto club. 998 00:59:45,223 --> 00:59:49,251 Is there a minimum vagina requirement to be in the IQ club? 999 00:59:49,295 --> 00:59:51,627 No. 1000 00:59:56,403 --> 00:59:58,770 All right, we're gonna have to clear the office. 1001 00:59:58,806 --> 01:00:01,604 Oh, fuck! 1002 01:00:01,642 --> 01:00:04,840 This is intense. 1003 01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:06,438 Shit. 1004 01:00:06,482 --> 01:00:08,144 - There you are. - Mom? 1005 01:00:08,184 --> 01:00:11,347 Oh, my God. Dude, how blazed are you two? 1006 01:00:11,388 --> 01:00:14,381 You tried to hold out on us, you fuck. 1007 01:00:15,393 --> 01:00:17,828 Oh, shit. 1008 01:00:20,132 --> 01:00:23,125 - Just tell my mom I love her, man. - You tell her yourself. 1009 01:00:23,169 --> 01:00:25,763 - No, man. - Pull it together. 1010 01:00:25,805 --> 01:00:28,639 Little Dave, you know that stunt you've been yammering about? 1011 01:00:28,675 --> 01:00:30,906 - Yeah. - Yeah, well, now would be perfect. 1012 01:00:30,945 --> 01:00:32,412 Why now? 1013 01:00:34,582 --> 01:00:38,144 We dosed the whole school. We need a distraction. 1014 01:00:39,755 --> 01:00:41,917 - That sounded weird. - What? 1015 01:00:41,958 --> 01:00:43,858 What? 1016 01:00:43,894 --> 01:00:46,261 Oh! 1017 01:00:56,643 --> 01:00:59,077 May I have your attention, please? 1018 01:00:59,112 --> 01:01:02,344 Witness the death-defying stunt 1019 01:01:02,383 --> 01:01:04,284 never before attempted. 1020 01:01:04,319 --> 01:01:08,984 Little Dave Klein is gonna jump off the library balcony 1021 01:01:09,025 --> 01:01:13,861 on his motherfuckir skateboard! 1022 01:01:13,897 --> 01:01:15,421 Yeah! 1023 01:01:18,336 --> 01:01:19,667 The balcony. 1024 01:01:22,373 --> 01:01:24,808 - Go for it, Dave. - It's suicide! 1025 01:01:24,844 --> 01:01:26,334 - Let's check it out! - Let's roll this shit. 1026 01:01:33,421 --> 01:01:36,185 Whoo! 1027 01:01:36,224 --> 01:01:37,692 Yeah! 1028 01:01:37,726 --> 01:01:39,785 Whoa! Oh! 1029 01:01:39,828 --> 01:01:42,354 Whoa! Yes! 1030 01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:47,735 That was some "Faces of Death" shit, homes. 1031 01:01:47,771 --> 01:01:50,899 - I can feel skin flapping. - What? 1032 01:01:50,941 --> 01:01:53,570 Seriously, I think I've ripped my sack, man. 1033 01:01:55,313 --> 01:01:57,248 I should have tenured at Stanford. 1034 01:02:20,945 --> 01:02:22,708 Tameka? 1035 01:02:23,781 --> 01:02:26,842 - Tameka! - I'm sorry. There was an incident. 1036 01:02:26,885 --> 01:02:28,819 Here's your coffee. 1037 01:02:31,858 --> 01:02:34,623 - I'm so sorry? - Thank you. 1038 01:02:35,930 --> 01:02:37,261 Is there anything else, sir? 1039 01:02:37,298 --> 01:02:39,426 - The gas man is waiting... - No, I'm finished. 1040 01:02:41,570 --> 01:02:44,904 Actually, there is 1041 01:02:44,941 --> 01:02:50,141 one small thing I'd like you to take care of, Tameka. 1042 01:02:50,180 --> 01:02:52,114 Oh, yes. 1043 01:02:52,149 --> 01:02:54,482 Yes, there is. 1044 01:03:00,259 --> 01:03:02,318 - The cops are coming. - What? 1045 01:03:02,361 --> 01:03:03,886 - They're on their way. - The police? 1046 01:03:03,930 --> 01:03:05,124 - Yes! - No, t-tell them 1047 01:03:05,165 --> 01:03:06,996 - that's everything's under control. - That's not gonna work. 1048 01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:09,798 Oh, God damn it! I'll be right there. 1049 01:03:16,946 --> 01:03:19,380 - Yeah! - Live the moment! Live it! 1050 01:03:22,386 --> 01:03:24,616 Fuck. 1051 01:03:24,655 --> 01:03:27,318 I lost count. Fuckir singles. 1052 01:03:29,861 --> 01:03:34,026 $2,403. 1053 01:03:34,066 --> 01:03:36,558 - That's a start. - Wait, a start? 1054 01:03:36,603 --> 01:03:39,003 - You said if we got you the money... - I said that it will buy you 1055 01:03:39,039 --> 01:03:40,803 till the end of the day. 1056 01:03:42,176 --> 01:03:44,838 This shit ain't even remotely close to the street value. 1057 01:03:44,879 --> 01:03:46,871 How much? 1058 01:03:51,588 --> 01:03:53,988 - 50. - Thousand? 1059 01:03:54,024 --> 01:03:58,462 No, cents, stupid. 50 fucking thousand. 1060 01:03:58,496 --> 01:03:59,987 US. 1061 01:04:01,099 --> 01:04:04,797 Let's call it 49, since I like you guys, huh? 1062 01:04:04,837 --> 01:04:08,000 You're both fuckir nuts. Huh? 1063 01:04:08,041 --> 01:04:10,943 - I'll be waiting in the parking lot. - So you're just leaving, then? 1064 01:04:10,978 --> 01:04:12,468 You don't see what's going on here? 1065 01:04:12,513 --> 01:04:13,913 You don't see what we're up against? 1066 01:04:13,948 --> 01:04:16,212 We could use a psychoism fiend with a lot of green 1067 01:04:16,251 --> 01:04:17,741 and you're turning your back on us. 1068 01:04:17,786 --> 01:04:21,018 Go take care of yourself, Ed. 1069 01:04:21,057 --> 01:04:22,354 Guess it's what you're best at. 1070 01:04:22,391 --> 01:04:25,156 I'm not fucking around! 1071 01:04:25,195 --> 01:04:27,425 The money or you're both marked, man. 1072 01:04:31,002 --> 01:04:32,937 Weed legends or not. 1073 01:04:39,579 --> 01:04:41,740 We're live at the prestigious Morgan High School 1074 01:04:41,781 --> 01:04:45,486 where a group of angry parents are protesting the school's decision 1075 01:04:45,521 --> 01:04:47,478 - to drug test... - Who are you? 1076 01:04:47,522 --> 01:04:50,514 - We're with Channel 5 News. - That thing's on? 1077 01:04:52,028 --> 01:04:53,120 Yes, we're live right now. 1078 01:04:53,162 --> 01:04:55,426 What would you like to say to Headmaster Gordon? 1079 01:04:55,465 --> 01:04:58,765 - Is he watching? - If he were watching. 1080 01:04:59,837 --> 01:05:03,171 What do you mean "were"? W- Was he watching? 1081 01:05:03,208 --> 01:05:05,734 - Is this the past? - Cut the feed. 1082 01:05:05,778 --> 01:05:07,769 Is that that same school? 1083 01:05:07,813 --> 01:05:10,247 The gas company dude says that it's not a gas leak. 1084 01:05:10,282 --> 01:05:12,843 We're checking the cafeteria for salmonella. 1085 01:05:12,886 --> 01:05:16,050 I mean, what else could it be, huh? 1086 01:05:16,090 --> 01:05:18,581 - Asbestos? - Those are the wrong symptoms, okay? 1087 01:05:18,626 --> 01:05:20,857 This is... this is more psychological. 1088 01:05:20,896 --> 01:05:24,731 It's kind of like God's eye watching itself. 1089 01:05:24,768 --> 01:05:25,962 Jesus! 1090 01:05:26,002 --> 01:05:28,971 Why is everyone acting like a bunch of baboons? 1091 01:05:29,005 --> 01:05:31,304 Yeah, I don't know. 1092 01:05:31,342 --> 01:05:34,403 It's... it's nuts, but we're having 1093 01:05:34,446 --> 01:05:36,744 a choice brainstorming session just like you asked. 1094 01:05:36,782 --> 01:05:40,014 No one leaves this place until we identify this problem. 1095 01:05:40,052 --> 01:05:42,782 Think, people! This thing is out of control! 1096 01:05:42,822 --> 01:05:45,257 We have to shut it down! 1097 01:05:46,894 --> 01:05:49,159 What? Hey. 1098 01:05:53,769 --> 01:05:55,669 Just think, you did that. 1099 01:05:55,704 --> 01:05:57,535 How's that for an accomplishment? 1100 01:05:57,573 --> 01:05:59,235 Right? 1101 01:05:59,276 --> 01:06:00,766 Oh, come on. 1102 01:06:00,811 --> 01:06:02,780 Look, it's not like he's irreparably damaged or anything. 1103 01:06:02,814 --> 01:06:03,838 - Leave me alone, Breaux. - He's gonna be fine. 1104 01:06:03,881 --> 01:06:05,849 I am sick of your pathological optimism. 1105 01:06:05,883 --> 01:06:08,409 My life is in the shit-house because of you. 1106 01:06:08,453 --> 01:06:09,943 I didn't put a gat to your dome. 1107 01:06:09,988 --> 01:06:13,152 You smoked that fatty. You puffed down. You got high. 1108 01:06:13,193 --> 01:06:15,821 You got you into this, you judgmental hypocrite. 1109 01:06:15,862 --> 01:06:18,058 And to think I did all this bullshit to try and help you. 1110 01:06:18,098 --> 01:06:20,066 I never had a single thing to lose, dumbass. 1111 01:06:20,100 --> 01:06:21,591 Yeah, man, you don't need to tell me you didn't have anything to lose. 1112 01:06:21,636 --> 01:06:23,399 Everybody knows that. 1113 01:06:26,909 --> 01:06:28,467 You know why we stopped being homies, Henry? 1114 01:06:28,511 --> 01:06:30,946 Come on, man. 1115 01:06:30,981 --> 01:06:33,142 It's when your dad left your mom. 1116 01:06:33,183 --> 01:06:35,583 And that puts you in the same place as me. 1117 01:06:35,619 --> 01:06:36,917 And having that thought in your skull 1118 01:06:36,955 --> 01:06:38,923 scared the shit out of you, didn't it? 1119 01:06:40,291 --> 01:06:42,283 That suddenly your life could be anything like mine. 1120 01:06:42,328 --> 01:06:45,058 - That's not true, man. - Fuck you. 1121 01:06:46,066 --> 01:06:48,159 You don't believe that truth, then fuck you. 1122 01:06:49,336 --> 01:06:52,363 Go ahead, give up, because I'm not done yet. 1123 01:06:52,406 --> 01:06:54,705 But I am sick and tired of your candy-ass whining 1124 01:06:54,743 --> 01:06:57,109 when fuckir one door separates us from that footage. 1125 01:06:57,145 --> 01:06:59,136 - And you can't... - Man, even if we could get in there... 1126 01:06:59,181 --> 01:07:00,672 I mean, even if we could destroy the footage... 1127 01:07:00,717 --> 01:07:02,184 I mean, what about Psycho Ed? 1128 01:07:02,218 --> 01:07:04,049 Man, where are we gonna get $50,000? 1129 01:07:04,088 --> 01:07:07,854 Who is Psycho Ed? 1130 01:07:07,892 --> 01:07:10,885 Suck my wispy left nut, Sebastian. You don't know shit. 1131 01:07:10,929 --> 01:07:12,658 Uh uh uh. 1132 01:07:12,697 --> 01:07:16,395 I know that you two got the student body 1133 01:07:16,435 --> 01:07:20,133 and the faculty high on marijuana brownies, 1134 01:07:20,173 --> 01:07:23,803 all because you didn't wanna risk screwing up your finals 1135 01:07:23,845 --> 01:07:26,939 and losing valedictorian to me. 1136 01:07:26,981 --> 01:07:29,280 And I know that five minutes from now, 1137 01:07:29,318 --> 01:07:30,945 Dr. Gordon will know as much himself. 1138 01:07:30,986 --> 01:07:31,975 If you say a word to anybody, 1139 01:07:32,021 --> 01:07:33,455 there's gonna be an 18-7 up in this bitch. 1140 01:07:33,490 --> 01:07:34,479 You feel me? 1141 01:07:34,524 --> 01:07:36,583 - Ah! Okay, okay. Ow! - What do you want, Sebastian? 1142 01:07:36,626 --> 01:07:39,391 - Ow. Okay, okay. Fuck! - What should have been mine. 1143 01:07:39,430 --> 01:07:42,025 And once you're exposed, 1144 01:07:42,067 --> 01:07:44,399 - I'll have it. - Okay. Ow! Ow! 1145 01:07:44,436 --> 01:07:46,427 Sebastian, I'll throw my English final. 1146 01:07:48,074 --> 01:07:50,668 If I fail it, you're valedictorian. 1147 01:07:50,710 --> 01:07:52,906 When you're expelled, 1148 01:07:52,947 --> 01:07:55,677 I'm valedictorian anyway, asshole. 1149 01:07:55,716 --> 01:07:58,379 By default. 1150 01:07:58,420 --> 01:08:01,447 But if I fail, you win by beating my GPA, 1151 01:08:01,490 --> 01:08:03,685 by earning it in the eyes of everyone else. 1152 01:08:06,330 --> 01:08:08,321 Fine. 1153 01:08:08,365 --> 01:08:11,995 If you fail, Henry, my lips are sealed. 1154 01:08:15,374 --> 01:08:17,672 Yes! 1155 01:08:20,747 --> 01:08:23,443 Do you people even realize 1156 01:08:23,483 --> 01:08:26,510 the significance of the Boston Tea Party? 1157 01:08:26,554 --> 01:08:28,715 I mean, think about it... it was tea. 1158 01:08:30,192 --> 01:08:32,422 A mere beverage. 1159 01:08:32,461 --> 01:08:36,057 It's like the beverage gave the oppressed people... 1160 01:08:38,501 --> 01:08:40,470 leverage. 1161 01:08:40,504 --> 01:08:41,869 Beverage. 1162 01:08:41,905 --> 01:08:45,933 - Say it with me, come on. Beverage. - Class: Beverage. 1163 01:08:45,977 --> 01:08:49,812 Be-ver-age, you know... 1164 01:08:49,849 --> 01:08:52,647 Lick it real slowly, like... 1165 01:08:52,685 --> 01:08:54,916 like it was the nipple, 1166 01:08:54,955 --> 01:08:56,855 - the teat of your own mother. - Beverage. 1167 01:08:56,890 --> 01:08:58,381 Beverage. 1168 01:08:58,426 --> 01:09:00,792 Ooh! 1169 01:09:00,828 --> 01:09:04,890 A sort of lurid chill goes up and down my spine. 1170 01:09:04,933 --> 01:09:07,128 Don't stop! Please, don't stop! 1171 01:09:07,169 --> 01:09:14,600 Beverage. Beverage. 1172 01:09:14,645 --> 01:09:16,738 Beverage. 1173 01:09:16,782 --> 01:09:20,741 Excuse me. Is there a Mr. Henry Burke? 1174 01:09:23,723 --> 01:09:26,284 You haven't visited us yet, Mr. Burke. 1175 01:09:26,326 --> 01:09:29,420 Can I borrow him for five minutes, please? 1176 01:09:29,463 --> 01:09:31,455 Say beverage. 1177 01:09:31,499 --> 01:09:35,162 Nice and slow. 1178 01:09:35,203 --> 01:09:37,604 - Beverage. - What the shit? 1179 01:09:37,640 --> 01:09:40,474 - Beverage. - Beverage, that's it. 1180 01:09:40,510 --> 01:09:44,105 Beverage. Beverage. 1181 01:09:45,115 --> 01:09:46,845 Thanks. 1182 01:09:54,727 --> 01:09:56,718 All right, turn around. Arms up. 1183 01:09:59,934 --> 01:10:01,959 Any needles? Sharp objects? 1184 01:10:02,002 --> 01:10:03,970 - All right. - What's this right here? 1185 01:10:04,004 --> 01:10:06,974 Oh, it's your penis. 1186 01:10:07,008 --> 01:10:08,839 Sorry about that. 1187 01:10:16,220 --> 01:10:18,188 Where have I felt this before? 1188 01:10:18,222 --> 01:10:21,454 Campus Stadium, best Dead concert ever. 1189 01:10:21,493 --> 01:10:24,759 I toasted one just before they opened with "US Blues." 1190 01:10:24,797 --> 01:10:26,287 You were there, too? 1191 01:10:26,332 --> 01:10:28,460 You remember when we heard that it was gonna rain? 1192 01:10:28,502 --> 01:10:32,063 And everybody joined hands, young and old, 1193 01:10:32,105 --> 01:10:35,803 - and we sang that rain away. - We just sang it away. 1194 01:10:37,412 --> 01:10:39,312 Fuck me. 1195 01:10:39,348 --> 01:10:41,077 Whoa. 1196 01:10:41,116 --> 01:10:45,850 We are all buttstonked. 1197 01:10:45,889 --> 01:10:47,790 Nuh-uh. 1198 01:10:47,825 --> 01:10:50,658 The sticky green. 1199 01:10:52,430 --> 01:10:55,661 The cannabis sativa. 1200 01:10:56,903 --> 01:11:00,498 The sinsemilla! 1201 01:11:00,540 --> 01:11:04,807 But how does someone get the entire school roasted? 1202 01:11:06,214 --> 01:11:09,012 Oh, I... I got it, I got it. 1203 01:11:09,050 --> 01:11:11,042 I got it. 1204 01:11:12,388 --> 01:11:15,050 No, I lost it. I lost it. 1205 01:11:15,090 --> 01:11:18,424 I lost it. 1206 01:11:18,461 --> 01:11:20,453 I had it. 1207 01:11:20,498 --> 01:11:22,591 You're useless. 1208 01:11:29,274 --> 01:11:32,767 Wait, wait. Welcome back. 1209 01:11:32,812 --> 01:11:36,681 - Woman: Oh, heart. - Holy shit, that scared me. 1210 01:11:37,918 --> 01:11:40,717 Tameka, it's Brandon! 1211 01:11:40,755 --> 01:11:42,586 Quarantine the brownies 1212 01:11:42,624 --> 01:11:45,287 and send one away to get tested, okay? 1213 01:11:45,328 --> 01:11:49,288 Okay. Oh, and bring me a box of Cheez-lts. 1214 01:11:49,333 --> 01:11:51,096 All right, thanks. 1215 01:11:52,302 --> 01:11:56,034 Hey, Brandon, how does a brownie take a test? 1216 01:12:10,157 --> 01:12:12,786 Attention. 1217 01:12:12,828 --> 01:12:15,194 Can you hear me? 1218 01:12:15,230 --> 01:12:18,928 Hello, this is Brandon. 1219 01:12:18,968 --> 01:12:22,700 Um, all uneaten brownies need to be brought 1220 01:12:22,740 --> 01:12:24,298 to the administration offices. 1221 01:12:25,309 --> 01:12:26,800 Oh, no. 1222 01:12:26,845 --> 01:12:27,937 They have been contaminated, 1223 01:12:27,979 --> 01:12:30,140 so, please, don't eat them. 1224 01:12:30,181 --> 01:12:32,343 Please? 1225 01:12:32,385 --> 01:12:34,046 Don't... don't. 1226 01:12:34,086 --> 01:12:37,716 There is no need to panic. 1227 01:12:37,758 --> 01:12:41,160 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1228 01:12:41,195 --> 01:12:43,129 Okay? 1229 01:12:44,866 --> 01:12:47,597 Everything is rad. 1230 01:13:10,798 --> 01:13:13,562 Mr. Burke, first time late, 1231 01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:15,535 ever. 1232 01:13:20,242 --> 01:13:24,179 Ah, well, it appears you've all had a pleasant lunch. 1233 01:13:24,214 --> 01:13:27,274 - The salmon was boss. - And the brownies were to die for. 1234 01:13:27,317 --> 01:13:30,253 So moist, so delicious. 1235 01:13:30,288 --> 01:13:32,518 Oh, my. 1236 01:13:32,557 --> 01:13:34,150 Shit. 1237 01:13:34,193 --> 01:13:36,821 This is a private meeting room. 1238 01:13:36,862 --> 01:13:40,128 You're fuckir with me. Arert you? 1239 01:13:41,134 --> 01:13:42,625 I'm... 1240 01:13:47,442 --> 01:13:50,502 I just... I didn't expect it to be so sad. 1241 01:13:53,883 --> 01:13:56,876 All those books, all that fire, I... 1242 01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:59,411 - Are you done with that? - Oh, yeah, go for it. 1243 01:14:02,827 --> 01:14:05,796 - Clean yourself up, Miss Tombs. - Fuck you. 1244 01:14:05,831 --> 01:14:07,765 Oh, my God. 1245 01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:10,234 Dr. Gordon? 1246 01:14:10,269 --> 01:14:12,864 Brandon wanted me to tell you that all the marijuana brownies 1247 01:14:12,906 --> 01:14:14,703 have been quarantined. 1248 01:14:15,710 --> 01:14:18,270 Um, what does she mean? 1249 01:14:22,151 --> 01:14:25,553 Um, there's been an incident, 1250 01:14:25,588 --> 01:14:27,180 but everything's under control, I assure... 1251 01:14:27,223 --> 01:14:28,918 The brownies we just ate? 1252 01:14:28,958 --> 01:14:33,794 They were more than likely, 1253 01:14:33,831 --> 01:14:38,496 uh, tainted with, ahem, 1254 01:14:38,537 --> 01:14:40,335 marijuana. 1255 01:14:44,478 --> 01:14:48,039 Yes, I... I think you're right. Do you all feel that? 1256 01:14:48,081 --> 01:14:50,175 It's kind of like my soul 1257 01:14:50,218 --> 01:14:52,584 were swimming within my own flesh. 1258 01:14:52,620 --> 01:14:54,851 It's rousing. 1259 01:14:56,192 --> 01:14:58,991 I think I just came. 1260 01:14:59,029 --> 01:15:01,896 Next up... Mr. Burke. 1261 01:15:25,527 --> 01:15:29,396 Um, "To be or not to be"... 1262 01:15:29,432 --> 01:15:31,958 Shakespeare's great question to his character Hamlet, 1263 01:15:32,002 --> 01:15:35,335 his great challenge to his audience in 1600 1264 01:15:35,372 --> 01:15:38,638 and today, over 400 years later. 1265 01:15:44,783 --> 01:15:47,252 Hamlet, huh? 1266 01:15:47,287 --> 01:15:49,312 What a fuckir pussy. 1267 01:15:49,356 --> 01:15:50,881 I mean, I didn't even read it. 1268 01:15:50,925 --> 01:15:54,292 I just Netflixed the DVD with that "Mad Max" douche-bag in it, 1269 01:15:54,328 --> 01:15:57,765 but his uncle iced his father, right? 1270 01:15:57,799 --> 01:16:00,735 Popped an 18-7 up in that motherfucker and he's talking to ghosts and shit? 1271 01:16:00,770 --> 01:16:02,965 All like, "Daddy, Daddy, what am I gonna do? 1272 01:16:03,006 --> 01:16:04,030 What am I gonna do?" 1273 01:16:04,073 --> 01:16:06,736 I mean, bitch, grow a pair of clackers and snap out of it. 1274 01:16:06,777 --> 01:16:08,711 I mean, clearly this dude needs some help. 1275 01:16:10,949 --> 01:16:13,713 Sad thing is 1276 01:16:13,752 --> 01:16:17,120 every time I think about Hamlet, I think about myself... 1277 01:16:18,926 --> 01:16:24,763 too... too cautious, too deliberate, planned perfection. 1278 01:16:24,799 --> 01:16:26,733 I'm reaching for the unreachable, 1279 01:16:26,768 --> 01:16:29,704 something that, quite honestly, I don't think is there. 1280 01:16:29,738 --> 01:16:32,298 And I get caught up in the bullshit of trying to be perfect. 1281 01:16:32,341 --> 01:16:35,641 I forget about what's right in front of me, 1282 01:16:35,679 --> 01:16:39,343 like the... like the other aspects of my life. 1283 01:16:41,619 --> 01:16:45,784 My mom's gonna love me whether or not I go to MIT. 1284 01:16:45,824 --> 01:16:48,350 And, you know, being valedictorian 1285 01:16:48,394 --> 01:16:49,884 is not that big a deal, really. 1286 01:16:49,929 --> 01:16:51,693 I mean, it may seem important now, 1287 01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:53,529 but in 10 years, you know, that's just gonna be shit 1288 01:16:53,567 --> 01:16:55,535 that made me miss the other moments, 1289 01:16:55,569 --> 01:16:59,472 the stuff I wanted to do 1290 01:16:59,507 --> 01:17:02,705 but I talked myself out of, 1291 01:17:02,745 --> 01:17:06,477 stuff my heart wants but logic would trip over 1292 01:17:06,516 --> 01:17:11,648 like grabbing life by the balls 1293 01:17:11,689 --> 01:17:14,317 and going after the girl I always thought was hot. 1294 01:17:18,530 --> 01:17:20,863 She's too hot for me. 1295 01:17:23,169 --> 01:17:25,161 So what's the point? 1296 01:17:27,108 --> 01:17:31,102 When you want so hard for it to be 1297 01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:33,944 and it's just not to be, 1298 01:17:33,982 --> 01:17:35,974 there's nothing you can do about it. 1299 01:17:43,661 --> 01:17:46,426 Uh, so anyway... 1300 01:17:48,934 --> 01:17:52,597 Hamlet's a punk-ass bitch and Shakespeare's massively overrated. 1301 01:17:58,413 --> 01:18:00,108 Oh, shit. 1302 01:18:10,427 --> 01:18:11,655 Oh, fuck. 1303 01:18:19,337 --> 01:18:21,532 Me, Henry. 1304 01:18:27,448 --> 01:18:29,916 I'll go out with you, dude. 1305 01:18:32,353 --> 01:18:33,843 Yeah. 1306 01:18:35,557 --> 01:18:38,721 Okay. Well, that's all I wanted to say. 1307 01:18:38,761 --> 01:18:41,925 1308 01:18:41,965 --> 01:18:46,596 1309 01:18:48,773 --> 01:18:50,537 Jesus. 1310 01:18:51,844 --> 01:18:54,278 You're not sayir that because you're high as fuck right now, right? 1311 01:18:54,313 --> 01:18:56,942 High as fuck right now? 1312 01:18:56,983 --> 01:18:58,917 1313 01:18:58,952 --> 01:19:02,582 - We all are. - 1314 01:19:09,465 --> 01:19:11,865 1315 01:19:11,901 --> 01:19:15,633 Hey, I thought we had a deal. 1316 01:19:18,041 --> 01:19:19,475 You know what? 1317 01:19:19,511 --> 01:19:22,309 You can go fuck yourself, you warped piece of shit. 1318 01:19:25,217 --> 01:19:27,378 Bravo, Henry. 1319 01:19:34,529 --> 01:19:37,396 Greetings a pretty big deal, too. 1320 01:19:41,103 --> 01:19:42,799 Tameka, have Brandon pull up 1321 01:19:42,839 --> 01:19:45,388 the surveillance footage from the gym this morning 1322 01:19:45,423 --> 01:19:47,938 and summon Travis Breaux and Henry Burke to my office. 1323 01:19:47,978 --> 01:19:50,469 Oh, and put on a fresh pot of coffee. 1324 01:19:58,925 --> 01:20:01,827 - Ahh. - Right away, Dr. Gordon, but... 1325 01:20:01,862 --> 01:20:03,853 No buts, Tameka. 1326 01:20:03,897 --> 01:20:08,392 Except yours in my face, you fuckir... 1327 01:20:11,373 --> 01:20:15,434 It's just that Travis Breaux is already here to see you, sir. 1328 01:20:35,236 --> 01:20:37,796 in a hurry 1329 01:20:37,838 --> 01:20:41,400 'cause reality is scary... 1330 01:20:41,443 --> 01:20:42,705 Henry Burke, 1331 01:20:42,744 --> 01:20:44,906 please report to the administration office. 1332 01:20:46,649 --> 01:20:50,108 Henry Burke, please report to the administration office. 1333 01:20:50,153 --> 01:20:52,451 Shit! 1334 01:20:52,489 --> 01:20:55,220 Where the fuck is the administration office, man? 1335 01:20:55,260 --> 01:20:59,698 did shit get so real? 1336 01:20:59,732 --> 01:21:02,633 1337 01:21:02,668 --> 01:21:07,436 I thought it would be... 1338 01:21:07,474 --> 01:21:11,502 I've never felt so good in my life! It feels so good! 1339 01:21:13,181 --> 01:21:15,308 It feels so good 1340 01:21:15,350 --> 01:21:17,683 to be alive 1341 01:21:17,720 --> 01:21:20,951 and an assistant dean! 1342 01:21:20,990 --> 01:21:23,926 1343 01:21:23,961 --> 01:21:28,160 Sunshine! Oh! 1344 01:21:31,169 --> 01:21:33,263 - Talk to me, Goose. - Goose? 1345 01:21:33,306 --> 01:21:36,105 - It's me. I've got the video up. - Bitchir. 1346 01:21:36,143 --> 01:21:37,906 So I'm just gonna burn a copy and bring it up 1347 01:21:37,945 --> 01:21:39,276 to Dr. Gordors office, then. 1348 01:21:39,313 --> 01:21:42,249 No, wait... no. No, no, no. 1349 01:21:42,283 --> 01:21:44,274 Make a copy, don't burn it. 1350 01:21:44,319 --> 01:21:46,880 Make a copy and then bring it to Dr. Gordors office. 1351 01:21:46,922 --> 01:21:49,948 Don't burn it. Idiot. 1352 01:21:49,992 --> 01:21:52,393 Henry Burke, please report 1353 01:21:52,429 --> 01:21:53,919 to the administration office immediately. 1354 01:21:53,964 --> 01:21:57,093 - Aw, shit! - Busted. 1355 01:21:57,134 --> 01:21:59,625 - What do we do? - Hide the rest of the evidence. 1356 01:21:59,670 --> 01:22:01,195 Where did we leave it? 1357 01:22:09,717 --> 01:22:13,209 Tameka: "Tameka. Oh, Tameka, I need my coffee. 1358 01:22:13,253 --> 01:22:14,482 Black, extra sugar." 1359 01:22:14,522 --> 01:22:16,888 Choke on it, motherfucker. 1360 01:22:37,316 --> 01:22:39,717 Just set it down. 1361 01:22:48,530 --> 01:22:52,592 My lord, that's fucking good coffee. 1362 01:22:56,740 --> 01:22:59,402 Big day for you, Mr. Breaux? Yes? 1363 01:23:00,811 --> 01:23:02,871 Yes. 1364 01:23:05,884 --> 01:23:07,648 Fuck! 1365 01:23:14,027 --> 01:23:16,258 Girls: Whoa! Hey! 1366 01:23:19,567 --> 01:23:21,934 Just so you know, I have surveillance footage 1367 01:23:21,970 --> 01:23:24,302 being brought over here right now, 1368 01:23:24,339 --> 01:23:28,003 footage that caught you and all your demonic acts in plain view... 1369 01:23:28,044 --> 01:23:31,208 you and our valedictorian, Mr. Burke. 1370 01:23:33,084 --> 01:23:35,144 Henry has nothing to do with this. 1371 01:23:35,187 --> 01:23:38,281 So, you admit that you did? 1372 01:23:44,331 --> 01:23:47,164 Normally, discipline is a passive exercise for me. 1373 01:23:47,201 --> 01:23:49,830 On rare occasion I do relish it. 1374 01:23:49,871 --> 01:23:53,433 I must admit that when you go down, and... 1375 01:23:55,010 --> 01:23:57,672 Believe me, you will go down hard for this, 1376 01:23:57,713 --> 01:23:59,978 I will consider it one of the highlights 1377 01:24:00,016 --> 01:24:04,511 of my career... nay, my life. 1378 01:24:11,864 --> 01:24:14,333 Oh, no, helicopters. 1379 01:24:24,846 --> 01:24:26,712 What? What is he doing? 1380 01:24:26,749 --> 01:24:28,216 What's wrong with that kid? 1381 01:24:28,251 --> 01:24:30,515 I'll admit I'm no gem of a student, 1382 01:24:30,553 --> 01:24:33,182 and for whatever stress I've put my teachers through over the years, 1383 01:24:33,223 --> 01:24:36,421 I'm genuinely sorry, but there's something worse 1384 01:24:36,461 --> 01:24:39,521 than a kid who breaks the rules, fucks around, tokes down 1385 01:24:39,564 --> 01:24:43,763 on a bit of hakeem marijuolajuwon now and again. 1386 01:24:43,802 --> 01:24:47,000 A middle-aged pimp who pretends to be the judge 1387 01:24:47,040 --> 01:24:49,167 of all that is right and good in the world. 1388 01:24:49,209 --> 01:24:51,075 What happened to you? 1389 01:24:51,112 --> 01:24:53,205 Did you fail miserably somewhere along the lines 1390 01:24:53,247 --> 01:24:55,580 as a husband? A parent? 1391 01:24:55,617 --> 01:24:57,141 You think that if you purify 1392 01:24:57,186 --> 01:24:59,849 your Morgan High Kingdom of Nastiness, 1393 01:24:59,889 --> 01:25:01,186 you somehow purify yourself? 1394 01:25:01,224 --> 01:25:02,748 Is that it? 1395 01:25:06,130 --> 01:25:08,291 Well, the answer is... 1396 01:25:10,468 --> 01:25:11,958 no. 1397 01:25:19,813 --> 01:25:22,441 What the shit?! What are you doing? 1398 01:25:22,482 --> 01:25:24,246 Get... get out of the van! 1399 01:25:24,285 --> 01:25:27,482 - What? - Get out of my fuckir van! 1400 01:25:27,522 --> 01:25:29,548 You broke the law, 1401 01:25:29,592 --> 01:25:31,992 you dosed the entire faculty and student body 1402 01:25:32,027 --> 01:25:34,019 with hazardous amounts of THC, 1403 01:25:34,064 --> 01:25:38,297 and you are going to jail, Breaux, 1404 01:25:38,336 --> 01:25:40,600 where you belong. 1405 01:25:40,638 --> 01:25:42,766 Oh, hell... 1406 01:25:42,808 --> 01:25:45,675 What the shit? You get the fuck out of my van! 1407 01:25:50,383 --> 01:25:52,147 Whoa! Fuck! 1408 01:25:52,186 --> 01:25:54,347 Oh, fuck! Oh! 1409 01:26:01,964 --> 01:26:04,762 Oh, piss is on me! 1410 01:26:10,507 --> 01:26:13,477 My God, he is good. 1411 01:26:14,946 --> 01:26:17,541 Checkmate, Navaline. 1412 01:26:17,583 --> 01:26:20,074 Checkmate. 1413 01:26:21,288 --> 01:26:24,223 You should see your face right now. 1414 01:26:24,257 --> 01:26:27,455 You look like my cat, 1415 01:26:27,495 --> 01:26:30,397 Dolly, 1416 01:26:30,432 --> 01:26:36,167 just as we pierced her abscess sans nitrous oxide. 1417 01:26:36,205 --> 01:26:38,639 You prick. 1418 01:26:51,624 --> 01:26:53,559 Tick, tick, tick. 1419 01:27:13,284 --> 01:27:15,343 Are the police here, God damn it? 1420 01:27:15,386 --> 01:27:17,378 They're on their way. 1421 01:27:20,859 --> 01:27:23,693 Time seems to be moving very slowly. 1422 01:27:25,932 --> 01:27:28,299 Jesus fucking Christ. 1423 01:27:31,573 --> 01:27:35,031 Aw, hell, no. 1424 01:27:35,076 --> 01:27:37,272 - What? - What? 1425 01:27:37,313 --> 01:27:41,878 - What? - What? 1426 01:27:46,991 --> 01:27:48,219 Dr. Gordon: Wha... 1427 01:28:14,391 --> 01:28:16,951 Tameka, have any more of that coffee? 1428 01:28:16,994 --> 01:28:19,520 Oh, yeah, I should score some of that. 1429 01:28:19,564 --> 01:28:21,555 You already drank all the coffee, sir. 1430 01:28:21,599 --> 01:28:23,260 Damn! 1431 01:28:23,301 --> 01:28:26,703 - Going to a Huey Lewis concert? - Why? Is he on tour again? 1432 01:28:26,739 --> 01:28:28,206 Entrez-vous. 1433 01:28:28,240 --> 01:28:30,209 Sorry about the delay. 1434 01:28:30,243 --> 01:28:32,643 Something weird happened to the ray drive. 1435 01:28:32,679 --> 01:28:34,978 Luckily, though, I was able to make a back-up 1436 01:28:35,016 --> 01:28:36,643 before everything crashed. 1437 01:28:36,684 --> 01:28:39,848 Perfect. Go on, show it to us. 1438 01:28:39,888 --> 01:28:42,356 If a picture is won'th 1,000 words, 1439 01:28:42,391 --> 01:28:46,829 then this footage should be won'th 1,000 pictures, 1440 01:28:46,863 --> 01:28:51,665 which would equal a million... words. 1441 01:28:53,572 --> 01:28:57,373 Uh, Tameka, bring the Johnson file. 1442 01:28:57,410 --> 01:29:00,675 - Wait, this isn't... - Dr. Gordon on TV: Shut the door. 1443 01:29:10,058 --> 01:29:13,153 - Where would you like it? - The filing cabinet, please. 1444 01:29:13,195 --> 01:29:16,757 - Malcolm, what's going on around here? - I'll show you where I'd like it. 1445 01:29:16,800 --> 01:29:19,633 - What is... what... stop it! - Sweetie, it's all right. 1446 01:29:19,669 --> 01:29:22,833 Dr. Gordon, get off! That's my underwear, Dr. Gordon. 1447 01:29:22,874 --> 01:29:25,537 - What are you doing? - Stupid elastic. God damn it. 1448 01:29:25,577 --> 01:29:27,670 - Get... get off of me! - Daddy wants some chocolate! 1449 01:29:27,713 --> 01:29:29,909 Motherfucker, this ain't "Monster's Ball!" 1450 01:29:29,949 --> 01:29:32,850 - Dr. Gordon, get off! Get off! - Talk to me, baby! 1451 01:29:32,886 --> 01:29:35,981 I don't understand the... I... 1452 01:29:36,023 --> 01:29:38,617 - This is preposterous! - Back up! 1453 01:29:38,659 --> 01:29:40,719 You want your nuts stapled together? Is that what you want? 1454 01:29:40,762 --> 01:29:42,525 - No, no. - What is wrong with you? What the fuck? 1455 01:29:42,564 --> 01:29:45,090 - I'm... I'm... - Motherfucker, you ain't Billy Bob 1456 01:29:45,134 --> 01:29:46,601 - just 'cause you have a porn stash. - What? 1457 01:29:46,636 --> 01:29:49,663 - Never do that... never do that again. - I promise I won't, Tameka. 1458 01:29:49,706 --> 01:29:51,799 You don't understand. My wife has crabs. 1459 01:29:51,842 --> 01:29:53,572 - Ooh. - I can't help it. I'm... 1460 01:29:53,611 --> 01:29:55,738 You two, you can go now. 1461 01:29:55,780 --> 01:29:58,078 Wait! I've still got your piss. 1462 01:29:58,116 --> 01:30:00,312 I've got your pissss. 1463 01:30:00,352 --> 01:30:03,049 If there's so much as an errant molecule, 1464 01:30:03,089 --> 01:30:06,456 you will have to spend the rest of your lives 1465 01:30:06,493 --> 01:30:09,554 sans a high school diploma. 1466 01:30:09,597 --> 01:30:13,034 That's assuming inculpatory facts not in evidence. 1467 01:30:13,068 --> 01:30:15,332 Reveal your identity, sir. 1468 01:30:15,370 --> 01:30:17,601 - Shit, it's a trap. - What? 1469 01:30:17,640 --> 01:30:19,608 The police put a transmitter in my teeth. 1470 01:30:19,642 --> 01:30:22,305 I'm Edward Esquire, cheese-dick. 1471 01:30:22,346 --> 01:30:26,248 And it violates "Katz v United States," 1964, 1472 01:30:26,283 --> 01:30:27,876 when the Supreme Court set the standards 1473 01:30:27,919 --> 01:30:29,648 for reasonable expectations of privacy. 1474 01:30:29,688 --> 01:30:34,888 Certainly, one could argue that piss is highly private. 1475 01:30:36,396 --> 01:30:38,557 Furthermore, any statements by you 1476 01:30:38,599 --> 01:30:40,624 regarding these two little assholes 1477 01:30:40,667 --> 01:30:43,228 won't stand up in court because 1478 01:30:43,271 --> 01:30:47,072 you're blind off your gourd on really high-caliber mari-hoo-hoo, bro. 1479 01:30:48,978 --> 01:30:50,947 Drug test his ass, man. 1480 01:30:50,981 --> 01:30:53,006 Would you agree to submit to a drug test, sir? 1481 01:30:53,049 --> 01:30:54,539 - L... - For the record, 1482 01:30:54,584 --> 01:30:56,815 he made it very clear he didn't have any of the brownies. 1483 01:30:56,854 --> 01:30:59,448 Wha... honey-pie. 1484 01:30:59,490 --> 01:31:02,756 Would you agree to kiss my hairy sack? 1485 01:31:02,794 --> 01:31:05,821 If you wanna sue this prick for workplace sexual harassment 1486 01:31:05,865 --> 01:31:08,891 or, uh, score a chronic sack of doobies, 1487 01:31:08,935 --> 01:31:11,564 just, you know, page me. 1488 01:31:11,605 --> 01:31:15,337 Uh, Mr. Esquire? Can I have a card? 1489 01:31:17,412 --> 01:31:19,040 Did he molest you, too? 1490 01:31:19,081 --> 01:31:21,845 - In my mind. - That's nasty, dude. 1491 01:31:25,489 --> 01:31:27,013 Thanks. 1492 01:31:41,508 --> 01:31:43,670 Dr. Gordon, what do you have to say to the parents outside? 1493 01:31:43,711 --> 01:31:46,839 My... my balls feel all tingly. 1494 01:31:46,881 --> 01:31:50,079 Hi, son. 1495 01:31:50,118 --> 01:31:52,417 - Hi. - Fuck you. 1496 01:31:52,455 --> 01:31:54,389 Oh, how pleasant. 1497 01:31:54,424 --> 01:31:56,358 10-4. Principal is in custody, transporting back to station. 1498 01:32:08,808 --> 01:32:10,742 Take it easy! 1499 01:32:10,776 --> 01:32:12,472 Oh, I don't like that. 1500 01:32:12,512 --> 01:32:16,643 My colon. Oh, my spastic colon! 1501 01:32:18,753 --> 01:32:21,154 Hey, you bastards! 1502 01:33:06,611 --> 01:33:11,015 We should, uh, you know, kick it again sometime. 1503 01:33:11,049 --> 01:33:13,746 Come on, man. 1504 01:33:13,787 --> 01:33:15,448 - Be somebody. - Oh. 1505 01:33:19,326 --> 01:33:20,759 Be somebody. 1506 01:33:20,795 --> 01:33:22,286 - Yeah, that's what I said. - No, no. 1507 01:33:22,330 --> 01:33:23,854 - Be somebody. - Be somebody. 1508 01:33:23,899 --> 01:33:25,992 - Be somebody. - Got to... got to be somebody. 1509 01:33:26,034 --> 01:33:27,400 Twing, twing. 1510 01:33:27,436 --> 01:33:28,767 Weed done finally kicked in, man. 1511 01:33:28,805 --> 01:33:30,898 Yo, that's some four-dimensional shit. 1512 01:33:30,940 --> 01:33:34,172 Where the fuck is the administration office? 1513 01:33:34,211 --> 01:33:36,510 Are you fucking with me? 1514 01:33:36,548 --> 01:33:38,449 - What? - What? 1515 01:39:13,222 --> 01:39:16,419 Beverage, beverage. 1516 01:39:16,458 --> 01:39:20,293 Beverage, beverage. 1517 01:39:23,167 --> 01:39:25,829 Class dismissed. 1518 01:39:29,307 --> 01:39:32,903 Cut.