1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,080 Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children. 2 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:05,020 This is what happens when I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and 3 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:08,300 wife left me for my neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Nemec, 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:11,760 star of TV's Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My manager's been with me 5 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,560 since I was in diapers. Now he's in diapers. 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,980 When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed 7 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,360 fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God. 8 00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:45,230 Dave, 9 00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:48,950 man, you need some therapy. Where's Sergeant Rosenbaum? 10 00:00:49,190 --> 00:00:50,190 He's in Iraq. 11 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,850 Again, you believe it? He left me here. 12 00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:54,390 I mean, it could die. 13 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,140 that insurance in over ten years, okay? 14 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:15,640 Oh, I know someone. 15 00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:18,420 Come on, Dave, my old gang counselor from my youth. 16 00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:20,440 There's a lot you don't know about me, bro. 17 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,620 Where have you been, anyway? 18 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:23,900 I was taking it in the Alps. 19 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,240 Taking it in the what? 20 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,780 Chinese guy, right? The motherfucking Chinese guy looked up the black 21 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:20,000 right? He said, oh, I thought we don't serve nigga here. 22 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,160 You know what I'm saying? There's killer folks in the hood. 23 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,760 You know, it's Thanksgiving, bitch. And up in the car, you up in the car. 24 00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:23,760 You know, I'm going to bust it up into my crib and shit and just, like, beat my 25 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,500 mom down with a bat. And then they gang rape my sister. 26 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,220 That nigga know I got two crates, man. 27 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,180 I can't get that nigga like that. 28 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,360 My grandmama, nigga. 29 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,960 Go ahead, little homie. 30 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:40,500 It's your turn, Dave. 31 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,110 That'll come from your heart. 32 00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:51,930 Well, I was on a show, a TV show for 11 years, and I 33 00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:54,510 didn't get any residual. 34 00:04:57,970 --> 00:04:59,710 What the fuck is a residual? 35 00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:15,620 Y 'all motherfuckers know who this is, right? That's Green! 36 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:16,940 No, motherfuckers, no! 37 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:21,440 That's motherfucking Grandmaster B, Bob Bundy, motherfuckers! 38 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Hey, 39 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,560 wait up here, man. Hold me right here. 40 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:30,380 Oh, okay. You hear me? 41 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,740 He said, since you the motherfucking comedian, then you must motherfucking 42 00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,260 jokes. You start. 43 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:37,720 It's joke time! 44 00:05:43,950 --> 00:05:46,510 What the black dude get on his SAT tag? 45 00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:50,430 Barbecue sauce. 46 00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:53,410 Nigga. 47 00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:55,170 What? What? 48 00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,490 Nigga. 49 00:05:58,830 --> 00:05:59,830 Nigga. 50 00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:01,170 Nigga. 51 00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:02,510 Nigga. Hey, hey, hey. 52 00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:03,890 Nigga. 53 00:06:04,310 --> 00:06:05,310 Nigga. 54 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,630 What the fuck you just said? 55 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,070 You about to get your ass whooped. 56 00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:16,310 Let's go whoop his hunky butt.