1
00:00:10,709 --> 00:00:12,245
[all chanting]
- Down it! Down it!

2
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:13,413
Down it!
Down it!

3
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,415
Down it! Down it!
Down it!

4
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:17,116
Down it!
Down it!

5
00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:19,285
- Haven't you finished it yet?
- Come on, down it!

6
00:00:19,318 --> 00:00:20,420
- Go on!

7
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:22,455
- Jesus Christ.

8
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:23,523
- Yeah!

9
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,026
[retching]

10
00:00:28,494 --> 00:00:30,129
- Oh, bloody hell.

11
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:32,432
[horn honking]
- You stupid shit!

12
00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:34,167
- Sorry. Sorry!

13
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:36,068
- Good start to the day.

14
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,403
- Mate, he's seventy

15
00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:38,270
with a puke covered windscreen

16
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:39,171
and he's still driving
faster than you.

17
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,574
- I'm driving at the speed limit.
- Yeah.

18
00:00:41,607 --> 00:00:42,641
- There you go.

19
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:44,519
- Oh, come on, it's not even
breakfast time yet.

20
00:00:44,543 --> 00:00:46,512
- It's your stag.
It's the law.

21
00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:48,181
Myles?
- Why, thank you.

22
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:50,650
- And, one for our kind driver.

23
00:00:51,283 --> 00:00:52,452
- Seriously?

24
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,253
[childish music]
♪♪

25
00:00:54,286 --> 00:00:56,155
- Er, what the fuck
is this shit?

26
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:57,156
Huh?

27
00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:58,691
- Sorry, it's on shuffle.

28
00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:01,061
It's one of Billy's.
He loves this song.

29
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:03,463
You should see him
bopping away whenever...

30
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,500
Oh, sorry, do I bore you
talking about my son?

31
00:01:09,735 --> 00:01:11,170
Oh, well maybe you bore me

32
00:01:11,203 --> 00:01:13,306
with talk about your wedding.

33
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,507
- I didn't say anything.

34
00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:15,374
- Maybe when you all grow up

35
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,176
you'll understand
that having a baby

36
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:18,720
is one of the greatest gifts
a man can get.

37
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,580
- If he was such a great gift,

38
00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:22,582
why the fuck did I have
to buy you a present

39
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:23,383
when he was born?

40
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,585
- Cause that's just what you do.

41
00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:27,529
- Oh, what time did you
tell Cheese to get there?

42
00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,521
- Er, seven-fifteen.

43
00:01:28,554 --> 00:01:29,455
- Cheese is coming?
- Yeah.

44
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,457
- Ah, nice.
I haven't seen him in years.

45
00:01:31,490 --> 00:01:32,390
- Why did you tell him
to get there later?

46
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,902
- I don't want him
to spend too much time

47
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:35,294
with Rachel's dad.

48
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:36,128
- Colonel Gerald.

49
00:01:36,161 --> 00:01:37,697
- Commander, I think.
- Like Bond.

50
00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:39,398
- Yeah, except Bond's
military history

51
00:01:39,431 --> 00:01:41,134
is marginally less fictional.

52
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:42,068
- What do you mean?
- I mean,

53
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,145
I spoke to him at your
engagement party,

54
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,471
and no way was that total
bell piece in the army.

55
00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:47,306
- Yes he was.
- Seen any pictures?

56
00:01:47,339 --> 00:01:49,208
- Well, no, but he was in
a secret division.

57
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:50,142
- Bollocks.

58
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,076
- Well, there's one thing
I know for sure

59
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,621
and that's that he doesn't
really like me,

60
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:53,922
so it's probably best
he doesn't spend

61
00:01:53,946 --> 00:01:56,315
much of the weekend
with my alcoholic,

62
00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:58,718
drug dealing,
nutcase of a friend.

63
00:01:58,751 --> 00:01:59,719
- Oh, come on,

64
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,621
Cheese isn't going
to be like he was at uni.

65
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:03,422
He's in his thirties
for crying out loud.

66
00:02:03,455 --> 00:02:05,191
I'm sure he doesn't
deal drugs anymore,

67
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:06,659
he's probably like a...

68
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,599
- Drive.

69
00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:14,099
Drive!

70
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:15,768
- Go, go, go, go.

71
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:18,337
["Kill The Power" by Kindred]

72
00:02:18,370 --> 00:02:20,740
♪♪

73
00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:22,674
♪ <i>This is a resident evil
attack</i>

74
00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:25,244
♪ <i>Zombie take over,
boy watch your back</i>

75
00:02:25,277 --> 00:02:27,579
♪ <i>Infected disease,
unprotected</i>

76
00:02:27,613 --> 00:02:29,949
♪ <i>Soul catcher, listen,
everybody dress black</i>

77
00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:32,418
♪ <i>Good vs evil,
evil vs worse</i>

78
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:34,587
♪ <i>Words for fella man,
words verse curse</i>

79
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,389
♪ <i>Don't fuck with we</i>

80
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,491
♪ <i>Somebody body
wanna fuck with we</i>

81
00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:39,759
♪ <i>An itchy itchy bombs gang</i>

82
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,395
♪ <i>Oh...</i>

83
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:44,597
♪ <i>Push the man with
the heavyweight sound</i>

84
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:47,266
♪ <i>You ain't killing
what cannot be killed</i>

85
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,335
♪ <i>I'm not joking,
the blood gets spilled</i>

86
00:02:49,368 --> 00:02:51,637
♪ <i>On the ground
you're gonna stay long</i>

87
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:54,273
♪ <i>That's the way
cemetery gets filled</i>

88
00:02:54,306 --> 00:02:56,609
♪ <i>Oh...</i>

89
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,778
♪ <i>No retreating,
no surrender</i>

90
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,514
♪ <i>Oh...</i>

91
00:03:01,547 --> 00:03:03,683
♪ <i>Push the man with
the heavyweight sound</i>

92
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,419
♪ <i>We running it,
gunning it</i>

93
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,621
♪ <i>You know you can't
kill the power</i>

94
00:03:08,654 --> 00:03:10,990
♪ <i>Skinning it,
killing it</i>

95
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:13,692
♪ <i>You know you can't
kill the power</i> ♪

96
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,000
- See, I told you
we'd get here in time.

97
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,567
- What's happening, fuckers?

98
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:24,603
- [all] Eh!
- Cheese!

99
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,339
[laughing]

100
00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:28,550
- What the fuck
is Al Dennis doing here?

101
00:03:28,574 --> 00:03:30,318
- I went to his wedding
so I had to invite him.

102
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:31,453
- But he's the most boring
man in the world.

103
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:32,520
- I know, but for some reason

104
00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:33,555
he thinks we're
really good friends.

105
00:03:33,579 --> 00:03:36,416
- Sam, my buddy!
- Hey Al.

106
00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:39,285
- Such an honor to be spending
the weekend with you.

107
00:03:39,318 --> 00:03:40,286
How's Rebecca?

108
00:03:40,319 --> 00:03:41,453
- Rachel.
She's good.

109
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:42,755
- Great.

110
00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:44,591
Great!

111
00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:49,595
- How you doing, Brandon?

112
00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:50,728
- Sam.

113
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,803
- Honestly, what does your
sister see in that prick?

114
00:03:54,066 --> 00:03:55,601
You alright, mate?

115
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:56,803
How's Michelle?

116
00:04:00,372 --> 00:04:01,307
- She's fine.

117
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,409
- Everyone, this is
Rachel's dad, Gerald.

118
00:04:03,442 --> 00:04:04,377
Gerald, Toby.

119
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,344
- Hello, Toby.
- Hey.

120
00:04:05,377 --> 00:04:06,646
- Eric.

121
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:08,781
And Myles.

122
00:04:08,814 --> 00:04:10,382
- Oh, we've met.

123
00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:11,817
- Yes, of course.

124
00:04:11,850 --> 00:04:14,519
- Right, now that boring
shite's out the way.

125
00:04:16,387 --> 00:04:17,423
- Pass 'em down.

126
00:04:18,357 --> 00:04:19,492
- Here you go.

127
00:04:19,524 --> 00:04:20,358
To Sam!

128
00:04:20,392 --> 00:04:21,560
- To Sam!
- Sam!

129
00:04:21,593 --> 00:04:22,628
[glasses clink]

130
00:04:22,661 --> 00:04:24,264
- Cheers.

131
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,669
[glasses clank]

132
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,638
- [gagging]

133
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:39,646
- [exhales]

134
00:04:45,851 --> 00:04:46,619
- So that's sixty.

135
00:04:46,652 --> 00:04:47,486
How much was the
special breakfast?

136
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,556
- Oh, for fuck's sake,
just split it.

137
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,459
- I only had a coffee.

138
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:54,636
You know, some of us
didn't sell our souls

139
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:55,737
to earn stupid amounts of money.

140
00:04:55,761 --> 00:04:57,430
- And some of us
get paid in hard cash,

141
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,465
and not smug vouchers.

142
00:04:59,498 --> 00:05:00,542
Anyway, I didn't sell my soul.

143
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:01,833
My job's cool, mate.

144
00:05:01,867 --> 00:05:03,636
- You're a lawyer, aren't you?

145
00:05:03,669 --> 00:05:04,604
- Boring.

146
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:05,747
- If it's so boring,
how comes there's, like,

147
00:05:05,771 --> 00:05:07,873
billions of TV shows and films
written about lawyers?

148
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:09,108
Hmm? You don't see
any TV shows

149
00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:10,843
about cancer researchers,
do you?

150
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:11,676
No.

151
00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:12,721
- Oh, are you curing cancer,
Toby?

152
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,513
That's amazing.

153
00:05:14,546 --> 00:05:15,381
- Thank you.

154
00:05:15,414 --> 00:05:16,282
- There you go,

155
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,559
five pounds worth
of smug right there.

156
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:18,651
Kerching.

157
00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:19,928
You know why there's no
TV shows written

158
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,587
about cancer researchers?

159
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:23,365
Because it'd be one big
mystery at the start,

160
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,499
and then season after season,

161
00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:25,767
no one would ever
fucking solve it.

162
00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:27,560
- Sounds a bit like Lost.

163
00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,795
But there you go.

164
00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:31,563
- So, tell me, Eric,

165
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:34,366
what exactly is this thing
we're going to.

166
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,768
- Yeah, tell us.

167
00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:37,703
- It's a survival weekend.

168
00:05:37,736 --> 00:05:40,840
A hyper realistic simulation
of the apocalypse.

169
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:43,542
Humanity at its most raw.

170
00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:44,777
Living off the land.

171
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:47,546
Fighting against the cruel
mother nature.

172
00:05:47,579 --> 00:05:50,483
All the while being hunted by...

173
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,352
the walking dead.

174
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,719
- It's paintball with twats
dressed as zombies.

175
00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:55,755
- Yeah.
- Sounds cool.

176
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:56,456
- Actually, it's like,

177
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,157
run by loads of ex-squaddies.

178
00:05:58,190 --> 00:05:59,558
- Well, that stands to reason.

179
00:05:59,591 --> 00:06:01,694
After a career in the military,

180
00:06:01,727 --> 00:06:02,838
witnessing unspeakable horrors,

181
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,506
there's nothing you crave
more than a weekend spent

182
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,599
running around the woods
playing puerile,

183
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,567
make believe war games.

184
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,011
- Yeah, Sam said
you were in the army.

185
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:10,803
- Navy.

186
00:06:10,836 --> 00:06:12,405
- Where was it you served again?

187
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,772
- That's classified.

188
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,407
- Of course, yeah.
Classified.

189
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:18,411
- He could tell you,
but he'd have to kill you.

190
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:20,580
- I could kill you.

191
00:06:21,513 --> 00:06:22,681
- Okay.
- Well, erm...

192
00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:24,550
thanks for organizing
this guys, anyway.

193
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:25,785
[chuckles]
Should be good fun.

194
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,186
[smacks lips]
- Fun?

195
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:29,522
It's gonna be awesomeballs.

196
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:30,856
- Sorry, what was that?

197
00:06:30,889 --> 00:06:32,425
- Awesomeballs.

198
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,460
It's a new word I invented.

199
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:35,904
- Well, it sounded like
you were actually talking about

200
00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:37,897
a magnificent set of testicles.

201
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,632
- I fucking like it.

202
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,434
- Nice one, Cheese.
Bosh.

203
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,644
- How was everything, alright?

204
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,503
- Yeah, fine, thanks.
- Beautiful, thanks.

205
00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:45,771
- Actually, the rat...

206
00:06:45,804 --> 00:06:49,207
I'm assuming it was rat
was a smidgen dry,

207
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:51,544
and this, uh, crappuccino

208
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,679
tasted a little bit like, um...

209
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:58,651
yeah, I'm gonna say
it's monkey jizz.

210
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,486
Monkey jizz.

211
00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,888
Anyone else got a...
Just me.

212
00:07:02,921 --> 00:07:04,056
- You're so rude.

213
00:07:04,089 --> 00:07:05,934
Why can't you just say it's
fine like a normal person.

214
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:07,793
- Because it wasn't fine.

215
00:07:07,826 --> 00:07:08,937
It's for her own good, mate.

216
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,672
Two years time there'll be
a Starbucks down the road

217
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:11,840
and she won't be able
to compete.

218
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:12,798
It's positive feedback.

219
00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:13,942
- I don't think "monkey jizz"

220
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:15,701
ever counts as
positive feedback.

221
00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:18,471
- Unless you're
sucking off a baboon.

222
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:19,538
- Yeah.

223
00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:20,940
- Fair point.

224
00:07:23,575 --> 00:07:25,510
[ominous music swells]
♪♪

225
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:32,484
- There's a weirdo
staring at you.

226
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:33,986
Why is there a weirdo
staring at you?

227
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,923
- Presumably in response
to your foul language.

228
00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:38,991
- My foul...?

229
00:07:39,024 --> 00:07:39,725
He said that.

230
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:40,693
- Jesus, he looks like a psycho.

231
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,496
- Myles, apologies now
before I get killed.

232
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,498
- Never apologize, Sam,
it's a sign of weakness.

233
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:46,432
- We are weak!

234
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,942
- Maybe, but there's,
like, eight of us.

235
00:07:47,966 --> 00:07:49,735
What's he going to do?

236
00:07:51,069 --> 00:07:52,705
You alright, mate?

237
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:54,474
Hmm?

238
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:57,610
Hello?
Anyone home?

239
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:58,443
No?

240
00:07:58,477 --> 00:07:59,721
- I think we should
get out of here.

241
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,980
- Yeah.

242
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:01,881
Jesus.

243
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,683
Looks like we found
our first zombie.

244
00:08:03,849 --> 00:08:05,918
[birds chirping]

245
00:08:16,328 --> 00:08:17,563
- I'm not sure this is right.

246
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:18,764
- Just keep going.

247
00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:19,908
- There's no point
driving aimlessly.

248
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:21,075
We should ask someone.
- Good idea.

249
00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:22,700
Shall we ask this cow?

250
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:24,770
- Oh look,
there's a sign over there.

251
00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,841
A sinisterly worded,
misspelled sign,

252
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:31,744
scrawled in what
appears to be blood.

253
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:32,845
I say go for it.

254
00:08:32,878 --> 00:08:34,655
- Yeah, they couldn't spell
in the emails either,

255
00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,515
so this is definitely it.

256
00:08:39,684 --> 00:08:42,787
[snare drum sounding]
[patriotic humming]

257
00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:09,748
- Oh, yes.

258
00:09:09,781 --> 00:09:11,050
- Boo.

259
00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:14,687
- So what now?

260
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:15,921
- Err.
I dunno.

261
00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:17,622
I guess we just head up to the...

262
00:09:17,656 --> 00:09:18,189
[paintball whizzing by]

263
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:19,758
Jesus!
- <i>Oi!</i>

264
00:09:20,058 --> 00:09:21,627
New recruits!

265
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,929
Get yourselves in here now!

266
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,631
- Oh, how delightful.

267
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:28,367
- Come on, move yourselves.
Faster. Faster!

268
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,901
- Bandages.

269
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:31,136
Antiseptic.
- <i>Move yourselves!</i>

270
00:09:31,169 --> 00:09:32,738
- Will you hurry up?

271
00:09:32,771 --> 00:09:34,006
- Give me a second.

272
00:09:34,039 --> 00:09:35,174
Compass.

273
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,075
Ropes.

274
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:38,109
- What is all this?
- A survival kit.

275
00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:40,846
- What the fuck is that?!

276
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:42,948
- It's a knife.

277
00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:44,617
I thought you said
it was paintballing.

278
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:45,694
- We might get lost
in the woods.

279
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:48,654
I might have to hunt deer
or whittle something.

280
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:50,189
- Whittle?
You're a fucking mental.

281
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,156
- <i>Oi, you two!</i>
- Whatevs.

282
00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:53,993
-<i> Get in here now!</i>

283
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,729
Move yourself faster!
- [giggles]

284
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,598
- Move yourself faster!
- Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

285
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:02,602
- My name is Marshall.

286
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:06,771
And your name
is lucky son of a bitch.

287
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:10,142
Lucky,

288
00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:12,811
cause you made it this far.

289
00:10:14,112 --> 00:10:17,916
But your journeys
are only just beginning.

290
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:20,753
Now as you know,

291
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,055
the world has gone to hell.

292
00:10:24,222 --> 00:10:26,659
The undead are
roaming the streets.

293
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,726
[paintball gun clicks]

294
00:10:27,759 --> 00:10:29,895
And they've taken
over the cities.

295
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:31,897
But we,

296
00:10:33,098 --> 00:10:34,867
we're gonna fight back.

297
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:37,069
Are you with me?

298
00:10:37,102 --> 00:10:38,737
- [all] Sir, yes, sir!

299
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,773
[sarcastic]
- Yeah, woo-hoo!

300
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,042
- We got ourselves
a bit of a smart ass.

301
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:47,647
So what, you don't think
our situation's serious?

302
00:10:48,947 --> 00:10:51,717
- Not really, no.
- Not really, no. No.

303
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:52,685
- [pops gum]

304
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:55,887
- Well get yourself down
and do twenty, now.

305
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:56,932
- Yeah, that's not
going to happen.

306
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:59,759
- I said, give me twenty.
- [squeals in pain]

307
00:11:02,127 --> 00:11:03,762
- Twenty!

308
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,801
Right, the enemy's deadly.

309
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,935
He's fast, he's powerful.

310
00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:12,838
Fearless.

311
00:11:12,871 --> 00:11:14,140
But you...

312
00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,076
you can beat him.

313
00:11:18,076 --> 00:11:19,244
Right,

314
00:11:19,277 --> 00:11:21,013
check your equipment.

315
00:11:21,279 --> 00:11:22,848
Start with your truncheon.

316
00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,249
- Knife, you dickhead.

317
00:11:24,282 --> 00:11:26,251
- Now, it may not
seem like much,

318
00:11:26,284 --> 00:11:28,754
but the undead's body is soft.

319
00:11:28,787 --> 00:11:31,090
Repeated blows
with this implement

320
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,859
and the zombie will succumb.

321
00:11:33,892 --> 00:11:34,969
- [screaming]
- You're a fucking woman, are you?

322
00:11:34,993 --> 00:11:37,796
Come on!
Hit it! Hit it!

323
00:11:37,829 --> 00:11:42,067
- I want to kill you!
- Hit the fucking thing!

324
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,770
- Next, you've got your
standard issue firearm.

325
00:11:44,803 --> 00:11:48,073
The T-70 single fire
assault rifle.

326
00:11:48,106 --> 00:11:50,710
[paintball gun clicking]

327
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:55,214
- Kill the primary.

328
00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:56,949
- [laughing]

329
00:11:58,016 --> 00:11:59,885
- Ow!
- It's working now.

330
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:00,586
- Fucking hell!

331
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:02,221
- The most important thing...

332
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:05,257
the one thing
you must remember...

333
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:08,894
is you never shoot
the target in the head.

334
00:12:10,195 --> 00:12:12,164
Always go for the body.

335
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:14,834
- Nonsense.

336
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:17,770
- You got something to say,
recruit?

337
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,338
- Sir, yes, sir!

338
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,874
It's just that you should always
shoot a zombie in the head,

339
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,242
sir.

340
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:25,244
- Well not these ones.
- But...

341
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:26,912
- Are you back-chatting me,
fatty?

342
00:12:26,945 --> 00:12:29,248
- Sir, no, sir!
Ow...

343
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,215
- Now you get down on the floor,

344
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,785
you fat piece of shit,
and give me twenty.

345
00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:38,957
You can truncheon the head,
but you do not shoot there!

346
00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:40,993
- That just seems inconsistent...

347
00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:43,963
- Anyone else wanna talk
about consistency?

348
00:12:45,163 --> 00:12:47,332
- Right, you can talk the talk.

349
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:49,935
Now it's time to walk the walk.

350
00:12:49,968 --> 00:12:51,804
Need a volunteer.

351
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:56,142
Which one of you has got
a pair of bollocks?

352
00:12:58,977 --> 00:13:01,280
- Come on, you bunch
of fucking nonces!

353
00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:04,383
- Go on, Sam.
You're the stag.

354
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,318
- Oh, no, no,
I've got a bit of a...

355
00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:08,086
[all chanting]
- Sammy! Sammy!

356
00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:10,823
Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!

357
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:13,325
- Okay, okay, alright.
I'll volunteer.

358
00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:14,358
- Good lad.

359
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:17,062
Step up then, soldier.

360
00:13:17,929 --> 00:13:20,199
Now we're very lucky,
couple of weeks ago,

361
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:22,201
to capture one of the undead.

362
00:13:23,401 --> 00:13:25,337
Now he hasn't eaten

363
00:13:25,370 --> 00:13:27,072
and he's got the right hump.

364
00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:31,911
[chains clinking]
[zombie moaning]

365
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:39,327
- Isn't that the guy
from the cafe?

366
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,119
- Yeah.
Yeah, it is.

367
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:42,822
- [whimpering]

368
00:13:43,221 --> 00:13:45,424
[zombie groaning]

369
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:48,093
- Well, go on, shoot him!

370
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:52,231
[paintball gun clicks]
[zombie groaning]

371
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:56,836
[all cheering]

372
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:01,073
- Oh, right.

373
00:14:03,208 --> 00:14:06,145
[zombie groaning]

374
00:14:08,213 --> 00:14:10,149
[paintball gun clicking]

375
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:11,983
- Use your truncheon.

376
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,285
- No, no, no...

377
00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:14,386
[zombie groaning]

378
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:16,222
- [Sam screaming]

379
00:14:17,989 --> 00:14:19,925
- Well, go on, hit him then!

380
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:21,660
- Fucking help me
you cunt balls!

381
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:23,228
[all cheering]

382
00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:24,663
- Go on, son, hit him!

383
00:14:24,696 --> 00:14:27,266
- Die!
Fucking die!

384
00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:30,903
[panting]

385
00:14:31,202 --> 00:14:33,672
[laughing]
I killed him!

386
00:14:33,705 --> 00:14:35,207
I fucking killed him!

387
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,176
[laughing]

388
00:14:43,481 --> 00:14:45,516
[paintball gun fires]
- Right, soldiers.

389
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:47,953
Your training is now
officially over.

390
00:14:47,986 --> 00:14:49,087
Move out!

391
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,924
[military drum roll]
♪♪

392
00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,126
- Come on!
Come on!

393
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,128
Move, move, move, move!
Get in there!

394
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,296
Come on, speed up,
get yourself up there!

395
00:14:58,330 --> 00:14:59,298
- In the back, now!

396
00:14:59,331 --> 00:14:59,865
- Get in there!

397
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:02,167
- Hurry up! Hurry up!

398
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,403
Right!

399
00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:12,144
- Right, everybody grab
a ration pack and a map.

400
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:16,048
[military drum roll]
♪♪

401
00:15:20,051 --> 00:15:22,121
- Ah, thank God!

402
00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:25,124
[spitting]

403
00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:27,459
Is that vodka?

404
00:15:27,492 --> 00:15:30,062
- Now, you're gonna split
into two teams.

405
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,531
Your mission is to
rendezvous at our bunker

406
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:35,000
on the far side
of the woods by sundown.

407
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:38,036
The bunker is marked
on your map as a large X.

408
00:15:38,069 --> 00:15:38,902
But be aware...

409
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:41,306
these woods are teaming
with the undead.

410
00:15:41,339 --> 00:15:42,350
If you wanna make
it through alive,

411
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:45,744
you'll have to stay alert
and work as a team.

412
00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:47,079
Any questions?

413
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,014
- Yeah, I quite need a dump.

414
00:15:49,047 --> 00:15:51,049
Is there anything by way
of toilet facilities

415
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:53,085
before we get to the bunker?

416
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,186
- Dig a hole, mate.

417
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:55,020
- Okay.

418
00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:57,089
Do you have
any toilet paper or...?

419
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,122
- Leaves.

420
00:15:58,156 --> 00:15:59,190
- Leaves. Right.

421
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,093
- Try not to use
stinging nettles.

422
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,095
- [laughing]

423
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,262
Cocks.

424
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:06,098
- Do you want some heroin,
Myles?

425
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,098
It'll clog you right up.

426
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,300
- [all laughing]

427
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:15,107
- That's hilarious, Cheese.

428
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,342
You've got to stop
with those great jokes.

429
00:16:17,375 --> 00:16:18,410
[knocking on cab]

430
00:16:18,443 --> 00:16:20,245
- <i>One minute until die time,</i>

431
00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:23,148
<i>you bunch of fucking pussies.</i>

432
00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:27,352
- So, you guys were in the army?

433
00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,554
Uh, Gerald,
my father-in-law to be,

434
00:16:29,587 --> 00:16:31,790
he was in the army too, right?

435
00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:33,391
- Navy.

436
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,127
- Right.

437
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,062
He was an officer though.

438
00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:42,300
Not to say that you guys
weren't officers, too.

439
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,136
You could've been.

440
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,470
Right?

441
00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:46,605
What do I know?

442
00:16:48,239 --> 00:16:49,808
- Where did you serve, mate?

443
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:52,111
- That's classified.

444
00:16:53,411 --> 00:16:56,381
[laughing]
- Good chat.

445
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:58,417
[knocking on cab]

446
00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:02,621
- First group!
- [all moaning]

447
00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:07,192
- Right, well, er, I'll go.

448
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,261
- Me too.

449
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,495
- I'm in.
- Obviously.

450
00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:13,065
- Actually, wait a second,
Myles.

451
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:15,399
Gerald,

452
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:18,569
as my future father-in-law,

453
00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:22,041
would you like to take part
in this adventure with me?

454
00:17:24,442 --> 00:17:28,180
- Nnnnnno.

455
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,490
[patriotic flute music]
♪♪

456
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:41,126
[birds chirping]

457
00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:53,105
♪♪

458
00:17:54,172 --> 00:17:55,249
- I cannot believe you
were about to leave me

459
00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:57,509
with that weirdo Al and your
dickhead brother-in-law.

460
00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:58,310
- You know, right now,

461
00:17:58,343 --> 00:17:59,353
Cheese is probably
forcing Gerald

462
00:17:59,377 --> 00:18:02,114
to snort coke out
of some zombie's butt crack.

463
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:03,491
[laughing]
- If it's any consolation,

464
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,126
I doubt whatever's happening
is going to leave

465
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:06,651
a worse impression
than watching you

466
00:18:06,684 --> 00:18:08,653
getting dry humped
by that massive retard.

467
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:09,486
- That was your fault!

468
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,389
- I may have
antagonized him a bit,

469
00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:12,466
but the screaming
like a little girl

470
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:14,126
that's on you, mate.

471
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,469
Anyway, it doesn't explain
why the rest of them

472
00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:16,660
are so fucking nasty.

473
00:18:16,694 --> 00:18:17,629
I'd like to say it's PTSD,

474
00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,531
but frankly, I think
they're just wankers.

475
00:18:19,564 --> 00:18:21,142
- They certainly take it
all very seriously.

476
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,201
- Yeah.

477
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,336
- Any idea what that means?

478
00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:25,437
- Nope.

479
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:26,480
How long till we
get there, Toby,

480
00:18:26,504 --> 00:18:28,273
I really need a shit.

481
00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:29,341
- I dunno.

482
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:30,275
According to the compass
on my phone,

483
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:31,519
I don't think we're
going the right way.

484
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:33,111
- Oi!
Cockhead!

485
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,348
- Shh.
- Come here, you massive tool!

486
00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:42,154
- Can you keep it down?

487
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:44,389
Zombies have super
sensitive hearing.

488
00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:45,190
- Okay, so firstly,

489
00:18:45,223 --> 00:18:46,267
I don't even think
that's a thing.

490
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,192
- It definitely is a thing.
- It's not a thing.

491
00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:48,092
- Secondly, they're not
actually zombies,

492
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:49,928
they're a bunch of
psychotic squaddies

493
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:50,862
in shitty make-up.

494
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,697
Thirdly, what is the point
in us going on

495
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:53,564
a zombie killing weekend

496
00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:55,367
if we're going to avoid
all the zombies?

497
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,710
- Yeah, otherwise
it's just a really

498
00:18:56,734 --> 00:18:58,669
- inappropriately dressed ramble.
- Exactly.

499
00:18:58,703 --> 00:19:00,172
- Okay, well firstly,

500
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,406
fuck your mother.
- Right.

501
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,950
- Secondly, how is your mother?
- She's fine, thanks.

502
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,251
- Tell her I said hello.
- I will.

503
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:05,944
- And thirdly,

504
00:19:05,977 --> 00:19:07,445
what do you actually want?

505
00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:09,181
- Toby says you're
taking us the wrong way.

506
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,649
- Well, he's an idiot.
Look at him.

507
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,517
- I admit my PhD
wasn't in orienteering,

508
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:13,952
but I think I can read a map.

509
00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:15,654
We're going North, right?
- Right.

510
00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:16,721
- Fine.
North is that way.

511
00:19:16,754 --> 00:19:18,389
- No, no, no, no, no.

512
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:20,659
North is that way.

513
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:21,769
- Not according to my phone.

514
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:24,329
- Yeah, because
it's a bloody phone.

515
00:19:24,362 --> 00:19:26,198
I've got a proper compass, bruv.

516
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,308
- Why have you got a compass?

517
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,709
- He's got a whole survival kit.
- Yeah, I do.

518
00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:30,302
- And a huge fucking knife.

519
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,412
- For whittling.
- Of course.

520
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:32,404
- Whittling, right.

521
00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:34,173
- Let me see that compass.

522
00:19:36,474 --> 00:19:38,677
Right, the needle's
pointing that way.

523
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,712
- Yes, but we're going North,

524
00:19:40,745 --> 00:19:42,546
which is "N" on the dial.

525
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:44,483
Which means
we're going that way.

526
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:47,452
- Do you mean the dial
you can just spin around?

527
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:50,289
That changes direction depending
on which way you hold it.

528
00:19:51,422 --> 00:19:52,824
- Must be broken.

529
00:19:52,857 --> 00:19:54,626
- You're broken, you moron.

530
00:19:55,393 --> 00:19:57,873
- I bet you wish you went with the other group now, eh?
- Yeah.

531
00:19:58,296 --> 00:19:59,497
- Let's do this.

532
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:00,599
Goggles on.

533
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:01,733
- Shut up.

534
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:03,535
- Guess you must be excited.

535
00:20:03,568 --> 00:20:04,803
About the wedding and all.

536
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,571
Welcoming Sam into the family.

537
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:08,240
- Hmm.

538
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,316
- He's a diamond, you know.

539
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:10,774
- [sniffs]

540
00:20:10,808 --> 00:20:12,310
- What's that?

541
00:20:12,343 --> 00:20:14,379
- Nothing.
Nothing at all.

542
00:20:14,812 --> 00:20:16,590
- Listen, I know what it's like
to have a daughter.

543
00:20:16,614 --> 00:20:18,250
The never ending worry.

544
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,818
- You have a daughter?
- I have a cat.

545
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:20,886
Don't trust children.

546
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:23,688
Always nicking your pills,
thinking they're sweets.

547
00:20:23,721 --> 00:20:25,466
But if Mrs. McFluff
was to make love to a man

548
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,392
I'd want it to be Sam.

549
00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:30,361
He's kind, tender, dependable.

550
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,297
- I admire your loyalty, Cheese,

551
00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:33,431
I'll say that much.

552
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:36,400
In the heat of battle
there are few better qualities.

553
00:20:36,434 --> 00:20:37,478
- Oh, well if it's
loyalty you want,

554
00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:38,837
then Sam's your man.

555
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:40,871
This one time at uni he
swallowed an entire ounce

556
00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:42,741
of weed to save me
from the rozzer.

557
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:44,508
An entire ounce.

558
00:20:44,542 --> 00:20:45,843
It scarred him for life.

559
00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:47,712
Mainly due to the dubious
sexual experience

560
00:20:47,745 --> 00:20:48,847
he had when he was high,

561
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,749
but that's what I call
integrity.

562
00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:52,751
- Yeah, it's true,
when we used to work together,

563
00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:54,819
if ever Sam was
going to get a coffee,

564
00:20:54,852 --> 00:20:57,389
he would always get one for me.

565
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:58,757
- Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.

566
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:01,593
- I'll take it under advisement.

567
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:04,362
Tell me, why do they
call you Cheese?

568
00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:06,865
- Oh, I sense a crazy
story coming on.

569
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:10,302
- Yeah.
Well, no, actually.

570
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,771
I just really
fucking like cheese.

571
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:14,373
- Look, he wants the beer.

572
00:21:15,473 --> 00:21:16,640
- Starting early.

573
00:21:16,674 --> 00:21:18,343
- Yeah.

574
00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:21,379
Ooh, here he is
dressed as a lion.

575
00:21:21,412 --> 00:21:22,647
[sarcastic]
- "As a lion."

576
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,483
- Very cute.

577
00:21:24,849 --> 00:21:27,418
[brush rustling]

578
00:21:30,488 --> 00:21:32,291
- No.

579
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,727
Nope.

580
00:21:37,628 --> 00:21:39,364
Nope.

581
00:21:39,664 --> 00:21:43,602
Hmm.
Soft and furry.

582
00:21:43,901 --> 00:21:46,404
Like wiping with
an actual puppy.

583
00:21:46,437 --> 00:21:48,840
Okay.
Let's do this.

584
00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:51,343
- Really?

585
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:52,586
You're having soup
at the wedding?

586
00:21:52,610 --> 00:21:53,712
- Billy loves soup.

587
00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:54,912
- Yeah?

588
00:21:54,946 --> 00:21:56,514
[baby cooing ring tone]

589
00:21:56,547 --> 00:21:58,116
- Talk of the devil.

590
00:21:58,149 --> 00:21:59,450
Well, it's actually Suzy.

591
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:00,718
- I figured.

592
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:02,854
- Hey, babe.

593
00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:05,823
Yeah, it's great.

594
00:22:05,857 --> 00:22:07,626
Yeah, we're having loads of fun.

595
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:09,928
Nope.

596
00:22:11,162 --> 00:22:12,931
No, there are no naked women.

597
00:22:13,664 --> 00:22:15,434
I promise.

598
00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:17,536
Yeah, put him on.

599
00:22:18,836 --> 00:22:20,672
Hello!
- Aw...

600
00:22:20,705 --> 00:22:21,973
- Hello!

601
00:22:22,006 --> 00:22:23,842
Yeah, it's daddy.

602
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:27,612
Yes, it is!
Yes, it is!

603
00:22:30,815 --> 00:22:31,850
Uh-huh.

604
00:22:31,883 --> 00:22:33,585
Okay, well
I'll see you tomorrow.

605
00:22:33,618 --> 00:22:35,587
Well give him
a big kiss from me.

606
00:22:36,754 --> 00:22:37,988
Okay, alright.

607
00:22:38,022 --> 00:22:39,725
Bye. Bye.

608
00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:41,626
What is your problem?

609
00:22:41,659 --> 00:22:43,495
- I'll tell you what
my problem is.

610
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:44,829
Take a look around you.

611
00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:46,865
We're at the mercy
of the elements.

612
00:22:46,898 --> 00:22:48,733
Face to face with nature.

613
00:22:48,766 --> 00:22:50,869
At war with a deadly enemy.

614
00:22:50,902 --> 00:22:53,605
For once, you have the chance

615
00:22:53,638 --> 00:22:56,441
to experience real life
and your missing it.

616
00:22:56,841 --> 00:22:57,985
- This is literally
not real life.

617
00:22:58,009 --> 00:22:59,477
- Oh what and screaming babies

618
00:22:59,510 --> 00:23:00,721
and wedding menus,
is that real life?

619
00:23:00,745 --> 00:23:02,514
- Yes. Yes, it is.
That's what grown ups do.

620
00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:03,982
- Yeah, well it sounds shit!

621
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:05,817
You know what,
I'm an idiot, right,

622
00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:06,818
I'm an idiot.

623
00:23:06,851 --> 00:23:09,521
I thought for one weekend,
just one weekend,

624
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,923
we could all get together
like old times.

625
00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:15,394
[deep voice]
The Crazy Crew.

626
00:23:15,793 --> 00:23:16,694
- The Crazy Crew?

627
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:17,905
- What, you don't remember
the Crazy Crew?

628
00:23:17,929 --> 00:23:19,764
- Crazy Crew!

629
00:23:19,797 --> 00:23:21,699
- When I first moved
down South, the Crazy...

630
00:23:21,732 --> 00:23:22,843
- Oh, I remember the Crazy Crew.

631
00:23:22,867 --> 00:23:24,611
But there's a reason we
stopped calling ourselves that

632
00:23:24,635 --> 00:23:26,504
when we were sixteen.
- It was a terrible name.

633
00:23:26,537 --> 00:23:27,572
- For one.

634
00:23:27,605 --> 00:23:28,715
But also because none of us
were actually crazy.

635
00:23:28,739 --> 00:23:30,875
All we used to do was sit
around each other's houses

636
00:23:30,908 --> 00:23:32,709
eating pizza
chatting about how one day

637
00:23:32,743 --> 00:23:34,846
we might actually
talk to some girls.

638
00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:39,818
Fine.

639
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:40,928
I won't talk about
Billy any more.

640
00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:41,820
- And I'm more than happy

641
00:23:41,853 --> 00:23:43,621
not to talk about
weddings and stuff.

642
00:23:43,654 --> 00:23:44,932
- Just so I know,
what sort of "crazy" shit

643
00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:46,658
can we talk about?

644
00:23:47,091 --> 00:23:48,560
- [exhales]

645
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,029
Err, films.

646
00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:56,067
Football.

647
00:23:56,100 --> 00:23:59,571
Women who aren't
our wives or fiancées.

648
00:24:00,571 --> 00:24:02,940
- I'm not really
into football, so...

649
00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:05,543
- Ah, right, err...

650
00:24:05,576 --> 00:24:06,978
[exhales]
Anyone seen anything

651
00:24:07,011 --> 00:24:09,781
interesting at the flicks
recently?

652
00:24:09,814 --> 00:24:11,082
- [exhales]

653
00:24:11,115 --> 00:24:12,726
Don't think I've managed
to watch an entire film

654
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:13,952
since Billy...

655
00:24:16,053 --> 00:24:18,457
Girls, girls, girls then.

656
00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:21,460
You seeing anyone?

657
00:24:21,859 --> 00:24:23,462
- No.

658
00:24:23,828 --> 00:24:25,564
- Relax.

659
00:24:26,030 --> 00:24:28,700
Relax.
Think Zen thoughts.

660
00:24:29,667 --> 00:24:31,769
Namaste.

661
00:24:31,802 --> 00:24:33,538
[distant stick breaks]

662
00:24:34,038 --> 00:24:36,608
[zombie moaning]

663
00:24:37,942 --> 00:24:40,011
[birds chirping]

664
00:24:40,044 --> 00:24:42,481
[zombie moaning continues]

665
00:24:43,581 --> 00:24:44,215
Fuck.

666
00:24:44,249 --> 00:24:44,949
- What about online dating?

667
00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:46,918
- Get with the program, grandma.

668
00:24:46,951 --> 00:24:49,654
Everyone's using apps now.

669
00:24:49,687 --> 00:24:52,524
- On your phone?
- No, on your balls.

670
00:24:52,557 --> 00:24:54,692
- Well, why don't you
try that then?

671
00:24:54,725 --> 00:24:56,127
- This girl at my work,

672
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,862
she's on this Loved Up app,

673
00:24:57,895 --> 00:25:00,098
and she got fifteen
dick pics in a day.

674
00:25:00,131 --> 00:25:01,099
- [scoffs]

675
00:25:01,132 --> 00:25:02,543
Are you worried girls
are going to send you

676
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:03,468
pics of their cock?

677
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:04,645
- No, I just don't
want to send pictures

678
00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:06,671
of my junk to strangers.

679
00:25:06,704 --> 00:25:07,973
I've got a choad.

680
00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:10,875
You understand
you don't have to do that.

681
00:25:10,908 --> 00:25:11,976
- Whatevs.

682
00:25:12,009 --> 00:25:15,113
Look, my point is, it's full
of weirdos and freaks.

683
00:25:15,146 --> 00:25:16,748
-<i> Oh my God!</i>

684
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:18,750
- Jesus Christ, Myles.

685
00:25:18,783 --> 00:25:19,783
Lock and load, bitches.

686
00:25:19,817 --> 00:25:22,120
[paintball gun clicking]
Myles!

687
00:25:22,153 --> 00:25:23,955
We're coming for you, brother!

688
00:25:26,958 --> 00:25:28,660
Yes.

689
00:25:31,929 --> 00:25:33,765
- Shall we?

690
00:25:36,834 --> 00:25:40,071
[patriotic drum roll]
♪♪

691
00:25:43,608 --> 00:25:46,077
[zombie moaning]

692
00:25:52,383 --> 00:25:54,052
- Die motherfuckers!

693
00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:55,753
Yeah!

694
00:25:55,786 --> 00:25:57,789
[patriotic music]
♪♪

695
00:26:00,057 --> 00:26:03,061
- [panting] [coughing]

696
00:26:03,094 --> 00:26:04,729
- You alright?

697
00:26:04,762 --> 00:26:06,965
- It's the booze.
I'll catch you up.

698
00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:08,700
- Okay.

699
00:26:09,967 --> 00:26:12,604
[paintball gun clicking]
[zombies moaning]

700
00:26:14,672 --> 00:26:16,975
[grunting]
- Shit.

701
00:26:18,809 --> 00:26:20,579
Oh God.

702
00:26:20,811 --> 00:26:22,847
[paintballs splattering]

703
00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:26,117
[patriotic music]
♪♪

704
00:26:27,251 --> 00:26:29,187
[zombie moaning]

705
00:26:32,123 --> 00:26:34,859
[distant paintball gun clicking]

706
00:26:36,027 --> 00:26:38,597
- [panting]

707
00:26:46,137 --> 00:26:48,873
[distant footstep]

708
00:26:50,207 --> 00:26:52,944
- [zombie moaning]

709
00:26:58,749 --> 00:27:01,152
[zombie groaning]

710
00:27:07,858 --> 00:27:09,260
- Come on, mate.

711
00:27:09,293 --> 00:27:10,995
This is all just a big game.

712
00:27:11,028 --> 00:27:12,130
- [moaning continues]

713
00:27:12,163 --> 00:27:13,798
- Right?

714
00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:15,867
[paintball gun clicking]

715
00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:25,176
[thud]
[squish]

716
00:27:28,979 --> 00:27:31,249
- What did you fucking do?

717
00:27:32,917 --> 00:27:34,785
[exhales]

718
00:27:35,186 --> 00:27:36,920
- [panicked breathing]

719
00:27:38,022 --> 00:27:39,924
Oh fuck!

720
00:27:46,097 --> 00:27:48,066
[whimpering]

721
00:27:52,336 --> 00:27:55,273
Oh fuck!
Oh fuck!

722
00:27:55,306 --> 00:27:58,009
Oh fuck! Oh fuck!
Oh fuck!

723
00:27:58,042 --> 00:27:59,243
Oh fuck! Oh fuck...!

724
00:27:59,276 --> 00:28:00,745
-<i> Three zombies down.</i>

725
00:28:00,778 --> 00:28:02,814
- Bosh!
- Crazy Crew's back, baby!

726
00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:04,124
- Looks like Sam
bagged one, too.

727
00:28:04,148 --> 00:28:05,082
Awesomeballs!

728
00:28:05,116 --> 00:28:06,918
- I killed him!
- Yeah, I know, I can see.

729
00:28:06,951 --> 00:28:08,986
- I killed him!
- Yeah, alright Sam. We get it.

730
00:28:09,019 --> 00:28:09,787
What's up with this guy?

731
00:28:09,820 --> 00:28:10,864
- No, no, no, you don't get it.

732
00:28:10,888 --> 00:28:13,224
I'm trying to tell you
that I fucking killed him!

733
00:28:13,257 --> 00:28:15,293
- When you say "killed",
do you mean...

734
00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:17,195
- Fucking dead.
Dead, dead.

735
00:28:17,228 --> 00:28:19,130
Like, not stupid
fucking pretend dead.

736
00:28:19,163 --> 00:28:20,999
Actual dead.

737
00:28:22,099 --> 00:28:22,933
- You killed him.

738
00:28:22,967 --> 00:28:24,902
- I know, that's what
I just told you!

739
00:28:24,935 --> 00:28:26,803
- Why did you do that?
- It was by mistake.

740
00:28:26,837 --> 00:28:28,072
He was attacking me

741
00:28:28,105 --> 00:28:29,807
and he was very scary
and then...

742
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:30,975
I... I...

743
00:28:31,008 --> 00:28:33,712
- So you stabbed him through the heart?!
- Uh-huh.

744
00:28:34,145 --> 00:28:35,080
- Oh fuck.

745
00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:38,950
- Yeah, but let's get
this in perspective.

746
00:28:38,983 --> 00:28:40,818
He was already dead.

747
00:28:40,851 --> 00:28:42,253
- What is wrong with you?

748
00:28:42,286 --> 00:28:44,255
[paintball gun clicking]
- You alright muchachos?

749
00:28:44,288 --> 00:28:46,324
The good news is,
I mullered a zombie.

750
00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:48,359
The bad news is, I was
unsuccessful in my dump.

751
00:28:48,392 --> 00:28:49,827
What the fuck?!

752
00:28:49,860 --> 00:28:50,828
- Sam killed him.

753
00:28:50,861 --> 00:28:52,997
- Why?
- I didn't mean to.

754
00:28:53,030 --> 00:28:55,366
I was scared and I dropped
the truncheon and...

755
00:28:55,399 --> 00:28:58,235
[zombie moaning]
[group gasp]

756
00:28:58,269 --> 00:29:00,071
- Help!

757
00:29:00,104 --> 00:29:03,174
- Oh thank God, he's alive!

758
00:29:03,207 --> 00:29:05,276
- [screaming]

759
00:29:08,946 --> 00:29:11,048
- What the hell
did you just do?!

760
00:29:11,081 --> 00:29:12,183
- He was reanimating.

761
00:29:12,216 --> 00:29:13,851
- He wasn't a fucking zombie!

762
00:29:13,884 --> 00:29:15,553
- Yeah, maybe not before.

763
00:29:15,586 --> 00:29:16,988
But we all just saw that.

764
00:29:17,021 --> 00:29:19,791
He just said,
"Brains."

765
00:29:19,824 --> 00:29:21,326
- He said, "Help."

766
00:29:21,859 --> 00:29:23,570
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
- What is your problem?

767
00:29:23,594 --> 00:29:25,372
- You're the stupidest
bloody person I've ever met!

768
00:29:25,396 --> 00:29:26,264
- Just relax!

769
00:29:26,297 --> 00:29:27,999
Both of you relax, okay?

770
00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:29,843
Myles has a plan that's
going to make all of this

771
00:29:29,867 --> 00:29:31,101
just go away.

772
00:29:31,135 --> 00:29:32,136
- You do?
- Yeah.

773
00:29:32,169 --> 00:29:34,172
- What is it?
- Simple, okay.

774
00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:36,941
We bury the body under a tree.

775
00:29:36,974 --> 00:29:38,976
We keep our mouths shut.

776
00:29:39,009 --> 00:29:41,279
And hope no one notices.
You're welcome.

777
00:29:41,312 --> 00:29:42,879
- Hope no one notices?!
- Yeah.

778
00:29:42,913 --> 00:29:44,090
- That is not a plan!
- Course it is,

779
00:29:44,114 --> 00:29:45,183
it's a fucking classic.

780
00:29:45,216 --> 00:29:46,583
Trust me, this is my bag, baby.

781
00:29:46,617 --> 00:29:47,685
I'm a lawyer.

782
00:29:47,718 --> 00:29:49,296
- You're a corporate lawyer,
you negotiate contracts.

783
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,155
Look. Look,
we take his phone, okay?

784
00:29:51,188 --> 00:29:52,056
We keep sending texts

785
00:29:52,089 --> 00:29:53,925
to make it seem like
he's still alive,

786
00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:55,602
and by the time anyone's
figured out something's wrong

787
00:29:55,626 --> 00:29:57,161
ten groups will have
been through here.

788
00:29:57,194 --> 00:29:58,863
And these woods are big.

789
00:29:58,896 --> 00:30:00,207
It'll be weeks before
they find the body.

790
00:30:00,231 --> 00:30:01,833
They won't get
an accurate time of death.

791
00:30:01,866 --> 00:30:03,033
This could work.
- No way.

792
00:30:03,067 --> 00:30:05,170
- Okay.
Then we settle.

793
00:30:06,270 --> 00:30:08,006
We pay them off.

794
00:30:09,073 --> 00:30:10,383
- Are you suggesting
we give them money

795
00:30:10,407 --> 00:30:12,443
to ignore the fact that
we killed their friend?

796
00:30:12,476 --> 00:30:13,978
- Uh-huh.

797
00:30:15,179 --> 00:30:17,190
- How much money?
- I don't know, they look kind of povo.

798
00:30:17,214 --> 00:30:18,358
I reckon ten,
twenty grand a piece

799
00:30:18,382 --> 00:30:19,350
will keep them quiet.

800
00:30:19,383 --> 00:30:20,284
- You'd ignore our murders
for twenty grand?

801
00:30:20,318 --> 00:30:21,152
- Of course not, mate.
I'm already rich.

802
00:30:21,185 --> 00:30:23,321
I'd let someone
take out Eric for, say,

803
00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:24,288
I don't know, a hundred?

804
00:30:24,321 --> 00:30:25,857
- A hundred grand?

805
00:30:25,890 --> 00:30:26,758
Cheers, bro.

806
00:30:26,791 --> 00:30:27,934
- No. Apart from the fact
I don't have

807
00:30:27,958 --> 00:30:28,759
twenty grand spare,

808
00:30:28,792 --> 00:30:30,928
that is a completely
ridiculous idea.

809
00:30:30,961 --> 00:30:32,906
- We could frame Brandon.
He's a massive dickhead.

810
00:30:32,930 --> 00:30:33,464
- That's true.

811
00:30:33,497 --> 00:30:35,299
- No, no, no, no!

812
00:30:35,332 --> 00:30:38,035
We're not paying anyone off
or framing anyone.

813
00:30:38,068 --> 00:30:38,903
Okay?

814
00:30:38,936 --> 00:30:39,637
We've got no choice.

815
00:30:39,670 --> 00:30:40,404
We'll have to go to the police.

816
00:30:40,437 --> 00:30:41,472
- The police?

817
00:30:41,505 --> 00:30:42,907
Sam and Eric will go to prison.

818
00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:44,017
You understand that, right?

819
00:30:44,041 --> 00:30:44,942
- It was a mistake.

820
00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:47,211
- Eric may go down
for mental incompetence

821
00:30:47,244 --> 00:30:48,946
and Sam, maybe manslaughter,

822
00:30:48,979 --> 00:30:50,281
but that is still hard time.

823
00:30:50,314 --> 00:30:51,883
- Sam won't stand a chance

824
00:30:51,916 --> 00:30:53,326
- I dunno, he seems pretty
good at shanking people.

825
00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:54,150
- I can't go to prison

826
00:30:54,184 --> 00:30:56,220
I'm getting married
in three weeks.

827
00:30:56,253 --> 00:30:57,989
Rachel will be devastated.

828
00:30:58,022 --> 00:31:00,291
[gasping]
Gerald would never forgive me!

829
00:31:00,324 --> 00:31:01,125
- Look Toby,

830
00:31:01,158 --> 00:31:02,994
if you insist on
going down this way,

831
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:05,129
we're not going to kill you
to silence you, okay.

832
00:31:06,230 --> 00:31:07,240
- I didn't think you were
till you said that.

833
00:31:07,264 --> 00:31:09,033
Why would you...

834
00:31:09,066 --> 00:31:09,900
why are you talking
about killing me?

835
00:31:09,934 --> 00:31:11,111
- I said we're not
going to kill you.

836
00:31:11,135 --> 00:31:12,103
- But it'd crossed your mind!

837
00:31:12,136 --> 00:31:13,170
- It crossed my mind.

838
00:31:13,203 --> 00:31:14,104
- All I'm saying is,

839
00:31:14,138 --> 00:31:16,374
is that you signed
the Crazy Crew charter

840
00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:18,074
just like the rest of us.

841
00:31:18,108 --> 00:31:20,378
And article twelve of the
Crazy Crew charter says,

842
00:31:20,411 --> 00:31:22,413
- "Always have
a brother's back."

843
00:31:22,446 --> 00:31:23,380
- Always.

844
00:31:23,414 --> 00:31:24,615
- We were fourteen.

845
00:31:24,649 --> 00:31:26,326
We were talking about girls
and fights in the playground,

846
00:31:26,350 --> 00:31:28,319
not conspiracy
to fucking murder!

847
00:31:28,352 --> 00:31:29,954
- I think it was implicit.
- Totally.

848
00:31:29,987 --> 00:31:31,989
- Guys, guys, I have a son

849
00:31:32,022 --> 00:31:33,123
to think about now, okay?

850
00:31:33,157 --> 00:31:35,326
- Oh, you promised you weren't
going to talk about him.

851
00:31:35,359 --> 00:31:36,994
- You promised
not to murder anyone!

852
00:31:37,027 --> 00:31:38,162
- No, I bloody didn't!

853
00:31:38,195 --> 00:31:41,131
But fine.
Let's talk about Billy.

854
00:31:41,165 --> 00:31:42,533
How long have you
known this guy?

855
00:31:42,566 --> 00:31:43,501
Eight months.

856
00:31:43,534 --> 00:31:45,269
And has he ever said
anything interesting?

857
00:31:45,302 --> 00:31:46,136
No.

858
00:31:46,170 --> 00:31:47,380
Has he ever done
anything interesting?

859
00:31:47,404 --> 00:31:48,105
No.

860
00:31:48,138 --> 00:31:49,215
You've known Sam
for twenty years

861
00:31:49,239 --> 00:31:52,543
and he has said and done
lots of interesting things,

862
00:31:52,576 --> 00:31:54,145
so I just can't understand

863
00:31:54,178 --> 00:31:57,381
how you can possibly
prefer Billy over Sam!

864
00:31:57,414 --> 00:31:58,950
- You're not even human.

865
00:31:58,983 --> 00:32:00,051
- Let's face it,

866
00:32:00,084 --> 00:32:02,028
Billy could be the most
boring person in the world,

867
00:32:02,052 --> 00:32:03,286
or a complete twat.

868
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:04,531
And you're going to throw
away your friendship

869
00:32:04,555 --> 00:32:06,290
with Sam for that?

870
00:32:06,323 --> 00:32:08,559
- One day you'll grow up
and understand responsibility.

871
00:32:08,592 --> 00:32:09,326
Billy needs me.

872
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,428
[mocking]
- "Billy needs me!"

873
00:32:13,197 --> 00:32:13,965
- What the fuck are you doing?

874
00:32:13,998 --> 00:32:15,499
- If you let Toby wipe your bum,

875
00:32:15,532 --> 00:32:16,734
he won't send you to prison.

876
00:32:16,767 --> 00:32:18,269
- Stop it!

877
00:32:19,470 --> 00:32:21,973
Look, Toby's right.

878
00:32:22,006 --> 00:32:24,041
He has got a son to think of.

879
00:32:24,074 --> 00:32:26,077
And even if little
Billy is boring.

880
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:27,078
Or a twat.

881
00:32:27,111 --> 00:32:29,246
He's your little twat.

882
00:32:29,279 --> 00:32:31,382
Your responsibility.

883
00:32:31,548 --> 00:32:34,352
This is my responsibility,
my fault.

884
00:32:35,219 --> 00:32:37,088
I have to take the fall.

885
00:32:41,025 --> 00:32:43,094
I've got no reception.

886
00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:47,031
Can I borrow yours please?

887
00:32:47,064 --> 00:32:49,167
[light horn music]
♪♪

888
00:32:51,235 --> 00:32:54,004
- Oh, for fuck's sake.

889
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:57,541
- So I said, "How the hell
can she have chlamydia?

890
00:32:57,574 --> 00:32:58,618
I always taught her
to rubber up."

891
00:32:58,642 --> 00:33:01,345
- Ah yes, but feline chlamydia
is often passed on

892
00:33:01,378 --> 00:33:03,114
from mother to kitten.

893
00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:05,182
- Yeah, that's what they said.

894
00:33:05,215 --> 00:33:06,484
- [whistles]

895
00:33:06,517 --> 00:33:09,253
[paintball gun clicking]

896
00:33:13,424 --> 00:33:15,226
[paintball gun clicking]
- Ow!

897
00:33:16,260 --> 00:33:18,229
[paintball gun clicking]
- Oh, you wanker.

898
00:33:18,262 --> 00:33:19,496
- And regroup!

899
00:33:20,330 --> 00:33:21,574
- I'll tell you one thing,
Gerry,

900
00:33:21,598 --> 00:33:22,566
you don't have to
worry about Sam

901
00:33:22,599 --> 00:33:24,568
giving your daughter any STD's.

902
00:33:24,601 --> 00:33:26,237
He's very hygienic.

903
00:33:26,270 --> 00:33:28,105
- Ooh, what an accolade.

904
00:33:28,138 --> 00:33:29,305
- Yeah, it's true that.

905
00:33:29,339 --> 00:33:32,376
I happen to know for
a fact that he flosses.

906
00:33:32,409 --> 00:33:34,545
- Yeah, his teeth though,
not his cock.

907
00:33:35,412 --> 00:33:37,015
- True. True.

908
00:33:37,414 --> 00:33:39,417
[upbeat music]
♪♪

909
00:33:46,323 --> 00:33:48,459
- [grunting]

910
00:33:57,101 --> 00:33:59,537
[breathing heavily]

911
00:34:02,172 --> 00:34:03,492
[whispers]
Let me get rid of that.

912
00:34:04,608 --> 00:34:05,576
- Are you kidding...

913
00:34:05,609 --> 00:34:08,179
You just smeared his DNA
all over your clothes!

914
00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:09,112
- Oops.

915
00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:10,623
- Maybe you want to
wank onto his face.

916
00:34:10,647 --> 00:34:12,415
Make the prosecution's
case watertight.

917
00:34:12,449 --> 00:34:14,151
- I'll wank onto your face.

918
00:34:14,184 --> 00:34:15,653
- How is that a comeback?

919
00:34:17,321 --> 00:34:19,257
- S.P. Dowie.

920
00:34:19,456 --> 00:34:21,125
One bank card.

921
00:34:21,458 --> 00:34:23,561
Two condoms.
Ribbed for her pleasure.

922
00:34:23,594 --> 00:34:24,662
- Very thoughtful.

923
00:34:24,695 --> 00:34:26,397
- And a Nando's loyalty card.

924
00:34:26,429 --> 00:34:27,397
Alright.

925
00:34:27,431 --> 00:34:29,300
- Oh, are we stealing from
the dead now, too?

926
00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:30,443
- Toby, if we're going
to convince people

927
00:34:30,467 --> 00:34:31,301
this guy's still alive

928
00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:33,170
we need to keep
his cards operational.

929
00:34:33,203 --> 00:34:34,103
Okay?

930
00:34:34,138 --> 00:34:34,770
If that means I get a free
quarter chicken

931
00:34:34,804 --> 00:34:35,505
now and then, so be it.

932
00:34:35,539 --> 00:34:37,174
- Medium?
- Mango and lime.

933
00:34:37,206 --> 00:34:38,174
- Interesting.
- Mmm.

934
00:34:38,208 --> 00:34:39,243
Oh.
Hold on.

935
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,382
Bingo.
Whoo.

936
00:34:49,485 --> 00:34:50,420
Balls.

937
00:34:50,454 --> 00:34:53,157
I need his passcode
to change his passcode.

938
00:34:53,190 --> 00:34:53,824
- You'll have to
keep pressing it,

939
00:34:53,858 --> 00:34:55,259
make sure it doesn't lock.

940
00:34:56,159 --> 00:34:57,228
- Or...

941
00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:01,232
- No!

942
00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:02,500
No, you can't!

943
00:35:05,169 --> 00:35:06,270
- [grunts]

944
00:35:07,337 --> 00:35:10,374
- Jesus Christ...
- Our lord.

945
00:35:10,407 --> 00:35:13,511
Blessed art thou
in all your glory.

946
00:35:15,245 --> 00:35:17,147
Etcetera, etcetera.

947
00:35:18,182 --> 00:35:21,452
Today we offer you
our good friend...

948
00:35:25,222 --> 00:35:26,624
Steve?

949
00:35:26,657 --> 00:35:29,360
- Steve's not really
a zombie name.

950
00:35:29,393 --> 00:35:30,761
- E wasn't a zombie.
- Graah.

951
00:35:30,794 --> 00:35:32,363
Now that's a zombie name.

952
00:35:32,396 --> 00:35:34,532
- He wasn't a zombie.
- It began with "S".

953
00:35:34,565 --> 00:35:35,433
- Sluor.

954
00:35:35,466 --> 00:35:37,268
Now that's a proper
good zombie name.

955
00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:39,270
- He wasn't a zombie.
- One second.

956
00:35:39,736 --> 00:35:41,672
- Oh, for crying out loud.

957
00:35:41,972 --> 00:35:43,240
- It was Steve.

958
00:35:43,273 --> 00:35:44,709
Good guess, Sam.
- Thanks!

959
00:35:48,745 --> 00:35:49,413
- Lord.

960
00:35:49,446 --> 00:35:50,714
[church organ music]
♪♪

961
00:35:50,747 --> 00:35:53,250
Please take Steve

962
00:35:54,685 --> 00:35:57,621
into your holy kingdom

963
00:35:57,654 --> 00:36:01,325
and treat him with kindness
for all eternity.

964
00:36:02,526 --> 00:36:05,663
I remember the first time
I met Steve.

965
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:07,964
He was eyeballing me
from across the cafe

966
00:36:07,998 --> 00:36:09,433
because of something
Myles had said

967
00:36:09,466 --> 00:36:10,601
about monkey jizz.

968
00:36:10,634 --> 00:36:12,537
- Positive feedback.
- Great times.

969
00:36:13,837 --> 00:36:15,539
And although I didn't
get the chance

970
00:36:15,572 --> 00:36:18,542
to get to know him
as much as I'd have liked,

971
00:36:18,575 --> 00:36:20,544
from the small time
we spent together

972
00:36:20,577 --> 00:36:23,347
I could tell that Steve was a...

973
00:36:25,482 --> 00:36:27,351
Was a...
- A bit of a cunt?

974
00:36:27,384 --> 00:36:28,085
- A bit of a cunt.
Yeah.

975
00:36:28,118 --> 00:36:30,221
- Bless him, he was.
- Yeah.

976
00:36:31,421 --> 00:36:32,689
- Amen?
- Amen.

977
00:36:32,723 --> 00:36:33,624
- We good with God now?

978
00:36:33,657 --> 00:36:35,393
- Defo.
- Right.

979
00:36:36,293 --> 00:36:38,596
[organ music playing]
♪♪

980
00:36:42,733 --> 00:36:43,777
- You should've seen the look on

981
00:36:43,801 --> 00:36:46,370
that stuck up prick's face
when I snuck up on him.

982
00:36:47,504 --> 00:36:49,272
What do you think of that?

983
00:36:49,806 --> 00:36:50,874
- She's rough, mate.

984
00:36:50,907 --> 00:36:53,577
- What are you talking about?
Look at those tits.

985
00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:55,346
- You fucked a pig, mate.

986
00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:56,279
What do you think, Cam?

987
00:36:56,313 --> 00:36:57,248
- At least it was female.

988
00:36:57,281 --> 00:36:58,391
I thought he was a fucking poof.

989
00:36:58,415 --> 00:36:59,683
- Oh, piss off.

990
00:36:59,716 --> 00:37:01,384
- Oh, yeah!

991
00:37:01,418 --> 00:37:03,587
- Four hundred feet per second.

992
00:37:03,620 --> 00:37:06,589
One eighty five pound
draw weight.

993
00:37:06,623 --> 00:37:07,391
- Nice.

994
00:37:07,424 --> 00:37:08,826
- Fucking should be for a grand.

995
00:37:08,859 --> 00:37:09,827
- [whistles]

996
00:37:09,860 --> 00:37:11,437
- So when are we gonna
go bag a deer then, eh?

997
00:37:11,461 --> 00:37:12,663
- You and me?

998
00:37:12,696 --> 00:37:13,764
Never.

999
00:37:14,898 --> 00:37:16,709
- Oi, you fucking prick!
- Sorry, mate. Finger slipped.

1000
00:37:16,733 --> 00:37:19,303
- I just bought that!
- Oi, rein it in!

1001
00:37:19,336 --> 00:37:21,337
Any of you fucking monkeys
know where Steve is?

1002
00:37:21,371 --> 00:37:22,649
- He was with us
on the first run.

1003
00:37:22,673 --> 00:37:23,607
Don't know after that.

1004
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:24,741
- Check the bog.

1005
00:37:24,775 --> 00:37:26,443
One o'clock's his wank time.

1006
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:27,244
- Right, ten minutes

1007
00:37:27,277 --> 00:37:28,779
then back out for the next run.

1008
00:37:30,314 --> 00:37:31,682
- Wank time.

1009
00:37:38,655 --> 00:37:40,791
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1010
00:37:42,492 --> 00:37:44,762
- [spitting] [grunting]

1011
00:37:44,795 --> 00:37:46,730
Can I please have
some water now?

1012
00:37:46,763 --> 00:37:48,598
I think I'm getting dehydrated.

1013
00:37:51,568 --> 00:37:52,336
- You twat.

1014
00:37:52,369 --> 00:37:53,837
- Stag rules
are still in effect.

1015
00:37:53,870 --> 00:37:56,774
- Whoo. This guy
really had no life.

1016
00:37:56,807 --> 00:37:58,776
No parents.
No girlfriend.

1017
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:00,444
Barely any friends.

1018
00:38:00,477 --> 00:38:01,310
Honestly, I don't think

1019
00:38:01,345 --> 00:38:02,455
a single person's
going to miss him.

1020
00:38:02,479 --> 00:38:03,647
- Brilliant!

1021
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,382
- You two are awful
human beings.

1022
00:38:05,415 --> 00:38:07,351
- Oh, he is on Loved Up though.

1023
00:38:07,384 --> 00:38:08,352
- Oh, let's have a look.

1024
00:38:08,385 --> 00:38:10,185
- Is that the thing you
were telling me about?

1025
00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:11,689
- So, Loved Up.

1026
00:38:11,722 --> 00:38:14,792
You search, right,
for girls in your local area,

1027
00:38:14,825 --> 00:38:17,660
let's say aged between
twenty-two and thirty-five,

1028
00:38:17,694 --> 00:38:18,462
right?

1029
00:38:18,495 --> 00:38:21,531
And their profiles
pop up, like so.

1030
00:38:21,565 --> 00:38:23,901
So, Mandy?
Hmm.

1031
00:38:23,934 --> 00:38:25,903
What do we think about Mandy?

1032
00:38:25,936 --> 00:38:29,473
- Erm, well she's...
she's...

1033
00:38:29,506 --> 00:38:30,540
- She's a no.

1034
00:38:30,574 --> 00:38:32,876
So we swipe Mandy that way,
and Mandy disappears

1035
00:38:32,909 --> 00:38:35,713
and now she's
replaced by Natasha.

1036
00:38:36,380 --> 00:38:37,615
- No.

1037
00:38:38,382 --> 00:38:39,550
- Annabelle?

1038
00:38:39,583 --> 00:38:40,551
- No.

1039
00:38:40,584 --> 00:38:42,419
- Melissa?
- No.

1040
00:38:42,452 --> 00:38:43,787
- Elizabeth?
- No.

1041
00:38:43,820 --> 00:38:45,723
- Oh, hello, Veronica.

1042
00:38:45,756 --> 00:38:46,790
- Ah, yeah.

1043
00:38:46,824 --> 00:38:50,427
- We like Veronica,
so we swipe this way and...

1044
00:38:50,460 --> 00:38:52,496
[cellphone chimes]
Holy shit!

1045
00:38:52,529 --> 00:38:53,764
It's a match.

1046
00:38:53,797 --> 00:38:54,898
- She likes us, too?

1047
00:38:54,931 --> 00:38:55,933
- Yeah.

1048
00:38:55,966 --> 00:38:57,601
- Cool, so what do we do now?

1049
00:38:57,634 --> 00:38:58,602
I don't know.

1050
00:38:58,635 --> 00:38:59,603
I suppose we send her
pictures of our cocks.

1051
00:38:59,636 --> 00:39:01,904
- You don't have to send
a picture of your cock.

1052
00:39:01,938 --> 00:39:03,507
- Oh yeah, you're right.

1053
00:39:03,540 --> 00:39:04,508
It could be anyone's.

1054
00:39:04,541 --> 00:39:06,443
How can she tell the difference?

1055
00:39:06,476 --> 00:39:07,787
Unless there's something
in the picture

1056
00:39:07,811 --> 00:39:08,946
to give it scale,

1057
00:39:08,979 --> 00:39:10,781
they basically look the same.

1058
00:39:10,814 --> 00:39:13,149
I've never had a girl
like that like me.

1059
00:39:13,183 --> 00:39:14,785
- Yeah, one small problem.

1060
00:39:14,818 --> 00:39:17,721
She doesn't actually like you,
she likes Steve.

1061
00:39:17,754 --> 00:39:19,490
- Oh yeah.

1062
00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:20,758
Shit.

1063
00:39:21,758 --> 00:39:22,993
[cellphone dings]

1064
00:39:23,026 --> 00:39:25,696
- Oh, text from
Sergeant Marshall.

1065
00:39:25,729 --> 00:39:26,462
- Yeah?

1066
00:39:26,496 --> 00:39:27,598
- "Where are you?"

1067
00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:29,665
- Okay, okay, text back,

1068
00:39:29,699 --> 00:39:31,668
"Feel like shite, boss.

1069
00:39:31,701 --> 00:39:33,704
Gone home.
Sorry".

1070
00:39:33,737 --> 00:39:34,571
- Sent.

1071
00:39:34,605 --> 00:39:35,882
- Do you think that'll work?
- Yeah.

1072
00:39:35,906 --> 00:39:37,408
- It better work.

1073
00:39:37,441 --> 00:39:39,776
[cellphone dings]
- Reply.

1074
00:39:39,810 --> 00:39:41,745
"See you next Saturday".

1075
00:39:41,778 --> 00:39:42,745
- Boom!

1076
00:39:42,779 --> 00:39:44,748
And just like that we've
bought ourselves a week.

1077
00:39:44,781 --> 00:39:46,016
- Sweet!

1078
00:39:46,049 --> 00:39:48,753
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1079
00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:54,658
[cellphone vibrating]

1080
00:39:59,596 --> 00:40:02,967
[light jazz music]
♪♪

1081
00:40:03,700 --> 00:40:05,569
- And, of course,
my great grandfather,

1082
00:40:05,602 --> 00:40:07,837
Commodore Corfield
played a prominent role

1083
00:40:07,871 --> 00:40:09,673
in the Dervish war.

1084
00:40:09,706 --> 00:40:12,643
He was known by the locals
as "Aleunsuriat Alqasia",

1085
00:40:12,676 --> 00:40:16,613
which loosely translates as,
"Cruel racist".

1086
00:40:16,646 --> 00:40:17,824
- It was probably
a compliment at that time.

1087
00:40:17,848 --> 00:40:18,916
- I should say.

1088
00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:21,819
After him my grandfather
captained a frigate in Burma

1089
00:40:21,852 --> 00:40:26,522
and then my father served
aboard the HMS Black Swan.

1090
00:40:26,556 --> 00:40:28,492
- The Battle of Chumonchin Chan.

1091
00:40:28,525 --> 00:40:30,027
- Indeed.

1092
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:31,495
- I fucking love getting baked

1093
00:40:31,528 --> 00:40:32,995
and watching
the History Channel.

1094
00:40:33,029 --> 00:40:35,566
You should try Jurassic
Fight Club on ketamine.

1095
00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:36,100
It's brutal.

1096
00:40:36,133 --> 00:40:37,734
- I don't doubt it.

1097
00:40:37,767 --> 00:40:40,471
So, yes, after eleven
generations of naval men,

1098
00:40:40,504 --> 00:40:42,839
I suppose my fate
was inevitable.

1099
00:40:42,873 --> 00:40:44,675
And yourself?

1100
00:40:44,708 --> 00:40:46,577
- Well, my old man
was a dustman.

1101
00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:48,479
- Who wore a dustman's hat?

1102
00:40:49,713 --> 00:40:51,816
- No, I don't think
he had a hat.

1103
00:40:52,716 --> 00:40:54,484
So, yeah, I could've
gone into that,

1104
00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:56,954
and then I thought early
mornings and shit pay,

1105
00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:59,723
figured it made more sense
to just blag my way into uni,

1106
00:40:59,756 --> 00:41:00,924
deal a few drugs

1107
00:41:00,957 --> 00:41:03,560
and hang out as long
as humanly possible.

1108
00:41:03,593 --> 00:41:05,696
- Thoroughly understandable.

1109
00:41:11,768 --> 00:41:12,636
- So I'm thinking,

1110
00:41:12,669 --> 00:41:13,502
come Tuesday or Wednesday
big Steve's

1111
00:41:13,537 --> 00:41:15,839
going to have
a major life rethink,

1112
00:41:15,872 --> 00:41:17,574
quit his job, move down South

1113
00:41:17,607 --> 00:41:19,776
and pursue his dream
of becoming a banker.

1114
00:41:19,809 --> 00:41:21,578
We sell that,
we're home and dry.

1115
00:41:21,611 --> 00:41:22,879
- Nice.

1116
00:41:23,613 --> 00:41:24,982
- What is it?

1117
00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:26,783
Is it the bunker?

1118
00:41:26,816 --> 00:41:28,051
- It looks like a cabin.

1119
00:41:28,084 --> 00:41:30,620
- Ah, maybe they've got water.

1120
00:41:30,654 --> 00:41:32,689
- Maybe they've got a toilet.

1121
00:41:32,722 --> 00:41:34,925
- We really are the
Crazy Crew, aren't we?

1122
00:41:37,794 --> 00:41:39,964
[banjo music]
♪♪

1123
00:41:42,766 --> 00:41:43,534
- Should we knock?

1124
00:41:43,567 --> 00:41:45,703
- I don't think
anyone lives here.

1125
00:41:47,571 --> 00:41:49,006
[knocking]

1126
00:41:49,039 --> 00:41:50,808
- Hello.

1127
00:41:51,575 --> 00:41:53,143
[knocking]

1128
00:41:53,176 --> 00:41:55,078
Hello!

1129
00:42:02,752 --> 00:42:05,055
[door creaking open]

1130
00:42:10,193 --> 00:42:12,897
[floor creaking]

1131
00:42:13,930 --> 00:42:16,133
Hello.

1132
00:42:18,702 --> 00:42:20,704
Anybody home?

1133
00:42:24,941 --> 00:42:28,578
[ominous music]
♪♪

1134
00:42:43,193 --> 00:42:45,796
- No one's been here in months.

1135
00:43:01,978 --> 00:43:03,681
-<i> Oh my God!</i>

1136
00:43:04,114 --> 00:43:06,850
<i>There is bog roll,
and it's quilted.</i>

1137
00:43:06,883 --> 00:43:08,118
<i>Awesomeballs!</i>

1138
00:43:08,151 --> 00:43:09,685
<i>I'll see you in ten.</i>

1139
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:11,855
- And you thought
it wouldn't catch on.

1140
00:43:12,756 --> 00:43:14,825
Let's check for supplies.

1141
00:43:20,830 --> 00:43:22,766
- I dunno, I think
this is someone's house.

1142
00:43:22,799 --> 00:43:23,976
- Nah, whoever it was
would've fled

1143
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,869
when the infection started.

1144
00:43:26,736 --> 00:43:28,171
- Whoa, whoa, what you doing?

1145
00:43:28,204 --> 00:43:29,940
Oi!

1146
00:43:31,241 --> 00:43:33,677
Have a beer.
- There are beers?

1147
00:43:33,710 --> 00:43:34,854
This is definitely
someone's house.

1148
00:43:34,878 --> 00:43:35,779
- Well, you wouldn't
take your beer

1149
00:43:35,813 --> 00:43:36,956
if you had to flee
an infection, would you?

1150
00:43:36,980 --> 00:43:37,981
- There is no infection.

1151
00:43:38,015 --> 00:43:40,116
- Well, maybe the organizers
left them for us.

1152
00:43:40,150 --> 00:43:41,652
They knew we were a stag do.

1153
00:43:41,685 --> 00:43:43,120
- So why is there milk?

1154
00:43:43,153 --> 00:43:44,788
- Cup of tea?

1155
00:43:44,821 --> 00:43:45,922
- Yeah?

1156
00:43:45,955 --> 00:43:47,199
And what about the pig out back?

1157
00:43:47,223 --> 00:43:49,893
[pig grunting]

1158
00:43:49,926 --> 00:43:51,995
- Bacon butty?

1159
00:43:52,028 --> 00:43:54,430
Yeah, no, we should
get out of here.

1160
00:43:54,464 --> 00:43:56,834
[car approaching]

1161
00:43:58,034 --> 00:43:59,069
Shit!

1162
00:43:59,102 --> 00:44:01,105
- Uh...
- The window.

1163
00:44:02,072 --> 00:44:03,740
- Oh bollocks!

1164
00:44:03,773 --> 00:44:04,741
- Quick, hide!

1165
00:44:04,774 --> 00:44:06,910
- Err, here!

1166
00:44:08,178 --> 00:44:09,980
- Come on!

1167
00:44:10,146 --> 00:44:12,015
There's not much space in here!

1168
00:44:12,048 --> 00:44:12,816
Ow!

1169
00:44:12,849 --> 00:44:13,893
- There's tons of room in there!

1170
00:44:13,917 --> 00:44:15,052
- I'm not a fucking cat!

1171
00:44:15,085 --> 00:44:16,820
- Just turn round,
tuck your legs in!

1172
00:44:16,853 --> 00:44:19,223
- <i>Ow! Ow!
I'm stuck!</i>

1173
00:44:25,995 --> 00:44:27,865
<i>I can't see,</i>

1174
00:44:28,264 --> 00:44:31,068
<i>but I feel like something
might've happened.</i>

1175
00:44:31,868 --> 00:44:34,171
- What the fuck are you
doing in my house?

1176
00:44:34,204 --> 00:44:35,839
- I understand this looks bad,

1177
00:44:35,872 --> 00:44:38,841
but there's actually a perfectly
reasonable explanation.

1178
00:44:38,875 --> 00:44:39,943
-<i> True, there is.</i>

1179
00:44:39,976 --> 00:44:42,016
- You see, we thought it was empty
- It's not empty.

1180
00:44:42,045 --> 00:44:43,847
- We didn't think
anyone lived here.

1181
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:45,182
- Now why would you think that?

1182
00:44:45,215 --> 00:44:47,918
- <i>Well,
it's a bit of a shithole.</i>

1183
00:44:48,785 --> 00:44:49,786
- Shithole?!

1184
00:44:49,819 --> 00:44:50,854
- He said that, not me.

1185
00:44:50,887 --> 00:44:52,164
- What's he doing
in my cupboard?

1186
00:44:52,188 --> 00:44:53,256
- Well, erm...

1187
00:44:53,289 --> 00:44:54,858
- Are you drinking my beer?!

1188
00:44:54,891 --> 00:44:56,059
- No, no, well, yes.

1189
00:44:56,092 --> 00:44:57,928
- I'm gonna fucking kill...

1190
00:44:57,961 --> 00:44:58,928
- Right!

1191
00:44:58,962 --> 00:45:00,997
Right! Right!

1192
00:45:01,030 --> 00:45:02,766
That's it!
I've had enough!

1193
00:45:02,799 --> 00:45:04,801
All of you,
all day, overreacting,

1194
00:45:04,834 --> 00:45:06,937
behaving like bloody lunatics!

1195
00:45:06,970 --> 00:45:08,214
Sam, apologize
to this gentleman.

1196
00:45:08,238 --> 00:45:10,107
- Oh, but...
- Just do it!

1197
00:45:11,841 --> 00:45:13,076
- I'm sorry.

1198
00:45:13,109 --> 00:45:15,078
- Fuck off.
- And you.

1199
00:45:15,111 --> 00:45:17,881
You need to take a long,
hard look at yourself.

1200
00:45:17,914 --> 00:45:19,182
This place is a shithole.

1201
00:45:19,215 --> 00:45:21,093
When was the last time you
cleaned your rooms, huh?

1202
00:45:21,117 --> 00:45:22,953
And what on Earth
were you thinking,

1203
00:45:22,986 --> 00:45:25,989
storming in like that
threatening to kill us?

1204
00:45:26,022 --> 00:45:28,158
You're a little old man,
there's three of us!

1205
00:45:28,191 --> 00:45:29,292
Honestly, at your age,

1206
00:45:29,325 --> 00:45:31,194
you should be ashamed
of yourself.

1207
00:45:31,227 --> 00:45:32,995
Now you need to take a moment,

1208
00:45:33,029 --> 00:45:35,966
take a deep breath
and calm the hell down!

1209
00:45:38,902 --> 00:45:40,270
[thud]
[grunts]

1210
00:45:42,806 --> 00:45:44,307
- I'll show you fucking calm!

1211
00:45:44,340 --> 00:45:46,176
- No, no, no, just wait, wait!

1212
00:45:46,209 --> 00:45:48,846
[upbeat country music]
♪♪

1213
00:45:53,116 --> 00:45:56,286
- Time to shut that big
fucking mouth of yours.

1214
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,989
You're a dead man!

1215
00:45:59,022 --> 00:46:01,158
[wincing]

1216
00:46:05,061 --> 00:46:06,864
[thud]

1217
00:46:07,430 --> 00:46:09,767
- [gasping]

1218
00:46:10,834 --> 00:46:12,134
Oh shit.

1219
00:46:12,168 --> 00:46:14,004
-<i> What's happening guys?</i>

1220
00:46:14,037 --> 00:46:16,305
[toilet flushing]
- Oh shit.

1221
00:46:16,339 --> 00:46:17,240
-<i> Guys?</i>

1222
00:46:17,273 --> 00:46:18,875
- That was not my fault.

1223
00:46:18,908 --> 00:46:20,085
- Guys, what the hell is go...

1224
00:46:20,109 --> 00:46:21,377
Oh, for crying out loud.

1225
00:46:21,411 --> 00:46:22,379
- It's not my fault.

1226
00:46:22,412 --> 00:46:24,023
- How comes every time
I go to squeeze one out

1227
00:46:24,047 --> 00:46:24,982
you end up killing someone, eh?

1228
00:46:25,015 --> 00:46:26,883
- It was a heart attack.
It's natural causes.

1229
00:46:26,916 --> 00:46:27,851
- Yeah, I know,

1230
00:46:27,884 --> 00:46:29,028
I'm sure the coroner
will come to that exact

1231
00:46:29,052 --> 00:46:29,886
same conclusion when he pulls

1232
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,155
the fucking knife
out of his chest.

1233
00:46:32,188 --> 00:46:35,025
- It looks bad, doesn't it?
- Just a little bit, yeah.

1234
00:46:36,626 --> 00:46:38,996
- <i>Can someone help me
out of here, please?</i>

1235
00:46:39,429 --> 00:46:40,998
- Right.

1236
00:46:42,265 --> 00:46:44,100
[grunting]

1237
00:46:44,133 --> 00:46:46,870
[upbeat country music]
♪♪

1238
00:46:54,377 --> 00:46:55,211
- So in about a mile

1239
00:46:55,245 --> 00:46:56,289
there should be a road
off to the left,

1240
00:46:56,313 --> 00:46:57,990
and then it's just a few
hundred meters from there.

1241
00:46:58,014 --> 00:46:59,014
- Okay.

1242
00:46:59,883 --> 00:47:01,427
- Slow down, will you?
- I'm not even speeding.

1243
00:47:01,451 --> 00:47:03,320
- The last thing we want
is to get pulled over.

1244
00:47:03,353 --> 00:47:05,121
- Why would there be
any police out here?

1245
00:47:05,154 --> 00:47:08,058
Oh, other than all the
murders you've been doing.

1246
00:47:08,091 --> 00:47:09,335
Look, it's four o'clock already.

1247
00:47:09,359 --> 00:47:10,370
We need to get
to the rendezvous point

1248
00:47:10,394 --> 00:47:12,071
before anyone starts
getting suspicious, okay?

1249
00:47:12,095 --> 00:47:13,205
- Yeah, and we don't
want to leave Gerald

1250
00:47:13,229 --> 00:47:15,064
with that lot
longer than we have to.

1251
00:47:15,098 --> 00:47:16,108
- Well we're not going
to get there very quickly

1252
00:47:16,132 --> 00:47:17,067
if we crash, are we?

1253
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:18,444
- Oh, just because you drive
like Miss Daisy,

1254
00:47:18,468 --> 00:47:20,002
doesn't make you a safer driver.

1255
00:47:20,036 --> 00:47:20,837
- Yes, it does.

1256
00:47:20,870 --> 00:47:22,114
- No, you plod along
like a snail,

1257
00:47:22,138 --> 00:47:23,215
but your brain's
all over the place

1258
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:24,908
thinking about
a million other things,

1259
00:47:24,941 --> 00:47:26,118
blissfully unaware
of all the carnage

1260
00:47:26,142 --> 00:47:26,975
your causing around you.

1261
00:47:27,010 --> 00:47:29,446
I, on the other hand,
am switched on,

1262
00:47:29,479 --> 00:47:31,214
in the moment and focussed.

1263
00:47:31,247 --> 00:47:32,415
- If you say so.

1264
00:47:32,448 --> 00:47:35,352
- So who do you guys think
is the safer driver, me or Toby?

1265
00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:37,054
[thud]

1266
00:47:40,990 --> 00:47:42,658
Right.

1267
00:47:42,692 --> 00:47:44,394
Ah.

1268
00:48:00,410 --> 00:48:01,944
- Hello.

1269
00:48:04,213 --> 00:48:05,248
Hello!

1270
00:48:05,281 --> 00:48:06,249
- Sam, his head and legs
are pointing

1271
00:48:06,282 --> 00:48:08,151
in opposite directions.

1272
00:48:10,153 --> 00:48:12,022
- In for a penny.

1273
00:48:12,288 --> 00:48:13,957
Come on.

1274
00:48:13,990 --> 00:48:15,359
- I'll get his head.
- Yeah.

1275
00:48:19,162 --> 00:48:21,163
- Let me get this straight.
- Mm-hmm.

1276
00:48:21,197 --> 00:48:24,267
- The old man kills the two zombies.
- Yeah.

1277
00:48:24,300 --> 00:48:25,411
- And then in a fit of guilt,

1278
00:48:25,435 --> 00:48:27,037
decides to take his own life.

1279
00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,071
- Yes.

1280
00:48:28,104 --> 00:48:29,406
- By committing harakiri

1281
00:48:29,439 --> 00:48:31,074
whilst driving his car
into the lake.

1282
00:48:31,107 --> 00:48:32,275
- Exactly.

1283
00:48:32,308 --> 00:48:33,476
- That's believable.

1284
00:48:33,509 --> 00:48:36,012
- Look, all we need
is reasonable doubt.

1285
00:48:36,045 --> 00:48:37,447
You got a better idea?

1286
00:48:39,182 --> 00:48:40,350
- No.
- Right.

1287
00:48:40,383 --> 00:48:41,551
Let's do this.

1288
00:48:41,584 --> 00:48:44,721
- [all] One, two, three!

1289
00:48:44,754 --> 00:48:47,324
[yelling]
[grunting]

1290
00:48:52,061 --> 00:48:55,032
[all cheering]

1291
00:49:07,410 --> 00:49:09,446
- Yeah, that's fine.

1292
00:49:09,479 --> 00:49:11,948
- Yeah, it'll do.
Job done.

1293
00:49:16,619 --> 00:49:19,222
[patriotic drumming]
♪♪

1294
00:49:24,594 --> 00:49:26,329
- Fascinating.

1295
00:49:26,362 --> 00:49:28,064
Simply fascinating.

1296
00:49:28,097 --> 00:49:29,566
[door creaks open]

1297
00:49:29,599 --> 00:49:31,401
- This place is amazing.

1298
00:49:31,434 --> 00:49:33,503
There's another two floors
below this one,

1299
00:49:33,536 --> 00:49:34,504
but it's all taped off.

1300
00:49:34,537 --> 00:49:36,439
- Which could probably
be explained by the fact

1301
00:49:36,472 --> 00:49:39,142
I found this hidden away
in the corner.

1302
00:49:39,175 --> 00:49:42,479
So, bear in mind that
all the while you marvel

1303
00:49:42,512 --> 00:49:44,581
at the museum pieces,

1304
00:49:44,614 --> 00:49:46,182
your swimmers are being mutated

1305
00:49:46,215 --> 00:49:47,784
by some second
world war plutonium.

1306
00:49:47,817 --> 00:49:49,419
- Don't be ridiculous, mate.

1307
00:49:49,452 --> 00:49:50,587
This place is cold war.

1308
00:49:50,620 --> 00:49:52,221
- Well met, Cheese.

1309
00:49:52,255 --> 00:49:53,223
- Oh, my bad.

1310
00:49:53,256 --> 00:49:55,058
- Tell you who would've
also known that Gerry.

1311
00:49:55,091 --> 00:49:56,092
Sam.

1312
00:49:56,125 --> 00:49:58,194
- He's a genius.
- Is that so?

1313
00:49:58,227 --> 00:49:59,194
- Nope.

1314
00:49:59,228 --> 00:49:59,962
- Oh yeah?

1315
00:49:59,996 --> 00:50:02,132
Well then how comes he's a...

1316
00:50:02,165 --> 00:50:04,034
Al, what is it you lot do again?

1317
00:50:04,067 --> 00:50:05,077
- Well, when I worked with him

1318
00:50:05,101 --> 00:50:06,403
we did data entry.

1319
00:50:06,436 --> 00:50:08,204
- Data.
Exactly.

1320
00:50:08,237 --> 00:50:09,406
You don't get to enter "data"

1321
00:50:09,439 --> 00:50:11,207
without being pretty
damn smart, do you?

1322
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:13,410
- About a year ago,
Sam started this new diet.

1323
00:50:13,443 --> 00:50:14,644
He was convinced

1324
00:50:14,677 --> 00:50:16,212
that he could live
perfectly healthily

1325
00:50:16,245 --> 00:50:19,249
by only ever eating
extra strong mints.

1326
00:50:19,282 --> 00:50:20,350
- Yeah, well,

1327
00:50:20,383 --> 00:50:22,252
that's fucking true, isn't it?

1328
00:50:22,285 --> 00:50:24,120
Have a look at the packet.

1329
00:50:24,153 --> 00:50:26,423
Fat, carbohydrate, protein.

1330
00:50:26,456 --> 00:50:27,533
- That's the lot, basically.

1331
00:50:27,557 --> 00:50:29,225
- It's what they call
a superfood.

1332
00:50:29,258 --> 00:50:30,526
Gerry?

1333
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,162
- Thank you.

1334
00:50:36,332 --> 00:50:37,433
Hmm.

1335
00:50:37,467 --> 00:50:39,569
[heavy rock music]
♪♪

1336
00:50:40,870 --> 00:50:42,638
- [snorting]

1337
00:50:44,173 --> 00:50:45,375
[grunting]

1338
00:50:48,478 --> 00:50:49,246
- You made me look like

1339
00:50:49,279 --> 00:50:51,114
a right fucking tranny,
you bitch!

1340
00:50:51,147 --> 00:50:52,549
[laughing]
- Did I?

1341
00:50:52,582 --> 00:50:55,051
[all laughing]

1342
00:50:55,485 --> 00:50:57,554
[cellphone ringing]

1343
00:50:58,387 --> 00:50:59,221
- Yeah, you alright, Sarge?

1344
00:50:59,255 --> 00:51:00,022
- <i>Jenks,
I'm in the bunker, mate.</i>

1345
00:51:00,056 --> 00:51:01,558
Just waiting for
the second group.

1346
00:51:01,591 --> 00:51:02,602
Should be ready
for you in a bit.

1347
00:51:02,626 --> 00:51:04,269
- Alright, well we're ready
to go here, mate.

1348
00:51:04,293 --> 00:51:05,628
We're a bit short
fucking staffed.

1349
00:51:05,661 --> 00:51:07,363
<i>Steve's still missing,</i>

1350
00:51:07,396 --> 00:51:09,466
and now Dennis has gone AWOL.

1351
00:51:09,499 --> 00:51:10,466
- What's his excuse?

1352
00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:11,401
-<i> I dunno.</i>

1353
00:51:11,435 --> 00:51:12,578
Dougie dropped him off
at Sharpe's Quarry

1354
00:51:12,602 --> 00:51:14,136
on the last run.

1355
00:51:14,170 --> 00:51:15,338
Last anybody saw of him.

1356
00:51:15,371 --> 00:51:16,039
- You don't think him and Steve

1357
00:51:16,072 --> 00:51:17,474
are up to something, do you?

1358
00:51:18,341 --> 00:51:20,243
- What exactly did
Steve's text say?

1359
00:51:20,276 --> 00:51:22,111
- He said he was sick,

1360
00:51:22,145 --> 00:51:24,314
<i>and then he said something
about awesome balls.</i>

1361
00:51:25,381 --> 00:51:27,584
- Awesome balls?

1362
00:51:27,617 --> 00:51:28,727
What the fuck does that mean?

1363
00:51:28,751 --> 00:51:29,786
-<i> I've no idea, mate.</i>

1364
00:51:29,819 --> 00:51:32,188
Listen, do me a favor,
take a couple of the boys,

1365
00:51:32,221 --> 00:51:34,357
go and have a look round,
alright, just in case.

1366
00:51:36,225 --> 00:51:37,493
- Right!

1367
00:51:39,195 --> 00:51:40,330
- Remember,

1368
00:51:40,363 --> 00:51:41,698
we all keep our stories straight

1369
00:51:41,731 --> 00:51:43,533
and everything's going
to be fine, okay?

1370
00:51:43,566 --> 00:51:44,910
- What are we going
to say to Gerald?

1371
00:51:44,934 --> 00:51:46,536
He's gonna know.
- Jesus, Sam,

1372
00:51:46,569 --> 00:51:48,271
will you stop worrying
about bloody Gerald.

1373
00:51:48,304 --> 00:51:49,581
Why do you care so much
about what he thinks?

1374
00:51:49,605 --> 00:51:51,341
- Er, because he's
my father-in-law

1375
00:51:51,374 --> 00:51:52,484
and he clearly doesn't like me.

1376
00:51:52,508 --> 00:51:53,475
Of course he doesn't like you,

1377
00:51:53,509 --> 00:51:55,278
you jizz on his daughter.

1378
00:51:55,311 --> 00:51:56,379
So what?
Fuck him.

1379
00:51:56,412 --> 00:51:57,113
Fuck him.

1380
00:51:57,146 --> 00:51:58,047
Fuck him and his
stiff upper lip.

1381
00:51:58,081 --> 00:52:00,150
Fuck him and his fake
military history.

1382
00:52:00,183 --> 00:52:02,485
- I expect you've killed more people than him.
- Exactly.

1383
00:52:02,518 --> 00:52:05,555
However, for the
purposes of the here

1384
00:52:05,588 --> 00:52:06,756
and the now,

1385
00:52:06,789 --> 00:52:11,428
we definitely didn't
kill anyone, right?

1386
00:52:12,528 --> 00:52:13,596
- Right.

1387
00:52:13,629 --> 00:52:15,198
- Obviously.

1388
00:52:19,402 --> 00:52:21,204
- Gotcha.

1389
00:52:21,571 --> 00:52:24,141
[upbeat rock music]
♪♪

1390
00:52:29,979 --> 00:52:31,446
- Ah!
- Sammy!

1391
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:33,950
- Look who decided
to join the festivities.

1392
00:52:33,983 --> 00:52:35,251
- Hi, guys.

1393
00:52:35,284 --> 00:52:37,154
- Let me beer you up, bro.

1394
00:52:37,587 --> 00:52:39,355
I'm having the best time.

1395
00:52:39,388 --> 00:52:42,491
Hey, are you guys all having
as much fun as us nutters?

1396
00:52:42,525 --> 00:52:45,261
- [all] Oh yeah!

1397
00:52:45,294 --> 00:52:47,196
- It's been wicked.
- Absolutely.

1398
00:52:47,230 --> 00:52:48,365
- Alright, boys.

1399
00:52:48,698 --> 00:52:52,769
- Cheese,
what the fuuuuuu... okay.

1400
00:52:54,437 --> 00:52:56,506
[water pipe gurgling]

1401
00:52:56,539 --> 00:52:59,275
[indian sitar playing]
♪♪

1402
00:52:59,308 --> 00:53:01,545
[exhales]

1403
00:53:01,811 --> 00:53:05,582
- That was exemplary chronic.

1404
00:53:06,449 --> 00:53:07,650
Sam?

1405
00:53:07,683 --> 00:53:08,518
- Huh?

1406
00:53:08,551 --> 00:53:09,619
- Take a hit.

1407
00:53:09,652 --> 00:53:12,422
- Oh no, no,
I don't, it makes me...

1408
00:53:12,455 --> 00:53:14,357
I had a bad experience one time.

1409
00:53:14,390 --> 00:53:16,625
- I know, Sam, don't worry.

1410
00:53:16,659 --> 00:53:19,329
No one's going to
do that to you here.

1411
00:53:19,662 --> 00:53:22,464
Come on, Sam,
don't be an enormous pussy!

1412
00:53:22,498 --> 00:53:24,767
- Oh, well, I guess
I could do a little bit.

1413
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,436
- You don't have to.
- Yes he does.

1414
00:53:26,469 --> 00:53:27,746
- Wouldn't he be less of a pussy

1415
00:53:27,770 --> 00:53:29,672
[chuckles]
if he just said no?

1416
00:53:29,705 --> 00:53:30,707
- Nope.

1417
00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:32,841
- It's fine, guys.

1418
00:53:32,875 --> 00:53:34,844
[chuckles]
I can do a little bit.

1419
00:53:34,877 --> 00:53:36,613
- Go on, Sam.

1420
00:53:39,048 --> 00:53:41,584
[sitar music continues]
♪♪

1421
00:53:41,784 --> 00:53:43,753
[lighter clicks]

1422
00:53:45,554 --> 00:53:47,290
- Hold it.

1423
00:53:47,323 --> 00:53:48,625
Hold it.

1424
00:53:48,658 --> 00:53:51,461
[all chanting]
- Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

1425
00:53:51,494 --> 00:53:54,497
Hold it! Hold it!
Hold it!

1426
00:53:54,530 --> 00:53:55,565
Hold it...!

1427
00:53:55,598 --> 00:53:57,600
- You finally made it back then.
- [coughing]

1428
00:53:57,633 --> 00:53:58,667
- What kept you?

1429
00:53:58,701 --> 00:54:00,370
- Nothing.

1430
00:54:00,803 --> 00:54:02,571
- Did you meet much resistance?

1431
00:54:02,605 --> 00:54:04,340
- How many did you kill
then, soldier?

1432
00:54:04,373 --> 00:54:05,207
- Kill?

1433
00:54:05,241 --> 00:54:06,809
No, no, no, we've not
killed anyone.

1434
00:54:06,842 --> 00:54:09,045
- No, no, no. Nobody.
- No, nobody, nada.

1435
00:54:09,078 --> 00:54:10,355
- What do you mean, you made
it all the way back here

1436
00:54:10,379 --> 00:54:12,415
without running into any undead?

1437
00:54:12,782 --> 00:54:15,485
- Of course,
we killed quite a few zombies.

1438
00:54:15,518 --> 00:54:16,753
Er, four?

1439
00:54:16,786 --> 00:54:18,054
No, no, five.

1440
00:54:18,087 --> 00:54:20,356
Sam's just a bit confused
from all the...

1441
00:54:20,389 --> 00:54:22,592
[makes smoking sound]
[chuckles]

1442
00:54:22,625 --> 00:54:24,594
Sam actually killed two
all by himself.

1443
00:54:24,627 --> 00:54:26,296
It was quite impressive.

1444
00:54:26,829 --> 00:54:28,498
- Well let's not get
ahead of ourselves.

1445
00:54:28,531 --> 00:54:30,366
Plenty of work to be done yet.

1446
00:54:30,399 --> 00:54:32,368
Now dusk is approaching

1447
00:54:32,401 --> 00:54:35,305
and come nightfall the undead
will be back in force.

1448
00:54:35,338 --> 00:54:37,373
Now we need to lock
this place down

1449
00:54:37,406 --> 00:54:39,375
and prepare for the onslaught.

1450
00:54:39,408 --> 00:54:41,377
But before we do,

1451
00:54:41,410 --> 00:54:43,379
someone wants to have
a little word with you.

1452
00:54:43,412 --> 00:54:44,814
- Me?
- You.

1453
00:54:49,418 --> 00:54:51,421
Police Constable Diamond!

1454
00:54:51,821 --> 00:54:53,856
-<i> Samuel Ward?</i>

1455
00:54:53,889 --> 00:54:54,623
- Yeah.

1456
00:54:54,657 --> 00:54:57,794
- You're in a lot of trouble.

1457
00:54:57,827 --> 00:55:00,763
I know what you've done.

1458
00:55:00,796 --> 00:55:05,535
- But, erm...
- You've been a bad,

1459
00:55:05,568 --> 00:55:08,104
bad, bad boy.

1460
00:55:08,137 --> 00:55:10,106
[chuckles]
[snaps fingers]

1461
00:55:10,139 --> 00:55:13,443
[sexy music plays]
♪♪

1462
00:55:22,151 --> 00:55:23,886
- Right, come on lads,
get in there!

1463
00:55:24,587 --> 00:55:26,389
♪ <i>Yeah well</i>

1464
00:55:26,422 --> 00:55:30,327
♪ <i>You know what I got
from my reputation before</i>

1465
00:55:30,526 --> 00:55:31,861
- [chuckles]

1466
00:55:31,894 --> 00:55:33,763
♪ <i>I smashed the law</i>

1467
00:55:35,164 --> 00:55:36,132
Uh-huh.

1468
00:55:36,165 --> 00:55:37,909
- I'm sure we definitely
said no to strippers.

1469
00:55:37,933 --> 00:55:39,802
- I'm pretty sure you
said no to strippers,

1470
00:55:39,835 --> 00:55:41,871
but then I ignored you
and booked a stripper.

1471
00:55:41,904 --> 00:55:45,608
♪ <i>Move that body
next to mine</i>

1472
00:55:45,641 --> 00:55:48,578
♪ <i>Watch out,
I'm coming your way</i>

1473
00:55:48,611 --> 00:55:50,779
- Suzy's going to go mad
when she finds out.

1474
00:55:50,813 --> 00:55:51,881
- Here's an idea.

1475
00:55:51,914 --> 00:55:52,448
[whispers]
Don't tell her.

1476
00:55:52,481 --> 00:55:53,249
- Yeah, don't tell her.

1477
00:55:53,282 --> 00:55:55,485
- We tell each other everything.

1478
00:56:00,523 --> 00:56:01,800
Yeah, I'll probably just
shove that one in the vault.

1479
00:56:01,824 --> 00:56:03,727
- Yeah, yeah.
- Good idea.

1480
00:56:04,827 --> 00:56:08,498
♪ <i>Good times on,
bring the good times on</i>

1481
00:56:08,531 --> 00:56:10,600
♪ <i>Let the good times roll</i>

1482
00:56:10,633 --> 00:56:11,868
- [whimpering]

1483
00:56:11,901 --> 00:56:12,935
- Dennis!

1484
00:56:12,969 --> 00:56:16,406
♪ <i>I turned out your body
three times before</i>

1485
00:56:16,439 --> 00:56:17,673
♪ <i>I want to lay it down</i>

1486
00:56:17,706 --> 00:56:20,443
<i>Where are you, you stupid twat?</i>

1487
00:56:20,476 --> 00:56:24,447
<i>♪ The man in need
you know is what you need</i>

1488
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:25,581
Dennis!

1489
00:56:25,615 --> 00:56:28,551
♪ <i>I got champaign moves,
every hot girl's dream</i>

1490
00:56:29,518 --> 00:56:30,787
- Give me a belt!

1491
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,623
- No, no, no.
What you doing?

1492
00:56:33,656 --> 00:56:35,191
- [whimpers]

1493
00:56:35,224 --> 00:56:36,860
- I've got one.

1494
00:56:39,595 --> 00:56:41,497
[smacking]

1495
00:56:41,530 --> 00:56:43,933
[grimacing]
[all cheering]

1496
00:56:43,966 --> 00:56:47,737
♪ <i>Move that body
next to mine</i>

1497
00:56:47,770 --> 00:56:50,673
♪ <i>Watch out,
I'm coming your way</i>

1498
00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:52,741
- You've been naughty!

1499
00:56:52,775 --> 00:56:53,843
- Go on, hit him!

1500
00:56:53,876 --> 00:56:55,678
- Are you sorry?

1501
00:56:55,945 --> 00:56:58,481
- Beat him!
Go on!

1502
00:56:58,514 --> 00:57:00,783
[Sam's grimacing continues]
♪ <i>Bring the good times home</i>

1503
00:57:00,816 --> 00:57:02,884
♪ <i>Bring the good times home</i>

1504
00:57:02,918 --> 00:57:05,855
♪ <i>And let the good times roll</i>

1505
00:57:06,822 --> 00:57:08,558
♪ <i>Bring the good times home</i>

1506
00:57:08,591 --> 00:57:09,768
- Jenks, what's happening, mate?

1507
00:57:09,792 --> 00:57:10,960
-<i> Sarge.</i>

1508
00:57:11,694 --> 00:57:13,630
You're not gonna
fucking believe this.

1509
00:57:15,097 --> 00:57:16,933
- Behave.

1510
00:57:18,567 --> 00:57:20,603
[all cheering]
[Sam whimpering]

1511
00:57:21,036 --> 00:57:22,036
- Yes.

1512
00:57:23,806 --> 00:57:25,541
- Say you're sorry.

1513
00:57:25,574 --> 00:57:26,576
- I'm sorry.

1514
00:57:26,609 --> 00:57:28,845
- I didn't hear you!

1515
00:57:28,878 --> 00:57:30,713
- I feel humiliated
just watching this.

1516
00:57:35,584 --> 00:57:37,020
- I'm lactose intolerant.

1517
00:57:39,722 --> 00:57:42,058
[smacking]
[Sam screaming]

1518
00:57:48,063 --> 00:57:48,998
[music ends]
[all cheering]

1519
00:57:49,031 --> 00:57:50,700
- Bravo!

1520
00:57:54,003 --> 00:57:55,938
- Right, ten pounds each please.

1521
00:57:55,971 --> 00:57:57,907
- Ah, that's worth every penny.

1522
00:57:57,940 --> 00:57:59,008
- Thank you.

1523
00:57:59,308 --> 00:58:00,810
Thank you.

1524
00:58:00,843 --> 00:58:02,011
Thank you.

1525
00:58:02,044 --> 00:58:03,680
Yes, Cheese.

1526
00:58:06,749 --> 00:58:07,950
There you go, Diamond.

1527
00:58:07,983 --> 00:58:09,051
- Thanks, love.

1528
00:58:09,084 --> 00:58:11,087
- No, no, no, no.
Thank you.

1529
00:58:12,087 --> 00:58:13,923
You were awesomeballs.

1530
00:58:15,758 --> 00:58:17,593
You were awesomeballs.

1531
00:58:17,626 --> 00:58:20,597
[slow motion]
Awesomeballs.

1532
00:58:21,096 --> 00:58:23,800
- Hey, good luck
with the wedding.

1533
00:58:24,967 --> 00:58:28,538
- Well, if you gentlemen
will excuse me a moment,

1534
00:58:28,571 --> 00:58:29,806
I'll just...

1535
00:58:32,007 --> 00:58:33,009
- Back the fuck up,

1536
00:58:33,042 --> 00:58:34,644
or I'll snap his fucking neck!

1537
00:58:34,677 --> 00:58:35,945
- Wait, wait, wait.
Wait.

1538
00:58:35,978 --> 00:58:36,879
- I know what you did.

1539
00:58:36,913 --> 00:58:38,223
- We haven't done anything!
- Don't lie.

1540
00:58:38,247 --> 00:58:40,616
- We don't know what the hell you're talking about.
- Yeah?

1541
00:58:40,649 --> 00:58:42,018
Well he does.
They do.

1542
00:58:42,051 --> 00:58:43,091
- What have you done, Sam?

1543
00:58:43,119 --> 00:58:44,796
- I think there's been
a little misunderstanding.

1544
00:58:44,820 --> 00:58:45,888
- Misunderstanding?

1545
00:58:45,921 --> 00:58:47,323
You killed Steve and Dennis!

1546
00:58:47,356 --> 00:58:47,823
- You did what?

1547
00:58:47,857 --> 00:58:49,759
- Well, I, erm...

1548
00:58:49,792 --> 00:58:51,127
- You bloody imbecile!

1549
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,562
- No, it wasn't just me,
it was...

1550
00:58:53,596 --> 00:58:54,597
- Crazy Crew!

1551
00:58:54,630 --> 00:58:55,665
- Not now.
- Yeah, sorry.

1552
00:58:55,698 --> 00:58:57,767
- Look, it wasn't our fault,
okay.

1553
00:58:57,800 --> 00:58:58,968
They attacked us, and...

1554
00:58:59,001 --> 00:59:00,345
- That's what they
were supposed to do!

1555
00:59:00,369 --> 00:59:01,604
- Whoa, whoa, look,

1556
00:59:01,637 --> 00:59:03,339
I'm sure that if Sam
killed somebody,

1557
00:59:03,372 --> 00:59:04,140
he had a good reason.

1558
00:59:04,173 --> 00:59:06,609
- Yeah, cause he...
he's like...

1559
00:59:06,642 --> 00:59:08,711
[chuckles]
you know what I mean?

1560
00:59:09,812 --> 00:59:11,047
- I don't believe this.

1561
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:12,848
I didn't even want to be here.

1562
00:59:12,881 --> 00:59:15,051
But Michelle's all,
"Oh, he's my brother,

1563
00:59:15,084 --> 00:59:16,586
and you have to".

1564
00:59:16,619 --> 00:59:17,862
I told her, "Fuck your
brother, Michelle,

1565
00:59:17,886 --> 00:59:19,088
he's a fucking idiot.

1566
00:59:19,121 --> 00:59:22,124
And his friends,
bunch of fucking idiots, too"!

1567
00:59:22,157 --> 00:59:23,092
[all groan]

1568
00:59:23,125 --> 00:59:24,093
I didn't want to spend
the weekend with you

1569
00:59:24,126 --> 00:59:25,870
and I'm certainly not
going to prison for you.

1570
00:59:25,894 --> 00:59:27,029
- Whoa, what you doing?

1571
00:59:27,062 --> 00:59:28,029
- What do you think I'm doing?

1572
00:59:28,063 --> 00:59:28,864
I'm calling the police.

1573
00:59:28,897 --> 00:59:30,933
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold on, pal.

1574
00:59:30,966 --> 00:59:33,134
Nobody sends my
best friend to prison.

1575
00:59:33,168 --> 00:59:36,606
- He ain't your best friend,
you deluded moron.

1576
00:59:37,172 --> 00:59:39,709
[thud]
[groans]

1577
00:59:39,742 --> 00:59:41,611
- You're a total bastard, mate!

1578
00:59:41,644 --> 00:59:42,812
- Yeah!
- Yeah,

1579
00:59:42,845 --> 00:59:45,080
yeah, and none of us
even wanted you here!

1580
00:59:45,114 --> 00:59:46,749
- Yeah!
- And I boned Michelle

1581
00:59:46,782 --> 00:59:47,959
whilst you were away
on business,

1582
00:59:47,983 --> 00:59:49,685
so who's the idiot now?

1583
00:59:49,718 --> 00:59:50,519
[all laughing]

1584
00:59:50,552 --> 00:59:52,622
- Oh, that's my sister!
- Sorry, mate.

1585
00:59:52,655 --> 00:59:55,658
Look, Sergeant Marshall,
if that is your real name.

1586
00:59:55,691 --> 00:59:57,202
I can tell that behind
your slightly psychotic

1587
00:59:57,226 --> 00:59:58,728
and cruel exterior,

1588
00:59:58,761 --> 01:00:00,062
you're a reasonable man.

1589
01:00:00,095 --> 01:00:02,064
I'm sure we can work
something out, hmm?

1590
01:00:02,097 --> 01:00:04,033
How does ten grand sound?

1591
01:00:04,066 --> 01:00:05,234
- Ten grand?
- Twenty.

1592
01:00:05,267 --> 01:00:06,845
- Really?
- I'm going to go as high as thirty, but...

1593
01:00:06,869 --> 01:00:07,637
- They're my fucking friends!

1594
01:00:07,670 --> 01:00:08,847
- Look, the police
aren't coming,

1595
01:00:08,871 --> 01:00:09,839
so make us an offer!

1596
01:00:09,872 --> 01:00:10,573
- The police?

1597
01:00:10,606 --> 01:00:12,708
No, you don't get it, do you.

1598
01:00:12,741 --> 01:00:13,976
I'm not a reasonable man,

1599
01:00:14,009 --> 01:00:15,911
and I am psychotic and cruel.

1600
01:00:15,944 --> 01:00:17,647
But I am nothing compared

1601
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:19,915
to that ruthless bunch
of cunts out there.

1602
01:00:19,948 --> 01:00:22,250
See, some people join the army
cause they wanna protect

1603
01:00:22,284 --> 01:00:24,854
flabby bags of shit
like you lot.

1604
01:00:24,887 --> 01:00:25,888
But not them.

1605
01:00:25,921 --> 01:00:27,189
No, no, no, they got in

1606
01:00:27,222 --> 01:00:28,991
cause they crave a bit of blood

1607
01:00:29,024 --> 01:00:29,924
and a bit of violence.

1608
01:00:29,959 --> 01:00:31,661
And it's the only place
a killer can kill

1609
01:00:31,694 --> 01:00:32,995
and get away with it.

1610
01:00:33,028 --> 01:00:34,863
So when I tell 'em
what you've all done,

1611
01:00:34,897 --> 01:00:36,999
you pussies are going
to fucking wish

1612
01:00:37,032 --> 01:00:38,668
that it was the police
after you.

1613
01:00:38,701 --> 01:00:40,703
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1614
01:00:42,738 --> 01:00:43,939
- Put that phone down

1615
01:00:43,972 --> 01:00:45,207
and let my father-in-law go

1616
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:46,908
or you're a dead man!

1617
01:00:46,942 --> 01:00:48,844
- You ain't got the
fucking balls, son.

1618
01:00:48,877 --> 01:00:50,880
- You're right, he hasn't.
- I do.

1619
01:00:50,913 --> 01:00:51,881
I swear I'll do it.

1620
01:00:51,914 --> 01:00:53,024
- Yeah, you'll fucking miss.

1621
01:00:53,048 --> 01:00:54,283
- Put the knife down, Sam.

1622
01:00:54,316 --> 01:00:55,116
You'll screw it up,

1623
01:00:55,150 --> 01:00:56,051
just like you screw
everything up.

1624
01:00:56,085 --> 01:00:58,854
Jesus, Gerald,
have a little faith in me.

1625
01:00:58,887 --> 01:01:00,690
- I have no faith in you.

1626
01:01:00,723 --> 01:01:02,024
None whatsoever.

1627
01:01:02,057 --> 01:01:03,859
- What is your goddam problem?

1628
01:01:03,892 --> 01:01:05,861
All I do, all I ever have done

1629
01:01:05,894 --> 01:01:08,096
is try to be nice to you,

1630
01:01:08,130 --> 01:01:09,765
try to make you like me.

1631
01:01:09,798 --> 01:01:11,966
But all I do never
seems to be good enough.

1632
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:13,001
- My problem?

1633
01:01:13,035 --> 01:01:15,037
- You want to know what my problem is?
- Yes.

1634
01:01:15,070 --> 01:01:16,748
- Besides from the fact
you've killed two people

1635
01:01:16,772 --> 01:01:18,183
and landed us all
in an epic shit-storm

1636
01:01:18,207 --> 01:01:19,942
that's probably
going to kill us?

1637
01:01:19,975 --> 01:01:21,043
- Yes.

1638
01:01:21,076 --> 01:01:26,683
- You didn't ask permission
to marry my daughter.

1639
01:01:27,983 --> 01:01:29,985
- I didn't ask permission?

1640
01:01:30,018 --> 01:01:31,087
I didn't ask permission

1641
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:33,221
because it's not
nineteen fifty-five.

1642
01:01:33,255 --> 01:01:35,257
- It's the way things are done!

1643
01:01:35,290 --> 01:01:37,759
- Right,
I'll prove myself to you.

1644
01:01:37,793 --> 01:01:38,661
- Ha!

1645
01:01:38,694 --> 01:01:40,763
- This is your last chance,
Marshall.

1646
01:01:40,796 --> 01:01:41,830
- Take the shot, Sam!

1647
01:01:41,864 --> 01:01:42,665
- Do not take the shot,

1648
01:01:42,698 --> 01:01:44,165
I have the situation
fully in hand.

1649
01:01:44,199 --> 01:01:44,800
- Put the phone down!

1650
01:01:44,833 --> 01:01:46,936
- Jenks!
- Do it, Sam!

1651
01:01:47,369 --> 01:01:48,871
[Gerald screaming]

1652
01:01:48,904 --> 01:01:50,172
[all groan]

1653
01:01:50,205 --> 01:01:51,240
[Gerald grunting]

1654
01:01:52,775 --> 01:01:57,980
- You stupid,
cocking fucknugget!

1655
01:01:58,013 --> 01:01:59,882
- Jenks, it's the stag do,
it's the...

1656
01:01:59,915 --> 01:02:01,217
[thud]

1657
01:02:02,184 --> 01:02:04,320
[all cheering]
- Yes, Cheese! Cheese, yes.

1658
01:02:07,122 --> 01:02:08,790
- You alright, Gerry?

1659
01:02:08,824 --> 01:02:10,059
- Sarge?

1660
01:02:10,359 --> 01:02:11,828
Sarge?!

1661
01:02:18,133 --> 01:02:21,971
- Yeah, rip your hair out.
- Get it tight.

1662
01:02:26,875 --> 01:02:28,811
[grunting]
- Get off me.

1663
01:02:28,844 --> 01:02:31,748
[gasping]
[breathing heavily]

1664
01:02:33,582 --> 01:02:36,018
[screaming]

1665
01:02:37,820 --> 01:02:39,121
- Toby, can you do anything?

1666
01:02:39,154 --> 01:02:40,055
You know medical stuff.

1667
01:02:40,089 --> 01:02:41,824
- Well, if he gets a tumor,
let me know.

1668
01:02:41,857 --> 01:02:42,558
Maybe I can help.

1669
01:02:42,591 --> 01:02:43,558
- Yeah, probably not though, eh?

1670
01:02:43,592 --> 01:02:45,961
- Just find something
I can use as a bandage.

1671
01:02:45,994 --> 01:02:47,096
Some pressure.

1672
01:02:47,129 --> 01:02:51,167
- Ah, well,
funny you should say that.

1673
01:02:52,835 --> 01:02:54,870
So, what do we do?

1674
01:02:54,903 --> 01:02:56,372
- Well, we can't run.

1675
01:02:56,405 --> 01:02:58,073
We could still call the police.

1676
01:02:58,106 --> 01:02:59,875
- You're all fucking
dead anyway.

1677
01:02:59,908 --> 01:03:01,243
- Shut him up.

1678
01:03:03,946 --> 01:03:07,917
- We stay and we fight.

1679
01:03:09,985 --> 01:03:13,155
I was in a similar situation
back in Afghanistan.

1680
01:03:13,188 --> 01:03:16,292
In the mountains
of the Hindu Kush.

1681
01:03:16,325 --> 01:03:19,060
Four men on a capture
or kill mission

1682
01:03:19,094 --> 01:03:21,230
for a warlord
responsible for the deaths

1683
01:03:21,263 --> 01:03:24,000
of fifty British soldiers.

1684
01:03:25,133 --> 01:03:27,169
But everything
went F.U.B.A.R

1685
01:03:27,202 --> 01:03:29,939
when we chose to spare
a group of goat herders.

1686
01:03:31,073 --> 01:03:32,908
Our mercy was betrayed.

1687
01:03:32,941 --> 01:03:34,310
Before we knew it,

1688
01:03:34,343 --> 01:03:37,846
we were surrounded
by a legion of Taliban,

1689
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:40,049
baying for our blood.

1690
01:03:40,082 --> 01:03:42,852
The odds insurmountable.

1691
01:03:43,151 --> 01:03:45,855
The enemy fearless.

1692
01:03:47,389 --> 01:03:50,459
But we banded together.

1693
01:03:50,492 --> 01:03:53,062
Stood firm.

1694
01:03:53,095 --> 01:03:57,366
And together we defeated
those savages

1695
01:03:57,399 --> 01:04:00,069
and made it through.

1696
01:04:00,102 --> 01:04:01,170
- Okay.

1697
01:04:01,203 --> 01:04:06,008
Am I seriously the only one
not buying that? Hmm?

1698
01:04:06,041 --> 01:04:08,110
That's the plot
of Lone Survivor.

1699
01:04:08,143 --> 01:04:09,454
I'm sorry, I really didn't
want to have to do this,

1700
01:04:09,478 --> 01:04:11,213
but seeing as our lives
depend on it,

1701
01:04:11,246 --> 01:04:13,883
Gerald,
you're full of shit, mate.

1702
01:04:13,916 --> 01:04:15,351
You were never in the army.

1703
01:04:15,384 --> 01:04:18,220
Or if you were you were
some kind of potato peeler.

1704
01:04:18,253 --> 01:04:18,954
- How dare you.

1705
01:04:18,987 --> 01:04:20,456
- For the love of God, Myles,

1706
01:04:20,489 --> 01:04:23,926
Gerald has already told you
he was in the Navy.

1707
01:04:23,959 --> 01:04:25,194
- That's right, Sam.

1708
01:04:25,227 --> 01:04:28,062
The S.B.S.

1709
01:04:28,096 --> 01:04:30,099
The Special Boat Service.

1710
01:04:30,132 --> 01:04:32,134
The navy's team
of crack commandos

1711
01:04:32,167 --> 01:04:34,904
used only in the most dangerous

1712
01:04:34,937 --> 01:04:36,372
and perilous of missions.

1713
01:04:36,405 --> 01:04:39,141
- Fine, whatever.

1714
01:04:39,174 --> 01:04:40,142
Carry on.

1715
01:04:40,175 --> 01:04:41,878
- Okay chaps.

1716
01:04:42,978 --> 01:04:44,881
Here's how we do this.

1717
01:04:46,014 --> 01:04:49,151
Now, the enemy may have skills.

1718
01:04:49,184 --> 01:04:50,286
Resources.

1719
01:04:51,053 --> 01:04:52,955
- Come on lads,
let's get tooled up.

1720
01:04:52,988 --> 01:04:55,323
[all screaming]

1721
01:04:57,559 --> 01:04:59,361
- We may be wounded.

1722
01:04:59,394 --> 01:05:01,062
Drunk.

1723
01:05:01,096 --> 01:05:02,265
Stoned.

1724
01:05:02,531 --> 01:05:04,366
But we have something
they don't.

1725
01:05:04,399 --> 01:05:06,903
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1726
01:05:07,369 --> 01:05:09,505
<i>Indefatigable spirit.</i>

1727
01:05:09,538 --> 01:05:12,107
[marker squeaking]

1728
01:05:12,140 --> 01:05:13,542
<i>Limitless courage.</i>

1729
01:05:13,575 --> 01:05:15,912
♪♪

1730
01:05:17,446 --> 01:05:20,316
<i>The unbreakable will to live.</i>

1731
01:05:21,516 --> 01:05:24,420
<i>As we say in the S.B.S.</i>

1732
01:05:24,453 --> 01:05:27,256
By strength or guile.

1733
01:05:31,326 --> 01:05:33,562
- [all] By strength or guile!

1734
01:05:33,595 --> 01:05:34,964
- Yeah!

1735
01:05:36,098 --> 01:05:37,399
- Come on, boys!

1736
01:05:37,432 --> 01:05:40,169
[battle cry]

1737
01:05:47,476 --> 01:05:53,449
[singing off key]
- <i>Amazing grace,</i>

1738
01:05:53,482 --> 01:05:59,321
<i>how sweet the sound,</i>

1739
01:05:59,354 --> 01:06:07,354
<i>that saved a wretch like me.</i>

1740
01:06:08,597 --> 01:06:11,367
<i>I...</i>

1741
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:14,971
[mumbling gibberish]

1742
01:06:19,474 --> 01:06:21,085
- We've had some good
times together though,

1743
01:06:21,109 --> 01:06:22,411
haven't we?

1744
01:06:23,211 --> 01:06:24,279
- Yeah.

1745
01:06:24,312 --> 01:06:26,080
- We have.

1746
01:06:26,114 --> 01:06:27,282
- Still,

1747
01:06:27,315 --> 01:06:29,785
I think this weekend
might be the best yet.

1748
01:06:29,818 --> 01:06:31,420
What do you reckon?

1749
01:06:31,453 --> 01:06:32,287
- No.

1750
01:06:32,321 --> 01:06:36,258
- Guys, if we get
through this okay,

1751
01:06:36,291 --> 01:06:37,402
do you reckon I could
become a member

1752
01:06:37,426 --> 01:06:39,094
of the Crazy Crew?

1753
01:06:39,127 --> 01:06:40,162
- I'll tell you what,

1754
01:06:40,195 --> 01:06:42,331
the way you smacked
Brandon in the dick earlier,

1755
01:06:42,364 --> 01:06:44,033
you're already a member, mate.

1756
01:06:44,066 --> 01:06:47,102
- Yeah.
- Ah, this is so sweet!

1757
01:06:47,135 --> 01:06:49,138
But how about you
all shut the fuck up?

1758
01:06:49,171 --> 01:06:51,115
I don't want the last thing
I hear to be you twats

1759
01:06:51,139 --> 01:06:53,175
twittering on about,
"Good times."

1760
01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:55,053
- You've had some good
times with Michelle though,

1761
01:06:55,077 --> 01:06:56,311
haven't you Myles, eh?

1762
01:06:56,344 --> 01:06:57,513
- You wankers.

1763
01:06:57,546 --> 01:07:00,649
- Oh, she's still
my bloody sister!

1764
01:07:00,682 --> 01:07:03,151
[distant whistle]
[distant howling]

1765
01:07:05,554 --> 01:07:08,424
- Once more unto the breach,
dear friends,

1766
01:07:08,457 --> 01:07:09,357
once more.

1767
01:07:09,392 --> 01:07:12,227
- Looks like it's
negotiation time, boys.

1768
01:07:12,260 --> 01:07:14,397
These guys don't know
what's about to hit them.

1769
01:07:15,297 --> 01:07:16,465
Hey!

1770
01:07:17,165 --> 01:07:18,500
Fellas!

1771
01:07:18,533 --> 01:07:20,435
Listen to me.

1772
01:07:20,469 --> 01:07:22,538
We have your boss captive here,

1773
01:07:22,571 --> 01:07:23,471
and he's at our mercy.

1774
01:07:23,506 --> 01:07:27,241
But, I'm going to
make you a simple offer,

1775
01:07:27,275 --> 01:07:30,145
you let us go and we let him go.

1776
01:07:30,178 --> 01:07:32,247
Everyone's safe,
everyone's happy.

1777
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:33,482
What are you saying?

1778
01:07:33,515 --> 01:07:36,285
- <i>Fuck Marshall, he's a twat!</i>
- Okay.

1779
01:07:36,318 --> 01:07:38,287
[distant laughter]

1780
01:07:40,489 --> 01:07:42,491
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1781
01:07:45,260 --> 01:07:47,296
- What the hell
are you laughing at?

1782
01:07:47,329 --> 01:07:49,431
Now, you tell 'em to let us go,
or you're a dead man!

1783
01:07:49,464 --> 01:07:51,866
- Oh, go fuck yourself!

1784
01:07:51,900 --> 01:07:52,935
You know what, mate,

1785
01:07:52,968 --> 01:07:55,270
I'm going to enjoy watching
them skin you alive.

1786
01:07:55,303 --> 01:07:56,471
- Hello!

1787
01:07:56,505 --> 01:07:59,208
- Brandon, what you doing?

1788
01:07:59,374 --> 01:08:03,377
- Hey, you out there, hello!

1789
01:08:03,411 --> 01:08:06,348
Look, I'm not really
with these people.

1790
01:08:07,482 --> 01:08:09,284
I actually kind of hate them.

1791
01:08:09,317 --> 01:08:12,287
I wasn't involved in killing
any of your friends,

1792
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:13,498
and the only reason
why I'm here at all

1793
01:08:13,522 --> 01:08:15,491
is because my wife forced me.

1794
01:08:15,724 --> 01:08:19,428
So, I was just wondering if,
maybe you'd let me go?

1795
01:08:19,461 --> 01:08:21,397
Or, or, or...

1796
01:08:22,163 --> 01:08:23,499
if it's alright with you,

1797
01:08:23,532 --> 01:08:25,467
I will happily join your side.

1798
01:08:25,500 --> 01:08:27,368
- You absolute...
- Cocksucker!

1799
01:08:27,402 --> 01:08:28,470
- Screw you all!

1800
01:08:28,502 --> 01:08:30,371
-<i> Which one are you?</i>

1801
01:08:30,404 --> 01:08:32,608
- My name's Brandon.

1802
01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:36,245
Six foot three,
dark blonde hair.

1803
01:08:39,648 --> 01:08:40,916
I'm the good looking one.

1804
01:08:40,948 --> 01:08:41,983
- Well...

1805
01:08:42,017 --> 01:08:44,653
- <i>I don't remember you.
Show us your face.</i>

1806
01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:46,354
- Look, Brandon, don't do it!

1807
01:08:50,358 --> 01:08:52,294
- Okay.
Here I come.

1808
01:08:52,327 --> 01:08:54,130
[thud]

1809
01:08:55,796 --> 01:08:57,765
- Fuuuck!

1810
01:08:57,799 --> 01:08:59,535
Quick, let's go!

1811
01:08:59,568 --> 01:09:00,603
- Go, go, go, go!

1812
01:09:00,636 --> 01:09:03,172
- You're all fucking dead,
you load of piss ants!

1813
01:09:05,372 --> 01:09:06,741
[all screaming]

1814
01:09:06,774 --> 01:09:08,509
- Barricade the door!

1815
01:09:08,542 --> 01:09:09,678
Get it!

1816
01:09:10,511 --> 01:09:12,214
- Here's my boys.

1817
01:09:13,415 --> 01:09:14,448
- Get 'em, lads.

1818
01:09:14,482 --> 01:09:15,584
[all yelling]

1819
01:09:16,484 --> 01:09:17,686
- Ah!

1820
01:09:19,554 --> 01:09:21,257
- [zombie scream]

1821
01:09:22,991 --> 01:09:25,194
- [groaning in pain]

1822
01:09:25,426 --> 01:09:27,395
[thud]
[all groan]

1823
01:09:28,596 --> 01:09:30,532
[wheezing]

1824
01:09:31,700 --> 01:09:33,169
[thud]

1825
01:09:34,402 --> 01:09:36,705
[banging on door]
[all screaming]

1826
01:09:39,006 --> 01:09:40,509
- Shit!

1827
01:09:40,709 --> 01:09:42,411
You've been bitten!

1828
01:09:42,676 --> 01:09:45,447
[distant banging]

1829
01:09:46,348 --> 01:09:48,450
- Oh, flipping heck!

1830
01:09:51,252 --> 01:09:52,688
I love you guys.

1831
01:09:52,720 --> 01:09:54,556
[battle cry]

1832
01:09:54,589 --> 01:09:55,824
- Al, what are you doing?

1833
01:09:55,857 --> 01:09:57,492
They're not real zombies!

1834
01:09:57,525 --> 01:09:59,228
For fuck's sake!

1835
01:09:59,261 --> 01:10:00,329
- Good point.

1836
01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:02,464
[battle cry]

1837
01:10:03,665 --> 01:10:06,702
[all yelling]

1838
01:10:06,735 --> 01:10:08,803
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1839
01:10:12,674 --> 01:10:15,211
- Crazy Crew!

1840
01:10:18,713 --> 01:10:21,516
- Go, go on, get out of here!

1841
01:10:21,549 --> 01:10:23,318
Save yourselves!

1842
01:10:23,351 --> 01:10:25,353
Get that, come on.

1843
01:10:25,487 --> 01:10:27,456
[panting]
Come on, come on,

1844
01:10:27,489 --> 01:10:29,357
come on, come on.

1845
01:10:30,625 --> 01:10:32,761
This way, this way,
come on, come on.

1846
01:10:39,634 --> 01:10:42,705
- [sniffing]

1847
01:10:46,541 --> 01:10:48,310
- This has got to be
the way out.

1848
01:10:48,343 --> 01:10:49,745
- Hold on.
Where's Cheese?

1849
01:10:49,778 --> 01:10:51,780
Cheese!
Cheese!

1850
01:10:51,813 --> 01:10:53,482
- Come on, Gerald,
we've got to go.

1851
01:10:53,515 --> 01:10:55,484
- I am not leaving
without Cheese.

1852
01:10:55,517 --> 01:10:56,751
- Go,

1853
01:10:56,785 --> 01:10:58,519
get him out of here,
get the car.

1854
01:10:58,553 --> 01:10:59,563
I'll go back for the others.

1855
01:10:59,587 --> 01:11:00,689
- Right, come on, Gerald,

1856
01:11:00,722 --> 01:11:01,623
come on.

1857
01:11:01,656 --> 01:11:02,656
Stay with me.

1858
01:11:02,824 --> 01:11:05,561
[sitar music]
♪♪

1859
01:11:21,843 --> 01:11:22,911
- Praise Jah!

1860
01:11:22,944 --> 01:11:26,815
["Ode to Joy" by Beethoven]
♪♪

1861
01:11:32,687 --> 01:11:33,455
- Which way?

1862
01:11:33,488 --> 01:11:34,122
- Erm, it says
North is this way,

1863
01:11:34,155 --> 01:11:35,657
but I have no fucking clue.

1864
01:11:35,690 --> 01:11:36,692
- No.

1865
01:11:36,925 --> 01:11:38,494
- This way, this way.

1866
01:11:39,461 --> 01:11:40,901
- The man would take
a bullet for you

1867
01:11:40,929 --> 01:11:42,531
and you're leaving him
behind to die!

1868
01:11:42,564 --> 01:11:43,799
- We'll come back for him.

1869
01:11:43,832 --> 01:11:46,302
- Ha!
Spoken like a true coward.

1870
01:11:54,909 --> 01:11:57,813
- [panting]

1871
01:11:57,846 --> 01:11:59,681
This place is well creepy, man.

1872
01:11:59,714 --> 01:12:01,350
- Yeah.

1873
01:12:05,620 --> 01:12:07,623
[heart beating]

1874
01:12:13,395 --> 01:12:15,331
- Fucking hell.

1875
01:12:16,598 --> 01:12:19,635
Sorry.
I thought it was a...

1876
01:12:23,972 --> 01:12:25,407
- Hello boys.

1877
01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:27,776
[rock music playing]
♪♪

1878
01:12:37,485 --> 01:12:38,887
[arrow whizzing]

1879
01:13:12,687 --> 01:13:14,556
[arrow whizzing]
[yelling]

1880
01:13:16,791 --> 01:13:17,993
[thud]
[grunting]

1881
01:13:18,026 --> 01:13:19,795
- What's the matter,
you city boy prick?

1882
01:13:19,828 --> 01:13:21,930
You haven't got anything
smart to say now, have you?

1883
01:13:21,963 --> 01:13:22,964
- Well...

1884
01:13:22,997 --> 01:13:24,533
[thud]

1885
01:13:24,566 --> 01:13:25,701
- What was that?

1886
01:13:31,940 --> 01:13:34,442
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1887
01:13:38,513 --> 01:13:40,716
[hard rock music]
♪♪

1888
01:13:48,957 --> 01:13:50,926
[knife clanking]

1889
01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:53,862
- Er...

1890
01:13:54,829 --> 01:13:56,865
- [panting]

1891
01:14:02,871 --> 01:14:04,740
[gasps]

1892
01:14:05,840 --> 01:14:07,543
[grunts]

1893
01:14:13,047 --> 01:14:15,451
[whimpers]

1894
01:14:16,851 --> 01:14:19,721
[footsteps approaching]

1895
01:14:29,597 --> 01:14:30,898
- That one's for Steve.

1896
01:14:31,065 --> 01:14:32,767
- [breathing heavily]

1897
01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:33,835
- This one...

1898
01:14:33,868 --> 01:14:36,571
[ringtone sounding]

1899
01:14:36,604 --> 01:14:38,740
[yelling in pain]

1900
01:14:39,007 --> 01:14:40,741
[both yelling]

1901
01:14:43,912 --> 01:14:45,280
- You fucker!

1902
01:14:45,313 --> 01:14:46,047
- [grunting]

1903
01:14:46,080 --> 01:14:47,082
[thud]

1904
01:14:47,115 --> 01:14:48,884
- [panting]

1905
01:14:54,589 --> 01:14:56,825
[heavy rock music]
♪♪

1906
01:15:02,630 --> 01:15:04,032
- This ain't no fun no more.

1907
01:15:06,901 --> 01:15:09,704
Guess it's time to shut your
big mouth once and for all.

1908
01:15:09,737 --> 01:15:11,640
[sinister laugh]

1909
01:15:12,607 --> 01:15:14,643
[paintball gun clicking]
[grunting]

1910
01:15:16,911 --> 01:15:19,014
[retching]

1911
01:15:21,716 --> 01:15:23,952
- [grunting]

1912
01:15:30,658 --> 01:15:32,060
- Oh shit.

1913
01:15:32,794 --> 01:15:34,629
- Game over, fat boy.

1914
01:15:34,662 --> 01:15:36,064
[thud]

1915
01:15:39,200 --> 01:15:41,570
- [panting]

1916
01:15:43,204 --> 01:15:45,040
- You came back for us.

1917
01:15:45,707 --> 01:15:47,108
- I never left.

1918
01:15:47,141 --> 01:15:48,777
- I thought you guys had all...

1919
01:15:48,810 --> 01:15:50,679
- I meant metaphorically.

1920
01:15:53,081 --> 01:15:54,750
- Guys!

1921
01:15:55,083 --> 01:15:56,851
Can you help me out here?

1922
01:15:56,884 --> 01:15:59,154
I think he's broken my jaw.

1923
01:16:03,091 --> 01:16:04,793
- Right.

1924
01:16:05,026 --> 01:16:07,095
Let's go get our boy.
- Yeah.

1925
01:16:07,996 --> 01:16:09,965
- [Gerald grunting in pain]

1926
01:16:10,798 --> 01:16:12,701
[car starter cranking]
- Come on!

1927
01:16:12,734 --> 01:16:14,669
- God.
- Come on.

1928
01:16:14,702 --> 01:16:17,706
- Dirty fucking shit balls!

1929
01:16:18,840 --> 01:16:21,076
Do you know anything about cars?

1930
01:16:22,644 --> 01:16:24,646
Oh for fuck...

1931
01:16:24,812 --> 01:16:26,815
[tapping on window]

1932
01:16:29,217 --> 01:16:30,986
[panicked breathing]

1933
01:16:31,019 --> 01:16:35,023
- Word on the street
is you used to be S.B.S.

1934
01:16:35,990 --> 01:16:39,027
I met some of your boys
outside Kandahar.

1935
01:16:39,060 --> 01:16:41,997
Right bunch of stuck up twats.

1936
01:16:42,130 --> 01:16:44,866
Thought they were fucking
better than the rest of us.

1937
01:16:48,870 --> 01:16:50,805
- What is this?

1938
01:16:50,838 --> 01:16:52,706
- Two men go in.

1939
01:16:52,740 --> 01:16:54,643
One man comes out.

1940
01:16:54,676 --> 01:16:56,211
Now, I'll give you my word

1941
01:16:56,244 --> 01:16:58,679
that if your man wins,

1942
01:16:59,013 --> 01:17:00,982
I'll let you both go.

1943
01:17:01,015 --> 01:17:03,418
- [whimpers]

1944
01:17:03,451 --> 01:17:05,720
- If I win,

1945
01:17:05,753 --> 01:17:09,625
I'm gonna gut you
like a fucking fish.

1946
01:17:11,192 --> 01:17:12,961
In you go.
Come on.

1947
01:17:13,761 --> 01:17:14,629
Time for you to find out

1948
01:17:14,662 --> 01:17:16,765
if you're as good
as you say you are.

1949
01:17:18,166 --> 01:17:20,135
- The thing is,

1950
01:17:20,168 --> 01:17:25,139
you may have noticed
that I'm W.I.A.,

1951
01:17:27,175 --> 01:17:28,176
so it's hardly a fair...

1952
01:17:28,209 --> 01:17:30,646
[knife pierces]

1953
01:17:35,083 --> 01:17:36,750
- [gasps]

1954
01:17:36,784 --> 01:17:38,152
- Now it's fair.

1955
01:17:39,087 --> 01:17:40,789
[knife clanks]

1956
01:17:40,955 --> 01:17:42,090
Do 'im, Jenks.

1957
01:17:46,094 --> 01:17:47,996
- Okay.

1958
01:17:48,029 --> 01:17:48,930
Thing is... [thud]

1959
01:17:48,963 --> 01:17:50,766
[grunts]

1960
01:17:53,735 --> 01:17:55,103
Look... [thud]

1961
01:17:55,136 --> 01:17:57,239
[groaning]

1962
01:17:58,906 --> 01:18:00,809
- Come on, Gerald.

1963
01:18:01,909 --> 01:18:03,879
- [panting]

1964
01:18:07,348 --> 01:18:09,918
Right.

1965
01:18:09,951 --> 01:18:11,953
You asked for it.

1966
01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:15,257
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1967
01:18:36,310 --> 01:18:38,714
[thud]
[grunting]

1968
01:18:47,188 --> 01:18:49,257
[thud]
[groaning]

1969
01:18:52,927 --> 01:18:54,862
[Gerald yelling]

1970
01:18:55,863 --> 01:18:57,299
- S.B.S., my arse.

1971
01:18:58,800 --> 01:19:01,102
- [panting]

1972
01:19:01,135 --> 01:19:04,773
By strength or guile.

1973
01:19:05,339 --> 01:19:07,275
[battle cry]

1974
01:19:16,050 --> 01:19:18,220
- This is too fucking easy,
Sarge.

1975
01:19:19,153 --> 01:19:21,156
Might as well let 'em go, eh?

1976
01:19:21,189 --> 01:19:23,892
[ominous music]
♪♪

1977
01:19:28,162 --> 01:19:29,264
- Finish him.

1978
01:19:29,931 --> 01:19:32,099
[patriotic music]
♪♪

1979
01:19:32,300 --> 01:19:34,102
- Yah!

1980
01:19:36,170 --> 01:19:38,006
[blood spraying]

1981
01:19:38,039 --> 01:19:40,141
- You fucking cunt.

1982
01:19:40,174 --> 01:19:42,077
[breathing heavily]

1983
01:19:46,881 --> 01:19:48,149
- No mate...

1984
01:19:48,182 --> 01:19:50,852
- [battle cry]
- No, no, no, I'm only a...

1985
01:19:52,854 --> 01:19:54,222
[yelling in pain]

1986
01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:00,328
- [spitting]

1987
01:20:02,063 --> 01:20:04,332
[panting]

1988
01:20:06,968 --> 01:20:09,404
- [gurgling]

1989
01:20:12,940 --> 01:20:14,209
- Mr. Chappell,

1990
01:20:15,309 --> 01:20:17,145
I was just wondering,

1991
01:20:17,178 --> 01:20:19,047
if I might have your permission

1992
01:20:19,080 --> 01:20:21,282
to marry your
wonderful daughter.

1993
01:20:21,315 --> 01:20:25,286
[light flute music]
♪♪

1994
01:20:27,388 --> 01:20:30,959
- Permission granted.

1995
01:20:36,197 --> 01:20:38,400
[garage door rattling]

1996
01:20:48,910 --> 01:20:51,146
[joyous yelling]

1997
01:20:51,679 --> 01:20:53,481
- That was one large
fucking night.

1998
01:20:53,514 --> 01:20:55,083
- Mm-hmm.

1999
01:20:55,116 --> 01:20:57,252
- Large indeed, Cheese.

2000
01:20:57,285 --> 01:20:59,855
Large indeed.

2001
01:21:00,187 --> 01:21:01,890
- Tell you what,
if nothing else,

2002
01:21:01,923 --> 01:21:03,200
this makes writing
your wedding speech

2003
01:21:03,224 --> 01:21:05,126
a whole lot easier.

2004
01:21:05,159 --> 01:21:07,394
- Unfortunately,
I think it might be while

2005
01:21:07,428 --> 01:21:09,998
before you get to make
that speech, mate.

2006
01:21:10,531 --> 01:21:12,166
- Maybe twenty to life?

2007
01:21:12,199 --> 01:21:13,401
[mumbling]
- Guys,

2008
01:21:13,434 --> 01:21:15,270
nobody's going to prison.

2009
01:21:15,303 --> 01:21:16,437
Trust me.

2010
01:21:16,470 --> 01:21:17,906
Myles has a plan

2011
01:21:17,939 --> 01:21:19,407
that's going to make all of this

2012
01:21:19,440 --> 01:21:21,409
just go away.

2013
01:21:23,044 --> 01:21:25,247
[gulp]
[winces in pain]

2014
01:21:26,047 --> 01:21:27,214
Fuck me.

2015
01:21:27,248 --> 01:21:29,250
[upbeat rap music]
♪♪

2016
01:21:30,251 --> 01:21:31,986
♪ <i>Oh yeah, we gonna die</i>

2017
01:21:32,019 --> 01:21:34,089
♪ <i>Crazy crazy house</i>

2018
01:21:35,022 --> 01:21:38,393
♪ <i>It's the Crazy Crew
and we put it down</i>

2019
01:21:38,426 --> 01:21:41,429
♪ <i>Who got your back,
it's the Crazy Crew</i>

2020
01:21:41,462 --> 01:21:43,031
♪ <i>Who you gonna die</i>

2021
01:21:43,064 --> 01:21:44,141
♪ <i>I'm like the rough
and the rugged</i>

2022
01:21:44,165 --> 01:21:45,133
♪ <i>When I start wreck</i>

2023
01:21:45,166 --> 01:21:47,702
♪ <i>Run when I come,
chumps hit the deck</i>

2024
01:21:47,735 --> 01:21:50,304
♪ <i>Hit 'em with a little bit
of combat round</i>

2025
01:21:50,338 --> 01:21:52,907
♪ <i>Leave the bodies
buried in the ground</i>

2026
01:21:53,407 --> 01:21:55,043
♪ <i>Now look what
you gone and done</i>

2027
01:21:55,076 --> 01:21:57,278
♪ <i>Now you wus
gotta fool with a gun</i>

2028
01:21:57,311 --> 01:21:59,280
♪ <i>It's a giggle
just a little bit of fun</i>

2029
01:21:59,313 --> 01:22:01,482
♪ <i>It makes a lot of sense
if you've got none</i>

2030
01:22:01,515 --> 01:22:04,385
♪ <i>On the run with a gun
now whatcha gonna do</i>

2031
01:22:04,418 --> 01:22:06,154
♪ <i>It makes sense
if you've got one</i>

2032
01:22:06,187 --> 01:22:09,157
♪ <i>It's the Crazy Crew
yeah that's no good</i>

2033
01:22:09,190 --> 01:22:11,159
♪ <i>It makes sense
if you've got none</i>

2034
01:22:11,192 --> 01:22:13,995
♪ <i>Blop-a ba blop
It's the Crazy Crew</i>

2035
01:22:14,295 --> 01:22:15,363
♪ <i>What ya gonna do</i>

2036
01:22:15,396 --> 01:22:18,733
♪ <i>Who's got your back
it's the Crazy Crew</i>

2037
01:22:18,766 --> 01:22:19,901
♪ <i>Who you gonna die</i>

2038
01:22:19,934 --> 01:22:22,437
♪ <i>I'm like Cool Hand Luke
when I sight the scope</i>

2039
01:22:22,470 --> 01:22:24,973
♪ <i>Fun when they run
yell ho, Konco</i>

2040
01:22:25,006 --> 01:22:27,175
♪ <i>Cracker with a bat
watch your man get flat</i>

2041
01:22:27,208 --> 01:22:28,977
♪ <i>Hey Crazy Crew
where you at</i>

2042
01:22:29,010 --> 01:22:30,111
♪ <i>Yo where you at</i>

2043
01:22:30,145 --> 01:22:31,980
♪ <i>Hit 'em with the bone
Hit 'em home ricochet</i>

2044
01:22:32,013 --> 01:22:34,182
♪ <i>Carnivore cannibal,
cold cabaret</i>

2045
01:22:34,215 --> 01:22:36,417
♪ <i>Roll with the drums
in cold when it comes in</i>

2046
01:22:36,450 --> 01:22:38,553
♪ <i>Rolling through
your dark always</i>

2047
01:22:39,553 --> 01:22:41,322
♪ <i>Well bloody hoo-ha</i>

2048
01:22:41,355 --> 01:22:43,424
♪ <i>One felt everything
gone F.U.B.A.R</i>

2049
01:22:43,457 --> 01:22:45,994
♪ <i>Hit it with the bow
with the homegrown sweat</i>

2050
01:22:46,027 --> 01:22:48,262
♪ <i>Couldn't even fu...
With my mic check</i>

2051
01:22:48,295 --> 01:22:50,565
♪ <i>Hit 'em up
mic-microphone check-a</i>

2052
01:22:50,598 --> 01:22:52,533
♪ <i>Mic mic check
one two</i>

2053
01:22:52,566 --> 01:22:55,336
♪ <i>Get a mic
mic-microphone check-a</i>

2054
01:22:55,369 --> 01:22:57,472
♪ <i>Mic mic check
one two</i>

2055
01:22:58,339 --> 01:23:00,241
♪ <i>Now whatcha gonna do</i>

2056
01:23:02,276 --> 01:23:04,612
♪ <i>Crazy Crew
Who you gonna die</i>

2057
01:23:04,645 --> 01:23:06,982
♪ <i>Crazy Crew in the house</i>

2058
01:23:07,515 --> 01:23:09,384
♪ <i>Well bloody hoo-ha</i>

2059
01:23:09,417 --> 01:23:11,386
♪ <i>It's a giggle
just a little bit of fun</i>

2060
01:23:12,253 --> 01:23:13,588
♪ <i>Everything gone F.U.B.A.R</i>

2061
01:23:13,621 --> 01:23:16,090
♪ <i>Makes a lot of sense
if you've got none</i>

2062
01:23:16,123 --> 01:23:18,226
♪ <i>You've boys just
ain't got no sense</i>

2063
01:23:18,259 --> 01:23:20,461
♪ <i>Rap tak ticka
ain't worth ten pents</i>

2064
01:23:20,494 --> 01:23:22,630
♪ <i>Little tip toe
get your foot step show</i>

2065
01:23:22,663 --> 01:23:25,232
♪ <i>On top of that
you're fu... slow</i>

2066
01:23:25,266 --> 01:23:27,468
♪ <i>I'm about dropping off
bombs on a little bit</i>

2067
01:23:27,501 --> 01:23:29,804
♪ <i>Hold on a little pink tongue
in the middle bit</i>

2068
01:23:29,837 --> 01:23:32,240
♪ <i>Boys get lifted high
like Snoop</i>

2069
01:23:32,273 --> 01:23:35,043
♪ <i>Drop heavy like
wonton soup</i>

2070
01:23:35,076 --> 01:23:39,147
♪ <i>Drop heavy like,
like what like wonton soup</i>

2071
01:23:39,447 --> 01:23:43,451
♪ <i>Drop, drop heavy like,
like what like wonton soup</i>

2072
01:23:44,552 --> 01:23:46,521
♪ <i>Now whatcha gonna do</i>

2073
01:23:48,422 --> 01:23:51,058
♪ <i>Crazy Crew that's no good</i>

2074
01:23:51,092 --> 01:23:53,128
♪ <i>Crazy Crew in the house</i>

2075
01:23:54,195 --> 01:23:56,197
♪ <i>What a bloody hoo-ha</i>

2076
01:23:56,230 --> 01:23:58,433
♪ <i>Makes a lot of sense
if you've got none</i>

2077
01:24:00,434 --> 01:24:02,570
♪ <i>It's a giggle
just a little bit of fun</i>

2078
01:24:05,506 --> 01:24:07,642
♪ <i>What a bloody hoo-ha</i>

2079
01:24:07,675 --> 01:24:10,244
♪ <i>Everything gone F.U.B.A.R</i>

2080
01:24:10,277 --> 01:24:12,180
♪ <i>Just a little bit of fun</i>

2081
01:24:12,546 --> 01:24:14,416
♪ <i>Who you gonna die</i>

2082
01:24:15,349 --> 01:24:16,584
♪ <i>Crazy Crew</i>

2083
01:24:17,585 --> 01:24:19,320
♪ <i>Best know who</i>

2084
01:24:21,589 --> 01:24:23,558
♪ <i>Everything gone F.U.B.A.R</i> ♪

2085
01:24:23,591 --> 01:24:25,560
♪♪