1 00:00:04,149 --> 00:00:06,130 Man, I'm too late. Angie's got the bills. 2 00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:07,750 So what's the big deal? 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:12,150 I went a little crazy with my raise and I dropped a ton of cash on some new golf 4 00:00:12,150 --> 00:00:15,650 clubs. I was hoping to get the credit card bill before Angie had a chance to 5 00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:18,050 it. You hide things you buy from your wife? 6 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:23,150 You hide things you buy from your wife? 7 00:00:25,730 --> 00:00:29,270 Dude, when are you going to get a woman so you can learn how this stuff works? 8 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:32,670 I'm tired of explaining everything to you. Your advice doesn't work anyway. 9 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,040 If you hadn't hooked up with Angie when you were 18, your life would be just 10 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,040 like mine. 11 00:00:45,340 --> 00:00:47,880 That is the worst thing that you have ever said to me. 12 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:51,900 Good luck, man. 13 00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:56,860 Hey, baby. 14 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:57,920 Hey. 15 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,240 What? 16 00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:07,470 You get so stressed out when you do the bills, huh? Come on. 17 00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:12,930 Just close your eyes and relax. 18 00:01:14,930 --> 00:01:16,950 And you got a huge knot here. 19 00:01:17,590 --> 00:01:18,810 I'm going to use my elbow. 20 00:01:24,990 --> 00:01:25,990 Okay, 21 00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:29,470 all done. 22 00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:33,109 That's weird. 23 00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:34,110 They didn't... 24 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:36,180 charge it? 25 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,880 I bet they're cutting back on paper. 26 00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:42,600 Global warming, Al Gore, what can you do? 27 00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:47,640 You know what? It's fine. I'll just look up the bill online. 28 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,800 You can do that? 29 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,780 Yeah, just take a second. 30 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,360 Angie, I forgot to tell you that I bought a set of... 31 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,960 New golf clubs, and I'll play so good that it'll shave an hour off my round, 32 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:06,440 which means I can spend more time with the family, and you can't put a price 33 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:07,440 on that. 34 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,440 $900? 35 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:12,540 That's pretty close. 36 00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:15,680 We can't afford to spend like this. 37 00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:18,780 Come on, Angie, with my raise, there's enough money in the checking account to 38 00:02:18,780 --> 00:02:19,780 cover it. There isn't. 39 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:33,760 I went to get my hair done, but the spa was offering Reiki massages, and I 40 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:34,760 thought I'd try one out. 41 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,040 Who's Reiki, and where'd he touch you? 42 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,580 It's not a person, George. It's an Asian energy massage, and they don't even 43 00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:48,600 touch you. They just put their hands over your body and affect your energy 44 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:49,600 fields. 45 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,740 $300, and you didn't even get touched. 46 00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,350 That's your makeup for my golf clubs. 47 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,750 Okay, we're both guilty. 48 00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:07,130 If we keep spending like this, we'll just blow through your whole raise. 49 00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:11,510 Okay, why don't you check with me before you spend money on anything big? 50 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:12,750 And you'll check with me. 51 00:03:13,930 --> 00:03:15,970 Okay, well, we had a good plan. You just ruined it. 52 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:24,110 No, let's talk to each other before we spend anything over $100. 53 00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:26,790 That way, you have to defend what you spend. 54 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,680 Tonight, I'm going to a poker game. 55 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,180 You're in the house. 56 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,740 I'd like to have $150 cash. 57 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,240 Seems like a lot. 58 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:40,840 Let's hear your defense. 59 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,960 Okay, poker relaxes me. I make money doing it, especially tonight, because 60 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,680 going to use the cards with the girls in bikinis on them, and Ernie's got a 61 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,060 crush on the two, four, and the six, and every time he moans, he's like that. 62 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,560 Oh. 63 00:04:01,770 --> 00:04:04,830 I'll give you the $150. Ah, thank you. Okay, my turn. 64 00:04:09,090 --> 00:04:12,830 Yesterday, I saw a pair of shoes that I really want. 65 00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:14,110 And they're $200. 66 00:04:14,970 --> 00:04:15,970 Hmm. 67 00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:18,810 No, Vito. 68 00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:23,390 You have to let me defend it. 69 00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:24,770 Okay. 70 00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:28,130 Okay. 71 00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:35,250 This is a new kind of ergonomically correct shoe. And normally they're $300, 72 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:38,790 they're on sale and there's only one pair left in my size. 73 00:04:39,790 --> 00:04:41,690 I didn't realize this was so important to you. 74 00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,430 I was going to say Vito. 75 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:49,110 But now I'm going to stand up and put my hand on your shoulder and say it all 76 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,110 nice. Vito. 77 00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:22,280 Are you having fun with the poker money I should have vetoed? 78 00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:23,540 No. 79 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,700 I'm getting horrible cards all night. 80 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:31,400 Well, I hope you learned your lesson. If you'd let me buy those shoes, I'd still 81 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,520 have them. I know. 82 00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:34,140 All right. 83 00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:37,140 Better say goodbye to the rest of my money. 84 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:40,100 And I will call and put you out of your misery. 85 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:41,720 I call too. 86 00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:50,130 She's so hot. 87 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:55,870 I'm back. 88 00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:57,569 I'm back. 89 00:05:57,570 --> 00:06:01,130 I thought I had nothing. You came down just at the right time. All that talk 90 00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:04,570 about, I hope you learned your lesson. They totally believed it. 91 00:06:06,170 --> 00:06:07,190 I was serious. 92 00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:13,690 Give it a rest, baby. It'll never work twice. I could 93 00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:17,190 just kill him. 94 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,680 First, he cheats me out of money, and then he uses me and embarrasses me in 95 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:22,680 front of everybody. 96 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,340 Oh, I wish someone would clean him out so he'd have to come to me for more 97 00:06:26,340 --> 00:06:28,220 money. Then I'd say no. 98 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,460 How bad do you want him to lose? 99 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:32,100 Why? 100 00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:34,360 Are you good at poker? 101 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,300 That was a card shark. 102 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,880 I can have your shoe money in ten minutes. 103 00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:44,260 This one time in Vegas, I beat this guy so bad, he had a total breakdown in 104 00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:45,260 front of his friends. 105 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,800 God, I love to make men cry. 106 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,020 First, let's get my shoe money. 107 00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:54,820 Then, let's talk about what support group might be right for you. 108 00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,360 Can I play bridge with you guys? 109 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:08,000 Bridge? It's Texas Hold 'em, and it's a man's game. Tell her, Mom. 110 00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:15,600 Veronica, you don't want to join us. We're playing for real money. 111 00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:16,820 I have money. 112 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,240 I just cashed my paycheck. 113 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:19,700 Sit down, sister. 114 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,820 Okay, you guys. 115 00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:30,940 I'm not sure if this is the right move, but I've always wanted to say this. 116 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,260 I'm all in. 117 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,600 No, no, sweetheart, don't do that. You could lose all your money. 118 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:39,080 I'll take my chances. Are you in or out, Uncle George? 119 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:43,220 Well... You have to learn your lesson early. 120 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:44,800 I call. 121 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,540 Hold. Hold. I'm done. 122 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,360 A king and a queen. 123 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:50,760 Pocket rockets. 124 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:54,180 Ooh, and two in the flop. That's quads. You're dead before the turn. 125 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,440 What you talking about, George? 126 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,540 Don't ask me. I died before that turn. 127 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:03,460 You want to go again? 128 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,200 Anybody can get quads. That's not skill. That's luck. 129 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:08,520 All right. 130 00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,460 I'll deal. 131 00:08:11,010 --> 00:08:12,010 Which deck do you want? 132 00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:13,770 Either. 133 00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:14,890 Okay. 134 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,080 I guess it's just us. 135 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,700 So you think I'm all scared because you know how to play a little poker? 136 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:51,880 So you don't know who you're dealing with. 137 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:55,040 I was playing poker before you were born. Raise collar full. 138 00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:56,940 I got a pin in my chest. 139 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:00,440 I can breathe. 140 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:04,880 I can't. 141 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:08,220 What, Pa? 142 00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:13,220 Were you by any chance trying to say what, Pa? 143 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,500 We should probably stop there. 144 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:24,680 I'll get more money. 145 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,080 You stay right there. You're not the only one who knows how to handle the 146 00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:29,140 Watch out. 147 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:30,740 Hello, girls. Good night. 148 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,060 I'm checking your purse for drugs. You've been sleeping a lot. 149 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,720 Please don't tear this family apart. 150 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:16,780 Look, if you need more money for poker, just ask. 151 00:10:17,220 --> 00:10:19,320 I'm a little more generous than you are. 152 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,559 All right. 153 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,000 Angie, can I have another hundred? Veto! 154 00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:36,020 Neither was that lime green dress you wore to dinner two years ago. 155 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,080 I knew I'd use it in a fight someday and watch her. Here it is. 156 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,780 Here's your shoe money, Aunt Angie. Thank you. 157 00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:49,600 Wait a minute. What's going on? 158 00:10:50,020 --> 00:10:53,620 I wanted to teach you a lesson and Veronica helped me. 159 00:10:57,180 --> 00:11:01,540 I bring your niece into my house and you use her against me? That's not cold. 160 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:02,760 Gosh! 161 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,320 to play poker, just click on beginner. 162 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,800 Yeah, and you can go to smartassniece .com and click on homeless. 163 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,860 I think there's a bigger issue here. 164 00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:30,940 You have a spending problem. 165 00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:36,300 Oh, you're right. I got a spending problem and I'm looking right at her. 166 00:11:45,890 --> 00:11:47,230 Let's see who can live on less. 167 00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:50,510 And when I win, I don't have to ask you for poker money. 168 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,670 Okay. And when I win, I don't have to ask you for shoe money. 169 00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,830 Now, you realize what you're getting yourself into, right? 170 00:11:58,070 --> 00:11:59,950 No more imaginary massages. 171 00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:06,890 And if you want a mud mask, you're going to have to wait till it rains and shove 172 00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:07,890 your head in the planter. 173 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:21,360 means no more expensive sports jerseys for you. It's not like Phil Jackson is 174 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,660 going to look up in the stands and say, hey, Mexican Kobe. 175 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,900 Finish the hot dog and get in the game. 176 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:34,920 Don't worry about me. 177 00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:39,140 I grew up without that stuff. I was poor, Angie. I couldn't even go swimming 178 00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:41,440 a swimming pool because my mom wouldn't buy me a swimsuit. 179 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,200 I had to swim in a garbage can in my underwear. 180 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,680 The white ones, the tatarans, where you come out like the tataran. 181 00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:56,520 You want to see how I did laps? I went like that. One, two, three, four. 182 00:12:56,780 --> 00:13:00,240 And I'd do the butterfly. I'd be like that. One, two, three, four. 183 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,940 And my friends would drive by and I'd be embarrassed. I would close the lid. I'd 184 00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:04,940 be like. 185 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:14,620 That's right. You see it. 186 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:16,620 Saving money. 187 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:17,680 That's riding my bike to work. 188 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:22,160 What about tomorrow when you have to pick up Max from school? 189 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:27,800 Let's go home, Max. Well, 190 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,520 I got us dinner. 191 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,520 I hope you're okay with ramen noodle. 192 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,300 Ah, you spent 50 cents. No. 193 00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:42,980 I paid for this with recycled cans. 194 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,840 You went digging through the trash? 195 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,880 have to. I got 40 empties from the backseat of your mom's car. 196 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,880 Not bad. While you were getting dinner, I got dessert. 197 00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:55,740 I made these this morning. 198 00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,020 Freezer snow cones. 199 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:00,900 I grew up on these. 200 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,680 What is it? 201 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:11,000 It's ice that I scrape from the side of the freezer with a fork. 202 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,180 they're the fish sticks. I got corn. You want a trade? No. 203 00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:33,260 I'm good. 204 00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:39,500 Oh, before I forget, Ernie called and he said that the game is in double 205 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,200 overtime and it's hot. 206 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,280 Just so you know, I canceled the cable. 207 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,360 That means no more sports channel. 208 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,740 This isn't going to break me. I'll just call Ernie. Tomorrow and ask him to 209 00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:56,400 score. Face it, George. 210 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,440 You underestimated me. 211 00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,380 I'm not spending money on anything. 212 00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:06,420 And I ran out of deodorant, razors, and hair dye a long... 213 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:40,550 scrape a dry hunk of toothpaste off the sink, and brush my teeth. 214 00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:44,890 What's going on? 215 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,670 You still haven't broken Angie yet? 216 00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:49,810 She's tougher than I thought, Mom. 217 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,710 We ran out of fabric softener and her thongs are like cardboard, but she's 218 00:15:53,710 --> 00:15:54,710 wearing them. 219 00:15:57,930 --> 00:15:59,230 I'm ashamed of you. 220 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:05,130 Where is the kid who made a pillow out of grass clippings and a trash bag? 221 00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:10,350 Who survived for a month on Halloween candy? 222 00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:16,570 Who used pages from a phone book, George, when we ran out of toilet paper? 223 00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,490 He's in here, Mom. I know where he is. 224 00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:22,430 Well, get him out! 225 00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:24,030 I will. 226 00:16:24,090 --> 00:16:26,990 I'm gonna do whatever it takes to win this thing. Yes, George, because you 227 00:16:26,990 --> 00:16:29,290 what? I raised you to be tougher than that. 228 00:16:31,430 --> 00:16:33,890 So that's why you did all those things, Mom, to toughen me up? 229 00:16:36,670 --> 00:16:38,170 Oh, no. Some things were just for fun. 230 00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:42,330 You know what? 231 00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:48,070 I'll never forget when you invited Ernie over for your trash can birthday pool 232 00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:49,070 party. 233 00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:55,510 You know, that was the one time I wished that I had a camera. 234 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,119 It's been three weeks with no TV or internet. 235 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,540 All I do is read and go to school. 236 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,660 I'm like some pioneer kid from the 70s. 237 00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:26,760 Well, I can't handle it anymore either. 238 00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:30,060 That's why I got a plan to end it tonight. Your mom is going down. 239 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,280 Why is it dark in here? 240 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,040 Some of us don't need to waste money on electricity. 241 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:44,760 I don't need it if you don't. 242 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,680 So would you say this is a good marriage? 243 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:53,400 Because if it is, I don't know why gay people want it so much. 244 00:18:04,380 --> 00:18:06,560 So, what'd you buy for dinner? 245 00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:07,980 I didn't buy anything. 246 00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:16,420 At the back of the pantry, I found a couple of cans of Fisherman's Feast. 247 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,540 That's cat food. 248 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,180 From when we had a cat years ago. 249 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:27,880 I know. 250 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:45,140 to the ground fish meal that contains no more than 10 % fins, bones, and scales. 251 00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:52,160 You're actually going to eat cat food. 252 00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:58,500 This is how hard I am. 253 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,019 Baby, spit it out. 254 00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:01,420 No, I'm winning. 255 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,400 What? Neither of us are winning. 256 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,020 We're eating cat food in the dark. 257 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,820 But what about the contest? 258 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,860 Forget the contest. Let's just call it a draw. 259 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,740 Okay. But then, can we go back to spending money now? Because I really, 260 00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:22,740 want to shave my legs. 261 00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:26,380 Yeah, my legs want that, too. 262 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,630 Angie, we can spend money, but not the way we were. 263 00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:36,010 Just one thing I learned from this is that I don't want to end up broke and 264 00:20:36,010 --> 00:20:37,470 eating cat food when I retire. 265 00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:41,850 Okay, so now why don't we put the rest of my raise into our savings? 266 00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:43,710 I can live with that. 267 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,290 Now, I think we can afford a pizza. 268 00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:48,130 I love you. 269 00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:49,670 Whoa, down kitty. 270 00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:55,330 What? We both ate cat food. 271 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,100 I actually printed out a label and put it on a can of tuna. 272 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:07,620 That didn't taste like tuna. 273 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,060 Uh, yours wasn't. 274 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,080 I didn't think you'd actually eat it. 275 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:17,940 But you won and your coat is really shiny.