1
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:18,806
- [chuckling]

2
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,221
[laughing hysterically]

3
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:31,886
I'M MELTING!

4
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,192
- FRANK?

5
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:33,833
FRANK?

6
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,887
- OH, MY GOD, WE'RE TOO LATE.
HE'S OUT OF HIS CONE!

7
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:36,856
- NO!

8
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,633
[sobbing]

9
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:42,502
[whimsical music]

10
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:49,609
- HI, LET ME GET TWO TICKETS
TO THIS PLACE,

11
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,839
ONE FOR ME AND A SECOND ONE

12
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,814
JUST IN CASE
I LOSE THE FIRST ONE.

13
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,784
- THIS IS BY RESERVATION.

14
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,451
- OKAY, SO RESURRECT ME
A TICKET OR SOMETHING.

15
00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:58,081
I DON'T KNOW.

16
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,815
- I CANNOT LET A RHINO
INTO THE CEREMONY.

17
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:01,521
- [yelps]

18
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,951
OH, YOU'RE ONE
OF THE RACIST PEOPLE.

19
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:05,886
I THINK I HEARD ABOUT YOU
ON THE TELEVISION SET.

20
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,062
- I AM NOT A RACIST.

21
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,530
- THEN LET ME IN.
- NO.

22
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:11,658
- YOU RACIST HONKY.

23
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:12,555
HOW ABOUT NOW?
- NO.

24
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,596
- OKAY, HOW ABOUT NOW?
- NO.

25
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,171
- [deep voice]
HOW ABOUT NOW?

26
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,069
- NO.
- [growling]

27
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,841
- NO.
- COME ON.

28
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,340
- SIR, YOU ARE A RHINO.

29
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,171
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

30
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,775
- I'M GONNA <i>ANGRY BIRD</i>
<i>THIS JOINT.</i>

31
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,537
- WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

32
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,813
[cell phone vibrating]

33
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:30,516
- HEY, SWEETIE.

34
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:33,687
- BABY, I AM SO SICK
RIGHT NOW.

35
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,287
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

36
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:39,358
I THINK I GOT THE BIRD FLU
OR H1N1 ANTHRAX OR SOMETHING.

37
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,729
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

38
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:41,627
- I'M SURE IT'S FINE.

39
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:42,958
- I CAN FEEL IT.
I'M DYING.

40
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:43,933
AND I WAS GONNA DO SO MUCH.

41
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,460
I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST
FAMOUS BLACK BALLERINA.

42
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:49,626
I NEED YOU TO COME AND SAVE ME
WITH YOUR WHITE POWERS.

43
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,266
[phone rings]

44
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,370
- HONEY, JUST HOLD ON
ONE SECOND.

45
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,341
- YOU DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD--
- THIS IS TRIPTANK.

46
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,210
- WELL, I LIKE REAL TELEVISION!

47
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,738
SO MAYBE WHEN YOU GROW A PAIR,

48
00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:00,183
YOU CALL ME BACK AND I'LL WATCH
YOUR NEXT [bleep] DISASTER.

49
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,080
- HOLD, PLEASE.
- [continues yelling]

50
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,722
- I AM LOSING MY LIFE!

51
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:04,647
THIS SHIT'S NOT FUNNY.

52
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:05,551
ARE YOU GIGGLING, MOTHER[bleep]?

53
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:09,022
- THAT WOMAN HAS BEAT YOU DOWN
TO A SOGGY-ASS WET NOODLE.

54
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,092
MAYBE TRY EATING SOME BARBECUE
AND DRINK A BEER,

55
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,691
AND THEN YOU'LL GROW A SACK,
YOU LITTLE TIT BABY.

56
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:17,763
[heavy metal music]
- ¶ THE LAST DEAD UNICORN

57
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:20,904
[upbeat music]

58
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:29,141
¶

59
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:43,493
- [screams]

60
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,120
[news theme music]

61
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,155
- WE'RE HEARING
THAT THE FIRST MINER

62
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,360
IS ABOUT TO BE PULLED UP.

63
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,061
- [clucking]

64
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:50,633
- [gasps]

65
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,100
IT APPEARS WE HAVE
A LITTLE VISITOR.

66
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,498
[chuckles]
JUST ZOOM IN ON THAT.

67
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,171
- EXCUSE ME?

68
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,768
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO INTERVIEW ME?

69
00:13:56,770 --> 00:14:00,940
WHY ARE YOU FILMING
THIS DISGUSTING CHICKEN?

70
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,341
- [sobbing]

71
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,682
- HE'S GONNA KILL HIMSELF!
- [gasps]

72
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,377
TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID
TO THE CHICKEN.

73
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,209
- BUT HE'S JUST A CHICKEN.

74
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:11,075
- YOU HURT
HIS LITTLE ANIMAL FEELINGS.

75
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:11,584
- [sighs]

76
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:16,785
CHICKEN,
PLEASE DO NOT POISON YOURSELF.

77
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:17,760
[all sigh in relief]

78
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:19,317
'CAUSE I AM 12 DAYS HUNGRY!

79
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,686
- [clucks angrily]

80
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,994
- IF HE FALLS IN,
HE'LL DISINTEGRATE.

81
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,556
- [clucking angrily]

82
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:28,504
- CHICKEN,
I AM DEEPLY SORRY.

83
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,231
- [clucks]

84
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,126
[onlookers sigh in relief]

85
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,396
- THAT YOU ARE AS STUPID
AS YOU LOOK.

86
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,005
- [clucking angrily]

87
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:34,937
[onlookers gasp]

88
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:37,181
[news theme music]

89
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,347
- THE BROADCAST
JUST WENT WORLDWIDE.

90
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,847
WE CAN NOT HAVE
A CHICKEN FRY HIMSELF

91
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,679
WHILE THE WORLD IS WATCHING.

92
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,684
[electricity sparking]

93
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,945
- [clucking erratically]

94
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:51,524
- SENOR CHICKEN, I AM
VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY,

95
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,564
VERY SORRY.

96
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,159
- [clucks]

97
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,129
- DON'T TELL YOU,
TELL THE WORLD?

98
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,328
I WAS STUCK IN A MINE
AND FEARED FOR MY LIFE,

99
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,701
BUT I AM NOT THE ONE
YOU SHOULD GRIEVE FOR.

100
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:05,101
EVERYONE SHOULD LOOK
TO SENOR CHICKEN.

101
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:09,305
HE IS THE TRUE HERO.

102
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,279
[all sigh in relief]

103
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,077
- THAT'S THE MONEY SHOT.

104
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,948
[tires screech]

105
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:16,514
- [clucks]

106
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,676
- YOU WANT TO SHAKE MY HAND?

107
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,515
[chuckles]

108
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,719
I WOULD BE HONORED.

109
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:25,791
<i>AH, POR QUE?</i>

110
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,862
- YES, MOST SHRIMP AND RIB
DON'T COME TOGETHER,

111
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:28,861
BUT THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST.

112
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,632
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID--
HE SAID--

113
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,660
THEY ALL SAID--
WE ALL SAID--

114
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,625
WITH THE SHRIMP AND A RIB.
HEY, THERE, SHRIMP. SHRIMP.

115
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,444
- HEY, KIDDIES,
TIME FOR VERSUS.

116
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:37,997
- VERSUS.

117
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:41,374
- EVERYBODY KNOWS
YOU GOT MY SPATS ON.

118
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,244
[grunts]

119
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,812
MM, FREE DRUG.

120
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,510
[tires screech]

121
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:50,684
- WELCOME, COMBATANT.

122
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:51,684
CHOOSE WEAPON:

123
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,575
ASSAULT RIFLE,

124
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,716
CHAIN SAW,

125
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,391
MALT LIQUOR, 40 OUNCES.

126
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,619
- HMM, I'M GONNA NEED
TO MAKE CHOICES NOW.

127
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,626
I ALWAYS MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

128
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,329
- CHOOSE ARMOR:

129
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,801
CHAIN MAIL,

130
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,499
KEVLAR SUIT,

131
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,370
BARBECUE SAUCE.

132
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:10,299
- [belches]

133
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,943
BARBECUE SAUCE!

134
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:12,898
[laughing]

135
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,406
[sputtering]

136
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,438
MMM, YEAH.

137
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:20,084
GOOD SAUCES.

138
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,810
- [clears throat]

139
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,515
THIS WEEK'S COMBATANTS:

140
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,617
DRUNK HOBO SLATHERED

141
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,019
IN BARBECUE SAUCE

142
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,451
VERSUS

143
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,916
SIX GORILLAS.

144
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,964
- HMM, CROCODILES.

145
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,529
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

146
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:35,457
BURN.

147
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:36,962
[groaning]

148
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,533
- UGH!
- DUDE.

149
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,531
- [groaning]

150
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:40,602
MM, MM-HMM.

151
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,130
WHEW--OH.

152
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,595
OH, COME ON NOW.
JUST A LITTLE BIT.

153
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,003
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ENOUGH.

154
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,366
LIGHT HIM UP.

155
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,375
- FRISBEE.

156
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,307
[wails]

157
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:54,351
- [panting]

158
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,217
[grunts]

159
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,947
<i>POR FAVOR,</i>
<i>DON'T KILL ME.</i>

160
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:00,753
[sniffing]

161
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:00,794
YOU SMELL ENCHANTING.