1 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:17,809 (phone ringing) (copier whirring) 2 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,185 So. 3 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:23,898 What's up? 4 00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:26,985 - Me, all night, dreaming about Angela's smoking hot body. 5 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:27,986 You're being gross. 6 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,155 Not from a male perspective. 7 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,823 You need to set me up with her. 8 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,491 I know she told you that she's looking, 9 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,036 and she's totally not responding to my moves. 10 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:37,620 What moves? 11 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:40,331 - I have moonwalked past accounting like 10 times. 12 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,708 - I can't believe that's not working. 13 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:42,542 Yeah. 14 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,505 - I don't know if I really see you two together. 15 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,132 Really? 16 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:52,093 Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain. 17 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,386 She's very religious. 18 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,722 - Okay, well, I come from a line of WASPs 19 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,183 so long it leads back to Moses. 20 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,935 - Okay, well, she takes her convictions pretty seriously. 21 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,312 She can be kind of severe. 22 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,356 - Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall. 23 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,358 - That's right, you did. - Yeah. 24 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,734 Now that I think about it, 25 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:10,195 Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple, 26 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,948 but I couldn't do that to Dwight. 27 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,075 Or Angela. 28 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:17,494 Or Andy. 29 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,498 - Okay, fine, I don't need your help. 30 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,541 She'll eventually relent to my pleading. 31 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,753 Just don't come to me when you need something. 32 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,338 Okay. 33 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,924 - You should still come to me, I'm a good guy to know. 34 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,009 - Dwight, could you come in here please? 35 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:33,843 (binder clatters) 36 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,471 (upbeat music) 37 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,741 I used to get offers in the mail 38 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,410 for credit cards all the time. 39 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,912 {\an8}They would say things like, "Don't pay for six months," 40 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:04,290 {\an8}or, "You can transfer your account from another card." 41 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:10,130 Do you think I'll get any new ones I could... 42 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:18,930 What? 43 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,640 What do you mean, what? 44 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,227 Are you listening to what I was saying? 45 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,229 - I was saying was aware that you were speaking. 46 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,147 What is the matter with you? 47 00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,524 What is the matter with me? 48 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,322 {\an8}- Hey, Kevin, you're a gambler, right? 49 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:42,162 {\an8}A rounder, you play the ponies, small horses. 50 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,457 - I do gamble, Michael. - Yeah. 51 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,876 I was thinking about doing some gambling myself. 52 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,545 You know, just a little bit of money, maybe doubling it, 53 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,381 {\an8}and then doubling it several more times. 54 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,800 {\an8}I don't know, kind of just for fun. 55 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,053 {\an8}I was thinking, do you have any tips 56 00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:01,181 {\an8}or ideas about sure things? 57 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,476 {\an8}Like a long shot that's gonna come in big, big time, 58 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,853 {\an8}but it's definitely gonna come in. 59 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,897 {\an8}Say a horse with a broken leg 60 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,984 {\an8}who's hopped up on amphetamines. 61 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,861 {\an8}Even if such a horse existed, 62 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,071 {\an8}it doesn't sound like a winner. 63 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,198 {\an8}Well, okay. 64 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,241 {\an8}Or, like, a boxer 65 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:26,373 {\an8}who is gonna throw the big fight. 66 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:30,251 You know, like, he's tied into some crooked dealings 67 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,170 {\an8}and maybe his kid is sick or something. 68 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,797 {\an8}Like, who would I call about that? 69 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:36,675 The mob. 70 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,596 {\an8}- Do you know anybody in the mob? 71 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,391 {\an8}Okay. 72 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:52,232 {\an8}Oscar, I'm gonna need to take another advance on my salary. 73 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,779 Gentlemen, a word. 74 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:02,075 Look, you guys are my closest friends in this office. 75 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:03,118 Right back at ya. 76 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,119 - And, as such, I come to you- 77 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,745 State your business. 78 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:10,750 - I am dying of lovesickness and horny sickness. 79 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,337 That isn't possible. 80 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,964 Unless you mean gonorrhea. 81 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,924 - I'm talking about Angela, okay. 82 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:21,302 Did you hear what she was saying to Pam the other day? 83 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,306 - Yes, I did, but I don't think she means it. 84 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:30,353 Angela is in a great deal of pain 85 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,604 because of the death of her cat, 86 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,940 and she's in a kind of grieving process, 87 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:38,987 and it makes her say things, so best to just lay off. 88 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,574 No can do. 89 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,663 I am itching all over with Angelapox. 90 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,958 - Oh my God, you do have gonorrhea. 91 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,838 - Hey, Andy, maybe this is one of those situations 92 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,924 where you just have to do her to get her out of your system. 93 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,301 Stay out of this, you. 94 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,596 - What do you mean? You have plans tonight? 95 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,097 I have my daughter tonight, 96 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,640 we're renting "Charlotte's Web." 97 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,225 - Well, you have to make a choice. 98 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,769 It's either your daughter or me. 99 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:11,561 My daughter. 100 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:13,813 Okay. 101 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,566 I see how it is. 102 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,569 Oops. 103 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:24,699 That was cold. 104 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,251 - There she is the lip-lappin' Vance. 105 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,211 [Phyllis] Hi, Michael. 106 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,629 How you doing, old girl? 107 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,297 What's going on? 108 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,548 - Actually, I wanted to talk to you 109 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,300 about the vent above my desk. 110 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,635 It is- 111 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,470 - I haven't talked to you in about a year, 112 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:49,766 since you got married, about Bob and how's it's been going. 113 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,352 All right, he treating you well? 114 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,689 Does pretty well in terms of money, right? 115 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,023 He's making enough money? 116 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,110 Is he supporting you with enough money? 117 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,486 Yeah, he does very well. 118 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,071 Yeah? That's good. 119 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,907 That's good, you're very lucky. 120 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,743 Not everybody's that lucky. 121 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,709 It's hard, you know, it's hard. 122 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,878 Are you asking me for money? 123 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:26,636 - Oh, God, no, no, no, absolutely not. 124 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,513 Do not embarrass yourself that way. 125 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,516 - Well, actually, I don't feel comfortable 126 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,767 giving Bob's money away- 127 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,602 - Phyllis, why don't you just give me the money 128 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,062 and we'll forget about this. 129 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:38,565 Give you the money? 130 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:42,986 - Oh, forget it, you can't take a joke. 131 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,780 That wasn't even a joke. 132 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,540 - He's always been terrible with money. 133 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,168 - I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poor. 134 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,462 Yeah, women be shoppin'. 135 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,672 - I can't believe he has a second job. 136 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,090 - He's not even good at his first one. 137 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:04,924 Hey, guys. 138 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,096 What you talking about? 139 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,059 Okay, I know what's going on. 140 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,852 Talking about Jim and Pam. 141 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,771 If they're having sex, what it looks like. 142 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,772 - I know. - Michael. 143 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:19,898 Hey, hey, hey. 144 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,736 - Michael, are you having money problems? 145 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,197 - Monkey problems, no, I'm not having monkey problems. 146 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,782 Why would I have monkey problems? 147 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,367 I know you heard me correctly. 148 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,826 [Michael] I hate monkeys. 149 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,662 - What's going on, why do you have a second job? 150 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,539 I don't have a second job. 151 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:40,752 Maybe I am having an affair with Suzanne Somers. 152 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,837 - But you tried to borrow money from me earlier. 153 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,506 - And I would have loaned it to you. 154 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,799 But I don't need it. 155 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,092 Doesn't Jan have money? 156 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,635 - I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. 157 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,762 It is rude and unsexual. 158 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,097 True. 159 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,099 It's best to hide our money problems from women. 160 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,433 I totally agree with you, 161 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,976 but I don't have money problems. 162 00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,271 All right, you know what? 163 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,147 Watch this. 164 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:07,153 If I had money problems, would I do this? 165 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:16,913 [Phyllis] Well. 166 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,707 - [Stanley] You just put it back in your pocket. 167 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,125 Yeah, but I destroyed it. 168 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,876 It's not even usable anymore. 169 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,129 - The trick is always pay yourself first. 170 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,631 Put away a little money even before you pay your bills. 171 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,968 - Or you just marry a millionaire refrigerator tycoon. 172 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,011 Scam of the century. 173 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,679 Thanks for your help. 174 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,140 This was very informative and great, appreciate it. 175 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,808 Bob's a millionaire? 176 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,269 God, I've been banging the wrong guys in this building. 177 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,979 Oh, he'd never sleep with you. 178 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,188 He's always hated you. 179 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,902 Hey, fellas, and the lady. 180 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,156 - I still do not have your reimbursement check. 181 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,657 That's not why I came over. 182 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,493 I mean, it's a week late, 183 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,537 but I just came over to say hi. 184 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,705 - Hi. - Hi. 185 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,208 Angela, you like lacrosse? 186 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,794 Lacrosse, the sport? 187 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:08,048 - Scranton U varsity is gonna scrimmage the JV squad. 188 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:11,509 Should be pretty interesting, you wanna go? 189 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,761 - No. - 'Cause we could get 190 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,888 - some food afterwards. - No. 191 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:15,722 Andy, no 192 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,229 (Kevin chortling) 193 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,731 Still waiting on that check. 194 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,281 - Hey, let's call this what it is. 195 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:39,079 It's like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. 196 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,997 It's gotten to the point where I get excited 197 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,750 every time I see that little dude walk through the door. 198 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,170 - I just need to know where this is going. 199 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,757 Hey, I like you. 200 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,594 What's not to like? 201 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,265 But you need to access your uncrazy side. 202 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,727 Otherwise, maybe this thing has run its course. 203 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,899 - Don't you dare walk away from me, Darryl Philbin. 204 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,276 You are the most selfish person I've ever met in my time- 205 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,195 Slow down, think it over. 206 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,783 - Darryl Philbin is the most complicated 207 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,868 man that I've ever met. 208 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,287 I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? 209 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,874 What kind of game is that? 210 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:32,090 - Hey, cuz, heard you're having money problems. 211 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,299 No, you didn't. 212 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:34,801 Listen, I got the answer. 213 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:38,013 You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away. 214 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,889 Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. 215 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,474 When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, 216 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:45,854 he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider. 217 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,480 How would that help, Creed? 218 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,774 In Monopoly, you go bankrupt, you lose. 219 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:53,278 - You don't go by Monopoly, man, that game is nuts. 220 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:56,740 Nobody just picks up get out of jail free cards. 221 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,241 Those things cost thousands. 222 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,785 That is a good point. 223 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,872 - Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do over. 224 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,499 It's a fresh start, it's a clean slate. 225 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,418 - Like the witness protection program. 226 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:09,669 - Exactly. - Not at all. 227 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:11,963 I've always wanted to be in 228 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,049 the witness protection program. 229 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,343 Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. 230 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,304 I've already got my name picked out. 231 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,348 Lord Rupert Everton. 232 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:25,268 I'm a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. 233 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,354 That's the life. 234 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,651 (Michael coughs) 235 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:37,864 I declare bankruptcy. 236 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,001 (Oscar knocking) 237 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,253 Hey, I just wanted you to know 238 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,464 that you can't just say the word bankruptcy 239 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,007 and expect anything to happen. 240 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,759 - I didn't say it, I declared it. 241 00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:00,387 Still, that's not anything. 242 00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,515 Well, how do I do it? 243 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,433 - Well, are you absolutely sure that you need it? 244 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,976 I have no idea. 245 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,979 - Okay, find an expert, have him look at your finances, 246 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,981 consolidate your debt, make a budget, 247 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,400 pay down your principal. 248 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,651 Could you do that? 249 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,152 I have work to do. 250 00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,279 - You could do it on company time. 251 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,280 I would authorize it. 252 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,994 I will pay you, I will give you $4,000 253 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:28,707 of coupons, credits and back rubs. 254 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,958 Back rubs? 255 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,043 Okay, 5,000, cash. 256 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,337 - Okay, that's probably why you're in debt. 257 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:39,342 - Well, if me being generous is a problem, then lock me up. 258 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:40,427 They might. 259 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,056 This is a lot of credit card debt. 260 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,975 Yeah, tell me about it. 261 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,309 You know, Jan has my credit cards, 262 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:52,063 and she's using them as if I'm made of money. 263 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,441 She thinks I'm a human ATM machine. 264 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,192 $218, Target. 265 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,152 That was Jan. 266 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,738 She bought washcloths and sheets. 267 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,822 Okay. 268 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:01,823 Kmart, $178. 269 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,366 That was Jan again. 270 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:07,454 This time she went and she bought glasses and silverware. 271 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,706 Okay. 272 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,124 - Who needs an entire set of silverware? 273 00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:13,043 - Well, grownups use silverware, that's- 274 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:16,338 - Yeah, well, grownups can also eat with their hands, so. 275 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,468 Okay, $125, Amazon. 276 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:26,348 - Oh, "Best of the Muppet Show" on DVD, classic. 277 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,476 - $1,200, what's a Core Blaster Extreme? 278 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:33,521 - That is, by far, the best way to strengthen your core. 279 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,983 This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, 280 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,860 you put your feet into the power stirrups, 281 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,321 you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, 282 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,699 and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. 283 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,910 It strengthens your entire core. 284 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:50,538 Your back core, your arm core. 285 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:54,876 Your, the Marine Corps actually uses it. 286 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,461 I think that's how they got core. 287 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,963 I can only do, like, one rep, it is so hard. 288 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,049 Amazon, again, $125. 289 00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,550 I don't know that is. 290 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,219 - You forgot you already bought the Muppet thing 291 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,096 and bought it again accidentally, didn't you? 292 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,931 - No, well, I thought I'd lost it 293 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,642 and it was in the DVD player. 294 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,894 Am I a shopaholic? 295 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:16,898 No, I really don't drink anymore, 296 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,441 and, actually, I like to be sober 297 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,528 when I buy stuff because, I don't know, 298 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:25,198 I just don't want anything to inhibit that rush 299 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,201 that I get when I'm making a purchase. 300 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:34,290 I don't know, it feels like I'm drunk 301 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,545 or, like, high. 302 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,966 (phone ringing) 303 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,636 - I left a little present for Angela. 304 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,597 I think she's going to like it, 305 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:53,143 'cause I found it outside Vance Refrigeration, all alone, 306 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:57,188 and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her. 307 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,150 That they were destined to be together. 308 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,237 I got game. 309 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,577 (phone ringing) 310 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,497 I made you an apology mix. 311 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,210 - Huh, that's lot of the Michelle Branch. 312 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:22,380 - She's gonna change your life, I'm so sorry. 313 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:26,009 - I'm never gonna listen to these songs, ever, 314 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,594 but I do appreciate the thought. 315 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:31,514 - You take me away for the weekend? 316 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:36,019 - No, look, I laid out how I felt about things. 317 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,062 All right, we're more than a ball 318 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,688 and a smile away from being good. 319 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,026 (forklift whirring) 320 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,655 - Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month 321 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:51,242 on stuff you need, like a car and a house. 322 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,162 - That's so cool how you have my name at the top. 323 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:59,918 - The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, 324 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,336 like magazines, entertainment. 325 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,129 - Right. - Things like that. 326 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:07,133 This scary black bar is what you spend 327 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:10,053 on things that no one ever, ever needs, 328 00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,471 like multiple magic sets, 329 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:13,181 professional bass fishing equipment. 330 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:16,893 - How do you do this so fast, is this PowerPoint? 331 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,228 - Okay, you need to focus, Michael. 332 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,397 You need to stop spending money. 333 00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:21,231 Yeah. What? 334 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,443 I hate to ask you this, 335 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:29,239 but are there any retirement funds you can borrow from. 336 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,409 My CDs. 337 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,201 You have CDs? 338 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:34,536 - I do. - Okay, okay. 339 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:35,328 What bank? 340 00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:39,124 My CDs are in a portfolio. 341 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:43,545 A rather large portfolio called Case Logic, 342 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:47,215 and the Case Logic portfolio is currently 343 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,758 in the backseat of my car. 344 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:53,888 There is another smaller Case Logic portfolio 345 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,765 clipped to my visor. (Oscar groaning) 346 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:56,599 What? 347 00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,145 - I'm asking about certificates of deposit. 348 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,441 - I've been putting money into CDs for years. 349 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,153 I bought music that I didn't even like. 350 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,536 (phone ringing) 351 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,123 Dunder something. 352 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,293 No, we're all out of paper. 353 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,298 - Is there a paper shortage I should know about? 354 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,718 I'm on break. 355 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,813 (recorder tooting) 356 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:54,282 - Man, Angela really had a hold on him. 357 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,286 Angela. 358 00:17:58,328 --> 00:17:59,579 Michael, I'm gonna set you 359 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,039 and Jan up with a debt consolidator. 360 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:02,332 You meet with this guy- 361 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:05,085 - No, we are going to leave Jan out of this. 362 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,127 She has to know. 363 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,004 We will find another way. 364 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,131 We'll ask PowerPoint. 365 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,716 - Michael, this is a presentation tool. 366 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,510 You're a presentation tool 367 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,011 if you think I'm gonna tell Jan about this. 368 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,054 - I'm done. - No, you're not. 369 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,139 Okay, just, you're not a tool. 370 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,600 Look, we'll tell her that it's bad, 371 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:22,435 but it could have been a lot worse, 372 00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:25,271 but due to some fancy financial footwork, 373 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,190 I was able to cut it in half. 374 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,485 Jan is smart. 375 00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,361 She poses. 376 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,492 - Dwight, how's the hotel business? 377 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:38,493 Stupid. 378 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,163 - Have you checked TripAdvisor recently? 379 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,206 No. 380 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:45,875 Maybe you should. 381 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:47,794 Maybe you should... 382 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,338 Whatever. 383 00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:54,843 We wrote a good review. 384 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,679 Under comments, we wrote, "The natural aroma 385 00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,556 of the beets drifts into the bedrooms 386 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,725 and makes you dream of simpler times." 387 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,478 - [Jim] "The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings." 388 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,481 - [Pam] "Table-making never seemed so possible." 389 00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:11,317 - [Jim] "You will never want to leave your room." 390 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,028 - [Pam] "The architecture reminds one 391 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,946 of a quaint Tuscan beet farm." 392 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:21,911 - I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. 393 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,247 We really did, it was fun. 394 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,753 (Dwight sighs) 395 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:34,758 - So, due to Michael's clever financial maneuvering, 396 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,094 he finds himself tremendously in debt. 397 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,262 [Jan] You're broke? 398 00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:44,184 - That's, how did you get that from what Oscar's saying? 399 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,061 - [Jan] I mean, Michael, how'd this happen? 400 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:47,771 Where exactly did your money go? 401 00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:52,650 I don't get this. I really don't. 402 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,904 I don't understand how (train honking) 403 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:59,741 you could be so irresponsible. 404 00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:04,829 I mean, it is astounding to me, really. 405 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,748 I don't know what more to say. 406 00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,291 Jan. 407 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,167 [Jan] Yeah, what? 408 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:09,959 Michael left. 409 00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,922 [Jan] Okay, where did he go? 410 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:14,714 I don't know. 411 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,468 - [Jan] Well, is he coming right back? 412 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:19,886 [Oscar] I don't think so. 413 00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:24,015 [Jan] I'll be right there. 414 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,034 What am I doing? 415 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:46,413 I'm blowing Dodge. 416 00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,747 I'm getting out of town. 417 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:50,750 Whatever you call it, 418 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,836 I am running away from my responsibilities. 419 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,463 And it feels good. 420 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,883 (phone ringing) 421 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,429 You may ask me out to dinner. 422 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,474 Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, 423 00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:09,436 no patios, no vegetables and no seafood. 424 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:18,570 Dwight. 425 00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:28,121 (Dwight sobbing) 426 00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:44,471 - Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? 427 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,266 (Dwight mumbles) 428 00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,726 Yeah, I didn't think I had. 429 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,938 Well, it was all about Pam. 430 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:57,108 (Dwight mumbles) 431 00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:00,570 Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy 432 00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:03,865 and I just couldn't take it. 433 00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,161 I mean, I lost it, Dwight. 434 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,498 I couldn't sleep. 435 00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,542 I couldn't concentrate on anything, 436 00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:22,008 and weird stuff, like food had no taste. 437 00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:26,638 So my solution was to move away. 438 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:29,557 It was awful. 439 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,896 And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 440 00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:40,235 And that includes you. 441 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:18,565 - Hey, I was thinking about dinner. 442 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,530 Uh, dinner. 443 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:29,367 Let's see, maybe we should try the new Italian place 444 00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:30,368 where the dry cleaner used to be. 445 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:31,286 Okay. 446 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,871 - Yeah? - Yeah. 447 00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:33,747 Okay. 448 00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:38,835 - Jim's just really passionate about Italian food. 449 00:23:41,171 --> 00:23:45,091 - Yeah, I'm very passionate about Italian food. 450 00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:51,181 In fact, I'm in love with Italian food. 451 00:23:57,479 --> 00:23:59,981 (tires squealing) 452 00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:01,858 - [Oscar] Jan, he went running that way. 453 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:11,576 * Runaway train never coming back * 454 00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:14,454 * Run away and I'm never coming back * 455 00:24:14,496 --> 00:24:15,288 Michael? 456 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:17,749 Hey, Jan. 457 00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:21,211 What's going on? 458 00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:23,880 Not much. 459 00:24:25,382 --> 00:24:26,966 What's up with you? 460 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,259 - [Jan] Why are you sitting on a train, where are you going? 461 00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:29,636 I'm out of answers, Jan. 462 00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:31,930 What does that mean? 463 00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:33,765 I told you, no more answers. 464 00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:36,643 This is who I am now. 465 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:40,939 A guy on a train with no answers. 466 00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:43,400 I hope that can be enough for you. 467 00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:45,026 Michael, come on. 468 00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:47,445 Running away from your problems 469 00:24:47,487 --> 00:24:49,364 won't solve anything, you know that. 470 00:24:49,406 --> 00:24:50,782 I don't know that. 471 00:24:50,824 --> 00:24:52,701 - Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. 472 00:24:52,742 --> 00:24:55,453 Your debt follows you around the world electronically. 473 00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:56,579 I'll stay off the grid. 474 00:24:56,621 --> 00:24:59,165 Oh, Michael, come on, come on. 475 00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:01,334 You can deal with this, it's not that bad. 476 00:25:03,336 --> 00:25:04,379 Yeah, it is. 477 00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:07,799 It is. 478 00:25:07,841 --> 00:25:09,092 I really messed up. 479 00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:12,846 Well. 480 00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:17,350 When my life fell apart 481 00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,102 and they screwed me in New York, 482 00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:21,312 and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, 483 00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:22,689 I didn't have anyone. 484 00:25:22,731 --> 00:25:24,482 I mean, my whole family still 485 00:25:24,524 --> 00:25:26,359 won't even talk to me, on the advice of counsel, 486 00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:30,071 and my friends were just waiting for this to happen. 487 00:25:30,113 --> 00:25:32,032 - That's really nice of you to say. 488 00:25:32,073 --> 00:25:33,616 - Michael, no, what I wanna say is, 489 00:25:33,658 --> 00:25:36,411 you were there for me. 490 00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:38,955 By my side. 491 00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:41,833 Without even a thought. 492 00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,045 That's just who you are. 493 00:25:49,924 --> 00:25:51,384 I mean, no matter 494 00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:54,846 how badly I treat you 495 00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:57,349 or what I'm going through, 496 00:25:57,390 --> 00:25:59,309 you just, you are there for me, 497 00:26:00,602 --> 00:26:03,980 and that is a guy worth staying beside. 498 00:26:06,691 --> 00:26:08,234 So where's this train taking us? 499 00:26:14,908 --> 00:26:17,786 I think the engineer left. 500 00:26:49,109 --> 00:26:51,778 - Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder Mifflin, 501 00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:53,029 and according to our records, 502 00:26:53,071 --> 00:26:55,115 you appear to be low on office supplies. 503 00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:57,534 Oh, okay. 504 00:26:57,575 --> 00:26:59,160 Sure, yeah, I can take care of that right now. 505 00:26:59,202 --> 00:27:03,581 - I can't see myself spending the next six years 506 00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:06,793 digging myself out of that kind of hole. 507 00:27:06,835 --> 00:27:07,669 Well, we will. 508 00:27:07,711 --> 00:27:08,503 I have... 509 00:27:09,671 --> 00:27:10,797 We just will. 510 00:27:12,257 --> 00:27:13,425 Okay. 511 00:27:13,466 --> 00:27:15,135 I have some ideas. 512 00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:18,763 Tell me. 513 00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:20,432 I am not gonna tell you yet. 514 00:27:20,473 --> 00:27:22,392 [Michael] Well, please? 515 00:27:22,434 --> 00:27:23,309 I won't tell anybody. 516 00:27:23,351 --> 00:27:24,894 [Jan] Oh yes you will. 517 00:27:24,936 --> 00:27:26,438 [Michael] Yeah, I will. 518 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:28,314 Don't sell your implants please. 519 00:27:28,356 --> 00:27:30,817 - [Jan] I'm keeping them, I know you like 'em. 520 00:27:34,362 --> 00:27:35,864 They're kind of uncomfortable though. 521 00:27:35,905 --> 00:27:37,073 [Michael] It's nice, though. 522 00:27:37,115 --> 00:27:38,283 - They're kind of painful. - Looks cute. 523 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:39,909 - [Jan] And my nipples aren't as sensitive now. 524 00:27:44,873 --> 00:27:46,499 [Mose] Cannonball, ooh. 525 00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:48,960 Lemon bomb. 526 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,380 Jim, Pam, watch. 527 00:27:52,422 --> 00:27:53,882 Jim, Pam, watch. 528 00:27:53,923 --> 00:27:55,633 - Jim, Pam, watch. - Okay, we're watching, Mose. 529 00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:57,719 [Mose] Go Yankees. 530 00:27:57,761 --> 00:27:58,678 [Jim] Doing great, buddy. 531 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,722 [Mose] Name's Mose, buddy. 532 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:01,723 Dwight, can I stop? 533 00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:02,932 They're not even looking. 534 00:28:02,974 --> 00:28:05,060 - No, they paid for a show, do more spins. 535 00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:06,811 - Dwight, it's totally okay, he can stop. 536 00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:07,812 Hey, it's not your decision. 537 00:28:07,854 --> 00:28:08,897 Higher. 538 00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,065 [Mose] More spins. 539 00:28:11,358 --> 00:28:12,609 - [Dwight] Just try and keep the saw 540 00:28:12,650 --> 00:28:13,985 right on your pencil mark. 541 00:28:16,863 --> 00:28:17,906 Ah, dammit. 542 00:28:17,947 --> 00:28:19,657 [Mose] Helicopter. 543 00:28:19,699 --> 00:28:21,701 (tools clattering) 544 00:28:21,743 --> 00:28:24,329 (upbeat music)