1
00:00:00,933 --> 00:00:02,500
You know, I tell you,
I gotta say
2
00:00:02,533 --> 00:00:05,566
that I'm enjoying adulthood
for a lot of reasons,
3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,966
and I'll tell you
reason number one.
4
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,500
As an adult,
5
00:00:08,533 --> 00:00:13,233
if I want a cookie,
I have a cookie, okay?
6
00:00:13,266 --> 00:00:16,400
I have three cookies
or four cookies,
7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:19,533
or 11 cookies if I want.
8
00:00:19,566 --> 00:00:22,800
Many times,
I will intentionally ruin
9
00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:25,133
my entire appetite.
10
00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:26,366
Just ruin it...
11
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,200
and then I call my mother up
right after
12
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:30,000
to tell her that I did it.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,566
to tell her that I did it.
14
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:34,066
Hello, Mom? Yeah, I just
ruined my entire appetite.
15
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,400
Cookies.
16
00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:38,633
So what if you ruin it?
17
00:00:38,666 --> 00:00:40,133
See, because as an adult,
we understand
18
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,900
even if you ruin an appetite,
19
00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:45,066
there's another appetite
coming right behind it.
20
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:48,033
There's no danger
in running out of appetites.
21
00:00:48,066 --> 00:00:51,166
I've got millions of them.
I ruin them whenever I want.
22
00:00:55,866 --> 00:00:59,466
[SCI-FI TELEVISION PROGRAM
PLAYING]
23
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,466
Look, Sigmond,
look at the sky!
24
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:05,200
The planet's on fire.
25
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,166
It is just as you prophesied--
26
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,866
The planets of our solar system
incinerating
27
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:16,466
like flaming globes, Sigmond,
like flaming globes!
28
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,900
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
29
00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:23,266
Sigmond...
30
00:01:36,566 --> 00:01:40,366
Sigmond...
31
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,366
[CHUCKLES]
32
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,566
[♪]
33
00:01:47,266 --> 00:01:48,333
Thank you.
34
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,166
What do you got,
a cucumber?
35
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,971
Yeah. So what?
36
00:01:53,971 --> 00:01:54,866
Yeah. So what?
37
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,833
You're bringing in
an outside cucumber?
38
00:01:57,866 --> 00:02:01,033
They refuse to put cucumber
in the salad. I need cucumber.
39
00:02:01,066 --> 00:02:04,133
What have I done?
I can't read this.
40
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:08,733
"Fullman...
Hurtel...vom"?
41
00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:10,566
I got up last night,
I wrote this down
42
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,200
I thought I had
this great bit.
43
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,366
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
44
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,800
"Fax me some halibut."
45
00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:21,700
Is that funny?
Is that a joke?
46
00:02:21,733 --> 00:02:23,400
Let me see that.
47
00:02:23,433 --> 00:02:23,971
"Don't mess
with Johnny."
48
00:02:23,971 --> 00:02:27,000
"Don't mess
with Johnny."
49
00:02:27,033 --> 00:02:28,533
Johnny? Johnny who?
50
00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:29,800
Johnny Carson?
51
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:32,033
Did I insult Johnny
on The Tonight Show?
52
00:02:32,066 --> 00:02:34,300
Did you mess
with Johnny, Jerry?
53
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:37,200
Let me see that.
54
00:02:37,233 --> 00:02:38,533
Hey, where's Kramer?
55
00:02:38,566 --> 00:02:40,066
I don't know.
56
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,866
That's like asking
"Where's Waldo?"
57
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:44,200
I think I'm having
a heart attack.
58
00:02:44,233 --> 00:02:46,700
I don't think that's it.
59
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,800
I'm not kidding.
60
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:48,766
What does that mean?
61
00:02:50,566 --> 00:02:53,833
I think what
he's trying to say
62
00:02:53,866 --> 00:02:53,971
is that he's having
a heart attack.
63
00:02:53,971 --> 00:02:55,500
is that he's having
a heart attack.
64
00:02:55,533 --> 00:02:57,200
Oh, he's having
a heart attack.
65
00:02:57,233 --> 00:02:58,633
Tightness.
66
00:02:58,666 --> 00:02:59,800
Come on.
67
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:00,800
Shortness
of breath.
68
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:01,900
Oh, this is
ridiculous.
69
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,366
Radiating waves of pain.
70
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,400
I know what
this is.
71
00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:07,066
You saw that show
on PBS last night,
72
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:09,700
Coronary Country.
73
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,233
I saw it in
the TV Guide.
74
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:12,533
I called him
told him
75
00:03:12,566 --> 00:03:14,166
make sure
and not watch it.
76
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,166
There was nothing else on.
77
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,333
Have some water--
78
00:03:17,366 --> 00:03:19,066
Oh, the left arm!
Left arm.
79
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:22,033
He saw that show
on anorexia last year,
80
00:03:22,066 --> 00:03:23,971
ate like an animal
for two weeks.
81
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:24,066
ate like an animal
for two weeks.
82
00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,800
Why can't I have a heart attack?
I'm allowed!
83
00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:27,900
So what do you want?
84
00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:29,700
You want me to take you
to the hospital?
85
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:31,233
Manhattan Memorial.
Less of a line.
86
00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:33,033
I'll call an ambulance.
87
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:36,633
Is everything
all right?
88
00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:39,100
We'll just take a check.
89
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,566
You made a mistake on the--
90
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,700
George!
91
00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:50,166
[SIRENS WAILING]
92
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,971
PATIENT: Aah...
93
00:03:53,971 --> 00:03:55,866
PATIENT: Aah...
94
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,033
Are you okay?
95
00:03:57,066 --> 00:03:59,666
Ooh!
96
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,666
I'm George.
97
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,633
George Costanza.
98
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:09,466
I never been in a hospital
a day in my life...
99
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,666
except when I had
my tonsils out.
100
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:17,000
You know, they never gave me
any ice cream.
101
00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:18,233
I always felt that if they--
102
00:04:18,266 --> 00:04:19,533
Shut up!
103
00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:23,233
Well, what do you think?
104
00:04:23,266 --> 00:04:23,971
"Salami, salami,
bologna." Definitely.
105
00:04:23,971 --> 00:04:27,966
"Salami, salami,
bologna." Definitely.
106
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,366
Salami, salami, bologna?
107
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,400
Oh, your friend's fine.
108
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:32,633
He didn't have
a heart attack.
109
00:04:32,666 --> 00:04:34,800
I'll be in
in a few minutes.
110
00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,000
What a surprise.
111
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,566
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
112
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,966
You need anything?
113
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,333
You want me to go out
and get you a Superman comic?
114
00:04:48,366 --> 00:04:51,400
No. No, thanks.
115
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:53,971
You know, I was wondering.
116
00:04:53,971 --> 00:04:54,633
You know, I was wondering.
117
00:04:54,666 --> 00:04:56,566
You know that Blackhawks jacket
you have?
118
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,900
Oh, sure, my Blackhawks jacket.
I love my Blackhawks jacket.
119
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:06,366
Well, You know, I was thinking,
if things don't exactly...
120
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,666
work out.
121
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,633
Well, it wouldn't fit you. The
sleeves are too short.
122
00:05:12,666 --> 00:05:14,633
No, I tried it on. It fits good.
123
00:05:14,666 --> 00:05:17,966
I didn't think about what I was
gonna do with all the... things.
124
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,866
Well, you know...
125
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,971
Well...
126
00:05:23,971 --> 00:05:24,533
Well...
127
00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,566
Well, okay.
128
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,566
Oh, and do you think
it would be all right
129
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:29,566
if called Susan Davis?
130
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,733
Susan Davis? Hey, wait a second!
131
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,700
Well, it's not like
we'll be bumping into you.
132
00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:38,133
I don't know.
You and Susan Davis?
133
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:40,566
You know, if...
134
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,066
your future
was a little more certain...
135
00:05:45,366 --> 00:05:47,233
Okay.
136
00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:49,366
Go ahead, call her.
137
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,333
Get married. Have babies.
Have a great life.
138
00:05:51,366 --> 00:05:53,971
What do I care?
I'm finished.
139
00:05:53,971 --> 00:05:54,300
What do I care?
I'm finished.
140
00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,633
It's all over for me.
141
00:05:56,666 --> 00:05:59,900
In fact...
142
00:05:59,933 --> 00:06:02,300
let's end it right now.
143
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,500
Jerry... kill me.
144
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,633
Kill me now. I'm begging you.
145
00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:11,733
Let's- let's just
get it over with. Be a pal.
146
00:06:11,766 --> 00:06:14,500
Just take the pillow
and put it over my face.
147
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,033
Well, uh...
148
00:06:20,066 --> 00:06:21,466
What, kind of like this?
149
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,900
What- What are you--
150
00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:23,971
Jerry! Jerry!
151
00:06:23,971 --> 00:06:24,033
Jerry! Jerry!
152
00:06:24,066 --> 00:06:26,666
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
153
00:06:28,666 --> 00:06:29,866
Jerry!
154
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,966
[COUGHING]
155
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,700
Elaine, what are
you doing here?
156
00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:41,000
Jerk off.
157
00:06:43,433 --> 00:06:44,566
There's nothing
wrong with him.
158
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,000
I saw the doctor.
He's fine.
159
00:06:48,566 --> 00:06:52,200
Hi, George.
160
00:06:52,233 --> 00:06:53,971
How you feeling?
161
00:06:53,971 --> 00:06:54,300
How you feeling?
162
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:58,800
Is anybody getting
your apartment?
163
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:01,533
I tell you, if I ever
get out of here,
164
00:07:01,566 --> 00:07:05,233
I'm gonna change my life.
165
00:07:05,266 --> 00:07:07,966
I'm going to do
a whole Zen thing.
166
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,866
Take up yoga.
167
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,700
Meditate.
168
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:13,800
I'll eat right.
169
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,800
Calm down.
170
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:20,633
Lose my anger.
171
00:07:20,666 --> 00:07:22,666
Hey! Is anybody
listening!
172
00:07:28,833 --> 00:07:29,866
Hello.
173
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,466
Mr. Costanza...
174
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:36,666
Uh, yeah,
you know, doc,
175
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:39,000
I gotta tell you,
I feel a lot better.
176
00:07:39,033 --> 00:07:42,366
Well, we looked at your EKGs,
ran some tests,
177
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,633
did a complete workup.
178
00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:45,200
Oh, God. Mommy!
179
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,700
Well, you simply haven't
had a heart attack.
180
00:07:50,733 --> 00:07:52,366
I haven't?
181
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,971
I'm okay?
182
00:07:53,971 --> 00:07:54,800
I'm okay?
183
00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:57,000
I'm okay? Oh, thank you!
184
00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:58,866
Thank you!
185
00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:00,533
Doctor, I don't know how
to thank you.
186
00:08:00,566 --> 00:08:03,033
Hey, that was
really fun, George.
187
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,300
Can we go home now?
188
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,066
No, actually, we'd like
to keep him here overnight
189
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,500
for observation
just to be safe.
190
00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:09,300
Oh, sure, sure. Anything.
191
00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:11,200
Can you believe it?
There's nothing wrong with me.
192
00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:13,733
Well, I wouldn't go
that far.
193
00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:17,133
What? Oh, my God. What?
194
00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:20,033
Is it meningitis? Scoliosis?
195
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,866
Lupus! Is it Lupus?
196
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,971
Have you ever had
your tonsils taken out?
197
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:24,133
Have you ever had
your tonsils taken out?
198
00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:27,133
My tonsils?
199
00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:28,333
Yeah, when I was a kid.
200
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:31,366
Well, they've grown back.
201
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:32,633
Your adenoids
are swollen too.
202
00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:34,000
Really?
203
00:08:34,033 --> 00:08:37,833
Oh, whose tonsils
grow back?
204
00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:39,133
Oh, it happens.
205
00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:41,700
Yeah, if you've been
exposed to gamma rays.
206
00:08:41,733 --> 00:08:44,500
I still have my tonsils.
207
00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:45,900
Everyone in my family
has their tonsils.
208
00:08:45,933 --> 00:08:49,000
In fact, we were
forbidden to socialize
209
00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:51,233
with anybody
who didn't have their tonsils.
210
00:08:51,266 --> 00:08:52,966
That's interesting.
211
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,971
Because no one in my family
has their tonsils.
212
00:08:53,971 --> 00:08:55,300
Because no one in my family
has their tonsils.
213
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:56,833
and we were forbidden
to socialize
214
00:08:56,866 --> 00:08:58,133
with tonsil people.
215
00:08:58,166 --> 00:09:00,166
[LAUGHS]
216
00:09:01,866 --> 00:09:03,833
Well, it's like the Capulets
and the Montagues.
217
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:09,900
Excuse me.
218
00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:12,800
Anyway, I strongly recommend
they come out.
219
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:15,300
What, you mean with a knife?
220
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,133
Yes, with a knife.
221
00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:18,300
You know, snip, snip.
222
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,000
[CHUCKLES]
223
00:09:20,033 --> 00:09:21,566
Anyway, you'd be
completely under,
224
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:22,866
you wouldn't feel a thing,
225
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:23,971
and when you wake up,
you can have some ice cream.
226
00:09:23,971 --> 00:09:25,066
and when you wake up,
you can have some ice cream.
227
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:28,066
Yeah, that's what they told me
the last time.
228
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,133
Think about it.
229
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:31,900
Excuse me. Excuse me.
230
00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:33,733
I'm sorry.
231
00:09:47,833 --> 00:09:53,333
I just have to ask that doctor
one more... question.
232
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,800
Women go after doctors
like men go after models.
233
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:03,800
They want someone
with knowledge of the body.
234
00:10:03,833 --> 00:10:04,966
We just want the body.
235
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,133
Hey.
Hey.
236
00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:10,666
Boy! They got
a great cafeteria downstairs.
237
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,800
Hot food, sandwiches,
a salad bar.
238
00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:16,000
It's like Sizzler
opened up a hospital.
239
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,800
So how did you have
a heart attack?
240
00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:23,533
I mean, you're a young man.
241
00:10:23,566 --> 00:10:23,971
What were you doing?
242
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,000
What were you doing?
243
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:27,400
They gonna do a zipper job?
244
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,066
Oh, they love to do zipper jobs.
245
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,066
Kramer...
246
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,466
The really bad thing
about the heart
247
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,966
is the sex thing.
248
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,833
See, you got to be careful
about sex now.
249
00:10:35,866 --> 00:10:37,133
You get that heart pumping--
250
00:10:37,166 --> 00:10:38,466
[PANTS]
251
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:39,900
Suddenly, boom!
252
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:42,500
Next thing you know, you got
a hose coming out of your chest
253
00:10:42,533 --> 00:10:43,733
attached to a piece of luggage.
254
00:10:43,766 --> 00:10:47,133
Kramer, George didn't
have a heart attack.
255
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,300
No? That's good.
256
00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,633
I have to have
my tonsils taken out.
257
00:10:51,666 --> 00:10:53,971
Oh, man, no!
258
00:10:53,971 --> 00:10:54,633
Oh, man, no!
259
00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:56,200
George, we gotta get you
out of here.
260
00:10:56,233 --> 00:10:58,566
Get out right now.
They'll kill you in here.
261
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,466
It's routine surgery.
262
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,633
Oh yeah?
My friend, Bob Saccomanno,
263
00:11:04,666 --> 00:11:07,966
he came in here
for a hernia operation.
264
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,300
Oh, yeah, routine surgery.
265
00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:10,466
Now he's sitting around
266
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,866
in a chair by the window
going...
267
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,333
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
"My name is Bob!"
268
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,800
George, whatever you do,
don't let them cut you.
269
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:20,300
Don't let them cut you.
270
00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:22,300
Well, what
should I do, Kramer?
271
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,971
Well, for one thing,
don't listen to him.
272
00:11:23,971 --> 00:11:24,966
Well, for one thing,
don't listen to him.
273
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,300
I'll tell you what you do.
274
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:28,500
I'll tell you what you do.
You go to Tor Eckman.
275
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,133
Tor! Tor,
he'll fix you right up.
276
00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:32,733
He's a- he's an herbalist,
a healer, George.
277
00:11:32,766 --> 00:11:35,000
He's not just gonna fix
the tonsils and the adenoids.
278
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:37,866
He is gonna change
the whole way you function.
279
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:39,533
Body and mind.
280
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:42,533
Eckman? I thought
he was doing time.
281
00:11:42,566 --> 00:11:45,066
No, no, he's out. He got out.
282
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:50,366
See, the medical
establishment...
283
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,866
see, they tried to frame him.
284
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,971
It's all politics,
but he's a rebel.
285
00:11:53,971 --> 00:11:54,400
It's all politics,
but he's a rebel.
286
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:55,800
A rebel?
287
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,066
Mm-hmm.
288
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:59,166
No, Johnny Yuma
was a rebel.
289
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,466
Eckman is a nut.
290
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,233
George, you want to
take care of your tonsils,
291
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,033
you do it in a hospital
with a doctor.
292
00:12:05,066 --> 00:12:06,966
He's holistic.
293
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,866
George, he's holistic.
294
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,800
Holistic?
295
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,300
Yeah.
296
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:14,200
That sounds right.
297
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,800
George, you need
a medical doctor.
298
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,400
Let me ask you
something.
299
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,333
How much do you think
it would cost
300
00:12:20,366 --> 00:12:22,033
to have tonsils
and adenoids removed
301
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,833
in a hospital?
302
00:12:23,866 --> 00:12:23,971
Well, an overnight
stay in a hospital,
303
00:12:23,971 --> 00:12:25,366
Well, an overnight
stay in a hospital,
304
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,633
minor surgery...
305
00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:28,166
I don't know.
Four grand.
306
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,633
Uh-huh.
307
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,900
How much does
the healer charge?
308
00:12:30,933 --> 00:12:33,400
First visit? 38 bucks.
309
00:12:35,933 --> 00:12:37,466
Oh yeah. Holistic.
310
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,066
That's what I need.
That's the answer.
311
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:46,400
So how do you like the way
312
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,833
I talked you
into coming down here?
313
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:48,833
Don't flatter yourself,
my friend.
314
00:12:48,866 --> 00:12:50,533
I'm here strictly for material,
315
00:12:50,566 --> 00:12:53,533
and I have a feeling
this is a potential gold mine.
316
00:12:53,566 --> 00:12:55,066
I still think
you're nuts, though.
317
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:58,400
All I know is I've been
going to doctors all my life.
318
00:12:58,433 --> 00:13:00,000
What's it gotten me?
319
00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:01,233
I'm 33 years old,
320
00:13:01,266 --> 00:13:02,966
I haven't outgrown
the problems of puberty,
321
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,166
I'm already facing
the problems of old age.
322
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,966
I completely skipped
healthy adulthood.
323
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,866
I went from having orgasms
immediately,
324
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:11,566
to taking forever.
325
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:12,053
You can do your taxes
326
00:13:12,053 --> 00:13:12,666
You can do your taxes
327
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,066
in the time it takes me
to have an orgasm.
328
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:18,566
I've never had a normal...
medium orgasm.
329
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,433
I never had
a really good pickle.
330
00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,733
Besides, what's it
gonna cost me, 38 bucks?
331
00:13:41,233 --> 00:13:42,053
Would you not put
your foot on that, please?
332
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,633
Would you not put
your foot on that, please?
333
00:13:43,666 --> 00:13:44,700
Sorry.
334
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,733
[CHIMES CYMBALS]
335
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:53,166
What month were you born?
336
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,333
April.
337
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:58,066
You should have been
born in August.
338
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:01,000
Your parents would have been
well advised to wait.
339
00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:07,366
Really?
340
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,200
Do you use hot water
in the shower?
341
00:14:09,233 --> 00:14:10,866
Yes.
342
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,053
Stop using it.
343
00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:13,166
Stop using it.
344
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,566
Okay.
345
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,833
I'm off hot water.
346
00:14:16,866 --> 00:14:19,333
Kramer tells me
347
00:14:19,366 --> 00:14:22,866
that you are interested
in an alternative to surgery.
348
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:24,033
Yes. Yes, I am.
349
00:14:24,066 --> 00:14:26,700
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
350
00:14:31,066 --> 00:14:33,366
I think
we can help you.
351
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,166
See, unfortunately,
the medical establishment
352
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,700
is a business
like any other business,
353
00:14:39,733 --> 00:14:41,700
and business needs customers,
354
00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:42,053
and they want to sell you
their most expensive item,
355
00:14:42,053 --> 00:14:44,333
and they want to sell you
their most expensive item,
356
00:14:44,366 --> 00:14:46,166
which is
unnecessary surgery.
357
00:14:49,266 --> 00:14:51,066
Can I use hot water
on my face?
358
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:56,033
No. You know,
I am not a businessman.
359
00:14:56,066 --> 00:14:57,900
I am a holistic healer.
360
00:14:57,933 --> 00:14:59,566
It's a calling,
it's a gift.
361
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,466
You see,
it's in the best interest
362
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,733
of the medical profession
that you remain sick.
363
00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:06,800
See that insures
good business.
364
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:09,300
You're not a patient,
you're a customer.
365
00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:12,053
And you're not a doctor,
but you play one in real life.
366
00:15:12,053 --> 00:15:12,533
And you're not a doctor,
but you play one in real life.
367
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,633
What about shaving?
368
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,400
You're eating
too much dairy.
369
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,500
May I?
370
00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:23,733
I guess so.
371
00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:26,866
[EXHALES]
372
00:15:30,866 --> 00:15:33,466
Uhn... Uhn...
373
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,700
Uhn?
374
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:35,866
Ah, you see?
375
00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:41,000
You are in disharmony.
376
00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:42,053
The throat is the gateway
to the lung.
377
00:15:42,053 --> 00:15:43,333
The throat is the gateway
to the lung.
378
00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:44,833
Tonsillitis, adenoiditis is,
379
00:15:44,866 --> 00:15:48,333
in Chinese medical terms,
an invasion of heat and wind.
380
00:15:48,366 --> 00:15:51,633
There's some hot air
blowing in here.
381
00:15:51,666 --> 00:15:55,900
You know,
I lived with the Eskimos
382
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:57,200
many years ago,
383
00:15:57,233 --> 00:16:00,500
and they used to plunge
their faces into the snow.
384
00:16:02,766 --> 00:16:06,000
Can it be lukewarm?
385
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,733
Too much dairy?
386
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:10,400
You really think I'm
eating too much dairy?
387
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,200
The tongue...
388
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,000
Yes, the tongue,
389
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:18,733
or in medical terms, the glossa.
390
00:16:18,766 --> 00:16:20,233
It's a muscular organ.
391
00:16:20,266 --> 00:16:22,633
It consists of
two parts, the body--
Uh-huh.
392
00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:24,666
and the root.
Uh-huh.
393
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,666
You see, it's covered
by this mucous membrane--
394
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,533
Uh-huh.
and these raised little
projections here--
395
00:16:29,566 --> 00:16:30,966
Uh-huh.
are the papillae.
396
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,166
Ah...
397
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,566
It's what gives it
its furred appearance.
398
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,033
Ah...
Very tactile.
399
00:16:35,066 --> 00:16:36,300
Uh-huh.
400
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,000
[CHUCKLING]
401
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,053
Your tea
is ready now.
402
00:16:42,053 --> 00:16:42,500
Your tea
is ready now.
403
00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:45,633
This will solve
your so-called tonsil problem.
404
00:16:45,666 --> 00:16:49,066
It's a special concoction.
It contains cramp bark--
405
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,333
I love cramp bark.
406
00:16:50,366 --> 00:16:52,400
Plus cleavers.
407
00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,400
Cleaver? I once had
cleaver as a kid.
408
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,000
I was able
to lift a car!
409
00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:57,833
And some couch grass.
410
00:16:57,866 --> 00:17:00,366
Couch grass and cramp bark?
411
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,033
You know, I think
that's what killed Curly.
412
00:17:04,666 --> 00:17:06,200
Go ahead, drink it, George.
413
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:11,166
Excuse me, Tor.
414
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,053
May I ask you
a question?
415
00:17:12,053 --> 00:17:13,733
May I ask you
a question?
416
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,166
You have intuitive
abilities.
417
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,400
You're in touch
418
00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:20,033
with a lot of cosmic
kind of things.
419
00:17:20,066 --> 00:17:21,733
I have this note
I can't read.
420
00:17:21,766 --> 00:17:23,733
I was wondering if...
421
00:17:23,766 --> 00:17:25,233
[LAUGHS]
422
00:17:25,266 --> 00:17:26,400
Oh, yes!
423
00:17:26,433 --> 00:17:28,233
Yes!
424
00:17:28,266 --> 00:17:29,700
Mm-hmm.
425
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:32,700
"Cleveland 117,
San Antonio 109."
426
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,333
Go ahead, George, drink it.
427
00:17:44,266 --> 00:17:46,533
[SLURPS]
428
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,533
Hey, that's not too bad.
429
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,966
I'm an eggplant!
430
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,700
I'm an eggplant!
I'm a minstrel man!
431
00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:58,900
I didn't take
your Chuckles, man!
432
00:17:58,933 --> 00:18:00,033
I had five Chuckles.
433
00:18:00,066 --> 00:18:01,900
I ate the green one
and the yellow one,
434
00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:03,133
and the red one is missing!
435
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,333
I don't even like Chuckles!
436
00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:05,733
Maybe he doesn't like them.
That's possible.
437
00:18:05,766 --> 00:18:08,666
My face! My face!
Get me to the hospital!
438
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,233
I want that Chuckle back,
you hear me?
439
00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:11,333
You want me
to get you a Chuckle?
440
00:18:11,366 --> 00:18:12,053
Pull over!
441
00:18:12,053 --> 00:18:12,900
Pull over!
442
00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:14,333
Pull over?
Did you say pull over?
443
00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:15,500
You want
a piece of me?
444
00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:16,500
You're gonna fight?
445
00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:18,333
No! I'm a mutant!
446
00:18:18,366 --> 00:18:20,300
Hey!
Let me drive!
447
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,966
Come on, man,
pull over!
448
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,666
All right, I'm gonna
mess you up, man!
449
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,166
Really, gentlemen, please.
450
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,833
Oh, my heart! My heart!
451
00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:28,233
Where are you going?
Are you crazy?
452
00:18:28,266 --> 00:18:29,466
I'm going
to kick his ass!
453
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,000
Hey, you have keys?
454
00:18:31,033 --> 00:18:34,000
Hey, you can't leave!
This is an ambulance!
455
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,666
This is an emergency!
456
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:36,666
[PARAMEDICS SHOUTING]
457
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,400
If you hear about
one more Chuckle,
458
00:18:38,433 --> 00:18:40,400
I'm gonna kill you!
459
00:18:40,433 --> 00:18:42,053
All this over a Chuckle.
460
00:18:42,053 --> 00:18:42,166
All this over a Chuckle.
461
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,500
What's a Chuckle?
462
00:18:43,533 --> 00:18:47,200
It's a jelly candy.
It comes in five flavors.
463
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:52,400
You see, taste buds
run on grooves
464
00:18:52,433 --> 00:18:53,666
along surfaces.
465
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,333
Can you let go of my tongue now?
466
00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:56,700
What?
467
00:18:56,733 --> 00:18:58,000
Let go of my tongue.
468
00:18:58,033 --> 00:18:59,533
Oh, sorry.
469
00:18:59,566 --> 00:19:01,800
Well, I should, uh, get going.
470
00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:03,333
Mm-hm.
471
00:19:03,366 --> 00:19:04,900
What are you doing?
472
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:06,700
Well, I was going
to kiss you good night.
473
00:19:06,733 --> 00:19:09,666
A kiss? With the tongue?
474
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:12,053
The glossa with the bumps
and the papillae?
475
00:19:12,053 --> 00:19:14,400
The glossa with the bumps
and the papillae?
476
00:19:14,433 --> 00:19:16,066
Hmm... I don't think so.
477
00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:18,966
[SIRENS WAILING]
478
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,533
JERRY: You can't just
leave him out there!
479
00:19:20,566 --> 00:19:22,533
I told him I was
gonna mess him up!
480
00:19:22,566 --> 00:19:23,966
Well, can you
call him an ambulance?
481
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,533
I told him I didn't
take his Chuckle!
482
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:26,800
I don't eat that gooey crap!
483
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,300
Hey, watch the road.
484
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,533
Watch the road, man!
485
00:19:29,566 --> 00:19:31,500
Hey, man, you want
some of what he got?
486
00:19:31,533 --> 00:19:33,500
JERRY AND KRAMER: Watch out!
487
00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:36,200
[TIRES SCREECHING,
CARS CRASHING]
488
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:48,400
How you doing?
489
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,333
Can't talk?
490
00:19:52,366 --> 00:19:54,400
Hey, how did you get
the plastic one?
491
00:19:56,933 --> 00:19:58,566
I like that.
492
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:03,833
So how's life without tonsils?
493
00:20:06,933 --> 00:20:08,666
What? What's that?
494
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,666
So how much is this thing
gonna cost you now,
495
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:11,733
like, five, 6000?
496
00:20:16,266 --> 00:20:17,833
Well, live and learn.
497
00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:19,066
At least we lived.
498
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:24,266
Kramer went to Eckman.
He feels all better already.
499
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:29,566
What? What
are you doing?
500
00:20:31,566 --> 00:20:34,400
Oh, poor George. Aw...
501
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,700
I'm sorry.
I can't stay long.
502
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:40,700
I don't want
to run into Dr. Tongue.
503
00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:42,053
Here, I brought
you something.
504
00:20:42,053 --> 00:20:44,900
Here, I brought
you something.
505
00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:47,733
See?
506
00:20:47,766 --> 00:20:48,966
Oh, please, come on.
It's nothing--
507
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,633
JERRY: Hey,
check out the TV.
508
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,733
The planet's on fire!
509
00:20:52,766 --> 00:20:55,133
It is just as you prophesied.
510
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:58,233
The planets of our solar system
incinerating
511
00:20:58,266 --> 00:21:04,066
like flaming globes, Sigmond,
like flaming globes!
512
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:06,466
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
513
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,233
That's it! That's it!
514
00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:09,866
Flaming globes of Sigmond!
515
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:11,233
That's my note!
516
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:12,053
That's what I thought
was so funny!
517
00:21:12,053 --> 00:21:14,466
That's what I thought
was so funny!
518
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:17,533
It's not funny.
519
00:21:17,566 --> 00:21:18,900
There's nothing funny
about that.
520
00:21:18,933 --> 00:21:22,666
PATIENT: Shut up!
521
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,500
Ow!
522
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,866
I have a friend
who's a hypochondriac.
523
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:28,366
He always thinks he's sick,
never is.
524
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,033
Then you have another
type of person,
525
00:21:30,066 --> 00:21:31,533
always thinks they're well
526
00:21:31,566 --> 00:21:32,966
no matter how bad
they really are.
527
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,666
You know this type of person?
Very annoying.
528
00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:36,466
"Feel great!
529
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:39,133
"Like being on a respirator.
530
00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:40,733
"Intravenous,
heart/lung machine,
531
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:42,053
I never felt better in my life."
532
00:21:42,053 --> 00:21:42,833
I never felt better in my life."
533
00:21:42,866 --> 00:21:47,366
Medical science
is making advances every day
534
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,333
to control health problems.
535
00:21:49,366 --> 00:21:51,500
In fact, it's probably
only a matter of time
536
00:21:51,533 --> 00:21:54,500
before a heart attack, you know,
becomes like a headache.
537
00:21:54,533 --> 00:21:57,000
We'll just see people on TV
going,
538
00:21:57,033 --> 00:22:00,666
"I had a heart attack this big,
539
00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:02,233
"but I gave myself
one of these--
540
00:22:02,266 --> 00:22:04,533
"Clear! Boom--
541
00:22:06,087 --> 00:22:07,467
and it's gone!"
542
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,267
[♪]
543
00:22:18,467 --> 00:22:20,300
[♪]