1 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:13,313 What the hell was that? 2 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,019 Hello? 3 00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,121 Jay? 4 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,861 Surprise. 5 00:00:26,995 --> 00:00:28,328 Carol? 6 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,364 What are you doing here? You got sucked off. 7 00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:31,699 You're right, 8 00:00:31,933 --> 00:00:33,601 and I've been having a blast up there. 9 00:00:33,668 --> 00:00:35,135 I can't say too much, 10 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,304 but they have pickleball. 11 00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,907 That's it. That's all I'll say. 12 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,073 Carol, what is happening? 13 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,876 I'm your little Christmas Carol. 14 00:00:42,010 --> 00:00:43,477 You see, around Christmas, 15 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,713 we Carols are given special powers, 16 00:00:45,847 --> 00:00:47,882 including the ability to grant wishes. 17 00:00:48,016 --> 00:00:49,918 Oh, also, 18 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,220 we can give out candy canes. 19 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:56,558 I-I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding. 20 00:00:56,691 --> 00:00:58,225 I didn't make a wish. 21 00:00:58,358 --> 00:00:59,727 Oh, yes, you did. 22 00:00:59,861 --> 00:01:01,261 You said, and I quote, 23 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,766 "I wish I had never been able to see ghosts." 24 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,734 Okay. 25 00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:09,003 So why are you here? 26 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,673 I'm here to show you what your life would be like 27 00:01:11,806 --> 00:01:13,340 if you'd never tripped on that vase, 28 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,577 if you had never fallen down the stairs, 29 00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:19,413 if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts. 30 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:20,748 Whoa. 31 00:01:20,882 --> 00:01:21,950 So let's get this started. 32 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,251 Sam, you're coming with me. 33 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,255 Well, that was supposed to whoosh us away, 34 00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,390 but it's my first time. 35 00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,528 Hey, I need to get some steps in anyway. Let's go. 36 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,735 You know, Carol, I'm actually feeling a little silly 37 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,437 about this whole wishing not to see ghosts thing. 38 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:47,240 Holy crap, am I day-drinking with Sasha and Libby? 39 00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:48,977 Sam, this eggnog is delicious. 40 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,045 And these gingerbread men you made? 41 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,780 So cute. Not to brag, 42 00:01:52,914 --> 00:01:54,782 but I think this one is flirting with me. 43 00:01:54,916 --> 00:01:56,483 Look at you, 44 00:01:56,618 --> 00:01:59,053 just enjoying a little Christmas Eve tipple with two 45 00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,622 of your closest gal pals. 46 00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,489 B-But I don't get it, Sasha thinks I'm crazy. 47 00:02:02,624 --> 00:02:04,626 No, Sasha thought you were crazy 48 00:02:04,759 --> 00:02:06,794 because she caught you performing a séance 49 00:02:06,928 --> 00:02:09,429 for the ghosts, and she thought you and Jay were murderers. 50 00:02:09,564 --> 00:02:10,798 But that was because of the ghosts. 51 00:02:10,932 --> 00:02:13,635 In this world, none of that happened. 52 00:02:13,768 --> 00:02:15,637 So she thinks I'm sane? 53 00:02:15,770 --> 00:02:18,305 Yep. And not just sane. 54 00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:19,641 Funny. 55 00:02:19,774 --> 00:02:21,643 Short, bald and covered in crumbs? 56 00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:23,310 I'm sorry, is this a gingerbread man 57 00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:24,979 or the guy I dated before Jay? 58 00:02:26,948 --> 00:02:28,448 Sam, you are hilarious. 59 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,852 Without the ghosts interrupting you all the time, 60 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,121 you're actually a much better conversationalist. 61 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,488 Man, 62 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,323 I'd love to see these ladies in bikinis. 63 00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,825 How does this place not have a hot tub? 64 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,795 -Disgusting. -Right? 65 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,997 But you can't hear him, so you don't care. 66 00:02:43,131 --> 00:02:44,666 I hate to say it, but we've got to run. 67 00:02:44,799 --> 00:02:46,000 Next time at my place? 68 00:02:46,134 --> 00:02:47,835 Uh, do you have wine? 69 00:02:47,969 --> 00:02:49,169 Of course. 70 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:50,104 Then, yeah, I think I'll be there. 71 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,844 So, what am I doing now? 72 00:02:56,978 --> 00:02:58,513 Oh, just sitting there. 73 00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,515 Since you're not always taking care of the ghosts, 74 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,850 you actually have time to yourself. 75 00:03:02,984 --> 00:03:05,053 Whoa. I can't remember the last time 76 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,688 I just sat and read a book. 77 00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:08,056 And look at me, I don't even mind 78 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,257 that Trevor's reading over my shoulder. 79 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,225 I'm pretty sure he's trying to look down your dress, 80 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,796 but, hey, you don't know, so who cares? 81 00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,865 Stupid camisole. I'm getting nothing. 82 00:03:17,999 --> 00:03:20,635 So, if I have all this free time, 83 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,071 I guess that means the B and B still isn't doing very well. 84 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,539 Are you kidding? 85 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,206 Without the ghosts to worry about, 86 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,142 you've really been able to throw yourself 87 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:30,243 into making this place a success. 88 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,814 The B and B is thriving. 89 00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,716 Oh, come. 90 00:03:36,851 --> 00:03:38,753 Woodstone B and B, how may I help you? 91 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,421 Freddie. He used to work here. 92 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:43,658 He was incredible. But he quit. 93 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,159 He quit because of the ghosts. 94 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,562 But now he's all in on Woodstone. 95 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,396 I'm so sorry, we don't have any availability 96 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,498 -until January 17th. -Hold on, 97 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,233 the B and B is sold out? 98 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,536 Great. We'll see you then. 99 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,940 Who keeps searching "Girls Gone Wild" on this thing? 100 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,908 I should have gone to Arizona State. 101 00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:02,744 I'm home. 102 00:04:02,877 --> 00:04:04,846 Hey, Freddie. 103 00:04:04,979 --> 00:04:07,081 -Jay, I missed you. -I missed you, too. 104 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,918 Uh-oh. Mistletoe. 105 00:04:11,052 --> 00:04:12,385 Oh. 106 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,453 Mmm. 107 00:04:13,588 --> 00:04:15,690 She could do so much better. 108 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,692 I gotta admit, this life looks pretty great. 109 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,926 And Trevor seems 110 00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,393 pretty much the same. 111 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:21,763 How are the other ghosts doing? 112 00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:23,296 Well, why don't we find out? 113 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,100 Huh, still not working. 114 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:27,735 Looks like we're hoofing it again. 115 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,270 And that concludes my lecture 116 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:31,873 on different kinds of knots. 117 00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:33,941 Tomorrow Thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout. 118 00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:35,943 Will be similar to herring lecture 119 00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:37,444 but more trout-focused. 120 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,279 - I'm in hell. - Okay, 121 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,082 so this all seems pretty standard. 122 00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,784 I guess the ghosts are just doing the same kind of stuff 123 00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:44,351 they did before I met them. 124 00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,955 So, Alberta, you excited for upcoming wedding? 125 00:04:48,089 --> 00:04:49,891 Aw, Alberta and Pete are getting married? 126 00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,726 - That's sweet. - Yeah. I mean, I get 127 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,928 to sing, which will be a nice little treat for everybody. 128 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,797 Although I'm maybe a little surprised 129 00:04:55,930 --> 00:04:57,297 they're finally going through with it. 130 00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,398 Oh. 131 00:04:58,533 --> 00:05:00,400 So it's not Pete and Alberta? 132 00:05:00,535 --> 00:05:02,236 You know what, if they're happy, I'm happy. 133 00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,238 Well, one of them is definitely happy. 134 00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,140 Carol, who are they talking about? 135 00:05:06,274 --> 00:05:08,676 Hello, all. 136 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,310 Ah, we look forward to seeing you 137 00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,345 at our nuptials this afternoon. 138 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,481 Hmm? Huzzah. 139 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:15,516 Isaac and Hetty? 140 00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:16,984 But that is impossible. 141 00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:19,020 And yet, in this world, it's happening. 142 00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,955 - Hmm, your wish. - We just wanted 143 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,991 to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at 2:00. 144 00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:25,259 Weather permitting, 145 00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:26,294 of course. 146 00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,929 The wedding is indoors, my love. 147 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,797 Right, right, right. 148 00:05:29,931 --> 00:05:30,998 Could be a tornado. 149 00:05:31,132 --> 00:05:32,332 No, no. 150 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:34,202 The only tornado shall be tonight 151 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,170 in our marriage bed. 152 00:05:36,304 --> 00:05:37,672 Oh. 153 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,340 Mmm... 154 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,849 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, Carol. What is going on? 155 00:05:47,982 --> 00:05:49,684 Isaac can't marry Hetty. He's... 156 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,384 gay. 157 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,054 Why did you whisper that? 158 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,289 I don't know, it seemed like a weird thing to shout. 159 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,290 Here's the thing. 160 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,792 Isaac only came out 161 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,560 because you were there to support him. 162 00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:03,030 Without you, he still hasn't figured out who he truly is. 163 00:06:03,164 --> 00:06:04,665 Huh. 164 00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:06,968 I guess I did have kind of a big effect on him. 165 00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:08,803 You've had a big effect on all of them. 166 00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:11,906 Without you, Alberta never found out who killed her, 167 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,708 Thor's still having his night terrors, 168 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,977 and Pete never learned he could leave the property. 169 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,745 He never even tried? 170 00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:20,147 He was told he couldn't, and the man loves rules. 171 00:06:20,281 --> 00:06:21,849 He won a goldfish 172 00:06:21,983 --> 00:06:24,518 at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes. 173 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:27,054 Let me guess, he also tried 174 00:06:27,188 --> 00:06:30,324 to report a free sample from the grocery store? 175 00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,326 It's actually the other Sam that's funny. 176 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:33,728 Come on, I have a lot to show you. 177 00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:35,930 Christmas is always 178 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,099 one of the toughest times to be dead, 179 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,934 wondering about my family. 180 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,435 Are they doing okay? Do they even think about me? 181 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,437 They do. Your daughter 182 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,439 Laura named her son after you. 183 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,075 Pete doesn't know that. 184 00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:49,577 In this world, you never invited me here 185 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,579 to dedicate that weird bench. 186 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,247 Pete never watched Laura get married. 187 00:06:53,381 --> 00:06:55,683 He doesn't even know Little Pete. 188 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,685 Thor also miss his family. 189 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,588 Leave behind young son. 190 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,257 Will never get to know what he like as man. 191 00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:06,294 No, Thor, your son is like a hundred yards away. 192 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,628 Tragic. 193 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,164 I hope he grow up to be great warrior 194 00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:11,933 who kill many Danes 195 00:07:12,066 --> 00:07:14,268 and never eat best friend. 196 00:07:14,402 --> 00:07:15,770 -What? -Nothing. 197 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,306 Random example not taken from Thor's life. 198 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,607 The nice thing about the holidays 199 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,776 is that the girls on the dating apps 200 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,945 are lonely as hell. 201 00:07:24,078 --> 00:07:26,881 I'm talking to like six separate Livings right now. 202 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,783 One may fly in from Miami to meet up. 203 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,885 And what do you hope happens when she gets here? 204 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,120 I don't know, maybe she'll choke on something and die. 205 00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:35,323 - It happens. - Yeah, I get it. 206 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,457 Sex with women, you know, nothing like it. 207 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,727 Which I know 'cause of the... 43 times. 208 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,329 Oh, that's right. 209 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,496 Sass is still hiding the fact that he's a virgin. 210 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,333 This is painful. 211 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,501 Has anyone found love? What about Thor and Flower? 212 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,637 Not even close. 213 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,973 Flower fell into the well two years ago. 214 00:07:52,106 --> 00:07:53,574 Flower's in the well? 215 00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:55,475 Well, she was, till you filled it with cement. 216 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,812 So now she's lost in the dirt, 217 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,948 a fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers 218 00:08:01,082 --> 00:08:02,917 in an endless cycle of horror. 219 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,285 Okay, so is that it, 220 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,554 or do you have more bad news to show me? 221 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,989 More bad news. 222 00:08:08,122 --> 00:08:10,524 The basement ghosts are really upset 223 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,493 about your shiny new water heater. 224 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,697 Wait. Everyone shut up. 225 00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:18,432 I think I heard a gurgle. 226 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,836 Oh, there it is again. 227 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,437 Sorry, that was my tummy. 228 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,139 Oh, damn it, Stuart. 229 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,676 You got our hopes up for nothing, you toad's ass. 230 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,311 This newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep 231 00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,346 since that blonde witch put it in. 232 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,315 God, I hate her. 233 00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:35,850 She's very rude. 234 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,885 Last week I saw her drop a piece of pizza 235 00:08:38,019 --> 00:08:40,221 on the ground and pick it up and eat it, 236 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,723 and it fell cheese-side down. 237 00:08:43,758 --> 00:08:46,027 I think we can move on. 238 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,063 What's going on here? 239 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,631 Hetty, I need to talk to you about the wedding. 240 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:53,034 Are you still waffling on a best man? 241 00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:55,369 I do agree it's slim pickings, 242 00:08:55,504 --> 00:08:59,040 but Sasappis probably presents the most handsome stage picture. 243 00:08:59,173 --> 00:09:02,410 No, it's... it's more than that. 244 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,211 Oh, my gosh, is he gonna tell her? 245 00:09:04,345 --> 00:09:06,013 Could you just watch? 246 00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:08,416 You'd be a very annoying person to go see a movie with. 247 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,583 Maybe we push it? 248 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,852 -What? -Why rush a wedding 249 00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,522 in the dead of winter when spring 250 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,022 is just around the corner? 251 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,124 We-we were supposed to get married in spring. 252 00:09:17,191 --> 00:09:18,893 Last spring. And you wanted 253 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,395 to push till summer, citing the April racket of the birds. 254 00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:23,230 But then summer was too hot, 255 00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:25,366 and then fall came around and you started whining about 256 00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:27,668 how it's the season when you're most sleepy. 257 00:09:27,802 --> 00:09:28,836 I've always been very sleepy in the fall. 258 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,071 Everyone knows that. 259 00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:31,105 Isaac, what's wrong? 260 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,907 If there is something else 261 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,843 going on, just tell me. 262 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:39,180 Well... actually... 263 00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:42,083 Come on, Isaac, tell her. 264 00:09:42,216 --> 00:09:44,785 She's your dearest friend. You can trust her. 265 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,056 Wedding prank. 266 00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:50,424 I'm sorry, what? 267 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:53,127 You've been wedding-pranked. 268 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,862 Huzzah! 269 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,430 Oof. 270 00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:57,932 Score one for Higgintoot. 271 00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:58,866 You should have seen the look on your face. 272 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,234 You were freaking out. 273 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,303 Indeed. 274 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,471 Ah, it's fun. 275 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,839 Sam, I don't want to have 276 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,373 this talk again. 277 00:10:06,508 --> 00:10:08,042 Oh, sounds like the show's about to start. Come on. 278 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,477 It's Christmas Eve. You can't go back 279 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,112 into the city already. You just got home. 280 00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:12,547 I don't know what you want me to tell you. 281 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,981 I have to work. 282 00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:15,749 Oh, these two, back at it. 283 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,618 Classic Sam and Jay fight. 284 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,954 Is like tiffs between Whoopi and Meghan, 285 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,956 but they can't cut to commercial. 286 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,125 We get to see everything. 287 00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:25,793 Wait, why is Jay working in the city? 288 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,995 Jay never wanted to move out here, remember? 289 00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:30,164 He only stayed because of your accident. 290 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,732 But in this world, 291 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,068 you were just pulling him away from his cooking 292 00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:36,070 and his friends and his career. 293 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,639 Didn't he open his own restaurant at the B and B? 294 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,809 Without the ghosts, the idea for Mahesh never came up. 295 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,310 So Jay's resentment built 296 00:10:43,545 --> 00:10:46,313 until he finally took a job back in the city. 297 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,749 Ooh, Sam's mad. There goes the vein. 298 00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:50,151 Can't you just call in sick or something? 299 00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:51,352 I don't want to call in sick. 300 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,920 I love my job. 301 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,688 Yeah, but you're never here. 302 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,490 I never wanted to be here. 303 00:10:56,625 --> 00:10:58,826 You dragged me here. 304 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,663 Not nice to drag people places. 305 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,299 Skin on back of head wear away quicker than you think. 306 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,334 This one time... 307 00:11:07,468 --> 00:11:08,603 I don't want to hear it, Thor. 308 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,839 We seemed so happy together this morning. 309 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,341 A performance for your assistant Freddie. 310 00:11:14,475 --> 00:11:16,010 He's seen so many of your fights, 311 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:19,013 so now you guys overcompensate in front of him. 312 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,949 Okay, let's give this one more shot. 313 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:25,886 Isaac Higgintoot and Henrietta Woodstone... 314 00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:27,955 Holy crap, it worked. 315 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,192 Oh, it's the wedding. Fun. 316 00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:32,661 My sincere hope 317 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,529 is that the two of you enjoy a marriage 318 00:11:34,663 --> 00:11:37,632 as loving and as loyal as what I had with Carol. 319 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,466 Whoopsie. 320 00:11:39,601 --> 00:11:41,202 Now, if anyone here sees any reason why these two 321 00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:44,506 should not wed, now would be a great time to pipe up. 322 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,041 Nothing? 323 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,375 Really? 324 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,312 Captain Higgintoot. 325 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,814 Lieutenant Colonel Chessum, you've come. 326 00:11:53,948 --> 00:11:57,051 Yes, I know we've had our differences, 327 00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:00,387 but I couldn't let you get married without saying... 328 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,592 Come on, Nigel, you got this. 329 00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,226 ...congratulations. 330 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,062 Okay. 331 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,665 Well, I guess there's nothing left to do... 332 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,900 ...except continue. 333 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,936 Uh, unless? Going once... 334 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:17,404 Anyone? 335 00:12:17,539 --> 00:12:18,739 Look at me. 336 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,407 I'm 15 feet away from this train wreck, 337 00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:21,775 and there's nothing I can do. 338 00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:24,845 Why do I look so happy? 339 00:12:24,979 --> 00:12:26,380 Jay and I just had a huge fight. 340 00:12:26,514 --> 00:12:28,415 Well, you're not gonna want to hear this one, 341 00:12:28,550 --> 00:12:30,251 but with you and Jay growing apart, 342 00:12:30,384 --> 00:12:32,119 you've started an emotional affair 343 00:12:32,253 --> 00:12:33,921 with someone you met online. 344 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,923 What? Who? 345 00:12:37,592 --> 00:12:39,293 No. 346 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,462 No, no, no. 347 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,434 No! 348 00:12:47,569 --> 00:12:49,738 Okay, I'll call you when I get to the city. 349 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,205 No, Jay, don't go. 350 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:54,408 Okay. Hetty, do you take this man 351 00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:56,277 to be your lawfully wedded husband? 352 00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:57,778 I do. 353 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,648 You've got to stop this. None of this is right. 354 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,782 I'm sorry, Sam, it's too late. 355 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,450 - What do you mean? - Isaac, 356 00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:05,620 do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 357 00:13:05,754 --> 00:13:08,122 Well, you made a wish, and I was sent here to grant it. 358 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,823 I do. 359 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,492 But this isn't what I want. 360 00:13:11,626 --> 00:13:13,494 Hetty and Isaac, 361 00:13:13,628 --> 00:13:14,795 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 362 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,463 Isaac, you may kiss the bride. 363 00:13:22,537 --> 00:13:23,971 That's it. The tour's over. 364 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,974 This is now your life. Merry Christmas, Sam. 365 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,315 No! 366 00:13:34,448 --> 00:13:37,652 Oh, great, now someone objects. 367 00:13:37,786 --> 00:13:39,086 I mean... 368 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,321 I love ya. 369 00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:41,790 Oh! 370 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,996 Carol? Carol, come back! 371 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,497 What's wrong with Sam? 372 00:13:50,632 --> 00:13:51,999 I want things to go back to the way they were. 373 00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,668 I want Pete 374 00:13:53,802 --> 00:13:55,002 and Alberta to be dating again. 375 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,036 Me and Pete? 376 00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:58,105 How does she know our names? 377 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,040 Sass shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin. 378 00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,676 Virgin? 379 00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:04,011 Okay, yeah, tell that to all my satisfied customers. 380 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,847 And I want to live in a world where Isaac is proud to be gay. 381 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:07,881 Gay? 382 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,350 A red-blooded 383 00:14:09,483 --> 00:14:12,620 - billy goat like me? - You jest. 384 00:14:12,754 --> 00:14:13,621 Most of all, 385 00:14:13,755 --> 00:14:16,323 I... I want Jay back. 386 00:14:16,457 --> 00:14:18,392 I don't care if things aren't perfect 387 00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:21,195 or if our life is complicated sometimes. 388 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,163 I just want to face it all with him. 389 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:25,533 I wish 390 00:14:25,767 --> 00:14:27,935 things could go back to how they were. 391 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:31,238 I wish I could see ghosts again. 392 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:35,042 That's my girl. 393 00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,678 Welcome back, Sam. 394 00:14:42,784 --> 00:14:44,719 I can see you. 395 00:14:44,853 --> 00:14:45,720 Hetty, can you hear me? 396 00:14:45,854 --> 00:14:48,155 Alberta, can you see me? 397 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,323 What's with Sam? 398 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:50,924 She sounds like Yentl. 399 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,260 Oh, thank God. I made a terrible wish 400 00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:55,830 that I couldn't see ghosts and then Carol granted it. 401 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,064 My Carol? 402 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,932 Yes, but she was Christmas Carol, 403 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,901 and everything was messed up. 404 00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,037 You were there, Isaac, but you were marrying Hetty. 405 00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:05,406 And you were there, Thor, 406 00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,408 but you didn't know your son. 407 00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:08,409 Was I there? 408 00:15:08,543 --> 00:15:10,177 I don't really remember. 409 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:13,280 The point is, I regret what I said. I'm sorry. 410 00:15:13,414 --> 00:15:15,449 I'm so happy I can see you guys. 411 00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:17,084 I was just upset. 412 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,952 Hey, uh, I was just talking 413 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,255 to that guy, babe, and I... 414 00:15:22,156 --> 00:15:23,858 Whoa. 415 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:25,025 What was that for? 416 00:15:25,159 --> 00:15:27,595 For everything. I love you, Jay. 417 00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:33,768 Whoa, I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, 418 00:15:33,902 --> 00:15:35,770 but then the smooching woke me up. 419 00:15:35,904 --> 00:15:38,205 Hey, man, it's Flower. 420 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,908 What? What's happening? 421 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:45,446 Jay, it's me. Flower possessed me. 422 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:47,615 Thor did it as a gift to her. 423 00:15:47,749 --> 00:15:49,851 Next year, will only give sex coupon. 424 00:15:49,918 --> 00:15:51,218 It enough. 425 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:52,687 What? O-Okay. Well, we got to get 426 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,288 Flower out of you before this interview. 427 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,658 What interview? I thought I blew the interview. 428 00:15:56,724 --> 00:15:58,125 What are you talking about? 429 00:15:58,258 --> 00:15:59,493 The interview hasn't happened yet. 430 00:15:59,727 --> 00:16:01,563 You were just getting your makeup done. 431 00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:02,496 There she is. 432 00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,799 It's showtime. 433 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,636 Hey, man. Aren't you that guy from TV? 434 00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:10,003 You know, I was 435 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,507 on TV once. I flashed the second baseman 436 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,642 at a San Francisco Giants game. 437 00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:16,310 Cool. 438 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,780 Maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air, huh? 439 00:16:18,913 --> 00:16:20,180 This way, please. 440 00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,483 Flower? Sam? Flower-Sam? 441 00:16:22,617 --> 00:16:24,351 Okay, you can sit right over here. 442 00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:26,921 -Cool. -Oh, guys, you know what? 443 00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,289 Um, actually, I-I-I think 444 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,325 Sam needs to go outside for just a minute. 445 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,827 Sorry, we're about to go live. 446 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,095 We need to buy Sam some time to regain control 447 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,296 and get to the boundary. 448 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,265 I got this. 449 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,304 Uh, Walter, just a minute. 450 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,673 I'm-I'm picking up a weird room tone. 451 00:16:45,807 --> 00:16:47,542 Guys, can we fix this? Now? 452 00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:52,212 Tiny camera, feel Odin's wrath! 453 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:54,047 Ugh, we lost picture. 454 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,717 Unbelievable. 455 00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:57,351 All right, we need a battery change on camera one. 456 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,253 This is incredible teamwork. 457 00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:00,788 And if it were St. Patrick's Day, 458 00:17:00,989 --> 00:17:02,657 I'd be jumping in with a contribution of my own. 459 00:17:06,661 --> 00:17:08,228 Whoa. What the...? 460 00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,397 Hey, hold the roll. Let's get this cleaned up. 461 00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:11,900 All right, we're taking a tight two, 462 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,333 then we're going live. 463 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,035 Take control, Sam. This is your moment. 464 00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:17,972 I'm back. 465 00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,874 Now go! Get to the boundary. 466 00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:25,245 Run! Like there's a sale at Old Navy! 467 00:17:34,556 --> 00:17:36,591 Man, Pringles were good. 468 00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:39,527 Sorry about all that possession stuff, Sam. 469 00:17:39,661 --> 00:17:40,695 All good. 470 00:17:40,828 --> 00:17:42,830 She's back. 471 00:17:42,964 --> 00:17:45,533 All right, I think we're good to go. Cameras ready? 472 00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:47,902 You good, babe? 473 00:17:49,037 --> 00:17:51,071 We're live in three... 474 00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:55,175 That's right, Jill, I'm here in New York's Hudson Valley 475 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,680 with the author of Isaac Higgintooth: Colonial Vampire. 476 00:17:58,813 --> 00:18:00,414 Hey, Sam, thanks for being here. 477 00:18:00,548 --> 00:18:02,917 Thank you so much for having me. 478 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,752 And so this is a book where you can have a laugh, 479 00:18:04,819 --> 00:18:06,854 maybe a cry, 480 00:18:07,021 --> 00:18:09,757 and hopefully learn something about the origins of our nation. 481 00:18:09,924 --> 00:18:11,391 Well, I certainly enjoyed 482 00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:13,728 when George Washington turned into a bat. 483 00:18:13,895 --> 00:18:15,063 Did that really happen? 484 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,065 I'm kidding, of course. 485 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:20,367 Well, anyhow, thanks, Sam. Jill, back to you. 486 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,604 Oh, you crushed it, Sam. 487 00:18:22,737 --> 00:18:25,238 And if I had money and the ability to turn pages, 488 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,774 I-I would buy your book for sure. 489 00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:28,776 -Aw. -Babe, you were amazing. 490 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:30,143 Thanks, Jay. 491 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,412 I couldn't have done it without you. 492 00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:33,615 Without any of you. 493 00:18:34,582 --> 00:18:36,784 I just feel so lucky to have all of you in my life. 494 00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:38,118 Even Thor? 495 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,821 Yes, Thor. Even you. 496 00:18:39,954 --> 00:18:41,488 And not to relitigate, 497 00:18:41,623 --> 00:18:44,458 but you did sort of say to surprise you. 498 00:18:45,693 --> 00:18:46,928 We leave at that. 499 00:18:47,061 --> 00:18:48,963 I know the possession wasn't ideal, 500 00:18:49,097 --> 00:18:51,431 but it was a really groovy gift. 501 00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:52,567 I mean, I got to take drugs 502 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,636 for the first time in 60 years. 503 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:56,571 I'm sorry. What do you mean, you took drugs? 504 00:18:56,704 --> 00:18:58,606 The mistletoe. The drug I got from Gabe. 505 00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:00,440 I took it-- well, we took it-- 506 00:19:00,575 --> 00:19:02,175 on my way back from the restaurant. 507 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,144 Well, look at that. 508 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,146 You were high as a kite. 509 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,815 I suppose that explains this whole 510 00:19:07,949 --> 00:19:09,316 "visit from Carol" nonsense. 511 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,485 I guess it does. 512 00:19:11,619 --> 00:19:12,486 Okay, I can't help it. 513 00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,187 I got to watch it again. 514 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,455 So proud of you, babe. 515 00:19:26,668 --> 00:19:28,235 Hey, Trevor, help me out with this 516 00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:29,003 scratch and sniff Sam got me for Christmas. 517 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,007 Come on, come on, come on. 518 00:19:37,979 --> 00:19:39,346 Wow. 519 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,015 For a piece of paper with cartoon eyes 520 00:19:41,149 --> 00:19:43,618 and a pepperoni bow tie, that's pretty good. 521 00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:44,686 Greetings. 522 00:19:44,819 --> 00:19:46,020 Every time. 523 00:19:46,154 --> 00:19:47,689 Patience... 524 00:19:47,822 --> 00:19:48,690 what's up? 525 00:19:48,823 --> 00:19:51,191 I come with good news. 526 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,062 Your disappointment at our parting gave me pause. 527 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:55,495 What? What are you saying? 528 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:57,031 I am saying that 529 00:19:57,165 --> 00:19:59,901 I now believe that we shouldst be together. 530 00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:04,038 Yeah, but... 531 00:20:04,172 --> 00:20:05,372 different worlds. 532 00:20:05,506 --> 00:20:07,407 -Oh. -Sometimes that first thought 533 00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:08,910 is the best thought. 534 00:20:09,043 --> 00:20:11,244 Oh, but that can be remedied. I have met 535 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,648 your friends, and you can meet my people. 536 00:20:13,781 --> 00:20:15,083 Where is this going? 537 00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,785 Trevor Lefkowitz, dweller of the overground, 538 00:20:17,852 --> 00:20:19,721 son of Abraham, holder of my heart, 539 00:20:19,854 --> 00:20:21,055 allow me 540 00:20:21,189 --> 00:20:23,256 to introduce you to... the Others. 541 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,698 Oh, holy night.