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www.tvsubtitles.net
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You killed that man.
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JIM: I was driving Betts's car that night.
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There's my black-magic Barbie.
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The women cough up in canteen goodies,
shampoo, conditioner, fags,
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whatever you can get out of them,
and then you get a cut.
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Look at it like this.
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You're either the tax collector,
or you're one of the mugs paying tax.
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Let's see some ID.
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Yeah, yeah, sure.
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Hey!
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JIM: It's Ben's stuff.
It's gotta be crawling with his DNA.
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Now, all you gotta do is buy another
long blonde wig and transfer his traces onto it.
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You're trying to frame him.
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Do this for me and we can be together
like we're supposed to be.
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Janine?
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Do you know anything about voodoo?
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(JANINE SCREAMING)
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My eye!
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Ben Hennessey,
we've recently acquired strong evidence
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linking you to a death by dangerous driving.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
I don't know what you're talking about.
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I don't know what you're talking about!
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It's your lucky day, Fenner. You're free to go.
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Oh, Jim.
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-You did it, Di.
-I did it 'cause you're my husband and I love you.
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-I love you.
-Oh, you'd better.
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-Hey, come on. Let's go home.
-Yeah.
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Oh, I can't seem to get
the stench of that place off me.
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-Here, have one of these.
-Ooh.
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I tell you, it's different gravy on the other side
of the bars and on the nonce wing.
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The things I found in that lock-up, though.
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Those photos of Karen.
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Her underwear.
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Any other woman would think
you were in love with her.
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I hated her.
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In my mind,
I was gathering evidence to use against her.
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To expose her lie.
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Oh, God, Di, you do believe me, don't you?
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I was just so scared, seeing all those things.
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I just didn't want them
to have anything to do with you.
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I even thought about putting them
in Hennessey's van with the wig.
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You didn't, though, did you?
Jesus, Di, my prints are all over them.
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Of course not.
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And you burnt them like I said?
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Promised, didn't I?
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Oh, we're a great team, you and me.
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Coming clean proved that to me, you know.
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-And no more secrets.
-Never.
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You're my wife.
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Well, technically I'm not.
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We still haven't consummated our vows.
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We've got a lot of time to make up.
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Wait a minute. I've got a surprise for you.
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-I still can't see properly.
-Keep still.
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It will get better, won't it?
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Well, you should have thought about that
before you decided to stick something in it.
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If you're thinking that you're gonna be getting
out of any of your work, you can think again.
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Hospital wing is for sick inmates, not skivers.
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Listen, yeah, I didn't really understand
what that eye doctor was going on about.
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And, I mean, I'm just asking, yeah.
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I will be able to see again, won't I?
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The ophthalmologist says your cornea's scratched,
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so keep taking Chloramphenicol
to avoid any endophthalmitis,
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you might make some progress.
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Either way, you only need one eye
to see your way to the work room.
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Put a patch on, would you?
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Then it's back to the wing with you.
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No, but I'm still in shock, and I lose my balance.
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So tread carefully.
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And this isn't all.
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I've got something else to help us.
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It's a predictor kit.
It tells you when you're ovulating.
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I've been testing for days now,
and it couldn't be a better time.
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So, come on. Let's make a little Jim Junior.
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Cheers.
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-It's no better, then?
-It's moved to my thigh now,
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and paracetamol doesn't seem to make
a blind bit of difference.
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It's all in your mind. It's a load of rubbish.
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-I'm gonna do you a favour.
-No, don't.
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It's the best place for it. Trust me.
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If you throw it away,
it makes the curse 1 0 times more powerful.
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It could kill me.
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Actually, when I was in Haiti in the '70s,
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I saw a fully grown man bleed from the ears
from a voodoo curse.
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Mind you, he was the village idiot,
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and suggestion
is a powerful thing to simpletons.
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No, I think Mr Hedges is right.
Just burn it with the rest of the rubbish.
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You get on with clearing up
and mind your own business, you.
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Twix.
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Two cheese and onion.
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Oh, and give me that moisturiser.
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Thanks.
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-Here. How much have I got left?
-1 2p.
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No, man, she my cellmate.
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Oh, all right, Darlene? Want a bite?
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-I want everything, thank you.
-Oi, I've saved for that.
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-What else you have there?
-Hey, get off, you greedy cow.
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Just play along, girl.
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You have 1 6 there.
Me have to take another one for the taxation.
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-But you ain't got no right.
-Is something wrong?
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Yeah, too right there is.
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This two-faced shitbag's trying to nick my stuff.
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Didn't you explain?
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You're just being taxed, Tina, like everybody else.
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-What flipping tax?
-Protection.
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Protection, from what?
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From me, lard-ass, and I don't come cheap.
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So that'll make up for the tax,
and I think I'll take those as well.
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That's for being a gobby fat bitch.
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Trust me. Your hips'll thank me.
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-Me don't have no choice, girl.
-Oi, you want your cut or not?
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Me share it with you later.
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-What's it now, Janine? What happened?
-My God, you look like Long John Silver.
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Save your sympathy, ladies. She did it to herself,
trying to get out of doing an honest day's work.
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And you lot have had to make up for her laziness.
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I ain't lazy, right. It was an accident.
Caught meself with a pencil.
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(SYLVIA SCOFFING)
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-Of course it was an accident, love.
-Yeah, how long you got to keep it on for?
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Don't know. Looks all right, though.
I reckon it gives me an edge.
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-Yeah.
-Yeah.
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Don't tell me. Spoon was still in the mug?
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Look, I'm gonna go and...you know. See you.
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-That gotta hurt.
-Wow, they're nice clips, Ju.
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She paid her tax today yet?
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I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean...
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I've been dying to get my hands on you,
and then when I do...
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It's the build-up, love. Too much pressure.
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It's hardly surprising when you think about it.
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Look, Di.
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You know I hardly see my kids.
I'd love to have a baby.
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I was expecting too much on your first day out.
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I ovulate every month, remember.
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-I just feel so ashamed.
-Well, don't.
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Anyway, there's other ways
you can prove you're a man.
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So come on.
Make sure our child's got a future, eh?
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Your right hand up a bit. That's perfect.
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Makes a change to put up something positive
instead of just warnings.
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Yeah, well, I've managed to secure
a good education budget this year,
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so let's hope for some happy campers.
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WOMAN: Come on. Hurry up.
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Oh, and there'll be no more stitching shrouds.
I've cancelled that contract.
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From now on,
the women will be making novelty candles.
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Hello? Fenner.
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Tull. Beverly.
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Hollamby. Bodybag.
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I wanted to talk to you
about what you said this afternoon.
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About this place being a shit heap
or about us running low on gin?
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Oh, no, I don't think
I'd have mentioned that to you, now, would I?
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About your visit to Haiti.
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The voodoo curse.
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That's right. You lived with a witch doctor
for a while, didn't you?
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Really?
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Well, so he said.
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Had a magic wand, at any rate.
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Oh, look, Battenberg.
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It... It's just this flaming doll.
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-If you know anything from your experience...
-No, no, no. Look, I'm sorry.
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Be fair, Bev.
You said you studied under him for a year.
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-Did she?
-But that is a load of hokum.
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I mean, we know that now.
I'm just not gonna be dragged back in there.
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Please, you said you were running low on gin.
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Now, I know it's rubbish,
but I just want an end to it.
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If you know how to, well, how to lift a curse,
I could see you right.
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Well, I know what you're supposed to do.
Well, I mean, if you believe in all that titty.
166
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But I don't think you're going to like it.
167
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Well, well. So Jim Fenner gets off once again.
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Correction. Jim's got nothing to get off of.
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He's innocent, and it's been proved.
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I assume you've done your research
since we spoke?
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Yeah. It's funny, Karen never mentioned
being hassled by a maintenance worker.
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Seems this Hennessey chap
kept his obsession very close to his chest.
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Yeah, well, he would, wouldn't he?
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So Karen's innocent. I'm innocent.
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-So it would seem.
-But what about you?
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You and Betts ruined what should have been
the best day of our lives,
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but we've come up with a little plan
for you to make amends.
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You're out, Jim, and you've got your meal ticket.
Consider yourselves lucky.
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Pretty shitty meal ticket, then,
if I haven't got a job.
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I'm sure there are some streets need sweeping
down King's Cross.
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Well, I'll make sure they keep
a position open for you, then.
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Reckon you'll need it
once I make that tribunal case stand.
183
00:12:02,382 --> 00:12:06,773
Or have you forgotten I won it
just before I was arrested?
184
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There's no way Area
would consider having you back,
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let alone as wing governor.
186
00:12:37,342 --> 00:12:39,810
Jim is an innocent man wrongly accused.
187
00:12:39,942 --> 00:12:43,537
And he's repaid by losing his job?
I don't flaming think so.
188
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That tribunal proved
that you're the reason he was passed over.
189
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Sounds like a cause to me.
Your speciality, Grayling, equal opps and all that.
190
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A few funny handshakes with the right suits.
Isn't that how it works?
191
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I'm flattered you credit me
with so much influence.
192
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Cut the shit, Neil.
Everyone knows you're the one that can swing it,
193
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given your personal connection with Jim.
194
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Leave it, Di.
He'd obviously rather take his chances in court.
195
00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:18,651
Look, if I...
196
00:13:21,102 --> 00:13:23,821
if I could pull a few strings,
you'd drop all charges, yeah?
197
00:13:23,982 --> 00:13:25,097
A deal is a deal.
198
00:13:25,182 --> 00:13:28,652
I can't guarantee anything.
All I can do is try my best.
199
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:31,210
Yeah? Well, you've got one week,
200
00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:35,621
so you better hope your best's good enough,
'cause otherwise you're finished.
201
00:13:45,182 --> 00:13:47,093
You know what? I have to keep pinching myself.
202
00:13:47,782 --> 00:13:50,342
Couple of weeks ago,
I was banged up with the scum of the earth.
203
00:13:50,902 --> 00:13:52,938
Now I've really got the chance
to make a difference.
204
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-We have, you mean.
-Of course.
205
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,579
I don't know what I'd do without you, Di.
206
00:13:57,742 --> 00:14:00,131
I mean, who would be a better principal officer?
207
00:14:00,262 --> 00:14:02,617
Yeah, well, give us a chance.
I'm not even through the door yet.
208
00:14:02,702 --> 00:14:05,500
Yeah, I know, but it's obvious, isn't it?
209
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And then I can be around to protect you.
210
00:14:10,062 --> 00:14:13,816
Oh, Jim, I was so relieved
when I heard you were out.
211
00:14:15,182 --> 00:14:17,457
-Did you get my card?
-Yeah, thanks, Sylv.
212
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I hope Di told you there's no grudges on my part.
213
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I know you were only trying to tell the truth.
214
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Well, I never thought
it would land you in such trouble.
215
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Yeah, well, it's water under the bridge now.
216
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And I hope I can rely on you from now on.
217
00:14:33,502 --> 00:14:35,174
Well, yes. Yes, of...
218
00:14:36,182 --> 00:14:37,979
No.
219
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:41,817
Grayling said we were getting
a new wing governor, but he never said it was you.
220
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And you knew all along.
221
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Yeah, well, we just wanted to be sure.
You know, dot all the i's.
222
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Well done, Jim. It's only what you deserve.
223
00:14:51,462 --> 00:14:55,455
-You pulled a muscle or something?
-Wish it was that simple.
224
00:14:58,222 --> 00:14:59,701
They're too small, man.
225
00:15:00,542 --> 00:15:02,339
What size you wear, Tina? They might fit you.
226
00:15:02,422 --> 00:15:04,777
You think I'd walk around in stolen shoes?
227
00:15:05,502 --> 00:15:07,015
You make me sick, you do.
228
00:15:07,102 --> 00:15:08,376
Reckon they're Janine's size.
229
00:15:08,502 --> 00:15:11,335
-You hear me say you?
-Well, there's no point in them going to waste.
230
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She should give them back. Call yourself a lady?
231
00:15:14,102 --> 00:15:18,095
What you talk about, ''lady''?
You talk out of your scrawny lady backside.
232
00:15:18,302 --> 00:15:19,815
They're my taxes good and proper, man.
233
00:15:19,902 --> 00:15:21,017
Here.
234
00:15:21,582 --> 00:15:24,619
Say what you want, Darlene. I thought I knew you.
235
00:15:24,742 --> 00:15:28,496
Me doing a job, girl.
If me not do it somebody worse will do it.
236
00:15:28,942 --> 00:15:30,694
And none of you no get no kickback.
237
00:15:31,902 --> 00:15:35,895
And Natalie Buxton rule in here.
We have to stay upon the right side.
238
00:15:37,022 --> 00:15:38,819
Morning, ladies. Tina.
239
00:15:39,502 --> 00:15:40,651
Yeah.
240
00:15:41,382 --> 00:15:44,772
Well, if the only friend you need in here
is Natalie bleeding Buxton,
241
00:15:45,982 --> 00:15:47,131
then you're well set.
242
00:15:53,062 --> 00:15:54,893
ARUN: I'll pray for you, Darlene.
243
00:15:56,302 --> 00:16:00,614
From now on, girl scout,
me am gonna pray for you.
244
00:16:00,902 --> 00:16:02,096
With this.
245
00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:07,060
It's like everyone's gone mentalist.
Makes me wish I'd never come back.
246
00:16:08,382 --> 00:16:12,341
I mean, imagine Yvonne nicking from her own
when she was top dog.
247
00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:14,811
Yeah, well, we got a top bitch now.
More's the pity.
248
00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:17,336
Yvonne would have sorted Buxton out
good and proper.
249
00:16:18,022 --> 00:16:19,740
Why don't someone say something?
250
00:16:19,822 --> 00:16:21,653
'Cause she's a psycho, mate.
251
00:16:23,102 --> 00:16:24,615
Talking of psychos.
252
00:16:27,702 --> 00:16:29,101
Holy shit.
253
00:16:29,182 --> 00:16:30,661
SAUNDERS: In a suit?
254
00:16:35,422 --> 00:16:39,335
Is it me,
or have things just got a million times worse?
255
00:16:43,182 --> 00:16:44,535
A word, sir.
256
00:16:44,622 --> 00:16:46,613
Let me guess. Is it Fenner?
257
00:16:46,702 --> 00:16:47,737
Wing governor?
258
00:16:47,822 --> 00:16:50,177
He wouldn't even have got a laundry job
in his place without some major help.
259
00:16:50,262 --> 00:16:52,253
You're telling me you had nothing to do with it?
260
00:16:52,342 --> 00:16:55,061
Not that I need to answer to you,
but since you're asking, yes.
261
00:16:55,142 --> 00:16:57,736
Yes, I pulled some strings!
262
00:16:59,342 --> 00:17:02,539
I didn't have a choice, Colin. The tribunal?
263
00:17:03,062 --> 00:17:05,496
No falling on your own sword
to spare the rest of us, then.
264
00:17:06,022 --> 00:17:07,171
Would you?
265
00:17:07,702 --> 00:17:09,932
If Fenner brought me down, I'd never work again.
266
00:17:10,142 --> 00:17:14,977
Odds on he'd worm his way back here anyway,
but you wouldn't have me round to keep an eye.
267
00:17:15,062 --> 00:17:18,418
There's no way I'm gonna be principal officer
under him. I'll walk first.
268
00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:20,578
Oh, well, be my guest.
269
00:17:21,622 --> 00:17:24,659
Where else are you gonna get a position like this
with your record, eh?
270
00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:31,374
You've got a good deal here
and a pension, security.
271
00:17:33,102 --> 00:17:34,296
I need you.
272
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,777
The best place for Fenner
is right where we can see him.
273
00:17:38,982 --> 00:17:41,655
I'll make him pay for his malicious slander,
but I'll do it my way.
274
00:17:42,902 --> 00:17:46,497
With any luck, he'll slip on his own slime
before I get the chance.
275
00:17:46,582 --> 00:17:48,174
Now, are you with me or not?
276
00:17:51,902 --> 00:17:53,415
Should my ears be burning?
277
00:17:53,502 --> 00:17:55,254
More than your ears, Fenner.
278
00:17:57,782 --> 00:18:01,058
That's no way to speak to your boss.
But I'll let it slide.
279
00:18:01,662 --> 00:18:03,698
Lets start the way we mean to go on, eh?
280
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,971
Someone's been sleeping in the knife drawer.
281
00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:19,941
What do you want, Jim?
282
00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:23,897
I thought I'd address the women
before the rumour machine steals my thunder.
283
00:18:23,982 --> 00:18:26,735
And I'd like a formal introduction
from the number one.
284
00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:30,496
You know, protocol?
285
00:18:33,302 --> 00:18:35,258
(INMATES JEERING)
286
00:18:43,302 --> 00:18:48,979
Shush! Come on. Calm down. Shut it! Quiet!
287
00:18:50,782 --> 00:18:53,012
Right. Let's get it out of the way
288
00:18:53,102 --> 00:18:55,775
for those of you who've been practising
your witty little comebacks.
289
00:18:55,862 --> 00:18:59,059
I have been proven innocent. All charges dropped.
290
00:18:59,582 --> 00:19:02,619
And it's been confirmed
that a very dangerous character indeed,
291
00:19:03,182 --> 00:19:07,095
Ben Hennessy, known to you lot as Ben Phillips,
has been operating on the wing.
292
00:19:07,662 --> 00:19:09,778
Now, this charlatan's caused a lot of damage,
293
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,861
not least of all to your former wing governor,
Miss Karen Betts and to myself.
294
00:19:14,902 --> 00:19:18,178
Now, the good news is
he's behind bars and I'm here to make sure
295
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:20,822
that your safety's never compromised
like that again.
296
00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:24,851
A lot of you already know me.
Those of you who don't, well, you will.
297
00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:29,818
I've got a lifetime of experience in this service,
and if it's taught me one thing,
298
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:33,657
there's no point in a ''them and us''
inside these walls.
299
00:19:33,902 --> 00:19:38,180
I run a regime based on cooperation and respect.
300
00:19:38,462 --> 00:19:42,171
Now, that works both ways.
You respect me, I'll respect you.
301
00:19:42,862 --> 00:19:45,535
You don't, well, you'll wish you had.
302
00:19:46,462 --> 00:19:50,341
Right, that's all for now. Let's get to work, eh?
303
00:19:51,262 --> 00:19:52,854
All right, off to work.
304
00:19:53,502 --> 00:19:56,300
GUARD: Come on. Come on. Hey, you. Come on.
305
00:19:56,422 --> 00:19:59,334
He's like a flipping boomerang.
He just keeps coming back.
306
00:19:59,422 --> 00:20:01,572
-Bit like you, Tine.
-Fenner's more like herpes.
307
00:20:01,662 --> 00:20:03,732
-That keeps coming back and all.
-Oh, God.
308
00:20:03,822 --> 00:20:05,540
Aren't there enough things
to complain about in here
309
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,101
without making problems out of nothing?
310
00:20:07,182 --> 00:20:08,297
-Excuse me.
-What do you know?
311
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,061
-Shut up.
-Stupid cow.
312
00:20:12,262 --> 00:20:14,298
Well, I think he seems like a very nice man.
313
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:19,700
Well, that's your problem in a oner, isn't it?
He's a man. Bastards, the lot of them.
314
00:20:20,662 --> 00:20:25,053
At least we know what the topic of conversation
is going to be for the next six months.
315
00:20:27,622 --> 00:20:31,331
Well, I don't care who the bloody wing governor is
as long as it isn't Myers.
316
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:33,737
-Hear, hear.
-You! Tull!
317
00:20:34,222 --> 00:20:37,737
Oh, Mrs Hollamby, you look appalling.
318
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:39,175
PHYL: You've swollen up like a balloon.
319
00:20:39,262 --> 00:20:40,820
No thanks to you.
320
00:20:40,902 --> 00:20:43,177
All that ''drink your own urine'' nonsense.
321
00:20:44,302 --> 00:20:46,020
You've been having me on. Admit it.
322
00:20:46,382 --> 00:20:49,772
I told you all I know.
I mean, I never believed it would work
323
00:20:49,862 --> 00:20:53,013
because I never believed in the stupid curse
in the first place.
324
00:20:53,222 --> 00:20:56,419
But if you want to drink your own wee
four times a day...
325
00:20:56,502 --> 00:20:57,935
Four times a day?
326
00:20:58,782 --> 00:21:03,060
It is all to do with a regular dosage of uric acid.
327
00:21:03,142 --> 00:21:07,420
You never said four times.
I can barely bear to choke it down once a day.
328
00:21:07,702 --> 00:21:12,059
Well, then, don't. I mean, I am
only responsible for serving you tea and biscuits.
329
00:21:22,262 --> 00:21:25,254
Ah, Mr Fenner, it's nice to have you back, sir.
330
00:21:25,342 --> 00:21:26,741
It's good to be back, Buxton.
331
00:21:26,862 --> 00:21:29,217
Well, you know what you said
about meeting us individually? Well...
332
00:21:29,302 --> 00:21:30,781
I'll come and see you later, eh?
333
00:21:32,782 --> 00:21:35,740
Don't forget to keep a few chips back
for your favourite wing governor.
334
00:21:35,822 --> 00:21:37,813
-And so it begins.
-Eh?
335
00:21:38,022 --> 00:21:39,694
Corruption, that's what.
336
00:21:40,102 --> 00:21:42,980
I asked for chips, you thick bint,
not sexual favours.
337
00:21:43,142 --> 00:21:44,541
How desperate do you think I am?
338
00:21:44,622 --> 00:21:48,615
You may be able to scam some of the newer girls,
Fenner, but we know what colour your shit is.
339
00:21:51,622 --> 00:21:54,261
Then you'll know just who it is
you're mouthing off to, then, won't you?
340
00:21:54,862 --> 00:21:55,897
You're both sacked.
341
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,051
-What?
-What?
342
00:21:57,142 --> 00:21:59,019
You heard. Get those aprons off.
343
00:21:59,222 --> 00:22:01,816
You're not the only ones
who know how to use a mop and a ladle.
344
00:22:05,822 --> 00:22:07,255
BEV: Talk about taking the piss.
345
00:22:12,102 --> 00:22:16,015
What happen, sisters?
Top dog says she wants a new radio.
346
00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:17,899
Two of you, double the tax.
347
00:22:18,022 --> 00:22:20,297
-Get lost. Shit a brick.
-Hold on a second.
348
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:25,052
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Grandma, you hold on.
To me backside.
349
00:22:26,822 --> 00:22:27,857
That's it.
350
00:22:29,422 --> 00:22:31,299
-Straw, camel...
-Back.
351
00:22:41,822 --> 00:22:45,132
Sylv, if you're feeling that bad,
why don't you just go home?
352
00:22:45,742 --> 00:22:48,859
What's that going to look like
on Jim's first day at the helm?
353
00:22:49,462 --> 00:22:51,373
I don't want to let anyone down.
354
00:22:53,302 --> 00:22:55,133
What's happening to me, Di?
355
00:22:56,662 --> 00:23:02,259
Here, get yourself comfy,
and I'll make you a cuppa. See how you feel.
356
00:23:03,822 --> 00:23:06,859
Jim wouldn't expect you to fly the flag
if you're feeling poorly.
357
00:23:07,542 --> 00:23:10,056
I don't want him to think he can't rely on me.
358
00:23:10,142 --> 00:23:12,975
But you've put in the years, love.
359
00:23:13,782 --> 00:23:17,741
I mean, maybe now's the time, you know,
to take things a bit easier.
360
00:23:17,822 --> 00:23:19,050
(PHONE RINGING)
361
00:23:19,142 --> 00:23:21,895
How can I? This job's all I've got.
362
00:23:25,582 --> 00:23:27,095
There's a letter for you at the gate, Sylv.
363
00:23:28,582 --> 00:23:31,142
Oh, Colin will get it. Won't you, Col?
364
00:23:32,262 --> 00:23:33,251
Yeah, of course.
365
00:23:34,022 --> 00:23:35,137
I'll be right there.
366
00:23:46,142 --> 00:23:49,976
All clear on the threes.
Her and Cake are taxing some other poor bastards.
367
00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:51,415
TINA: All right then...
368
00:23:51,982 --> 00:23:54,974
(WHISPERING) We haven't got much time.
We've gotta get down to business.
369
00:23:55,062 --> 00:23:57,860
So we all agree. Buxton's gotta be stopped, yeah?
370
00:23:58,142 --> 00:24:00,781
I mean, if I had two good eyes,
I'd level her myself.
371
00:24:00,862 --> 00:24:06,459
No. It's time we went official.
We've just got to decide who grasses.
372
00:24:09,022 --> 00:24:13,379
Well, it ain't exactly grassing
if it's to help your mates, is it?
373
00:24:13,462 --> 00:24:16,898
-Well, you tell that to Buxton.
-Yeah, and her cute little sidekick.
374
00:24:16,982 --> 00:24:19,576
-Darlene's made her bed.
-So you go and tell Fenner that.
375
00:24:19,662 --> 00:24:20,936
Hey, piss off!
376
00:24:21,022 --> 00:24:25,334
Janine's very keen to leather Buxton.
So here's your chance.
377
00:24:26,462 --> 00:24:27,690
Yeah. Yeah, because...
378
00:24:27,782 --> 00:24:30,854
Why should she,
just because no one else has got the guts?
379
00:24:30,942 --> 00:24:34,651
Okay, okay, we'll draw straws.
It's the only fair way.
380
00:24:34,742 --> 00:24:40,772
Yeah, but I bloody hope it is me, right,
'cause, you know, Janine Nebeski is m-a-d.
381
00:24:41,822 --> 00:24:43,016
Wait there.
382
00:24:46,022 --> 00:24:50,618
You know, I'm not being funny, Sylv,
but you do smell a bit fusty.
383
00:24:50,702 --> 00:24:52,772
Maybe you have got an infection.
384
00:24:54,222 --> 00:24:55,735
Looks official.
385
00:24:57,022 --> 00:24:59,820
Oh, dear God, what have I done now?
386
00:24:59,902 --> 00:25:02,974
-Do you want another cuppa, Col?
-Thanks, but I haven't got time.
387
00:25:03,622 --> 00:25:06,534
Actually, I should be going as well.
388
00:25:06,622 --> 00:25:10,456
You take your time, Sylv. I'll explain to Jim.
389
00:25:24,142 --> 00:25:25,541
Nice one, Ju.
390
00:25:25,622 --> 00:25:27,897
Yes, it'll be the last time
I get to go in the kitchen.
391
00:25:27,982 --> 00:25:30,177
-Let's get on with it.
-Yeah, bring it on.
392
00:25:56,982 --> 00:26:00,019
-Oh, Ju.
-Oh, I don't mind.
393
00:26:12,982 --> 00:26:14,574
Well, go on, then.
394
00:26:17,182 --> 00:26:21,016
Yeah. Whatever. Brilliant.
395
00:26:22,982 --> 00:26:27,498
It's that shoplifter from D-Wing.
She came bursting into my office,
396
00:26:27,582 --> 00:26:32,781
bold as you like,
demanding oil of evening primrose for her PMT
397
00:26:32,862 --> 00:26:34,773
in capsule form, if you please.
398
00:26:34,862 --> 00:26:37,899
Says it's her right as a woman.
399
00:26:37,982 --> 00:26:41,372
Oil off the back of me hand, more like.
I hope you told her where to sling it.
400
00:26:41,502 --> 00:26:45,495
-Quick. Zip up, Malcolm. Someone's coming.
-Oh, very funny.
401
00:26:45,582 --> 00:26:48,142
Yeah, well, knock next time,
like the rest of the staff.
402
00:26:48,222 --> 00:26:50,690
Oh, don't act it, Jim.
Malcolm knows we're married.
403
00:26:50,782 --> 00:26:53,979
Hadn't you better be heading home,
seeing it's the end of your shift?
404
00:26:54,062 --> 00:26:55,620
Well, that's what I've come to tell you.
405
00:26:55,702 --> 00:26:57,977
Sylvia has asked me to give her
a lift up to Hampstead.
406
00:26:58,062 --> 00:26:59,814
-Why?
-Apparently,
407
00:26:59,902 --> 00:27:03,656
she's been left some house, and she wants me
to go with her to collect the keys.
408
00:27:04,142 --> 00:27:06,610
-I thought she was at death's door.
-Yeah, me, too.
409
00:27:06,702 --> 00:27:09,170
But some aunt of hers has pegged it
and left her the lot.
410
00:27:09,262 --> 00:27:11,298
And that seems to have perked her up a bit.
411
00:27:11,382 --> 00:27:12,895
It's all right for some, eh?
412
00:27:12,982 --> 00:27:16,019
Some very nice Georgian properties in Hampstead.
413
00:27:16,142 --> 00:27:20,181
-Yeah, well, let's just hope it's not a slum.
-Oh, no. No, no, no.
414
00:27:20,742 --> 00:27:25,418
Oh, no, good for Sylvia, I say. I'll leave you to it.
415
00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:31,014
Listen, Di.
When we're at work, you show me some respect.
416
00:27:31,102 --> 00:27:32,933
Yeah, right, fine, but listen.
417
00:27:33,062 --> 00:27:37,772
Now that Sylvia's come into some money,
it's a perfect time to make me principal officer.
418
00:27:38,022 --> 00:27:40,490
Well, it won't be such a blow to her, then, will it?
419
00:27:40,582 --> 00:27:42,777
I'll have to weigh it up.
420
00:27:44,182 --> 00:27:48,778
Yeah, well, don't take too long. It'd be best
to break it to her when she's on a high, eh?
421
00:27:49,462 --> 00:27:50,531
Yeah.
422
00:27:59,742 --> 00:28:02,381
Now's your chance. He's on his own. Go on.
423
00:28:02,462 --> 00:28:04,054
She's in her cell, I told you.
424
00:28:04,142 --> 00:28:06,258
Listening to our bloody CD player.
425
00:28:06,622 --> 00:28:09,261
Look, how do I know she won't find out, eh?
426
00:28:09,342 --> 00:28:12,220
I mean, we already know some people
can't keep their big gob shut.
427
00:28:12,302 --> 00:28:16,500
I'd never, and I gave you my word.
And besides, breaking a pledge is a sin.
428
00:28:16,582 --> 00:28:18,254
Look, we're not going to drop you in it.
429
00:28:18,342 --> 00:28:20,219
Oh, no, we're right behind you, mate. Promise.
430
00:28:20,302 --> 00:28:22,418
Yeah, come on.
You was all ''let me at her'' an hour ago.
431
00:28:22,502 --> 00:28:25,335
-It was done fair and square, Janine.
-All right!
432
00:28:26,382 --> 00:28:30,421
Fucking hell. I'm just thinking, okay?
433
00:28:30,622 --> 00:28:32,931
(HUMMING SUSPENSEFUL TUNE)
434
00:28:40,022 --> 00:28:42,297
-Sorry to bother you, sir.
-It's Nebreski, isn't it?
435
00:28:42,742 --> 00:28:44,812
Nebeski. Janine Nebeski.
436
00:28:45,902 --> 00:28:49,736
I've got a complaint to make.
It's about that Natalie Buxton.
437
00:28:50,222 --> 00:28:54,010
Only, you can't say I grassed her up or nothing
'cause she's off her head, right?
438
00:28:54,102 --> 00:28:55,535
You'd better come in here.
439
00:29:08,982 --> 00:29:13,419
-Are you sure this is the place?
-That's what it says here.
440
00:29:17,342 --> 00:29:19,412
Flipping heck!
441
00:29:19,822 --> 00:29:24,942
It'll be riddled with dry rot and damp.
I mean, Margaret was 80, for goodness' sake.
442
00:29:25,542 --> 00:29:28,898
And she never did have a husband
to take care of things.
443
00:29:30,542 --> 00:29:32,260
Come on. Let's have a look.
444
00:29:58,902 --> 00:30:01,541
DI: God bless Aunt Margaret.
445
00:30:08,742 --> 00:30:10,175
(ALL WHISPERING)
446
00:30:10,262 --> 00:30:13,493
What happened with Fenner?
And don't tell me saying you don't know.
447
00:30:13,582 --> 00:30:15,857
-Here. Piss off, Darlene.
-Yeah, you'll find out, Cake.
448
00:30:15,942 --> 00:30:17,216
You reap what you sow.
449
00:30:17,302 --> 00:30:20,180
DARLENE: What do you mean, reap? Reap what?
TINA: Shut your cake-hole.
450
00:30:22,702 --> 00:30:24,374
(COCKTAIL JAZZ PLAYING ON RADIO)
451
00:30:26,182 --> 00:30:29,618
Mr Fenner. So are you here for our one-on-one?
452
00:30:30,982 --> 00:30:34,213
I don't recall this being in your list of possessions.
Where did you get it?
453
00:30:34,302 --> 00:30:38,659
The Costas gave it to me.
I did them a favour, and they were grateful.
454
00:30:39,862 --> 00:30:45,141
Let's get one thing straight, love.
I've got radar when it comes to liars.
455
00:30:45,822 --> 00:30:48,382
There's nowhere to hide.
456
00:30:49,302 --> 00:30:53,136
Okay, so I've been organising things a bit
since you've been away.
457
00:30:53,502 --> 00:30:54,776
But somebody had to.
458
00:30:54,862 --> 00:30:58,616
'Cause the girls were all over the place
because they don't trust the people in charge.
459
00:30:58,702 --> 00:31:01,580
-And they trust you, do they?
-They look up to me.
460
00:31:02,022 --> 00:31:05,492
They might not like me,
but at least they know where they stand.
461
00:31:05,582 --> 00:31:08,221
I think you've been pushing your luck.
462
00:31:08,542 --> 00:31:13,172
Do you know that they really believe,
still believe that you're a murderer?
463
00:31:13,782 --> 00:31:15,261
1 00°/°.
464
00:31:15,742 --> 00:31:18,700
And that's mainly because those two Julie bitches
keep stirring it up.
465
00:31:18,782 --> 00:31:22,013
And without me, the Julies are all they've got.
466
00:31:23,302 --> 00:31:25,258
Go on. Get to the point.
467
00:31:25,942 --> 00:31:28,900
You're not stupid, Mr Fenner, and neither am I.
468
00:31:29,102 --> 00:31:32,253
We both know the women need someone
on their side of the bars.
469
00:31:32,342 --> 00:31:34,537
And they're gonna get it one way or other.
470
00:31:34,982 --> 00:31:39,612
It's up to you
whether you run away from it or you cash in on it.
471
00:31:44,262 --> 00:31:48,175
Well, I mean, if sour milk's the only thing wrong
with the kitchen, you're laughing.
472
00:31:48,262 --> 00:31:51,572
I just need something to drink
while I take it all in.
473
00:31:54,582 --> 00:31:58,336
-Drop of Armagnac?
-My very own cocktail cabinet.
474
00:31:58,422 --> 00:32:00,982
Large or small? You sit down. I'll pour.
475
00:32:01,062 --> 00:32:04,213
Oh, dear. I feel quite giddy.
476
00:32:05,702 --> 00:32:10,651
Oh, after everything I've suffered.
Bobby, all the debt.
477
00:32:10,902 --> 00:32:13,780
I just can't believe it. It's like a dream.
478
00:32:13,862 --> 00:32:16,376
And I didn't get a whiff of damp. Did you?
479
00:32:16,702 --> 00:32:19,421
I'm going to have the place valued soon as I can.
480
00:32:19,662 --> 00:32:20,890
So you're gonna sell it, then?
481
00:32:20,982 --> 00:32:23,701
Am I, thump. I'm moving in.
482
00:32:23,782 --> 00:32:28,298
This is it, Di.
This is where I'm going to spend my retirement.
483
00:32:30,062 --> 00:32:34,180
Well, why wait till then to enjoy it, eh?
484
00:32:35,022 --> 00:32:38,776
I wouldn't want to work
in a flipping women's prison if I had all this.
485
00:32:38,862 --> 00:32:41,660
What's the point of working? You've made it.
486
00:32:41,742 --> 00:32:45,018
Oh, no, I wouldn't want to give up me job, Di.
487
00:32:45,142 --> 00:32:49,135
It's the companionship I'd miss,
my sense of purpose.
488
00:32:49,222 --> 00:32:52,498
Besides, I've got a very nice pension
waiting for me.
489
00:32:53,462 --> 00:32:56,818
No, I'll not forget where I came from.
490
00:32:59,382 --> 00:33:02,215
Mr Fenner, a quick word, if you don't mind?
491
00:33:02,782 --> 00:33:04,420
I do, actually. What is it?
492
00:33:04,502 --> 00:33:07,699
Well, we heard tell
there were a couple of vacancies in the servery,
493
00:33:07,782 --> 00:33:11,058
and we wondered if you knew
about our catering experience?
494
00:33:11,142 --> 00:33:15,818
We ran a particularly successful cantina
at the British Golf Club in Marbella.
495
00:33:15,902 --> 00:33:18,462
-Spanish cuisine.
-Do you see any Spaniards in here?
496
00:33:18,542 --> 00:33:20,658
Oh, and the soirées at the embassy,
497
00:33:20,742 --> 00:33:23,620
which we put together regularly
for the ex-pat community.
498
00:33:23,702 --> 00:33:28,218
Don't over-egg it, love. You start tomorrow.
Just try not to poison anyone, eh?
499
00:33:30,022 --> 00:33:31,421
DARLENE: Oi, girls.
500
00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:38,052
Right, you bunch of bitches, listen up!
501
00:33:38,142 --> 00:33:42,693
It seems my services haven't been appreciated
in the right spirits by some of you.
502
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:48,300
Fine by me,
but you don't get my protection for nothing.
503
00:33:49,582 --> 00:33:54,098
So if anyone starts giving you hassle,
don't come running to me.
504
00:33:54,182 --> 00:33:55,331
(INMATES JEERING)
505
00:33:57,742 --> 00:33:58,731
Oi!
506
00:34:00,142 --> 00:34:03,054
From now on, you're on your own.
507
00:34:05,062 --> 00:34:09,101
I couldn't care less what happens to any of you.
508
00:34:15,622 --> 00:34:17,499
Except for you.
509
00:34:20,062 --> 00:34:25,420
I take a great interest in grasses.
I promise you that.
510
00:34:32,062 --> 00:34:33,211
Morning.
511
00:34:36,262 --> 00:34:38,139
-Ta.
-Sylvia.
512
00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:41,136
Didn't expect to see you here this morning.
513
00:34:41,222 --> 00:34:45,500
No, in fact, I was very worried about you
when Jim said he had to send you home yesterday,
514
00:34:45,582 --> 00:34:49,780
and I was gonna call round lunchtime
to see if there's anything I could do.
515
00:34:50,062 --> 00:34:53,213
But here you are, positively radiant.
516
00:34:53,302 --> 00:34:55,452
I am feeling a lot better today.
517
00:34:55,542 --> 00:34:57,214
Well, I can see that.
518
00:34:57,302 --> 00:35:03,332
Skipping along like a gazelle. If I may say so,
a certain girlish bloom to your cheeks.
519
00:35:04,902 --> 00:35:08,292
Well, you needn't worry
about me anymore, Malcolm.
520
00:35:08,382 --> 00:35:12,136
All that voodoo nonsense
just caught me at a low ebb.
521
00:35:12,462 --> 00:35:15,022
I've thrown the silly thing away
and turned a new leaf.
522
00:35:15,382 --> 00:35:19,898
It's amazing what a little good fortune can do
to boost the immune system.
523
00:35:19,982 --> 00:35:23,657
Well, as I've cleared my diary for you anyway,
524
00:35:24,702 --> 00:35:27,853
perhaps...perhaps you'd care
to have a spot of lunch with me?
525
00:35:27,942 --> 00:35:28,977
Oh.
526
00:35:29,062 --> 00:35:34,090
I know a lovely little restaurant.
Good food, cosy atmosphere.
527
00:35:34,182 --> 00:35:35,934
That's if you're not too busy.
528
00:35:36,022 --> 00:35:40,937
Oh, what a lovely idea!
Well, in that case, I'll save my news till then.
529
00:35:41,022 --> 00:35:42,899
Well, I look forward to it.
530
00:35:43,702 --> 00:35:47,490
I'm not entirely convinced
that this goes with my new look.
531
00:35:47,582 --> 00:35:50,380
I've always thought the white sort of drained me.
532
00:35:50,462 --> 00:35:52,976
Well, I think I look like a Grand Prix flag.
533
00:35:54,102 --> 00:36:00,177
But the point is we now have access to practically
everyone and everything in this prison.
534
00:36:01,102 --> 00:36:03,570
Well, Tina,
are you gonna show us the ropes, then?
535
00:36:03,662 --> 00:36:04,811
Yeah. Right.
536
00:36:04,902 --> 00:36:07,894
Well, first, you gotta marge the loaves.
537
00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:09,931
Like so.
538
00:36:10,022 --> 00:36:14,300
Good Lord, that's quick.
Bev, just look at that wrist action.
539
00:36:14,382 --> 00:36:18,136
Yeah, well, the real trick
is getting the right amount of marge on the knife.
540
00:36:18,222 --> 00:36:23,216
You get dead fast once you've done thousands.
It's like... It's like a rhythm.
541
00:36:23,582 --> 00:36:26,096
Here. Do you want a go?
542
00:36:26,422 --> 00:36:29,539
Oh, I don't know.
I think I'd rather practise in private.
543
00:36:29,622 --> 00:36:32,500
I mean, I'd be utterly intimidated
with you standing over me.
544
00:36:32,582 --> 00:36:36,939
I think we should just observe
and take in your expertise.
545
00:36:37,022 --> 00:36:41,174
You know, I would just die if I were
mucking things up when the hordes arrived.
546
00:36:42,222 --> 00:36:46,420
Okay. Well, just shout
if there's anything you don't understand.
547
00:36:46,502 --> 00:36:47,730
Will do.
548
00:36:47,902 --> 00:36:50,814
-Cup of tea, darling?
-I'm parched.
549
00:36:50,902 --> 00:36:52,972
I've got a valuer going round this morning,
550
00:36:53,062 --> 00:36:56,611
not that I'm interested in material goods
or anything.
551
00:36:56,702 --> 00:36:58,852
It's for insurance purposes, you know.
552
00:36:59,382 --> 00:37:02,977
Quite a responsibility
looking after all that family history.
553
00:37:03,102 --> 00:37:05,297
But I owe it to poor Margaret.
554
00:37:05,382 --> 00:37:08,454
What, poor gay Margaret
who you blanked when she was alive?
555
00:37:10,342 --> 00:37:11,457
Jim. Now, look.
556
00:37:12,382 --> 00:37:16,295
I know you're trying to spare Sylvia's feelings
but what about mine, eh?
557
00:37:17,142 --> 00:37:19,019
How long do I have to wait for my promotion?
558
00:37:19,102 --> 00:37:22,697
Just pack it in, Di.
I won't be told how to do my job by you.
559
00:37:22,782 --> 00:37:25,012
It's gonna be bloody hard getting you
two rungs up the ladder.
560
00:37:25,102 --> 00:37:26,979
Look at you, Mr Grumpy Pants.
561
00:37:27,062 --> 00:37:29,132
Who's gonna need cheering up
when he gets home?
562
00:37:29,222 --> 00:37:31,053
Yeah, well, we're still at work,
in case you hadn't noticed.
563
00:37:31,142 --> 00:37:33,133
So just back off, will you?
564
00:37:35,942 --> 00:37:41,380
Can't believe that bastard told her it was you.
Lying piece of shit. He should rot in hell.
565
00:37:41,462 --> 00:37:43,293
You don't know it was him.
566
00:37:43,382 --> 00:37:45,179
I mean, Buxton's probably sussed it was me
567
00:37:45,262 --> 00:37:48,459
because Janine Nebeski is the only one
who's got the guts to stand...
568
00:37:56,622 --> 00:38:00,535
What, haven't you heard?
Fenner's demoted the Julies for cheeking him.
569
00:38:00,662 --> 00:38:03,779
He's never liked them.
Now he's got the power to act on it.
570
00:38:03,862 --> 00:38:06,092
Now, I'm just saying,
I told you this would happen.
571
00:38:06,182 --> 00:38:09,140
Fenner's regime's got nothing to do
with rehabilitation
572
00:38:09,222 --> 00:38:11,895
and everything to do with his own ego.
573
00:38:12,342 --> 00:38:15,891
Well, it's a good thing
the buck doesn't stop with him, then, isn't it?
574
00:38:31,782 --> 00:38:33,852
Oh, sorry, love.
575
00:38:38,382 --> 00:38:41,738
That girl afraid of you now.
She scared good and proper.
576
00:38:41,862 --> 00:38:44,137
She wanna give herself a nervous breakdown.
577
00:38:44,582 --> 00:38:47,380
Well, she will do
once the butcher's boy's paid me a visit.
578
00:38:48,542 --> 00:38:51,898
Special delivery from one of my contacts.
Little surprise.
579
00:38:52,702 --> 00:38:55,580
Here, can you help yourself? Cheers.
580
00:38:56,222 --> 00:38:58,497
Here. Are them sausages ready?
581
00:38:58,582 --> 00:38:59,935
-Coming up.
-Yeah.
582
00:39:00,022 --> 00:39:01,660
Sorry, love.
583
00:39:02,502 --> 00:39:03,696
Oh, what?
584
00:39:07,542 --> 00:39:10,181
-TINA: So useless, yeah.
-It ain't right.
585
00:39:10,582 --> 00:39:14,131
-At least we get a lie-in.
-Be lucky if we get any bloody breakfast.
586
00:39:14,222 --> 00:39:16,053
Never took this long when we was in charge.
587
00:39:16,142 --> 00:39:17,814
Mr Grayling wants to see you as soon as.
588
00:39:17,902 --> 00:39:20,894
-Oh, what we done now?
-We never did anything in the first bleeding place.
589
00:39:20,982 --> 00:39:22,574
In that case, you got nothing to worry about.
590
00:39:24,622 --> 00:39:28,171
Come on. You deserve to celebrate your recovery.
591
00:39:29,262 --> 00:39:31,253
Twist my arm, then.
592
00:39:33,622 --> 00:39:37,137
I must say, I didn't expect such concern from you
593
00:39:37,222 --> 00:39:39,497
after the way you've been treating me
these last weeks.
594
00:39:39,582 --> 00:39:42,733
You haven't exactly been supportive
over my illness.
595
00:39:43,422 --> 00:39:46,858
Good. Seems my strategy worked.
596
00:39:47,942 --> 00:39:51,696
Don't you see?
I used a shock-tactics approach with you.
597
00:39:52,102 --> 00:39:58,416
In my experience, it's always best
to dismiss a patient's symptomatic concerns,
598
00:39:58,502 --> 00:40:02,495
harsh though this may seem,
in order to get to the real cause,
599
00:40:02,582 --> 00:40:08,054
in this case, your feelings of guilt
about your part in Jim's arrest.
600
00:40:08,582 --> 00:40:13,019
You're saying that my worry
about the voodoo doll was just covering up...
601
00:40:13,102 --> 00:40:15,980
-What you couldn't face.
-Oh.
602
00:40:16,062 --> 00:40:21,090
If I'd indulged it,
given you pills or even sympathy,
603
00:40:21,182 --> 00:40:23,616
then your breakthrough
might never have happened.
604
00:40:25,182 --> 00:40:27,138
Believe me, it was difficult.
605
00:40:28,102 --> 00:40:29,660
We know each other so well.
606
00:40:30,662 --> 00:40:35,292
It felt terrible not being entirely honest with you.
607
00:40:35,382 --> 00:40:38,340
I should be thanking you, Malcolm.
608
00:40:38,582 --> 00:40:42,655
If you didn't know me so well,
you might have missed what was really wrong.
609
00:40:45,742 --> 00:40:47,812
I'm just glad you cared.
610
00:40:48,782 --> 00:40:50,534
-WAITER: Everything okay?
-Yeah.
611
00:40:51,102 --> 00:40:53,741
-Yes, very good, thank you.
-Very nice, thank you.
612
00:40:54,742 --> 00:40:58,371
So, what's this good news you were talking about?
613
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:04,861
-Well, you simply won't believe it when I tell you.
-Yeah? Try me.
614
00:41:06,382 --> 00:41:07,451
(JOHNSTON LAUGHING)
615
00:41:07,542 --> 00:41:11,933
Mr Grayling said he got the idea from us
giving Bev a makeover. Said we had natural flair!
616
00:41:12,022 --> 00:41:14,855
Yeah, and they got experts coming in
to train us up.
617
00:41:14,942 --> 00:41:16,091
-I don't believe it.
-Yeah.
618
00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:18,821
And we get to charge
up to three quid off your cash cards
619
00:41:18,902 --> 00:41:21,132
and give discounts to them what deserve it.
620
00:41:23,742 --> 00:41:25,061
Sir?
621
00:41:25,742 --> 00:41:29,132
I thought those Julie cretins were supposed
to be punished for their attitudes?
622
00:41:29,222 --> 00:41:31,611
Yeah, well, they lost their jobs
in the servery, didn't they?
623
00:41:31,702 --> 00:41:33,897
So how comes
they're getting their own hair salon then?
624
00:41:33,982 --> 00:41:36,257
Hair salon? Who told you that?
625
00:41:36,342 --> 00:41:40,130
I thought you knew.
Came straight from the number one.
626
00:41:41,182 --> 00:41:42,501
It's gonna be great, isn't it?
627
00:41:43,142 --> 00:41:44,655
Janine.
628
00:41:44,862 --> 00:41:47,820
Yeah, I'm going back to my cell. My eye hurts.
629
00:41:47,902 --> 00:41:53,181
Listen, I know that you're avoiding me,
but you don't have to.
630
00:41:53,662 --> 00:41:56,813
Okay, I've picked on you, but it's only
because you've got one of those faces.
631
00:41:56,902 --> 00:42:00,736
I didn't mean to totally freak you out.
I was just angry.
632
00:42:02,142 --> 00:42:06,613
Look, I don't blame you for being pissed off.
But I had no choice.
633
00:42:07,502 --> 00:42:08,730
I know.
634
00:42:08,942 --> 00:42:13,811
I heard. You just pulled the short straw, right?
Wasn't your fault.
635
00:42:16,622 --> 00:42:19,694
Look, I got you this
to say sorry for being such a cow.
636
00:42:20,782 --> 00:42:22,898
Oh, God, Natalie, you don't have to.
637
00:42:23,062 --> 00:42:25,417
Just take it, but don't let the screws see it.
638
00:42:25,502 --> 00:42:27,618
Otherwise they're gonna have it off you
for themselves.
639
00:42:27,982 --> 00:42:29,210
Yeah?
640
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:32,371
Cheers.
641
00:42:32,782 --> 00:42:34,420
It's my pleasure.
642
00:42:35,302 --> 00:42:37,975
Janine, I just want us to be friends.
643
00:42:38,062 --> 00:42:39,734
Yeah, well, me, too.
644
00:42:51,822 --> 00:42:55,735
Malcolm, what if someone saw us?
645
00:42:55,822 --> 00:42:58,131
Probably should be damned, I say.
646
00:42:58,502 --> 00:43:02,381
What's wrong with playing footsie
with a beautiful woman?
647
00:43:03,262 --> 00:43:08,052
Ah, unless, of course,
I'm stepping on someone else's toes, so to speak.
648
00:43:08,142 --> 00:43:09,939
Don't be silly.
649
00:43:11,902 --> 00:43:13,540
Sylvia, I...
650
00:43:14,542 --> 00:43:16,498
No, you'll think I'm being pushy.
651
00:43:16,582 --> 00:43:18,300
Go on. What is it?
652
00:43:18,622 --> 00:43:20,180
Oh, to hell with it!
653
00:43:22,302 --> 00:43:26,978
What would you say if I were to invite you
to dine with me tonight as well?
654
00:43:27,062 --> 00:43:28,495
(MOBILE RINGING)
655
00:43:31,502 --> 00:43:35,780
Hello? Oh, yes. Thank you for calling back.
656
00:43:37,942 --> 00:43:39,978
Oh, I see.
657
00:43:40,542 --> 00:43:43,500
Well, that is a surprise.
658
00:43:44,422 --> 00:43:49,735
Thank you. I'll be in touch if I need anything else.
659
00:43:52,462 --> 00:43:54,612
That was the estate agent.
660
00:43:56,742 --> 00:44:02,453
He's valued my house at £2.2 million.
661
00:44:04,022 --> 00:44:07,776
I'm a millionaire, Malcolm. Can you believe it?
662
00:44:08,742 --> 00:44:12,212
Sylvia Hollamby, a millionaire.
663
00:44:13,542 --> 00:44:15,498
And worth every penny.
664
00:44:33,422 --> 00:44:34,775
(SCREAMING)
665
00:44:42,182 --> 00:44:44,696
Yeah, well, tell him I'd like to speak to him
when he's free.
666
00:44:46,182 --> 00:44:47,854
Will you bloody knock?
667
00:44:50,062 --> 00:44:51,211
(DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)
668
00:44:51,662 --> 00:44:52,777
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
669
00:44:53,342 --> 00:44:54,570
What?
670
00:44:56,302 --> 00:44:58,179
I brought you some presents.
671
00:45:01,182 --> 00:45:04,413
There's a sex shop near the arcade
and I thought, ''Why the hell not?''
672
00:45:04,982 --> 00:45:08,941
And look, this is a manual
on how to, um, rise to the occasion,
673
00:45:09,022 --> 00:45:12,412
and it's got plenty of tips in it for me,
so we'll both enjoy ourselves.
674
00:45:12,502 --> 00:45:16,780
-And I got this dangly thing...
-Are you off your nut? I don't need this shit.
675
00:45:19,262 --> 00:45:22,857
-Look, I know you don't want to face it but...
-You just don't get it, do you?
676
00:45:23,342 --> 00:45:28,496
It's you that's the problem. I don't fancy you.
In fact, you turn me right off.
677
00:45:29,502 --> 00:45:33,177
-We've only been married for two minutes.
-Two minutes too long, if you ask me.
678
00:45:35,622 --> 00:45:38,182
You're doing my effing head in
trying to run my life for me.
679
00:45:39,022 --> 00:45:41,616
I'd rather shag a dry stone wall.
680
00:45:43,142 --> 00:45:44,655
No, you wouldn't.
681
00:45:45,662 --> 00:45:49,211
You'd rather shag Karen Betts. That's it, isn't it?
682
00:45:49,302 --> 00:45:50,337
Oh, please.
683
00:45:50,422 --> 00:45:53,858
No, it's true. I've seen those photos.
684
00:45:54,142 --> 00:45:57,896
It was a bloody shrine to her,
and you can't get it up for anyone else!
685
00:45:58,062 --> 00:45:59,290
You are joking, aren't you?
686
00:45:59,382 --> 00:46:01,612
I don't find perverts funny, Jim.
687
00:46:01,902 --> 00:46:06,100
Maybe you should still be on that seg unit,
which, in case you've forgotten,
688
00:46:06,182 --> 00:46:08,901
that is exactly where you'd be now
if it wasn't for me!
689
00:46:08,982 --> 00:46:13,180
-Oh, come on, Di. So I lost my temper...
-That is not all you've lost, you bastard!
690
00:46:13,262 --> 00:46:16,220
Don't you bother coming home tonight
'cause your two minutes is up.
691
00:46:24,902 --> 00:46:26,415
Hit her in the ribs.
692
00:46:27,222 --> 00:46:30,214
Harder! Again!
693
00:46:30,302 --> 00:46:31,337
Vasectomy?
694
00:46:31,422 --> 00:46:35,097
Yeah, that's the one. Well, I've got two kids.
I don't need any more.
695
00:46:35,182 --> 00:46:37,093
Wasn't Di keen to start a family?
696
00:46:37,182 --> 00:46:39,332
Well, maybe, but I'm not.
697
00:46:41,262 --> 00:46:43,457
Time for your induction.
698
00:46:47,502 --> 00:46:51,575
She hit me. Did you see that? She hit me.