1
00:00:20,213 --> 00:00:22,213
♪ Today's the day

2
00:00:22,213 --> 00:00:24,733
♪ I'm afraid to say

3
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,214
♪ That nothing's due to happen

4
00:00:29,814 --> 00:00:32,134
♪ But here's the post,
you never know

5
00:00:32,134 --> 00:00:35,374
♪ It might supply us with a show. ♪

6
00:00:37,614 --> 00:00:38,815
Whoa!

7
00:00:38,815 --> 00:00:42,015
Nice entrance there, Vic.
Ha-ha-ha!

8
00:00:42,015 --> 00:00:44,095
Thank you, I've just had it polished.

9
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:48,656
Yeah, you should maybe have had it
trimmed as well.

10
00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:50,896
Right, well, so, Bob, today's the day

11
00:00:50,896 --> 00:00:53,056
that we haven't got any plot at
all... Yeah, I know.

12
00:00:53,056 --> 00:00:54,936
..for the ladies
and gentlemen to enjoy.

13
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Yeah, it's a shame, isn't it?

14
00:00:56,216 --> 00:00:57,776
I mean, unless there's something in

15
00:00:57,776 --> 00:01:00,537
those letters that would suggest a
plot. Well, fingers crossed,

16
00:01:00,537 --> 00:01:02,737
otherwise it's going to be
an early bath. Yeah.

17
00:01:02,737 --> 00:01:03,937
Not just for us, Vic,

18
00:01:03,937 --> 00:01:06,777
but for the ladies and gentlemen at
home as well. Yeah. Here you are.

19
00:01:06,777 --> 00:01:07,817
OK, let's see.

20
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:10,098
Well, the first one's a bill,
put that in the furnace.

21
00:01:10,098 --> 00:01:11,138
Right, will do.

22
00:01:17,258 --> 00:01:18,378
Gas bill. Ah, yeah.

23
00:01:21,019 --> 00:01:22,459
Next one...

24
00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:25,899
Oh, it's handwritten.
A little bit more hopeful.

25
00:01:25,899 --> 00:01:29,339
"Dear Vic and Bob, several hundred
boiled eggs have once again

26
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:33,340
"fallen out of the space shuttle and
are making a beeline for your flat.

27
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"What...?"
What's that?

28
00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:38,460
"What you going to do about it,
is it?"

29
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It's signed, Tinie Tempah.

30
00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:41,941
Oh, it's Tinie Tempah.

31
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Always writing this shite, isn't he?

32
00:01:44,221 --> 00:01:48,061
Well, I think that's already been
done on Emmerdale, Vic. Furnace it.

33
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,982
Oh, beautiful work, Vic.

34
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:57,502
Hey, this one looks a lot more
hopeful, it's from America.

35
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From where, America? America.

36
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Right. It's from America.

37
00:02:00,862 --> 00:02:04,383
Eh, maybe it's one of those, like,
Homeland, CSI, 24-style plots.

38
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That would be something.

39
00:02:05,703 --> 00:02:08,143
No, Bob, I think I might know what
this is and it's not good.

40
00:02:08,143 --> 00:02:09,263
Sorry, what?

41
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,583
I think I might know what it is.

42
00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,023
Look, sit down.

43
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I am sat down, Vic.

44
00:02:14,584 --> 00:02:16,104
Yeah, you are sat down, aren't you?

45
00:02:16,104 --> 00:02:19,384
All right, well, have a...have a
tin of Chum or some Whiskas.

46
00:02:19,384 --> 00:02:21,184
I don't want any, thanks, Vic.

47
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:24,185
Well, have some Trill or
a lick on a fat ball or something.

48
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,985
Well, Vic, I'm not a pet bird.

49
00:02:25,985 --> 00:02:27,385
You know I'm not a pet bird.

50
00:02:27,385 --> 00:02:28,985
No, no, I know you're not a pet bird.

51
00:02:28,985 --> 00:02:30,305
God, you look really worried.

52
00:02:30,305 --> 00:02:32,465
Get up a minute, just raise up. OK.

53
00:02:32,465 --> 00:02:33,505
There we are.

54
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Who's been a busy boy then?
Who's been a busy boy?

55
00:02:39,346 --> 00:02:40,786
Been a busy boy, haven't you?

56
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:43,306
Been a busy... He's been a busy boy,
ladies and gentlemen.

57
00:02:43,306 --> 00:02:45,347
You've been a busy boy,
you've been a busy boy.

58
00:02:45,347 --> 00:02:47,387
Look, you've been a busy boy.

59
00:02:47,387 --> 00:02:48,867
Yeah, Vic, can you stop stalling?

60
00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:51,347
What's the problem with
this letter from America?

61
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Argh... Right, you know I go to the
swimming baths on a Tuesday night?

62
00:02:54,948 --> 00:02:57,508
Yeah, right, when I'm doing
creative shot put. Yeah.

63
00:02:57,508 --> 00:02:59,028
Yeah. Well...

64
00:02:59,028 --> 00:03:00,428
I was there this week

65
00:03:00,428 --> 00:03:03,148
and it was little chaps night
for all the little superstars.

66
00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:05,268
There was Tom Cruise,

67
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:08,709
there was Hammond,
there was Prince, Stallone.

68
00:03:08,709 --> 00:03:11,269
Oh, right. All there in the
shallow end, you know, like, the

69
00:03:11,269 --> 00:03:12,869
2½-foot deep end.

70
00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:20,350
Anyway, so, I thought, I'm going to
introduce myself,

71
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:22,150
so I thought,
"I'll do a super splash,"

72
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:24,790
and so I called,
"Look out, here comes Splashbo,"

73
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,510
and I did a super dive,

74
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:30,631
a super splash,
and right into the face of Stallone.

75
00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:34,391
Right. He got a mouthful.
He was distraught.

76
00:03:34,391 --> 00:03:38,912
Yeah. He was going,
"Adrian, Adrian!"

77
00:03:38,912 --> 00:03:40,912
Hold on, hold on a minute, Vic,
who's Adrian?

78
00:03:40,912 --> 00:03:43,272
Adrian Lewis, the lifeguard.

79
00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:46,512
So Adrian Lewis got his long pole,
with a hook on the end of it,

80
00:03:46,512 --> 00:03:48,993
and hooked him up by the...
by the trunks,

81
00:03:48,993 --> 00:03:53,393
hoisted him out into the air and
said, "Who did this to you, Rambo?"

82
00:03:53,393 --> 00:03:57,153
So I ran off past the cubicles
and the last thing I heard

83
00:03:57,153 --> 00:04:01,594
was Stallone shouting,
"I'm going to sue your ass."

84
00:04:01,594 --> 00:04:04,474
Honestly? So I'm really worried that
that...that might be a letter

85
00:04:04,474 --> 00:04:08,754
from his lawyers. Oh, you think...
Going to... He's going to sue my ass.
From Stallone's lawyers...

86
00:04:08,754 --> 00:04:11,355
Come on, let's find out,
let's grasp the nettle, as it were.

87
00:04:11,355 --> 00:04:14,155
Come on! Tangible reality, this
letter, it has to be faced up to.

88
00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:16,155
Open it.

89
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,395
No, this isn't from Stallone's
lawyers, you're fine,

90
00:04:18,395 --> 00:04:20,116
absolutely fine.

91
00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:22,676
Nothing to do with Stallone at all.
Oh, thank goodness.

92
00:04:22,676 --> 00:04:25,316
Yeah, but let's see if there's a
plot in here, Vic. I hope so.

93
00:04:25,316 --> 00:04:28,876
OK. "Dear sirs,
greetings from the White House."

94
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:30,917
The White...

95
00:04:30,917 --> 00:04:32,517
The White House?!

96
00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:34,517
The home of the President
of America?

97
00:04:34,517 --> 00:04:37,437
Yeah, you... Hey,
who is the President at the moment?

98
00:04:37,437 --> 00:04:38,557
Is it that cowboy fella?

99
00:04:38,557 --> 00:04:41,078
No, I think it's that lad who used to
be in Kool and the Gang.

100
00:04:41,078 --> 00:04:43,518
Oh, it is, you're right.
No, you're right. He's good, him.

101
00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:44,718
Sorry, I'll go back again.

102
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:48,158
"Dear sirs,
greetings from the White House."

103
00:04:48,158 --> 00:04:50,518
The White House? The home of
the President of America?

104
00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:51,599
Yes, yeah, yeah.

105
00:04:51,599 --> 00:04:54,559
"We are pleased to inform you that
your family has been selected for

106
00:04:54,559 --> 00:04:58,279
"a special state visit by the First
Lady of America, Michelle Obama."

107
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:01,359
Michelle Obama?

108
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"It is thought that you represent,

109
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,760
"perfectly, the average
British family.

110
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,160
"Michelle will be over at five-ish

111
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:12,161
"following a traditional cream tea
at Julie's Bistro."

112
00:05:12,161 --> 00:05:13,241
Don't...

113
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That one had hardened a little bit
before it was expelled, hadn't it?

114
00:05:25,682 --> 00:05:28,762
Yes, it had. Well, to be honest with
you, Vic, no-one's going to believe

115
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,882
that we represent
the average British family

116
00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:33,443
so as a plot, I'm sorry
but it's horse water.

117
00:05:33,443 --> 00:05:35,603
It's horse water.
Put it in the furnace.

118
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:36,843
All right.

119
00:05:36,843 --> 00:05:38,843
No, hang on a minute.

120
00:05:38,843 --> 00:05:41,443
I'm going to keep it there,
just in case. This might be a plot.

121
00:05:41,443 --> 00:05:43,123
Well, maybe.

122
00:05:43,123 --> 00:05:44,164
Oh, hello.

123
00:05:46,364 --> 00:05:48,284
All right, Erik? All right, Rachel?

124
00:05:51,204 --> 00:05:53,844
Lovely to see you, really is.

125
00:05:53,844 --> 00:05:56,285
And we've got a little
bit of a problem with this episode,

126
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we haven't actually got a plot,

127
00:05:57,645 --> 00:06:01,045
wondering if you've got any ideas,
Erik? Oh, yeah, Father, I do.

128
00:06:01,045 --> 00:06:03,245
How about you get really fat

129
00:06:03,245 --> 00:06:05,846
and more ugly and nobody likes you,

130
00:06:05,846 --> 00:06:09,646
so you have to go and live in a
refugee camp in Calais?

131
00:06:11,446 --> 00:06:14,966
It is a strong idea, Erik,
but this has already been done.

132
00:06:14,966 --> 00:06:17,847
Every week he is fat,
ugly and unpopular.

133
00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,128
I love you, Rachel.

134
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,568
I love you too, Erik,

135
00:06:31,568 --> 00:06:35,368
but not as much as I love
the Vic Reeves.

136
00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:37,609
Hey, Vic, you look great.

137
00:06:37,609 --> 00:06:39,569
Like you grew up in the gym.

138
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Yes.

139
00:06:41,409 --> 00:06:43,289
Why don't you do what Vic says?

140
00:06:43,289 --> 00:06:44,969
The guy is a genius.

141
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,929
Yeah, he's a guarantee of quality.

142
00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:52,570
Right, well, that was a great
help, wasn't it?

143
00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:54,210
Still haven't got a plot, Vic.

144
00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:55,650
I tell you what, hang on,

145
00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,771
what about having
a look at some of my plot ideas?

146
00:06:57,771 --> 00:06:59,451
Oh, what, your pocket ideas?

147
00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:00,811
How about this, then?

148
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:04,371
Ooh, Bob gets a gorilla pregnant.

149
00:07:04,371 --> 00:07:06,011
No, I'm not doing that again.

150
00:07:07,691 --> 00:07:11,292
Bob grows antlers and is employed
as a hatstand at Harvey Nicks.

151
00:07:11,292 --> 00:07:13,732
That ain't half bad, that.
If I could grow some antlers...

152
00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:15,652
Yeah, go on, try. I'll give it a go.

153
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,933
Hey, just some ground antlers.

154
00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:26,853
Not really what you needed.
Sorry. Anything else?

155
00:07:26,853 --> 00:07:28,373
How about this one? Go on.

156
00:07:28,373 --> 00:07:29,974
We've run out of butter.

157
00:07:29,974 --> 00:07:32,094
Yeah. Yeah, and? And?

158
00:07:32,094 --> 00:07:33,534
What do you need butter for?

159
00:07:33,534 --> 00:07:35,734
For your toast,
for your crumpets, for bacon.

160
00:07:35,734 --> 00:07:38,214
To oil up your greyhound before
it goes in the traps.

161
00:07:38,214 --> 00:07:43,015
No, you soft bell, you use it to
treat your burns, don't you?

162
00:07:43,015 --> 00:07:45,135
Butter for burns. Yeah, I like it.

163
00:07:45,135 --> 00:07:49,375
But Vic, plot-wise, I'm not burnt
and you're not burnt so...

164
00:07:50,856 --> 00:07:51,896
What?

165
00:07:51,896 --> 00:07:53,776
Just you wait there.

166
00:07:53,776 --> 00:07:55,896
OK, and what do you want me
to do, Vic?

167
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:59,376
Sing your little song that you
sing on a Sunday. Oh, OK.

168
00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:02,737
♪ I'm just a little bird whose
legs got crushed

169
00:08:02,737 --> 00:08:06,417
♪ When someone threw a bottle
in my favourite bush

170
00:08:06,417 --> 00:08:09,937
♪ I've got a lovely smile
and a clever face

171
00:08:09,937 --> 00:08:12,978
♪ But all the other birds think I'm
a fucking disgrace. ♪

172
00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:15,898
Bob. Yeah?

173
00:08:29,859 --> 00:08:33,220
Right, now, now you've been
set on fire, what are you thinking?

174
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:37,060
Well, I'm thinking I'm pretty
badly burnt, you know? Exactly.

175
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:38,500
Oh, and one of the good things is

176
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,180
we can now confirm that that wig
is fire retardant.

177
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:43,741
Oh, so it was worth paying
that little bit extra.

178
00:08:43,741 --> 00:08:44,941
It always is.

179
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:48,221
Yeah, so I'm thinking, I'm badly
burnt but that's not a problem

180
00:08:48,221 --> 00:08:49,821
so long as we've got some butter.

181
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,661
But the problem is...

182
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:55,422
We haven't got any butter!

183
00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:56,462
Plot on.

184
00:08:57,942 --> 00:09:01,302
♪ Back from Calcutta with
a cart-load of butter

185
00:09:01,302 --> 00:09:04,663
♪ It's what they use for currency

186
00:09:04,663 --> 00:09:08,503
♪ And on my way back from Durban
I've picked up this turban

187
00:09:08,503 --> 00:09:17,944
♪ They say it harbours
magical properties. ♪

188
00:09:22,624 --> 00:09:24,344
Well, Beef, you manage to have ruined

189
00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:27,305
the plot with your cart full of
butter. What?

190
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:30,985
Yeah, Beef, we had a perfectly
serviceable plot that you have

191
00:09:30,985 --> 00:09:33,105
ruined by bringing
butter into the house.

192
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:35,065
Having said that,
I do like your hat.

193
00:09:35,065 --> 00:09:39,266
It's not a hat, it's a turban, made
from Gandhi's ceremonial underpants.

194
00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:42,266
And when worn, it says it gives

195
00:09:42,266 --> 00:09:45,146
the wearer the power to
add and subtract.

196
00:09:46,547 --> 00:09:49,147
Beef, I can add
and subtract, you know?

197
00:09:49,147 --> 00:09:51,147
Yeah, some say.

198
00:09:51,147 --> 00:09:52,987
So what's the big deal, Beef?

199
00:09:52,987 --> 00:09:55,347
The big deal is better men than us

200
00:09:55,347 --> 00:09:59,148
said that whoever wears this
can only tell the truth.

201
00:09:59,148 --> 00:10:00,468
Ooh!

202
00:10:00,468 --> 00:10:02,788
Did you hear that?
Could be a plot here.

203
00:10:02,788 --> 00:10:04,388
Truth turban... Ask him something.

204
00:10:04,388 --> 00:10:06,028
OK. Put it on.

205
00:10:06,028 --> 00:10:07,669
Put the hat on there, Beef.

206
00:10:10,029 --> 00:10:14,429
You say you got this
turban in Africa, yes?

207
00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:18,670
No, no, no, I got it in a skip
round the back of the dairy.

208
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:21,190
The truth!
Try another. Try another.

209
00:10:21,190 --> 00:10:24,470
Beef, Beef, you can't actually
grab words and put them

210
00:10:24,470 --> 00:10:26,070
back inside yourself.

211
00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:28,711
Haven't been able to do that
since, what, the '60s?

212
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,551
Can you not? Absolutely sure.
I'll ask him something else.

213
00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:32,631
Yeah, go on, then.

214
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,591
Oh, Beef, I just wondered,
are you a virgin?

215
00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:35,631
Yeah.

216
00:10:36,911 --> 00:10:37,951
Damn this helmet.

217
00:10:39,312 --> 00:10:41,232
The truth will out. What?

218
00:10:41,232 --> 00:10:42,352
Let's make him do it.

219
00:10:42,352 --> 00:10:43,992
Yes. Why?
You put it on. Go on.

220
00:10:43,992 --> 00:10:46,872
Yes. Well, all right,
if it moves the plot on.

221
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:49,632
You look like Aladdin.

222
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,833
Yeah, Aladdin what?

223
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,033
A lad in a turban.

224
00:10:57,913 --> 00:10:59,833
Well, come on, then,
ask me something.

225
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:00,874
Yeah, go on, then.

226
00:11:02,434 --> 00:11:04,194
Good one, that, yeah. Go on.

227
00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:06,794
Bob, describe Vic's face.

228
00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:09,514
Oh, yeah, that's easy.
Vic, he's got a face like,

229
00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:12,195
I don't know, a ton of welts in a
gym bag, you know what I mean?

230
00:11:12,195 --> 00:11:15,995
Or a bit like a monk sticking
his head out of a bison's arse.

231
00:11:15,995 --> 00:11:18,355
I just can't stop myself,
it's great, this hat.

232
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:20,075
Take it off. Take it off.

233
00:11:20,075 --> 00:11:21,836
We should've stuck with
the butter plot.

234
00:11:21,836 --> 00:11:23,956
All right, Vic, it's not me.
Take it off, man.

235
00:11:23,956 --> 00:11:27,116
Don't blame me,
it's the turban what's doing it.

236
00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:29,156
Don't blame the turban.

237
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:32,877
Hat or no hat, I'd never
reveal your secrets,

238
00:11:32,877 --> 00:11:36,557
eg the fact that you're always
telling people that you're a zombie.

239
00:11:36,557 --> 00:11:38,117
I am a zombie, aren't I, Beef?

240
00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:40,037
That's what I was always
led to believe.

241
00:11:40,037 --> 00:11:41,437
Well, go on, then, put it on.

242
00:11:41,437 --> 00:11:42,798
Yeah, I will.

243
00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:45,318
Are you a zombie? No.

244
00:11:45,318 --> 00:11:46,438
Ha-ha, there!

245
00:11:46,438 --> 00:11:50,038
What? Oh! You're not a zombie?
Well, then what the hell are you?

246
00:11:50,038 --> 00:11:51,678
Some kind of shape shifter?

247
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,599
No, he's not, he's just a man,

248
00:11:54,599 --> 00:11:58,879
just an ordinary man,
like Mr Kipling or Uncle Ben.

249
00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:00,239
Or Ken Hom.

250
00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:03,039
Maybe, maybe.

251
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:05,680
That turban is evil,
we should get rid of it.

252
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,560
It'll split this family in two.

253
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,480
But, Beef, it's the only
plot we've got.

254
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,200
Hello. Hello, yes.

255
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,081
And first of all, may I say
good luck

256
00:12:16,081 --> 00:12:18,881
to everyone involved in this
plotless episode?

257
00:12:18,881 --> 00:12:21,921
Personally, I'd have gone for
something a little bit more
structured,

258
00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:24,521
like what Miranda does, but,

259
00:12:24,521 --> 00:12:27,962
sadly, I was outvoted by this

260
00:12:27,962 --> 00:12:29,002
pack of twats.

261
00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:34,002
Oh, you got snagged there.

262
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:35,042
Got snagged.

263
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,883
Got himself snagged. Oh, right.

264
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:39,923
Oh, thanks, Bosh.

265
00:12:41,603 --> 00:12:42,923
Are you going to work? Yeah.

266
00:12:42,923 --> 00:12:45,603
Could you do us a favour, take
this down to the bistro with you?

267
00:12:45,603 --> 00:12:47,124
It's just to move the plot on.

268
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:48,204
Yeah, all right.

269
00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:49,684
If you do that for us, thank you.

270
00:12:49,684 --> 00:12:51,084
Yeah. Listen, did I hear that

271
00:12:51,084 --> 00:12:52,884
Michelle Obama was coming down
later on?

272
00:12:52,884 --> 00:12:55,324
Well, that plot's still
on the back burner, just in case

273
00:12:55,324 --> 00:12:57,685
this plot starts getting a bit thin.

274
00:12:57,685 --> 00:12:59,845
Oh, OK.
Right, I'll nick off then.

275
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,285
OK, see you later then, Bosh.

276
00:13:01,285 --> 00:13:02,325
Yeah.

277
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:20,567
Well, hello there.

278
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:25,447
My name is Bernadette Devlin, from
the Environmental Health Department.

279
00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:28,448
I have three qu... Eh? Bernadette?

280
00:13:28,448 --> 00:13:30,088
Kind of a name's that?

281
00:13:30,088 --> 00:13:34,248
No, use Bernard. Bernadette would've
been for an old, previous script.

282
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:37,368
Anyway, you're just a plot device
so it don't really matter.

283
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,289
Oh, right.
Tell you what, I'll start again.

284
00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:40,849
I won't go all the way out.

285
00:13:40,849 --> 00:13:44,729
Hello, I'm Bernard Devlin from the
Environmental Health Department.

286
00:13:44,729 --> 00:13:48,129
I have three questions regarding
this establishment.

287
00:13:48,129 --> 00:13:51,130
Question one,
do you have any vermin?

288
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,730
Yes, we do, we've got rats,
we've got mice

289
00:13:53,730 --> 00:13:56,170
and the occasional cockerel.

290
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:58,010
No...cockroach.

291
00:13:58,010 --> 00:14:00,451
Here, I shouldn't be telling you
all this, you know?

292
00:14:00,451 --> 00:14:03,531
Question two, are all food
preparation surfaces

293
00:14:03,531 --> 00:14:06,331
regularly sterilised and cleaned?

294
00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:07,971
No, no, never, never, no.

295
00:14:07,971 --> 00:14:10,211
We used to have some of them
cleaning chemicals that

296
00:14:10,211 --> 00:14:12,852
Tony Blackburn used to advertise,
you know, for the plughole

297
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:17,132
but they were so strong that, you
know, we chucked them in the river.

298
00:14:19,612 --> 00:14:21,173
And finally,

299
00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:24,533
are your fridges kept at
minus five degrees or less?

300
00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:27,413
What fridge?

301
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:28,893
I've heard quite enough of this.

302
00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:31,213
I'm afraid I'm going to have to
close this restaurant

303
00:14:31,213 --> 00:14:32,854
until further notice.

304
00:14:34,494 --> 00:14:37,494
I will be back in one hour
to reinspect.

305
00:14:37,494 --> 00:14:38,974
Good day, sir.

306
00:14:38,974 --> 00:14:40,174
Bosh.

307
00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:43,575
Have you heard the terrible news?

308
00:14:43,575 --> 00:14:46,495
A juggernaut has
crashed into Bob's dune buggy

309
00:14:46,495 --> 00:14:49,175
and he's trapped underneath
and we can't get in touch with Vic

310
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:52,255
because he's getting his hair
permed in Cardiff.

311
00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:54,736
We dropped that plotline
ages ago, Julie.

312
00:14:54,736 --> 00:14:57,576
Oh, right, so what are we going
with? Bring me up to speed.

313
00:14:57,576 --> 00:15:00,056
I'm a little bit out of the loop
myself but just to say that

314
00:15:00,056 --> 00:15:03,056
there's been an environmental health
inspector who's just come down

315
00:15:03,056 --> 00:15:06,177
and shut down the bistro.
Eff off. You serious?

316
00:15:06,177 --> 00:15:09,177
Yeah, I told him about the vermin
and the lack of the fridge.

317
00:15:09,177 --> 00:15:10,937
What did you do that for?

318
00:15:10,937 --> 00:15:12,977
I don't know. I just felt compelled.

319
00:15:12,977 --> 00:15:15,098
It just sort of came out.

320
00:15:15,098 --> 00:15:17,658
Anyway he's going to come
back in an hour and reinspect.

321
00:15:17,658 --> 00:15:18,698
Oh, is he? Yeah.

322
00:15:23,378 --> 00:15:25,819
Oh, is Michelle Obama still
turning up later?

323
00:15:25,819 --> 00:15:28,459
Well, Vic said there's a chance
she may come down a little bit

324
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:31,299
later on if the plot gets
a little saggy.

325
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:32,739
Oh, right.

326
00:15:32,739 --> 00:15:35,780
Oh, well, in that case, I'll
need a hat, won't I?

327
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:37,060
Can I try that one on?

328
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:39,900
Yeah, here you go, Julie. Get it on.

329
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:43,500
Ooh.

330
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:46,061
Eff off, you. Get out of my shop.

331
00:15:46,061 --> 00:15:48,821
You're sacked, you useless ape.

332
00:15:48,821 --> 00:15:51,141
That's it, yeah, get another job.
I told you,

333
00:15:51,141 --> 00:15:53,021
get another job.
I don't know what as,

334
00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:55,781
beggar at a shit farm,
selling black carts to mourners

335
00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:57,502
at the cemetery gates?

336
00:15:57,502 --> 00:15:59,582
Get out of here!

337
00:15:59,582 --> 00:16:00,942
I'd cry if I were human.

338
00:16:09,543 --> 00:16:13,343
I say, Vic, what's this about this
Obama plot still being pertinent?

339
00:16:13,343 --> 00:16:16,103
Well, you see, the thing is, Bob,
I've recently discovered that

340
00:16:16,103 --> 00:16:18,344
Michelle Obama is in the area today

341
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,784
visiting Grout County Building
Supplies. You know,

342
00:16:20,784 --> 00:16:23,824
where everyone goes
to get their asphalt?

343
00:16:23,824 --> 00:16:25,064
To get their ass felt?

344
00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:27,144
Yeah.

345
00:16:28,585 --> 00:16:31,465
You go there to get your ass felt.
Where do you go to get your ass felt?

346
00:16:32,665 --> 00:16:34,705
To get my ass felt? Yeah.

347
00:16:34,705 --> 00:16:36,545
I get my ass felt down the docks.

348
00:16:38,546 --> 00:16:41,906
I generally go down to get my
ass felt down the docks.

349
00:16:41,906 --> 00:16:43,946
Off the sailors.

350
00:16:43,946 --> 00:16:47,266
Beef, could you stop doing those
paradiddles on your drum?

351
00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:50,267
What drum? That wasn't a drum.

352
00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:53,307
That was the radishes
I got from the farmers' market.

353
00:16:55,947 --> 00:16:58,347
Beef, you idiot.

354
00:16:58,347 --> 00:16:59,908
What did you say? No...

355
00:16:59,908 --> 00:17:01,588
An idiot? All right.

356
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:05,548
If I was an idiot, would
I be able to do this?

357
00:17:05,548 --> 00:17:06,948
Oh, what's he going to do...?

358
00:17:14,029 --> 00:17:17,069
I used to love looking at that wall.

359
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:21,070
What's all this hokum
about Michelle Obama coming round?

360
00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:23,190
No, no,
she's probably not coming, Beef.

361
00:17:23,190 --> 00:17:26,030
It's just a hangover from an old
plot we've replaced with,

362
00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:27,270
you know, the truth turban.

363
00:17:27,270 --> 00:17:29,990
Well, that is a pity
cos I was hoping to have some

364
00:17:29,990 --> 00:17:31,631
experimental sex with her.

365
00:17:33,991 --> 00:17:36,951
No. You do not do that
and especially don't put that hat on

366
00:17:36,951 --> 00:17:39,111
and start displaying your true
feelings to her.

367
00:17:39,111 --> 00:17:41,672
Yeah, you could cause
an international incident, Beef.

368
00:17:41,672 --> 00:17:44,032
Between the President
of the United States of America

369
00:17:44,032 --> 00:17:46,592
and our current
Prime Minister, Stephen Fry.

370
00:17:48,432 --> 00:17:49,472
Fancy that.

371
00:17:59,273 --> 00:18:01,273
Julie. Yes?

372
00:18:01,273 --> 00:18:02,474
What's going on with Bosh?

373
00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:04,754
He says that you've sacked him,
he's really upset,

374
00:18:04,754 --> 00:18:06,954
he's crying like a baby,
we can't get him to come

375
00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:09,874
out of his cot, he's just laid there,
cuddling Mr Wilkins.

376
00:18:09,874 --> 00:18:11,674
Oh, is that his teddy bear?

377
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:12,834
No, it's Mr Wilkins.

378
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:15,595
He came free with the Nationwide
when you joined in the '80s.

379
00:18:22,475 --> 00:18:26,156
Oh, come on, don't be silly,
we're by ourselves now.

380
00:18:26,156 --> 00:18:29,036
Yes, exactly. Fancy a quick
waddle up Ramsay Street?

381
00:18:29,036 --> 00:18:30,516
No, I'm just worried about Bosh.

382
00:18:30,516 --> 00:18:32,516
Oh, come on, can I put my finger
up your nose?

383
00:18:32,516 --> 00:18:34,197
No, you can't, no!

384
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:36,757
Oh, come on, what about a quick
rummage round my bin bags?

385
00:18:36,757 --> 00:18:38,437
No.

386
00:18:38,437 --> 00:18:40,477
Fine, well, that's a shame.

387
00:18:40,477 --> 00:18:42,237
Oh, will you try this
hat on before you go?

388
00:18:42,237 --> 00:18:44,637
I want to see how it looks.
No, I don't want to try that on.

389
00:18:44,637 --> 00:18:47,198
Oh, come on. I don't...
Don't be such an A-hole. No.

390
00:18:47,198 --> 00:18:49,478
I want to wear it for
when Michelle Obama comes round.

391
00:18:49,478 --> 00:18:51,358
Don't wear it when she's around.

392
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:55,439
Ah, no!

393
00:18:55,439 --> 00:18:57,519
Oh, I like it.

394
00:18:57,519 --> 00:18:59,439
Do you think it will go
with this dress?

395
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,559
Do you fancy me in it?

396
00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:01,719
To be honest, Julie, no.

397
00:19:01,719 --> 00:19:06,240
I really, really don't fancy you, and
that frock is awful, it looks cheap.

398
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,320
Turn around.

399
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:11,360
Oh, that's worse.

400
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,080
It's all lumps and bumps,
looks like a profiterole.

401
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,241
In fact, it looks like a pile
of profiteroles at a totter's wake.

402
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:21,361
Damn this hat!

403
00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:25,841
Damn this treacherous bonnet.

404
00:19:27,802 --> 00:19:29,602
I've got to go. I'm sorry.

405
00:19:34,202 --> 00:19:36,562
I'd cry if it weren't true.

406
00:19:41,243 --> 00:19:42,843
Oh, that would never happen.

407
00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:46,083
Oh, I've spilt my tea.

408
00:19:47,843 --> 00:19:49,604
A chicken would never say that,

409
00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:52,364
and who the hell is that clown
with the bucket on his head?

410
00:19:52,364 --> 00:19:53,564
Alan Titsmarsh.

411
00:19:55,204 --> 00:19:57,404
Well, why did you ask me
if you knew who it was, Beef?

412
00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:00,605
Don't move a goddamn muscle.

413
00:20:00,605 --> 00:20:03,845
No, no, don't harm me,
I'm Christopher Cockerell.

414
00:20:03,845 --> 00:20:05,805
I invented the hovercraft.

415
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:09,206
Yes, and without me,
Calais would be laid to waste.

416
00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:13,526
Sir, we are the security
detail for the First Lady's visit.

417
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:15,926
Oh, Beef, Beef, calm down.
It's all right.

418
00:20:15,926 --> 00:20:18,086
This is a hangover
from the Obama plot.

419
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:19,927
They must still think
it's on, you see.

420
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,047
Thank God for that.

421
00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:24,407
Yeah, we just need to carry out some
standard residential appraisal.

422
00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:27,047
Yeah, yeah, that plot is barely
hanging on in there.

423
00:20:27,047 --> 00:20:29,527
You know what I mean?
It's very much on the back burner.

424
00:20:29,527 --> 00:20:31,528
Oh, what a bugger.

425
00:20:32,848 --> 00:20:35,968
We turned down roles in Springwatch
this week for this.

426
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:39,048
No, he's being serious, we were going
to play a couple of foxes...

427
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:41,809
Ah. ..looking startled
on the high street.

428
00:20:41,809 --> 00:20:44,009
Oh, no, they'd have been really
good at that as well.

429
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,809
I would've liked that, yeah.
Thank you.

430
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:47,369
I'm sorry we're not doing that story

431
00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:50,089
but if you'd like to hang
around in the bistro downstairs with

432
00:20:50,089 --> 00:20:52,530
Julie, she'll get you a biscuit or
something like that.

433
00:20:52,530 --> 00:20:54,850
There's a bistro, you say?
Yeah, just downstairs.

434
00:20:54,850 --> 00:20:56,850
Yeah, we can get you a Bolognese.

435
00:20:56,850 --> 00:20:58,130
She'll look after you.

436
00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,610
Thank you.

437
00:20:59,610 --> 00:21:01,210
You see, this is Vic's fault.

438
00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:03,411
It's Vic's fault.
I don't know my arse from my elbow.

439
00:21:03,411 --> 00:21:04,771
Oh, here he is.

440
00:21:04,771 --> 00:21:05,811
All right.

441
00:21:05,811 --> 00:21:06,851
Who were those lads?

442
00:21:06,851 --> 00:21:08,931
They're the FBI wallahs
from the Obama plot.

443
00:21:08,931 --> 00:21:11,611
You didn't tell them to leave, did
you? I'm still keen on that.

444
00:21:11,611 --> 00:21:14,252
No, no, they're on standby in the
bistro, Vic. Don't panic.

445
00:21:14,252 --> 00:21:15,772
Oh, hello, Erik.

446
00:21:15,772 --> 00:21:17,732
Eh?
All right, Erik? What?

447
00:21:17,732 --> 00:21:20,492
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, screw it.
Yeah, yeah, no.

448
00:21:20,492 --> 00:21:21,612
I see now.

449
00:21:21,612 --> 00:21:23,693
I just said, "All right, Erik?"

450
00:21:27,733 --> 00:21:30,253
All right, forget it.
What is that? A turban?

451
00:21:30,253 --> 00:21:33,534
Yeah. I tell you what, Erik,
why don't you try it on and

452
00:21:33,534 --> 00:21:35,334
go and have a wander with your dad?

453
00:21:35,334 --> 00:21:37,014
Oh, Vic...

454
00:21:37,014 --> 00:21:38,294
Go on. Oh, thanks, Vic.

455
00:21:38,294 --> 00:21:40,334
Come on, Father, let's
go to the kitchen,

456
00:21:40,334 --> 00:21:41,974
we haven't had a chat in ages.

457
00:21:48,655 --> 00:21:50,255
What's this you're watching?

458
00:21:50,255 --> 00:21:51,855
Inside Hitler's Bunker.

459
00:21:53,655 --> 00:21:56,096
Come on then, Erik, let's get this
over and done with.

460
00:21:56,096 --> 00:21:58,816
What have I done wrong
today, for example?

461
00:21:58,816 --> 00:21:59,896
Nothing.

462
00:21:59,896 --> 00:22:03,656
In fact, I was just thinking how
lucky I am to have you as my father.

463
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:04,776
Wow, really?

464
00:22:04,776 --> 00:22:06,897
Yeah. You're a really special guy.

465
00:22:06,897 --> 00:22:10,137
So wh...what's... What's your
favourite thing about me, then?

466
00:22:10,137 --> 00:22:11,577
Well, I love your physique.

467
00:22:14,097 --> 00:22:16,378
And you're so funny

468
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:19,498
and whenever you enter a room,
you look in command.

469
00:22:21,778 --> 00:22:24,738
But, Erik, what about our plan
to murder him?

470
00:22:24,738 --> 00:22:26,299
To destroy him,

471
00:22:26,299 --> 00:22:28,299
to stow his body under the stairs

472
00:22:28,299 --> 00:22:31,459
and leave it there to rot,
like an old Pot Noodle?

473
00:22:33,059 --> 00:22:34,619
No. Plan aborted.

474
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:42,700
Women... Yeah, yeah.

475
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:45,380
You can't live with 'em,
can't live adjacent to 'em.

476
00:22:45,380 --> 00:22:47,300
Yeah.

477
00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:48,861
She's such a slag.

478
00:22:51,501 --> 00:22:52,541
Yeah...

479
00:22:52,541 --> 00:22:54,261
She's known to be quite loose.

480
00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:59,342
So, erm... Am I kind of like
your hero then, Erik?

481
00:22:59,342 --> 00:23:02,102
Yeah.
Actually, that's what I'm thinking.

482
00:23:02,102 --> 00:23:03,822
Well, Erik, that makes me
really happy,

483
00:23:03,822 --> 00:23:06,262
thank you, thank you very much.

484
00:23:06,262 --> 00:23:09,383
Oh, that's nice. Oh, yeah.
Oh, I like that.

485
00:23:09,383 --> 00:23:12,223
Oh, oh, harder, grab me harder.

486
00:23:12,223 --> 00:23:15,863
Oh, that's... No, no, wait, wait,
look at my face, look at my face.

487
00:23:17,103 --> 00:23:18,223
You're beautiful.

488
00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,264
This is stupid,

489
00:23:23,264 --> 00:23:26,424
who in their right mind would write
"bomb" on the side of a bomb?

490
00:23:26,424 --> 00:23:29,945
It's ridiculous, and if that man
puts that dynamite into that other

491
00:23:29,945 --> 00:23:33,785
man's trousers, there could be
serious consequences for his cock.

492
00:23:34,785 --> 00:23:36,545
Pardon?

493
00:23:36,545 --> 00:23:37,985
His Hampton.

494
00:23:37,985 --> 00:23:40,065
His hickory dickory.

495
00:23:41,226 --> 00:23:43,546
There you are.

496
00:23:43,546 --> 00:23:45,066
Guys!

497
00:23:45,066 --> 00:23:48,506
The inspector's come back
and he won't reopen the restaurant.

498
00:23:48,506 --> 00:23:51,507
That means if Michelle Obama comes
back and you still need her,

499
00:23:51,507 --> 00:23:53,187
there's nowhere for her to visit!

500
00:23:53,187 --> 00:23:54,427
What are we going to do?

501
00:23:54,427 --> 00:23:57,227
I can't bear it,
you've got to help me!

502
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:58,307
Whoa!

503
00:23:58,307 --> 00:24:00,027
That was fabulous. Thank you.

504
00:24:00,027 --> 00:24:02,188
Julie, that was fantastic.
Did you like it? Yeah.

505
00:24:02,188 --> 00:24:04,788
It wasn't too big? No, I think
that just added to it, don't you?

506
00:24:04,788 --> 00:24:05,868
Perfect, yeah. Yeah?

507
00:24:05,868 --> 00:24:08,788
That was fantastic but it's a good
point, you know, that Julie makes.

508
00:24:08,788 --> 00:24:10,948
If you don't get rid of
that health inspector,

509
00:24:10,948 --> 00:24:13,509
you're not going to be able to
resurrect the Obama plot, Vic.

510
00:24:13,509 --> 00:24:15,949
No, you're right there.

511
00:24:15,949 --> 00:24:17,709
Which gives me an idea.

512
00:24:24,510 --> 00:24:25,990
What's your plan then, Vic?

513
00:24:25,990 --> 00:24:27,310
Right.

514
00:24:27,310 --> 00:24:29,830
Pay close attention.

515
00:24:29,830 --> 00:24:32,070
FBI bloke. Sir, yes, sir.

516
00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:37,271
This fellow, here, has been sent by
Alan-Qaeda as an assassin to

517
00:24:37,271 --> 00:24:39,631
assassinate Michelle Obama.

518
00:24:39,631 --> 00:24:41,071
Overpower him!

519
00:24:58,953 --> 00:25:00,913
An inspector falls.

520
00:25:00,913 --> 00:25:01,953
Good one, Beef.

521
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:04,994
Oh, it's a good one.

522
00:25:04,994 --> 00:25:06,394
Whoo! Whoopsy daisy.

523
00:25:06,394 --> 00:25:10,394
Yes, an inspector has fallen
but with only minutes left

524
00:25:10,394 --> 00:25:14,794
in this episode, we simply do not
have time to dispose of the body.

525
00:25:14,794 --> 00:25:16,515
Well, fear ye not there, Bob,

526
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:21,275
because I'm now formally reinstating
the Michelle Obama plot.

527
00:25:21,275 --> 00:25:23,635
Oh, good call. Good call.

528
00:25:23,635 --> 00:25:26,356
I knew you'd go with the Obama
plot in the end anyway.

529
00:25:26,356 --> 00:25:30,236
I'm old enough and wise enough to
respect that and everything.

530
00:25:30,236 --> 00:25:32,676
Thanks a lot.
All right, cheers, bye now.

531
00:25:32,676 --> 00:25:35,636
Oh, gosh, I don't have a hat
and Michelle Obama's coming round

532
00:25:35,636 --> 00:25:39,477
and Vic told me I look like a rancid
pile of profiteroles.

533
00:25:39,477 --> 00:25:40,797
I never said rancid.

534
00:25:40,797 --> 00:25:42,437
Well, they will be by now.

535
00:25:42,437 --> 00:25:44,157
Oh, attention, here she comes.

536
00:25:46,037 --> 00:25:49,278
Ladies and gentlemen, please be
upstanding for the First Lady

537
00:25:49,278 --> 00:25:52,998
of the United States of America,
Michelle Obama.

538
00:25:59,959 --> 00:26:01,919
Me come to inspect this bistro.

539
00:26:04,519 --> 00:26:05,839
Lord, have mercy.

540
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,440
Yeah, well, I didn't have enough time
to get a decent lookalike,

541
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,640
did I? So I had to get
June from the canteen.

542
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,080
All right, June. Carry on.

543
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,081
Me husband apologise
for not be here.

544
00:26:20,241 --> 00:26:21,921
Him down the bookies.

545
00:26:23,441 --> 00:26:25,561
He got a dead set at Sandown.

546
00:26:42,043 --> 00:26:45,523
So, Michelle, what do you think
of the average British family, then?

547
00:26:45,523 --> 00:26:47,203
Ire...

548
00:26:47,203 --> 00:26:49,483
you have any more Maltesers?

549
00:26:52,484 --> 00:26:57,044
Well, it's turned out
just as nice as can be.

550
00:26:57,044 --> 00:27:00,685
Hold your horses there,
because I, now, am about to announce

551
00:27:00,685 --> 00:27:04,525
a revelation which is going to blow
this Obama plot to King Kongdom.

552
00:27:05,845 --> 00:27:09,885
On closer inspection of the interior
of this turban, I have discovered

553
00:27:09,885 --> 00:27:15,366
a dial, forcing the wearer to speak
one, the truth, and two, lies.

554
00:27:16,806 --> 00:27:21,606
Throughout this entire episode
the dial has been on lies!

555
00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:27,767
So Bosh didn't mean to get me
in trouble with the inspector!

556
00:27:27,767 --> 00:27:29,087
Oh...

557
00:27:29,087 --> 00:27:31,887
And, Bob, you really are a zombie.

558
00:27:31,887 --> 00:27:32,928
Yes.

559
00:27:32,928 --> 00:27:34,168
I knew it.

560
00:27:34,168 --> 00:27:37,088
Yes, and, Beef, you're not a virgin.

561
00:27:37,088 --> 00:27:38,168
Far from it.

562
00:27:46,089 --> 00:27:47,689
Oh, but hold on.

563
00:27:47,689 --> 00:27:50,809
But hold on,
that means that I'm not Erik's hero.

564
00:27:50,809 --> 00:27:52,489
You got that right.

565
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,250
Whoa, whoa, what's the matter
with you?

566
00:27:57,250 --> 00:27:59,650
Well, it's Vic.

567
00:27:59,650 --> 00:28:03,410
You see, when he was wearing the
hat, he said he didn't fancy me.

568
00:28:03,410 --> 00:28:04,931
Oh...

569
00:28:04,931 --> 00:28:08,491
Which means you really, really,

570
00:28:08,491 --> 00:28:11,331
really do fancy her!

571
00:28:11,331 --> 00:28:13,811
Ooh!

572
00:28:17,892 --> 00:28:20,252
♪ Didn't we have a lovely day

573
00:28:20,252 --> 00:28:22,732
♪ When Vic expressed his feelings?

574
00:28:22,732 --> 00:28:23,932
♪ But what happens next?

575
00:28:23,932 --> 00:28:25,253
♪ It's up to him

576
00:28:25,253 --> 00:28:27,413
♪ I must catch this bus
to Stockton. ♪

577
00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:43,894
Thank you.