1 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,980 Have you still got it in your hand? 2 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,400 Yes, I have. 3 00:00:25,820 --> 00:00:26,820 Right. 4 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,440 Now twist the top. 5 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,100 Pull it out and give it a shake. 6 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,080 Right. 7 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,020 It's very long. 8 00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:42,099 Wait a minute. 9 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,260 Where did you leave the solution? 10 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:45,600 Here it is. 11 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:46,880 No, that's not it. 12 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,200 Careful! 13 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:49,420 Ah, you idiot! 14 00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:52,090 I did. Oh, I turned the light on. No. 15 00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:55,330 You fool, not what you've done. You've ruined it. 16 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:56,890 Oh, I say. 17 00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:03,250 Mr. White, there's smoke coming from your knees. 18 00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:45,170 You'll do yourself some damage. 19 00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:49,030 Now, what are you doing out of bed? I was going to bring you up a cup of tea. 20 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,950 What is this doing in here? 21 00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:53,690 Well, it was a bit chilly outside last night. 22 00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:56,630 So I brought it indoors. 23 00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:59,290 Now, sit down. I'll make you a cup of tea. 24 00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:01,210 You brought the gate indoors? 25 00:02:01,810 --> 00:02:04,830 Yes. After you'd gone to bed, I was going to repair it. 26 00:02:05,870 --> 00:02:09,949 But then I didn't have a chance because Mr. Watkins wanted me to bury a cat 27 00:02:09,949 --> 00:02:10,949 thorer. 28 00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:12,590 Oh, not Sebastian. 29 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:16,890 She said he dropped dead just after watching the ten o 'clock news. 30 00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:20,790 I was very fond of that cat, Frank. 31 00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,870 Well, he was getting on a bit. He was 96. 32 00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:25,390 96? 33 00:02:25,650 --> 00:02:28,610 Well, 20 really, but 96 for a man. 34 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:33,490 My mother told me how to work it out. You multiply by five, add one for every 35 00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:34,670 ten and take away 14. 36 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,810 I think it's... No, it's 12 for pigs. 37 00:02:44,810 --> 00:02:47,310 He looked very well last night after I'd laid him out. 38 00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:50,770 Miss Watkins said she'd never seen him looking so well. 39 00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:52,790 It's a pity he was dead. 40 00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:56,610 She looked very strange away, did she? 41 00:02:56,870 --> 00:02:58,110 Yes, in the dark. 42 00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,770 It was very awkward. 43 00:03:00,610 --> 00:03:03,010 I didn't have any paraffin for me oil lamp. 44 00:03:03,290 --> 00:03:05,430 My battery wasn't working. I couldn't see a thing. 45 00:03:05,990 --> 00:03:09,570 And then we had a little service and she was a little upset afterwards. 46 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:11,430 So I stayed for a little chat. 47 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,680 Stupid things. I'll do it. 48 00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:21,340 Yes, I told her all about the baby and my job. 49 00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:24,020 She says I should be a chimney sweep again. 50 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:26,580 Well, I agree with her. Why don't you? 51 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,080 You know why. 52 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:29,780 I don't. 53 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,400 Dr. Smedley won't give me my brush back. 54 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,740 Well, as it was stuck up his chimney for six weeks, I expect he thinks he's 55 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:42,540 entitled to it. He had no right. He bought my entire career to a standstill. 56 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:44,640 Do you want some breakfast? 57 00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:46,600 I've got a nice little sausage left. 58 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,180 Why don't you have it? 59 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,240 No, no. Oh, were you sick again this morning? 60 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:54,700 I was a bit bilious, yes. 61 00:03:56,340 --> 00:04:00,080 I tried to get you a tonic from Dr. Smedley, but he wouldn't give me one. 62 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,240 No, well, he's a bachelor, isn't he? He doesn't understand what us expecting 63 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,400 fathers have to go through. 64 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,320 Will you hold the gate, please? 65 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,940 Are you going to the maternity hospital this morning? 66 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,200 What for? 67 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:16,760 for those that couldn't attend in the evening. 68 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,720 Well, you haven't been to one since they started, Frank. 69 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:21,480 I have. I went last week. 70 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,480 Well, you can hardly count that. 71 00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:27,680 You didn't go in till five minutes before the end, and you spent four of 72 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:28,680 on the floor. 73 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,920 I didn't know they were going to show that film in Technicolor. 74 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,960 All those close -ups. I was two hours in shock. 75 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,060 Now, you have the handle with the cup. 76 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,620 going at the proper time because I was embarrassed, Betty. 77 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,260 I didn't know I'd have to go through all this. 78 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,340 It wasn't like this in my mother's day. 79 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,120 When I was a baby, I was very simple. 80 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,340 We all were. 81 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:04,540 I mean, the father did his bit and then you took the baby home and that was it. 82 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:09,220 It wasn't all this funny business in between. Look, Frank, couldn't you go to 83 00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:12,540 one more father's class, please? I'm not going anymore seeing rude pictures, 84 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:13,660 Betty. Oh, Frank. 85 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,920 Sometimes I think you do these little things just to upset me. 86 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,099 I do not. 87 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,500 All this was about going to the hospital. I mean, you don't seem to want 88 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:32,600 anywhere. I take Mr. Wallace's children out every afternoon and you never come 89 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,680 with me. I'd only be in the way, wouldn't I? 90 00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:37,700 No, you wouldn't. I mean, don't you understand? I want you to be with me 91 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:41,800 sometimes. I want... I want to feel that you care. 92 00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:45,560 Betty, I do care. No, you don't. 93 00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,280 You know I care. 94 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,460 I'd do everything for you. 95 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,920 Come on, then, I'll do anything you want. 96 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,500 Well, then, will you come with me this afternoon with the children? 97 00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,660 I can't. I've got to put the gate up. The dogs are coming in doing things with 98 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:01,660 my dahlias. 99 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,800 We can drop in this morning and I can introduce you. 100 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,380 Now, with all the work... It'll be a very good experience for when you're a 101 00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:10,380 parent, Frank. 102 00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:12,340 Well, that's true. 103 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,860 After all, I don't want to be a virgin father, do I? 104 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,280 I won't have to push the pram, will I? 105 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,920 There isn't a pram. The youngest is seven. 106 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,020 You never told me that. 107 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,740 Well, I thought you knew. You said you wanted to meet older children. 108 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:47,960 Judy, 109 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:49,860 it's Aunty Betty. 110 00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,380 Hello, Judy. 111 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,820 Your mummy's coming out this afternoon, isn't she? 112 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,620 Daddy's just getting her bag. 113 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,160 We've got some company today. 114 00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:01,460 Uncle Frank's come to see us. 115 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:08,500 How do you do? 116 00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:10,540 Hello. This is Alison. 117 00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:11,940 How do you do? 118 00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,460 Just smile at her, Frank. 119 00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:26,020 Uncle Frank's brought you some presents, haven't 120 00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:27,020 you? No. 121 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,840 You have? You've got them in your hand. 122 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,540 I've changed my mind. 123 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,040 So silly. They're waiting. 124 00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:40,890 There's one for Judy and one for Alison. Uncle Frank bought them all himself. 125 00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:48,850 I thought they were younger, I say. Well, we are going to have a nice time 126 00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:52,010 afternoon. I thought that we could all go to the zoo. 127 00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:57,090 And then I thought it'd be nice if we went and watched the roller skating. 128 00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:02,750 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 129 00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:05,910 I suppose so. 130 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,440 What is it, Judy? 131 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:08,860 Is he coming too? 132 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,160 Of course he's... Uncle Frank is coming. 133 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,160 I told you it'd be much, much nicer. Now, I'm just going to go and speak to 134 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,540 daddy and then we'll all be off. 135 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,440 Oh, well, I'll come with you. No, no, you stay and talk to the children. Now, 136 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:25,940 don't be... Do you mind if I sit down? 137 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,120 That's my father's chair. 138 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,179 So he sits there. 139 00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,680 Well, he's got a soldier's hat on. 140 00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:47,060 He hasn't. 141 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,980 Alison, you are stupid sometimes. 142 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,480 I'm not. 143 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,700 Now, girls, don't be silly now. We want to be friendly. 144 00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:55,060 No, 145 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,780 don't pull her hair like that. 146 00:08:58,140 --> 00:08:59,560 Did I hear naughty words? 147 00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:03,680 Let me get in there. 148 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:05,280 That was at my raincoat. 149 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:10,000 Don't go behind my back. I've got some trouble. 150 00:09:19,150 --> 00:09:21,390 Auntie Betty's in the family way, isn't she? 151 00:09:21,850 --> 00:09:23,210 Where did you hear that? 152 00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:27,790 Talking like that in front of your father's chair. 153 00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:33,030 And with such young ears that shouldn't be listening to things like that that 154 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,030 they didn't hear anyway. 155 00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:36,690 What's happening to Auntie Betty? 156 00:09:37,350 --> 00:09:40,970 Auntie Betty is awaiting a happy event. 157 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,570 The stork's going to bring her a little present. 158 00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:47,290 Oh! 159 00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:50,930 After she has her baby 160 00:09:50,930 --> 00:10:02,630 Excuse 161 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:03,630 me 162 00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:20,300 Are you one of us? 163 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:23,800 Charles. 164 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,500 How do you do? 165 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,020 I'm Frank. 166 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,040 Oh, fancy a drink, Frank? 167 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,420 Oh, do we have time? 168 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:37,700 Oh, I think so. 169 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,200 It's not far. 170 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,600 I've got a little place just round the corner. 171 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,240 Oh. 172 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,500 Don't you want to come to my little place? 173 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,460 Well, I wanted to go to that little place. 174 00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,100 That place is much better. 175 00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:56,340 Oh, 176 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:58,680 goodbye. 177 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,160 Fun man. 178 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:07,840 Good morning. 179 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:16,860 Morning. 180 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,160 Good morning. 181 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,700 Good morning. 182 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,280 Oh, 183 00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:22,540 it's you. 184 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,580 Well, sit down, can't you? There's plenty of room. 185 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,160 Yes. Well, hello, Mr Spencer. 186 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,120 Do you know me? 187 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,840 It's Mr Hamilton. 188 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,120 We met at the Family Planning Centre. 189 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:36,480 Oh. 190 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,380 How did you get on? 191 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,280 I walked there, don't you remember? 192 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:48,120 Oh, yes. Well, I was only making inquiries. I didn't do anything about 193 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,620 it's nice to see you again, ma 'am. 194 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,040 Uh, 195 00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:52,520 this is my wife, Lucy. 196 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,040 How do you do? 197 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,120 How do you do? 198 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,860 Oh, this is Sally. 199 00:11:59,340 --> 00:12:00,340 Mm -hmm. 200 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:01,440 My sister. 201 00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:02,580 Oh, nice. 202 00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:07,710 I think we'll have to get another chair. 203 00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:11,190 That's all right. You two sit over there. I'll sit here in the front with 204 00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:14,750 Spencer. Come along, then. But, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know what I'll be 205 00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:17,730 saying that long. There's no need to be nervous. It's just a talk. I'm not 206 00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:18,830 nervous, madam. Come on. 207 00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:24,150 Don't worry about this thing. I'll look after you. Ah, your wife came after all, 208 00:12:24,170 --> 00:12:25,170 then, Mr. Spencer. 209 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:32,130 You're under a misapprehension. No need to worry, man. I do have a husband, you 210 00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:33,870 know. Only he's abroad at the moment. 211 00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:36,870 Yes, well, I'd just like to make things quite clear. 212 00:12:37,270 --> 00:12:38,990 We don't want any gossip, do we? 213 00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,170 National health and everything. 214 00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:43,450 Dr Powell? 215 00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:44,590 Yes? 216 00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:46,810 You know that lady that's with me? 217 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:48,290 Yes. 218 00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:53,570 She's not my wife. 219 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:55,169 I see. 220 00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:56,350 No, she's someone's sister. 221 00:12:58,390 --> 00:12:59,670 Her husband's abroad. 222 00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,350 Well, of course, your private affairs are no concern of mine. 223 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,890 I just thought I'd like to make the position quite clear. 224 00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,610 You should make the position very clear. 225 00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:11,150 Good. Now people are told to go. 226 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:18,590 Now, this morning, I did want to talk briefly about the role of the husband 227 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:19,630 during labour. 228 00:13:19,910 --> 00:13:23,390 However, our last meeting didn't go quite according to plan. 229 00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:27,570 So, if anyone has thought of anything that they would like to ask me... Oh, 230 00:13:28,730 --> 00:13:29,730 Yes? 231 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:36,030 On the film that was shown last week, Did I observe... Was that a Red Indian 232 00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:37,030 baby? 233 00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:38,810 Red Indian? 234 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,630 You saw the mother, didn't you? 235 00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:45,550 I didn't see a lot of her face. 236 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,230 The baby was English, Mr Spencer. 237 00:13:52,010 --> 00:13:55,010 It's just it was a bit of a funny colour. Gave me a bit of a shock. 238 00:13:55,750 --> 00:14:00,230 Yes, this does surprise a lot of fathers. In fact, when it's born, a baby 239 00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,070 an extraordinary colour. It can be very red. 240 00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:03,910 Will my baby look like that? 241 00:14:04,150 --> 00:14:05,190 Not if it's a girl. 242 00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:07,250 That was a boy. 243 00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:09,650 Oh. 244 00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:14,330 I didn't notice that bit. 245 00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:17,690 You didn't notice very much at all, did you? 246 00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:21,540 Yes. I noticed that the baby had quite a lot of air. Well, I've been told that 247 00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:23,160 this sometimes falls out afterwards. 248 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,520 My mother's dead. 249 00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:27,980 Mine did too. 250 00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,740 Well, I'm sure we're all very relieved to see that it's grown again. 251 00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:33,400 Now, will you please stop calling out... Yes? 252 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:37,500 I'm worried about washing the baby's head in case I damage the soft spot. 253 00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:40,840 Ah, well, the word soft is a little misleading. 254 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,160 Although there's no bone, the area is well protected and it's important to 255 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,600 the scalp clean. Actually, the baby has... 256 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,840 Two soft spots. 257 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,000 I'm sure Mr. Spencer knows where they are. 258 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,040 What? 259 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,360 Do you know where your soft spot is? 260 00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:19,570 How do you mean? 261 00:15:21,510 --> 00:15:25,190 When you were a baby, you had a soft spot, didn't you? 262 00:15:26,670 --> 00:15:27,670 Oh, 263 00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:32,250 it's very fun to trick a pudding. 264 00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:35,790 Come out of the front. 265 00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:38,950 Now, face the class. 266 00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:41,290 Now, here is Mr. 267 00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:44,150 Spencer's soft spot. There it is, centre of his head. 268 00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:49,130 Now... Can anyone tell me where his other soft spot is? Inside his head. 269 00:15:50,870 --> 00:15:52,230 Don't be silly. 270 00:15:52,470 --> 00:15:54,230 One total stranger to another. 271 00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:56,650 His other soft spot is round the back. 272 00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:01,210 The back of his head. 273 00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:05,470 Now, pitch down, Mr Spencer. Time's running short. I want to tell you about 274 00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:06,670 taking your wife to hospital. 275 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,470 Oh, that reminds me. 276 00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:11,670 Does the number 7 bus still stop outside the... 277 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,220 I should have thought that a car would be a little quicker under the 278 00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:17,220 circumstances. Well, I haven't passed my test. 279 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,160 Doesn't your wife have a license? 280 00:16:19,860 --> 00:16:20,860 She won't be with me. 281 00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:22,220 Of course she will. 282 00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:25,240 You look a little silly arriving in the maternity hospital on your own, don't 283 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,240 you? 284 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,960 This is the maternity hospital. 285 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000 I'm here already. 286 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,980 I know you're here. 287 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:38,880 You've made it perfectly obvious that you're here. But when your baby is due, 288 00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:42,640 you won't be here, will you? Unless, God forbid, you've taken a permanent 289 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,500 resident from the obstetrician's department. 290 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,100 I'm not talking about that. Then what are you talking about? 291 00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:50,220 I'm talking about this morning. 292 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,160 I'm going to the bank. 293 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,500 Oh, God. 294 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,900 Yes. You want... 295 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,480 Number 16, Mr. Spencer. No, Harry, the number seven's quicker. 296 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,120 There's a number eight at 5 ,000. No, no, no. 297 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:03,700 Be quiet! 298 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:04,920 Be quiet! 299 00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:08,640 The cat tore up me time tank. 300 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,720 What the devil are you trying to do? 301 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,140 Now, I'm going to the bank this morning, and then I'll go get ready for the zoo, 302 00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:16,380 and then we'll go roller skating. 303 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,780 Look, I don't care where you're going. 304 00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:20,740 I'm trying to give an important lecture. You've been nothing but a disturbance 305 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,420 ever since you came in. If I hear one more word about Buffy... 306 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,720 banks or zoos, I will have you removed. 307 00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,420 Is that perfectly clear? 308 00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:33,460 Yes. Then sit down. 309 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:38,220 I think I'll walk. 310 00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:46,040 Now, if no one has anything else to say, I just want to get on to the father's 311 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,620 room. If, whilst I'm talking, you have any questions... 312 00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,030 Intentional questions. 313 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,830 Put your hand up. 314 00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:09,310 Right. Now, when the husband has taken the wife to hospital... 315 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:13,350 What is it now? 316 00:18:13,690 --> 00:18:17,130 You said we could ask questions. Oh, good God, man, I haven't said anything 317 00:18:17,450 --> 00:18:20,290 All I've said is you've taken your wife to hospital. What possible question 318 00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:21,310 could you have to ask about that? 319 00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:22,690 Isn't there something missing? 320 00:18:22,890 --> 00:18:23,890 He's got something missing. 321 00:18:25,210 --> 00:18:27,090 What? What is missing? 322 00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:29,470 Contradictions. 323 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,050 I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. 324 00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:35,270 I think he means the contractions. 325 00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:40,750 We did that last week, Mr Spencer. We should have done Mr Spencer last week. 326 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,530 Please sit down. 327 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,280 What you're telling me, they said that he's still standing up, individually 328 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,280 harassing me? 329 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,780 No one is harassing you. Now, you're going to both sit down. Look here, mate, 330 00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,840 I've lost an hour's pay to come here. I don't hear the same thing twice. My 331 00:18:55,840 --> 00:19:02,520 Harry came from work, too. Will you please stop talking, or you both sit 332 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:10,940 The contractions. 333 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,660 Very briefly, for Mr Spencer's benefit. 334 00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:19,120 Your wife will have contractions, right? Yes. When these come every ten minutes, 335 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,200 you take her to hospital, right? 336 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,259 I will. 337 00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:25,900 Now, when the husband has taken the wife to hospital... They have to be every 338 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:27,300 ten minutes. Look, I've just told you. 339 00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,660 Well, what happens if they're every five minutes? Well, you'd know what to do, 340 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:31,720 wouldn't you? 341 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,320 Yes, I wait. 342 00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:37,460 But then they come every ten minutes. 343 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:43,260 Ten minute ones come first. Oh, good God, I went over all this last week. 344 00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,300 I didn't hear. 345 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,260 I didn't hear anything. 346 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,060 That's because you was on the floor, that's why. 347 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:49,420 You passed out. 348 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:53,940 Oh, no, because I was all with a twirl. I've never seen pictures of people's 349 00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:55,560 private parts I never imagined before. 350 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,180 I've had a lot of worry. My wife's expecting a baby. 351 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,240 We're all expecting, man. 352 00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:05,260 What do you think this is? A Christmas hoodie? 353 00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:12,590 I think that's extremely vulgar. Don't! Keep standing up! You're supposed to 354 00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:13,549 raise your hand! 355 00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,290 Not now! When you've got something to say! 356 00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:18,190 Sit down! 357 00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:21,110 What's this? 358 00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:23,990 She was rude. 359 00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:29,330 You can't get a word in, can you? 360 00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,470 Now, if... 361 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:36,590 The husband wants to stay with the wife during the actual birth. 362 00:20:36,790 --> 00:20:38,570 I bet my husband won't stay with me. 363 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,030 No. 364 00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:41,210 I will, darling. 365 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,590 Mr. Spencer. 366 00:20:47,090 --> 00:20:49,510 That's my sister you're talking to. Right. 367 00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:53,410 Well, I didn't mean her. I meant my wife. Oh, yes. I know what you meant. 368 00:21:06,510 --> 00:21:07,510 What did I do? 369 00:21:08,510 --> 00:21:10,330 I told you not to interrupt. 370 00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:15,190 She was being lewd and wanted to ask a question. You didn't have your hand up. 371 00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:16,490 Too late! 372 00:21:18,390 --> 00:21:19,570 Too late. 373 00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:21,810 Harass, harass, harass. 374 00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:24,530 That's all I've had from you and all the other fellow victims. 375 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:27,110 I had a shoe. 376 00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:32,530 You ruined my last class and you have ruined this one. In 20 years as a 377 00:21:32,630 --> 00:21:36,710 you are the most provocative, exasperating little man I have ever met. 378 00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:40,270 hadn't taken the Hippocratic Oath, I would like to wring your neck. 379 00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:45,309 Don't move. 380 00:21:45,310 --> 00:21:46,410 I'll get you a doctor. 381 00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:52,310 Yes, I shall be home by 7 .30. 382 00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:55,070 Yes, I can take you to the dance. 383 00:21:56,159 --> 00:21:58,700 Oh, or you can pick me up here at the bank. 384 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:00,500 Come in. 385 00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:04,600 Yes, all right, Angela. 386 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,800 Goodbye. 387 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:07,640 Ah, good morning. 388 00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:09,340 Mr. 389 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,000 Spencer, isn't it? Yes. 390 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,940 I'm Mr. Dexter, the manager. Do sit down. 391 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,540 Oh, forgive me. I've just been talking to my youngest daughter. I've got four 392 00:22:19,540 --> 00:22:20,940 them. Oh, nice. 393 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,740 I'm a family man myself. 394 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,060 Well, if you're going to start a family, money's very important. 395 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,120 Yes. Well, I haven't been very lucky with my investments lately. 396 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,920 Investments? Now, I might be able to help you there. 397 00:22:34,140 --> 00:22:36,980 I'll just as soon check on myself, if you don't mind. 398 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,740 It gives me something to do. 399 00:22:39,100 --> 00:22:42,060 Ah, I can see that you're a shrewd man. 400 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,600 It was nearly 50 ,000 pounds last year. 401 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,160 50 ,000 pounds? Well, well. 402 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:51,920 Well, that's incredible. 403 00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:54,380 I was just one number out. 404 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,060 Premium bonds. That's your investment? 405 00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:00,380 Yes. 406 00:23:00,780 --> 00:23:05,660 Right, let's get down to business, shall we? Yes. Well, I hear that you lend 407 00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:06,660 people money. 408 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,400 And I was wondering whether you could arrange a small loan for me. 409 00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:12,860 Just a moment. 410 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,740 I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. I told that you were a 411 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,080 I didn't realise you already had an account with us. 412 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:20,320 No, I don't. 413 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,600 But naturally, if you lent me the money, I would open an account, would you? 414 00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:30,080 I'd lend you the money to open an account. If we did that, we'd have the 415 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,780 town in here. We had to be very careful who we lend money to. 416 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,400 In any case, we'd want you to put up some form of security. 417 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,480 How do you mean? 418 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,340 Well, for example, do you have a house? 419 00:23:39,860 --> 00:23:40,880 Oh, yes, yes. 420 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,380 Do you know its value? 421 00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:44,680 Not offhand, no. 422 00:23:45,580 --> 00:23:46,860 But I could ask the landlord. 423 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:53,750 In any case... Before we could possibly open you an account, we should need the 424 00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:55,190 name of two referees. 425 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,570 I don't know any referees. 426 00:24:05,270 --> 00:24:08,090 People who could vouch for you, preferably professional men. 427 00:24:08,950 --> 00:24:12,610 Oh, there's my doctor and Mr Webster, my psychiatrist. 428 00:24:14,670 --> 00:24:15,950 Psychiatrist? You having treatment? 429 00:24:16,470 --> 00:24:17,930 No, that was a long time ago. 430 00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:21,020 I just went to him because I thought I was a failure. 431 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,160 What did he say? 432 00:24:23,740 --> 00:24:24,860 He thought I was too. 433 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:26,960 Morning, Mr Spencer. 434 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,360 Do you want me to leave? So what's the general idea? 435 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,140 Well, that's not very fair. You don't know the first thing about me. 436 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:37,120 You've no money, no account, no house, no job. Your only source of income is 437 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,460 baby that hasn't been born. And your only reference, a medical man who says 438 00:24:40,460 --> 00:24:41,460 you're a failure. 439 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:44,080 That doesn't tell you everything. 440 00:24:45,540 --> 00:24:47,140 It tells me a hell of a lot. 441 00:24:48,430 --> 00:24:52,150 But I've got to start somewhere. If I just had a little capital, I could 442 00:24:52,150 --> 00:24:54,750 Mr Spencer, the interview is over. Will you please leave? 443 00:24:55,130 --> 00:24:56,790 I know I'm only one of the little men. 444 00:24:57,650 --> 00:24:59,070 But remember what they say. 445 00:24:59,330 --> 00:25:00,330 Will you get out? 446 00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:03,550 Even the tallest oak tree has to begin with a small nut. 447 00:25:05,730 --> 00:25:08,310 You just think of me as a little nut. 448 00:25:10,230 --> 00:25:11,510 Who's trying to grow. 449 00:25:11,990 --> 00:25:14,810 Then go outside and grow in somebody else's bank. 450 00:25:28,530 --> 00:25:30,490 children. But they don't talk to me. 451 00:25:30,870 --> 00:25:35,030 Well, don't get depressed about it. I mean, you can't expect to get on with 452 00:25:35,030 --> 00:25:37,490 everyone. I don't expect to get on with anyone. 453 00:25:38,230 --> 00:25:39,750 Would you like some sweeties? 454 00:25:41,670 --> 00:25:45,710 They haven't smiled once since we came out. Can't you make them laugh? 455 00:25:47,870 --> 00:25:48,870 I'll try. 456 00:25:50,570 --> 00:25:51,570 Well, 457 00:25:52,210 --> 00:25:57,130 just keep an eye on them for a minute. I'll go and see if I can find some ice 458 00:25:57,130 --> 00:25:58,130 cream. 459 00:25:58,250 --> 00:26:00,470 And do stop grinning at Alison. 460 00:26:00,890 --> 00:26:02,330 It frightens her. 461 00:26:11,470 --> 00:26:12,470 They're monkeys. 462 00:26:15,150 --> 00:26:16,990 They're funny, the monkeys, aren't they? 463 00:26:19,810 --> 00:26:21,190 Well, I think they're funny. 464 00:26:42,090 --> 00:26:43,090 clean yesterday. 465 00:26:43,510 --> 00:26:45,730 Frank, he's doing something in it. 466 00:26:50,070 --> 00:26:54,050 Stop that once. You dirty little devil. 467 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:57,030 I'll have to go and get it. 468 00:26:59,130 --> 00:27:01,510 There he is. Your uncle's in it. 469 00:27:01,930 --> 00:27:05,730 Oh, you have cheered up a lot, haven't you, baby? 470 00:27:45,170 --> 00:27:52,150 You like him now, 471 00:27:52,230 --> 00:27:53,029 don't you? 472 00:27:53,030 --> 00:27:56,070 We didn't at first, but we didn't know he was so funny.