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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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I'm sorry I was late, Miss Melons.
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I promise it'll never happen again.
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I'm sorry, can we take a short break?
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I just have a tiny question.
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Okay. Make it quick, Bambi.
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- Blackboard's a rental.
- Right.
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Just wondering, should I
really be punishing her?
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Uh, yeah. That's kind of
the premise of the magazine.
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No, I get that.
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It's just that maybe she
was tardy for a reason.
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Did anyone ask her? Maybe
there's trouble at home.
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Sexy trouble.
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These are the naughty
schoolgirls of Bad Girl High.
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- They do bad stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
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You spank their bottoms.
That's the whole story.
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Typically, yes.
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Uh, but maybe not in this instance.
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Okay? Staci, please rise.
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Hey, you can tell me.
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Was there a reason that
you were late this morning?
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Uh...
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Um...
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my dad was working late.
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Right. 'Cause he's a cop
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and he works the graveyard
shift with his partner, Rico.
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Yeah. Yeah, and there was a shootout.
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And Rico didn't make it,
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so you were comforting your dad.
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Well, since Mom died, I'm all he's got.
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And for this she is getting spanked?
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We should be supporting her,
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not punishing her for her kindness.
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Times they are a-changing, Phil.
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Staci needs to be getting her degree
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so she can bring this
compassion to the workforce.
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I don't know what the
fuck you're talking about,
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but this is the energy we need.
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I'm trying to make an
important point here, Phil.
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This isn't "Minx." We don't do points.
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Stacy, bend over.
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And, uh, lick the apple.
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- Hey, Terri.
- Hi.
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- Ooh, lookin' good, Joel.
- Ah, thanks, Joyce.
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Great.
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Oh, Alisdair. He got his fur washed.
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- Hey. Carnal Coeds back in session, are they?
- I wish.
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I'm somehow on the tenure
track at Bad Girl High.
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Speaking of, if there's any way
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I can be more involved at "Minx"...
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What happened to
centerfold coordination?
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Well, turns out that's
a two-day-a-month job,
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but I have 30 days of inspiration.
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Well yeah, sure. What
do you have in mind?
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Um, I could always do the, um...
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Or, um, you know the, uh...
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You know what? You just have a think
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- and you let me know.
- Okay.
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- Okay?
- Bonjour, ma belle.
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- Bonjour.
- Guess what you get to approve?
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Oh, my God, really? Already?
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- How do they look?
- Oh, decent.
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I think maybe next time
I'd go two stops darker.
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But, uh, you tell me.
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Oh, they're even better than I imagined.
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Oh, thank God you think so too!
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I love that we're saying
something, you know?
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You see the pain in his eyes?
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It's like he's
internalizing the harassment
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endured by generations of women.
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That's actually the moment
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he found out what we're paying him.
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- Oh, well...
- Hey, kid.
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- Yeah?
- You ready to go?
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Yes. Been ready my whole life.
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Just selling ad space for my magazine.
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- He's taking you with him?
- Yup.
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Culmination of a childhood dream.
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No big deal.
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It is a big deal.
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- I'm here if you need me.
- Great.
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Right on!
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I'm not recognizing
a lot of these buyers.
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What happened to the mission-driven
nonprofits I mentioned?
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Oh, we need companies who
can actually give us money.
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That's kind of how we
finance this operation
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unless you wanna sell "Minx" for 49.99.
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- I would pay that.
- Oh, cool. Well, that's one.
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Oh, can we add the Feminist
Federal Credit Union?
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Joycie, my ad guys did their homework.
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These are all huge gets.
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We'll be lucky if any of
these people want in, okay?
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Don't be nervous.
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Just be your classy Harvard self.
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- Vassar.
- Whatever.
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Women's liberation. What does it mean?
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Well, I'll tell you what it means to me.
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It means liberating women
from the $400 million
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in disposable income
they spend every year.
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Our format melds the precepts
of female emancipation
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with mature but thematically
appropriate content.
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We think of ourselves as
creating the female gaze.
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Women are sexual, but
it starts with the brain.
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You see, one issue of "Cosmo"
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sold over 3 million copies in one month.
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Why? 'Cause that good old Burt Reynolds
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showed his hairy thighs.
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Not your cup of tea, maybe not mine.
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Who cares?
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'Cause we're talking
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about money... a lot of money.
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And I'm guessing that's what...
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So much flavor in one little box.
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Wolfhagen.
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Three beers takes me from bow to wow!
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Yum-derwear.
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A candy coating for that juicy center.
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I'm telling you, Minx
is gonna give it to 'em
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and we're gonna give it to 'em good.
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Maybe two, but Pleasure Garden?
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I mean, they're huge
and they never had a way
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to market directly
to women. Now they do.
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So 10, 15 ads... that
alone pays for our book.
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Kid, we're gonna wet the panties
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of every chick in America.
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Hey, where're you going?
The car is that way.
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What's the problem,
Joyce? That went great.
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The ads were an affront
to all womenkind.
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And those products... ball
gags and French ticklers?
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What's the pr... do you hate sex?
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No. No! It's... no.
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I... it's just... it's... it's...
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No. It's supposed to be private is all.
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And it's just people like
me, we don't discuss...
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- vaginal lubricant.
- Don't be such a snob.
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The world does not begin
and end in Pasadena.
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Yeah. Our magazine might, though.
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Okay.
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If want a certain kind of reader,
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we have to advertise upscale products.
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Okay? We gotta lure
them in with pantyhose
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and perfume... things
that make them feel safe.
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You think I never tried to
get Cadillacs and caviar?
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Classy companies have never put their ad
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across from a pair of titties.
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And they're certainly not
going anywhere near a dong.
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Yeah, no. Obviously not when
you talk about it like that.
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Maybe it's better if I just speak with
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the high-end buyers directly.
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What?
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What does she think she's gonna do?
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Just cold call a shampoo company?
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- Doug.
- I mean, I only
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brought her along so that these
guys would know that I was legit.
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Tin, she's like the, um...
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she's like the hood ornament, right?
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But me, I'm the whole car.
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- You done?
- No, I'm never done.
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You know that. But go ahead.
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It pains me to say this,
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but they kind of liked
the hood ornament.
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Pleasure Garden called. They want in.
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- No kidding?
- But their in-house guys
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don't know how to do an ad for ladies,
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so they want us to spec it for them.
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Joyce is gonna love this.
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You jokers hit the jackpot on this one.
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This ad is gonna write itself.
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All hail Lucifer's Horn.
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What's the deal with the double ends?
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Those "Minx" chicks got
two fox holes or something?
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It's for lesbians, Perry.
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You know, the only women
not attracted to you.
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Give me five minutes with 'em.
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Five minutes seems about right.
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There have to be better
advertisers than that.
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Do you get who your audience is?
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I mean, "Minx" is for sexually
liberated chicks, okay?
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Yes, but our penis is for
political purposes, okay?
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It's about shifting power
dynamics and gender reparations.
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Kid, I hate to break it to you,
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but you can't control
what readers are gonna do
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with that fireman's schlong.
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Some might even jerk off to it.
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I don't have to help them do that.
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And no one's asking you to.
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I got my best ad guys on it.
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Oh, my God.
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I could have done anything with my life.
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I did quite well on the GRE.
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Oh, my God. It's as big as his thigh!
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Oh, Pedro, more tea please.
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Thank you so much. This is so cool.
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I feel like a secret agent.
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Yeah, well, it might
stay a secret forever.
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Doug's ads, I'm telling
you, they could kill "Minx"
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before it even gets off the ground.
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I think you're overreacting. Thank you.
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Oh, really? You do? Okay,
so would be comfortable
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getting your nails
done, reading a magazine
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- full of double dongs.
- Double... doubles?
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00:08:30,281 --> 00:08:32,324
- Doubles, did you say?
- The Prigger sisters.
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00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:34,160
- Hi, Mr. Ross.
- Hello, Mr. Ross.
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Oh, bacon.
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Your generation of
ladies... not afraid to eat.
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00:08:39,582 --> 00:08:41,167
- Oh.
- It does keep one alive.
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00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:44,503
My wife, she swears by half
a grapefruit each morning
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and then on Wednesday,
she adds cottage cheese.
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Well, I've seen Bitsy on the courts,
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and she's looking incredibly trim.
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00:08:50,759 --> 00:08:52,928
Yeah. If only she had Joyce's forehand.
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00:08:53,012 --> 00:08:55,306
Oh, ha ha, well, she
more than makes up for it
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with that nasty backhand of hers.
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Oh, pancakes.
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00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:02,396
I see someone is treating themselves.
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00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,899
How dare they!
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00:09:04,982 --> 00:09:06,484
"On Thursdays I permit Bitsy
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00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,360
to loosen her girdle by one notch."
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00:09:08,444 --> 00:09:09,987
Oh, she sniffs two blueberries
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00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:12,239
and then downs a fistful of Dexedrine.
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00:09:12,323 --> 00:09:15,367
How does that fossil stay in power?
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00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:17,077
Mr. Ross has been
president here for, what,
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00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:18,662
- like, 30 years?
- Yeah.
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He's the richest.
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00:09:19,997 --> 00:09:21,707
And all these men love to suck up.
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00:09:21,790 --> 00:09:24,585
You know it's not just tea
parties and tennis here, Joyce.
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00:09:24,668 --> 00:09:27,463
This is a place of business.
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00:09:27,546 --> 00:09:29,423
I bet there are people
here who could teach me
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00:09:29,507 --> 00:09:31,008
a thing or two about advertising.
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00:09:31,091 --> 00:09:33,636
You know, like, give
me the tools that I need
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00:09:33,719 --> 00:09:35,554
to convince Doug to let me do it my way.
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00:09:35,638 --> 00:09:37,848
Well, yeah, I mean, there's
more CEOs on the golf course
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00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:41,685
right now than this Doug fella
has met in his entire life.
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00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:46,273
Mr. Irving. Oh, I was so sorry
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00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:47,816
to hear about the tournament.
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00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:50,611
What happened to your
niece, it was a travesty.
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00:09:50,694 --> 00:09:52,738
She doesn't hold a candle
to you on the courts.
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00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:55,032
- Oh.
- You were like a gazelle.
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00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:58,285
- That is very sweet.
Um, while I have you...
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00:09:58,369 --> 00:10:00,412
I'm in a new entrepreneurial venture,
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00:10:00,496 --> 00:10:01,914
and I'd love to pick your brain.
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00:10:01,997 --> 00:10:03,541
How do you make ad buys?
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00:10:03,624 --> 00:10:05,668
Is that agency based or is
that business to business?
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00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:07,628
I came here to relax, Miss Prigger,
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00:10:07,711 --> 00:10:09,755
not educate impudent young ladies.
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00:10:09,838 --> 00:10:11,090
Uh-huh.
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00:10:11,173 --> 00:10:12,967
What do you look for
in advertising partners?
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00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:16,095
Just a vague description would suffice.
249
00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:17,930
It's a magazine with a penis.
250
00:10:18,013 --> 00:10:19,515
That sounds very nice.
251
00:10:19,598 --> 00:10:22,768
Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much.
252
00:10:22,851 --> 00:10:26,522
- I like looking at pictures.
- Do you?
253
00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:29,275
"While he's serving his country,
254
00:10:29,358 --> 00:10:31,694
she's serving herself."
255
00:10:31,777 --> 00:10:33,904
Vietnam? I don't know, guys.
256
00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:35,906
Maybe we leave politics out of it.
257
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,408
Well, it's a cool gun though, isn't it?
258
00:10:37,491 --> 00:10:39,201
Yeah. And she has a weapon of her own.
259
00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:40,452
See the symmetry?
260
00:10:40,536 --> 00:10:42,913
No, I got it. What's next, guys?
261
00:10:44,415 --> 00:10:46,959
"No one will know your
dirty little secret."
262
00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:48,919
Kinda shamey, right?
263
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:50,713
I mean, we want them to buy it.
264
00:10:50,796 --> 00:10:53,215
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay. Uh...
265
00:10:53,299 --> 00:10:56,302
"When you don't have a ring,
it's the next best thing."
266
00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:57,636
Okay, that's just mean.
267
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,138
Doesn't make it not true, though.
268
00:10:59,221 --> 00:11:00,973
Guys, we don't wanna bully these women.
269
00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:02,349
We wanna get them off.
270
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:04,143
Okay. We did have this one other one.
271
00:11:04,226 --> 00:11:05,853
It might be a little closer
to what you're looking for.
272
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:07,146
- Let's see it.
- We were thinking
273
00:11:07,229 --> 00:11:10,316
women love strength, right? Mm?
274
00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:13,444
"Trust the machine."
275
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:17,323
All right. Thanks, guys. Great.
276
00:11:17,406 --> 00:11:18,741
Well, that was a bust.
277
00:11:18,824 --> 00:11:20,159
All they're willing to talk to me about
278
00:11:20,242 --> 00:11:21,785
is my figure and my tennis game.
279
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:23,662
Oh, your forehand was a marvel.
280
00:11:23,746 --> 00:11:25,998
But I guess they call it
a boys' club for a reason.
281
00:11:26,081 --> 00:11:27,458
Oh, my God. What now?
282
00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:29,793
- Uh, Miss Prigger, um...
- Yeah, hi.
283
00:11:29,877 --> 00:11:32,013
Little bird told me that you've been
284
00:11:32,014 --> 00:11:34,090
conducting business on club grounds.
285
00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:35,382
Yeah, I was trying to, anyway.
286
00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:37,051
You boys make it look so easy.
287
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:39,345
Then I became aware that
you are marketing explicit
288
00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:42,014
and scandalous content to young women?
289
00:11:42,097 --> 00:11:45,517
I wouldn't call women's
liberation scandalous.
290
00:11:45,601 --> 00:11:50,606
Well, you always were the club
rabble-rouser, weren't you?
291
00:11:52,274 --> 00:11:53,609
I don't wanna be mean, Doug,
292
00:11:53,692 --> 00:11:55,194
but these make me hate myself,
293
00:11:55,277 --> 00:11:56,695
and I love myself.
294
00:11:56,779 --> 00:11:58,030
These make me hate men.
295
00:11:58,113 --> 00:11:59,531
And they kind of make me hate you.
296
00:11:59,615 --> 00:12:01,492
- Oh, yeah. For sure.
- Please simmer down.
297
00:12:01,575 --> 00:12:02,951
That's why I brought you guys in here,
298
00:12:03,035 --> 00:12:04,745
to get a female perspective, right?
299
00:12:04,828 --> 00:12:06,455
So I don't know. Bambi,
300
00:12:06,538 --> 00:12:08,082
what would make you buy a vibrator?
301
00:12:08,165 --> 00:12:09,917
I don't know... I have a
whole drawer full already.
302
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,379
But, I don't know, maybe if
it tickled a little deeper
303
00:12:13,462 --> 00:12:17,341
or if it went, like, a...
304
00:12:17,424 --> 00:12:19,218
Like a syncopation thing.
305
00:12:19,301 --> 00:12:20,719
Or maybe if it played music.
306
00:12:20,803 --> 00:12:22,638
Oh, also price is
important. I'm on a budget.
307
00:12:22,721 --> 00:12:24,390
These are all really great.
308
00:12:24,473 --> 00:12:27,267
Any ideas how to take that
brainstorm and put it on paper?
309
00:12:27,351 --> 00:12:29,603
Um...
310
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,398
No.
311
00:12:32,481 --> 00:12:35,109
I guess I can't be a
magazine advertising person.
312
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:40,489
Guess who harpooned a whale!
313
00:12:41,532 --> 00:12:42,783
Whoo!
314
00:12:42,866 --> 00:12:44,576
Yeah!
315
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:47,079
And then he said, "I
personally find nudity
316
00:12:47,162 --> 00:12:49,957
to be distasteful, but I
believe this venture of yours
317
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,251
will be popular with modern women."
318
00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:54,086
And I think he meant
"modern" like an insult,
319
00:12:54,169 --> 00:12:55,587
but I will take what I can get.
320
00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,631
Beckley Cosmetics? I
never heard of them.
321
00:12:57,715 --> 00:13:00,092
It's just one of Mr.
Ross' many holdings,
322
00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:01,427
a fact that you would know
323
00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:03,011
if you had researched upscale markets.
324
00:13:03,095 --> 00:13:05,055
Beckley's market is the old folks' home.
325
00:13:05,139 --> 00:13:07,933
- No one under 80 wears it.
- And they test on bunnies.
326
00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:10,436
Oh, my God. Enough
with the bunnies, okay?
327
00:13:10,519 --> 00:13:12,771
- All they do is shit and fuck.
- So do we.
328
00:13:12,855 --> 00:13:14,440
How many ads is this guy buying?
329
00:13:14,523 --> 00:13:16,734
We will know after our
pitch at the club tomorrow,
330
00:13:16,817 --> 00:13:20,279
5:00 on the dot during
the Summer Soirée.
331
00:13:20,362 --> 00:13:23,824
Great. Well, let me know how it goes.
332
00:13:23,907 --> 00:13:25,284
Uh, y... well, actually,
333
00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:27,619
I... I suggested to Mr. Ross
334
00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:29,455
that he sit with you as well.
335
00:13:29,538 --> 00:13:30,914
Just out of respect, you know,
336
00:13:30,998 --> 00:13:32,541
so that we both have
a voice in the process.
337
00:13:32,624 --> 00:13:35,127
He wants to meet your male publisher.
338
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:37,395
All right, fine. There
is a patriarchal mindset
339
00:13:37,396 --> 00:13:38,797
amongst the establishment.
340
00:13:38,881 --> 00:13:41,008
But that is exactly why
we need "Minx," okay?
341
00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:43,260
It's to dismantle these
systems of oppression.
342
00:13:43,343 --> 00:13:44,928
One lipstick ad at a time.
343
00:13:45,012 --> 00:13:47,473
I wanna go on record and
say that this is bullshit.
344
00:13:47,556 --> 00:13:50,100
It's a rich-girl-favor meeting
345
00:13:50,184 --> 00:13:52,394
and I will come and I
will give it my best,
346
00:13:52,478 --> 00:13:53,979
but if this doesn't work,
347
00:13:54,062 --> 00:13:55,814
you're all in on the Pleasure Garden.
348
00:13:55,898 --> 00:13:58,150
Your skepticism is my fuel.
349
00:13:58,233 --> 00:13:59,818
- Ooh, we're shaking.
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:02,029
Saddle up, partners, we're
going to the "cunty" club.
351
00:14:02,112 --> 00:14:03,489
- Um...
- Well, if you're gonna
352
00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:04,907
drag me to some lame party,
353
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,450
I'm bringing people who can hang.
354
00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:09,244
Well, it's just they
won't have fun there.
355
00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:10,496
Clubs are a gas.
356
00:14:10,579 --> 00:14:11,914
JP Getty and I used to make love
357
00:14:11,997 --> 00:14:13,499
on the golf course at Maidstone.
358
00:14:13,582 --> 00:14:15,584
Mm. And I love mingling
with the colonizers.
359
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:17,878
Tins, you do love a raw bar.
360
00:14:17,961 --> 00:14:20,380
Not as much as I love an open bar.
361
00:14:20,464 --> 00:14:22,466
Oh. Wow.
362
00:14:22,549 --> 00:14:24,092
The more the merrier, then.
363
00:14:24,176 --> 00:14:26,929
Looks like the hood
ornament's driving the car now.
364
00:14:55,082 --> 00:14:56,792
Joyce.
365
00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:03,632
- Hello, Glenn.
- I, uh...
366
00:15:03,715 --> 00:15:05,384
I-I didn't think you'd be here.
367
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:07,386
Uh, well, I do still belong, so...
368
00:15:07,469 --> 00:15:09,221
Right. Um...
369
00:15:09,304 --> 00:15:11,849
Glenneth, where'd you put my wrap?
370
00:15:11,932 --> 00:15:14,393
Joyce, this is... this
is my friend, Kitty.
371
00:15:14,476 --> 00:15:16,019
Kitty Lawson.
372
00:15:16,103 --> 00:15:17,938
Oh, my God, of course.
Yeah. I used to...
373
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,231
I used to babysit you.
374
00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:20,816
When I was eight.
375
00:15:20,899 --> 00:15:22,734
You pierced my ears with
an ice cube and a potato.
376
00:15:22,818 --> 00:15:25,696
That's right. I did do that for you.
377
00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:27,656
- The holes stretched.
- Oh.
378
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:29,700
My lobes are so delicate.
379
00:15:29,783 --> 00:15:32,035
They might as well be made of gossamer.
380
00:15:32,119 --> 00:15:34,621
- Emma!
- How are you?
381
00:15:34,705 --> 00:15:36,665
We missed you at the croquet party.
382
00:15:36,748 --> 00:15:38,292
Sorry.
383
00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:39,877
I... I hope this isn't
too awkward for you.
384
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,086
No. No.
385
00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:43,547
No, it's not awkward for me at all.
386
00:15:43,630 --> 00:15:45,257
No, um... she needed a new sitter
387
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:47,426
when I went off to college anyway, so...
388
00:15:47,509 --> 00:15:49,094
You take care, okay? Nice to see you.
389
00:15:52,055 --> 00:15:53,932
I asked for a Grasshopper.
390
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:55,350
Did you?
391
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,144
Oh, sorry, Kendra. It's taken.
392
00:15:57,227 --> 00:15:59,646
This one's taken. Keep moving.
393
00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:02,274
Oh, I didn't even
know you owned a dress.
394
00:16:02,357 --> 00:16:04,318
- Taken.
- All right, Shelly.
395
00:16:04,401 --> 00:16:05,903
You just need to calm down.
396
00:16:05,986 --> 00:16:07,362
This is your first advertising pitch
397
00:16:07,446 --> 00:16:09,114
and I just want it to be perfect, right?
398
00:16:09,197 --> 00:16:10,616
Yeah, it will be.
399
00:16:10,699 --> 00:16:12,951
Uh-uh. Can you not
see I'm standing here?
400
00:16:13,035 --> 00:16:14,119
Roger.
401
00:16:14,202 --> 00:16:15,704
Eileen, I love that dress.
402
00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:52,115
Mm. So many shrimp.
403
00:16:52,199 --> 00:16:53,575
Ooh, and the big ones, too.
404
00:16:53,659 --> 00:16:55,702
What are you wearing?
405
00:16:55,786 --> 00:16:57,245
What? You said "Dress for the occasion."
406
00:16:57,329 --> 00:16:58,830
This looks like the
"Rich and Horny" wardrobe.
407
00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,332
That's because it is.
408
00:17:00,415 --> 00:17:02,042
Look, it was either this
or "Victorian Vixens."
409
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:04,336
Please excuse my
sister's lack of manners.
410
00:17:04,419 --> 00:17:06,421
I think you look just fine. I'm Shelly.
411
00:17:06,505 --> 00:17:08,423
- Oh, hey.
- Hi. Oh... hi.
412
00:17:08,507 --> 00:17:10,509
Hi. Shelly. Shelly.
413
00:17:10,592 --> 00:17:12,094
- Shelly.
- Older or younger?
414
00:17:12,177 --> 00:17:13,887
Someone's been brought up right.
415
00:17:13,971 --> 00:17:15,472
- Well...
- So, I gotta say, this place
416
00:17:15,555 --> 00:17:17,182
is not as nice as I thought it would be.
417
00:17:17,265 --> 00:17:19,017
- The hedges need pruning.
- Oh, that's 'cause it's June
418
00:17:19,101 --> 00:17:20,852
and the wrens are still nesting in them.
419
00:17:20,936 --> 00:17:22,813
I have the same problem at my chateau.*
420
00:17:22,896 --> 00:17:24,064
- Okay.
- Okay.
421
00:17:24,147 --> 00:17:25,774
Let's get this show on the road.
422
00:17:25,857 --> 00:17:27,859
Oh, good, I have a table
saved all right over here...
423
00:17:27,943 --> 00:17:29,486
Oh, the Coopers.
424
00:17:29,569 --> 00:17:30,654
Hey, Dianne.
425
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:33,657
- L'Chaim.
- Oh.
426
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,451
Let's introduce you to Mr. Ross, okay?
427
00:17:36,535 --> 00:17:39,371
Who gives a mare's
behind? They're bunnies.
428
00:17:39,454 --> 00:17:41,623
What are we supposed
to do, test on humans?
429
00:17:41,707 --> 00:17:43,291
A good point as always, Mr. Ross.
430
00:17:43,375 --> 00:17:45,085
They're unhinged, these activists.
431
00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:46,962
What's next, a ban on DDT?
432
00:17:47,045 --> 00:17:48,880
Gentlemen.
433
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:51,453
I see you put your
face on for the evening.
434
00:17:51,536 --> 00:17:54,372
Oh, I just wore a little
eyeliner, that's all.
435
00:17:59,461 --> 00:18:01,671
This must be the famous Mr. Renetti.
436
00:18:01,755 --> 00:18:03,673
It is. You have a
beautiful club here, sir.
437
00:18:03,757 --> 00:18:05,175
Lovely hedges.
438
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,927
Yeah, well, they're a bit
unruly this time of year.
439
00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,553
The ladies are quite up in arms
440
00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:10,847
- about protecting the wrens.
- Oh, those ladies.
441
00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:12,599
They have opinions about
everything these days.
442
00:18:12,682 --> 00:18:15,727
- We do.
- They've made my business quite... challenging.
443
00:18:15,811 --> 00:18:17,270
- Oh, I bet.
- We feel we can help you.
444
00:18:17,354 --> 00:18:19,314
You seem to have figured it out, hm?
445
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:21,316
60% growth in the last five years,
446
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:23,068
4 million circulation.
447
00:18:23,151 --> 00:18:24,444
You've done your homework, sir.
448
00:18:24,528 --> 00:18:25,862
Yeah, he has.
449
00:18:25,946 --> 00:18:27,489
So that is why we believe
that "Minx" can really
450
00:18:27,572 --> 00:18:29,658
help you because it is a platform...
451
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:31,326
Okay. Okay. Enough of the chit-chat.
452
00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,079
But maybe we should
get down to brass tacks.
453
00:18:34,162 --> 00:18:35,497
Yes, I would love that.
454
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,290
- My thoughts exactly.
- Mr. Renetti,
455
00:18:37,374 --> 00:18:39,126
let's adjourn to the lounge.
456
00:18:39,209 --> 00:18:40,502
I hope you're a Cohiba man.
457
00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:41,962
If you got 'em, I'll smoke 'em.
458
00:18:42,045 --> 00:18:44,548
I'll see you later, then.
459
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,651
I mean, baby oil works
great as, like, a base,
460
00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:06,194
but if you wanna be
really brown, you have to
461
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:07,696
add Crisco and then
spray yourself with Pam.
462
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:09,156
Honey, that's how I roast a ham.
463
00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:12,450
And here I thought you were Portuguese.
464
00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:14,077
No, no, no. I'm white as heck.
465
00:19:14,161 --> 00:19:15,620
She's like a ghost really.
466
00:19:15,704 --> 00:19:17,539
You know what, Bambi is so talented.
467
00:19:17,622 --> 00:19:19,666
She can open beer
bottles with her teeth.
468
00:19:19,749 --> 00:19:21,293
Pick up tissues with ropes of spit.
469
00:19:21,376 --> 00:19:22,836
- Uh-uh.
- Mm-hmm.
470
00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:26,965
- Yup.
- Wow.
471
00:19:27,048 --> 00:19:28,592
- There it is.
- Are they all mouth related?
472
00:19:28,675 --> 00:19:30,385
Well, my tongue was
clipped when I was two.
473
00:19:30,468 --> 00:19:31,937
- Okay.
- I have a lot of party tricks
474
00:19:31,940 --> 00:19:34,055
but not a lot of actual skills.
475
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:35,724
And working with your
sister is so amazing.
476
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:37,267
I mean, she cares about so many things.
477
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:38,935
- Yeah.
- I wanna make a difference.
478
00:19:39,019 --> 00:19:40,395
You'll figure it out.
479
00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:42,522
Eleanor Roosevelt started
out as arm candy too.
480
00:19:42,606 --> 00:19:43,690
To Eleanor!
481
00:19:43,773 --> 00:19:45,066
Yes!
482
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,027
Oh, my God. Your lives seem so fun.
483
00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,321
All I do with my mouth is yell.
484
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:55,076
Can I interest you in a twilight swim?
485
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,412
Uh, I didn't bring my suit.
486
00:19:57,495 --> 00:19:59,873
You don't need one.
487
00:20:11,676 --> 00:20:13,428
Oh, you're kidding.
488
00:20:13,511 --> 00:20:14,888
- Really?
- Yeah.
489
00:20:14,971 --> 00:20:16,348
I gotta hand it to you,
you set a nice hook.
490
00:20:16,431 --> 00:20:18,058
It was a pretty easy reel-in for me.
491
00:20:18,141 --> 00:20:20,602
I mean, obviously I'm
no angling enthusiast,
492
00:20:20,685 --> 00:20:22,604
but I think I can get what
that means from context.
493
00:20:22,687 --> 00:20:25,273
He wants the inside cover
for some fancy skin line
494
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,400
and then a few half-pages
for, I don't know,
495
00:20:27,484 --> 00:20:28,985
some eye-related goo. But he's in.
496
00:20:29,069 --> 00:20:31,738
It looks like Cadillacs
and caviar are in play.
497
00:20:31,821 --> 00:20:33,782
Au revoir, le double dong.
498
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,158
Oh, my God.
499
00:20:35,242 --> 00:20:36,701
One other thing is, uh,
500
00:20:36,785 --> 00:20:40,247
Mr. Ross wants me to toss
in a night with Bambi.
501
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,043
Uh, you're not suggesting...
502
00:20:45,126 --> 00:20:47,796
I am. In order to close the deal,
503
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,589
he wants a night with Bambi at his...
504
00:20:49,673 --> 00:20:51,925
I guess you could call it his
"fuck pad" at the Ravenswood.
505
00:20:52,008 --> 00:20:53,927
But I will defer to you.
506
00:20:54,010 --> 00:20:57,806
I'll let you decide if
those terms are acceptable.
507
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:00,141
Ha ha, very funny.
508
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:03,186
This is his address and the code
509
00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:04,479
to get in the back entrance.
510
00:21:04,562 --> 00:21:06,064
You could try it yourself,
511
00:21:06,147 --> 00:21:07,816
just be prepared for a handsy old man
512
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:09,734
who probably only gets semi-hard.
513
00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:17,784
I'm sorry, kid, but this card
is who these people really are.
514
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,463
This isn't music.
515
00:21:30,547 --> 00:21:33,049
No, "The Great American Songbook,"
516
00:21:33,133 --> 00:21:35,135
now, that is music.
517
00:21:35,218 --> 00:21:38,305
No, poetry.
518
00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:42,350
♪ Night and day, you are the one ♪
519
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,186
♪ Only you beneath the moon ♪
520
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:47,188
♪ And under the sun ♪
521
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,024
Hope I'm not interrupting.
522
00:21:49,107 --> 00:21:51,026
Cole Porter is who you're interrupting.
523
00:21:51,109 --> 00:21:53,028
I hear we're going to be in business.
524
00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:54,863
You heard right, young lady.
525
00:21:54,946 --> 00:21:57,866
Your partner, Mr. Renetti, got
a good head on his shoulders.
526
00:21:57,949 --> 00:22:01,244
So is this the address we
should use for your contract?
527
00:22:04,789 --> 00:22:07,876
All my life, you've
lorded over this club.
528
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:11,379
And I have had to listen to
your toasts and your agendas
529
00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:14,549
and your archaic rules
about dressing modestly
530
00:22:14,632 --> 00:22:15,925
and acting with decorum.
531
00:22:16,009 --> 00:22:17,594
I don't know what you're insinuating,
532
00:22:17,677 --> 00:22:19,971
but clearly, you have
misread the situation.
533
00:22:20,055 --> 00:22:21,806
Oh, so you're not a vile misogynist
534
00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,893
who makes a deal to have a human being
535
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,394
delivered to his bed?
536
00:22:30,940 --> 00:22:32,609
It's all right, everyone.
537
00:22:32,692 --> 00:22:35,695
It's just Miss Prigger
in one of her tizzies.
538
00:22:35,779 --> 00:22:37,405
Yeah. Yeah.
539
00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:41,117
And that was just Mr.
Ross' hand on my ass
540
00:22:41,201 --> 00:22:45,121
when I was 12 years old and won
the Juniors Tennis Tournament.
541
00:22:45,205 --> 00:22:48,583
You wanna know why I'm
never on the courts anymore?
542
00:22:48,666 --> 00:22:51,503
It's because that ass grab made me quit.
543
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:58,927
Oh, none of you are gonna say anything?
544
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:02,097
You are an embarrassment.
545
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:05,767
It's a good thing your father
didn't live to see this day.
546
00:23:06,518 --> 00:23:08,645
Ooh...
547
00:23:11,856 --> 00:23:14,109
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
548
00:23:18,113 --> 00:23:19,489
Uh...
549
00:23:32,502 --> 00:23:34,212
You're fine.
550
00:23:42,554 --> 00:23:45,306
God, I've wanted to do that for years.
551
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:47,767
I didn't even know you could
break three ribs at once.
552
00:23:47,851 --> 00:23:49,060
Doug told me what he said,
553
00:23:49,144 --> 00:23:50,770
so I gave it a little extra oomph.
554
00:23:50,854 --> 00:23:53,189
- So a new talent.
- Ooh.
555
00:23:53,273 --> 00:23:54,816
Jesus, Prigger.
556
00:23:54,899 --> 00:23:57,444
Who knew you could throw a punch?
557
00:23:57,527 --> 00:23:59,988
I can never come back to this place.
558
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:03,032
And I think I'm fine with that.
559
00:24:04,367 --> 00:24:06,077
Hey, Joyce, when I, uh...
560
00:24:06,161 --> 00:24:08,913
when I met that man and
realized that he might actually
561
00:24:08,997 --> 00:24:12,542
advertise in our magazine,
I'm not gonna lie to you, kid,
562
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:14,210
I got...
563
00:24:14,294 --> 00:24:16,045
I got really excited.
564
00:24:17,088 --> 00:24:18,423
Yeah.
565
00:24:18,506 --> 00:24:20,842
I mean, what, you don't
think I want to, uh,
566
00:24:20,925 --> 00:24:22,594
I don't know, be in business with people
567
00:24:22,677 --> 00:24:24,846
who've got real money?
568
00:24:24,929 --> 00:24:27,682
Chum it up at The Palm
on somebody else's dime?
569
00:24:27,765 --> 00:24:29,476
Yeah, that's not...
570
00:24:29,559 --> 00:24:31,186
that's not where we are, though.
571
00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:34,063
No, but I believe we will be.
572
00:24:34,147 --> 00:24:37,400
You and me together on our terms.
573
00:24:37,484 --> 00:24:38,735
I like the sound of that.
574
00:24:38,818 --> 00:24:40,361
Good.
575
00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:42,363
'Cause I need you to
do something for me.
576
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:44,240
Oh, God.
577
00:24:44,324 --> 00:24:47,285
There's so many textures and sizes.
578
00:24:47,368 --> 00:24:49,370
Oh, this one has a very realistic vein.
579
00:24:49,454 --> 00:24:52,415
Oh, I got an idea. How about, "Dildos.
580
00:24:52,499 --> 00:24:54,751
When every other advertiser says no."
581
00:24:56,044 --> 00:24:58,588
Can I ask a crazy question?
582
00:24:58,671 --> 00:25:02,884
Is it really so bad to let
women know about sex toys?
583
00:25:02,967 --> 00:25:04,844
What woman wants a sex toy?
584
00:25:04,928 --> 00:25:06,596
I don't know anyone who uses them.
585
00:25:07,597 --> 00:25:09,766
- Uh, yes you do.
- Oh?
586
00:25:12,810 --> 00:25:15,121
- Oh.
- Yeah, it's the only way I can, um...
587
00:25:16,104 --> 00:25:19,234
get to the end, per se.
588
00:25:19,317 --> 00:25:21,361
So not with Lenny?
589
00:25:21,444 --> 00:25:23,446
No, I mean, sex feels
nice, but I just...
590
00:25:23,530 --> 00:25:26,449
I need something to
push me over the edge.
591
00:25:26,533 --> 00:25:29,911
For a long time, I thought there
was something wrong with me.
592
00:25:29,994 --> 00:25:33,414
If I'd been aware of
these, um... helpers,
593
00:25:33,498 --> 00:25:35,333
you know, when I was first married,
594
00:25:35,416 --> 00:25:37,418
it might have saved me a lot of tears
595
00:25:37,502 --> 00:25:41,089
and a scary trip downtown
with a wig and glasses.
596
00:25:42,549 --> 00:25:43,967
I had no idea.
597
00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:46,261
Yeah, well, we don't talk
about this kind of stuff.
598
00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:48,680
Well, maybe we should.
599
00:25:48,763 --> 00:25:50,265
Yeah. Okay.
600
00:25:50,348 --> 00:25:52,433
Uh, what's your favorite
way to masturbate?
601
00:25:52,517 --> 00:25:54,102
Oh, my God, no.
602
00:25:54,185 --> 00:25:55,603
Excuse me, Miss.
603
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,939
I just told you some
very personal things.
604
00:25:58,022 --> 00:25:59,899
Things only my hairdresser knows.
605
00:25:59,983 --> 00:26:01,401
No.
606
00:26:01,484 --> 00:26:03,611
I d... I don't do it, anyway, so...
607
00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:05,113
Not really. So it's just, you know...
608
00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:07,115
It makes me feel, um...
609
00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:08,658
Ugh. It's dumb.
610
00:26:08,741 --> 00:26:10,451
So the only way you can get pleasure
611
00:26:10,535 --> 00:26:12,078
is when you're with a man?
612
00:26:12,161 --> 00:26:14,080
That's not very feminist, Joycie.
613
00:26:14,163 --> 00:26:15,957
I mean, what would Gloria Steinem say?
614
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,375
I hope if I ever meet Gloria Steinem,
615
00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:19,002
we are not talking about masturbating.
616
00:26:19,085 --> 00:26:20,712
And I very much hope that you are.
617
00:26:20,795 --> 00:26:23,047
She probably has a few
tricks up her sleeve,
618
00:26:23,131 --> 00:26:24,299
you know?
619
00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:25,508
All right, I'll see you later.
620
00:26:25,592 --> 00:26:28,761
Use this one. Level 4. Okay?
621
00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:25,943
Ahh.
622
00:27:26,027 --> 00:27:27,862
Ahh!
623
00:27:30,490 --> 00:27:32,492
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
624
00:27:32,575 --> 00:27:35,244
Holy moly!
625
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:53,500
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