1
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,019
You may not know me.
I'm Big Enos Burdette.
2
00:00:42,447 --> 00:00:44,689
This is my son, Little Enos.
3
00:00:45,158 --> 00:00:49,654
Believe me, you put Enos Burdette
in the capitol building in Austin...
4
00:00:49,996 --> 00:00:52,950
Holy... Is that who I think it is?
5
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:56,785
If that ain't John Coen,
then I'm the Incredible Hulk.
6
00:00:56,879 --> 00:00:58,706
Bomb bay doors open.
7
00:01:05,303 --> 00:01:06,964
Bombs away!
8
00:01:22,614 --> 00:01:25,816
Daddy, this bullshit has got to stop.
9
00:01:25,908 --> 00:01:28,067
"Do you know
10
00:01:28,161 --> 00:01:30,912
"You are my sunshine?"
11
00:01:30,997 --> 00:01:34,995
She asked so sweet and tenderly
12
00:01:35,085 --> 00:01:38,702
I reckon if I spend a few more million,
I'd have this election sewed up.
13
00:01:38,796 --> 00:01:42,130
You better. You only raised $80
at that last benefit dinner.
14
00:01:42,217 --> 00:01:44,708
I delivered the Statler Brothers, didn't I?
15
00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:49,302
Are you ready, Son?
16
00:01:49,391 --> 00:01:52,926
Nobody shit-bombs a Burdette
and gets away with it.
17
00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:55,558
I'll tell you one thing.
When I'm elected governor...
18
00:01:55,647 --> 00:01:57,806
I'm gonna pass a law
that damn fools like that...
19
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,726
can't fly over other people's property.
20
00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:02,985
Let it fly, boy! Let it fly!
21
00:02:03,322 --> 00:02:04,521
Shit!
22
00:02:15,251 --> 00:02:20,163
Enos Burdette, your fat ass will not warm
the governor's chair...
23
00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:22,712
if I have to spend every goddamn dime I got!
24
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:27,845
Candidates for governor of Texas?
25
00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:33,344
Why don't you boys try something
a little more your size?
26
00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:37,434
If I had my choice,
I'd endorse one of the Dallas cheerleaders...
27
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:40,015
before I'd back either one of you...
28
00:02:40,653 --> 00:02:42,027
turkeys!
29
00:02:42,738 --> 00:02:45,027
Now, get out of my sight!
30
00:02:56,502 --> 00:02:57,533
What is it?
31
00:02:57,628 --> 00:02:59,206
It's Silisbey, Governor.
32
00:02:59,297 --> 00:03:02,962
Silisbey, I told you before.
I will now tell you again.
33
00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:07,011
Go to Pier 23 in Miami.
34
00:03:07,097 --> 00:03:11,759
Pick up crate number 1444,
and deliver its contents...
35
00:03:11,851 --> 00:03:15,683
to the Republican National Convention
in Dallas in nine days.
36
00:03:15,772 --> 00:03:18,477
No, you fool, nine days! Nine!
37
00:03:19,943 --> 00:03:24,439
That crate is a very special gift from me
to the Grand Old Party.
38
00:03:24,531 --> 00:03:27,616
It'll be your ass if it's not there in time.
39
00:03:28,493 --> 00:03:32,112
Just get me crate number 1444.
40
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:38,082
- Son, come on. Come on, Son.
- Where we going, Daddy? And why?
41
00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:41,040
We're going to the governor's office,
by way of Miami.
42
00:03:55,313 --> 00:03:59,097
Well, if I can keep it on the ground
when I put that hammer down
43
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:02,857
Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin'
44
00:04:02,945 --> 00:04:06,564
I've got my 10 in the wind
Let it all hang out again
45
00:04:06,658 --> 00:04:10,276
'Cause how you gonna win
if you ain't tryin'?
46
00:04:10,745 --> 00:04:14,411
Well, we're all back together
and we're burnin' up the road
47
00:04:14,499 --> 00:04:17,702
And that old sheriff's
out there doggin' us again
48
00:04:17,794 --> 00:04:20,961
He thinks he's really got it cookin'
Plans to do a lot of bookin'
49
00:04:22,633 --> 00:04:26,251
Only trouble,
he keeps looking' where we've already been
50
00:04:26,345 --> 00:04:30,390
So if I can keep it on the ground
when I put that hammer down
51
00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:34,092
Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin'
52
00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,167
Fred, I know you're nervous...
53
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:07,129
but if you can hold them burger bits down
for one more lap...
54
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,546
me and you gonna be $20,000 richer!
55
00:05:10,223 --> 00:05:13,010
On to the white flag,
with one lap to go.
56
00:05:37,585 --> 00:05:39,993
Coming down.
Look at that straightaway!
57
00:05:40,338 --> 00:05:42,129
Look at that!
58
00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,764
Truck's demolished,
but he's gonna walk away.
59
00:06:00,859 --> 00:06:02,650
Looks like he's all right.
60
00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:05,651
Big Iron coming down to the finish.
61
00:06:05,739 --> 00:06:09,025
The Jimmy General out in front
at the end of 200 miles.
62
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:12,118
All bunched up and coming down
to the finish line...
63
00:06:12,203 --> 00:06:15,039
your winner will be Cledus Snowman.
64
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:29,176
Fred, did you ever see a check that big?
I'm gonna use that and get you a face-lift.
65
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,971
Snowman, see you a minute?
66
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:36,179
Folks, I want you to meet
Big Wart and Little Wart.
67
00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:40,855
You be careful, Snowman.
Us Burdettes don't take kindly...
68
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:42,816
to a slur on our family name.
69
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,939
I'm sorry. I thought you two was a slur
on your family name.
70
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,440
Snowman, we didn't come here to fight.
71
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,194
He's smarter than he looks, ain't he?
72
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,702
Look, we got us a business proposition.
We gotta find the Bandit.
73
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,663
I figured you was looking for the Bandit.
74
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,244
You know where he is?
75
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,411
That depends on how hard
somebody's looking for him.
76
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:05,000
- We're looking mighty hard.
- I mean hard, like in hard cash.
77
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,176
$100,000? US?
78
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:13,260
You want his phone number, MasterCharge
number or the colour of his Jockey shorts?
79
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,975
I mean, I can...
80
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:19,688
You don't have to take my picture.
I'll go home and sit on your dresser.
81
00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:22,265
Look, time's a-wasting here, Snowman.
82
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,479
You want to breed
or listen to my proposition?
83
00:07:26,322 --> 00:07:30,107
Bring Fred, the truck and anything else
that looks nice down to the pit.
84
00:07:30,202 --> 00:07:34,033
I appreciate you two dropping by
and trashing up my moment of glory.
85
00:07:34,122 --> 00:07:35,995
You want the money or the glory?
86
00:07:36,082 --> 00:07:38,655
I'd like to have them both,
but I got this problem.
87
00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:41,871
Let me guess.
You don't know where the Bandit is?
88
00:07:41,963 --> 00:07:44,834
We got us a winner.
Yeah, my mind went blank.
89
00:07:44,925 --> 00:07:47,630
Let me jiggle your memory bank a little bit.
90
00:07:47,719 --> 00:07:49,094
$200,000?
91
00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:52,345
Well, the clouds are parting a little.
92
00:07:52,432 --> 00:07:56,762
- $200,000. You take it or leave it.
- Would you believe I just got total recall?
93
00:07:56,853 --> 00:08:01,562
Here's the deal. You go down and pick up
this package on a Miami dock...
94
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,475
and deliver it to the governor of Texas.
95
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:06,528
- The governor of Texas?
- That's right.
96
00:08:06,614 --> 00:08:08,274
Strictly legit.
97
00:08:08,366 --> 00:08:11,236
- And you're Wilt Chamberlain.
- That's right.
98
00:08:11,327 --> 00:08:15,574
Listen, this whole thing is legal.
I'll stake my reputation on that.
99
00:08:15,665 --> 00:08:17,123
His, too.
100
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:23,336
- That makes me feel a whole lot better.
- There's one thing bothers us.
101
00:08:23,715 --> 00:08:27,167
We heard talk of the Bandit slipping.
102
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:31,210
"Gone into the shithouse"
is the exact phrase we heard.
103
00:08:31,306 --> 00:08:34,722
May I tell you boys something?
He is in better shape now...
104
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:36,968
than he's ever been in his life, trust me.
105
00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:19,729
Hey, Bo.
106
00:09:25,153 --> 00:09:27,027
Bo, you all right?
107
00:09:28,448 --> 00:09:30,820
Cledus, you've gotten taller.
108
00:09:30,909 --> 00:09:34,195
Yes, and you've gotten drunker.
This place looks like a shithouse.
109
00:09:34,288 --> 00:09:36,779
- Want to sit down? Sit there.
- Come on, Bo.
110
00:09:36,874 --> 00:09:38,950
What've you got on?
Come on, here.
111
00:09:40,086 --> 00:09:42,755
- Is that you, Cledus?
- Yeah, it's me.
112
00:09:42,838 --> 00:09:45,957
- You dropped my watch.
- I know it. Come here.
113
00:09:46,091 --> 00:09:47,502
Sit down.
114
00:09:48,177 --> 00:09:50,964
- Your timing is just rotten.
- Look.
115
00:09:52,682 --> 00:09:57,509
I'm gonna make us a lot of money.
$200,000. Look.
116
00:09:59,271 --> 00:10:01,099
$200,000.
117
00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:05,022
Big and Little Enos are out there,
and they got $200,000.
118
00:10:05,111 --> 00:10:08,646
I need you to be straight
for three minutes. Can you manage...
119
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:10,898
That's good enough. Come on.
120
00:10:11,535 --> 00:10:14,108
Come here. $200,000.
121
00:10:14,204 --> 00:10:17,738
But you've got to be straight
for two minutes. That's all I need.
122
00:10:17,832 --> 00:10:19,908
Want a picture of me? Only 50 cents apiece.
123
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:21,710
- You can have one for nothing.
- Hello.
124
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:26,042
Fellows. No. Get back in here.
125
00:10:26,633 --> 00:10:29,754
When we get in there,
let me do the talking.
126
00:10:31,013 --> 00:10:33,338
Okay, fellows. Come on in.
127
00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:42,772
Now, he's meditating.
Don't talk to him much.
128
00:10:43,275 --> 00:10:46,110
Don't run off, Bandit. This is a sweet deal.
129
00:10:46,195 --> 00:10:50,276
$200,000 just to bring a package
from Florida to Dallas.
130
00:10:53,577 --> 00:10:55,950
That's what I said: $200,000.
131
00:10:59,918 --> 00:11:01,791
I don't think he's interested.
132
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:06,421
- What does it take to keep this man erect?
- A different set of figures.
133
00:11:07,217 --> 00:11:09,256
How much more do you want?
134
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:15,684
Four. $400,000.
135
00:11:16,602 --> 00:11:18,428
You got it. Is it a deal?
136
00:11:21,273 --> 00:11:23,431
I'll check with him.
137
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,278
- Got a deal.
- Okay. Don't get up, Bandit.
138
00:11:30,365 --> 00:11:32,654
I gotta go now,
but I'll see you back in Texas.
139
00:11:32,743 --> 00:11:36,195
- And here's the number of the crate.
- Wait a minute.
140
00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:40,204
He wants to say something else.
141
00:11:42,211 --> 00:11:43,409
Right.
142
00:11:45,006 --> 00:11:49,217
If he doesn't get at least half the money,
he may become very violent.
143
00:11:49,302 --> 00:11:51,709
Give him the money, Little Enos.
144
00:11:58,186 --> 00:12:00,345
I'd like to kick his ass just once.
145
00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:02,396
Come on. Let's go.
146
00:12:09,531 --> 00:12:12,366
He's overdue for
a good butt-kicking.
147
00:12:13,243 --> 00:12:14,702
Look at that.
148
00:12:14,786 --> 00:12:17,871
Do you realize we can start a bank?
149
00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:22,491
That's more money than I've seen
in one time in my life!
150
00:12:28,217 --> 00:12:32,262
You're crying. We got the money.
What are you crying...
151
00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:37,098
I was just thinking about Frog.
152
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:45,185
I really wish it could've worked for you two.
153
00:12:47,028 --> 00:12:48,819
I'm ready!
154
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,446
Don't hurt the money.
155
00:12:55,912 --> 00:12:57,786
I don't need anybody!
156
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,197
Okay.
157
00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:04,241
You think I ain't ready, son?
You just watch my smoke.
158
00:13:09,176 --> 00:13:12,462
Daddy, come on.
You're gonna be late for my wedding.
159
00:13:19,645 --> 00:13:21,389
Sumbitch.
160
00:13:22,731 --> 00:13:26,267
- Good morning, Sheriff.
- Good morning, nice lady.
161
00:13:26,903 --> 00:13:30,402
You must be mighty proud
of that wonderful son you got.
162
00:13:30,489 --> 00:13:32,234
Let me tell you something.
163
00:13:32,324 --> 00:13:35,491
Junior's nothing but a big mound
of tick turd.
164
00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:40,034
Imagine. Trying to marry that floozy
for a second time.
165
00:13:41,251 --> 00:13:45,000
You know, if Junior is able to
get up in the morning...
166
00:13:45,588 --> 00:13:48,126
tie his shoelaces and take a pee...
167
00:13:48,216 --> 00:13:52,048
- I'm not proud. I'm amazed.
- I declare.
168
00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:56,004
I didn't realize this floozy was the same one
as the last one.
169
00:13:56,099 --> 00:14:00,049
But I do remember all that trouble,
that poor child being abducted...
170
00:14:00,145 --> 00:14:03,230
and taken off by that
handsome devil, Bandit.
171
00:14:16,496 --> 00:14:18,987
Sheriff, is that your radio acting up?
172
00:14:19,082 --> 00:14:22,664
No, that ain't my radio.
It's my hemo-gauge that's beeping.
173
00:14:22,752 --> 00:14:25,457
This hemo-gauge and that exercise...
174
00:14:25,546 --> 00:14:29,626
was invented in a monastery by a couple
of Tibetan monks.
175
00:14:30,051 --> 00:14:31,546
They live in Newark now.
176
00:14:31,636 --> 00:14:36,049
And just lucky enough,
I saw the advertisement in Screw magazine.
177
00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:39,344
So I sent away for it. Cost me $19.95.
178
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:42,977
That's just wonderful, Sheriff.
I guess that makes it easier for you...
179
00:14:43,064 --> 00:14:46,065
to deal with that business
about your daughter-in-law to be...
180
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:50,611
running off with that gorgeous,
handsome Bandit.
181
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,195
Daddy?
182
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:01,615
Come on. You're gonna be late.
183
00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:04,954
Sumbitch.
184
00:15:05,922 --> 00:15:09,705
My dear friends, you have
come together in this church...
185
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,671
so that the Lord
may seal and strengthen your love.
186
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,424
Excuse me.
187
00:15:18,935 --> 00:15:20,180
Hello?
188
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:22,476
But, sir, this is a wedding.
189
00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:24,686
All right, just a moment.
190
00:15:26,276 --> 00:15:28,601
It's for the bride-to-be.
It's long distance.
191
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,940
Carrie?
192
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,191
It's for you.
193
00:15:33,074 --> 00:15:35,447
Junior, I don't think I should take it
right now.
194
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,323
You gotta take it. It's long distance.
195
00:15:38,622 --> 00:15:39,902
Right.
196
00:15:45,128 --> 00:15:46,374
Hello?
197
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:49,167
Yes, it is.
198
00:15:49,842 --> 00:15:52,380
Cledus, hi! How are you?
199
00:15:52,470 --> 00:15:54,261
I'm good.
200
00:15:54,347 --> 00:15:57,348
Look, Cledus, I'm a little busy right now.
201
00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,677
Who's in trouble?
202
00:16:00,811 --> 00:16:02,935
Oh, him.
203
00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:05,229
Yeah, sure. I remember him.
204
00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:07,557
Help?
205
00:16:09,153 --> 00:16:11,111
Why should I help him?
206
00:16:11,489 --> 00:16:13,233
What good reason?
207
00:16:13,533 --> 00:16:16,155
$50,000? That's a good reason.
208
00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:19,863
Yeah, right. I'll be right there.
209
00:16:22,709 --> 00:16:25,461
Junior, do you love me?
210
00:16:25,545 --> 00:16:28,167
- Sure, Carrie.
- Good.
211
00:16:28,757 --> 00:16:31,675
'Cause maybe then you'll understand
and you'll wait for me.
212
00:16:31,761 --> 00:16:36,422
When I get back, I'll have enough money for
that brand new milking machine you want.
213
00:16:36,515 --> 00:16:39,884
Good! And maybe someday
we can buy a cow.
214
00:16:40,602 --> 00:16:41,883
Right.
215
00:16:45,524 --> 00:16:46,935
Not again.
216
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:54,066
Now, just where do you think you're going?
217
00:16:54,909 --> 00:16:56,783
The Bandit needs me.
218
00:17:00,081 --> 00:17:02,751
And you better recharge your beeper.
219
00:17:15,806 --> 00:17:18,972
Damn! I thought I was supposed
to go with her.
220
00:17:20,602 --> 00:17:23,176
Well, I said it before...
221
00:17:24,065 --> 00:17:26,437
and I'm gonna say it again.
222
00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:31,650
There ain't no way
that you could come from my loins.
223
00:17:32,739 --> 00:17:35,990
I'm going home
and kick your mama in the butt.
224
00:17:37,202 --> 00:17:41,035
- Okay, where's the rest of it?
- You found them all, massa.
225
00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:50,122
Yeah.
226
00:17:50,216 --> 00:17:53,715
You know what I think
about your big training program?
227
00:17:53,803 --> 00:17:58,097
- J-O-A-K, joke. That's what I think.
- I'm in better shape every day.
228
00:17:58,182 --> 00:18:02,394
If Big Enos could ship that package
of his to Texas behind a team of mules...
229
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:04,139
it'd beat us at the rate we're going.
230
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,900
Just 'cause I started shaking,
you're falling to pieces.
231
00:18:06,983 --> 00:18:09,771
Shaking? You've got the DTs so bad...
232
00:18:09,861 --> 00:18:12,531
you could thread a sewing machine
with it running.
233
00:18:12,614 --> 00:18:13,894
Thanks. I'll take that.
234
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:16,232
I don't know why you sent for her.
I don't need her.
235
00:18:16,326 --> 00:18:18,319
You don't need anybody, but she's coming.
236
00:18:18,412 --> 00:18:20,820
Why don't you admit
you're glad she's coming?
237
00:18:20,915 --> 00:18:23,584
You'll need all the help you can get
to get in shape...
238
00:18:23,709 --> 00:18:25,749
to make this run, anyway.
239
00:18:27,504 --> 00:18:29,627
Well, that's about enough.
240
00:18:29,715 --> 00:18:31,293
- How many is that?
- One.
241
00:18:31,384 --> 00:18:34,302
- You did one yesterday.
- I know, and it hurt.
242
00:18:34,387 --> 00:18:37,423
Do you think maybe you could squeeze
two out of your body...
243
00:18:37,515 --> 00:18:40,385
- ...without having a coronary?
- I could try.
244
00:18:42,353 --> 00:18:45,307
She never was that much of a help, anyway.
245
00:18:47,525 --> 00:18:50,479
I just figured out why my album didn't sell.
246
00:18:50,570 --> 00:18:52,610
It was the wrong selection of material:
247
00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:54,821
- The Bandit Sings Cole Porter.
- Listen.
248
00:18:54,908 --> 00:18:58,193
If you think the girl was having a good time,
look at that.
249
00:18:58,286 --> 00:19:00,445
Hell, she had to get in line to see you!
250
00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:02,496
She left me when the going got tough.
251
00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:03,697
Hold it.
252
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:06,828
I distinctly remember
that when the going got good...
253
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,162
it was Bo's big ego
that busted everything up.
254
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:12,672
Remember what I told you?
I said, "If you ever lose that girl...
255
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,381
"you're gonna wind up being
a booze-head ex-superstar...
256
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:20,382
"and every time you come up for air,
you'll have a can of beer in your hand."
257
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,890
- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah?
258
00:19:23,354 --> 00:19:25,228
Would you... Give me the beer!
259
00:19:25,314 --> 00:19:27,354
You're gonna keep drinking
that stuff...
260
00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:30,645
your belly's the size of
a number ten washtub.
261
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:36,152
You know what? I hope I'm there
when they do the autopsy on your butt...
262
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,942
'cause your kidneys gotta look like
the air cleaner on a KW.
263
00:19:40,037 --> 00:19:44,913
Besides, me and you together couldn't
scrape up six people to be your pallbearers.
264
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:47,788
That's a long walk to make by your...
265
00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:54,507
Somebody left this up here.
266
00:19:57,598 --> 00:19:59,507
I'm gonna put it back.
267
00:20:06,690 --> 00:20:08,433
Bo, she's here.
268
00:20:50,694 --> 00:20:52,852
- Hi, Frog.
- Hi, Bandit.
269
00:20:54,865 --> 00:20:57,154
- You're shaking.
- I'm cold.
270
00:20:58,994 --> 00:21:02,245
I thought maybe you were nervous
about seeing me again.
271
00:21:02,331 --> 00:21:03,659
I'm cold.
272
00:21:04,208 --> 00:21:08,252
It's been a long time since I've seen you,
six or seven months.
273
00:21:08,337 --> 00:21:09,666
I don't know.
274
00:21:09,755 --> 00:21:14,049
It's more like eight months, four days,
and six and a half hours, but I'm not sure.
275
00:21:14,844 --> 00:21:17,513
After we broke up, where did you go?
276
00:21:18,056 --> 00:21:20,013
- To pieces.
- Yeah?
277
00:21:20,099 --> 00:21:21,926
And then I went to New York.
278
00:21:22,018 --> 00:21:25,518
I started dancing again.
I got this fabulous job in a rock musical.
279
00:21:25,605 --> 00:21:28,310
Is that where you got those clothes?
280
00:21:29,025 --> 00:21:32,809
- What's wrong with these clothes?
- Nothing, if you're in a rock musical.
281
00:21:32,904 --> 00:21:37,068
I wouldn't talk if I were you.
You look like "The Gay Caballero."
282
00:21:38,869 --> 00:21:42,617
- Let's not fight.
- I don't want to fight, either.
283
00:21:42,706 --> 00:21:44,579
Miss Frog, remember me?
284
00:21:44,666 --> 00:21:45,947
Cledus!
285
00:21:47,044 --> 00:21:48,289
You skinny old bone!
286
00:21:48,379 --> 00:21:51,048
My God, the man has no meat
on him whatsoever.
287
00:21:51,131 --> 00:21:53,801
You ever seen a fat racehorse, mama?
288
00:21:54,093 --> 00:21:57,011
- Do you know how glad I am to see--
- Hey.
289
00:21:58,347 --> 00:22:01,514
- What is this?
- Cledus, you didn't tell him?
290
00:22:01,601 --> 00:22:04,270
No. Frog, I forgot.
291
00:22:07,106 --> 00:22:10,724
I was getting all set to marry
Junior again when I got your call.
292
00:22:10,818 --> 00:22:14,899
You didn't waste much time dilly-dallying
around with another bunch of people...
293
00:22:14,990 --> 00:22:16,187
did you, once we broke up?
294
00:22:16,282 --> 00:22:19,200
You were dilly-dallying around
when we were still together.
295
00:22:19,285 --> 00:22:22,370
Hey, kids. Will you just knock it off?
296
00:22:22,455 --> 00:22:26,039
The important thing is
we're back together again, right?
297
00:22:27,168 --> 00:22:29,624
Yeah, he's right.
298
00:22:30,589 --> 00:22:33,127
Let me make myself perfectly clear.
299
00:22:33,217 --> 00:22:36,467
While there is a certain amount of
physical attraction between us...
300
00:22:36,554 --> 00:22:39,045
and even some residual affection,
due to nostalgia...
301
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:41,809
my one and only reason for being here
is money. M-O-N-E-Y.
302
00:22:41,892 --> 00:22:45,308
So let's get started
whipping your ass into shape.
303
00:22:47,481 --> 00:22:48,976
She still loves me.
304
00:24:30,338 --> 00:24:34,002
Damned if you ain't ready
for the Kentucky Derby, son!
305
00:24:35,635 --> 00:24:38,838
Forty-eight.
We ain't got but four days left.
306
00:24:38,930 --> 00:24:40,210
Forty-nine.
307
00:24:40,890 --> 00:24:42,170
Fifty.
308
00:24:42,391 --> 00:24:44,265
Texas is a long ways.
309
00:24:48,106 --> 00:24:50,229
You're getting pretty good.
310
00:24:50,316 --> 00:24:52,522
I got to quit this soon...
311
00:24:52,610 --> 00:24:56,026
or I'm gonna end up looking like
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
312
00:24:56,114 --> 00:24:57,905
I'm glad we're gonna get out of here.
313
00:24:57,991 --> 00:25:00,612
I'm afraid this luxurious lifestyle
is gonna grow on me.
314
00:25:00,702 --> 00:25:04,071
Slight problem there. I ain't got no wheels.
315
00:25:05,165 --> 00:25:08,830
I'm the only man in the world
that drank up a Trans-Am.
316
00:25:09,044 --> 00:25:12,045
Can you imagine Roy Rogers
selling Trigger for a six-pack?
317
00:25:12,131 --> 00:25:13,209
No.
318
00:25:13,298 --> 00:25:16,252
- Think he's ready, mama?
- I think he's ready.
319
00:25:16,343 --> 00:25:19,629
- You see, we have got a surprise for you.
- What?
320
00:25:19,722 --> 00:25:22,758
- We've got a surprise for you.
- Yes, big surprise.
321
00:25:22,850 --> 00:25:25,887
- If you will just kindly step outside.
- Right outside, here.
322
00:25:25,978 --> 00:25:29,264
We got something we'd like to show you.
Come on.
323
00:25:33,027 --> 00:25:34,605
Son of Trigger.
324
00:25:37,323 --> 00:25:39,150
You shouldn't have done that.
325
00:25:39,241 --> 00:25:41,282
Pretty, ain't it? I didn't do it all by myself.
326
00:25:41,369 --> 00:25:43,362
- Mama helped me a little.
- What did you do?
327
00:25:43,455 --> 00:25:45,827
I traded Junior's car in on it.
328
00:25:50,587 --> 00:25:52,413
- Black is beautiful.
- Expensive, too.
329
00:25:52,505 --> 00:25:54,463
- But worth it.
- Yeah.
330
00:25:54,550 --> 00:25:56,257
Where was that you said we were going?
331
00:25:56,343 --> 00:25:59,510
- Where do you think we need to go?
- Miami.
332
00:26:03,642 --> 00:26:08,600
Ride, country cowboy, ride
333
00:26:11,233 --> 00:26:16,394
The open highway is your range
334
00:26:19,575 --> 00:26:23,275
Ten-four little buckaroo
335
00:26:23,370 --> 00:26:26,574
And happy trails to you
336
00:26:27,625 --> 00:26:32,287
Ride, country cowboy, ride
337
00:26:34,799 --> 00:26:38,667
Now you're the Bandit on the run
338
00:26:39,137 --> 00:26:42,588
Not a bad guy just havin' fun
339
00:26:43,308 --> 00:26:45,265
Still ridin' hard
340
00:26:45,352 --> 00:26:49,267
Beneath those western skies
341
00:26:50,774 --> 00:26:54,641
If there's an ambush up ahead
342
00:26:54,861 --> 00:26:58,729
And you see smokey's lights flashin' red
343
00:26:59,033 --> 00:27:02,615
Remember Trigger and me will be
344
00:27:02,703 --> 00:27:05,787
By your side
345
00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:12,201
So ride, country cowboy, ride
346
00:27:15,591 --> 00:27:18,046
Bet that smokey can't handle
the legendary Bandit...
347
00:27:18,135 --> 00:27:21,718
just driving along at old double nickel.
348
00:27:21,806 --> 00:27:25,140
Maybe he doesn't know
who the legendary Bandit is.
349
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:26,758
Doubtful.
350
00:27:26,853 --> 00:27:29,937
I'm what you call your "basic famous."
351
00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:32,265
- "Basic famous."
- Bandit!
352
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,891
Hey, Bandit! Hi!
353
00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:39,771
- Gotta be careful of women like that.
- Yeah?
354
00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:41,906
They start off,
they just want your autograph.
355
00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:45,197
Next, they wanna tear your clothes off.
Then they want your body.
356
00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:48,243
- You're kidding?
- No, I wouldn't kid about a thing like that.
357
00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:50,872
You don't joke about
people taking your clothes off.
358
00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:53,287
No. Golly, it must be hard.
359
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:56,843
- What?
- Being a superstar.
360
00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,799
I'll tell you something. Sometimes it's hell.
361
00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:01,512
- Is it?
- Yeah.
362
00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:04,267
I don't know. You feel like a freak.
363
00:28:04,350 --> 00:28:05,761
Probably.
364
00:28:07,395 --> 00:28:09,767
You know, I've been thinking...
365
00:28:10,064 --> 00:28:13,065
and I'd rather just have your autograph.
366
00:28:13,150 --> 00:28:16,317
- As opposed to what?
- Ripping your clothes off.
367
00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:17,567
Why?
368
00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:21,322
I've seen you with your clothes off,
remember?
369
00:28:22,327 --> 00:28:24,236
Of course I remember.
370
00:28:24,621 --> 00:28:26,495
It ain't no big deal.
371
00:28:37,801 --> 00:28:41,799
I swear I'm gonna break the camera,
with my hair in rollers like this.
372
00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:43,964
Hell, it's worth it...
373
00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:46,844
getting your picture took
with a living legend.
374
00:28:46,935 --> 00:28:51,016
- Bo, it's awful hot out here.
- I'll be right with you, honey.
375
00:28:51,107 --> 00:28:52,980
Take your time. I understand completely.
376
00:28:53,067 --> 00:28:55,772
I think I'd like one of those pictures
for myself...
377
00:28:55,862 --> 00:28:58,435
wallet-size, with a glossy finish,
the scalloped edges.
378
00:28:58,531 --> 00:29:00,607
I wanna remember this moment forever.
379
00:29:00,700 --> 00:29:02,573
Hold still. Say "cheese."
380
00:29:02,660 --> 00:29:04,736
- Cheese.
- Thank you.
381
00:29:06,039 --> 00:29:07,865
- Bye, gals.
- Thanks.
382
00:29:08,750 --> 00:29:10,541
I could die right here.
383
00:29:10,626 --> 00:29:12,702
- Bye!
- Bye, Bandit!
384
00:29:28,770 --> 00:29:31,440
- Howdy.
- What do you boys need?
385
00:29:31,523 --> 00:29:36,232
We're here to pick up a crate.
Do you have a crate number 1444?
386
00:29:36,319 --> 00:29:37,600
Got it right here.
387
00:29:37,696 --> 00:29:41,148
Right in between number 1443...
388
00:29:41,241 --> 00:29:43,911
- ...and 1445.
- Good place.
389
00:29:44,662 --> 00:29:47,449
You want to go down to the first building
on the right...
390
00:29:47,540 --> 00:29:48,821
and hook a left.
391
00:29:48,917 --> 00:29:51,324
- First dock on the left.
- Right.
392
00:29:52,128 --> 00:29:56,340
- No, left. You wanna go down here--
- Sir?
393
00:29:56,424 --> 00:29:58,464
That's all right. We'll find it. Thank you.
394
00:29:58,551 --> 00:30:01,755
Okay, that's all right. Hold it, boys.
395
00:30:02,597 --> 00:30:04,341
I can't let you take that crate.
396
00:30:04,433 --> 00:30:07,138
- What do you mean?
- I just checked my records...
397
00:30:07,227 --> 00:30:10,678
and that crate's quarantined
for another three weeks.
398
00:30:10,772 --> 00:30:14,022
Quarantined? You mean,
the crate's got the measles or something?
399
00:30:14,109 --> 00:30:15,389
You gotta be kidding.
400
00:30:15,485 --> 00:30:18,058
Ain't no place in the security business
for kidding.
401
00:30:18,154 --> 00:30:22,200
Just hold on there a minute, chief.
Let me explain something to you.
402
00:30:22,284 --> 00:30:25,617
We have to have that crate in Texas
in three days.
403
00:30:27,415 --> 00:30:31,494
- Hell, I suppose you could take the crate.
- Great.
404
00:30:31,585 --> 00:30:36,627
But it's just that you'll have to leave
what's in it here for three weeks.
405
00:30:38,550 --> 00:30:42,549
As I told you,
it's been quarantined for three weeks.
406
00:30:49,103 --> 00:30:51,594
Bo, would you keep your hands
to yourself?
407
00:30:53,149 --> 00:30:56,400
Hurry up. The sun's coming up.
408
00:30:56,612 --> 00:31:01,072
Creeping around in a warehouse.
We're going to jail, that's where we're going.
409
00:31:01,158 --> 00:31:03,731
- I'm going home.
- Turn the damn light on.
410
00:31:03,827 --> 00:31:05,903
- I ain't got the light.
- I got it.
411
00:31:05,996 --> 00:31:08,238
Give me the light, would you?
412
00:31:08,331 --> 00:31:10,288
- Find the number.
- I can't get--
413
00:31:10,417 --> 00:31:13,453
- Is burglary always this much fun?
- Find the number on the crate.
414
00:31:13,545 --> 00:31:17,080
I'm looking.
There ain't no numbers! Here's a number.
415
00:31:17,174 --> 00:31:19,416
- "1442."
- All right. We're getting close.
416
00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:20,838
Come on.
417
00:31:21,554 --> 00:31:24,887
Wait, here. "1445." We're hot.
418
00:31:24,974 --> 00:31:27,892
- Well, it's gotta be--
- Hey, here it is.
419
00:31:27,976 --> 00:31:30,349
- "1443."
- Give me that.
420
00:31:30,438 --> 00:31:33,972
"1443." "1445."
421
00:31:34,066 --> 00:31:36,604
- You see, 1444 should be right here.
- Bo?
422
00:31:38,154 --> 00:31:40,480
- What?
- Shine the light up there.
423
00:31:44,577 --> 00:31:48,160
"1444."
424
00:31:49,916 --> 00:31:52,917
Oh, shit!
425
00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:57,749
You mind telling me how come they paint
the number of our crate...
426
00:31:57,841 --> 00:31:59,667
up here on the side of the building?
427
00:31:59,759 --> 00:32:02,926
Well, it's a crate acting like a building.
428
00:32:03,013 --> 00:32:04,756
I was afraid you were gonna say that.
429
00:32:04,848 --> 00:32:08,467
You wanna tell me something?
How we gonna get that thing on the truck?
430
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,681
- Have you seen the size of this crate?
- Yeah.
431
00:32:12,648 --> 00:32:14,889
It's gonna take one hell of a forklift.
432
00:32:14,983 --> 00:32:17,440
Tell you right now,
I won't be able to keep up my end.
433
00:32:17,527 --> 00:32:22,654
Enos said it would fit in the truck.
The man's a chronic liar. I'm alone.
434
00:32:23,701 --> 00:32:26,572
- Listen, hold the light.
- Hold the light?
435
00:32:27,497 --> 00:32:29,869
For goodness' sake. It's just a crate.
436
00:32:46,182 --> 00:32:47,428
Shamu!
437
00:32:53,232 --> 00:32:55,189
Let's go check for the bones.
438
00:32:55,859 --> 00:32:57,935
Probably broken every bone
in his body.
439
00:32:58,028 --> 00:32:59,142
Hey, Bo?
440
00:33:03,993 --> 00:33:06,199
Come on. Quite a ride, huh?
441
00:33:06,537 --> 00:33:10,036
She caught me off guard,
or I would've rode her the full ten seconds.
442
00:33:10,124 --> 00:33:14,751
Bo, that was incredible.
You saved my life. It was totally unselfish.
443
00:33:15,254 --> 00:33:18,089
It weren't nothing.
I saw the elephant coming for you...
444
00:33:18,174 --> 00:33:21,009
so I jumped in front of you,
pulled you out of the way--
445
00:33:21,093 --> 00:33:23,382
The elephant hurt her foot.
446
00:33:23,471 --> 00:33:25,878
- Then the elephant what?
- I'm sorry.
447
00:33:25,973 --> 00:33:29,675
- Look. She hurt her foot.
- Who gives a turkey about her foot?
448
00:33:29,769 --> 00:33:31,263
I could've broke my back in there.
449
00:33:31,354 --> 00:33:32,469
Sweetheart.
450
00:33:32,564 --> 00:33:34,438
- You hurt her foot.
- I didn't!
451
00:33:34,524 --> 00:33:35,556
You did.
452
00:33:35,650 --> 00:33:39,434
All it was, was this little splinter
which was stuck in her foot.
453
00:33:40,572 --> 00:33:41,603
Easy, girl.
454
00:33:41,698 --> 00:33:43,737
- Cute couple, aren't they?
- Yeah, they are.
455
00:33:43,825 --> 00:33:47,408
Kind of reminds me of my Aunt Charlotte.
Smells like her, too.
456
00:33:47,496 --> 00:33:48,576
How rude.
457
00:33:48,663 --> 00:33:50,870
Now, Charlotte,
don't you listen to any of that.
458
00:33:50,958 --> 00:33:52,915
Now that you've got a hold of Charlotte--
459
00:33:53,002 --> 00:33:55,671
I don't have a hold of Charlotte.
She's got hold of me.
460
00:33:55,755 --> 00:33:58,080
Whatever. Why don't you both
mosey to the truck...
461
00:33:58,174 --> 00:34:00,499
get on, we'll get out,
and won't get into trouble.
462
00:34:00,593 --> 00:34:02,550
Let go of me, Charlotte.
463
00:34:02,636 --> 00:34:04,096
Thank you.
464
00:34:04,180 --> 00:34:07,631
- Open the door, Cledus.
- Okay. I'd like to see this.
465
00:34:07,725 --> 00:34:12,185
I'm coming, too.
I'm behind the whole troop here.
466
00:34:12,271 --> 00:34:14,099
Bringing up the rear, so to speak.
467
00:34:14,190 --> 00:34:17,559
Move out. Move it out!
Come on, Charlotte.
468
00:34:17,652 --> 00:34:19,277
Come on.
469
00:34:20,697 --> 00:34:22,488
Steady.
470
00:34:24,910 --> 00:34:26,783
Now, let's see here.
471
00:34:31,333 --> 00:34:33,076
You got any ideas?
472
00:34:33,460 --> 00:34:34,919
Well?
473
00:34:35,712 --> 00:34:39,377
Sure. I could just tell Charlotte
to get in the truck.
474
00:34:39,466 --> 00:34:41,375
- Good.
- Do that.
475
00:34:42,845 --> 00:34:45,597
Charlotte, get in the truck.
476
00:34:45,681 --> 00:34:48,219
Go on. Get in your house.
477
00:34:48,309 --> 00:34:51,891
Come on. Get in your house.
Good girl. That's a girl!
478
00:34:53,939 --> 00:34:57,355
How the heck are we ever gonna
get her out of there?
479
00:34:58,403 --> 00:35:01,190
I'm just gonna tell her to turn around.
480
00:35:02,365 --> 00:35:05,532
He's just gonna talk a little elephant there.
481
00:35:05,827 --> 00:35:09,030
Charlotte, turn around. Come on.
482
00:35:09,997 --> 00:35:13,117
Turn around, babe. Come on. Yeah.
483
00:35:19,966 --> 00:35:23,002
I can turn them on, but I can't turn them off.
484
00:35:38,151 --> 00:35:39,231
Hi, Buford.
485
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,107
Hello, you handsome sumbitch.
486
00:35:42,615 --> 00:35:43,895
Hi, Junior.
487
00:35:43,991 --> 00:35:46,446
- Hi, Carrie.
- Shut up, you shit.
488
00:35:47,244 --> 00:35:49,486
You barrel of monkey nuts.
489
00:35:51,248 --> 00:35:53,206
Well, as you can see, Bandit...
490
00:35:53,293 --> 00:35:55,700
I got my piece in my hand.
491
00:35:55,795 --> 00:35:59,543
- You got your what in your hand?
- Don't get funny, Bandit.
492
00:35:59,632 --> 00:36:02,337
If you make one move,
I'm gonna put a hole...
493
00:36:02,427 --> 00:36:05,344
right between those gorgeous brown eyes.
494
00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:07,303
I don't think you're that good a shot.
495
00:36:07,390 --> 00:36:08,968
Are you kidding?
496
00:36:09,059 --> 00:36:11,051
Do you realize that at one time...
497
00:36:11,144 --> 00:36:15,189
I won the marksmanship
championship award...
498
00:36:15,273 --> 00:36:18,274
from "Swollen Groin" Gatsell?
499
00:36:19,361 --> 00:36:20,736
I don't believe you!
500
00:36:20,821 --> 00:36:23,738
Do you see those three lights over there?
501
00:36:23,991 --> 00:36:26,030
Watch this.
502
00:36:28,537 --> 00:36:30,197
That's pretty good shooting.
503
00:36:30,288 --> 00:36:32,697
But I'd really be convinced...
504
00:36:32,833 --> 00:36:36,284
if you could shoot that weathervane
over yonder.
505
00:36:36,378 --> 00:36:38,501
That's a baby-piss shot.
506
00:36:40,632 --> 00:36:42,922
That was good shooting. I gotta admit that.
507
00:36:43,011 --> 00:36:46,426
Of course,
them targets weren't moving. Now...
508
00:36:46,514 --> 00:36:49,052
He's only got two more shots.
Give me the bottles.
509
00:36:49,141 --> 00:36:52,427
- Give me your gun, Junior.
- Just to make you feel at home...
510
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,724
I'm gonna throw up a couple of bottles
of prune juice.
511
00:36:55,816 --> 00:36:58,982
We're running with a crazy man.
You know that?
512
00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:05,612
Are you convinced now?
513
00:37:05,701 --> 00:37:08,904
I'm convinced that you is out of bullets.
Bye-bye!
514
00:37:09,163 --> 00:37:10,657
Give me your gun.
515
00:37:10,747 --> 00:37:13,285
Hang onto your ass, Fred. Here we go again.
516
00:37:36,816 --> 00:37:39,568
Why didn't you have your gun loaded?
517
00:37:39,652 --> 00:37:43,068
When I put bullets in it, Daddy,
it gets too heavy.
518
00:37:44,741 --> 00:37:46,283
Shut your ass!
519
00:37:46,993 --> 00:37:49,698
And that goes for the two monks, too.
520
00:37:50,539 --> 00:37:52,827
Do you see him anywhere?
521
00:37:52,916 --> 00:37:57,163
No, but he'll be along,
just like death and taxes.
522
00:37:59,297 --> 00:38:02,880
He didn't get away from me.
I let him escape.
523
00:38:03,510 --> 00:38:06,465
You see, what I'm doing
is playing with him...
524
00:38:06,554 --> 00:38:08,928
like a cat plays with a mouse.
525
00:38:10,017 --> 00:38:14,015
The mouse jumps this way,
and I grab him with my paw.
526
00:38:14,105 --> 00:38:17,936
The mouse jumps that way,
and I grab him with my paw.
527
00:38:18,359 --> 00:38:21,230
And then finally, I squash his ass!
528
00:38:25,074 --> 00:38:26,948
- You're the Bandit, ain't you?
- Yeah.
529
00:38:27,035 --> 00:38:29,111
You're early, cowboy. This is just a practice.
530
00:38:29,203 --> 00:38:30,483
Game isn't till tomorrow.
531
00:38:30,579 --> 00:38:33,664
We're big fans and wanna get good seats.
You with the Dolphins?
532
00:38:33,750 --> 00:38:37,285
No. I'm with the world champion
Pittsburgh Steelers.
533
00:38:37,504 --> 00:38:39,295
- Bradshaw with you?
- Of course.
534
00:38:39,381 --> 00:38:41,420
Coach doesn't let us go anywhere
without him.
535
00:38:41,508 --> 00:38:42,539
Thanks a lot.
536
00:38:56,481 --> 00:38:58,604
- Hi, Bandit, Frog.
- Hi, Terry.
537
00:38:58,692 --> 00:39:00,934
- I need a favour.
- You always do.
538
00:39:01,319 --> 00:39:03,893
- You still got your ranch in Shreveport?
- You bet.
539
00:39:03,989 --> 00:39:06,315
I don't have to tell you who that is.
540
00:39:07,284 --> 00:39:08,862
Buford T. Justice.
541
00:39:08,953 --> 00:39:12,203
- Could you hold him up for a while?
- Be glad to.
542
00:39:12,289 --> 00:39:13,998
- Hey, Joe!
- Yeah?
543
00:39:14,917 --> 00:39:16,578
Tackle that car.
544
00:39:21,925 --> 00:39:24,546
- Thanks, Terry.
- You owe me, Bandit.
545
00:39:24,635 --> 00:39:27,044
Get out of there, you sumbitch...
546
00:39:27,139 --> 00:39:30,341
...or you gonna have a penalty flag
hanging out of your ass!
547
00:39:30,433 --> 00:39:31,596
Really?
548
00:39:31,685 --> 00:39:33,724
- Hey, Daddy, that's--
- Shut up.
549
00:39:33,812 --> 00:39:36,932
I know how to handle these bubble-butts.
550
00:39:37,023 --> 00:39:40,855
If you don't get out of the way,
I'm gonna run right over you.
551
00:39:40,944 --> 00:39:43,020
That's been tried before.
552
00:39:43,446 --> 00:39:47,908
But your possibility for success
is extremely remote.
553
00:39:47,993 --> 00:39:50,366
He's like all the other jocks:
554
00:39:50,579 --> 00:39:53,330
big, but dumb as a stump.
555
00:40:01,256 --> 00:40:06,381
I knew this would happen
as soon as they started that busing shit!
556
00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:11,679
Snowman, are you back there, son?
557
00:40:11,767 --> 00:40:13,926
My mirrors are empty...
558
00:40:14,228 --> 00:40:16,138
and so is my fuel tank.
559
00:40:16,231 --> 00:40:18,519
If we don't pull over
and get me some go-go juice...
560
00:40:18,608 --> 00:40:20,482
we gonna be in a heap of trouble.
561
00:40:20,568 --> 00:40:21,814
What do you think?
562
00:40:21,903 --> 00:40:24,987
If you're telling me you're out of gas,
we are in deep shit.
563
00:40:25,073 --> 00:40:26,402
Why didn't you fill up?
564
00:40:26,491 --> 00:40:28,199
- See what I see?
- Yes.
565
00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:36,790
My stars, what is that?
566
00:40:36,877 --> 00:40:39,166
I can run over him,
get you an alligator bag.
567
00:40:39,254 --> 00:40:40,452
I don't want one.
568
00:40:40,547 --> 00:40:41,958
- How about a belt?
- No.
569
00:40:42,049 --> 00:40:43,591
- Shoes?
- Nope.
570
00:40:56,605 --> 00:40:57,804
Howdy.
571
00:41:07,909 --> 00:41:09,782
You always this busy?
572
00:41:11,162 --> 00:41:12,573
Hell, yes.
573
00:41:12,956 --> 00:41:17,333
I had three cars and a motor home,
all here at the same time, last April.
574
00:41:17,418 --> 00:41:18,913
- You're kidding?
- Nope.
575
00:41:19,004 --> 00:41:23,298
Of course, that was Easter weekend.
Always picks up around then.
576
00:41:24,717 --> 00:41:28,466
This kind of high-pressure business
will give you ulcers.
577
00:41:29,098 --> 00:41:32,965
This place reminds me of a roadhouse
I knew in Texas, called Hamburger Dan's.
578
00:41:33,059 --> 00:41:36,014
- Ever hear of it?
- Let's cut the shit and get down to business.
579
00:41:36,104 --> 00:41:38,726
- I ain't got all day.
- Yeah.
580
00:41:40,108 --> 00:41:41,519
Got any diesel fuel?
581
00:41:41,610 --> 00:41:45,608
If I had any more diesel fuel,
they'd make me join that OPEC.
582
00:41:46,365 --> 00:41:48,903
I'll let you get back to work now.
583
00:41:52,497 --> 00:41:56,245
- I guess you want me to pump it myself.
- If you want any.
584
00:42:05,594 --> 00:42:06,968
Snowman...
585
00:42:07,846 --> 00:42:09,969
you're not gonna believe this.
586
00:42:10,056 --> 00:42:12,262
You're gonna come up on a sign that says:
587
00:42:12,350 --> 00:42:14,675
"Diesel fuel. Last chance. Turn left. "
588
00:42:14,769 --> 00:42:18,850
Roger. Got my 10 hung out in the wind,
looking for your sign.
589
00:42:18,941 --> 00:42:22,475
By the way, when we get there,
do you mind if we check on our passenger?
590
00:42:22,569 --> 00:42:25,606
I ain't heard anything in a while.
Could be in a lot of trouble.
591
00:42:25,697 --> 00:42:27,025
You grip?
592
00:42:30,035 --> 00:42:32,787
- Damn, she ain't right.
- How's Charlotte?
593
00:42:32,871 --> 00:42:37,782
I don't know anything about elephants,
but something's bothering the old girl.
594
00:42:37,876 --> 00:42:42,254
- I wish we could get a hold of a vet.
- Fat chance of that out here.
595
00:42:51,933 --> 00:42:53,972
Hey, anybody in that crapper?
596
00:42:57,981 --> 00:43:01,314
- How does he know whether she's sick?
- I guess he felt her nose.
597
00:43:01,401 --> 00:43:04,485
I'll tell you what it is.
It's just motion sickness--
598
00:43:04,946 --> 00:43:06,773
What would you do
without Snowman?
599
00:43:06,865 --> 00:43:07,944
Why? What'd you do?
600
00:43:08,033 --> 00:43:11,532
- Remember seeing an ambulance come by?
- Is that what that was?
601
00:43:12,287 --> 00:43:14,695
- Inside that ambulance, Miss Carrie--
- Was a vet.
602
00:43:14,790 --> 00:43:18,835
No, it was a doctor.
But we might get him to look at Charlotte.
603
00:43:18,919 --> 00:43:20,995
- Do you reckon?
- I reckon!
604
00:43:22,798 --> 00:43:24,790
- Howdy.
- Buon giorno.
605
00:43:24,883 --> 00:43:27,670
- You a doctor?
- Not yet, but I'm working on it.
606
00:43:27,761 --> 00:43:30,846
I got my green card. My license pending.
607
00:43:30,931 --> 00:43:33,173
Salute! A la bella donna!
608
00:43:33,267 --> 00:43:35,841
- You're Italian?
- Natio.
609
00:43:35,936 --> 00:43:40,895
My name is Dottore Frederico Carlucci.
But you can call me Doc.
610
00:43:42,484 --> 00:43:43,683
Stay.
611
00:43:46,990 --> 00:43:48,484
Swamp fever.
612
00:43:48,783 --> 00:43:50,407
It's no catching.
613
00:43:50,493 --> 00:43:52,237
In Italy we don't have.
614
00:43:52,329 --> 00:43:54,238
You know what I know about swamp fever?
615
00:43:57,042 --> 00:43:58,452
What's your problem?
616
00:43:58,543 --> 00:44:00,370
You know anything about sick ladies?
617
00:44:00,462 --> 00:44:04,044
Plenty. I was the leading gynaecologist
in Pompeii.
618
00:44:04,216 --> 00:44:06,089
Population, 23.
619
00:44:06,176 --> 00:44:08,714
Well, we have a lady
who we think is very sick.
620
00:44:08,803 --> 00:44:11,923
She's back down here in the truck.
Would you mind looking at her?
621
00:44:12,015 --> 00:44:13,130
Well, I'm...
622
00:44:13,225 --> 00:44:15,099
Appreciate it. I know you're eating.
623
00:44:15,185 --> 00:44:16,217
I was just--
624
00:44:16,312 --> 00:44:18,768
I know.
We really appreciate it, though.
625
00:44:18,856 --> 00:44:21,264
Okay. Let me take a look.
626
00:44:21,692 --> 00:44:22,723
Stay.
627
00:44:23,694 --> 00:44:25,853
- Here we go.
- Get your bag.
628
00:44:26,072 --> 00:44:29,357
Doctor, it's very nice of you
to take time out of your busy lunch.
629
00:44:29,450 --> 00:44:32,404
Listen, when somebody's sick,
you gotta stop eating.
630
00:44:32,495 --> 00:44:34,369
That's the Hypocritical Oath.
631
00:44:34,456 --> 00:44:37,029
Doc, there's something we haven't told you
about this patient.
632
00:44:37,125 --> 00:44:40,410
- She's not the normal-size patient. She's...
- Big.
633
00:44:40,503 --> 00:44:44,798
Big? Big don't make no difference.
I got one customer, Anna Maria Teresa.
634
00:44:44,883 --> 00:44:48,086
We call her Two-Tonne Tessie.
She's built like a brick--
635
00:44:51,515 --> 00:44:52,973
Please!
636
00:44:55,643 --> 00:44:58,728
- Remember the Hypocritic Oath.
- The Hypocritic Oath!
637
00:44:58,813 --> 00:45:01,351
- She's a sweet elephant. Come on.
- Very sweet.
638
00:45:01,441 --> 00:45:02,640
No, please.
639
00:45:05,821 --> 00:45:09,024
Mamma mia! When you say big,
you no fool around.
640
00:45:09,324 --> 00:45:12,776
She's bigger than
Two-Tonne Tessie. I tell the truth.
641
00:45:12,870 --> 00:45:16,998
I was gonna take her temperature,
but I need this.
642
00:45:19,501 --> 00:45:21,909
She's so nice. What a beauty!
643
00:45:22,004 --> 00:45:23,879
- Then you can help her?
- No.
644
00:45:23,965 --> 00:45:26,587
I told the truth. I'm no elephant doctor.
645
00:45:26,675 --> 00:45:29,546
I am the leading gynaecologist in Pompeii.
646
00:45:29,637 --> 00:45:31,346
She got teeth.
647
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,514
I tell...
648
00:45:35,310 --> 00:45:39,770
give her 800 aspirin
and call me in the morning.
649
00:45:40,774 --> 00:45:43,146
Doctor, can't you do something to help her?
650
00:45:43,234 --> 00:45:46,401
No, I really can't.
I wish I could, but I'm working.
651
00:45:46,488 --> 00:45:48,362
I'm in that ambulance!
652
00:45:48,448 --> 00:45:50,156
Wait! Bob!
653
00:45:51,076 --> 00:45:53,483
My goodness, Bob! Wait for me!
654
00:45:53,578 --> 00:45:56,034
You son of a... I'm in a swamp!
655
00:45:57,041 --> 00:45:58,203
Bob!
656
00:46:10,722 --> 00:46:14,256
Listen, Lone Ranger,
can I pop a ride with you guys?
657
00:46:14,350 --> 00:46:16,841
- Sure.
- Thank you so much. You going to Miami?
658
00:46:16,936 --> 00:46:19,557
In a roundabout way.
We're gonna take the scenic route.
659
00:46:19,647 --> 00:46:21,308
The scenic route. Beauty! Okay.
660
00:46:21,398 --> 00:46:23,308
I look on... Charlotte.
661
00:46:23,401 --> 00:46:24,480
Charlotte. Yes.
662
00:46:24,569 --> 00:46:25,898
Show him the living accommodations.
663
00:46:25,987 --> 00:46:27,018
Appreciate it.
664
00:46:27,113 --> 00:46:28,228
I'll get your bag.
665
00:46:28,365 --> 00:46:31,117
If you no give me ride,
I'll be stuck here...
666
00:46:37,415 --> 00:46:40,666
That a girl. In the house, Charlotte.
In the house.
667
00:46:40,752 --> 00:46:42,875
That's it, in the house.
668
00:46:43,547 --> 00:46:46,002
- In the house?
- In the house.
669
00:46:47,259 --> 00:46:50,046
Okay. I gonna go.
670
00:46:52,223 --> 00:46:54,844
Okay. It dark in here.
671
00:46:55,308 --> 00:46:58,559
There's a light switch
over to your right, Doc.
672
00:46:58,979 --> 00:47:00,142
Okay.
673
00:47:01,857 --> 00:47:04,942
Now that we've got the medical staff
on board, let's haul ass.
674
00:47:05,028 --> 00:47:08,645
One of these days,
I'm gonna write a book about you.
675
00:47:08,948 --> 00:47:10,111
Open.
676
00:47:10,492 --> 00:47:12,283
Okay. Good.
677
00:47:37,686 --> 00:47:40,604
Hey, Daddy, look at that big, ugly alligator.
678
00:47:40,689 --> 00:47:43,975
That reminds me.
I gotta call your mama tonight.
679
00:47:45,527 --> 00:47:50,023
You know, Daddy, I like this place.
All the gators and snakes and stuff.
680
00:47:50,115 --> 00:47:52,441
Why don't we move down here?
681
00:47:52,785 --> 00:47:57,531
- Why don't you move down here?
- No, Daddy. I ain't never leaving home.
682
00:47:57,624 --> 00:47:59,331
That's a promise.
683
00:47:59,792 --> 00:48:03,790
Don't you ever threaten your daddy
like that again.
684
00:48:04,631 --> 00:48:05,793
What's that, Daddy?
685
00:48:05,881 --> 00:48:09,631
That must be one of those
new Japanese sports cars.
686
00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:16,549
- Howdy.
- Swamp fever!
687
00:48:18,395 --> 00:48:20,138
Swamp fever!
688
00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:22,022
Swamp Fever?
689
00:48:22,524 --> 00:48:26,225
Damned if I know where it is.
I'm new around here myself.
690
00:48:27,487 --> 00:48:28,650
Help!
691
00:48:29,322 --> 00:48:33,321
If I wasn't in high pursuit,
I'd have that bum and his Sukiyaki bicycle...
692
00:48:33,410 --> 00:48:37,110
in the clink,
for driving on the wrong side of the road.
693
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:02,553
How about you, Bandit?
694
00:49:02,691 --> 00:49:04,434
Got them ears on, son?
695
00:49:05,902 --> 00:49:07,445
Yeah, Snowman. Come on back.
696
00:49:07,529 --> 00:49:10,944
Look two doors behind you
and tell me what you see.
697
00:49:15,746 --> 00:49:17,904
Damn! That son of a bitch never gives up!
698
00:49:17,998 --> 00:49:20,869
Yes, but if you'd like to see a bit of heaven,
turn around...
699
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,088
'cause Big Bulldog Joe Klecko is driving
that Pete parked right on your backdoor.
700
00:49:25,172 --> 00:49:26,714
Right, Joe?
701
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:28,127
Hi, Joe!
702
00:49:28,426 --> 00:49:29,967
Howdy, Bandit.
703
00:49:30,886 --> 00:49:33,923
I'll leave this in your hands, Snowman.
We're coming around.
704
00:49:34,015 --> 00:49:37,181
Roger. We'll break for that,
Big Bulldog Joe Klecko.
705
00:49:37,267 --> 00:49:39,343
You got the Bulldog.
Kick it back.
706
00:49:39,436 --> 00:49:42,556
See if you can delay that
County Mountie at your backdoor.
707
00:49:42,648 --> 00:49:43,728
10-4.
708
00:49:43,816 --> 00:49:45,524
It's the Bandit.
709
00:49:49,447 --> 00:49:52,199
Hey, you big piece of turkey dump!
710
00:49:52,408 --> 00:49:56,157
- Get that mess the hell out of there!
- You talking to me?
711
00:49:56,246 --> 00:49:58,322
Yes, I'm talking to you!
712
00:49:58,414 --> 00:50:00,822
I'll see if I can get it in gear.
713
00:50:05,089 --> 00:50:07,461
Wait a minute! Hold it!
714
00:50:08,299 --> 00:50:10,293
Wait a minute!
715
00:50:10,927 --> 00:50:14,926
You do that once again,
and I'm gonna take you apart...
716
00:50:15,015 --> 00:50:16,675
piece by piece.
717
00:50:30,740 --> 00:50:32,364
Badge is crooked, sir.
718
00:50:42,376 --> 00:50:44,204
Much obliged.
719
00:50:47,298 --> 00:50:49,090
Who was that, Daddy?
720
00:50:49,176 --> 00:50:52,295
I don't know,
but the circus must be in town.
721
00:50:53,513 --> 00:50:55,137
Hang on, Junior.
722
00:50:56,433 --> 00:50:59,304
- Daddy, the bridge.
- I can make that easy.
723
00:51:11,740 --> 00:51:14,362
- I tried to tell you, Daddy.
- Shut your ass.
724
00:51:14,451 --> 00:51:16,740
- Now, get out and push.
- Daddy, I...
725
00:51:16,829 --> 00:51:18,821
Get out and push.
726
00:51:20,792 --> 00:51:22,369
Okay, but...
727
00:51:26,589 --> 00:51:29,127
It looks like we've got
a decision to make.
728
00:51:29,216 --> 00:51:30,628
Yeah, it does.
729
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,007
- Heads up, tails down.
- You got it.
730
00:51:34,639 --> 00:51:36,631
This one's for you.
731
00:51:51,740 --> 00:51:55,073
Would you look at that?
They love me in Ole Miss, too.
732
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:56,405
Hi!
733
00:52:11,677 --> 00:52:13,800
Snowman, you got your ears on?
734
00:52:13,888 --> 00:52:16,557
- Anything happening with Charlotte?
- Negatory.
735
00:52:16,641 --> 00:52:20,852
Ain't much with Charlotte. You don't reckon
the doc got squashed, do you?
736
00:52:21,604 --> 00:52:24,309
- Come on, ring my phone.
- We'll stop here.
737
00:52:25,525 --> 00:52:29,902
Giving Doc a mercy stop every
1,000 miles ain't asking too much, is it?
738
00:52:29,988 --> 00:52:32,693
But we're not gonna make this
a habit.
739
00:52:39,372 --> 00:52:42,872
- You drive crazy!
- Is Charlotte all right?
740
00:52:42,959 --> 00:52:45,961
She's okay, but I need air.
741
00:52:46,838 --> 00:52:48,463
Give me a break.
742
00:52:48,549 --> 00:52:50,707
- Where are we?
- On our way to Texas.
743
00:52:50,801 --> 00:52:53,173
Texas? Is that near Miami?
744
00:52:54,013 --> 00:52:56,634
- Her nose cold.
- It's very close to Miami.
745
00:52:56,724 --> 00:52:59,096
Yes, that's good because
I gotta go to Miami.
746
00:52:59,185 --> 00:53:02,968
You understand? I've got
a lot of patients there. I'm no real doctor.
747
00:53:03,063 --> 00:53:05,519
But I do operations on the side.
748
00:53:06,025 --> 00:53:07,650
A lot of sick people need me.
749
00:53:07,735 --> 00:53:11,863
It would be no good if I leave,
because I got the swamp fever...
750
00:53:11,948 --> 00:53:14,783
a lot of them got a rash,
different things like that.
751
00:53:14,868 --> 00:53:19,494
I tell you the truth, they need me.
They gonna be fine. Don't you worry.
752
00:53:20,582 --> 00:53:22,456
Pardon me. All right, take it easy.
753
00:53:22,542 --> 00:53:27,003
I'll give her a nice examination
soon as she gets her nose out of my crotch.
754
00:53:27,088 --> 00:53:31,003
We'll leave the elephant on the truck.
Give her an examination while we drive.
755
00:53:31,093 --> 00:53:34,093
No, it's no good. No room for the stirrup.
756
00:53:34,179 --> 00:53:38,426
- You don't understand. We're in a big hurry.
- Bo, it's a living creature!
757
00:53:38,517 --> 00:53:43,428
That's right. She'll mean very little
to us if we get to Texas and she's dead.
758
00:53:43,522 --> 00:53:45,847
All right, I'll bring her off.
759
00:53:46,526 --> 00:53:48,067
Excuse me.
760
00:53:48,819 --> 00:53:53,113
Snowman's always had a heart.
Cares about something other than himself.
761
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:58,743
Well, at least you aren't mad at me.
Come on, sweetheart.
762
00:54:00,623 --> 00:54:02,662
Daddy, I got to pee-pee.
763
00:54:02,792 --> 00:54:06,125
- Swallow it. I'm busy.
- But, Daddy, I got to go.
764
00:54:06,838 --> 00:54:08,996
You're just like your mama.
765
00:54:09,424 --> 00:54:14,169
Your mama can't drive more than two miles
before she's gotta take a squirt.
766
00:54:20,227 --> 00:54:22,136
Hurry up. Give it a fast shake.
767
00:54:22,813 --> 00:54:24,805
Well, what do you think?
768
00:54:28,027 --> 00:54:30,019
She's something else, I tell you.
769
00:54:30,112 --> 00:54:33,646
Okay, I gotta look down
your throat. Open. Say "Ahh."
770
00:54:35,659 --> 00:54:36,904
For goodness' sake.
771
00:54:36,994 --> 00:54:40,445
- What happened?
- My ring! Oh, geez!
772
00:54:41,249 --> 00:54:44,165
I need a tongue depressor about this big.
773
00:54:48,297 --> 00:54:49,957
Daddy?
774
00:54:51,509 --> 00:54:53,252
My zipper's stuck.
775
00:55:12,614 --> 00:55:14,239
Get in the car, Junior.
776
00:55:14,324 --> 00:55:18,487
- But, Daddy, my zipper's stuck.
- Get in the car, Junior!
777
00:55:20,164 --> 00:55:24,292
- Daddy, my fly's still open.
- Let me tell you something, Junior.
778
00:55:24,626 --> 00:55:27,462
If you ever embarrass me like that again...
779
00:55:27,546 --> 00:55:29,420
I'm gonna get an axe...
780
00:55:29,506 --> 00:55:32,710
and you're never gonna have
to open your fly again.
781
00:55:33,386 --> 00:55:36,588
He loves me. He loves himself.
782
00:55:37,097 --> 00:55:40,383
He loves me. He loves himself.
783
00:55:40,977 --> 00:55:43,302
- He loves me.
- Hi.
784
00:55:47,775 --> 00:55:49,483
I brought you a present.
785
00:55:49,568 --> 00:55:51,396
- You're kidding?
- No.
786
00:55:54,032 --> 00:55:57,317
- Is it gonna blow up in my face?
- It's my record.
787
00:55:59,912 --> 00:56:02,486
We only pressed 75 of them, but...
788
00:56:02,916 --> 00:56:05,288
Well, I wanted you to have one.
789
00:56:05,669 --> 00:56:08,124
You probably saw them at the KMart,
you know.
790
00:56:08,213 --> 00:56:12,591
They gave them away to everybody
that bought anything over 25 cents.
791
00:56:13,301 --> 00:56:17,050
- I've still got 74 of them.
- I think it represents you well.
792
00:56:17,847 --> 00:56:19,971
I mean, Frank Sinatra sang My Way...
793
00:56:20,059 --> 00:56:23,677
and you sing
Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial.
794
00:56:24,981 --> 00:56:26,178
Cruel.
795
00:56:28,358 --> 00:56:29,770
Yeah, I know it.
796
00:56:29,860 --> 00:56:33,312
When I'm around you,
I don't like the way I sound.
797
00:56:36,034 --> 00:56:39,117
Probably the way I used to act
makes you act that way.
798
00:56:39,203 --> 00:56:40,449
That's right.
799
00:56:41,039 --> 00:56:44,324
Oh, God. Sometimes I hate the way
I sound around you.
800
00:56:45,376 --> 00:56:48,876
Maybe it's because of the way
you used to treat me.
801
00:56:53,552 --> 00:56:56,043
Hey, Frog, Bandit! Charlotte's sick.
802
00:56:56,138 --> 00:56:58,344
- Charlotte's sick. Let's go.
- Wait a minute.
803
00:56:58,432 --> 00:57:02,215
Sometimes I think you like that elephant
more than you do me.
804
00:57:03,145 --> 00:57:05,184
Hang on to that thought.
805
00:57:06,231 --> 00:57:09,019
Doctor, what's the matter with Charlotte?
She all right?
806
00:57:09,109 --> 00:57:13,023
I think you're gonna be very happy.
Charlotte's fine...
807
00:57:13,655 --> 00:57:16,407
and I hope the bambino fine, too.
808
00:57:16,492 --> 00:57:19,197
- The what?
- The bambino. Baby!
809
00:57:19,871 --> 00:57:21,993
- Did he say "baby"?
- He just said "baby."
810
00:57:22,081 --> 00:57:26,375
- Why did you say "baby"?
- Because la signora Charlotte is pregnant.
811
00:57:27,170 --> 00:57:31,167
- Gonna have a little baby elephant.
- No, you gonna have a big baby elephant.
812
00:57:31,257 --> 00:57:34,092
- Who did it?
- Don't look at me.
813
00:57:34,177 --> 00:57:35,588
Probably another elephant.
814
00:57:35,679 --> 00:57:38,595
- I know that, but when?
- Long time ago.
815
00:57:38,889 --> 00:57:42,639
- When is she gonna have the baby?
- Any days, any minutes.
816
00:57:43,562 --> 00:57:45,435
Shit! What are we gonna do?
817
00:57:45,522 --> 00:57:48,856
- We better keep our eyes peeled.
- For what?
818
00:57:48,942 --> 00:57:51,350
For the biggest goddamn stork
you ever seen!
819
00:57:51,445 --> 00:57:53,437
Big stork! With the...
820
00:57:54,073 --> 00:57:57,607
- American joke, right?
- That's not funny.
821
00:57:58,285 --> 00:58:02,199
We'll take this elephant in the truck,
and we'll drive to Dallas with her.
822
00:58:02,289 --> 00:58:03,914
- Bo, pooh!
- What?
823
00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:06,622
We're not gonna move Charlotte anywhere.
824
00:58:06,711 --> 00:58:08,869
Honey, you probably don't
realize this.
825
00:58:08,963 --> 00:58:13,874
In Dallas, they have the greatest
elephant doctors. Ain't that right, Cledus?
826
00:58:13,968 --> 00:58:16,375
Why don't we ask this doctor?
What do you think?
827
00:58:16,470 --> 00:58:20,006
You think we should we move Charlotte
or let her rest or what?
828
00:58:21,225 --> 00:58:24,642
The lady gonna have a baby.
She no can be move for 24 hours.
829
00:58:24,729 --> 00:58:26,472
- What?
- Make it 12.
830
00:58:26,940 --> 00:58:30,143
I'll load her up right now. Come on.
We're running out of time.
831
00:58:30,235 --> 00:58:31,729
- Bo.
- What?
832
00:58:33,654 --> 00:58:34,818
What?
833
00:58:35,616 --> 00:58:39,743
God, I've missed you. I've missed you so.
834
00:58:41,162 --> 00:58:46,074
It's a little hard to get reacquainted
going 110 miles an hour.
835
00:58:46,417 --> 00:58:49,703
So what could be wrong
spending the night...
836
00:58:49,921 --> 00:58:52,543
- ...under the stars together?
- Nothing.
837
00:58:53,759 --> 00:58:56,547
- You mean, just you and I, alone?
- Together.
838
00:58:56,845 --> 00:58:58,838
What's going on?
839
00:58:58,931 --> 00:59:02,430
- What's going on?
- Well, I would say that she's in love.
840
00:59:02,518 --> 00:59:05,435
Of course,
the fat ones always did go for Bo.
841
00:59:06,522 --> 00:59:09,607
She's jealous.
Pregnant ladies always act funny.
842
00:59:09,692 --> 00:59:10,972
What am I gonna do?
843
00:59:11,068 --> 00:59:14,272
It's important not to upset her.
She's got to be very calm.
844
00:59:14,364 --> 00:59:15,442
Keep her calm.
845
00:59:15,531 --> 00:59:18,616
Get her nice and calm.
Then later tonight, you and I...
846
00:59:18,701 --> 00:59:20,741
- Later on, I'll...
- Yeah!
847
00:59:21,663 --> 00:59:24,783
Later on, I'll meet you.
Okay? Later on.
848
00:59:24,875 --> 00:59:28,243
Yeah. I'll keep the blankets warm.
Just keep her calm.
849
00:59:28,837 --> 00:59:32,288
Charlotte, look.
This isn't gonna work out because...
850
00:59:32,382 --> 00:59:35,716
physically we're not the right size
for each other.
851
00:59:35,802 --> 00:59:37,712
You know what I mean?
852
00:59:46,147 --> 00:59:49,266
Spend the night in Charlotte's bed
853
00:59:49,358 --> 00:59:52,692
It might get cold in Charlotte's web
854
00:59:54,780 --> 00:59:58,149
A satin rose that's growin' wild
855
00:59:58,242 --> 01:00:03,367
Charlotte holds more secrets than the night
856
01:00:04,415 --> 01:00:07,784
She spins and weaves her magic spell
857
01:00:07,877 --> 01:00:11,163
Her body speaks what words can't tell
858
01:00:13,466 --> 01:00:16,301
I'm the moth she's the flame
859
01:00:16,386 --> 01:00:21,095
In a town that's all too quick
to smear her name
860
01:00:22,309 --> 01:00:27,185
But I'll take the likes of Charlotte
and her kind
861
01:00:29,399 --> 01:00:34,607
Small-town talk don't matter
now that Charlotte's mine
862
01:00:35,739 --> 01:00:40,402
It may be true that other men
have found her vain
863
01:00:42,121 --> 01:00:46,996
But I'm the one who's caught
in Charlotte's web
864
01:00:48,628 --> 01:00:53,871
It may be true that other men
have found her vain
865
01:00:55,009 --> 01:00:59,421
But I'm the one who's caught
in Charlotte's web
866
01:01:01,849 --> 01:01:04,422
Charlotte's web
867
01:01:04,894 --> 01:01:07,729
Charlotte's web
868
01:01:08,231 --> 01:01:11,018
Charlotte's web
869
01:01:13,820 --> 01:01:15,100
Well, Fred...
870
01:01:15,739 --> 01:01:19,108
...looks like somebody up there
must like us, boy.
871
01:01:21,244 --> 01:01:25,029
Hey, Bandit,
I ain't seen a smokey now for hours.
872
01:01:25,248 --> 01:01:28,700
Looks like we got it clean
and green all the way to Louisiana patch.
873
01:01:28,794 --> 01:01:31,914
- What do you think? Come on.
- Knock on wood, son.
874
01:01:32,965 --> 01:01:35,254
You know what I'll do
with my share of the money?
875
01:01:35,343 --> 01:01:36,457
Cute.
876
01:01:36,552 --> 01:01:39,588
I'm gonna get my wife and kids
something they always wanted.
877
01:01:39,722 --> 01:01:42,213
I'm gonna send them on a trip to Hawaii.
878
01:01:42,976 --> 01:01:45,930
Snowman, you're so crazy
about your family?
879
01:01:46,019 --> 01:01:49,471
Are you crazy or something?
I ain't going with them.
880
01:02:00,285 --> 01:02:01,909
Break for the Bandit.
881
01:02:01,994 --> 01:02:06,159
Guess who just snuck around my backdoor
and is knocking on yours?
882
01:02:07,166 --> 01:02:08,626
Hello, Buford.
883
01:02:08,710 --> 01:02:10,750
Hello, you big lollipop.
884
01:02:11,129 --> 01:02:15,079
Guess who's driving right up your
alimentary canal?
885
01:02:16,301 --> 01:02:20,001
Elementary is about as far as you got
in school, isn't it, son?
886
01:02:20,096 --> 01:02:23,347
Tell you what. As long as we're talking
about elementary school...
887
01:02:23,433 --> 01:02:26,185
why don't we play Follow the Leader,
bumble-butt?
888
01:02:26,270 --> 01:02:29,141
Well, I'll follow,
but you certainly ain't my leader.
889
01:02:29,231 --> 01:02:30,974
Come on, fat boy.
890
01:02:31,609 --> 01:02:34,776
- Daddy, I like to play Follow the Leader.
- Shut up, you shit.
891
01:02:37,031 --> 01:02:41,823
I hate to tell you this, but you're going
the wrong way on a one-way street.
892
01:02:43,913 --> 01:02:45,158
Turn left here, Daddy.
893
01:02:48,001 --> 01:02:49,874
Hold it! Wait.
894
01:02:50,503 --> 01:02:52,460
That's easy for you to say.
895
01:02:52,797 --> 01:02:54,706
Straight ahead, Daddy.
896
01:02:57,469 --> 01:02:58,962
We're closed.
897
01:03:02,849 --> 01:03:04,972
Make another right, Daddy.
898
01:03:05,268 --> 01:03:07,724
Oh, boy. A roller coaster.
899
01:03:14,903 --> 01:03:17,311
Turn left right here, Daddy.
900
01:03:22,536 --> 01:03:26,285
- Damn, I love amusement parks.
- You are an amusement park.
901
01:03:31,379 --> 01:03:33,667
Now turn right
and we'll be in the clear.
902
01:03:33,756 --> 01:03:36,378
- A thrill a minute.
- That's about how long it lasts.
903
01:03:36,467 --> 01:03:38,543
That was below the belt.
904
01:04:16,592 --> 01:04:18,501
"Make a left turn, Daddy.
905
01:04:19,053 --> 01:04:22,220
"Make a right turn, Daddy.
We'll be in the clear."
906
01:04:23,224 --> 01:04:24,802
You moose twit.
907
01:04:27,312 --> 01:04:29,185
Bye-bye, baby
908
01:04:30,356 --> 01:04:32,894
Sir, I am the owner of this...
909
01:04:34,277 --> 01:04:36,815
Of this mess, and--
910
01:04:36,905 --> 01:04:39,692
What are you trying to tell me?
I'm in hot pursuit!
911
01:04:39,783 --> 01:04:42,356
I would like to say just one thing.
912
01:04:44,997 --> 01:04:46,490
We're closed.
913
01:04:47,833 --> 01:04:51,415
Get in the car, Junior.
We're surrounded by a mental case.
914
01:04:51,837 --> 01:04:54,078
That's correct, Sheriff Justice.
915
01:04:54,172 --> 01:04:56,960
The Bandit just entered Louisiana.
916
01:04:57,134 --> 01:05:00,005
You're here at a monumental moment.
917
01:05:01,180 --> 01:05:03,885
I'm gonna call my kin for help.
918
01:05:04,683 --> 01:05:07,055
I'm calling my brother Reggie...
919
01:05:07,144 --> 01:05:10,264
and I'm calling my brother Gaylord.
920
01:05:10,690 --> 01:05:14,521
They've been in law enforcement
for over 20 years.
921
01:05:16,029 --> 01:05:18,650
Get me Quebec, Canada, on the phone.
922
01:05:19,199 --> 01:05:22,567
- Canada?
- Yes, up north.
923
01:05:26,957 --> 01:05:29,495
- How much I owe you, my man?
- $24.
924
01:05:30,627 --> 01:05:32,868
You take a personal check?
925
01:05:32,962 --> 01:05:35,584
Just making a joke. $24, huh?
926
01:05:36,842 --> 01:05:39,000
Here you go. $25, keep the change.
927
01:05:39,094 --> 01:05:41,170
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
928
01:05:41,263 --> 01:05:44,964
You wouldn't be the guy they call
the Bandit, would you?
929
01:05:45,226 --> 01:05:47,301
- The one and only.
- Bandit.
930
01:05:47,394 --> 01:05:51,226
Now that you've graced my humble
establishment, I'll take this opportunity...
931
01:05:51,315 --> 01:05:53,521
- ...to tell you something.
- Go right ahead.
932
01:05:53,608 --> 01:05:56,978
If I was making a list of the great assholes
of the 20th century...
933
01:05:57,071 --> 01:05:59,147
you'd be in the top five.
934
01:06:00,700 --> 01:06:04,483
- Hey, wait a minute.
- Bo, even Bambi has enemies. Let's go.
935
01:06:04,578 --> 01:06:09,406
Listen! Let me tell you something.
I'm practically an American folk hero.
936
01:06:09,792 --> 01:06:12,663
Ask some of my fans.
To know me is to love me.
937
01:06:12,754 --> 01:06:14,995
You know, I just made
a correction on my list.
938
01:06:15,089 --> 01:06:17,759
- Yeah?
- You're in the top two assholes.
939
01:06:19,052 --> 01:06:20,712
How about I give you my poster?
940
01:06:20,804 --> 01:06:23,425
Me in the Trans-Am going up
the World Trade Centre.
941
01:06:23,515 --> 01:06:25,341
Buzz off! I'm busy.
942
01:06:26,268 --> 01:06:30,514
God damn it! I'm one of the most
beloved grassroot folk heroes of America.
943
01:06:30,605 --> 01:06:33,096
Hey! Get out of here, you weirdo.
944
01:06:33,191 --> 01:06:37,605
Listen to me. Little kids love me.
Parents love me. Everybody loves me.
945
01:06:37,697 --> 01:06:41,065
Come on out here and love me,
or I'll kick your little skinny ass!
946
01:06:41,158 --> 01:06:43,945
Excuse me. Hi. How are you?
Good to see you.
947
01:06:44,036 --> 01:06:47,619
Get a hold of yourself. You're not exactly
baseball and mom's apple pie.
948
01:06:47,707 --> 01:06:50,873
- The man has a right to his opinion.
- Who does he think he is?
949
01:06:50,959 --> 01:06:54,578
You ought to ask yourself that question.
Have a nice day.
950
01:06:55,799 --> 01:06:58,171
I'm telling you, people love me!
951
01:07:06,559 --> 01:07:10,343
- What's wrong?
- We got a problem. Talk to the doc.
952
01:07:13,734 --> 01:07:15,192
What's the matter, Doc?
953
01:07:16,653 --> 01:07:19,819
She no can go. She gonna start the labour.
954
01:07:20,407 --> 01:07:24,072
- Maybe we need to get her off her feet.
- Exactly. That's the problem.
955
01:07:24,161 --> 01:07:26,450
In there she bounce around.
Too much danger.
956
01:07:26,538 --> 01:07:28,911
She just wants a little attention, that's all.
957
01:07:28,999 --> 01:07:31,953
We'll load her on the truck and get going.
Come on, let's go.
958
01:07:32,044 --> 01:07:34,879
Of course, we load her up on the truck
and let's go.
959
01:07:34,964 --> 01:07:37,170
La signora Charlotte can do
anything she wants.
960
01:07:37,258 --> 01:07:41,255
Put her on the truck. Sure,
take the baby and go bada bing, bada bong.
961
01:07:41,345 --> 01:07:44,014
It don't make no difference to you...
962
01:07:44,098 --> 01:07:47,099
Lone Ranger of the
United States of America.
963
01:07:49,186 --> 01:07:52,852
I tell one thing,
I no gonna be responsible.
964
01:07:59,197 --> 01:08:01,522
What's the matter?
Don't you understand English?
965
01:08:01,616 --> 01:08:05,863
He said you can't be bouncing her around.
She's gonna have a baby.
966
01:08:06,205 --> 01:08:08,743
Don't you understand $400,000?
967
01:08:08,956 --> 01:08:12,540
This is the last chance
we're ever gonna have. $400,000!
968
01:08:12,627 --> 01:08:16,376
I understand, and I'd like to have
my share of the $400,000.
969
01:08:16,465 --> 01:08:19,170
But I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.
970
01:08:38,404 --> 01:08:40,811
Bo, it isn't the money, is it?
971
01:08:41,908 --> 01:08:45,691
You want to make this last run
so you can be famous again.
972
01:08:45,870 --> 01:08:50,034
Be the old Bandit, come driving in there
and be everybody's hero?
973
01:08:51,751 --> 01:08:55,749
I know you. You don't want
to hurt this elephant. I know you.
974
01:09:01,344 --> 01:09:04,678
I don't want to hurt the elephant.
I really don't.
975
01:09:07,017 --> 01:09:10,184
It's just maybe my last chance
to be somebody.
976
01:09:14,024 --> 01:09:16,266
Bo, everybody is somebody.
977
01:09:19,071 --> 01:09:20,102
Yeah.
978
01:09:20,197 --> 01:09:22,605
Hey, we were just thinking.
979
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:25,903
Maybe we have been working too hard,
you reckon?
980
01:09:25,995 --> 01:09:29,115
We'll go into town,
have some wine, women, and song.
981
01:09:29,207 --> 01:09:30,914
A little pasta fagioli.
982
01:09:31,292 --> 01:09:34,246
- This your elephant?
- Yeah. Who's that?
983
01:09:36,005 --> 01:09:38,128
You live around here, kid?
984
01:09:38,633 --> 01:09:41,206
Across the track, on the good side.
985
01:09:41,469 --> 01:09:44,221
- What's your name?
- My name is Anthony T. Townes.
986
01:09:44,305 --> 01:09:46,464
My name is Bandit Darville.
987
01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:50,222
- I guess you've heard of me, huh?
- Nope.
988
01:09:51,020 --> 01:09:53,690
Well, I'm kind of famous.
989
01:09:54,065 --> 01:09:56,105
- Rich?
- I'm working on it.
990
01:09:56,568 --> 01:09:59,189
How would you like
to watch him for a while?
991
01:09:59,279 --> 01:10:01,770
You won't believe this, but I'm very busy.
992
01:10:01,865 --> 01:10:05,069
- Oh, yeah?
- But I could be persuaded.
993
01:10:06,077 --> 01:10:09,032
Tell me, how much does
the elephant weigh?
994
01:10:09,122 --> 01:10:11,447
The elephant weighs
about four and a half tons.
995
01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:13,913
Could you pay me by the pound?
996
01:10:14,837 --> 01:10:16,710
Cute, isn't he? Cute.
997
01:10:18,591 --> 01:10:22,006
- What kind of music you got here in town?
- Rhythm and blues.
998
01:10:22,094 --> 01:10:24,466
Rhythm and blues? Wow.
999
01:10:24,555 --> 01:10:27,046
- How do you like Country?
- Country sucks.
1000
01:10:27,141 --> 01:10:31,009
He hates Country.
Isn't there anybody in town sings Country?
1001
01:10:31,104 --> 01:10:33,392
There's this cat, name of Don Williams.
1002
01:10:33,481 --> 01:10:37,810
My second favourite singer
in the whole world is Don Williams.
1003
01:10:39,154 --> 01:10:43,982
We'll go to town, listen to Don Williams
and be back. You watch this elephant.
1004
01:10:44,075 --> 01:10:46,068
If anything happens
to the elephant--
1005
01:10:46,161 --> 01:10:48,866
I know. You're gonna feed me to him.
1006
01:10:56,213 --> 01:10:59,962
You know, Daddy,
I don't think the Bandit's really bad.
1007
01:11:00,468 --> 01:11:04,382
I think the trouble is
he just got in with real bad company.
1008
01:11:05,139 --> 01:11:06,597
Bad company?
1009
01:11:07,892 --> 01:11:10,430
Let me tell you something, Junior.
1010
01:11:10,645 --> 01:11:14,476
When you raid a cathouse,
you take the piano player, too.
1011
01:11:36,296 --> 01:11:40,044
Thank you.
Folks, I'd like for you all to know...
1012
01:11:40,467 --> 01:11:43,801
that we have an honest-to-goodness
celebrity with us here tonight.
1013
01:11:43,887 --> 01:11:45,511
Some folks might hate him...
1014
01:11:45,597 --> 01:11:48,515
but I know there's a bunch of us that
really love him.
1015
01:11:48,600 --> 01:11:53,179
You all welcome
the world's biggest show-off, the Bandit.
1016
01:11:59,695 --> 01:12:02,981
I think I know how you feel
about things, Bandit.
1017
01:12:03,157 --> 01:12:06,608
I'd like to dedicate my new song
to both of you all.
1018
01:12:15,336 --> 01:12:19,203
Be my love, be my friend
1019
01:12:19,716 --> 01:12:23,500
Help me grow, help me bend
1020
01:12:24,220 --> 01:12:27,886
Understand, now and then
1021
01:12:28,558 --> 01:12:31,394
When I do wrong
1022
01:12:32,687 --> 01:12:36,768
It's for you that I try
1023
01:12:38,986 --> 01:12:42,853
- What are you doing?
- I was writing a little poem about you.
1024
01:12:43,949 --> 01:12:46,238
- Can I see?
- I'll show it to you.
1025
01:12:46,952 --> 01:12:48,327
Okay.
1026
01:12:50,622 --> 01:12:54,323
High on a hill
standing alone
1027
01:12:54,961 --> 01:12:58,709
I'll tell the world everything I've done
1028
01:12:59,382 --> 01:13:03,131
Raise my hand, testify
1029
01:13:03,844 --> 01:13:06,133
My love is real
1030
01:13:07,640 --> 01:13:11,852
The doc said we gotta take
the weight off Charlotte's legs.
1031
01:13:12,145 --> 01:13:16,807
So, I figured out if I built this net
and took the weight off her legs...
1032
01:13:16,899 --> 01:13:20,316
that we could just tool on
down the road to Dallas.
1033
01:13:21,571 --> 01:13:22,734
Fine.
1034
01:13:25,450 --> 01:13:29,448
So be my love, be my friend
1035
01:13:30,205 --> 01:13:33,990
Help me grow, help me bend
1036
01:13:40,758 --> 01:13:42,003
Hey.
1037
01:13:42,300 --> 01:13:43,879
- Where you going?
- New York.
1038
01:13:43,970 --> 01:13:45,547
- Why?
- Because you're not there.
1039
01:13:45,638 --> 01:13:47,465
What's the matter with you?
1040
01:13:47,556 --> 01:13:51,804
You punch your friend, yell at the doctor
who looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy...
1041
01:13:51,894 --> 01:13:56,603
play hootchy-koo with me, and all the time
you're trying to make this run work.
1042
01:13:56,691 --> 01:14:00,274
I'm not trying to figure it out.
I figured out how to make it work.
1043
01:14:00,362 --> 01:14:03,315
- And I'm gonna make this run work!
- That is it for you!
1044
01:14:03,406 --> 01:14:06,027
You have had it! You're hooked.
You're a fame junkie.
1045
01:14:06,117 --> 01:14:08,323
They should give you
intravenous feedings...
1046
01:14:08,411 --> 01:14:10,949
of People magazine
and National Enquirer headlines.
1047
01:14:11,038 --> 01:14:14,657
And if you're a real good boy,
they'll give you a Tonight Show enema.
1048
01:14:14,751 --> 01:14:15,914
What is the matter?
1049
01:14:16,003 --> 01:14:18,541
If you weren't so dumb,
they'd put you on Cross-Wits.
1050
01:14:18,631 --> 01:14:20,872
What is the matter with you?
1051
01:14:23,844 --> 01:14:25,386
You know what?
1052
01:14:26,055 --> 01:14:29,719
When I first met you,
I think you really liked yourself.
1053
01:14:30,392 --> 01:14:31,886
I liked you.
1054
01:14:33,145 --> 01:14:35,470
And you did what you did best.
1055
01:14:37,024 --> 01:14:41,069
- What, show off?
- Yeah. You did it so good, you got famous.
1056
01:14:41,154 --> 01:14:45,365
Then you had to do more and more until
you were doing what you didn't do best.
1057
01:14:45,449 --> 01:14:48,534
And now I don't think
you even have any fun.
1058
01:14:48,786 --> 01:14:51,242
I'm not having any fun right now.
1059
01:14:51,331 --> 01:14:52,824
Neither am I.
1060
01:14:54,835 --> 01:14:57,326
I hope you like yourself someday.
1061
01:15:02,593 --> 01:15:03,920
Good-bye.
1062
01:15:28,703 --> 01:15:30,612
You know, Charlotte...
1063
01:15:31,663 --> 01:15:34,037
I don't wanna see you get hurt.
1064
01:15:35,459 --> 01:15:40,038
I don't wanna see you start drinking either.
It's not a good thing to do.
1065
01:15:40,131 --> 01:15:41,958
I'm weak. I admit it.
1066
01:15:42,050 --> 01:15:44,967
I'm a weak person. I need other people.
1067
01:15:46,388 --> 01:15:48,546
Don't turn your back on me.
1068
01:15:48,890 --> 01:15:50,300
I need you.
1069
01:15:50,975 --> 01:15:53,466
I need somebody to care about me.
1070
01:15:53,979 --> 01:15:55,556
Not that much.
1071
01:15:56,815 --> 01:16:00,943
Look, I came up with this thing.
You think this was a good idea?
1072
01:16:01,027 --> 01:16:04,611
Look. I got your legs up
off the floor and everything.
1073
01:16:05,074 --> 01:16:08,407
- What do you say, guys?
- Bo, you're drunk.
1074
01:16:09,995 --> 01:16:14,075
- Is it gonna work, Doc?
- Yes, Lone Ranger, it'll work.
1075
01:16:14,166 --> 01:16:16,455
- Good thinking.
- Thanks, Kemo Sabe.
1076
01:16:16,543 --> 01:16:20,078
- Okay, let's get rolling.
- Come on. I help you down.
1077
01:16:20,214 --> 01:16:21,376
Okay.
1078
01:16:23,217 --> 01:16:26,172
- What about the bottle, Bo?
- What about it?
1079
01:16:27,972 --> 01:16:31,756
Daddy, I can't wait to meet Uncle Gaylord
and Uncle Reggie.
1080
01:16:32,894 --> 01:16:36,477
Bandit, I hate to upset
your stomach by mentioning this name...
1081
01:16:36,565 --> 01:16:40,858
but do you realize it's been
a few miles since we've seen Buford T. ?
1082
01:16:40,944 --> 01:16:42,651
I don't miss him.
1083
01:16:46,950 --> 01:16:48,492
That's nice.
1084
01:16:52,664 --> 01:16:55,867
Where the hell are they?
They should be here by now.
1085
01:16:55,959 --> 01:16:58,533
Hello, Buford, you old sugar.
1086
01:17:03,550 --> 01:17:05,128
Is that you, Gaylord?
1087
01:17:05,219 --> 01:17:08,007
You bet your little bellybutton
it is.
1088
01:17:14,144 --> 01:17:17,561
- Did you bring the troops with you?
- I sure did.
1089
01:17:17,648 --> 01:17:20,222
Well, that's fine.
Now, where the hell is Reggie?
1090
01:17:20,318 --> 01:17:22,809
I think I hear him coming now.
1091
01:18:16,709 --> 01:18:20,873
Sergeant Reginald Van Justice
reporting for duty.
1092
01:18:20,963 --> 01:18:24,546
Well, ain't that nice?
But have you got the men with you?
1093
01:18:24,634 --> 01:18:27,968
They're in position and stand at the ready.
1094
01:18:31,933 --> 01:18:33,392
Say, you know something?
1095
01:18:33,477 --> 01:18:37,308
This is the first time in 20 years
we've all been together.
1096
01:18:37,397 --> 01:18:40,980
- Why don't we all take a picture?
- That's a good idea.
1097
01:18:41,110 --> 01:18:43,398
Junior, get the camera
out of the car.
1098
01:18:43,487 --> 01:18:44,981
Come on, P.T.
1099
01:18:49,743 --> 01:18:51,024
Everybody ready?
1100
01:18:51,120 --> 01:18:54,323
- Say cheese, Ramona.
- Let's go.
1101
01:18:55,290 --> 01:18:56,666
That's it.
1102
01:18:56,793 --> 01:19:00,837
All right, men! Let's mount up and cut out!
1103
01:19:01,506 --> 01:19:06,132
Son, if we keep humping
all night, we'll be in Dallas by morning.
1104
01:19:06,886 --> 01:19:08,510
We're finally in Texas.
1105
01:19:18,773 --> 01:19:22,937
Hey, Bandit, we got you-know-who
on my backdoor one more time.
1106
01:19:25,864 --> 01:19:30,906
Say, Bandit, if you make
a left turn on this next dirt road...
1107
01:19:31,828 --> 01:19:36,242
then your ass is gonna be grass,
and I'm gonna mow it.
1108
01:19:36,334 --> 01:19:39,334
You ought to put some Preparation H
on your lips, Buford...
1109
01:19:39,419 --> 01:19:41,910
cause you're talking out of
your you-know-what.
1110
01:19:42,005 --> 01:19:46,467
This is the left, Bandit. Now,
are you gonna take that challenge or not?
1111
01:19:46,552 --> 01:19:48,426
Come on, fat boy.
1112
01:19:52,808 --> 01:19:55,809
Snowman, keep on hoofing it
down the road.
1113
01:19:56,229 --> 01:19:59,977
Buford thinks he's suckering me
into something, but it ain't gonna happen.
1114
01:20:00,065 --> 01:20:03,980
We're both going out into this desert,
but only one of us is coming back.
1115
01:20:04,070 --> 01:20:05,730
You hear that, Buford?
1116
01:20:05,822 --> 01:20:07,897
Are you ready, Gaylord?
1117
01:20:08,241 --> 01:20:11,859
We are ready with charge akimbo.
1118
01:20:12,245 --> 01:20:14,154
Are you ready, Reggie?
1119
01:20:14,247 --> 01:20:17,332
We are prepared for combat.
1120
01:20:17,584 --> 01:20:19,873
And are you ready, Bandit?
1121
01:20:20,504 --> 01:20:22,793
I was born ready, lard ass.
1122
01:20:27,302 --> 01:20:30,220
Just take a little look up to your right.
1123
01:20:32,474 --> 01:20:35,345
Now, take a little look up
to your left.
1124
01:20:37,271 --> 01:20:39,596
Now, take a look behind you.
1125
01:20:40,191 --> 01:20:43,441
I'm about to crush your walnuts.
1126
01:20:44,904 --> 01:20:47,691
I'm about to get my walnuts outta here.
1127
01:20:50,409 --> 01:20:52,069
Let's roll them.
1128
01:21:19,690 --> 01:21:23,438
Snowman, I got me some serious
trouble here, son!
1129
01:21:23,777 --> 01:21:25,983
And I ain't kidding this time.
1130
01:21:26,071 --> 01:21:28,906
I got wall-to-wall County Mounties
and Mountie Mounties.
1131
01:21:28,991 --> 01:21:32,027
Maybe a hundred of them.
This may be more than I can handle.
1132
01:21:32,119 --> 01:21:35,952
Listen to me, and you listen good.
Make the delivery.
1133
01:21:36,040 --> 01:21:38,448
You just hang on. We'll be there in a minute.
1134
01:21:38,543 --> 01:21:40,785
Do as I say. Deliver them goddamn goods.
1135
01:21:40,879 --> 01:21:42,503
I'll catch up with you later.
1136
01:21:42,588 --> 01:21:44,379
You know what you're talking about.
1137
01:21:44,465 --> 01:21:49,258
But just in case you don't,
Snowman's gonna be standing by. Roger.
1138
01:22:05,904 --> 01:22:08,905
Come on, Trigger! Don't let me down now.
1139
01:22:15,747 --> 01:22:18,119
Buford, I hope you got group insurance...
1140
01:22:18,208 --> 01:22:21,660
'cause I'm about to spread some iron
all over this goddamn desert.
1141
01:22:21,754 --> 01:22:26,416
Don't worry about that.
I got my whole ass in good hands.
1142
01:22:27,677 --> 01:22:29,716
King Kong ain't got hands that big.
1143
01:22:39,689 --> 01:22:43,984
Snowman, you damn fool!
I told you to haul ass and get outta here!
1144
01:22:44,527 --> 01:22:47,481
And I told you that when we set out
to do a job together...
1145
01:22:47,572 --> 01:22:49,031
we do it together. Roger.
1146
01:22:49,116 --> 01:22:53,113
I don't care about your skinny little ass,
but what about Charlotte?
1147
01:22:53,203 --> 01:22:55,694
Don't worry about her.
They got a ringside seat.
1148
01:22:55,789 --> 01:22:58,410
Tell me,
how many trucks do you see?
1149
01:22:58,876 --> 01:23:01,545
I see one, unless I've been drinking.
1150
01:23:02,046 --> 01:23:04,715
Hey, boys! Do it to it!
1151
01:23:16,727 --> 01:23:19,432
Then I must be commode-hanging drunk...
1152
01:23:19,522 --> 01:23:22,227
'cause I swear I see a ton of trucks.
1153
01:23:29,407 --> 01:23:33,026
- Hey, Daddy, what's that?
- Holy shit!
1154
01:23:39,500 --> 01:23:43,084
Welcome to the world's
biggest game of chicken, boys.
1155
01:23:43,171 --> 01:23:44,451
Shit.
1156
01:23:50,721 --> 01:23:53,508
Hang on, boys! The army's coming!
1157
01:24:07,905 --> 01:24:11,357
This is the Plowboy.
I got me one lined up!
1158
01:24:22,754 --> 01:24:25,292
Excuse me, sir. Your ass is on fire.
1159
01:24:25,382 --> 01:24:29,794
Bet you'll be glad to get back to Canada
and stick it in the snow.
1160
01:24:35,475 --> 01:24:37,883
Not bad driving
for a couple of Mounties!
1161
01:24:37,978 --> 01:24:39,805
Yeah, but look up ahead!
1162
01:24:45,527 --> 01:24:48,564
- Seminole, you got your ears on?
- I copy.
1163
01:24:48,656 --> 01:24:51,229
I want you to dump that boy
in the garbage.
1164
01:24:51,325 --> 01:24:54,325
That's exactly
what I had in mind, Bandit.
1165
01:25:10,511 --> 01:25:13,465
- Hey, Roadrunner, you hungry?
- Why do you ask?
1166
01:25:13,556 --> 01:25:17,175
Just move towards me.
We'll have us a Mountie sandwich.
1167
01:25:49,843 --> 01:25:52,002
Brake for that, short boy!
1168
01:25:52,096 --> 01:25:54,847
You're too old to play in the hay!
1169
01:26:00,313 --> 01:26:02,886
Now that we've got them,
what will we do with them?
1170
01:26:02,982 --> 01:26:05,817
Hell, there's a
parking lot right here!
1171
01:26:11,992 --> 01:26:14,399
Three out of four ain't bad.
Where you taking them?
1172
01:26:14,494 --> 01:26:17,068
- How about the dump?
- Good thinking.
1173
01:26:18,581 --> 01:26:20,574
Junior, the way things look...
1174
01:26:20,667 --> 01:26:23,703
I'm beginning to be deeply concerned.
1175
01:26:25,463 --> 01:26:27,671
Fred, this one's for you, my boy.
1176
01:26:27,758 --> 01:26:29,501
Look out, Junior!
1177
01:26:34,515 --> 01:26:36,922
- Are you all right, Junior?
- Yeah.
1178
01:26:37,017 --> 01:26:39,010
You would be, you shit.
1179
01:26:45,860 --> 01:26:47,853
Way to go! Take it to him, son!
1180
01:26:52,867 --> 01:26:54,361
Whoa!
1181
01:27:04,004 --> 01:27:06,542
How do you like that, turkey shit?
1182
01:27:08,091 --> 01:27:11,875
Snowman, I've had about as much fun as
I can handle for one day.
1183
01:27:11,970 --> 01:27:13,963
How about showing me the way outta here?
1184
01:27:14,056 --> 01:27:16,808
All right. Roger.
Jump on my tailgate, Bandit.
1185
01:27:16,892 --> 01:27:19,300
I know where the front door's located.
1186
01:27:29,029 --> 01:27:31,318
Look at that pile of cars, Daddy.
1187
01:27:31,407 --> 01:27:34,324
Looks like they bombed a drive-in movie.
1188
01:28:06,610 --> 01:28:11,521
He don't know it, but he's going down
a dead-end road, that dumb dickey.
1189
01:28:12,365 --> 01:28:16,494
Look, Daddy. Uncle Gaylord
and Uncle Reggie are right behind us.
1190
01:28:18,413 --> 01:28:21,415
I got him boxed in like a turtle's pecker.
1191
01:28:21,500 --> 01:28:25,201
There's a gully on the right and on the left
and a mountain in front of me.
1192
01:28:25,295 --> 01:28:27,752
You want to tell me
about that front door again?
1193
01:28:27,839 --> 01:28:30,627
Hey, brother truckers, the Bandit's worried.
1194
01:28:30,718 --> 01:28:34,467
He wants to get out of here.
Are you ready? Hello!
1195
01:28:44,190 --> 01:28:45,685
Fred, don't look.
1196
01:28:59,789 --> 01:29:02,197
He ain't the only daredevil.
1197
01:29:07,923 --> 01:29:09,714
You guys give great bridge.
1198
01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:12,754
That was beautiful, drivers. I owe you one.
1199
01:29:12,845 --> 01:29:14,802
Good numbers to you and the Bandit.
1200
01:29:14,888 --> 01:29:16,549
Say roger, Fred.
1201
01:29:21,729 --> 01:29:24,351
You're not getting away
from me, Bandit.
1202
01:29:24,440 --> 01:29:27,276
And I'm still in hot pursuit.
1203
01:29:27,735 --> 01:29:31,650
I copy that, Buford.
But I hear your pursuit ain't that hot.
1204
01:29:35,452 --> 01:29:37,160
Give me your handkerchief.
1205
01:29:37,245 --> 01:29:39,701
- What?
- Give me your handkerchief.
1206
01:29:48,507 --> 01:29:51,045
- What is it?
- A little fly shit.
1207
01:29:52,469 --> 01:29:54,129
Daddy, look out!
1208
01:30:01,645 --> 01:30:04,729
- Daddy?
- Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking.
1209
01:30:05,566 --> 01:30:07,808
What are you thinking about?
1210
01:30:12,907 --> 01:30:14,236
Retiring.
1211
01:30:15,159 --> 01:30:17,282
Snowman, how's your patient?
1212
01:30:17,703 --> 01:30:20,870
She ain't doing too good.
Doc says she's in labour.
1213
01:30:20,957 --> 01:30:25,784
Bo, I ain't asking you. I'm begging you.
There's a place here. Let's pull over.
1214
01:30:25,878 --> 01:30:27,918
- 10-4.
- Attaboy!
1215
01:30:38,433 --> 01:30:42,894
It's one of those guys from the park.
Pay him off. Get him outta here.
1216
01:30:42,980 --> 01:30:45,518
Please, get my bag. Hurry up!
1217
01:30:45,899 --> 01:30:47,477
Bring my bag!
1218
01:30:49,236 --> 01:30:50,861
What the hell's going on here?
1219
01:30:50,947 --> 01:30:53,900
- We're having a baby.
- This is a wildlife preserve.
1220
01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:57,276
What better place to have a baby elephant
than a wildlife preserve?
1221
01:30:57,369 --> 01:30:59,409
- You get your elephant--
- $100.
1222
01:30:59,496 --> 01:31:01,490
- You get your people--
- $200.
1223
01:31:01,582 --> 01:31:03,658
- And you get the hell out of here.
- $300.
1224
01:31:03,793 --> 01:31:05,620
- $400.
- You're right.
1225
01:31:06,337 --> 01:31:10,833
What better place to have a baby elephant
than in a wildlife preserve?
1226
01:31:17,682 --> 01:31:19,177
What a putz.
1227
01:31:37,286 --> 01:31:39,278
Snowflake, Bandito!
1228
01:31:41,832 --> 01:31:45,082
Hey, cowboy!
Look, Lone Ranger.
1229
01:31:45,169 --> 01:31:49,498
It's a boy! First I seen the trunk.
1230
01:31:49,799 --> 01:31:52,290
All right, we've got six hours.
1231
01:31:55,054 --> 01:31:58,257
Let's cut the Bambi shit.
Load her on the truck and get going.
1232
01:31:58,349 --> 01:32:00,389
No. Lone Ranger, no can be.
1233
01:32:00,476 --> 01:32:04,224
The bambino troppo delicate.
It cannot be removed from the mama.
1234
01:32:04,313 --> 01:32:06,982
All right, we'll take the mama and the baby.
1235
01:32:07,066 --> 01:32:10,186
We'll put them both on the truck
and go to Dallas.
1236
01:32:11,071 --> 01:32:13,526
When you give birth
to a 200-pound elephant...
1237
01:32:13,657 --> 01:32:16,230
you don't wanna go for a ride.
You wanna go...
1238
01:32:16,326 --> 01:32:18,864
- She's strong as an ox.
- She is strong.
1239
01:32:18,954 --> 01:32:21,160
She gotta wait till she strong
like an elephant.
1240
01:32:21,248 --> 01:32:24,249
Bo, I know how much you need the money.
1241
01:32:24,918 --> 01:32:26,578
Who doesn't need the money?
1242
01:32:26,670 --> 01:32:29,921
But let's don't do it this way.
It ain't decent.
1243
01:32:30,590 --> 01:32:34,256
If you're through preaching, Reverend,
we're moving out.
1244
01:32:34,386 --> 01:32:36,129
No, I ain't going.
1245
01:32:36,555 --> 01:32:38,713
And you ain't going either.
1246
01:32:40,268 --> 01:32:44,182
You just let your alligator mouth overload
your jaybird ass.
1247
01:32:47,400 --> 01:32:49,725
Doc, I thought I loved him
too much to do that.
1248
01:32:49,819 --> 01:32:51,277
I guess not.
1249
01:32:57,702 --> 01:32:59,908
You know I can take your head off,
don't you?
1250
01:32:59,996 --> 01:33:02,783
And you know that's exactly
what you're gonna have to do.
1251
01:33:02,874 --> 01:33:07,085
What is the matter with you two idiots?
You act like she's human.
1252
01:33:41,163 --> 01:33:42,444
I'm sorry.
1253
01:34:06,106 --> 01:34:08,229
I like myself now, Carrie.
1254
01:34:11,195 --> 01:34:14,693
I found out there's something
more important than me.
1255
01:34:15,449 --> 01:34:18,901
I found out there's nothing more
important than us.
1256
01:34:20,204 --> 01:34:22,362
I didn't take Charlotte to Dallas.
1257
01:34:23,207 --> 01:34:25,449
- You didn't?
- No.
1258
01:34:25,584 --> 01:34:28,870
- What about Big Enos?
- Let him get his own date.
1259
01:34:31,465 --> 01:34:34,003
- What about the money?
- I blew it.
1260
01:34:36,554 --> 01:34:38,427
We still can make it.
1261
01:34:41,517 --> 01:34:43,925
- We?
- Give me a chance.
1262
01:34:48,691 --> 01:34:51,099
- Have you got over $1?
- Yeah.
1263
01:34:51,653 --> 01:34:53,894
- Cash?
- Yeah.
1264
01:34:54,739 --> 01:34:56,530
That's enough.
1265
01:35:01,413 --> 01:35:04,082
You know what?
We're gonna have a problem.
1266
01:35:04,165 --> 01:35:06,870
Charlotte's gonna be awfully jealous.
1267
01:35:07,586 --> 01:35:09,875
I want to show you something.
1268
01:35:19,807 --> 01:35:23,010
Charlotte had her baby!
You're a wonderful person!
1269
01:35:23,102 --> 01:35:26,020
Charlotte! Look what you did!
1270
01:35:26,105 --> 01:35:27,516
Hi, guys!
1271
01:35:28,441 --> 01:35:32,937
Look at the baby.
Charlotte, what a good girl you are.
1272
01:35:34,531 --> 01:35:37,733
Charlotte, is it all right
if Frog and I get hitched?
1273
01:35:40,620 --> 01:35:44,321
You see? It's better than
the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
1274
01:35:45,292 --> 01:35:48,376
Well, Bo, what do we do now?
1275
01:35:49,504 --> 01:35:53,040
I think we ought to go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1276
01:35:53,967 --> 01:35:56,375
That's a 10-4, good buddies.
1277
01:35:57,221 --> 01:35:59,759
- Shut up and get in the truck.
- Okay.
1278
01:36:29,337 --> 01:36:31,911
You're not getting away from me,
Bandit.
1279
01:36:32,007 --> 01:36:36,752
I'll chase you in hot pursuit
to the ends of the earth!
1280
01:36:36,845 --> 01:36:38,968
You sumbitch!
1281
01:36:45,229 --> 01:36:49,273
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1282
01:36:50,192 --> 01:36:52,185
When do we get started?
1283
01:36:52,278 --> 01:36:56,109
- When do we get started?
- That's my line.
1284
01:36:56,198 --> 01:36:59,199
- You say, "Whenever you like."
- Whenever you like.
1285
01:36:59,577 --> 01:37:02,364
- Keep it rolling. This is good stuff.
- I like this.
1286
01:37:02,455 --> 01:37:06,120
I'll tell you what. We're gonna go in town,
we're gonna listen to...
1287
01:37:06,208 --> 01:37:08,995
Let's do that again. I'm screwing up.
You keep it rolling.
1288
01:37:09,086 --> 01:37:11,044
He's doing great. I'm... Here we go.
1289
01:37:11,131 --> 01:37:13,965
You didn't waste any time
dilly-dallying around...
1290
01:37:14,049 --> 01:37:15,461
with other people when...
1291
01:37:15,551 --> 01:37:18,221
I'm gonna pick that up again.
I got it. It's okay.
1292
01:37:18,304 --> 01:37:20,511
Damn, that son of a bitch
never gives up!
1293
01:37:20,807 --> 01:37:23,428
That's right. Now what do I say?
1294
01:37:23,518 --> 01:37:26,389
- 71, take two.
- 71, take two, camera B!
1295
01:37:26,897 --> 01:37:28,474
Oh, my clicker won't work.
1296
01:37:28,565 --> 01:37:29,893
Marker.
1297
01:37:30,233 --> 01:37:34,231
Tell Gregory Peck that he needs
to do this for me. I forgot the... line.
1298
01:37:34,321 --> 01:37:36,479
I'll tell you one thing, though.
1299
01:37:36,573 --> 01:37:39,064
I am holding up my endorsement...
1300
01:37:39,368 --> 01:37:42,120
until one or the other of you can...
1301
01:37:42,204 --> 01:37:44,742
I'm what you call your household legend.
1302
01:37:44,832 --> 01:37:47,786
Your basic legend. Your basic famous.
1303
01:37:47,918 --> 01:37:49,662
I'll just say that line again.
1304
01:37:49,754 --> 01:37:51,461
Get in the truck!
1305
01:37:52,506 --> 01:37:55,424
I'll tell her again. Get in the truck!
1306
01:37:56,135 --> 01:37:58,673
Charlotte! Hop in the truck.
1307
01:37:59,013 --> 01:38:00,556
Hop!
1308
01:38:01,390 --> 01:38:04,095
- In the house.
- Don't push the truck.
1309
01:38:04,226 --> 01:38:06,468
In the house, Charlotte!
1310
01:38:06,687 --> 01:38:08,680
You're pushing the truck to Georgia.
1311
01:38:08,772 --> 01:38:10,565
Come on.
1312
01:38:10,650 --> 01:38:13,320
That's right, you old fart.
Go the wrong way. This way.
1313
01:38:13,403 --> 01:38:16,190
- Here we go. Pick it up.
- Hold it. Steady.
1314
01:38:16,281 --> 01:38:19,531
If I was Clint Eastwood,
you'd say, "Pick Clint up."
1315
01:38:19,617 --> 01:38:22,702
Doctor, why don't we just keep
driving to Texas...
1316
01:38:22,787 --> 01:38:25,824
and you give her an examination
up in the truck?
1317
01:38:25,916 --> 01:38:30,079
Oh, Jesus. I'm missing my wife so bad!
1318
01:38:33,549 --> 01:38:36,965
Do you wanna...him while
we got him down here?
1319
01:38:37,385 --> 01:38:40,671
I was the leading gynaecologist
in Pompeii.
1320
01:38:44,602 --> 01:38:47,307
Snowman! I've had about it all's...
1321
01:38:47,647 --> 01:38:48,891
You dumb Indian.
1322
01:38:48,981 --> 01:38:50,938
Fred, just relax, son.
1323
01:38:51,233 --> 01:38:53,605
It ain't nearly as bad as it looks.
1324
01:38:54,195 --> 01:38:56,602
Get up in there, you son of a bitch!
1325
01:38:59,617 --> 01:39:02,488
Get in there, you silly son of a bitch!
1326
01:39:02,579 --> 01:39:05,865
- You got any diesel fuel?
- If I had any more diesel fuel...
1327
01:39:05,956 --> 01:39:08,744
I'd have to join that APEC, OPEC.
1328
01:39:09,586 --> 01:39:11,293
I'll give it to you again.
1329
01:39:11,379 --> 01:39:14,831
Do you realize I won
the marksmanship award?
1330
01:39:15,091 --> 01:39:17,000
Your father's ass!
1331
01:39:17,177 --> 01:39:20,261
Longer than three months
and your mother's ass.
1332
01:39:20,347 --> 01:39:21,924
But shorter than three years.
1333
01:39:22,057 --> 01:39:25,556
Sure, put her in the truck.
Bounce the "raby" around.
1334
01:39:26,645 --> 01:39:29,219
Don't make no difference.
Put her in the truck.
1335
01:39:29,315 --> 01:39:32,434
Bounce the "raby" around...
Your mother's ass.
1336
01:39:34,653 --> 01:39:38,817
Sure, la signora Charlotte can do
anything she wants.
1337
01:39:38,908 --> 01:39:41,779
Put her in the truck. Bounce the "raby"--
1338
01:39:41,869 --> 01:39:43,778
- Your mother's ass.
- Keep it rolling.
1339
01:39:43,871 --> 01:39:45,579
This lady gonna have a baby...
1340
01:39:45,664 --> 01:39:48,120
and not gonna be moved for 24...
1341
01:39:48,209 --> 01:39:51,245
- Cut it.
- I think we should ask this doctor.
1342
01:39:51,337 --> 01:39:55,122
Do you think we should move Charlotte
or let her rest or what?
1343
01:39:55,217 --> 01:39:58,834
I can't stand it! I'm sorry.
1344
01:39:58,928 --> 01:40:00,471
Okay. Come on.
1345
01:40:00,639 --> 01:40:01,753
Now.
1346
01:40:03,266 --> 01:40:05,935
Well, why don't we ask this doctor here?
1347
01:40:06,019 --> 01:40:10,017
Do you think we should move Charlotte
or let her rest or what?
1348
01:40:10,858 --> 01:40:13,183
The lady gonna have a baby--
1349
01:40:13,277 --> 01:40:15,898
- Cut it.
- All right. Save it.
1350
01:40:15,988 --> 01:40:19,356
We'll start doing what I do best.
We'll show off.
1351
01:40:20,075 --> 01:40:23,160
- When do we get started?
- Whenever you like.
1352
01:40:24,162 --> 01:40:25,823
Is now too soon?
1353
01:40:26,666 --> 01:40:27,780
No.
1354
01:40:28,000 --> 01:40:30,954
It's all shit. Let's print the first one.