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in.

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Linda Lavin?

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Fifteen seconds to curtain, Linda. Oh,
thanks.

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Hey, uh, can I get you anything?

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Well, you could make me a sandwich.

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Okay. You're a sandwich.

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Everybody's a comedian.

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It's the Muppet Show with our very
special guest star, Linda Lavin.

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Now watch the show carefully and you'll
learn a lot about laying an egg.

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Thank

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you,

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thank you, thank you, and welcome to the
Muppet Show. Hey, you're going to have

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a great time tonight because our guest
star is a terrific... actress and star

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musical comedy, Miss Linda Lavin. So
it's going to be a wonderful show.

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Actually, it's not.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Excuse me.

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But I have an announcement to make.

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What is that?

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Tonight's show is cancelled.

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But you can't cancel the show. The first
act is all ready to go on. Zuzu

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Fitzwaller, the Hungarian water juggler.

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No, yes.

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At last, we can get back to our show. So
here is our first act. Zuzu Fitzwaller,

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the Hungarian water juggler. I sent him
home.

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You did what?

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But this is supposed to be a show. What
are people going to watch?

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What else?

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In honor of your...

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You take this advice.

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Yes, it is. It's now.

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Be a frog. Be a frog.

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All the world loves a frog.

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Learn to croak.

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Learn to howl.

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And you'll find you'll wind up on top.

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Dress in green, bug your eyes.

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If you wink, they'll think you're so
wise.

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If you're a cow, you'll die at...

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A horse will think that nay is all you
can say.

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But folks will think about how you went
courting one day.

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fairy tale and everyday sense. I haven't
had much trouble when I try to convince

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the ladies if they kiss me, they'll be
kissing a prince.

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Be a frog, be a frog. Be a frog, be a
frog. Be a

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frog.

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Seriously,

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we should give the frog a birthday
present.

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Like what?

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How about a nice bottle of pig
repellent? Oh,

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yes, that was fabulous.

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Oh, you pigs make wonderful frogs.

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Hey, us frogs make pretty good frogs,
too, you know.

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You, you canceled my act. All the grief
is Zuzu Fitzwaller, the Hungarian water

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juggler. Listen, Zuzu, I'm sorry about
that. You see, but it wasn't me. I

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cancel yet. I practiced and I practiced.

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I was going to juggle.

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The trick is hard, the word is soft.

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I'm sorry that they act with counsel,
Zuzu.

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My girl Gloria came all the way from
Pittsburgh to see me.

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I tell you what, listen, you're back on.
I'm going to go introduce you right

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now, Zuzu. Yes.

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All right, now, Fozzie, stand by for
your first special guest. Go, go, go.

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You got the axe.

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Ladies and gentlemen, and especially
Gloria, at this time I take great pride

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presenting... Gloria, I'm not going to
be young. They gave me the axe.

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No, no, no. Wait a second, Zuzu. Yes,
come at the front.

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This is your birthday.

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Yes, yes, yes.

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We have a whole evening of birthday...
birthday greetings planned for you.

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Oh, no.

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How's it going, baby?

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Oh, wonderful.

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You've made such a wonderful night for
Kermit. I would do anything for my

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Kermit. I am pulling out all stops.

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Really going hog wild, huh?

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It's a figure of speech.

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Kermit the Frog, here is the first of
your birthday greetings.

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Do you recognize this boy, Kermit?

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Do you remember all the time we spent
working on breathing exercises?

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I don't believe it. It's Mr. Dawson, my
old acting coach.

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Yeah, all the way from Leland,
Mississippi, your old acting coach, Mr.

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Oh, Mr.

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Dawson. Oh,

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Mr. Dawson.

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Oh,

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you wanted everybody to be here. What a
terrific birthday party this is.

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He learned that.

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Gloria, I'll meet you in the parking lot
after the show.

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Young man, young man, that is no way to
cry on stage.

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What? If you're going to cry, cry.

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Why?

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I want to dedicate this song to Kermit.

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On your birthday, Kermit. Happy
birthday. Guys, let her rip.

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And so it goes.

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Hey,

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what are you doing?

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I dropped my gum.

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Hey, lady, would you toss my gum up?

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wig first.

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Glad to see you. I was hoping we could
get a chance to talk. I'm a great

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of your work.

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Well, I mean it sincerely.

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Yeah? Yeah.

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So, what have you done for Kermit's
birthday? Something special, huh?

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Is that a frog made

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out of chopped liver?

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Frog, isn't that something?

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It sure is original, and it sure does
look like Kermit.

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Except, um, that you forgot the eyes.

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Oh, that's right. I forgot the googly.

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But wait, look.

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With these eggies, you can make googly.
Look.

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How about that? Eggie googly. What do
you think?

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Pieces of, uh... Huh?

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It's really nice.

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Except it's not green.

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Uh, green. Well, it's, uh, frog
-permitted green, but, uh... Well,

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it's all right. He's, uh, tan, and,
uh...

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I've heard of liverwurst, but this is
liverterrible.

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Do you remember in the fairy tale How
the wicked witches fell Changed the

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handsome prince to a toad Through the
power of her potion She handed him a

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notion He was lower than the dirt in the
road

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And though she left him green and
warded, her evil plan was thwarted when

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perchance to happen by the young miss.

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And in spite of his complexion, offered
her affection and broke the wicked curse

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with her kiss. Well, if you've never
been a frog kissing, then you don't know

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what you've been missing.

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There's a world of opportunity under
each and every log.

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If you've never been a charm breaker,
and if you've never been a handsome

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maker, just slow down, turn around, bend
down, and kiss you, little

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frog.

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There's a happy ever after land deep in
the heart of man where a prince or

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princess abide.

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But all we get are glimpses of the
handsome prince or princess, cause

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covered by a green warty hide.

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And though they're full of life's
potential, they're lacking one essential

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enable them to shine like a star.

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And that's to have some guy or missus,
smother them with kisses, and to love

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them while they're just like they are.
And that's the secret of frog kissing.

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And you can do it too if you just
listen.

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Just slow down, turn around, bend down,
and kiss you a frog.

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Ribbit. Ribbit.

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Ever kissed a frog before?

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Never. No time like the present.

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Now,

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Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing
story of a quack who's gone to the

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store.

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Okay, where's the first patient, Nurse
Janice? Here he is, Dr. Bob. Little

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Robin.

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Oh, that doesn't look like a robin. It
looks like a little toad.

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I'm not a toad. I'm a frog. My name is
Robin.

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Robin. That's a dumb name for a frog.

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Yeah, well, I tell my uncle Kermit. Oh,
yeah, Kermit. I forgot about him.

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Dumb names must run in the family.

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Cool it, Dr. Bob, or your name will be
mud.

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Sorry, I forgot about you and the frog.

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That's all right.

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But just be careful of my dear little
deer here.

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You'll soon be a relative of mine.

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Huh? When I marry your Uncle Kermy, I'll
become your Aunt Piggy.

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Why, you... Wait, wait, wait. I can't
let you harm the patient.

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I'm a doctor.

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That's my job.

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There's nothing wrong with me. I'm only
here because it's a salute to frogs.

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The night is young.

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Dr. Bob, I haven't had a line in five
minutes.

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Don't you bless it.

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Well, one, I'm really beautiful.

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To yourself.

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To everybody.

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You don't understand this. Can I go now?

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No, not till we come to the end.

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And so we come to the end of another
veterinary talk.

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Tune in next week when you'll hear Robin
say... Ow, Miss Piggy, you're hurting

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my arm.

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Say it.

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Uncle. Aunt.

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You know, I hate to admit it, but I'm
enjoying Kermit's birthday party.

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Yeah, me too.

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When was your last birthday, Walter?

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Years ago.

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Yeah, I stopped having them, too.

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Yeah, so there were some pretty good
years.

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Oh, there were some very good years.

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Yeah.

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When I was 17, it was a very good year.

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Yeah, it was a very good year for small
-town girls, soft

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summer nights. Oh, yes.

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We'd hide from the light. You do, huh?
On a village green.

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00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,380
Yes. When we were 17.

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When I was 21.

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It was a very good year.

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It was a very good year for city girls
who lived up the stair.

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With perfumed hair that came undone when

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I was 21.

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00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,260
I don't remember that long ago.

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00:17:04,460 --> 00:17:06,440
How about when you were 63?

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00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,359
Oh, that was a year. I broke my hip.

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Got to flirt with the nurse all year.

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00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,480
Well, my third wife left me.

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Ah, what a terrific year.

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00:17:19,550 --> 00:17:21,410
Yeah, well, what about when you were 74?

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00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:25,230
Yeah, that was the year my rheumatism
came back.

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00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:27,069
Yeah, so did my third wife.

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00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,430
What a terrible year. Oh, indeed, yeah.

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00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:36,250
But now the days are short.

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00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:40,930
I'm in the autumn of the year.

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Now I think of my life.

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There's vintage wine from fine old kegs.
From

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the brim to the dregs.

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It poured sweet and clear.

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It was a very good

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00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,370
year.

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00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,060
I agree. Nothing's on stage.

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00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,820
Listen, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry
that we haven't been able to get more of

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00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:27,900
the regular show on so far, but I think
now things are back to normal.

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00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,140
Want to bet?

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00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:30,460
Scooter, what are you doing out here?

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00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:31,720
Kermit the Frog?

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This is your birthday!

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00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,640
Again? You recognize these voices?

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Kermit, we really...

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Enjoy the year we spent on your show.

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00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,250
Yes, there were great times.

227
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:49,170
Oh, I don't believe it.

228
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It's our old singing duo, Wayne and
Wanda.

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Oh, look at us. Oh, goodness.

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Oh, it must be nearly a year since we've
seen each other. Well, it's 26

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months exactly.

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00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:07,690
Since the day you fired us.

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Fired you? Did I do that?

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00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:14,650
Mary Kermit, we're getting along just
great.

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00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:19,630
Oh, good. I'm fulfilling my lifetime
ambition as a manual laborer.

236
00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:26,570
Now, now, Wayne, you know we get along
fine with what we get from my mother out

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00:19:26,570 --> 00:19:27,570
of her pension money.

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00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:32,870
It's amazing how one can survive after
one's career has been shot down.

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By the way, Kermit, why did you fire us?

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Well, I don't know. It's been such a
long time ago, I don't really remember

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00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:47,430
I fired you. I tell you what. What?
Right now, on this very spot, I'm going

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00:19:47,430 --> 00:19:48,430
rehire you.

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00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:49,550
Yes. No.

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00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:53,870
Yes, I will. Ladies and gentlemen, we're
there once again. Wayne and Wanda.

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00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:57,910
Wanda. Oh, Wanda, my dear.

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00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:05,070
Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've
found.

247
00:20:18,580 --> 00:20:19,760
Oh, I'm so tense.

248
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:21,780
Yes, I know.

249
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:25,380
You do seem to be... Inhale, piggy.

250
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,480
No, exhale.

251
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,220
At the breaking point.

252
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,660
There you go. Okay, you're fine. Will
that hold?

253
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,900
Yes.

254
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,080
How do I look?

255
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,080
Beautiful. Oh, do you like everything?

256
00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:39,420
I love it. Like the shoes?

257
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:42,379
Oh, no.

258
00:20:42,380 --> 00:20:44,220
How bad is it? Where is it? Oh.

259
00:20:52,940 --> 00:20:53,940
Piggy.

260
00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:58,060
Thank you.

261
00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:01,240
I needed that.

262
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:02,980
Is everything going on?

263
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:04,019
Yes. What?

264
00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:05,900
What do I do, Linda? Piggy.

265
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,940
What do I do?

266
00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:10,220
I could do the number.

267
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,040
Do you?

268
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,920
You could do the number?

269
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,060
Yeah. Oh, thank you.

270
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,200
Consider it done.

271
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,760
promise there will be no more of this
birthday nonsense.

272
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:37,700
Instead, let us just sit back and enjoy
our talented and charming guest star,

273
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:39,160
the wonderful Miss Linda Lavin.

274
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:15,500
great pleasure for me to be here and to
be able to celebrate your birthday with

275
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:16,620
everybody. Come on, everybody. Let's go.

276
00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:21,440
For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a
jolly good fellow.

277
00:24:21,700 --> 00:24:23,460
For he's a jolly good fellow.

278
00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:25,500
What is that?

279
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,280
Listen,

280
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:35,140
everybody. I'm sorry, but I have a very
embarrassing announcement to make. What?

281
00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:38,200
Well, today is not my birthday. It's
about four months from now.

282
00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:41,000
What? Well, we'll see you next time on
The Muppet Show.

283
00:25:15,660 --> 00:25:18,760
Should all acquaintance be forgot?

284
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,080
Why are you singing that?

285
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:20,919
I forgot.

286
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:21,920
Oh!