1 00:00:00,634 --> 00:00:02,603 * Freeze frame! 2 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,043 You remembered to put an extra pair of socks on, right? 3 00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,010 Yes, ma'am. 4 00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,645 WEATHERMAN (on TV): Today in New York City, 5 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,714 expect a lot of snow, and it's coming down fast. 6 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,650 We've had six inches reported the last hour in Manhattan 7 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,420 and four inches in Park Slope. 8 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,155 Mom, do I have to go to school? 9 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,756 I mean, it's snowing like crazy. 10 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,692 (sighs) It's snow, Chris, not Armageddon, 11 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,759 Now hurry up. 12 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,229 You know the buses are going to be running slow. 13 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,430 Go. 14 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:30,631 CHRIS ROCK: Because my mother wanted us 15 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,433 to get the best education possible, 16 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:36,270 as long as school was open, we had to go no matter what. 17 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,672 Ooh, baby. 18 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,408 Your temperature is 103. 19 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,110 Can I stay home from school? 20 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,178 No. Just put this ice pack under your hat. 21 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,213 You'll be all right. 22 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,817 Ooh, baby, I think you got food poisoning. 23 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,851 Can I stay home from school? 24 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,620 No. Drink this ipecac. 25 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,687 You'll be all right. 26 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,588 While I was on the road, 27 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,490 Drew and Tonya were on the couch. 28 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,692 Okay, come on, y'all, let's go. 29 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,794 ...and Saint Seraphim Elementary. 30 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:03,264 In Bedford Stuyvesant, latest school closings 31 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,632 include Linville Elementary, 32 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,801 Lamont Sanford Junior High, and Dolemite Elementary. 33 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,470 (screams) Ooh, yes! 34 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,804 School is closed! Yeah! 35 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,740 (singsongy): We're staying home from school. It's cold out there. 36 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,108 We're staying home from school. What's going on? 37 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,809 Our school just closed. 38 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,245 What? Yeah, we get to stay home. 39 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,379 Yeah! Where's Chris? 40 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,747 He already left. 41 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:20,714 His school's not closed? 42 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,816 Well, they didn't mention it on the news. 43 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,385 Is he going to be all right? 44 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,753 Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine, baby. 45 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:26,620 But look, I got to go. 46 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,855 I left your breakfast on the stove. 47 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,858 Wait. Drew and Tonya are going to be here all day? 48 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,793 What? You got another home to take them to? 49 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,228 I got to go, baby, I'm late. 50 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,496 Love you. 51 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,831 Meanwhile, there were more kids at my house 52 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,600 than there were at my school. 53 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,775 Hello? 54 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,877 Is anyone here? 55 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,813 I wouldn't put it past all the other kids to hide from me. 56 00:01:52,846 --> 00:02:02,890 Captioning sponsored by CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION 57 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:12,900 Captioning sponsored by CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION 58 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,787 Whoa! 59 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,789 Man, what is wrong with you, sneaking up on people? 60 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,191 Chris, what are you doing here? 61 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,926 School was cancelled today. 62 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:39,793 Since when? 63 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,962 They announced it about an hour ago. 64 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,964 I left the house an hour and a half ago. 65 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,468 Well, I suppose we should see about getting you home. 66 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,803 Even though Principal Edwards had traveled the world, 67 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,406 he couldn't get me back to Brooklyn. 68 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,675 I'm sorry, Chris, I can't let you go. 69 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:55,809 Why not? 70 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,845 Our phones are out. 71 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,347 You're not allowed to leave school 72 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,416 without the consent of a parent or guardian. 73 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,617 So you're saying the only reason why 74 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,852 I can't leave is 'cause I'm here? 75 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,221 That, my friend, is a paradox. 76 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,722 (gong rings) 77 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,990 Sounds more like C-block. 78 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,792 Why would your mother 79 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,994 allow you to go out in weather like this? 80 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,329 She's crazy. 81 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,864 She doesn't like us to miss school. 82 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,867 Let's not disappoint her. 83 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,471 While I was getting snowed in, back at home, the word was out. 84 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,906 To repeat, city buses are experiencing delays 85 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,541 of up to four hours 86 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,977 due to closings and hazardous conditions. 87 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,880 Now here's a list of the latest school closures. 88 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,282 Corleone Junior High... 89 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,450 Daddy, look, Chris' school is closed. 90 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,918 What? 91 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,254 DREW: Oh, see, it says Corleone Junior High School. 92 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,656 If his school is closed, how come he hasn't called? 93 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,558 Maybe he got trapped in a snowdrift 94 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,460 and had to eat his own mouth to survive. 95 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,829 That's a thought. 96 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,331 Where are you going? 97 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,999 I'm going to get your brother. 98 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:52,900 Who's going to stay with us? 99 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,869 Oh... I'll be right back. 100 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,638 Even though the weather was horrible, 101 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,039 my mother liked riding the subway. 102 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,675 Being with strangers is a lot less stressful 103 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:02,743 than being with your family. 104 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,645 This is a stickup! (screams) 105 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:05,646 Shut up! 106 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,581 Aw, damn. Aw, damn. 107 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,419 CONDUCTOR (over speaker): We're sorry for the sudden stop. 108 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,320 If you'll all remain seated, 109 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,854 we'll be on our way in a few minutes. 110 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,923 Aw, damn! 111 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,658 Well? 112 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,427 "Well" nothing. 113 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,828 This is still a stickup. 114 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,563 (screams) 115 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,365 Will you be quiet? 116 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,901 I was the only one in school, 117 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,971 but Principal Edwards handled things by the book. 118 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,039 He took attendance. 119 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,342 Caroline? 120 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,443 Chris? 121 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,044 Here. 122 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,847 Chris. 123 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,014 Eddie? 124 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,583 We said the Pledge of Allegiance. 125 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,786 BOTH: One nation, under God, indivisible 126 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,922 with liberty and justice for all. 127 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,758 Since I was the only one in class, 128 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,626 he let me say the Black Pledge of Allegiance. 129 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,095 BOTH: One nation under a groove 130 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,098 getting down just for the funk of it. 131 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,834 One nation and we're on the move. 132 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438 Nothing can stop us now. 133 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,707 After lunch, we sang "Aqua Boogie." 134 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,044 After that, we got down to serious business. 135 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,946 All right, class. 136 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:17,951 First up, I'm giving you a quiz on Pearl Harbor. 137 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:22,089 What? Ms. Morello didn't have a quiz planned for today. 138 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:26,794 Consider it a surprise, just like Pearl Harbor. 139 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,663 Eyes on your own paper. 140 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,132 My father couldn't leave Drew and Tonya home alone, 141 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,034 because if you pull that Home Alone crap 142 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,103 in a black neighborhood, they take away your kids. 143 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,104 Can I help you? 144 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,138 I was looking for Mr. Omar. 145 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,973 Oh, hey, Mr. Julius. 146 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,042 Yeah, this is my friend Mrs. Booker. 147 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,744 I'm sorry about your husband. 148 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,046 Yeah, caught a deadly case of botulism. 149 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,047 Tragic, tragic. 150 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,115 How did you know... 151 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:51,051 Baby, why don't you go and put that record on for me? 152 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,420 (chuckles) Okay. 153 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,558 Yeah, wha-- so, uh, what can I do for you? 154 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,959 I need to pick Chris up from school 155 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,494 and I was wondering if you could keep an eye 156 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,095 on Drew and Tonya till I get back? 157 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,665 Mr. Omar had another back to keep an eye on. 158 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,099 Yeah, can't you get somebody else, man? 159 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,034 I really need your help. 160 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,537 I mean, all you got to do is check on them. 161 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,771 They'll be easy, I promise. 162 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,540 Speaking of easy... 163 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:13,674 I don't know, man. 164 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,075 I'll take ten dollars off the rent. 165 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,510 I'll be down in a minute. 166 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,111 Thank you. 167 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,448 Any questions? 168 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,482 Anyone? 169 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,752 Yes, Chris? 170 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:28,722 I'm the only one in the entire city that's in school. 171 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,191 So, why should I have to learn when everybody else is sitting 172 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,160 on their couch watching The Price Is Right? 173 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:37,631 Chris, the true measure of a man is not what he does 174 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,633 when he is being watched. 175 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,103 It's what he does when he is alone. 176 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,639 Technically, this isn't a real school day. 177 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:48,809 If you haven't noticed, I'm not supposed to be here. 178 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,411 So why should I take classes? 179 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,648 All right. 180 00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,084 Do whatever you want. 181 00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,554 So you're saying that if I get up and walk out of that door, 182 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,089 you won't do anything to stop me? 183 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,157 No. 184 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,793 Good-bye. 185 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:06,927 As I was storming out, 186 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,962 the storm outside was picking up. 187 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,067 I haven't seen 188 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,536 a sea of white like this 189 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,437 since the Republican National Convention. 190 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,910 Come on, in the bag! Put it in the bag! 191 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,778 Get to the back! Come on! 192 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,213 CHRIS: My mother had lost her money, 193 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,148 but there was only so much she could take. 194 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,917 Good day to rob a train, huh? 195 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:30,718 Watch your mouth! 196 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,719 Why?! 197 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:32,986 You done already took my money! 198 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,221 What else you gonna take, my seat? 199 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,255 I might shoot you! 200 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,924 And you might go to jail! 201 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,825 You got six bullets 202 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,092 and nine passengers, 203 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,794 which leaves three witnesses, 204 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,930 and 25 years to life! 205 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,998 Don't shoot her, shoot me. 206 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,166 Don't tell me who to shoot! 207 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,501 What are you, trying to get shot?! 208 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,135 Shut up! 209 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,170 (screaming) 210 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,104 Will you be quiet?! 211 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,039 Sit down. 212 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,841 While my mother was pushing her luck, 213 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,610 Mr. Omar was trying to pull a fast one. 214 00:07:56,644 --> 00:08:00,180 Hey, I got peanut butter and jelly, fried bologna 215 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,250 and mustard, Kool-Aid and chips. 216 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,251 The homeless shelter special. 217 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,352 Anything else? 218 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,921 I thought you were supposed to be staying with us. 219 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,990 No, I told you father I would check on y'all. 220 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,859 So I'm checking on you. You okay? 221 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,526 Yeah. 222 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,894 All right, so I'll be back 223 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,529 to check on you again. Mr. Omar... 224 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,767 Can you make me some hot chocolate? 225 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,201 (sighs) 226 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,903 Okay. Hot chocolate it is. 227 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:25,706 Oh, Mr. Omar? 228 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:26,907 Uh-huh? Could you please 229 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:27,941 make me some cheese toast? 230 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:30,243 Cheese toast and hot chocolate. 231 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,179 Okay, great. 232 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,048 While Mr. Omar was stuck babysitting, 233 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,316 my father was just plain stuck. 234 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,552 (car engine starting) 235 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,127 (tires spinning) 236 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,002 Should've bought those snow tires. 237 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,236 My father was willing 238 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,772 to brave the elements to save his son, 239 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:00,073 but to save money, 240 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,175 he bought the cheapest tires known to man. 241 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,217 (panting) 242 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,252 He's the only black out in a whiteout. 243 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,294 (grunting) 244 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,097 With too much snow to stay outside, I went back inside 245 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,333 to find crouching tiger, hidden principal. 246 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,701 Principal Edwards? 247 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,302 (exhales) 248 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,138 I thought you left. 249 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,907 Yeah, but I came back. 250 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,308 Hyah! 251 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,278 Captain Obvious strikes again. 252 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,312 Hoo-wah! 253 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,649 I'm sorry. 254 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,651 Are you really? 255 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,385 You did what you wanted to do. 256 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,955 (grunting): Shh-woo, yah! 257 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,289 Just didn't work out 258 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,024 the way you planned. (exhales sharply) 259 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,093 It's not like I didn't want to take my classes. 260 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,930 I haven't missed a day of school all year. 261 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,666 I work hard. 262 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,368 It's just that the one day I could spend at home relaxing, 263 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,003 I'm stuck here with you. 264 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:06,139 So what's the point in doing schoolwork today? 265 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,077 You know what? You're right. 266 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,344 I am? 267 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,714 Sure you are. 268 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,348 So what now? 269 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,118 Ninja lessons? 270 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,422 I'm sorry about that. 271 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,925 Look here, if you're gonna keep talking about getting shot, 272 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,359 you need to sit over there somewhere. 273 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,227 I'm sorry. 274 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,396 I figured I didn't have much to lose. 275 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,031 Why? 276 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,300 Yesterday was my 61st birthday 277 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,804 and... nobody in my family called. 278 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,039 I was headed to the Brooklyn Bridge 279 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,108 to jump off. 280 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,342 You were gonna jump off a bridge 281 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,778 'cause you didn't get a phone call? 282 00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,146 No wonder they didn't call you. 283 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,280 You're selfish. 284 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,383 A 61-year-old gonna jump off a bridge 285 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,219 'cause he didn't get a phone call. 286 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,287 I wouldn't call you either. It's too much pressure. 287 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,957 You don't know anything about me. 288 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,793 I know you're too damn old to be jumping off bridges. 289 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,229 Well, it's none of your business anyway. 290 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,164 Wait a minute, you're the one standing up talking 'bout, 291 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,999 "Don't shoot her, shoot me." 292 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,467 Well, then why didn't you let him shoot me? 293 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,369 I'm not gonna have people thinking 294 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,739 you saved my life. You ain't nothing but a big baby. 295 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,707 Scarface, whatever you do, 296 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:16,409 don't shoot him. Oh, could you shoot me, please? 297 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,211 It's the only way my boss is gonna believe this. 298 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,480 (long sigh) 299 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,249 Since we'd done a little work, 300 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,484 Principal Edwards decided we could have a little fun. 301 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,354 (Run-DMC's "Rock Box" playing) 302 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,506 * For all you sucker MCs perpetrating a fraud * 303 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,442 * Your rhymes are cold whack and keep the crowd cold bored * 304 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,511 * You're the kind of guy that girl a ignored * 305 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,047 * I'm drivin' a Caddy, you fixin' a Ford * 306 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,216 * My name is Joseph Simmons, but my middle name's Lord * 307 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,450 * And when I'm rockin' on the mic * 308 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,019 * You should all applaud because we're * 309 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,188 * Wheelin', dealin', we got a funny feelin' * 310 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,490 * We rock from the floor up the ceilin' * 311 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,126 * We groove it, you move it, it has been proven * 312 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,461 * We calmed the savage beast because our music is soothin' * 313 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:11,398 Back at home, Drew and Tonya were monopolizing 314 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,065 all of Mr. Omar's time. 315 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,967 Ha! Boardwalk with a hotel. 316 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,136 Looks like somebody owes me $2,000. 317 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,271 Oh, dang. Tragic. 318 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,807 Um, Mr. Omar? 319 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,975 How come every time we see you with a woman, 320 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,176 their husband just died? 321 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,245 Well, that's because 322 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,414 I'm a funeral director, baby. 323 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,950 But when the wives die, 324 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,885 how come you don't make friends with the husbands? 325 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,288 Oh, well, men don't need as much attention. 326 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,957 Man, if my wife died, 327 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,860 I'd be crying, sitting at home by myself 328 00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,028 wondering what I'm gonna do... 329 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,896 how to go on. 330 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,065 I'd be wishing anybody would talk to me. 331 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,900 Well, women are sensitive, 332 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,069 you know, in a different kind of way. 333 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,104 Oh, I thought that women were like 334 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,539 that because they were desperate. 335 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,974 Roll the dice, baby. 336 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,109 Here you go. 337 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,545 Ha! This wasn't 338 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,114 so bad after all. 339 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:04,084 Hey! You know, that's a cool vase. 340 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,253 That's three centuries old. 341 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,821 Wow. 342 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,056 So what do all those markings mean? 343 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:13,326 They represent honor. 344 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,030 They did until Paris Hilton tattooed them on her ass. 345 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:20,367 I wanted this for my wife. 346 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,534 You're married? 347 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,403 I was. 348 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,105 We split up a few years ago. 349 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,439 She took the money 350 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,942 and I kept the vase. Figures. 351 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:32,445 This vase... 352 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,247 changed my life. 353 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,415 How's that? 354 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,451 It taught me one of life's great lessons. 355 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:42,122 All that we have been or done 356 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,957 is in the past. 357 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:47,127 Live in the now. 358 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,131 What? (glass shatters, screams) 359 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,268 I wonder what Eastern philosophy has to say 360 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,304 about crazy glue. 361 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,344 (woman crying) 362 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,545 Girl, what you crying about? 363 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,980 All he said was, "Be quiet." 364 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:10,217 It's not that. I just broke up with my fiancé. 365 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,551 This ring looks pretty cheap. 366 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,520 It is cheap. 367 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,923 So that's why you broke up with him? 'Cause he doesn't have any money? 368 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,092 No, I broke up with him because I want him to get a job, 369 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,228 but thinks he's going to be a movie director. 370 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,096 Well, at least he ain't out robbing trains. 371 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:26,333 And get this, he took my credit card to make his last film. 372 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,036 Now how you gonna make a movie on a credit card? 373 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,437 What's Mr. Movie Director's name? 374 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,506 Sheldon. (laughing) 375 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,542 Now, how you gonna be a movie director 376 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,977 with a name like Sheldon? 377 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,279 His friends call him Spike. 378 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,148 Oh, girl, that's worse. 379 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,649 Trust me. You can do better 380 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,117 than a Black man named Spike. 381 00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,653 Try and find a guy with a nice name, 382 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,521 like, like, like Orenthal. 383 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,390 That's nice. She later became the first 384 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,260 Black girl in history to be glad she wasn't White. 385 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,063 The snow stopped the traffic, but it couldn't stop Risky. 386 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:59,166 RISKY: Julius! Julius! 387 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,468 Risky? 388 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,170 What are you doing out here, man? 389 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,338 Chris is stuck at school. I gotta get him. 390 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,706 Can you help me out? 391 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,175 Oh, sorry, no room, man. 392 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,376 Me and my man, Nanook, 393 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,211 out here trying to make money on these 394 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,545 cross-country skis. 395 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,048 You want a pair? 396 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,052 How much? 397 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,389 You know I didn't mean to break it. 398 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,325 It's okay. 399 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,727 It's just a vase. 400 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,629 A vase that changed my life. 401 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,735 Sometimes I wish I could change my life. 402 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,670 Go places like you. 403 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,240 Get away from the school. 404 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,674 The neighborhood. 405 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,511 Caruso. 406 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,679 Doesn't work like that. 407 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:50,383 As long as you're you, they'll always be a Caruso. 408 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,586 I thought about living in Japan. 409 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,222 Arigato, Slappy. 410 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,424 In London... Cheerio, Nipsy. 411 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,993 Morocco... Asalamalakem, Flip. 412 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,264 So what should I do? 413 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,767 Just because you're you... 414 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,503 doesn't mean you can't be somebody else. 415 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,039 That's called schizophrenia. 416 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,240 Now what about you? 417 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,142 I mean, you traveled all around the world. 418 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,676 Why'd you come back to be a principal? 419 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,745 I am going to tell you a story 420 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,781 that I've never told anyone else. 421 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,783 Not my wife, my priest, 422 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,219 my shrink, no one. I hope he doesn't 423 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,121 say, "If I did it, here's how it happened." 424 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,158 It all began at a pancake house in Minneapolis. 425 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,592 (door opens) 426 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,127 GREG: Hey, Chris. 427 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,528 What are you guys doing down there? 428 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:39,166 Nothing, just talking. What are you doing here? 429 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,534 Well, I called your house, and Drew said you were here. 430 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,070 I couldn't believe it, 431 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,405 so I had to come and check for myself. 432 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,208 Well... think I'll, uh... 433 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,044 step outside and check on the weather. 434 00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,479 See about getting you home, Chris. 435 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,215 Yeah, all right. 436 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,387 Good, uh... good talking to you, Greg. 437 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,555 You, too, Principal Edwards. 438 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,260 Omar, can I talk to you a second? 439 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,428 Oh, be right back. 440 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,832 Monopoly wasn't all he was losing. 441 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,667 How much longer are you going to be down here? 442 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,070 Well, the way Drew's playing, not much longer. 443 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,172 He got me for $2,000. 444 00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:21,541 I didn't come here to hear you talk about Monopoly. 445 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,176 Mr. Omar, it's your turn. 446 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,313 Uh, here I come. Look, I told Mr. Julius I would 447 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,181 watch the kids and that's what I'm gonna do. 448 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,349 I'm sorry. 449 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,218 You watching the kids? I'm going home. 450 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,686 Well, you'd better take those pumps off and put on some snow shoes 451 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,855 or you ain't gonna make it. 452 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,258 Excuse me, uh, Scarface. 453 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,294 Can I talk to you for a minute? 454 00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:44,697 My mother never talked to anyone for just a minute. 455 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,239 Now, are you sure you want to do this? 456 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:53,773 What difference does it make to you? 457 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,775 Well, didn't your mother teach you better 458 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:56,809 than to go around robbing people? 459 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,579 She's the one who taught me how to rob people. 460 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,748 Well, if I was your mother, 461 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,184 I would've knocked the rob out of you 462 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,752 a long time ago. LUTHER: Listen to her. 463 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,520 She's a good person. Hear that? 464 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:11,191 I just wish I'd met her before I got my wife's sister pregnant. 465 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,128 You got your wife's sister pregnant? 466 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,496 Uh, just once. 467 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,265 All I'm saying is, 468 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,568 is that you're better than this. 469 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:26,206 And at least your son and your nephew ain't the same person. 470 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,376 Thank you. 471 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,413 Rochelle. 472 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:41,188 When you get home, call my dad and tell him I'm on the way. 473 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,522 No problem. 474 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,224 Ah, well, see ya. 475 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,226 Man, see you later. 476 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,302 The adventure was just ending for me, 477 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,737 but it was just beginning for my father. 478 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,839 Chris! 479 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,808 I'm here! 480 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,576 Chris! 481 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,412 I'm here! 482 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,314 Chris! 483 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,849 I'm here to take you home! 484 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,951 Chris...! 485 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,222 Most days we were together, we couldn't wait to be apart. 486 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,623 But every now and again, 487 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,192 it felt really good to be together. 488 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,760 It's cold out there today. 489 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,329 That snow is crazy. 490 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,763 I went all the way to your school. 491 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:24,997 What happened to you? 492 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:28,301 I was the only one there, so soon as I could leave, I left. 493 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,969 You're not gonna believe what happened to me today. 494 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,238 I got robbed. 495 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,071 ALL: What?! 496 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,873 Yes. This guy kept me on the train 497 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,975 for, like, five hours, took all my money. 498 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,277 How much did you have? 499 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,278 A dollar. 500 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,011 (sighs): Oh. 501 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,580 Huh, that sounds just like Drew. 502 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,215 We were playing Monopoly, 503 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,484 and Drew took all Mr. Omar's money. 504 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,253 Mr. Omar was here? 505 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,355 Yeah, he watched us after Dad left. 506 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,389 When did you leave? 507 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,657 Right after you left. 508 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,459 You're just now getting back? 509 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,326 I went to get you! 510 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,295 I'm in a snow storm. What about Mr. Omar? 511 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,497 (all talking excitedly over one another) 512 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,232 Y'all know y'all not supposed to have anybody else. 513 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,933 They closed the school, there's nowhere for you to go. 514 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,436 When Daddy leaves, you make sure... 515 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,473 After spending the whole day inside with Principal Edwards, 516 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:07,407 I no longer felt 517 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,541 like an outsider. 518 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,676 I had a new friend. 519 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,244 (school bell ringing) 520 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,011 You're late. 521 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,713 What? A tardy slip? 522 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,014 But what about yesterday? 523 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,284 That was in the past, we're in the now, Chris. 524 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,718 And now you're late. 525 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,388 See you in detention. 526 00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,790 * Everybody hates Chris 527 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,593 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org