1
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Fuego del Culo.
2
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Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.
3
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♪ I switched the game
No time for playing ♪
4
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♪ I'm redefined ♪
5
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♪ Now I'ma transform ♪
6
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♪ Right in front
Of all your eyes ♪
7
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♪ I shapeshift ♪
8
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Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?
9
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Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.
10
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Tequila it is.
11
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Here you go.
Mm.
12
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¡Viva la revolución!
13
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Now, that shit right there make
14
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my pussy pop
on a handstand!
15
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So, what are you doing here
anyway?
16
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What do you think
I'm doing here?
17
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I'm starring
in the opening scene.
18
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Been there, done that.
19
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Pick up the phone!
Pick up the pho--
20
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Richie?
Teyana. Hi.
21
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I thought it'd be easier
for the audience
22
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if they didn't have to read
more texts.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
'Cause you know
these motherfuckers can't read.
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I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.
25
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Well, it's nice
to phone-meet you
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in this super awkward way.
27
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Likewise.
But I got to be honest.
28
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When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left
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because you look mad goofy.
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But surprisingly,
31
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you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.
32
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I take you for a Jersey girl.
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A Jersey girl?
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Listen, I love Jersey down.
35
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But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.
36
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Real niggas only. Yeah.
37
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Oh, so you're Black.
38
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No, motherfucker!
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I'm BLACK!
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All caps.
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No cap, but caps.
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Fuck all y'all!
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Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.
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I ain't want your shit.
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Hello.
So tell me,
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what's your favorite
scary movie?
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Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.
48
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All the stupid tropes and shit.
49
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Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?
50
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Because they know
it is too hard
to kill a sista.
51
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Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive
52
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government cheese,
we can survive anything.
53
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You know, it might help
if you met me outside.
54
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Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!
55
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What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.
56
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How'd you know?
57
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Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.
58
00:03:01,539 --> 00:03:03,476
Hey, is the restaurant
near an alley?
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00:03:03,575 --> 00:03:06,278
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.
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Roses?
Ah! Not today.
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Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.
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Okay, I'm--
I'm coming down the alley now.
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I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.
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No.
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The person I'm looking at
is not waving.
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In fact,
they're just staring at me.
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Well, stare at his ass back!
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And don't blink. Never blink.
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You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"
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No, they're walking
towards me now.
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Hold on.
Oh no, they have a knife!
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Well, don't lead his ass
over here.
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And that's not the worst part.
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The worst part
is you know so much
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about horror movies
and yet you still
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walked into the alley alone.
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Yeah, well the worst part is,
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you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!
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Yeah!
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Cuckoo, cuckoo!
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Cuckoo!
82
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,807
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!
83
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Seriously, Larry?
84
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:24,756
I ain't recognize
your bird call.
85
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Thought you was going
more with a--
86
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That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"
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Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!
88
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My bad.
89
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Are you done?
90
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What the hell?
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Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.
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Get him!
93
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Ow! My arm! My arm!
94
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Get in there!
95
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Come on, guys,
we can work this out.
96
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Somebody help me!
97
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Do it, Larry!
98
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No, no, no--
99
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Hi-yah!
100
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Ow! Oh, God!
101
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,965
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
102
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We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.
103
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Welcome to New York, sucker!
104
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Hey, Teyana.
105
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You might have kicked my ass,
106
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,242
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.
107
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What you say about my Oscar?
108
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Did I stutter? You lost!
109
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You right.
110
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:25,217
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.
111
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Oh, my God! Really?
112
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That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.
113
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It's fucking terrible.
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Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos
and fart gags.
115
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So, you don't like parodies?
116
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I'm more into
Judd Apatow films.
117
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You know, elevated comedy.
118
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And what is elevated comedy?
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Mm.
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The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,
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but makes white people
feel smart.
122
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Tuesday,
don't answer that!
123
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It could be Ghostface.
124
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Oh, come on, Elle!
125
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Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.
126
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Oh, hey.
127
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I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.
128
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What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?
129
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Ah, here it is.
130
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Hello, Tuesday.
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♪ I really wanna get messy ♪
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♪ Don't care what I'm doing
Next week ♪
133
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♪ You really don't wanna
Test me ♪
134
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♪ Just pass the drinks
And get sexy ♪
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♪ Get messy
Baby, get messy ♪
136
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Hey, miss.
137
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What'd you take?
138
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Just Ritalin for my ADHD.
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Adderall for PTSD.
140
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A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.
141
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And your boner pills.
142
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So good luck
getting it up now.
143
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Jesus, Sara,
how many did you take?
Do you want to touch it, baby?
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Yes, but no. Okay.
Come on. You know you want it.
145
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Take it.
Take it like a good boy.
Okay. Maybe just a little bit.
146
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That feels
really interesting.
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I'm about to bust a nut.
Wow.
148
00:07:02,715 --> 00:07:04,350
Hey, Jess.
Sara,
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Tuesday's in the hospital.
150
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:09,321
She was stabbed. By a killer--
you know, Ghostface.
151
00:07:09,421 --> 00:07:10,755
Wait. From Wu-Tang?
152
00:07:10,856 --> 00:07:12,958
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney
153
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aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?
154
00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:17,663
God, Sara,
it wasn't Ghostface Killah.
155
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It was somebody
in a Ghostface mask.
156
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Oh!
157
00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:22,668
Okay, that makes more sense.
158
00:07:26,438 --> 00:07:27,373
Hah!
159
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I ain't the one!
160
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Oh!
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Jesus, Jack!
162
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What?
163
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I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.
164
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My estranged
flat-chested half-sister
165
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was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.
166
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I got to go see her
and make up for the past.
167
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Whoa-- Hey, hey, hey.
168
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I'm going with you.
169
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Not because
I'm the obvious killer
170
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trying to lure you back
to your hometown.
171
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I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.
172
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Yeah.
That's all.
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Okay, let's go. Get in the car.
174
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Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.
175
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I survived.
176
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All thanks to my lucky penny.
177
00:08:07,212 --> 00:08:09,214
♪ The world would be
Boring as fuck ♪
178
00:08:09,315 --> 00:08:11,317
♪ Without big booty
Real hoochie mamas like me ♪
179
00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:13,786
♪ Grabbing ankles
Throwing ass on ATVs ♪
180
00:08:13,886 --> 00:08:15,954
♪ Make 'em say "uh"
I got Master P ♪
181
00:08:16,055 --> 00:08:18,257
♪ Doggy-style, look here,
That's masterpiece ♪
182
00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:20,225
♪ I don't wanna be
In no sausage fest ♪
183
00:08:20,326 --> 00:08:22,795
♪ Where my ladies at?
Throw it east to west ♪
184
00:08:22,895 --> 00:08:24,863
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow
I'm impressed ♪
185
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,098
♪ Booty up down, up down... ♪
186
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I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.
187
00:08:34,873 --> 00:08:37,976
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.
188
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:40,679
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.
189
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It's not embarrassing.
190
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I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.
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I'm lit!
Don't forget,
192
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,152
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.
193
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:48,854
You only made the team
because you're Black
194
00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:50,923
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.
195
00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:53,058
Mm.
It's 2026.
196
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,760
I don't think race is an issue.
197
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,395
Do you read Black Twitter?
198
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:57,896
No.
199
00:08:58,364 --> 00:08:59,131
Ugh, Brad,
200
00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:01,200
are you still dating that ho?
201
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,034
Okay.
202
00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:03,635
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.
203
00:09:03,736 --> 00:09:05,170
Just because Darrel and them
204
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,172
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.
205
00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:10,075
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".
206
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,344
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.
207
00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,381
Hey, girl! Look at you!
208
00:09:15,481 --> 00:09:16,782
Early for Halloween, huh?
209
00:09:16,882 --> 00:09:18,784
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?
210
00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:19,718
Ho-ey ho?
211
00:09:19,818 --> 00:09:21,787
Hi, Ms. Meeks.
212
00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,722
Love the hair. Very...
213
00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:25,391
Octavia Spencer.
214
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:26,625
Well, thank you very much.
215
00:09:26,725 --> 00:09:28,026
I got to invite you over
216
00:09:28,127 --> 00:09:30,462
and make you
a little shit pie.
Ooh.
217
00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:33,532
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.
218
00:09:33,632 --> 00:09:34,767
We're learning about slavery.
219
00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:37,403
Come to find out,
it was a choice.
220
00:09:37,503 --> 00:09:38,570
You see that right there?
221
00:09:39,304 --> 00:09:41,006
That's Kanye?
That's right.
222
00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:43,742
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.
223
00:09:43,843 --> 00:09:44,943
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!
224
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,881
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.
225
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,081
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.
226
00:09:49,181 --> 00:09:51,183
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!
227
00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:53,218
You know how they try
to trap y'all.
228
00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:54,386
Ma!
229
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,257
Okay, seriously,
"Sheriff Greg",
230
00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,125
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.
231
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,128
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.
232
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,832
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.
233
00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:07,933
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!
234
00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,301
I'm sorry!
235
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,270
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.
236
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:14,874
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.
237
00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:16,141
Okay?
238
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,777
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.
239
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,079
- Slap fight.
- Oh.
240
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:22,414
You call that a slap?
241
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:24,884
Whew.
242
00:10:24,983 --> 00:10:26,385
What the hell
did you do that for?
243
00:10:26,485 --> 00:10:29,655
Don't act like such a bitch.
244
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,390
Bitch.
245
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:36,495
Yeah, not bad.
246
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,133
Who the hell lives like this?
247
00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,882
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!
248
00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:57,816
Come in! Do you want some tea?
249
00:10:57,917 --> 00:11:00,752
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!
250
00:11:00,854 --> 00:11:02,321
Babe, please.
251
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,022
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.
252
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,358
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place
253
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,659
is booby-trapped.
254
00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:10,028
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.
255
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,164
Come in.
256
00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:13,398
Okay.
257
00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:24,743
I hate this job.
258
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,547
Mrs. Campbell,
259
00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:31,350
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.
260
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,519
I've heard so much about you...
261
00:11:33,619 --> 00:11:34,720
Uh, none of it good.
262
00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:37,957
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.
263
00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,658
I assume
you're a piece of shit.
264
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:42,996
But how would I know when
I haven't heard
from my daughter
265
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:44,796
in, what, six months?
266
00:11:44,898 --> 00:11:46,632
Six years, Mother.
267
00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,300
And whose fault is that?
268
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,069
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!
269
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:52,638
That's fair.
270
00:11:52,738 --> 00:11:55,807
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.
271
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:56,775
Look...
272
00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:58,810
Scary Movie 3 and 4
273
00:11:58,912 --> 00:12:00,379
paid me
a lot of money for a girl--
274
00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:02,481
There is nothing
to learn there.
275
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:05,517
But if you want to talk
about The House Bunny, shoot.
276
00:12:05,617 --> 00:12:07,119
It's happening again!
277
00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:10,924
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.
278
00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:13,026
You're not ready, lovebug.
279
00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:16,061
I have been preparing
for this for years.
280
00:12:16,161 --> 00:12:18,096
Sacrificed everything.
281
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,233
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey
282
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,168
we had some good times.
283
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:27,172
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.
284
00:12:28,774 --> 00:12:30,944
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
285
00:12:31,044 --> 00:12:34,146
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
286
00:12:34,246 --> 00:12:36,648
♪ O'er the fields we go... ♪
Your turn, Sara.
287
00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:37,683
Move!
288
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,718
Hi, Santa.
289
00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:43,022
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.
290
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,456
You creep me out.
291
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,326
♪ How fun it is
To ride and sing... ♪
292
00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:53,298
Mom?
293
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,969
Santa gave me a severed arm!
294
00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:58,103
Be sure to thank him.
295
00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,678
Is that a foot?
296
00:13:06,778 --> 00:13:08,280
Ew, that's gross.
297
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:09,681
♪ One horse open... ♪
298
00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:10,883
What the fuck?
299
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:15,088
I am sorry
300
00:13:15,187 --> 00:13:18,024
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.
301
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:19,926
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!
302
00:13:20,026 --> 00:13:23,595
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?
303
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,263
Oh, God, no.
304
00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:27,967
No, to kill Ghostface!
305
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,701
Do you have any guns?
306
00:13:31,004 --> 00:13:33,705
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.
307
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,540
I've got millions of guns!
308
00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:36,375
But, um,
309
00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:38,176
none of them are registered
310
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,379
due to my mental health issues.
311
00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:44,249
So, if you could just keep that
on the low--
312
00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:46,318
- Okay.
- Oh!
313
00:13:46,418 --> 00:13:47,987
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
314
00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,554
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.
315
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:55,128
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
316
00:13:55,227 --> 00:13:57,930
♪ Me and you
We're sitting in a tree ♪
317
00:13:58,031 --> 00:13:59,932
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.
318
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:01,333
Oh, is she coming?
You know,
319
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:02,935
I did hear
a buzzing sound.
320
00:14:03,036 --> 00:14:04,569
So it's possible.
No.
321
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,706
I meant
to Woodsville, dumbass.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.
322
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,241
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!
323
00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:10,475
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!
324
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,244
Oh!
325
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:13,679
Sweet!
326
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:15,547
Speaking of going deep...
327
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,616
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.
328
00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:19,384
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers
329
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,087
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.
330
00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:22,654
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.
331
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,357
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.
332
00:14:25,457 --> 00:14:28,061
Pepper spray, check.
333
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:29,929
Taser, check.
334
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:31,496
Butt plug,
335
00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,166
double check.
336
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:34,332
Goddamn!
337
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,201
You just carry that thing
around?
338
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:37,937
It's easy to hide.
339
00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,608
In your butt.
340
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:45,577
I'm impressed.
341
00:14:54,921 --> 00:14:58,490
What's up, y'all? I'm back!
342
00:14:59,959 --> 00:15:00,960
Shit, son!
343
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,029
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?
344
00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:05,630
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas
345
00:15:05,731 --> 00:15:07,967
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".
346
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,469
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,
347
00:15:10,569 --> 00:15:12,504
trying to make my generation
sound old.
348
00:15:12,604 --> 00:15:14,173
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!
349
00:15:14,272 --> 00:15:16,541
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,
350
00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,310
technically, you are our uncle.
351
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,279
Oh.
My bad.
352
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,916
Crazy that they let you
teach here.
353
00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:26,485
Teach? Nah, nigga.
354
00:15:26,585 --> 00:15:27,719
I attend.
355
00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:31,891
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.
356
00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:34,994
As a matter of fact, nigga,
you were in my Sex Ed class.
357
00:15:35,094 --> 00:15:37,130
Boy, you're really smart.
358
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,065
You know a lot about penises.
359
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:42,334
You should be like,
like a veterinarian,
360
00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:43,903
but for dick.
361
00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:46,738
When are you
finally gonna graduate?
362
00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:49,108
By the time we do a sequel
and I got to follow
you little young niggas
363
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:50,275
to college to get my check.
364
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:52,211
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!
365
00:15:52,344 --> 00:15:54,546
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?
366
00:15:54,646 --> 00:15:55,781
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.
367
00:15:55,882 --> 00:15:58,683
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.
368
00:15:58,784 --> 00:16:00,219
Private jet?
369
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:01,319
Yeah. Jealous?
370
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,754
Man, you smoke weed all day.
371
00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:05,390
Just play video games,
you live-stream.
372
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:06,792
You literally got money
doing nothing.
373
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:10,295
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.
374
00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:11,998
Shit, son!
375
00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,467
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.
376
00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:17,236
Check my crypto, nigga.
377
00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:19,205
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!
378
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,276
Damn,
now I'm down five million.
379
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,878
This shit crazy, son.
380
00:16:50,102 --> 00:16:52,771
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
381
00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:56,675
♪ This little light of mine ♪
382
00:16:56,775 --> 00:17:00,612
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
383
00:17:00,712 --> 00:17:01,446
Ray!
384
00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,415
Sister Brenda, it's okay.
385
00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:05,684
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.
386
00:17:05,784 --> 00:17:07,153
But the Lord has called on us
387
00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:09,889
to show men
such like you the way.
388
00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:12,892
Come on, son! Come with us.
389
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,359
Come on us.
390
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:17,296
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.
391
00:17:17,395 --> 00:17:21,433
We need you to come
like you never came before.
392
00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:23,401
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.
393
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,737
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.
394
00:17:25,838 --> 00:17:28,440
- God is good, man!
- Yes, sir.
395
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,674
Thank you, Jesus.
396
00:17:29,774 --> 00:17:30,475
Amen.
397
00:17:30,575 --> 00:17:31,476
Hallelujah.
398
00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:32,945
There you go.
399
00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:38,251
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!
400
00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:39,185
Nigga!
401
00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:41,320
Oh, my bad.
402
00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:42,787
Last time.
403
00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:49,328
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.
404
00:17:49,427 --> 00:17:50,795
Let the people know
405
00:17:50,897 --> 00:17:53,199
how you feel, brother.
There you go.
406
00:17:57,669 --> 00:18:00,106
I'm not gay no more.
407
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:03,109
Hallelujah!
408
00:18:03,209 --> 00:18:04,076
Yes, sir!
409
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,443
I'm not gay no more!
410
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,979
Praise the lord!
411
00:18:07,079 --> 00:18:08,413
I'm not gay no more!
412
00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:10,016
He not gay no more.
413
00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,318
I've been delivered!
414
00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,552
I'll no longer date a mans!
415
00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:15,888
Even if he's sexy as hell
416
00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:18,556
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!
417
00:18:18,657 --> 00:18:20,026
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.
418
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:23,930
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,
419
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:24,997
walk around in high heels.
420
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:26,399
What?
421
00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:28,700
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle
422
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,468
on the side.
Those is my shoes.
423
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:34,407
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right
424
00:18:34,506 --> 00:18:36,275
at Black mens...
Hmm?
425
00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,411
...white mens, Asian mens.
426
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,779
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips
427
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,715
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.
428
00:18:43,815 --> 00:18:46,919
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.
429
00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:49,388
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.
430
00:18:49,487 --> 00:18:51,589
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.
431
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,525
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.
432
00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,794
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror
433
00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:57,897
with my penis
tucked between my legs...
434
00:18:57,997 --> 00:19:00,765
...dancing like the dude
from Silence of the Lambs.
435
00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:02,868
"It puts the lotion
in the basket, Precious."
436
00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:05,972
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!
437
00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,873
Shit.
I will!
438
00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:09,541
I said I will!
439
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:12,244
I will love a woman!
440
00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:14,679
Womans, womans, womans!
441
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,648
You can take that "W-O" off.
442
00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:18,117
Womans, womans, womans!
443
00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:20,386
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.
444
00:19:20,485 --> 00:19:22,754
Womans--
445
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:27,893
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.
446
00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:35,968
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
447
00:19:36,068 --> 00:19:38,304
Whoa, nigga.
448
00:19:38,404 --> 00:19:40,272
Hawk tuah,
hawk tuah, hawk tuah!
449
00:19:40,373 --> 00:19:41,941
You hocking on it?
450
00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,010
I've been delivered!
451
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:46,112
♪ Work, work, working it
For Jesus ♪
452
00:19:46,212 --> 00:19:49,315
♪ No, the devilry is gonna
Stay beneath us ♪
453
00:19:49,415 --> 00:19:52,184
♪ The good praise
Really bumping
Out your speakers ♪
454
00:19:52,284 --> 00:19:54,619
♪ I'ma dance
'Cause His glory
Make me feel some type of way ♪
455
00:19:54,719 --> 00:19:56,554
♪ So we be
Twerk, twerk, twerkin' it ♪
456
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,523
♪ For Jesus ♪
I've been delivered!
457
00:19:58,623 --> 00:20:01,427
♪ No, the devilry is gonna
Stay beneath us ♪
458
00:20:01,526 --> 00:20:02,694
♪ Who make it happen? ♪
459
00:20:02,794 --> 00:20:04,497
♪ That's Jesus ♪
460
00:20:04,596 --> 00:20:06,465
♪ Who have us clapping?
That's Jesus ♪
461
00:20:06,564 --> 00:20:09,734
♪ And the devil can't ever
Come between us ♪
462
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:12,637
♪ We out here clap, clap
Clapping it for Jesus ♪
463
00:20:12,737 --> 00:20:15,673
Tuesday, Tuesday.
464
00:20:16,308 --> 00:20:18,144
Oh, my God.
465
00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,246
Her face. All contorted.
466
00:20:20,346 --> 00:20:22,081
Oh, my God, and the moaning.
467
00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,523
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.
468
00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:32,624
How you feeling, Tues?
469
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,061
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that--
470
00:20:35,161 --> 00:20:37,396
Is that morphine or...?
471
00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:39,498
Bitch.
Let's see.
472
00:20:41,434 --> 00:20:43,568
Oh, yeah!
473
00:20:43,668 --> 00:20:46,704
Oh, this that good, good.
474
00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:48,307
This that
Britney Spears shit.
475
00:20:48,407 --> 00:20:49,607
Makes me want to
get half-naked,
476
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:52,078
dance around
and juggle some knives.
477
00:20:52,178 --> 00:20:54,612
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?
478
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,483
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.
479
00:20:57,582 --> 00:20:59,784
Really nice to meet you.
480
00:21:00,553 --> 00:21:01,887
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
481
00:21:01,987 --> 00:21:04,423
But that ain't
none of my business.
482
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:06,525
Mm-hmm. Mm!
483
00:21:06,624 --> 00:21:08,626
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.
484
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,063
So y'all get the fuck out!
485
00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:12,164
Yes, ma'am.
486
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:14,632
Oh, not you, Sara.
487
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,103
Why? What did I do?
488
00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:19,905
I'm so scared.
489
00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:23,542
Oh, Tues,
you should be.
490
00:21:23,641 --> 00:21:26,412
You've been stabbed nine times.
491
00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:28,713
And the killer knows
where you live.
492
00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:31,250
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but
493
00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:34,220
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.
494
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,488
For all we know,
495
00:21:35,588 --> 00:21:37,890
he's standing
right outside that door.
496
00:21:43,229 --> 00:21:45,397
That's comforting, Sara.
497
00:21:45,498 --> 00:21:46,731
I thought I was gonna die.
498
00:21:46,832 --> 00:21:48,901
I know, me too!
499
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,470
I planned your funeral.
500
00:21:51,570 --> 00:21:54,240
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.
501
00:21:54,340 --> 00:21:56,275
More like ChatGPT wrote it.
502
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,576
But you're still here.
503
00:21:57,675 --> 00:22:00,146
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.
504
00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:04,250
Oh, yum! Ice chips!
505
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,717
Oh, God!
506
00:22:05,817 --> 00:22:07,553
Get off me!
507
00:22:09,455 --> 00:22:10,688
Help!
508
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,525
This white girl can't die
on my shift!
509
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:13,993
I'm a DEI hire!
510
00:22:14,093 --> 00:22:16,761
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.
511
00:22:16,862 --> 00:22:19,198
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!
512
00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:21,000
Again!
513
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,569
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!
514
00:22:23,668 --> 00:22:25,504
It's not working!
Clear!
515
00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:28,274
We're losing her.
516
00:22:28,374 --> 00:22:29,875
Harder!
517
00:22:33,012 --> 00:22:34,346
Oh, boy.
518
00:22:34,446 --> 00:22:36,248
Look like there ain't
nothing left
519
00:22:36,348 --> 00:22:38,851
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.
520
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:40,685
Dear Lord.
521
00:22:40,785 --> 00:22:42,754
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!
522
00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:45,291
The Wire was the shit, baby.
That's my show.
523
00:22:45,391 --> 00:22:47,126
Drugs and that Idris Elba
524
00:22:47,226 --> 00:22:49,528
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!
525
00:22:49,628 --> 00:22:51,830
Dear Lord, please
526
00:22:51,931 --> 00:22:53,499
accept this white bitch's--
527
00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,134
Oh!
528
00:22:55,234 --> 00:22:57,735
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.
529
00:22:58,437 --> 00:22:59,572
I'm going on break.
530
00:22:59,672 --> 00:23:01,407
Oh, Tues.
531
00:23:01,507 --> 00:23:02,875
I will never let anyone
532
00:23:02,975 --> 00:23:05,644
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.
533
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:10,782
Ooh! My bad.
534
00:23:22,628 --> 00:23:23,761
Hello?
535
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:26,332
Hello, Sara.
536
00:23:26,432 --> 00:23:27,833
Who is this?
537
00:23:27,933 --> 00:23:31,570
Someone
who knows your little secret.
538
00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:34,340
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!
539
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,807
Okay? I won Prom Queen
540
00:23:35,908 --> 00:23:37,876
and I was-- I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!
541
00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:42,681
No, I'm talking
about your family secret.
542
00:23:44,049 --> 00:23:47,019
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.
543
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,121
Well, I had
to get you to come back here.
544
00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:51,857
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,
545
00:23:51,957 --> 00:23:53,525
then come and get me!
546
00:23:53,626 --> 00:23:55,094
With pleasure.
547
00:23:58,564 --> 00:24:01,367
Help!
548
00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:03,369
Somebody help!
549
00:24:03,469 --> 00:24:06,372
Please, somebody help!
550
00:24:07,139 --> 00:24:08,607
Bitch!
551
00:24:08,707 --> 00:24:10,175
This the break room.
552
00:24:10,276 --> 00:24:11,210
Mm-hmm.
553
00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:12,344
We on break.
554
00:24:12,444 --> 00:24:14,079
- Oh, God.
- Preach.
555
00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:21,920
Take that!
556
00:24:22,021 --> 00:24:24,056
Oof!
557
00:24:25,524 --> 00:24:26,824
Please, save me!
558
00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:29,662
I've been saving people
all day!
559
00:24:29,762 --> 00:24:31,530
So you handle yours.
560
00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:33,198
I'll be right over here
561
00:24:33,299 --> 00:24:36,435
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.
562
00:24:36,535 --> 00:24:38,504
I look like your mama?
563
00:24:40,139 --> 00:24:43,275
- Try me now!
- Break's over.
564
00:24:49,648 --> 00:24:51,150
You're welcome.
565
00:24:53,719 --> 00:24:57,323
It really looks like
you got hit with
something hard. Like metal.
566
00:24:57,423 --> 00:24:59,458
I told you, I fell.
567
00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:03,862
Now where exactly
are we going?
To talk to an expert.
568
00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:16,742
Go away!
569
00:25:16,842 --> 00:25:18,410
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just--
570
00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:20,045
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
571
00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:21,847
Give me one good reason
572
00:25:21,947 --> 00:25:23,382
why I should talk to you.
573
00:25:23,482 --> 00:25:24,616
I'm white.
574
00:25:24,717 --> 00:25:26,452
How white?
Oh, I'm talking
575
00:25:26,552 --> 00:25:28,120
Candace Owens white.
576
00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:30,689
Oh.
Six feet.
577
00:25:30,789 --> 00:25:31,924
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant
578
00:25:32,024 --> 00:25:33,425
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or--
579
00:25:33,525 --> 00:25:34,526
Shut up.
580
00:25:34,626 --> 00:25:35,994
I'm Sara Campbell.
581
00:25:36,095 --> 00:25:38,364
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.
582
00:25:38,464 --> 00:25:41,133
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?
583
00:25:41,233 --> 00:25:42,768
Please, come on. Just--
Let's go.
584
00:25:42,868 --> 00:25:44,136
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.
585
00:25:44,236 --> 00:25:45,437
No. No.
586
00:25:45,537 --> 00:25:47,072
I'll give you eight minutes.
587
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:49,908
And another thing.
588
00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:52,544
I got to test you for Covid.
589
00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,581
Ohh!
590
00:25:55,681 --> 00:25:56,782
Ahh...
591
00:25:56,882 --> 00:25:58,250
You guys are good.
592
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,185
When did the work week
become the "woke week"?
593
00:26:00,285 --> 00:26:03,355
We've got Black Friday.
What's next, Mulatto Monday?
594
00:26:03,455 --> 00:26:05,124
I mean, Yellow Thursday?
595
00:26:05,224 --> 00:26:07,826
Tan Tuesday? Come on.
596
00:26:10,162 --> 00:26:11,697
Let me get this
out of your way.
597
00:26:11,797 --> 00:26:13,232
Oh!
Sorry.
598
00:26:15,467 --> 00:26:17,736
Oh, you, uh, have a cat.
599
00:26:17,837 --> 00:26:19,371
I don't have a cat.
600
00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:23,642
Gail has cats.
601
00:26:23,742 --> 00:26:25,644
You know, she's got
really nice cats.
Oh, no.
602
00:26:25,744 --> 00:26:27,312
A nice pussycat.
603
00:26:27,413 --> 00:26:29,515
Sometimes it can be
a little stinky.
604
00:26:29,615 --> 00:26:31,683
Oh!
Covid tests are done.
605
00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:34,219
Yup! You're good.
606
00:26:36,088 --> 00:26:37,656
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
607
00:26:37,756 --> 00:26:39,191
Yeah.
Yeah.
608
00:26:39,291 --> 00:26:42,995
I don't know him.
This is Jack.
My love interest.
609
00:26:43,095 --> 00:26:44,396
No! No, no, no.
610
00:26:44,496 --> 00:26:47,867
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,
611
00:26:47,966 --> 00:26:50,335
"Never trust
the love interest."
612
00:26:50,436 --> 00:26:51,537
Look at him!
613
00:26:51,637 --> 00:26:55,274
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way
614
00:26:55,374 --> 00:26:58,677
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.
615
00:26:58,777 --> 00:27:00,646
He's got that stump leg.
616
00:27:00,746 --> 00:27:03,048
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.
617
00:27:03,148 --> 00:27:05,951
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.
618
00:27:06,051 --> 00:27:09,254
Oh, I'm looking at me.
619
00:27:09,354 --> 00:27:12,791
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.
620
00:27:12,892 --> 00:27:15,895
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.
621
00:27:15,994 --> 00:27:18,063
No. I can't go back
to that life.
622
00:27:18,163 --> 00:27:20,732
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!
623
00:27:20,834 --> 00:27:22,167
Okay, I hate
to break it to you,
624
00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:24,938
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.
625
00:27:25,037 --> 00:27:27,005
Hmm.
Really?
626
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:28,474
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
627
00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:32,344
Damn it!
628
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:35,414
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?
629
00:27:36,582 --> 00:27:39,685
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.
630
00:27:39,785 --> 00:27:41,253
And don't come back!
631
00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:55,400
It's the sound of the police.
632
00:28:00,439 --> 00:28:03,943
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.
633
00:28:04,042 --> 00:28:06,778
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that--
634
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,046
No, I didn't shower.
635
00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:10,382
I just take water
from my mouth and--
636
00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:12,451
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.
637
00:28:12,551 --> 00:28:14,888
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.
638
00:28:14,988 --> 00:28:17,089
Watch your step.
Okay. I'm watching.
639
00:28:35,741 --> 00:28:38,243
Brain freeze!
640
00:28:51,590 --> 00:28:53,425
Sara, is your
ghetto-ass mom coming
641
00:28:53,525 --> 00:28:55,028
or can we start talking
about this plot?
642
00:28:55,127 --> 00:28:57,229
Uh...
643
00:28:59,298 --> 00:29:00,465
Hi.
644
00:29:00,566 --> 00:29:01,800
You came.
645
00:29:01,901 --> 00:29:03,702
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.
646
00:29:03,802 --> 00:29:06,204
But I did buy this new rose,
647
00:29:06,305 --> 00:29:08,240
so fingers crossed.
648
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,211
Oh.
649
00:29:13,312 --> 00:29:14,513
Oh!
650
00:29:14,613 --> 00:29:16,782
Oh, my old friend!
651
00:29:16,883 --> 00:29:19,184
You taught me how to dance.
652
00:29:19,284 --> 00:29:21,988
How to make a high N-word pie.
653
00:29:22,087 --> 00:29:24,489
Nigga, I'm right
in back of you.
654
00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,190
Shorty!
655
00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:26,725
What's up, Cindy?
656
00:29:26,825 --> 00:29:28,928
How you doing? My nigga.
657
00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:31,430
Shit, son!
658
00:29:32,531 --> 00:29:33,599
I love the hair.
659
00:29:33,699 --> 00:29:36,535
It's very Mickey Rourke
in The Wrestler.
660
00:29:36,635 --> 00:29:37,870
Yeah.
661
00:29:37,971 --> 00:29:39,571
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.
662
00:29:39,671 --> 00:29:42,407
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke,
663
00:29:42,507 --> 00:29:45,011
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,
664
00:29:45,110 --> 00:29:46,445
I didn't think
you had a chance.
665
00:29:46,545 --> 00:29:48,780
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.
666
00:29:49,381 --> 00:29:51,783
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!
667
00:29:54,686 --> 00:29:56,089
Shit! WorldStar!
668
00:29:56,188 --> 00:29:58,123
WorldStar! WorldStar!
669
00:29:58,223 --> 00:30:00,459
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!
670
00:30:00,559 --> 00:30:02,728
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.
671
00:30:02,829 --> 00:30:03,997
Hey, hey, hey!
672
00:30:04,097 --> 00:30:05,697
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.
673
00:30:05,797 --> 00:30:06,966
C'mon, have some respect.
674
00:30:07,066 --> 00:30:09,869
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.
675
00:30:09,969 --> 00:30:11,336
I'm not very likable,
676
00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,438
so it must be
some kind of curse.
677
00:30:13,538 --> 00:30:15,574
Hey, everybody!
She's high.
678
00:30:15,674 --> 00:30:16,876
Look what I got.
679
00:30:16,976 --> 00:30:18,543
Non-branded gelatin shots
680
00:30:18,644 --> 00:30:21,047
made with grain alcohol
and GHB.
681
00:30:21,179 --> 00:30:22,347
So ain't nobody sipping nothing
682
00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:24,050
they didn't consent to
like last time,
683
00:30:24,149 --> 00:30:25,250
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.
684
00:30:25,350 --> 00:30:27,053
Take one.
I love roofying myself.
685
00:30:28,353 --> 00:30:29,122
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?
686
00:30:29,221 --> 00:30:30,489
Hi, Brenda.
687
00:30:30,589 --> 00:30:32,658
Please do not call me
by my government name.
688
00:30:32,758 --> 00:30:34,593
Call me Ma.
689
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:36,261
Cindy!
690
00:30:36,361 --> 00:30:37,864
Oh, my God!
691
00:30:38,831 --> 00:30:39,798
You dropped the tray.
692
00:30:39,899 --> 00:30:41,067
Oh, my God, Cindy,
693
00:30:41,166 --> 00:30:43,036
I haven't seen you in forever!
694
00:30:43,136 --> 00:30:45,872
My God, look at you!
You look the same!
695
00:30:45,972 --> 00:30:47,305
Minus the crow's feet.
696
00:30:47,406 --> 00:30:49,541
And your hair is so dry.
697
00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:52,511
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.
698
00:30:52,611 --> 00:30:55,447
Other than that,
you look the exact same.
699
00:30:55,547 --> 00:30:57,315
What have you been up to?
700
00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:59,484
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children
701
00:30:59,584 --> 00:31:02,989
so I can prepare
to kill Ghostface
should he ever return.
702
00:31:03,089 --> 00:31:04,456
What about you?
703
00:31:04,556 --> 00:31:06,926
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk
704
00:31:07,026 --> 00:31:08,360
in a desperate attempt
to stay young
705
00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:09,594
and keep my kids at home.
706
00:31:09,695 --> 00:31:11,296
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.
707
00:31:11,396 --> 00:31:12,597
Oh, Cindy!
708
00:31:12,698 --> 00:31:14,867
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,
709
00:31:14,967 --> 00:31:18,270
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.
710
00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:21,007
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.
711
00:31:21,107 --> 00:31:22,207
Come here.
Okay.
712
00:31:22,307 --> 00:31:24,177
Mm!
Oh!
713
00:31:24,276 --> 00:31:27,146
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.
714
00:31:27,245 --> 00:31:29,414
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool
715
00:31:29,514 --> 00:31:32,118
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,
716
00:31:32,217 --> 00:31:33,518
and maybe, like, a snack wall.
717
00:31:33,618 --> 00:31:35,253
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,
718
00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:37,823
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,
719
00:31:37,924 --> 00:31:39,158
P. Diddy, Diddy.
720
00:31:39,257 --> 00:31:40,726
All the Seans.
721
00:31:40,826 --> 00:31:43,595
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak
722
00:31:43,695 --> 00:31:44,496
in the freak-offs.
723
00:31:44,596 --> 00:31:46,165
Shit, son!
724
00:31:46,264 --> 00:31:47,532
You want to see something cool?
725
00:31:47,632 --> 00:31:50,335
I'ma show you something cool.
726
00:31:57,176 --> 00:31:58,343
God, that's cool.
727
00:31:58,443 --> 00:31:59,644
What are you doing?
728
00:31:59,745 --> 00:32:00,378
What?
729
00:32:00,479 --> 00:32:01,713
No, not like that.
730
00:32:01,813 --> 00:32:02,581
Like this.
731
00:32:02,681 --> 00:32:04,217
Oh, yeah.
732
00:32:04,316 --> 00:32:06,986
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.
733
00:32:07,086 --> 00:32:08,187
The gun ain't even loaded.
734
00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:09,688
Shit!
735
00:32:09,788 --> 00:32:11,924
Oh, shit, son!
736
00:32:12,524 --> 00:32:14,193
Uh-oh. I did it again.
737
00:32:17,462 --> 00:32:19,264
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.
738
00:32:19,364 --> 00:32:20,332
Help me move this body.
739
00:32:20,432 --> 00:32:21,600
Yeah, you got it.
740
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:23,035
That was fun.
741
00:32:23,136 --> 00:32:24,469
Oh, so, what are you doing
742
00:32:24,569 --> 00:32:27,006
- after this?
- I want to go to Cabo.
743
00:32:27,106 --> 00:32:28,740
Oh, I love Cabo!
744
00:32:28,841 --> 00:32:30,542
You know what?
745
00:32:30,642 --> 00:32:32,778
I used to put cocaine
up my hoo-hah
and travel there all the time.
746
00:32:32,879 --> 00:32:35,647
Well, that's because
you're so smart.
Yeah.
747
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:41,954
Oh.
748
00:32:43,455 --> 00:32:46,358
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.
749
00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:48,227
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.
750
00:32:48,326 --> 00:32:49,528
Looking like a school shooter.
751
00:32:49,628 --> 00:32:50,595
I think you the killer.
752
00:32:50,695 --> 00:32:52,064
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.
753
00:32:52,165 --> 00:32:53,765
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?
754
00:32:53,866 --> 00:32:57,203
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?
755
00:32:57,302 --> 00:32:58,838
You were the killer
in the first movie.
756
00:32:58,938 --> 00:33:01,573
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.
757
00:33:01,673 --> 00:33:04,911
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.
758
00:33:05,011 --> 00:33:06,678
Oh.
I got proof.
759
00:33:06,778 --> 00:33:09,381
- This is me. And it's framed.
- Oh.
760
00:33:09,481 --> 00:33:10,850
That's a cool hat.
761
00:33:10,950 --> 00:33:12,717
What about Jess?
762
00:33:13,351 --> 00:33:14,352
What about me?
763
00:33:14,452 --> 00:33:15,654
If anybody here has issues
764
00:33:15,754 --> 00:33:17,056
that could lead to murder...
765
00:33:17,156 --> 00:33:18,590
Okay, I get it!
766
00:33:18,690 --> 00:33:20,592
Trans-shaming
is not cool, okay?
767
00:33:20,692 --> 00:33:22,694
They-- He's just a dude.
Yeah.
768
00:33:22,794 --> 00:33:25,664
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.
769
00:33:25,764 --> 00:33:28,034
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?
770
00:33:28,134 --> 00:33:30,102
I do.
Hey, hey.
771
00:33:30,203 --> 00:33:32,004
Listen, what we know so far
772
00:33:32,104 --> 00:33:33,538
is everyone who's been attacked
773
00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:36,242
is related to
the original characters.
774
00:33:36,341 --> 00:33:37,509
He wants to kill the kids.
775
00:33:37,609 --> 00:33:41,479
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.
776
00:33:41,580 --> 00:33:43,182
- A what now?
- Yeah. It's like,
777
00:33:43,282 --> 00:33:44,516
a reboot and a sequel.
778
00:33:44,616 --> 00:33:46,718
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters
779
00:33:46,818 --> 00:33:49,721
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia
780
00:33:49,821 --> 00:33:51,656
and bring more fans
to the theaters.
781
00:33:51,756 --> 00:33:53,893
Just like last year's
I Know What
You Did Last Summer.
782
00:33:55,627 --> 00:33:58,030
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?
783
00:33:58,130 --> 00:34:00,465
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.
784
00:34:00,565 --> 00:34:01,868
- Yeah.
- Ray,
785
00:34:01,968 --> 00:34:03,870
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.
786
00:34:03,970 --> 00:34:06,038
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.
787
00:34:06,138 --> 00:34:07,240
Oh.
My room?
788
00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:08,908
Okay, so that means
789
00:34:09,008 --> 00:34:12,410
that our killer is writing
his own version
of Horror Movie.
790
00:34:12,510 --> 00:34:16,182
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,
791
00:34:16,282 --> 00:34:17,350
who's the killer?
792
00:34:18,617 --> 00:34:20,752
I think it's pretty obvious.
793
00:34:23,289 --> 00:34:24,323
Who?
794
00:34:24,422 --> 00:34:26,359
You, bitch.
Me?
795
00:34:26,458 --> 00:34:28,361
Guys, I am not the killer.
796
00:34:28,460 --> 00:34:31,463
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.
797
00:34:31,563 --> 00:34:35,001
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here
798
00:34:35,101 --> 00:34:37,003
so he could get me back here.
799
00:34:37,103 --> 00:34:39,238
He wants to kill the OGs.
800
00:34:39,338 --> 00:34:40,538
That was a flex.
801
00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:41,941
Yeah, that sounds better.
802
00:34:42,041 --> 00:34:43,441
Aw, fuck this!
803
00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:46,379
And fuck you, Mother!
804
00:34:46,478 --> 00:34:48,047
To your mother?
805
00:34:48,147 --> 00:34:51,516
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!
806
00:34:51,616 --> 00:34:53,085
And call me Mom!
807
00:34:53,185 --> 00:34:54,320
Or Mommy.
808
00:34:54,419 --> 00:34:56,821
Or whatever's more comfortable.
809
00:34:58,456 --> 00:34:59,691
All units, be advised:
810
00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,394
Suspect is still at large.
811
00:35:01,493 --> 00:35:03,029
Black cloak, white mask...
812
00:35:03,129 --> 00:35:04,729
...big-ass knife.
813
00:35:17,343 --> 00:35:20,246
- Talk to me.
- Hello, Sheriff.
814
00:35:20,346 --> 00:35:21,646
Agent Underwood?
815
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:23,416
I'll give you one hint.
816
00:35:23,515 --> 00:35:25,885
What's your favorite
scary movie?
817
00:35:25,985 --> 00:35:27,954
Well, I'm gonna go
with Saltburn.
818
00:35:28,054 --> 00:35:30,856
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.
819
00:35:30,957 --> 00:35:34,293
Ken Jeong's junk
in The Hangover
was a much better depiction
820
00:35:34,393 --> 00:35:36,228
of the male anatomy.
821
00:35:36,329 --> 00:35:37,696
Now what do you want, fuckface?
822
00:35:37,796 --> 00:35:39,398
Well,
I'm just calling to tell you
823
00:35:39,497 --> 00:35:41,167
that by the time you get home,
824
00:35:41,267 --> 00:35:44,103
I'll have gutted
your baby girl!
825
00:35:44,203 --> 00:35:47,173
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!
826
00:35:56,215 --> 00:35:57,183
Jess!
827
00:36:12,331 --> 00:36:13,966
Looking for this?
828
00:36:15,134 --> 00:36:16,735
Let me help you.
829
00:36:16,836 --> 00:36:21,140
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.
830
00:36:30,049 --> 00:36:32,218
All right.
Here we go.
831
00:36:32,318 --> 00:36:33,818
What do you want, fuckface?
832
00:36:33,919 --> 00:36:37,356
Well,
like father, like, uh, son?
833
00:36:37,456 --> 00:36:38,924
Uh--
834
00:36:39,025 --> 00:36:40,625
I understand
you're home alone.
835
00:36:40,725 --> 00:36:43,929
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener
836
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:46,932
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.
837
00:36:47,033 --> 00:36:48,868
Look out your window.
838
00:36:51,770 --> 00:36:53,272
ICE!
839
00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,175
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!
840
00:36:56,275 --> 00:36:58,844
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.
841
00:36:58,944 --> 00:37:00,578
Let's cut to the chase.
842
00:37:00,678 --> 00:37:02,680
I'll ask you one question.
843
00:37:02,781 --> 00:37:05,583
If you answer correctly,
you live.
844
00:37:05,683 --> 00:37:09,422
Who was the killer
in Horror Movie?
845
00:37:09,522 --> 00:37:12,657
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray,
846
00:37:12,757 --> 00:37:14,626
the guy who was
totally into dudes,
847
00:37:14,726 --> 00:37:16,062
even though
he claimed he wasn't.
848
00:37:16,162 --> 00:37:18,130
Classic 2000s homophobia.
849
00:37:18,230 --> 00:37:19,631
But I got you, bitch.
850
00:37:19,731 --> 00:37:22,600
Wrong! You forgot
Special Officer Doofy.
851
00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:25,703
Now you die.
852
00:37:33,179 --> 00:37:34,914
Bumbaclot!
853
00:37:36,282 --> 00:37:37,950
You should
probably answer that.
854
00:37:38,050 --> 00:37:41,686
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.
855
00:37:41,786 --> 00:37:44,356
Oh, shit!
856
00:37:45,623 --> 00:37:47,193
Ah, that was easy.
857
00:37:49,727 --> 00:37:51,629
Uh, someone
order steaks?
858
00:37:51,729 --> 00:37:53,698
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.
859
00:37:55,568 --> 00:37:57,570
- Wait a sec.
- Careful.
860
00:37:57,669 --> 00:37:59,737
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.
861
00:37:59,839 --> 00:38:04,376
You are about to identify
as dead.
862
00:38:07,279 --> 00:38:08,414
You...
863
00:38:08,514 --> 00:38:11,150
stab like--
a girl.
864
00:38:18,656 --> 00:38:20,960
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.
865
00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:23,562
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.
866
00:38:23,661 --> 00:38:26,031
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.
867
00:38:26,132 --> 00:38:27,799
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".
868
00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:29,969
You don't even
have a cameraman!
869
00:38:30,069 --> 00:38:31,636
My equipment!
870
00:38:32,704 --> 00:38:34,106
Excuse me.
871
00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:36,976
Oh, my. You're--
872
00:38:37,076 --> 00:38:38,377
Yes, yes.
873
00:38:38,477 --> 00:38:39,879
Three-time Emmy nominee
874
00:38:39,979 --> 00:38:42,581
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.
875
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,682
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,
876
00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:47,019
but shorter
and with less Botox.
877
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:48,454
Oh. Is that
what you were
878
00:38:48,554 --> 00:38:49,855
"gonna say"?
Yeah.
879
00:38:49,955 --> 00:38:51,557
You seriously don't know
who I am?
880
00:38:51,656 --> 00:38:54,093
- Babygirl, I am Gail--
- Gail swallows!
881
00:38:54,193 --> 00:38:55,194
Hey.
882
00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:56,428
Hailstorm. Gail--
883
00:38:56,529 --> 00:38:58,696
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.
884
00:39:02,868 --> 00:39:06,405
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.
885
00:39:06,505 --> 00:39:08,507
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
886
00:39:08,607 --> 00:39:11,877
You've aged
like a million days.
That's this many. Five--
887
00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:13,678
Your fingers
smell like genitals.
888
00:39:13,778 --> 00:39:15,813
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?
889
00:39:15,915 --> 00:39:19,552
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.
890
00:39:19,652 --> 00:39:20,853
Well, um,
891
00:39:20,953 --> 00:39:23,389
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...
892
00:39:23,489 --> 00:39:25,357
Um.
893
00:39:25,457 --> 00:39:26,824
Wow.
Are there any suspects
894
00:39:26,926 --> 00:39:29,662
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?
895
00:39:29,761 --> 00:39:31,130
I-I'm not allowed to say.
896
00:39:31,230 --> 00:39:33,632
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
897
00:39:33,731 --> 00:39:35,434
Not-- Yeah--
898
00:39:35,534 --> 00:39:36,569
You can tell me.
899
00:39:36,669 --> 00:39:37,802
Um, ah, oh, my God.
900
00:39:37,903 --> 00:39:39,238
What the f--
901
00:39:39,338 --> 00:39:40,639
Hey!
902
00:39:40,738 --> 00:39:42,608
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs
903
00:39:42,707 --> 00:39:44,343
for sensitive information?
904
00:39:44,443 --> 00:39:48,147
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.
905
00:39:48,247 --> 00:39:49,415
Okay. Sorry.
906
00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:51,984
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.
907
00:39:52,084 --> 00:39:55,820
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
908
00:40:06,498 --> 00:40:07,799
What the--
909
00:40:15,341 --> 00:40:18,344
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!
910
00:40:18,444 --> 00:40:19,845
Ray?
You got my outfit,
911
00:40:19,945 --> 00:40:21,313
you little critter.
912
00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:26,852
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.
913
00:40:29,421 --> 00:40:31,090
Fuck yeah, it should!
914
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,935
Hello, Shorty.
915
00:40:43,035 --> 00:40:46,672
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.
916
00:40:46,771 --> 00:40:48,374
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.
917
00:40:48,474 --> 00:40:51,477
You got Vitamin T, C and H,
918
00:40:51,577 --> 00:40:53,579
C, B and D.
919
00:40:53,679 --> 00:40:55,281
What's the matter, Shorty?
920
00:40:55,381 --> 00:40:58,083
You look a little antsy.
921
00:40:58,183 --> 00:41:01,754
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer
922
00:41:01,854 --> 00:41:02,988
sipping tea in my den.
923
00:41:03,088 --> 00:41:04,923
Shorty, you're my nigga.
924
00:41:05,024 --> 00:41:07,626
I mean, friend. Please, sit.
925
00:41:07,726 --> 00:41:09,128
All right.
926
00:41:12,164 --> 00:41:13,999
Do you want to quit smoking?
927
00:41:14,099 --> 00:41:16,201
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.
928
00:41:16,302 --> 00:41:19,972
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."
929
00:41:20,539 --> 00:41:21,707
So I quit quitting.
930
00:41:21,806 --> 00:41:23,976
We could try hypnosis.
931
00:41:24,076 --> 00:41:25,911
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches
932
00:41:26,011 --> 00:41:27,913
you try and wave
in front of my face,
933
00:41:28,013 --> 00:41:29,715
it ain't gonna work, son.
934
00:41:29,814 --> 00:41:32,551
- You can't magmetize me.
- Sleep.
935
00:41:35,521 --> 00:41:37,423
Shorty.
936
00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,425
Hmm?
937
00:41:39,525 --> 00:41:40,825
What's up?
938
00:41:40,926 --> 00:41:43,462
Tell me about your mother.
939
00:41:44,763 --> 00:41:45,998
Damn, nigga.
940
00:41:46,098 --> 00:41:47,833
Let's start
with something light, like:
941
00:41:47,933 --> 00:41:49,902
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"
942
00:41:50,002 --> 00:41:51,904
The answer's yes.
943
00:41:52,004 --> 00:41:54,707
So what
happened to her, Shorty?
944
00:41:57,509 --> 00:41:59,345
She was coming home.
945
00:42:00,245 --> 00:42:02,481
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.
946
00:42:02,581 --> 00:42:04,483
Someone was in it.
947
00:42:05,184 --> 00:42:06,852
And something bad
was happening.
948
00:42:11,123 --> 00:42:12,825
Why didn't you call anyone?
949
00:42:12,925 --> 00:42:13,859
I couldn't.
950
00:42:13,959 --> 00:42:15,494
I had warrants.
951
00:42:15,594 --> 00:42:16,995
You were 11.
952
00:42:17,096 --> 00:42:19,164
I started young, nigga.
953
00:42:20,265 --> 00:42:21,166
Oh.
954
00:42:21,633 --> 00:42:23,535
What do you see?
955
00:42:25,104 --> 00:42:26,271
I...
956
00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:31,310
I see a big explosion of water.
957
00:42:32,911 --> 00:42:34,646
It was like
a Civil Rights hose.
958
00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:41,253
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.
959
00:42:42,388 --> 00:42:43,622
She killed that man.
960
00:42:43,722 --> 00:42:47,659
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.
961
00:42:50,896 --> 00:42:53,799
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.
962
00:42:53,899 --> 00:42:55,701
I just didn't want it
to be real.
963
00:42:55,801 --> 00:42:58,103
What don't you want to be real?
964
00:42:58,904 --> 00:43:00,906
That my mother was a squirter!
965
00:43:01,006 --> 00:43:03,242
Okay! She was a squirter.
966
00:43:03,342 --> 00:43:05,845
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.
967
00:43:05,944 --> 00:43:09,047
- I can't move.
- You're paralyzed.
968
00:43:09,148 --> 00:43:10,949
Now...
969
00:43:11,049 --> 00:43:13,185
...sink into the chair.
Wait, no.
970
00:43:13,285 --> 00:43:14,586
- Wait.
- Sink!
971
00:43:20,426 --> 00:43:23,128
Nigga!
972
00:43:31,203 --> 00:43:35,941
I'm in a K-hole, son!
973
00:43:37,075 --> 00:43:40,979
No, you're in a K-pop hole.
974
00:43:54,026 --> 00:43:56,161
Oh, shit, son!
975
00:44:01,935 --> 00:44:03,302
Nigga, I'm numb.
976
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,041
That's what they do
in the hood.
977
00:44:17,917 --> 00:44:19,551
Luke Skywalker!
978
00:44:34,666 --> 00:44:36,268
♪ Ohh ♪
979
00:44:46,946 --> 00:44:48,747
That's some good shit, son.
980
00:44:50,516 --> 00:44:51,951
That dream was wild.
981
00:44:52,050 --> 00:44:54,019
I must've been Elon Musk high.
982
00:45:08,534 --> 00:45:09,701
Tuesday?
983
00:45:10,369 --> 00:45:11,570
Tuesday?
984
00:45:14,706 --> 00:45:16,074
Bobby?
985
00:45:18,011 --> 00:45:20,112
Bobby, what the...?
986
00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:22,916
She's gonna die.
987
00:45:23,016 --> 00:45:24,550
Our daughter, Sara?
988
00:45:24,650 --> 00:45:26,184
You're probably right.
989
00:45:26,285 --> 00:45:28,620
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.
990
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,055
I'm gonna die.
991
00:45:30,155 --> 00:45:32,324
Bobby, you're already dead.
992
00:45:32,424 --> 00:45:34,126
This hallucination
is a manifestation
993
00:45:34,226 --> 00:45:36,295
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.
994
00:45:36,395 --> 00:45:39,197
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.
995
00:45:40,065 --> 00:45:41,333
You're gonna die.
996
00:45:41,433 --> 00:45:44,736
Bitch, you ain't killing me.
997
00:45:50,208 --> 00:45:51,577
You're gonna die.
998
00:45:52,144 --> 00:45:54,646
Stop smiling!
999
00:45:54,746 --> 00:45:57,050
I can't. Botox.
1000
00:45:57,149 --> 00:45:58,450
Hey!
Oh.
1001
00:45:58,550 --> 00:46:01,720
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.
1002
00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:02,855
What?
1003
00:46:03,455 --> 00:46:05,357
How-- Um--
1004
00:46:05,457 --> 00:46:07,693
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?
1005
00:46:07,793 --> 00:46:09,227
Is it that way or that way?
1006
00:46:09,328 --> 00:46:10,930
Uh, visiting hours are over.
1007
00:46:11,030 --> 00:46:13,432
Oh, yes, of course.
1008
00:46:14,333 --> 00:46:15,734
The network wants me to clarify
1009
00:46:15,835 --> 00:46:18,303
that Black Friday
has nothing to do with race.
1010
00:46:18,403 --> 00:46:20,405
Well, just tell that
to my Black friend Benita
1011
00:46:20,505 --> 00:46:21,941
who's probably clocking someone
1012
00:46:22,041 --> 00:46:23,977
over the head
at Target as we speak!
1013
00:46:24,077 --> 00:46:25,243
Right, Benita?
1014
00:46:40,659 --> 00:46:42,127
Shamone!
1015
00:46:42,227 --> 00:46:43,863
Man, you ain't Michael.
1016
00:46:43,963 --> 00:46:45,865
Michael got that Jheri curl.
1017
00:46:45,965 --> 00:46:47,566
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?
1018
00:46:47,666 --> 00:46:50,903
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.
1019
00:46:51,004 --> 00:46:52,371
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.
1020
00:46:52,471 --> 00:46:54,439
I just wanna dip some fruit
and marshmallows in it.
1021
00:46:54,539 --> 00:46:56,575
Go on and dip.
Indoo-dy.
1022
00:46:56,675 --> 00:46:58,978
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.
1023
00:46:59,078 --> 00:47:00,847
And he can beatbox.
1024
00:47:03,782 --> 00:47:05,217
That's Suds.
1025
00:47:05,317 --> 00:47:08,921
Yeah, he stink.
But when he spit, it's bars.
1026
00:47:10,822 --> 00:47:11,723
Come on, now.
1027
00:47:11,823 --> 00:47:13,191
Fuck Michael!
1028
00:47:13,291 --> 00:47:15,560
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.
1029
00:47:15,661 --> 00:47:17,262
Oh! Whoa!
1030
00:47:17,362 --> 00:47:18,797
Jeez.
1031
00:47:20,099 --> 00:47:21,299
Yeah!
1032
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,102
Bong! Ow!
1033
00:47:23,201 --> 00:47:26,005
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.
1034
00:47:26,105 --> 00:47:27,172
Ooh.
1035
00:47:27,272 --> 00:47:29,108
Where is this nigga goin'?
1036
00:47:31,144 --> 00:47:31,978
Ow!
1037
00:47:32,078 --> 00:47:34,080
Whoo!
1038
00:47:34,179 --> 00:47:35,948
"Jermaine".
1039
00:47:37,616 --> 00:47:41,486
Coming Juneteenth,
only on Tubi.
1040
00:47:43,522 --> 00:47:45,791
I'ma bootleg that shit.
1041
00:47:48,061 --> 00:47:49,394
Hello?
1042
00:47:50,595 --> 00:47:51,563
Fuck this.
1043
00:47:56,802 --> 00:47:58,603
I'm gonna miss you all.
1044
00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:05,444
Oh, hell no!
1045
00:48:05,544 --> 00:48:07,880
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.
1046
00:48:17,990 --> 00:48:19,058
Oh!
1047
00:48:19,158 --> 00:48:21,293
Goddamn it!
Jack?
1048
00:48:21,393 --> 00:48:23,196
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...
1049
00:48:23,295 --> 00:48:26,065
Yeah! That's why I'm here.
1050
00:48:26,165 --> 00:48:29,301
Not to murder you
or anything like that.
1051
00:48:29,401 --> 00:48:30,903
Then why
are you wearing gloves?
1052
00:48:31,838 --> 00:48:33,605
Would you believe I...
1053
00:48:33,705 --> 00:48:37,076
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
1054
00:48:37,176 --> 00:48:38,777
But those fit.
1055
00:48:39,611 --> 00:48:40,712
Look out!
1056
00:48:40,812 --> 00:48:42,982
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.
1057
00:48:43,082 --> 00:48:44,783
I-I mean--
Help!
1058
00:48:48,487 --> 00:48:49,788
Oh, yes!
1059
00:48:53,759 --> 00:48:54,961
Oh...
1060
00:48:58,831 --> 00:49:03,368
Whew.
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!
1061
00:49:07,572 --> 00:49:09,508
I'm gonna...
1062
00:49:09,608 --> 00:49:11,610
I'm gonna...
1063
00:49:11,710 --> 00:49:13,411
What a stupid line.
1064
00:49:15,447 --> 00:49:17,083
That is so true!
1065
00:49:17,183 --> 00:49:20,019
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?
1066
00:49:24,456 --> 00:49:25,757
I got to get better writers.
1067
00:49:25,858 --> 00:49:28,460
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.
1068
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,964
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!
1069
00:49:38,570 --> 00:49:40,973
I'm crying over here.
1070
00:49:41,073 --> 00:49:42,440
I got to go
1071
00:49:42,541 --> 00:49:44,509
- before you really kill me.
- Here I come.
1072
00:49:44,609 --> 00:49:47,180
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!
1073
00:49:48,848 --> 00:49:52,384
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.
1074
00:50:13,605 --> 00:50:15,908
I want what they're on.
1075
00:50:17,944 --> 00:50:20,812
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.
1076
00:50:27,153 --> 00:50:28,921
No, no.
1077
00:50:29,021 --> 00:50:30,755
No.
1078
00:50:32,724 --> 00:50:34,359
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
1079
00:50:34,459 --> 00:50:35,560
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!
1080
00:50:35,660 --> 00:50:38,064
Step aside.
Official police business.
1081
00:50:38,164 --> 00:50:39,165
Doofy!
1082
00:50:39,265 --> 00:50:41,868
I like doing that.
1083
00:50:41,968 --> 00:50:42,869
Ooh!
1084
00:50:43,635 --> 00:50:45,737
Smile, you son of a bitch.
1085
00:50:45,838 --> 00:50:49,108
What the f...?
My psycho mother said
1086
00:50:49,208 --> 00:50:51,376
always keep a strap.
1087
00:50:52,879 --> 00:50:54,080
Go! Go!
Okay.
1088
00:50:54,180 --> 00:50:55,513
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.
1089
00:50:55,614 --> 00:50:57,149
I'll get your love interest.
1090
00:50:57,250 --> 00:51:00,385
Ow, the pain, the agony.
1091
00:51:00,485 --> 00:51:02,587
Sara, if I don't make it...
1092
00:51:02,687 --> 00:51:05,191
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.
1093
00:51:05,291 --> 00:51:07,525
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.
1094
00:51:07,626 --> 00:51:09,862
Just ask Demi Moore.
1095
00:51:09,962 --> 00:51:12,597
No! No!
1096
00:51:12,697 --> 00:51:14,267
I got him. I got Jack.
1097
00:51:16,568 --> 00:51:18,570
Doofy! What the fuck?
1098
00:51:18,670 --> 00:51:20,805
The fuck?
I can't help myself.
1099
00:51:23,175 --> 00:51:25,677
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.
1100
00:51:25,777 --> 00:51:26,745
Hm.
1101
00:51:27,812 --> 00:51:29,748
You got to shoot them
in the head.
1102
00:51:29,849 --> 00:51:31,716
Shoot them in the head.
1103
00:51:33,785 --> 00:51:36,554
Oof. Ow.
1104
00:51:39,491 --> 00:51:41,593
Die!
1105
00:51:41,693 --> 00:51:43,695
Die, you little dumb dunce.
1106
00:51:43,795 --> 00:51:44,964
Smell...
1107
00:51:45,064 --> 00:51:46,132
my...
1108
00:51:46,933 --> 00:51:48,034
finger.
1109
00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:49,734
Oh, God!
1110
00:51:49,835 --> 00:51:52,671
What the fuck was that? Ugh.
1111
00:51:52,771 --> 00:51:54,340
My ass.
1112
00:51:54,439 --> 00:51:56,541
Fuck your ass! Pause.
1113
00:51:58,844 --> 00:52:00,512
Oh, God,
that's-- that's my ass.
1114
00:52:00,612 --> 00:52:03,249
- Oh, God.
- Any last words?
1115
00:52:03,349 --> 00:52:05,151
I go poopy.
1116
00:52:09,754 --> 00:52:12,425
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!
1117
00:52:12,524 --> 00:52:14,093
I'm on break.
1118
00:52:14,193 --> 00:52:17,696
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.
1119
00:52:17,796 --> 00:52:19,798
What you say?
Never mind.
1120
00:52:19,899 --> 00:52:21,499
Yo, what's up, chat?
1121
00:52:21,599 --> 00:52:22,969
This your boy Shorty.
1122
00:52:23,069 --> 00:52:24,703
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.
1123
00:52:24,803 --> 00:52:27,772
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money
1124
00:52:27,873 --> 00:52:30,276
for doing absolutely nothing
1125
00:52:30,376 --> 00:52:31,877
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.
1126
00:52:31,978 --> 00:52:34,612
And they call me dumb!
1127
00:52:34,713 --> 00:52:37,984
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:
1128
00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,319
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.
1129
00:52:41,619 --> 00:52:44,190
They got mad apples, son.
1130
00:52:47,193 --> 00:52:50,296
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!
1131
00:52:50,396 --> 00:52:52,331
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon
1132
00:52:52,431 --> 00:52:53,598
without a dope guest.
1133
00:52:53,698 --> 00:52:55,001
He's a legend
in the streaming game.
1134
00:52:55,101 --> 00:52:57,837
Give it up for Kai Cenat!
1135
00:52:57,937 --> 00:53:00,373
We gonna break the Internet!
1136
00:53:00,473 --> 00:53:02,441
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1137
00:53:02,540 --> 00:53:04,276
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1138
00:53:06,511 --> 00:53:07,579
Let's get serious.
1139
00:53:07,679 --> 00:53:09,614
What brings you to the chat?
1140
00:53:09,714 --> 00:53:11,417
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.
1141
00:53:11,516 --> 00:53:14,153
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.
1142
00:53:14,253 --> 00:53:17,156
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.
1143
00:53:17,256 --> 00:53:18,590
That's-- That's my bad.
1144
00:53:18,690 --> 00:53:20,792
And speaking of ghosted--
1145
00:53:20,893 --> 00:53:22,928
Somebody wants to talk to you.
1146
00:53:23,029 --> 00:53:24,397
Hello?
1147
00:53:24,497 --> 00:53:26,332
What's your favorite
scary movie?
1148
00:53:28,334 --> 00:53:30,136
Nah!
Oh!
1149
00:53:30,236 --> 00:53:32,704
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!
1150
00:53:39,345 --> 00:53:41,147
We breaking the Internet, son!
1151
00:53:41,247 --> 00:53:42,348
What's up, my guy?
1152
00:53:42,448 --> 00:53:43,648
You got some Angry Orchard
1153
00:53:43,748 --> 00:53:44,850
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.
1154
00:53:44,950 --> 00:53:46,886
They got mad apples.
1155
00:53:46,986 --> 00:53:48,320
Oh!
1156
00:53:48,421 --> 00:53:49,554
Wassup?
1157
00:53:49,654 --> 00:53:51,290
Wassup?
1158
00:53:54,393 --> 00:53:55,861
We about to do
my favorite thing:
1159
00:53:55,961 --> 00:53:59,697
Spin the... wheel!
1160
00:53:59,798 --> 00:54:01,800
Extreme Noodle Game!
1161
00:54:01,901 --> 00:54:03,568
We gonna go back there
with these noodles
1162
00:54:03,668 --> 00:54:04,636
and we gonna smack
1163
00:54:04,736 --> 00:54:05,770
the fuck out you!
1164
00:54:05,871 --> 00:54:07,339
Then you gotta guess
who did it.
1165
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,140
That doesn't even make sense.
1166
00:54:09,308 --> 00:54:10,109
This is a dumb game.
1167
00:54:11,810 --> 00:54:13,112
Oh!
1168
00:54:13,212 --> 00:54:14,146
Uh...
1169
00:54:14,779 --> 00:54:15,680
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?
1170
00:54:15,780 --> 00:54:16,581
Yeah.
1171
00:54:22,754 --> 00:54:25,157
Wait-- No, no, no--
1172
00:54:27,493 --> 00:54:31,564
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.
1173
00:54:32,865 --> 00:54:34,467
We making history, son!
1174
00:54:35,633 --> 00:54:36,969
Money, money, money!
1175
00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:57,990
Oh, thank God.
1176
00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:04,363
It's about time
you guys got here!
1177
00:55:04,463 --> 00:55:06,332
Now you're gonna get it.
1178
00:55:06,899 --> 00:55:08,234
Oof!
1179
00:55:09,435 --> 00:55:10,870
Hold still!
1180
00:55:10,970 --> 00:55:12,704
So that's our suspect.
1181
00:55:12,804 --> 00:55:15,241
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.
1182
00:55:15,341 --> 00:55:19,711
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.
1183
00:55:20,613 --> 00:55:22,148
Is there anything
you're not telling me?
1184
00:55:22,248 --> 00:55:24,016
That your wife hates you,
1185
00:55:24,116 --> 00:55:25,817
you believe the Earth is flat
1186
00:55:25,918 --> 00:55:27,920
and you voted for Trump
three times.
1187
00:55:28,020 --> 00:55:30,422
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?
1188
00:55:30,523 --> 00:55:31,789
Huh?
1189
00:55:31,891 --> 00:55:35,394
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.
1190
00:55:36,862 --> 00:55:38,931
What that mouth do?
1191
00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:40,633
Stop resisting!
1192
00:55:40,732 --> 00:55:42,835
He did look pretty sketchy.
1193
00:55:46,338 --> 00:55:48,541
They got the wrong guy.
1194
00:55:48,641 --> 00:55:50,476
And you know that
because you're psychic?
1195
00:55:50,576 --> 00:55:52,744
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.
1196
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,081
I don't know.
1197
00:55:56,182 --> 00:55:58,584
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...
1198
00:55:58,683 --> 00:55:59,919
not that Black.
1199
00:56:00,019 --> 00:56:01,686
Like gravy brown.
1200
00:56:01,786 --> 00:56:03,389
Ugh!
1201
00:56:03,489 --> 00:56:04,924
Get him!
1202
00:56:05,024 --> 00:56:06,691
Hit him with your strong hand!
1203
00:56:06,791 --> 00:56:08,160
Boom!
1204
00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:11,263
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?
1205
00:56:11,964 --> 00:56:13,866
Turn off your body cams!
1206
00:56:26,178 --> 00:56:27,379
Miss you.
1207
00:56:29,814 --> 00:56:31,584
Poppa's here.
1208
00:56:31,684 --> 00:56:33,285
Tupac's here.
1209
00:56:33,385 --> 00:56:35,854
And Tekashi69 is here.
1210
00:56:36,821 --> 00:56:39,291
Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead.
1211
00:56:39,391 --> 00:56:42,428
No, but his career is.
1212
00:56:43,195 --> 00:56:44,930
True that.
1213
00:56:45,030 --> 00:56:48,167
Can't let these
old-school rappers go, huh?
1214
00:56:49,101 --> 00:56:51,736
Kids today put "lil"
in front of their name
1215
00:56:51,837 --> 00:56:53,672
and think they got
a lil talent.
1216
00:56:53,771 --> 00:56:55,773
You should give
Lil Nas X a shot.
1217
00:56:55,874 --> 00:56:57,742
Dude really speaks to me.
1218
00:56:57,843 --> 00:56:59,345
That nigga's hard.
1219
00:56:59,445 --> 00:57:00,745
What you back here for, Ray?
1220
00:57:00,846 --> 00:57:02,514
I thought you was done
with Woodsville.
1221
00:57:02,615 --> 00:57:04,049
I thought you were
a northern man.
1222
00:57:04,149 --> 00:57:05,551
I'm through
with San Francisco.
1223
00:57:05,651 --> 00:57:08,487
Is San Francisco
through with you?
1224
00:57:08,587 --> 00:57:09,655
What are you asking me?
1225
00:57:09,754 --> 00:57:11,789
Do you have pride, Ray?
1226
00:57:11,890 --> 00:57:14,493
I think we should all
take pride in who we are.
1227
00:57:14,593 --> 00:57:17,830
Do you like
to taste the rainbow?
1228
00:57:17,930 --> 00:57:20,099
Skittles are
my favorite candy.
1229
00:57:22,635 --> 00:57:24,136
Ray, I prayed for you.
1230
00:57:24,236 --> 00:57:26,572
Then how come
none of those prayers
worked for our baby?
1231
00:57:26,672 --> 00:57:29,275
Mr. Pickels was 18
when he died, Ray.
1232
00:57:30,609 --> 00:57:32,745
That's old for a cat.
1233
00:57:32,845 --> 00:57:34,079
He was packing.
1234
00:57:34,179 --> 00:57:35,748
Now, what you want
with me, Ray?
1235
00:57:35,848 --> 00:57:40,419
I'm back, Brenda,
'cause I love you.
1236
00:57:40,519 --> 00:57:42,087
Ray!
1237
00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,535
He's so sneaky, Ray.
1238
00:57:56,635 --> 00:57:59,271
I'm gonna get it.
1239
00:57:59,371 --> 00:58:02,875
I got you! I got you!
You got me, yeah!
1240
00:58:06,145 --> 00:58:08,147
Oh, yes.
Put this on.
1241
00:58:08,247 --> 00:58:11,016
You sure, Ray?
Yeah, girl. Go on.
1242
00:58:11,850 --> 00:58:14,019
You wild, Ray.
You make me blush.
1243
00:58:14,119 --> 00:58:15,820
So sexy.
1244
00:58:15,921 --> 00:58:18,724
I wish you had a beard.
Hmm?
1245
00:58:18,823 --> 00:58:22,494
Here. Take this.
Oh.
1246
00:58:22,594 --> 00:58:23,562
What?
1247
00:58:23,662 --> 00:58:25,831
Turn around.
Oh! Sure.
1248
00:58:25,931 --> 00:58:27,466
Bend over.
Uh-huh.
1249
00:58:27,566 --> 00:58:31,603
Now drop it.
Okay. Okay.
1250
00:58:31,704 --> 00:58:33,072
I've dropped it, Ray.
1251
00:58:33,172 --> 00:58:34,606
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
1252
00:58:34,707 --> 00:58:37,343
Whose cell block
is this? Huh, Brenda?
Ray! Ray!
1253
00:58:37,443 --> 00:58:40,079
You didn't want to share
your tater tots,
nigga, at lunch?
1254
00:58:40,179 --> 00:58:42,281
Now you sharing
this bootyhole, nigga.
Yeah!
1255
00:58:42,381 --> 00:58:46,051
You not in prison no more,
Ray. You free now, Ray.
1256
00:58:46,151 --> 00:58:47,419
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Yeah.
1257
00:58:47,519 --> 00:58:48,654
Okay. Now you get me.
1258
00:58:48,754 --> 00:58:50,189
My turn.
Let me drop the soap.
1259
00:58:50,289 --> 00:58:52,591
On three. One, two, three.
Wait.
1260
00:58:52,691 --> 00:58:53,726
Oops, I dropped it.
1261
00:58:53,826 --> 00:58:55,661
Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah!
Okay.
1262
00:58:55,761 --> 00:58:57,296
Like this?
Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda.
1263
00:58:57,396 --> 00:58:58,764
You still freaky, Ray.
1264
00:58:58,864 --> 00:59:01,500
Lower your voice.
Make it deeper.
You still freaky, Ray.
1265
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:02,601
Yeah!
1266
00:59:02,701 --> 00:59:05,304
Miss Hailstorm,
welcome back.
1267
00:59:05,404 --> 00:59:08,307
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me
look younger.
1268
00:59:08,407 --> 00:59:10,042
These little bitches
are killing me out there.
1269
00:59:10,142 --> 00:59:11,210
They're wearing nothing but a--
1270
00:59:11,310 --> 00:59:13,345
a sausage casing
and a ring light.
1271
00:59:13,445 --> 00:59:17,950
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,
1272
00:59:18,050 --> 00:59:20,085
and I will make you whole.
1273
00:59:20,185 --> 00:59:21,653
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special
1274
00:59:21,754 --> 00:59:23,188
coming right up.
Thanks.
1275
00:59:23,288 --> 00:59:24,623
I'm gonna play a quick video
1276
00:59:24,723 --> 00:59:25,924
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,
1277
00:59:26,024 --> 00:59:28,427
and then we'll get started.
1278
00:59:31,764 --> 00:59:34,868
Do you wish
you weren't so old and saggy?
1279
00:59:34,967 --> 00:59:37,603
Do you wish you were younger?
Sexier?
1280
00:59:37,703 --> 00:59:39,138
Fuckable again?
1281
00:59:39,238 --> 00:59:42,775
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
1282
00:59:42,876 --> 00:59:45,644
creating a new, better you.
1283
00:59:46,412 --> 00:59:48,614
This is The Stuff.
1284
00:59:50,082 --> 00:59:52,217
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap
1285
00:59:52,317 --> 00:59:54,486
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?
1286
00:59:58,557 --> 00:59:59,458
I like it.
1287
01:00:07,566 --> 01:00:08,835
♪ I feel... ♪
1288
01:00:08,934 --> 01:00:10,669
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1289
01:00:10,769 --> 01:00:11,637
♪ New ♪
1290
01:00:11,737 --> 01:00:12,839
♪ New ♪
1291
01:00:12,938 --> 01:00:14,573
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1292
01:00:15,842 --> 01:00:18,010
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.
1293
01:00:19,511 --> 01:00:20,712
Oh, a mask on a mask.
1294
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,148
Safety first, right, Doc?
1295
01:00:24,983 --> 01:00:27,152
Oh, no!
1296
01:00:28,187 --> 01:00:30,022
I'm having second thoughts!
1297
01:00:30,122 --> 01:00:32,524
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.
1298
01:00:35,929 --> 01:00:37,229
♪ I feel ♪
1299
01:00:37,329 --> 01:00:39,131
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1300
01:01:35,922 --> 01:01:37,823
Oops. Wrong movie.
1301
01:01:40,092 --> 01:01:42,594
- You were thinking it.
- But you said it.
1302
01:01:43,729 --> 01:01:45,464
White Chicks 2, my ass.
1303
01:01:45,564 --> 01:01:47,132
♪ I feel ♪
1304
01:01:47,232 --> 01:01:48,367
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1305
01:01:48,467 --> 01:01:49,768
♪ New ♪
1306
01:01:49,869 --> 01:01:52,771
♪ I feel brand fucking new ♪
1307
01:01:54,007 --> 01:01:55,774
Hey, Sara.
1308
01:01:56,843 --> 01:01:58,477
Tuesday, I--
1309
01:01:58,577 --> 01:02:00,546
I tried to visit you.
1310
01:02:00,646 --> 01:02:02,882
I am sorry for everything.
1311
01:02:02,982 --> 01:02:04,851
Especially your name.
1312
01:02:04,951 --> 01:02:07,419
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.
1313
01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:11,223
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!
1314
01:02:11,323 --> 01:02:12,824
- It's fine, really, we're cool.
- I'm gonna--
1315
01:02:12,926 --> 01:02:14,126
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.
1316
01:02:14,226 --> 01:02:15,895
I'm going to take you
to the car!
1317
01:02:15,995 --> 01:02:18,297
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumbass!
1318
01:02:18,397 --> 01:02:21,300
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!
1319
01:02:22,035 --> 01:02:23,402
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.
1320
01:02:24,069 --> 01:02:26,338
I tried to run, too, but...
1321
01:02:26,438 --> 01:02:28,574
it follows!
1322
01:02:28,674 --> 01:02:31,410
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,
1323
01:02:31,510 --> 01:02:34,013
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.
1324
01:02:34,112 --> 01:02:36,315
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD
1325
01:02:36,415 --> 01:02:37,783
and then it haunts them
in the form
1326
01:02:37,884 --> 01:02:38,784
of their naked grandma.
1327
01:02:38,885 --> 01:02:40,987
It's like a STD biopic.
1328
01:02:41,086 --> 01:02:42,187
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.
1329
01:02:42,287 --> 01:02:43,856
Why doesn't he just kill us?
1330
01:02:43,957 --> 01:02:45,290
Uh, speak for yourself.
1331
01:02:45,390 --> 01:02:47,159
Like, what are you waiting for?
1332
01:02:47,259 --> 01:02:50,629
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.
1333
01:02:51,831 --> 01:02:55,068
What are you waiting for, huh?
1334
01:02:55,167 --> 01:02:57,971
What are you waiting for?
1335
01:02:58,071 --> 01:03:00,706
What are you waiting for?
1336
01:03:00,806 --> 01:03:02,307
What are you waiting for?
1337
01:03:02,407 --> 01:03:04,142
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!
1338
01:03:04,242 --> 01:03:06,946
What are you waiting for?
1339
01:03:08,380 --> 01:03:09,615
Candyman.
1340
01:03:10,515 --> 01:03:11,717
Candyman.
1341
01:03:12,551 --> 01:03:14,119
Candyman.
1342
01:03:14,219 --> 01:03:17,489
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, keep saying it.
1343
01:03:18,557 --> 01:03:19,725
Candyman.
1344
01:03:20,860 --> 01:03:22,694
Candyman!
1345
01:03:39,678 --> 01:03:41,948
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?
1346
01:03:42,048 --> 01:03:45,217
- I got weed gummies.
- Yeah.
1347
01:03:45,317 --> 01:03:46,585
K-nuts.
- Yeah.
1348
01:03:46,685 --> 01:03:48,320
- Shroom chocolates.
- Shit, son!
1349
01:03:48,420 --> 01:03:50,389
And what take you so long
to show up?
1350
01:03:50,489 --> 01:03:53,625
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.
1351
01:03:53,725 --> 01:03:55,094
Nigga, show up in three.
1352
01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,063
You ain't even call me
on the phone.
1353
01:03:57,162 --> 01:03:58,497
Luckily I was walking by
1354
01:03:58,597 --> 01:04:00,632
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.
1355
01:04:00,732 --> 01:04:03,335
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.
1356
01:04:03,435 --> 01:04:06,139
You need to go
to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.
1357
01:04:06,238 --> 01:04:09,408
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.
1358
01:04:09,508 --> 01:04:11,543
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.
1359
01:04:11,643 --> 01:04:14,246
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.
1360
01:04:14,346 --> 01:04:16,481
We gonna party, son!
1361
01:04:18,817 --> 01:04:20,752
♪ Coming in hot
They better watch it... ♪
Happy Halloween, y'all.
1362
01:04:20,853 --> 01:04:22,387
Watch out for Ghostface.
♪ If they come
For my spot... ♪
1363
01:04:22,487 --> 01:04:25,190
- That's right. Drink up!
- Hey!
1364
01:04:25,290 --> 01:04:28,094
Hey! I love it. Look at that.
1365
01:04:28,193 --> 01:04:29,661
You're looking good.
1366
01:04:29,761 --> 01:04:31,064
You seen your sister?
1367
01:04:31,164 --> 01:04:32,932
♪ You always better ♪
1368
01:04:33,032 --> 01:04:35,400
♪ When you at the top
But I had... ♪
Ray, you seen Dei?
1369
01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:37,736
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.
1370
01:04:38,236 --> 01:04:40,840
No.
1371
01:04:40,940 --> 01:04:44,543
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Toy Story!
1372
01:04:44,643 --> 01:04:46,678
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.
1373
01:04:46,778 --> 01:04:49,681
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.
1374
01:04:49,781 --> 01:04:53,251
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."
1375
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,089
You love that movie!
1376
01:04:56,189 --> 01:04:57,556
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?
1377
01:04:57,656 --> 01:04:59,624
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?
1378
01:04:59,725 --> 01:05:02,895
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.
1379
01:05:03,428 --> 01:05:04,429
I-It's gone missing.
1380
01:05:04,529 --> 01:05:05,731
No, no, no, it's not missing.
1381
01:05:05,832 --> 01:05:07,900
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.
1382
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,236
Brenda, that's my stash!
1383
01:05:22,148 --> 01:05:25,918
I'm so fucking high!
1384
01:05:28,921 --> 01:05:29,989
Whoo-hoo!
1385
01:05:30,089 --> 01:05:32,892
I can't feel my face!
1386
01:05:35,027 --> 01:05:38,965
I'm on that Naruto shit!
1387
01:05:39,731 --> 01:05:43,502
Six-seven! Six-seven!
1388
01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,629
Fuck.
1389
01:06:18,303 --> 01:06:19,638
Why is she looking at me?
1390
01:06:21,406 --> 01:06:22,440
♪ Fucking with a boss, yeah
It costs ya ♪
1391
01:06:22,541 --> 01:06:24,643
A little disturbing.
1392
01:06:24,743 --> 01:06:25,945
I'm here for it.
1393
01:06:26,045 --> 01:06:27,445
♪ Yeah
It's all there ♪
1394
01:06:27,546 --> 01:06:28,580
♪ Bend it over
Touch your paws, yeah ♪
1395
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:29,781
♪ Make it talk, yeah ♪
1396
01:06:29,882 --> 01:06:31,117
Oh. Okay.
1397
01:06:31,217 --> 01:06:33,318
♪ Make that ass jump
Uh-huh ♪
1398
01:06:33,418 --> 01:06:34,352
♪ Make that ass jump ♪
Hey, hey!
1399
01:06:34,452 --> 01:06:35,754
♪ You better ♪
1400
01:06:35,855 --> 01:06:37,589
♪ You better
Make that ass jump ♪
1401
01:06:37,689 --> 01:06:39,558
♪ My nigga sleep so you know
I'm outside tho ♪
1402
01:06:39,658 --> 01:06:41,726
♪ Jet skis ass out
Crop top hoe-- ♪
1403
01:06:41,827 --> 01:06:43,029
Hey!
1404
01:06:43,129 --> 01:06:46,899
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?
1405
01:06:54,606 --> 01:06:55,340
Shit.
1406
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,176
It's Ghostface!
1407
01:07:01,713 --> 01:07:03,381
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!
1408
01:07:03,481 --> 01:07:06,718
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".
1409
01:07:06,818 --> 01:07:08,120
He stabbed "them"!
1410
01:07:08,221 --> 01:07:11,123
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?
1411
01:07:11,224 --> 01:07:12,291
She's not wrong.
1412
01:07:12,390 --> 01:07:13,960
It's Karens like you
1413
01:07:14,060 --> 01:07:17,529
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!
1414
01:07:17,629 --> 01:07:20,266
Now you're playing
the race card?
1415
01:07:20,365 --> 01:07:23,102
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!
1416
01:07:26,172 --> 01:07:27,173
And to be clear,
1417
01:07:27,273 --> 01:07:29,774
my real name is Karen!
1418
01:07:29,876 --> 01:07:31,978
Oh, shit. This is too good.
1419
01:07:32,078 --> 01:07:33,511
Ignore the insults.
1420
01:07:33,612 --> 01:07:35,915
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".
1421
01:07:36,015 --> 01:07:37,482
Toxic masculinity
1422
01:07:37,582 --> 01:07:40,353
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!
1423
01:07:40,452 --> 01:07:42,255
How is my masculinity toxic?
1424
01:07:42,355 --> 01:07:44,123
I love women and sports.
1425
01:07:44,223 --> 01:07:46,959
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.
1426
01:07:47,059 --> 01:07:48,593
My turn!
1427
01:07:48,693 --> 01:07:50,229
- Me next!
- They ain't ready for
1428
01:07:50,329 --> 01:07:51,330
this!
1429
01:07:51,429 --> 01:07:52,430
Let me at them!
Me next!
1430
01:07:52,530 --> 01:07:53,431
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.
1431
01:07:53,531 --> 01:07:55,034
Suck knife.
1432
01:07:58,503 --> 01:08:00,239
I blame the manosphere.
1433
01:08:00,339 --> 01:08:01,573
♪ Hit the bar
Rock side-to-side ♪
1434
01:08:01,673 --> 01:08:03,508
♪ And lean in a bit ♪
1435
01:08:03,608 --> 01:08:04,743
♪ Shining like a star
'Cause every night... ♪
1436
01:08:04,844 --> 01:08:06,979
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?
1437
01:08:07,079 --> 01:08:09,015
Can I ask you something?
1438
01:08:09,115 --> 01:08:10,582
Yeah, shoot.
1439
01:08:11,384 --> 01:08:13,319
It's about, y-you know,
1440
01:08:13,418 --> 01:08:14,753
how to go down on a girl.
1441
01:08:14,854 --> 01:08:17,023
You talking about eating pussy?
1442
01:08:17,123 --> 01:08:19,358
That's so cringe, but yeah.
1443
01:08:19,457 --> 01:08:22,594
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl,
1444
01:08:22,694 --> 01:08:24,330
you could learn something.
1445
01:08:24,429 --> 01:08:25,630
All right, so listen up.
1446
01:08:25,730 --> 01:08:27,066
First thing you got to do,
you got to--
1447
01:08:27,166 --> 01:08:28,868
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.
1448
01:08:28,968 --> 01:08:30,669
Then you want
to use your fingers.
1449
01:08:30,769 --> 01:08:33,839
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.
1450
01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:34,941
Yeah?
1451
01:08:35,041 --> 01:08:37,043
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...
1452
01:08:37,709 --> 01:08:39,145
you got to use your tongue.
1453
01:08:39,245 --> 01:08:40,478
You can't be afraid of it.
1454
01:08:43,715 --> 01:08:45,384
Yeah, lean into it.
1455
01:08:45,517 --> 01:08:47,019
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.
1456
01:08:48,387 --> 01:08:49,587
What are you, a lizard?
1457
01:08:49,688 --> 01:08:51,589
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.
1458
01:08:51,690 --> 01:08:52,992
"Hey there, little guy,
1459
01:08:53,092 --> 01:08:55,061
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.
1460
01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:58,364
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.
1461
01:08:58,463 --> 01:09:00,598
All you got to do, nephew...
1462
01:09:03,869 --> 01:09:05,670
Is hit that shit.
1463
01:09:06,205 --> 01:09:07,572
Got it?
Mm-hmm.
1464
01:09:07,672 --> 01:09:08,975
All right, now,
1465
01:09:09,075 --> 01:09:12,244
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.
1466
01:09:12,345 --> 01:09:14,146
Ma!
1467
01:09:14,246 --> 01:09:17,816
Now, this is
a fantastic party.
1468
01:09:17,917 --> 01:09:18,817
Well, thank you.
1469
01:09:18,918 --> 01:09:21,786
You and me, we're drinking.
1470
01:09:21,887 --> 01:09:24,190
No, I don't-- I don't drink.
One shot.
1471
01:09:24,290 --> 01:09:25,958
Ma! Ma! Ma!
1472
01:09:26,058 --> 01:09:29,228
Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!
What? Come on.
1473
01:09:29,328 --> 01:09:31,496
Okay, okay. I'll do one.
1474
01:09:39,504 --> 01:09:41,573
I'ma do one more.
1475
01:09:41,673 --> 01:09:44,110
Just one more.
That's all you.
1476
01:09:47,480 --> 01:09:50,515
I'm gonna have
one motherfuckin' more.
1477
01:09:50,615 --> 01:09:51,583
No, no, no, no. Maybe--
1478
01:09:51,683 --> 01:09:54,020
One, two, three!
No, no.
1479
01:09:56,322 --> 01:09:57,622
Here. Take that.
1480
01:09:58,457 --> 01:10:00,226
Whoo!
1481
01:10:11,937 --> 01:10:15,508
♪ Everybody was
kung fu fighting ♪
1482
01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:33,192
Uh! Oh!
1483
01:10:33,691 --> 01:10:35,094
Oh!
1484
01:10:35,194 --> 01:10:38,431
Bitch-ass generation
don't even know how to party.
1485
01:10:40,765 --> 01:10:43,402
You feel so good.
1486
01:10:45,004 --> 01:10:46,105
Oh, yeah.
1487
01:10:46,205 --> 01:10:47,705
Elle.
1488
01:10:47,806 --> 01:10:49,141
I want to try something.
1489
01:10:49,241 --> 01:10:51,544
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.
1490
01:10:51,643 --> 01:10:53,345
What? No.
1491
01:10:53,446 --> 01:10:54,746
Relax.
1492
01:10:54,847 --> 01:10:56,449
I just want to taste you.
1493
01:10:59,118 --> 01:11:00,319
Okay.
1494
01:11:01,686 --> 01:11:03,355
Dinner time.
1495
01:11:03,456 --> 01:11:06,092
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.
1496
01:11:08,861 --> 01:11:11,230
Careful. My kitty is gangster.
1497
01:11:11,330 --> 01:11:13,165
Oh! Oh...
1498
01:11:13,265 --> 01:11:15,167
It is gangster. Okay.
1499
01:11:15,267 --> 01:11:18,237
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!
1500
01:11:22,141 --> 01:11:23,242
Oh!
1501
01:11:23,342 --> 01:11:26,345
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.
1502
01:11:26,445 --> 01:11:27,480
Choo-choo!
1503
01:11:27,580 --> 01:11:28,613
Get back in there!
1504
01:11:28,713 --> 01:11:29,915
Yeah! Lick it!
1505
01:11:30,015 --> 01:11:32,451
Yeah! Lick it hard!
1506
01:11:33,618 --> 01:11:35,054
Finish her.
1507
01:11:36,654 --> 01:11:39,959
Oh, my God!
1508
01:11:42,294 --> 01:11:43,963
Just like rolling a blunt.
1509
01:11:44,897 --> 01:11:47,099
Now all I got to do is hit it.
1510
01:11:49,502 --> 01:11:51,237
Oh-- Oof!
1511
01:11:51,337 --> 01:11:52,704
Elle!
1512
01:11:54,672 --> 01:11:55,908
What the fuck?
1513
01:11:56,008 --> 01:11:58,643
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.
1514
01:11:58,743 --> 01:12:00,613
You did now, did you?
1515
01:12:00,712 --> 01:12:01,847
We're here to drink,
1516
01:12:01,947 --> 01:12:04,383
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.
1517
01:12:05,217 --> 01:12:06,418
Why just half gay?
1518
01:12:07,219 --> 01:12:08,154
Can I help you?
1519
01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:10,389
If you just invite us in.
1520
01:12:10,489 --> 01:12:11,857
Why you need a invitation?
1521
01:12:11,957 --> 01:12:13,626
White folks show up
to parties uninvited
1522
01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:16,028
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.
1523
01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:18,330
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.
1524
01:12:18,430 --> 01:12:20,866
Mm-hmm. And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?
1525
01:12:20,966 --> 01:12:23,768
Look like you
was walking around
porn sets all day.
1526
01:12:23,869 --> 01:12:25,204
Got them trailer park toes.
1527
01:12:25,304 --> 01:12:26,804
Shit, son!
1528
01:12:26,906 --> 01:12:29,774
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?
1529
01:12:30,609 --> 01:12:31,709
No.
1530
01:12:31,809 --> 01:12:34,580
We believe in music
and equality.
1531
01:12:34,679 --> 01:12:35,881
How about we show y'all?
1532
01:12:35,981 --> 01:12:37,950
It's okay, no.
1533
01:12:38,050 --> 01:12:40,286
♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1534
01:12:40,386 --> 01:12:44,056
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1535
01:12:44,156 --> 01:12:46,492
♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1536
01:12:46,592 --> 01:12:48,661
♪ In the sky ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1537
01:12:48,760 --> 01:12:50,429
♪ We're movin' on up ♪
1538
01:12:50,529 --> 01:12:52,231
They gentrified the Jeffersons?
1539
01:12:52,331 --> 01:12:54,333
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.
1540
01:12:54,433 --> 01:12:57,269
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.
1541
01:12:57,369 --> 01:13:01,874
♪ We finally got
A piece of the pie! ♪
1542
01:13:04,809 --> 01:13:06,579
Boo!
1543
01:13:06,679 --> 01:13:08,113
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!
1544
01:13:08,214 --> 01:13:10,449
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit
out of here!
1545
01:13:10,549 --> 01:13:11,816
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!
1546
01:13:11,917 --> 01:13:14,220
Come on. Let us in.
1547
01:13:16,322 --> 01:13:18,224
Oh, my God! They're vampires!
Oh, my God!
1548
01:13:18,324 --> 01:13:20,059
Here, take her.
No, wait, wait. No, Ray!
1549
01:13:20,159 --> 01:13:22,194
No, baby, you got this.
We're not vampires.
1550
01:13:22,294 --> 01:13:25,164
Just hard to sing
with these in.
1551
01:13:25,264 --> 01:13:28,367
Oh, girl, you know I got you.
I ain't gonna let nothing
happen to you.
1552
01:13:28,467 --> 01:13:29,868
Nigga.
1553
01:13:29,969 --> 01:13:32,104
Look, why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties
1554
01:13:32,204 --> 01:13:33,906
where they drink until
they black out
1555
01:13:34,006 --> 01:13:35,374
and wake up
with their booties hurting,
1556
01:13:35,474 --> 01:13:37,742
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?
1557
01:13:37,843 --> 01:13:39,278
Yeah! What?
1558
01:13:39,378 --> 01:13:40,512
Okay.
1559
01:13:40,613 --> 01:13:42,448
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.
1560
01:13:42,548 --> 01:13:43,748
But we're gonna walk real slow
1561
01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:46,385
just in case
y'all change your minds.
1562
01:13:48,587 --> 01:13:50,389
- Change your minds yet?
- No.
1563
01:13:50,489 --> 01:13:51,457
Not at all.
Hell no.
1564
01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:52,757
How about now?
1565
01:13:52,858 --> 01:13:54,360
Fuck no!
No!
1566
01:13:54,460 --> 01:13:55,760
Yes?
Hell to the nah.
1567
01:13:55,861 --> 01:13:57,029
Definitely not!
Keep walking!
1568
01:13:57,129 --> 01:13:58,497
- Now git!
- Let's go.
1569
01:13:58,597 --> 01:13:59,732
Sara, come on!
White folks
1570
01:13:59,832 --> 01:14:01,934
is getting weird again.
1571
01:14:04,069 --> 01:14:06,538
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.
1572
01:14:06,639 --> 01:14:07,772
That window's closed.
1573
01:14:07,873 --> 01:14:09,575
Not for long.
1574
01:14:15,714 --> 01:14:16,781
Wicked.
1575
01:14:16,882 --> 01:14:18,150
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.
1576
01:14:19,752 --> 01:14:21,720
♪ Bad, bad, bad to the bone ♪
1577
01:14:21,819 --> 01:14:23,689
♪ We can play
But you can't take me home ♪
1578
01:14:23,788 --> 01:14:25,090
♪ Bad, bad shows off the... ♪
1579
01:14:25,190 --> 01:14:29,428
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!
1580
01:14:29,528 --> 01:14:31,330
Yeah, I left my inhaler.
1581
01:14:31,430 --> 01:14:34,466
Honestly, Tuesday,
that inhaler is the worst
plot device in movie history.
1582
01:14:34,566 --> 01:14:36,068
That's true,
should've been a vape.
1583
01:14:36,168 --> 01:14:38,771
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.
1584
01:14:38,871 --> 01:14:41,006
Now where them White Claws at?
1585
01:14:45,911 --> 01:14:47,546
Sara?
Hello.
1586
01:14:47,646 --> 01:14:51,150
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?
1587
01:14:51,250 --> 01:14:54,053
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.
1588
01:14:54,153 --> 01:14:56,021
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.
1589
01:14:56,121 --> 01:14:57,990
That's the house where
your psycho father
1590
01:14:58,090 --> 01:14:59,258
killed those people.
1591
01:14:59,358 --> 01:15:00,793
Someone wanted
to get you there.
1592
01:15:00,893 --> 01:15:02,861
Which means...
1593
01:15:02,961 --> 01:15:05,564
someone wants to get me there.
1594
01:15:05,664 --> 01:15:07,333
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!
1595
01:15:07,433 --> 01:15:08,667
Why are you yelling?
1596
01:15:08,767 --> 01:15:11,737
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!
1597
01:15:11,837 --> 01:15:14,673
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?
1598
01:15:14,773 --> 01:15:15,874
You're breaking up.
1599
01:15:15,974 --> 01:15:17,276
Uh-- Yeah.
1600
01:15:22,281 --> 01:15:24,917
Happy Birthday!
1601
01:15:25,017 --> 01:15:28,487
Hey, that's my car!
1602
01:15:31,690 --> 01:15:33,292
What the fuck?
1603
01:15:33,392 --> 01:15:34,927
Elle!
1604
01:15:35,627 --> 01:15:36,862
I'm sorry!
1605
01:15:36,962 --> 01:15:39,465
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.
1606
01:15:40,232 --> 01:15:41,367
Oh, shit.
1607
01:15:45,137 --> 01:15:47,206
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slave shit?
1608
01:15:47,306 --> 01:15:50,476
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?
1609
01:15:50,576 --> 01:15:53,445
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.
1610
01:15:59,718 --> 01:16:01,353
Come on, bro!
1611
01:16:01,453 --> 01:16:02,621
That's even worse.
1612
01:16:03,622 --> 01:16:06,024
I didn't mean it that way.
1613
01:16:06,125 --> 01:16:08,327
Some of my best victims
are Black.
1614
01:16:10,629 --> 01:16:15,167
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.
1615
01:16:15,267 --> 01:16:17,503
Turns out
race is still an issue.
1616
01:16:17,603 --> 01:16:19,138
That's not fair!
1617
01:16:19,238 --> 01:16:21,607
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.
1618
01:16:24,710 --> 01:16:26,111
Damn!
1619
01:16:26,211 --> 01:16:28,848
This give whole new meaning
to Dead By Daylight.
1620
01:16:28,947 --> 01:16:30,884
Yeah.
1621
01:16:30,983 --> 01:16:33,786
Oh. Get them, son.
1622
01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,355
Goofy ass out of here.
1623
01:16:38,991 --> 01:16:40,692
Hello, Shorty.
1624
01:16:40,793 --> 01:16:42,961
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!
1625
01:16:44,496 --> 01:16:48,767
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.
1626
01:16:48,868 --> 01:16:51,069
♪ Party ♪
♪ Aw, yeah, aw, yeah ♪
1627
01:16:51,170 --> 01:16:52,271
♪ Ain't nobody standing... ♪
1628
01:16:52,371 --> 01:16:53,038
Nigga!
1629
01:16:53,138 --> 01:16:56,608
Ah, shit, son!
1630
01:16:57,776 --> 01:16:59,913
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?
1631
01:17:00,012 --> 01:17:01,680
I don't know.
It's not me.
1632
01:17:01,780 --> 01:17:02,882
Something's wrong with this.
1633
01:17:02,981 --> 01:17:04,383
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!
1634
01:17:04,483 --> 01:17:06,853
You're fucking high, son.
1635
01:17:06,985 --> 01:17:08,487
- Game on, bitches!
- Yeah.
1636
01:17:13,792 --> 01:17:15,093
Oh!
Wrong nigga.
1637
01:17:15,194 --> 01:17:16,829
Black Lives Matter!
1638
01:17:16,930 --> 01:17:18,430
Not you, Shorty!
1639
01:17:18,530 --> 01:17:19,631
Oh, my-- I need you.
1640
01:17:19,731 --> 01:17:21,333
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!
1641
01:17:21,433 --> 01:17:24,102
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?
1642
01:17:24,203 --> 01:17:25,537
Ghostface was just here!
1643
01:17:25,637 --> 01:17:28,207
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.
1644
01:17:28,307 --> 01:17:29,308
Stop!
1645
01:17:30,075 --> 01:17:32,544
One of you is the killer.
1646
01:17:33,011 --> 01:17:34,213
Elle...
1647
01:17:35,047 --> 01:17:36,682
why do you have blood
on your hands?
1648
01:17:38,016 --> 01:17:40,352
I found Brad outside.
1649
01:17:40,452 --> 01:17:41,987
She's the killer!
1650
01:17:42,087 --> 01:17:44,156
I am not the killer, okay?
1651
01:17:44,256 --> 01:17:47,326
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.
1652
01:17:47,426 --> 01:17:48,527
No way.
1653
01:17:48,627 --> 01:17:50,329
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.
1654
01:17:50,429 --> 01:17:52,030
Fuck you!
1655
01:17:52,130 --> 01:17:53,765
Whoa!
1656
01:17:53,867 --> 01:17:56,668
The butt doesn't count.
1657
01:17:56,768 --> 01:17:58,570
Oh!
1658
01:17:58,670 --> 01:17:59,671
Shit, she shot Ashton!
1659
01:17:59,771 --> 01:18:03,442
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.
1660
01:18:04,676 --> 01:18:05,744
What?
1661
01:18:06,846 --> 01:18:08,514
What does that even mean?
1662
01:18:09,281 --> 01:18:11,550
It's when the shit goes down.
1663
01:18:11,650 --> 01:18:12,852
Oh.
1664
01:18:12,952 --> 01:18:14,119
I still don't really know
what she means,
1665
01:18:14,219 --> 01:18:16,522
but I think we should run!
Run!
1666
01:18:32,371 --> 01:18:33,138
Cindy!
1667
01:18:33,238 --> 01:18:34,908
Brenda.
1668
01:18:35,008 --> 01:18:36,775
Cindy, they in there shooting!
1669
01:18:36,876 --> 01:18:38,277
These kids are wild!
1670
01:18:38,377 --> 01:18:40,112
I blame it on video games,
1671
01:18:40,212 --> 01:18:42,814
not the liquor
or lack of
parental supervision.
1672
01:18:42,916 --> 01:18:44,082
You're gonna need this.
Oh.
1673
01:18:44,182 --> 01:18:46,485
Do you have one bigger
in black?
1674
01:18:46,585 --> 01:18:48,353
Oh, wrong bag.
1675
01:18:49,154 --> 01:18:50,023
Here.
Ooh.
1676
01:18:50,122 --> 01:18:51,690
Who are you, Joan Wick?
1677
01:18:51,790 --> 01:18:54,660
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.
1678
01:18:55,627 --> 01:18:56,595
Let's do this.
1679
01:18:56,695 --> 01:18:57,931
Okay.
1680
01:19:00,867 --> 01:19:02,969
Help! He stabbed me!
1681
01:19:03,068 --> 01:19:05,872
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!
1682
01:19:05,972 --> 01:19:07,272
What do you think?
1683
01:19:07,974 --> 01:19:09,341
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
1684
01:19:09,441 --> 01:19:12,678
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?
1685
01:19:12,778 --> 01:19:14,580
That's such a bitch-ass move.
1686
01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:16,916
About this situation.
1687
01:19:17,016 --> 01:19:18,550
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.
1688
01:19:18,650 --> 01:19:20,719
She don't know
we already been here,
done that.
1689
01:19:22,021 --> 01:19:23,923
Brenda!
1690
01:19:24,023 --> 01:19:25,090
Brenda!
1691
01:19:25,190 --> 01:19:27,759
Cindy! It hurts!
1692
01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:31,064
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.
1693
01:19:31,163 --> 01:19:33,967
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.
1694
01:19:34,067 --> 01:19:36,069
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!
1695
01:19:36,168 --> 01:19:38,303
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.
1696
01:19:38,403 --> 01:19:42,507
Now you go back in there
and finish it.
1697
01:19:42,608 --> 01:19:43,475
For me, Cindy.
1698
01:19:43,575 --> 01:19:46,079
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.
1699
01:19:50,549 --> 01:19:53,318
Oh, yes! She bought it.
1700
01:19:53,418 --> 01:19:56,188
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.
1701
01:19:56,288 --> 01:19:57,556
That bitch is crazy
if she thought
1702
01:19:57,656 --> 01:20:00,093
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.
1703
01:20:03,829 --> 01:20:05,031
Attention all killers!
1704
01:20:05,130 --> 01:20:09,534
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.
1705
01:20:21,813 --> 01:20:22,714
Shorty!
1706
01:20:22,814 --> 01:20:24,182
Bitch!
1707
01:20:24,282 --> 01:20:26,085
You shot my favorite bong.
1708
01:20:26,184 --> 01:20:28,720
Go find your own damn closet!
1709
01:20:28,820 --> 01:20:30,222
Sorry.
1710
01:20:42,434 --> 01:20:47,806
Wow, this is so nice.
1711
01:20:47,907 --> 01:20:50,308
Brenda's been ballin'.
1712
01:20:53,545 --> 01:20:54,579
What the--
1713
01:20:58,750 --> 01:20:59,685
Red light!
1714
01:21:00,887 --> 01:21:03,622
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1715
01:21:04,891 --> 01:21:07,459
Oh. Okay, so we're
playing the hood version.
1716
01:21:08,895 --> 01:21:11,263
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1717
01:21:13,265 --> 01:21:14,967
Ha! You moved!
1718
01:21:15,068 --> 01:21:17,703
No, I didn't.
1719
01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:24,676
Ghostface 249, eliminated.
1720
01:21:29,314 --> 01:21:34,020
Ooh. You got some
hot breath, sir.
1721
01:21:43,996 --> 01:21:47,666
Someone's cleaning
those handprints off
the mirror, and it isn't me.
1722
01:21:47,766 --> 01:21:52,671
I'll do it.
Don't leave any streaks.
1723
01:22:00,046 --> 01:22:01,379
No!
1724
01:22:14,894 --> 01:22:17,864
I knew swallowing the clip
would eventually come in handy.
1725
01:22:17,964 --> 01:22:20,398
Who's smiling now, bitch?
1726
01:22:31,276 --> 01:22:33,445
Hello, Cindy.
1727
01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:35,148
Hello.
1728
01:22:35,248 --> 01:22:36,481
Looks like you forgot
1729
01:22:36,581 --> 01:22:39,284
the first rule
of surviving a horror movie.
1730
01:22:39,384 --> 01:22:42,955
Never answer the phone!
1731
01:22:43,055 --> 01:22:46,691
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.
1732
01:22:47,960 --> 01:22:49,262
Oh, really?
1733
01:22:49,361 --> 01:22:51,596
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?
1734
01:22:52,265 --> 01:22:55,400
New rule: Go fuck yourself.
1735
01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:56,468
Wait, wait!
1736
01:22:57,970 --> 01:23:00,806
Why do you
hate closets so much?
1737
01:23:00,907 --> 01:23:02,275
I told you to come out.
1738
01:23:02,374 --> 01:23:04,342
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!
1739
01:23:04,442 --> 01:23:06,745
Ironic, isn't it?
1740
01:23:06,846 --> 01:23:09,081
You missed me, bitch.
1741
01:23:09,182 --> 01:23:11,017
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!
1742
01:23:11,117 --> 01:23:12,151
Didn't sound believable.
1743
01:23:13,886 --> 01:23:15,221
You think you're John Wick,
1744
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:16,755
acting like I killed your dog?
1745
01:23:22,028 --> 01:23:23,662
The dog is just a metaphor.
1746
01:23:23,762 --> 01:23:25,597
It was about losing his wife!
1747
01:23:25,697 --> 01:23:27,867
You sure it's not
an allegory?
1748
01:23:38,878 --> 01:23:40,179
Let us begin.
1749
01:23:49,288 --> 01:23:50,890
Oh.
1750
01:24:01,267 --> 01:24:03,635
Oh, that stunt girl is good.
1751
01:24:20,319 --> 01:24:21,187
Whoa.
1752
01:24:25,757 --> 01:24:27,960
Oh, oh--
1753
01:24:43,475 --> 01:24:44,944
Eat a dick.
1754
01:24:55,354 --> 01:24:57,422
Shoot him, Sara. End this.
1755
01:24:57,522 --> 01:24:59,191
Don't tell me what to do!
1756
01:24:59,292 --> 01:25:00,759
This isn't the best time
1757
01:25:00,860 --> 01:25:02,995
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,
1758
01:25:03,095 --> 01:25:07,632
but, Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.
1759
01:25:07,732 --> 01:25:10,236
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday--
1760
01:25:10,336 --> 01:25:11,536
Oh, Tuesday.
1761
01:25:11,636 --> 01:25:14,706
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.
1762
01:25:14,806 --> 01:25:16,208
But I've prepared you for this.
1763
01:25:17,009 --> 01:25:18,344
So go on, baby.
1764
01:25:18,443 --> 01:25:20,179
You kill him.
1765
01:25:20,279 --> 01:25:21,546
Sara?
Jack!
1766
01:25:21,646 --> 01:25:23,115
- Sara!
- Jack!
1767
01:25:23,215 --> 01:25:24,549
- Sara!
- Oh, Jack!
1768
01:25:24,649 --> 01:25:25,851
Sara!
Jack!
1769
01:25:25,952 --> 01:25:26,852
- Sara!
- Jack!
1770
01:25:26,953 --> 01:25:27,752
- Sara!
- Jack!
1771
01:25:27,853 --> 01:25:28,753
Thank God you're okay.
1772
01:25:28,854 --> 01:25:30,056
Because I really wanted to be
1773
01:25:30,156 --> 01:25:31,123
the one to kill you!
1774
01:25:31,223 --> 01:25:32,858
Ooh, take it, baby.
1775
01:25:33,993 --> 01:25:36,896
See,
I told you it was about me.
1776
01:25:36,996 --> 01:25:38,797
No, Sara.
1777
01:25:40,132 --> 01:25:42,068
You were just the bait.
1778
01:25:42,168 --> 01:25:43,735
It's about her.
1779
01:25:44,270 --> 01:25:45,271
- Fuck!
- Aw.
1780
01:25:45,371 --> 01:25:47,406
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.
1781
01:25:47,505 --> 01:25:49,342
You should've
listened to Doofy.
1782
01:25:49,442 --> 01:25:51,911
The love interest.
1783
01:25:52,011 --> 01:25:54,447
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?
1784
01:25:54,546 --> 01:25:57,216
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.
1785
01:25:57,316 --> 01:25:58,150
Same page, honeybunch.
1786
01:25:58,250 --> 01:25:59,251
Right.
1787
01:25:59,352 --> 01:26:01,120
Yeah, well, that's the twist!
1788
01:26:01,220 --> 01:26:02,487
Now get in the kitchen. Go!
1789
01:26:02,587 --> 01:26:04,090
Hey!
Move!
1790
01:26:04,190 --> 01:26:06,459
Okay, listen up!
1791
01:26:06,558 --> 01:26:09,895
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie
1792
01:26:09,996 --> 01:26:11,397
since the first one.
1793
01:26:11,496 --> 01:26:15,101
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.
1794
01:26:17,203 --> 01:26:19,604
Hollywood is out of ideas!
1795
01:26:19,704 --> 01:26:22,174
Why else would there be
a Scary Movie 6?
1796
01:26:22,274 --> 01:26:24,844
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?
1797
01:26:24,944 --> 01:26:27,545
We need the legacy characters.
Oh--
1798
01:26:27,645 --> 01:26:29,348
And there wouldn't be a Cindy
1799
01:26:29,448 --> 01:26:32,918
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.
1800
01:26:33,019 --> 01:26:36,355
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.
1801
01:26:36,455 --> 01:26:39,025
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?
1802
01:26:39,859 --> 01:26:41,027
Did I?
1803
01:26:41,127 --> 01:26:45,064
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!
1804
01:26:45,164 --> 01:26:46,664
Ooh, what He do?
1805
01:26:46,765 --> 01:26:47,933
Stop dancing!
All the time!
1806
01:26:48,034 --> 01:26:49,534
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!
1807
01:26:49,634 --> 01:26:50,668
All the time!
1808
01:26:50,769 --> 01:26:51,937
Oh!
1809
01:26:52,038 --> 01:26:54,407
Oh.
Mom! No!
1810
01:26:54,507 --> 01:26:57,009
You called me "Mom".
1811
01:26:58,177 --> 01:26:59,611
You care about me.
1812
01:26:59,711 --> 01:27:02,114
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,
1813
01:27:02,214 --> 01:27:03,015
sure.
Go--
1814
01:27:03,115 --> 01:27:04,116
Go get Tuesday.
1815
01:27:04,216 --> 01:27:05,617
Okay, ladies,
1816
01:27:05,717 --> 01:27:07,853
time to stage the bodies.
1817
01:27:07,953 --> 01:27:10,423
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!
1818
01:27:10,523 --> 01:27:12,391
Please don't do this!
1819
01:27:12,491 --> 01:27:13,758
What? Who are you people?
1820
01:27:13,859 --> 01:27:14,994
We're the motherfuckers
1821
01:27:15,094 --> 01:27:17,629
that are taking over
this franchise.
1822
01:27:17,729 --> 01:27:18,964
Oh, yeah? You are?
1823
01:27:19,065 --> 01:27:20,933
Okay! Oh, my God.
1824
01:27:21,033 --> 01:27:23,568
That was not part of the plan.
1825
01:27:23,668 --> 01:27:25,737
Oh, God. Shit.
1826
01:27:25,838 --> 01:27:28,107
- Oh.
- Neither was this.
1827
01:27:31,544 --> 01:27:32,845
Wait, Ray got one of those!
1828
01:27:32,945 --> 01:27:35,314
Whoa! Hot damn!
1829
01:27:35,414 --> 01:27:38,851
Anthony Anderson!
1830
01:27:38,951 --> 01:27:40,019
Yeah.
1831
01:27:40,119 --> 01:27:42,855
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.
1832
01:27:49,995 --> 01:27:51,363
What?
Shaq?
1833
01:27:51,464 --> 01:27:54,433
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.
1834
01:27:54,533 --> 01:27:55,700
And Kevin said no.
1835
01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:57,103
Kevin Hart said no?
1836
01:27:57,203 --> 01:27:59,004
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.
1837
01:27:59,105 --> 01:28:00,239
Yeah, he does.
1838
01:28:00,339 --> 01:28:01,773
But wait!
1839
01:28:01,874 --> 01:28:04,443
There's more.
1840
01:28:04,543 --> 01:28:06,545
Ta-dah...
1841
01:28:06,644 --> 01:28:07,913
bitches!
1842
01:28:08,013 --> 01:28:09,482
Ray? Shorty?
1843
01:28:09,582 --> 01:28:11,283
Yeah, that's right.
1844
01:28:11,383 --> 01:28:14,420
Four Black killers.
Yeah.
1845
01:28:14,520 --> 01:28:15,787
We're making history.
1846
01:28:15,888 --> 01:28:19,091
This a new definition
of Black excellence.
1847
01:28:19,724 --> 01:28:21,293
But why would you do this?
1848
01:28:21,393 --> 01:28:22,827
Question is:
1849
01:28:22,928 --> 01:28:24,997
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?
1850
01:28:25,097 --> 01:28:26,165
Yeah!
1851
01:28:26,265 --> 01:28:28,234
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,
1852
01:28:28,334 --> 01:28:30,369
I was there.
1853
01:28:30,469 --> 01:28:32,104
That's facts.
What about me?
1854
01:28:32,204 --> 01:28:33,272
What about you?
1855
01:28:33,372 --> 01:28:34,507
You were in one scene
1856
01:28:34,607 --> 01:28:36,308
in Part 4.
Oh!
1857
01:28:36,408 --> 01:28:37,376
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker
1858
01:28:37,476 --> 01:28:38,844
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
1859
01:28:38,944 --> 01:28:40,712
- And he crazy now.
- Yeah, he got weird.
1860
01:28:40,812 --> 01:28:41,847
Mm.
But you--
1861
01:28:41,947 --> 01:28:43,282
Y-You see
what they trying to do?
1862
01:28:43,382 --> 01:28:45,251
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.
1863
01:28:45,351 --> 01:28:48,020
They trying to start Black
on-- on very Black crime.
1864
01:28:48,120 --> 01:28:49,488
Oh.
That's right!
1865
01:28:49,588 --> 01:28:52,057
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.
1866
01:28:52,158 --> 01:28:54,759
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator
1867
01:28:54,860 --> 01:28:56,661
since retiring
from basketball.
Mm-hmm.
1868
01:28:56,761 --> 01:29:00,199
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!
1869
01:29:00,299 --> 01:29:02,535
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.
1870
01:29:02,635 --> 01:29:03,701
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout--
1871
01:29:07,473 --> 01:29:08,274
"Kobe."
1872
01:29:08,374 --> 01:29:09,608
Enough.
1873
01:29:09,707 --> 01:29:13,312
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.
1874
01:29:14,046 --> 01:29:16,415
But I never got over Kazaam.
1875
01:29:16,515 --> 01:29:17,749
Fuck all that shit!
1876
01:29:17,850 --> 01:29:19,185
Kick his ass!
1877
01:29:19,285 --> 01:29:21,887
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!
1878
01:29:21,987 --> 01:29:23,455
Why did you leave the Lakers?
1879
01:29:23,556 --> 01:29:26,358
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!
1880
01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:27,960
That motherfucker traded me!
1881
01:29:28,060 --> 01:29:28,961
Sha-kweel!
1882
01:29:29,061 --> 01:29:31,864
How big is your foot?
1883
01:29:31,964 --> 01:29:32,865
22.
1884
01:29:32,965 --> 01:29:35,568
Then how big is your dick?
1885
01:29:35,668 --> 01:29:36,734
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!
1886
01:29:36,835 --> 01:29:38,204
- Pause.
- What the fuck
1887
01:29:38,304 --> 01:29:40,039
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.
1888
01:29:40,139 --> 01:29:41,473
What culture?
1889
01:29:41,574 --> 01:29:43,576
- The Culture Club. Nigga!
- Bro.
1890
01:29:43,676 --> 01:29:44,742
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.
1891
01:29:44,843 --> 01:29:45,844
Stay focused.
All right, all right.
1892
01:29:45,945 --> 01:29:47,812
All right. We back.
1893
01:29:47,913 --> 01:29:50,815
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you--
don't you worry. We family.
1894
01:29:50,916 --> 01:29:52,918
Ant, mad respect, y'all.
1895
01:29:53,018 --> 01:29:55,254
Hey, Black-ish nominated
1896
01:29:55,354 --> 01:29:56,322
for eight Emmys!
1897
01:29:56,422 --> 01:29:57,556
My nigga!
1898
01:29:57,656 --> 01:29:58,790
Well, actually,
1899
01:29:58,891 --> 01:30:00,626
the show was only nominated
for five.
1900
01:30:00,725 --> 01:30:02,428
I was nominated for eight.
1901
01:30:02,528 --> 01:30:03,529
Ooh.
Wow.
1902
01:30:03,629 --> 01:30:04,563
Oh, thank you.
1903
01:30:04,663 --> 01:30:05,730
A thespian!
1904
01:30:05,831 --> 01:30:08,500
Is that so? Eight nominations.
1905
01:30:08,601 --> 01:30:10,569
Crazy!
Yeah, man.
1906
01:30:12,571 --> 01:30:14,707
But you never won.
What?
1907
01:30:16,442 --> 01:30:17,643
Et tu, Brute?
1908
01:30:17,742 --> 01:30:19,578
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.
1909
01:30:19,678 --> 01:30:22,481
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3 and 4!
1910
01:30:22,581 --> 01:30:24,883
I didn't know
they fired the family!
1911
01:30:24,984 --> 01:30:26,652
And this is for copying
1912
01:30:26,751 --> 01:30:29,655
our Good Times episode
on Black-ish!
1913
01:30:29,754 --> 01:30:32,391
But you guys were on The WB!
1914
01:30:32,491 --> 01:30:34,893
Nobody saw that shit!
1915
01:30:37,363 --> 01:30:38,464
That's kinda true.
1916
01:30:38,564 --> 01:30:40,566
What are you doing?
1917
01:30:40,666 --> 01:30:42,735
They didn't create
the franchise, you did.
1918
01:30:42,835 --> 01:30:44,703
Yeah.
No!
1919
01:30:44,802 --> 01:30:48,374
Creating franchises
doesn't make you a killer.
1920
01:30:48,474 --> 01:30:50,109
Stealing franchises does.
1921
01:30:50,209 --> 01:30:52,411
Scary Movie
was our franchise...
Motherfucker!
1922
01:30:52,511 --> 01:30:53,712
...and they stole it from us!
1923
01:30:53,811 --> 01:30:56,015
And they started
doing those bad parodies.
1924
01:30:56,115 --> 01:30:58,984
Epic Movie. What the fuck?
Disaster Movie.
1925
01:30:59,084 --> 01:31:00,586
Date Movie.
This is for Date Movie.
1926
01:31:00,686 --> 01:31:03,022
And then the one
with the little--
the dude with the hooves.
1927
01:31:03,122 --> 01:31:04,789
Nigga, that's Epic Movie.
He deserves twice--
1928
01:31:04,890 --> 01:31:06,458
Give him double stabs now.
Hate that Narnia shit.
1929
01:31:06,558 --> 01:31:08,527
He's already dead.
So much blood.
1930
01:31:08,627 --> 01:31:10,529
Friedberg and Seltzer,
nigga.
1931
01:31:12,031 --> 01:31:13,666
Ooh.
No, no, no.
1932
01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:15,534
And you, and you--
1933
01:31:15,634 --> 01:31:18,837
Y'all went and did
Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us!
1934
01:31:18,937 --> 01:31:21,373
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!
1935
01:31:21,473 --> 01:31:25,411
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.
1936
01:31:26,545 --> 01:31:28,013
And what about you?
1937
01:31:28,847 --> 01:31:30,983
Well, I had a chance
to work with
1938
01:31:31,083 --> 01:31:33,585
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
1939
01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:36,789
That's good. He's a legend.
1940
01:31:36,889 --> 01:31:39,058
And his dick game's crazy.
1941
01:31:39,158 --> 01:31:41,260
You know he slept with
47,000 women?
1942
01:31:41,360 --> 01:31:43,595
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.
1943
01:31:43,696 --> 01:31:45,431
Lucky guy.
1944
01:31:46,265 --> 01:31:48,767
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?
1945
01:31:50,536 --> 01:31:52,171
Nah.
1946
01:31:52,271 --> 01:31:55,007
What would Halloween be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?
1947
01:31:55,107 --> 01:31:56,809
Or Scream be
without Neve Campbell?
1948
01:31:56,909 --> 01:31:58,277
That would be Scream VI.
1949
01:31:58,377 --> 01:32:01,146
How did you guys
pull all of this off?
1950
01:32:01,246 --> 01:32:02,348
Cindy!
1951
01:32:02,448 --> 01:32:05,517
You know how many Wayanses
there are?
1952
01:32:05,617 --> 01:32:07,353
Nigga, billions!
Billions!
1953
01:32:07,453 --> 01:32:11,123
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.
1954
01:32:11,857 --> 01:32:13,625
Okay, in the middle, on three:
1955
01:32:13,726 --> 01:32:14,927
Core Four.
1956
01:32:15,027 --> 01:32:16,729
What?
Nah, nah. We-- That--
1957
01:32:16,829 --> 01:32:18,097
That-- That's corny shit.
That's wack.
1958
01:32:18,197 --> 01:32:19,698
Ooh, uh, w-what about--
1959
01:32:19,798 --> 01:32:22,468
What about,
The Young and The Restless?
1960
01:32:22,568 --> 01:32:24,269
Yeah, or The-- or The Old
1961
01:32:24,370 --> 01:32:25,738
and then The Beautiful.
1962
01:32:25,839 --> 01:32:27,806
Or-- or The--
The Cute and The Crusty.
1963
01:32:27,906 --> 01:32:30,743
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.
1964
01:32:36,915 --> 01:32:38,852
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!
1965
01:32:38,951 --> 01:32:40,018
That's right. I mean,
1966
01:32:40,119 --> 01:32:42,421
you guys are, like,
70 years old!
1967
01:32:42,521 --> 01:32:44,256
Not in my mouth!
1968
01:32:44,356 --> 01:32:45,391
Aw, fuck!
1969
01:32:46,558 --> 01:32:48,961
I just dragged that one
from the subway.
1970
01:32:49,061 --> 01:32:51,230
Oh, my back hurts.
1971
01:32:51,330 --> 01:32:54,199
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.
1972
01:32:54,299 --> 01:32:56,735
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.
1973
01:32:56,836 --> 01:32:58,404
Oh, no. Not this time.
1974
01:32:58,504 --> 01:33:01,039
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go.
Let's go.
1975
01:33:01,140 --> 01:33:02,708
Who got a match?
1976
01:33:02,808 --> 01:33:06,880
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!
1977
01:33:06,979 --> 01:33:08,580
Yeah, whoo!
1978
01:33:12,852 --> 01:33:13,952
Sara, tell me what do to.
1979
01:33:14,052 --> 01:33:16,255
Blow, bitch, blow!
1980
01:33:24,263 --> 01:33:25,297
Yeah.
1981
01:33:27,232 --> 01:33:29,668
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?
1982
01:33:29,768 --> 01:33:31,170
I mean, those are our kids.
1983
01:33:31,270 --> 01:33:32,971
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!
1984
01:33:33,071 --> 01:33:35,107
This is our franchise.
Yeah!
1985
01:33:35,207 --> 01:33:37,976
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways
1986
01:33:38,076 --> 01:33:39,511
with the fire in back of us.
1987
01:33:39,611 --> 01:33:41,146
But, damn, it's hot.
1988
01:33:41,246 --> 01:33:44,283
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
1989
01:33:44,383 --> 01:33:46,618
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.
1990
01:33:46,718 --> 01:33:48,855
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?
1991
01:33:48,987 --> 01:33:50,756
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.
1992
01:33:50,857 --> 01:33:52,926
Y'all feel a draft?
1993
01:33:53,025 --> 01:33:55,093
"
BY CHRIS PATRICK PLAYS)
♪ Bigger than ever ♪
1994
01:33:55,194 --> 01:33:56,094
♪ We back
Woo ♪
1995
01:33:56,195 --> 01:33:57,864
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1996
01:33:57,963 --> 01:33:59,431
♪ We back
We back ♪
1997
01:33:59,531 --> 01:34:00,766
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1998
01:34:00,867 --> 01:34:02,234
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
1999
01:34:02,334 --> 01:34:04,002
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2000
01:34:04,102 --> 01:34:05,771
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2001
01:34:05,872 --> 01:34:07,406
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2002
01:34:07,506 --> 01:34:09,174
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2003
01:34:11,043 --> 01:34:12,578
♪ Uh-huh ♪
2004
01:34:12,678 --> 01:34:14,079
♪ We back
We back ♪
2005
01:34:14,179 --> 01:34:15,915
♪ Back like respawn ♪
♪ Respawn ♪
2006
01:34:16,014 --> 01:34:17,449
♪ Back like
Reversin' out the whip ♪
2007
01:34:17,549 --> 01:34:19,284
♪ Forward drive ♪
♪ Drive ♪
2008
01:34:19,384 --> 01:34:20,854
♪ Back like I'm Marty ♪
♪ Marty ♪
2009
01:34:20,954 --> 01:34:22,087
♪ Back like McFly ♪
2010
01:34:22,187 --> 01:34:23,755
♪ Double back for dinero ♪
2011
01:34:23,857 --> 01:34:25,624
♪ 'Cause it's back
Like I slide ♪
2012
01:34:25,724 --> 01:34:27,059
♪ We outside ♪
2013
01:34:27,159 --> 01:34:29,495
♪ We ain't never really left ♪
2014
01:34:29,595 --> 01:34:30,729
♪ Write ambidextrous ♪
2015
01:34:30,829 --> 01:34:32,231
♪ Both hands need a check ♪
2016
01:34:32,331 --> 01:34:34,066
♪ Whole fam need respect ♪
2017
01:34:34,166 --> 01:34:36,134
♪ More bands, nothing less ♪
2018
01:34:36,235 --> 01:34:39,538
♪ Tax season 'cause I got
The plan to collect ♪
2019
01:34:40,974 --> 01:34:42,307
♪ Uh ♪
2020
01:34:42,407 --> 01:34:43,843
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
2021
01:34:43,943 --> 01:34:45,477
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2022
01:34:45,577 --> 01:34:47,646
♪ My foot on the pedal
My eyes on the crown ♪
2023
01:34:47,746 --> 01:34:49,081
♪ Uh ♪
2024
01:34:49,181 --> 01:34:50,449
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
2025
01:34:50,549 --> 01:34:52,084
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2026
01:34:52,184 --> 01:34:53,652
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2027
01:34:54,620 --> 01:34:56,355
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2028
01:34:56,455 --> 01:34:57,924
♪ We back ♪
2029
01:34:58,023 --> 01:34:59,758
♪ Okay, okay ♪
♪ Bigger than ever ♪
2030
01:34:59,859 --> 01:35:01,126
♪ We back ♪
2031
01:35:01,226 --> 01:35:02,628
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2032
01:35:02,728 --> 01:35:04,162
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2033
01:35:04,263 --> 01:35:05,832
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2034
01:35:05,932 --> 01:35:07,566
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2035
01:35:08,634 --> 01:35:09,735
♪ Mm ♪
2036
01:35:09,836 --> 01:35:11,436
♪ Look at me now ♪
2037
01:35:11,537 --> 01:35:13,138
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2038
01:35:13,238 --> 01:35:14,740
♪ Look at me now ♪
2039
01:35:14,841 --> 01:35:16,208
♪ My foot on the pedal ♪
2040
01:35:16,308 --> 01:35:18,210
♪ My eyes on the crown ♪
2041
01:35:18,310 --> 01:35:19,913
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2042
01:35:20,013 --> 01:35:21,213
♪ Look at me now ♪
2043
01:35:21,313 --> 01:35:23,016
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
2044
01:35:23,115 --> 01:35:24,783
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
2045
01:35:24,884 --> 01:35:26,418
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2046
01:35:29,989 --> 01:35:32,457
♪ Bigger than ever
We back, whoo ♪
2047
01:35:32,558 --> 01:35:34,059
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2048
01:35:34,159 --> 01:35:35,727
♪ We back ♪
2049
01:35:35,827 --> 01:35:37,062
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2050
01:35:37,162 --> 01:35:38,497
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2051
01:35:38,597 --> 01:35:40,198
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2052
01:35:40,299 --> 01:35:41,968
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2053
01:35:42,067 --> 01:35:43,368
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2054
01:35:43,468 --> 01:35:45,504
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2055
01:35:45,604 --> 01:35:47,806
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2056
01:35:47,907 --> 01:35:48,841
♪ We back ♪
2057
01:35:48,942 --> 01:35:51,143
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2058
01:35:51,243 --> 01:35:52,177
♪ We back ♪
2059
01:35:52,277 --> 01:35:54,546
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2060
01:35:54,646 --> 01:35:55,882
♪ We back ♪
2061
01:35:55,982 --> 01:35:57,382
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2062
01:35:57,482 --> 01:35:59,151
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2063
01:36:06,658 --> 01:36:09,094
Coming soon
to a theater near you...
2064
01:36:09,194 --> 01:36:10,964
Come to me...
2065
01:36:11,064 --> 01:36:12,230
Count Brolock.
2066
01:36:12,331 --> 01:36:14,700
From the studio
that brought you
2067
01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:17,803
every Black version
of a white movie...
2068
01:36:20,238 --> 01:36:23,542
I am but an appetite,
nothing more.
2069
01:36:23,642 --> 01:36:25,979
That's not what you said
last night
2070
01:36:26,079 --> 01:36:27,713
when you were
sucking on my chest.
2071
01:36:30,049 --> 01:36:31,383
The sisters may hear you.
2072
01:36:31,483 --> 01:36:33,251
Too late.
2073
01:36:33,352 --> 01:36:34,419
You trifling sellout.
2074
01:36:34,519 --> 01:36:36,254
I don't know this bitch!
2075
01:36:36,355 --> 01:36:37,890
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!
2076
01:36:37,991 --> 01:36:40,192
- Negro ain't shit.
- Mm-hmm.
2077
01:36:40,292 --> 01:36:43,295
Behold the Black vampire.
2078
01:36:43,795 --> 01:36:45,697
Brosferatu.
2079
01:36:46,698 --> 01:36:48,700
Coming this Kwanzaa.
2080
01:38:02,975 --> 01:38:06,378
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
2081
01:38:07,113 --> 01:38:10,382
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.
2082
01:38:10,482 --> 01:38:13,318
- Something isn't right here.
- Happy birthday...
2083
01:38:13,418 --> 01:38:15,387
He's definitely Ghostface.
2084
01:38:15,955 --> 01:38:16,889
Sit.
2085
01:38:17,857 --> 01:38:19,424
I agree, Berger.
2086
01:38:19,524 --> 01:38:21,560
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.
2087
01:38:21,660 --> 01:38:23,628
That little hand, man. I mean--
2088
01:38:23,729 --> 01:38:27,365
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.
2089
01:38:27,466 --> 01:38:29,836
Off the chain, guaranteed.
2090
01:38:29,936 --> 01:38:31,037
Tight grip.
2091
01:38:31,137 --> 01:38:32,337
Make your meat
look two times bigger.
2092
01:38:32,437 --> 01:38:33,538
Yeah.
2093
01:38:33,638 --> 01:38:35,041
I don't want
a handjob from him.
2094
01:38:35,141 --> 01:38:36,408
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.
2095
01:38:36,508 --> 01:38:38,510
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.
2096
01:38:38,610 --> 01:38:41,313
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun--
2097
01:38:41,413 --> 01:38:43,348
You're done.
2098
01:38:44,816 --> 01:38:46,351
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?
2099
01:38:46,451 --> 01:38:48,087
Okay.
It might be a day,
2100
01:38:48,187 --> 01:38:49,354
two weeks, I don't know.
2101
01:38:49,454 --> 01:38:50,555
I don't know how long
this movie is.
2102
01:38:50,655 --> 01:38:52,691
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.
2103
01:38:52,791 --> 01:38:55,228
But what I want you to do
is go in there
2104
01:38:55,327 --> 01:38:57,329
and show him what you got.
2105
01:38:57,429 --> 01:38:59,165
Cock it and rock it.
2106
01:39:02,334 --> 01:39:03,568
Ah.
2107
01:39:05,104 --> 01:39:07,672
Oh!
2108
01:39:08,306 --> 01:39:10,143
There she is.
2109
01:39:10,243 --> 01:39:12,544
The birthday girl.
2110
01:39:15,514 --> 01:39:16,815
I brought a cake.
2111
01:39:18,117 --> 01:39:19,518
Make a wish.
2112
01:39:21,087 --> 01:39:23,022
My germs!
2113
01:39:26,525 --> 01:39:29,095
Finger-licking good.
2114
01:39:29,195 --> 01:39:33,298
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.
2115
01:39:33,398 --> 01:39:35,201
No!
But it's a meme.
2116
01:39:35,300 --> 01:39:39,504
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?
2117
01:39:39,604 --> 01:39:41,974
Here we go--
2118
01:39:42,074 --> 01:39:44,911
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of--
2119
01:39:45,011 --> 01:39:45,945
Whoo.
2120
01:39:46,045 --> 01:39:47,579
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.
2121
01:39:47,679 --> 01:39:49,015
Can I talk to you
for a second?
2122
01:39:49,115 --> 01:39:50,782
Yeah, o-okay.
2123
01:39:52,551 --> 01:39:54,153
This table needs an airbag.
2124
01:39:54,253 --> 01:39:55,121
It should--
2125
01:39:55,221 --> 01:39:56,889
Goddamn!
2126
01:39:56,989 --> 01:39:58,191
Whoo!
2127
01:39:58,291 --> 01:39:59,658
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.
2128
01:39:59,758 --> 01:40:03,095
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.
2129
01:40:03,196 --> 01:40:04,663
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.
2130
01:40:04,763 --> 01:40:06,833
Oh, yeah!
2131
01:40:06,933 --> 01:40:08,100
You know, it's what--
2132
01:40:08,201 --> 01:40:09,467
Oh, shit!
2133
01:40:09,568 --> 01:40:11,137
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.
2134
01:40:11,237 --> 01:40:12,939
Let me tell you some--
2135
01:40:13,039 --> 01:40:15,174
What do we do now?
2136
01:40:15,274 --> 01:40:16,808
Back out slowly.
2137
01:40:16,909 --> 01:40:18,610
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.
2138
01:40:18,710 --> 01:40:20,313
Where are you guys going?
2139
01:40:20,412 --> 01:40:21,513
They're still together?
2140
01:40:21,613 --> 01:40:23,216
Unfortunately.
2141
01:40:23,316 --> 01:40:24,482
Ow!
2142
01:40:24,583 --> 01:40:26,551
Sorry, man.
It's okay.
2143
01:40:26,651 --> 01:40:28,087
We're a throuple now.