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As the 21st century began...
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human evolution was
at a turning point.
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00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:52,348
Natural selection, the process by which
the strongest, the smartest...
4
00:00:52,373 --> 00:00:56,018
the fastest reproduced
in greater numbers than the rest...
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a process which had once
favored the noblest traits of man...
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now began to favor
different traits.
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The Joey Buttafuoco case-
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Most science fiction of the day
predicted a future that was more civilized...
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and more intelligent.
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But as time went on, things seemed
to be heading in the opposite direction.
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A dumbing down.
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How did this happen?
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Evolution does not necessarily
reward intelligence.
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With no natural predators
to thin the herd...
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it began to simply reward those
who reproduced the most...
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and left the intelligent
to become an endangered species.
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Having kids is such
an important decision.
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We're just waiting
for the right time.
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It's not something you want
to rush into, obviously.
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No way.
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Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again!
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Shit!
I got too many damn kids!
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- I thought you was on the pill or some shit!
- Hell, no!
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Shit! I must've been
thinkin' of Britney.
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Britney?
No, you didn't!
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There's no way we could have a child now.
27
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Not with the market
the way it is, no.
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God, no. That just
wouldn't make any sense.
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Come on over here, bitch!
He don't care about you!
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Yeah? Well, there must be
somethin' he likes over here.
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- She don't mean nothin' to me, baby!
- Clevon!
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00:02:14,388 --> 00:02:17,533
Oh, shit.
It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
33
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Well, we finally decided
to have children...
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and I'm not pointing fingers,
but it's not going well.
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And this is helping.
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I'm just saying that before I have in vitro,
maybe you should be willing to-
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It's always me, right?
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Well, it's not
my sperm count.
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Yeah! Yeah!
I'm gonna fuck all y'all!
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That's my boy!
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Clevon is lucky to be alive.
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He attempted to jump
a Jet Ski from a lake...
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into a swimming pool
and impaled his crotch on an iron gate.
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00:02:52,293 --> 00:02:54,436
But thanks to recent advances
in stem cell research...
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and the fine work of Doctors Krinski
and Altschuler...
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Clevon should regain
full reproductive function.
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Get your hands off my junk!
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00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:09,151
Unfortunately, Trevor passed away
from a heart attack...
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00:03:09,176 --> 00:03:11,353
while masturbating...
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to produce sperm
for artificial insemination.
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00:03:14,581 --> 00:03:16,558
But I have
some eggs frozen...
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so just as soon as the right guy
comes along, you know-
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And so it went for generations...
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although few, if any,
seemed to notice.
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But in the year 2005, in a military base
just outside of Washington, D.C...
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a simple army librarian
was unknowingly...
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about to change the entire course
of human history.
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Come on, asshole!
Go on! Take him to jail!
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Hey, Bauers.
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00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:54,296
This is Peterson,
your new replacement.
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00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:58,267
- My what? I'm gettin' replaced?
- Yeah, they didn't tell you?
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00:03:58,292 --> 00:04:00,469
- No.
- Some new assignment.
63
00:04:00,494 --> 00:04:02,871
They're being all weird
and hush-hush about it.
64
00:04:02,896 --> 00:04:05,808
I don't want a new assignment.
I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time.
65
00:04:05,833 --> 00:04:09,678
- I'm good at this.
- Good at what? Sittin' on ass?
66
00:04:09,703 --> 00:04:12,381
No one ever comes in here.
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Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me.
No one bothers me. I can't screw up.
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00:04:15,743 --> 00:04:18,887
If I can just stay in here another 8 years,
I get my pension.
69
00:04:18,912 --> 00:04:22,124
I'm all set. Can you just
get me out of this?
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00:04:22,149 --> 00:04:24,960
No way. Not this time.
It's coming from high up.
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00:04:24,985 --> 00:04:29,431
Jesus. I don't understand.
Why me?
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Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow,
or get out of the way," I get out of the way.
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When he says that, you're not supposed
to choose "get out of the way."
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It's supposed to embarrass you
into leading or at least following.
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That doesn't embarrass me.
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00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:45,047
Look, Joe.
You don't have a choice.
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You're just gonna
have to follow.
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Like, follow me upstairs,
like, now.
79
00:04:49,576 --> 00:04:53,422
Right now?
Shouldn't I train this guy?
80
00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:57,645
I think he can figure out how to sit on
his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go.
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Gentlemen, meet Joe Bauers...
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our first subject for the Human
Hibernation Experiment.
83
00:05:11,131 --> 00:05:13,142
Now, as you know,
throughout the years...
84
00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:15,711
many of our best pilots,
soldiers and military leaders...
85
00:05:15,736 --> 00:05:18,013
often go their entire careers
without ever seeing battle.
86
00:05:18,038 --> 00:05:22,851
With the Human Hibernation Project,
we will be able to save our best men...
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00:05:22,876 --> 00:05:25,888
frozen in their prime,
for use when they are needed most.
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Joe, here, is not
one of our best men.
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00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:34,463
Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily
for how remarkably average he is.
90
00:05:34,488 --> 00:05:39,234
Extremely average in every
category. Remarkable, truly.
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The most average person
in our entire armed forces.
92
00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:44,740
Additionally, he has no family,
is unmarried...
93
00:05:44,765 --> 00:05:47,142
is an only child,
and both parents are deceased...
94
00:05:47,167 --> 00:05:50,913
making him an ideal candidate,
with no one to ask any nosy questions...
95
00:05:50,938 --> 00:05:53,081
should something go wrong
with the experiment.
96
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:57,753
We had a little less luck in finding a female
researcher's dream within our ranks...
97
00:05:57,778 --> 00:06:01,924
and were forced to look
into the private sector.
98
00:06:01,949 --> 00:06:05,494
This is Rita. Like Joe,
she has no immediate family.
99
00:06:05,519 --> 00:06:08,330
Rita agreed to participate
in this experiment...
100
00:06:08,355 --> 00:06:12,501
in exchange for dropping
of certain criminal charges and a small fee.
101
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We did, however, have to come
to an arrangement with her pimp...
102
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a gentleman who goes by the name
Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly-
103
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With two D's, as he says,
for a double dose of this pimping.
104
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Upgrayedd agreed
to loan us Rita for exactly one year...
105
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:31,987
and keep quiet on the matter,
in exchange for certain leeways...
106
00:06:32,012 --> 00:06:35,324
with the local authorities
in running his pimp game.
107
00:06:35,349 --> 00:06:39,513
First, however, there was
the difficult challenge of gaining his trust.
108
00:06:40,787 --> 00:06:43,532
Collins, could we skip
to the technicals, please?
109
00:06:43,557 --> 00:06:45,934
Sure.
Let me just finish here.
110
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You see, a pimp's love is very different
from that of a square.
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00:06:50,364 --> 00:06:52,389
Collins!
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Fine. We'll move on.
113
00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:59,068
It is a fascinating
world though.
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00:07:12,085 --> 00:07:14,076
Jesus, Collins.
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00:07:15,489 --> 00:07:18,481
Yeah, that's-
116
00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:22,638
Anyway, the experiment
in which these two subjects...
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00:07:22,663 --> 00:07:24,740
are to be placed
into a dry freeze...
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for exactly one year
is set to begin tomorrow.
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00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,478
As you know,
this is highly classified.
120
00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:34,634
However, if successful, we believe humans
can be stored indefinitely.
121
00:07:41,415 --> 00:07:44,960
So this is kinda crazy, huh?
122
00:07:44,985 --> 00:07:48,597
- What unit are you with?
- Oh, I ain't in the service.
123
00:07:48,622 --> 00:07:51,567
Oh, private sector.
Okay.
124
00:07:51,592 --> 00:07:56,171
- So, uh, what do you do?
- A little of this, a little of that.
125
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Wow, that's great.
126
00:07:58,498 --> 00:08:01,410
You know, I really envy people
that can make a living that way-
127
00:08:01,435 --> 00:08:03,545
doing a little of this
and a little of that.
128
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:08,450
I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen.
He used to make chainsaw sculptures...
129
00:08:08,475 --> 00:08:10,452
and then he'd sell 'em
at the flea market.
130
00:08:10,477 --> 00:08:12,377
Yeah.
131
00:08:14,314 --> 00:08:17,249
So, uh, you an artist
or somethin'?
132
00:08:18,518 --> 00:08:21,530
- Uh, yeah.
- You do paintings or-
133
00:08:21,555 --> 00:08:24,023
- Yeah, paintings.
- Okay, great.
134
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What do you paint mostly?
135
00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:34,543
I don't know, just...
people and fruit and shit.
136
00:08:34,568 --> 00:08:39,815
Wow. Well, must be great to be able
to make a living doing something you love.
137
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,551
Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
138
00:08:42,576 --> 00:08:44,319
Who wants to go first?
139
00:08:44,344 --> 00:08:46,835
Me.
140
00:08:51,518 --> 00:08:54,963
What the f-Oh, hell, no.
141
00:08:54,988 --> 00:08:58,767
Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that
with the I.V.s attached and all.
142
00:08:58,792 --> 00:08:59,567
What's the matter?
143
00:08:59,592 --> 00:09:01,970
Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell
me they'd be putting me...
144
00:09:01,995 --> 00:09:04,172
in no damn coffin
with tubes and shit!
145
00:09:04,197 --> 00:09:07,275
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
It'll be safe. Trust me.
146
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:08,944
Who's Upgrayedd?
147
00:09:08,969 --> 00:09:10,937
He's my boyfriend.
148
00:09:12,272 --> 00:09:14,316
Man, how do you know
this shit's safe?
149
00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:16,318
These guys know what they're doing.
Don't worry.
150
00:09:16,343 --> 00:09:19,187
They've tested it on dogs
and everything.
151
00:09:19,212 --> 00:09:22,157
What happens is, the drugs will kick in,
we drift off to sleep...
152
00:09:22,182 --> 00:09:24,259
we wake up in a year,
you'll be paintin' again.
153
00:09:24,284 --> 00:09:26,361
- It'll be fine.
- All right.
154
00:09:26,386 --> 00:09:30,288
Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name.
Is he Dutch?
155
00:09:31,625 --> 00:09:35,037
See, 'cause I knew this,
uh, Dutch exchange student.
156
00:09:35,062 --> 00:09:36,672
His name was Untgrad.
157
00:09:36,697 --> 00:09:38,807
Okay, my niggas,
we're almost set here.
158
00:09:38,832 --> 00:09:41,630
Just go ahead
and lie down. Relax.
159
00:09:50,911 --> 00:09:52,788
See you in a year.
160
00:09:52,813 --> 00:09:55,557
The Human Hibernation Project...
161
00:09:55,582 --> 00:09:58,694
was one of the army's most
ambitious experiments...
162
00:09:58,719 --> 00:10:01,630
and one of its most secretive.
163
00:10:01,655 --> 00:10:04,089
But it was not immune
from human error.
164
00:10:06,927 --> 00:10:08,827
Freeze!
165
00:10:17,471 --> 00:10:21,283
Soon after Collins's arrest
and the massive scandal that followed...
166
00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:24,152
the base was closed.
167
00:10:24,177 --> 00:10:28,876
It hadn't even been a year,
and the entire project was simply forgotten.
168
00:10:31,251 --> 00:10:35,097
Things looked bleak for Joe,
but they were even worse for mankind.
169
00:10:35,122 --> 00:10:38,467
As Joe and Rita lay dormant,
the years passed...
170
00:10:38,492 --> 00:10:42,519
and mankind became stupider
at a frightening rate.
171
00:10:51,204 --> 00:10:55,083
Some had high hopes
that genetic engineering...
172
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would correct this
trend in evolution.
173
00:10:57,210 --> 00:11:00,455
But sadly, the greatest minds
and resources...
174
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,349
were focused on conquering hair loss
and prolonging erections.
175
00:11:07,921 --> 00:11:13,435
Meanwhile, the population exploded,
and intelligence continued to decline...
176
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:18,140
until humanity was incapable
of solving even its most basic problems.
177
00:11:18,165 --> 00:11:23,245
Like garbage, which had been stacked
for centuries with no plan whatsoever...
178
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:28,216
leading to the Great Garbage
Avalanche of 2505...
179
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which would set in motion the events
that would change the world forever.
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00:12:07,614 --> 00:12:10,458
- Hold on.
- Next, on The Violence Channel...
181
00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:12,713
an all-new Ow! My Balls!
182
00:12:25,198 --> 00:12:29,066
All right.
183
00:12:36,076 --> 00:12:38,653
That guy got hit in the balls.
184
00:12:38,678 --> 00:12:41,203
Ow, my balls!
185
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:47,085
Huh?
186
00:12:54,828 --> 00:12:57,319
- Where's-
- Hold on. Shut up!
187
00:13:09,776 --> 00:13:12,153
- Where's Officer Collins?
- Shut up!
188
00:13:12,178 --> 00:13:15,891
Next week on Ow! My Balls!
Hormel goes to Paris!
189
00:13:15,916 --> 00:13:20,729
- Are we on base?
- I'm gonna base your ass on my fist.
190
00:13:20,754 --> 00:13:24,266
In your face, ass!
Shut up.
191
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:26,501
I'm sorry. It's just-
Where am I?
192
00:13:26,526 --> 00:13:28,721
Shut up!
I told you already!
193
00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:39,180
Yeah! Wouldn't shut up!
194
00:13:39,205 --> 00:13:40,949
Come in here and not shut up.
195
00:13:40,974 --> 00:13:44,535
Yeah, you were like,
"I'm not shuttin' up," and I was like-
196
00:13:59,726 --> 00:14:02,203
Unaware of what year it was...
197
00:14:02,228 --> 00:14:05,307
Joe wandered the streets,
desperate for help.
198
00:14:05,332 --> 00:14:07,776
But the English language
had deteriorated...
199
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:12,981
into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl,
inner-city slang and various grunts.
200
00:14:13,006 --> 00:14:16,518
Joe was able to understand them...
201
00:14:16,543 --> 00:14:19,988
but when he spoke
in an ordinary voice...
202
00:14:20,013 --> 00:14:22,607
he sounded pompous
and faggy to them.
203
00:14:38,832 --> 00:14:42,199
Paging Doc-
204
00:14:45,805 --> 00:14:48,817
Report to, uh-
205
00:14:48,842 --> 00:14:53,321
Dr. Lueboo...
206
00:14:53,346 --> 00:14:54,656
uh, report.
207
00:14:54,681 --> 00:14:57,625
Your floor-Your floor is now clean.
208
00:14:57,650 --> 00:14:59,961
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
209
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,430
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
210
00:15:02,455 --> 00:15:07,669
Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment,
and I'm not feeling so well.
211
00:15:07,694 --> 00:15:10,372
I think it might have been
the drugs they had me on.
212
00:15:10,397 --> 00:15:12,607
I've been hallucinating.
213
00:15:12,632 --> 00:15:15,176
My head is just killin' me.
214
00:15:15,201 --> 00:15:18,227
My-My-My joints
are all achy and I-
215
00:15:19,973 --> 00:15:21,950
Is this a hospital or-
216
00:15:21,975 --> 00:15:26,187
Actually, I don't even know where I am.
217
00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:28,523
Please proceed
to the diagnostic area on the right...
218
00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:32,961
- and have a healthy day!
- Oh. Thanks.
219
00:15:32,986 --> 00:15:34,749
Thank you!
220
00:15:45,865 --> 00:15:50,045
Uh, 'scuse me. I think this
might be Gatorade or somethin'.
221
00:15:50,070 --> 00:15:53,048
- I was just looking for some regular water.
- Water?
222
00:15:53,073 --> 00:15:56,184
- Yeah.
- You mean like in the toilet? What for?
223
00:15:56,209 --> 00:15:59,110
You know, just to drink.
224
00:16:07,287 --> 00:16:09,230
You've got hepatitis!
225
00:16:09,255 --> 00:16:12,100
Oh, is someone not
feeling well?
226
00:16:12,125 --> 00:16:15,770
Your illness
is very important to us.
227
00:16:15,795 --> 00:16:18,740
- Next.
- Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno...
228
00:16:18,765 --> 00:16:20,875
- powered by Jormi Technology.
- Uh, this goes in your mouth.
229
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:26,338
This one goes in your ear.
And this one goes in your butt.
230
00:16:29,109 --> 00:16:30,385
Come on.
231
00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:33,311
- Hurry up, asshole!
- Come on!
232
00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:37,345
Shit. Hang on a second.
233
00:16:39,119 --> 00:16:41,629
This one-No.
234
00:16:41,654 --> 00:16:43,565
- Hey, come on.
- Uh-
235
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:46,787
- Hurry up!
- This one. This one goes in your mouth.
236
00:16:49,162 --> 00:16:51,062
Come on!
237
00:16:56,603 --> 00:16:59,629
Thank you for waiting.
Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly.
238
00:17:05,178 --> 00:17:07,976
That's a weird misprint.
239
00:17:09,315 --> 00:17:13,261
Hey.
How's it hang, ese?
240
00:17:13,286 --> 00:17:17,065
Yeah. Right.
Well, not so good, you know.
241
00:17:17,090 --> 00:17:20,168
I don't really know what's going on,
but I'm seein' things.
242
00:17:20,193 --> 00:17:23,171
I think it might be because of
these drugs the army put me on.
243
00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:26,975
But, if you could, uh, just get me
well enough to get back to base-
244
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,744
Right. Kick ass.
245
00:17:29,769 --> 00:17:32,981
Well, don't wanna sound
like a dick or nothin'...
246
00:17:33,006 --> 00:17:35,917
but, uh, it says on your chart
that you're fucked up.
247
00:17:35,942 --> 00:17:39,521
You talk like a fag,
and your shit's all retarded.
248
00:17:39,546 --> 00:17:43,992
What I'd do is just like,
like, you know...
249
00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:47,529
like, you know what I mean? Like-
250
00:17:47,554 --> 00:17:51,900
- No, I'm serious here.
- Don't worry, scrot.
251
00:17:51,925 --> 00:17:55,036
Now there are plenty of 'tards
out there living really kick-ass lives.
252
00:17:55,061 --> 00:17:58,506
My first wife was 'tarded.
She's a pilot now.
253
00:17:58,531 --> 00:18:02,477
I need for you to be serious
for a second here, okay? I need help.
254
00:18:02,502 --> 00:18:04,345
There's that fag talk
we talked about.
255
00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:08,283
All right, so that'll be...
this many dollars.
256
00:18:08,308 --> 00:18:12,453
And if you could just go ahead and,
like, put your tattoo in that shit.
257
00:18:12,478 --> 00:18:16,491
That's weird. This thing has the same
misprint as that magazine.
258
00:18:16,516 --> 00:18:20,662
- What are the odds of-
- Where's your tattoo? Tattoo?
259
00:18:20,687 --> 00:18:23,451
Why don't you have this?
260
00:18:26,159 --> 00:18:28,059
Oh, God.
261
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:33,308
- Where's your tattoo?
- Oh, my God.
262
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,801
Why come you don't
have a tattoo?
263
00:18:37,403 --> 00:18:40,463
- Oh, my God!
- You're not unscannable, are you?
264
00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:43,985
Oh, my God!
265
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:47,522
You're unscannable.
266
00:18:47,547 --> 00:18:50,425
- Unscannable!
- No! No, you don't understand!
267
00:18:50,450 --> 00:18:53,094
You gotta let me talk
to someone in the army! Wait a second.
268
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:56,030
They're all dead.
Everybody I know's dead!
269
00:18:56,055 --> 00:18:57,784
Oh, my God! Oh!
270
00:18:59,859 --> 00:19:03,104
- No! Stop! Calm down!
- Calm down! Calm down!
271
00:19:03,129 --> 00:19:05,373
- How'd this happen?
- How did it happen?
272
00:19:05,398 --> 00:19:08,710
Your floor is now clean.
273
00:19:08,735 --> 00:19:10,999
Your floor is now clean.
274
00:19:31,391 --> 00:19:35,403
Joe had awakened to a world in crisis.
275
00:19:35,428 --> 00:19:38,740
The economy was
in a state of deep neglect.
276
00:19:38,765 --> 00:19:42,310
A great dust bowl
had ravaged food supplies.
277
00:19:42,335 --> 00:19:47,170
And the number one movie
in the country was called Ass.
278
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:52,103
And that's all it was
for 90 minutes.
279
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:59,377
It won eight Oscars that year,
including best screenplay.
280
00:20:03,456 --> 00:20:06,634
Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries.
281
00:20:06,659 --> 00:20:09,737
You didn't gimme no fries.
I got an empty box.
282
00:20:09,762 --> 00:20:12,674
Would you like another
Extra Big-Ass Fries?
283
00:20:12,699 --> 00:20:14,475
I said I didn't get any.
284
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,444
Thank you. Your account has been charged.
285
00:20:16,469 --> 00:20:18,446
Your balance is zero.
286
00:20:18,471 --> 00:20:19,345
What? Oh, no. No!
287
00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:22,050
Please come back when you can
afford to make a purchase.
288
00:20:22,075 --> 00:20:24,052
I'm sorry you're having trouble.
289
00:20:24,077 --> 00:20:26,827
- Come on! My kids are starvin'.
- I'm sorry you're having trouble.
290
00:20:29,115 --> 00:20:31,693
This should
help you calm down.
291
00:20:31,718 --> 00:20:34,662
Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.
292
00:20:34,687 --> 00:20:39,967
Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes
no child should go hungry.
293
00:20:39,992 --> 00:20:45,039
You are an unfit mother. Your children
will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr.
294
00:20:45,064 --> 00:20:48,090
Carl's Jr.
"Fuck you. I'm eating."
295
00:20:49,435 --> 00:20:51,346
Welcome to Carl's Jr.
296
00:20:51,371 --> 00:20:55,049
Would you like to try
our Extra Big-Ass Taco...
297
00:20:55,074 --> 00:20:57,719
now with more molecules?
298
00:20:57,744 --> 00:21:00,822
Hey! Is this particular
individual the unfit mother?
299
00:21:00,847 --> 00:21:01,832
Me? No.
300
00:21:01,857 --> 00:21:04,808
Okay. This particular
individual is unscannable.
301
00:21:08,154 --> 00:21:10,488
Listen, I can explain, okay?
I was in an army experiment.
302
00:21:13,326 --> 00:21:16,003
Wait a second. There's the other pod
from the army experiment.
303
00:21:16,028 --> 00:21:18,373
There was a girl.
She was from the same experiment.
304
00:21:18,398 --> 00:21:21,843
Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir.
305
00:21:21,868 --> 00:21:23,978
Joe was arrested for not
paying his hospital bill...
306
00:21:24,003 --> 00:21:27,515
and not having
his U.P.C. tattoo.
307
00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:32,920
He would soon discover that
in the future, justice was not only blind...
308
00:21:32,945 --> 00:21:36,824
but had become
rather retarded as well.
309
00:21:36,849 --> 00:21:39,818
You shut up! Now-
310
00:21:41,521 --> 00:21:44,332
I'm fixin' to commensurate
this trial here.
311
00:21:44,357 --> 00:21:49,070
We gonna see if we can't
come up with a verdict up in here.
312
00:21:49,095 --> 00:21:53,341
Now, since y'all
say you ain't got no money...
313
00:21:53,366 --> 00:21:56,778
we have "proprietarily"
obtained for you...
314
00:21:56,803 --> 00:22:00,715
one of them
court-appointed lawyers.
315
00:22:00,740 --> 00:22:05,853
So, put your hands together
and give it up for Frito Pendejo.
316
00:22:05,878 --> 00:22:07,688
You're my lawyer?
317
00:22:07,713 --> 00:22:12,126
Says here you, uh,
robbed a hospital?
318
00:22:12,151 --> 00:22:14,629
- Why'd you do that?
- Yeah. I'm not guilty.
319
00:22:14,654 --> 00:22:17,532
- That's not what the other lawyer said.
- What do you mean what the-
320
00:22:17,557 --> 00:22:19,600
Listen, you gotta get me
on the stand, okay?
321
00:22:19,625 --> 00:22:22,703
I can explain everything. We can take 'em
to your house, show 'em the pod.
322
00:22:22,728 --> 00:22:25,072
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
323
00:22:25,097 --> 00:22:28,609
Now, prosecutor,
why you think he done it?
324
00:22:28,634 --> 00:22:31,660
Okay, number one, Your Honor,
just look at him.
325
00:22:34,307 --> 00:22:37,385
He talks like a fag too.
326
00:22:37,410 --> 00:22:41,189
And "B," we've got all this,
like, evidence...
327
00:22:41,214 --> 00:22:44,225
of how, like, this guy didn't
even pay at the hospital.
328
00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:47,261
And I heard that he doesn't
even have his tattoo.
329
00:22:47,286 --> 00:22:49,630
I know!
330
00:22:49,655 --> 00:22:53,267
And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me."
But check this out, man.
331
00:22:53,292 --> 00:22:56,193
Judge should be like, "Guilty."
Peace.
332
00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:04,679
- Objection!
- What are you objectifyin' on?
333
00:23:04,704 --> 00:23:06,968
- Come on. Just get me on the stand.
- Okay.
334
00:23:08,007 --> 00:23:10,218
Um, Your Honor?
335
00:23:10,843 --> 00:23:12,753
I object...
336
00:23:12,778 --> 00:23:16,858
that this guy also broke
my apartment to shit.
337
00:23:16,883 --> 00:23:18,960
- Yeah.
- What?
338
00:23:18,985 --> 00:23:23,598
And you know what else? I object that
he's not gonna have any money to pay me...
339
00:23:23,623 --> 00:23:26,834
after he pays back all the money
he stole from the hospital!
340
00:23:26,859 --> 00:23:28,936
Don't say I stole.
You're my lawyer.
341
00:23:28,961 --> 00:23:30,972
And I object.
342
00:23:30,997 --> 00:23:34,942
I object that he interrupted me
while I was watching Ow! My Balls!
343
00:23:34,967 --> 00:23:39,514
That is not okay! And I rest my case!
344
00:23:39,539 --> 00:23:42,016
Your Honor, I'm pretty sure
we have a mistrial here, sir.
345
00:23:42,041 --> 00:23:45,486
I'm gonna mistrial my foot up
your ass, you don't shut up.
346
00:23:45,511 --> 00:23:48,055
- Please, listen.
- "Please, listen."
347
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,891
I didn't steal anything.
348
00:23:49,916 --> 00:23:51,893
I was part of an army experiment-
349
00:23:51,918 --> 00:23:54,996
Joe stated his case
logically and passionately...
350
00:23:55,021 --> 00:24:00,201
but his perceived effeminate voice
only drew big gales of stupid laughter.
351
00:24:00,226 --> 00:24:01,969
Guilty!
352
00:24:01,994 --> 00:24:06,707
Without adequate legal representation,
Joe was given a stiff sentence.
353
00:24:06,732 --> 00:24:11,512
Meanwhile, Rita had awakened
to find that the world's oldest profession...
354
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:14,784
was a lot easier when the world
is populated by morons.
355
00:24:14,809 --> 00:24:15,716
was a lot easier when the world
is populated by morons.
356
00:24:15,741 --> 00:24:19,554
Welcome to AOL, Time Warner,
Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance.
357
00:24:19,579 --> 00:24:22,023
Please say the name
of the person you wish to call.
358
00:24:22,048 --> 00:24:23,879
Upgrayedd.
359
00:24:25,017 --> 00:24:29,664
There are 9,726 listings
for Upgrayedd.
360
00:24:29,689 --> 00:24:32,033
Please deposit $2,000
to begin connection.
361
00:24:32,058 --> 00:24:34,035
- Man, what?
- Oh, yeah, baby.
362
00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:36,604
Hey, look, can you just-
can you wait a second, please?
363
00:24:36,629 --> 00:24:40,998
Oh, yeah, baby.
I can wait so good.
364
00:24:42,034 --> 00:24:43,968
Really?
365
00:24:45,271 --> 00:24:47,682
Think, uh-You think maybe
you could wait a day?
366
00:24:47,707 --> 00:24:49,917
Baby, I can wait two days.
367
00:24:49,942 --> 00:24:54,589
That's good,
'cause I charge by the hour.
368
00:24:54,614 --> 00:24:58,626
Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna be glad
you waited, baby.
369
00:24:58,651 --> 00:25:00,551
Thank you very much,
young man.
370
00:25:02,822 --> 00:25:04,565
What the fuck?
371
00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:07,115
Goddamn, shit's changed
in a year.
372
00:25:09,128 --> 00:25:11,105
What are we doin' here?
373
00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:13,621
Okay, sir, we're engaged
in procuring your tattoo.
374
00:25:16,636 --> 00:25:19,880
Welcome to
the Identity Processing Program of America.
375
00:25:19,905 --> 00:25:24,569
Please insert your forearm
into the forearm receptacle.
376
00:25:25,678 --> 00:25:27,655
Thank you.
377
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,726
Please speak your name as it appears
on your current federal identity card-
378
00:25:31,751 --> 00:25:35,229
- Document number G24L8.
- I'm not sure if-
379
00:25:35,254 --> 00:25:39,333
You have entered the name "Not Sure."
Is this correct, Not Sure?
380
00:25:39,358 --> 00:25:41,335
No, it's not correct.
381
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:45,039
Thank you. "Not" is correct.
Is "Sure" correct?
382
00:25:45,064 --> 00:25:47,174
No, it's not. My name is Joe-
383
00:25:47,199 --> 00:25:49,110
You've already confirmed
your first name is Not.
384
00:25:49,135 --> 00:25:52,847
- Please confirm your last name, "Sure."
- My-
385
00:25:52,872 --> 00:25:55,349
My last name is not Sure.
386
00:25:55,374 --> 00:25:58,085
- Thank you, Not Sure.
- No. What I mean is my name is Joe.
387
00:25:58,110 --> 00:26:03,446
Confirmation is complete. Please wait
while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.
388
00:26:05,551 --> 00:26:08,462
- Wait a second. Can we start over?
Can I cancel this?
389
00:26:08,487 --> 00:26:10,998
Can we cancel this and just go back
to the beginning?
390
00:26:11,023 --> 00:26:14,254
They're gonna tat-
Could I speak to your supervisor?
391
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,386
Please hold still for your photograph.
392
00:26:26,906 --> 00:26:29,466
Oh, that's fuckin' great.
393
00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:33,988
Okay, sir...
394
00:26:34,013 --> 00:26:38,426
now we will begin to proceed
to obtain your I.Q. and "apitude" tests.
395
00:26:38,451 --> 00:26:40,461
What for?
396
00:26:40,486 --> 00:26:44,799
Okay, sir, this is to figure out
what your "aptude's" good at...
397
00:26:44,824 --> 00:26:50,037
and get you a jail job while
you're being a particular individual in jail.
398
00:26:50,062 --> 00:26:53,062
If you have one bucket
that holds two gallons...
399
00:26:53,099 --> 00:26:55,743
and another bucket
that holds five gallons...
400
00:26:55,768 --> 00:26:58,532
how many buckets do you have?
401
00:27:00,473 --> 00:27:02,450
Two?
402
00:27:02,475 --> 00:27:04,443
Thank you.
403
00:27:44,416 --> 00:27:46,384
'Too.
404
00:28:08,908 --> 00:28:11,652
Desperate and scared...
405
00:28:11,677 --> 00:28:14,555
Joe used his superior
intelligence...
406
00:28:14,580 --> 00:28:17,558
to come up with the best
escape plan he could think of.
407
00:28:17,583 --> 00:28:23,215
Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed
to be getting out of prison today, sir.
408
00:28:24,423 --> 00:28:26,567
Yeah.
409
00:28:26,592 --> 00:28:29,603
You're in the wrong line,
dumb ass. Over there.
410
00:28:29,628 --> 00:28:33,007
I'm sorry. I am being
a big dumb ass. Sorry.
411
00:28:33,032 --> 00:28:34,693
Hey, uh,
let this dumb ass through.
412
00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:54,446
- 'Too.
- Yeah. Got it.
413
00:28:56,856 --> 00:29:02,303
Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here.
So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison.
414
00:29:02,328 --> 00:29:04,305
Could you check again?
415
00:29:04,330 --> 00:29:07,474
'Cause, I was, you know-
I was definitely in prison, okay?
416
00:29:07,499 --> 00:29:11,435
I got sat on my face and everything.
Maybe check those files back there?
417
00:29:18,010 --> 00:29:22,356
"Excape." "Excape."
418
00:29:22,381 --> 00:29:25,025
"Excape." "Excape."
419
00:29:25,050 --> 00:29:28,816
"Excape." "Excape."
420
00:29:46,171 --> 00:29:48,148
The Masturbation Network.
421
00:29:48,173 --> 00:29:51,752
Keepin' America 'batin'
for 300 years.
422
00:29:51,777 --> 00:29:54,555
And now, Sweet Bang Tube.
423
00:29:54,580 --> 00:29:59,426
Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece.
424
00:29:59,451 --> 00:30:01,528
Oh, yeah, that's-
425
00:30:01,553 --> 00:30:03,453
Go away! 'Batin'!
426
00:30:05,557 --> 00:30:07,835
Damn it.
427
00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:10,351
All right.
428
00:30:12,364 --> 00:30:15,376
Hey. Hey, get out of here.
Hey, get out of here!
429
00:30:15,401 --> 00:30:19,580
No, wait, listen. You let me,
an innocent man, get thrown in jail.
430
00:30:19,605 --> 00:30:23,050
So? Shut up,
'cause you broke my house.
431
00:30:23,075 --> 00:30:26,086
Hey, I could have you disbarred-
disbarred-for what you did to me.
432
00:30:26,111 --> 00:30:28,856
Then maybe you'd go to jail
for not havin' any money.
433
00:30:28,881 --> 00:30:31,058
Oh, really?
434
00:30:31,083 --> 00:30:34,461
Yeah, really. Now, look.
Okay, here's the deal.
435
00:30:34,486 --> 00:30:36,563
I've been thinking.
It's been 500 years.
436
00:30:36,588 --> 00:30:39,633
Someone has to have invented a way
to travel back in time by now.
437
00:30:39,658 --> 00:30:42,636
You know, I think they were pretty close
even in my day. You know?
438
00:30:42,661 --> 00:30:44,361
With Einstein and guys like that?
439
00:30:44,663 --> 00:30:47,223
You know, scientists? You know?
440
00:30:48,567 --> 00:30:50,544
A time machine,
for time travel.
441
00:30:50,569 --> 00:30:53,197
- Do they have one?
- What?
442
00:30:57,509 --> 00:31:01,411
Jesus. I knew that was
too much to hope for.
443
00:31:02,514 --> 00:31:04,725
No, no, they got
a time machine.
444
00:31:04,750 --> 00:31:06,727
- They do?
- Yeah.
445
00:31:06,752 --> 00:31:08,729
- Are-Are-Are you sure?
- Yeah.
446
00:31:08,754 --> 00:31:12,666
- Can it get me back to 2005?
- Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive.
447
00:31:12,691 --> 00:31:16,003
And it breaks all the time 'cause
some smart guy made it a long time ago.
448
00:31:16,028 --> 00:31:18,272
I don't care.
Just get me there, okay?
449
00:31:18,297 --> 00:31:19,840
- Well-
- Please!
450
00:31:19,865 --> 00:31:23,177
Listen, I-I-
I "supersize" with you...
451
00:31:23,202 --> 00:31:26,046
but didn't you go to jail
for not havin' enough money?
452
00:31:26,071 --> 00:31:30,284
Okay, how about this? You get me
to the time machine, and when I get back...
453
00:31:30,309 --> 00:31:32,386
I open a savings account
in your name.
454
00:31:32,411 --> 00:31:35,022
That way, 500 years later,
it'll be worth billions.
455
00:31:35,047 --> 00:31:36,657
- Billions!
- 'Cause?
456
00:31:36,682 --> 00:31:39,593
'Cause of the interest,
it'll be worth billions of dollars.
457
00:31:39,618 --> 00:31:42,262
- Oh, I-I like money.
- Yeah.
458
00:31:42,287 --> 00:31:45,366
- How many billions?
- Like, 10.
459
00:31:45,391 --> 00:31:48,635
Yeah, suck one.
Time machine costs, like, 20.
460
00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:51,538
Yeah? Okay.
Uh, 30, Frito.
461
00:31:51,563 --> 00:31:54,808
Thirty billion dollars.
462
00:31:54,833 --> 00:31:59,346
Thirty billion.
So if you gave me 30 billion...
463
00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:01,448
and the time machine's 20-
464
00:32:01,473 --> 00:32:03,484
What's the minus
of 30 and 20?
465
00:32:03,509 --> 00:32:06,320
Uh, it's, uh-
it's 80, Frito.
466
00:32:06,345 --> 00:32:08,956
It's $80 billion.
That's a mighty big minus, isn't it?
467
00:32:08,981 --> 00:32:12,793
- Yeah. I like money though.
- Police! Open the door!
468
00:32:12,818 --> 00:32:15,062
We're looking for an "excaped" individual.
469
00:32:15,087 --> 00:32:17,717
- This particular individual's
name is Not Sure.
470
00:32:17,742 --> 00:32:18,707
- Eighty billion.
471
00:32:19,191 --> 00:32:22,870
He-
He's... somewhere else.
472
00:32:22,895 --> 00:32:24,294
You got something I can wear?
473
00:32:24,319 --> 00:32:27,307
Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top,
assorted in the middle.
474
00:32:27,332 --> 00:32:29,543
A Coke machine in the vicinity
caught his tattoo.
475
00:32:29,568 --> 00:32:32,413
Seemed to be heading
for this particular "domistile."
476
00:32:32,438 --> 00:32:34,915
Okay, sir, we're comin' in.
477
00:32:34,940 --> 00:32:37,317
- No, you can't come in.
- Can too!
478
00:32:37,342 --> 00:32:39,401
- Come on!
- All right, let's go get my billions.
479
00:32:41,713 --> 00:32:45,859
Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find
this girl, Rita, first, okay?
480
00:32:45,884 --> 00:32:48,729
- Is she bangin'?
- Yeah, sure, she is.
481
00:32:48,754 --> 00:32:50,731
That wasn't really
part of the deal.
482
00:32:50,756 --> 00:32:53,684
Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another
couple billion, all right?
483
00:32:53,709 --> 00:32:54,735
I like money.
484
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,905
Okay, her pod's up here on the right.
She shouldn't be far away, I hope.
485
00:32:57,930 --> 00:33:02,776
Girl. Oh, yeah?
So when we gonna do it?
486
00:33:02,801 --> 00:33:06,213
'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour,
and it's been, like, three days.
487
00:33:06,238 --> 00:33:10,317
Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon.
Hey, you know what?
488
00:33:10,342 --> 00:33:13,053
Why don't you
come back tomorrow?
489
00:33:13,078 --> 00:33:15,789
- Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah!
- Yeah?
490
00:33:15,814 --> 00:33:19,059
When I finally utilize you,
you gonna be paying me.
491
00:33:19,084 --> 00:33:22,629
That's right.
Whatever you say, sir.
492
00:33:22,654 --> 00:33:25,199
- Hey, you still on the clock!
- Yeah, girl.
493
00:33:25,224 --> 00:33:28,435
- Thank you!
- Rita!
494
00:33:28,460 --> 00:33:32,406
Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment.
Get in the car! Come on.
495
00:33:32,431 --> 00:33:34,808
Oh, yeah!
What the hell, man?
496
00:33:34,833 --> 00:33:36,810
Just get in the car.
I'll explain everything.
497
00:33:36,835 --> 00:33:39,413
- Where we going?
- Just get in the car.
498
00:33:39,438 --> 00:33:41,599
- Trust me.
- What happened to those army guys?
499
00:33:44,476 --> 00:33:47,054
Wait a minute. You got cops after you?
500
00:33:47,079 --> 00:33:47,987
Yeah.
501
00:33:48,012 --> 00:33:50,791
And you made me get in the car?
I got two strikes, asshole!
502
00:33:50,816 --> 00:33:53,360
Frito, take a right here.
Right, right!
503
00:33:53,385 --> 00:33:55,353
Into that dust storm, Frito.
504
00:34:01,527 --> 00:34:03,670
They must have just forgotten about us.
505
00:34:03,695 --> 00:34:07,174
It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no!
506
00:34:07,199 --> 00:34:11,478
Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad
when I'm a day late with his money!
507
00:34:11,503 --> 00:34:13,680
So, you owe
your boyfriend money?
508
00:34:13,705 --> 00:34:16,283
Well, yeah,
he's sort of my manager too.
509
00:34:16,308 --> 00:34:20,187
You know, he helps me sell
the paintings and shit.
510
00:34:20,212 --> 00:34:25,626
Look, Rita, you gotta understand that
Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now.
511
00:34:25,651 --> 00:34:27,751
Yeah, man, but you said there
was a time machine, right?
512
00:34:27,776 --> 00:34:28,529
Yeah.
513
00:34:28,554 --> 00:34:32,166
Yeah, there's a time machine
now that can take us back to the past...
514
00:34:32,191 --> 00:34:34,668
but there was no
time machine back then, so-
515
00:34:34,693 --> 00:34:37,704
Upgrayedd don't care where
the time machine is. Now, then, last week-
516
00:34:37,729 --> 00:34:40,774
He will find a way
to come get his money!
517
00:34:40,799 --> 00:34:43,066
All I'm saying is you don't
have to worry about it-
518
00:34:43,091 --> 00:34:43,977
You know what?
519
00:34:44,002 --> 00:34:46,647
Last time you told me not to worry
was 500 goddamn years ago...
520
00:34:46,672 --> 00:34:49,216
when you were trying to tell me
to get into some kind of army coffin.
521
00:34:49,241 --> 00:34:51,218
Look, Rita, I don't know
how this happened, okay?
522
00:34:51,243 --> 00:34:54,621
But I'm doing everything I can
to get us back there, okay? I promise you.
523
00:34:54,646 --> 00:34:58,292
You are harboring
a fugitive by the name of Not Sure.
524
00:34:58,317 --> 00:35:02,029
Please, pull over and wait for the police
to incarcerate your passenger.
525
00:35:02,054 --> 00:35:05,032
- Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here.
- Thank you for your help.
526
00:35:05,057 --> 00:35:07,367
If you don't have one of these,
they're gonna throw you in jail.
527
00:35:07,392 --> 00:35:09,537
You don't want to get
thrown in the jails here.
528
00:35:09,562 --> 00:35:10,470
I've been in them.
529
00:35:10,495 --> 00:35:13,307
They're bad. You're better off being with us,
as bad as that sounds.
530
00:35:13,332 --> 00:35:15,829
What are you doing?
Why are we slowing down?
531
00:35:15,854 --> 00:35:17,350
Turned off my battery.
532
00:35:21,773 --> 00:35:25,231
Look, how far is it?
Can we just take a cab or something?
533
00:35:29,081 --> 00:35:30,343
Oh, shit.
534
00:35:38,290 --> 00:35:41,001
Oh, shit!
535
00:35:41,026 --> 00:35:43,337
Yeah!
536
00:35:43,362 --> 00:35:45,562
What the hell's
wrong with you?
537
00:35:45,587 --> 00:35:46,686
That's your car.
538
00:35:47,866 --> 00:35:51,678
Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire!
539
00:35:51,703 --> 00:35:53,500
Come on!
Let's get out of here.
540
00:36:02,981 --> 00:36:04,972
Hey, how much farther is it?
541
00:36:06,285 --> 00:36:09,196
Uh, it's, like, far.
542
00:36:09,221 --> 00:36:12,733
Man, I could really
go for a Starbucks, you know?
543
00:36:12,758 --> 00:36:16,319
Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time
for a hand job, Joe.
544
00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:25,178
Man, he don't seem too bright.
You sure he knows where he's going?
545
00:36:25,203 --> 00:36:27,481
I sure hope so.
He's our only chance.
546
00:36:27,506 --> 00:36:31,118
How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?
547
00:36:31,143 --> 00:36:35,489
He's my lawyer.
And he's not a very good one either.
548
00:36:35,514 --> 00:36:38,158
He's a goddamned idiot.
549
00:36:38,183 --> 00:36:42,984
There's a shuttle down in the Costco.
It'll drop us right by the time machine.
550
00:37:01,273 --> 00:37:05,052
Jesus Christ.
Oh, look. One more thing.
551
00:37:05,077 --> 00:37:08,555
He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars
if he takes us there.
552
00:37:08,580 --> 00:37:12,793
So if he mentions anything about
a savings account, just play along, okay?
553
00:37:12,818 --> 00:37:14,795
Yeah, what if this
time machine don't work?
554
00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:18,119
Then I'll spend
the rest of my life trying to fix it.
555
00:37:22,894 --> 00:37:28,423
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
556
00:37:29,534 --> 00:37:31,900
Welcome to Costco.
I love you.
557
00:37:34,005 --> 00:37:37,805
Shuttle's down there in electronics,
about an hour from here.
558
00:37:45,751 --> 00:37:48,161
We've been walking forever.
You sure you know where you're going?
559
00:37:48,186 --> 00:37:51,765
Yeah, I know this place pretty good.
I went to law school here.
560
00:37:51,790 --> 00:37:53,800
In Costco?
561
00:37:53,825 --> 00:37:56,303
Yeah. I couldn't
believe it myself.
562
00:37:56,328 --> 00:37:59,991
Luckily, my dad was an alumnus
and pulled some strings.
563
00:38:01,433 --> 00:38:04,311
Hey, come on, Joe.
I already told you...
564
00:38:04,336 --> 00:38:07,430
we'd all like a hand job,
but we don't have time for it.
565
00:38:17,182 --> 00:38:19,159
Hey, baby, wanna go out?
566
00:38:19,184 --> 00:38:21,744
Wanna go out, honey?
567
00:38:28,460 --> 00:38:31,171
Shuttle comes every few minutes.
Shouldn't be long.
568
00:38:31,196 --> 00:38:34,927
Do I got time to use the bathroom?
569
00:38:37,135 --> 00:38:39,831
- Uh, the toilet.
- Be right back.
570
00:38:40,739 --> 00:38:43,283
Yeah, back that thing up.
571
00:38:43,308 --> 00:38:45,685
- Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe?
- What?
572
00:38:45,710 --> 00:38:47,621
- I like having sex with chicks.
- Yeah?
573
00:38:47,646 --> 00:38:49,623
- Yeah.
- I think everybody does, Frito.
574
00:38:49,648 --> 00:38:53,093
Not like I do. Like when you
get it like this, sideways.
575
00:38:53,118 --> 00:38:55,729
Then you just, like,
back it up. And then you-
576
00:38:55,754 --> 00:38:58,031
- That's real good.
- Then you-Oh, yeah!
577
00:38:58,056 --> 00:39:00,233
Stop! You're gonna
get us caught, okay?
578
00:39:00,258 --> 00:39:02,235
Warning! Warning!
579
00:39:02,260 --> 00:39:04,871
Costco has detected a dangerous
fugitive in aisle 16,702.
580
00:39:04,896 --> 00:39:07,407
Hey! What about Rita?
We can't just leave her here.
581
00:39:07,432 --> 00:39:09,743
I don't care.
Come on!
582
00:39:09,768 --> 00:39:14,214
Oh, shit. Wait a second.
What are we gonna do?
583
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:16,249
Wait, okay, I know.
Here's what we do.
584
00:39:16,274 --> 00:39:19,119
We go to the time machine,
then when I get back to the past...
585
00:39:19,144 --> 00:39:21,154
I tell her not
to do the experiment.
586
00:39:21,179 --> 00:39:23,274
Then she won't even be here.
That'll work, right?
587
00:39:23,482 --> 00:39:25,525
- No, wait.
- Please stand clear of the doors.
588
00:39:25,550 --> 00:39:28,428
She already is here. That must mean
I didn't go back in time, right?
589
00:39:28,453 --> 00:39:31,731
No, wait, hold on. It just
means I haven't done it yet.
590
00:39:31,756 --> 00:39:34,634
Okay, so I go back and I tell
her not to do the experiment.
591
00:39:34,659 --> 00:39:37,304
Then I won't have to do it either
because she won't be here.
592
00:39:37,329 --> 00:39:39,806
- Then I won't have to come
back and save her, right? - I-
593
00:39:39,831 --> 00:39:42,576
- But then, wait. Why am I still here?
- Uh-
594
00:39:42,601 --> 00:39:44,644
Goddamn, how does
this time travel work?
595
00:39:44,669 --> 00:39:48,615
- Please stand clear.
- Freeze! Hands up! Don't move!
596
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,336
- Put your hands up!
- Don't move! Freeze!
597
00:40:01,486 --> 00:40:04,631
Look, if you guys are
taking me back to that jail...
598
00:40:04,656 --> 00:40:07,467
just go ahead and shoot me,
'cause there's no way-
599
00:40:07,492 --> 00:40:10,837
Fuck!
600
00:40:10,862 --> 00:40:12,956
What?
601
00:40:15,467 --> 00:40:17,477
What?
602
00:40:17,502 --> 00:40:19,732
- God! Hey, stop!
- Damn it.
603
00:40:21,673 --> 00:40:25,452
- What is this?
- Okay, sir, this is the White House.
604
00:40:25,477 --> 00:40:27,854
- What are we doing at the White House?
- What?
605
00:40:27,879 --> 00:40:30,257
Goddamn!
606
00:40:30,282 --> 00:40:33,827
It turned out the results
of Joe's I.Q. test...
607
00:40:33,852 --> 00:40:38,031
had caught the attention
of the highest levels of government.
608
00:40:38,056 --> 00:40:42,302
Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy
in the world? Says who?
609
00:40:42,327 --> 00:40:44,504
The I.Q. test you
took in prison.
610
00:40:44,529 --> 00:40:47,374
You got the highest score in history.
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
611
00:40:47,399 --> 00:40:50,377
Yeah, dumb ass, you're even smarter
than President Camacho.
612
00:40:50,402 --> 00:40:53,246
That's how come he's making
you secretary of interior.
613
00:40:53,271 --> 00:40:55,315
Okay, so who are you?
614
00:40:55,340 --> 00:40:57,150
I'm the secretary of energy.
615
00:40:57,175 --> 00:40:59,920
He won a contest.
Got to be a cabinet member.
616
00:40:59,945 --> 00:41:03,823
I'm the secretary of state.
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
617
00:41:03,848 --> 00:41:07,193
- Why do you keep saying that?
- 'Cause they pay me every time I do.
618
00:41:07,218 --> 00:41:11,086
It's a really good way to make money.
You're so smart, why don't you know that?
619
00:41:12,857 --> 00:41:15,502
- He's the secretary of defense.
- Hi.
620
00:41:15,527 --> 00:41:18,572
And, uh, funbags over there
is the attorney general.
621
00:41:18,597 --> 00:41:21,007
Hi.
622
00:41:21,032 --> 00:41:23,193
And that's
the secretary of education.
623
00:41:25,270 --> 00:41:28,715
He's kinda stupid, but he's
President Camacho's stepbrother.
624
00:41:28,740 --> 00:41:31,051
Still, he does
a pretty good job, eh?
625
00:41:31,076 --> 00:41:34,721
You know, I think there's been
some kind of mistake...
626
00:41:34,746 --> 00:41:38,291
'cause the test I took
was real, real easy.
627
00:41:38,316 --> 00:41:42,309
I'm not the smartest guy
in the world. Okay?
628
00:41:46,625 --> 00:41:50,670
Okay, even if that were true,
I can't be the secretary of the interior.
629
00:41:50,695 --> 00:41:54,240
- I don't even know what it is.
- You better find out.
630
00:41:54,265 --> 00:41:57,210
- Sit down. It's President Camacho.
- Hey, hey, hey, yo...
631
00:41:57,235 --> 00:42:01,281
I gotta take care of some "bidness," baby,
so I need y'all to wait outside.
632
00:42:01,306 --> 00:42:06,319
Dwayne Elizondo Camacho,
five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion...
633
00:42:06,344 --> 00:42:10,390
porn superstar, and president
of the United States...
634
00:42:10,415 --> 00:42:13,893
had called a special summit
with the smartest man in the world.
635
00:42:13,918 --> 00:42:16,546
- So you smart, huh?
- No, no.
636
00:42:19,991 --> 00:42:23,154
I thought your head would be bigger.
637
00:42:26,131 --> 00:42:28,341
Goddamn.
638
00:42:28,366 --> 00:42:30,810
It look like a peanut.
639
00:42:30,835 --> 00:42:32,769
Let's get you sworn in.
640
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:51,019
Ladies and gentlemen,
the president of America!
641
00:42:54,626 --> 00:42:57,094
President Camacho!
642
00:42:58,129 --> 00:43:00,974
Shut up.
643
00:43:00,999 --> 00:43:05,145
Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down.
644
00:43:05,170 --> 00:43:06,728
Chill out.
645
00:43:10,975 --> 00:43:12,408
Shit.
646
00:43:14,713 --> 00:43:17,957
I know shit's bad right now
with all that starvin' bullshit.
647
00:43:17,982 --> 00:43:19,728
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.
648
00:43:19,753 --> 00:43:22,629
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.
649
00:43:22,654 --> 00:43:24,364
Yeah!
650
00:43:24,389 --> 00:43:27,367
- But I got a solution.
- That's what you said last time, dipshit!
651
00:43:27,392 --> 00:43:29,369
I got a solution.
You're a dick!
652
00:43:29,394 --> 00:43:31,988
South Carolina, "whassup?"
653
00:43:39,437 --> 00:43:42,668
That's what I thought!
654
00:43:45,477 --> 00:43:48,822
Now, I understand everyone's
shit's emotional right now...
655
00:43:48,847 --> 00:43:51,458
but listen up.
656
00:43:51,483 --> 00:43:54,327
I got a three-point plan
to fix everything.
657
00:43:54,352 --> 00:43:55,929
Break it down, Camacho!
658
00:43:55,954 --> 00:44:01,234
Number one,
we got this guy, Not Sure.
659
00:44:01,259 --> 00:44:06,172
- Number two, he's got a higher
I.Q. than any man alive.
660
00:44:06,197 --> 00:44:10,577
And number three, he's gonna fix everything.
661
00:44:10,602 --> 00:44:13,913
I give you my word
as president.
662
00:44:13,938 --> 00:44:16,549
He'll fix the problems
with all the dead crops.
663
00:44:16,574 --> 00:44:19,052
He's gonna
make 'em grow again.
664
00:44:19,077 --> 00:44:24,037
- Crops?
- And that ain't all. I give you my word.
665
00:44:26,117 --> 00:44:29,177
He's gonna fix
the dust storms too.
666
00:44:30,922 --> 00:44:33,600
I give you my word.
667
00:44:33,625 --> 00:44:37,152
He's gonna
fix the "ecomony."
668
00:44:39,264 --> 00:44:42,108
And he's so smart...
669
00:44:42,133 --> 00:44:47,413
he's gonna do it all in one week.
670
00:44:47,438 --> 00:44:51,084
President Camacho stood before
the world and promised everyone...
671
00:44:51,109 --> 00:44:54,788
that Joe would solve
all their problems.
672
00:44:54,813 --> 00:44:59,058
He would not only end the dust bowl
and heal the economy...
673
00:44:59,083 --> 00:45:01,795
but he would cure acne
and carsickness as well.
674
00:45:01,820 --> 00:45:04,164
And if he didn't...
675
00:45:04,189 --> 00:45:06,766
President Camacho
made another promise.
676
00:45:06,791 --> 00:45:08,262
He would kick Joe's smart balls
677
00:45:08,287 --> 00:45:10,503
all the way up to the
roof of his smart mouth.
678
00:45:10,528 --> 00:45:14,692
- And then, he would throw
his brainy ass back in jail.
679
00:45:19,103 --> 00:45:21,381
I should, uh, be honest
with you, Mr. President.
680
00:45:21,406 --> 00:45:23,616
I don't know how to be
secretary of anything.
681
00:45:23,641 --> 00:45:25,185
I mean, I've never
even voted, actually.
682
00:45:25,210 --> 00:45:28,087
I don't know what the secretary
of the interior even is.
683
00:45:28,112 --> 00:45:32,859
Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy.
It beats jail, don't it?
684
00:45:32,884 --> 00:45:37,297
Besides,
you do a kick-ass job...
685
00:45:37,322 --> 00:45:39,632
you get a full
presidential pardon.
686
00:45:39,657 --> 00:45:41,634
- No jail time.
- Yeah?
687
00:45:41,659 --> 00:45:45,371
Fuck, yeah!
Now gimme a beer.
688
00:45:45,396 --> 00:45:47,455
And get you one too.
689
00:45:53,338 --> 00:45:55,448
Shit!
690
00:45:55,473 --> 00:45:57,941
Hold on, vato!
691
00:46:20,365 --> 00:46:22,492
- Do somethin' smart.
- Yeah.
692
00:46:23,868 --> 00:46:27,580
Uh, okay.
Uh-
693
00:46:27,605 --> 00:46:30,750
I'll, uh-
694
00:46:30,775 --> 00:46:34,420
- Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted.
- Oh, okay. Great, thanks.
695
00:46:34,445 --> 00:46:39,525
Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh, you know,
confer with my counsel.
696
00:46:39,550 --> 00:46:41,494
You understand?
So I'll be right back.
697
00:46:41,519 --> 00:46:44,964
Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff,
get that taken care of.
698
00:46:44,989 --> 00:46:48,249
Hopefully get it worked out
by the time we get back here.
699
00:46:48,274 --> 00:46:49,736
Sounds pretty smart.
700
00:46:49,761 --> 00:46:51,804
Wait here, okay?
Wait there.
701
00:46:51,829 --> 00:46:54,741
Dude, this is trepidatious.
You got me a room at the White House.
702
00:46:54,766 --> 00:46:56,809
Everyone gets laid at the White House.
Everyone.
703
00:46:56,834 --> 00:46:58,544
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
704
00:46:58,569 --> 00:47:02,081
I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito,
but I brought you here to help me.
705
00:47:02,106 --> 00:47:04,851
I don't know the first thing
about growin' crops...
706
00:47:04,876 --> 00:47:07,186
much less
the goddamn "ecomony."
707
00:47:07,211 --> 00:47:09,222
Econ-Economy.
708
00:47:09,247 --> 00:47:12,258
Let's see.
Growin' crops-
709
00:47:12,283 --> 00:47:16,029
No, I just need you to tell me
how to get to the time machine.
710
00:47:16,054 --> 00:47:20,300
Oh, that's easy.
You go down by the museum and stuff.
711
00:47:20,325 --> 00:47:22,435
It's, like-
It's, like, by the museum...
712
00:47:22,460 --> 00:47:25,138
sort of, but, well,
actually, not really.
713
00:47:25,163 --> 00:47:29,776
More like-But on the street. You go, um-
Wait. Let me start over.
714
00:47:29,801 --> 00:47:31,744
Okay, you know
where the time machine is?
715
00:47:31,769 --> 00:47:34,814
Hey. Just draw me
a map, okay?
716
00:47:34,839 --> 00:47:37,550
You still want the money?
717
00:47:37,575 --> 00:47:40,486
Oh. If I had some money
and a room at the White House...
718
00:47:40,511 --> 00:47:45,491
- I would be like, "It's mine, all night!"
- Listen. Cut it out!
719
00:47:45,516 --> 00:47:48,394
Listen, I told these people
that you were smart, okay?
720
00:47:48,419 --> 00:47:50,730
- So act smart!
- Smart like you?
721
00:47:50,755 --> 00:47:54,334
"Oh, I gotta go
to the time machine. I wanna go home."
722
00:47:54,359 --> 00:47:57,236
- I don't talk like that.
- "I don't talk like that."
723
00:47:57,261 --> 00:47:59,272
Shit, I thought
there was two of you.
724
00:47:59,297 --> 00:48:01,174
See?
725
00:48:01,199 --> 00:48:03,843
Doesn't look that big, is it?
726
00:48:03,868 --> 00:48:07,080
Okay. Let's go take a look
at those crops.
727
00:48:07,105 --> 00:48:11,098
Especially the ones, uh, you know,
out around the museum area.
728
00:48:12,710 --> 00:48:15,406
All right?
Hey, come on!
729
00:48:17,348 --> 00:48:21,995
Now, you either lead, follow,
or get out of the way. All right?
730
00:48:22,020 --> 00:48:25,431
Whoa.
Did you just make that up?
731
00:48:25,456 --> 00:48:28,468
Yes, I did.
Now look...
732
00:48:28,493 --> 00:48:31,087
I also need help finding this girl
named Rita, like, immediately...
733
00:48:31,195 --> 00:48:33,595
- and Frito will give you a hand with it.
- Why?
734
00:48:35,333 --> 00:48:40,546
Well, because, uh, you know,
she'd be an essential... integral... asset...
735
00:48:40,571 --> 00:48:45,372
you know, for our team,
for us to, you know, utilize.
736
00:48:52,016 --> 00:48:54,994
Utilize her!
Utilize her!
737
00:48:55,019 --> 00:48:57,196
Utilize!
738
00:48:57,221 --> 00:49:00,366
Hey, uh, but you're gonna
bring her here, right?
739
00:49:00,391 --> 00:49:03,087
Oh, yeah.
Butt first!
740
00:49:05,229 --> 00:49:07,932
- Utilize her!
- Okay.
741
00:49:13,571 --> 00:49:16,938
Dang! May I approach
your benches?
742
00:49:22,547 --> 00:49:25,258
Uh, yeah.
This sucks pretty bad.
743
00:49:25,283 --> 00:49:28,194
Frito, why don't you come over here and,
uh, take a look at this?
744
00:49:28,219 --> 00:49:31,731
Come on. Hustle over here, buddy.
I wanna figure this out.
745
00:49:31,756 --> 00:49:35,635
See, uh, just not a lot of moisture.
Have you got the map?
746
00:49:35,660 --> 00:49:37,628
- Oh, yeah.
- Discreetly.
747
00:49:41,966 --> 00:49:44,811
- It's right there.
- I see it. I see it.
748
00:49:44,836 --> 00:49:47,480
Stand up with me.
749
00:49:47,505 --> 00:49:51,451
Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure.
They found that whore you wanted.
750
00:49:51,476 --> 00:49:54,554
Hey, that may be how you refer
to women in the future, but come on.
751
00:49:54,579 --> 00:49:58,925
No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy
a lotta money and didn't put out.
752
00:49:58,950 --> 00:50:01,027
Don't worry though.
We'll get her out...
753
00:50:01,052 --> 00:50:04,430
on a work-release whorin' license
as long as you're doin' her.
754
00:50:04,455 --> 00:50:07,733
Get your hands off me. What do you think
I'm gonna do, run through the field?
755
00:50:07,758 --> 00:50:10,169
What the fuck
are you all starin' at?
756
00:50:10,194 --> 00:50:12,305
- Joe?
- That's Not Sure, ma'am.
757
00:50:12,330 --> 00:50:16,309
- Secretary Not Sure.
- Secretary? Secretary of what?
758
00:50:16,334 --> 00:50:21,013
Say, would you guys mind if we had
a little moment together? Alone?
759
00:50:21,038 --> 00:50:25,441
You know, in the bushes?
760
00:50:27,178 --> 00:50:29,112
Oh, man.
761
00:50:37,688 --> 00:50:38,600
Fuck her, Joe!
762
00:50:38,626 --> 00:50:41,334
Hey, you want us to come along,
make sure she puts out?
763
00:50:41,359 --> 00:50:43,469
No, thanks.
I can handle it. Yeah.
764
00:50:43,494 --> 00:50:44,658
I thought you was in jail.
765
00:50:44,684 --> 00:50:46,806
How'd you get to be
the secretary of interior?
766
00:50:46,831 --> 00:50:49,129
Just keep walking.
I'll explain everything.
767
00:50:57,909 --> 00:50:59,877
Okay.
Get ready to run.
768
00:51:02,346 --> 00:51:05,057
- What?
- Oh, goddamn it.
769
00:51:05,082 --> 00:51:07,960
Way to go, Frito. You know what?
Just make a run for it anyways.
770
00:51:07,985 --> 00:51:09,996
We'll ask for directions
on the way.
771
00:51:10,021 --> 00:51:13,266
No way. I spent the last two days
looking for it. It ain't easy to find.
772
00:51:13,291 --> 00:51:16,335
Damn it. I can't go back to jail,
and I sure can't solve these problems.
773
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:19,572
All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd
before he finds me.
774
00:51:19,597 --> 00:51:23,042
Listen to me. Upgrayedd
cannot find you, okay? It's impossible!
775
00:51:23,067 --> 00:51:25,878
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd...
776
00:51:25,903 --> 00:51:27,980
could somehow magically
travel through time...
777
00:51:28,005 --> 00:51:31,517
we got secret service guys with huge guns
protecting us, okay?
778
00:51:31,542 --> 00:51:33,519
So don't worry.
You're safe.
779
00:51:33,544 --> 00:51:36,789
And you know what? It's none of my business,
but when we get back...
780
00:51:36,814 --> 00:51:39,525
you and Upgrayedd should seriously think
about couples counseling, okay?
781
00:51:39,550 --> 00:51:44,063
And you should also think about maybe finding
an art manager who's not also your boyfriend.
782
00:51:44,088 --> 00:51:48,267
Hey!
She's not puttin' out?
783
00:51:48,292 --> 00:51:52,505
Uh, no, she is.
We, uh-We already did it.
784
00:51:52,530 --> 00:51:55,021
Yeah. He was great.
785
00:51:57,235 --> 00:52:00,980
Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys
were wonderin', uh...
786
00:52:01,005 --> 00:52:02,973
if we'd go family-style
on her.
787
00:52:05,509 --> 00:52:09,055
Uh, yeah,
probably not right now.
788
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:12,538
We should focus on the crops.
So let's get back to work. Maybe later.
789
00:52:19,657 --> 00:52:21,352
What the hell is this?
790
00:52:24,262 --> 00:52:28,207
- Tastes like Gatorade.
- Is that that Brawndo stuff?
791
00:52:28,232 --> 00:52:31,963
They're watering crops
with a sports drink?
792
00:52:33,638 --> 00:52:36,449
Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator
had come to replace water...
793
00:52:36,474 --> 00:52:38,718
virtually everywhere.
794
00:52:38,743 --> 00:52:41,020
Water, the basic component
of all life...
795
00:52:41,045 --> 00:52:44,123
had been deemed a threat
to Brawndo's profit margin.
796
00:52:44,148 --> 00:52:47,727
The solution came during
the budget crisis of 2330...
797
00:52:47,752 --> 00:52:52,665
when the Brawndo Corporation
simply bought the F.D.A...
798
00:52:52,690 --> 00:52:54,233
and the F.C.C...
799
00:52:54,258 --> 00:52:56,569
enabling them to say,
do and sell...
800
00:52:56,594 --> 00:52:58,494
anything they wanted.
801
00:53:03,534 --> 00:53:06,245
Joe didn't know
any of this...
802
00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:10,349
but he did see a problem
that he might actually be able to solve.
803
00:53:10,374 --> 00:53:15,021
- With his options running out,
Joe took a bold step.
804
00:53:15,046 --> 00:53:17,256
He would not
get out of the way.
805
00:53:17,281 --> 00:53:20,226
This time, he would lead.
806
00:53:20,251 --> 00:53:22,361
For the last time,
I'm pretty sure...
807
00:53:22,386 --> 00:53:25,431
what's killing the crops
is this Brawndo stuff.
808
00:53:25,456 --> 00:53:28,301
But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
It's got electrolytes.
809
00:53:28,326 --> 00:53:30,469
So wait a minute.
What you're saying...
810
00:53:30,494 --> 00:53:34,373
is that you want us
to put water on the crops.
811
00:53:34,398 --> 00:53:37,510
- Yes.
- Water. Like out the toilet?
812
00:53:37,535 --> 00:53:40,238
Well, I mean, it doesn't
have to be out of the toilet,
813
00:53:40,264 --> 00:53:41,614
but, yeah, that's the idea.
814
00:53:41,639 --> 00:53:45,051
- But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
- It's got electrolytes.
815
00:53:45,076 --> 00:53:47,119
Okay, look.
816
00:53:47,144 --> 00:53:50,723
The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure
that the Brawndo's not working.
817
00:53:50,748 --> 00:53:55,494
Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know
that if you put water on plants, they grow.
818
00:53:55,519 --> 00:53:59,298
Well, I've never seen no plants
grow out of no toilet.
819
00:53:59,323 --> 00:54:02,668
Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't
the smartest guy in the world?
820
00:54:02,693 --> 00:54:06,739
- You wanna solve this problem.
I wanna get my pardon.
821
00:54:06,764 --> 00:54:10,810
So why don't we just try it, okay,
and not worry about what plants crave?
822
00:54:10,835 --> 00:54:13,379
Brawndo's got
what plants crave.
823
00:54:13,404 --> 00:54:16,015
- Goddamn it.
- Yeah, it's got electrolytes.
824
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:18,551
What are electrolytes?
Do you even know?
825
00:54:18,576 --> 00:54:21,420
It's what they use
to make Brawndo.
826
00:54:21,445 --> 00:54:24,156
Yeah, but why do they
use them to make Brawndo?
827
00:54:24,181 --> 00:54:26,741
'Cause Brawndo's
got electrolytes.
828
00:54:29,754 --> 00:54:34,266
After several hours,
Joe finally gave up on logic and reason...
829
00:54:34,291 --> 00:54:37,436
and simply told the cabinet
that he could talk to plants...
830
00:54:37,461 --> 00:54:40,089
and that they wanted water.
831
00:54:41,198 --> 00:54:43,609
He made believers
out of everyone.
832
00:54:43,634 --> 00:54:47,279
Joe didn't know it,
but the beloved electrolytes...
833
00:54:47,304 --> 00:54:51,350
were salts that had been building up
in the topsoil over the decades...
834
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:54,186
killing plants
and leading to the dust bowl.
835
00:54:54,211 --> 00:54:56,345
As secretary of the interior,
836
00:54:56,371 --> 00:55:00,025
Joe ordered all crops
to be switched to water...
837
00:55:00,050 --> 00:55:05,264
promising that, over time, plants would grow
and the dust bowl would end.
838
00:55:05,289 --> 00:55:09,402
He was on the fast track
to a full presidential pardon.
839
00:55:09,427 --> 00:55:12,555
Or so it seemed.
840
00:55:13,664 --> 00:55:17,643
Man, I hope somethin'
grows fast.
841
00:55:17,668 --> 00:55:19,745
Yeah. So we can haul
our ass back home.
842
00:55:19,770 --> 00:55:23,365
Man. You really think those people
would have starved to death?
843
00:55:24,909 --> 00:55:29,622
I don't know. I mean, how did the world
ever get like this?
844
00:55:29,647 --> 00:55:33,592
You know things are bad
when they're comin' to me for answers.
845
00:55:33,617 --> 00:55:36,462
It's a weird feeling
being smarter than everyone.
846
00:55:36,487 --> 00:55:38,717
- I'm not used to it.
- Yeah. Me neither.
847
00:55:41,459 --> 00:55:45,271
You think Einstein walked around thinkin'
everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
848
00:55:45,296 --> 00:55:47,940
Yeah.
Hadn't thought of that.
849
00:55:47,965 --> 00:55:52,095
- Now you know why he built that bomb.
- Yeah.
850
00:55:54,505 --> 00:55:56,782
Hey, Joe, listen.
Those cops-
851
00:55:56,807 --> 00:55:59,151
- Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that.
- No. No.
852
00:55:59,176 --> 00:56:02,288
They said that
you got me a pardon.
853
00:56:02,313 --> 00:56:05,339
You know, if you hadn't done that,
I'd still be in jail right now, so...
854
00:56:06,650 --> 00:56:09,278
I guess I owe you one.
855
00:56:11,489 --> 00:56:15,050
You know, you don't have to sleep
on the floor if you don't want to.
856
00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:20,706
Oh. No. I'm-
I'm all right. Yeah.
857
00:56:20,731 --> 00:56:24,877
Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd
would be too happy about that.
858
00:56:24,902 --> 00:56:26,563
You in bed with a stranger.
859
00:56:28,305 --> 00:56:30,569
Yeah.
860
00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:35,308
I know. I know.
861
00:56:37,414 --> 00:56:42,408
Yeah. Oh, boy.
862
00:56:50,361 --> 00:56:53,005
Oh, shit.
It's Upgrayedd.
863
00:56:53,030 --> 00:56:55,541
Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd.
864
00:56:55,566 --> 00:56:57,943
Given enough time,
Joe's plan might have worked.
865
00:56:57,968 --> 00:57:00,379
But when the Brawndo stock
suddenly dropped to zero...
866
00:57:00,404 --> 00:57:02,915
leaving half the population
unemployed...
867
00:57:02,940 --> 00:57:06,719
dumb, angry mobs took to the streets,
rioting and looting...
868
00:57:06,744 --> 00:57:08,754
and screaming for Joe's head.
869
00:57:08,779 --> 00:57:11,557
An emergency cabinet meeting
was called...
870
00:57:11,582 --> 00:57:13,993
with the C.E.O.
of the Brawndo Corporation.
871
00:57:14,018 --> 00:57:16,562
How come nobody's buying
Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator?
872
00:57:16,587 --> 00:57:19,031
Aw, shit. Half the country
works for Brawndo.
873
00:57:19,056 --> 00:57:21,901
Not anymore!
The stock has dropped to zero...
874
00:57:21,926 --> 00:57:24,169
and the computer did
that auto-layoff thing to everybody.
875
00:57:24,194 --> 00:57:26,839
- We're all unemployed!
- You think that makes the "ecomony" suck?
876
00:57:26,864 --> 00:57:28,080
Why is this happening?
877
00:57:28,106 --> 00:57:31,010
I think it's because we
switched to water, but-
878
00:57:31,035 --> 00:57:33,612
- You mean this is all your fault?
- What?
879
00:57:33,637 --> 00:57:37,550
Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started
happening when we switched to water!
880
00:57:37,575 --> 00:57:41,477
Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you
by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
881
00:57:44,214 --> 00:57:46,011
Fox News.
882
00:57:49,253 --> 00:57:52,398
He tried taking water
from toilets...
883
00:57:52,423 --> 00:57:56,435
but it's Secretary Not Sure
who finds himself in the toilet now.
884
00:57:56,460 --> 00:57:58,437
And as history
pulls down its pants...
885
00:57:58,462 --> 00:58:01,807
and prepares to lower its ass
on Not Sure's head...
886
00:58:01,832 --> 00:58:05,911
it will be Daddy Justice
who will be crapping on him this time.
887
00:58:05,936 --> 00:58:10,215
We now go live to Violence Channel
correspondent Formica Davis...
888
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:14,108
at the Extreme Court
with highlights on today's trial.
889
00:58:16,614 --> 00:58:20,893
Thank you, Velveeta.
Well, it started off boring and slow...
890
00:58:20,918 --> 00:58:24,563
with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone
with a bunch of smart talk.
891
00:58:24,588 --> 00:58:28,767
Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me!
892
00:58:28,792 --> 00:58:30,869
That part of the trial sucked.
893
00:58:30,894 --> 00:58:33,639
But then, the chief "J"
just went off.
894
00:58:33,664 --> 00:58:35,774
He said, "Man, whatever.
895
00:58:35,799 --> 00:58:38,477
The guy's guilty as shit.
We all know that."
896
00:58:38,502 --> 00:58:42,348
And he sentenced his ass
to one night of Rehabilitation.
897
00:58:42,373 --> 00:58:45,017
Hey, rehabilitation?
One night?
898
00:58:45,042 --> 00:58:47,019
Doesn't sound so bad.
899
00:58:47,044 --> 00:58:48,988
Not so bad, huh?
900
00:58:49,013 --> 00:58:52,278
Here's some highlights
from last week's Rehabilitation.
901
00:59:03,260 --> 00:59:06,438
And who could forget that wonderful finish...
902
00:59:06,463 --> 00:59:09,041
by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones?
903
00:59:09,066 --> 00:59:12,845
And tomorrow night looks even more better.
904
00:59:12,870 --> 00:59:17,349
Word is that Beef Supreme himself
might come out of retirement.
905
00:59:17,374 --> 00:59:20,070
Wow. Thank you, Formica.
906
00:59:21,545 --> 00:59:24,623
So you think you can escape again
like you did last time?
907
00:59:24,648 --> 00:59:27,526
- No. They pretty much fixed that.
- How?
908
00:59:27,551 --> 00:59:29,815
They chained me
to a big rock.
909
00:59:31,421 --> 00:59:33,198
Yeah.
910
00:59:33,223 --> 00:59:35,501
Look, Rita, get Frito.
911
00:59:35,526 --> 00:59:38,737
Get him to take you back to the time machine
without me. Don't wait.
912
00:59:38,762 --> 00:59:42,875
No. You could have split on me before,
but you didn't.
913
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:46,378
Look, you wanna pay me back?
Just go back, okay?
914
00:59:46,403 --> 00:59:49,048
Tell people to read books.
915
00:59:49,073 --> 00:59:51,250
Tell people to stay in school,
you know.
916
00:59:51,275 --> 00:59:54,887
Tell people to just
use their brains or something.
917
00:59:54,912 --> 00:59:58,190
I think maybe the world got like this
because of people like me.
918
00:59:58,215 --> 01:00:02,895
I never did anything with my life.
At least you were an artist, you know?
919
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:05,480
- So just go back and-
- Visit's over!
920
01:00:08,459 --> 01:00:11,917
And Rita, whatever you do,
keep painting, okay?
921
01:00:13,464 --> 01:00:15,432
Good luck, Joe.
922
01:00:22,639 --> 01:00:25,584
Okay, that's five down and one more to go.
923
01:00:25,609 --> 01:00:29,388
Are you ready for a monster-truck duel
to the death?
924
01:00:29,413 --> 01:00:32,940
Yeah! Let's give it up
for the Guitar Army.
925
01:00:35,052 --> 01:00:37,096
Okay, we're gonna do this shit.
926
01:00:37,121 --> 01:00:40,365
But first, to lead us
in our Natural Anthem...
927
01:00:40,390 --> 01:00:45,237
the star of Ow! My Balls!
Hormel Chavez!
928
01:00:45,262 --> 01:00:48,273
Thank you. Thank you.
929
01:00:48,298 --> 01:00:53,378
Hey! Come here!
930
01:00:53,403 --> 01:00:57,049
Come here!
931
01:00:57,074 --> 01:00:59,051
Right in the balls!
932
01:00:59,076 --> 01:01:03,956
That's just how that shit went on TV!
933
01:01:03,981 --> 01:01:08,293
This execution is brought to you
by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator.
934
01:01:08,318 --> 01:01:10,295
After you've killed someone...
935
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:12,331
- your body needs electrolytes.
- Yeah.
936
01:01:12,356 --> 01:01:15,734
So, my car's out front...
937
01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:18,103
whenever you want me
to take you...
938
01:01:18,128 --> 01:01:20,439
to the time machine.
939
01:01:20,464 --> 01:01:22,474
Thanks, Frito.
940
01:01:22,499 --> 01:01:24,676
- Yeah.
- I can't hear you!
941
01:01:24,701 --> 01:01:27,980
That's a real bummer
about Joe, huh?
942
01:01:28,005 --> 01:01:30,682
- I can't hear you!
- Yeah.
943
01:01:30,707 --> 01:01:36,168
Can you turn this up?
I love Rehabilitation.
944
01:01:47,691 --> 01:01:52,237
Okay. Let's meet
our rehabilitation officers for tonight.
945
01:01:52,262 --> 01:01:55,641
With a combined record
of 62 kills...
946
01:01:55,666 --> 01:02:00,501
please welcome Vinny Mawumba
in the Dildozer!
947
01:02:06,310 --> 01:02:12,157
And his brother Bobby Mawumba
in the Ass Blaster!
948
01:02:12,182 --> 01:02:14,226
I get a truck too, right?
949
01:02:14,251 --> 01:02:16,981
Yeah.
Here it comes.
950
01:02:26,630 --> 01:02:28,598
Get in.
951
01:02:33,103 --> 01:02:35,469
You still got
the chain attached.
952
01:02:37,674 --> 01:02:40,319
- Door won't shut.
- What about the chain?
953
01:02:40,344 --> 01:02:42,387
- We could break it.
- No. He could escape.
954
01:02:42,412 --> 01:02:45,973
- I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk.
- Yeah. That'll work.
955
01:02:49,553 --> 01:02:53,198
- Who's smart now?
- Let's bring out our criminal.
956
01:02:53,223 --> 01:02:56,435
He tried to ruin the country
by pouring toilet water on crops.
957
01:02:56,460 --> 01:02:58,937
He cost millions of people
their jobs.
958
01:02:58,962 --> 01:03:02,295
Let's get ready
to rehabilitate Not Sure!
959
01:03:14,311 --> 01:03:16,755
Never would have guessed
this is how I was gonna die.
960
01:03:16,780 --> 01:03:19,758
Are you ready for some car-on-car action?
961
01:03:19,783 --> 01:03:21,751
Yes.
962
01:03:22,853 --> 01:03:25,764
- I can't watch this.
- This is-
963
01:03:25,789 --> 01:03:30,283
This is gonna be so sad.
I hope I don't cry.
964
01:03:32,095 --> 01:03:36,074
Holy shit!
Frito, come here! Look!
965
01:03:36,099 --> 01:03:38,644
He was right.
The water-it worked.
966
01:03:38,669 --> 01:03:41,297
Frito, can you
get me over there?
967
01:03:42,272 --> 01:03:44,249
Yes.
968
01:03:44,274 --> 01:03:47,352
No, you fuckin' moron.
To the Rehabilitation place.
969
01:03:47,377 --> 01:03:49,402
- Uh, this way.
- Yeah!
970
01:03:53,984 --> 01:03:55,961
Come on, Frito.
Hurry!
971
01:03:55,986 --> 01:03:59,097
And now the dude that
everybody came here to see...
972
01:03:59,122 --> 01:04:02,801
- Yeah!
- the only undefeated officer ever in history...
973
01:04:02,826 --> 01:04:06,438
coming out of retirement
just to pound Not Sure's ass...
974
01:04:06,463 --> 01:04:11,510
driving the biggest, hugest correctional
vehicle ever built in history-
975
01:04:11,535 --> 01:04:15,480
bigger than the Dildozer,
bigger than the Ass Blaster...
976
01:04:15,505 --> 01:04:19,618
bigger and huger than everything
ever before in history-
977
01:04:19,643 --> 01:04:22,654
the brand-new Assdozer!
978
01:04:22,679 --> 01:04:25,375
Give it up for Beef Supreme!
979
01:04:53,176 --> 01:04:56,521
Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh?
980
01:04:56,546 --> 01:04:59,124
We seem to be
"experimenting"...
981
01:04:59,149 --> 01:05:02,527
some "techmological"
differences...
982
01:05:02,552 --> 01:05:04,529
so, uh, shit.
983
01:05:04,554 --> 01:05:08,000
Frito, look!
984
01:05:08,025 --> 01:05:10,302
- It's working everywhere!
- Huh.
985
01:05:10,327 --> 01:05:14,473
Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks.
986
01:05:14,498 --> 01:05:16,906
Kinda reminds me of this
one time that I was-
987
01:05:16,932 --> 01:05:17,709
Man.
988
01:05:17,734 --> 01:05:19,845
- Hey!
- Oh, oh, okay.
989
01:05:19,870 --> 01:05:22,147
- Get this shit started!
- We're gonna start without Beef Supreme.
990
01:05:22,172 --> 01:05:25,903
Let the rehabilitation begin!
991
01:05:35,452 --> 01:05:38,096
Oh, shit.
992
01:05:38,121 --> 01:05:41,099
Come on. Come on.
993
01:05:41,124 --> 01:05:43,592
Come on, Frito. Hurry!
994
01:05:53,637 --> 01:05:55,161
Goddamn it.
995
01:05:57,574 --> 01:06:01,442
- Yeah!
- Jesus, that was close.
996
01:06:03,947 --> 01:06:06,925
Mr. President! Mr. President,
I need to talk to you.
997
01:06:06,950 --> 01:06:09,227
You gotta stop this thing.
He was right about the water.
998
01:06:09,252 --> 01:06:12,230
We passed some crops
on the way here. They're growing.
999
01:06:12,255 --> 01:06:14,155
I didn't see no crops.
1000
01:06:15,292 --> 01:06:17,069
They're circling around.
1001
01:06:17,094 --> 01:06:19,619
They're gonna do
the Malachi Crunch on him!
1002
01:06:22,265 --> 01:06:25,666
This is an illegal move, okay?
So don't tell nobody.
1003
01:06:46,490 --> 01:06:49,482
So, uh-so the winner is, uh-
1004
01:06:51,294 --> 01:06:54,491
- You gotta be shittin' me.
- Did he win?
1005
01:06:57,367 --> 01:06:59,562
Uh-oh. Look.
1006
01:07:01,438 --> 01:07:05,169
Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme!
1007
01:07:12,516 --> 01:07:14,359
Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah!
1008
01:07:14,384 --> 01:07:18,730
Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember
those crops we saw off the road...
1009
01:07:18,755 --> 01:07:21,466
- right by the Starbucks?
- Uh-huh.
1010
01:07:21,491 --> 01:07:25,587
- Hey. Wanna make some money?
- I like money.
1011
01:07:39,809 --> 01:07:44,189
Hey, um, the, uh-the main
screen is malfunctioning...
1012
01:07:44,214 --> 01:07:46,739
and they gonna need you
outside immediately.
1013
01:07:49,953 --> 01:07:52,979
There's a bunch of whores
in the hallway.
1014
01:07:56,159 --> 01:07:58,650
Come on, Frito.
Hurry.
1015
01:07:59,729 --> 01:08:01,907
Can't believe
you like money too.
1016
01:08:01,932 --> 01:08:04,423
- We should hang out.
- Totally.
1017
01:08:29,759 --> 01:08:31,784
He's behind the truck!
1018
01:08:33,897 --> 01:08:36,661
Yes! Yes!
1019
01:08:38,034 --> 01:08:40,178
- He's behind the fucking truck!
- He's over there!
1020
01:08:40,203 --> 01:08:42,262
Behind the truck, stupid!
1021
01:08:52,582 --> 01:08:54,174
Look!
1022
01:08:56,386 --> 01:09:00,031
Shit.
That's a good deal.
1023
01:09:00,056 --> 01:09:04,636
- Extra foam.
- I got a bunch of money too.
1024
01:09:04,661 --> 01:09:07,289
- Forgot what it was for.
- Huh.
1025
01:09:08,565 --> 01:09:12,444
- You think it was for lattes?
- Yeah. Probably.
1026
01:09:12,469 --> 01:09:15,653
You like money and sex?
You're trippin' me out.
1027
01:09:15,679 --> 01:09:16,760
What the fuck?
1028
01:09:18,975 --> 01:09:21,205
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1029
01:09:30,854 --> 01:09:34,799
- Just hold on, okay?
Everyone just take it easy, okay?
1030
01:09:34,824 --> 01:09:36,724
Can I just
say something here?
1031
01:09:39,129 --> 01:09:42,140
I don't even know
what I'm guilty of here.
1032
01:09:42,165 --> 01:09:46,144
I never said that I was the smartest person
on earth. You people did.
1033
01:09:46,169 --> 01:09:49,914
I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs
and all your money...
1034
01:09:49,939 --> 01:09:52,150
and I'm very sorry
that that happened.
1035
01:09:52,175 --> 01:09:54,286
But I'm tellin' you...
1036
01:09:54,311 --> 01:09:56,755
if you put water on the crops,
it might actually-
1037
01:09:56,780 --> 01:09:59,858
No, it will work.
I promise you!
1038
01:09:59,883 --> 01:10:04,362
You just have to believe me.
I just wanted to help you. That's all.
1039
01:10:04,387 --> 01:10:09,301
So you can try and shoot me.
You can try and run me over, whatever.
1040
01:10:09,326 --> 01:10:12,784
But I just want you to ask yourselves
one question first.
1041
01:10:13,997 --> 01:10:16,608
Do you really want to live
in a world...
1042
01:10:16,633 --> 01:10:20,125
where you try to blow up the one person
that's tryin' to help you?
1043
01:10:30,980 --> 01:10:33,210
Hold on. Just hold on.
1044
01:10:54,604 --> 01:10:56,881
Oh, man.
That was great.
1045
01:10:56,906 --> 01:11:00,652
Hey, was I wearing pants
when we went in there?
1046
01:11:00,677 --> 01:11:04,155
Shit. What do I look like,
a pants goblin?
1047
01:11:04,180 --> 01:11:07,592
Wait.
This reminds me of something.
1048
01:11:07,617 --> 01:11:10,562
Uh, "Rehabil-Rehabilate-
1049
01:11:10,587 --> 01:11:13,865
- Rehabilation."
- Why do you keep trying to read that word?
1050
01:11:13,890 --> 01:11:17,417
- You a fag?
- I'll fag your face!
1051
01:11:26,069 --> 01:11:29,095
- Come on, Frito.
- Yeah. I don't think so.
1052
01:11:30,473 --> 01:11:32,941
Oh, yeah.
1053
01:12:14,451 --> 01:12:18,911
This guy just got
his ass a pardon!
1054
01:12:26,930 --> 01:12:28,693
Yeah!
1055
01:12:42,979 --> 01:12:46,491
Man, Rita. I mean,
I don't know what to say.
1056
01:12:46,516 --> 01:12:49,861
You saved my life.
No one's ever done anything like that for me.
1057
01:12:49,886 --> 01:12:51,863
Yeah, well...
1058
01:12:51,888 --> 01:12:54,999
you were looking out for the whole world so,
you know...
1059
01:12:55,024 --> 01:12:58,197
I thought someone
should look out for you too.
1060
01:12:58,223 --> 01:12:59,146
Thanks.
1061
01:13:00,330 --> 01:13:02,774
I can't believe I'm even
saying this, but...
1062
01:13:02,799 --> 01:13:04,876
even though these people
tried to kill me...
1063
01:13:04,901 --> 01:13:07,260
you know, I think I'm
actually gonna kinda miss 'em.
1064
01:13:07,686 --> 01:13:08,446
Yeah.
1065
01:13:08,471 --> 01:13:11,382
Frito-he's gonna give us
a ride back to the time machine.
1066
01:13:11,407 --> 01:13:14,638
I just, uh-
I hope he's okay to drive.
1067
01:13:16,079 --> 01:13:19,290
It's you. Oh, man,
I really love your show.
1068
01:13:19,315 --> 01:13:21,693
Thank you so much.
1069
01:13:21,718 --> 01:13:26,883
- Uh, Joe, I'm not going.
- What?
1070
01:13:28,691 --> 01:13:32,637
I had some pretty bad habits back there
that I don't want to fall into again.
1071
01:13:32,662 --> 01:13:34,706
Maybe it's time
I got a new start.
1072
01:13:34,731 --> 01:13:38,943
Besides, they offered me
a pretty good job at Starbucks here.
1073
01:13:38,968 --> 01:13:41,713
- I'm gonna be a C.E.O.
- At Starbucks?
1074
01:13:41,738 --> 01:13:42,446
Yeah.
1075
01:13:42,472 --> 01:13:44,596
Yeah? You're still gonna
paint though, right?
1076
01:13:46,242 --> 01:13:49,721
Yeah. Sure.
1077
01:13:49,746 --> 01:13:51,577
I guess this is
good-bye then.
1078
01:13:53,449 --> 01:13:55,760
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
1079
01:13:55,785 --> 01:13:58,264
I got a couple
presidential decrees to make!
1080
01:13:58,289 --> 01:14:00,031
I got a couple
presidential decrees to make!
1081
01:14:00,056 --> 01:14:04,288
Not Sure, get your ass up here,
wherever you is.
1082
01:14:06,896 --> 01:14:09,207
Let me get that little
peanut head up here.
1083
01:14:09,232 --> 01:14:12,076
Yo. Yo.
1084
01:14:12,101 --> 01:14:14,112
I have decided...
1085
01:14:14,137 --> 01:14:16,748
to make this man-
1086
01:14:16,773 --> 01:14:19,708
the man who solved
all our problems-
1087
01:14:21,044 --> 01:14:23,788
I have decided to make him...
1088
01:14:23,813 --> 01:14:26,111
my new vice president.
1089
01:14:28,651 --> 01:14:31,963
Mr. President, thanks.
That's real cool of you, sir...
1090
01:14:31,988 --> 01:14:35,934
- but I can't accept it, sir.
- What? Why?
1091
01:14:35,959 --> 01:14:40,772
- You know, I gotta get home.
- But we still got all these problems.
1092
01:14:40,797 --> 01:14:43,875
Look, you know, you're just gonna
have to solve 'em yourselves.
1093
01:14:43,900 --> 01:14:46,444
- How?
- Think about it, you know?
1094
01:14:46,469 --> 01:14:49,614
You're just gonna have to figure it out
like we did with the crops.
1095
01:14:49,639 --> 01:14:54,252
But how are we gonna figure out about
the garbage "ambulanches" and the "comony"?
1096
01:14:54,277 --> 01:15:00,191
And what about the nuc-
"nucular" reactor in Florida?
1097
01:15:00,216 --> 01:15:02,760
It's broke and leaky
and something's happening.
1098
01:15:02,785 --> 01:15:08,232
- I thought it was in Georgia.
- Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass.
1099
01:15:08,257 --> 01:15:11,402
Hey. Hey, I know.
Let's put toilet water on it.
1100
01:15:11,427 --> 01:15:14,572
- Yeah!
- Good, good. That's a good idea.
1101
01:15:14,597 --> 01:15:17,375
- Like we did on the crops.
- Come on, vato.
1102
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:19,777
Hey, you can't leave.
1103
01:15:19,802 --> 01:15:25,741
Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow,
or get outta the way" shit, huh?
1104
01:15:36,519 --> 01:15:40,999
I guess I just can't get outta the
way anymore, can I? You know what?
1105
01:15:41,024 --> 01:15:43,925
- Forget about the time machine.
- Yeah!
1106
01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:51,442
That ride sucks anyways.
1107
01:15:51,467 --> 01:15:53,594
Ride?
1108
01:15:57,073 --> 01:15:59,617
Welcome to the Time Masheen.
1109
01:15:59,642 --> 01:16:04,222
We are going to take you back,
first to the year 1939...
1110
01:16:04,247 --> 01:16:06,824
when Charlie Chaplin
and his evil Nazi regime...
1111
01:16:06,849 --> 01:16:09,994
enslaved Europe and tried
to take over the world.
1112
01:16:10,019 --> 01:16:12,697
So you knew this thing
was just a ride the whole time?
1113
01:16:12,722 --> 01:16:16,300
Yeah. You thought you could really
travel through time, huh?
1114
01:16:16,325 --> 01:16:18,770
- Yeah, I guess I did.
- Yeah.
1115
01:16:18,795 --> 01:16:21,806
For the smartest guy in the world,
you're pretty dumb sometimes.
1116
01:16:21,831 --> 01:16:26,811
- So why didn't you tell us?
- 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry.
1117
01:16:26,836 --> 01:16:30,715
But if it's not a real time machine,
there wouldn't have been any money.
1118
01:16:30,740 --> 01:16:34,318
You know, 'cause I can't go back in time
and open a savings account.
1119
01:16:37,380 --> 01:16:40,144
Yeah. Don't worry about it.
It's okay.
1120
01:16:41,684 --> 01:16:43,695
Well,
I guess we're stuck here.
1121
01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:48,900
But then an even
greater force emerged-the "UN."
1122
01:16:48,925 --> 01:16:52,972
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.
1123
01:16:52,997 --> 01:16:53,223
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.
1124
01:16:53,396 --> 01:16:56,974
And so, after serving a short
term as vice president...
1125
01:16:56,999 --> 01:17:00,378
Joe was elected
the president of America.
1126
01:17:00,403 --> 01:17:02,647
Frito became vice president...
1127
01:17:02,672 --> 01:17:05,917
and Rita, the former prostitute,
became first lady.
1128
01:17:05,942 --> 01:17:09,520
Today I step into the shoes
of a great man...
1129
01:17:09,545 --> 01:17:13,758
a man by the name
of Dwayne Elizondo...
1130
01:17:13,783 --> 01:17:17,862
Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
1131
01:17:17,887 --> 01:17:22,100
Under President Not Sure's
leadership, a new era dawned.
1132
01:17:22,125 --> 01:17:26,037
You know, there was a time
in this country...
1133
01:17:26,062 --> 01:17:30,408
when smart people
were considered cool.
1134
01:17:30,433 --> 01:17:33,444
Well, maybe not cool,
but smart people did things...
1135
01:17:33,469 --> 01:17:37,615
like build ships and pyramids,
and they even went to the moon.
1136
01:17:37,640 --> 01:17:39,164
Yeah!
1137
01:17:41,310 --> 01:17:45,590
And there was a time
in this country, a long time ago...
1138
01:17:45,615 --> 01:17:48,092
when reading wasn't
just for fags...
1139
01:17:48,117 --> 01:17:50,461
and neither was writing.
1140
01:17:50,486 --> 01:17:54,665
People wrote books and movies,
movies that had stories...
1141
01:17:54,690 --> 01:17:59,070
so you cared whose ass it was
and why it was farting.
1142
01:17:59,095 --> 01:18:02,553
And I believe that time
can come again!
1143
01:18:14,477 --> 01:18:18,072
Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure!
1144
01:18:21,918 --> 01:18:23,961
Joe and Rita had three children...
1145
01:18:23,986 --> 01:18:26,784
the three smartest kids
in the world.
1146
01:18:27,924 --> 01:18:30,501
Vice President Frito
took eight wives...
1147
01:18:30,526 --> 01:18:33,037
and had a total of 32 kids-
1148
01:18:33,062 --> 01:18:36,293
thirty-two of the dumbest kids
ever to walk the earth.
1149
01:18:41,537 --> 01:18:44,782
Okay, so maybe Joe
didn't save mankind...
1150
01:18:44,807 --> 01:18:47,318
but he got the ball rolling...
1151
01:18:47,343 --> 01:18:51,143
and that's pretty good
for an average guy.
1152
01:23:51,046 --> 01:23:53,742
I'm gonna go find this ho.