1 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,160 Slow down. I think it's coming up on the left. 2 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,350 Holey moley! 3 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,360 How many cats could you swing in there? 4 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,120 Bachelor pad, my elbow! 5 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,000 Oh! 6 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,400 - Oh, God damn it, Duncan! - I'm sorry! 7 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:12,680 I heard you pull up. I thought you might need some light. How are you? 8 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:18,390 Yes, just the ticket for nearly plunging into an open grave. My heart! 9 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,120 The family plot... my mother and father. 10 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,750 What the hell's it doing open? 11 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,350 Er... I'll tell you later. 12 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,720 - Shall we get inside? It's freezing. - Yes, well... 13 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,160 Many happy ones, anyway. 14 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,910 You've met Clare, haven't you? 15 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,870 Three times, but who's counting? Right. Of course. 16 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:55,080 So, who don't you know? Rand and Rosamund. Lincoln and Thalia. 17 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,230 This is Felicity and... Oh, lordy, I'm so sorry. 18 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,310 - Clare. - Clare. Now, Neville you have met. 19 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,470 Neville, my bestest buddy in all the world. 20 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,360 Hi. 21 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,440 Sandy and Tom from Auckland... 22 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,560 and Derek, who's something very big in the City. 23 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,840 The Thames Flood Barrier! 24 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:20,440 And further down the food chain, my ex-comrades Ben and Buster. 25 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,800 So, a bit of hush now, everybody, please... 26 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,520 for a trick shot that's just a little bit different. 27 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:37,760 - Army humour. One reason why I got out. - Oh... Happy birthday. 28 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,510 A - ha. What have we here? 29 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:49,760 Oh, right! I see. This is how you see me. 30 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,030 I love it! 31 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,190 The new Gerald Scarfe, everyone! 32 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,800 I adore it... totally. 33 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,120 - And from me. Happy birthday. - Thanks. 34 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:06,280 Now, I'll show you where you're sleeping, then we'll get a drink. 35 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:12,080 ♪ Happy birthday to you 36 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,950 ♪ Happy birthday to you 37 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:20,910 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Duncan 38 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:26,110 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 39 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,990 - Goodnight, Clare. - Goodnight. 40 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,470 Goodnight, Duncan. 41 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,960 Sorry. Were you praying? I heard the words "Oh, God" several times. 42 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,160 - Duncan, look, please... - Come on. 43 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,480 Phew! It's got awfully steamy in here. Do you mind? 44 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,240 - Look, I'm sorry. I know this is... - For what? 45 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,520 - Why have you been so shy about it? - Oh, for heaven's sake! 46 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,360 No, that's fair. I've no complaints. 47 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,400 Neville gets unlimited exclusive rights to your body, 48 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,840 and I get this to remember you by for always. 49 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,120 - Ah! Must put a hook on that wall. - Is this achieving anything? 50 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,430 Listen, don't mind me. You just plough on. 51 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,040 Enjoy yourselves, while I get some fresh air. 52 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,960 - My gosh! It's blowy. - Can we discuss this in the morning? 53 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:43,600 My advice to you both, if you come out here, be bloody careful. 54 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,960 A chap could come to a very sticky end if he did something silly. 55 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,150 Duncan! 56 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,520 We all have to learn to deal with rejection. 57 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,670 - Life goes on. - Does it? 58 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,470 Duncan, for God's sake! 59 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,470 Some things are more precious than life, and when you lose them... 60 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,800 What's all the blethering about? Duncan. What...? This isn't funny. 61 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,310 Bye, Fliss. 62 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,630 The grave was open... 63 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,400 for me! 64 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,350 No! 65 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,670 Duncan! 66 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,830 Oh... Oh, God! 67 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,320 Oh, hi. You're back. I didn't know... 68 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,200 Hang on. Signal's a bit iffy here. 69 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,800 No, I'm on the road with Adam. 70 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,680 Pressing the flesh and being very wonderful. 71 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:39,040 Yeah, he's fine. Just ran into an old school chum, if I'm not mistaken. 72 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,960 So, you got my message about tonight? That grab you at all? 73 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,760 Tonight. Hewie Harper. 74 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,920 He's playing the Café Royal. It's a hot ticket, and he's got four for Adam, 75 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,230 because he's guesting for us on his next TV special... 76 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,320 How could you not have got my message? I distinct... 77 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,600 I don't know. About 10.30. 78 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,400 Some guy answered. Said you'd be another hour. 79 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,590 Yes, that would've been the burglar. 80 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:11,640 The burglar? Oh, you're kidding? He said he was doing something to your computer. 81 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,240 Yes. He was stealing it. 82 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,200 Look, all right. I loathe jazz, 83 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,750 but it won't be a barrel of laughs here this evening. 84 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,070 - What time? - We can meet there. 85 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,720 Seven, seven-fifteen would be great. 86 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:32,280 And, er... sorry about the other. See you then. 87 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,190 Bye. 88 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,550 .. and I know he's desperate to meet you. 89 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,400 One of our oldest residents, Mr Ramis. 90 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:47,200 This is Adam Klaus, Mr Ramis, off the television. 91 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:52,070 Mr Ramis does a bit of conjuring himself from time to time. 92 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,120 Always a thrill to meet a fellow magician, Mr Ramis. 93 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,360 There's a little trick he's been rehearsing all day. Would you mind? 94 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:10,440 Mr Ramis, another ten minutes and we have to cut you down. 95 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,990 She hates jazz? Why bring someone who hates jazz 96 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,720 to see the greatest trumpeter since...? 97 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,680 Dumbo? 98 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,600 I mean, Hewie Harper, Jonathan. 99 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,480 Bringing an atheist to the Sermon on the Mount. 100 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,800 There are ten young ladies I could call, who would wrestle eels for this ticket. 101 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:35,000 Yes. I daren't ask how you know that. 102 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,800 What's he like? I get very nervous meeting big American megastars. 103 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,200 He's a pussycat. Plus, he's a gentleman. 104 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,240 Half man, half pussycat. 105 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,000 .. which is very rare these days. However, 106 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,470 there is also one thing you should know, 107 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,030 and God forbid you ever breathe this to a living soul. 108 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,910 Hewie Harper... the legendary blind jazz musician, right? 109 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,280 Right. 110 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,430 Isn't blind. 111 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:14,280 What do you mean? Of course he's blind. Blind Hewie Harper. 112 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:19,080 Eight years ago, surgery restored his sight, but only a few were informed. 113 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,280 You create a cool image, you don't dicker with it. 114 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,560 That look's kept him at the top for 32 years. 115 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,280 Honey! How are you? Any improvement? 116 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,760 I can't believe what you're saying. 117 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,200 Hewie Harper can really see. 118 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,750 That's like saying Barry Manilow's really dumb. 119 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,590 - I'm flabbergasted. - Like I say, that's strictly entre nous. 120 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,070 We want him, we play by his rules. 121 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,920 Oh, about an hour and a half, and, er... don't go sick on me, babe. 122 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,070 We got some serious boogie tonight. 123 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,800 The shortest joke in the world? 124 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,270 The Bismarck is unsinkagurgle. 125 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,880 You know the shortest joke in the world? The Bismarck is unsinkagurgle. 126 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,320 The Bismarck is unsinkagurgle. 127 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:10,520 Don't shut me off, Neville. You can't just ignore me and I'll go away. 128 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,710 I need to talk. 129 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,190 - I need help. - I think the entire street can see that. 130 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,360 For God's sake, what do I have to do? 131 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:29,440 We all have to learn to deal with rejection. Didn't you say that? 132 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,870 You always said fate had put us together. 133 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,800 You can't give that up just because of Duncan. 134 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,230 It's not because of Duncan. It wasn't going anywhere, Fliss. 135 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,440 We were having fun, that's all, remember? Fun. 136 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,670 You're lying. 137 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,320 Tell me you never loved me. 138 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,920 Say it. 139 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,110 You can't. 140 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,400 Felicity... I never loved you. 141 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,320 No. 142 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,470 So, how's the patient? Still terminally gorgeous. 143 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:41,680 You've met my assistant Jonathan. He's joining us for the show tonight. 144 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:46,280 - I thought we'd eat around eight. - Oh, I feel like death dug up. 145 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,280 - I think I'm getting something. - What? 146 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,590 - It might be tonsillitis. - I've had that. 147 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,950 Or scarlet fever starts the same way. Have you vomited blood at all? 148 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,160 - Don't listen. He's a hypochondriac. - Ever had mumps? 149 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,880 I don't think so. Do you want to feel my glands? 150 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:08,590 No, he doesn't. Put your glands away. Any more calls came in? 151 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,560 From Hewie's PA, saying the table's booked at 11. 152 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,190 Oh, yes. You didn't say you had a sister. 153 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,200 - I haven't. - Yes, you have. She rang. 154 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,880 Her name's Kitty. She lives in Dumfries. 155 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,000 Oh. That sister. What did she want? 156 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,750 She wanted a lift from the station, so I sent her a taxi. 157 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,350 - She's here now, upstairs. - Here?! Kitty?! 158 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,920 Not now. 159 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,920 - This isn't happening. - You met his sister? 160 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,440 Yeah, twice. She's very nice. 161 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,590 Don't be funny, Jonathan. 162 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,150 Kitty! What an unexpected thrill 163 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,390 Hello, Chester. How are you? 164 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,550 Och, you've got lipstick all over you now. Come here. 165 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,920 Thank you. Now I've got lipstick and spit all over me. 166 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,280 And how are you, Jonathan? 167 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,360 He's a bright lad. Without him, Chester wouldn't have an act, 168 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,030 wouldn't have half what he has got. 169 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,400 Yes. Is this a fleeting visit or...? 170 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:22,440 Have you still that wretched beast roaming about the place? 171 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,750 Where does he do his business? It's not natural. 172 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:29,310 Not in my bedroom, anyway. For the next five days, 173 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,950 I'm keeping that door locked. 174 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,510 - Five days? - And something else I'll tell you, 175 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,640 this lass is going nowhere, the state she's in. 176 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,950 Pop this under your tongue. It's rectal, but it's clean. 177 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:46,040 Och, you're wringing wet, child. Let's get you upstairs. 178 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:51,910 - But we're going to the Café Royal... - Well, you'll have a ticket spare now. 179 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:03,070 Hewie! What can I say? You tore 'em apart. How are you doing? 180 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:07,470 I'm all right. Had a little sinus thing a few weeks back. 181 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:11,430 I'm not blowing so good, but it's clearing up. 182 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,080 Can I introduce Jonathan. He'll be working on the show. 183 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,200 Jonathan! Genius to the Magus. 184 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,670 - And his friend Madeline. - Madeline! 185 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:29,550 Ooh, I know I'm gonna be enchanted. Aren't you a pretty lady? 186 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,710 Such contours. 187 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,520 And, er... my sister Kitty. 188 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,720 Kitty, how are you? Well... 189 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,950 I'm thrilled skinny, Mr Harper. 190 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:45,000 I thought you were smashing tonight. I really did. 191 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,870 - Thank you. - I love anything on a trumpet. 192 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:54,120 The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band are another one I can't get enough of. 193 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,950 Did you meet Camille, 194 00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:01,000 aka Miss Tropic of Cancer, 1997? 195 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,520 - Where are you, honey? - I'm here. 196 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,600 - Camille, it's a pleasure. - Hello. 197 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,320 OK. I hope none of you ate. 198 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,630 We have a table booked at the Bombay Brasserie at 11. 199 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:18,960 It's not Chinese food, is it? If it is, you'll have to count me out, I'm afraid. 200 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,110 Well, it's kind of Chinese. 201 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,270 What? It's nothing like Chinese. 202 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,830 Indian food, Kitty. You like curry, don't you? 203 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,390 Och, curries I'm fine with. 204 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:32,270 All that Ho Chow Mein stuff always gives me the burps. 205 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,360 I'm sorry, I think that's sick, actually. 206 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,670 You're telling me the man's a complete fraud? 207 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,400 He plays a mean horn, I'll say that. 208 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:45,080 Don't breathe a word of this. I was told in complete confidence. 209 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:50,270 Hang on. When he accidentally put his hand up that waitress's skirt...? 210 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,640 Oh, give me a break! 211 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,240 All that guff about "Who moved the ice bucket?" 212 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,790 Even Miss Tropic of Cancer was laughing. 213 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,720 She probably thinks he wants her for her mind. 214 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,030 Interesting security system. 215 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,920 I've got a mate who's putting new locks on cheap, 216 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,280 but he can't do it till Saturday, which is a pain, 217 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,590 but there's nothing left worth nicking, anyway. 218 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,320 Yes, not very subtle, but you made your point. 219 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,080 So there's no misunderstandings later. 220 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,790 What? 221 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:33,960 Straight to the sofa bed like a bullet, before you've even put the light on. 222 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:38,950 No, I just... thought you'd be really tired by now, that's all. 223 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,030 - Wow. - I know. 224 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:58,200 It took all day to straighten up. Look, I appreciate your staying over. 225 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,960 I mean, I know you'd be useless if they did come back... 226 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:07,640 - Of course. - But someone else being here with you 227 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,030 is a real comfort. 228 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,880 Just for tonight and tomorrow, anyway, till the door's sorted, 229 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,430 to give me peace of mind. 230 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:21,160 Tomorrow might be a problem. I've got my badger watch. 231 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,950 - Otherwise, obviously, like a shot. - Oh. OK. 232 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,080 Your what? 233 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,470 - My badger watch. - Is that like a Mickey Mouse watch? 234 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:38,720 My local natural history group. After dark, we put some food down, 235 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,640 then wait for badgers to come and feed. 236 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,400 Why?! 237 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,590 Because they're very fascinating creatures. 238 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,630 You should come and check it out. 239 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,200 So it's, like... country stuff? 240 00:21:55,840 --> 00:22:00,440 Right. Country stuff. On the other hand, it involves patience 241 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,720 and the need to stay silent, so it's not your scene. 242 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,040 - Meaning what? - Sorry? 243 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:12,280 Meaning because I'm an intolerant gasbag who can't keep her trap shut? 244 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,400 "No" is the word you're struggling for. 245 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,550 Where does this bizarre ritual take place? 246 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,240 A little nature reserve. Place called Gallows Gate. 247 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,350 I'll let you know if I'm available. 248 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,920 Clare? 249 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,400 What's that car...? 250 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,910 - Get out. - Felicity... 251 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,190 What are you trying to do to me? 252 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,040 From Kiko. I think they're very nice. 253 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:28,560 What do you want? You've already taken everything I had. 254 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,030 Neville was never yours to relinquish. 255 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,790 Until you accept the truth, you will be infected with feelings of recrimination. 256 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,240 I understand that. 257 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,280 Don't understand me. Don't you dare come here 258 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,590 and understand me, you patronising little crow. 259 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,190 I'd rather you just gloat. Just laugh in my face, 260 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:51,480 but don't pretend it doesn't feel good. 261 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:55,990 It feels good, of course, to be with someone perfect and wonderful 262 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,600 who reciprocates your love, 263 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:03,550 but none of us has the power or the right to demand that love, Felicity. 264 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,480 Neville is happy with me. That should make you happy, too. 265 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,230 Oh, it should? Really? I see. 266 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,390 Instead of seeing yourself 267 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,560 as a piece of detritus he has cast aside for someone else, 268 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:25,200 accept that you were a necessary stepping stone on his journey towards true love, 269 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:29,240 a vital part of his own process of discovery. 270 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,920 Rejoice in that and you will neutralise your bitterness. 271 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:39,630 Because I won his affections and you lost them is no reason we can't be friends. 272 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,910 You're insane! Totally insane! 273 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,070 I think you forgot something. 274 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:53,520 Now take your smug, self-righteous little clichés and sod off out of my face! 275 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,030 Wait. Wait. 276 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:08,040 - Hewie! - Klaus, my man! 277 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,040 - How you doing? - I'm magnificent. How are you, baby? 278 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,040 - You remember Jonathan? - Jonathan, how are you today? 279 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,560 - There's a step there. - OK, I'm with that. 280 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,000 - Here's another one. - Uh-huh. 281 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,840 - And one small one. - All right. 282 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,200 - And this is Petra. - Hi. 283 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,080 - Hewie Harper. - Hello. 284 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,910 Mmm! Such fragrant skin. 285 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,280 And you're looking much better today, so Adam tells me. 286 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,870 We think it was one of those 24-hour bugs, you know? 287 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,590 So, listen, Jonathan's got some nice ideas for the spot, 288 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:47,310 which I thought we could tease around... till the others get here for dinner. 289 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,920 Great. Magnificent. Is Lazy Sam coming? 290 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,720 - Er, Lazy Sam and Lucy. - Uh-huh. 291 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,950 - Scatman'll be here. - All right! 292 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:01,640 - BJ and Blakey. - The elders of the Temperance Society. 293 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,640 OK, Petra, my coated pearl, 294 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:10,270 you will point me towards the restroom at this establishment. 295 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:14,720 - No problem. Come with me. - Thank you, darling. Thank you. 296 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,240 - Oh! - Oh! 297 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,150 Oh, Mr Harper! 298 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,390 - Oh, mercy me! - It's me. 299 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:58,600 Kitty. Chester said to come in here and try out his sunbed, 300 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,310 but, truth be told, it's a pain in the sit-upon. 301 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:08,430 A couple of hours on this, I know what a grilled kipper feels like. 302 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,160 Were you needing assistance, at all? 303 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:15,600 - I was just heading back... - Wait a tick. I'll be right with you. 304 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,360 So, basically, it's an inversion of Pepper's Ghost. 305 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,080 When the curtains go back, the mirror's tilted down 306 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:29,520 at 45 degrees over Hewie and the Jag to reflect the matching drape up here... 307 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:34,160 That's it, Mr Harper. Here they are. 308 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,760 One, two... 309 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:42,520 Now, just you plonk your bottom down here. That's it. 310 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:48,520 I was just saying, Chester, to Mr Harper, that contraption you use 311 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:53,390 for your all-over fake suntan, it's giving me pins and needles, 312 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,790 so I'll give it a miss. 313 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,440 Er... Yes. I guess you'll be getting ready soon? To see Cousin Milly? 314 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,200 Don't leave it too late, the way the trains are. 315 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,240 Didn't I tell you? She rang to cancel. 316 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,470 She's not feeling so clever. It must be what Petra had. 317 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,040 I'll pop across on Saturday. 318 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,320 Oh, just the job! 319 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,200 What's this? Another one of your disappearing tricks, Jonathan? 320 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,350 How does this work, then? 321 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,670 You should never neglect your feet, Mr Harper... 322 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:32,310 Remember when the queen asks the huntsman to take Snow White into the forest? 323 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,400 - It's a nature reserve, Adam. - That's not the issue. 324 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:41,350 If she's here when the Rat Pack arrive, we won't be playing happy families. 325 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,520 Put another way, the headline "Man Feeds Own Sister to Bengal Tiger" 326 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,040 won't look good on tomorrow's front pages. 327 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,960 Begging doesn't come into it. This is a royal command. 328 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,990 Nearly there. Just another 100 yards and... 329 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,000 What have you brought a camera for? Put it away. 330 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,950 - It'll be too dark. - It's got a flash. 331 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,040 Flash?! The badgers are going to love that, aren't they? 332 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,400 What are they supposed to think? It's a very large glow-worm. 333 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,920 She hasn't quite got the idea, Kitty. 334 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,440 I think it might scare them off. They're nervous wee things. 335 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,960 - Well, what are we going to do, then? - Just watch them 336 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,400 and observe their behaviour and, in the meantime, keep very quiet. 337 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,230 Clare, it's Judy. 338 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,390 Give me a buzz when you get a moment. Bye. 339 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,040 Clare? 340 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,950 Clare, are you...? 341 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,560 Clare? 342 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,640 Where did you come from? 343 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,230 Out. Go on. Shoo! 344 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,120 I want to go to the toilet. 345 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,350 Shh! 346 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,360 A - ha! 347 00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:25,880 Jonathan! 348 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,390 - Kitty! - I've just seen... Oh, my God! 349 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,550 My God! Out there... 350 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:38,000 a man strangling a girl... 351 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,400 in the window of a cottage. 352 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,590 I thought I was imagining it, but... 353 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,880 I feel sick! 354 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:03,750 How do we know they weren't just larking about? 355 00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,560 - It's none of our business, this. - Larking about?! 356 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,150 I reckon we should wait here until the police manage to get... 357 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,840 - What can you see? - Nothing. 358 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,760 If we wait, it might be too late. 359 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,120 We're jumping to a lot of conclusions! 360 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:26,670 The strangulation may have been an act of love to heighten her arousal. 361 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:30,400 Some people are into that stuff - restricted breathing, 362 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,440 sex between consenting asthmatics. 363 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:37,720 Will you quit gibbering? Every second could be vital! 364 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,230 What did he mean by that? 365 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,350 To heighten her state of arousal? 366 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,110 Ignore him. He's being sick. 367 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,000 Oh, not on the lupins. 368 00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,880 OK. Don't move, either of you, 369 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,270 while I try my luck round the back. 370 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,150 No dice. All locked up. 371 00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:45,390 Well, that's it, then. We did our best. 372 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,200 There are other ways, Jonathan. 373 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:53,910 How do you think that burglar got into my place? He didn't give up, the bastard. 374 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:58,040 What about this lock? Couldn't you pick it with a hairpin? 375 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,200 I suppose... if I had a bit more light. 376 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,160 OK. 377 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,950 Where is it, then? 378 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,880 - What? - The hairpin. 379 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:17,640 I haven't got one. Why would I need a hairpin, for goodness' sake? 380 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:21,350 I thought you carried all that malarkey around. 381 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,830 Hang on a sec. 382 00:38:38,720 --> 00:38:43,480 - What it lacks in subtlety... - Goodness! What are you doing? 383 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,800 - It's called "anything for a story". - You coming? 384 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,760 - You must be joking. - Oh, sod you, then. 385 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,310 Jonathan! Oh, my God! 386 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,710 - Wait here. - What are you going to do? 387 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,440 Call 999. 388 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,670 Oh, my God... Oh, my God... 389 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,120 What have you found? 390 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,350 Still quite warm. 391 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:04,360 I really don't think we should be in here. 392 00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:09,800 Look at all the finger marks on her neck. 393 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,920 Hey, under the basin. Look, there's a pipe. 394 00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,230 - There usually is. - Jonathan! 395 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,200 Fell out the killer's pocket, do you reckon? 396 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,320 Yes. 397 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,680 What have you noticed? 398 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,870 Don't pick it up. 399 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,240 I've got my glove on. 400 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:52,840 Hmm... 401 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,600 She said she saw him strangling her in the kitchen, didn't she? 402 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:17,150 Definitely in here where it happened. 403 00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:21,640 And yet the body's been moved back there into the bathroom. 404 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,150 What's that? A stocking? 405 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:32,550 It's been torn, and there's loads more of them in that bin. 406 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,350 Back door's locked, so's the front. 407 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,000 - You see those bolts were both done up? - Mmm. 408 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,560 Looking dangerously like another of your hermetically sealed thingummies. 409 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:56,710 Could have just locked up after him for whatever reason to stop people like us... 410 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,390 Right, so the keys... 411 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:21,080 Look, I don't know! 412 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,750 Yes, police? 413 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:49,230 A woman's been murdered. I think someone's already rung you, but... 414 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,590 It's Cypress Cottage, 14 Gallows Gate. 415 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,510 No, I'm here now... with the body. 416 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,160 Right. 417 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,280 They said to stay put. They'll be here in a second. 418 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,550 - What now? - Look at these and tell me what's wrong. 419 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,160 Expensive. 420 00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:25,710 I can't see properly. 421 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:30,040 These three have only just been washed. 422 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:35,600 This pair... have been worn... 423 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,470 but... no snags or runs. 424 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:45,240 - What am I looking for? - I wondered why they were thrown away. 425 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,390 Oh, great. Z Cars have made it. 426 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:10,150 Hang about! Give us a chance! 427 00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,960 Hi. I'm Madeline Magellan. 428 00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,070 She's, er... in there. 429 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:28,200 I had to break a window, obviously, to get inside. 430 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,320 We thought she might still be alive. 431 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,470 She might have needed some help or something. 432 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:40,830 Right, out the front, please. DC Koontz will take your statements. 433 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:45,840 Seal off the whole road, I think, before the world and his wife gets wind. 434 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,280 - What's happened? - You are? 435 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,910 I live here. Clare Sallinger. What happ...? 436 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,560 Felicity. 437 00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:58,110 - No. - I'm very sorry, Miss Sallinger. 438 00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:13,960 So, age, "young-ish". 439 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,510 Hair, "average colour". 440 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,360 Clothes, "dark-ish". 441 00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:23,520 Face, you "didn't like the look of it one bit". 442 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:29,310 It's not really one I can go on the News at Ten with. 443 00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:36,960 Would it be fair to say that from where you were standing in the nature reserve, 444 00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:41,590 this man was not much more than a speck on your glasses? 445 00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,280 No, that is not fair, Inspector. 446 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,750 Besides which, I wasn't wearing my glasses. 447 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:53,750 - You weren't what? - I had Jonathan's binoculars to my eyes, 448 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,920 and I could see them right up as close as you are now. 449 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:04,510 - Try them if you don't believe me. - You didn't mention this before. 450 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:08,880 They're 10x25, so they'd take her right up to the window. 451 00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:13,200 Question, then, Mrs Burgess. 452 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:18,200 Would you recognise this person if you saw him again? 453 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,240 - Oh, I don't want to! - No, but if you did... 454 00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,750 Never. As long as I live. In the name of God, 455 00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:28,150 - after what he did?! - Yes, but if you did see him again, 456 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,310 would you recognise him? 457 00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,030 - Oh, definitely. - Right, Mrs Burgess. 458 00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:38,550 I'd like you to have a look at a photo for us. 459 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:44,520 This is a photo of the young lady who was murdered, Felicity Vale, 460 00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,750 at a recent party with some friends. 461 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,120 This is the woman you saw being strangled? 462 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:57,150 Then have a glance at the other faces. Tell me if any ring a... 463 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:00,510 Yes? 464 00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:04,920 That's him. 465 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:09,950 Now, Mrs Burgess... 466 00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:13,160 Look very carefully before you say anything. 467 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,710 The one who was strangling her. 468 00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:20,640 As God is my lord and judge, that's him. 469 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,270 Let's get him in here. 470 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,200 Miss Sallinger. 471 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:42,400 We seem to have got a positive ID here on the man who killed your friend. 472 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,600 If you could tell us his name, please. 473 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,800 This gentleman here. 474 00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:53,750 I'm sorry, Inspector. She's made a mistake, I'm afraid. 475 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,070 That man couldn't possibly have murdered Felicity. 476 00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,560 Oh? What makes you so sure? 477 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,150 Because that man's Duncan Proctor. 478 00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:07,600 He killed himself three weeks ago, jumping out of a window.