1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:06,166 --> 00:00:07,190 Oh. 2 00:00:07,201 --> 00:00:08,786 Oh, thank God you guys are on time. 3 00:00:08,786 --> 00:00:11,873 I gotta pick up my car before the mechanic closes. 4 00:00:11,873 --> 00:00:13,374 Uh, the kids are alive. 5 00:00:13,374 --> 00:00:15,042 Uh, the hallway toilet is clogged, 6 00:00:15,042 --> 00:00:16,419 but I had nothing to do with it. 7 00:00:17,587 --> 00:00:18,838 Please stand aside. 8 00:00:18,838 --> 00:00:20,381 Can we ask you a quick question before you go? 9 00:00:20,381 --> 00:00:22,049 Asking me if you can ask me 10 00:00:22,049 --> 00:00:23,843 is already less quick than just asking me. 11 00:00:23,843 --> 00:00:24,969 Okay, but saying all of that 12 00:00:24,969 --> 00:00:26,220 is less quick than just saying yes. 13 00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:28,097 Please, just ask me the quick question. 14 00:00:28,097 --> 00:00:30,266 Are Trey and I right for each other? 15 00:00:58,111 --> 00:01:03,111 - Synced and corrected by 00:01:18,814 Whole heart. 25 00:01:18,814 --> 00:01:20,733 No heart remaining for unsure. 26 00:01:22,151 --> 00:01:24,070 - We want to do a pre-Cana. - Yeah. 27 00:01:24,070 --> 00:01:26,030 Julia explained to me what a pre-Cana is. 28 00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:27,615 It's the Catholic Church's version 29 00:01:27,615 --> 00:01:28,950 of premarital counseling. 30 00:01:28,950 --> 00:01:30,826 Mm. Lifetime Catholic, Trey. 31 00:01:30,826 --> 00:01:32,328 No explanation necessary. 32 00:01:32,328 --> 00:01:34,830 If a pre-Cana is what you want, then good for you. 33 00:01:34,830 --> 00:01:35,957 Knock yourselves out. 34 00:01:35,957 --> 00:01:37,458 Go get 'em. Break a leg. 35 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:40,419 Or as Catholics rarely say, mazel tov. 36 00:01:41,212 --> 00:01:43,506 Well, uh, we can't do an official pre-Cana 37 00:01:43,506 --> 00:01:44,590 because we can't have a church wedding 38 00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:46,133 because as you know, the church 39 00:01:46,133 --> 00:01:47,885 doesn't recognize divorce. 40 00:01:47,885 --> 00:01:49,053 Mm. Well, what can I say? 41 00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:50,179 You should have read the fine print. 42 00:01:50,179 --> 00:01:52,139 Well, uh, we want someone to give us 43 00:01:52,139 --> 00:01:53,975 an unofficial pre-Cana that's just as effective 44 00:01:53,975 --> 00:01:55,268 as the real thing. 45 00:01:55,268 --> 00:01:57,645 Pfft, what poor bastard would agree to that? 46 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:05,463 N-no. No. No. 47 00:02:05,474 --> 00:02:07,530 Are you kid... no! 48 00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:09,156 Don't you want us to have the best chance 49 00:02:09,156 --> 00:02:10,533 for a happy marriage? 50 00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:11,813 Mm, absolutely. 51 00:02:11,824 --> 00:02:15,036 But just in case, I will be in a fortified bunker. 52 00:02:15,121 --> 00:02:16,455 Jim, what about the children? 53 00:02:16,455 --> 00:02:18,875 There's room in the bunker for them too. 54 00:02:18,875 --> 00:02:21,085 Look, this marriage has to stick for their sake. 55 00:02:21,085 --> 00:02:23,045 That's right, one divorce can play havoc 56 00:02:23,045 --> 00:02:25,256 on the next generation's psyche, but two? 57 00:02:25,256 --> 00:02:27,341 That's like growing up in an Adele song. 58 00:02:28,466 --> 00:02:30,509 Look, you are the perfect person to do this. 59 00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:32,053 Nobody knows better than you what it's like 60 00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,440 to be married to me. 61 00:02:33,451 --> 00:02:35,536 But I think it's better if I take that information 62 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,132 to my grave. 63 00:02:38,227 --> 00:02:40,341 Nobody knows what better questions to ask, 64 00:02:40,352 --> 00:02:43,107 what the surprises might be, what irritants could be hiding 65 00:02:43,326 --> 00:02:45,328 in unlabeled containers. 66 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:46,611 Uh, yeah. 67 00:02:46,611 --> 00:02:49,697 I mean, haven't you ever wondered 68 00:02:49,697 --> 00:02:51,866 what might have happened if you and I had done a pre-Cana? 69 00:02:51,866 --> 00:02:53,034 I have not. 70 00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:54,368 I have always told myself that our divorce 71 00:02:54,368 --> 00:02:56,120 was as inevitable as the sunrise, 72 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,289 and my self has never argued. 73 00:02:58,852 --> 00:03:01,167 Wait a minute, you guys never did a pre-Cana? 74 00:03:01,167 --> 00:03:02,376 You didn't know that? 75 00:03:02,376 --> 00:03:03,544 Well, there's a lot we don't know, 76 00:03:03,544 --> 00:03:06,088 which is why we gotta do a pre-Cana. 77 00:03:06,088 --> 00:03:08,507 We skipped our pre-Cana. We signed up, but we didn't go. 78 00:03:08,507 --> 00:03:10,551 - We didn't think we needed it. - We thought we knew everything. 79 00:03:10,551 --> 00:03:11,856 - We were wrong. - So wrong. 80 00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:13,544 - We knew nothing. - Nothing. 81 00:03:14,138 --> 00:03:15,640 That's blood under the bridge. 82 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,516 And some lymph. 83 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,894 But I must admit that a pre-Cana 84 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,793 - might have been a good idea. - Is that a yes? 85 00:03:22,804 --> 00:03:24,106 Not yet. 86 00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:27,527 If I were to do this, if I were to go violently and stupidly 87 00:03:27,527 --> 00:03:29,612 against my better judgment, 88 00:03:29,612 --> 00:03:31,280 I would need a few days to do thorough research. 89 00:03:31,408 --> 00:03:32,451 By all means. 90 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,387 - Is that a yes? - Not yet. 91 00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,900 We would all have to agree to take this very seriously. 92 00:03:36,995 --> 00:03:39,235 Absolutely. We're all stakeholders in this outcome. 93 00:03:39,246 --> 00:03:41,164 - Is that a yes? - Not yet. 94 00:03:41,415 --> 00:03:43,459 I will pull no punches, and you two must promise 95 00:03:43,459 --> 00:03:45,253 to be scrupulously honest. 96 00:03:45,253 --> 00:03:47,296 - We will be. - This can't be just a gloss. 97 00:03:47,296 --> 00:03:49,006 Your pre-Cana cannot be pro forma. 98 00:03:49,006 --> 00:03:50,466 Just say it's a yes, Jim. 99 00:03:50,466 --> 00:03:52,176 It is the absence... 100 00:03:52,476 --> 00:03:53,686 of a no. 101 00:03:55,471 --> 00:03:57,640 I can't imagine why you two ever split up. 102 00:04:00,736 --> 00:04:03,874 Let me just say, I think this pre-Cana is a great idea. 103 00:04:03,914 --> 00:04:06,834 One train wreck per lifetime should be everyone's limit. 104 00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:08,260 Mm. 105 00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:09,761 Our marriage was not a train wreck, Dad. 106 00:04:09,761 --> 00:04:12,347 We simply chose to change trains at "Oh, my God, 107 00:04:12,347 --> 00:04:14,224 we made a terrible mistake" station. 108 00:04:14,224 --> 00:04:15,934 You guys are gonna crush this. 109 00:04:16,151 --> 00:04:17,701 And make sure you do, because we don't want 110 00:04:17,712 --> 00:04:19,088 to have to break in a new guy. 111 00:04:20,247 --> 00:04:21,247 That's a joke. 112 00:04:21,258 --> 00:04:23,802 My God, you guys act like I wasn't raised by you. 113 00:04:24,651 --> 00:04:26,695 If it snows, put on your hats, please. 114 00:04:26,695 --> 00:04:29,531 Oh, that's what those are for. 115 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:39,958 A wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime. 116 00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:42,294 Theoretically. Not in our case. 117 00:04:42,294 --> 00:04:45,630 Welcome, Julia and Trey, to your bootleg, 118 00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:47,215 discount pre-Cana. 119 00:04:47,215 --> 00:04:49,259 Speaking as your friend, it is my fervent hope 120 00:04:49,259 --> 00:04:51,303 that you will sail through with flying colors. 121 00:04:51,303 --> 00:04:54,055 But speaking as your pre-Cana proctor, 122 00:04:54,055 --> 00:04:57,100 I must now drill down and probe deeply 123 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:58,768 into the recesses of your compatibility, 124 00:04:58,768 --> 00:05:02,814 becoming, if you will, your "proctorologist." 125 00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:08,612 Before we begin, let us bow our heads and pray. 126 00:05:08,718 --> 00:05:10,276 Okay. yes. 127 00:05:11,150 --> 00:05:13,898 Dear God, get us through this in one piece. 128 00:05:14,115 --> 00:05:15,140 Okay. 129 00:05:18,139 --> 00:05:21,041 Now, we are going to divide our exercises today 130 00:05:21,249 --> 00:05:24,211 into three segments: The past, the present, and the future. 131 00:05:24,362 --> 00:05:25,837 First up, the past. 132 00:05:25,963 --> 00:05:27,252 Please stand back-to-back. 133 00:05:27,263 --> 00:05:28,973 - Oh, gladly. - Yes. 134 00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:32,469 Now, each time you discover something you did not know, 135 00:05:32,675 --> 00:05:36,181 please take a big, healthy step away from your betrothed. 136 00:05:36,334 --> 00:05:37,502 - Roger. - Got it. 137 00:05:37,798 --> 00:05:38,882 - Julia... - Mm-hmm. 138 00:05:38,893 --> 00:05:40,469 Where did Trey go to college? 139 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,573 MIT. 140 00:05:43,518 --> 00:05:44,570 Sorry. 141 00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:47,817 Trey, how old was Julia when she spoke her first words? 142 00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:49,152 2 1/2. 143 00:05:49,152 --> 00:05:51,446 Which was late, but she more than made up for it. 144 00:05:51,446 --> 00:05:53,198 - So far, so good. - Yeah, we're doing great. 145 00:05:53,198 --> 00:05:54,449 Mm, uh-huh. 146 00:05:54,449 --> 00:05:56,493 Julia, did you know that Trey played 147 00:05:56,493 --> 00:05:58,411 the role of Mary Poppins in his prep school's 148 00:05:58,411 --> 00:05:59,955 production of the musical? 149 00:05:59,955 --> 00:06:00,957 No. 150 00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:04,031 Well, it was an all-boys school, and I was 11, 151 00:06:04,042 --> 00:06:05,502 so the songs were in my vocal range. 152 00:06:05,502 --> 00:06:07,420 Wow, you did your research. 153 00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:10,048 Strap in, Mary, 'cause we're just getting started. 154 00:06:10,048 --> 00:06:11,675 Actually, it was Marty. 155 00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:14,351 Marty Poppins? 156 00:06:14,362 --> 00:06:15,709 Mm. 157 00:06:16,144 --> 00:06:17,931 - Uh, Julia? - Oh, sorry, yeah. 158 00:06:17,931 --> 00:06:20,267 Um, Trey, did you know that there was once 159 00:06:20,267 --> 00:06:22,602 a bench warrant out for Julia's arrest? 160 00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:24,604 - No. - Skinny-dipping. 161 00:06:24,803 --> 00:06:27,566 - Sue me. - Yes, you got it. 162 00:06:27,566 --> 00:06:29,860 Julia, did you know that Trey's nickname growing up 163 00:06:30,138 --> 00:06:32,241 was Smarty Pants Punch Him in the Face? 164 00:06:32,252 --> 00:06:34,478 I did not. 165 00:06:34,489 --> 00:06:36,157 Mm, perhaps the least surprising 166 00:06:36,157 --> 00:06:38,326 of today's revelations. 167 00:06:38,326 --> 00:06:40,203 Trey, did you know that Julia once 168 00:06:40,203 --> 00:06:43,058 egged her neighbor's house the night before Halloween? 169 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,708 Well, teenagers do stupid things. 170 00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,209 She was 35. 171 00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:48,169 - I was 34. - Mm. 172 00:06:48,169 --> 00:06:50,088 Julia, did you know that Trey lost 173 00:06:50,088 --> 00:06:53,008 the National Spelling Bee on a two-syllable word? 174 00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:54,259 The word was "fuchsia," 175 00:06:54,270 --> 00:06:56,439 and that little sucker's full of surprises. 176 00:06:57,509 --> 00:06:59,670 Trey, did you know that once, while on holiday 177 00:06:59,681 --> 00:07:02,377 - in the South of France, Julia... - Jim, no! 178 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,518 Julia pooped her pants 179 00:07:03,518 --> 00:07:05,312 and abandoned them in a field of cabbage? 180 00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:07,515 Oh, you promised me that you would take that to your grave. 181 00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:08,607 Oh, I will. 182 00:07:08,607 --> 00:07:11,443 I will that all the way to the glorious hereafter. 183 00:07:11,443 --> 00:07:13,486 I will never not be able to take that. 184 00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:15,113 Cut me some slack. 185 00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:18,074 It's all day long with the cheese in that country. 186 00:07:18,214 --> 00:07:19,883 Babe, I love you. 187 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,538 I'ma take three steps on that one, though. 188 00:07:23,786 --> 00:07:26,789 Which puts you in the hallway and Julia in the kitchen. 189 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,510 And what does that tell us? 190 00:07:28,651 --> 00:07:30,899 These things that we've uncovered so far, 191 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,547 they may seem inconsequential, 192 00:07:32,547 --> 00:07:34,424 but when taken in the aggregate, uh, 193 00:07:34,424 --> 00:07:36,301 they are a canary in a coal mine, 194 00:07:36,301 --> 00:07:39,221 a canary that is saying, awk, you may not know each other 195 00:07:39,221 --> 00:07:40,639 as well as you think. 196 00:07:40,639 --> 00:07:41,718 Brack! 197 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,189 That sounds like a parrot. 198 00:07:46,094 --> 00:07:47,771 I don't know, Jim. This is kind of fun. 199 00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,564 Why do people say this is so hard? 200 00:07:49,564 --> 00:07:52,609 Ah, a couple that is confident and curious. 201 00:07:52,795 --> 00:07:55,464 Pre-Cana has you just where it wants you. 202 00:07:56,169 --> 00:07:58,262 - Can I come back in the apartment now? - Yes. 203 00:07:58,273 --> 00:08:00,843 But if you'll excuse me, I have a costume change. 204 00:08:06,768 --> 00:08:07,981 And now... 205 00:08:09,883 --> 00:08:12,437 Pre-Cana segment 2, the present, 206 00:08:12,437 --> 00:08:14,064 in which we will play 207 00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:16,858 "The Prospective Newlywed Game." 208 00:08:24,116 --> 00:08:27,077 I've asked you each to predict your fiancé's answer 209 00:08:27,077 --> 00:08:28,954 to a series of questions, and then I've written 210 00:08:28,954 --> 00:08:31,581 those predictions down on the cards you hold in your lap. 211 00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:35,210 Every time your predictions match your beloved's answers, 212 00:08:35,401 --> 00:08:36,569 you'll score points. 213 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:38,332 Should we answer in question form, Jim? 214 00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:40,553 No, Trey. That's "Jeopardy!" 215 00:08:41,174 --> 00:08:43,635 You may be in jeopardy, but you're not on it. 216 00:08:45,423 --> 00:08:47,357 We understand, and we are loving this experience. 217 00:08:47,545 --> 00:08:48,587 - Yes. - Good. 218 00:08:48,598 --> 00:08:50,676 Now, let's begin, please, because polyester suits 219 00:08:50,687 --> 00:08:53,356 don't so much breathe as asphyxiate. 220 00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:58,045 Julia, how many times a day did Trey say he thinks about sex? 221 00:08:58,392 --> 00:09:01,361 Was it: A, 5 to 10 times a day; 222 00:09:01,361 --> 00:09:03,697 B, more than 10 times a day; 223 00:09:03,697 --> 00:09:06,241 or, C, way more than 10 times a day? 224 00:09:06,308 --> 00:09:08,977 I will say that he thinks about sex 225 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,746 5 to 10 times a day, Jim. 226 00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:12,372 Trey, hold up your card, please. 227 00:09:13,665 --> 00:09:18,211 250 times a day. 228 00:09:19,796 --> 00:09:21,381 That wasn't even one of the choices. 229 00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:23,650 How did you come up with that number? 230 00:09:23,661 --> 00:09:25,510 Uh, two days ago, I gave him one of those click counters. 231 00:09:25,794 --> 00:09:28,889 Yeah, and, uh, every time I think about sex, I click it. 232 00:09:30,182 --> 00:09:31,516 Did you just think about sex? 233 00:09:31,516 --> 00:09:33,060 I sure did. 234 00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:35,520 Why don't you read a book? 235 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,439 Read a great one last night. 236 00:09:39,942 --> 00:09:40,984 Next question. 237 00:09:40,984 --> 00:09:42,319 Julia, which of the two of you 238 00:09:42,545 --> 00:09:44,964 did Trey say was more romantic? 239 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,823 Oh, that's easy. He said Julia. 240 00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:48,479 Trey? 241 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:49,826 He said Trey. 242 00:09:49,985 --> 00:09:52,029 - Really? - Yeah. 243 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,665 Okay, if you are the more romantic, 244 00:09:54,882 --> 00:09:57,823 make up a love song about me right now and sing it. 245 00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,463 No problem. 246 00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,339 - Right now? - Yeah. 247 00:10:08,486 --> 00:10:09,816 ♪ Trey ♪ 248 00:10:11,753 --> 00:10:14,523 ♪ I really gotta say ♪ 249 00:10:16,155 --> 00:10:20,492 ♪ That I am way ♪ 250 00:10:20,805 --> 00:10:22,515 ♪ More romantic ♪ 251 00:10:24,733 --> 00:10:27,172 - That's terrible. - Well, look, it's... it's hard. It's hard. 252 00:10:27,183 --> 00:10:28,643 Is it? Really? 253 00:10:34,246 --> 00:10:38,834 ♪ You are the perfect person for me ♪ 254 00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:41,420 ♪ The only one I can see ♪ 255 00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:44,506 ♪ You're where I wanna be, Julia ♪ 256 00:10:44,506 --> 00:10:46,374 - All right, all right. - ♪ I am ♪ 257 00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,385 - ♪ Uh-huh ♪ - ♪ The perfect person for you ♪ 258 00:10:48,385 --> 00:10:51,138 - ♪ Uh-huh ♪ - ♪ If you were ever untrue ♪ 259 00:10:51,138 --> 00:10:53,140 ♪ I don't know what I would do ♪ 260 00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:55,434 - ♪ Julia ♪ - ♪ Wah-wah ♪ 261 00:10:55,434 --> 00:10:57,519 - ♪ Julia-a-a ♪ - ♪ Wah-wah ♪ 262 00:10:57,519 --> 00:10:59,771 ♪ Oh, yeah, Julia ♪ 263 00:10:59,771 --> 00:11:01,440 Just saying. 264 00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:09,134 And we are cooking with gas. 265 00:11:09,145 --> 00:11:10,449 Next question. 266 00:11:10,449 --> 00:11:12,492 Trey, what did Julia say 267 00:11:12,492 --> 00:11:15,120 was her most repulsive personal habit? 268 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,331 Well, that's a layup, because Julia said 269 00:11:17,331 --> 00:11:21,251 she has no repulsive personal habits because she doesn't. 270 00:11:21,392 --> 00:11:23,144 How do you feel about a terrible 271 00:11:23,155 --> 00:11:25,616 eustachian tube hocking noise? 272 00:11:27,179 --> 00:11:29,051 - A what, now? - Oh. 273 00:11:29,051 --> 00:11:31,386 I have a small hole in my Eustachian tube 274 00:11:31,621 --> 00:11:33,456 that sometimes itches really badly, 275 00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:36,808 and I can only relieve it by making a certain, 276 00:11:36,808 --> 00:11:38,518 uh, small... a noise. 277 00:11:39,069 --> 00:11:40,848 - What kind of noise? - Oh, it's nothing. 278 00:11:40,859 --> 00:11:43,736 Julia, would you make the noise, please? 279 00:11:49,956 --> 00:11:52,375 Mm. 280 00:11:52,386 --> 00:11:54,055 Mm. 281 00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:05,253 - Oh, my God. - Well, look, I only do it 282 00:12:05,253 --> 00:12:06,546 when no one else is around. 283 00:12:06,546 --> 00:12:08,674 When she thinks no one else is around. 284 00:12:09,034 --> 00:12:11,442 Have you been to a doctor? I think you need to see a doctor. 285 00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:13,016 Doctors say nothing can be done. 286 00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:14,487 How about an exorcist? 287 00:12:15,472 --> 00:12:18,183 They won't see me because I'm divorced. 288 00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:19,511 Quick check of the scoreboard. 289 00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:21,424 Uh, you are the only competitors, 290 00:12:21,435 --> 00:12:22,980 and yet you are losing. 291 00:12:23,594 --> 00:12:27,192 Next question. Julia, what fictional character did Trey say 292 00:12:27,192 --> 00:12:29,534 he'd most like to make whoopee with? 293 00:12:29,545 --> 00:12:32,047 Oh, oh, this one I know because he told me. 294 00:12:32,058 --> 00:12:33,240 - I did? - Yes. 295 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,117 On our first date, I said mine was Sir Lancelot, 296 00:12:35,117 --> 00:12:36,588 and you said, oh, what a coincidence 297 00:12:36,599 --> 00:12:39,037 because yours was Lady Guinevere. 298 00:12:39,037 --> 00:12:41,164 - I said Lady Guinevere? - Yes. 299 00:12:41,164 --> 00:12:44,376 Yes, and... and that was the moment I thought, this is meant to be. 300 00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:47,212 I mean, this is a man that I could love. 301 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,768 Trey, turn over your card, please. 302 00:12:49,779 --> 00:12:51,967 - I'd really rather not. - Trey. 303 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,354 Lola Bunny... 304 00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,855 From "Space Jam." 305 00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:05,921 What? She's hot. 306 00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:08,859 I can't believe you said Guinevere 307 00:13:08,859 --> 00:13:10,235 when you didn't mean Guinevere. 308 00:13:10,235 --> 00:13:11,445 I can't believe you're fixated 309 00:13:11,445 --> 00:13:13,322 on some stupid thing I said on our first date 310 00:13:13,322 --> 00:13:15,285 when I was trying to get into... 311 00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:16,929 your life. 312 00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:19,411 Well, I can't believe you thought there would have been 313 00:13:19,411 --> 00:13:20,746 a second date if it didn't matter, the things 314 00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:22,623 - we said on our first date. - Are you kidding me? 315 00:13:22,623 --> 00:13:25,255 You told me you loved basketball on our first date. 316 00:13:25,266 --> 00:13:28,587 I do love... elements of it. 317 00:13:28,587 --> 00:13:31,840 I... I love the songs that they play during the time-outs. 318 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,717 I... I love the T-shirt cannons. I love the kiss cam. 319 00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,844 I love the halftime show with the cheerleaders 320 00:13:35,844 --> 00:13:37,304 dancing in their cute little outfits. 321 00:13:37,304 --> 00:13:39,431 So help me, if you click that thing again. 322 00:13:42,318 --> 00:13:43,361 Are we having a fight? 323 00:13:43,372 --> 00:13:45,014 Yeah, I think we are. 324 00:13:46,365 --> 00:13:48,398 Friends, that's all we have time for. 325 00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:50,651 I hope you'll join us again in a few minutes 326 00:13:50,651 --> 00:13:52,247 for segment 3, the future. 327 00:13:52,258 --> 00:13:55,721 Because if you thought this was trouble, stick around. 328 00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:00,935 Steady as she goes, Julia. 329 00:14:01,646 --> 00:14:04,017 Here in segment 3, the future, 330 00:14:04,028 --> 00:14:07,917 this "Jenga" tower is a metaphor for your marriage. 331 00:14:07,917 --> 00:14:09,961 Each time either one of you answer false 332 00:14:09,961 --> 00:14:11,170 to any of my questions, 333 00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:12,505 you'll have to remove another block. 334 00:14:12,505 --> 00:14:14,257 I know. I know. 335 00:14:15,842 --> 00:14:17,594 Ha-ha. 336 00:14:17,594 --> 00:14:19,137 True or false? 337 00:14:19,137 --> 00:14:22,265 I have no problem with the idea that my spouse 338 00:14:22,265 --> 00:14:24,809 is the very last person with whom 339 00:14:24,809 --> 00:14:28,855 I will ever, ever, ever have sex. 340 00:14:28,855 --> 00:14:30,481 I am just fine with that. 341 00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:33,484 I'll enjoy having sex with my spouse and only my spouse 342 00:14:33,484 --> 00:14:36,613 over and over and over and over and over again 343 00:14:36,613 --> 00:14:39,908 until everything else in the universe is dead. 344 00:14:41,563 --> 00:14:42,856 True. 345 00:14:42,867 --> 00:14:44,343 Over and over... 346 00:14:44,354 --> 00:14:46,414 - I got it. - And over... Okay. 347 00:14:46,629 --> 00:14:47,797 True or false? 348 00:14:47,808 --> 00:14:50,445 I am willing to move far away from Boston 349 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,253 for my spouse's sake. 350 00:14:52,830 --> 00:14:55,006 - True. - Wha... would that be after the kids 351 00:14:55,006 --> 00:14:56,507 have grown and left the nest? 352 00:14:56,507 --> 00:14:59,761 Mm, sorry, but as a responsible pre-Cana proctor, 353 00:14:59,938 --> 00:15:02,650 I can only reread the question, which is, again... 354 00:15:02,661 --> 00:15:03,662 False. 355 00:15:04,953 --> 00:15:07,122 Please take another piece out of your marriage. 356 00:15:09,573 --> 00:15:11,658 Absolutely no pressure. 357 00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:16,415 Now, true or false? 358 00:15:16,426 --> 00:15:18,748 If my spouse were rendered brain-dead, 359 00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:21,699 I would unplug him or her without their previous consent. 360 00:15:21,699 --> 00:15:23,631 Who would answer that question without more detail? 361 00:15:23,642 --> 00:15:25,018 Who would answer the question 362 00:15:25,029 --> 00:15:26,897 "Do you take this woman for your wedded wife?" 363 00:15:26,908 --> 00:15:28,409 without more detail? 364 00:15:29,336 --> 00:15:31,356 For example, uh, would she kill you 365 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:32,618 just because you couldn't blink? 366 00:15:32,629 --> 00:15:34,629 False. Fine, false. False. 367 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:38,132 - False. - Trey... or, if I may, Godzilla, 368 00:15:38,511 --> 00:15:40,472 Tokyo awaits. 369 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:44,654 Oh. 370 00:15:44,848 --> 00:15:46,849 Oh, oh, a little tremor there, I thought. 371 00:15:46,849 --> 00:15:51,104 Uh, but, you know, somehow the, uh... the tower clings to life. 372 00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:52,804 True or false? 373 00:15:52,815 --> 00:15:55,693 I would like to have children with my spouse. 374 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:56,997 True. 375 00:16:00,142 --> 00:16:01,534 Don't you? 376 00:16:02,715 --> 00:16:03,950 Oh. Oh, wait a minute. 377 00:16:04,143 --> 00:16:06,479 You... you guys never discussed this? 378 00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:09,592 You covered the Knights of the Round Table but not this? 379 00:16:09,603 --> 00:16:11,708 I guess I always assumed we'd try, at least. 380 00:16:11,708 --> 00:16:13,585 And I guess I assumed you understood 381 00:16:13,596 --> 00:16:16,015 that I was done with people plopping out of me. 382 00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,554 This is a thing. 383 00:16:23,346 --> 00:16:24,931 Uh, Julia, um... 384 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,644 I know, Jim. 385 00:16:33,984 --> 00:16:36,493 Oh, the humanity. 386 00:16:36,504 --> 00:16:38,364 - You're loving this, aren't you? - What? 387 00:16:38,375 --> 00:16:40,503 You've taken obvious glee in it from the start. 388 00:16:40,514 --> 00:16:41,830 Obvious Schadenfreude. 389 00:16:41,841 --> 00:16:43,489 Oh, oh, we're breaking out the German now? 390 00:16:43,489 --> 00:16:45,204 Because it's the perfect word 391 00:16:45,215 --> 00:16:47,160 for someone who enjoys other people's pain. 392 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,662 Well, I know a little German myself, pal. 393 00:16:49,662 --> 00:16:50,788 I know "good morning" 394 00:16:50,788 --> 00:16:52,498 and "Frederick Street train station." 395 00:16:52,498 --> 00:16:54,625 Schadenfreude, Schadenfreude, Schadenfreude. 396 00:16:54,636 --> 00:16:55,668 Guten Morgen. 397 00:16:55,668 --> 00:16:57,207 Bahnhof Friedrichstrasse. 398 00:16:57,218 --> 00:16:59,088 Why do I even bother with you? 399 00:16:59,088 --> 00:17:01,007 You picked me for this. 400 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,764 I did what you asked me. 401 00:17:02,775 --> 00:17:05,343 I... I... I put your relationship to a stress test. 402 00:17:05,354 --> 00:17:08,223 You know, like they do with airplanes before they make them fly? 403 00:17:08,223 --> 00:17:10,216 But it's not my fault that the wings snapped off, 404 00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:11,603 the engine caught fire, and the rest of it 405 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,157 slammed into a mountain. 406 00:17:14,615 --> 00:17:16,241 Well, where does that leave us? 407 00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:17,732 Dead but wiser? 408 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:19,950 I take it back. I take back what I said. 409 00:17:19,961 --> 00:17:21,903 I can see exactly why you two broke up. 410 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,207 Because Jim is so Jim. 411 00:17:24,218 --> 00:17:25,851 No, that's not why we broke up. 412 00:17:25,862 --> 00:17:27,614 - Thank you. - I mean, it didn't help, 413 00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:29,536 but it's... it's not the reason. 414 00:17:29,689 --> 00:17:32,017 You know, we broke up because we weren't prepared. 415 00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:33,122 For what? 416 00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:35,532 For what happens in the natural course of things. 417 00:17:35,543 --> 00:17:38,170 Believe it or not, Jim and I were once in love too. 418 00:17:38,471 --> 00:17:40,838 You don't have to make it sound like science fiction. 419 00:17:40,838 --> 00:17:42,382 But we didn't know how to keep our marriage 420 00:17:42,779 --> 00:17:45,220 thriving when, you know... 421 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:49,064 When the... the blissful fog of early love gave way 422 00:17:49,075 --> 00:17:52,287 to the spirit-sucking, mind-numbing sameness of, uh, 423 00:17:52,287 --> 00:17:53,722 actual married life. 424 00:17:54,443 --> 00:17:57,404 Let's just say things changed, and we panicked. 425 00:17:57,415 --> 00:18:00,027 And then we thought that getting married must have been a mistake. 426 00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,021 And then you start treating each other that way, 427 00:18:02,032 --> 00:18:03,533 and then it's too late. 428 00:18:03,544 --> 00:18:05,963 Uh, the truth is, most of the little things 429 00:18:05,974 --> 00:18:08,477 that came out today, the... the eustachian tubes 430 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:11,288 and the Lola Bunnies, they're not the problem. 431 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,218 Although they're strange and disturbing. 432 00:18:14,269 --> 00:18:16,461 Uh, I mean, I didn't have a... a Lola Bunny. 433 00:18:16,472 --> 00:18:18,557 I was more of a Heather Locklear guy. 434 00:18:18,573 --> 00:18:22,827 She had that hair that kind of framed her face 435 00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:25,663 and those, uh, one-piece bathing suits. 436 00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:32,087 Trey, where did you put that clicker? 437 00:18:38,259 --> 00:18:40,637 When Jim first heard the throat noise, 438 00:18:40,804 --> 00:18:43,014 it was early days, and he liked it. 439 00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:44,557 "Liked" is a strong word. 440 00:18:45,173 --> 00:18:46,825 He thought it was all part of the charm. 441 00:18:46,836 --> 00:18:48,296 Yeah. I... I did. 442 00:18:48,307 --> 00:18:50,143 But later on, that's the kind of thing you point to. 443 00:18:50,154 --> 00:18:52,990 Over your shoulder, as you're running away at top speed. 444 00:18:53,898 --> 00:18:56,526 The narcotic haze falls away for everybody. 445 00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:58,273 I mean, believe it or not, at some point, 446 00:18:58,284 --> 00:19:00,396 there will come a day when the only time you and I 447 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,658 are gonna want to see each other naked 448 00:19:01,658 --> 00:19:03,451 is to check for melanomas. 449 00:19:05,086 --> 00:19:06,544 Well, what happens then? 450 00:19:06,555 --> 00:19:09,874 Well, first of all, you check for melanomas. 451 00:19:11,746 --> 00:19:13,503 What happens is that this time, 452 00:19:13,503 --> 00:19:15,880 I'll know that it's normal. 453 00:19:16,236 --> 00:19:18,299 Do you trust me to know what to do when that day comes, 454 00:19:18,299 --> 00:19:21,594 to... to know that it's just the end of the beginning, 455 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,096 not the beginning of the end? 456 00:19:24,482 --> 00:19:26,509 Julia, I trust you with everything. 457 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,330 If it turned out that we didn't have kids, 458 00:19:30,204 --> 00:19:32,415 would that be a deal-breaker? 459 00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:35,514 Oh. Sorry, sorry. That's me. 460 00:19:35,525 --> 00:19:37,402 Sorry. Mm. Sorry. 461 00:19:38,593 --> 00:19:42,805 Um, sorry, uh, comma, uh, I'm in a meeting, comma. 462 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,415 uh, I'll call you later, period. 463 00:19:45,659 --> 00:19:48,953 Oh, uh, regards to Trisha, exclamation point. 464 00:19:49,038 --> 00:19:50,165 Send. 465 00:19:51,499 --> 00:19:53,266 Hey. 466 00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:55,999 There are no deal-breakers. 467 00:19:58,581 --> 00:20:00,583 I'm marrying you. 468 00:20:11,697 --> 00:20:13,865 - Jim? - Um, do you need the room? 469 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,400 No, I just... 470 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,235 I want to say thank you. 471 00:20:19,235 --> 00:20:20,945 - Yeah, danke, Jim. - Oh. 472 00:20:20,945 --> 00:20:23,156 - Schniedelwutz. - What does... what does that mean? 473 00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:25,700 I don't know. Somebody yelled it at me. 474 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:28,161 But I... I just want to say that, uh, 475 00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,829 I think it's really gutsy, what you guys did, 476 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,372 and I'm really happy for you. 477 00:20:31,372 --> 00:20:34,334 And I think it's... it's given me hope for myself, you know, 478 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:37,066 that maybe someday I might... 479 00:20:37,076 --> 00:20:38,463 Oh, my. 480 00:20:43,097 --> 00:20:44,897 Oh, wait, uh, I almost forgot. 481 00:20:44,908 --> 00:20:48,620 Uh, in lieu of your official pre-Cana certificate, 482 00:20:48,807 --> 00:20:53,395 a grand prize, chosen especially for you. 483 00:20:53,395 --> 00:20:55,063 You can put it on a mantelpiece... 484 00:20:55,063 --> 00:20:57,357 Or on an adult cake. 485 00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:00,318 Oh, Jim. 486 00:21:00,318 --> 00:21:02,112 They got my complexion right. 487 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,115 - Come here. - Aw. 488 00:21:06,616 --> 00:21:08,284 Aw. Okay. 489 00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:09,411 Mm-hmm. 490 00:21:09,411 --> 00:21:11,788 - Very nice. - Yes, it is. 491 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,766 - Weird now. - Oh. 492 00:21:15,893 --> 00:21:17,893 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.MY-SUBS.com -