1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,252
Today is the first day
of Sabre's new project

2
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,504
to develop a chain
of retail stores.

3
00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:09,383
Nellie Bertram
Head of Special Projects.

4
00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:11,635
Work starts at 9:00.

5
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:15,347
Sabre HQ is 30 minutes away
driving the speed limit,

6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,683
giving everyone 20
minutes to shower,

7
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,060
plus 50 for Jim
to style his hair,

8
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:24,398
20 for breakfast, 40 for Erin
to get post between
her room and the lobby,

9
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:27,109
90 for Ryan to do
his morning ecstasy.

10
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,112
We're already 20 minutes late

11
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,954
Wake up!
(SCREAMS)

12
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:44,835
Hey, hey, hey
hey, wake up! Ow

13
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,463
Why are you sleeping
that way?

14
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,841
Oh. I was reading
the mattress tag
and I fell asleep.

15
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:55,387
Stanley! Wake up
You've got to wake up
The hotel's on fire!

16
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,973
Stanley, wake up
It's pretzel day

17
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,391
(SIGHS)

18
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,192
Good morning

19
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:12,154
Hey, wake up
Let's have some fun.
We're in Florida now

20
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,615
Hey, you. I'm so
glad this is happening

21
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,117
door twice last night

22
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,328
Come on in,
the water's fine

23
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,038
Oh, not coo

24
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:26,085
sleep schedule, so I'm
up and at 'em at 4:1 5

25
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,797
But no kids,
so I honestly didn't know
what to do with myself

26
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,299
And then I thought
of something. Uh

27
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:36,261
Here is Dwight
What the

28
00:01:38,681 --> 00:01:40,015
Oh, man

29
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,475
What do you think happened?

30
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,812
Looks like Jim got mixed up
with some bad apples.
(GASPS)

31
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,565
Oh, no, no, no, no
It wasn't me

32
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:52,528
at the Alcohol Club."

33
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,531
(BOTH SCREAM)

34
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,680
Puppet
Cool. For your kids?

35
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:22,516
Yeah. It's weird
being away from them.
I've never done this before

36
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,687
Attention
Dunder Mifflin group
proceed outside.

37
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,857
The vehicle is waiting
Seats have been assigned

38
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,483
Shotgun goes to Ryan

39
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,610
Congratulations, Ryan

40
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,198
I need to make Nellie
see me as a leader today.

41
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,742
First impressions
get locked in forever

42
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,911
When I first met Pam
she said something

43
00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,830
that slightly
rubbed me the wrong way

44
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,124
Since then I've
loved working with Pam

45
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,876
and she's frankly wonderful

46
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,169
but I hate her

47
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:52,588
I'll have
a bottle of the antacid

48
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,840
Also I want to get
a souvenir for my son

49
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,550
but his mother
doesn't acknowledge
my paternity.

50
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:57,801
Do you have anything for that?

51
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,761
Also I want it to
have a Florida feel

52
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,388
What does he like?

53
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,140
Power

54
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,978
Okay, and this one is,
"Huh. Don't see too many
museums around here."

55
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,397
Okay, Twiggy, that's enough
Get in the car.

56
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,024
Hey, are you okay?

57
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,443
I'm fine, okay?
I'm just stressed

58
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,695
because I care
about this project

59
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,197
And frankly,
the fact that none of you

60
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,740
are vomiting or
diarrheal right now

61
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,035
Who says none of
us are diarrheal?

62
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,831
Are you sure it's stress?
Because I did poison you

63
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,291
Very funny, Jim

64
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,084
Oh, no, I'm serious.
I was thinking for this trip

65
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,003
so what should that be?

66
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,005
And then I thought of it
I'll poison you

67
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,257
What are you going to do?
Are you going to
steal my newspaper

68
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,759
or put a cricket in my cereal
or something?

69
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,428
I'm gonna set
your face on fire.
That's a good one

70
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,683
Whoa. Stanley,
did you just come back

71
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,976
from burning down
a rival night club?

72
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,102
Laugh it up, Halpert

73
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:53,023
I'm in Florida for
a month without my family
I'm going to enjoy this.

74
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,151
Want to get in?
You can work the iPod

75
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,153
Yes

76
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,990
You're a nice guy, Jim
but you have no
idea how to vacation.

77
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,158
Find some Kenny Loggins

78
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,368
Loggins and Messina

79
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,245
Did I say Messina?

80
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,210
(YELLS)
Sorry, I couldn't resist
It's so quiet.

81
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,547
It's so peaceful,
I've already
written 12 plays today

82
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:22,844
It's so quiet, one might say
you could hear a pin...

83
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,015
would be cooler

84
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,851
Hey, can you pick up
the pin?

85
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,436
Some of us like to
work in our bare feet

86
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:36,358
Of course.
I will pick up the pin
It is right here

87
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,112
Got it
Can we see that?
Did you really find it?

88
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:43,365
Yes. Right here.
Got it. Dink. Ow

89
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,869
In the trash
Hey, why is it so quiet?

90
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,705
Shouldn't
the phone be ringing?

91
00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:51,790
Uh-oh

92
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,875
Erin set
the phone to voicemail

93
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,669
Great.
Oh, my God, we're screwed

94
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,463
There
(PHONE RINGING)

95
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,757
Oh, there we go. Pam?

96
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,175
Yeah

97
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,635
Can you get the phone?

98
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,053
Well, I'm not
the receptionist

99
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,471
Well, you used to be

100
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,809
I know
but I can't cover reception
I have a ton of work to do.

101
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,728
Phone's ringing

102
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:17,733
Will one of you get the phone?
I am freaking out!
I know it's for me.

103
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,069
(RINGING CONTINUES)

104
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,824
Are you guys kidding me?
Stop flirting and
someone get the phone

105
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,200
Answer the phone

106
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,535
Pick up the phone

107
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:29,870
Andy, you're standing up

108
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,079
You're the closest one to it

109
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Fine

110
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,624
Hello. Dunder Mifflin

111
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,252
Hello, you've
reached Dunder Mifflin.
How may I be of service?

112
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,630
How was the drive?
Fantastic

113
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,840
Stanley drives so fast

114
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:46,011
Life is short. Drive fast
leave a sexy corpse.
That's one of my mottos

115
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,348
I would love to
hear the other mottos

116
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,641
Quick query, Halpert

117
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,809
No way

118
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,186
Still queer?

119
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:55,937
Packer

120
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,774
You can't put me down
Too strong

121
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,278
Yeah, Dwight and Jim
tried to get me fired.

122
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,822
But I landed on my
feet down here in Florida

123
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:09,117
You see, this
cat's got nine lives
and a nine-inch

124
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,622
Say, "So who's
leading this thing anyway?'

125
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,833
So who's leading
this thing anyway?

126
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,089
Psst. Say,
"I can't wait to meet him.'

127
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:29,721
"Him," you said?
Don't think
a woman can be a leader?

128
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:34,393
l
You poor, simple boy

129
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,019
Expected a man, did you?

130
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:42,025
Strong, powerful
huge whopping penis?
Well, sorry to disappoint

131
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:46,613
But my huge whopping
penis is right here
and I'm not afraid to use it

132
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:52,119
So stop looking at my breasts
and start looking at my penis.

133
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:59,251
I'm Nellie Bertram
President of Special Projects

134
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,044
In the next few weeks
we're going to throw

135
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,629
everything you
know about business

136
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:05,215
out of the window
and do it our own way

137
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,634
Are your minds blown?

138
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:11,138
So,
how did this special project
come about anyway?

139
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:17,519
Well, I interviewed to be
the manager of your branch

140
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:21,940
After you decided I
wasn't a good fit...

141
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,525
It was
Ah. Mmm-mmm

142
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,528
It was. I went
on a shopping spree

143
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,114
Very destructive, I bought 1/ pianos

144
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,826
Then I realized,
what if Sabre had a store?
Hmm?

145
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:37,414
So I called Jo
old friend, founder of Sabre
and I told her,

146
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,459
and she grabbed
me by the shoulders
and she said, "Yes!'

147
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,919
So let's talk about
this Sabre store then

148
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,964
Probably going to
look stupid, right?

149
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,633
Like a big turd with a door
on the front, right?

150
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,218
What do you think
it should look like?

151
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:53,305
It might be fun
if each store had
a different theme

152
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,765
like a beach one,
a winter one, a jungle one

153
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,684
No. Not a big fan of
the winter aesthetic

154
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,603
Well, that was just one idea
It doesn't have to be winter.

155
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,563
Oh, no, it does. It does

156
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,232
It has to be winter
and I reject it

157
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:09,571
So I drew up a design concept
probably going to
be rubbish, right?

158
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,158
Would you like to look at it?
Just so you can laugh at it

159
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,284
Yeah

160
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,494
Let me just get
the projector working

161
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,623
You got to stop
with the antacids
It's not the antidote

162
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,875
You didn't poison me
It's just stress.

163
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,251
Okay

164
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:24,628
What is the antidote?

165
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,004
True love's kiss

166
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,464
Jim, help me
lower this screen

167
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,508
You're a big tall man

168
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,677
You'd be hilarious
trying to do it
like a little boy.

169
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,638
Just let go of his balloon

170
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,015
I'll do it. (GRUNTS)

171
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:40,519
something done right,
ask Dwight.

172
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:41,603
Right, Dwight

173
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,105
Right, Dwight.
Right, Dwight. Right, Dwight

174
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,691
Sorry.
Now you'll never be able
to get that out of your head

175
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,776
(WHIMPERS)

176
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,238
(GROANS IN PAIN)

177
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,989
(SCREAMING)

178
00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:57,869
There we go

179
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:06,002
Yes, a complete inability
to pass gas, pervert.

180
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:10,423
Yeah, it's tender,
but it can't be appendicitis.
I eat more than enough bacon

181
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,302
Okay, what poison
mimics the symptoms
of appendicitis?

182
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,637
You don't know. Hold on

183
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,348
(GRUNTING)

184
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:24,187
What kind of
poison did you use?

185
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:27,774
Dwight, I didn't poison you I was kidding

186
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,405
Yeah, I'm going to
need an ambulance

187
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,825
Hold on. I have
the address in my phone
Hold on.

188
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,452
Sabre has assigned
Hold on one second

189
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,079
...the following positions
in the retail division.

190
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,330
Uh, quick question

191
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:45,875
Vice President, who is that?
There is no name listed.

192
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,838
Is there not?
Maybe I'm just waiting
for someone to wow me

193
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,969
Sir? Sir, where should
we send the ambulance?

194
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,722
Send it to
the freaking moon, idiot

195
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:02,934
I'll tell you what, though
since my move down to Florida

196
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,186
I've really gotten back
into hunting, big-time.

197
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:09,232
Hunting's so primal
almost sexual
- Totally.

198
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,942
Yeah, I mean
I'd never bang an animal

199
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,068
You can hardly
tell the difference

200
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,278
between a boy or a girl
you know?

201
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,779
But hunting's intense

202
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,281
You talking about hunting?

203
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,907
I'm a master hunter

204
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:19,993
Did you say "masturbator"?

205
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:22,746
I'm a decent baiter.
My cousin, Mose,
that's a master baiter

206
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,873
Why are you
sitting down like that?

207
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,000
Why is everyone
else standing up?

208
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:30,337
Okay, team, let's
get back to work
Break's over

209
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,257
Wow. Are you that bored?

210
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,427
It's just rum
I'm not bored. I'm a pirate

211
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,179
Is that another motto?

212
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,847
It's whatever you want

213
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,223
Hmm

214
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,725
Or do you only
drink with your kids?

215
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,226
No, let's do it

216
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,436
Woah. That's healthy

217
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,938
I've spent so much of
my life telling myself,

218
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,232
"Please, don't
end up like Stanley.'

219
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,404
And now I'm wondering
if I even have what it takes

220
00:10:57,281 --> 00:11:03,244
We have
the Sabre pyramid, right?
We've got a bunch of humans

221
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:06,414
You guys. Humans, pyramid

222
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,917
Human pyramid. Do you follow?

223
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,753
It's a team-building exercise

224
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,421
You love it. Who's in?

225
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,341
Tallahassee, let's go

226
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,509
Jim, are you in?

227
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,927
Oh, I don't know

228
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,387
Sounds like a hoot. I'm in

229
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,264
All right
What the heck? Let's do it

230
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,684
This is great.
This is going to be great

231
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,435
I feel like I'm
in ancient Egypt.

232
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,730
I'll be on top
That's the most
important position

233
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:32,816
Dude, I think you
have appendicitis.
(GROANS)

234
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,110
Dwight,
why don't we just hold off

235
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,112
with the human
pyramids for a while?

236
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,239
Everyone stop moving.
Everyone stop wiggling

237
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,532
going to vomit

238
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,742
Dude, don't you yak on me
This shirt is Van Heusen

239
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:43,910
Oh, stop moving

240
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,955
No one's moving.
(GROANING)

241
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,790
(ALL GASPING)

242
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,335
Arrest Jim.
He poisoned me

243
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,213
What? No. No
It was not a poisoning

244
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,340
The one thing Pam
made sure I knew,

245
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,551
Florida's pretty loose
with the death penalty

246
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,469
You need an operation
You have appendicitis

247
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,139
Oh! Who called it?
Nothing but net

248
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,473
How long will he be gone?

249
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:06,850
Two or three days

250
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,060
Don't remember me like this

251
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,730
Remember me as the man
who pulled down the screen

252
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:12,897
Drama queen, am I right?

253
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,653
Philip, if you're
hearing this memo

254
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,239
that can only mean
one thing, I am dead

255
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:26,244
You are the rightful
heir to Schrute Farms.
Please, you must do one thing

256
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,830
Kill Mose before he kills you

257
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,836
Mose. Hey, it's Dwight

258
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,504
Listen, yeah,
I just want to
give you a heads up

259
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,964
That was
an interesting diversion

260
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,507
Should we get
back to the meeting?

261
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,385
Woah. Are those mini pizzas?

262
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,637
Yeah. I figure if
we keep things savory

263
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,890
while Oscar's mouth
is in canker country

264
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:49,225
bacon-wrapped dates
on deck.

265
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:53,396
Look at these
little mini pizzas.
Does this make me look huge?

266
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:57,609
(GIGGLES) Hey, guys
look at me, I'm huge.

267
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,987
Hey, Darryl, good news
your fax went through.

268
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,531
Oh (BLEEP) yeah

269
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,699
Up high

270
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:05,950
Yes, sir. Thanks.
(PHONE RINGS)

271
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:09,496
Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy.
I put out some new magazines
Check it out

272
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,080
Ah, Dwell.

273
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,879
I'm acting like I like Reception,
and I'm a really good actor

274
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:21,424
so people are actually buying
that p actually
like Reception.

275
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,385
But I mean,
seriously, Reception sucks

276
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,054
(PHONE RINGS)
Ooh! There's the phone

277
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:28,556
I just
got out of surgery

278
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,934
What's going on? Fill me in

279
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,229
Well, we broke into groups
and the groups are giving
presentations later.

280
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,064
Who's doing the presentations?

281
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:37,732
Packer's giving one

282
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,567
Jim will probably
give ours, I guess.

283
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,693
Damn it

284
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,655
Let's see
What else have you missed?

285
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:46,032
Ryan switched his
name tag to his pants

286
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,575
so now it's like
if you wear yours

287
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,118
on your shirt
you're a total dip

288
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,287
But if you switch
you're a copycat

289
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,540
But I think I
figured out a solution

290
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:57,418
What else? My shoes are...
(GROANS)

291
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,255
...features
the tech support area
Bring in your product,

292
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,841
a bunch of nerdy
virgins fix it on the spot

293
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,259
Huge for building loyalty

294
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,094
Yes, that is
a very good point

295
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,804
Yeah, Todd, decent idea

296
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,890
Obvious, but interesting

297
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,559
Dwight, are you all right?

298
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,143
I'm great. How are you?

299
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:19,774
Uh.

300
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,444
What's our presentation about?

301
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:24,654
Dwight, will you go
back to the hospital?

302
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,155
You were there for
like three hours.

303
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,782
I got the surgery.
What else is there to do?

304
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,784
Do 100 jumping jacks
No. I don't feel like it.

305
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,077
You do 100 jumping jacks

306
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,956
...ninety-seven, 98, 99

307
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,084
You haven't done
any of the research

308
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,879
You're too slow.
You're too small.
Seabiscuit is a stupid name

309
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,630
You guys sound just like
the enemies of Seabiscuit

310
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,173
I'm going to do it

311
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,758
Oh, let him do it

312
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:47,969
Stanley,
are you listening to music?

313
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,220
Yep

314
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,057
All right, who's ready
for the next presentation?

315
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,310
Oh... What is your topic?

316
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:59,230
What is our topic?
Oh, what a topic it is.
Mmm-hmm

317
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,815
Retail consumer habits

318
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,859
Really? Okay

319
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,612
Retail consumer habits is

320
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,365
The only thing
you need to know

321
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,742
about retail
consumer habits is that

322
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:13,244
consumers are
mindless lemmings

323
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,830
They just want to
be told what to do

324
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:22,378
Fast-forward to today
and the retail
consumer is independent

325
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:26,799
well-informed, super smart
Super smart

326
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:28,509
Okay

327
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,599
Shopping habits are both
seasonal and cyclical

328
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:35,808
What does this mean?

329
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,186
No, sit down

330
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:42,982
Seasonal, well, the Christmas
shopping season is
certainly a busy one.

331
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,776
Back to school is as well

332
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,111
and in early summer
it seems to slow down a bit

333
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,947
But shopping is also cyclical

334
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:53,284
The menstrual cycle determines
every choice a woman makes.

335
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:58,706
You see, during ovulation
a woman's only goal
is to get pregnant.

336
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:02,377
During menses
she is sad that
she has failed.

337
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:05,296
And how does
the woman console herself?

338
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,757
Shopping. Shopping

339
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:10,718
Just, Jim, could you fetch me
some ice chips?

340
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:17,976
Thank you.
Just gonna take
a brief pause at this point

341
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,560
Thank you

342
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,480
Oh, God

343
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,734
Next slide

344
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,822
Mail call

345
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,950
His name is Oscar,
and he's got some mail

346
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:37,996
And he better
open it or go to jail,
'cause it's your taxes

347
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,165
His name is Kevin,
and no mail for him

348
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,502
But he got a coupon
for some frozen yogurt

349
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:47,505
Are those the lyrics?

350
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:49,424
"Anderson's Three Pillars
of Retail."

351
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,759
Crucial. So important

352
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,221
Next

353
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,807
Are there any questions?

354
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,477
What are the Three
Pillars of Retail?

355
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,773
Convenience
Ingredients.

356
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,859
Service
Burgers.

357
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,027
Building loyalty

358
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:10,194
Killing royalty

359
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,488
But truth be told
we should really

360
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,282
disregard
Anderson's Three Pillars

361
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,243
He was later
diagnosed with dementia

362
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,121
You know what is important?

363
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:24,625
Is Dwight's pillars
and there's only one, desire

364
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:28,588
Do we have a desire
to dominate the retail space?

365
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,715
Not just succeed in it
but to dominate.

366
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,134
And looking around this room
I'm not so sure that we do

367
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,218
But we can get there

368
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:38,431
And I can lead us there,
and that is all that matters

369
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,142
Very true. Where there's
a will, there's a way.

370
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,936
a passionate night

371
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,731
with Hugh Grant's brother
John Grant

372
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:50,151
He's older than Hugh
just a little bit uglier.

373
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,527
How did I pull that off?

374
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:54,113
Sheer force of will

375
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,490
That is very good, Dwight

376
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,867
Thank you very much
Any other questions?

377
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911
Jim

378
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,537
You are bleeding
through your shirt

379
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:03,956
Oops

380
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:08,836
That's embarrassing
Egg on my face

381
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:11,672
Ah

382
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,468
Hey, having fun?

383
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,595
Yes, I am
as a matter of fact

384
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:20,515
Oh, I know how it is
I know it's a lot of fun

385
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,683
I don't know how it is.
Andy, this is a lame job

386
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,143
What are you doing here?

387
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:31,859
Andy, when I was 12 years old
we did a field trip,
a lock-in at the zoo.

388
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:37,573
I was in love with her

389
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,035
But when the sun came up I knew it wasn't real

390
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,247
because she was ugly
and I had grown tired of her

391
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,707
Reception today

392
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,417
but tomorrow you
won't want to do her

393
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,002
She's a dog

394
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,839
Guys, I don't
like this analogy

395
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,509
Oh, fine

396
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:03,683
Did you see this?

397
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:04,767
It's nice

398
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,312
(GIGGLES)

399
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,439
How are you feeling?

400
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,816
Amazing

401
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,401
Just lost four
ounces of appendix

402
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,069
already replaced
it with muscle.

403
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,280
Can I see the wound?

404
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:25,955
Oh, that's disgusting
That's barely healed.

405
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:29,000
You're not paying me to heal
You're paying me to kick ass

406
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:33,754
A few hours ago,
your body was
open like a cabinet

407
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,132
That's right
That is amazing

408
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:37,466
Todd, look at that

409
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,843
Oh, yikes

410
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:40,052
Incoming

411
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,262
Not so fast

412
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,930
Would you come
in early tomorrow

413
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,099
so we could talk
about the store
over breakfast?

414
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,227
a lot to offer.

415
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,604
It would be an honor, ma'am

416
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,648
I'll go ahead and cancel
my post-op checkup right now

417
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:57,904
the first was to make myself
the clear candidate
for Vice President

418
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,656
I achieved that,
no thanks to my appendix

419
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,618
The second was to
find a memorable
souvenir for Philip.

420
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:06,954
For that, I do have
to thank my appendix

421
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,374
(PHONE RINGING)

422
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,884
Dunder Mifflin,
how can I help you
save money on paper?

423
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,636
This is Andrew

424
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,387
Hi, Andrew.
What happened to Erin?

425
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:26,182
Oh, she's on
an assignment in Florida
for a couple weeks.

426
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,392
Oh, good for her.
She's such a sweetheart.

427
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,686
You tell her Donna
Moraski misses her.

428
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:37,735
Everyone, we have
a very special guest

429
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:42,240
He turned
an idea into a store
into hundreds of stores

430
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:46,410
of Famous Amos cookies.

431
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:47,578
Yeah

432
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:48,746
(ALL CHEERING)

433
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,334
So I hear
you're all looking to

434
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,336
bake up some dough
in the sales game.

435
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:58,422
Well, back when I
was regular Amos

436
00:20:58,507 --> 00:20:59,632
What's under the cloth?

437
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,175
We'll get to that

438
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:02,760
Cookies. I bet you
anything it's cookies

439
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:04,512
It's cookies

440
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,973
Let me finish my speech first

441
00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:10,643
Oh, we get the gist
It's just success
and effort, isn't it?

442
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,562
So just don't be coy.
Make with the cookies

443
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:16,524
Cookies

444
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,443
Famous, hi

445
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:22,154
I'm sure you get ideas
for new cookies all the time

446
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:25,449
But I...
Is it oatmeal with no raisins?

447
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,659
I'm sorry to have
wasted your time

448
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:27,868
That's okay
Thank you very much