1 00:00:06,333 --> 00:00:09,383 - [EVIL LAUGHTER] 2 00:00:11,083 --> 00:00:15,253 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP 3 00:00:32,875 --> 00:00:34,625 - I MISSED YOU... 4 00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:37,918 BUT MY AIM IS IMPROVING. 5 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:52,500 - ALL RIGHT, MEN. 6 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:57,043 YOU MUST DEFEND THIS FORT AT ALL COSTS! 7 00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,535 - IF YOU WON'T SURRENDER, 8 00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:03,665 THEN PREPARE TO FACE MY PEAS ACCORD. 9 00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:06,130 - [GUNFIRE] 10 00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,383 - [GIGGLING] 11 00:01:10,458 --> 00:01:13,208 - STAY OUT OF MY NEUTRAL ZONE! 12 00:01:13,292 --> 00:01:15,752 [GIGGLING] 13 00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,207 ARE YOU PREPARED TO SURRENDER, GENERAL? 14 00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:23,422 - HMM. HOW 'BOUT I GIVE YOU MY ANSWER AFTER LUNCH? 15 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,710 - VERY WELL. PULL UP AND PLACE YOUR ORDER, GENERAL. 16 00:01:26,792 --> 00:01:30,212 - I'LL HAVE THE BACON QUINTUPLE CHEESEBURGER WITH ONION RINGS. 17 00:01:30,042 --> 00:01:32,502 - WE ONLY SERVE FRIES AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT. 18 00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,293 - HEY, THAT'S NOT FAIR, BILLY. 19 00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:36,995 WHAT KIND OF RESTAURANT DOESN'T HAVE ONION RINGS? 20 00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:40,003 - SO, WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, IRWIN? 21 00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:43,173 I WIPED OUT YOUR ENTIRE ARMY! 22 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:46,000 [LAUGHING] 23 00:01:48,583 --> 00:01:49,713 [LAUGHING] 24 00:01:49,792 --> 00:01:52,502 - YOU FORGOT ABOUT MY AIR FORCE! 25 00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:53,923 AIR STRIKE! 26 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,540 AIR STRIKE! 27 00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:59,325 - MY MOBILE ARMY FAST FOOD UNIT! 28 00:01:59,417 --> 00:02:03,037 GOOD-BYE, GENERAL. 29 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,747 - [CRASH] 30 00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:08,883 - OH, MY JEEP! 31 00:02:08,958 --> 00:02:12,538 UH, BILLY? AREN'T YOU SCARED TO GO DOWN THERE? 32 00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:14,535 - I AIN'T SCARED OF NOTHING! 33 00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:16,785 HERE I COME! 34 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,165 [LAUGHING] 35 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,130 ♪ DO DO WHOP WHOP ♪ 36 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:21,788 ♪ I'M IN THE BASEMENT, AND I'M LOVING IT! ♪ 37 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,915 ♪ UH DAH UH UH ♪ 38 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,670 [WHISTLING] 39 00:02:31,792 --> 00:02:34,422 SO, THAT'S WHERE YOU WENT. 40 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,040 HEY, IRWIN, I FOUND IT! 41 00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:39,035 HERE I COME. 42 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,825 HEY, IRWIN, IF YOU'RE EVER DOWN HERE, 43 00:02:40,917 --> 00:02:43,957 WATCH OUT FOR THESE PESKY COBWEBS. 44 00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:46,752 [WHISTLING] 45 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:51,132 OH, IRWIN! 46 00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:54,878 [GIGGLING] 47 00:02:57,417 --> 00:02:59,167 IRWIN! 48 00:02:59,458 --> 00:03:00,708 IRWIN! 49 00:03:00,792 --> 00:03:02,292 - [MUSIC PLAYING, BABY CRYING, JACKHAMMER HAMMERING] 50 00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:05,165 - OH, WELL, I'M NOT SCARED OF BEING COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED 51 00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:07,040 AND ALONE IN A DARK AND TERRIFYING ENVIRONMENT. 52 00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:09,455 I'LL JUST WAIT HERE UNTIL SOMEBODY SAVES ME. 53 00:03:09,542 --> 00:03:12,002 [WHISTLING] 54 00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:21,747 [BLOWING RASPBERRIES] 55 00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:27,423 OH, FINALLY! A CHAMPION HAS COME TO RESCUE ME! 56 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,207 HUH? 57 00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:37,170 [SCREAMING] 58 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,420 THANK YOU FOR CALLING, THIS IS BILLY. 59 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,630 - [PUDIN MUMBLING] 60 00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:43,668 - YOU KNOW WHAT, PUDIN, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. 61 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,250 I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF BEING SCARED TO DEATH. 62 00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:47,213 [LAUGHING] 63 00:03:47,042 --> 00:03:49,292 I'LL CALL YOU BACK, OK? 64 00:03:49,375 --> 00:03:51,375 [SCREAMING] 65 00:03:54,292 --> 00:03:56,172 - HUH? DAD? 66 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,380 [LAUGHING] 67 00:03:57,458 --> 00:04:00,378 OH, I DIDN'T SCARE YOU, DID I? 68 00:04:02,625 --> 00:04:04,495 - DIE, EVIL SPIDER! 69 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:06,713 [SCREAMING] 70 00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:10,212 - OH, DAD, THIS IS JUST LIKE OLD TIMES. 71 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:11,002 HEY, DAD. 72 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,173 - GET AWAY! 73 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,080 - I'VE GOT SOME REALLY BIG NEWS TO TELL YOU. 74 00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:15,327 - [STAMMERING] 75 00:04:15,417 --> 00:04:18,077 - I'VE JUST LAID THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF EGGS. 76 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,247 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 77 00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:20,213 - AAH! 78 00:04:20,292 --> 00:04:21,832 - YEP, YOU'RE GONNA BE A GRANDPA. 79 00:04:21,917 --> 00:04:24,417 - BUT--BUT...THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 80 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,080 YOU'RE A BOY SPIDER. 81 00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:28,497 - YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, TOO... 82 00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,173 UNTIL I HAD THESE. 83 00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:33,250 - [SCREAMING] 84 00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:37,133 IT'S BACK! AAH! 85 00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,878 - WHERE'S HE GOING? 86 00:04:38,958 --> 00:04:41,708 - [SCREAMING] 87 00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:48,748 - OH, HEY, GUYS. HAVE YOU SEEN MY DAD? 88 00:04:48,833 --> 00:04:50,043 - AAH! 89 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,325 - IMPRESSIVE. I'VE BEEN TRYING 90 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:53,417 TO HAVE THAT POWER OVER HIM FOR YEARS. 91 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,000 IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE DODO, 92 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:56,463 HE'S UP IN THE OLD BILLBOARD TEA CUP. 93 00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:59,082 - AWESOME, 'CAUSE I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HIM. 94 00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:01,127 SEE, I JUST LAID A WHOLE BUNCH OF EGGS, 95 00:05:01,208 --> 00:05:04,038 BUT UNLIKE PEOPLE, ONCE WE SPIDERS LAY OUR EGGS, 96 00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:05,875 WE ONLY HAVE 36 HOURS TO LIVE. 97 00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:09,498 ANYWAY, I WON'T BE AROUND TO SEE THE LITTLE FELLAS GROW UP, 98 00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:11,293 SO I NEED SOMEONE TO BE THEIR GODFATHER. 99 00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:15,125 - SOLID PLAN, BUT YOU'RE FORGETTING ONE TINY DETAIL. 100 00:05:15,208 --> 00:05:17,378 BILLY HATES SPIDERS-- INCLUDING YOU. 101 00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:19,168 HE'LL JUST END UP STOMPING ON YOUR BABIES. 102 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:23,080 - NO PROBLEM. THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF THEM. 103 00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:24,627 THERE'S NO WAY HE CAN GET 'EM ALL! 104 00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:29,038 AND BESIDES, WHO WOULD WANT TO STEP ON THESE BEAUTIES? 105 00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:30,995 - OOH! 106 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:32,963 - YOU'RE BASICALLY INSANE. 107 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:35,082 AS FAR AS YOUR DORKY DAD IS CONCERNED, 108 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:36,627 HE CAN'T STAY UP THERE FOREVER. 109 00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:38,748 - RIGHT. HE'LL HAVE TO COME DOWN TO EAT. 110 00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:42,083 - NAH, THAT BILLBOARD'S BEEN UP THERE SINCE THE 1940s. 111 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,877 IT'S ALL RUSTED OUT, AND IT WON'T STAND THE EXTRA WEIGHT. 112 00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:48,578 IN FACT, I PREDICT THAT IN THE NEXT 15 SECONDS, THAT-- 113 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:50,997 - UGH! OOH! AH! 114 00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:52,503 - MAKE THAT TWO SECONDS. 115 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:55,793 - YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM ME THAT EASY. 116 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:57,538 - [CAR STARTS] 117 00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:58,955 - HEY, GET BACK HERE! 118 00:05:59,042 --> 00:06:01,212 - COME ON, MANDY. THIS OUGHT TO BE FUN-- 119 00:06:01,292 --> 00:06:03,922 LIKE WATCHING A TRAIN WRECK. 120 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:09,250 - MANDY! I CAN'T LET HER ESCAPE, BUT I NEED WHEELS. 121 00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:11,168 - WHY, HELLO THERE, LITTLE BOY. 122 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,670 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE SOME READING MATERIAL. 123 00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:17,420 - THE BOOKMOBILE COMES TO THE RESCUE AGAIN. 124 00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:24,167 - AAH! 125 00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:26,380 UGH! UGH! OOH! 126 00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,998 [GRUNTING] 127 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:30,133 - COME ON, DAD. 128 00:06:30,208 --> 00:06:32,168 WHY DON'T SE SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THIS 129 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,710 LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE! 130 00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:35,752 - NEVER! 131 00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:39,043 [GRUNTING] 132 00:06:45,042 --> 00:06:46,332 - OOH, WIENER. 133 00:06:46,417 --> 00:06:50,787 - HEY, NOBODY SWIPES MY HOTDOG! 134 00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:52,578 - [SIREN RINGING] 135 00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,707 - AAH! - FREEZE! 136 00:06:54,792 --> 00:06:55,792 - [HORN HONKING] 137 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:58,995 - SORRY! - LAW BREAKER! GET HIM! 138 00:06:59,083 --> 00:07:00,213 - [SCREAMING] 139 00:07:00,042 --> 00:07:01,212 - COMING THROUGH. 140 00:07:01,292 --> 00:07:04,712 - WASN'T THAT SOME SPIDER CHASING A COFFEE CUP? 141 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,672 - SURE LOOKS LIKE IT, PAW. 142 00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:08,330 - WELL, LET'S GO GIT HIM! 143 00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:09,787 YEE-HA! 144 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,495 - STEP ON IT, GRIM. WE'RE LOSING HIM. 145 00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:14,173 - THIS THING AIN'T SOME FANCY SPORTS CAR. 146 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:15,542 IT ONLY GOES SO FAST. 147 00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:18,535 I'LL HAVE TO CALL FOR BACKUP. 148 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,042 - [MOANING] 149 00:07:28,042 --> 00:07:30,882 - HOLY SMOKES. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? 150 00:07:30,958 --> 00:07:33,918 - HEY, YOU! THAT'S MY CAR! 151 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,420 - UH, THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THE SMELL. 152 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,630 NOT TO WORRY, THOUGH. I'M AN EXCELLENT DRIVER. 153 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,168 I'VE GOT 3 ARMS AT THE 10:00 POSITION 154 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,000 AND ANOTHER TWO ARMS AT THE 1:00 POSITION. 155 00:07:43,083 --> 00:07:45,963 - [PANTING] 156 00:07:46,417 --> 00:07:49,127 ZOMBIE DRAG RACERS? 157 00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:50,668 [SCREAMING] 158 00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:53,420 - BAD SPIDER! BAD SPIDER! 159 00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:54,500 AAH! 160 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,173 - [CRASH] 161 00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:57,540 - UGH. - OW. 162 00:07:57,625 --> 00:08:00,165 - [MOANING] 163 00:08:01,083 --> 00:08:02,503 - [SIREN BLARING] 164 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:06,213 - HA HA HA! THIS IS MORE FUN THAN THE FRENCH REVOLUTION! 165 00:08:06,042 --> 00:08:09,752 - 5 BUCKS SAYS THE MET HEAD ENDS UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WRECK. 166 00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:13,583 - MY MONEY IS ONE THE OBNOXIOUS ARACHNID. 167 00:08:16,042 --> 00:08:18,502 - KEEP CHASING DEATH AND THE MAIDEN, 168 00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:21,383 AND I'LL CHECK OUT 12 MORE BOOKS. 169 00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,828 - YOU GOT IT, KID! 170 00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:34,377 - GOTTA LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET. 171 00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:38,082 - [TIRES SCREECH] 172 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,127 - [CRASHING] 173 00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:43,378 - NICE AND SAFE. 174 00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:45,673 - [PANTING] 175 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:49,210 - DAD? DAD! LOOK AHEAD OF YOU! 176 00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:50,382 - YOU CAN'T TRICK ME. 177 00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:53,498 YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME AND EAT MY GUTS! 178 00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:56,083 [SCREAMING] 179 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,077 - WOW. WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? 180 00:08:58,167 --> 00:08:59,287 - THAT'S MY SON! 181 00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:02,075 - [MOANING] 182 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,327 - AAH! 183 00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:06,463 MOMMY! 184 00:09:06,542 --> 00:09:09,132 - HOLD ON, DAD. 185 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,752 - GO AHEAD! SAVE YOURSELVES! 186 00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:15,963 THERE'S NO MORE HOPE FOR ME. 187 00:09:16,042 --> 00:09:17,882 - [GASPING] 188 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,128 - OH, NO! 189 00:09:24,292 --> 00:09:25,292 GOTCHA. 190 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:28,665 - [CHEERING] 191 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:33,210 - IF ONLY EVERYONE HAD A SPIDER THAT SWEET. 192 00:09:33,042 --> 00:09:35,002 - HEY, YOU, COME HERE. 193 00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:36,923 [WHISPERING] 194 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,170 - YEAH. 195 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,710 ONE FOR YOU, AND ONE FOR YOU. THERE YOU GO, SIR. 196 00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:43,882 I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS, EVERYBODY. 197 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,128 THAT'S RIGHT, LITTLE GUYS. 198 00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:49,038 ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE GONNA TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU. 199 00:09:50,583 --> 00:09:54,133 - AWW. 200 00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:56,828 [SCREAMING] 201 00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:01,132 - [SCREAMING] 202 00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:04,750 - [LAUGHING] 203 00:10:04,833 --> 00:10:07,173 CAREFUL, LITTLE CRITTERS. I'M TICKLISH. 204 00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:08,330 - YAOH! 205 00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:10,077 - HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE LEFT? 206 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:13,127 - HMM. IT'S BEEN WELL OVER 36 HOURS 207 00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,378 SINCE I LAID THOSE EGGS. 208 00:10:14,458 --> 00:10:15,828 I JUST WISH I HAD A LITTLE MORE TIME 209 00:10:15,917 --> 00:10:17,917 SO I COULD LET DAD KNOW HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME. 210 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,040 - WELL, YOU'RE STILL BREATHING...FOR THE MOMENT, 211 00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:22,415 SO ENJOY THE TIME YOU GOT. 212 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:25,130 - THAT WAS ONE HECK OF A WILD RIDE, DAD. 213 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,328 THINGS DIDN'T TURN OUT QUITE THE WAY I PLANNED, 214 00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:29,997 BUT IT ALL WORKED OUT IN THE END. 215 00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:36,833 - YOU STOPPED JEFF FROM KICKING THE BUCKET. 216 00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:39,037 THAT'S AWFULLY NICE OF YOU. 217 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:41,625 - WELL, I DON'T CARE MUCH FOR SPIDERS, 218 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:47,748 BUT I DO LOVE TO SEE BILLY WET HIS PANTS IN SHEER TERROR! 219 00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:52,038 - I LOVE YOU, DAD. 220 00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:55,125 - [SCREAMING] 221 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,628 - [ROARING] 222 00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:18,628 - [GRUNTING] 223 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,997 - [SCREAMING] 224 00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:24,825 - [ROARING] 225 00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:31,165 - [MOANING] 226 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,830 - SORRY ABOUT THAT, KID. MY BAD. 227 00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:36,167 ANYTHING BROKEN? 228 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,130 - THE ONLY THING BROKEN IS MY HEART, YO. 229 00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:44,998 BROKEN BY A TINY XXX WHO WON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE MY PRESENCE. 230 00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:45,923 [GASPING] 231 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,040 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 232 00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:48,575 JUST YOUR RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS 233 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,077 HAS RESTORED MY HOPE FOR TRUE LOVE! 234 00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,127 THANKS FOR LISTENING. 235 00:11:53,208 --> 00:11:55,878 - [SNORING] 236 00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:58,383 [FART] 237 00:11:58,458 --> 00:11:59,998 [GRUNTING] 238 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:03,923 SAY, YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO SEE A BIG, GREEN, SLIMY 239 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,210 GASPUNKTENOID COME THROUGH HERE, DID YOU? 240 00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:10,043 THANKS! 241 00:12:12,917 --> 00:12:14,747 TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY, KID. 242 00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:15,923 - HOW'S THAT? 243 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,790 - I'M LOOKING FOR A SIDEKICK. 244 00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:22,125 YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE. 245 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:26,375 - HOW DO I REMIND YOU OF YOU? 246 00:12:26,458 --> 00:12:29,788 - WELL...UH... 247 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:32,665 LET'S SEE... 248 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:36,130 WE BOTH HAVE HUMAN PARENTS... 249 00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:37,418 I THINK. 250 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,040 COME ON, KID. WHAT DO YOU SAY? 251 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,955 - GEE, I DON'T KNOW. 252 00:12:41,042 --> 00:12:44,212 - CHICKS DIG THE SIDEKICK. 253 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:47,128 - SO, WHAT DOES A SIDEKICK DO, ANYWAY? 254 00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:49,168 - WELL, YOU PRETTY MUCH STICK CLOSE TO MY SIDE 255 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:52,290 AND TELL ME HOW STRONG I AM, HOW GREAT I AM. 256 00:12:52,375 --> 00:12:54,915 MOST IMPORTANT, HOW COOL I AM. 257 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,000 - I'M BASICALLY AN ADORING MOLE? 258 00:12:57,083 --> 00:12:58,963 - WELL...YEAH. 259 00:12:59,042 --> 00:13:00,292 GREAT SULLIVAN'S TOE! 260 00:13:00,375 --> 00:13:02,075 LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING! 261 00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:05,497 - NEXT TIME YOU USE GRIM'S SCYTHE TO CONJURE UP A PLAYMATE, 262 00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,713 I'M GONNA USE YOUR HEAD AS A PINATA. 263 00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:09,172 - I'M SORRY, MANDY. 264 00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,830 OH, PLEASE SAVE US! 265 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,577 - LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO GO TO DEFCON 3. 266 00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,457 YOU STAY HERE. WATCH THE TRUCK. 267 00:13:16,542 --> 00:13:21,382 AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TOUCH MY BREATH MINTS. 268 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:25,708 - LOOK, GRIM, IT'S HOSS DELGATO! 269 00:13:33,792 --> 00:13:36,082 - AAH! 270 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:44,043 OH, MR. DELGATO, DO YOU REMEMBER ME? 271 00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:47,035 DO YOU? DO YOU? DO YOU? DO YOU? 272 00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,035 - YEAH. YEAH, I DO. 273 00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:52,075 - BECAUSE I'M ONE OF YOUR BIGGEST FANS? 274 00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:56,627 - NO. BECAUSE I HAD A CHIP IMPLANTED IN MY BRAIN 275 00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:59,128 THAT HEATS UP WHENEVER I TALK TO AN IDIOT. 276 00:13:59,208 --> 00:14:03,078 AND RIGHT NOW MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE THE SUN IN A PIZZA OVEN. 277 00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:05,077 - NOT BAD, MR. D. 278 00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,537 - NOT BAD YOURSELF. 279 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:10,075 - [SIGHS] 280 00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:13,207 HOW CAN I IMPRESS MANDY IF I'M ALWAYS ON THE SIDELINES, 281 00:14:13,292 --> 00:14:15,042 NEVER PART OF THE ACTION? 282 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:16,995 - IT'S TIME FOR THE HOSS-MAN TO LET YOU IN 283 00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:20,133 ON A LITTLE SECRET ABOUT YOURS TRULY. 284 00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:24,078 I WAS ALWAYS PICKED LAST FOR SPORTS GAMES. 285 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:27,207 - UM, I'LL TAKE MRS. WONG. 286 00:14:27,042 --> 00:14:28,252 - OK. LET'S PLAY. 287 00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:29,833 - WAIT. THERE'S ONE MORE. 288 00:14:29,917 --> 00:14:32,827 - OH, YEAH. OK. UH... 289 00:14:32,917 --> 00:14:34,207 I'LL TAKE KYLE. 290 00:14:34,292 --> 00:14:35,962 - I COULD NEVER GET A DATE. 291 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,792 - SAY, HANDSOME, YOU BUSY TONIGHT? 292 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,245 - WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I-- 293 00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:45,583 - OH, GOODY. I JUST LOVE THE BRIGHT, REFLECTIVE TYPE. 294 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,077 - GRR! 295 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,997 THE FINAL STRAW WAS WHEN I WAS 296 00:14:49,083 --> 00:14:51,753 A DOOR-TO-DOOR VEGETABLE PEELER SALESMAN. 297 00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:53,213 - [BUZZER] 298 00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:54,672 - YEAH, CAN I HELP YOU? 299 00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:58,130 - YES, GOOD SIR. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE VEGGIE PEELER 2000? 300 00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,248 - AH, SAY NO MORE. 301 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:03,213 I JUST ORDERED 10,000 FROM THAT GUY. 302 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:04,790 - IT WAS RIGHT THEN 303 00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:08,205 THAT I DECIDED TO END MY BORING EXISTENCE. 304 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:24,205 - SO, WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO KYLE? 305 00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:28,962 - LET'S JUST SAY THAT KYLE IS NO LONGER A PROBLEM. 306 00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:32,543 LOOK, THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE 307 00:15:32,625 --> 00:15:37,205 IS NOBODY IS BORN COOL EXCEPT, OF COURSE... 308 00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:39,918 SPUDLY, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BE COOL, 309 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,750 SO STICK WITH ME, AND I'LL TEACH YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW. 310 00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,753 - I'M NOT SURE. I DON'T THINK I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES 311 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:48,133 TO BE A COOL SPECTRAL EXTERMINATOR. 312 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,668 - IT'S CALLED CONFIDENCE, KID. 313 00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:51,670 THERE WAS A TIME I DIDN'T HAVE IT, EITHER. 314 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,540 WHY, I WAS SO AFRAID OF THE DARK, 315 00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:54,995 I NEVER CLOSED MY EYES. 316 00:15:55,083 --> 00:15:58,133 ON MY NINTH BIRTHDAY, MY MOM ANNOUNCED TO MY FRIENDS 317 00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,498 THAT I WASN'T REALLY A BOY, 318 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:02,253 AND FROM THAT DAY ON, I WAS TO BE REFERRED TO 319 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:04,043 AS HER "LITTLE ROSIE." 320 00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:07,745 I WET THE BED SO MUCH MY FATHER CALLED ME "THE MIDNIGHT SAILOR" 321 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:10,043 UNTIL I WAS 32 YEARS OLD. 322 00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:13,035 I'M 33. 323 00:16:13,042 --> 00:16:16,792 ALL RIGHT, SPUD, BOY. GET READY. YOUR LIFE'S ABOUT TO CHANGE. 324 00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:20,745 - UH, DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU WERE GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO BE COOL? 325 00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:24,043 - YEAH, I WAS. BUT THIS WAY IS A LOT NEATER. 326 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:25,125 - NEATER? 327 00:16:25,208 --> 00:16:28,168 [SCREAMING] 328 00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:40,213 - AND NOW TO COMPLETE THE TRANSFORMATION. 329 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:43,132 HOLD STILL WHILE I CHAINSAW YOUR HAND OFF. 330 00:16:43,208 --> 00:16:44,418 - WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? 331 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,790 I WANT TO BE COOL, BUT NOT CAPTAIN HOOK! 332 00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:51,125 DON'T YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE A LITTLE LESS DRASTIC, YO? 333 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,673 YEAH. NOW WE'RE TALKING. 334 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,460 THIS IS MORE LIKE IT. 335 00:17:00,542 --> 00:17:03,672 - LET'S GO GET SOME BAD GUYS. 336 00:17:04,042 --> 00:17:05,172 LOOKS LIKE WE GOT COMPANY. 337 00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:08,790 ANOTHER NASTY GASPUNKTENOID READY TO MAKE TROUBLE 338 00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:09,955 DOWN AT THE PIE WAGON. 339 00:17:10,042 --> 00:17:12,542 - WOW. HOW DO YOU CATCH SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 340 00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:17,205 - IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU USE AS BAIT. 341 00:17:17,042 --> 00:17:21,082 - UH, MR. DELGATO, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK? 342 00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:22,707 - SURE, KID. NO WORRIES. 343 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,042 - DOES THIS SUIT HAVE A DRAIN IN IT? 344 00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:27,575 - [ROARING] 345 00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:33,417 - [SCREAMING] 346 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:44,995 - [LAUGHING] 347 00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:47,962 A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT NOW. 348 00:17:48,042 --> 00:17:51,752 GOSH, THANKS, MANDY. MY BRAIN IS SO ITCHY TODAY. 349 00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:54,003 - MY PLEASURE, BILLY. 350 00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:55,423 - [LAUGHING] 351 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:56,080 OH, YEAH. 352 00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:57,497 - IT'S GO TIME, JUNIOR. 353 00:17:57,583 --> 00:18:01,713 YOU'RE READY TO PROVE YOUR COOLNESS AND WIN MANDY'S LOVE? 354 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:07,415 EVEN IF IT MEANS HAVING EVERY LIMB TORN FROM YOUR BODY. 355 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,080 - AH! 356 00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:12,957 - THAT'S WHAT I LIKE. CONFIDENCE. 357 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:16,457 - [ROARING] 358 00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:20,382 - ALMOST. JUST A FEW MORE--AAH! 359 00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:22,788 WHAT IS THAT? 360 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:25,130 - FEAR NOT, MORTALS... 361 00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:27,628 AND BONY DEAD GUY. 362 00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,003 IT IS I, IRWIN THE MANLY, 363 00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,133 WHO CONTROLS THIS FEROCIOUS BEAST 364 00:18:32,208 --> 00:18:34,418 WITH MY HUNK-LIKE MANLY COOLNESS. 365 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,380 AND NOW, I HAVE COME TO MAKE YOU MINE. 366 00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:39,708 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD 367 00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,172 AND WHY DO YOU HAVE A BEATER ON YOUR WRIST? 368 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,630 - AH, YOU ARE WOOED BY MY STUDLY TRANSFORMATION. 369 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,458 - NO, I'M NOT. 370 00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:50,082 - A LITTLE WOOED? 371 00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:50,917 - NEGATIVE. 372 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,960 - A TINY BIT WOOED? 373 00:18:53,042 --> 00:18:55,332 HOW 'BOUT SOMEWHAT-- 374 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,957 - OH, NO! IRWIN! 375 00:18:58,042 --> 00:18:59,632 - [BURPS] 376 00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:01,958 - IRWIN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? 377 00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:04,252 - YES! GET ME OUT OF HERE! 378 00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:07,543 AAH! GET ME OUT OF HERE! 379 00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:09,825 - [LAUGHING] 380 00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:11,127 - HOSS, IS THAT YOU? 381 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:13,078 - YEAH, IT'S ME, YOU LITTLE HUNKSTER. 382 00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,207 IT'S TIME TO FLEX YOUR MANLY GUNS 383 00:19:15,042 --> 00:19:17,042 AND FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF THERE. 384 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:21,285 USE YOUR BLENDER...ARM...THING. 385 00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:25,575 MMM. ANYBODY? 386 00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:34,330 BOY, THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIMES 387 00:19:34,417 --> 00:19:36,207 I'VE HAD TO BUST OUT OF STOMACHS. 388 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,752 AND IF I HADN'T BRAVELY FOUGHT THROUGH IT, 389 00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:40,003 THEN I WOULD NEVER HAVE BECOME 390 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:43,543 THE COOL, HUNKY MAN STUD THAT I AM TODAY. 391 00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:46,375 OOH. SORRY ABOUT THAT. 392 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,165 - OW. 393 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,710 [SLURPING] 394 00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:52,082 - SO, COME ON, IRWIN. 395 00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:53,827 FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT AND PROVE TO MANDY 396 00:19:53,917 --> 00:19:57,707 YOU'RE A COOL, STUDLY MAN, AND WIN HER HEART FOREVER! 397 00:19:57,792 --> 00:19:58,792 - YOU'RE KIDDING ME. 398 00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:03,125 I CANNOT BELIEVE-- MOVE YOUR ABS, FABIO. 399 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:05,458 - URGH! 400 00:20:06,875 --> 00:20:08,535 - MANDY, IS THAT YOU? 401 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,125 DO YOU THINK I'M COOL YET? 402 00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,878 - I SURE THINK YOU'RE COOL, IRWIN, 403 00:20:11,958 --> 00:20:15,498 ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GET PUKED OUT OF A GIANT MONSTER. 404 00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:18,133 - OH, BROTHER. 405 00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:19,458 - [ROARING] 406 00:20:19,542 --> 00:20:21,382 - AW, SHUT UP. 407 00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:25,127 UNREAL. 408 00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:26,668 WAY TO GO, HERO. 409 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,330 COME ON, GRIM. 410 00:20:28,417 --> 00:20:31,127 - WELL, SPUDLY, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN NOW. 411 00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:33,378 MY WORK HERE IS DONE. I HAVE TO LEAVE. 412 00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:37,038 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING, HOSS? OFF TO CATCH SOME MORE MONSTERS? 413 00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:38,535 HUH? ARE YOU? ARE YOU? ARE YOU? 414 00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:40,245 - ACTUALLY, THE IDIOT CHIP IN MY BRAIN 415 00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:43,173 IS STARTING TO BURN A HOLE THROUGH MY FOREHEAD. 416 00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:44,580 - BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE! 417 00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:46,287 WHAT ABOUT MY TRANSFORMED HEAD? 418 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:50,205 - DON'T WORRY. THAT'LL WEAR OFF IN A COUPLE OF DAYS. 419 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,665 TAKE IT EASY. 420 00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:57,457 - THAT HOSS IS COOLER THAN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PILLOW. 421 00:20:57,542 --> 00:20:58,962 I LOVE HIM! 422 00:20:59,042 --> 00:21:02,962 - COOL. LOVE. MANDY! 423 00:21:03,042 --> 00:21:07,332 WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO MAKE YOU THINK I'M COOL 424 00:21:07,417 --> 00:21:09,627 AND WIN YOUR LOVE?! 425 00:21:09,708 --> 00:21:12,418 [CRYING] 426 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:13,250 - IRWIN? 427 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,543 - YES, MANDY? 428 00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:17,075 - THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU. 429 00:21:17,167 --> 00:21:18,497 - YES? 430 00:21:18,583 --> 00:21:20,583 - YOU'RE A NERD. 431 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,960 AND NO SHAGGY HEAD OR UTENSIL ON YOUR HAND 432 00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:26,002 IS EVER GOING TO CHANGE THAT. 433 00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:27,213 IT'S JUST A FACT OF LIFE. 434 00:21:27,292 --> 00:21:30,082 GET USED TO IT. EMBRACE IT. MAKE IT YOUR OWN. 435 00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:34,957 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M DUE BACK ON PLANET MANDY. 436 00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:39,460 - HEY, COME ON, PAL. DON'T BE SO SAD. 437 00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:41,962 SO YOU'RE A NERD! SO WHAT? 438 00:21:42,042 --> 00:21:44,922 NERDS PLAY AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE WORLD. 439 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,170 - OH, YEAH? WHAT? 440 00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:49,580 - WHY, NERDS ARE LIKE THE MOIST TOWELETTES OF THE UNIVERSE. 441 00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:53,537 THEY MAKE EVERYONE ELSE FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES. 442 00:21:53,625 --> 00:21:58,665 - GEE, BILLY, THANKS...I THINK. 443 00:21:59,042 --> 00:22:01,002 - GLAD I COULD HELP. 444 00:22:04,167 --> 00:22:06,377 - UGH. 445 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:19,333 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 446 00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:35,333 [RIPPING]