1
00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:53,387
Fuego del Culo.

2
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,823
Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.

3
00:00:57,559 --> 00:00:59,126
♪ <i>I switched the game</i>
<i>No time for playing</i> ♪

4
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,929
♪ <i>I'm redefined</i> ♪

5
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,362
♪ <i>Now I'ma transform</i> ♪

6
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,766
♪ <i>Right in front</i>
<i>Of all your eyes</i> ♪

7
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,133
♪ <i>I shapeshift</i> ♪

8
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,507
Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?

9
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,742
Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.

10
00:01:14,876 --> 00:01:16,844
Tequila it is.

11
00:01:16,978 --> 00:01:19,279
Here you go.
Mm.

12
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:23,818
<i>¡Viva la revolución!</i>

13
00:01:23,952 --> 00:01:25,118
Now, that shit right there make

14
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,988
my pussy pop
on a handstand!

15
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,590
So, what are you doing here
anyway?

16
00:01:28,723 --> 00:01:30,692
What do you think
I'm doing here?

17
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:32,426
I'm starring
in the opening scene.

18
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,862
Been there, done that.

19
00:01:34,996 --> 00:01:37,364
<i>Pick up the phone!</i>
<i>Pick up the pho--</i>

20
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,567
Richie?
<i>Teyana. Hi.</i>

21
00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:41,134
<i>I thought it'd be easier</i>
<i>for the audience</i>

22
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,136
<i>if they didn't have to read</i>
<i>more texts.</i>

23
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,472
Yeah, that makes sense.
'Cause you know
these motherfuckers can't read.

24
00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:49,242
I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.

25
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,411
<i>Well, it's nice</i>
<i>to phone-meet you</i>

26
00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:53,180
<i>in this super awkward way.</i>

27
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,849
Likewise.
But I got to be honest.

28
00:01:54,983 --> 00:01:57,819
When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left

29
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,286
because you look mad goofy.

30
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:00,822
But surprisingly,

31
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,658
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.

32
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,593
<i>I take you for a Jersey girl.</i>

33
00:02:05,727 --> 00:02:06,493
A Jersey girl?

34
00:02:06,628 --> 00:02:08,730
Listen, I love Jersey down.

35
00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,365
But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.

36
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,333
Real niggas only. Yeah.

37
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,536
<i>Oh, so you're Black.</i>

38
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,438
No, motherfucker!

39
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,340
I'm BLACK!

40
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,909
All caps.

41
00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:24,646
No cap, but caps.

42
00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:26,413
Fuck all y'all!

43
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,483
Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.

44
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,352
I ain't want your shit.

45
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,756
Hello.
<i>So tell me,</i>

46
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,858
<i>what's your favorite</i>
<i>scary movie?</i>

47
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:39,259
Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.

48
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,595
All the stupid tropes and shit.

49
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,362
Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?

50
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,231
Because they know
it is too hard
to kill a sista.

51
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,501
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive

52
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,169
government cheese,
we can survive anything.

53
00:02:50,872 --> 00:02:52,974
<i>You know, it might help</i>
<i>if you met me outside.</i>

54
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:55,175
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!

55
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,945
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.

56
00:02:58,079 --> 00:02:59,147
<i>How'd you know?</i>

57
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,915
Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.

58
00:03:01,049 --> 00:03:03,117
<i>Hey, is the restaurant</i>
<i>near an alley?</i>

59
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,953
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.

60
00:03:06,087 --> 00:03:07,555
Roses?
Ah! Not today.

61
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:09,524
Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.

62
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,225
<i>Okay, I'm--</i>
<i>I'm coming down the alley now.</i>

63
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,595
I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.

64
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,564
<i>No.</i>

65
00:03:16,698 --> 00:03:18,733
<i>The person I'm looking at</i>
<i>is not waving.</i>

66
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,935
<i>In fact,</i>
<i>they're just staring at me.</i>

67
00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:23,004
Well, stare at his ass back!

68
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,539
And don't blink. Never blink.

69
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,541
You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"

70
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,509
<i>No, they're walking</i>
<i>towards me now.</i>

71
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,745
<i>Hold on.</i>
<i>Oh no, they have a knife!</i>

72
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,780
Well, don't lead his ass
over here.

73
00:03:32,914 --> 00:03:34,082
<i>And that's not the worst part.</i>

74
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:38,385
The worst part
is you know so much

75
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,922
about horror movies
and yet you still

76
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,891
walked into the alley alone.

77
00:03:44,025 --> 00:03:45,893
Yeah, well the worst part is,

78
00:03:46,027 --> 00:03:49,229
you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!

79
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:50,732
Yeah!

80
00:03:53,101 --> 00:03:55,169
Cuckoo, cuckoo!

81
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:56,904
Cuckoo!

82
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,415
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!

83
00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:22,830
Seriously, Larry?

84
00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:24,331
I ain't recognize
your bird call.

85
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:26,134
Thought you was going
more with a--

86
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,803
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"

87
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:32,372
Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!

88
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:34,108
My bad.

89
00:04:34,242 --> 00:04:35,676
Are you done?

90
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:38,246
What the hell?

91
00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:44,018
Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.

92
00:04:44,152 --> 00:04:45,385
Get him!

93
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,221
Ow! My arm! My arm!

94
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:48,623
Get in there!

95
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,423
Come on, guys,
we can work this out.

96
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,396
Somebody help me!

97
00:04:56,531 --> 00:04:57,799
Do it, Larry!

98
00:04:57,932 --> 00:04:59,867
No, no, no--

99
00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,069
Hi-yah!

100
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:03,771
Ow! Oh, God!

101
00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:05,540
All right, all right,
all right, all right!

102
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,775
We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.

103
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,477
Welcome to New York, sucker!

104
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,013
Hey, Teyana.

105
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:13,446
You might have kicked my ass,

106
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,316
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.

107
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:18,219
What you say about my Oscar?

108
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:21,155
Did I stutter? You lost!

109
00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:22,523
You right.

110
00:05:22,657 --> 00:05:24,792
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.

111
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,061
Oh, my God! Really?

112
00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:28,696
That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.

113
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:30,131
It's fucking terrible.

114
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,967
Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos
and fart gags.

115
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:35,636
<i>So, you don't like parodies?</i>

116
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,538
I'm more into
Judd Apatow films.

117
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:40,308
You know, elevated comedy.

118
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,510
<i>And what is elevated comedy?</i>

119
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:43,978
Mm.

120
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:45,412
The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,

121
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,114
but makes white people
feel smart.

122
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,585
<i>Tuesday,</i>
<i>don't answer that!</i>

123
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,253
It could be Ghostface.

124
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,855
Oh, come on, Elle!

125
00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:56,356
Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.

126
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,027
Oh, hey.

127
00:06:00,161 --> 00:06:02,563
I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.

128
00:06:02,697 --> 00:06:05,900
What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?

129
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,869
Ah, here it is.

130
00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:10,671
Hello, Tuesday.

131
00:06:19,347 --> 00:06:21,381
♪ <i>I really wanna get messy</i> ♪

132
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:25,586
♪ <i>Don't care what I'm doing</i>
<i>Next week</i> ♪

133
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,623
♪ <i>You really don't wanna</i>
<i>Test me</i> ♪

134
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,359
♪ <i>Just pass the drinks</i>
<i>And get sexy</i> ♪

135
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:34,195
♪ <i>Get messy</i>
<i>Baby, get messy</i> ♪

136
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:37,565
Hey, miss.

137
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,533
What'd you take?

138
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,434
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.

139
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,904
Adderall for PTSD.

140
00:06:43,037 --> 00:06:45,306
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.

141
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,108
And your boner pills.

142
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,645
So good luck
getting it up now.

143
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,480
Jesus, Sara,
how many did you take?

144
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,415
I don't know.
How many come in a bottle?

145
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:58,786
Hey, Jess.
<i>Sara,</i>

146
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,187
<i>Tuesday's in the hospital.</i>

147
00:07:00,321 --> 00:07:03,925
<i>She was stabbed. By a killer--</i>
<i>you know, Ghostface.</i>

148
00:07:04,058 --> 00:07:05,326
Wait. From Wu-Tang?

149
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,561
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney

150
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,830
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?

151
00:07:09,964 --> 00:07:12,033
<i>God, Sara,</i>
<i>it wasn't Ghostface Killah.</i>

152
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,101
<i>It was somebody</i>
<i>in a Ghostface mask.</i>

153
00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:15,269
Oh!

154
00:07:15,403 --> 00:07:17,238
Okay, that makes more sense.

155
00:07:21,042 --> 00:07:21,943
Hah!

156
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:25,179
I ain't the one!

157
00:07:25,313 --> 00:07:26,881
Oh!

158
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:27,949
Jesus, Jack!

159
00:07:28,082 --> 00:07:29,150
What?

160
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,484
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.

161
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,954
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister

162
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:35,189
was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.

163
00:07:36,691 --> 00:07:39,459
I got to go see her
and make up for the past.

164
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,329
Whoa-- Hey, hey, hey.

165
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,630
I'm going with you.

166
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,131
Not because
I'm the obvious killer

167
00:07:44,265 --> 00:07:45,766
trying to lure you back
to your hometown.

168
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,568
I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.

169
00:07:47,702 --> 00:07:49,103
Yeah.
That's all.

170
00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:51,939
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.

171
00:07:52,073 --> 00:07:55,475
Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.

172
00:07:56,177 --> 00:07:57,912
I survived.

173
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,181
All thanks to my lucky penny.

174
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,751
♪ <i>The world would be</i>
<i>Boring as fuck</i> ♪

175
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,886
♪ <i>Without big booty</i>
<i>Real hoochie mamas like me</i> ♪

176
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:08,155
♪ <i>Grabbing ankles</i>
<i>Throwing ass on ATVs</i> ♪

177
00:08:08,289 --> 00:08:10,324
♪ <i>Make 'em say "uh"</i>
<i>I got Master P</i> ♪

178
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:12,793
♪ <i>Doggy-style, look here,</i>
<i>That's masterpiece</i> ♪

179
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,729
♪ <i>I don't wanna be</i>
<i>In no sausage fest</i> ♪

180
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:17,131
♪ <i>Where my ladies at?</i>
<i>Throw it east to west</i> ♪

181
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,367
♪ <i>Wow, wow, wow, wow</i>
<i>I'm impressed</i> ♪

182
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,568
♪ <i>Booty up down, up down...</i> ♪

183
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:29,076
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.

184
00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:32,279
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.

185
00:08:32,413 --> 00:08:35,182
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.

186
00:08:35,316 --> 00:08:36,517
It's not embarrassing.

187
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,352
I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.

188
00:08:38,486 --> 00:08:39,720
I'm lit!
Don't forget,

189
00:08:39,854 --> 00:08:41,655
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.

190
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,124
You only made the team
because you're Black

191
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:45,426
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.

192
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,595
Mm.
It's 2026.

193
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,230
I don't think race is an issue.

194
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,865
Do you read Black Twitter?

195
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,166
No.

196
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:53,601
Ugh, Brad,

197
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,469
are you still dating that ho?

198
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:56,470
Okay.

199
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,905
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.

200
00:08:58,039 --> 00:08:59,640
Just because Darrel and them

201
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:01,642
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.

202
00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:04,545
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".

203
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,814
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.

204
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,617
Hey, girl! Look at you!

205
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,052
Early for Halloween, huh?

206
00:09:11,185 --> 00:09:13,220
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?

207
00:09:13,354 --> 00:09:14,188
Ho-ey ho?

208
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,257
Hi, Ms. Meeks.

209
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,159
Love the hair. Very...

210
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,660
Octavia Spencer.

211
00:09:19,794 --> 00:09:20,861
Well, thank you very much.

212
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,296
I got to invite you over

213
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:24,899
and make you
a little shit pie.
Ooh.

214
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,802
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.

215
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,003
We're learning about slavery.

216
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,639
Come to find out,
it was a choice.

217
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,007
You see that right there?

218
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,276
That's Kanye?
That's right.

219
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,179
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.

220
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:39,313
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!

221
00:09:39,447 --> 00:09:42,283
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.

222
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,484
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.

223
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,619
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!

224
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,421
You know how they try
to trap y'all.

225
00:09:47,556 --> 00:09:48,823
Ma!

226
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,726
Okay, seriously,
"Sheriff Greg",

227
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,361
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.

228
00:09:54,495 --> 00:09:57,331
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.

229
00:09:57,465 --> 00:10:00,301
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.

230
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,369
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!

231
00:10:02,504 --> 00:10:03,771
I'm sorry!

232
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,507
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.

233
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:09,276
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.

234
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:10,579
Okay?

235
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,980
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.

236
00:10:13,114 --> 00:10:15,483
- Slap fight.
- Oh.

237
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,617
You call that a slap?

238
00:10:18,252 --> 00:10:19,120
Whew.

239
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:20,788
What the hell
did you do that for?

240
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,024
Don't act like such a bitch.

241
00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:25,560
Bitch.

242
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,065
Yeah, not bad.

243
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,336
Who the hell lives like this?

244
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,284
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!

245
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,052
Come in! Do you want some tea?

246
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:54,922
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!

247
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,490
Babe, please.

248
00:10:56,625 --> 00:10:58,192
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.

249
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,529
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place

250
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,029
is booby-trapped.

251
00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:04,398
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.

252
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,300
Come in.

253
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,768
Okay.

254
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:19,313
I hate this job.

255
00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:22,983
Mrs. Campbell,

256
00:11:23,585 --> 00:11:25,753
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.

257
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,656
I've heard so much about you...

258
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,123
Uh, none of it good.

259
00:11:29,924 --> 00:11:32,126
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.

260
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,028
I assume
you're a piece of shit.

261
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,331
But how would I know when
I haven't heard
from my daughter

262
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,333
in, what, six months?

263
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,001
Six years, Mother.

264
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,703
And whose fault is that?

265
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,906
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!

266
00:11:46,407 --> 00:11:47,441
That's fair.

267
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:50,579
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.

268
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:51,580
Look...

269
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,548
<i>Scary Movie 3</i> and <i>4</i>

270
00:11:53,682 --> 00:11:55,182
paid me
a lot of money for a girl--

271
00:11:55,316 --> 00:11:57,284
There is nothing
to learn there.

272
00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:00,321
But if you want to talk
about <i>The House Bunny,</i> shoot.

273
00:12:00,454 --> 00:12:01,922
It's happening again!

274
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:05,492
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.

275
00:12:05,627 --> 00:12:07,394
You're not ready, lovebug.

276
00:12:07,529 --> 00:12:10,864
I have been preparing
for this for years.

277
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,667
Sacrificed everything.

278
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,769
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey

279
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,471
we had some good times.

280
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:21,710
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.

281
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,279
♪ <i>Dashing through the snow</i> ♪

282
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,482
♪ <i>In a one-horse open sleigh</i> ♪

283
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,185
♪ <i>O'er the fields we go...</i> ♪
Your turn, Sara.

284
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,219
Move!

285
00:12:32,721 --> 00:12:34,054
Hi, Santa.

286
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:37,525
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.

287
00:12:37,659 --> 00:12:39,026
You creep me out.

288
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,862
♪ <i>How fun it is</i>
<i>To ride and sing...</i> ♪

289
00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:47,669
Mom?

290
00:12:48,269 --> 00:12:50,505
Santa gave me a severed arm!

291
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,439
Be sure to thank him.

292
00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:00,981
Is that a foot?

293
00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:02,783
Ew, that's gross.

294
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,151
♪ <i>One horse open...</i> ♪

295
00:13:04,285 --> 00:13:05,386
What the fuck?

296
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:09,423
<i>I am sorry</i>

297
00:13:09,557 --> 00:13:12,527
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.

298
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,428
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!

299
00:13:14,562 --> 00:13:17,898
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?

300
00:13:18,032 --> 00:13:19,734
Oh, God, no.

301
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:22,469
No, to kill Ghostface!

302
00:13:22,604 --> 00:13:24,204
Do you have any guns?

303
00:13:25,306 --> 00:13:28,008
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.

304
00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:29,810
I've got millions of guns!

305
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:30,844
But, um,

306
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,647
none of them are registered

307
00:13:32,781 --> 00:13:34,649
due to my mental health issues.

308
00:13:34,783 --> 00:13:38,720
So, if you could just keep that
on the low--

309
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,821
- Okay.
- Oh!

310
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,256
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.

311
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,024
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.

312
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:49,430
♪ <i>K-I-S-S-I-N-G</i> ♪

313
00:13:49,564 --> 00:13:52,199
♪ <i>Me and you</i>
<i>We're sitting in a tree</i> ♪

314
00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:54,201
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.

315
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:55,770
Oh, is she coming?
You know,

316
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,204
I did hear
a buzzing sound.

317
00:13:57,338 --> 00:13:58,839
So it's possible.
No.

318
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,975
I meant
to Woodsville, dumbass.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.

319
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,745
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!

320
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:04,713
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!

321
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,681
Oh!

322
00:14:06,815 --> 00:14:08,148
Sweet!

323
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,017
Speaking of going deep...

324
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,086
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.

325
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,655
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers

326
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:15,356
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.

327
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,124
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.

328
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,794
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.

329
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:22,262
Pepper spray, check.

330
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:24,365
Taser, check.

331
00:14:24,498 --> 00:14:25,933
Butt plug,

332
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,569
double check.

333
00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:28,770
Goddamn!

334
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,638
You just carry that thing
around?

335
00:14:30,772 --> 00:14:32,373
It's easy to hide.

336
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,045
In your butt.

337
00:14:38,546 --> 00:14:40,147
I'm impressed.

338
00:14:49,223 --> 00:14:52,727
What's up, y'all? I'm back!

339
00:14:54,428 --> 00:14:55,195
Shit, son!

340
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,297
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?

341
00:14:57,431 --> 00:15:00,033
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas

342
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,202
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".

343
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,873
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,

344
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,907
trying to make my generation
sound old.

345
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,409
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!

346
00:15:08,543 --> 00:15:10,911
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,

347
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,714
technically, you are our uncle.

348
00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:15,449
Oh.
My bad.

349
00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:18,085
Crazy that they let you
teach here.

350
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,655
Teach? Nah, nigga.

351
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,089
I attend.

352
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:25,492
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.

353
00:15:25,627 --> 00:15:27,161
When are you
finally gonna graduate?

354
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:28,495
By the time we do a sequel

355
00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:29,697
and I got to follow
you little young niggas

356
00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:30,799
to college to get my check.

357
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,466
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!

358
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,002
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?

359
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,270
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.

360
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,939
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.

361
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,675
Private jet?

362
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:41,810
Yeah. Jealous?

363
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,243
Man, you smoke weed all day.

364
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,880
Just play video games,
you live-stream.

365
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,281
You literally got money
doing nothing.

366
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,752
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.

367
00:15:50,885 --> 00:15:52,453
Shit, son!

368
00:15:53,655 --> 00:15:55,956
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.

369
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,559
Check my crypto, nigga.

370
00:15:57,692 --> 00:15:59,694
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!

371
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,731
Damn,
now I'm down five million.

372
00:16:03,865 --> 00:16:06,366
This shit crazy, son.

373
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:33,260
♪ <i>I'm gonna let it shine</i> ♪

374
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:37,164
♪ <i>This little light of mine</i> ♪

375
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,869
♪ <i>I'm gonna let it shine</i> ♪

376
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:41,903
Ray!

377
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:43,872
Sister Brenda, it's okay.

378
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,139
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.

379
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,441
But the Lord has called on us

380
00:16:47,575 --> 00:16:50,143
to show men
such like you the way.

381
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:53,347
Come on, son! Come with us.

382
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,582
Come on us.

383
00:16:54,716 --> 00:16:57,519
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.

384
00:16:57,652 --> 00:17:01,856
We need you to come
like you never came before.

385
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:03,625
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.

386
00:17:03,758 --> 00:17:06,159
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.

387
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:08,863
- God is good, man!
- Yes, sir.

388
00:17:08,997 --> 00:17:09,864
Thank you, Jesus.

389
00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:10,899
Amen.

390
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:11,866
Hallelujah.

391
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,333
There you go.

392
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:18,673
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!

393
00:17:18,806 --> 00:17:19,607
Nigga!

394
00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:21,743
Oh, my bad.

395
00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,011
Last time.

396
00:17:25,813 --> 00:17:29,551
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.

397
00:17:29,684 --> 00:17:31,184
Let the people know

398
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,588
how you feel, brother.
There you go.

399
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,260
I'm not gay no more.

400
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:43,263
Hallelujah!

401
00:17:43,397 --> 00:17:44,264
Yes, sir!

402
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:45,833
I'm not gay no more!

403
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,134
Praise the lord!

404
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,803
I'm not gay no more!

405
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,170
He not gay no more.

406
00:17:50,304 --> 00:17:52,507
I've been delivered!

407
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,943
I'll no longer date a mans!

408
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,243
Even if he's sexy as hell

409
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,913
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!

410
00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:00,380
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.

411
00:18:00,515 --> 00:18:04,117
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,

412
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,385
walk around in high heels.

413
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:06,621
What?

414
00:18:06,754 --> 00:18:09,089
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle

415
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,658
on the side.
Those is my shoes.

416
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:14,796
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right

417
00:18:14,929 --> 00:18:16,430
at Black mens...
Hmm?

418
00:18:16,564 --> 00:18:18,566
...white mens, Asian mens.

419
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:21,134
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips

420
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:24,072
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.

421
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,240
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.

422
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,510
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.

423
00:18:29,644 --> 00:18:31,913
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.

424
00:18:32,046 --> 00:18:33,715
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.

425
00:18:33,848 --> 00:18:36,149
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror

426
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,052
with my penis
tucked between my legs...

427
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,922
...dancing like the dude
from <i>Silence of the Lambs.</i>

428
00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:43,256
"It puts the lotion
in the basket, Precious."

429
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,126
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!

430
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,996
Shit.
I will!

431
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,697
I said I will!

432
00:18:49,831 --> 00:18:52,600
I will love a woman!

433
00:18:54,035 --> 00:18:55,036
Womans, womans, womans!

434
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,971
You can take that "W-O" off.

435
00:18:57,105 --> 00:18:58,271
Womans, womans, womans!

436
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,708
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.

437
00:19:00,842 --> 00:19:02,877
Womans--

438
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,016
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.

439
00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:16,090
Gulp, gulp, gulp.

440
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,458
Whoa, nigga.

441
00:19:18,593 --> 00:19:20,360
Hawk tuah,
hawk tuah, hawk tuah!

442
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,096
You hocking on it?

443
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,364
I've been delivered!

444
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:26,433
♪ <i>Work, work, working it</i>
<i>For Jesus</i> ♪

445
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:29,671
♪ <i>No, the devilry is gonna</i>
<i>Stay beneath us</i> ♪

446
00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:32,339
♪ <i>The good praise</i>
<i>Really bumping</i>
<i>Out your speakers</i> ♪

447
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,742
♪ <i>I'ma dance</i>
<i>'Cause His glory</i>
<i>Make me feel some type of way</i> ♪

448
00:19:34,876 --> 00:19:36,711
♪ <i>So we be</i>
<i>Twerk, twerk, twerkin' it</i> ♪

449
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:38,680
♪ <i>For Jesus</i> ♪
I've been delivered!

450
00:19:38,813 --> 00:19:41,516
♪ <i>No, the devilry is gonna</i>
<i>Stay beneath us</i> ♪

451
00:19:41,649 --> 00:19:43,017
♪ <i>Who make it happen?</i> ♪

452
00:19:43,151 --> 00:19:44,619
♪ <i>That's Jesus</i> ♪

453
00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:46,587
♪ <i>Who have us clapping?</i>
<i>That's Jesus</i> ♪

454
00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:49,824
♪ <i>And the devil can't ever</i>
<i>Come between us</i> ♪

455
00:19:49,957 --> 00:19:53,127
♪ <i>We out here clap, clap</i>
<i>Clapping it for Jesus</i> ♪

456
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,030
Tuesday, Tuesday.

457
00:19:56,664 --> 00:19:58,465
Oh, my God.

458
00:19:58,599 --> 00:20:00,535
Her face. All contorted.

459
00:20:00,668 --> 00:20:02,369
Oh, my God, and the moaning.

460
00:20:08,710 --> 00:20:11,012
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.

461
00:20:11,145 --> 00:20:12,947
How you feeling, Tues?

462
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,583
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that--

463
00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,919
Is that morphine or...?

464
00:20:18,052 --> 00:20:19,987
Bitch.
Let's see.

465
00:20:21,956 --> 00:20:24,025
Oh, yeah!

466
00:20:24,158 --> 00:20:27,161
Oh, this that good, good.

467
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:28,563
This that
Britney Spears shit.

468
00:20:28,696 --> 00:20:30,098
Makes me want to
get half-naked,

469
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,600
dance around
and juggle some knives.

470
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:35,103
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?

471
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,972
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.

472
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:40,273
Really nice to meet you.

473
00:20:41,075 --> 00:20:42,375
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.

474
00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:44,912
But that ain't
none of my business.

475
00:20:45,046 --> 00:20:46,781
Mm-hmm. Mm!

476
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:49,117
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.

477
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,351
So y'all get the fuck out!

478
00:20:51,485 --> 00:20:52,687
Yes, ma'am.

479
00:20:53,521 --> 00:20:55,123
Oh, not you, Sara.

480
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,592
Why? What did I do?

481
00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,360
I'm so scared.

482
00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:04,031
Oh, Tues,
you should be.

483
00:21:04,165 --> 00:21:06,634
You've been stabbed nine times.

484
00:21:06,768 --> 00:21:08,936
And the killer knows
where you live.

485
00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:11,739
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but

486
00:21:11,873 --> 00:21:14,441
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.

487
00:21:14,575 --> 00:21:15,743
For all we know,

488
00:21:15,877 --> 00:21:18,345
he's standing
right outside that door.

489
00:21:23,551 --> 00:21:25,853
That's comforting, Sara.

490
00:21:25,987 --> 00:21:27,155
I thought I was gonna die.

491
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,322
I know, me too!

492
00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:31,726
I planned your funeral.

493
00:21:31,859 --> 00:21:34,461
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.

494
00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:36,531
More like ChatGPT wrote it.

495
00:21:36,664 --> 00:21:37,799
But you're still here.

496
00:21:37,932 --> 00:21:40,601
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.

497
00:21:42,103 --> 00:21:44,471
Oh, yum! Ice chips!

498
00:21:44,605 --> 00:21:45,940
Oh, God!

499
00:21:46,073 --> 00:21:47,942
Get off me!

500
00:21:49,944 --> 00:21:50,912
Help!

501
00:21:51,045 --> 00:21:52,980
This white girl can't die
on my shift!

502
00:21:53,114 --> 00:21:54,414
I'm a DEI hire!

503
00:21:54,549 --> 00:21:57,218
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.

504
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:59,452
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!

505
00:21:59,587 --> 00:22:01,388
Again!

506
00:22:01,522 --> 00:22:03,991
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!

507
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:05,726
It's not working!
Clear!

508
00:22:05,860 --> 00:22:08,663
We're losing her.

509
00:22:08,796 --> 00:22:10,097
Harder!

510
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:14,569
Oh, boy.

511
00:22:14,702 --> 00:22:16,637
Look like there ain't
nothing left

512
00:22:16,771 --> 00:22:19,073
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.

513
00:22:20,041 --> 00:22:20,908
Dear Lord.

514
00:22:21,042 --> 00:22:22,977
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!

515
00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:25,478
<i>The Wire</i> was the shit, baby.
That's my show.

516
00:22:25,613 --> 00:22:27,480
Drugs and that Idris Elba

517
00:22:27,615 --> 00:22:29,917
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!

518
00:22:30,051 --> 00:22:32,019
Dear Lord, please

519
00:22:32,153 --> 00:22:33,821
accept this white bitch's--

520
00:22:33,955 --> 00:22:35,523
Oh!

521
00:22:35,656 --> 00:22:37,925
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.

522
00:22:38,659 --> 00:22:39,927
I'm going on break.

523
00:22:40,061 --> 00:22:41,562
Oh, Tues.

524
00:22:41,696 --> 00:22:43,264
I will never let anyone

525
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:46,000
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.

526
00:22:49,537 --> 00:22:51,172
Ooh! My bad.

527
00:23:03,017 --> 00:23:04,151
Hello?

528
00:23:04,285 --> 00:23:06,721
<i>Hello, Sara.</i>

529
00:23:06,854 --> 00:23:08,022
Who is this?

530
00:23:08,155 --> 00:23:11,759
<i>Someone</i>
<i>who knows your little secret.</i>

531
00:23:11,893 --> 00:23:14,494
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!

532
00:23:14,629 --> 00:23:15,930
Okay? I won Prom Queen

533
00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:18,032
and I was-- I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!

534
00:23:18,165 --> 00:23:23,004
<i>No, I'm talking</i>
<i>about your family secret.</i>

535
00:23:24,471 --> 00:23:27,174
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.

536
00:23:27,308 --> 00:23:29,644
<i>Well, I had</i>
<i>to get you to come back here.</i>

537
00:23:29,777 --> 00:23:32,346
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,

538
00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:34,015
then come and get me!

539
00:23:34,148 --> 00:23:35,415
With pleasure.

540
00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:41,656
Help!

541
00:23:41,789 --> 00:23:43,691
Somebody help!

542
00:23:43,824 --> 00:23:46,894
Please, somebody help!

543
00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:49,096
Bitch!

544
00:23:49,230 --> 00:23:50,463
This the break room.

545
00:23:50,598 --> 00:23:51,464
Mm-hmm.

546
00:23:51,599 --> 00:23:52,633
We on break.

547
00:23:52,767 --> 00:23:54,335
- Oh, God.
- Preach.

548
00:24:00,908 --> 00:24:02,376
Take that!

549
00:24:02,510 --> 00:24:04,312
Oof!

550
00:24:06,013 --> 00:24:07,315
Please, save me!

551
00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:10,117
I've been saving people
all day!

552
00:24:10,251 --> 00:24:11,819
So you handle yours.

553
00:24:11,953 --> 00:24:13,721
I'll be right over here

554
00:24:13,854 --> 00:24:16,757
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.

555
00:24:16,891 --> 00:24:18,993
I look like your mama?

556
00:24:20,661 --> 00:24:23,764
- Try me now!
- Break's over.

557
00:24:30,171 --> 00:24:31,639
You're welcome.

558
00:24:34,208 --> 00:24:37,545
It really looks like
you got hit with
something hard. Like metal.

559
00:24:37,678 --> 00:24:39,914
I told you, I fell.

560
00:24:40,047 --> 00:24:44,118
Now where exactly
are we going?
To talk to an expert.

561
00:24:56,030 --> 00:24:56,998
Go away!

562
00:24:57,131 --> 00:24:58,833
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just--

563
00:24:58,966 --> 00:25:00,468
We just want to ask you
a few questions.

564
00:25:00,601 --> 00:25:02,269
Give me one good reason

565
00:25:02,403 --> 00:25:03,637
why I should talk to you.

566
00:25:03,771 --> 00:25:04,872
I'm white.

567
00:25:05,006 --> 00:25:06,674
How white?
Oh, I'm talking

568
00:25:06,807 --> 00:25:08,576
Candace Owens white.

569
00:25:09,477 --> 00:25:10,945
Oh.
Six feet.

570
00:25:11,078 --> 00:25:12,413
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant

571
00:25:12,546 --> 00:25:13,681
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or--

572
00:25:13,814 --> 00:25:14,749
Shut up.

573
00:25:14,882 --> 00:25:16,217
I'm Sara Campbell.

574
00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,819
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.

575
00:25:18,953 --> 00:25:21,555
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?

576
00:25:21,689 --> 00:25:22,990
Please, come on. Just--
Let's go.

577
00:25:23,124 --> 00:25:24,358
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.

578
00:25:24,492 --> 00:25:25,659
No. No.

579
00:25:25,793 --> 00:25:27,294
I'll give you eight minutes.

580
00:25:29,096 --> 00:25:30,097
And another thing.

581
00:25:30,231 --> 00:25:32,767
I got to test you for Covid.

582
00:25:34,568 --> 00:25:36,003
Ohh!

583
00:25:36,137 --> 00:25:37,171
Ahh...

584
00:25:37,304 --> 00:25:38,672
You guys are good.

585
00:25:38,806 --> 00:25:40,408
<i>When did the work week</i>
<i>become the "woke week"?</i>

586
00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:43,744
<i>We've got Black Friday.</i>
<i>What's next, Mulatto Monday?</i>

587
00:25:43,878 --> 00:25:45,546
<i>I mean, Yellow Thursday?</i>

588
00:25:45,679 --> 00:25:48,182
<i>Tan Tuesday? Come on.</i>

589
00:25:50,584 --> 00:25:52,086
Let me get this
out of your way.

590
00:25:52,219 --> 00:25:53,721
Oh!
Sorry.

591
00:25:54,355 --> 00:25:55,356
Oh!

592
00:25:55,489 --> 00:25:57,024
Covid tests are done.

593
00:25:57,658 --> 00:25:59,126
Yup! You're good.

594
00:26:01,062 --> 00:26:02,563
You're Cindy's daughter, right?

595
00:26:02,696 --> 00:26:04,131
Yeah.
Yeah.

596
00:26:04,265 --> 00:26:08,069
I don't know him.
This is Jack.
My love interest.

597
00:26:08,202 --> 00:26:09,303
No! No, no, no.

598
00:26:09,437 --> 00:26:12,773
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,

599
00:26:12,907 --> 00:26:15,209
"Never trust
the love interest."

600
00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:16,610
Look at him!

601
00:26:16,744 --> 00:26:20,214
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way

602
00:26:20,347 --> 00:26:23,584
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.

603
00:26:23,717 --> 00:26:25,520
He's got that stump leg.

604
00:26:25,653 --> 00:26:27,922
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.

605
00:26:28,055 --> 00:26:30,825
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.

606
00:26:30,958 --> 00:26:34,328
Oh I'm looking at me.

607
00:26:34,462 --> 00:26:37,665
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.

608
00:26:37,798 --> 00:26:40,801
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.

609
00:26:40,935 --> 00:26:42,970
No. I can't go back
to that life.

610
00:26:43,104 --> 00:26:45,639
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!

611
00:26:45,773 --> 00:26:47,007
Okay, I hate
to break it to you,

612
00:26:47,141 --> 00:26:49,777
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.

613
00:26:49,910 --> 00:26:51,846
Hmm.
Really?

614
00:26:51,979 --> 00:26:53,347
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

615
00:26:56,016 --> 00:26:57,184
Damn it!

616
00:26:57,318 --> 00:27:00,287
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?

617
00:27:01,556 --> 00:27:04,526
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.

618
00:27:04,658 --> 00:27:06,093
And don't come back!

619
00:27:18,706 --> 00:27:20,241
It's the sound of the police.

620
00:27:25,279 --> 00:27:28,782
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.

621
00:27:28,916 --> 00:27:31,620
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that--

622
00:27:31,752 --> 00:27:32,853
No, I didn't shower.

623
00:27:32,987 --> 00:27:35,256
I just take water
from my mouth and--

624
00:27:35,389 --> 00:27:37,491
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.

625
00:27:37,626 --> 00:27:39,827
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.

626
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,695
<i>Sara, is your</i>
<i>ghetto-ass mom coming</i>

627
00:27:41,829 --> 00:27:43,297
or can we start talking
about this plot?

628
00:27:43,430 --> 00:27:45,299
Uh...

629
00:27:47,368 --> 00:27:48,537
Hi.

630
00:27:48,669 --> 00:27:49,803
You came.

631
00:27:49,937 --> 00:27:51,739
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.

632
00:27:51,872 --> 00:27:54,241
But I did buy this new rose,

633
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:56,277
so fingers crossed.

634
00:27:59,780 --> 00:28:01,248
Oh.

635
00:28:01,382 --> 00:28:02,551
Oh!

636
00:28:02,683 --> 00:28:04,785
Oh, my old friend!

637
00:28:04,919 --> 00:28:07,388
You taught me how to dance.

638
00:28:07,522 --> 00:28:09,990
How to make a high N-word pie.

639
00:28:10,124 --> 00:28:12,493
Nigga, I'm right
in back of you.

640
00:28:12,627 --> 00:28:13,427
Shorty!

641
00:28:13,562 --> 00:28:14,762
What's up, Cindy?

642
00:28:14,895 --> 00:28:16,931
How you doing? My nigga.

643
00:28:17,064 --> 00:28:19,366
Shit, son!

644
00:28:20,834 --> 00:28:22,604
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.

645
00:28:22,736 --> 00:28:25,239
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke

646
00:28:25,372 --> 00:28:27,808
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,

647
00:28:27,942 --> 00:28:29,243
I didn't think
you had a chance.

648
00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:31,580
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.

649
00:28:32,213 --> 00:28:34,549
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!

650
00:28:37,484 --> 00:28:38,852
Shit! WorldStar!

651
00:28:38,986 --> 00:28:40,955
WorldStar! WorldStar!

652
00:28:41,088 --> 00:28:43,290
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!

653
00:28:43,424 --> 00:28:45,527
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.

654
00:28:45,660 --> 00:28:46,794
Hey, hey, hey!

655
00:28:46,927 --> 00:28:48,495
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.

656
00:28:48,630 --> 00:28:49,763
C'mon, have some respect.

657
00:28:49,897 --> 00:28:52,667
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.

658
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,101
I'm not very likable,

659
00:28:54,235 --> 00:28:56,237
so it must be
some kind of curse.

660
00:28:56,370 --> 00:28:58,339
Hey, everybody!
She's high.

661
00:28:58,472 --> 00:28:59,641
Look what I got.

662
00:28:59,773 --> 00:29:01,509
Non-branded gelatin shots

663
00:29:01,643 --> 00:29:03,844
made with grain alcohol
and GHB.

664
00:29:03,978 --> 00:29:05,145
So ain't nobody sipping nothing

665
00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:06,847
they didn't consent to
like last time,

666
00:29:06,981 --> 00:29:08,015
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.

667
00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:10,017
Take one.
I love roofying myself.

668
00:29:11,118 --> 00:29:12,086
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?

669
00:29:12,219 --> 00:29:13,220
Hi, Brenda.

670
00:29:13,354 --> 00:29:15,422
Please do not call me
by my government name.

671
00:29:15,557 --> 00:29:17,358
Call me Ma.

672
00:29:18,392 --> 00:29:19,226
Cindy!

673
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:20,828
Oh, my God!

674
00:29:21,630 --> 00:29:22,530
You dropped the tray.

675
00:29:22,664 --> 00:29:23,831
Oh, my God, Cindy,

676
00:29:23,964 --> 00:29:25,799
I haven't seen you in forever!

677
00:29:25,933 --> 00:29:28,637
My God, look at you!
You look the same!

678
00:29:28,769 --> 00:29:30,070
Minus the crow's feet.

679
00:29:30,204 --> 00:29:32,273
And your hair is so dry.

680
00:29:32,406 --> 00:29:35,276
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.

681
00:29:35,409 --> 00:29:38,379
Other than that,
you look the exact same.

682
00:29:38,513 --> 00:29:40,080
What have you been up to?

683
00:29:40,214 --> 00:29:42,249
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children

684
00:29:42,383 --> 00:29:45,754
so I can prepare
to kill Ghostface
should he ever return.

685
00:29:45,886 --> 00:29:47,254
What about you?

686
00:29:47,388 --> 00:29:49,624
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk

687
00:29:49,758 --> 00:29:51,058
in a desperate attempt
to stay young

688
00:29:51,191 --> 00:29:52,326
and keep my kids at home.

689
00:29:52,459 --> 00:29:53,994
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.

690
00:29:54,128 --> 00:29:55,296
Oh, Cindy!

691
00:29:55,429 --> 00:29:57,599
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,

692
00:29:57,732 --> 00:30:01,001
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.

693
00:30:01,135 --> 00:30:03,705
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.

694
00:30:03,837 --> 00:30:05,139
Come here.
Okay.

695
00:30:05,272 --> 00:30:06,874
Mm!
Oh!

696
00:30:07,007 --> 00:30:09,877
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.

697
00:30:10,010 --> 00:30:12,146
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool

698
00:30:12,279 --> 00:30:14,848
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,

699
00:30:14,982 --> 00:30:16,216
and maybe, like, a snack wall.

700
00:30:16,350 --> 00:30:17,951
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,

701
00:30:18,085 --> 00:30:20,522
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,

702
00:30:20,655 --> 00:30:21,855
P. Diddy, Diddy.

703
00:30:21,989 --> 00:30:23,457
All the Seans.

704
00:30:23,591 --> 00:30:26,393
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak

705
00:30:26,528 --> 00:30:27,261
in the freak-offs.

706
00:30:27,394 --> 00:30:28,996
Shit, son!

707
00:30:29,129 --> 00:30:30,331
You want to see something cool?

708
00:30:30,464 --> 00:30:33,300
I'ma show you something cool.

709
00:30:39,973 --> 00:30:41,308
God, that's cool.

710
00:30:41,442 --> 00:30:42,443
What are you doing?

711
00:30:42,577 --> 00:30:43,377
What?

712
00:30:43,511 --> 00:30:44,478
No, not like that.

713
00:30:44,612 --> 00:30:45,580
Like this.

714
00:30:45,714 --> 00:30:47,047
Oh, yeah.

715
00:30:47,181 --> 00:30:49,751
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.

716
00:30:49,883 --> 00:30:50,951
The gun ain't even loaded.

717
00:30:51,085 --> 00:30:52,486
Shit!

718
00:30:52,620 --> 00:30:54,922
Oh, shit, son!

719
00:30:55,557 --> 00:30:57,191
Uh-oh. I did it again.

720
00:31:00,294 --> 00:31:02,029
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.

721
00:31:02,162 --> 00:31:03,297
Help me move this body.

722
00:31:03,430 --> 00:31:04,398
Yeah, you got it.

723
00:31:04,532 --> 00:31:05,834
That was fun.

724
00:31:05,966 --> 00:31:07,267
Oh, so, what are you doing

725
00:31:07,401 --> 00:31:09,771
- after this?
- I want to go to Cabo.

726
00:31:09,903 --> 00:31:11,539
Oh, I love Cabo!

727
00:31:11,673 --> 00:31:13,307
You know what?

728
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,543
I used to put cocaine
up my hoo-hah
and travel there all the time.

729
00:31:15,677 --> 00:31:18,412
Well, that's because
you're so smart.
Yeah.

730
00:31:23,785 --> 00:31:24,918
Oh.

731
00:31:26,286 --> 00:31:29,123
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.

732
00:31:29,256 --> 00:31:30,991
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.

733
00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:32,459
Looking like a school shooter.

734
00:31:32,594 --> 00:31:33,528
I think you the killer.

735
00:31:33,661 --> 00:31:34,796
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.

736
00:31:34,928 --> 00:31:36,531
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?

737
00:31:36,664 --> 00:31:39,967
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?

738
00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:41,603
You were the killer
in the first movie.

739
00:31:41,736 --> 00:31:44,304
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.

740
00:31:44,438 --> 00:31:47,642
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.

741
00:31:47,776 --> 00:31:49,476
Oh.
I got proof.

742
00:31:49,611 --> 00:31:52,146
- This is me. And it's framed.
- Oh.

743
00:31:52,279 --> 00:31:53,581
That's a cool hat.

744
00:31:53,715 --> 00:31:55,449
What about Jess?

745
00:31:56,083 --> 00:31:57,050
What about me?

746
00:31:57,184 --> 00:31:58,352
If anybody here has issues

747
00:31:58,485 --> 00:31:59,754
that could lead to murder...

748
00:31:59,888 --> 00:32:01,321
Okay, I get it!

749
00:32:01,455 --> 00:32:03,323
Trans-shaming
is not cool, okay?

750
00:32:03,457 --> 00:32:05,426
They-- He's just a dude.
Yeah.

751
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,395
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.

752
00:32:08,530 --> 00:32:10,765
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?

753
00:32:10,899 --> 00:32:12,801
I do.
Hey, hey.

754
00:32:12,933 --> 00:32:14,736
Listen, what we know so far

755
00:32:14,869 --> 00:32:16,270
is everyone who's been attacked

756
00:32:16,403 --> 00:32:18,972
is related to
the original characters.

757
00:32:19,106 --> 00:32:20,207
He wants to kill the kids.

758
00:32:20,340 --> 00:32:24,178
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.

759
00:32:24,311 --> 00:32:25,914
- A what now?
- Yeah. It's like,

760
00:32:26,046 --> 00:32:27,247
a reboot and a sequel.

761
00:32:27,381 --> 00:32:29,483
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters

762
00:32:29,617 --> 00:32:32,453
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia

763
00:32:32,587 --> 00:32:34,455
and bring more fans
to the theaters.

764
00:32:34,589 --> 00:32:36,591
Just like last year's
<i>I Know What</i>
<i>You Did Last Summer.</i>

765
00:32:38,325 --> 00:32:40,728
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?

766
00:32:40,862 --> 00:32:43,163
I think you're talking about
<i>The Summer I Turned Pretty.</i>

767
00:32:43,297 --> 00:32:44,566
- Yeah.
- Ray,

768
00:32:44,699 --> 00:32:46,568
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.

769
00:32:46,701 --> 00:32:48,736
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.

770
00:32:48,870 --> 00:32:49,938
Oh.
My room?

771
00:32:50,070 --> 00:32:51,639
Okay, so that means

772
00:32:51,773 --> 00:32:55,075
that our killer is writing
his own version
of <i>Horror Movie.</i>

773
00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:58,880
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,

774
00:32:59,012 --> 00:33:00,047
who's the killer?

775
00:33:01,348 --> 00:33:03,450
I think it's pretty obvious.

776
00:33:06,019 --> 00:33:07,120
Who?

777
00:33:07,254 --> 00:33:09,189
You, bitch.
Me?

778
00:33:09,323 --> 00:33:11,191
Guys, I am not the killer.

779
00:33:11,325 --> 00:33:14,294
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.

780
00:33:14,428 --> 00:33:17,765
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here

781
00:33:17,899 --> 00:33:19,801
so he could get me back here.

782
00:33:19,934 --> 00:33:22,002
He wants to kill the OGs.

783
00:33:22,135 --> 00:33:23,303
That was a flex.

784
00:33:23,437 --> 00:33:24,706
Yeah, that sounds better.

785
00:33:24,839 --> 00:33:26,206
Aw, fuck this!

786
00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:29,176
And fuck you, Mother!

787
00:33:29,309 --> 00:33:30,812
To your mother?

788
00:33:30,945 --> 00:33:34,481
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!

789
00:33:34,616 --> 00:33:35,884
And call me Mom!

790
00:33:36,016 --> 00:33:37,117
Or Mommy.

791
00:33:37,251 --> 00:33:39,621
Or whatever's more comfortable.

792
00:33:41,321 --> 00:33:42,690
<i>All units, be advised:</i>

793
00:33:42,824 --> 00:33:44,157
<i>Suspect is still at large.</i>

794
00:33:44,291 --> 00:33:45,827
<i>Black cloak, white mask...</i>

795
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,529
<i>...big-ass knife.</i>

796
00:34:00,140 --> 00:34:02,977
- Talk to me.
<i>- Hello, Sheriff.</i>

797
00:34:03,110 --> 00:34:04,344
Agent Underwood?

798
00:34:04,478 --> 00:34:06,213
<i>I'll give you one hint.</i>

799
00:34:06,346 --> 00:34:08,650
<i>What's your favorite</i>
<i>scary movie?</i>

800
00:34:08,783 --> 00:34:10,685
Well, I'm gonna go
with <i>Saltburn.</i>

801
00:34:10,818 --> 00:34:13,621
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.

802
00:34:13,755 --> 00:34:17,025
Ken Jeong's junk
in <i>The Hangover</i>
was a much better depiction

803
00:34:17,157 --> 00:34:18,960
of the male anatomy.

804
00:34:19,092 --> 00:34:20,494
Now what do you want, fuckface?

805
00:34:20,628 --> 00:34:22,162
<i>Well,</i>
<i>I'm just calling to tell you</i>

806
00:34:22,296 --> 00:34:23,765
<i>that by the time you get home,</i>

807
00:34:23,898 --> 00:34:26,400
<i>I'll have gutted</i>
<i>your baby girl!</i>

808
00:34:26,968 --> 00:34:29,904
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!

809
00:34:38,980 --> 00:34:40,147
Jess!

810
00:34:55,195 --> 00:34:56,798
Looking for this?

811
00:34:57,966 --> 00:34:59,601
Let me help you.

812
00:34:59,734 --> 00:35:04,171
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.

813
00:35:13,113 --> 00:35:15,049
All right.
Here we go.

814
00:35:15,182 --> 00:35:16,651
What do you want, fuckface?

815
00:35:16,784 --> 00:35:20,387
Well,
like father, like, uh, son?

816
00:35:20,521 --> 00:35:21,823
<i>Uh--</i>

817
00:35:21,956 --> 00:35:23,423
<i>I understand</i>
<i>you're home alone.</i>

818
00:35:23,558 --> 00:35:26,728
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener

819
00:35:26,861 --> 00:35:29,931
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.

820
00:35:30,064 --> 00:35:31,666
<i>Look out your window.</i>

821
00:35:34,802 --> 00:35:36,070
ICE!

822
00:35:36,203 --> 00:35:38,973
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!

823
00:35:39,107 --> 00:35:41,609
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.

824
00:35:41,743 --> 00:35:43,377
<i>Let's cut to the chase.</i>

825
00:35:43,511 --> 00:35:45,479
<i>I'll ask you one question.</i>

826
00:35:45,613 --> 00:35:48,415
<i>If you answer correctly,</i>
<i>you live.</i>

827
00:35:48,549 --> 00:35:52,219
<i>Who was the killer</i>
<i>in</i> Horror Movie?

828
00:35:52,352 --> 00:35:55,455
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray

829
00:35:55,590 --> 00:35:57,424
the guy who was
totally into dudes,

830
00:35:57,558 --> 00:35:58,860
even though
he claimed he wasn't.

831
00:35:58,993 --> 00:36:00,928
Classic 2000s homophobia.

832
00:36:01,062 --> 00:36:02,429
But I got you, bitch.

833
00:36:02,563 --> 00:36:05,365
<i>Wrong! You forgot</i>
<i>Special Officer Doofy.</i>

834
00:36:05,499 --> 00:36:08,468
<i>Now you die.</i>

835
00:36:15,943 --> 00:36:17,679
Bumbaclot!

836
00:36:19,047 --> 00:36:20,715
<i>You should</i>
<i>probably answer that.</i>

837
00:36:20,848 --> 00:36:24,451
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.

838
00:36:24,585 --> 00:36:27,088
Oh, shit!

839
00:36:28,422 --> 00:36:29,924
Ah, that was easy.

840
00:36:32,527 --> 00:36:34,394
<i>Uh, someone</i>
<i>order steaks?</i>

841
00:36:34,529 --> 00:36:36,430
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.

842
00:36:38,465 --> 00:36:40,467
- Wait a sec.
- Careful.

843
00:36:40,601 --> 00:36:42,603
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.

844
00:36:42,737 --> 00:36:47,441
You are about to identify
as dead.

845
00:36:50,144 --> 00:36:51,278
You...

846
00:36:51,411 --> 00:36:53,981
stab like--
a girl.

847
00:37:01,556 --> 00:37:03,825
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.

848
00:37:03,958 --> 00:37:06,460
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.

849
00:37:06,594 --> 00:37:09,097
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.

850
00:37:09,229 --> 00:37:10,665
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".

851
00:37:10,798 --> 00:37:12,800
You don't even
have a cameraman!

852
00:37:12,934 --> 00:37:14,501
My equipment!

853
00:37:15,803 --> 00:37:16,971
Excuse me.

854
00:37:18,606 --> 00:37:19,841
Oh, my. You're--

855
00:37:19,974 --> 00:37:21,209
Yes, yes.

856
00:37:21,341 --> 00:37:22,710
Three-time Emmy nominee

857
00:37:22,844 --> 00:37:25,445
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.

858
00:37:25,580 --> 00:37:27,515
I was gonna say
the lady from <i>Friends,</i>

859
00:37:27,648 --> 00:37:29,817
but shorter
and with less Botox.

860
00:37:29,951 --> 00:37:31,284
Oh. Is that
what you were

861
00:37:31,418 --> 00:37:32,720
"gonna say"?
Yeah.

862
00:37:32,854 --> 00:37:34,387
You seriously don't know
who I am?

863
00:37:34,522 --> 00:37:36,924
- Babygirl, I am Gail--
- Gail swallows!

864
00:37:37,058 --> 00:37:38,025
Hey.

865
00:37:38,159 --> 00:37:39,259
Hailstorm. Gail--

866
00:37:39,392 --> 00:37:41,495
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.

867
00:37:45,933 --> 00:37:49,237
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.

868
00:37:49,369 --> 00:37:51,371
Wow. You haven't aged a day.

869
00:37:51,506 --> 00:37:54,709
You've aged
like a million days.
That's this many. Five--

870
00:37:54,842 --> 00:37:56,511
Your fingers
smell like genitals.

871
00:37:56,644 --> 00:37:58,646
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?

872
00:37:58,780 --> 00:38:02,349
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.

873
00:38:02,482 --> 00:38:03,684
Well, um,

874
00:38:03,818 --> 00:38:06,220
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...

875
00:38:06,353 --> 00:38:08,156
Um.

876
00:38:08,321 --> 00:38:09,624
Wow.
Are there any suspects

877
00:38:09,757 --> 00:38:12,425
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?

878
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:13,928
I-I'm not allowed to say.

879
00:38:14,061 --> 00:38:16,396
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

880
00:38:16,531 --> 00:38:18,232
Not-- Yeah--

881
00:38:18,365 --> 00:38:19,332
You can tell me.

882
00:38:19,466 --> 00:38:20,601
Um, ah, oh, my God.

883
00:38:20,735 --> 00:38:22,003
What the f--

884
00:38:22,136 --> 00:38:23,436
Hey!

885
00:38:23,571 --> 00:38:25,372
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs

886
00:38:25,506 --> 00:38:27,141
for sensitive information?

887
00:38:27,275 --> 00:38:30,945
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.

888
00:38:31,078 --> 00:38:32,379
Okay. Sorry.

889
00:38:32,513 --> 00:38:34,816
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.

890
00:38:34,949 --> 00:38:38,619
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.

891
00:38:49,329 --> 00:38:50,598
What the--

892
00:38:59,674 --> 00:39:01,075
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!

893
00:39:01,209 --> 00:39:02,810
Ray?
You got my outfit,

894
00:39:02,944 --> 00:39:04,078
you little critter.

895
00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:09,617
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.

896
00:39:12,220 --> 00:39:13,855
Fuck yeah, it should!

897
00:39:24,065 --> 00:39:25,733
Hello, Shorty.

898
00:39:25,867 --> 00:39:29,469
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.

899
00:39:29,604 --> 00:39:31,205
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.

900
00:39:31,339 --> 00:39:34,275
You got Vitamin T, C and H,

901
00:39:34,407 --> 00:39:36,376
C, B and D.

902
00:39:36,510 --> 00:39:38,079
What's the matter, Shorty?

903
00:39:38,212 --> 00:39:40,882
You look a little antsy.

904
00:39:41,015 --> 00:39:44,518
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer

905
00:39:44,652 --> 00:39:45,820
sipping tea in my den.

906
00:39:45,953 --> 00:39:47,688
Shorty, you're my nigga.

907
00:39:47,822 --> 00:39:50,423
I mean, friend. Please, sit.

908
00:39:50,558 --> 00:39:51,926
All right.

909
00:39:54,929 --> 00:39:56,764
Do you want to quit smoking?

910
00:39:56,898 --> 00:39:59,033
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.

911
00:39:59,166 --> 00:40:02,770
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."

912
00:40:03,371 --> 00:40:04,538
So I quit quitting.

913
00:40:04,672 --> 00:40:06,774
We could try hypnosis.

914
00:40:06,908 --> 00:40:08,709
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches

915
00:40:08,843 --> 00:40:10,711
you try and wave
in front of my face

916
00:40:10,845 --> 00:40:12,513
it ain't gonna work, son.

917
00:40:12,647 --> 00:40:15,316
- You can't magmetize me.
- Sleep.

918
00:40:18,286 --> 00:40:20,187
Shorty.

919
00:40:20,321 --> 00:40:22,223
Hmm?

920
00:40:22,356 --> 00:40:23,591
What's up?

921
00:40:23,724 --> 00:40:26,193
Tell me about your mother.

922
00:40:27,895 --> 00:40:28,896
Damn, nigga.

923
00:40:29,030 --> 00:40:30,665
Let's start
with something light, like:

924
00:40:30,798 --> 00:40:32,934
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"

925
00:40:33,067 --> 00:40:34,735
The answer's yes.

926
00:40:34,869 --> 00:40:37,505
So what
happened to her, Shorty?

927
00:40:40,374 --> 00:40:42,209
She was coming home.

928
00:40:43,044 --> 00:40:45,279
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.

929
00:40:45,413 --> 00:40:47,348
Someone was in it.

930
00:40:48,049 --> 00:40:49,684
And something bad
was happening.

931
00:40:53,988 --> 00:40:55,656
Why didn't you call anyone?

932
00:40:55,790 --> 00:40:56,624
I couldn't.

933
00:40:56,757 --> 00:40:58,259
I had warrants.

934
00:40:58,392 --> 00:40:59,760
You were 11.

935
00:40:59,894 --> 00:41:01,963
I started young, nigga.

936
00:41:03,064 --> 00:41:03,998
Oh.

937
00:41:04,464 --> 00:41:06,534
What do you see?

938
00:41:07,935 --> 00:41:09,070
I...

939
00:41:11,005 --> 00:41:14,108
<i>I see a big explosion of water.</i>

940
00:41:15,743 --> 00:41:17,645
<i>It was like</i>
<i>a Civil Rights hose.</i>

941
00:41:21,749 --> 00:41:24,051
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.

942
00:41:25,186 --> 00:41:26,420
She killed that man.

943
00:41:26,554 --> 00:41:30,658
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.

944
00:41:33,728 --> 00:41:36,597
Like the green nigga
in <i>Shape of Water.</i>

945
00:41:36,731 --> 00:41:38,232
I just didn't want it
to be real.

946
00:41:38,366 --> 00:41:40,868
What don't you want to be real?

947
00:41:41,702 --> 00:41:43,704
That my mother was a squirter!

948
00:41:43,838 --> 00:41:46,073
Okay! She was a squirter.

949
00:41:46,207 --> 00:41:48,676
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.

950
00:41:48,809 --> 00:41:52,046
- I can't move.
- You're paralyzed.

951
00:41:52,179 --> 00:41:53,781
Now...

952
00:41:53,914 --> 00:41:56,183
...sink into the chair.
Wait, no.

953
00:41:56,317 --> 00:41:57,385
- Wait.
- Sink!

954
00:42:03,257 --> 00:42:05,960
Nigga!

955
00:42:14,035 --> 00:42:18,773
I'm in a K-hole, son!

956
00:42:19,907 --> 00:42:23,778
No, you're in a K-pop hole.

957
00:42:36,824 --> 00:42:38,959
Oh, shit, son!

958
00:42:44,765 --> 00:42:46,100
Nigga, I'm numb.

959
00:42:49,703 --> 00:42:51,839
That's what they do
in the hood.

960
00:43:00,681 --> 00:43:02,316
Luke Skywalker!

961
00:43:17,465 --> 00:43:19,033
♪ <i>Ohh</i> ♪

962
00:43:29,743 --> 00:43:31,513
<i>That's some good shit, son.</i>

963
00:43:33,314 --> 00:43:34,715
That dream was wild.

964
00:43:34,849 --> 00:43:36,784
I must've been Elon Musk high.

965
00:43:51,265 --> 00:43:52,633
Tuesday?

966
00:43:53,100 --> 00:43:54,301
Tuesday?

967
00:43:57,438 --> 00:43:58,806
Bobby?

968
00:44:00,774 --> 00:44:02,843
Bobby, what the...?

969
00:44:03,911 --> 00:44:05,746
She's gonna die.

970
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,381
Our daughter, Sara?

971
00:44:07,516 --> 00:44:09,049
You're probably right.

972
00:44:09,183 --> 00:44:11,452
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.

973
00:44:11,586 --> 00:44:12,887
I'm gonna die.

974
00:44:13,020 --> 00:44:15,122
Bobby, you're already dead.

975
00:44:15,256 --> 00:44:16,957
This hallucination
is a manifestation

976
00:44:17,091 --> 00:44:19,126
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.

977
00:44:19,260 --> 00:44:22,029
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.

978
00:44:22,930 --> 00:44:24,131
You're gonna die.

979
00:44:24,265 --> 00:44:27,735
Bitch, you ain't killing me.

980
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:34,375
You're gonna die.

981
00:44:34,942 --> 00:44:37,411
Stop smiling!

982
00:44:37,546 --> 00:44:39,847
I can't. Botox.

983
00:44:39,980 --> 00:44:41,248
Hey!
Oh.

984
00:44:41,382 --> 00:44:44,485
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.

985
00:44:44,619 --> 00:44:45,853
What?

986
00:44:46,287 --> 00:44:48,155
How-- Um--

987
00:44:48,289 --> 00:44:50,457
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?

988
00:44:50,592 --> 00:44:51,992
Is it that way or that way?

989
00:44:52,126 --> 00:44:53,727
Uh, visiting hours are over.

990
00:44:53,861 --> 00:44:56,230
Oh, yes, of course.

991
00:44:57,097 --> 00:44:58,732
<i>The network wants me to clarify</i>

992
00:44:58,866 --> 00:45:01,101
<i>that Black Friday</i>
<i>has nothing to do with race.</i>

993
00:45:01,235 --> 00:45:03,204
<i>Well, just tell that</i>
<i>to my Black friend Benita</i>

994
00:45:03,337 --> 00:45:04,772
<i>who's probably clocking someone</i>

995
00:45:04,905 --> 00:45:06,774
<i>over the head</i>
<i>at Target as we speak!</i>

996
00:45:06,907 --> 00:45:08,042
<i>Right, Benita?</i>

997
00:45:23,490 --> 00:45:24,892
Shamone!

998
00:45:25,025 --> 00:45:26,628
Man, you ain't Michael.

999
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,630
Michael got that Jheri curl.

1000
00:45:28,762 --> 00:45:30,397
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?

1001
00:45:30,532 --> 00:45:33,668
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.

1002
00:45:33,801 --> 00:45:35,369
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.

1003
00:45:35,502 --> 00:45:36,671
Indoo-dy.

1004
00:45:36,804 --> 00:45:38,772
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.

1005
00:45:40,474 --> 00:45:41,809
Fuck Michael!

1006
00:45:41,942 --> 00:45:44,178
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.

1007
00:45:44,311 --> 00:45:45,879
Oh! Whoa!

1008
00:45:46,013 --> 00:45:47,414
Jeez.

1009
00:45:48,749 --> 00:45:49,917
Yeah!

1010
00:45:50,050 --> 00:45:51,686
Bong! Ow!

1011
00:45:51,819 --> 00:45:54,623
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.

1012
00:45:54,755 --> 00:45:55,823
Ooh.

1013
00:45:55,956 --> 00:45:57,726
Where is this nigga goin'?

1014
00:45:59,793 --> 00:46:00,595
Ow!

1015
00:46:00,729 --> 00:46:02,731
Whoo!

1016
00:46:02,863 --> 00:46:04,532
<i>"Jermaine".</i>

1017
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:10,104
<i>Coming Juneteenth,</i>
<i>only on Tubi.</i>

1018
00:46:12,172 --> 00:46:14,341
I'ma bootleg that shit.

1019
00:46:16,645 --> 00:46:17,978
Hello?

1020
00:46:19,213 --> 00:46:20,147
Fuck this.

1021
00:46:25,219 --> 00:46:27,187
I'm gonna miss you all.

1022
00:46:32,627 --> 00:46:34,028
Oh, hell no!

1023
00:46:34,161 --> 00:46:36,463
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.

1024
00:46:46,608 --> 00:46:47,642
Oh!

1025
00:46:47,776 --> 00:46:49,843
Goddamn it!
Jack?

1026
00:46:49,977 --> 00:46:51,713
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...

1027
00:46:51,845 --> 00:46:54,381
Yeah! That's why I'm here.

1028
00:46:54,516 --> 00:46:57,752
Not to murder you
or anything like that.

1029
00:46:57,885 --> 00:46:59,386
Then why
are you wearing gloves?

1030
00:47:00,154 --> 00:47:02,056
Would you believe I...

1031
00:47:02,189 --> 00:47:05,560
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?

1032
00:47:05,694 --> 00:47:07,261
But those fit.

1033
00:47:07,928 --> 00:47:09,196
Look out!

1034
00:47:09,330 --> 00:47:11,465
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.

1035
00:47:11,599 --> 00:47:13,033
I-I mean--
Help!

1036
00:47:17,004 --> 00:47:18,272
Oh, yes!

1037
00:47:22,242 --> 00:47:23,410
Oh...

1038
00:47:27,481 --> 00:47:31,985
Whew.
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!

1039
00:47:36,256 --> 00:47:38,092
I'm gonna...

1040
00:47:38,225 --> 00:47:40,194
I'm gonna...

1041
00:47:40,327 --> 00:47:41,995
What a stupid line.

1042
00:47:44,064 --> 00:47:45,432
That is so true!

1043
00:47:45,567 --> 00:47:48,570
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?

1044
00:47:53,073 --> 00:47:54,341
I got to get better writers.

1045
00:47:54,475 --> 00:47:57,044
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.

1046
00:47:57,177 --> 00:48:00,548
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!

1047
00:48:07,187 --> 00:48:09,524
I'm crying over here.

1048
00:48:09,657 --> 00:48:10,991
I got to go

1049
00:48:11,125 --> 00:48:13,060
- before you really kill me.
- Here I come.

1050
00:48:13,193 --> 00:48:15,764
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!

1051
00:48:17,464 --> 00:48:20,934
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.

1052
00:48:42,222 --> 00:48:44,526
I want what they're on.

1053
00:48:46,594 --> 00:48:49,430
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.

1054
00:48:55,770 --> 00:48:57,505
No, no.

1055
00:48:57,639 --> 00:48:59,373
No.

1056
00:49:01,308 --> 00:49:02,911
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

1057
00:49:03,043 --> 00:49:04,144
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!

1058
00:49:04,278 --> 00:49:06,614
Step aside.
Official police business.

1059
00:49:06,748 --> 00:49:07,749
Doofy!

1060
00:49:07,882 --> 00:49:10,417
I like doing that.

1061
00:49:10,552 --> 00:49:11,452
Ooh!

1062
00:49:12,219 --> 00:49:14,321
Smile, you son of a bitch.

1063
00:49:14,455 --> 00:49:17,692
What the f...?
My psycho mother said

1064
00:49:17,826 --> 00:49:19,960
always keep a strap.

1065
00:49:21,261 --> 00:49:22,463
Go! Go!
Okay.

1066
00:49:22,597 --> 00:49:24,097
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.

1067
00:49:24,231 --> 00:49:25,733
I'll get your love interest.

1068
00:49:25,867 --> 00:49:28,969
Ow, the pain, the agony.

1069
00:49:29,102 --> 00:49:31,171
Sara, if I don't make it...

1070
00:49:31,305 --> 00:49:33,575
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.

1071
00:49:33,708 --> 00:49:36,076
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.

1072
00:49:36,210 --> 00:49:38,445
Just ask Demi Moore.

1073
00:49:38,580 --> 00:49:41,148
No! No!

1074
00:49:41,281 --> 00:49:42,817
I got him. I got Jack.

1075
00:49:45,152 --> 00:49:47,154
Doofy! What the fuck?

1076
00:49:47,287 --> 00:49:49,356
The fuck?
I can't help myself.

1077
00:49:51,593 --> 00:49:54,194
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.

1078
00:49:54,328 --> 00:49:55,295
Hm.

1079
00:49:56,396 --> 00:49:58,298
You got to shoot them
in the head.

1080
00:49:58,432 --> 00:50:00,267
Shoot them in the head.

1081
00:50:02,369 --> 00:50:05,105
Oof. Ow.

1082
00:50:08,041 --> 00:50:10,210
Die!

1083
00:50:10,344 --> 00:50:12,279
Die, you little dumb dunce.

1084
00:50:12,412 --> 00:50:13,581
Smell...

1085
00:50:13,715 --> 00:50:14,749
my...

1086
00:50:15,550 --> 00:50:16,651
finger.

1087
00:50:17,351 --> 00:50:18,352
Oh, God!

1088
00:50:18,485 --> 00:50:21,054
What the fuck was that? Ugh.

1089
00:50:21,188 --> 00:50:22,957
My ass.

1090
00:50:23,123 --> 00:50:25,125
Fuck your ass! Pause.

1091
00:50:27,461 --> 00:50:29,062
Oh, God,
that's-- that's my ass.

1092
00:50:29,196 --> 00:50:31,799
- Oh, God.
- Any last words?

1093
00:50:31,933 --> 00:50:33,701
I go poopy.

1094
00:50:38,405 --> 00:50:41,041
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!

1095
00:50:41,174 --> 00:50:42,644
I'm on break.

1096
00:50:42,777 --> 00:50:46,280
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.

1097
00:50:46,413 --> 00:50:48,415
What you say?
Never mind.

1098
00:50:48,550 --> 00:50:50,083
Yo, what's up, chat?

1099
00:50:50,217 --> 00:50:51,586
This your boy Shorty.

1100
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:53,287
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.

1101
00:50:53,420 --> 00:50:56,356
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money

1102
00:50:56,490 --> 00:50:58,626
for doing absolutely nothing

1103
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:00,460
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.

1104
00:51:00,595 --> 00:51:03,196
And they call me dumb!

1105
00:51:03,330 --> 00:51:06,333
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:

1106
00:51:06,466 --> 00:51:08,836
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.

1107
00:51:10,203 --> 00:51:12,740
They got mad apples, son.

1108
00:51:15,777 --> 00:51:18,646
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!

1109
00:51:18,780 --> 00:51:20,882
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon

1110
00:51:21,015 --> 00:51:22,149
without a dope guest.

1111
00:51:22,282 --> 00:51:23,350
He's a legend
in the streaming game.

1112
00:51:23,483 --> 00:51:26,453
Give it up for Kai Cenat!

1113
00:51:26,588 --> 00:51:28,990
We gonna break the internet!

1114
00:51:29,122 --> 00:51:31,059
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1115
00:51:31,191 --> 00:51:32,860
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1116
00:51:35,162 --> 00:51:36,196
Let's get serious.

1117
00:51:36,330 --> 00:51:38,231
What brings you to the chat?

1118
00:51:38,365 --> 00:51:40,034
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.

1119
00:51:40,167 --> 00:51:42,770
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.

1120
00:51:42,904 --> 00:51:45,807
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.

1121
00:51:45,940 --> 00:51:47,207
That's-- That's my bad.

1122
00:51:47,341 --> 00:51:49,376
And speaking of ghosted--

1123
00:51:49,510 --> 00:51:51,311
Somebody wants to talk to you.

1124
00:51:51,445 --> 00:51:52,780
Hello?

1125
00:51:52,914 --> 00:51:54,882
<i>What's your favorite</i>
<i>scary movie?</i>

1126
00:51:56,918 --> 00:51:58,686
Nah!
Oh!

1127
00:51:58,820 --> 00:52:01,288
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!

1128
00:52:07,929 --> 00:52:09,731
We breaking the internet, son!

1129
00:52:09,864 --> 00:52:10,932
What's up, my guy?

1130
00:52:11,065 --> 00:52:12,199
You got some Angry Orchard

1131
00:52:12,332 --> 00:52:13,433
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.

1132
00:52:13,568 --> 00:52:15,435
They got mad apples.

1133
00:52:15,570 --> 00:52:16,904
Oh!

1134
00:52:17,038 --> 00:52:18,106
Wassup?

1135
00:52:18,238 --> 00:52:19,841
Wassup?

1136
00:52:22,777 --> 00:52:24,444
We about to do
my favorite thing:

1137
00:52:24,579 --> 00:52:28,281
Spin the... wheel!

1138
00:52:28,415 --> 00:52:30,350
Extreme Noodle Game!

1139
00:52:30,484 --> 00:52:32,120
We gonna go back there
with these noodles

1140
00:52:32,252 --> 00:52:33,186
and we gonna smack

1141
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,321
the fuck out you!

1142
00:52:34,454 --> 00:52:35,657
Then you gotta guess
who did it.

1143
00:52:35,790 --> 00:52:36,658
That doesn't even make sense.

1144
00:52:37,725 --> 00:52:38,660
This is a dumb game.

1145
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:41,629
Oh!

1146
00:52:41,763 --> 00:52:42,730
Uh...

1147
00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:44,197
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?

1148
00:52:44,331 --> 00:52:45,133
Yeah.

1149
00:52:51,338 --> 00:52:53,708
Wait-- No, no, no--

1150
00:52:55,843 --> 00:53:00,081
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.

1151
00:53:01,448 --> 00:53:03,017
We making history, son!

1152
00:53:04,217 --> 00:53:05,520
Money, money, money!

1153
00:53:24,972 --> 00:53:26,507
Oh, thank God.

1154
00:53:30,645 --> 00:53:32,446
It's about time
you guys got here!

1155
00:53:32,980 --> 00:53:34,849
Now you're gonna get it.

1156
00:53:35,449 --> 00:53:36,718
Oof!

1157
00:53:38,052 --> 00:53:39,419
Hold still!

1158
00:53:39,554 --> 00:53:41,321
So that's our suspect.

1159
00:53:41,455 --> 00:53:43,891
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.

1160
00:53:44,025 --> 00:53:48,129
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.

1161
00:53:48,996 --> 00:53:50,765
Is there anything
you're not telling me?

1162
00:53:50,898 --> 00:53:52,567
That your wife hates you

1163
00:53:52,700 --> 00:53:54,367
you believe the Earth is flat

1164
00:53:54,501 --> 00:53:56,470
and you voted for Trump
three times.

1165
00:53:56,604 --> 00:53:58,973
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?

1166
00:53:59,107 --> 00:54:00,373
Huh?

1167
00:54:00,508 --> 00:54:03,778
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.

1168
00:54:05,479 --> 00:54:07,515
What that mouth do?

1169
00:54:07,648 --> 00:54:09,183
Stop resisting!

1170
00:54:09,316 --> 00:54:11,384
He did look pretty sketchy.

1171
00:54:14,956 --> 00:54:16,891
They got the wrong guy.

1172
00:54:17,024 --> 00:54:19,026
And you know that
because you're psychic?

1173
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,328
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.

1174
00:54:23,497 --> 00:54:24,699
I don't know.

1175
00:54:24,832 --> 00:54:27,135
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...

1176
00:54:27,267 --> 00:54:28,502
not that Black.

1177
00:54:28,636 --> 00:54:30,270
Like gravy brown.

1178
00:54:30,403 --> 00:54:31,939
Ugh!

1179
00:54:32,073 --> 00:54:33,473
Get him!

1180
00:54:33,608 --> 00:54:35,243
Hit him with your strong hand!

1181
00:54:35,375 --> 00:54:36,711
Boom!

1182
00:54:36,844 --> 00:54:39,814
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?

1183
00:54:40,548 --> 00:54:42,449
Turn off your body cams!

1184
00:54:43,050 --> 00:54:44,852
Miss Hailstorm, welcome back.

1185
00:54:44,986 --> 00:54:47,889
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me
look younger.

1186
00:54:48,022 --> 00:54:49,624
These little bitches
are killing me out there.

1187
00:54:49,757 --> 00:54:50,825
They're wearing nothing but a--

1188
00:54:50,958 --> 00:54:52,894
a sausage casing
and a ring light.

1189
00:54:53,027 --> 00:54:57,464
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,

1190
00:54:57,598 --> 00:54:59,667
and I will make you whole.

1191
00:54:59,801 --> 00:55:01,235
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special

1192
00:55:01,368 --> 00:55:02,970
coming right up.
Thanks.

1193
00:55:03,104 --> 00:55:04,205
I'm gonna play a quick video

1194
00:55:04,337 --> 00:55:05,506
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,

1195
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,009
and then we'll get started.

1196
00:55:11,378 --> 00:55:14,414
<i>Do you wish</i>
<i>you weren't so old and saggy?</i>

1197
00:55:14,549 --> 00:55:17,151
<i>Do you wish you were younger?</i>
<i>Sexier?</i>

1198
00:55:17,285 --> 00:55:18,719
<i>Fuckable again?</i>

1199
00:55:18,853 --> 00:55:22,290
<i>One single injection</i>
<i>unlocks your DNA,</i>

1200
00:55:22,422 --> 00:55:25,425
<i>creating a new, better you.</i>

1201
00:55:25,993 --> 00:55:28,162
<i>This is The Stuff.</i>

1202
00:55:29,630 --> 00:55:31,732
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap

1203
00:55:31,866 --> 00:55:34,035
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?

1204
00:55:38,105 --> 00:55:39,006
I like it.

1205
00:55:47,148 --> 00:55:48,415
♪ <i>I feel...</i> ♪

1206
00:55:48,549 --> 00:55:50,251
♪ <i>Brand fucking new</i> ♪

1207
00:55:50,383 --> 00:55:51,185
♪ <i>New</i> ♪

1208
00:55:51,319 --> 00:55:52,385
♪ <i>New</i> ♪

1209
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,121
♪ <i>Brand fucking new</i> ♪

1210
00:55:55,388 --> 00:55:57,525
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.

1211
00:55:59,126 --> 00:56:00,528
Oh, a mask on a mask.

1212
00:56:01,062 --> 00:56:02,697
Safety first, right, Doc?

1213
00:56:04,565 --> 00:56:06,734
Oh, no!

1214
00:56:07,802 --> 00:56:09,637
I'm having second thoughts!

1215
00:56:09,770 --> 00:56:12,106
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.

1216
00:56:15,543 --> 00:56:16,811
♪ <i>I feel</i> ♪

1217
00:56:16,944 --> 00:56:18,913
♪ <i>Brand fucking new</i> ♪

1218
00:57:15,502 --> 00:57:17,371
Oops. Wrong movie.

1219
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:22,109
- You were thinking it.
- But you said it.

1220
00:57:23,277 --> 00:57:24,979
<i>White Chicks 2,</i> my ass.

1221
00:57:25,112 --> 00:57:26,647
♪ <i>I feel</i> ♪

1222
00:57:26,781 --> 00:57:27,915
♪ <i>Brand fucking new</i> ♪

1223
00:57:28,049 --> 00:57:29,317
♪ <i>New</i> ♪

1224
00:57:29,449 --> 00:57:32,485
♪ <i>I feel brand fucking new</i> ♪

1225
00:57:33,621 --> 00:57:35,556
Hey, Sara.

1226
00:57:36,456 --> 00:57:38,059
Tuesday, I--

1227
00:57:38,192 --> 00:57:40,094
I tried to visit you.

1228
00:57:40,227 --> 00:57:42,462
I am sorry for everything.

1229
00:57:42,596 --> 00:57:44,432
Especially your name.

1230
00:57:44,565 --> 00:57:47,001
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.

1231
00:57:47,134 --> 00:57:50,871
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!

1232
00:57:51,005 --> 00:57:52,440
- It's fine, really, we're cool.
- I'm gonna--

1233
00:57:52,573 --> 00:57:53,741
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.

1234
00:57:53,874 --> 00:57:55,475
I'm going to take you
to the car!

1235
00:57:55,609 --> 00:57:57,878
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumbass!

1236
00:57:58,012 --> 00:58:00,848
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!

1237
00:58:01,615 --> 00:58:02,984
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.

1238
00:58:03,651 --> 00:58:05,886
I tried to run, too, but...

1239
00:58:06,020 --> 00:58:08,122
it follows!

1240
00:58:08,255 --> 00:58:10,992
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,

1241
00:58:11,125 --> 00:58:13,561
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.

1242
00:58:13,694 --> 00:58:15,863
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD

1243
00:58:15,997 --> 00:58:17,298
and then it haunts them
in the form

1244
00:58:17,431 --> 00:58:18,299
of their naked grandma.

1245
00:58:18,432 --> 00:58:20,534
It's like a STD biopic.

1246
00:58:20,668 --> 00:58:21,802
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.

1247
00:58:21,936 --> 00:58:23,471
Why doesn't he just kill us?

1248
00:58:23,604 --> 00:58:24,905
Uh, speak for yourself.

1249
00:58:25,039 --> 00:58:26,807
Like, what are you waiting for?

1250
00:58:26,941 --> 00:58:30,244
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.

1251
00:58:31,479 --> 00:58:34,648
What are you waiting for, huh?

1252
00:58:34,782 --> 00:58:37,551
What are you waiting for?

1253
00:58:37,685 --> 00:58:40,321
What are you waiting for?

1254
00:58:40,454 --> 00:58:41,922
What are you waiting for?

1255
00:58:42,056 --> 00:58:43,691
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!

1256
00:58:43,824 --> 00:58:46,527
What are you waiting for?

1257
00:58:48,195 --> 00:58:49,196
<i>Candyman.</i>

1258
00:58:50,097 --> 00:58:51,298
Candyman.

1259
00:58:52,166 --> 00:58:53,701
Candyman.

1260
00:58:53,834 --> 00:58:57,071
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, keep saying it.

1261
00:58:58,172 --> 00:58:59,306
Candyman.

1262
00:59:00,474 --> 00:59:02,443
Candyman!

1263
00:59:19,293 --> 00:59:21,829
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?

1264
00:59:22,531 --> 00:59:24,732
- I got weed gummies.
- Yeah.

1265
00:59:24,865 --> 00:59:26,133
K-nuts.
- Yeah.

1266
00:59:26,267 --> 00:59:27,902
- Shroom chocolates.
- Shit, son!

1267
00:59:28,035 --> 00:59:29,970
And what take you so long
to show up?

1268
00:59:30,104 --> 00:59:33,140
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.

1269
00:59:33,274 --> 00:59:34,642
Nigga, show up in three.

1270
00:59:34,775 --> 00:59:36,610
You ain't even call me
on the phone.

1271
00:59:36,744 --> 00:59:38,045
Luckily I was walking by

1272
00:59:38,179 --> 00:59:40,147
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.

1273
00:59:40,281 --> 00:59:42,950
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.

1274
00:59:43,084 --> 00:59:45,719
You need to go
to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.

1275
00:59:45,853 --> 00:59:48,989
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.

1276
00:59:49,123 --> 00:59:51,192
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.

1277
00:59:51,325 --> 00:59:53,861
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.

1278
00:59:53,994 --> 00:59:56,063
We gonna party, son!

1279
00:59:58,432 --> 01:00:00,401
♪ <i>Coming in hot</i>
<i>They better watch it...</i> ♪
Happy Halloween, y'all.

1280
01:00:00,535 --> 01:00:02,002
Watch out for Ghostface.
♪ <i>If they come</i>
<i>For my spot...</i> ♪

1281
01:00:02,136 --> 01:00:04,772
- That's right. Drink up!
- Hey!

1282
01:00:04,905 --> 01:00:07,675
Hey! I love it. Look at that.

1283
01:00:07,808 --> 01:00:09,243
You're looking good.

1284
01:00:09,376 --> 01:00:10,644
You seen your sister?

1285
01:00:10,778 --> 01:00:12,547
♪ <i>You always better</i> ♪

1286
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:14,982
♪ <i>When you at the top</i>
<i>But I had...</i> ♪
Ray, you seen Dei?

1287
01:00:15,116 --> 01:00:17,318
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.

1288
01:00:17,852 --> 01:00:19,620
No.

1289
01:00:20,555 --> 01:00:24,125
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from <i>Toy Story!</i>

1290
01:00:24,258 --> 01:00:26,260
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.

1291
01:00:26,393 --> 01:00:29,263
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.

1292
01:00:29,396 --> 01:00:32,833
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."

1293
01:00:33,535 --> 01:00:35,669
You love that movie!

1294
01:00:35,803 --> 01:00:37,138
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?

1295
01:00:37,271 --> 01:00:39,206
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?

1296
01:00:39,340 --> 01:00:42,511
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.

1297
01:00:43,010 --> 01:00:44,011
I-It's gone missing.

1298
01:00:44,145 --> 01:00:45,312
No, no, no, it's not missing.

1299
01:00:45,446 --> 01:00:47,481
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.

1300
01:00:47,616 --> 01:00:50,784
Brenda, that's my stash!

1301
01:01:01,729 --> 01:01:05,666
I'm so fucking high!

1302
01:01:08,502 --> 01:01:09,503
Whoo-hoo!

1303
01:01:09,638 --> 01:01:12,439
I can't feel my face!

1304
01:01:14,643 --> 01:01:18,580
I'm on that Naruto shit!

1305
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:23,050
Six-seven! Six-seven!

1306
01:01:48,510 --> 01:01:50,211
Fuck.

1307
01:01:57,918 --> 01:01:59,220
Why is she looking at me?

1308
01:02:01,055 --> 01:02:02,189
♪ <i>Fucking with a boss, yeah</i>
<i>It costs ya</i> ♪

1309
01:02:02,323 --> 01:02:04,225
A little disturbing.

1310
01:02:04,358 --> 01:02:05,392
I'm here for it.

1311
01:02:05,527 --> 01:02:07,061
♪ <i>Yeah</i>
<i>It's all there</i> ♪

1312
01:02:07,194 --> 01:02:08,162
♪ <i>Bend it over</i>
<i>Touch your paws, yeah</i> ♪

1313
01:02:08,295 --> 01:02:09,296
♪ <i>Make it talk, yeah</i> ♪

1314
01:02:09,430 --> 01:02:10,731
Oh. Okay.

1315
01:02:10,864 --> 01:02:12,900
♪ <i>Make that ass jump</i>
<i>Uh-huh</i> ♪

1316
01:02:13,033 --> 01:02:13,934
♪ <i>Make that ass jump</i> ♪
Hey, hey!

1317
01:02:14,068 --> 01:02:15,336
♪ <i>You better</i> ♪

1318
01:02:15,469 --> 01:02:17,171
♪ <i>You better</i>
<i>Make that ass jump</i> ♪

1319
01:02:17,304 --> 01:02:19,139
♪ <i>My nigga sleep so you know</i>
<i>I'm outside tho</i> ♪

1320
01:02:19,273 --> 01:02:21,242
♪ <i>Jet skis ass out</i>
<i>Crop top hoe--</i> ♪

1321
01:02:21,375 --> 01:02:22,577
Hey!

1322
01:02:22,711 --> 01:02:26,447
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?

1323
01:02:34,188 --> 01:02:34,888
Shit.

1324
01:02:35,022 --> 01:02:36,691
It's Ghostface!

1325
01:02:41,262 --> 01:02:42,997
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!

1326
01:02:43,130 --> 01:02:46,300
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".

1327
01:02:46,433 --> 01:02:47,736
He stabbed "them"!

1328
01:02:47,868 --> 01:02:50,739
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?

1329
01:02:50,871 --> 01:02:51,872
She's not wrong.

1330
01:02:52,006 --> 01:02:53,508
It's Karens like you

1331
01:02:53,642 --> 01:02:57,111
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!

1332
01:02:57,244 --> 01:02:59,880
Now you're playing
the race card?

1333
01:03:00,014 --> 01:03:02,883
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!

1334
01:03:05,754 --> 01:03:06,755
And to be clear,

1335
01:03:06,887 --> 01:03:09,323
my real name is Karen!

1336
01:03:09,456 --> 01:03:11,559
Oh, shit. This is too good.

1337
01:03:11,693 --> 01:03:13,127
Ignore the insults.

1338
01:03:13,260 --> 01:03:15,496
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".

1339
01:03:15,630 --> 01:03:17,064
Toxic masculinity

1340
01:03:17,197 --> 01:03:19,900
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!

1341
01:03:20,034 --> 01:03:21,835
How is my masculinity toxic?

1342
01:03:21,969 --> 01:03:23,672
I love women and sports.

1343
01:03:23,804 --> 01:03:26,541
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.

1344
01:03:26,675 --> 01:03:28,175
My turn!

1345
01:03:28,309 --> 01:03:29,810
- Me next!
- They ain't ready for

1346
01:03:29,943 --> 01:03:30,911
this!

1347
01:03:31,045 --> 01:03:32,012
Let me at them!
Me next!

1348
01:03:32,146 --> 01:03:32,980
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.

1349
01:03:33,113 --> 01:03:34,549
Suck knife.

1350
01:03:38,052 --> 01:03:39,621
I blame the manosphere.

1351
01:03:39,754 --> 01:03:41,155
♪ <i>Hit the bar</i>
<i>Rock side-to-side</i> ♪

1352
01:03:41,288 --> 01:03:42,856
♪ <i>And lean in a bit</i> ♪

1353
01:03:42,990 --> 01:03:44,291
♪ <i>Shining like a star</i>
<i>'Cause every night...</i> ♪

1354
01:03:44,425 --> 01:03:46,493
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?

1355
01:03:46,628 --> 01:03:48,295
Can I ask you something?

1356
01:03:48,697 --> 01:03:50,130
Yeah, shoot.

1357
01:03:50,964 --> 01:03:52,866
It's about, y-you know

1358
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:54,669
how to go down on a girl.

1359
01:03:55,302 --> 01:03:56,571
You talking about eating pussy?

1360
01:03:56,705 --> 01:03:59,173
That's so cringe, but yeah.

1361
01:03:59,306 --> 01:04:02,142
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl

1362
01:04:02,276 --> 01:04:03,877
you could learn something.

1363
01:04:04,011 --> 01:04:05,245
All right, so listen up.

1364
01:04:05,379 --> 01:04:06,880
First thing you got to do,
you got to--

1365
01:04:07,014 --> 01:04:08,683
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.

1366
01:04:08,817 --> 01:04:10,284
Then you want
to use your fingers.

1367
01:04:10,417 --> 01:04:13,454
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.

1368
01:04:13,588 --> 01:04:14,723
Yeah?

1369
01:04:14,855 --> 01:04:16,624
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...

1370
01:04:17,224 --> 01:04:18,727
you got to use your tongue.

1371
01:04:18,859 --> 01:04:20,060
You can't be afraid of it.

1372
01:04:23,531 --> 01:04:24,932
Yeah, lean into it.

1373
01:04:25,065 --> 01:04:26,568
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.

1374
01:04:27,968 --> 01:04:29,169
What are you, a lizard?

1375
01:04:29,303 --> 01:04:31,138
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.

1376
01:04:31,271 --> 01:04:32,574
"Hey there, little guy,

1377
01:04:32,707 --> 01:04:34,642
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.

1378
01:04:35,376 --> 01:04:37,945
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.

1379
01:04:38,078 --> 01:04:40,180
All you got to do, nephew...

1380
01:04:43,450 --> 01:04:45,285
Is hit that shit.

1381
01:04:45,820 --> 01:04:47,321
Got it?
Mm-hmm.

1382
01:04:47,454 --> 01:04:48,523
All right, now

1383
01:04:48,656 --> 01:04:52,259
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.

1384
01:04:54,729 --> 01:04:57,364
You feel so good.

1385
01:04:58,800 --> 01:04:59,868
Oh, yeah.

1386
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,636
Elle.

1387
01:05:01,770 --> 01:05:03,103
I want to try something.

1388
01:05:03,237 --> 01:05:05,507
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.

1389
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:07,274
What? No.

1390
01:05:07,408 --> 01:05:08,710
Relax.

1391
01:05:08,843 --> 01:05:10,411
I just want to taste you.

1392
01:05:12,913 --> 01:05:14,281
Okay.

1393
01:05:15,650 --> 01:05:17,117
Dinner time.

1394
01:05:17,251 --> 01:05:20,053
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.

1395
01:05:22,857 --> 01:05:25,025
Careful. My kitty is gangster.

1396
01:05:25,159 --> 01:05:26,895
Oh! Oh...

1397
01:05:27,027 --> 01:05:29,129
It is gangster. Okay.

1398
01:05:29,263 --> 01:05:31,965
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!

1399
01:05:35,904 --> 01:05:37,137
Oh!

1400
01:05:37,271 --> 01:05:40,073
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.

1401
01:05:40,207 --> 01:05:41,408
Choo-choo!

1402
01:05:41,543 --> 01:05:42,309
Get back in there!

1403
01:05:42,443 --> 01:05:43,845
Yeah! Lick it!

1404
01:05:43,977 --> 01:05:46,380
Yeah! Lick it hard!

1405
01:05:47,381 --> 01:05:48,750
Finish her.

1406
01:05:50,384 --> 01:05:53,688
Oh, my God!

1407
01:05:56,023 --> 01:05:57,692
Just like rolling a blunt.

1408
01:05:58,860 --> 01:06:01,028
Now all I got to do is hit it.

1409
01:06:03,464 --> 01:06:04,933
Oh-- Oof!

1410
01:06:05,065 --> 01:06:06,500
Elle!

1411
01:06:08,770 --> 01:06:10,003
What the fuck?

1412
01:06:10,137 --> 01:06:12,740
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.

1413
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:14,609
You did now, did you?

1414
01:06:14,742 --> 01:06:15,844
We're here to drink,

1415
01:06:15,976 --> 01:06:18,345
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.

1416
01:06:18,979 --> 01:06:20,380
Why just half gay?

1417
01:06:21,014 --> 01:06:21,916
Can I help you?

1418
01:06:22,049 --> 01:06:24,117
If you just invite us in.

1419
01:06:24,251 --> 01:06:25,587
Why you need a invitation?

1420
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,387
White folks show up
to parties uninvited

1421
01:06:27,522 --> 01:06:29,791
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.

1422
01:06:29,924 --> 01:06:32,326
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.

1423
01:06:32,459 --> 01:06:34,629
Mm-hmm.
And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?

1424
01:06:34,762 --> 01:06:37,732
Look like you
was walking around
porn sets all day.

1425
01:06:37,866 --> 01:06:38,967
Got them trailer park toes.

1426
01:06:39,099 --> 01:06:40,568
Shit, son!

1427
01:06:40,702 --> 01:06:43,538
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?

1428
01:06:44,606 --> 01:06:45,439
No.

1429
01:06:45,573 --> 01:06:48,342
We believe in music
and equality.

1430
01:06:48,475 --> 01:06:49,644
How about we show y'all?

1431
01:06:49,777 --> 01:06:51,813
It's okay, no.

1432
01:06:51,946 --> 01:06:54,314
♪ <i>Well, we're movin' on up</i> ♪
♪ <i>Movin' on up</i> ♪

1433
01:06:54,448 --> 01:06:57,886
♪ <i>To the East Side</i> ♪
♪ <i>Movin' on up</i> ♪

1434
01:06:58,018 --> 01:07:00,254
♪ <i>To a deluxe apartment</i> ♪
♪ <i>Ooh</i> ♪

1435
01:07:00,387 --> 01:07:02,422
♪ <i>In the sky</i> ♪
♪ <i>Ooh</i> ♪

1436
01:07:02,557 --> 01:07:04,157
♪ <i>We're movin' on up</i> ♪

1437
01:07:04,291 --> 01:07:06,159
They gentrified the Jeffersons?

1438
01:07:06,293 --> 01:07:08,295
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.

1439
01:07:08,428 --> 01:07:11,265
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.

1440
01:07:11,398 --> 01:07:15,603
♪ <i>We finally got</i>
<i>A piece of the pie!</i> ♪

1441
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:20,140
Boo!

1442
01:07:20,274 --> 01:07:21,876
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!

1443
01:07:22,010 --> 01:07:24,211
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit
out of here!

1444
01:07:24,344 --> 01:07:25,680
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!

1445
01:07:25,813 --> 01:07:27,582
Why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties

1446
01:07:27,715 --> 01:07:29,316
where they drink until
they black out

1447
01:07:29,449 --> 01:07:30,785
and wake up
with their booties hurting,

1448
01:07:30,919 --> 01:07:33,387
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?

1449
01:07:33,521 --> 01:07:34,656
Yeah! What?

1450
01:07:34,789 --> 01:07:35,890
Okay.

1451
01:07:36,024 --> 01:07:37,825
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.

1452
01:07:37,959 --> 01:07:39,159
But we're gonna walk real slow

1453
01:07:39,293 --> 01:07:41,729
just in case
y'all change your minds.

1454
01:07:43,965 --> 01:07:45,767
- Change your minds yet?
- No.

1455
01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:46,834
Not at all.
Hell no.

1456
01:07:46,968 --> 01:07:48,135
How about now?

1457
01:07:48,268 --> 01:07:49,971
Fuck no!
No!

1458
01:07:50,103 --> 01:07:51,104
Yes?
Hell to the nah.

1459
01:07:51,238 --> 01:07:52,372
Definitely not!
Keep walking!

1460
01:07:52,507 --> 01:07:53,641
- Now git!
- Let's go.

1461
01:07:53,775 --> 01:07:55,108
Sara, come on!
White folks

1462
01:07:55,242 --> 01:07:57,311
is getting weird again.

1463
01:07:59,446 --> 01:08:01,916
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.

1464
01:08:02,050 --> 01:08:03,116
That window's closed.

1465
01:08:03,250 --> 01:08:04,686
Not for long.

1466
01:08:11,059 --> 01:08:12,125
Wicked.

1467
01:08:12,259 --> 01:08:13,493
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.

1468
01:08:15,162 --> 01:08:16,931
♪ <i>Bad, bad, bad to the bone</i> ♪

1469
01:08:17,065 --> 01:08:19,099
♪ <i>We can play</i>
<i>But you can't take me home</i> ♪

1470
01:08:19,232 --> 01:08:20,467
♪ <i>Bad, bad shows off the...</i> ♪

1471
01:08:20,602 --> 01:08:24,806
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!

1472
01:08:24,939 --> 01:08:26,708
Yeah, I left my inhaler.

1473
01:08:26,841 --> 01:08:29,711
Honestly, Tuesday,
that inhaler is the worst
plot device in movie history.

1474
01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:31,478
That's true,
should've been a vape.

1475
01:08:31,613 --> 01:08:34,147
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.

1476
01:08:34,281 --> 01:08:36,416
Now where them White Claws at?

1477
01:08:41,355 --> 01:08:42,924
<i>Sara?</i>
Hello.

1478
01:08:43,057 --> 01:08:46,493
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?

1479
01:08:46,628 --> 01:08:49,396
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.

1480
01:08:49,530 --> 01:08:51,365
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.

1481
01:08:51,498 --> 01:08:53,333
<i>That's the house where</i>
<i>your psycho father</i>

1482
01:08:53,467 --> 01:08:54,602
<i>killed those people.</i>

1483
01:08:54,736 --> 01:08:56,169
<i>Someone wanted</i>
<i>to get you there.</i>

1484
01:08:56,303 --> 01:08:58,171
Which means...

1485
01:08:58,305 --> 01:09:00,742
someone wants to get me there.

1486
01:09:00,875 --> 01:09:02,710
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!

1487
01:09:02,844 --> 01:09:03,878
<i>Why are you yelling?</i>

1488
01:09:04,012 --> 01:09:07,081
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!

1489
01:09:07,214 --> 01:09:10,118
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?

1490
01:09:10,250 --> 01:09:11,218
You're breaking up.

1491
01:09:11,351 --> 01:09:12,620
Uh-- Yeah.

1492
01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:20,327
Happy Birthday!

1493
01:09:20,460 --> 01:09:23,831
Hey, that's my car!

1494
01:09:27,101 --> 01:09:28,670
What the fuck?

1495
01:09:28,803 --> 01:09:30,303
Elle!

1496
01:09:31,039 --> 01:09:32,239
I'm sorry!

1497
01:09:32,372 --> 01:09:34,842
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.

1498
01:09:35,643 --> 01:09:36,744
Oh, shit.

1499
01:09:40,515 --> 01:09:42,784
Seriously? With the
<i>12 Years a Slave</i> shit?

1500
01:09:42,917 --> 01:09:45,853
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?

1501
01:09:45,987 --> 01:09:48,823
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.

1502
01:09:55,129 --> 01:09:56,731
Come on, bro!

1503
01:09:56,864 --> 01:09:58,066
That's even worse.

1504
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,401
I didn't mean it that way.

1505
01:10:01,536 --> 01:10:03,705
Some of my best victims
are Black.

1506
01:10:06,574 --> 01:10:09,911
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.

1507
01:10:10,611 --> 01:10:13,047
Turns out
race is still an issue.

1508
01:10:13,181 --> 01:10:14,582
That's not fair!

1509
01:10:14,716 --> 01:10:16,918
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.

1510
01:10:20,253 --> 01:10:21,589
<i>Damn!</i>

1511
01:10:21,723 --> 01:10:24,158
This give whole new meaning
to <i>Dead By Daylight.</i>

1512
01:10:24,291 --> 01:10:26,194
Yeah.

1513
01:10:26,326 --> 01:10:29,197
Oh. Get them, son.

1514
01:10:29,329 --> 01:10:31,766
Goofy ass out of here.

1515
01:10:34,401 --> 01:10:36,104
Hello, Shorty.

1516
01:10:36,236 --> 01:10:38,371
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!

1517
01:10:39,941 --> 01:10:44,045
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.

1518
01:10:44,178 --> 01:10:46,480
♪ <i>Party</i> ♪
♪ <i>Aw, yeah, aw, yeah</i> ♪

1519
01:10:46,614 --> 01:10:47,682
♪ <i>Ain't nobody standing...</i> ♪

1520
01:10:47,815 --> 01:10:48,415
Nigga!

1521
01:10:48,549 --> 01:10:52,820
Ah, shit, son!

1522
01:10:52,954 --> 01:10:55,322
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?

1523
01:10:55,455 --> 01:10:57,058
I don't know.
It's not me.

1524
01:10:57,191 --> 01:10:58,226
Something's wrong with this.

1525
01:10:58,358 --> 01:10:59,794
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!

1526
01:10:59,927 --> 01:11:02,196
You're fucking high, son.

1527
01:11:02,329 --> 01:11:03,831
- Game on, bitches!
- Yeah.

1528
01:11:09,203 --> 01:11:10,470
Oh!
Wrong nigga.

1529
01:11:10,605 --> 01:11:12,173
Black Lives Matter!

1530
01:11:12,305 --> 01:11:13,808
Not you, Shorty!

1531
01:11:13,941 --> 01:11:14,776
Oh, my-- I need you.

1532
01:11:14,909 --> 01:11:16,711
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!

1533
01:11:16,844 --> 01:11:19,446
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?

1534
01:11:19,580 --> 01:11:20,882
Ghostface was just here!

1535
01:11:21,015 --> 01:11:23,551
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.

1536
01:11:23,684 --> 01:11:24,685
Stop!

1537
01:11:25,452 --> 01:11:27,922
One of you is the killer.

1538
01:11:28,388 --> 01:11:29,624
Elle...

1539
01:11:30,390 --> 01:11:32,026
why do you have blood
on your hands?

1540
01:11:33,426 --> 01:11:35,930
I found Brad outside.

1541
01:11:36,063 --> 01:11:37,297
She's the killer!

1542
01:11:37,430 --> 01:11:39,499
I am not the killer, okay?

1543
01:11:39,634 --> 01:11:42,435
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.

1544
01:11:42,570 --> 01:11:43,871
No way.

1545
01:11:44,005 --> 01:11:45,640
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.

1546
01:11:45,773 --> 01:11:47,374
Fuck you!

1547
01:11:47,508 --> 01:11:49,110
Whoa!

1548
01:11:49,243 --> 01:11:52,013
The butt doesn't count.

1549
01:11:52,146 --> 01:11:53,915
Oh!

1550
01:11:54,048 --> 01:11:55,049
Shit, she shot Ashton!

1551
01:11:55,183 --> 01:11:58,853
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.

1552
01:12:00,254 --> 01:12:01,354
What?

1553
01:12:02,256 --> 01:12:03,958
What does that even mean?

1554
01:12:04,725 --> 01:12:06,894
It's when the shit goes down.

1555
01:12:07,028 --> 01:12:08,062
Oh.

1556
01:12:08,196 --> 01:12:09,496
I still don't really know
what she means,

1557
01:12:09,630 --> 01:12:11,933
but I think we should run!
Run!

1558
01:12:27,782 --> 01:12:28,481
Cindy!

1559
01:12:28,616 --> 01:12:30,284
Brenda.

1560
01:12:30,417 --> 01:12:32,119
Cindy, they in there shooting!

1561
01:12:32,253 --> 01:12:33,621
These kids are wild!

1562
01:12:33,754 --> 01:12:35,488
I blame it on video games,

1563
01:12:35,623 --> 01:12:38,192
not the liquor
or lack of
parental supervision.

1564
01:12:38,326 --> 01:12:39,492
You're gonna need this.
Oh.

1565
01:12:39,627 --> 01:12:41,863
Do you have one bigger
in black?

1566
01:12:41,996 --> 01:12:43,731
Oh, wrong bag.

1567
01:12:44,565 --> 01:12:45,365
Here.
Ooh.

1568
01:12:45,498 --> 01:12:47,068
Who are you, Joan Wick?

1569
01:12:47,201 --> 01:12:50,037
I would've said <i>Ballerina,</i>
but nobody saw that shit.

1570
01:12:51,038 --> 01:12:51,939
Let's do this.

1571
01:12:52,073 --> 01:12:53,307
Okay.

1572
01:12:56,210 --> 01:12:58,112
Help! He stabbed me!

1573
01:12:58,246 --> 01:13:01,182
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!

1574
01:13:01,315 --> 01:13:02,583
What do you think?

1575
01:13:03,317 --> 01:13:04,685
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.

1576
01:13:04,819 --> 01:13:07,822
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?

1577
01:13:07,955 --> 01:13:09,924
That's such a bitch-ass move.

1578
01:13:10,057 --> 01:13:12,260
About this situation.

1579
01:13:12,425 --> 01:13:13,928
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.

1580
01:13:14,061 --> 01:13:16,063
She don't know
we already been here,
done that.

1581
01:13:17,365 --> 01:13:19,267
Brenda!

1582
01:13:19,399 --> 01:13:20,433
Brenda!

1583
01:13:20,568 --> 01:13:23,104
Cindy! It hurts!

1584
01:13:23,905 --> 01:13:26,374
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.

1585
01:13:26,507 --> 01:13:29,277
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.

1586
01:13:29,409 --> 01:13:31,379
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!

1587
01:13:31,512 --> 01:13:33,648
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.

1588
01:13:33,781 --> 01:13:37,785
Now you go back in there
and finish it.

1589
01:13:37,919 --> 01:13:38,786
For me, Cindy.

1590
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:41,389
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.

1591
01:13:45,893 --> 01:13:48,729
Oh, yes! She bought it.

1592
01:13:48,863 --> 01:13:51,565
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.

1593
01:13:51,699 --> 01:13:52,900
That bitch is crazy
if she thought

1594
01:13:53,034 --> 01:13:55,435
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.

1595
01:13:59,206 --> 01:14:00,675
Attention all killers!

1596
01:14:01,509 --> 01:14:04,912
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.

1597
01:14:17,191 --> 01:14:18,025
Shorty!

1598
01:14:18,159 --> 01:14:19,560
Bitch!

1599
01:14:19,694 --> 01:14:21,696
You shot my favorite bong.

1600
01:14:21,829 --> 01:14:24,131
Go find your own damn closet!

1601
01:14:24,265 --> 01:14:25,566
Sorry.

1602
01:14:34,608 --> 01:14:36,711
<i>Hello, Cindy.</i>

1603
01:14:37,345 --> 01:14:38,512
Hello.

1604
01:14:38,646 --> 01:14:39,814
<i>Looks like you forgot</i>

1605
01:14:39,947 --> 01:14:42,583
<i>the first rule</i>
<i>of surviving a horror movie.</i>

1606
01:14:42,717 --> 01:14:45,353
<i>Never answer the phone!</i>

1607
01:14:46,387 --> 01:14:50,024
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.

1608
01:14:51,292 --> 01:14:52,626
Oh, really?

1609
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:54,929
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?

1610
01:14:55,596 --> 01:14:58,766
New rule: Go fuck yourself.

1611
01:14:58,899 --> 01:15:00,067
Wait, wait!

1612
01:15:01,402 --> 01:15:04,105
Why do you
hate closets so much?

1613
01:15:04,238 --> 01:15:05,639
I told you to come out.

1614
01:15:05,773 --> 01:15:07,675
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!

1615
01:15:07,808 --> 01:15:09,410
Ironic, isn't it?

1616
01:15:10,211 --> 01:15:12,413
You missed me, bitch.

1617
01:15:12,546 --> 01:15:14,315
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!

1618
01:15:14,448 --> 01:15:15,416
Didn't sound believable.

1619
01:15:17,218 --> 01:15:18,486
You think you're John Wick,

1620
01:15:18,619 --> 01:15:20,021
acting like I killed your dog?

1621
01:15:25,326 --> 01:15:27,161
The dog is just a metaphor.

1622
01:15:27,294 --> 01:15:28,896
It was about losing his wife!

1623
01:15:29,030 --> 01:15:31,165
You sure it's not
an allegory?

1624
01:15:42,209 --> 01:15:43,444
Let us begin.

1625
01:15:52,653 --> 01:15:54,155
Oh.

1626
01:16:04,533 --> 01:16:06,901
Oh, that stunt girl is good.

1627
01:16:23,651 --> 01:16:24,485
Whoa.

1628
01:16:29,323 --> 01:16:31,292
Oh, oh--

1629
01:16:46,807 --> 01:16:48,275
Eat a dick.

1630
01:16:58,686 --> 01:17:00,688
Shoot him, Sara. End this.

1631
01:17:00,821 --> 01:17:02,557
Don't tell me what to do!

1632
01:17:02,690 --> 01:17:04,091
This isn't the best time

1633
01:17:04,225 --> 01:17:06,327
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,

1634
01:17:06,460 --> 01:17:10,965
but Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.

1635
01:17:11,098 --> 01:17:13,568
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday--

1636
01:17:13,701 --> 01:17:14,869
Oh, Tuesday.

1637
01:17:15,002 --> 01:17:17,972
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.

1638
01:17:18,105 --> 01:17:19,707
But I've prepared you for this.

1639
01:17:20,307 --> 01:17:21,642
So go on, baby.

1640
01:17:21,775 --> 01:17:23,477
You kill him.

1641
01:17:23,612 --> 01:17:24,845
Sara?
Jack!

1642
01:17:24,979 --> 01:17:26,413
- Sara!
- Jack!

1643
01:17:26,548 --> 01:17:27,848
- Sara!
- Oh, Jack!

1644
01:17:27,982 --> 01:17:29,150
Sara!
Jack!

1645
01:17:29,283 --> 01:17:30,151
- Sara!
- Jack!

1646
01:17:30,284 --> 01:17:31,018
- Sara!
- Jack!

1647
01:17:31,152 --> 01:17:32,052
Thank God you're okay.

1648
01:17:32,186 --> 01:17:33,354
Because I really wanted to be

1649
01:17:33,487 --> 01:17:34,421
the one to kill you!

1650
01:17:34,556 --> 01:17:36,123
Ooh, take it, baby.

1651
01:17:37,324 --> 01:17:40,161
See,
I told you it was about me.

1652
01:17:40,294 --> 01:17:42,096
No, Sara.

1653
01:17:43,430 --> 01:17:45,099
You were just the bait.

1654
01:17:45,534 --> 01:17:47,034
It's about her.

1655
01:17:47,569 --> 01:17:48,603
- Fuck!
- Aw.

1656
01:17:48,736 --> 01:17:50,938
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.

1657
01:17:51,071 --> 01:17:53,040
You should've
listened to Doofy.

1658
01:17:53,174 --> 01:17:55,242
The love interest.

1659
01:17:55,376 --> 01:17:57,811
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?

1660
01:17:57,945 --> 01:18:00,549
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.

1661
01:18:00,681 --> 01:18:01,482
Same page, honeybunch.

1662
01:18:01,616 --> 01:18:02,584
Right.

1663
01:18:02,716 --> 01:18:04,418
Yeah, well, that's the twist!

1664
01:18:04,553 --> 01:18:05,819
Now get in the kitchen. Go!

1665
01:18:05,953 --> 01:18:07,421
Hey!
Move!

1666
01:18:07,556 --> 01:18:09,823
Okay, listen up!

1667
01:18:09,957 --> 01:18:13,227
See, there hasn't been
a great <i>Horror Movie</i>

1668
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:14,762
since the first one.

1669
01:18:14,895 --> 01:18:18,432
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.

1670
01:18:20,535 --> 01:18:22,970
Hollywood is out of ideas!

1671
01:18:23,103 --> 01:18:25,507
Why else would there be
a <i>Scary Movie 6?</i>

1672
01:18:25,640 --> 01:18:28,175
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?

1673
01:18:28,309 --> 01:18:30,878
We need the legacy characters.
Oh--

1674
01:18:31,011 --> 01:18:32,681
And there wouldn't be a Cindy

1675
01:18:32,813 --> 01:18:36,250
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.

1676
01:18:36,383 --> 01:18:39,688
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.

1677
01:18:39,820 --> 01:18:42,323
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?

1678
01:18:43,157 --> 01:18:44,325
Did I?

1679
01:18:44,458 --> 01:18:48,362
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!

1680
01:18:48,495 --> 01:18:49,930
Ooh, what He do?

1681
01:18:50,064 --> 01:18:51,232
Stop dancing!
All the time!

1682
01:18:51,365 --> 01:18:52,833
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!

1683
01:18:52,967 --> 01:18:53,901
All the time!

1684
01:18:54,034 --> 01:18:55,236
Oh!

1685
01:18:55,369 --> 01:18:57,706
Oh.
Mom! No!

1686
01:18:57,838 --> 01:19:00,307
You called me "Mom".

1687
01:19:01,509 --> 01:19:02,943
You care about me.

1688
01:19:03,077 --> 01:19:05,379
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,

1689
01:19:05,513 --> 01:19:06,313
sure.
Go--

1690
01:19:06,447 --> 01:19:07,381
Go get Tuesday.

1691
01:19:07,515 --> 01:19:08,916
Okay, ladies,

1692
01:19:09,049 --> 01:19:11,151
time to stage the bodies.

1693
01:19:11,285 --> 01:19:13,722
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!

1694
01:19:13,854 --> 01:19:15,657
Please don't do this!

1695
01:19:15,789 --> 01:19:17,057
What? Who are you people?

1696
01:19:17,191 --> 01:19:18,292
We're the motherfuckers

1697
01:19:18,425 --> 01:19:20,928
that are taking over
this franchise.

1698
01:19:21,061 --> 01:19:22,196
Oh, yeah? You are?

1699
01:19:22,329 --> 01:19:24,198
Okay! Oh, my God.

1700
01:19:24,331 --> 01:19:26,834
That was not part of the plan.

1701
01:19:26,967 --> 01:19:29,069
Oh, God. Shit.

1702
01:19:29,203 --> 01:19:31,438
- Oh.
- Neither was this.

1703
01:19:34,875 --> 01:19:36,143
Wait, Ray got one of those!

1704
01:19:36,277 --> 01:19:38,647
Whoa! Hot damn!

1705
01:19:38,779 --> 01:19:42,149
Anthony Anderson!

1706
01:19:42,283 --> 01:19:43,317
Yeah.

1707
01:19:43,450 --> 01:19:46,186
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.

1708
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:54,729
What?
Shaq?

1709
01:19:54,862 --> 01:19:57,732
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.

1710
01:19:57,865 --> 01:19:59,033
And Kevin said no.

1711
01:19:59,166 --> 01:20:00,434
Kevin Hart said no?

1712
01:20:00,568 --> 01:20:02,537
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.

1713
01:20:02,671 --> 01:20:03,605
Yeah, he does.

1714
01:20:03,738 --> 01:20:05,072
But wait!

1715
01:20:05,205 --> 01:20:07,709
There's more.

1716
01:20:07,841 --> 01:20:09,810
Ta-dah...

1717
01:20:09,943 --> 01:20:11,211
bitches!

1718
01:20:11,345 --> 01:20:12,781
Ray? Shorty?

1719
01:20:12,913 --> 01:20:14,582
Yeah, that's right.

1720
01:20:14,716 --> 01:20:17,752
Four Black killers.
Yeah.

1721
01:20:17,885 --> 01:20:19,053
We're making history.

1722
01:20:19,186 --> 01:20:22,389
This a new definition
of Black excellence.

1723
01:20:23,023 --> 01:20:24,559
But why would you do this?

1724
01:20:24,693 --> 01:20:26,093
Question is:

1725
01:20:26,226 --> 01:20:28,262
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?

1726
01:20:28,395 --> 01:20:29,463
Yeah!

1727
01:20:29,597 --> 01:20:31,533
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,

1728
01:20:31,666 --> 01:20:33,635
I was there.

1729
01:20:33,768 --> 01:20:35,637
That's facts.
What about me?

1730
01:20:35,770 --> 01:20:36,638
What about you?

1731
01:20:36,771 --> 01:20:37,806
You were in one scene

1732
01:20:37,938 --> 01:20:39,641
in <i>Part 4.</i>
Oh!

1733
01:20:39,774 --> 01:20:40,642
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker

1734
01:20:40,775 --> 01:20:42,109
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.

1735
01:20:42,242 --> 01:20:43,977
- And he crazy now.
- Yeah, he got weird.

1736
01:20:44,111 --> 01:20:45,145
Mm.
But you--

1737
01:20:45,279 --> 01:20:46,548
Y-You see
what they trying to do?

1738
01:20:46,681 --> 01:20:48,482
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.

1739
01:20:48,616 --> 01:20:51,251
They trying to start Black
on-- on very Black crime.

1740
01:20:51,385 --> 01:20:52,754
Oh.
That's right!

1741
01:20:52,886 --> 01:20:55,422
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.

1742
01:20:55,557 --> 01:20:58,058
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator

1743
01:20:58,192 --> 01:20:59,728
since retiring
from basketball.
Mm-hmm.

1744
01:20:59,893 --> 01:21:03,497
And I love <i>The Big Podcast.</i>
Nigga, I love that shit!

1745
01:21:03,631 --> 01:21:05,834
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.

1746
01:21:05,966 --> 01:21:06,967
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout--

1747
01:21:10,805 --> 01:21:11,606
"Kobe."

1748
01:21:11,740 --> 01:21:12,906
Enough.

1749
01:21:13,040 --> 01:21:16,678
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.

1750
01:21:17,411 --> 01:21:19,714
But I never got over <i>Kazaam.</i>

1751
01:21:19,848 --> 01:21:21,248
Fuck all that shit!

1752
01:21:21,382 --> 01:21:22,517
Kick his ass!

1753
01:21:22,650 --> 01:21:25,219
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!

1754
01:21:25,352 --> 01:21:26,755
Why did you leave the Lakers?

1755
01:21:26,887 --> 01:21:29,624
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!

1756
01:21:29,758 --> 01:21:31,225
That motherfucker traded me!

1757
01:21:31,358 --> 01:21:32,259
Sha-kweel!

1758
01:21:32,393 --> 01:21:35,195
How big is your foot?

1759
01:21:35,329 --> 01:21:36,196
22.

1760
01:21:36,330 --> 01:21:38,833
Then how big is your dick?

1761
01:21:38,966 --> 01:21:40,067
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!

1762
01:21:40,200 --> 01:21:41,536
- Pause.
- What the fuck

1763
01:21:41,669 --> 01:21:43,370
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.

1764
01:21:43,504 --> 01:21:44,806
What culture?

1765
01:21:44,938 --> 01:21:46,841
- The Culture Club. Nigga!
- Bro.

1766
01:21:46,974 --> 01:21:48,041
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.

1767
01:21:48,175 --> 01:21:49,109
Stay focused.
All right, all right.

1768
01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:50,944
All right. We back.

1769
01:21:51,078 --> 01:21:54,148
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you--
don't you worry. We family.

1770
01:21:54,281 --> 01:21:56,216
Ant, mad respect, y'all.

1771
01:21:56,350 --> 01:21:58,520
Hey, <i>Black-ish</i> nominated

1772
01:21:58,653 --> 01:21:59,621
for eight Emmys!

1773
01:21:59,754 --> 01:22:00,855
My nigga!

1774
01:22:00,988 --> 01:22:02,089
Well, actually,

1775
01:22:02,222 --> 01:22:03,892
the show was only nominated
for five.

1776
01:22:04,024 --> 01:22:05,794
I was nominated for eight.

1777
01:22:05,926 --> 01:22:06,895
Ooh.
Wow.

1778
01:22:07,060 --> 01:22:07,862
Oh, thank you.

1779
01:22:07,995 --> 01:22:08,996
A thespian!

1780
01:22:09,129 --> 01:22:11,766
Is that so? Eight nominations.

1781
01:22:11,900 --> 01:22:13,902
Crazy!
Yeah, man.

1782
01:22:15,936 --> 01:22:18,005
But you never won.
What?

1783
01:22:19,808 --> 01:22:21,008
<i>Et tu, Brute?</i>

1784
01:22:21,141 --> 01:22:22,744
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.

1785
01:22:22,877 --> 01:22:26,013
This is for doing
<i>Scary Movie 3</i> and <i>4!</i>

1786
01:22:26,146 --> 01:22:28,182
I didn't know
they fired the family!

1787
01:22:28,315 --> 01:22:30,017
And this is for copying

1788
01:22:30,150 --> 01:22:32,986
our <i>Good Times</i> episode
on <i>Black-ish!</i>

1789
01:22:33,120 --> 01:22:35,723
But you guys were on The WB!

1790
01:22:35,857 --> 01:22:38,225
Nobody saw that shit!

1791
01:22:40,227 --> 01:22:41,830
Ooh.
No, no, no.

1792
01:22:41,962 --> 01:22:43,731
And you, and you--

1793
01:22:43,865 --> 01:22:46,801
Y'all went and did
<i>Scary Movie 3</i> and <i>4</i> without us!

1794
01:22:46,935 --> 01:22:49,571
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!

1795
01:22:49,704 --> 01:22:53,575
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.

1796
01:22:54,742 --> 01:22:56,176
And what about you?

1797
01:22:57,044 --> 01:22:59,112
Well, I had a chance
to work with

1798
01:22:59,246 --> 01:23:01,716
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.

1799
01:23:03,250 --> 01:23:04,953
That's good. He's a legend.

1800
01:23:05,085 --> 01:23:07,221
And his dick game's crazy.

1801
01:23:07,354 --> 01:23:09,389
You know he slept with
47,000 women?

1802
01:23:09,524 --> 01:23:11,759
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.

1803
01:23:11,893 --> 01:23:13,661
Lucky guy.

1804
01:23:14,428 --> 01:23:16,931
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?

1805
01:23:18,499 --> 01:23:20,300
Nah.

1806
01:23:20,434 --> 01:23:23,136
What would <i>Halloween</i> be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?

1807
01:23:23,270 --> 01:23:25,005
Or <i>Scream</i> be
without Neve Campbell?

1808
01:23:25,138 --> 01:23:26,440
That would be <i>Scream VI.</i>

1809
01:23:26,574 --> 01:23:29,343
How did you guys
pull all of this off?

1810
01:23:29,476 --> 01:23:30,477
Cindy!

1811
01:23:30,612 --> 01:23:33,413
You know how many Wayanses
there are?

1812
01:23:33,548 --> 01:23:35,517
Nigga, billions!
Billions!

1813
01:23:35,650 --> 01:23:39,319
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.

1814
01:23:39,921 --> 01:23:41,756
Okay, in the middle, on three:

1815
01:23:41,890 --> 01:23:43,090
Core Four.

1816
01:23:43,223 --> 01:23:44,726
What?
Nah, nah. We-- That--

1817
01:23:44,859 --> 01:23:46,226
That-- That's corny shit.
That's wack.

1818
01:23:46,360 --> 01:23:47,695
Ooh, uh, w-what about--

1819
01:23:47,829 --> 01:23:50,598
What about,
The Young and The Restless?

1820
01:23:50,732 --> 01:23:52,432
Yeah, or The-- or The Old

1821
01:23:52,567 --> 01:23:53,902
and then The Beautiful.

1822
01:23:54,034 --> 01:23:55,970
Or-- or The--
The Cute and The Crusty.

1823
01:23:56,103 --> 01:23:58,873
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.

1824
01:24:04,879 --> 01:24:07,015
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!

1825
01:24:07,147 --> 01:24:08,181
That's right. I mean,

1826
01:24:08,315 --> 01:24:10,585
you guys are, like,
70 years old!

1827
01:24:10,718 --> 01:24:12,386
Not in my mouth!

1828
01:24:12,520 --> 01:24:13,320
Aw, fuck!

1829
01:24:14,722 --> 01:24:17,090
I just dragged that one
from the subway.

1830
01:24:17,224 --> 01:24:19,393
Oh, my back hurts.

1831
01:24:19,527 --> 01:24:22,329
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.

1832
01:24:22,462 --> 01:24:24,866
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.

1833
01:24:24,999 --> 01:24:26,601
Oh, no. Not this time.

1834
01:24:26,734 --> 01:24:29,136
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go.
Let's go.

1835
01:24:29,269 --> 01:24:30,605
Who got a match?

1836
01:24:30,738 --> 01:24:35,009
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!

1837
01:24:35,142 --> 01:24:36,678
Yeah, whoo!

1838
01:24:40,982 --> 01:24:42,050
Sara, tell me what do to.

1839
01:24:42,182 --> 01:24:44,384
Blow, bitch, blow!

1840
01:24:52,192 --> 01:24:53,427
Yeah.

1841
01:24:55,362 --> 01:24:57,799
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?

1842
01:24:57,932 --> 01:24:59,266
I mean, those are our kids.

1843
01:24:59,399 --> 01:25:01,101
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!

1844
01:25:01,234 --> 01:25:03,203
This is our franchise.
Yeah!

1845
01:25:03,337 --> 01:25:06,040
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways

1846
01:25:06,173 --> 01:25:07,407
with the fire in back of us.

1847
01:25:07,542 --> 01:25:09,276
But, damn, it's hot.

1848
01:25:09,409 --> 01:25:12,346
I don't know.
I kind of like it.

1849
01:25:13,081 --> 01:25:14,616
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.

1850
01:25:14,749 --> 01:25:16,718
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?

1851
01:25:16,851 --> 01:25:18,653
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.

1852
01:25:18,786 --> 01:25:21,089
Y'all feel a draft?

1853
01:25:21,221 --> 01:25:23,223
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i> ♪

1854
01:25:23,357 --> 01:25:24,191
<i>♪ We back</i>
<i>Woo</i> ♪

1855
01:25:24,324 --> 01:25:25,994
♪ <i>Okay, okay</i> ♪

1856
01:25:26,126 --> 01:25:27,394
♪ <i>We back</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1857
01:25:27,528 --> 01:25:28,696
♪ <i>Okay, okay</i> ♪

1858
01:25:28,830 --> 01:25:30,364
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1859
01:25:30,497 --> 01:25:31,899
♪ <i>Wait on it</i>
<i>Put in pain for it</i> ♪

1860
01:25:32,033 --> 01:25:33,668
♪ <i>Every day</i>
<i>A day to train for it</i> ♪

1861
01:25:33,801 --> 01:25:35,502
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1862
01:25:35,637 --> 01:25:37,270
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1863
01:25:39,172 --> 01:25:40,474
♪ <i>Uh-huh</i> ♪

1864
01:25:40,608 --> 01:25:42,043
♪ <i>We back</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1865
01:25:42,175 --> 01:25:43,811
♪ <i>Back like respawn</i> ♪
♪ <i>Respawn</i> ♪

1866
01:25:43,945 --> 01:25:45,546
♪ <i>Back like</i>
<i>Reversin' out the whip</i> ♪

1867
01:25:45,680 --> 01:25:47,381
♪ <i>Forward drive</i> ♪
♪ <i>Drive</i> ♪

1868
01:25:47,515 --> 01:25:48,916
♪ <i>Back like I'm Marty</i> ♪
♪ <i>Marty</i> ♪

1869
01:25:49,050 --> 01:25:50,118
♪ <i>Back like McFly</i> ♪

1870
01:25:50,250 --> 01:25:51,686
♪ <i>Double back for dinero</i> ♪

1871
01:25:51,819 --> 01:25:53,487
♪ <i>'Cause it's back</i>
<i>Like I slide</i> ♪

1872
01:25:53,621 --> 01:25:55,188
♪ <i>We outside</i> ♪

1873
01:25:55,322 --> 01:25:57,391
♪ <i>We ain't never really left</i> ♪

1874
01:25:57,525 --> 01:25:58,593
♪ <i>Write ambidextrous</i> ♪

1875
01:25:58,726 --> 01:26:00,327
♪ <i>Both hands need a check</i> ♪

1876
01:26:00,460 --> 01:26:02,162
♪ <i>Whole fam need respect</i> ♪

1877
01:26:02,295 --> 01:26:03,998
♪ <i>More bands, nothing less</i> ♪

1878
01:26:04,132 --> 01:26:07,602
♪ <i>Tax season 'cause I got</i>
<i>The plan to collect</i> ♪

1879
01:26:09,103 --> 01:26:10,404
♪ <i>Uh</i> ♪

1880
01:26:10,538 --> 01:26:11,739
♪ <i>Look at me now</i> ♪
♪ <i>Now</i> ♪

1881
01:26:11,873 --> 01:26:13,541
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1882
01:26:13,675 --> 01:26:15,743
♪ <i>My foot on the pedal</i>
<i>My eyes on the crown</i> ♪

1883
01:26:15,877 --> 01:26:16,978
♪ <i>Uh</i> ♪

1884
01:26:17,111 --> 01:26:18,513
♪ <i>Look at me now</i> ♪
♪ <i>Now</i> ♪

1885
01:26:18,646 --> 01:26:20,180
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1886
01:26:20,313 --> 01:26:21,716
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1887
01:26:22,517 --> 01:26:24,217
♪ <i>Okay, okay</i> ♪

1888
01:26:24,351 --> 01:26:25,787
♪ <i>We back</i> ♪

1889
01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:27,789
♪ <i>Okay, okay</i> ♪
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i> ♪

1890
01:26:27,922 --> 01:26:29,189
♪ <i>We back</i> ♪

1891
01:26:29,322 --> 01:26:30,658
♪ <i>Wait on it</i>
<i>Put in pain for it</i> ♪

1892
01:26:30,792 --> 01:26:32,192
♪ <i>Every day</i>
<i>A day to train for it</i> ♪

1893
01:26:32,325 --> 01:26:33,695
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1894
01:26:33,828 --> 01:26:35,596
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1895
01:26:36,496 --> 01:26:37,598
♪ <i>Mm</i> ♪

1896
01:26:37,732 --> 01:26:39,466
♪ <i>Look at me now</i> ♪

1897
01:26:39,600 --> 01:26:41,201
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1898
01:26:41,334 --> 01:26:42,570
♪ <i>Look at me now</i> ♪

1899
01:26:42,704 --> 01:26:44,237
♪ <i>My foot on the pedal</i> ♪

1900
01:26:44,371 --> 01:26:46,273
♪ <i>My eyes on the crown</i> ♪

1901
01:26:46,406 --> 01:26:47,975
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1902
01:26:48,109 --> 01:26:49,242
♪ <i>Look at me now</i> ♪

1903
01:26:49,376 --> 01:26:51,079
♪ <i>Whoo, look at me now</i> ♪

1904
01:26:51,211 --> 01:26:52,613
♪ <i>Whoo, look at me now</i> ♪

1905
01:26:52,747 --> 01:26:54,448
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1906
01:26:57,885 --> 01:27:00,287
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back, whoo</i> ♪

1907
01:27:00,420 --> 01:27:02,090
♪ <i>Okay, okay</i> ♪

1908
01:27:02,222 --> 01:27:03,791
♪ <i>We back</i> ♪

1909
01:27:03,925 --> 01:27:04,926
♪ <i>Okay, okay</i> ♪

1910
01:27:05,059 --> 01:27:06,527
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1911
01:27:06,661 --> 01:27:08,029
♪ <i>Wait on it</i>
<i>Put in pain for it</i> ♪

1912
01:27:08,162 --> 01:27:09,797
♪ <i>Every day</i>
<i>A day to train for it</i> ♪

1913
01:27:09,931 --> 01:27:11,398
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1914
01:27:11,532 --> 01:27:13,333
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1915
01:27:13,467 --> 01:27:15,837
♪ <i>Hey, hey, hey</i> ♪

1916
01:27:15,970 --> 01:27:16,871
♪ <i>We back</i> ♪

1917
01:27:17,004 --> 01:27:19,140
♪ <i>Hey, hey, hey</i> ♪

1918
01:27:19,272 --> 01:27:20,174
♪ <i>We back</i> ♪

1919
01:27:20,307 --> 01:27:22,375
♪ <i>Hey, hey, hey</i> ♪

1920
01:27:22,510 --> 01:27:23,711
♪ <i>We back</i> ♪

1921
01:27:23,845 --> 01:27:25,378
♪ <i>We on a whole 'nother level</i> ♪

1922
01:27:25,513 --> 01:27:26,948
♪ <i>Bigger than ever</i>
<i>We back</i> ♪

1923
01:27:34,689 --> 01:27:37,091
<i>Coming soon</i>
<i>to a theater near you...</i>

1924
01:27:37,225 --> 01:27:38,960
Come to me...

1925
01:27:39,093 --> 01:27:40,528
Count Brolock.

1926
01:27:41,428 --> 01:27:42,697
<i>From the studio</i>
<i>that brought you</i>

1927
01:27:42,830 --> 01:27:45,800
<i>every Black version</i>
<i>of a white movie...</i>

1928
01:27:48,202 --> 01:27:51,706
<i>I am but an appetite,</i>
<i>nothing more.</i>

1929
01:27:51,839 --> 01:27:54,108
That's not what you said
last night

1930
01:27:54,242 --> 01:27:55,877
when you were
sucking on my chest.

1931
01:27:58,212 --> 01:27:59,547
The sisters may hear you.

1932
01:27:59,680 --> 01:28:01,414
Too late.

1933
01:28:01,549 --> 01:28:02,617
You trifling sellout.

1934
01:28:02,750 --> 01:28:04,384
I don't know this bitch!

1935
01:28:04,519 --> 01:28:06,053
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!

1936
01:28:06,187 --> 01:28:08,355
- Negro ain't shit.
- Mm-hmm.

1937
01:28:08,488 --> 01:28:11,424
<i>Behold the Black vampire.</i>

1938
01:28:11,959 --> 01:28:13,861
<i>Brosferatu.</i>

1939
01:28:14,729 --> 01:28:16,864
Coming this <i>Kwanzaa.</i>

1940
01:29:31,072 --> 01:29:34,675
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

1941
01:29:34,809 --> 01:29:38,813
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.

1942
01:29:38,946 --> 01:29:41,414
- Something isn't right here.
- Happy birthday...

1943
01:29:41,549 --> 01:29:43,483
He's definitely Ghostface.

1944
01:29:44,051 --> 01:29:44,986
Sit.

1945
01:29:46,053 --> 01:29:47,487
I agree, Berger.

1946
01:29:47,622 --> 01:29:49,724
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.

1947
01:29:49,857 --> 01:29:51,792
That little hand, man. I mean--

1948
01:29:51,926 --> 01:29:55,529
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.

1949
01:29:55,663 --> 01:29:57,999
Off the chain, guaranteed.

1950
01:29:58,132 --> 01:29:59,200
Tight grip.

1951
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:00,467
Make your meat
look two times bigger.

1952
01:30:00,601 --> 01:30:01,669
Yeah.

1953
01:30:01,802 --> 01:30:03,004
I don't want
a handjob from him.

1954
01:30:03,137 --> 01:30:04,538
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.

1955
01:30:04,672 --> 01:30:06,674
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.

1956
01:30:06,807 --> 01:30:09,243
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun--

1957
01:30:09,377 --> 01:30:11,512
You're done.

1958
01:30:12,980 --> 01:30:14,481
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?

1959
01:30:14,615 --> 01:30:16,217
Okay.
It might be a day,

1960
01:30:16,350 --> 01:30:17,484
two weeks, I don't know.

1961
01:30:17,618 --> 01:30:18,686
I don't know how long
this movie is.

1962
01:30:18,819 --> 01:30:20,821
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.

1963
01:30:20,955 --> 01:30:23,357
But what I want you to do
is go in there

1964
01:30:23,490 --> 01:30:25,458
and show him what you got.

1965
01:30:25,593 --> 01:30:26,861
Cock it and rock it.

1966
01:30:30,497 --> 01:30:31,732
Ah.

1967
01:30:33,301 --> 01:30:35,803
Oh!

1968
01:30:36,469 --> 01:30:38,239
There she is.

1969
01:30:38,372 --> 01:30:40,675
The birthday girl.

1970
01:30:43,644 --> 01:30:44,946
I brought a cake.

1971
01:30:46,280 --> 01:30:47,648
Make a wish.

1972
01:30:49,250 --> 01:30:51,152
My germs!

1973
01:30:54,655 --> 01:30:57,758
Finger-licking good.

1974
01:30:57,892 --> 01:31:01,429
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.

1975
01:31:01,595 --> 01:31:03,698
No!
But it's a meme.

1976
01:31:03,831 --> 01:31:07,635
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?

1977
01:31:07,768 --> 01:31:10,338
Here we go--

1978
01:31:11,005 --> 01:31:13,107
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of--

1979
01:31:13,240 --> 01:31:14,108
Whoo.

1980
01:31:14,241 --> 01:31:15,676
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.

1981
01:31:15,810 --> 01:31:17,078
Can I talk to you
for a second?

1982
01:31:17,211 --> 01:31:18,679
Yeah, o-okay.

1983
01:31:20,648 --> 01:31:22,249
This table needs an airbag.

1984
01:31:22,383 --> 01:31:23,250
It should--

1985
01:31:23,384 --> 01:31:25,019
Goddamn!

1986
01:31:25,152 --> 01:31:26,087
Whoo!

1987
01:31:26,220 --> 01:31:27,722
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.

1988
01:31:27,855 --> 01:31:30,458
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.

1989
01:31:31,125 --> 01:31:32,727
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.

1990
01:31:32,860 --> 01:31:34,762
Oh, yeah!

1991
01:31:34,895 --> 01:31:36,230
You know, it's what--

1992
01:31:36,364 --> 01:31:37,565
Oh, shit!

1993
01:31:37,698 --> 01:31:39,233
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.

1994
01:31:39,367 --> 01:31:40,801
Let me tell you some--

1995
01:31:41,435 --> 01:31:43,037
What do we do now?

1996
01:31:43,170 --> 01:31:44,872
Back out slowly.

1997
01:31:45,006 --> 01:31:46,707
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.

1998
01:31:46,841 --> 01:31:48,209
Where are you guys going?

1999
01:31:48,342 --> 01:31:49,610
They're still together?

2000
01:31:49,744 --> 01:31:51,312
Unfortunately.

2001
01:31:51,445 --> 01:31:52,580
Ow!

2002
01:31:52,713 --> 01:31:54,648
Sorry, man.
It's okay.

2003
01:31:54,782 --> 01:31:56,183
We're a throuple now.