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♪ drama theme game ♪
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♪
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♪ soft music playing ♪
4
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Oh, man, Hamsterdam?
5
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Oh shit!
You owe me a million dollars
6
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because there are a bunch of them
Dutch hamsters that live there.
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How the fuck do you win?
in Monopoly: The Wire Edition
8
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when you never watched the show?
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00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,436
Why don't you bitch
at your tin McNutty,
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that's what keeps landing on you
on shitty places.
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Come on, give me an eight,
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take me to this bar where
the dockers drank eggs.
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It's double! Hamsterdam again?
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Welcome to hell, Jessica! Ha ha ha ha!
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Now pay up, you petty criminal!
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But I don't have any more money! Argh!
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I hate this stupid game.
There is too much pressure!
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[cough, gagging]
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[both gasp]
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[thud]
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[all gasp]
Is he a white Goobler?
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This is a huge development.
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I'm about to win a board game
for the very first time.
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KORVO:
The planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
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until the asteroid hits.
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One hundred adults and their replicants
received a Pupa
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and escaped into... space,
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looking for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
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We crashed on Earth,
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we fail on a ground already
overpopulated planet.
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It's true,
I've been talking all this time.
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I'm the one holding the Pupe.
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My name is Korvo.
It's my show.
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It sucks, I just dropped the Pupa.
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Ugh. It's ridiculous.
I hate the Earth.
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It's a horrible house.
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People are stupid and confusing.
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They have a restaurant called Applebee's,
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and they don't call
their apple-tizer appetizers.
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This is bullshit!
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♪ dramatic music played ♪
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[the goobler groans]
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Dear God, how did you spit
such a rude goober?
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I didn't even know
we could make them blanks.
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It's the same size
as was the Red Goobler.
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Wait a minute, you're leaving
say "get fucked"
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and try to kill us?
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Oh no, I don't want to
be a burden, you know?
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I can't be a teen mom.
50
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I don't even have a neck tattoo!
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This doesn't make any sense.
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Why Jesse and I
make faded gooblers
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and not you two?
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Because we are superior in all areas...
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Oh, shit, wait a minute.
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[the goobler growls]
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I completely forgot that I spat
a lavender goobler last week.
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-Was I supposed to report this?
- Yes!
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My Red Goobler is still there
plotting to kill me.
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These things could be dangerous!
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Hm, that doesn't look dangerous.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, that's it.
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Give it to me. Dad loves it.
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It must be a romantic Goobler,
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because I'm such a romantic and shit.
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It's a bit weird
goobler horny asshole,
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and you fucking know it.
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So we all have new gooblers
except Terry?
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How does this make sense?
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We're, uh, supposed to
to report weird gooblers, huh?
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Don't tell me you coughed one up too!
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I didn't do it.
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Well, thank our Slorpian gods...
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- I made five.
- What?
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Terry gooblers, turn off the sound!
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-Klepto Goobler.
- Criterion disk Goobler.
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[moans] Envy Goobler.
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Baby-aaaa Goobler
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because Terry loves to say
“baby-aaa”, baby-aaa.
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Kimmy Goobler.
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I saw everything again
of Full House three times
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and then he threw up that little chiclet.
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Damn, guys.
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Why do we do all this
colorful idiots right now?
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Well, that's a stupid question, Jessica.
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You act like you don't know anything
on Slorpian anatomy.
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Obviously, every 100,000 times
we stress and gloat,
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a big red appears.
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But none of them are red.
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Very good, very good, I don't know
what's going on either.
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Everybody catch your gooblers
and let's go ask AISHA.
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I fucking hate it when we
to go ask the boat for things,
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makes us look like idiots.
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LAVENDER GOOBLER:
[groans] Ooh, yeah.
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♪ ethereal music playing ♪
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Pupu! How do you keep getting
your paws on Starbursts?
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You know these kiwi bananas
gives you Tron nightmares.
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Have you ever thought about this,
as, instead of indulging
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in these long and useless
complicated diagrams
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to get candy or Harry Potter whistles,
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that you might be able to use
this big brain of Pupa
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to make the world a better place?
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Yeah, Pupa, the satisfaction you get
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to make the world a better place
would taste much better
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than any old Starburst.
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Aisha:
Alright, dummies,
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get ready to learn
from Shlorpian 101.
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[the projector ticks]
[countdown beep]
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SHLORPIAN NARRATOR:
The Shlorpian body is designed
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to eliminate excessive emotional accumulation
by emitting gooblers:
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little dancing creatures
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that contain your unwanted chemicals
in their stomach.
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Gooblers are issued
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and then I will dance
their adorable little size
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until they die.
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However, if a Shlorpian has
too many negative emotions,
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the Goobler system will produce
a Super Goobler.
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Bigger, Badder, Smarter:
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the Super Goobler is designed
to eliminate the Shlorpian
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with emotional problems,
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remove them from the terraforming team,
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ultimately, protect the mission.
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Get laid!
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SHLORPIAN NARRATOR:
If you create a Super Goobler,
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it's better to allow him to kill you
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so the rest of your team
can feed on your body for nutrients.
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Wait, so all these little guys
will you grow up to kill us?
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Well, that can't be true.
Mine was a stress goober.
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This is all so beautiful.
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When I grow up,
Fuck you, baby-yyy!
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[all goobers scream]
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Gobble.
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[Solars scream]
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These Super Gooblers are really scary.
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We must do something.
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I want to understand a little
what is my goobler
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before doing anything.
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What emotion was I feeling too much?
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To be a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day?
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It's probably a bad pitch,
but maybe it will help us move forward.
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What if we threw them away
in the dumpster behind Pizza Hut?
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Okay, that's the plan to beat.
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Yes!
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Build from what
Yumyulack just said:
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we should put them in trash bags
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before throwing them in the dumpster
behind Pizza Hut.
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Hmm, I really like this neighborhood.
Now let's get to typing.
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I want to have them in this dumpster
before they started stabbing us.
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[gooblers shout, shout]
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[gooblers make a loud noise]
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♪ dramatic music played ♪
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Ah! Don't put me in the bag!
Sweet cheese!
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Oh, little Kimmy.
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Korvo, stop! I changed my mind!
I can't kill my gooblers.
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What? Why not?
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Because they are like
my children, damn it,
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and they are so cute
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and they don't try
murder anyone!
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They will soon enough!
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Ah, I don't want to kill mine either.
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Just look at that pelvic definition.
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You know, maybe some of them
can change their lives
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with a little love and attention.
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The crystal just fucking told us
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if we don't do anything, they will grow
and then kill our asses.
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Death by Goobler
It's such a humble way to die.
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bulb, we can ship them
at Kaley Cuoco's Rancho Cuocomonga
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for various animals
and where to abandon them.
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Invent something stupid
That won't help, Terry.
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I know, but this time
I tell the truth.
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It's a no-kill rescue ranch
owned by Kaley Cuoco of Priceline.
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This is where I sent
all the snakes of Yumyulack.
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Are they alive?
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You told me you were
cut off their heads
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and leaving them on the sidewalk
as a warning to other snakes.
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This is very good news!
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Terry, you fucking did it.
That's the plan.
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Everybody, pack your shit
and meet me at the car.
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- It's time to...
- Wait, wait, wait! Can I say it? Please!
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Please can I say it? Please?
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- Korvo, please!
- Of course, my man. Go for it.
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Solar opposites
go on a road trip!
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Yeah, baby-yyy!
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[honking]
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All aboard Terry's Super Famous
almost famous bus!
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00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,545
Fasten your seat belts because
Papa Terry cheated on this bus
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in the theme of his favorite
Road trip movie, Speed!
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If we go below 50, we explode!
189
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:27,095
Remember? Remember Dennis Hopper
do you have that damn little hand?
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[explosion boom]
191
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[metal clang]
192
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[honks]
193
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Ok, this time daddy got us
a regular bus
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with almost no bombs, baby-yyy!!
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Yeah, baby-yyy!
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♪ rock music playing ♪
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♪
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00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,238
[woman screams]
199
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,156
[engine running]
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00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,284
♪
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[plasma gun fire]
202
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,880
[The solars and gooblers laugh, applaud]
203
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,675
♪ rock music playing ♪
204
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,761
Psst, hey, Yum, what do you think
my goobler is?
205
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,638
Maybe it's like a sweet goobler
or something?
206
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,266
Jess-ica, your goobler is
a goobler to suck!
207
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,560
It takes up a lot of space,
and it's dead weight shit
208
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,562
with nothing to offer the world
and everyone hates it.
209
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,230
Oh okay. Maybe that's it.
210
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,232
Do you want to stop playing
with that gun, you little shit.
211
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,149
[gunshot]
[Korvo shouts]
212
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,033
JESSE: The satisfaction you get
to make the world a better place
213
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,495
would taste much better
than any old Starburst.
214
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,878
I don't care how many geese there are
drowned in black tar
215
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,171
off the coast of Santa Barbara,
216
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,840
I want my oil rigs
operational by tomorrow
217
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,967
or your adopted orphans may starve!
218
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,345
Oh, Jesus Christ. You can't have
Next week, Alice.
219
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,347
I don't care what stage your cancer is at.
220
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,932
Yes, Miss Brandy.
221
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:54,892
[sobs]
222
00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:57,686
♪ dramatic sting ♪
[screams]
223
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,897
What the fuck
are you supposed to be?
224
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:00,898
Get out of here!
225
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:01,857
Cocomelon.
226
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,859
Cocom... uh...
What are you talking about?
227
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:04,985
I said get out!
228
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,445
[the vase breaks]
229
00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:08,906
♪ dramatic music played ♪
230
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,615
[door slams]
231
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,827
- PUPA: Cocomelon.
- Oh!
232
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,163
Oh my God!
What do you want?
233
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,625
♪ rock music playing ♪
234
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:22,503
♪
235
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,880
[yawns]
Only 14 hours left at the ranch
236
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,089
and I meet Kaley.
237
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,217
Wait a minute, something is missing.
238
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:32,012
One, two, four, five. Oh, damn,
where is my Klepto Goobler?
239
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,139
Maybe we left him
at the local Scottish restaurant
240
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we stopped at.
241
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,683
- You mean McDonald's?
- Damn!
242
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,311
It's probably still there,
steal all the McFlurry toppings.
243
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,646
- We have to go back.
- No, Terry!
244
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:41,522
We are already late
245
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,524
because we spent so much time
at McPlayPlace.
246
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,400
I think my goobler is getting bigger?
247
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,818
How could you lose your gooblers?
248
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,445
That’s the whole point of this road trip!
249
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All I'm saying is,
you bring a motherfucker to a PlayPlace,
250
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533
this bastard is going to play.
251
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,160
[water splashing]
252
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,370
[door opens, closes]
253
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:59,957
♪ dramatic music played ♪
254
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,000
-Cocomelon?
- Jesus, shit!
255
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,252
Okay, you're not real.
256
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,461
Y-you're just a side effect
257
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,630
of my Goop ayahuasca vaginal gummy crowns.
258
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,091
I-I-I'll just take some
of my rhino horn pills
259
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,468
that only the rich have,
and you will go away.
260
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,386
[pills pop]
[takes a sip]
261
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,139
-Cocomelon.
- Oh! You know what, shit!
262
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,183
How dare you stand there judging me
263
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,476
with your Cookie Monster eyes?
264
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,687
-Cocomelon.
- You can't judge me.
265
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:25,274
Only my lovers can judge me
because that’s what makes me happy.
266
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,525
I choose solitude
267
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:28,402
because I've been in love before,
and it sucks.
268
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,486
Cocomelon.
269
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,905
One minute you are happy
living in the suburbs of Kansas City
270
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,699
and your next lover is in Clueless,
271
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,951
then continue to have
a 30-year acting career
272
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,369
- and never gets old!
-Cocomelon!
273
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:40,122
Shut up! I'm done with you!
274
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,834
[toilet flushes]
275
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,382
[Brandy gasps]
276
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,258
Cocomelon.
277
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,010
[Brandy screams]
278
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:56,680
♪ rock music playing ♪
279
00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:03,937
♪
280
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,441
♪ uplifting music played ♪
281
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,235
[gasps] Oh, my God!
Is this Kaley Cuoco?
282
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,987
No, wait, this lady only has one ear.
283
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,238
Kaley has two ears!
284
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,699
What the hell is this? I want
abandoning my animals with Kaley!
285
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:18,994
I'm Kaley Cuoco's stunt double.
Kwelly Cloakawoko.
286
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:22,164
I lost my ear when Sheldon was homemade
The Green Lantern ring exploded
287
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,373
on the set of Big Bang.
288
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,628
Welcome to Kaley Cuoco
Rancho Cuocomonga!
289
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,630
Let's go get them
deformed creatures have settled,
290
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,089
and I will show you around!
291
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,719
We take all the damn animals
no one else wants to touch:
292
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,014
ligers, middle-aged wolves,
albino pythons.
293
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:39,973
YUMYULACK:
My snakes!
294
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,851
Anaconor and Lahissa,
you prosper!
295
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,228
What would you like to give up?
296
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,104
We have several customizable packages
297
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,274
ranging from $29.99 to $8.57 million.
298
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:52,027
I'm sure you often understand this,
we have half a dozen Super Gooblers
299
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,862
it will end up killing us
so, you know,
300
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,532
I have to leave them with you
before the stabbing begins.
301
00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,408
Half a dozen? You mean these two?
302
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,244
No, we... Oh, shit!
303
00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,120
Jesse, your goobler has gotten big as shit!
304
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,205
Why didn't you say anything?
305
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,498
I did it, on the bus!
306
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,583
Next time, speak up, Messica!
307
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,002
If you weren't part of my mission,
I would leave you here too.
308
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,254
[Jesse groans]
309
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,297
♪ soft music playing ♪
310
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,466
This is our largest enclosure.
311
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,218
Your strange creatures should be happy too
312
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,053
like an abandoned animal can still be here.
313
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,429
[the bear growls]
314
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,556
Go ahead, little guy.
315
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:24,393
You can make love to the fullest
of everything you want in there.
316
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:25,769
Wait!
317
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,187
Jesse, these things
will turn against us,
318
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,355
can we conclude?
319
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,774
I just need to know what you are.
320
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,651
What emotion do I have too much?
321
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,737
Who cares! Fuck you in there,
you stupid guru.
322
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:36,572
[door closes]
323
00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:39,408
Phew, finally, a goobler situation
it doesn't end
324
00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,827
by getting stabbed
or have sex in a casino.
325
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,579
Goodbye, White Goobler.
326
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,038
You must be tired.
327
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,708
You can stay here for the night
in our suite The Flight Attendant
328
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,836
and relax with a post-abandonment cup
of hot Cuoco.
329
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,588
Ew, do you have to say it that way?
330
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,174
♪ dramatic music played ♪
331
00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,300
This is my ledge,
332
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,427
and I didn't give you permission
perch there.
333
00:11:58,427 --> 00:11:59,219
Cocomelon?
334
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,262
Let's see if you can dodge
335
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:02,848
all this is expensive
Rich Lady Collectibles!
336
00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:06,685
Basquiat's basquiaball.
Air Bud's skull!
337
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,896
An Irish femur from the Titanic!
[groans]
338
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,563
[Pupa screams]
339
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,481
Old anal plug!
340
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:16,069
Yes! Hahaha!
341
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,237
Kiss my ass !
342
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,198
I am free from torture!
343
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,032
[sighs]
344
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,033
-Cocomelon.
- Oh!
345
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,535
Ouch! My leg! Oh my God.
346
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,661
Help! Help!
347
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,081
Can anyone hear me?
348
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,041
[groans]
349
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,334
Of course not.
350
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:34,713
I'm all alone...
by my own design.
351
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,256
[slurps]
352
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,592
Mm, this hot Cuoco is pumpkin spiced.
353
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:39,718
Don't you think it's weird
354
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,804
that none of us understood
what was my goobler's dealio?
355
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,140
Oh my God, no one cares
about goobler shit.
356
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,934
I mean, if I had
to understand the story
357
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,936
of everything I vomited,
I'll be too busy to write
358
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,313
my Dolores Claiborne
fan fiction with an expanded universe.
359
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,564
Maybe you're right.
360
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:55,359
I'm going to say goodbye
to the gooblers once again
361
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:56,777
before leaving.
362
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,154
Oh, my God,
you are such a Lisa Simpson.
363
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,281
♪ dark music playing ♪
364
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,325
White Goobler? Are you awake?
365
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,994
[thuds, thuds]
366
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,164
[The White Goobler growls]
367
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,374
[Jesse gasps]
368
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,959
[The White Goobler growls]
369
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,711
Give it to me! Dad loves it!
370
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,880
White, no!
371
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,966
[White Goobler groans]
372
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,050
[the wall collapses]
373
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:22,553
[White Goobler groans]
[Jesse gasps]
374
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,681
You know, I always thought
Kaley Cuoco was
375
00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:26,890
Kristen Bell from a poor man,
376
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,183
but now I'm going to upgrade it
377
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,769
in an upper middle class woman
Anna Faris.
378
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,980
- [branches snap]
- Shut up, did you hear that?
379
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,066
Use the Single Match app on your phone
to bring us a little more light.
380
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,277
RIGHT! Constant.
I hope this works.
381
00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:41,697
The app only has one match
before making you watch an ad.
382
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:42,698
Phew!
383
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,158
♪ tense music ♪
384
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:46,869
Oh, shit!
385
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,787
[White Goobler groans]
386
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,874
Help! It hugs me!
Help! Help!
387
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,877
The White Goobler is out,
and now I think I know what happened!
388
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,628
He ate all the other gooblers!
389
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,130
Thank you very much, obvious lieutenant!
390
00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,299
Damn, Jessica Opposites!
391
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:01,717
TERRY: Oh, my God!
YUMYULACK: Oh, shit!
392
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,719
We need to get to the visitor center!
393
00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:05,220
[White Goobler groans]
[Terry and Yumyulack groan]
394
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,472
- No!
- Delicious bear!
395
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,516
[Yumyulack shouts]
396
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,893
Looks like we need some speed.
397
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,561
Luckily I was wearing my Heelys! Come on!
398
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,607
Ah!
Damn, stupid dirt getting into my butt.
399
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:17,941
Run, Terry!
400
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,527
I try!
These Heely shoes betrayed me!
401
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,486
[cracks]
402
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,488
Kwelly to the rescue!
403
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,406
[golf cart screams]
404
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,576
You have to fix this,
or Kaley will go crazy!
405
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:28,577
[screams]
406
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:32,456
I can't! I don't even know
what my goobler represents!
407
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,291
You better find someone who can!
408
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:35,375
It's impossible!
409
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,544
Our on-board computer couldn't even do... Ah!
410
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,629
Damn snakes!
411
00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:40,130
Snake blood never comes out.
412
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,924
These seats will be red for life.
413
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:44,134
Wait! Red. That's it!
414
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,554
My God, Kaley is going to take
these snakes outside my pension!
415
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:55,687
♪ dramatic music played ♪
416
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,731
[door opens, closes]
417
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,107
How did you find me?
418
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,110
Instagram. You have to say it
don't let people tag you.
419
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,446
I can't, we have a lot
business through social.
420
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,948
Would you leave me alone?
421
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,449
It took a lot of teletherapy,
422
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,451
but I'm not trying to kill Korvo anymore.
423
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,162
It's great! I am proud of you
for doing the hard work!
424
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,956
But I really need your help.
425
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,708
Did you make super gooblers
Has it gotten out of control?
426
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:17,626
How did you know?
427
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,587
All goobers are connected
across the emotional spectrum.
428
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,798
I could feel their presence
when you made them.
429
00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:26,260
I am attracted to them.
But I am the master of my own destiny.
430
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:29,721
I choose to own the fifth most popular
microbrewery in town.
431
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,348
Sorry, I can't help you.
432
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,267
But my stupid idiot ate the others,
433
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:35,269
and he ate Terry, Korvo and Yumyulack
434
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,728
and now I don't know what to do.
435
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,522
- It's not my problem.
- But you are my only...
436
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,148
Korvo and Terry ruined my life!
437
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,900
They turned my fiancé into a rat!
438
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,485
I'm done with this, I'm leaving.
439
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,654
Hold your red horses, idiots.
440
00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:49,032
If you are absent, why is your brewery
called Die Korvo in Latin?
441
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:49,867
To go out!
442
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:52,494
And why all your beer names
so violent and abusive?
443
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,746
Hefewei is Korvo still alive,
444
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,624
IPA bullet to Korvo's head. Stella.
445
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,500
I said get out!
446
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,377
[Jesse sobs]
447
00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,211
[door opens, closes]
448
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,133
[sobs, screams]
449
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,385
[door opens]
450
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,720
Take me to the goobler.
451
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,430
What made you change your mind?
452
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,056
I may have finished killing Korvo,
453
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,350
but fuck me if i let him
another goobler eats it
454
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,435
in my place.
455
00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:17,519
It works for me!
456
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,481
I'm just going to warn you.
It's a bit of a long drive.
457
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:26,987
So you know Korvo
and slept together in Vegas?
458
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:28,822
I bet you're wondering how I did it,
459
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,283
since Korvo has no butt
and I don't have a dick.
460
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,327
No, it's okay, I don't need to know.
461
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,205
I dug a little hole in his butt
462
00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,123
and used a shampoo bottle as a phallus.
463
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,875
- He kept falling.
- Let's just listen
464
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,627
to crazy music, huh?
465
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:42,419
♪ hard rock music playing ♪
466
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,923
Oh, damn, very good.
467
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,258
I regret the way I lived my life.
468
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,427
I lie to myself about being powerful,
469
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,596
but I'm just toxic and bossy,
470
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:55,057
and because of that, I'm alone.
471
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,975
You see how unhappy I am.
472
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,560
I hate being the executive
473
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,729
who decided Exxon Mobil should care more
474
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,689
on profits rather than on people.
475
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,233
Yeah, it was me!
476
00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:06,902
I was also the one
who made insulin so expensive,
477
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,987
although its creation is basically free.
478
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:11,573
[sobs] I'm trash.
479
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:14,826
I'm trash.
480
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,245
♪ the tense music intensifies ♪
481
00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,120
[Brandy gasps]
482
00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:19,748
[knock on the door]
483
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:22,543
Miss Brandy?
Has something terrible happened?
484
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,420
You didn't send me anything racist
these last few days.
485
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,172
Alice! Oh Alice!
486
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,758
I will pay for your experimental
cancer treatments.
487
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:33,011
I will help save your village
that I destroyed with this pipeline!
488
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:35,138
I want to be a better person,
489
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:38,141
and it's all thanks to that
strange creature that...
490
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:38,642
[gasps]
491
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,144
Maybe he was never really there.
492
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,187
[laughs]
493
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:45,357
Ah! All this time,
it was my conscience.
494
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,484
I was just hallucinating!
495
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,028
Oh! Is it good?
496
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:54,324
I don't know, but I'm nice now!
497
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,159
I call all the airlines
498
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:59,288
and make every airplane seat bigger!
499
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:02,833
Huh, I thought it would be
more like Leighton Meester's
500
00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:04,793
The Meester Rogers neighborhood
For sea creatures
501
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:05,919
and where to throw them.
502
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,921
Damn, These Celebrity Names in Animal Rescue
503
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,256
I start to sweat a lot.
504
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,258
Oh no! What is happening?
505
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,761
I hope my goobler didn't do it
a murder of someone else!
506
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,721
[thud]
[Jesse shouts]
507
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,724
♪ dramatic music played ♪
508
00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,392
[White Goobler moaning]
509
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,060
[Kwelly pants, screams]
510
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,478
Oh, shit, yeah, no,
511
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,647
it's definitely
an anger suppression goober.
512
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,609
[golf cart crashes]
513
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,029
It will consume everyone
and I'll save you for last.
514
00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:32,863
That's what they do.
515
00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:36,408
But I am neither repressed nor angry.
I'm happy!
516
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,285
♪ dramatic music played ♪
517
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,828
[The white Goobler burps]
518
00:18:40,204 --> 00:18:43,207
You have to admit that you have
a problem before we all die!
519
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:46,502
But I have no problem!
There must be another way.
520
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:49,171
I guess I can try talking to him,
goobler to goobler,
521
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,714
using Goobler language.
522
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,842
Gobble. Gooble goo gooble goo!
523
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,971
Gooble goo goo gooble booble goo!
524
00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:00,557
[Red Goobler shouts]
525
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,433
[gasps]
526
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,060
Wait! I'm coming!
[Red Goobler shouting]
527
00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:04,895
Jesse, it's up to you,
528
00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:07,481
deep down, you know who you are angry with!
529
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:08,982
[Jesse shouts]
530
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:12,486
[Jesse shouts]
531
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,404
Um, hello everyone.
532
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,031
Jessica, your stupid goober ate us,
533
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,616
and now you have brought
the Red Goobler in it!
534
00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:19,826
- Fuck you!
- You're getting fucked, you stupid bastard!
535
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,120
This is all your fault!
Why are you so bad?
536
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,499
[groans] Korvo, shut up-- shut up--
537
00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,125
Get him, Jesse! Let it out!
538
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,545
Shut your dirty mouth, Korvo!
539
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,129
It's your fault you're here!
540
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,048
If you weren't bad
for me all the time,
541
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,592
I wouldn't have a crazy googler
in the first place.
542
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:38,804
You have become a tyrant
because I never fight back,
543
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,931
but that changes now!
544
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,808
I'm not a tyrant,
Don't try to turn this against me!
545
00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,935
I'm not finished!
546
00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:47,187
You are rude, selfish,
and mean to me all the time!
547
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,148
But you hate yourself,
and we all know it!
548
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,775
Don't you love me?
549
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,986
No, I don't. I don't like you.
550
00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:54,862
You suck.
551
00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,823
You never appreciate all the work
I walk around the house,
552
00:19:57,823 --> 00:20:00,868
and I never had any history with you!
553
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:04,371
Alright, Jessica, we can have
a story if you calm down.
554
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:09,251
Stop calling me Jessica!
My name is Jesse!
555
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,043
[White Goobler moans, splashes]
556
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,628
[all groan]
557
00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:14,047
We are free! Haha!
558
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,674
And my goobler is fine.
559
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,051
Oh, yeah, baby, that's the good thing.
560
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,344
Jesse, your anger.
561
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,305
Expressing it made your goobler explode.
562
00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:24,183
Yeah, that's what's happening
if you are actually showing real growth.
563
00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:25,642
So why are you still here?
564
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:28,687
Because you are short-sighted,
stressed asshole.
565
00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:29,771
RIGHT.
566
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,982
I realized that
if you swallow your anger,
567
00:20:31,982 --> 00:20:32,983
It will kill you.
568
00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:35,652
So I let it swallow me and I killed it.
569
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,821
Wait, so you're not
really mad at me?
570
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,324
Oh, I'm angry. Korvo, fuck you!
571
00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,075
I'm so proud of you!
572
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:43,535
♪ catchy music ♪
573
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:46,413
[crowd applauds]
574
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,208
♪ catchy music ♪
575
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:50,459
Thanks for your help, Chris.
576
00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:52,961
I could never have channeled
my rage against Korvo
577
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,379
without your expertise.
578
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:57,466
As King Goobler says,
oobie goobie goo!
579
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,218
[goobers laugh]
580
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,595
Did he say King Goobler?
What is this?
581
00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,889
Looks like all my goobies
I love working with you.
582
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:07,017
You know, today Jesse taught me
be true to my feelings.
583
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,060
You are safe now,
584
00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:10,646
but I will hunt you down
and I will kill you.
585
00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:11,730
Don't threaten me.
586
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,690
I already did it, you big bitch.
587
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:14,441
[all laugh]
588
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,527
Oh yeah? Well, guess what?
You will never kill me.
589
00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:17,986
I'm too fast and too smart.
590
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:19,738
And it's my turn to say,
591
00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:21,198
get fucked!
592
00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:24,117
[the glass breaks]
[Korvo moans, screams]
593
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:27,162
My leg! Oh, Jesus Christ,
It fucking hurts!
594
00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:28,080
Help!
595
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,040
I stabbed myself in the leg
on the shredded glass.
596
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,293
I can feel him scratching the thing
I have a bone instead!
597
00:21:33,794 --> 00:21:35,629
Damn, he's losing a lot of blood.
598
00:21:35,629 --> 00:21:38,048
- Should we take him down?
- Yes! Of course we should!
599
00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:40,008
In a minute.
600
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,260
[all laugh]
601
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,095
Oh. Hey, Pupa, what's wrong with you?
602
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:45,806
I want to be a better person!
603
00:21:45,806 --> 00:21:47,766
Damn, Pupes! You did it!
604
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:50,936
You did something good for humanity
instead of plotting for candy!
605
00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:53,856
Wait, you already have it
three million subscribers
606
00:21:53,856 --> 00:21:55,440
and a Starburst sponsorship?
607
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,986
[Korvo groaning]
608
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,529
KORVO:
Ouch, ouch! It hurts!
609
00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:01,655
Pupa, come back here!
610
00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:04,116
How did you turn this into a referendum
about me being an asshole?
611
00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:07,578
[yells] It was a Jesse story!
Why am I punished?
612
00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:09,246
It's not fair! Ouch! Ouch!
613
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,749
Goobie goobie dooby, get fucked!
614
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:17,337
♪ dramatic music played ♪
615
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,507
♪
616
00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:58,629
[imitating a laser shot]