1
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:43,967
This is funnier than ever
the gum stuck in my nose.

2
00:00:44,135 --> 00:00:49,103
Or when I wanted to be the first
white Harlem Globetrotter player.

3
00:00:50,524 --> 00:00:54,156
It's more embarrassing
than when mom came in.

4
00:00:54,324 --> 00:00:59,543
When I fake fucked the pit
between the mattress and the spring base.

5
00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:03,343
Can't you go out and play?
It's lovely weather.

6
00:01:03,509 --> 00:01:08,813
No, this tops it.
And it's all because of Erica.

7
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:18,208
Erica...
It sounds exactly like erotica.

8
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:25,223
And it suits her.
She is a walking wet dream.

9
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:33,408
When she looks at one, the pit rises
directly and say Hello!

10
00:01:33,574 --> 00:01:39,003
And then we talk about an erection
as seen on radar screens.

11
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:42,385
The kind you can hang a flag in.

12
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:53,701
And her breasts…
They must have tractor beams in them.

13
00:01:53,867 --> 00:01:57,250
They suck my hands
like when the Death Star.

14
00:01:57,417 --> 00:02:00,466
Pulls in the Millennium Falcon.

15
00:02:23,306 --> 00:02:28,859
If I had breasts like that
could i have ruled the world.

16
00:02:29,778 --> 00:02:32,660
You're in love with her, right?

17
00:02:32,826 --> 00:02:35,373
No, I'm not.

18
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:39,132
Why are you sitting so weird then?

19
00:02:39,299 --> 00:02:41,303
I don't know.

20
00:02:41,470 --> 00:02:45,896
Don't be ashamed.
A man is two people.

21
00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:48,359
Himself and his penis.

22
00:02:48,527 --> 00:02:53,663
He always brings his friend to the party,
but the friend is the nicest of the two.

23
00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:58,005
Because he's better at it
to show their feelings.

24
00:02:58,882 --> 00:03:04,018
Does Erica know what you think of her?

25
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:09,321
She has a boyfriend.
—They don't sleep with each other?

26
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:12,202
I don't think so. —That's good.

27
00:03:12,370 --> 00:03:18,007
A pubic hair between male and female
can be stronger than the Atlantic cable.

28
00:03:18,173 --> 00:03:22,099
Talk about.
—What is the problem with beauty?

29
00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:26,441
She is going away to a college
on the East Coast in three months.

30
00:03:26,608 --> 00:03:30,825
Then you have to declare your love
to her immediately.

31
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:36,212
It's the only way.
—No, then she thinks I'm crazy.

32
00:03:36,379 --> 00:03:40,305
Would you rather sit strangely for the rest of your life?

33
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:44,271
I will tell you a story.

34
00:03:44,439 --> 00:03:49,741
It's about your grandfather's grandfather
Giuseppe Luigi Bendini.

35
00:03:49,908 --> 00:03:55,879
When he was a boy your age was
he is in love with the most beautiful girl

36
00:03:56,047 --> 00:03:58,928
In the village of Cascata.

37
00:03:59,095 --> 00:04:03,646
But the beautiful girl
saw nothing in Giuseppe.

38
00:04:03,813 --> 00:04:10,035
Then one day Giuseppe explained
his love for her.

39
00:04:10,202 --> 00:04:15,672
He said: I, Giuseppe
Luigi Bendini, love you.

40
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:18,888
To prove my eternal love.

41
00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:24,691
Shall I stand under your balcony?
day and night without giving up.

42
00:04:24,858 --> 00:04:27,697
Until you fall in love with me.

43
00:04:32,708 --> 00:04:38,596
So Giuseppe stood under the balcony
day and night.

44
00:04:38,763 --> 00:04:40,810
Night and day.

45
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:46,530
Until his beloved finally came out
on the balcony and shouted:

46
00:04:46,697 --> 00:04:50,997
Giuseppe Luigi Bendini,
i love you!

47
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:55,632
Giuseppe climbed onto the balcony
and laid down in her bed.

48
00:04:55,800 --> 00:05:01,771
They loved so passionately
that the ground shook.

49
00:05:02,815 --> 00:05:09,412
To this day, the villagers believe it was
which triggered the 1874 earthquake.

50
00:05:12,418 --> 00:05:19,100
I can't do it.
- Well then. Women are like a knock.

51
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:22,732
It requires courage and boldness.

52
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:27,576
Sometimes you need a little dynamite
to blow up the vault.

53
00:05:31,042 --> 00:05:37,431
I don't know about the benzoyl peroxide
in my acne cream damaged my brain.

54
00:05:37,597 --> 00:05:41,982
I found perhaps perverse pleasure
in being humiliated by a woman.

55
00:05:42,149 --> 00:05:45,198
That was probably all the episodes I watched.

56
00:05:45,364 --> 00:05:50,041
With Julie Newmar as Catwoman
in Läderlappen—the reruns.

57
00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:54,718
But the idea seemed bold.
I decided to try.

58
00:05:54,884 --> 00:05:57,725
Peter, that's so cute.

59
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:03,528
I began to believe that it would work
when she said the words we fear most.

60
00:06:03,695 --> 00:06:06,159
But, Peter, we're just friends.

61
00:06:06,326 --> 00:06:11,447
Just friends. The words hit me
like wining bullets from a 38:A.

62
00:06:11,614 --> 00:06:15,569
I want to be... just friends.

63
00:06:23,938 --> 00:06:27,061
It's just a flesh wound.
You don't die.

64
00:06:27,228 --> 00:06:30,600
Get up and fight.

65
00:06:34,639 --> 00:06:37,970
I don't give up that easily.
—But, Peter...

66
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:42,758
I was rudely interrupted
by Erica's boyfriend Nick.

67
00:06:47,296 --> 00:06:50,752
He's an archer.

68
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:58,371
You know the type who studies
college on football scholarship.

69
00:06:58,538 --> 00:07:05,533
He's such a macho jerk
who are constantly correcting their bullets.

70
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:10,654
What is it about? He behaves
as a guard at the Tower of London.

71
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:16,358
He has to every ten seconds
check that the crown jewels are still there.

72
00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:25,686
And why does everyone have to throw up
that i feel make that sound?

73
00:07:27,809 --> 00:07:32,846
You hear a symphony of them in all of them
dressing room. Is it a lion's roar?

74
00:07:33,013 --> 00:07:37,427
Is the dork who can clear his throat
a loska most the pack leader?

75
00:07:37,593 --> 00:07:43,006
Nick has obviously been my nemesis
since I was five.

76
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:47,711
You don't go out dressed like that!

77
00:07:47,878 --> 00:07:51,958
No decent Christian girl
can show out in...

78
00:07:52,125 --> 00:07:55,247
Enter the house. Go in!

79
00:07:59,536 --> 00:08:01,785
Erica!

80
00:08:05,323 --> 00:08:09,779
Erica looked more fuckable
than Barbara Feldon in Smart.

81
00:08:09,945 --> 00:08:15,940
She kissed Nick so hard that they
could have swallowed each other's palates.

82
00:08:19,105 --> 00:08:25,143
What the hell is wrong with him?
—She told Nick what I did.

83
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:41,589
It was bad enough, but me
encountered more unexpected problems.

84
00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:44,295
We are prayerful.

85
00:08:44,462 --> 00:08:50,290
I asked God to send someone who could
save her from heathen Nick.

86
00:08:50,457 --> 00:08:57,160
Erica's father constantly quotes Zig Ziglar,
a Christian motivational speaker.

87
00:08:57,327 --> 00:09:00,408
I had never quoted a Zig.

88
00:09:00,575 --> 00:09:04,114
The difference between you
and the barbarian Nick is.

89
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:11,192
That, as Zig said, you have one
big heart, not a big head.

90
00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:15,231
I wanted to say that his daughter
gave me both, but I was silent.

91
00:09:15,397 --> 00:09:20,019
I thought you were hungry,
so I brought you some cookies.

92
00:09:20,186 --> 00:09:22,642
The cookies didn't surprise me.

93
00:09:22,809 --> 00:09:28,055
She urges her youngest daughter
Mary to play with nun dolls.

94
00:09:28,222 --> 00:09:31,802
Now ask for 50 more.
— Hail Mary, Hail Mary...

95
00:09:34,925 --> 00:09:36,382
Thank you.

96
00:09:36,549 --> 00:09:41,088
Everyone knows that girls never
fall in love with a guy.

97
00:09:41,254 --> 00:09:47,041
As her parents like.
So I would make them hate me.

98
00:09:47,208 --> 00:09:50,581
I put Giuseppe on solving it.

99
00:09:52,912 --> 00:09:55,993
Now, Peter, taste it.

100
00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:19,393
Dad's reaction to my plan
gave results on the Richter scale.

101
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,057
Peter!
Stop pretending you don't hear me.

102
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,347
Peter!

103
00:10:26,763 --> 00:10:30,177
You enter and that now!

104
00:10:30,343 --> 00:10:33,758
I don't move out of the spot.
- Well then.

105
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:39,171
Stop listening to your grandpa's bullshit.
He's a little goofy. Come on.

106
00:10:39,337 --> 00:10:43,376
Release! I'm not hurting anyone.
—You are behaving stupidly! Come on!

107
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,416
No. — Mother!

108
00:10:45,582 --> 00:10:49,371
Listen to dad!
—What will the neighbors think?

109
00:10:49,538 --> 00:10:55,242
They get scared if my son is a jerk
that stands under girls' windows!

110
00:10:56,366 --> 00:10:59,906
Dad...! -Sorry.

111
00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:05,402
My Diligent Lizards!

112
00:11:05,984 --> 00:11:09,065
Sorry. —What are you doing?

113
00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:14,311
As soon as the situation requires it
grandpa runs his old man routine.

114
00:11:14,478 --> 00:11:19,350
He has saved me many times.
-Sorry.

115
00:11:20,182 --> 00:11:23,264
You can't say that
about my bestie Matt.

116
00:11:23,430 --> 00:11:28,385
This is my last chance.
—I don't want to see you embarrass yourself.

117
00:11:28,551 --> 00:11:34,131
I've been in love with Erica since we were kids.
We played cowboys and Indians.

118
00:11:34,297 --> 00:11:36,754
We did everything together.

119
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:41,167
When you get mad at someone
then you do like this.

120
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:45,373
It was superb.
—It will never work.

121
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:49,161
Why not?
— Because we are losers.

122
00:11:49,328 --> 00:11:55,407
We are the greatest of natural selection
proof that the world is all crap.

123
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:59,113
How then?
—We lost in the dna lottery.

124
00:11:59,279 --> 00:12:03,485
We didn't get the vomiting gene.
We are the nice guys.

125
00:12:03,651 --> 00:12:08,689
We never succeed.
Only vomit gets girls and stealers.

126
00:12:08,856 --> 00:12:14,102
You have it all figured out.
-Yes. They want to send me to college.

127
00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:17,271
I don't want to be a dork with a degree.

128
00:12:17,438 --> 00:12:21,609
Which is based on a Burger King.
Do you want fries? Never!

129
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,319
So you just give up? -Yes.

130
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:30,575
Should I give up too?
—Yes, you must be nicely numb.

131
00:12:30,742 --> 00:12:34,537
Let none or nothing
disappoint you.

132
00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:37,790
You must become self-sufficient.
look at me

133
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:41,544
Do I need a girl like Erica?
No.

134
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:46,715
You're going to be here all summer,
so can i use your email address?

135
00:12:46,883 --> 00:12:50,177
I ordered something
which mother is not allowed to open.

136
00:12:50,344 --> 00:12:54,515
If you're still here, you can
get the package for me before everyone else.

137
00:12:54,681 --> 00:12:57,350
Certainly. -Yes!

138
00:12:57,518 --> 00:13:01,146
But admit that sometimes you wish
that you had a girlfriend.

139
00:13:01,312 --> 00:13:06,401
Never. Blockbuster, Domino's Pizza,
Gullan Hand and her five friends.

140
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:09,529
Rescues every Saturday night.

141
00:13:09,695 --> 00:13:13,533
Maybe if you're 14.
—Okay, you're right.

142
00:13:13,699 --> 00:13:18,745
Sometimes I need to
spice up my love life a bit.

143
00:13:18,913 --> 00:13:22,874
Say hello to my date for tonight, Peter.

144
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:30,715
I read in Barely Legal about a guy
who orgasmed from fucking fruit.

145
00:13:30,882 --> 00:13:36,220
You are sick in the head.
—The sun makes it nice and warm.

146
00:13:36,387 --> 00:13:40,015
Just like the real thing.
—But the kernels then?

147
00:13:40,183 --> 00:13:43,226
I'm not going to lick it.

148
00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:54,779
I enjoyed watching people.
Life is my TV.

149
00:13:54,946 --> 00:13:57,824
It was more fun than regular TV.

150
00:13:57,990 --> 00:14:02,620
Like Mr. Mays. My parents
think he works for the CIA or FBI.

151
00:14:02,787 --> 00:14:09,168
He drives several laps around the block
to see that he is not shadowed.

152
00:14:09,335 --> 00:14:12,546
A guy on the street is a pyromaniac.

153
00:14:19,177 --> 00:14:22,889
Matt made sure
that he was alone at home.

154
00:14:23,056 --> 00:14:25,516
Bye then!

155
00:14:25,683 --> 00:14:30,855
Then he went into the bathroom
to make love with his watermelon.

156
00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:36,611
He straight across, I've forgotten the name
on, but he seems so sad.

157
00:14:36,777 --> 00:14:43,158
His wife has cancer and he takes
take her out for fresh air every day.

158
00:14:43,325 --> 00:14:48,788
Good thing Erica isn't here. I got
stood watching ms lewis practice.

159
00:14:51,082 --> 00:14:54,753
Mr. Mays runs a second lap.

160
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:02,635
Crazy aunt next door
eats his dinner in the car.

161
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:06,555
I was shocked by
to see history repeat itself.

162
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:12,310
Matt may be right. Some of us
are born with the vomiting gene, others are not.

163
00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:19,651
Not much amused me in the evening.

164
00:15:19,817 --> 00:15:23,445
Around ten I saw Matt
go out on the balcony.

165
00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:28,742
If he yawned that long, the melon had
more holes than a floorball now.

166
00:15:29,576 --> 00:15:33,705
Only the crazy aunt was out.
She mowed her lawn.

167
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:43,840
It looked like something good on TV
at home and I wanted to see it.

168
00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:46,759
But something got in the way.

169
00:15:46,926 --> 00:15:51,138
So I watered the plants instead.

170
00:15:54,559 --> 00:16:00,189
I wanted to take advantage of the time and swore
that if I became Erica's boyfriend.

171
00:16:00,355 --> 00:16:03,650
Would I be
her best lover.

172
00:16:03,817 --> 00:16:09,322
Therefore I decided
to become an expert in love.

173
00:16:09,489 --> 00:16:11,991
I read the joys of sex.

174
00:16:12,158 --> 00:16:19,207
It wasn't full blown Chinese
sex positions like the monkey in the tree.

175
00:16:19,373 --> 00:16:23,794
Or wild geese flying on their backs
which was most enlightening.

176
00:16:23,961 --> 00:16:28,506
It was the guy who illustrated
all exotic postures.

177
00:16:28,674 --> 00:16:33,303
He was shitty
and the girl was gorgeous.

178
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:38,558
It was inspiring.
If that caveman was allowed to lie down.

179
00:16:38,725 --> 00:16:42,604
Why didn't I get it?

180
00:17:03,331 --> 00:17:08,003
Good. My parents haven't
got home from church yet.

181
00:17:08,169 --> 00:17:13,924
See you in there.
I'm going to talk to your friend Peter.

182
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,277
So you're still here, huh?

183
00:17:34,443 --> 00:17:39,282
I thought you had gotten smart
and put this down now.

184
00:17:39,448 --> 00:17:42,993
Why do you always make that noise?
—What sound?

185
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,120
This sound...

186
00:17:48,248 --> 00:17:52,961
You spit so much
that you wonder what you've been sucking on.

187
00:17:55,255 --> 00:17:57,299
Quiet!

188
00:17:57,465 --> 00:18:02,429
What a demonstrative test
on male aggressiveness.

189
00:18:02,595 --> 00:18:08,935
Did you know that kind of behavior
suggestive of... latent homosexuality?

190
00:18:12,479 --> 00:18:16,570
I think you should go now.

191
00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:25,417
I'm not going.
—Do you want to fight? You get a free kick.

192
00:18:25,584 --> 00:18:29,590
Do it my friend.
—How could I refuse his invitation?

193
00:18:29,757 --> 00:18:34,724
I would lose the fight,
but was able to land a killer blow.

194
00:18:34,890 --> 00:18:39,689
I gave in to the Prince of Darkness.
It was a miss. It was a trick.

195
00:18:40,649 --> 00:18:46,242
It felt like the bullets were bursting.
The sound of water balloons in the ground.

196
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:58,052
You got a nose burn there, huh?

197
00:19:07,484 --> 00:19:13,410
I took that as a good sign
that Erica wanted to see if I was still there.

198
00:19:21,048 --> 00:19:25,471
Erica couldn't see me give up
by leaving my mail.

199
00:19:25,638 --> 00:19:28,935
But I wasn't allowed to smell
like Uncle Lou.

200
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,566
When Erica gave in
for my love vigil.

201
00:19:32,732 --> 00:19:38,826
While she was getting ready for the day
I should shower and cook breakfast.

202
00:19:38,992 --> 00:19:42,332
what are you doing —I'm changing the lock.

203
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:47,381
When you do away with the nonsense
I'll let you in again.

204
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,055
Dad, be nice.
-Forget it!

205
00:19:58,691 --> 00:20:00,276
Mother...!

206
00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:05,452
The situation was desperate.
No food, no water.

207
00:20:05,619 --> 00:20:08,832
And I was violently needy.

208
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:25,609
I had to rape
my best friend Matt.

209
00:20:25,776 --> 00:20:30,408
Hey, Matt, open up!
—I'm taking a shower! The side door is unlocked!

210
00:20:43,304 --> 00:20:48,688
Can you shower in peace?
Crikey! Light a match!

211
00:20:48,854 --> 00:20:54,154
Sorry. Where do you have the toothpaste?
-Out! People will think we're gay.

212
00:21:29,586 --> 00:21:32,382
What the hell are you doing?

213
00:21:34,051 --> 00:21:38,267
I read in the Joys of Sex
about cunnilingus.

214
00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:42,023
I checked that I can.
— Cunnilingus?

215
00:21:42,189 --> 00:21:46,196
Have you been looking for my post?
—Nothing has arrived.

216
00:21:46,363 --> 00:21:49,075
I brought you jaws.

217
00:21:49,242 --> 00:21:52,915
No, thanks.
—Come on, it's good.

218
00:21:58,090 --> 00:22:01,679
Sorry for the noise.
I lock the windows.

219
00:22:01,846 --> 00:22:04,642
Erica won't slip away again.

220
00:22:08,606 --> 00:22:10,735
Crikey!

221
00:22:10,902 --> 00:22:14,325
I wish
that you could put this down.

222
00:22:14,491 --> 00:22:19,165
I'm not sure if I believe
on your theory of the vomiting gene.

223
00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:22,420
Put off. You see it everywhere.

224
00:22:22,588 --> 00:22:25,676
Do you want to taste? -Yes.

225
00:22:25,843 --> 00:22:29,474
That is an isolated case.

226
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:34,815
What do you say if I say
that even the fathers of our nation were vomit?

227
00:22:34,983 --> 00:22:37,069
What are you talking about?

228
00:22:37,236 --> 00:22:40,199
Just take the Boston Tea Party.

229
00:22:40,366 --> 00:22:45,082
Even with tax British tea cost
smaller than the colony.

230
00:22:45,249 --> 00:22:48,796
Like John Hancock
and Sam Adams cultivated.

231
00:22:48,963 --> 00:22:50,966
Don't do it!

232
00:22:51,133 --> 00:22:53,094
No!

233
00:22:56,642 --> 00:23:02,109
The Boston Tea Party was not political
action, without industrial espionage.

234
00:23:02,276 --> 00:23:08,202
Hancock's and Adam's trick
to out-compete the British.

235
00:23:08,369 --> 00:23:12,543
Even the fathers of our nation
was a bunch of vomit.

236
00:23:12,709 --> 00:23:18,969
Yeah, but I've thought about this
and I have a couple of theories of my own.

237
00:23:19,136 --> 00:23:20,764
Hear.

238
00:23:20,931 --> 00:23:25,188
I think you can say a lot
about a woman's personality.

239
00:23:25,354 --> 00:23:27,900
Based on the shape of her breasts.

240
00:23:28,067 --> 00:23:31,364
Take Mrs. Olsen for example.

241
00:23:31,531 --> 00:23:34,494
Her tits look
like a tank turret.

242
00:23:34,661 --> 00:23:38,375
They look
to be able to shoot one to pieces.

243
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:44,844
Her stubborn personality
matching her tits.

244
00:23:45,010 --> 00:23:51,480
Okay, that's true. Continue.
— Take the crazy aunt next door.

245
00:23:51,646 --> 00:23:55,903
Don't be disgusted now.
—She has mashed potatoes.

246
00:23:56,070 --> 00:24:00,577
They are shitty.
—Yes, and she's shady too.

247
00:24:01,537 --> 00:24:07,213
But you give me easy examples.
-Okay. Ms Lewis...

248
00:24:07,380 --> 00:24:11,428
The breasts are like melons
which has been in the store a little too long.

249
00:24:11,595 --> 00:24:17,521
The best before date has passed,
but if you are lucky they are ok.

250
00:24:17,688 --> 00:24:19,858
She is the same.

251
00:24:20,025 --> 00:24:23,614
She is a little older,
but surely a good woman.

252
00:24:25,951 --> 00:24:31,377
What can you conclude?
of Erica's breasts then?

253
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:40,092
I've thought about this a lot.
Her breasts are extremely firm.

254
00:24:40,259 --> 00:24:45,136
It is believed that the nipples should
go away like champagne corks.

255
00:24:46,136 --> 00:24:53,014
They reflect Erica's boisterous, wild nature
life is a party—personality.

256
00:24:53,181 --> 00:24:56,224
Her breasts are also a bit small.

257
00:24:56,391 --> 00:24:59,517
It takes centuries before they start to hang.

258
00:24:59,725 --> 00:25:03,102
So she always comes
to be young at heart.

259
00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:07,604
But one thing can be missed
if you don't look closely.

260
00:25:08,646 --> 00:25:13,440
Some women's nipples can
become stiff as pink erasers.

261
00:25:13,606 --> 00:25:16,566
You can dial phone numbers with them.

262
00:25:16,733 --> 00:25:20,651
These women care more
about the details of life.

263
00:25:20,818 --> 00:25:25,695
Like avoiding the wet spot.
But Erica...

264
00:25:25,862 --> 00:25:32,699
Notice how the nipple
almost imperceptibly blend together.

265
00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:35,408
With the areola.

266
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:38,951
And make the area around the nipple
looks soft.

267
00:25:39,117 --> 00:25:43,078
It indicates tenderness.

268
00:25:43,244 --> 00:25:49,664
She cares more about the passion
than the details.

269
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:56,417
Am I right?

270
00:25:56,584 --> 00:25:58,460
Matt?

271
00:25:59,543 --> 00:26:06,046
Pete, I have to go.
I have to do something at home. See you.

272
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,801
I'm very hungry.

273
00:26:17,968 --> 00:26:20,302
Hungry, hungry, hungry.

274
00:26:20,469 --> 00:26:26,013
I had only eaten Matt's melon.
Not all, for obvious reasons.

275
00:26:26,180 --> 00:26:30,182
So I was quite hungry
when Nonno sneaked out of the house.

276
00:26:40,061 --> 00:26:42,895
Down with you!

277
00:26:53,192 --> 00:26:56,568
Nonno, what are you doing out here?

278
00:27:02,196 --> 00:27:04,697
CASE! CASE!

279
00:27:08,740 --> 00:27:13,493
Okay, okay. — Marge! Your father thinks
that he is in the football World Cup again.

280
00:27:21,371 --> 00:27:24,872
I'm not cool enough.
She never falls for me.

281
00:27:25,039 --> 00:27:30,291
Standing out here is completely illogical.
—It is as logical as it gets.

282
00:27:30,458 --> 00:27:34,252
You are trying to court a woman.

283
00:27:34,418 --> 00:27:40,462
You must know deep down
that people should love.

284
00:27:40,629 --> 00:27:43,506
It is our main purpose in life.

285
00:27:43,672 --> 00:27:50,717
Everything else, like playing the violin,
washing dishes, reading books and drinking wine.

286
00:27:50,884 --> 00:27:56,969
Is just a way to pass the time
until you can love again.

287
00:27:57,928 --> 00:28:00,929
Then my whole life is a pastime.

288
00:28:01,096 --> 00:28:06,266
This will never work.
—Erica will fall for you.

289
00:28:06,432 --> 00:28:08,349
Impossible.

290
00:28:08,517 --> 00:28:12,351
Crazier things have happened.
I will tell another story.

291
00:28:12,518 --> 00:28:16,270
Look at all the problems
as your last story gave me.

292
00:28:16,436 --> 00:28:23,481
It's about a young pilot in the navy
who could perform incredible maneuvers.

293
00:28:25,815 --> 00:28:28,483
One day he almost fell.

294
00:28:28,650 --> 00:28:33,235
The pilot went to the doctor
and explained his problem.

295
00:28:33,402 --> 00:28:35,236
Hemorrhoids.

296
00:28:35,403 --> 00:28:40,530
A lump of dilated blood vessels
in the anus. The doctor cut them out.

297
00:28:40,697 --> 00:28:45,574
What's so romantic about that?
—The pilot met a nurse.

298
00:28:45,741 --> 00:28:51,993
Twice a day she dressed the wound
and lubricated his sore sphincter.

299
00:28:52,161 --> 00:28:57,288
The two began to talk.
The nurse fell for the young pilot.

300
00:28:57,454 --> 00:29:01,873
And if it's not love, say so!

301
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,582
After two weeks they were married.

302
00:29:04,749 --> 00:29:11,710
And without his swollen anus
had the two never met.

303
00:29:11,877 --> 00:29:16,171
Now I don't think so
on one of your stories.

304
00:29:32,011 --> 00:29:36,846
It is true.
Ask your mom and dad.

305
00:29:37,013 --> 00:29:39,889
Was it mom and dad? -Yes.

306
00:30:55,255 --> 00:30:59,132
My massive penis must have
sucked all the blood from the brain.

307
00:30:59,299 --> 00:31:03,634
That was the only explanation
that I followed my crazy plan.

308
00:31:03,801 --> 00:31:06,135
Hours turned into days.

309
00:31:07,303 --> 00:31:11,429
Nick and me
got to know each other better.

310
00:31:12,430 --> 00:31:16,557
I read the Kinsey reports
and was told.

311
00:31:16,724 --> 00:31:20,808
That 10% of all men
tries to suck itself off.

312
00:31:20,976 --> 00:31:23,727
And 0.3% actually succeed.

313
00:31:25,936 --> 00:31:30,355
I had plenty of opportunities
to watch life's television.

314
00:31:36,732 --> 00:31:41,150
In the whole summer I never saw
Erica in the same clothes twice.

315
00:31:53,490 --> 00:31:59,200
The sister celebrated Halloween early.
—Now pray 20 Ave Maria!

316
00:31:59,367 --> 00:32:02,910
Dad didn't understand why
his Diligent Lisa did not grow.

317
00:32:03,077 --> 00:32:09,205
I didn't understand that either.
I had watered it regularly.

318
00:32:09,372 --> 00:32:12,373
And I made extra money.

319
00:32:12,539 --> 00:32:17,339
Can you babysit Robert tonight?
—Listen, lady!

320
00:32:17,506 --> 00:32:23,057
Imagine if it's tonight like Erica
and I try the monkey in the tree.

321
00:32:23,224 --> 00:32:26,730
Erica's father took a sculpture course.

322
00:32:26,897 --> 00:32:30,152
What is it? —The baby Jesus.

323
00:32:30,319 --> 00:32:34,325
I was thinking of a false start
with our nativity scene this year.

324
00:32:34,493 --> 00:32:38,958
The baby Jesus looked more like
a miscarriage, but I said nothing.

325
00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:42,673
Give me my plan!

326
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:48,766
I liked little Robert.
I was his guardian angel.

327
00:32:50,436 --> 00:32:51,980
Type.

328
00:32:52,147 --> 00:32:56,154
The next time he's mean to you
should you just put your foot down.

329
00:32:56,321 --> 00:33:00,411
All bullies are cowards.
Believe me.

330
00:33:01,162 --> 00:33:03,458
Days turned into weeks.

331
00:33:03,624 --> 00:33:10,302
The man directly above has stopped going out
with the wife. Now he walks the rounds himself.

332
00:33:10,470 --> 00:33:15,854
Hope she is well.
On Saturdays it got a little sad.

333
00:33:16,020 --> 00:33:20,820
What is the name of Lake Gennesaret
in the Old Testament?

334
00:33:20,987 --> 00:33:24,451
It is light. Yam Kinneret.

335
00:33:24,618 --> 00:33:27,164
My turn.

336
00:33:27,331 --> 00:33:30,879
Was there money on Noah's ark?
-No.

337
00:33:31,045 --> 00:33:36,346
Wrong. Noa got a newspaper, the animals
ate clover and the timber turned to wood chips.

338
00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:41,688
Erica's parents' Bible game.

339
00:33:41,855 --> 00:33:46,446
Just made me want to
tease them and impress my beloved.

340
00:33:46,613 --> 00:33:49,368
Giuseppe worked on it.

341
00:33:50,327 --> 00:33:54,626
Some nights were better than others.

342
00:33:54,794 --> 00:33:58,841
Okay, girls. Good pass.
Very good.

343
00:34:10,069 --> 00:34:14,952
But twice a month
I heard the world's most disturbing sound.

344
00:34:16,871 --> 00:34:21,045
The sound of my parents
who loved.

345
00:34:22,255 --> 00:34:25,260
The situation, Pete?

346
00:34:27,681 --> 00:34:31,605
Has there been any mail for me?
-No.

347
00:34:31,771 --> 00:34:36,905
He straight up has a lady friend.
—I'm warning you. Don't do it.

348
00:34:37,072 --> 00:34:44,167
Only later did I begin to guess what
she begged him not to.

349
00:34:44,334 --> 00:34:49,468
Captain Nemo went before us and
his giant friend a few steps behind.

350
00:34:49,635 --> 00:34:53,975
Conseil and I walked side by side
as if a conversation were possible.

351
00:34:54,143 --> 00:34:57,273
Through our metal helmets.

352
00:35:02,698 --> 00:35:07,957
I no longer felt the weight
of my lead boots and helmet...

353
00:35:08,124 --> 00:35:12,506
Over half the summer had passed
and everything still sucked fat.

354
00:35:12,674 --> 00:35:15,636
I was far from my love target.

355
00:35:16,513 --> 00:35:20,436
Finally, in August,
Erica spoke to me.

356
00:35:20,603 --> 00:35:23,066
Peter?

357
00:35:30,411 --> 00:35:32,582
Erica.

358
00:35:32,748 --> 00:35:39,093
Hello. I wonder if you might
can help me do something.

359
00:35:39,259 --> 00:35:40,846
Anything.

360
00:35:41,012 --> 00:35:46,062
I can't go out and I want to
really meet Nick tonight.

361
00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:48,483
Can you help me down?

362
00:35:50,612 --> 00:35:52,072
Okay.

363
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:57,999
I reluctantly helped Erica with Nick,
but now I got to talk to her.

364
00:35:58,165 --> 00:36:03,299
And under the short skirt I saw
my first glimpse of Xanadu.

365
00:36:07,265 --> 00:36:12,398
My God! are you ok
—I... I'm fine.

366
00:36:12,564 --> 00:36:17,072
I had never felt better.
Then Erica and I started talking.

367
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,662
Every night I helped her out.

368
00:36:20,828 --> 00:36:25,921
Every night I came up with a new one
way for Erica to land on me.

369
00:36:30,804 --> 00:36:33,183
And we talked.

370
00:36:33,349 --> 00:36:38,066
It's not talk. Roger Moore is
clearly the best James Bond.

371
00:36:38,232 --> 00:36:44,034
Roger Moore? Everyone knows that Sean
Connery is the best James Bond.

372
00:36:44,201 --> 00:36:48,667
Yes, you are right.
Roger Moore is the best James Bond.

373
00:36:48,834 --> 00:36:54,802
What did I say? Erica's beauty had
more power over me than I thought.

374
00:36:54,969 --> 00:36:59,101
For me
is Sean Connery crazy too hairy.

375
00:36:59,267 --> 00:37:04,276
And that bothers me a lot
that he talks like this.

376
00:37:04,443 --> 00:37:07,365
Where's M, Miss Moneypenny?

377
00:37:07,531 --> 00:37:11,788
Good thing they didn't replace Desmond
Llewelyn. He is as good as Q.

378
00:37:11,956 --> 00:37:17,256
Erica knows that Desmond Llewelyn
played Q. I'm in love for real.

379
00:37:17,423 --> 00:37:21,429
It may sound crazy,
but sometimes when I'm depressed.

380
00:37:21,597 --> 00:37:27,649
That the world is absolutely horrible
then I cheer for the Bond villains.

381
00:37:27,815 --> 00:37:29,571
What do you mean?

382
00:37:29,738 --> 00:37:35,089
Curd Jürgens in Beloved spy
wanted to build an underwater utopia.

383
00:37:35,256 --> 00:37:39,311
In Moonraker, Hugo Drax wanted
do it in space.

384
00:37:39,478 --> 00:37:44,578
They weren't evil, they were just tired
on war, politics and environmental destruction.

385
00:37:44,745 --> 00:37:47,420
And wanted to change things.

386
00:37:47,588 --> 00:37:54,025
Then came the handsome charmer
in his nice sports car and ruined everything.

387
00:37:54,192 --> 00:37:59,125
Just to preserve the status quo.
I mean...

388
00:37:59,292 --> 00:38:04,476
Sometimes I wish
that the world could start over, okay?

389
00:38:04,643 --> 00:38:06,357
It's deep.

390
00:38:06,524 --> 00:38:10,871
I thought
that the blue MandM was a good choice.

391
00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:15,971
I talked to her more on
those weeks than we have done in 14 years.

392
00:38:16,138 --> 00:38:19,524
What would you rather have?

393
00:38:19,692 --> 00:38:22,617
Bad breath or incontinence?

394
00:38:24,206 --> 00:38:29,473
Bad breath.
I can always buy mint lozenges.

395
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:36,872
I have one for you. Would you rather be
blind or lame in both legs?

396
00:38:37,039 --> 00:38:41,345
It's too hard.
—You must answer. That's the rule.

397
00:38:41,512 --> 00:38:45,525
Then I would probably prefer to go blind.

398
00:38:45,692 --> 00:38:50,040
Your face is etched in my memory.
I will always see you.

399
00:38:50,207 --> 00:38:55,097
And with working legs
I can still make love to you.

400
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:04,211
Good night, Peter. -Good night.

401
00:40:14,228 --> 00:40:18,367
What do you want?
—You promise not to laugh?

402
00:40:19,831 --> 00:40:21,461
Certainly.

403
00:40:26,644 --> 00:40:31,075
You said you wouldn't laugh!
-Sorry.

404
00:40:31,242 --> 00:40:34,085
Can I feel? -Stop!

405
00:40:34,252 --> 00:40:38,767
I tried to spice up my love life
and my parents came home early.

406
00:40:38,933 --> 00:40:41,484
They wanted to talk to me about something.

407
00:40:41,651 --> 00:40:45,747
And looked everywhere
so the best thing was to stand out.

408
00:40:45,915 --> 00:40:49,133
Here, unzip it for me.

409
00:40:49,301 --> 00:40:53,941
How do the girls do it?
It was very difficult to get on.

410
00:40:54,107 --> 00:40:57,410
Come again.
—Yes, it is quite tricky.

411
00:40:57,578 --> 00:41:02,510
Can you have it until I can sneak
put it back in? And stop smirking!

412
00:41:02,677 --> 00:41:06,439
I'm not the first guy
who have tried it.

413
00:41:06,607 --> 00:41:09,993
What does the Kinsey book say about that?

414
00:41:12,333 --> 00:41:18,395
Maybe you should pause for a while
and save some for your true love.

415
00:41:19,732 --> 00:41:24,498
Peter, do you remember the story
which we read in seventh grade.

416
00:41:24,665 --> 00:41:28,762
About the heroinist who was so turned on
that he tore out his eyes?

417
00:41:29,472 --> 00:41:35,450
They said his eyes were dangling
under the knees in the blood vessels or something.

418
00:41:35,617 --> 00:41:39,714
It wasn't true.
They printed it to scare us.

419
00:41:39,881 --> 00:41:44,646
It's just propaganda, Pete.
Just like true love.

420
00:41:44,813 --> 00:41:48,408
You know what?
You and I will never find it.

421
00:41:52,296 --> 00:41:56,810
Did you see that 0.3% of all men
manage to suck themselves?

422
00:41:56,978 --> 00:42:02,538
Have you seen that man straight across
never going out with your wife anymore?

423
00:42:02,704 --> 00:42:05,004
Have I received mail yet?

424
00:42:05,171 --> 00:42:09,184
Do you remember his shady conversation
the other day with that woman?

425
00:42:09,351 --> 00:42:13,950
And she said: Don't do it. -Yes.

426
00:42:15,036 --> 00:42:20,429
The woman is perhaps his mistress
and he says he's going to kill the wife.

427
00:42:20,596 --> 00:42:24,484
And she says:
No, don't do it!

428
00:42:24,650 --> 00:42:26,574
Do you think so?

429
00:42:26,741 --> 00:42:30,795
If my wife was disabled
then I would have been so horny.

430
00:42:30,963 --> 00:42:35,184
You are sick.
—Come on, Pete, everyone is.

431
00:42:35,352 --> 00:42:38,111
The only question is…

432
00:42:38,278 --> 00:42:41,915
What has he done to her body?

433
00:42:49,690 --> 00:42:55,500
Exactly how would you have behaved
if you were to dismember a corpse?

434
00:42:56,378 --> 00:42:59,012
That's a hacksaw.

435
00:42:59,179 --> 00:43:01,311
I?

436
00:43:01,479 --> 00:43:04,655
I had used a chainsaw.

437
00:43:21,752 --> 00:43:26,810
The next day, Robert followed my advice
and kicked the bully.

438
00:43:42,151 --> 00:43:46,875
Robert was okay. He just needed to
40 stitches and two plaster casts.

439
00:43:47,042 --> 00:43:52,393
But I started to wonder if I should
tinker with the order of the cosmos.

440
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,866
I practiced my one-handed technique
when disaster struck.

441
00:43:57,033 --> 00:44:00,419
Nick and Erica came home from the lake.

442
00:44:00,586 --> 00:44:05,895
Unfortunately, Erica's parents let go
out her every now and then.

443
00:44:07,358 --> 00:44:13,795
That movie proves that Roger Moore
is by far the best James Bond.

444
00:44:13,963 --> 00:44:19,063
Erica was of course gorgeous.
—He's okay, he's not bad.

445
00:44:19,230 --> 00:44:24,538
But I almost threw up
when I saw Nick in his Speedos.

446
00:44:24,706 --> 00:44:29,639
He is huge and makes you think
on the word Apollo rocket.

447
00:44:29,805 --> 00:44:36,661
I was India's space program
compared to his Cape Kennedy.

448
00:44:36,828 --> 00:44:39,867
You brought a condom, right?

449
00:44:40,034 --> 00:44:45,695
Condom? Where were her parents?
Where was Jesus morality root now?

450
00:44:45,862 --> 00:44:51,939
Apollo 12, you can launch.
-Roger. We are ready to start.

451
00:44:53,563 --> 00:44:57,851
Adjournment in ten, nine, eight...
—I had to do something.

452
00:44:58,018 --> 00:45:03,263
I have to interrupt Nick's journey to
Venus and acted completely spontaneously.

453
00:45:04,096 --> 00:45:08,300
Oh, come, ye faithful

454
00:45:08,467 --> 00:45:12,213
Cheers everyone

455
00:45:12,380 --> 00:45:15,835
oh, come, yes, oh, come.

456
00:45:16,002 --> 00:45:20,331
Why did I sing that? It has to
be for come—the association.

457
00:45:20,498 --> 00:45:24,369
Look at that child

458
00:45:24,535 --> 00:45:27,700
which God has given us

459
00:45:27,866 --> 00:45:30,864
we want to fall down

460
00:45:31,030 --> 00:45:34,361
we want to fall down

461
00:45:34,526 --> 00:45:40,521
we want to fall down

462
00:45:40,688 --> 00:45:47,349
for the Lord Christ.

463
00:45:47,515 --> 00:45:50,887
It seemed to do the trick.
—Nick, stop.

464
00:45:51,054 --> 00:45:54,842
Apollo 12, something is wrong.
Cancel the postponement.

465
00:45:56,507 --> 00:46:01,294
I thought I could sink Nick
with my martial arts expertise.

466
00:46:06,165 --> 00:46:09,579
Finish him off!
—That was not the case.

467
00:46:11,410 --> 00:46:17,988
Nick cleared his throat.
I knew I was its target.

468
00:46:20,610 --> 00:46:25,523
My God. You stop.

469
00:46:26,522 --> 00:46:29,477
You stop!

470
00:46:36,013 --> 00:46:39,303
If you gossip to someone, you die.

471
00:46:48,585 --> 00:46:52,707
Houston, we've taken off.

472
00:47:12,564 --> 00:47:15,520
what are you doing —Has a flea market.

473
00:47:15,686 --> 00:47:19,308
It's my stuff.
—You don't live with us anymore.

474
00:47:19,475 --> 00:47:23,596
How much does the Sandy Koufax card cost?
—25 cents.

475
00:47:23,763 --> 00:47:29,591
Collectors give 50 dollars for it.
-So? 25 cents, not a cent less.

476
00:47:29,757 --> 00:47:31,672
Purchased.

477
00:47:35,460 --> 00:47:37,167
Mother?

478
00:47:37,334 --> 00:47:44,161
How much for the electric toothbrush?
—You get a friend prize. One dollar.

479
00:47:44,327 --> 00:47:47,117
Here you have. -Thanks.

480
00:47:47,283 --> 00:47:53,402
Matt, what are you doing?
—It feels exactly like a vibrator.

481
00:47:53,569 --> 00:47:57,857
What the hell are you doing with the kid's stuff?
—It's not his stuff.

482
00:47:58,023 --> 00:48:01,395
Five dollars for the men's magazines.
—I give sex!

483
00:48:01,562 --> 00:48:06,225
You are not a customer.
—The pages stick. How disgusting.

484
00:48:06,391 --> 00:48:10,429
Okay, four bucks?
—I'll take them for four dollars.

485
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:13,759
You can't! You...!

486
00:48:13,926 --> 00:48:16,631
Dad? - Nonno?

487
00:48:16,798 --> 00:48:19,504
What is it? -Dad!

488
00:48:19,671 --> 00:48:22,002
Give him some space.

489
00:48:22,169 --> 00:48:26,332
Good old Nonno. He had
saved his best trick for now.

490
00:48:26,498 --> 00:48:30,328
I thought too
that he had a heart attack.

491
00:48:30,494 --> 00:48:35,574
The auction is over!
—Well done, Nonno.

492
00:48:35,739 --> 00:48:38,737
We need help here!

493
00:48:44,357 --> 00:48:49,020
I don't know what we can do.
—What's going on here? What is wrong?

494
00:48:49,186 --> 00:48:55,097
He's not breathing. He has no pulse.
— Call an ambulance, someone!

495
00:48:55,264 --> 00:48:59,968
Nonno? Nonno?

496
00:49:01,134 --> 00:49:05,962
Say you're bluffing. Come again.
—Are you bluffing? — He is not bluffing.

497
00:49:06,129 --> 00:49:11,250
Dad, say something. Oh no!

498
00:49:20,783 --> 00:49:25,986
I wasn't standing under Erica's window
the next few days that followed.

499
00:49:26,153 --> 00:49:29,234
Dad blamed me and said.

500
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:34,354
That if I continued my antics
then I was not admitted.

501
00:49:34,521 --> 00:49:39,267
Dad is a puke. Weird
that I didn't inherit the vomiting gene.

502
00:49:51,796 --> 00:49:55,377
Is that what I think it is?

503
00:49:56,876 --> 00:50:02,995
Jeez. I get excited
right after grandpa's funeral.

504
00:50:03,161 --> 00:50:07,283
You must think I'm sick.

505
00:50:08,199 --> 00:50:13,861
I just think it means
that Nonno's soul lives on in you.

506
00:50:25,766 --> 00:50:30,262
You get your electric toothbrush back.

507
00:50:32,010 --> 00:50:36,216
So busty.
—It vibrates less than expected.

508
00:50:36,382 --> 00:50:40,878
Here, feel.
—I don't put it in my mouth.

509
00:50:41,044 --> 00:50:44,583
I have washed it.
—Keep it.

510
00:50:44,749 --> 00:50:50,244
You're mad just because you realized
that your Romeo trick is a broken idea.

511
00:50:50,411 --> 00:50:53,117
I don't know if I should stop.

512
00:50:53,283 --> 00:50:58,446
Erica was so sweet today that man
could have poured her on pancakes.

513
00:50:58,612 --> 00:51:03,691
But she hasn't given me any sign
that I have any chance on her.

514
00:51:03,857 --> 00:51:08,656
That Nick kisses her heavily
is not a good sign.

515
00:51:08,823 --> 00:51:12,912
Nonno was the only one
who believed in the idea.

516
00:51:13,079 --> 00:51:17,460
Maybe I should bite the sour apple
and hang up.

517
00:51:17,627 --> 00:51:19,839
Bite on, my friend.

518
00:51:39,492 --> 00:51:43,413
Did you see?
Nice guys don't always lose.

519
00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:47,920
You're not going to give up now, are you?

520
00:51:49,714 --> 00:51:55,055
No.
—Your grandfather's death was your way out.

521
00:51:57,684 --> 00:52:02,441
I started reading Casanova.
Think, he got syphilis five times.

522
00:52:02,608 --> 00:52:04,611
That would be something.

523
00:52:04,778 --> 00:52:09,410
The drama made me forget
what happened right across the street.

524
00:52:09,576 --> 00:52:15,418
Until I saw the man carrying out the foam
bags and put them in their car.

525
00:52:36,949 --> 00:52:41,080
A few evenings later
I received an unexpected visit.

526
00:52:41,246 --> 00:52:46,128
It was Ms. Lewis, the beautiful one
divorce the woman a little way down the street.

527
00:52:46,295 --> 00:52:49,925
Her body glowed
like a lit cigarette.

528
00:52:53,347 --> 00:52:55,391
Hello, Peter.

529
00:52:56,602 --> 00:52:58,438
Ms. Lewis.

530
00:52:58,605 --> 00:53:02,861
I hoped
that you could cut my grass.

531
00:53:03,027 --> 00:53:05,823
I'm not mowing the lawn this year.

532
00:53:05,990 --> 00:53:10,121
I make it worthwhile and

533
00:53:10,288 --> 00:53:14,335
you don't have to
put the grass in sacks.

534
00:53:14,503 --> 00:53:16,797
I can't.

535
00:53:16,964 --> 00:53:20,219
What should I do?

536
00:53:20,386 --> 00:53:25,101
It needs to be cut
at least twice a week.

537
00:53:25,268 --> 00:53:29,815
It grows so fast.

538
00:53:29,983 --> 00:53:34,865
She bumped into me. I was
paralyzed. What would I do?

539
00:53:35,032 --> 00:53:38,995
Luckily I didn't have to do anything,
she did everything.

540
00:53:40,372 --> 00:53:42,959
It could be my chance.

541
00:53:43,126 --> 00:53:46,799
If Erica came out and saw us
would she be sotis.

542
00:53:46,965 --> 00:53:49,594
Let him be! He is my husband!

543
00:53:49,761 --> 00:53:55,269
Then I was afraid that Erica was
the type that liked to watch.

544
00:53:55,436 --> 00:53:59,775
I decided to give it my all.
If Erica saw how good I was.

545
00:53:59,942 --> 00:54:03,238
Would she want me even more.

546
00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:09,915
But maybe she judged my effort
as hard as an East German judge.

547
00:54:10,082 --> 00:54:15,756
If Erica sees me like this, I'm endangering
everything I worked for all summer.

548
00:54:15,923 --> 00:54:21,639
I had to stop, though
Ms Lewis was very persuasive.

549
00:54:21,807 --> 00:54:25,980
I tried to think
on everything but sex.

550
00:54:36,578 --> 00:54:39,374
What happened?

551
00:54:42,754 --> 00:54:48,177
I don't know.
Maybe now is not a good time.

552
00:54:48,344 --> 00:54:54,186
Maybe it's because I tried
make Erica notice me.

553
00:54:55,312 --> 00:54:59,569
Yes, I know. I know all about it.

554
00:54:59,736 --> 00:55:03,616
That's what makes you so exciting.

555
00:55:03,784 --> 00:55:05,744
I'm sorry.

556
00:55:11,294 --> 00:55:13,923
Hello.

557
00:55:16,635 --> 00:55:21,642
What have you done?
—I tried to become one of the 0.3%.

558
00:55:23,061 --> 00:55:25,272
What do you mean?

559
00:55:26,900 --> 00:55:29,403
Your Kinsey Reports.

560
00:55:29,570 --> 00:55:36,038
I tried to suck myself and
injured neck and must wear collar.

561
00:55:36,205 --> 00:55:39,375
Have I received any mail yet? - Nothing.

562
00:55:39,543 --> 00:55:43,966
what's wrong with you -Nothing.

563
00:55:44,132 --> 00:55:46,970
Something is wrong. —Nothing is wrong.

564
00:55:47,136 --> 00:55:49,515
Yes, it is.

565
00:55:49,682 --> 00:55:55,774
Because normally you would have asked me
if I managed to suck myself off.

566
00:55:55,941 --> 00:55:59,028
But you didn't ask that.

567
00:55:59,196 --> 00:56:04,370
Did you succeed then?
—First say what's wrong.

568
00:56:07,708 --> 00:56:09,252
Okay.

569
00:56:09,418 --> 00:56:12,757
I succeeded!
—You didn't.

570
00:56:12,923 --> 00:56:17,347
Yes, but only for a second
before I strained my neck.

571
00:56:17,514 --> 00:56:22,103
Do you know it tastes like roast beef?
It was encouraging.

572
00:56:22,271 --> 00:56:26,735
I thought girls hated sucking,
but if you think about it...

573
00:56:26,902 --> 00:56:30,240
It's like visiting a meat restaurant.

574
00:56:30,407 --> 00:56:34,078
Now tell me what bothers you.

575
00:56:34,246 --> 00:56:38,502
My time is running out. Erica leaves
off to college in a few weeks.

576
00:56:38,669 --> 00:56:42,883
It is hopeless. She thinks so
that I'm a bigger jerk than before.

577
00:56:43,050 --> 00:56:47,014
That's what I said.
—I don't need to hear it from you.

578
00:56:47,181 --> 00:56:49,184
You will be my friend.

579
00:56:49,350 --> 00:56:54,608
I was trying to give you some good advice.
—Good advice...

580
00:56:54,775 --> 00:57:00,152
Why should I listen to anyone?
who tries to suck his own cock?

581
00:57:00,319 --> 00:57:03,778
Because I am enterprising.

582
00:57:05,111 --> 00:57:11,113
To become Erica's love slave
would i tease her parents.

583
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:16,324
Giuseppe had been working on a plan
and we waited for the right opportunity.

584
00:57:16,490 --> 00:57:18,615
The opportunity came.

585
00:57:18,782 --> 00:57:23,326
Erica's father and his friends
participated in some kind of Easter competition.

586
00:57:23,492 --> 00:57:29,118
They would be Leonardo da Vinci's
Last Supper for five minutes.

587
00:57:29,285 --> 00:57:34,954
The winning team would get to perform in
National Cathedral for the President.

588
00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:41,872
Damn, Phil, you moved.
—I'm not upset because it itched.

589
00:57:42,039 --> 00:57:48,124
We managed 2 minutes and 13 seconds.
We must manage at least twice as much.

590
00:57:48,291 --> 00:57:51,084
You can rest your elbows on the table.

591
00:57:51,250 --> 00:57:56,377
Try to hold your arms out like this
for five minutes.

592
00:57:56,544 --> 00:58:01,962
Why do you get to be Jesus every year?
—I organize it and am the leader.

593
00:58:02,128 --> 00:58:06,172
I'm tired of always being Judas.
—You are a great Judas.

594
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:10,923
What do you mean by that?

595
00:58:11,090 --> 00:58:16,175
Where are you going, young lady?
—To Lollapalooza with Nick.

596
00:58:16,342 --> 00:58:19,093
I forbade you to go out.

597
00:58:19,259 --> 00:58:23,510
Can't you make an exception?
—No, you're not leaving the house.

598
00:58:23,677 --> 00:58:26,095
This is unfair!

599
00:58:26,261 --> 00:58:28,386
It's time, my friend.

600
00:58:28,553 --> 00:58:34,055
You treat me like I'm ten!
—You behave like a ten-year-old!

601
00:58:34,222 --> 00:58:37,806
Let her go.
Otherwise, the baby Jesus smokes.

602
00:58:37,973 --> 00:58:39,849
Peter?

603
00:58:40,015 --> 00:58:42,766
I mean it.

604
00:58:46,142 --> 00:58:49,643
You must not desecrate the baby Jesus.

605
00:58:51,685 --> 00:58:55,812
Okay, Erica, you can go.

606
00:59:01,313 --> 00:59:06,190
Give him to me.
—Only when Erica went to college.

607
00:59:06,357 --> 00:59:09,774
It's ugly
to keep her locked up.

608
00:59:10,483 --> 00:59:12,234
Take him!

609
00:59:24,070 --> 00:59:28,989
What do you think Jesus likes?
to have his name on all bumper stickers?

610
00:59:38,617 --> 00:59:41,784
My dad is pretty pissed off.

611
00:59:42,659 --> 00:59:44,493
Yes.

612
00:59:46,702 --> 00:59:49,953
You shouldn't have done that.

613
00:59:51,245 --> 00:59:53,829
I wanted to do it.

614
00:59:55,747 --> 00:59:57,747
Thanks.

615
01:00:07,500 --> 01:00:10,501
Yes, good night then.

616
01:00:20,545 --> 01:00:24,797
Huh? She just gave you a kiss
on the cheek after all you did?

617
01:00:24,964 --> 01:00:28,423
What does this mean?
—I'll tell you that.

618
01:00:28,590 --> 01:00:32,466
That you can never fuck
with her, my friend.

619
01:00:32,633 --> 01:00:37,425
We've been talking a lot lately.
—Sure, you're in the friend zone.

620
01:00:37,592 --> 01:00:40,426
Is it bad? —It's the worst.

621
01:00:40,593 --> 01:00:45,053
Girls don't want a boyfriend,
without a human piston.

622
01:00:45,220 --> 01:00:50,388
I can be her human piston.
We are not very good friends.

623
01:00:50,554 --> 01:00:54,306
You are in the friend zone for life.
—Do you think so?

624
01:00:54,473 --> 01:00:56,806
I know that.

625
01:01:02,892 --> 01:01:07,644
What happens to our crazy killer
over there straight across the street?

626
01:01:08,810 --> 01:01:13,353
I was there sneaking a peek
and he almost caught me.

627
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:17,229
I told you he's crazy.
—I don't know.

628
01:01:17,397 --> 01:01:21,606
The last few evenings he has
carried out several full garbage bags.

629
01:01:21,773 --> 01:01:25,065
He safely carries his wife out
piece by piece.

630
01:01:25,232 --> 01:01:29,858
Many bags for one person.
— He might carry the whole family out.

631
01:01:30,025 --> 01:01:35,777
I have thought about it myself.
—I don't think he has a family.

632
01:01:35,943 --> 01:01:37,819
It's here!

633
01:01:37,986 --> 01:01:41,904
Finally it's here!
—What is here?

634
01:01:42,070 --> 01:01:47,239
An Orgasmatron.
I ordered it in Shaved Magazine.

635
01:01:47,406 --> 01:01:51,865
It is battery- and mains-powered.
It's the new era, Pete.

636
01:01:52,032 --> 01:01:55,158
Now they have a name
on electronic sex.

637
01:01:55,324 --> 01:01:59,575
What is it called then?
—Dildonics. Pretty cheeky, huh?

638
01:02:00,618 --> 01:02:05,452
Dildonik?
It makes one sound a little gay.

639
01:02:07,245 --> 01:02:10,413
I never thought of it that way.

640
01:02:10,579 --> 01:02:15,414
This is the cutting edge of technology.
You can borrow it whenever you want.

641
01:02:23,166 --> 01:02:25,167
It's calm.

642
01:02:25,333 --> 01:02:30,835
As the situation is, you should probably consider
my plan for self-sufficiency.

643
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:40,838
The friend zone had me hooked
in a diabolical vise.

644
01:02:41,005 --> 01:02:44,464
Would you rather be Paul McCartney
or John Lennon?

645
01:02:44,631 --> 01:02:48,049
That's a given. John Lennon.
—Then you're dead.

646
01:02:48,215 --> 01:02:51,342
So what?
I would be the coolest beatle.

647
01:02:51,509 --> 01:02:55,553
I don't know.
He married Yoko Ono.

648
01:02:55,719 --> 01:02:58,888
McCartney has written great music.

649
01:02:59,055 --> 01:03:02,014
Like Ebony and Ivory?

650
01:03:02,181 --> 01:03:04,516
Okay, you're right.

651
01:03:04,683 --> 01:03:08,518
It probably wouldn't be that difficult
to be a songwriter.

652
01:03:08,685 --> 01:03:12,103
Writers have to invent
all sentences and words.

653
01:03:12,270 --> 01:03:18,731
A businessman's reports must be
well thought out and financially sound.

654
01:03:18,898 --> 01:03:24,776
But a songwriter can end a song
just by letting it fade out.

655
01:03:24,943 --> 01:03:27,736
A baggis. —Yes, you are right.

656
01:03:27,903 --> 01:03:32,363
In what other job can you quit
by just letting it fade out?

657
01:03:32,530 --> 01:03:35,365
Film director.

658
01:03:39,492 --> 01:03:45,871
And so it continued. Erica had
maybe right. We were just friends.

659
01:03:46,038 --> 01:03:49,414
What is the worst
your parents done?

660
01:03:49,581 --> 01:03:55,000
The worst was probably when dad spoke
for my third grade on career day.

661
01:03:55,167 --> 01:03:59,420
He spoke for over half an hour about
the joys of being a radiologist.

662
01:03:59,587 --> 01:04:04,505
Then he invited the whole class
on chocolate contrast fluid.

663
01:04:04,672 --> 01:04:07,799
It's bad.

664
01:04:07,966 --> 01:04:10,092
You then?

665
01:04:10,258 --> 01:04:15,761
It must have been when I was five.
Dad and I were in the church shop.

666
01:04:15,928 --> 01:04:19,513
It was in January
and he bought Christmas cards.

667
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:24,933
He always buys Christmas cards in January
when last year's card is on sale.

668
01:04:25,100 --> 01:04:28,643
I had just learned to count
and counted everything.

669
01:04:28,810 --> 01:04:32,604
Like the number of red lights
on the way to the store.

670
01:04:32,770 --> 01:04:38,190
When the clerk gave Dad his change
I saw she gave him the wrong amount.

671
01:04:38,357 --> 01:04:41,359
She had given him too much.

672
01:04:41,525 --> 01:04:47,445
I looked at dad. He had too
saw it, but he did nothing.

673
01:04:47,612 --> 01:04:52,406
He just took the money, stuffed it
in his wallet and off we went.

674
01:04:52,573 --> 01:04:58,701
Then I probably stopped believing that mine
parents were perfect people.

675
01:05:04,162 --> 01:05:06,455
Good night, Peter.

676
01:05:09,082 --> 01:05:11,083
Good night.

677
01:05:12,208 --> 01:05:16,753
Erica lost faith in her parents.
How could she believe in anything then?

678
01:05:16,919 --> 01:05:22,714
How could she believe in my love?
I was starting to think Matt was right.

679
01:05:22,881 --> 01:05:28,175
I did everything to win over
my beloved Erica, but in vain.

680
01:05:28,342 --> 01:05:33,678
I was stuck in the friend zone like
Charles Heston on the Planet of the Apes.

681
01:05:33,845 --> 01:05:40,015
I was deeply unhappy, but Matt
was in love with a sucking robot.

682
01:05:41,599 --> 01:05:46,518
Was I and not him the strange one?
At least he was happy.

683
01:05:47,310 --> 01:05:50,020
My cock! My cock!

684
01:06:22,746 --> 01:06:26,956
Here, try it. —It's creepy.

685
01:06:27,123 --> 01:06:31,333
It's fun. It makes you feel
like a child again. Run now!

686
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:35,669
So yes. Run and have fun!

687
01:07:31,324 --> 01:07:35,451
Everyone thinks you're crazy.
-So what?

688
01:07:38,494 --> 01:07:43,330
Admit that you do shady things.
—I don't think so.

689
01:07:46,332 --> 01:07:49,667
Why do you sometimes go
out in the car and eat?

690
01:07:49,834 --> 01:07:55,712
The car radio has better reception than
the one in the house. I listen to opera.

691
01:07:58,463 --> 01:08:04,508
You garden in a diving mask.
—Unfortunately, I am allergic to pollen.

692
01:08:04,675 --> 01:08:09,469
It's the only way for me to work
in the garden without the eyes watering.

693
01:08:11,303 --> 01:08:18,182
Okay. But admit that it is little
strange to cut the grass at night.

694
01:08:18,349 --> 01:08:22,809
In this humidity is the night
only sensible time to cut grass.

695
01:08:23,602 --> 01:08:28,020
You are talking on the phone on the roof.
—Yes, that.

696
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:33,315
My best friend Mabel lives
just a couple of blocks from here.

697
01:08:34,065 --> 01:08:40,151
She refuses to admit that she is becoming
senile and she will have to drive.

698
01:08:40,318 --> 01:08:45,404
So when she comes here to visit
I go out on my roof.

699
01:08:45,571 --> 01:08:48,323
I see her backing out of the house.

700
01:08:48,490 --> 01:08:54,451
If she drives wrong, I call her
in the car and describes the route. Voilà!

701
01:08:57,745 --> 01:09:01,747
Everything sounds logical.
—Everything is logical.

702
01:09:01,913 --> 01:09:05,415
It just depends on how you look at it.

703
01:09:08,876 --> 01:09:14,044
This is the worst day of my life.
My Orgasmatron short circuited.

704
01:09:14,211 --> 01:09:18,256
My penis got a shock.
—Didn't you like it?

705
01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:21,590
You don't understand.
I can't get it up now.

706
01:09:21,757 --> 01:09:26,593
It doesn't work.
—Let it be a little. It needs rest.

707
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:30,553
I have tried it.
I waited all morning.

708
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:35,014
It still doesn't work.
I don't even get a half stop.

709
01:09:35,181 --> 01:09:39,975
Think if you're right and only man
get a certain number of erections.

710
01:09:40,142 --> 01:09:42,393
And I've used up all mine.

711
01:09:42,559 --> 01:09:47,771
What are you going to do?
—I have a contingency plan for that.

712
01:09:47,937 --> 01:09:51,064
But... I need your help.

713
01:09:52,899 --> 01:09:56,151
Never. It's too shady for me.

714
01:09:56,317 --> 01:09:59,861
Come on now. It's nothing like that.

715
01:10:01,361 --> 01:10:04,655
I have saved and it is there
a woman on the boulevard.

716
01:10:04,821 --> 01:10:08,240
Let's say
that she is an experienced woman.

717
01:10:08,407 --> 01:10:12,867
For $100 she will do anything you want.
—What do you need me for?

718
01:10:13,035 --> 01:10:15,577
I can't do it myself.

719
01:10:15,744 --> 01:10:20,039
I have saved $150.
We can get a two-for-one price.

720
01:10:20,206 --> 01:10:23,375
Never. —Come on.

721
01:10:23,542 --> 01:10:26,878
I can even get you started.

722
01:10:29,547 --> 01:10:34,426
Forget it. I only have a couple there
left to me to win over Erica.

723
01:10:34,592 --> 01:10:40,056
Even if she doesn't fall in love with me
then I will continue through the summer.

724
01:10:40,222 --> 01:10:44,517
Then I know I've tried everything.
- Please.

725
01:10:44,684 --> 01:10:49,188
Come on, it's an emergency.
I need your help.

726
01:10:49,354 --> 01:10:51,398
I can't.

727
01:10:51,565 --> 01:10:53,817
What kind of friend are you?

728
01:10:53,983 --> 01:10:58,320
Our whole last summer together
are you standing under a stupid bride's window.

729
01:10:58,486 --> 01:11:01,614
Do I say anything about it? Never!

730
01:11:01,781 --> 01:11:08,286
But when I need you in mine
life's worst crisis, will you stand up then?

731
01:11:08,453 --> 01:11:13,499
You're a jerk. No wonder
that Erica doesn't like you.

732
01:11:14,249 --> 01:11:16,960
Take it back. -No.

733
01:11:17,126 --> 01:11:20,796
You are an idiot
and she will never fall in love with you!

734
01:11:20,964 --> 01:11:24,633
Take it back!
Well, take it back!

735
01:11:26,509 --> 01:11:29,511
Oh, my neck! Release!

736
01:11:34,182 --> 01:11:38,436
You're stupid too, mate.
— Maybe I was stupid.

737
01:11:38,603 --> 01:11:43,273
That day dad proved
that I inherited the stupidity from him.

738
01:11:43,440 --> 01:11:49,945
I had started reading Elizabeth
Barrett Browning's Love Poems.

739
01:11:50,112 --> 01:11:53,656
She wrote How do I love you?
Let me count the ways…

740
01:11:53,823 --> 01:11:59,327
It was my parents' wedding anniversary
and dad accidentally bought the wrong present.

741
01:12:06,834 --> 01:12:09,127
Sorry, honey.

742
01:12:14,632 --> 01:12:20,094
Dad tried to save the situation
by driving to the jeweler.

743
01:12:20,261 --> 01:12:23,597
But it wasn't enough.
When he got home.

744
01:12:23,764 --> 01:12:28,226
He got a big surprise.

745
01:12:37,817 --> 01:12:39,735
LOCKSMITH

746
01:12:42,404 --> 01:12:44,906
Baby, let me in now!

747
01:12:47,241 --> 01:12:49,993
I bought you a new present.

748
01:13:11,218 --> 01:13:13,930
May I sit down?

749
01:13:17,766 --> 01:13:19,975
I assume so.

750
01:13:40,576 --> 01:13:45,330
I had always thought that dad
was quite lame. What did that say about me?

751
01:13:45,496 --> 01:13:49,374
When he with my rag method
tried to appease mom?

752
01:13:53,127 --> 01:13:57,715
Hoped dad did better
with mom than me with Erica.

753
01:13:57,881 --> 01:14:01,468
He started getting on my nerves.

754
01:14:04,095 --> 01:14:07,639
Have you tried it on mom?
-No.

755
01:14:09,808 --> 01:14:12,393
The one then?

756
01:14:12,560 --> 01:14:14,812
No.

757
01:14:15,896 --> 01:14:20,066
You have been married for 18 years
and you've never tried it?

758
01:14:20,233 --> 01:14:24,820
That area is a big mystery to me.
I've never understood it.

759
01:14:24,987 --> 01:14:28,197
No wonder
that she is so angry with you.

760
01:14:28,365 --> 01:14:31,908
Do you really think she wants that?

761
01:14:32,076 --> 01:14:35,746
Of course she wants to.
It's in the book.

762
01:14:44,586 --> 01:14:46,712
Thank you, Peter!

763
01:15:53,975 --> 01:15:59,354
Lord Jesus! Now got to
and with dad more sex than me.

764
01:16:34,507 --> 01:16:37,302
Hello, Peter.

765
01:16:40,179 --> 01:16:43,682
What is this?
—This is breakfast.

766
01:16:47,727 --> 01:16:50,437
But I thought that…

767
01:16:50,604 --> 01:16:54,357
I was wrong about this.
I'm terribly sorry.

768
01:16:54,523 --> 01:16:59,987
Here is a copy of the house key.
You can come in whenever you want.

769
01:17:06,742 --> 01:17:08,452
Thanks.

770
01:17:08,619 --> 01:17:11,162
And, my boy…

771
01:17:12,663 --> 01:17:15,332
i love you

772
01:17:17,584 --> 01:17:23,088
You know the sad man straight across
who constantly drives his wife around in a wheelchair?

773
01:17:24,632 --> 01:17:27,300
I never see her there again.

774
01:17:27,467 --> 01:17:29,927
As if she has disappeared.

775
01:17:30,094 --> 01:17:36,099
All summer I have seen him
shuffle things in and out of the house.

776
01:17:36,266 --> 01:17:39,810
You think he murdered his wife?
-Yes.

777
01:17:39,977 --> 01:17:44,481
Snack. I don't believe it.

778
01:17:44,648 --> 01:17:48,609
Why don't you go over there and check?

779
01:17:48,776 --> 01:17:52,737
I have better things for me than that
to iron around people's gardens.

780
01:17:52,904 --> 01:17:55,865
Go yourself. —I'm not going there.

781
01:17:56,032 --> 01:18:00,957
I almost got caught last time.
—I challenge you both.

782
01:18:01,124 --> 01:18:04,713
All three of us go there.

783
01:18:04,880 --> 01:18:09,471
So we walked across the street to see
what had happened to the man's wife.

784
01:18:09,638 --> 01:18:12,811
Without getting hit by Mr. Mays.

785
01:18:14,647 --> 01:18:17,569
It is locked. Come on. -Wait.

786
01:18:21,993 --> 01:18:26,334
No, don't open the door.
— It is unlocked.

787
01:18:30,174 --> 01:18:35,141
I knew you would come again.
Do you want to see what's in here?

788
01:18:35,308 --> 01:18:39,064
Do you want to see what I have done?

789
01:18:39,232 --> 01:18:42,027
I'll show you what I've done.

790
01:18:48,831 --> 01:18:51,168
No! —Let us go!

791
01:18:57,388 --> 01:19:02,938
You've been waiting all summer.
— No, we don't have that. Let us go!

792
01:19:03,106 --> 01:19:06,570
We haven't done anything! -Go in.

793
01:19:17,088 --> 01:19:20,010
This is what I have done.

794
01:19:20,177 --> 01:19:25,812
Built a pool in the living room?
— No, not just a pool.

795
01:19:28,817 --> 01:19:34,869
I have built paradise.
A tropical paradise.

796
01:19:37,415 --> 01:19:41,589
Darling? What is happening?

797
01:19:42,424 --> 01:19:45,471
Nothing. Just a couple of guests.

798
01:19:47,140 --> 01:19:50,395
My wife and I

799
01:19:50,563 --> 01:19:56,030
wanted to go back to Tahiti
on our second honeymoon.

800
01:19:57,032 --> 01:20:00,998
But then she became seriously ill.

801
01:20:03,084 --> 01:20:07,759
She loved the water, you see.

802
01:20:07,926 --> 01:20:11,181
I wanted to build a pool in the back.

803
01:20:11,349 --> 01:20:16,190
But the municipality
didn't give me a building permit in time.

804
01:20:17,818 --> 01:20:21,616
So I built this one.

805
01:20:23,202 --> 01:20:27,043
Secretly. For her.

806
01:20:29,254 --> 01:20:35,390
So that my darling and I
can go back to paradise.

807
01:20:39,856 --> 01:20:42,903
You don't say anything to anyone, do you?

808
01:20:45,157 --> 01:20:48,621
When the apple blushes, never snoop

809
01:20:48,788 --> 01:20:52,753
For then we lose Eden,
Eva and me.

810
01:21:07,112 --> 01:21:09,282
Hello.

811
01:21:09,449 --> 01:21:11,953
Hello.

812
01:21:12,120 --> 01:21:15,627
I'm leaving tomorrow.

813
01:21:17,295 --> 01:21:20,009
Where are you going?

814
01:21:20,175 --> 01:21:26,478
You won't believe me, but I do
have decided to attend college.

815
01:21:26,646 --> 01:21:31,529
Yes. Good.
Erica is also going off to college.

816
01:21:34,492 --> 01:21:36,245
where is she

817
01:21:36,412 --> 01:21:39,459
She's at Nick's. He broke his leg.

818
01:21:39,626 --> 01:21:41,462
What a pity.

819
01:21:41,629 --> 01:21:46,262
He lost his scholarship.
—As I said — such a pity.

820
01:21:50,728 --> 01:21:54,151
So... then I guess we won't see each other again.

821
01:21:55,612 --> 01:21:58,909
No, no, we probably won't.

822
01:22:02,874 --> 01:22:05,629
You, listen...

823
01:22:05,796 --> 01:22:11,473
I was hoping we could spend
my last day here together.

824
01:22:11,639 --> 01:22:16,440
Elliot has a party and I thought
that maybe we could go on it.

825
01:22:16,607 --> 01:22:19,069
That sounds good.

826
01:22:19,236 --> 01:22:23,452
But what if Erica… you know…?
— Erica.

827
01:22:24,579 --> 01:22:27,333
See you.

828
01:22:33,344 --> 01:22:36,349
Shit Erica.

829
01:22:37,851 --> 01:22:39,354
Huh?

830
01:22:39,521 --> 01:22:43,569
I said shit Erica.

831
01:22:43,737 --> 01:22:47,869
If she won't give me a chance now
then she's crazy.

832
01:22:48,036 --> 01:22:52,419
No other man had done it
as I have done for her.

833
01:22:52,585 --> 01:22:56,759
If that love is not enough for her
so be it.

834
01:22:56,926 --> 01:23:02,436
There are many other beautiful,
mature women who want me.

835
01:23:02,602 --> 01:23:06,944
I said no to one night
with ms Lewis for Erica.

836
01:23:07,110 --> 01:23:09,489
Did you nobble Melon Pattar—Lewis?

837
01:23:09,656 --> 01:23:13,371
If she doesn't love me now
then I don't love her.

838
01:23:13,538 --> 01:23:18,797
Also, she thinks that Roger Moore
is the best James Bond.

839
01:23:19,924 --> 01:23:22,428
Come on, we're going. -Okay.

840
01:23:24,599 --> 01:23:29,566
Did I say I revised
my theory of self-sufficiency?

841
01:23:29,733 --> 01:23:32,613
I'm against it now.
It's a little lonely.

842
01:23:36,661 --> 01:23:40,922
Peter?
Peter, I need to talk to you.

843
01:23:41,089 --> 01:23:43,052
Peter?

844
01:23:49,403 --> 01:23:51,574
Peter?

845
01:24:12,587 --> 01:24:15,720
Hello, Peter. —Hello, Ms. Lewis.

846
01:24:15,886 --> 01:24:19,062
What have you boys come up with?

847
01:24:19,229 --> 01:24:21,944
We just got home from a party.

848
01:24:22,111 --> 01:24:27,458
Everyone's off to college,
so that was the farewell party.

849
01:24:27,625 --> 01:24:29,881
That sounds fun.

850
01:24:30,048 --> 01:24:35,270
Do you boys want to come in
on a cup of hot chocolate?

851
01:24:38,862 --> 01:24:41,411
No, thanks.

852
01:24:43,123 --> 01:24:46,298
This is my friend Matt.

853
01:24:47,426 --> 01:24:49,181
Hello.

854
01:24:49,347 --> 01:24:51,478
Hello.

855
01:24:52,314 --> 01:24:57,159
I'd like a cup of hot chocolate.

856
01:25:17,754 --> 01:25:20,928
It works. It really works!

857
01:25:21,095 --> 01:25:23,226
It works!

858
01:25:48,708 --> 01:25:51,172
Erica.

859
01:25:54,389 --> 01:25:56,519
Peter.

860
01:26:08,759 --> 01:26:11,767
I have missed you.

861
01:28:04,890 --> 01:28:10,070
That was my story. Everything is true.
Plus minus a couple of small details.

862
01:28:10,236 --> 01:28:12,409
Grandpa was right.

863
01:28:12,576 --> 01:28:18,299
I now know that people are supposed to love.
It is our main purpose in life.

864
01:28:18,466 --> 01:28:24,356
Everything else, like playing the violin,
washing dishes, reading books and drinking wine.

865
01:28:24,523 --> 01:28:29,828
Is just a way to pass the time
until you can love again.

866
01:32:50,579 --> 01:32:54,339
This film is dedicated to Andrea.

867
01:32:54,506 --> 01:32:58,850
Whose balcony I had
stood under eight there this week.

868
01:32:59,018 --> 01:33:01,900
Text: Thomas Jansson
Scandinavian Text Service 2016.

869
01:33:02,067 --> 01:33:04,239
Responsible publisher: Anders Melin