1 00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:05,464 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,885 I hate this uniform. 3 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:14,890 It is ugly. It makes me look like a beached whale. 4 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:19,937 And on top of everything, I can't find any earrings to go with it. 5 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,647 Try some broccoli. 6 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,025 I mean it, Sam. I really hate it. 7 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,903 I used to like it, but now I'm getting kind of tired of it. 8 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:30,739 I feel like I'm wearing the same thing every day. 9 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,534 Listen, I'm not a big fan of them either, 10 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,537 but let's just give it our best here. Come on, come on. 11 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,829 - Come on, Sam. - No, don't. 12 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:40,624 Can't you just talk to the iron maiden, 13 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,334 convince her to get rid of them? 14 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,545 Come on, come on. 15 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:49,591 Miss Howe, about the uniforms-- 16 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,136 Oh, I'm glad you reminded me. The dry-cleaning plant is on strike. 17 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,389 Now, we may not have fresh uniforms for at least a week, 18 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,641 so I want you to be extra careful with those. 19 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,829 Oh, no. 20 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:24,001 Oh, you guys are gonna get it. 21 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:28,338 Didn't you hear what Miss Howe just got through--? 22 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,635 Oh, I get it. 23 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,132 - Hey, everybody. - Hey, Dave. 24 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,842 All right. How are you? 25 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,803 I know who you are. I've seen you on the news. 26 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,137 I can't believe it. 27 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,057 Hey, everybody, it's Dave Richards, Channel 10. 28 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,351 - Channel 13. - Oh, sorry. 29 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,353 Never mind. 30 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,358 Sam, I got a proposition for you. 31 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,902 No, no, no, if she's not good enough for you, I sure don't want her. 32 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,655 No, no, it's nothing like that. 33 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,534 You see, I have to give up my TV spot, "I on Sports." 34 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,037 They're looking for a fill-in for the week, and I thought you might be interested. 35 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,540 Boy, sports on TV. 36 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,667 I never really considered that. 37 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,294 Think I'd be any good at it? 38 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,423 It may turn out to be a permanent gig for you. 39 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,551 - That's how I got my start. - Boy, I don't know. 40 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,679 - I don't know. I don't know. - Oh, come on, Sam, come on. 41 00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,597 Every time we watch Dave, you say: 42 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,808 "I could do better than that stump." 43 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,562 Thank you, Carla. You're too kind. 44 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,731 Come on, Sam. You'd be great. 45 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,816 You talk good like me, and you're handsome. 46 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,652 Come on, Sam, what do you say? 47 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,696 Listen, if I were you, okay, 48 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,699 and, believe me, not a day goes by I don't wish I were, 49 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,284 I would take this job. 50 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,285 Sam, look... 51 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,749 ...it's a lot of fun. You see, you get to sit behind this desk, 52 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,041 and you don't have to wear pants. 53 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,669 It's my little joke on the audience. 54 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,802 I do know sports, and I'm articulate as heck. 55 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,429 Hey, you know something? I'm gonna do it. 56 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,973 Congratulations, Sam. 57 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,683 - Thanks, man. - You're on at 11. 58 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,644 Wait a minute, tonight? Without any preparation or anything? 59 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:30,812 Sure, I do it all the time. 60 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,858 Now, look, I want you to get down to Wardrobe ASAP, huh? 61 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,943 - All right, thank you. - See you. 62 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,655 Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, man. What--? Who do I talk to over there? 63 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:44,951 A very good friend of mine. Phil somebody or another. 64 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,413 Anyway, I gotta get going. I'm meeting my lady, she's terrific. 65 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,832 This time the Dave Machine is finally settling down. 66 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,001 Well, hey, congratulations, man. 67 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:56,213 Excuse me, the alarm just went off. 68 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:01,176 I make an ungodly amount of money, and I know exactly how to use it. 69 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,723 You must be a friend of Mr. Malone's. 70 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,645 Well, you know what they say, the good-looking ones travel in pairs. 71 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,731 And that's certainly true in your case. 72 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,153 Do you have the time? 73 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,323 - Four-thirty. - Good. 74 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,617 Because I just wanted to remember the exact moment 75 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,577 I met the biggest jerk on earth. 76 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,415 Tough woman, tough woman. 77 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,710 You got that right, I wear a cup to work. 78 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,298 Well, the pulsating Dave Machine's history. 79 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,634 - All right, man. Take care. - Oh, excuse me, Dave. 80 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,345 Dr. Crane here. if you're interested, 81 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:49,516 I happen to conduct a little session for narcissists about once a month. 82 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,727 My policy, only show up if I get an award. 83 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,690 This is the big Dave Machine saying good night, 84 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,150 and may the sports be with you. 85 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:04,698 You know, I bet if you held your ear up to his, you could hear the ocean. 86 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,035 I'll have to try it sometime. 87 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,748 It may not work for you. 88 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:22,090 Hey, guys, I'm off to the station. Listen, do me a favor, will you? 89 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:25,051 Woody, Carla, close up for me. You know, take my shift. 90 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,054 Whoa, Sammy, you're forgetting something a little important here. 91 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,265 - What? - You don't own this joint anymore. 92 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:31,892 - Oh, boy. - And even if you did, 93 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,269 Field Marshall Howe wouldn't give you the night off. 94 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:38,315 Yeah, yeah, silly me. What am I gonna do about this, huh? 95 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,191 Sam, may I suggest deception? 96 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,569 Well, now, hold onto your horses here, Frasier. 97 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,072 I mean, as a psychiatrist, isn't it your job to seek and uphold the truth? 98 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,033 Oh, get real, Cliff. 99 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,494 You know, you got a good idea there, Frasier. 100 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:55,290 Yeah, lying. I do lying. 101 00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,209 Woody, come here. Do me a favor. 102 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,211 When Miss Howe comes out of the office here, 103 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,881 go down the hall and call the bar. 104 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,424 I'll answer. 105 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,092 - All right, what do I say? - Nothing. 106 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,094 Just stand there and hold the phone. 107 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,263 Okay, I'll give it a try. 108 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:19,147 Miss Howe, we're running low on napkins. 109 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,191 So order more. 110 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:24,611 I don't know how many more. I don't run the bar anymore. 111 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,573 Thank you. I appreciate this very much. 112 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,535 I'll get it, I'll get it. 113 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:37,040 Cheers. Yeah, this is Sam Malone. 114 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,251 What? You say my apartment's been robbed? 115 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:43,546 - Oh, Sammy. - You say I've been cleaned out? 116 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,840 Well, damn. 117 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,677 Yeah, I guess I could get over there right away 118 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,429 and maybe expect not to be back here for a few hours, huh? 119 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,725 Well, thank you very much. Thank you. 120 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,103 - That's my landlord. - incredible. 121 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,271 Do you believe this? I've been robbed. 122 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,399 - You better go. - What's happening to this city? 123 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,067 - Go on, Sammy. - Go, Sammy. 124 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,861 Go, Sammy, go, Sammy, go, Sammy, go-- 125 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:15,787 We're a victim's support group. 126 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:18,790 I see. 127 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,836 Well, I better hire a relief bartender. 128 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,048 Hello? 129 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,843 Is there somebody on this phone? 130 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,513 Oh, hi, Miss Howe. It's me, Woody. 131 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,310 Woody, are you using this phone? 132 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,521 No, no, not really. 133 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,483 What are you doing, Woody? 134 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,736 Well, I'm just standing here holding it. 135 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,408 Woody, hang up the phone, please. 136 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,744 I have to hire another bartender now. 137 00:08:56,828 --> 00:09:01,541 Oh, no, Miss Howe, I'm really sorry. I swear I'll never do it again. 138 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:08,256 And Keller is scheduled to be executed on Friday. 139 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,383 I guess he won't be around, then, 140 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,844 for the Patriots-Buffalo game this Sunday. 141 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,014 For that, and all the sports, 142 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,308 a new member to the Channel 13 team, 143 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:21,269 here's former Red Sox pitcher, Sam Malone. 144 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,065 - Nice to have you with us, Sam. - Thank you, Joanne. 145 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:29,235 I'd just like to say that you look better live than you do in person. 146 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,446 Thank you. 147 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,157 Oh, very slick. Very slick indeed. 148 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:38,244 Yes, five bucks says Sammy has Joanne at 11. 149 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:43,374 Red Sox pitcher, Paul Willis, went on the 15-day disabled list today. 150 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,543 Willis has floating cartilage in his knee, 151 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:50,006 and tomorrow will undergo arthroscopic surgery. 152 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,299 - All right. I can't-- - Yeah. 153 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,884 On his first night. 154 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,222 - Club soda, Woody, please. - Sure, Miss Howe. 155 00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,433 Today on This Old House, we're going to be grouting counter tile, 156 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,727 so I'm sure you'll wanna stick around for that. 157 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,105 But first, let's go in the kitchen... 158 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,981 Don't you guys usually watch sports? 159 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:11,069 Well, yeah, usually, but they're gonna be putting up dry wall in a minute. 160 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:16,908 The subflooring is just being laid. Go around the corner to the-- 161 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:20,578 ...Boozer Huff. And now for the 'I on Sports' commentary. 162 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,748 You know, the world is full of negative people. 163 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,751 Okay, so the Sox aren't having such a great season. 164 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:30,380 But that's no reason to boo and say bad things about them. 165 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,965 You know, I don't know where I heard it, 166 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:35,176 but I thought you were supposed to root, root, root for the home team. 167 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,303 So the next time you're in Fenway, 168 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,348 if you can't yell something nice, don't yell anything at all. 169 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,937 This has been just one guy's opinion. Joanne? 170 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,024 Thank you, Sam. You've given us all a lot to think about. 171 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,695 We'll be right back with the weather after this message. 172 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,113 And we're clear. 173 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,073 That was quite a commentary, Sam. 174 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,117 Well, I hope I didn't offend anyone, you know? 175 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,035 I just feel like it had to be said. 176 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,871 Would you mind a little friendly critique? 177 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:05,748 - No, no, go ahead. - This is the first time you've done this, 178 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:09,419 but I think you might want your commentaries to be a little more... 179 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,213 Oh, what's the word I'm searching for? 180 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,090 Interesting. 181 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:17,760 Interesting, right. You know, that gives me something to shoot for there. 182 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:23,349 Say, there's a late-breaking story over at my place around 12-ish. 183 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,809 Care to cover it? 184 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,353 Sorry, I don't do fluff pieces. 185 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:32,984 And in five, four, three, two: 186 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,236 Well, it was a little chilly coming into work today. 187 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,530 Dr. Buzz, what does our weather look like? 188 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,909 ...not to waste any of the grout. 189 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:45,205 Remember, it's nine cents a ton. 190 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,832 - This looks really fascinating. - Oh, I'll say. 191 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,752 Gee, you should have seen this guy put the flasher on the roof. 192 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,503 I'm so sorry I missed that. 193 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,882 I was watching Sam do the sports on Channel 13. 194 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,984 Sammy, our eye on sports. 195 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,240 - How was I? - You were great, Sam. 196 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,784 Hey, I never found the scores so fascinating. 197 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,410 Yeah, yeah, it was pure Musburger. 198 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:28,164 Sammy, it was the single greatest exhibition of sportscasting 199 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,793 I've ever seen in my life, and I'm not saying that in order to get a free beer. 200 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:35,588 If the spirit does move you, Sammy, I take a size 12 sudsy. 201 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,590 Hey, thank you, guys. 202 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,760 You know, coming from you, it means a lot. 203 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,764 So, Carla, how was I really? 204 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,975 It was like watching old people eat. 205 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,354 I mean, you delivered the sports fine, 206 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,940 - but you gotta jazz up the commentary. - Yeah, yeah. 207 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,067 Boy, they said that same thing down at the station. 208 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,987 Well, you know, you gotta talk about something a little more interesting 209 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,780 than rooting for the home team. 210 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,866 You know, that's like saying, "Let's all drive safely." 211 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,536 Well, there goes tomorrow's commentary. 212 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,332 You know, I wanna do so great at this job, 213 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,334 but it's kind of tough, you know. 214 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,671 I gotta come up with five opinions a week. 215 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,383 Well, they couldn't pay me enough. 216 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,846 Well, you know what, I'll just worry about this later. 217 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:28,725 Right now I gotta get Rebecca to give me the rest of my nights off. 218 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,060 Oh, no problem there, Sammy. I don't think you work here anymore. 219 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:33,855 What are you talking about? 220 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,025 Vampira knows. She was watching TV in her office. 221 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,068 - She has a TV in there? - Yeah. 222 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,904 One of those little tiny ones, like her heart. 223 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,741 Oh, great. 224 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,203 Oh, Miss Howe? I have a confession to make. 225 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,581 You know that story about my apartment being robbed? 226 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,917 - I made that all up. - No. 227 00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:02,884 Yeah. Yeah, actually, I was down at Channel 13 doing the sportscast. 228 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,594 I hope you're not mad. 229 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,554 Well, you used to be the boss. 230 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:09,057 How did you feel when people lied to you? 231 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,059 Well, I had a rule. 232 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:15,104 When anyone ever lied to me, they had to go to bed with me. 233 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,945 Well, that's one way to make sure it won't happen again. 234 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,284 You know, Mr. Malone, you haven't been dealing fairly with me. 235 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,952 I know, I know. I'm sorry. 236 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,456 It's just that this means a lot to me. 237 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,626 And now I suppose you're gonna ask me for the rest of the week off? 238 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,921 Yeah, I know. It's a lot to ask. 239 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,173 No, it isn't. You're on. 240 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,342 Oh, great. What am I, fired or something? 241 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,637 Not at all. Look, I figure one of two things will happen. 242 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,057 Either you'll do well, they'll offer you a job, and I'll never see you again. 243 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,476 Or you'll screw up, humiliate yourself, 244 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,561 and come back here a crushed and broken man. 245 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,063 Either way, I win. 246 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,609 Son of a gun, you do have heart. 247 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,111 Of course I do. 248 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,197 Tell me, now what did you think? How'd I look out there? 249 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,825 - I've never seen you look better. - Really? 250 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,619 You should always be this size. 251 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,706 Let me give you some advice here. 252 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,792 Never do this to a guy. 253 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,468 Guys, he's about to do the commentary here. 254 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,429 Anybody know what the topic's gonna be? 255 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,224 Well, no, no, he said he was gonna crank it up by taking a firm stand. 256 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,810 Hey, Woody, wasn't he rehearsing with you? 257 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,896 Yeah, but he made me promise not to tell you guys. It's too exciting. 258 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,648 ...to win the Rebel 500 in Charlotte. 259 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:41,941 And I don't remember. 260 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,194 And now, it's the "I on Sports" commentary. 261 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,904 Tonight, I'm gonna tackle the issue 262 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,824 that's tearing professional sports apart: 263 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,493 Natural grass or artificial turf. 264 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,413 Now, this reporter's not afraid to say 265 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:58,958 that he's firmly in favor of natural grass. 266 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,711 It's softer, causes fewer injuries, 267 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,755 and let's face it, folks, it looks prettier on TV. 268 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,968 Now, that's just one guy's opinion. Joanne? 269 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,887 Gee, Sam, I heard somewhere 270 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:14,515 that in an indoor stadium it's impossible to grow real grass. 271 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:21,105 Well, yes, yes, in indoor stadiums you have to use the fake stuff. 272 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,733 And I've heard that some of the more recent synthetic blends 273 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,651 actually do help reduce injuries. 274 00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:34,160 Well, I hadn't heard that, doc. That's pretty amazing. 275 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,078 So, what are you saying here, Sam? 276 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:40,583 Well, I guess I'm saying that I could go either way on it. 277 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,753 So you have no opinion on this? 278 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,589 No, I have two opinions. 279 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,385 And that's one guy's opinions. 280 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,564 The Graf-Evert final may be a good match up, 281 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:07,527 but if you ask this eye on sports, the fact that Martina Navratilova 282 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,029 decided to sit this one out kind of takes the luster off. 283 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,199 To say Martina Navra-whoever without even hemming... 284 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,162 You know, I got a phone call today from a teenager 285 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:22,041 saying I was taking advantage of my status as an ex-ballplayer, 286 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,670 and that old squares like me shouldn't be doing the sports. 287 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:32,260 Well, Corky, tonight's commentary is directed right at you. 288 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,889 Time to rap about a controversy 289 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,475 Gonna take a stand Won't show no mercy 290 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:44,272 A lot of folks say jocks shouldn't be Doing the sports news on TV 291 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,524 I don't wanna hear the latest scores 292 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:49,277 From a punch board broadcast Or scoreboard 293 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,237 So get your scores from a guy like me 294 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,574 Who knows what it's like To have a groin injury 295 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,867 G-- G-- G-- Groin G-- G-- G-- Groin 296 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,620 G-- G-- G-- Groin injury 297 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:08,588 Joanne? 298 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,882 Dr. Buzz, there must be some weather. 299 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,265 Poor Sammy. 300 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,059 Guess they fired him after that display, huh? 301 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:25,062 Yeah, I guess he won't be showing his face around here tonight. 302 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,397 Would you come into a place 303 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,358 where everyone thought you were a complete idiot? 304 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,319 Never mind. 305 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:37,241 Well, I suppose he's out wandering the streets rapping incoherently. 306 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,161 Yeah, yeah, but what if he comes in? 307 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,871 I mean, what are we gonna say to him? 308 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,790 Well, we could just tell him he was brave. 309 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:48,461 Yeah, yeah, like a kamikaze pilot. 310 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,298 Well, I always wanted to meet one of those guys. 311 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,970 The stories they must tell, huh? 312 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:03,768 Well, I guess, as per usual, it's up to me, 313 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,520 as his best friend, to tell him the truth. 314 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,023 You? I'm sure he'll understand if I tell him. 315 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,902 Hey, nobody is tighter with Sammy than me. 316 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:15,446 I'm the one who should tell him he stinks. 317 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,450 So, what did you think of my commentary tonight? 318 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,411 I thought you were wonderful. 319 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,872 I just felt great up there. 320 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,000 I tell you, ever since I sold the bar, I've been floundering. 321 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,127 It's like I'm standing in quicksand. 322 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,297 But, you know, I've been trying to get my feet planted on the ground, 323 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,091 and all of a sudden it's all come together. 324 00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:38,511 It's like everything I've done in my life has been leading up to this moment. 325 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:43,641 And my knowledge of sports, my good looks, my ability to rhyme... 326 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:47,520 You know, I tell you, I think I found my niche in life. 327 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,897 What, they liked you down at the station? 328 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:53,275 Oh, are you kidding? Liked me? Man, they were speechless. 329 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,821 Oh, hey, yeah, Rebecca. 330 00:19:57,071 --> 00:20:00,032 Listen, did you catch my act tonight? 331 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,617 Yes, I did. 332 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,078 So, what did you think? Now, you can be honest with me. 333 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,664 Honest? Let's see. 334 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,874 As news rappers go, I thought you were fine. 335 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:13,504 But maybe rapping's just been kind of done to death. 336 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,006 Oh, no, you think so? 337 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,300 I mean, I hate to think I looked stupid out there. 338 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:19,844 No, no, not at all. 339 00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:23,514 No, no, no, it's just that, you see, it's not unique anymore, Sam. 340 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,142 I mean, it'd be one thing if you were the first guy to rap, 341 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,185 but they're rapping on stations all over town. 342 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,813 You don't wanna be the last in a long train of rappers. 343 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,440 Yeah, Normie's right there, Sammy. 344 00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,483 I mean, you gotta do something different, huh? 345 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,154 Something revolutionary, something that no sportscaster does anymore. 346 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,449 You know, like read the sports. 347 00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,578 You know, I have been working on something, 348 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,329 but I was afraid it was too much. 349 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:50,499 But if you guys think that rapping's old hat, 350 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,710 you know, I just may give it a shot. 351 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:57,006 If you don't mind, I'm gonna work on it right now, as a matter of fact. 352 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,258 Suppose we ought to stop him? 353 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,886 Wait a minute. How do we know it's gonna be another bad idea? 354 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,097 I mean, it couldn't be as bad as tonight, could it? 355 00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:08,184 Hi, everybody. 356 00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,187 Hi, Little Sam, are you ready for tonight's...? 357 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,647 Oh, my God. 358 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,524 I sure am. 359 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,110 I think the Red Sox are making a big mistake 360 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,112 trading away young players for veterans 361 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,323 who can only help them for a season or two. 362 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,408 Don't you agree, Little Sam? 363 00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,869 No, I think you're full of hooey. 364 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,664 If I paid five bucks to get in the ballpark, 365 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,167 I wanna see them win now. 366 00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:37,463 What do you know? Your head's wooden. 367 00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,673 Well, your lips are moving. 368 00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:42,343 If either of them mentions the bar, I'm suing. 369 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,136 Or a brain in your head. 370 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:49,391 Well, that's two guys' opinions. 371 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,769 Joanne? 372 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,530 Oh, boy, it seemed like such a good idea at the time. 373 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,912 Boy, I wanted that job so bad. I wanted to make it work. 374 00:22:11,372 --> 00:22:13,707 I guess I just went over the edge, huh? 375 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,502 Hey, make him talk, Sam. Make him say my name. 376 00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:22,925 Maybe later, Woody. My lips are kind of tired right now. 377 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,262 I know things seem a little bleak right now, 378 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,431 but I think there's two important things to look at here. 379 00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:31,934 One, at least you took a chance. 380 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:36,063 And two, and this is the important one, 381 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:37,940 you know when to quit. 382 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,401 Yeah, boy, that's true. 383 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:44,029 You know, I came real close to losing my dignity tonight. 384 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,409 I've been thinking about it, you know. 385 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:51,412 I'm gonna hang up the old Channel 13 blazer. 386 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,789 You know, if that phone were to ring right now 387 00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:56,750 and they were to beg me to come back, I wouldn't do it. 388 00:22:56,917 --> 00:23:01,964 I think it's just time that I grew up and accepted what I am, a bartender. 389 00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,550 - And a damned good one at that too. - Damn right. 390 00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:07,052 - Right. - Cheers. 391 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,013 It's the station. 392 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:10,723 Well, you're kidding me. 393 00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:14,059 The switchboard's lighting up? 394 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:18,480 Well, hey, listen, I'm sorry, I don't care if they love me. 395 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,818 I happen to have a job already, and I have friends, 396 00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:24,987 and I have my dignity. 397 00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:29,199 Yeah. Well, thanks anyway. 398 00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:31,160 Yeah, bye-bye. 399 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,538 Very admirable, Mr. Malone. 400 00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:37,625 - Well, I still have a little nobility left. - All right. 401 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,793 - Yeah. - Okay, Sam. 402 00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:42,004 Oh, I have to cancel that relief bartender. 403 00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:44,298 Oh, maybe you ought to... 404 00:23:45,215 --> 00:23:46,842 Hello?