1 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,638 - Uh-huh. 2 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,472 Nice. 3 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:19,561 (Pam chuckles) 4 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,062 What's wrong, Michael? 5 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,647 I got gum in my hair. 6 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,565 You do. 7 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,984 This just stinks. 8 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:26,901 Don't touch it. 9 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:28,111 Please, don't touch it. 10 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:28,945 You've got a ton of dandruff. 11 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,155 Okay, let me be. 12 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:30,989 - How'd you get gum in your hair? 13 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,365 I was walking in 14 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,825 and I noticed something shiny under Stanley's car, 15 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,827 and I got under to see what it was, 16 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,038 and I messed up my hair, 17 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,582 all for a stupid piece of tin foil. 18 00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,542 - But, best-case scenario, you thought it was a quarter. 19 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,169 Kill me, right now. 20 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,253 Let me get in there, boss. 21 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,713 Keep that man away from me. 22 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,632 - We have peanut butter in the kitchen. 23 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:50,675 (Dwight claps) 24 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,843 - I don't feel like peanut butter. 25 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:52,927 Get me an ice-cream sandwich. 26 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,012 Nope, not for you. 27 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,181 It's for your hair, and it is 9:00 AM. 28 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,933 - No, Dwight, not the good peanut butter, 29 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,352 people are gonna get mad. 30 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,562 - Hey, hey, hey, this is my hair we're talking about. 31 00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:06,232 It smells good. 32 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,027 Tastes good too. 33 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,528 Oh, don't, that's disgusting. 34 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,031 Wow, lotta calories. 35 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,241 - Well, just don't leave it on too long. 36 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,327 Keep massaging please. 37 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,163 Oh, yeah, that's nice. 38 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,751 (Michael moans) 39 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,798 (upbeat theme music) 40 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,499 - Hey, Michael, how was your date last night? 41 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,917 (Michael groans) 42 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,170 {\an8}- I will be honest, the dating has not been going well. 43 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:13,049 {\an8}Look, men are visual creatures. 44 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:16,011 {\an8}We crave beauty, 45 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:19,472 {\an8}like a piece of fine art by 46 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,601 {\an8}any number of renowned artists, 47 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:29,607 {\an8}or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude, 48 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,819 {\an8}that, but the women I'm getting fixed up with are... 49 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,655 {\an8}Not that they aren't nice 50 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}or that have great personalities, 51 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,243 {\an8}they just, 52 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,288 {\an8}they just lack a certain Crawfordness. 53 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,958 I am livid, absolutely livid. 54 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,501 It's ridiculous. 55 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,463 - Man, are you still talking about how I drank your kefir? 56 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,340 I said that I was sorry. 57 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:56,634 No. Ryan just sent an email. 58 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,471 {\an8}- Yes, I'm having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday 59 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,806 {\an8}so they can reenter sales that they made on the phone 60 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,141 {\an8}as sales made by the website, 61 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,018 {\an8}which they shoulda done in the first place, 62 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,228 {\an8}if the website had been working. 63 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,688 [Pam] So it's definite? 64 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:09,647 Looks like it. 65 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:10,523 Shoot. 66 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,108 {\an8}Jim and I were gonna go to the 67 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,568 {\an8}Cherry Blossom Festival this weekend. 68 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:14,652 I'm sorry, 69 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,197 {\an8}your voice over my head like that... 70 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,325 Sorry. 71 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,327 {\an8}- How successful is Dunder Mifflin Infinity? 72 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,662 {\an8}Well, tomorrow, Saturday morning, 73 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:28,208 we all have to come in and reenter sales we already made 74 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,210 in order to pretend that the website did it. 75 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:33,213 So, how successful does that sound? 76 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,841 - Oh, I have to work on one Saturday, 77 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,134 I'm so distressed. 78 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,678 You know what? 79 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,846 My Wall Street buddies, they work a hundred hours a week. 80 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,306 God, those guys are rich. 81 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,353 My favorite branch. 82 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,354 How's everybody doing? 83 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,689 Hey, Ryan. 84 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,816 - Wow, so refreshing to hear my name like that. 85 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,485 In New York, all the receptionists 86 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,862 call me Mr. Howard. It's so weird. 87 00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,489 - Do you want me to start calling you Mr. Howard? 88 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,324 - No, no, we go way back, you keep calling me Ryan. 89 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,367 Okay, I will. 90 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,827 All right. 91 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,037 - I presume you're here because of the website problems? 92 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,539 Stanley, give it up. 93 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:11,668 Yeah, we still do it old school, right? 94 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,878 Even though I'm your boss's boss's boss. 95 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,005 [Michael] Hey, Ryan. 96 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:15,922 Michael. 97 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,632 If you're wondering at all 98 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,760 why I'm not giving you a more excited welcome, 99 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,138 I have been depressed. 100 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,305 It's okay. 101 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,306 You wanna know why? 102 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,225 If it's private, it's private. 103 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,560 I can't not hug you. 104 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,145 Can't do it, come here. 105 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,146 Come here. 106 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,148 (Michael moans) 107 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,315 What is that? Linen? 108 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,360 It feels nice on my face. 109 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,362 - Do-do-do-do-do- do-do-do-do-do. 110 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,074 The bossman cometh. 111 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,159 Andy. 112 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,535 - By the way, I am not mad at you, 113 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:48,496 unlike some other people in this office. 114 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,958 My favorite branch! 115 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,295 I don't like my job very much, 116 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,255 but I really don't like doing my job twice, 117 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,299 and Ryan's Dunder Mifflin Infinity 118 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,217 is giving me the opportunity to do that. 119 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,386 So, thanks, Ryan. 120 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,014 Hey man, do you mind if I run something by you? 121 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,016 Love it. Go. 122 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,852 - Well, I kind of feel like what we have going for us 123 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,437 is our customer service. 124 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,731 And no matter how much we change this up, 125 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:17,400 I don't know that a website's gonna be able to replace that. 126 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,818 - I can tell you've thought about this a lot, 127 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:19,694 I appreciate that. 128 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:20,445 Thanks. 129 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,988 David Wallace does too. 130 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,324 You told him all about this at the Christmas party, right? 131 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:27,952 - Did I? Um-- 132 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,204 You did. Yeah. 133 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,038 Hmm. 134 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,665 Watch your back, Jim. 135 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,335 I'm just kidding. 136 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,548 Hey, uh, no big introduction. 137 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,509 No, no, not big, elegant. 138 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,596 Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? 139 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,932 I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan 140 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,017 because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow, 141 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,144 however, I swear to God, 142 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,272 if any of you hurts him in any way, 143 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,483 emotionally, or taunts him, 144 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:02,070 or makes fun of his height or his half beard-- 145 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:02,987 Okay. 146 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:03,822 - He... - Thanks, Michael. 147 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,198 Yeah. 148 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,158 - I'm here today to do some creative problem-solving 149 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,828 about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions. 150 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:10,787 Question. 151 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,038 Dwight? 152 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,415 - Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow 153 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,166 and pretend that a website made sales that I made? 154 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,501 This is a temporary measure 155 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,336 to increase the legitimacy of the site. 156 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,713 - I don't like when my clients call me 157 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,214 to help them use a website, 158 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,590 I'm not seeing commissions on that. 159 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,633 I hear you, Stanley, 160 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,343 that is a great observation. 161 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,345 - Problems like that will not happen 162 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,181 when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0. 163 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,266 When will that be? 164 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:32,517 TBD. Phyllis? 165 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,352 - Did the police solve the problem with the-- 166 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,563 - Yes, yes, they did. Yes, they did. 167 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,857 Yes, the social-networking feature 168 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,775 of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website 169 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,528 was infiltrated by sexual predators. 170 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,821 - I don't understand why our website 171 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,114 needs to have social networking at all. 172 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,199 - Yeah, I'd have to agree with Dwight on that one. 173 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,953 - It's all about creating a one-stop consumer experience. 174 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,997 All right, you're chatting with your friends, 175 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,916 you're talking about the latest music, about the election. 176 00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:01,212 All of it is happening in our virtual paper store. 177 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,882 - And then an older gentleman asks you, "Boxers or briefs?" 178 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,468 - I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site. 179 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,470 - If I had created a website with this many problems, 180 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,721 I'd kill myself. 181 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,764 Do you have a question, Kelly? 182 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,182 - Yeah, I have a lot of questions. 183 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,558 Number one, how dare you? 184 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,934 - Mm-hmm. Oscar? 185 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,978 - What about the credit-card-encryption problem? 186 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,271 As a matter of fact, 187 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,606 we were alerted to that problem quite quickly, 188 00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,733 by one of the quote, unquote sexual predators 189 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,361 that you guys were just complaining about, so... 190 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,528 That problem, as well, 191 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,322 will be fixed when the new version drops. 192 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,239 TBD? 193 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,240 Yes. 194 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,410 (Michael claps) 195 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,329 Ryan has done a very good job. 196 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:38,166 And I am not applauding sarcastically. 197 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,751 Think about it, a month ago, 198 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,252 nobody would go on this site 199 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,421 because we were worried about getting molested, 200 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,549 or losing our identity, having it stolen. 201 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:50,804 But now, at a time TDB, 202 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,348 all of these problems will be in the past. 203 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,017 You done good, kid. You done good. 204 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:59,521 (Michael and Dwight clap) 205 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,774 Well, it has been nice seeing you again, my friend. 206 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,650 You too. 207 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:08,279 - Oh, Ryan, I need a girlfriend so bad. 208 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,698 Michael, let me go. 209 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,199 Let me go, Michael. (Michael grunts) 210 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,033 All right. 211 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:13,868 Do you know any girls in New York 212 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,662 you might wanna hook me up with, 213 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,374 that might be interested in a guy like me? 214 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,542 - No. - Nah. 215 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,459 Sorry, man. 216 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,377 Ah, well, you tried. 217 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,837 But seriously, 218 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,839 you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city. 219 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:26,798 Yeah. 220 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,507 Unreal. 221 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,591 They sound great. 222 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,969 Bye, everyone. 223 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,637 Stay real, Scranton, all right? 224 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,471 (Stanley groans) 225 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,514 Peace. 226 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,309 - Would you have sex with Meredith? 227 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,352 What? 228 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:40,478 - Do you think she'd keep it quiet? 229 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,063 - I can't believe you're asking me that. 230 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,191 She'd talk. 231 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,735 Might not be that bad though. 232 00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,237 She seems very eager. 233 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,488 I'm going to go to my desk. 234 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,449 - Jim, it's not the horniness, okay? 235 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,826 It's the loneliness, that's... 236 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,077 I know. 237 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,287 Let's go to New York. 238 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,455 We'll go clubbing with Ryan. 239 00:08:58,496 --> 00:08:59,998 - I can't. - Yes, you can. 240 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,499 You're single, I'm single, it'll be awesome. 241 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,625 I'm not single. 242 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,793 Who are you dating? 243 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:05,712 Pam. 244 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,714 That's still going on? 245 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,508 (Michael sighs) 246 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,677 Okay, Dwight, grab your stuff. 247 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,220 We're going to New York to party with Ryan 248 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,180 and to meet girls. 249 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,056 Yeah! 250 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,974 Oh, yes. Count me in, dudes. 251 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,727 I am in serious need of some bro time. 252 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,731 Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately, 253 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,274 if you know what I'm saying. 254 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,192 I'm right here. 255 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,234 No, singles only. 256 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,111 Singles only, also, three is unlucky. 257 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,697 Curse of three. 258 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,366 - Sorry, Andy, cannot take any chances on curses, 259 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,992 not tonight. Let's go. 260 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,786 Everybody, I will see you tomorrow, Saturday morning, 261 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,454 probably wearing the same clothes 262 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,498 that I am wearing right now, 263 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,583 if you catch my drift. 264 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,751 We get it. 265 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:48,088 I am going to go get laid. 266 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,130 Goodbye. 267 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,215 (Dwight chuckles) 268 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,716 With sex. 269 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,885 - [Michael] That's, I meant that. 270 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,264 Bye, Angela. 271 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,101 You know what? 272 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,018 If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight, 273 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,228 without Michael distracting us, 274 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,397 we wouldn't have to come in at all tomorrow. 275 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,108 - Sausage sandwiches at the Cherry Blossom Festival? 276 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:11,486 - How do you even know they're gonna have those? 277 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,570 Did you go online? 278 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,780 Hmm? 279 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,699 Is that where we're going? 280 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,701 I'll be right back. 281 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,168 Angela, Angela-- 282 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,294 Oh! 283 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,963 (scoffs) I thought you were a mugger. 284 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:32,298 A mugger that knows your name? 285 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,260 - Most muggings happen between acquaintances. 286 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,928 - So I caught everyone before they left, 287 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,221 and I told them my idea. 288 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,515 And they loved it, 289 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,059 because this is a group that respects good ideas. 290 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,895 The one time a year they hear one. 291 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,192 Ryan's assistant told us 292 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,029 that he would be at this club this evening. 293 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,114 It is called Prerogative. 294 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,450 (dance music) 295 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,203 The place is packed. 296 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:02,996 Fire hazard. 297 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,750 Packed with beautiful babies. 298 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,419 Swingers, classic. 299 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,381 Jon Favreau, the tall guy from Dodgeball. 300 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,967 Women look like white slaves. 301 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,511 - [Michael] No, they are just hot, hotties. 302 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,387 I don't know, man. 303 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,263 I mean, when you think about it, 304 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,473 Cabo's really the third world. 305 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,682 I don't go to a place like that 306 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,975 to see more poverty, you know? 307 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,310 You go there to get some glamor-- 308 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,144 Hey. 309 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:27,896 Michael? 310 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:28,772 Hey. (chuckles) 311 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,357 What are you doing here? 312 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,233 - Well, you know, just taking you up on your offer to party, 313 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,860 so, ta-da. 314 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,487 That is so awesome, man. 315 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,988 All right. 316 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,490 And you brought this guy. 317 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,616 Yeah. 318 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,450 Oh. 319 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,454 Ryan, it's Michael and Dwight. 320 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:45,413 I know it's you guys. 321 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,289 Okay. 322 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,332 I'm so psyched you're here. 323 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,249 Well... 324 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,125 Woo! 325 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,669 All right. 326 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,544 Let's get a drink. 327 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,337 Let's do it! 328 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,514 - [Jim] Thanks a lot, guys. Good job. 329 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,475 Later. 330 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,143 Nice job, everybody. 331 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:07,977 Great work. 332 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:18,113 - Did you not tell the security guard we were working late? 333 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:18,988 Nope. 334 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,282 I didn't. 335 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:24,285 But let's go inside and I can call him right now. 336 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:25,537 We can't. 337 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,330 I locked the office from the inside when we left. 338 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,373 Perfect. 339 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,291 You guys worked together on this one. 340 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,961 If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in one hour, 341 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,170 you're both dead. 342 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:42,637 - There is a master key and a spare key for the office. 343 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,806 Dwight has them both. 344 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,558 When I asked, "What if you die, Dwight, 345 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,309 "how will we get into the office?" 346 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:52,605 He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks." 347 00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:55,233 - Guys, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine. 348 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,026 This is Troy. 349 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,485 Hey, nice to meet you. 350 00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:58,361 How you doing? 351 00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,195 Hey. Dwight. 352 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,198 You resemble a Tolkien character. 353 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,118 - Uh, he basically is, man, he's a regular banking wizard. 354 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,120 - No, no, no, not a wizard, a hobbit. 355 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,789 Bottle service, y'all? 356 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,082 Oh, okay. 357 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,169 All I know is I would like some chicken fingers 358 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,587 and a Midori Sour. 359 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,838 We don't serve food here. 360 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,590 Oh, okay. 361 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,467 Then just bring me two cups, 362 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,135 one with olives 363 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,596 and another one filled with maraschino cherries. 364 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,308 - Do you live in a regular-sized house? 365 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,811 - Yeah, he is a normal guy, he's cool. 366 00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,146 - You really don't have his phone number? 367 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,648 - I told you, I have the number that rings here. 368 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:36,858 Do you want that number? 369 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,693 I might have it in here. 370 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,695 Oh, that's great, Toby. 371 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,405 It's so random that I had it. 372 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,948 Toby, you're the best. 373 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,034 - When I put it in, I thought it might be a waste of time, 374 00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,243 but I guess it was worth it. 375 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,411 Great. 376 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,704 It's under here as security guard home, 377 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,373 did you not get his name or... 378 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,040 No. 379 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,083 It's ringing. 380 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,000 Does anybody have his name? Quick. 381 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,377 Yes, it's Eddie. 382 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,462 - It's not, it's not Eddie, it's, uh, it's Evan or-- 383 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,963 Hank, his name is Hank. 384 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,799 - No, guys, his name's not Hank, it's, uh... 385 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,675 Is it Edgar? 386 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:02,634 - Elliot. - Elliot. 387 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,718 Is it... 388 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,596 Hey, chief, this is, uh, Jim Halpert, 389 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,307 from, um, where you work. 390 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:12,310 You are the guy who sits behind the desk, 391 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,980 you're, you're the, the African-American guy? 392 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,233 I mean, you're, uh... 393 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,859 Who, who have I got here? 394 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:22,445 (dance music) 395 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,661 - Dwight Schrute, man, how's Schrute Farms? 396 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:30,745 Good. 397 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,914 - This guy owns his own beet farm. 398 00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,290 Insane. 399 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,251 - Well, it's weevil season, but we were prepared. 400 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,502 Weevils. 401 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,254 What a crazy word, man. 402 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,506 I don't even know what that means, what does that mean? 403 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,092 - They lay their eggs inside the unripe beet root, 404 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,594 then come springtime, the babies eat their way out. 405 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,346 - Crazy. - Crazy. 406 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,056 That's too much for me, man. 407 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,182 I'm gonna hit the bathroom. 408 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,518 - You've already been several times. 409 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,853 Yeah. 410 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:55,854 - Maybe you have some kind of bladder infection. 411 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,063 I don't know, maybe. 412 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,690 - I'll order you some cranberry juice. 413 00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,650 With vodka, you're the best. 414 00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,487 Do you have powers? 415 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,655 Oh, thank you, Hank. 416 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,615 You are a lifesaver, Hank. 417 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,783 Appreciate it. 418 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,869 All right, so Hank is going to-- 419 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,703 Hank, 420 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:14,831 that's not his name. 421 00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:15,874 - Just got off the phone with him. 422 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,083 - Yeah, well, that's not his name. 423 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,293 He just said his name's Hank, 424 00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,544 so I'm gonna go with what he said. 425 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,629 Okay, your funeral. 426 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:24,132 - Hank is going to come down here, he's gonna let us all out. 427 00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:27,510 So, he said it should be just under an hour, so, 428 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,595 (murmuring) 429 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,471 we did it. 430 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,389 But I have to walk my cats. 431 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,932 - I'm sure they'll be okay for one night. 432 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,809 Stop taking his side. 433 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,394 We're not all sleeping with Jim. 434 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,938 - That's not a nice thing to say. 435 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,815 You know what's not nice? 436 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,817 Unexercised cats. 437 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,319 - You know what else is not nice? 438 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,571 Coming home and looking into your cats' eyes 439 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,740 and seeing nothing but disappointment. 440 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,241 That's a bit much, isn't it? 441 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:52,869 We should all make sure 442 00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,621 to give him a big tip this Christmas. 443 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,955 Sorry, guys, 444 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,957 but I don't think I chipped in for last year's. 445 00:15:57,999 --> 00:15:59,501 No, neither did I. 446 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,294 - Jim was supposed to collect it. 447 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,591 - Yep, I was supposed to collect Hank's tip this year. 448 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,842 Way to go, man. 449 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,386 Now he's never gonna come. 450 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,762 - I would've given him a lot too. 451 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,055 Wow. 452 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,182 You're, like, 0 for a million tonight, Tuna. 453 00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,308 Well, bad news is, yeah, 454 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,185 I didn't, didn't collect the tip for Hank, 455 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,939 but, um, good news is, you guys didn't have to pay, 456 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,316 so, you saved money at Christmas, 457 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,653 which makes the holidays more fun. 458 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,572 Money does. 459 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,865 By a show of hands, 460 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,659 who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam? 461 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,247 Phyllis. 462 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,543 - (dance music) - I, um, thought about getting 463 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:44,087 a tattoo on my back as well, at one point. 464 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,715 I was thinking about getting Back to the Future. 465 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,092 Back because it's on my back, 466 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,219 and Future because I'm the kind of guy 467 00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,847 who likes to look ahead into the future. 468 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,975 I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know? 469 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,601 And it's my second favorite movie. 470 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,270 - I've never heard of that movie. 471 00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,063 Back to the Future? 472 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,690 Oh, wow. 473 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:06,735 Well, you should take a film-education course. 474 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:07,819 How old are you? 475 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:08,737 Forty... 476 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,030 I'm, I'm in my 40s. 477 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,740 Wow. (chuckles) 478 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:12,991 That's so cool. 479 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,617 Yeah. 480 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,619 - Well, I'm gonna go back to my group now. 481 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:17,912 Oh, okay. 482 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:18,747 Thanks for the drink. 483 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:19,581 You are welcome. 484 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:28,173 This place is like a, like a sexy preschool. 485 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,799 - Did you want a place where we can meet older women? 486 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:32,510 - I would love a place where we could meet older girls. 487 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,345 Hell yeah. 488 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,263 I'll hook it up. 489 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,181 (glass shatters) 490 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,183 Aye, wow, that's dangerous. 491 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,273 - I don't understand, which one is that? 492 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,567 That's The Other Boleyn Girl. 493 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:50,028 - Honestly, the book is so much better than this. 494 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:50,862 Shh. 495 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,282 We don't know. 496 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,369 They didn't give him his Christmas bonus this year, so... 497 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,837 Excuse me. 498 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:08,880 Yeah? 499 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,882 - How did you all find each other? 500 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,468 - Uh, we're the Jersey State varsity basketball team, 501 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,011 Northeast regional champs. 502 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:15,845 [All] Woo! 503 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:18,682 Amazons. 504 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:22,102 - It's off, it's not the dude I know, 505 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,479 it's some other loser who won't let us in without chicks. 506 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,022 - You're kidding? - No, let's bail. 507 00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:26,940 Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. 508 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:27,982 Wait, wait, you two, 509 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,442 uh, Jersey State girls, let's go. 510 00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:31,403 - We're not going unless we can all go. 511 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,196 - Okay, you know what, fine, let's go. 512 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,572 Two girls to a guy, come on. 513 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,157 Let's do it, come on, Ryan. 514 00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,492 Move out. 515 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,786 Okay, three or four with him, let's go, come on. 516 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:40,870 Here we go. 517 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:41,705 Don't step on him. 518 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,668 - Hey, look what I found in the back. 519 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,211 Wanna play? I can teach you to throw. 520 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,212 - I know how to throw a football. 521 00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:50,338 Of course you do. 522 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,007 Yeah, Pam, hit me up. 523 00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,800 I'm going long! 524 00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:54,801 Woo! 525 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:55,844 (Meredith screams) 526 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,554 [Kevin] Oh, my god. 527 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,017 (dance music) 528 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,810 - How many of you are living among us? 529 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,021 And how many are in the Shires, 530 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,564 can you tell me the population? 531 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,025 You can trust me. 532 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,192 Here you go. 533 00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:12,110 Wait a minute, what is this? 534 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,236 I didn't order this. 535 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,821 For you, 536 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,364 from them. 537 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:17,741 [Dwight] Wow. 538 00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:21,953 - [Troy] What are you doing, man? 539 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,121 It's not safe. 540 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,831 Anything could have been in there. 541 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:26,583 Nice try. 542 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,586 - I've never met anybody who does that, you wash dogs? 543 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:30,712 Very cool. 544 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,339 - That's one aspect of small-pet grooming. 545 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,423 What do you do? 546 00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:34,966 I am a bank teller. 547 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,595 Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance. 548 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,304 Cool. 549 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,221 I think so. 550 00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:41,348 - Yeah. - Yeah, I have fun. 551 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,391 - I'm just gonna use the powder room. 552 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,267 All right. 553 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:45,101 So I'll see you soon. 554 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:45,935 Very perfect. 555 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:52,817 Oh my. 556 00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,404 This needs to be shared. 557 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:12,003 (phones vibrate and ring) 558 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:15,924 - Oh. - Oh. 559 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,175 (groaning) 560 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,927 She washes dogs. 561 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:19,761 You're doing it, man. 562 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:20,804 I know. 563 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,930 I don't wanna get ahead of myself, 564 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,933 but I think I want her to meet my mom. 565 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,102 - Hey, man, you ever think there's gonna be 566 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:28,937 this massive nuclear Holocaust, 567 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,855 and after all the major nations are destroyed, 568 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,273 it'll just be the tribes in the jungles 569 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,775 that rise up and survive, 570 00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:35,985 that jungle warfare is gonna rule the world? 571 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,321 Yeah, maybe. 572 00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:48,707 [Ryan] It's inevitable, right? 573 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:49,541 - Mm-hmm. 574 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,380 Please don't pick up, 575 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:56,464 please don't pick up, please don't pick up, 576 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:57,465 please don't pick up, please don't-- 577 00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:58,341 [Hank] Hello? 578 00:20:58,383 --> 00:20:59,968 Hank, is that you? 579 00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,594 [Hank] Yeah. 580 00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,430 - Still haven't left the house yet, huh? 581 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:04,514 - [Hank] I'm getting ready to leave. 582 00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,058 Good. Please hurry. 583 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,811 - [Hank] Stop calling me so I can put on my damn socks. 584 00:21:09,853 --> 00:21:11,146 Will do. 585 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,439 I'll stop calling. 586 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:19,904 Was he still there? 587 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,531 Uh, that was his wife, 588 00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:22,490 so, he's on his way. 589 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,159 Jim, how long? 590 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,785 I have to go to the bathroom? 591 00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:27,454 - Well, he'll be here really soon, Kev. 592 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,748 - If you hadn't made us stay, we'd all be home by now. 593 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:32,334 - Somebody's always got to be a hero. 594 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,543 I'm so cold, I'm gonna faint. 595 00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:35,337 If I faint, it's totally your fault, Jim. 596 00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,422 - Let's be honest, it's not totally my fault. 597 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,174 Shared responsibility. 598 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:40,633 Hmm? 599 00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:42,010 - Oh, I just mean if you, if you didn't lock the door, 600 00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:44,346 then we could be upstairs where it's warmer. 601 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:45,889 - I'm supposed to turn the lock when I leave, 602 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,140 it's part of my job. 603 00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:48,600 Is that... 604 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,185 I didn't know that was your... 605 00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:52,437 Okay, so we're in agreement, this is not an ideal situation. 606 00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:54,481 (dance music) 607 00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,775 I am, I am getting out there. 608 00:21:57,901 --> 00:22:00,403 Well, no, I've asked a lot of girls to dance, Mom, 609 00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:01,863 they're just, it's not... 610 00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:05,700 What are you doing? 611 00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:08,203 - Yes, I shaved the back of my neck. 612 00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,913 Oh, my God, Mom, I gotta go, 613 00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:15,043 one of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls. 614 00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,754 - We could burn the chains with vinegar. 615 00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:20,590 It's corrosive to metals, I saw it on a TV show once. 616 00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:24,010 You can literally burn metal with vinegar. 617 00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:25,553 Do you have vinegar on you? 618 00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,390 Mm, 619 00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:30,016 I don't. 620 00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:32,102 Actually, it's kind of too bad 621 00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:33,812 we're not coming into work tomorrow. 622 00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:35,230 Why? 623 00:22:35,271 --> 00:22:37,399 - I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned, 624 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,442 like Scrambled Eggs Saturday. 625 00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:41,820 More like, 626 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,405 "Hey, everyone, let's get your boss laid" Saturday. 627 00:22:43,446 --> 00:22:45,573 (laughter) 628 00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:57,794 I have an announcement, uh, to make. 629 00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:02,424 I am moving to Costa Rica. 630 00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:06,011 I've thought about it for a long time now, 631 00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:07,512 and I'm finally gonna do it. 632 00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:13,643 So, I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home now. 633 00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:31,286 - Those girls really wailed on you bad. 634 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,537 - Why wouldn't they let me dance? 635 00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:33,246 Well... 636 00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:34,414 Okay, I gotta go. 637 00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:35,915 Do not take him to a hospital. 638 00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,128 Hey, don't blame me for what Ryan does. 639 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:42,714 I'm not his dad, I'm his friend, okay? 640 00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:44,883 And friends are there to help you have a good time 641 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,594 and sell you the stuff you need to have a good time. 642 00:23:50,347 --> 00:23:51,473 Pretty weird. 643 00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:53,099 - Don't go, do you have to go with them? 644 00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,684 I do, I have to go. 645 00:23:54,726 --> 00:23:56,186 Stay. 646 00:23:56,227 --> 00:23:58,772 - I have to go, good luck against Con College, all right? 647 00:23:58,813 --> 00:23:59,606 Call me. 648 00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:00,482 - Uh-huh. 649 00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:01,316 I'm not gonna call her. 650 00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:02,192 Let's go. 651 00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:03,109 I don't wanna go back in. 652 00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:04,277 I know, here we go. 653 00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:05,487 You're gonna be okay. 654 00:24:05,528 --> 00:24:08,156 Oh, man, here it goes. 655 00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:10,033 (Michael groans) 656 00:24:10,075 --> 00:24:10,950 I am so sorry. 657 00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:12,702 I am so sorry, sir. 658 00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:15,163 That'll, that'll come out of the upholstery. 659 00:24:15,205 --> 00:24:16,331 Oh, man. 660 00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:17,665 - He threw up in the back of the taxi. 661 00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:18,833 It's dehydration. 662 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,251 It's dehydration. 663 00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:21,836 He went to the bathroom at the club, like, 15 times. 664 00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,381 - All right, shh, Dwight, leave him alone. 665 00:24:25,215 --> 00:24:26,341 - You all right? - You okay? 666 00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:27,592 - You feel better? - You okay? 667 00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:28,927 That's good for you to do. 668 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:29,928 - [Dwight] Yeah, you feel better afterwards, right? 669 00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:30,929 Just let it out. 670 00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:32,222 - [Dwight] You just, like, purge. 671 00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:32,972 - Sometimes you have to pull the trigger, I say. 672 00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:34,140 Binge and purge. 673 00:24:34,182 --> 00:24:37,352 - Couple days a week, I, I make myself, 674 00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:40,522 because of a big meal, or I'm feeling fat, I just do it. 675 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,774 - I have to do it to sick livestock sometimes, 676 00:24:42,816 --> 00:24:43,983 trigger the gag reflex. 677 00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:45,276 - He does it to me. - Guys, stop talking, 678 00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:46,319 - stop talking about this. - He makes me throw up. 679 00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:47,237 - Please stop talking about this, 680 00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:47,487 please stop talking about this. 681 00:24:51,408 --> 00:24:52,951 Do you ever worry that you're gonna end up 682 00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,745 like one of those homeless guys that teenagers set on fire? 683 00:24:55,787 --> 00:24:58,707 - Nah, all my clothes are flame-retardant. 684 00:24:58,748 --> 00:25:00,959 (Michael winces) 685 00:25:01,001 --> 00:25:03,420 - Ryan, we would never let that happen to you. 686 00:25:06,965 --> 00:25:10,218 You had a rough night tonight, 687 00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:12,804 but your life is very good, my friend. 688 00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:13,930 You've got a great job, 689 00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:17,308 you, you could have any woman you want, 690 00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:19,269 you're good-looking, you know. 691 00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:20,270 Friends with a hobbit. 692 00:25:20,311 --> 00:25:21,563 Fr... 693 00:25:21,604 --> 00:25:22,647 Yes. 694 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:24,315 You're friends with a hobbit, 695 00:25:25,984 --> 00:25:27,193 and look where you live. 696 00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:29,779 I mean, you got it all. 697 00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:32,907 New York is great. 698 00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:35,785 - No, I mean this apartment building, it's fantastic. 699 00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:40,373 - Oh, this, this is not my apartment. 700 00:25:40,415 --> 00:25:42,584 This is the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 701 00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:47,964 - Well, now I can say that I went to a museum. 702 00:25:53,970 --> 00:25:55,013 Cleaning people. 703 00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:55,847 Oscar. 704 00:25:59,059 --> 00:26:00,018 Okay, so all you need to do 705 00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,102 is explain to them what happened, 706 00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:02,354 'cause I think they can help us. 707 00:26:02,395 --> 00:26:04,522 - Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish? 708 00:26:04,564 --> 00:26:07,442 - I, just, if they speak Spanish. 709 00:26:07,484 --> 00:26:08,943 Good evening. 710 00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:10,320 We locked ourselves in. 711 00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:15,950 (Oscar speaks in foreign language) 712 00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:16,951 Okay? 713 00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,787 They happen to speak Spanish. 714 00:26:18,828 --> 00:26:19,662 Lucky us. 715 00:26:24,084 --> 00:26:26,711 - This is a one-time thing, you know that, right? 716 00:26:26,753 --> 00:26:28,046 Wow. 717 00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:29,798 - This is it. - All right. 718 00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:31,675 - This is where the magic happens. 719 00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:32,467 Nice. 720 00:26:32,509 --> 00:26:33,468 Very nice. 721 00:26:33,510 --> 00:26:35,261 One of you can have the sofa, 722 00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:36,388 and one of you can have the floor. 723 00:26:36,429 --> 00:26:38,014 - I got the sofa. - [Dwight] I got sofa. 724 00:26:38,056 --> 00:26:38,932 Dwight, I've got the sofa, 725 00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:40,600 - I'm the boss. - I got floor. 726 00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:42,060 - In case anybody needs to go to the bathroom 727 00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,144 in the middle of the night, 728 00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:44,229 I don't wanna get my head stepped on. 729 00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:45,480 - Do you want me to sing you a song 730 00:26:45,522 --> 00:26:47,315 my mother used to sing me when we were sick? 731 00:26:47,357 --> 00:26:48,483 No. 732 00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:49,484 (Dwight sings lullaby in foreign language) 733 00:26:49,526 --> 00:26:50,360 Okay, Dwight. 734 00:26:50,402 --> 00:26:51,820 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 735 00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:52,737 Dwight, shh. 736 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:54,406 Leave him alone. 737 00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:55,657 It's a lullaby. 738 00:26:55,699 --> 00:26:56,950 Shh. 739 00:26:56,991 --> 00:26:58,993 Ryan, Ryan, we're gonna take your clothes off. 740 00:26:59,035 --> 00:26:59,828 No. 741 00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:07,502 Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. 742 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:09,754 What do I do? 743 00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:13,425 - I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours. 744 00:27:13,466 --> 00:27:16,177 Shh, just stop. 745 00:27:16,219 --> 00:27:17,053 Here's what you do. 746 00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:21,349 You tell him that you're his friend, 747 00:27:21,391 --> 00:27:22,809 and that you're going to help him, 748 00:27:22,851 --> 00:27:24,936 and that everything's gonna be all right. 749 00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:29,524 And then you put a wire on him, 750 00:27:29,566 --> 00:27:32,819 and you find out who's selling him drugs, 751 00:27:32,861 --> 00:27:35,363 and then you get that guy and you flip him, 752 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:36,865 you turn him into a snitch. 753 00:27:36,906 --> 00:27:38,116 You follow that guy 754 00:27:39,075 --> 00:27:41,119 to the people who are really, really bad. 755 00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:43,455 Been watching The Wire recently, 756 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:46,624 I don't understand a word of it, but it is amazing. 757 00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:48,460 - Incredible. - Yes. 758 00:27:50,128 --> 00:27:53,506 (Michael sighs) 759 00:27:53,548 --> 00:27:55,633 Ryan, before you go to sleep, 760 00:27:56,593 --> 00:27:58,136 do you have any orange juice with pulp? 761 00:27:58,178 --> 00:27:59,554 No. 762 00:27:59,596 --> 00:28:02,140 - Do you have any contact-lens solution for my eyes? 763 00:28:02,182 --> 00:28:02,932 [Ryan] No. 764 00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:04,976 - You got a T-shirt? 765 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:06,394 'Cause I usually sleep in the nude. 766 00:28:06,436 --> 00:28:08,063 - Loads and loads of them, bottom drawer. 767 00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:09,356 There's shorts too, and pants, 768 00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:10,565 and it's really cold in here, 769 00:28:10,607 --> 00:28:12,400 so promise me you'll bundle up, all right? 770 00:28:12,442 --> 00:28:15,320 I'm so tired. (yawns) 771 00:28:15,362 --> 00:28:16,696 Guys, I'm going to sleep. 772 00:28:17,614 --> 00:28:18,656 You can leave the light on if you want, 773 00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:19,908 but please stop talking, okay? 774 00:28:19,949 --> 00:28:21,326 - Okay. - Okay. 775 00:28:21,368 --> 00:28:23,078 Good night, Ryan. 776 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:24,621 Good night, Ryan. 777 00:28:27,374 --> 00:28:28,708 Best night ever. 778 00:28:29,626 --> 00:28:31,086 Like I said, 779 00:28:31,127 --> 00:28:33,963 it's not about the horniness, it's about the loneliness, 780 00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:36,466 and how can I be lonely with my boys? 781 00:28:37,801 --> 00:28:42,180 Like a famous person once said, boys on the side, 782 00:28:42,222 --> 00:28:47,185 but I don't, I disagree, I say let's hear it for the boys. 783 00:29:04,119 --> 00:29:05,704 Son of a bitch. 784 00:29:07,664 --> 00:29:09,332 - Ryan? - Yeah? 785 00:29:11,501 --> 00:29:12,460 Do you ever miss us? 786 00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:15,964 (sighs) Not really. 787 00:29:16,006 --> 00:29:18,133 New York is so great. 788 00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:24,431 Ryan? 789 00:29:25,348 --> 00:29:26,474 Yes? 790 00:29:26,516 --> 00:29:28,601 - Do you remember what color my eyes are? 791 00:29:28,643 --> 00:29:29,477 Hazel, they're hazel. 792 00:29:29,519 --> 00:29:30,520 Dwight, I asked him. 793 00:29:30,562 --> 00:29:32,772 - No, I was gonna say hazel, yeah. 794 00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:34,733 - Really? Not just because he said it? 795 00:29:34,774 --> 00:29:35,567 No. 796 00:29:41,865 --> 00:29:43,158 Ryan? 797 00:29:43,199 --> 00:29:45,535 - You're my friend, Michael, okay? 798 00:29:50,749 --> 00:29:53,376 (Michael sighs) 799 00:29:53,418 --> 00:29:56,004 (upbeat music)