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We will return to our classic horror
movie marathon in a moment. But first,

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here's Sybil Sheridan.

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This is a plain donut.

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Where's the one with the sprinkles?

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I threw it away. It had a bite taken out
of it.

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That was my bite. I can't believe you
don't know my bite by now.

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And I can't believe you would take a
bite out of a donut and put it back.

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Well, I was in a hurry, and it was the
last one, and Ira was looking at it.

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Sybil, you're on.

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You've been on.

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Hi.

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We hope you're enjoying our nonstop
classic horror movie marathon. It's all

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of our Halloween... Festival of Fear.

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You know, it's this kind of...

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That makes KLET your arts and education
television station.

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And it's donors like you that keep this
station alive.

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So call right now and pledge your
support.

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And get a free disc membership card.

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For a pledge of $25.

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Get this nifty K -L -E -T T -shirt.

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She knew I wanted a sprinkle donut.
That's why she took a bite out of it.

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I would give it up.

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It's my 40th birthday cake all over
again.

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This handheld color television for a
donation of just $5.

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Now make that pledge today.

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Now, back to the movie.

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And we're clear.

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I thought that was pretty good.

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Yeah, except you get the TV for $500.

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Not $5.

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I said five?

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Five.

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Oh, no.

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But you see, I had this allergy in my
eyes, and I couldn't wear my contacts,

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I didn't want to wear my glasses because
I didn't go with this outfit, and I

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couldn't see the teleprompter very well.
And besides, no one's going to believe

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you can really get a television for $5.

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Work if you can get it, and if you get
it, won't you tell me how?

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She did not say five dollars.

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Did not.

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Prove it.

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Please, you're at home on Halloween
videotaping a pledge drive?

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Tell me, how does one dress up as a
loser?

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I'm fired and I'm working for free. I'm
not really fired, right?

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Just humiliated?

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Sybil, stop!

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A day from now, everyone here will have
forgotten this moment.

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Those of us who love you will have to
live with the shame for the rest of our

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lives.

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How's my lipstick?

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You chewed it off.

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Time for a touch -up, Glinda.

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Okay, Mrs.

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Frankenstein.

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Want some gum while I'm in here?

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Thank you.

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Ah! My son is wearing a cotton tie. He's
dressed as a normal person.

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Ah!

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What are you doing in there?

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Nothing.

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Once again, I'm having orphan envy.

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Well, don't get used to this.

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I'm on my way to the Clean Planet Expo.

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Giving a speech on nuclear waste called,
Mommy, why does the baby have gills?

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Disgusting.

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Nevertheless, I am so proud of you.

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What is this fabric?

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A blend?

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Baby steps, Marianne. Baby steps.

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Well, I got a two -hour drive, so I
better take off before the really psycho

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hitchhikers are taken.

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See ya. Yeah, bye.

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Whoa.

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Look at them. No hug, no kiss goodbye.

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They treat each other with total
indifference.

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It's like they're already married.

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Don't get too excited, okay?

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Stop pushing so hard. I'm not pushing.

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They were watching television last night
and you threw rice at them.

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To them.

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I threw rice to them.

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He says he will donate $10 ,000, but
only if he can speak with you.

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$10 ,000 just to talk to me?

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Probably some pervert who wants me to
participate in his deviant fantasy.

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Be right there!

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That's odd.

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He knew her name.

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And who would recognize her in that
costume?

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Put Marianne on.

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I'm only going to say this once, Dick.
So you may want to climb off your night

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nurse and pay attention.

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Leave Marianne alone.

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I will get her back, Sybil.

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Laugh.

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Just do it.

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Did you hear that? That's what she
thinks of you. So stay away from her,

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blood -sucking, sadistic, two -timing
bastard.

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She'll be happy to take your pledge.

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You know, that wasn't necessary.

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I could have handled him myself, you
know.

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Could not. Could to.

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Could not. Could to. Could not!

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You're right.

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You're welcome.

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Sybil, I think they want you on camera
again.

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Already?

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Well, this time I'm wearing my glasses.

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I'm not taking a chance with that
teleprompter again.

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You don't need your glasses. Just wing
it. It's not like this is the first time

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you've been on TV.

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Live TV, Ira.

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I'm cursed.

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Remember the time I was cooking that
gumbo on the morning show and I lost a

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filling in it?

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One mistake is not a curse.

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And the time I was singing the national
anthem of the Lakers game and I forgot

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the words so I broke into Freebird?

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And then I forgot the words to Freebird?

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Sybil, you're going to be fine. This is
a cause you believe in. So forget about

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the teleprompter and just speak from
your heart.

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I don't know. That makes me even more
nervous.

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Sybil, what are you so worried about?

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Think of all the ways KLET enriches your
life.

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It educates. It enlightens. It
entertains. This station has given us so

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it's time we gave something back.

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You're right. I can do it. I must do it.

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That was inspired.

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Thanks. I was reading off the
teleprompter.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you on
this KLET pledge night, not as a

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spokeswoman, but as a viewer like you.

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who depends on arts and education
television to enrich my life.

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And it's not just my life.

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This is my daughter, Zoe, who grew up
watching KLET.

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It's bright, cultured, and informed
young people like this who are the

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our great nation.

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So pick up that phone and dial 555 -0103
right away.

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We're counting on you.

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Now, back to the movie.

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Wasn't that great?

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Come on, it was great.

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Mother, you just gave them our home
phone number.

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No, I didn't.

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Our number is 555010... Crap!

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Here, Mother, I brought you some tea
because I knew you must be feeling bad

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after you dragged me on television and
gave every nutcase in L .A. my home

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number.

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Oh, honey, but... Sweet, thank you.

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Should I worry what's in this?

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Lucky.

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Well, finally.

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I mean, thank you.

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I just saw a seven -foot duck in the
men's room.

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What's that about?

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Oh, that must be Big Duck from Happy
Kids Corner. Justin was obsessed with

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in preschool.

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So was Zoe. Remember the alphabet song?

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but the Star -Spangled Banner just goes
out of my head.

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What?

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Nothing, darling.

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Let freedom ding.

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Oh, no.

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I just realized why Big Duck is here.
Big Duck is here? Are you kidding?

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Where? He was headed toward the
commissary. Oh, my God! Why didn't

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me? I can't breathe.

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Ira, did he say anything in the
bathroom?

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Sybil, there's an unwritten rule. You
don't talk to another man when you're

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standing at a urinal.

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Especially if he quacks.

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Stupid bird is here to replace me if I
screw up again. That's what happened to

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Loretta Swit last year.

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All she did was make a couple of long
-distance calls on the pledge phone, and

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boom! Loretta's out, and that big yellow
freak is in.

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Ow. Ow.

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What's wrong?

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I got a crick in my neck.

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Ira, rub my shoulders like you used to.
Uh, Sybil, we're not married anymore.

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Well, I mean, if we're not going to have
sex.

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I knew it. That's the only reason you
ever rub my shoulders.

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Yeah, so?

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So, you better start rubbing my
shoulders right now or I'm taking back

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sex we ever had.

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Just pretend that makes sense and rub.

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And then you were supposed to be at my
birthday party when I was eight years

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old, but you couldn't make it because
they said you were busy, and I just

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and cried.

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That is so great, but whoa, would you
look at the time.

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Gotta fly.

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Fly.

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Oh, my God, I'm still in shock. I can't
believe I just met Big Duck. You.

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I used to be his number one fan.

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Excuse me? Did you own the big duck
lunchbox, the feathered blankie, the web

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-throated jammies, and the quacking
tricycle horn?

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Oh, yeah.

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I had it all.

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Yeah, but do you still use them?

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Okay, you have a problem.

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So, can I buy you a cup of blood?

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I'm good, thanks.

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Zach Samuel.

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Zoe Woodbine.

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Hey, wow, both our names start with the
letter C.

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It's a big duck Z song.

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Z is for zebra. Z is for zoo.

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Z is for xylophone. No, that's X.

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What?

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I'm sorry. I'm trying to find some not
-too -obvious way of finding out if

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you're seeing anybody.

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Guess it's too late for that, huh?

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Guess so.

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Actually, I'm not seeing anybody
exclusively.

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Excuse me.

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Does Justin know about this?

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Who's Justin?

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Her boyfriend.

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I'm his mother.

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My, what an uncomfortable moment for
you.

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Okay.

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Catch you later.

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I can't believe you just did that. And I
can't believe you would cheat on my

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son. Marianne, Justin and I have decided
to... See other people.

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He was going to tell you about it when
he got back from his conference.

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You broke up?

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No.

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We just both felt like it was moving too
fast, you know?

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Started out as a nice, casual
relationship, and now you've got us

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engaged. Me?

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You're saying I'm the problem?

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I'm saying you're the one who brought
Justin to see me as soon as he got back

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into town.

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And you're the one who suggested he move
into the apartment above our garage.

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He needed his own space.

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You have ten bedrooms.

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Be fair.

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I use four of them as closets.

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Come on, am I wrong?

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Really?

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Okay, fine, you're right.

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You know, his trust fund kicks in next
year.

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I know, it's like a spasm I can't
control.

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Does Justin feel the same way?

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00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,760
Yeah, he does.

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My mother's okay with it. Your mother
knows about this?

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And she didn't tell me?

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Would you excuse me?

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Come on, Sybil. My fingers are cramping
up. Shut up, Ira.

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I'm visualizing my serenity.

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Okay, it's a beautiful day. I'm lying in
a hammock. There's a cool breeze.

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00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,760
On the table next to me is a big old
bowl of turnip greens with fried

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00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,720
Next to that, the big old bowl of
pickled pig's feet.

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Two minutes, Sybil.

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00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,720
But there was going to be pie.

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00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,460
Ira, that was great.

253
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,280
I feel calm and cool and mellow.

254
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,050
for me and you know I'm gonna

255
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,500
to our classic horror movie marathon in
a moment.

256
00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:30,920
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

257
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,240
Don't duck your responsibility.

258
00:15:33,580 --> 00:15:38,660
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. To Arts and
Education Television. Come on. Call in

259
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,140
donation right now.

260
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,580
We'll be right back.

261
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,440
Oh, we're mad at Marianne. I thought we
were mad at the duck.

262
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,700
Ira, you don't need to understand. You
just did not, okay?

263
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:12,940
Okay.

264
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,320
Justin and Zoe are seeing other people.

265
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:18,760
But it wouldn't have been such a big
deal if Justin had just told Marianne

266
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,280
before he left. Then everybody would
have known.

267
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:23,100
Zoe and Justin are seeing other people.

268
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:26,040
See? Even you knew.

269
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:29,120
Oh, man, that's it.

270
00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:31,840
I'd take back every shoulder rub I ever
gave you.

271
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,280
Thank you for calling KLET.

272
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,840
May I take your pledge?

273
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,700
Yeah, yeah, everybody loves the duck.

274
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,780
All right, I'm sorry.

275
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,800
I never should have fought with you when
you were on the air.

276
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,420
It's because of me that you're having to
answer phones.

277
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,500
Oh, Marianne, it's okay.

278
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:57,609
No, it's not.

279
00:16:57,610 --> 00:16:59,290
They never made Loretta Swit answer
phones.

280
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:02,170
That's okay.

281
00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:04,030
They didn't.

282
00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:07,510
I was just upset because I know Zoe's
right.

283
00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:12,329
Part of the reason that I wanted Justin
to move in over your garage was so he

284
00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:13,329
would get closer to Zoe.

285
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,170
Somehow I imagined that she might keep
him in town.

286
00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:21,869
God knows I can't.

287
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,300
and I just can't bear the thought of
losing him again.

288
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,980
You know, this is beginning to annoy me.

289
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:37,640
Give yourself some credit, Marianne.
You're not going to lose Justin.

290
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,540
And they're not breaking up. They're
just slowing down.

291
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,520
Do you mind? I'm trying to talk to my
friend.

292
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:53,080
And that's just another one of our
dedicated volunteers standing by to take

293
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,080
place.

294
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:05,970
I wanted this evening to go so well.

295
00:18:06,690 --> 00:18:09,930
I wanted to make up for all those years
I never sent in any money.

296
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:12,810
Now I'm never going to get a chance to
redeem myself.

297
00:18:13,930 --> 00:18:14,930
Don't be so sure.

298
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,010
Kelly T., may I take your pledge?

299
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:23,310
Yes, if you dump the duck and bring
Sheridan back, I will pledge $15 ,000.

300
00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:26,370
Oh, baby, could you just hang on for a
second, please?

301
00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,030
Here's a question.

302
00:18:30,170 --> 00:18:31,630
Hey, who's your best friend?

303
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:33,030
Aw.

304
00:18:34,670 --> 00:18:37,850
Okay, which do you want, 3 ,000 tote
bags or 10 ,000 T -shirts?

305
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:48,070
Marianne,

306
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:57,370
darling,

307
00:18:57,530 --> 00:18:58,530
it's Dick.

308
00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:03,030
I'm sorry to sneak up like this, but I
saw you fighting with Sybil on TV.

309
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:05,320
I know how much she means to you.

310
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:07,380
Is there any way I can help?

311
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:10,880
Yeah.

312
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,040
Smear some honey on your butt and sit on
an anthill.

313
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,260
Sybil, how did you know I'd come here?

314
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,360
It's Halloween. All the creeps are out.

315
00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:23,280
I want her back.

316
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,480
Why? Because I love her.

317
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:26,700
No, really, why?

318
00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:31,500
Sybil, why don't you just get out of the
way?

319
00:19:33,899 --> 00:19:34,899
Listen, dick.

320
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:38,200
Marianne doesn't want to see you. Why do
you think I'm here?

321
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,380
I know why. Because your own life is so
empty, you need to fill it by living

322
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:43,860
other people's lives for them.

323
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,200
Oh, no.

324
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,640
The person I hate most in the whole
world doesn't like me.

325
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,220
Ooh -hoo.

326
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,860
Sybil, let me ask you something.

327
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,380
Are you absolutely sure Marianne has no
feelings for me?

328
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,120
Excuse me, I didn't hear that.

329
00:20:02,879 --> 00:20:05,120
You were never right for her, and you
never will be.

330
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:07,800
Why don't we just let her tell me that?

331
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,360
Well, I'm sorry, but she can't talk
right now.

332
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,660
Oh, for the love of God, will you type
one cough up some cash?

333
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:24,120
Believe me, Sybil, I'll get her back
someday.

334
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:29,040
If I have to go over you, around you, or
through you.

335
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:31,980
I'll get her back.

336
00:21:16,590 --> 00:21:21,390
pledge drive and i want to thank you our
viewers for helping us raise more money

337
00:21:21,390 --> 00:21:25,650
than we ever have before our volunteers
are still standing by

338
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:31,850
pledge

339
00:21:31,850 --> 00:21:38,730
me now we're

340
00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:42,690
out of t -shirts and tote bags but if
you call right now we still have a

341
00:21:42,690 --> 00:21:44,050
supply of chaos